December 26, 2024 • 13 mins
A hilarious deep dive into stain disasters, dog chaos, and couch-saving secrets. Practical tips with a side of laughs.
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:12):
I want to talk to you guys about stains because
I think they're super important. And I've decided that dealing
with a stain is often approached in the same way
as a teenager, or when you were younger, or when
you were in your thirties, even like twenties, thirties, even forty.
I think I stopped at my thirties picking your face.
(00:33):
Let me explain. Okay, any of you who never had
a pimple, get the fuck out of here and were
not interested. But if you have had a stain on
your couch or rug, stay so everybody could stay.
Speaker 2 (00:42):
Everybody could stay because if you've.
Speaker 1 (00:43):
Had a stay in on your rug or a couch
or something end, or had a pimple, this is going
to work. Okay, So I never had bad skin, but
if I had a pimple, I used to need to
get it out. I used to need to get it out.
My skin was always dry. I think that when people
are in our twenties, our twenties. I'm in twenties now
I'm seventy. I'm not seventy. When people are in their twenties,
(01:04):
they pick their face, but more importantly, they dry their
face out.
Speaker 2 (01:08):
They use that sea breeze. My daughter does it.
Speaker 1 (01:10):
The pimple patches, like all the kids want to clear
it as much as they can, get it out and
overdo it. Put like, they just want it gone immediately.
And that's what happens with pimples. And the problem is
your skin gets trapped. Your skin is an organ. It
needs to breathe. So if you trap your skin by
completely drying up the pores, where's everything going to go.
It's gonna stay stuck underneath. So it's very counterintuitive and
hard for people to believe because in the moment when
(01:32):
you have a pimple, you want it the fuck gone.
You want a pimple patch, You want to lance it,
you want something. You want to use your fingers in
between two tishes, get it out. You want to go
to a dermatologist, have them zap it, get a facial,
have them dig it out. It's just get it out.
You just want it flat. Okay, That's what it's like
with a stain. You see the stain. You have a
new carpet, you have a new couch, you have a top,
you have something. You want it the fuck out. Club
(01:54):
soda no club soda and baking soda no club soda,
bacon soda, vinegar, club soda, hansa. You just want it out,
shout oxy all the shit. Okay, it's like the oxy.
I think oxy clean is like as dangerous as oxy
oxy oxy cotone.
Speaker 2 (02:10):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (02:11):
So basically what happens is you get obsessed. You want
it gone, you want it out, you want to know
it's not going to be a problem. So how does
this manifest itself in a stain? What happens is I
see the stain, the dogs have peed. Now I'm worried
about the smell and the look and the ruination of
the garment. I've taken myself down to the sticks where
(02:31):
I only have outdoor rugs as indoor, and I also
have backup rugs. If there's another indoor rug that for
some reason is still here, it's still alive because I'm
going to ride it until they murder it and then
toss it.
Speaker 2 (02:43):
But I have backup rugs.
Speaker 1 (02:44):
So I'm trying to get through all my rugs now
because I'm living in my outdoor rug life. Okay, it's
another conversation for another time. But outdoor rugs can look
like indoor rugs, and I am done with my luxury
rug lifestyle.
Speaker 2 (02:56):
I don't like the.
Speaker 1 (02:56):
Idea of a ruggable. Why because it's still pick up
the furniture. Sure, take it off the bottom thing, go
wash it. Now you have a pad underneath. I just don't
know if that's for me. I haven't done it. But
then it's still moving furniture. The outdoor rug means it
didn't count right. Ironically, I don't think my fucking dogs
have ever gone in the outdoor rug. Only furry curtainy corners.
I have no curtains anymore. They touch the ground, furry corners.
(03:18):
Sometimes it can be a bed skirt, like something in
the corner, like the comforter. Just there can be nothing
in the corner of anything outside outdoor furniture. There's a
wild wild outside, it's grass, there's stone everything.
Speaker 2 (03:30):
Where do we want to go?
