October 17, 2024 • 16 mins
If you let people know where you are, they'll understand why you act in a certain way. Be honest, be specific, be VOCAL. Communication turns "being needy" into "asking for what I want."
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:12):
I want to talk about being transparent and honest when
you're in relationship. The reason I say that is everybody
comes into a relationship with a different background. It could
be financial, it could be cultural, it could be geographical,
it could be nature versus nurture, a million different things.
(00:35):
It could be a relationship before, an abusive relationship before,
or really positive relationship before. But people come into a
situation and everybody has their own inner monologue and dialogue
about what they think something should be based on what's
in their own head. And I've said this to people.
Also providing context for people that you relate to, even
(00:58):
at work, you know, you know, romantic relationships, friendships, business relationships.
I mean, you're not going to start getting into that
you were abused as a child in a business relationship
per se. But giving context is important. And I said
this sentence to someone. I said to someone, they're raised
(01:20):
like a breeder dog with safety security, knowing where the
meals were going to come from and knowing that they
weren't going to be abused and they were going to
be protected. And that I come from a perspective of
being a rescue dog, a dog that has been in
many different homes and had many different experiences and comes
(01:41):
in a little cagey doesn't trust that much. Could act
in a different type of way than somebody else who
is a breeder dog, because by definition you've had How
could two people with vastly different experiences react in the
same way to something. So if you let people know
(02:01):
where you are, then they'll understand why you act in
a certain way. And yes, that could apply to business.
It could be in business that you're explaining to someone
that you are a very direct person, that you don't
respond well to beating around the bush or a lot
of small talk or corporate jargon like that's a way
of saying something where then in the future they're going
(02:24):
to know how you might operate or why you might
act cold or weird or distant or dismissive or something
like that. And certainly in a relationship, it could be
like I have the tendency to run, so if you
run too, this will never happen. And I've been in
relationships with people who get insecure when I run, and
then they want to run, and then it's done because
(02:45):
somebody needs to be the rock, and somebody is going
to be. You know, if you have two breeder dogs,
then great. If you have two rescue dogs, that can
be challenging too. That can be like two different insecurities
and cagueness and radic or unpredictable or just not traditional.
(03:07):
I don't like to say irrational but not normally expected behavior,
you know what I mean, like things that would seem unexpected.
So I think it's good to know where people come
from so you know how to deal with them in
all situations in life. There's one thing I wanted to
say about dating. I was on the I was with
(03:28):
Alex Cooper in the Unwell Tour on stage, and I
was giving dating advice, and the one thing I forgot
to mention that I thought was so important in dating
advice is this, you could really like someone like to
the point where it gives you the chills. You can't
even believe how much you like them. You're so into them,
it's uncomfortable, like you're in Just like in business, you
(03:49):
could be so into a business deal you could make.
You're gonna make millions of dollars. It's gonna be the
best business deal you're ever in. Right, But if you're
not getting what you want and need, and it's going
to like affect you and affect your life. And you're
settling for less than what you deserve. You're kind of
cheating yourself. You're selling yourself short. Something is wrong. Your
(04:10):
gut is telling you something's wrong. You don't like the
way it makes you feel. You have to be willing
to walk. You have to be willing to walk, but
not in a bluff. This used to happen with housewives
all the time. I watch people say they were gonna walk,
and then Bravo realized that they weren't really gonna walk,
and then they called their bluff, and then the person
has no leverage the next time around.
Speaker 2 (04:28):
I've seen this.
Speaker 1 (04:28):
I can name five housewives who've gotten paid so much
less than they would have and ten times less than
I got paid because they didn't know what they were doing.
There's a confidence to that, and it's scary. That's scary
to be able to say to someone, I'm into you,
but I'm willing to walk because I won't settle for
less than what I deserve. And that's business, that's friendships,
(04:51):
that's all of it, and that is very strong. I've
done that in friendships too. I've had someone treat me
in a way that is not appropriate. And I have
walked and they have come back around and they have
never made that mistake again. But it's it's scary because
sometimes you really know you'll really miss that relationship, you
missed that friendship, you miss that that guy, that girl,
(05:13):
and you gotta be able to do it. And there's
something in a relationship to landing vulnerability, confidently being needy
in a way that is confident, like for me at
me and saying I need a little love, I need a.
