Pete & Val Holmes: Psychedelics, Trauma & Hand in Hand Parenting

Father’s Day is around the corner! To celebrate, Katie is joined by her TV husband in the upcoming CBS sitcom Smallwood, comedian Pete Holmes and his wife IRL Val Holmes.

Pete and Val recall how a bad mushroom trip triggered Val’s trauma-healing journey before their daughter arrived. The two also discuss why they decided on “Lila Jane” for their daughter’s name, and how they would handle her challenging behaviors through a technique called Hand in Hand parenting.

Also, do you know how to respond when your child asks “What is God?” Pete and Val have a few ideas that involve Beyonce and Toy Story.

Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.com

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:02):
Welcome to Katie's Crib, a production of Shonda land Audio
in partnership with I Heart Radio. To me, labor and
pregnancy and childbirth is like booches and dust getting kicked
up by a sacred dance and you have like shakers
on you. That's like the real ish, its actually happening. Hi, everybody,

(00:32):
and welcome back to Katie's Crib. I am so excited
for today's episode because we have a guy on the podcast. People,
We've got a guy on the podcast Father's Day celebrations,
all of that. Although he's not really into Father's Day.
You will know him probably before we are on the
air together as TV husband and wife because I get

(00:54):
to play his wife Jen Smallwood to his Tom's Smallwood.
The one and only comedian, writer, actor, cartoonist podcast host
Pete Holmes. His podcast is called You Made It Weird
and it's a comedic exploration of the meaning of life.
And on Fridays it's called We Made It Weird because
it's a podcast with him and his wife, Valerie Holmes.

(01:16):
I get to have both of them on the podcast
today and we're talking all about their incredible daughter, Leela Jane,
and we really get into it, guys. We get into
the meaning of life, labor and pregnancy and postpartum and
all of that, but we really get into the transformational
shift that happens because of getting to be a parent.

(01:41):
So here they are the amazing Pete Holmes, who created
and started the semi autobiographical HBO show Crashing. You might
know him because he executive produced it alongside Judd Apataw.
He's hugely accomplished when it comes up to stand up,
three hour long television specials, late night appearances. He tours
regularly as old out crowds. Again, you're going to catch

(02:02):
him very soon on CBS because we co start together
on Smallwood. And his wife, Valerie Holmes. Val She's incredible.
She's a mindfulness coach, and she is someone who I
just want to be like my best friend. Starting yesterday,
Welcome to Katie's Crib, Vale and Pete. I'm gonna be
honest Pete Holmes, which I'm always only going to call

(02:23):
you by your whole name. We even we don't have
dudes on this show, like you're barely having one today.
He's a great gateway dude. Yes, I feel really excited
about this and I think it will be Father's Day,
so we can talk about if that means anything to you,
if you guys have any plans. But I was like,

(02:43):
we're going to make the exception for Pete Holmes. Um,
I'll throw you a quick No, it doesn't mean anything
to you. Everything, Katie in society, that's that's built to
give people attention, Karaoke, Halloween, birthdays, Father's Day is completely

(03:04):
null for someone whose job is getting attention. So I
would be I'm already associopath. I go on stage, I
did a show last night, and they clap for me
before I've done anything that does something to your psyche.
It's I guess I've arrived. I'm here, I drove here,

(03:27):
and everyone loves you already crazy is my brain goes,
this is right, this is right. So like if there's
anything we can turn the volume down on the specialness dial,
uh it is thing now. For Mother's Day, we did
nice things. We had pancakes and all those things. But

(03:50):
I don't I'm not saying I don't need it. I'm
saying I'm already flush in that category. So on Father's Day,
all I ever want to do for Father's Day, Birthday,
all those two it's the things that just kind of
relax and hang out and just be home with everybody
and chill. So val, do you already know this about
your husband or do you go behind his back and

(04:10):
do anything anyway or you're like no, no, no, no,
I I know that about him, and I it's it's
really nice on my ends, like I just have to well,
you're that way too, Like I didn't get you anything
from mother's right not to put it down. But if
I was like I have to get her a gold
heart necklace or she won't know that I love her,

(04:32):
then I'm not. Now I really sound on my high horse,
but then I'm not doing a good God, I don't
understand and and and it is the hallmark of it
all also like there's something that it makes it you
highlight other days as being shitty, like like I used
to get upset where I was like, I'm confused why
my husband only opens up the door for me, and

(04:54):
look like not that that means anything, but it's like
on a special day, it's sort of highlights like oh
that he doesn't do it all the time. And then
I was like, oh, I don't give a ship that
he ever does that. For me. Plus, we're both taking
care of Leela, right, We're in this together, we co parent,
we're in it together. And if I have a special day,
maybe I'm the one that doesn't get up with the baby.

(05:14):
And then that's pretty much in the morning. Maybe that's
the end of it. Yeah, actually is you're reminding me
that for Mother's Day you got up with her two
days in a row, and that's like the best gift ever,
because two days in a row sleep, it's so much
better that one. Yeah. I've actually heard I think from

(05:35):
a therapist that when I was like I was losing
my mind after so and she was like, no, no, no,
just getting one night of sleep without breastfeeding isn't like enough.
I think you have to log like two nights in
a row and now we're cooking with gas. Did you
guys always know you were going to be parents? Did
you always want to be a mom? That? Yeah, most

(05:57):
of the time. There was a There was like a
period of time in my twenties where I was like,
maybe I don't maybe I could just party all the time.
And then you know, like by nine I was totally
exhausted and was like thinking about a family again. But
I feel like when we first started dating, it was
just very much like maybe we'll be one of those

(06:19):
couples that just always travels and doesn't have kids and uh.
And then we bought this house and we were like,
there's two perfect little upstairs rooms for like two kids.
And then we just started kind of talking about it
more and more. Before that, even when we saw the house,
we have a very cozy it's not modern. It's like

(06:40):
what a kid would draw, if you like draw a house. Yes,
a rectangle with a triangle on top, with a fute
door and a little walk way up to it. There's
like a flower with dolow blocks. And I remember looking
at it and going, this is where you raise a family.