Speaker 1 (03:31):
Let's pee on the furniture covers on the corner of
the outdoor furniture. Fuck off, don't judge me. I've had
I've spent tens of thousands of dollars on trainers. I
just keep they're unfucking trainable dogs. They just have to
have gates and be like they get used to a
certain house and they're finding it, but there'll always be
some version of a surprise piece sometimes. So when there's
(03:53):
a stain, it goes through a process, get the chamois,
try to blot it out with water, and soap doesn't
come out.
Speaker 2 (03:58):
What can we add.
Speaker 1 (03:59):
Let's sa add baking so, let's add vinegar, Let's look
it up online. Let's add lavender oil. So the next
time they won't to do it. Let's do fucking nature's miracle.
There's nothing that's a miracle about Nature's miracle. It has
no miracle in it. Whatsoever. Shout does not shout it out,
oxy it the whole thing. Then you get a fucking stain.
Then you wait two days. Now you have a dryer
next to it. You want to know that it's gone.
Now it's gone. The middle stain is gone. There's a
(04:19):
bigger stain. It's called the big ring. There's a big
ring around the state. Okay, every time the carpet guys say, don't,
I'll fucking come there, I'll clean it for you. They come,
They steam it, they get what they can. Some rugs
they can't clean off of, some substances they can't clean.
Speaker 2 (04:32):
Fucking nightmare. And then they tell you what's wrong with
all the.
Speaker 1 (04:35):
All the surfaces, you've bought, all the wrong rugs you've
bought the fuck they fucking judge you. It's more expensive
to have them come over than to buy a new rug.
But what does that mean? To lift my furniture now,
and I have to pay them. I'll pay them two
hundred fifty dollars to come over to clean it, two
hundred and twenty dollars rug. Why I don't want to
pull up the furniture, I just want it fucking gone.
Then I justify it by saying, the guys are coming,
(04:55):
Let them do the dining chairs, let them do the couch,
let them do some old peace stain from some other
place that never fully I got out. The pea will
still smell, the dogs will come back to that spot.
None of these things work. Enter the steamer. I buy
the steamer online. Bissel has a good one. One side
is for the spraying, one side is for the sucking. Okay,
we should use this for oral sex at this point.
So one side is for the spraying, one side is
(05:16):
for the sucking. I like it for the sucking because
technically you could spray with anything. You don't need their
device to spray. So frankly, you're using it for the sucking.
Okay again back to oral sex. So you're using it
so you want the one with the best sucker. New
mistake I did years ago.
Speaker 2 (05:31):
I went online.
Speaker 1 (05:31):
I thought it was a hot step where I spent
five hundred dollars on an industrial steamer, like, I thought,
fuck those guys. Whatever they use, I could buy it.
It was too strong, it was a nightmare, was a
too heavy, and I just couldn't get it out. I
hope it made its way to some office building.
Speaker 2 (06:00):
Okay, so I go down to Florida.
Speaker 1 (06:02):
Biggie does not. I guess Latin food doesn't agree with him.
A Cuban coffee. I don't fucking know what happened, But
Biggie my dog. Biggie and Smiles are my dogs. They're
one dog. They are rescues. They were going to be
euthanized in their mom's belly. Beth Stern, Howard Stern's wife,
got them for me. They are adorable. They are one dog.
At this point, they have one Instagram account. They are
(06:24):
fairly useless. Their one use is love and adorableness and
that they're like a buddy comedy together. They're like Danny
DeVito and Arnold Schwarzenegger. They're two idiots. They're like George
Clooney and Steve Buscemi. They're like one is really good
looking and chill, the other one is a fucking neurotic,
nightmare criminal, and they're just wonderful together. One sits at
(06:46):
the bar coming up with all the schemes and people
he's gonna fucking finagle, and the other one's like a dope,
just holding a beer, ready to get in the getaway
car and forget the keys. They're just two dopes that
I live for. They have no fucking skills. Love and
want and wanting inclusivity, that's it, okay. In fact, they
detract because because Biggie throws up once a week. If
(07:06):
to pick him up, he gives you a little notice.