Speaker 2 (05:26):
Little praise right now. I'm a little needy.
Speaker 1 (05:28):
That's way more confident than actually being needy and drippy
and desperate and thirsty, like the way you frame things,
you know, the way like saying what you need is confident.
Begging for scraps and being desperate and waiting around and
then not getting it and accepting that you didn't get
(05:50):
it and asking for it again, that's needy. There's a
very big difference between being like, this is what I need,
this is what I require, this is what I want,
and like I said, call the bluff. You gotta be
willing to walk. Also being able to articulate to someone
(06:20):
the difference between your wants and your needs, your deal breakers,
and what you really would like, because if you're in
a healthy relationship, most people will want to give each
other what they need and want, and you can't pick
every single thing. Everything can't be a need. Some things
are a want and you might not get at all.
But as one of the dating coaches on here said,
(06:42):
I really really really validate what he said when he
said a relationship should not be work, and we got
to it should be effort. And I was talking to
someone about this today. It should be intention, but it
should be desire. You want to work on it, you
want to get better, but it's not work. And many
(07:02):
of us have had the same experience where we think
we're the problem. Somebody's good on paper, somebody seems like
they're it. Someone you know you're supposed to be feeling
some way. Why are you being critical of the other person.
Why don't you want to share with the other person?
Why are you leaving them out of things? Why do
you want to do things without them? Why do you
not feel great when you're around them? Why are you
(07:23):
kind of excited when they leave? Why are you not
that excited when you see them? Then you start saying,
but they're so good, they're so generous, They're this, They're
what I'm supposed to be wanting. Then you go inside.
Then you start beating yourself up. Then you start saying
it must be me. I must be flawed in some way,
I can't be happy, I can't allow myself to love.
(07:44):
Then it's another dialogue. If there is a person that
fits you properly, these things will not exist. You will
have to have intention, you will have to make an effort,
but they will not be the feeling of dread and
negotiating with yourself and torturing yourself and torment yourself and
tearing yourself apart because you're staying out of fear. Now
(08:04):
compound that you have kids, you're afraid because of financial reasons,
or because you've already gotten married, because what's your family
going to think. I mean, these things are super important
and also why relationships should not be jumped into. But
we beat the shit out of ourselves unnecessarily. If you
eat something and it doesn't agree with you, you just
you listen to that. You don't start talking about why
(08:26):
the thing is supposed to Oh, it's supposed to be
good for me. It's coconut it's got good oil. If
you don't like it or it doesn't make you feel good,
you don't eat it. You don't care what the fuck anyone.
Speaker 2 (08:36):
Says about it. How good for you it's supposed to be.
You're not eating it. You rejected it, your body rejected.
Speaker 1 (08:41):
It. Doesn't mean you're psychologically unfit. Doesn't mean you can't
I something's wrong with you. It means it's not right
for you. So we have to get more clear with
that stuff, because I feel like we torture ourselves and
spend so much unnecessary time doing that. In addition to
the wants and needs. It's like related, but it's like
what's your thing? What's your thing? The dating coach said.
(09:05):
Men want to be acknowledged. I think it was admired
and appreciated. Women want to feel safe, heard and understood.
For me, it's safe. I've heard men say to me loved,
you know, loved. So whatever it is, you listen to
the other person and you make sure that you give
that to them because some people could say it in
that one moment, but not in the day to day,
(09:27):
and not everyone needs to express themselves verbally. Do you
ever notice there's some people that express themselves nonverbally. It's
their actions, it's the way they do it, it's the
way they make you feel.
Speaker 2 (09:37):
They don't.
Speaker 1 (09:37):
Everyone doesn't need to be emoting at all times, and
sometimes because of our previous experiences, we actually can't trust ourselves.