(07:00):
They're like the houses that are like and we love
these houses. We airbnb in a house like this all
the time. You know, the heated floors and the white
granite countertops and all that stuff. Everything's sleek and sharp,
a lot of things for a kid to bunk into.
And we stayed in a place with a hard cement
floor and Leela fell backwards and bopped her head. No,

(07:21):
that's not hoose for that's not a house for building
a family. That's why you should see our couch now.
Our couches just permise stained. Valmy not like that. I'm
sharing that, I'm making peace with it. It was, yeah,
we gotta let it all go, guys. I just for
the first time, we just had someone come and steam
clean our couch. Biggest, stupidest guess what, sparkly blue silly putty.

(07:45):
It just fus your couch up and it's never coming out.
It's just I mean there are huge electric blue glittery
stains or whatever. And you know what my dad, My
dad was like, just mess it all up. It's a monument.
It's the kids being safe and bye bye to the
white couch. But that's it's it's American beauty. You remember

(08:08):
Kevin Spacey's going to spill the beer on the couch
and he's trying to kiss his wife and she goes
the couch and he's like, it's just a couch. That's
just my style. One of our parenting things is like
the baby is almost always right, meaning you're in the bathtub,
she's splashing and I catch myself getting tight and I

(08:29):
wanted to stop. And then whenever you just really look
at it and say, like, what's really going on and
kind of step aside from the role of parent. You know,
you start almost like you're reading lines in a play.
I'm supposed to tell you to stop splashing. Um And
at a certain point I wouldn't let her. I wouldn't

(08:49):
want her to drench me because you could that's legit.
You could be like, oh, that makes me sad, I
have to change my clothes. But she's just splashing and
it's getting a little bit on the floor and I'm like, baby,
stop Just is that's not normal grown up for me?
I do this all the time where it's like your
kid wants to splash, Like I don't know a kid

(09:10):
that doesn't want to splash, Like why is why have
we put that splashing? The floor is tile, and the
reason the floor is tile is because it can get wet.
So you just have this like you just get to go.
You're right, life is joyful and that's what we love
about kids. They're so free were I'm certainly not giving
a tip, but something that was helpful for me was

(09:31):
just going to give a tip. Here's a tip. Was
just like looking at the child sort of like as
a legitimate and dignified member of reality, not somebody that
I have to like constantly be sculpting that we hear
all the time. It's like, what can I learn from you?
Just going like why am I stopping her from coloring

(09:54):
on my books? All of my books have crayons and
them who cares? You can still read him. One of
my teachers was like, you know what, like a pen
really isn't a great toy for like a two year old.
He drew all over the table and I was like, okay,
I could lose my ship that he drew all over
the table. By the way, again, this table is a
piece of ship whatever from my keya hundred years ago.

(10:15):
It's who cares? But the problem was that I gave
him the pen, and you know what I mean, it's
not him. I'm like, why am I giving a pen? Yeah,
like I could give him They make ship for kids
now that's like they could draw all over and it
comes right off like I gave him an adult pen. Okay, um.
I want to hear two things. When you found out

(10:36):
you were pregnant, what did you both feel and how
was the pregnancy for you? So we knew we wanted
to have kids early on, before we even really were married,
and then the we first started trying, like on our honeymoon,

(10:57):
and I'm really lucky that like we got mint. We
tried three months, you know, and like the third try
we got pregnant. So we got pregnant pretty fast, wonder
but it was so like training for parenting and how
like nothing goes how you expected to go. Meaning even
though it was only three months, it was it was
already hard on uh Val. Not to sound like I'm

(11:21):
I'm so easy breezy, but it was less hard on me.
I was excited, but I think Val was really as
as I'm glad. You were like ingesting it and being
like this is it. It's happening. And then you're the
one that gets the period. You get the news, you
know what I mean, and you're like, yeah, so like
you feel like it's something wrong, and it's just in
us as women, it's awful, but also as people who
have been careful your whole life. Suddenly you're having unprotected

(11:44):
leave the greeto in the oven kind of sex and
you're like, we're gonna get pregnant immediately, and then you're like,
oh my god, I was being way too careful. That's
a joke by the way you can get pregnant on
one try. But then are you remembering we know when
we yeah? Yeah, so then we we I knew Like

(12:08):
when no I just was using the copulation, we tried
to do it minimum amount those ovulation sticks. We did
the same thing. It was amazing. I feel like you
and I are very connected. But once I decided that
I was right I wanted to get pregnant, I was
so fucking piste like when it didn't work out, which

(12:29):
is what I understand. Like if you're at all, uh,
you know, an overachiever, and all of a sudden you're like,
I've made the decision to work really hard at getting pregnant,
and now, oh, it's not happening. So the three months
feel really long. And I think it's really relatable for
people listening because you immediately go to I'm going to
be one of those people. I'm going to be one
of those people that it's impossible, where your brain is

(12:52):
already going to IVF like you're already like something's wrong,
something's wrong, something's wrong. Yet absolutely that's so true. And
the waiting, there's so much waiting because you're like you're
waiting until you ovulate and then you're waiting two more
weeks to see if you get your period, and those
two weeks feel so long. And every time I was
like hungry, I was like, maybe I'm pregnant because I'm

(13:13):
so hungry. That was just your That was just emotions.
But who knows. Okay, so tell me that you guys
like know when you can see. Yeah, So we use
ovulation stick and we I do feel like this is
significant with oh my god, pick more good mood. Don't