You gotta pick him up, bring him over to a
hard surface. It's it's a whole story. I've had him
throw up. I've had him throw up in like containers,
like candles, just like anything but the rugs. Because of
this situation, anything but the linens. Okay, Christmas will be canceled.
So these are my dogs, So Biggie, I guess Miami
doesn't agree with him. He went for a couple of walks.
He has diarrhea, explosive diarrhea all over Miami. It's never Smalls,
(07:30):
that's never his problem. His tongue goes down to the
floor in the airplane. He's having a fucking panic attack.
Needs to be an anti anxiety medication. He is a
special needs dog, but they have different issues. Smalls is
a nervous wreck, scared of everything, not just light, not
just thunder people, water, carpets, sounds, anything, terrified. His tongue,
it's like he's shaking. You think he's gonna explode. It's like,
(07:50):
not that great. He's to be an anti anxiety medication,
just like myself. He's like insane. And Biggie's a lump.
He's like a roast brisket they just take out of
the oven and sits there resting like a lump. And
Biggi's the good looking one. And I'm sorry, Smalls, we're
not even sure he's a dog. His eyes are different
sizes as the teeth or snag. It's just like you
look at him, it's like he's got like the brown
around his eyes. It's just like he gives a lot
(08:11):
of joy because you just look at him and you're like,
what the fuck are you?
Speaker 2 (08:14):
Okay, what are you?
Speaker 1 (08:16):
So Biggie has explosive diarrhea, so he gets wiped and
he comes inside.
Speaker 2 (08:20):
I guess there was remnants.
Speaker 1 (08:21):
So now one day old, brand new apartment in Miami.
One day old, white couch. I like white couches. Fuck off,
I don't care. It's a white couch. It's a cream couch.
It's an off white couch. It's in a crew couch.
It's an oatmeal couch.
Speaker 2 (08:33):
Leave me alone. It's my couch.
Speaker 1 (08:35):
So and we're in Miami and it's cheesy and you
know it goes with cocaine.
Speaker 2 (08:39):
So this is the white couch.
Speaker 1 (08:41):
So Biggie, I guess, has remnants of diarrhea everywhere. I'm
not even freaking out anymore because stands are kind of
part of my life. Like I don't even care like
I used to get upset and freak out. It's like,
I'm gonna deal with it. Whoever's in the way, I'm
gonna deal with it. I'm not just letting fucking diarrhea
sit on my couch.
Speaker 2 (08:55):
So, yes, do you try the water? Do you try this?
Speaker 1 (08:57):
You start dumping shit on it. Order an instacart gets shout.
We start spraying it furiously, feverishly, no reading directions with shout,
just fucking get it out.
Speaker 2 (09:05):
It gets out with a big.
Speaker 1 (09:07):
Brown, discolored ring around it twenty four hours later. So
I feel better, marginally better, because that's out.
Speaker 2 (09:14):
Now.
Speaker 1 (09:14):
I got to pay somebody to get it out. But
lo and behold this guy geez Gee's carpet cleaning. I'm
seeing him, Mammy DMS. I don't know what he's talking about.
I don't know where he is, I don't know what
anything is. I'm blacked out. He's gotten one hundred and
fifty messages from people just because I'm talking about my couch.
The guy has fifty thousand followers. He's freaking out. The
next thing I know, I wake up. I come out
of my apartment. There are two men, ones on their knees,
(09:37):
one is bent over. I don't know what the fuck
I'm gonna do with these two guys. Two men who
have flown in, one from North Carolina, one from New
York to Miami on an airplane. One owns the equipment company,
one owns the stained solution company. What did we learn?
Number one things like oxy clean, Shout, stay and removal,
things that are concentrated for in a pinch there for
(09:59):
the moment that you get something on your top, but
then you're sending it to the dry cleaner or you're
putting it in the wash because it's concentrated. So it's
a quick emergency. It's like Narcan to fucking get you
out of you know, like you've passed out, but it's
not to be used regularly, or like my EpiPen, so
it's to shock the stain, but then you rinse it out.
