Just B Rant: Remi Bader and Social Media Fans

Let's talk about the social media, fans, and giving Remi her grace. PLUS: Bethenny's advice on a sure fire way to stop overthinking and make a decision... ALSO: Beware of Rigidity and "Askers"

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:12):
Let's talk about Remy Bait or you may not know
who she is. She's a girl who shot to TikTok
fame during the pandemic. She was a big girl, a
curvy girl, celebrated her curves, pushed against society and brands
for not being inclusive with sizes. Really became the voice
of a curvy, voluptuous woman in celebrating yourself, loving yourself,

(00:37):
wearing clothes that usually are only for thin people, in
talking about brands that don't have sizes, like there are girls,
there are women of color that talk about brands that
aren't inclusive with the shades of foundation, and Remy was
like talking about not being inclusive with the sizes in
a brand, the range, and who they're appealing to. And
she became a star for this. So she hastically reduced

(01:00):
in size. At one point in her account, she said,
I'm not going to be talking about my body anymore
because people will talk about her eating and her weight
and criticize her every which way but Sunday and then
what she's wearing. And so she said, one day, I'm
not going to talk about my size anymore. And she
can have her own reasons. This is a parasocial relationship.
People think that they are in a relationship with her.
She's beloved, she loves them, and a social media person

(01:24):
is really just in a relationship with these people all day,
every day. It's what goes on. She's sick, she's telling
you you feel bad. You're sending her virtual chicken soup.
Like that's how the relationship goes the parasocial relationship. Someone dies,
she goes through a breakup, you're going through. You're picking
her up, you're helping her. She's grateful, she's telling you
things just like she tells her friends. This is what
goes on. Okay, so now she breaks up with a guy.

(01:45):
She's heartbroken, she's miserable, and you see her glow up.
You see her like pick herself up off the floor
and finally like start going away and being happy and
sharing when she's feeling depressed. But one day she just
like Majestically was thin. Majestically was like drastically thin. And
people have recently gone crazy because she never shared how

(02:07):
and they are saying that she was paid to talk
about what she had. And she went on Chloe Kardashian's
podcast to talk about this experience and her fans, it
hit sideways because they feel like they were not included
in any of this. One day, she's just thin and
she doesn't want to share any of it, but she
became the voice of these people. She became the poster

(02:31):
child for this movement, and without explanation, she just is thin,
and not until she's on Chloe Kardashian's podcast and presumably paid,
is she discussing this. And I really think it's a
function of her just being young and the game moving
so quickly and it just not being the right marketing strategy,

(02:52):
where I think she probably planned the surgery that sounds
brutal and emotional and physically dangerous and something to heal
from that. She said, I'm not discussing my body because
she probably knew she was going to do this, and
so she was giving a disclaimer saying, I'm that addressed
in his crowd right now. So she thought she had
checked that box and this is just not what she

(03:15):
talks about anymore. But they still know her as that
person to them. So in one day she was thin,
there was not really enough of an explanation directly to
them from her based on what had happened, and I said,
My advice would have been, you don't have to tell
everybody anything. This is a parasocial relationship. She is allowed
to have a private life. She has been raked over

(03:35):
the calls for being thin, for being overweight, for just
it's just social media. It's what it is. And what
she should have said is, guys, this is not natural,
this is not magic. I am going to do something.
I'm going to be on a journey. It's a private
journey that I don't want to share for many reasons, medical, emotional, physical,
et cetera. But I'm going to go on a journey

(03:57):
and I'm going to be losing weight with any look.
And I love myself and I love you and everybody
is beautiful, but I want to lose weight. I have
these reasons, or I don't have to give you my reasons.
I want to lose weight. I want to be thinner,
and please respect my privacy. And of course they would
still be haters, but it was so jarring where everybody
was an outsider when they were just an insider the

(04:18):
whole time. So I think it's about the messaging, not
the message. And she went on Chloe Kardashian, which was
widely criticized and it shouldn't be criticized because Chloe Kardashian
was trolled abuse, was criticized for looking different than her siblings,
for being bigger than her siblings. She was accused of
not being Robert Kardashian's daughter and that she was really

(04:40):
someone else's daughter, and that is so cruel and it
doesn't matter because she is Robert Kardashian's daughter and that's
how she was raised and it's just like not kind.
And she did have a glow up and people criticized
how it happened, and she said exercise and diet, and
it could have been exercise and diet. It could have
been epic, could have been whatever we diet pills. It's
not really anyone's business if she doesn't want it to

(05:01):
be their business. But she has been through the Ringer
and also was before ozepic and that stuff was more
widely taken, and she's been through the Ringer and she
may just have wanted to just now be thin and
now of a glook. And she's a beautiful woman as
she was then. I think she's the perfect person for
Remy to talk to because I think it's about someone

(05:23):
who has been assessed, criticized, and their identity has been
attached to their body type, and in many cases someone
doesn't want someone to change. I don't think that's really
here with Remy. Everyone who's talking about it is saying, good,
if you want to lose weight, you want to get
plastic surgery, you do it. And that's partially true. I