(13:38):
look at you can only come out two hours every month. Um.
But we cleared out the room that was gonna be
the baby room. We like it was a jump room.
And it was New Year's Eve and I was like,
we're starting this new year. We're making this space for
the baby. And I was ovulating. We obviously didn't know

(13:59):
that it I was pregnant. Then what we did kind
of try to conceive, and we had made plans to
on New Year's Day. But you're what, you're skipping skipping what? Okay?
We usually have sex during the day, Like I just
like day sex. This is the detail I'm interrupting. I don't.
I like to help people feel less alone. And I'm

(14:19):
a person who at night. I like to unwind, but
we would have sex on light at night for like
date nights, like because that's very sexy to get dressed
up and go on a date. And that's what happened
is it was New Year's Eve. Yeah, and we dressed
up and we went to this party and then we
had sex that night and that's when we conceived. So
it was all the other attempts had been day sex

(14:41):
attempts or afternoon sex attempts, and now we're doing it
like one in the morning. So funny to me that
I'm like trying to give the key details to make
this story quick, and you're talking so much about how
we had sex at night instead of during the day.
So yeah, but it's so great. I'm contributing people turn

(15:02):
in for those juicy one am unwined sex because what
were you doing? I was? We weren't. It was New
Year's it was New Year's Eve, so we went to
the party. And time is different on New Year's Eve.
For whatever reason, it's like a very time is weird.
It's either because we knew it was that time. I

(15:25):
think I'm pretty sure yes it was. We knew that,
but we didn't know obviously that day that it had taken,
so we had made plans for the next day to
do mushrooms us together, and I had had like good
experiences only exclusively with that, but for a lot of

(15:47):
reasons and theories that I have, this was like a
very bad trip. I don't know if it was the
mushroom trip. I actually think it was like the spark
of life that was happening in me. Like I like
to think that Leela was like this light that just
kind of shone in my light, my body and like
shown all of this like trauma that I was holding

(16:07):
that I didn't know I had. It's like that trip
like reignited a trauma which then I was flooded with
and incapable of dealing with, which kind of created its
own trauma. So then in the following weeks, I was
having like six hour panic attacks every day, followed by
like the deepest, darkest depression where I felt like I

(16:29):
was having the bad trip again. Um, but I wasn't
on anything, and I was so scared because I've never
dealt with anything like that, and and like nobody brought
up trauma or PTSD or anything, So all I thought
was I broke my brain with drugs and I might
be pregnant, and it was truly the darkest time in

(16:51):
my life, just the time before finding out that was like, yeah,
in the two weeks between conception and now, that has
to have been from that trip. It has do right,
it was the trip. If I agree with your diagnosis
that the trip opened up things, you know what I'm saying, Like,
I don't want to say it wasn't the drugs. The
drugs reacted to something that was repressed inside of her

(17:16):
that did need to be cleansed. Again, mushrooms aren't for everybody,
I don't. I don't mean to say that they don't
sometimes have terrible consequences. They absolutely can. But in this case,
I'm like, you sort of see how they are these
sacred medicines that are like, Okay, you're about to do this, well,
we're gonna look in the box that you don't want
to look in. That being said, it was really rough. Yeah,

(17:36):
and I actually had like I see this healer, raiky woman,
and she was like, this stuff was going to come
out anyway in your pregnancy, because that's just like what
this soul that was in you was meant was here
to do UM, but like maybe it just came out
really way too fast and extreme um. And so by
the time I was like peeing on a stick, I

(17:59):
was in the lowest mental state I've ever been in.
I didn't feel like myself was really scared, but I
also still wanted to be pregnant, and it was just
all very confusing, and um Pete was asleep and I
took the pregnancy test, and when I saw the word pregnant,
it was like I just felt like, oh my god,

(18:22):
I'm I'm making someone be alive. I am making I'm it.
Just like the responsibility instantly hit me and I was
like I just woke up a soul, like wake up,
do you want to exist? Which is what that Chris
Pratt movie. You know that Chris Pratt science fiction movie
where they're on a long haul. I haven't seen it either,
but they're in a spaceship. It's in a long haul

(18:45):
and he's woken up and it's like he knows, he
knows he's going to die before they get to the
point passengers, right, Yeah, what's her name, Jennifer? Jennifer Lawrence
Lawrence up. He wakes her up and then he breaks
it or like I woke you up because I was lonely.
That's sort of not only what parents are doing, like

(19:06):
you're bringing something in even though you know it's complicated
and and life involves death and all these things, but
it's also what God was doing. Yeah, Like God was like,
I'm going to make creation and they're going to suffer
and they're going to die, but it's worth it to
commune with them in any way. That's I don't have
to see the movie to enjoy its mess. It sounds

(19:40):
like you felt massive amounts of responsibility. Did you feel
like your whole pregnancy you struggled with that. I was excited.
I just felt everything. It was like, all of a sudden,
I felt so much about it. And I had bought
like a little onesie that said the Adventure Begins or
something like that, You're fucking I think, No, you're lucky.