We do have good gut instincts, but sometimes we go
back for the thing that's not good for us, and
we have to break the chain ourselves in relationships, but
not the pendulum, not where you're just going to the
(09:57):
opposite of what you did before, which could be boring
or dangerous for you, but basically realizing if I walk
into a casino, I might not be able to be trusted.
I'm gonna gamble. If I go into a bakery, I'm
gonna want all the sugar. I'm not good in that environment.
Knowing you know, if I see a hot guy that
looks like a bad boy, that's what I'm going for.
(10:20):
Or I tend to go with somebod who's gonna treat
me like shit but is great in bed or whatever
it is. We have to acknowledge who we are and
what our behaviors are and why why we attract that
and become your best self before you get ready to
be dating. That's the hardest part. People want to jump in.
They want to they want to fix it with the
band aid. You want to feel better, you want to
(10:41):
go on a date. You want to meet somebody, You
want to be in a relationship. You want somebody for
the holidays, you want somebody for New Year's Eve. You
want to feel part of something. You don't want to
feel alone. You don't want to go to the wedding alone.
You don't want to be the loser. Then you jump
in something that's wrong for you, and you're wasting time
not finding the right person, and you have never done
the work. So even if you found the right p person,
you wouldn't be ready because you're still a train wreck
(11:02):
because you were so afraid. You never did the work,
and you when you start a relationship, that bar better
be really high.
Speaker 2 (11:09):
It will only go down no matter what.
Speaker 1 (11:11):
You have a new car, it will not smell like
a new car in six months, maybe a faint. So
you better raise that bar high in the beginning. Don't
start settling from the jump now. Listen, there is a
time in the beginning you meet someone, it's not going
to be off to the racist perfection you've got to
sniff each other out. You've got to get each other's patterns, wants, needs, likes, loves, sex,
Communicate about sex not in the bedroom, outside of the bedroom.
(11:34):
What does someone like? What does someone not like? What
about you know, personal styles? What about cadence? What about
how much? What about how intense? What about how it
makes you feel? What about your past sexual experiences? What
about your trust issues as it pertains to sex. I mean,
sex is a massive topic, but overall, you set the
bar high and you train the dog in the beginning,
(11:55):
and I don't mean the man as a dog or
the woman's a dog. People need to be trained in
the beginning. This is where the wee wee pat is.
This is where it is, so we don't have any confusion.
Speaker 2 (12:02):
Later. We may all have some accidents along the way.
That's normal.
Speaker 1 (12:06):
But we're not going to start this thing by dumbing
it down, because then it'll be in a shambles and
all the cracks become craters. So beware of the cracks,
beware of the pink flags. Critical periods to look out for.
(12:32):
I believe our six weeks, what are we doing? Do
we actually like each other? Is there a connection are
we continuing on to the next gauntlet, which is three months?
Three months is are we in a relationship? Are we
doing this at some point? Will I meet your family?
Will you meet my friends? Will I meet your kids?
Will we say I love you?
Speaker 2 (12:53):
Like?
Speaker 1 (12:53):
Three months is critical and then we're off to the races.
Then you get to six months and a year and
the rest is history. But three months, to me, would
be the most critical part in any relationship. It's when
you decide what the real intention is of the entire relationship.
I stand by what the experts say about texting. Control yourself.
I'm saying to myself as well. Do not communicate anything
(13:17):
important via text. Now this means, you know, reprimanding someone,
scolding someone, giving some notes, saying something you don't like,
saying something you do like, saying how you really deeply
feel about someone. Like real feelings should not be communicated
by text. Now there's a gray area because it could
be I miss you, that's a real feeling, but that's
(13:39):
like a small statement or XO, or I can't wait
to see you, or you make me feel great, or
you're making me happy, or look at I mean, once
in a while, there's an exception, but overall, you should
not be getting into broad stroke topics, negotiating something, talking
about how something makes you feel, how something didn't make
you feel like, wish you didn't do that?
Speaker 2 (13:58):
Can you not do like?