(05:45):
do think people get anxiety because she is talking to
people who are overweight themselves, or curvy or voluptuous, and
they have noise with it. Also, I'm going to start
talking more about naturally thin and noise, but they have
noise with it too. They feel abandoned, like one day
you just act like, oh, I've been thinn my whole life.
Guess what Now we're just doing fashion posts and those
people feel left and it's scary. And I talk about

(06:10):
my bathing suit story, how I ate sixty thousand dollars
in bathing suits on HSN Because people feel self conscious
and insecure and weight and food is a very sensitive
topic and eds are something I know about intimately and
it's a very serious topic. And so I just think

(06:30):
that Remy had a pr plan, but I just don't
think it was fully fleshed out and she is allowed
to do what she wants. I just don't think. I
think that she's a young girl and it's a lot
to navigate, and she might not have stuck the landing.
And hopefully they'll give her her peace and her grace
because she's definitely still emotionally catching up to where her
physicality is. You don't just get a new body. I

(06:52):
remember that show The Swan. You don't just get a
new body and all of a sudden you're secure and
you're you know, confident, and there is there's a lot
going on. There's also eating differently, a different relationship with food,
a different relationship with your body. You don't know what
the side effects are. It's a lot to deal with.
There's a price to pay for doing this, and it's
a lot to navigate. So give her her grace. Okay,

(07:28):
this is going to sound a little too touchy feely,
but I want to explain what I realized. Let's say
someone passes away, you have a stress at work, or
you're going through a breakup, or something's been happening, you're
having an issue with your child or something okay, or
you know your morning morning is a good one or
morning a breakup, I will almost make appointment time to

(07:52):
think on it. And it doesn't mean I'm making time
to obsess over it or fixate on it. It's not technically
I mean maybe a technically is it's not categorized as meditation,
meaning I'm not sitting and doing a chant or a mantra,
or breathing in and out intentionally or holding beans. It
means I'll lay down in bed and I will think

(08:17):
about the person. Let's say that you're breaking up with
or your mother passed away, and I'll think about them,
but not in an obsessive why didn't we do this?
Why didn't that happen? I'll tell a story like I'll
be like, okay, let's go through the time we went
to Miami together or the Bahamas, and I'd be like, okay,
let's go through it, and like I'll walk myself through
the situation. I'll be like, I remember, like he showed

(08:38):
up at the hotel, and then we went to the
drink and then but slow and I was wearing this.
And often clues will come through that will make me
feel either good about break up, bad about the breakup, accountable,
good about the death, bad about the death, accountable, mournful, insightful,
like it's just it's not like choppy throat. The day

(09:00):
you're on a walk. A walk is a good time
to do it too, if you dedicate it. If you're
looking at this into music and doing phone falls, it
just like you breathe in and out. I take my
warm neck pillow and I lay in bed and I
fall asleep to thoughts. And you'd think they're obsessive because
they're probably about something negative, but they're not. Like they're
not negative. Fuck, they're just sort of like processing something

(09:20):
and it helps me to fall asleep. And I do
it sometimes in the bath, and it helps work through something.
It really does helps get you to the next place.
My sleep regimen is on fleek right now. So let
me tell you what I'm doing to sleep well. Sometimes
if it's if I'm anxiety or i feel like I'm
gonna need to sleep harder, I just feel like it

(09:41):
out of the blue, I'll take an edible something. It
could be some version of a gummy. It could be
like a drugstore gummy. It could be one that is
infused in some way that's just into guffer sleep. I'll
do that. But not all the time. I feel like
that's like nikeel. If you do it every night, your
body gets used to it. There's no need to rely
on that because then it won't be there when you

(10:01):
really need it. So I just don't believe in that. Okay, I'll, I'll,
but then on normal nights, like just nights, I'm getting
into bed, I'm trusting the process. I'm gonna fall asleep.
I recently started mouth taping, so you put tape over
your mouth. There's specific mouth tape. It resembles boob tape
a lot. It's the same thing, I think. So you
put mouth tape, which is helping with grinding and I

(10:24):
think breathing for some people. So I put my nightguard
in my mouth tape. I don't use earplugs unless it's noisy,
because I don't like the way they make me feel.
I do black out in the room, but sometimes there's
a little light peeping through, and I do a soft
mask of some sort. I do magnesium spray on my
feet that I rub in, and I do a warm

(10:46):
neck pillow around my neck. And I have been sleeping
like a dream. I've been sleeping till like eight thirty
in the morning. Sometimes it's been great, and I think
it's got me all the elements. It's not just one,
it's not just two for me, it's all of the
elements together really are healthing. So that's been a great
I need traffic to not be an excuse. I need

(11:09):
people to stop with the traffic. And I need the
car I need to give carvettes. Okay, if it's the
super Bowl, if it's if it's the Kentucky Derby, it's
f one, it's the President's in Town, it's art puzzle,
and not even really it's music festival, it's Times Square
New Year's Eve, Like these are carvettes. We cannot on

(11:30):
the regular, Like, oh god, there's so much traffic. She's
not there yet. There's traffic. Fuck off. I don't want
to hear traffic. I know, like we all know about traffic.
We've done it, we've gone there. We are here like barring,
like a train is off the track. So it's a
fifteen car pile up like stuff. And it's always the
ones that give you a rigid to use my favorite word,

(11:53):
cancelation policy, it's always the massage verse. Well it's a
twenty four hour cancel it they're up your fucking ass,
and then thirty five minutes and when they're thirty five
minutes late, like five is one thing, ten is another,
fifteen is another. When we start to get to twenty
and twenty five, I have the option to cancel and
not the charge, and I feel good about exercising. I
feel pissed, like, no, fuck that, I'm not rushing for this.