(20:01):
I mean, pete, I get it, Like, wow, thank you.
So I like put that in a gift bag with
the positive pregnancy test and I woke him up and
he was like kind of sleepy but opened it and
was like, are you serious? And then you can take
over how you felt? And that did your I loved
telling you. I actually I totally understand that. The story

(20:26):
is that you had this dark thing the day after
we conceived, and this very difficult thing that I remember.
We were doing a press tour for for Crashing, and
we had to leave, we had to go to the doctor,
and she was having this basically this lingering, twenty four
hour panic attack. I'm walking around with her and it's

(20:46):
like she wasn't home. It was really scary, and I
was trying, I could I was telling her all of
my metaphysical woo woo, and it wasn't really helping. And
I could tell it wasn't helping. And I know what
it's like when someone's trying to comfort you and it's
just not getting through. Yeah, And when you're having panic attacks, no,
there's no getting in there. They have to end and

(21:09):
you have to like go through it. They're the fucking worst,
don't They're the worst. But what's funny is, even though
all of that is what was happening, when I think
of you telling me in that time in our lives,
the headline in my memory is how how happy we were.
I sort of I'm not saying I forgot about all
the other stuff, but I separated them. It's almost like
that was resolved, even though it wasn't. They bled into

(21:31):
one another, but it felt sort of resolved. I know
we were still fixing you. In fact, the worst was
to come. Yeah, the coming back from the press tour
was after we knew she was pregnant. That's why they
couldn't give her anything, which was also a scene from
a horror movie, like help, I feel like I'm dying
but I'm pregnant. Well, we we can't give you anything.

(21:52):
The doctor told me to take ben a drill just
so that I would like sleep through it, which later
I found out that like there are on antidepressants that
are health that are milk thistle would have been great,
Like there's so many homeopathic things that can help you
calm down. So you were having panic attacks even after
you found out you were pregnant. Yeah, did they end
at a certain point? They did? Yeah. I did take

(22:15):
a ton of supplements like five htp l f ain
you know, Oh my god, who is the supplement person?
I'm confused. So in San Francisco, which is where we
were right, which is our love city, it's the city
we met in and now we're having this horrible nightmare.
Our wedding vows by the way, where me I told Val.

(22:35):
I was like, I just vowed to keep Val Val.
I was like, I love Val and I'll just I'm
just here to help Val be Vale. Cut to like
a month and I am dead on the floor. So
then cut to four months into our marriage and I'm like,
let's take mushrooms. And then she goes away and like, well, fuck,
I really really is gone. Vale is gone east of vow. So.

(23:02):
But long story short is like I was thrilled even
when I was a kid I wanted to have kids.
I was watching how I was being parented and I
didn't have notes for them. I wasn't old enough to
get that, but I was like, oh, I can't wait
till I'm I think if there's one thing I can
compliment myself on is that I really feel still in

(23:22):
touch with what it feels like to be a kid.
And it's similar to being with somebody who's on a
psychedelic Yeah. I tried to do a joke about that
on stage. It is like I feel like I'm a
good dad because I have trip set people. You'd be
a trip sitter, and like it's the same thing. Maybe
it's that you're a superstar. My child's only ever been
like comforted by um, what's his name? You know? Oh

(23:46):
god guys, no no, keep going, no no, no, no,
you know, super hot Philly Brad not Brad Brad goodbye
Brad like per thank god. But Bradley Cooper held my son,

(24:06):
and my son got lost in his soul. Yeah for babies.
He slipped, he slipped him limitless and we you know, wow,
this is gonna be the theme the episode. So um,
there's perinatal depression and perinatal anxiety, which are real diagnosed

(24:29):
things that come about during pregnancy because of the hormones.
I one percent just had it with my daughter and
I did nothing about it, and it is a massive regret. Um,
it was awful. I had panic attacks, and again Val
wasn't Val, Katie wasn't Katie. My husband was like, we've
been together seventeen years. He was like, I have truly

(24:49):
never I mean, I was gone. Um. The worst part
was that I was that for my son, you know,
and just pray, pray, pray that he's he's fine, He's
all right, I think, but you know, it was panic
attacks are absolutely horrible. How do you think you finally
came to peace more they went away, Well, so it

(25:11):
was kind of a long haul, they did go away.
I the supplements I think helped in just letting my
brain like recalibrate. Um, we spent like a lot of
time in nature. Um really were we were able to
have that time to like really just be home and
together and kind of slowed down. And I was so sick,

(25:33):
Like it really was literally like I was purging this
stuff out. So I was throwing up multiple times a
day for the first fourteen weeks and it really was
like I was cleaning myself out. And then the rest
of the pregnancy, I had a lot of anxiety that now,
again my understanding of it was like trauma related anxiety,

(25:55):
Like I had this trauma right at the beginning, and
I was dealing with PTSD, but I come to know
it as that until Leela was like a few months old,
and I was dealing with that, but mindfulness, which now
I teach mindfulness. So like, all of this led to
kind of my career path and not to mention, an
immense amount of personal healing. So it's one of those

(26:17):
things where it's like, yes, it was the darkest time
in my life, but now you're so grateful for it,
exactly your whole life. That's that's the full the full
range of the spectrum, right, It's like, oh my God.
And I really felt like my A lot of the
anxiety I was experiencing was the anxiety that my mom
was experiencing when I was in the womb with her.

(26:39):
Just basically, any kind of anxiety and depression and mental illness,
just like still was not being really talked about by
our parents, and especially if you have a baby, you're
supposed to be happy you're pregnant, like what's the problem.
And my mom had had a miscarriage before me at
five months, and then at six months when she was
pregnant with me, at six months, she started going into

(27:03):
early labor and had to bed rest. So of course
her body was reacting with so much anxiety. But if
you ask her. I asked her, like, Mom, were you
anxious during that time? That must have been so hard,
And she was like, you know, I don't know. I
just life is hard. And you're like, oh, you didn't
do any processing of this. It was just living in

(27:25):
your body with me. So when I was pregnant, I
would just have these huge waves of anxiety, but I
understood them to be like, Okay, but I am the
bridge between my mother and my daughter, and I'm like
filtering this stuff out. My god, you did so much
work during your pregnantive, so much were rest Like that's

(27:47):
a lot of work. That's very impressive, Like not only
were your physically building a human being, but like mentally
looking at your whole and you know the generation is
before you and what kind of mom and pregnancy you
were going to have unbelievable. La was a searchlight and

