Over the Radar

Bethenny on her breakup, a challenging week, and healing and setting a good example. 

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:12):
How was your Fourth of July holiday?

Speaker 2 (00:15):
Wow?

Speaker 1 (00:17):
Mine was a rollercoaster.

Speaker 2 (00:19):
So I went through a really traumatic loss of my mother,
and it was right after I was revisiting my horrible divorce,
and yes, then I went through a breakup. It was
something that I kept to myself. It was something that
I mourned on my own, and I did therapy and

(00:41):
I did the work, and I just didn't feel like
it needed to be shared. It was a breakup that
I wanted to process alone, privately, and I didn't feel
that I owed anybody any explanation. And the breakup was
something that I initiated. I wasn't happy, something needed to change.

(01:02):
It was certainly mutual. The relationship had its challenges, and
nobody dumped anybody, but I went through it. I was
scared because of my past and my abandonment issues. I
get very scared when there's any sort of change in

(01:24):
someone you depend on and someone that you love.

Speaker 1 (01:26):
But I knew that it was ultimately.

Speaker 2 (01:28):
The right thing, and I really made peace with it,
and I was happy. I was thriving and I was surviving.
I was looking good, feeling good. I was in therapy.
I wasn't medicating with men I wasn't distracting. I was
comfortable being alone. I was in a place that I
had decided I wanted to be, and I was happy

(01:48):
and strong, enjoying the summer.

Speaker 1 (01:50):
With my daughter.

Speaker 2 (01:51):
And then I get hit with an onslaught of articles. Now,
let me review when we first broke up. There was
an article saying that my act was publicly making out
with a woman, and that's how people assumed that we
broke up. I didn't clarify anything. I wasn't even upset.
I just was dealing with my own issues and that

(02:13):
was a blip on the radar. It was not good
judgment based on the fact that I'm a public person,
but I was really focusing on myself. And then last
week I started to see my name in headlines being
portrayed as the jilted X who had been upgraded from

(02:36):
that my ex had moved on from me with a
younger woman, and that it regurgitated the continuous narrative that
he is a very under the radar person who had
now gotten serious to someone, had a girlfriend, met her family,
met her kids, she had met his kids. He was

(02:56):
in a serious relationship. He had bought her present, and
they were a new unit, and the media presented me
as some sort of spinster that's just home crying, suffering
a breakup and watching this new transition, when in fact
I was really happy. I was really happy. But when

(03:17):
you get hit with headlines that are explaining the details
of a new relationship in quotes that have been placed
by people, you know, when it's basically saying, you know,
Paul's a very under the radar guy. That indicates that
I'm an over the radar girl and that he couldn't
handle the relationship, when, like I said, the breakup was
initiated by me. It was mutual, and I was upset

(03:39):
by it and scared about it towards the end and
on sure, but it's something that I ultimately was happy about.
It wasn't a relationship I wanted to be in, and
it wasn't a person that I wanted to be with anymore.
To be honest, for many reasons that I really had
to come to terms with. And everyone has experienced and

(04:01):
breaking up with someone and then hearing about them with
someone else.

Speaker 1 (04:04):
We've all been there. Now times that by one hundred.

Speaker 2 (04:08):
Because you're reading it all day every day in articles,
people are messaging you people are asking you for You're okay,
You're going through a breakup again.

Speaker 1 (04:17):
Now.

Speaker 2 (04:17):
Read quotes from people directly saying Paul moved on from
Bethany very quickly. He's met her family, he's met her kids,
she's met his kids. They had sex all weekend. They
committed to each other on the first date. Like it
was endless. It was insane. It's like you're inside someone
else's relationship and you didn't ask for any of this,

(04:40):
and this woman is talking about this very publicly, so
she's sharing all of the details of their brand new
relationship that has been happening for six weeks, right after
a six year relationship. And I will never get to
the details of our breakup, but it certainly was shocking.