(12:14):
I just don't like traffic being used as an excuse.
It makes me, It makes me so irritated. It's just
like stop. It's not a new concept. Traffic is not new.
Beware of askers in a relationship. Beware of askers like hey,
do you know the guy who did that? Or can

(12:36):
you get me into that? Or you know anyone grab
you or asky or like as a habit of wanting
you to do things in some way for them or
connect them to people is a big I'm not even
saying it's a pink flag. It's a red flag. It's
a red flag. I had that experience and I ran

(12:57):
like a thief and the night not even soon, but
it was just like stop asking me for things like it,
just stop because then you're being used. Honestly, you're being used.
It's just a huge red flag. Please beware of it.
Please beware of it. I want to talk about rigidity. Rigidity.

(13:27):
It's not a word that's used that much. It's a
word that was used in my divorce a lot. It
came up a lot from therapists. It came up a
lot via a judge, It came up a lot via
parenting coordinators, guardian ad items, which are lawyers for children.
Being rigid it doesn't sound that bad. It sounds like, oh,

(13:49):
this person's a little stuck in their own ways. But
like real rigidity is real negativity. So being rigid it's
when someone becomes super ornery and has to like fight
something that really doesn't necessarily matter. Now, the term rigidity
doesn't mean that it doesn't matter. I'm just saying when

(14:10):
it's really used, like impactfully used, it's when someone doesn't
need to like color within these lines so hard and
it debilitates them and it ends up making things worse.
So it happens a lot with people and work too.
There are people that I've worked with that I have
to say, like we're all you know, I'll have to say,

(14:33):
you can't be so rigid because Okay, let's let's talk
about custody agreement as an example. Custody agreement is designed
for a child for the for the benefit of the child,
for their best interest. It may say you see the
kid Tuesday, Thursday, This Wednesday's Monday, Wednesday, Christmas, Thanksgiving, whatever,
it says, okay, but something could come up. What about
if it comes on a Tuesday, it's not your day

(14:55):
and your kid could go see Disney onas What if
they could meet their their favorite you two. What if
they want to go to a volleyball camp in the
summer but you don't have that one week? What if?
What if? What if? What if? Okay, if you only
hold to the letter of the law, which was my
experience and my divorce, to the tune of I've been
asked for something two years for Thursday. If you only

(15:16):
hold to the letter of the law, it's not in
the best interest of anyone because it's so rigid. One
can't know exactly what life will present that might interfere
with a contract or something that you're supposed to be
allowed to do, or curfew or anything. Right, and we're
not only talking about legal matters, but I'm just saying,

(15:38):
like and That's why a schoolteacher or a principal, a
judge will not reprimand you or penalize you if you're
doing something with the original intent of what the agreement is,
like if it's for the betterment of the child. When
I was getting divorced, for example, I went out and
bought a house because I was tortured in my own home.
Because I felt torture in my own home, and you're

(16:00):
not allowed to do that until the money's straight. I
was applauded for that. I left the Mary Old Residence
when you're not quote unquote allowed to do that because
it's known as abandonment. I was applauded for that. There
are times when rules need to be broken, and sometimes
I have to show people with work. We like, Nope,
you can't do that. You're supposed to be here. I'm like, right,
I know, I know that, but I'm telling you that

(16:22):
we have to we should try to shift things around.
And if someone holds too rigiate, No, at noon, you
have this, at one, you have that, and it's like
you know, or a brand deal comes in and and
they're like, you can't do this because this is what
you signed. I'm like Okay, let me see the contract.
Let me see the contract, because if I call the
original person I signed with, then they might let me

(16:42):
out like it like you have to be a workaround
place of yes person. Rigidity is not positive, okay. It
can affect things negatively. It can be not in the
best interest in the person that it seems to be serving.
Like rule following. You know, you can't miss a class,
you can't do this, you can't do that. But it's like, okay,

(17:04):
what if I have this other reason and I might
have to What if you know, like I like to
be flexible. I like an overall outline, but to be
able to color outside the lines if I need to.
We can't be too rigid. And people that are rigid
around you need to adjust, and you need to help
educate them on why to adjust. It's great to have

(17:25):
will followers. Your accountant's not supposed to be fast and loose,
but your accountant is supposed to talk to you about
how you're spending, and there will be exceptions. You know,
your insurance agent is not supposed to be fast and loose.
Your lawyer for real estate transaction is not supposed to
be fast and loose, but They're also not supposed to
be rigid because you're supposed to find workarounds. My whole

(17:45):
life is workarounds in relief, work in business, in social media,
and entertainment. So just just think about rigidity as a
concept to to wan do, to hafter