(28:07):
it was all bright inside of her, and I think
instead of resisting that you you went with it. It
wasn't just the labor, which is a whole other thing
that was like a death and rebirth. It's like even
the pregnancy was like a changing of who you were,
because before Val got pregnant, I hope you don't mind
me saying, she was pretty habitual weed smoker and I

(28:33):
was a pretty habitual drinker. Um, and when you got
actually when we got married, I quit drinking actually a
week before we got married, which was I remember at
the time, Val was like, really, your parents are about
to come when we're are you sure, and she was
really worried that it would ruin the wedding. Now it's

(28:54):
for me, for me because you didn't know, you didn't
know if it was just like another one of my
i'm a tweaker, I'll be like this week, I'm only
eat gluten or whatever, you know, like a trying new things.
And she's like, yeah, I just want you to enjoy
the wedding. And I know you know this. I enjoyed
our wedding so much. And it's not a blurry memory,

(29:15):
it's like a present memory. And that was so. But
it started when you got pregnant. You stopped smoking weed.
I didn't do anything for thirty days I was already
or not, I mean for ten months, and then you
went with that too. It was like the new val
doesn't smoke weed. No judgment to people who smoke weed
um at all, but it's like you were accepting feedback

(29:39):
from the experience. You weren't imposing yourself on the experience.
You were letting it impose on you, which really sounds
similarly to your parenting style, but it's letting the baby's flash. Yeah,
did you know you were having a daughter early? Did
you find out? Yeah? We found out early, and I
really felt like she was a girl before that, which
is like, even though it's like, okay, gender is complicated

(30:03):
and maybe she isn't a girl, but but I really
felt like she was going to be born with the
female until she told you otherwise, she was born with
And that experience became even though it was really hard,
it became like this, I felt this deep connection to
my mother on like a soul level. I had that too,

(30:24):
because my second a girl, Oh my god, my first
as a boy. And Pete and I talked about this
when we first met, and I was fucking devastated when
I found out I was having a boy. Um, but
my daughter, I did feel immediate connection to my mother
as soon as I found out I knew it was
a girl. I knew the minute I conceived her that
it was a girl. I felt her so strongly and um,

(30:49):
and it made me feel very connected to my mom.
So when you found out it was a girl, I
want to know how you felt, and Pete, I want
to know how you felt. And we could just yes,
understanding that gender is a construct and blah blah blah,
but let's just go old school. How did you feel yeah,
we'll go old school. Um. Yeah. I definitely felt like

(31:10):
it was confirmation that the early connection that I felt
to her was true and not just in my head,
because I was like, I feel like I have such
a sense of this being's energy, and I feel very
strongly that she's a girl. So if she isn't, then
I'm going to question everything. Everything. Yeah, even Pete. I mean,

(31:32):
we're just like, we're very feminine in this house. That's
why we've allowed Pete on Katie's That's right, that's why
he's let in. How did you feel, Pete, Pete, you're
such a girl dad to me, That's what I felt
like too. And I feel like, for some reason, there
are dads that are just like, oh, it's perfect. Sometimes

(31:55):
it is like a really macho, like a bear of
a man, and you're just like, yeah, but still you
you need baby girls. And I actually had a dream
before we knew Val was pregnant, that Val was pregnant.
It was in the time after we had conceived, but
before we knew I was pregnant. Uh huh, you had
a dream. The dream was she was pregnant. Val had

(32:17):
a big pregnant belly, and I it sounds it sounds dark,
but it wasn't dark. Meaning I put my hands in
her belly and I lifted the baby up, but the
skin of val was still over the baby, but you
could see it like a bed sheet, like like a
top sheet on a bed. Lifting up the baby, and
I looked at the baby and it was Leela like

(32:38):
it was what Lela ended up looking like and being.
So it was like piercing sparkling eyes, which she does,
you guys in the photos. Leela's eyes, I don't know
if I've ever seen them on like a human being.
It's like she it is truly windows to like another dimension,

(33:00):
you know. And anyway, I know it's tricky to sort
of talk about gender, but Lela is actually has a
lot of like powerful or for lack of a better word,
like masculine energy. She's very decisive, she's very strong, she's
very fearless, and she's very cooperative too. She's very like,

(33:21):
she's empathetic and she wants to play with you. When
we went to this birthday party and it was me
and her cousin and these other little baby girls, and
I just got in the kiddie pool with my pants
rolled up and I'm soaking wet and and just having
so much fun holding two of them at a time.
I'm throwing them on the slide, just having the best time,
and everybody's collaborating. If they're saying something, they're like, you

(33:44):
and me are on a team, or if Pete is
a monster, we're agreeing that I'm a monster. And it's
not so you can like hurt me. It's so you
can sort of run for me and then splash me.
And but if I go, okay, now Lela is the monster,
like they listen to that, and now we're and then
like one boy came in the pool, one fucking boy,

(34:05):
this is mine? What do you do? What do you do?
And I love these boys. I've known a lot of
them since they were babies. They get in the pool
and suddenly the game is just shoot Pete in the
face with a constant stream of powerful super socer and
I'll take a shot of super socer to my face
and I'll go, ah, you got me, and I'll fall

(34:26):
down and play with it doesn't stop. The blast just
kept coming coming. And another boy gets in and this boy,
by the way, was a sweet boy and had been
playing nicely sees that he's shooting me in the face
and now he's shooting me in the face, and I'm
just you try to reason. I go like, okay, that
that was fun like and I literally just said like, okay,

(34:49):
you're ruining this, like I'm gonna leave. And you see,
this is why none of the grown ups are playing
with you. I'm the only one that's sing And if
you've noticed, it's more fun when I'm playing and I'm
offering other suggestions. I'm like, do you want me to
pick you up and throw you on the slut blasts
and the fact the whole time the blasts in the

(35:09):
face is happening. And I just went okay, not even
that frustrated, just went okay, and I just got out.
It was like, dude, not all boys and not all
girls girls and these boys, I was just like, fuck boys.
I fucking hate this. And I can really appreciate if
you want to wrestle. I I again, I remember what

(35:32):
it was like being a boy. And you you have
to make peace with these two sides of yourself. You
are sweet. I was really close to my mom. I was,
and hope hopefully still am, empathetic and kind, but like
you also want to punch and roll and everything's a gun.
And but these boys that we know in l a

(35:53):
uh not to make a geographical but these boys that
we happen to know here play better. They get that
I'm on their side, and they don't just shoot me
in the face with dead black eyes. Just they're not
even enjoying it. Just dead. My sons go jet black,
and I'm like, did I Berth satan himself? I am terrified.