Speaker 1 (13:59):
No arguing, No real meat should be happening on texting,
And it's a discipline because you can't always get someone
on the phone and people work, And I would say
if you're in something, FaceTime is important too if you're
not with the person, particularly if you're long distance, but
if you're not gonna be with the person all the time,
someone's facetiming tour from work. It is remarkable what it
means to see someone's face compared to just being on
(14:19):
the phone. Let's take this down. Seeing someone's face is
a whole different ball game than being on the phone.
But being on the phone is a whole different ball
game than texting, which is pathetic and sad because being
on the phone can be really disconnected, it really can.
But texting, it's a fucking joke. Texting is like eating
a bag of Cheetos and wanting it to feel like
you had like brown rice, chicken, breast, and broccolini, Like
(14:42):
it's garbage food. It's junk food. It's never gonna it's
not gonna do it. It's just it's like a tool
that we overuse. Texting technically should be like I'm in
the corner booth and a red shirt. It shouldn't even
be as much as we use it for. But we
use it as a crutch, as a tool, and you know,
it's a necessary evil. One of the tricky things in
dating is talking about x's it really really is. We
(15:04):
say we're never going to do it, we do it
not because like, oh I miss Joe. It's a reference point.
You want to compliment the person you're with me like
I'm not used to this, you know, and sometimes it
does feel good.
Speaker 2 (15:12):
I don't mind it.
Speaker 1 (15:13):
I don't mind it if someone says something about their
ex as it pertains to us and why this is different.
I mean, it's sometimes informative. If the blast person used
to do something that really bothered you or made you
feel unsafe, you might have to discuss it with the
current person because that is institutional knowledge. Talking about how
you still miss the person or how you broke up
or when Joe and I used to go to do this.
(15:34):
That is not a good idea. Joe bought me flowers
and you don't. That is not a good idea. But
I'm used to a different dynamic with Joe where I
feel guilty about doing this. You know that might make
someone feel good that you're validating. Oh what's going on?
And again, as some of the matchmaker is only one
of the dating coaches has expressed the male dating coach,
the game moves fast when you're dating.
Speaker 2 (15:55):
We have all these plans.
Speaker 1 (15:56):
We plan a god laughs, You plan to have a
get play a game, do this, do that.
Speaker 2 (16:00):
It all goes out the window. It does. You do
the very best you can, but it all does go
out the window.
I want to talk about being transparent and honest when
you're in relationship. The reason I say that is everybody
comes into a relationship with a different background. It could
be financial, it could be cultural, it could be geographical,
it could be nature versus nurture, a million different things.
(00:35):
It could be a relationship before, an abusive relationship before,
or really positive relationship before. But people come into a
situation and everybody has their own inner monologue and dialogue
about what they think something should be based on what's
in their own head. And I've said this to people.
Also providing context for people that you relate to, even
(00:58):
at work, you know, you know, romantic relationships, friendships, business relationships.
I mean, you're not going to start getting into that
you were abused as a child in a business relationship
per se. But giving context is important. And I said
this sentence to someone. I said to someone, they're raised
(01:20):
like a breeder dog with safety security, knowing where the
meals were going to come from and knowing that they
weren't going to be abused and they were going to
be protected. And that I come from a perspective of
being a rescue dog, a dog that has been in
many different homes and had many different experiences and comes
(01:41):
in a little cagey doesn't trust that much. Could act
in a different type of way than somebody else who
is a breeder dog, because by definition you've had How
could two people with vastly different experiences react in the
same way to something. So if you let people know
(02:01):
where you are, then they'll understand why you act in
a certain way. And yes, that could apply to business.
It could be in business that you're explaining to someone
that you are a very direct person, that you don't
respond well to beating around the bush or a lot
of small talk or corporate jargon like that's a way
of saying something where then in the future they're going
(02:24):
to know how you might operate or why you might
act cold or weird or distant or dismissive or something
like that. And certainly in a relationship, it could be
like I have the tendency to run, so if you
run too, this will never happen. And I've been in
relationships with people who get insecure when I run, and
then they want to run, and then it's done because
(02:45):
somebody needs to be the rock, and somebody is going
to be. You know, if you have two breeder dogs,
then great. If you have two rescue dogs, that can
be challenging too. That can be like two different insecurities
and cagueness and radic or unpredictable or just not traditional.