So the problem with that kind of sharp thing on
(10:19):
your couch is that it's too concentrated, and you also
should Couches should have instructions saying what to do, just
like a garment. Please do not dry clean, do not
use this, Yes, use this, only use that. What he
said is it's dish soap that's clear and warm water,
so it becomes a soapy water.
Speaker 2 (10:38):
That's it.
Speaker 1 (10:40):
If you had to use shout or something else, it
must be very diluted, nothing blue, nothing red whatever.
Speaker 2 (10:45):
Here was the biggest thing. Feathering.
Speaker 1 (10:48):
Once you do it, you have to feather out. What
we do is you spray right there in a circle
you dab. He also made it like we rub left,
and like we rub or we dab or we scrape.
It's like feathering. You You could start to dab, but
like with a shammy, that's not gonna stay in your couch.
You go out in a feathering motion, so you're blanketing
the whole surface. Otherwise you're gonna have that ring. So
(11:09):
frankly in a garment or a couch or a rug,
go all the way to the edge. You almost could
blanket the whole surface. No baking soda, no vinegar, no salt,
no fucking gimmicks, and none of that concentrated shit, because
he says you have to dilute that shit. I never
even thought of that. Like, but just use warm, you know,
the soapy water, and you might not get it all.
Get a professional to get it all. I think that
(11:30):
those steamers are good. I thought the Bistol steamer was good.
It sucks it up, but you do, you boo. But
like know the garment, Like, take a fucking minute, look underneath,
look at the I didn't do any of this.
Speaker 2 (11:40):
Don't worry. I'm not an expert. I'm an idiot.
Speaker 1 (11:42):
I've picked my face and I've had scars and waited
for it to then peel off, and the niasporn and
all this shit and like not worth it. It's not
worth it to pick your face or pick your couch neither.
So find out from underneath the couch what the goddamn
couch is and what you can and can't do. But
most of the things that we're doing, and no one
ever taught me that. No one taught me that. I
(12:05):
learned how to ride a bike, but not how to
get rid of a stain.
Speaker 2 (12:07):
How much do I?
Speaker 1 (12:07):
I don't ride bikes that often. We sell Guardian bikes
on here as an advertiser. It's the easiest way to
learn how to ride a bike. How often do I
ride a bike as a fucking cute thing with a
basket and some daisies? Every five years, I get a
stain every five days. No one ever taught me proper
stain approach. So that's it. Geez came got the shit out.
(12:29):
Also because of the oxidization of the shit show that
I did with the shout, he stuck it on my balcony,
put it in the back in the sunlight the sun.
Speaker 2 (12:37):
Nothing is on the couch.
Speaker 1 (12:39):
Also, target makes like furry blankets that look like real
and good, and the thirty dollars buy some blankets. What
do you think company, I don't even like people. I'm
having like white ones over my couch, looking decorative. But
that's where the dogs are gonna gravitate to lay. They'll
be no more like remnant diarrhea staining on my fucking
white couch, not on my watch. So the couch is clean,
(12:59):
and blankets will be down, and outdoor rugs are on
the floor, and soap and water and the right chammy
and feathering out and jeez, and he's got a great
G's cleaning solution. Go on my Instagram to find out
where to buy it, and we all live happily ever after.
Speaker 2 (13:14):
Do not pick your face
I want to talk to you guys about stains because
I think they're super important. And I've decided that dealing
with a stain is often approached in the same way
as a teenager, or when you were younger, or when
you were in your thirties, even like twenties, thirties, even forty.
I think I stopped at my thirties picking your face.
(00:33):
Let me explain. Okay, any of you who never had
a pimple, get the fuck out of here and were
not interested. But if you have had a stain on
your couch or rug, stay so everybody could stay.
Speaker 2 (00:42):
Everybody could stay because if you've.