(36:16):
It's not just you. I go, this is a dark
soul right now. But it's not. It's just like a
weird One of the kids, one of the other boys,
we were playing this game. There's a little kitchen. To me,
it's it's and three girls and we're having so much fun.
It was their idea, took me by the hand. Let's
go play cooked. And I was playing a game where
I would eat what they take what they said, and

(36:37):
I said, now it's not spicy, is it? And they'd
be like what, I'm like this, I don't like spicy food.
And they'll be like, no, it's not spicy that I
eat it, and I go, but spicy, it's spicy. They're
dying lad. Now they're they're running back to the kitchen
and then come up. Leela would come with a plastic
piece of cheese and go, it's not spicy, it's not
spicy that I'd eat it, and I'd go spicy pleading.

(36:58):
They laugh. One boy, different boy enters the game. Now
he's shoving it in my face. He's going, eat it,
eat it, eat it. It's not spicy, like hurting me,
eat it. I'm like, why are you making me feel
so degraded? Now? It was a game where I'm kind
of haplessly eating the spicy thing, and that's funny, piece

(37:23):
of ship. Eat it. You know. I have this book
next to my bed. I haven't read. It's called The
Wonder of Boys. I've been people have told me to
read it on this podcast for four years at this point.
Still haven't touched it. Um. I think there's something I
don't know, if it's like an impulse thing like, I
don't know, But there is a difference, and we're making

(37:44):
a sweeping generalization to boys and girls. We understand that
there are girls that are exceptance to rules, there's boys
that are exceptions to rules. Blah blah blah. But you
guys were gifted a girl with feminine energy who has
masculine energy to but is one to not throw a
super soaker in your face? Do you guys have to

(38:05):
discipline her for lack of a better word, and how
do you do that? Yeah? Okay, Well I'm so glad
you said that and that this came up, because this
is what I was going to say originally when you
were like, I feel like you guys are like such
great parents, and I messed things up. Um, it's easy
to look like you're good parents when you have an
easy kid, Like so if we had a type of kid,

(38:29):
I mean, you saw like Pete was like, okay, this
is why nobody wants to play with you? Or I
get Ben knows all the time. Like literally, the person
who came to steam clean the couch saw what it
takes for me to get my son into the car
to get dropped off for preschool. She saw it. She
looked at me. I've never met this person. She said, well,
you better nip that in the bud. Now. I get

(38:50):
comments like this ship all the time because my son
is a negotiating I mean, because she had witnessed what
our morning looks like, which is me how many times
can to negotiate to put on your shoes, brush your teeth,
eat something, you know, all of these things. And he
loves a test. He loves to push boundaries. He loves
to like, Okay, you said three, but can I have

(39:12):
you know you said too, but can I have three?
Let's bring three cars? And again my hippie self is like, sure,
you can bring the toys in the car. I don't
give a ship, like who cares? But my son is like, well,
if I can bring car toys in the car, I
want to bring. You know these about a card? You
guys get it, you get it, you get it, you
get it. But yes, my kid is a challenger like

(39:34):
his dad. So yes, a lot of times I look
like a bad parent. So it sounds like Leila is
um for for also lack of a better word. Easy.
She can be really strong willed. We can really relate
to the like it takes forever to get her, like
every day it's a battle to get her dress, to
put clothes on. She never wants to put clothes on. Um.

(39:56):
She is doing very much in that two year old
thing where if you make it clear that you want
her to do something, then that's enough for her to
be like, nope, I don't want to do that same
same So it is a lot of manipulating to be like,
you know, do you want to take a bath or
a shower? Like constant choices um or trying to word

(40:18):
it in some way where it seems like it's her
own idea. But then she's sweet, it's I wonder if
your son is not like this. I don't know, but
like she's resisting a tub. She's resisting a tub. She's
resisting a tub. I get in the tub. She comes
in with me, you know what I mean. There's always
like playing with her power, which is great. But then

(40:39):
like if I'm like, okay, I'm going to take a
bath and she's like I'm getting the tub, I get it,
and then she wants to get in because she does
want to connect and play and all that sort of stuff.
I'll tell you what what like we're trying to do,
and then I'll tell you what we actually end up doing.
I love you, love you because yeah, and I have

(41:00):
a problem with I've had a couple of parents telling
like making comments like the whole you better nip that
in the butt, and I'm like, when your kid is
being hard the only appropriate when like another person's kid
is being difficult. The only appropriate response as a fellow
parent is to tell a story about when your kid
was also difficult to play. That's not the time to

(41:21):
give advice. Don't don't tell me your methods on it.
Maybe if I ask, you can do that later. But
like we're in this together, we gotta give solidarity. It's
it's hard and we all have like really bad moments.
So um, thank you Val for saying that. Oh my gosh,
well so we Um, we're trying to do kind of