(03:07):
I don't like to say irrational but not normally expected behavior,
you know what I mean, like things that would seem unexpected.
So I think it's good to know where people come
from so you know how to deal with them in
all situations in life. There's one thing I wanted to
say about dating. I was on the I was with
(03:28):
Alex Cooper in the Unwell Tour on stage, and I
was giving dating advice, and the one thing I forgot
to mention that I thought was so important in dating
advice is this, you could really like someone like to
the point where it gives you the chills. You can't
even believe how much you like them. You're so into them,
it's uncomfortable, like you're in Just like in business, you
(03:49):
could be so into a business deal you could make.
You're gonna make millions of dollars. It's gonna be the
best business deal you're ever in. Right, But if you're
not getting what you want and need, and it's going
to like affect you and affect your life. And you're
settling for less than what you deserve. You're kind of
cheating yourself. You're selling yourself short. Something is wrong. Your
(04:10):
gut is telling you something's wrong. You don't like the
way it makes you feel. You have to be willing
to walk. You have to be willing to walk, but
not in a bluff. This used to happen with housewives
all the time. I watch people say they were gonna walk,
and then Bravo realized that they weren't really gonna walk,
and then they called their bluff, and then the person
has no leverage the next time around.
Speaker 2 (04:28):
I've seen this.
Speaker 1 (04:28):
I can name five housewives who've gotten paid so much
less than they would have and ten times less than
I got paid because they didn't know what they were doing.
There's a confidence to that, and it's scary. That's scary
to be able to say to someone, I'm into you,
but I'm willing to walk because I won't settle for
less than what I deserve. And that's business, that's friendships,
(04:51):
that's all of it, and that is very strong. I've
done that in friendships too. I've had someone treat me
in a way that is not appropriate. And I have
walked and they have come back around and they have
never made that mistake again. But it's it's scary because
sometimes you really know you'll really miss that relationship, you
missed that friendship, you miss that that guy, that girl,
(05:13):
and you gotta be able to do it. And there's
something in a relationship to landing vulnerability, confidently being needy
in a way that is confident, like for me at
me and saying I need a little love, I need a.
Speaker 2 (05:26):
Little praise right now. I'm a little needy.
Speaker 1 (05:28):
That's way more confident than actually being needy and drippy
and desperate and thirsty, like the way you frame things,
you know, the way like saying what you need is confident.
Begging for scraps and being desperate and waiting around and
then not getting it and accepting that you didn't get
(05:50):
it and asking for it again, that's needy. There's a
very big difference between being like, this is what I need,
this is what I require, this is what I want,
and like I said, call the bluff. You gotta be
willing to walk. Also being able to articulate to someone
(06:20):
the difference between your wants and your needs, your deal breakers,
and what you really would like, because if you're in
a healthy relationship, most people will want to give each
other what they need and want, and you can't pick
every single thing. Everything can't be a need. Some things
are a want and you might not get at all.
But as one of the dating coaches on here said,
(06:42):
I really really really validate what he said when he
said a relationship should not be work, and we got
to it should be effort. And I was talking to
someone about this today. It should be intention, but it
should be desire. You want to work on it, you
want to get better, but it's not work. And many
(07:02):
of us have had the same experience where we think
we're the problem. Somebody's good on paper, somebody seems like
they're it. Someone you know you're supposed to be feeling
some way. Why are you being critical of the other person.
Why don't you want to share with the other person?
Why are you leaving them out of things? Why do
you want to do things without them? Why do you
not feel great when you're around them? Why are you
(07:23):
kind of excited when they leave? Why are you not
that excited when you see them? Then you start saying,
but they're so good, they're so generous, They're this, They're
what I'm supposed to be wanting. Then you go inside.
Then you start beating yourself up. Then you start saying
it must be me. I must be flawed in some way,
I can't be happy, I can't allow myself to love.