(05:05):
It was definitely shocking, and it's embarrassing hearing about your
ex fiance committing to another woman shortly thereafter on their
first date, and then being inside their relationship, hearing about
their sex and their gifts and meeting each other's kids.

Speaker 1 (05:22):
And the level of commitment was gutting. It was brutal.

Speaker 2 (05:29):
The one thing that was difficult was constantly reading the
headline that my ex is under the radar, making him
the hero and me the villain. Isn't the woman always
the villain, the spinster, the old maid, the one upgraded
from the crazy one in this case, the one who
must be over the radar, when ironically I was the
one who was very much under the radar. And I

(05:52):
just want to say that I'm okay. I mean it
was rough because I had to experience the same breakup twice,
but way worse the second time because I had to
hear about all these details. And you know, I do
let the truth get in the way of a good story.
I am in therapy, I am working on myself. I

(06:13):
am confident, I am single, I am independent, I am happy,
and I will survive this. The only thing I'll leave
you with is as a woman, I think we have
to think about the other woman in any situation. So
if you're the new woman in a relationship, I think

(06:35):
you have to tread lightly and be cautious about whoever
the woman before you was, because we've all been in
both positions, and I think by sharing all the details
of your new relationship, you're disrespecting the last relationship. And
I learned a lot during this experience. I'm sure this

(06:56):
woman has learned a lot. I didn't take the bait.
I stayed quiet. I just let it play out. And
it was really, really rough, and I'm proud of myself
and I'm proud of the way that I handled it.
And I think this woman has learned a lot too.
And I think that everybody lost in this situation because

(07:17):
their actions cost them their relationship, which was brand new,
and who knows what would have happened. Incidentally, I have
messaged with Olivia Culpo. I reached out to her before
this media spectacle got out of hand, and she responded

(07:38):
to me, which is sweet because she just got married,
and she was really nice and said she's a fan
and she has all my books and she really looks
up to me, and that was really kind and it
was actually a nice, warm blanket during this whole crazy thing.
So maybe she'll come on the podcast. Congratulations Olivia. I
hope you have a beautiful, beautiful life with your new husband.

(08:01):
So I hope you had a better week than I did.
I hope there's something you can take away from this.
But I love you all. I'm good, I'm happy, and
I'm single. Who knows, maybe at some point I'll be
ready to start dating again. Well, I guess life actually

(08:31):
is a cabaret. So I went to a party this weekend.
I've been in my social era and this guy, Jason Weinberg,
had a party at Moby's in the Hamptons.

Speaker 1 (08:40):
He's a big time manager.

Speaker 2 (08:42):
And it's like the ghosts of Christmas past this party.

Speaker 1 (08:46):
It's insane.

Speaker 2 (08:46):
You see people that you've known your whole life, and
everybody sees it this way, meaning my first publicist, the
woman who owns Say Beauty, John Hamm, Neil Patrick Harris,
Kelly Ripbaugh, one of the house great from Jersey, Leah Michelle,
Ralph Macchio. Like it's literally like a fever dream or

(09:07):
like a bizarre movie that you it's it's so crazy,
you see, I could name twenty other people that I saw,
Steve Madden.

Speaker 1 (09:16):
A girl who was at my wedding, like just so many.

Speaker 2 (09:20):
Jill Martin was there, John and Lizzie Tish were there,
endless people that you're just like, wait a second. So anyway,
I bring Brinn because the people have their kids too.
And out of the corner of my eye, I see Luene,
I see the hat. I see Luanne. I said to
Brynd Lawanne's there, and Brinn is a little mischievous, little
little termite, little little she just is like nibbling on

(09:42):
a little snack, like in her mind. So she her
her face goes like devious and she's just like mom
because she likes she knows that, like Kelly said, I
was a chef and not a cook and not a chef,
and like she knows that life is not a cabaret.

Speaker 1 (09:57):
She secretly watches, I think once in a while, like she's.