(41:44):
like it's hand in hand parenting, which is like one
of the yeah in hand parenting something I haven't heard
of it, and I'm what tell me when I know?
And you I mean, I think it might be a
little bit. I don't know if it's old school, but um,
I don't know that much about it. I just know
that we are doing like these sessions with this friend

(42:04):
of a friend who specializes in it, and um, there's
a lot that's aligned like I've seen you know, it's
a lot like a whole brain child stuff and it's
very light with that and it's very much like if
there's off track behavior, Uh, that is your your child
signaling to you that there's been a disconnect somewhere and

(42:27):
that connection is the key, and that There are several
ways to do that. The most common one is to
set a boundary, let them have very big feelings about that,
and you just sit with them while they're having those
big feelings, and you're like, I'm here. I'm not afraid
of your rage. You don't say this, but you're kind
of showing like I see you, I hear you, and

(42:48):
I'm just sitting here and I'm sitting here and I'm
here for you, Like that's it, and likening them out. Sure, yeah,
what would be an example of a boundary in that situation?
So like, if she saw this pen, she would grab
this pen and she would draw all over everything, so
she would want the pen, and I would say, I

(43:09):
would say, Leela, we can't have that pen. We can
go have your washable marker. And then she'll say no, pin, pin, pin,
And I'll go, I'm sorry, I know you want the pin,
but you can't have it. Do you want to give
it to mom? Or do you want me to take it?
And then what whichever way that goes, She's gonna have
a tantrum about it about not having the pin, and
then I just sit there with her and go, yeah,

(43:31):
you really wanted that pen. It's that's you really upset,
sound really upset. You didn't want me to dry your
legs getting out on the tub and you're like running
around and you have to grab her like a little
baby squid. She's flailing, and you just I learned that's
such a great lesson. It's like, sometimes they just need
to process feelings, and sometimes they need to process trauma

(43:54):
that could even just be from being born, like the
trauma they were basically born in a weird car crash,
and there's still like ducks after a fight, they're still
shaking their feathers from that. And that's why we it's
really true. I'll see her do something, ask for something
that she knows she can't have so she can have
a meltdown. And that's really modern parenting to me, because

(44:18):
you know, some of you know, we see other grown ups,
meaning people are older than us, we're not grown ups,
pick up the baby, but she shouldn't distract them and
turn on the TV, and we're really like, let's have it.
Sometimes I have She'll be crying and you'll be like, oh,
like I'll howl with her and you'd be like, yeah,
this secks. Can you tell me very okay? Leela the name?

(44:51):
And also how was labor um for you guys both
and how did you feel when you met your daughter?
Both of you heat um? Well, her name. It's funny
because both Val and I are are woo woo and
as if you couldn't tell. Yeah, in our sacred mushroom

(45:15):
ceremony where we invited a soul into her love exactly. Um.
My passion is spirituality. I love at Cartole, I love
Byron Katie. We talked about the sunset and I love
around us, and we we were very deliberate with her name.
She can believe whatever she wants and that's beautiful and

(45:36):
valid and important and special and that's for her. I
do think it's kind of fun that we named her Lela,
which is one of the answers to the meaning of life.
Whether or not she believes it is totally relevant or
up to her, but Lela is. It's in both Buddhism
and Hinduism, and it means the dance of the universe,

(45:58):
meaning life is a leila, like fis a dance. It's
all just one thing, sort of undulating for its own growth,
for its own enjoyment, for its own all of it,
even its own suffering. To use it in a sentence,
which I do, if you're on shooting a show and
it's going late and it's or it's traffic jam or

(46:19):
whatever it might be, you just go, it's all Leila.
It's all just a dance. It's the other interpretation. It's
it's all the play of God the dance or the
play of the mystery. So that's Lela. But then we
named her Lela Jane, and we did that very deliberately
because I was like, if she doesn't want to be
a hippie child, she can be Jane, which is like
a smoky sort of dark purple dress artist. She can

(46:41):
be Jane. Then if she's sporty, she can be Ljuh.
And wow, you guys really gave her nice options. And
then with Lela, we also call her Lee, which is
really nice, and that's a little bit that's open too,
and that's also like masculine feminine. It's like very if
she's feeling here that way, it's like a Lee. But

(47:01):
we call her Lee j We call her all those
great things. So there's a lot of thought went into
the name UM and a name with options, because I
remember where I was when I somebody told me it
was up to me if I wanted to be Peter
or Pete, and I just thought that was a mind
blowing revelation. It is the first thing that I remember

(47:24):
feeling real agency over reality, meaning I can tell you
the giant grown ups to call me Pete, Hello, Peter,
it's Pete, Like that's up to me. So it was
really powerful. So I wanted to give her like a
Rubik's cube kind of name UM. Then when I met her,
it was it was. It didn't disappoint the thing that

(47:47):
I say, Val can tell the story of her. But
like what I tell new parents is always like it's
the realist thing you'll ever do. And it's the opposite
of looking at your phone, like or watching a movie,
which is literally fake and your phone is fake and
Instagram is fake, and doing this thing like to me,

(48:08):
labor and pregnancy and childbirth is like boop. It's like
corches and dust getting kicked up by a sacred dance
and you have like shakers on yours and that's like
the real ish. Actually I'm thinking about every live like
dance performance I've ever seen when I've been fortunate enough

(48:29):
to like travel and see people like really doing something
that's like that, that is the best. Yeah, that's exactly
what it's like. If I could just have you, it's
a drum circle. It feels like a Yeah, it's sacred
and ancient, ancient doing something that they've all done. And

(48:50):
if you can tap into that, and Val was so
good at saying yes to it. Um, you know, there's
pain and then they're suffering, and suffering is pain with
a story. The story is usually this shouldn't be happening
to me. Uh, this will never end. These are all things.
These are all sort of lies that our brains cost
that make pain in the suffering. And that was very

(49:13):
good at feeling pain. But just one contraction at a time,
you know what I mean, you were very good at that.
You can speak to that more the I'm gonna really
give it to you. So I'm just gonna answer all three.
I remember. I hope it's not an overshare. Lela's head
was crowning and I we both touched her head, which too,

(49:33):
it's like that time of day where it's not night
and it's not day and we all love that in
between space and here. It wasn't yet Leela, and it
wasn't not Valorie, and it wasn't not Lela. It was this. Really,
it's like touching. I'm not trying to be funny. I
was gonna say a black hole, but like something cosmic.
It was like touching a portal. It is a portal.