Speaker 1 (00:43):
Had a stay in on your rug or a couch
or something end, or had a pimple, this is going
to work. Okay, So I never had bad skin, but
if I had a pimple, I used to need to
get it out. I used to need to get it out.
My skin was always dry. I think that when people
are in our twenties, our twenties. I'm in twenties now
I'm seventy. I'm not seventy. When people are in their twenties,
(01:04):
they pick their face, but more importantly, they dry their
face out.
Speaker 2 (01:08):
They use that sea breeze. My daughter does it.
Speaker 1 (01:10):
The pimple patches, like all the kids want to clear
it as much as they can, get it out and
overdo it. Put like, they just want it gone immediately.
And that's what happens with pimples. And the problem is
your skin gets trapped. Your skin is an organ. It
needs to breathe. So if you trap your skin by
completely drying up the pores, where's everything going to go.
It's gonna stay stuck underneath. So it's very counterintuitive and
hard for people to believe because in the moment when
(01:32):
you have a pimple, you want it the fuck gone.
You want a pimple patch, You want to lance it,
you want something. You want to use your fingers in
between two tishes, get it out. You want to go
to a dermatologist, have them zap it, get a facial,
have them dig it out. It's just get it out.
You just want it flat. Okay, That's what it's like
with a stain. You see the stain. You have a
new carpet, you have a new couch, you have a top,
you have something. You want it the fuck out. Club
(01:54):
soda no club soda and baking soda no club soda,
bacon soda, vinegar, club soda, hansa. You just want it out,
shout oxy all the shit. Okay, it's like the oxy.
I think oxy clean is like as dangerous as oxy
oxy oxy cotone.
Speaker 2 (02:10):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (02:11):
So basically what happens is you get obsessed. You want
it gone, you want it out, you want to know
it's not going to be a problem. So how does
this manifest itself in a stain? What happens is I
see the stain, the dogs have peed. Now I'm worried
about the smell and the look and the ruination of
the garment. I've taken myself down to the sticks where
(02:31):
I only have outdoor rugs as indoor, and I also
have backup rugs. If there's another indoor rug that for
some reason is still here, it's still alive because I'm
going to ride it until they murder it and then
toss it.
Speaker 2 (02:43):
But I have backup rugs.
Speaker 1 (02:44):
So I'm trying to get through all my rugs now
because I'm living in my outdoor rug life. Okay, it's
another conversation for another time. But outdoor rugs can look
like indoor rugs, and I am done with my luxury
rug lifestyle.
Speaker 2 (02:56):
I don't like the.
Speaker 1 (02:56):
Idea of a ruggable. Why because it's still pick up
the furniture. Sure, take it off the bottom thing, go
wash it. Now you have a pad underneath. I just don't
know if that's for me. I haven't done it. But
then it's still moving furniture. The outdoor rug means it
didn't count right. Ironically, I don't think my fucking dogs
have ever gone in the outdoor rug. Only furry curtainy corners.
I have no curtains anymore. They touch the ground, furry corners.
(03:18):
Sometimes it can be a bed skirt, like something in
the corner, like the comforter. Just there can be nothing
in the corner of anything outside outdoor furniture. There's a
wild wild outside, it's grass, there's stone everything.
Speaker 2 (03:30):
Where do we want to go?
Speaker 1 (03:31):
Let's pee on the furniture covers on the corner of
the outdoor furniture. Fuck off, don't judge me. I've had
I've spent tens of thousands of dollars on trainers. I
just keep they're unfucking trainable dogs. They just have to
have gates and be like they get used to a
certain house and they're finding it, but there'll always be
some version of a surprise piece sometimes. So when there's
(03:53):
a stain, it goes through a process, get the chamois,
try to blot it out with water, and soap doesn't
come out.
Speaker 2 (03:58):
What can we add.
Speaker 1 (03:59):
Let's sa add baking so, let's add vinegar, Let's look
it up online. Let's add lavender oil. So the next
time they won't to do it. Let's do fucking nature's miracle.