(07:44):
Then it's another dialogue. If there is a person that
fits you properly, these things will not exist. You will
have to have intention, you will have to make an effort,
but they will not be the feeling of dread and
negotiating with yourself and torturing yourself and torment yourself and
tearing yourself apart because you're staying out of fear. Now
(08:04):
compound that you have kids, you're afraid because of financial reasons,
or because you've already gotten married, because what's your family
going to think. I mean, these things are super important
and also why relationships should not be jumped into. But
we beat the shit out of ourselves unnecessarily. If you
eat something and it doesn't agree with you, you just
you listen to that. You don't start talking about why
(08:26):
the thing is supposed to Oh, it's supposed to be
good for me. It's coconut it's got good oil. If
you don't like it or it doesn't make you feel good,
you don't eat it. You don't care what the fuck anyone.
Speaker 2 (08:36):
Says about it. How good for you it's supposed to be.
You're not eating it. You rejected it, your body rejected.
Speaker 1 (08:41):
It. Doesn't mean you're psychologically unfit. Doesn't mean you can't
I something's wrong with you. It means it's not right
for you. So we have to get more clear with
that stuff, because I feel like we torture ourselves and
spend so much unnecessary time doing that. In addition to
the wants and needs. It's like related, but it's like
what's your thing? What's your thing? The dating coach said.
(09:05):
Men want to be acknowledged. I think it was admired
and appreciated. Women want to feel safe, heard and understood.
For me, it's safe. I've heard men say to me loved,
you know, loved. So whatever it is, you listen to
the other person and you make sure that you give
that to them because some people could say it in
that one moment, but not in the day to day,
(09:27):
and not everyone needs to express themselves verbally. Do you
ever notice there's some people that express themselves nonverbally. It's
their actions, it's the way they do it, it's the
way they make you feel.
Speaker 2 (09:37):
They don't.
Speaker 1 (09:37):
Everyone doesn't need to be emoting at all times, and
sometimes because of our previous experiences, we actually can't trust ourselves.
We do have good gut instincts, but sometimes we go
back for the thing that's not good for us, and
we have to break the chain ourselves in relationships, but
not the pendulum, not where you're just going to the
(09:57):
opposite of what you did before, which could be boring
or dangerous for you, but basically realizing if I walk
into a casino, I might not be able to be trusted.
I'm gonna gamble. If I go into a bakery, I'm
gonna want all the sugar. I'm not good in that environment.
Knowing you know, if I see a hot guy that
looks like a bad boy, that's what I'm going for.
(10:20):
Or I tend to go with somebod who's gonna treat
me like shit but is great in bed or whatever
it is. We have to acknowledge who we are and
what our behaviors are and why why we attract that
and become your best self before you get ready to
be dating. That's the hardest part. People want to jump in.
They want to they want to fix it with the
band aid. You want to feel better, you want to
(10:41):
go on a date. You want to meet somebody, You
want to be in a relationship. You want somebody for
the holidays, you want somebody for New Year's Eve. You
want to feel part of something. You don't want to
feel alone. You don't want to go to the wedding alone.
You don't want to be the loser. Then you jump
in something that's wrong for you, and you're wasting time
not finding the right person, and you have never done
the work. So even if you found the right p person,
you wouldn't be ready because you're still a train wreck
(11:02):
because you were so afraid. You never did the work,
and you when you start a relationship, that bar better
be really high.
Speaker 2 (11:09):
It will only go down no matter what.
Speaker 1 (11:11):
You have a new car, it will not smell like
a new car in six months, maybe a faint. So
you better raise that bar high in the beginning. Don't
start settling from the jump now. Listen, there is a
time in the beginning you meet someone, it's not going
to be off to the racist perfection you've got to
sniff each other out. You've got to get each other's patterns, wants, needs, likes, loves, sex,
Communicate about sex not in the bedroom, outside of the bedroom.
(11:34):
What does someone like? What does someone not like? What
about you know, personal styles? What about cadence? What about
how much? What about how intense? What about how it
makes you feel? What about your past sexual experiences? What
about your trust issues as it pertains to sex. I mean,
sex is a massive topic, but overall, you set the
bar high and you train the dog in the beginning,
(11:55):
and I don't mean the man as a dog or
the woman's a dog. People need to be trained in
the beginning. This is where the wee wee pat is.