Speaker 2 (09:59):
Kind of I'm peripherally aware of the stupidity and like
the feuds, and it's just like a sport for her,
you know. She likes a little drama, like a little
local drama. So I say, Luene's there. She's like, come mom,
you have to go over because she wants to watch.
She wants to get her popcorn out. She's like, you guys,
she's a viewer. And I'm just like, I don't want
to deal with this. And I see my friend Keith
and Mark, who are friends with her, and they're like

(10:21):
they're friends of their free years, and they're like, come on,
this would be amazing. Go be the bigger person. So
she walks by and Brinn's looking at me and it's
Keith and Mark and Brann. I'm just like, hey llo Anne.
And it was instant. And it was my daughter though
like kids, heal all wounds. My daughter's the one who
made me reach out to my mother. And because of
my daughter, did I set a good example and say
hello to Luanne? And I said, and per my friend Mark,

(10:43):
He was like, say congratulations. So she'll love that and
so and we all want validation as creatures. And so
I say to Brent, I say to her, I say hi,
congratulations and everything or something like that.

Speaker 1 (10:56):
I mean, while she has like trashed me last week,
I don't care. It's just funny. That's so.

Speaker 2 (10:59):
How so I've it like it's like you go to
sleep and you forget and you wake up and nothing happened.

Speaker 1 (11:04):
And so I say congratulations.

Speaker 2 (11:06):
And then I say, Brin, and I do the video
for you guys on Instagram, like life actually is a cabaret,
you know, I say, Brin, you know what? Life actually
is a cabaret And I kind of open it up
to Lane and we take pictures in the lands, like.

Speaker 1 (11:19):
I need those pictures. I need those pictures. I need
those pictures.

Speaker 2 (11:21):
I have to send other those pictures today and I
meant to send them on social media because but she
we're blocked.

Speaker 1 (11:26):
I'm wocked. I think she's probably blocked too.

Speaker 2 (11:28):
And the bottom line is I know exactly what the
arguments are about, but they also were within the context
of that dumpster and I don't care. Like if we
had met each other not through that vehicle, I can
guarantee you we would never have been in an argument.

Speaker 1 (11:42):
I don't really argue, you know what I mean, I
don't have.

Speaker 2 (11:45):
The only people that I've ever had arguments with are
within the framework of the Housewives for the most part,
Like there are exceptions, but like you know.

Speaker 1 (11:54):
The people that people publicly.

Speaker 2 (11:55):
Know I have had arguments with, they're all from that
stupid show that like Dumpster Fire, which by the way,
confirms what I've always said, like that show is designed
for people to despise each other. I mean, you can
say whatever you want, and this is not me. So
it's like whenever LUN's been like why do you bite
that hand that feeds you? And it's like why because
that hand doesn't only feed, that hand also divides and
while she's made money off of it and success and

(12:19):
that hand did feed us. That hand also fed us
by making us hate each other. So it's we're saying
the same thing, you know. So anyway, the bottom line
is I don't I don't care. I was happy to
kind of clean it up. And in life, I do
like things to be clean. I don't like things to
be unsettled and to like duck when I see someone,

(12:39):
I just don't.

Speaker 1 (12:39):
But my daughter, like, heals all wounds. It's the best.

Speaker 2 (12:42):
And being an example for your daughter or your son,
you know, heals all wounds like you just want to be.

Speaker 1 (12:48):
A better person. You want to leave them.

Speaker 2 (12:50):
You want to leave the world better than you found it,
and you want your kids to be better than you.
And I don't want my daughter to like see any
toxicity like me in a corner because I don't heard
pattern that behavior. I want her to always be the
bigger person. I want her to not take the bait,
and I want her to thrive and survive and.

Speaker 1 (13:06):
Just be happy.

Speaker 2 (13:07):
I don't want her to be all tarnished and toxic.
So and I left that show because of her, And
I was happy to see Luanne, and I was happy
to take the advice and to clean it up.

Speaker 1 (13:17):
And I'm excited.

Speaker 2 (13:18):
That was really that was just positive and yeah, the
universe is healing, all good. And I guess, at least
in twenty twenty four, Life is a cabaret who knew