There's nothing that's a miracle about Nature's miracle. It has
no miracle in it. Whatsoever. Shout does not shout it out,
oxy it the whole thing. Then you get a fucking stain.
Then you wait two days. Now you have a dryer
next to it. You want to know that it's gone.
Now it's gone. The middle stain is gone. There's a
(04:19):
bigger stain. It's called the big ring. There's a big
ring around the state. Okay, every time the carpet guys say, don't,
I'll fucking come there, I'll clean it for you. They come,
They steam it, they get what they can. Some rugs
they can't clean off of, some substances they can't clean.
Speaker 2 (04:32):
Fucking nightmare. And then they tell you what's wrong with
all the.
Speaker 1 (04:35):
All the surfaces, you've bought, all the wrong rugs you've
bought the fuck they fucking judge you. It's more expensive
to have them come over than to buy a new rug.
But what does that mean? To lift my furniture now,
and I have to pay them. I'll pay them two
hundred fifty dollars to come over to clean it, two
hundred and twenty dollars rug. Why I don't want to
pull up the furniture, I just want it fucking gone.
Then I justify it by saying, the guys are coming,
(04:55):
Let them do the dining chairs, let them do the couch,
let them do some old peace stain from some other
place that never fully I got out. The pea will
still smell, the dogs will come back to that spot.
None of these things work. Enter the steamer. I buy
the steamer online. Bissel has a good one. One side
is for the spraying, one side is for the sucking. Okay,
we should use this for oral sex at this point.
So one side is for the spraying, one side is
(05:16):
for the sucking. I like it for the sucking because
technically you could spray with anything. You don't need their
device to spray. So frankly, you're using it for the sucking.
Okay again back to oral sex. So you're using it
so you want the one with the best sucker. New
mistake I did years ago.
Speaker 2 (05:31):
I went online.
Speaker 1 (05:31):
I thought it was a hot step where I spent
five hundred dollars on an industrial steamer, like, I thought,
fuck those guys. Whatever they use, I could buy it.
It was too strong, it was a nightmare, was a
too heavy, and I just couldn't get it out. I
hope it made its way to some office building.
Speaker 2 (06:00):
Okay, so I go down to Florida.
Speaker 1 (06:02):
Biggie does not. I guess Latin food doesn't agree with him.
A Cuban coffee. I don't fucking know what happened, But
Biggie my dog. Biggie and Smiles are my dogs. They're
one dog. They are rescues. They were going to be
euthanized in their mom's belly. Beth Stern, Howard Stern's wife,
got them for me. They are adorable. They are one dog.
At this point, they have one Instagram account. They are
(06:24):
fairly useless. Their one use is love and adorableness and
that they're like a buddy comedy together. They're like Danny
DeVito and Arnold Schwarzenegger. They're two idiots. They're like George
Clooney and Steve Buscemi. They're like one is really good
looking and chill, the other one is a fucking neurotic,
nightmare criminal, and they're just wonderful together. One sits at
(06:46):
the bar coming up with all the schemes and people
he's gonna fucking finagle, and the other one's like a dope,
just holding a beer, ready to get in the getaway
car and forget the keys. They're just two dopes that
I live for. They have no fucking skills. Love and
want and wanting inclusivity, that's it, okay. In fact, they
detract because because Biggie throws up once a week. If
(07:06):
to pick him up, he gives you a little notice.
You gotta pick him up, bring him over to a
hard surface. It's it's a whole story. I've had him
throw up. I've had him throw up in like containers,
like candles, just like anything but the rugs. Because of
this situation, anything but the linens. Okay, Christmas will be canceled.
So these are my dogs, So Biggie, I guess Miami
doesn't agree with him. He went for a couple of walks.
He has diarrhea, explosive diarrhea all over Miami. It's never Smalls,
(07:30):
that's never his problem. His tongue goes down to the
floor in the airplane. He's having a fucking panic attack.