This is where it is, so we don't have any confusion.
Speaker 2 (12:02):
Later. We may all have some accidents along the way.
That's normal.
Speaker 1 (12:06):
But we're not going to start this thing by dumbing
it down, because then it'll be in a shambles and
all the cracks become craters. So beware of the cracks,
beware of the pink flags. Critical periods to look out for.
(12:32):
I believe our six weeks, what are we doing? Do
we actually like each other? Is there a connection are
we continuing on to the next gauntlet, which is three months?
Three months is are we in a relationship? Are we
doing this at some point? Will I meet your family?
Will you meet my friends? Will I meet your kids?
Will we say I love you?
Speaker 2 (12:53):
Like?
Speaker 1 (12:53):
Three months is critical and then we're off to the races.
Then you get to six months and a year and
the rest is history. But three months, to me, would
be the most critical part in any relationship. It's when
you decide what the real intention is of the entire relationship.
I stand by what the experts say about texting. Control yourself.
I'm saying to myself as well. Do not communicate anything
(13:17):
important via text. Now this means, you know, reprimanding someone,
scolding someone, giving some notes, saying something you don't like,
saying something you do like, saying how you really deeply
feel about someone. Like real feelings should not be communicated
by text. Now there's a gray area because it could
be I miss you, that's a real feeling, but that's
(13:39):
like a small statement or XO, or I can't wait
to see you, or you make me feel great, or
you're making me happy, or look at I mean, once
in a while, there's an exception, but overall, you should
not be getting into broad stroke topics, negotiating something, talking
about how something makes you feel, how something didn't make
you feel like, wish you didn't do that?
Speaker 2 (13:58):
Can you not do like?
Speaker 1 (13:59):
No arguing, No real meat should be happening on texting,
And it's a discipline because you can't always get someone
on the phone and people work, And I would say
if you're in something, FaceTime is important too if you're
not with the person, particularly if you're long distance, but
if you're not gonna be with the person all the time,
someone's facetiming tour from work. It is remarkable what it
means to see someone's face compared to just being on
(14:19):
the phone. Let's take this down. Seeing someone's face is
a whole different ball game than being on the phone.
But being on the phone is a whole different ball
game than texting, which is pathetic and sad because being
on the phone can be really disconnected, it really can.
But texting, it's a fucking joke. Texting is like eating
a bag of Cheetos and wanting it to feel like
you had like brown rice, chicken, breast, and broccolini, Like
(14:42):
it's garbage food. It's junk food. It's never gonna it's
not gonna do it. It's just it's like a tool
that we overuse. Texting technically should be like I'm in
the corner booth and a red shirt. It shouldn't even
be as much as we use it for. But we
use it as a crutch, as a tool, and you know,
it's a necessary evil. One of the tricky things in
dating is talking about x's it really really is. We
(15:04):
say we're never going to do it, we do it
not because like, oh I miss Joe. It's a reference point.
You want to compliment the person you're with me like
I'm not used to this, you know, and sometimes it
does feel good.
Speaker 2 (15:12):
I don't mind it.
Speaker 1 (15:13):
I don't mind it if someone says something about their
ex as it pertains to us and why this is different.
I mean, it's sometimes informative. If the blast person used
to do something that really bothered you or made you
feel unsafe, you might have to discuss it with the
current person because that is institutional knowledge. Talking about how
you still miss the person or how you broke up
or when Joe and I used to go to do this.
(15:34):
That is not a good idea. Joe bought me flowers
and you don't. That is not a good idea. But
I'm used to a different dynamic with Joe where I
feel guilty about doing this. You know that might make
someone feel good that you're validating. Oh what's going on?
And again, as some of the matchmaker is only one
of the dating coaches has expressed the male dating coach,
the game moves fast when you're dating.
Speaker 2 (15:55):
We have all these plans.
Speaker 1 (15:56):
We plan a god laughs, You plan to have a
get play a game, do this, do that.
Speaker 2 (16:00):
It all goes out the window. It does. You do
the very best you can, but it all does go
out the window.
Host
Bethenny Frankel
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