Needs to be an anti anxiety medication. He is a
special needs dog, but they have different issues. Smalls is
a nervous wreck, scared of everything, not just light, not
just thunder people, water, carpets, sounds, anything, terrified. His tongue,
it's like he's shaking. You think he's gonna explode. It's like,
(07:50):
not that great. He's to be an anti anxiety medication,
just like myself. He's like insane. And Biggie's a lump.
He's like a roast brisket they just take out of
the oven and sits there resting like a lump. And
Biggi's the good looking one. And I'm sorry, Smalls, we're
not even sure he's a dog. His eyes are different
sizes as the teeth or snag. It's just like you
look at him, it's like he's got like the brown
around his eyes. It's just like he gives a lot
(08:11):
of joy because you just look at him and you're like,
what the fuck are you?
Speaker 2 (08:14):
Okay, what are you?
Speaker 1 (08:16):
So Biggie has explosive diarrhea, so he gets wiped and
he comes inside.
Speaker 2 (08:20):
I guess there was remnants.
Speaker 1 (08:21):
So now one day old, brand new apartment in Miami.
One day old, white couch. I like white couches. Fuck off,
I don't care. It's a white couch. It's a cream couch.
It's an off white couch. It's in a crew couch.
It's an oatmeal couch.
Speaker 2 (08:33):
Leave me alone. It's my couch.
Speaker 1 (08:35):
So and we're in Miami and it's cheesy and you
know it goes with cocaine.
Speaker 2 (08:39):
So this is the white couch.
Speaker 1 (08:41):
So Biggie, I guess, has remnants of diarrhea everywhere. I'm
not even freaking out anymore because stands are kind of
part of my life. Like I don't even care like
I used to get upset and freak out. It's like,
I'm gonna deal with it. Whoever's in the way, I'm
gonna deal with it. I'm not just letting fucking diarrhea
sit on my couch.
Speaker 2 (08:55):
So, yes, do you try the water? Do you try this?
Speaker 1 (08:57):
You start dumping shit on it. Order an instacart gets shout.
We start spraying it furiously, feverishly, no reading directions with shout,
just fucking get it out.
Speaker 2 (09:05):
It gets out with a big.
Speaker 1 (09:07):
Brown, discolored ring around it twenty four hours later. So
I feel better, marginally better, because that's out.
Speaker 2 (09:14):
Now.
Speaker 1 (09:14):
I got to pay somebody to get it out. But
lo and behold this guy geez Gee's carpet cleaning. I'm
seeing him, Mammy DMS. I don't know what he's talking about.
I don't know where he is, I don't know what
anything is. I'm blacked out. He's gotten one hundred and
fifty messages from people just because I'm talking about my couch.
The guy has fifty thousand followers. He's freaking out. The
next thing I know, I wake up. I come out
of my apartment. There are two men, ones on their knees,
(09:37):
one is bent over. I don't know what the fuck
I'm gonna do with these two guys. Two men who
have flown in, one from North Carolina, one from New
York to Miami on an airplane. One owns the equipment company,
one owns the stained solution company. What did we learn?
Number one things like oxy clean, Shout, stay and removal,
things that are concentrated for in a pinch there for
(09:59):
the moment that you get something on your top, but
then you're sending it to the dry cleaner or you're
putting it in the wash because it's concentrated. So it's
a quick emergency. It's like Narcan to fucking get you
out of you know, like you've passed out, but it's
not to be used regularly, or like my EpiPen, so
it's to shock the stain, but then you rinse it out.
So the problem with that kind of sharp thing on
(10:19):
your couch is that it's too concentrated, and you also
should Couches should have instructions saying what to do, just
like a garment. Please do not dry clean, do not
use this, Yes, use this, only use that. What he
said is it's dish soap that's clear and warm water,
so it becomes a soapy water.
Speaker 2 (10:38):
That's it.
Speaker 1 (10:40):
If you had to use shout or something else, it
must be very diluted, nothing blue, nothing red whatever.
Speaker 2 (10:45):
Here was the biggest thing. Feathering.
Speaker 1 (10:48):
Once you do it, you have to feather out. What
we do is you spray right there in a circle
you dab. He also made it like we rub left,
and like we rub or we dab or we scrape.
It's like feathering. You You could start to dab, but
like with a shammy, that's not gonna stay in your couch.
You go out in a feathering motion, so you're blanketing
the whole surface. Otherwise you're gonna have that ring. So
(11:09):
frankly in a garment or a couch or a rug,
go all the way to the edge. You almost could
blanket the whole surface. No baking soda, no vinegar, no salt,
no fucking gimmicks, and none of that concentrated shit, because
he says you have to dilute that shit. I never
even thought of that. Like, but just use warm, you know,
the soapy water, and you might not get it all.
Get a professional to get it all. I think that
(11:30):
those steamers are good. I thought the Bistol steamer was good.
It sucks it up, but you do, you boo. But
like know the garment, Like, take a fucking minute, look underneath,
look at the I didn't do any of this.
Speaker 2 (11:40):
Don't worry. I'm not an expert. I'm an idiot.
Speaker 1 (11:42):
I've picked my face and I've had scars and waited
for it to then peel off, and the niasporn and
all this shit and like not worth it. It's not
worth it to pick your face or pick your couch neither.
So find out from underneath the couch what the goddamn
couch is and what you can and can't do. But
most of the things that we're doing, and no one
ever taught me that. No one taught me that. I
(12:05):
learned how to ride a bike, but not how to
get rid of a stain.
Speaker 2 (12:07):
How much do I?
Speaker 1 (12:07):
I don't ride bikes that often. We sell Guardian bikes
on here as an advertiser. It's the easiest way to
learn how to ride a bike. How often do I
ride a bike as a fucking cute thing with a
basket and some daisies? Every five years, I get a
stain every five days. No one ever taught me proper
stain approach. So that's it. Geez came got the shit out.
(12:29):
Also because of the oxidization of the shit show that
I did with the shout, he stuck it on my balcony,
put it in the back in the sunlight the sun.
Speaker 2 (12:37):
Nothing is on the couch.
Speaker 1 (12:39):
Also, target makes like furry blankets that look like real
and good, and the thirty dollars buy some blankets. What
do you think company, I don't even like people. I'm
having like white ones over my couch, looking decorative. But
that's where the dogs are gonna gravitate to lay. They'll
be no more like remnant diarrhea staining on my fucking
white couch, not on my watch. So the couch is clean,
(12:59):
and blankets will be down, and outdoor rugs are on
the floor, and soap and water and the right chammy
and feathering out and jeez, and he's got a great
G's cleaning solution. Go on my Instagram to find out
where to buy it, and we all live happily ever after.
Speaker 2 (13:14):
Do not pick your face
Host
Bethenny Frankel
Popular Podcasts
Las Culturistas with Matt Rogers and Bowen Yang
Ding dong! Join your culture consultants, Matt Rogers and Bowen Yang, on an unforgettable journey into the beating heart of CULTURE. Alongside sizzling special guests, they GET INTO the hottest pop-culture moments of the day and the formative cultural experiences that turned them into Culturistas. Produced by the Big Money Players Network and iHeartRadio.
40s and Free Agents: NFL Draft Season
Daniel Jeremiah of Move the Sticks and Gregg Rosenthal of NFL Daily join forces to break down every team's needs this offseason.
Crime Junkie
Does hearing about a true crime case always leave you scouring the internet for the truth behind the story? Dive into your next mystery with Crime Junkie. Every Monday, join your host Ashley Flowers as she unravels all the details of infamous and underreported true crime cases with her best friend Brit Prawat. From cold cases to missing persons and heroes in our community who seek justice, Crime Junkie is your destination for theories and stories you won’t hear anywhere else. Whether you're a seasoned true crime enthusiast or new to the genre, you'll find yourself on the edge of your seat awaiting a new episode every Monday. If you can never get enough true crime... Congratulations, you’ve found your people. Follow to join a community of Crime Junkies! Crime Junkie is presented by audiochuck Media Company.