(49:57):
It's a magical portal. It's an interdimensional Did you know
that moment was going to happen, Like did you discuss
like if this is happening, or did your doctor whatever
say do you want to touch her head? Or you
said you can touch Yeah, we didn't know about that book,
and we had the mirror, which I also somebody was
just like, do you want a mirror? And I was
like yeah, and I hadn't even thought of that, So

(50:19):
like I could see her head and I was touching it,
and that really was I'm glad you brought that moment
up because almost even more than the moment that they
like chest like that, that was the first touch. I'm
dying right now. It makes me kind of want to
have another one. Not really, but I just like to

(50:40):
get out there because it's really valuable to me as
a parent, and I think it's valuable to kids too.
One of the first things I said to her, and
I said it to her literally last night, not to
soothe her or anything. I'm just talking to her own
holding her, I'm like, you're welcome here. I waited so
long to meet you. And even when she's crying, You're like,
I waited so long to hear this cry, I waited

(51:02):
so long to be up too late with you and
all that stuff. But telling her on the day she's born, like,
you're welcome here. We you're you're it's good that you're here.
So that was the first thing after she was born.
She went right on bel and it was just a bloody,
very carnal mess. And and then I got to hold her.

(51:28):
I took the first picture of her when she was
on the little scale and it was and we sang
to her. We sang um, sweet baby James, but we
say good night, sweet Lee La Jane, which is what
we would sing to her in the womb. And I
sang all these other songs that I had played for
her in the womb. A lot of them were like

(51:48):
spiritual songs and stuff, just things that she would recognize.
So she's laying again. It's it's like it's an out
of body experience and she just showed up and we're like,
let's just do the thing, get her on to Mama,
no ego there. I did hold her topless a lot
in the hospital, which people thought was maybe strange, no
skinned skin. That's where let's let's not jump to my

(52:11):
weird body. Let's keep you on mom on the space portal.
And we just sang her and held her little hand
and and was that planned or all organic plan? Yeah? Yeah,
And we were saying things like that, we each had
songs that we wanted to play, like we it was

(52:31):
very important to us that we communicated her right away,
like we're the ones you've been hearing. You're not alone,
We're here for you. Like really trying to imagine what
it would be like to be born and just try scary, scary, scary,
super scared. I always think about how traumatic birth is
because like my daughter is not. She's very very peaceful

(52:54):
in temperament, and she's not a croy like she she
doesn't communicate through through loud crying sounds. She's five months,
so I've yet to know her more. But the most
she ever cried was the first day of her life.
Like I when she was born, it was horrifying, like
she was hysterical, crying, freaking the funk out and could

(53:15):
not be comforted by me, by my husband, by by
my boob, like nothing. And that first meeting is nothing
like who she is. And I always think, my god,
she was terrified. Yeah, well you just became too imagination.
Imagine if right now the sky opened up and giant

(53:38):
hands picked you up, Katie, and oh my god, how
scared me? So yeah, saying some James Taylor, Katie, I
can so relate because truly my first memories of her,
like it was all of those that sweetness, But then
like the time in the hospital, like for some memories

(54:00):
of her was like why is she crying so much?
Like is this a bad sign that she's just I was.
I remember being so shocked at how much she was crying,
and she wasn't really like a colice baby after that,
but the time in the hospital, I was like, what's
wrong with her? I don't even remember crying, But I

(54:22):
also was Okay, So my labor very long, I think
I read it was very My labor was fifty eight hours,
and like you, I heard that you want You told
your Duela you wanted to labor at home as long
as possible. So I was at home for the first
fifty hours, two full nights up, so so by the

(54:44):
time she was born, I hadn't slept in nearly three days,
and like that's the starting of when of your sleep deprivation.
I just remember it being a very like almost like
a dream, just so tired that I couldn't really feel like,
oh my god, I love her so much, I want

(55:07):
to eat her. I want to It was more like
I'm very tired, she's crying a lot, and I'm very
obsessed with her, but not in this like lovey dovey way,
like so interested in her well being. Right, I didn't
believe that. They're like, okay, now, go ahead and let
your guard down and sleep, And I was like, oh, yeah, right,

(55:28):
I can. It's I actually think your body doesn't let you.
I remember my body, you know those jold things when
you like almost fall asleep and then your whole body
like shakes away. I had that for the first bunch
of days with Albi. I think it must be some
primal thing of just making sure that everyone's alive and
everyone's breathing or whatever the hell it is. Did you
have an epidural? Did you not have an epidural? Did you? Yeah?

(55:49):
As soon as I got to the hospital, I was like, okay,
we're done, Like that's enough laboring. I'll take that epidural
and not really And then I did actually like sleep
for a couple hours, but even then I was like
so wired, I couldn't really sleep. Um And that ended
up being like my favorite part of the labor because

(56:10):
we put put Beyonce on. He made the room really nice.
He was making a laugh. I was pushing for what
felt like an eternity, but I didn't care because I
was like, I don't feel anything. Finally, I can't believe
you did fifty hours at home, Like are you joking?
That's like and also being that tired. I don't even know.

(56:32):
So yeah, when the second, not that I was doing it,
when there was there was a duelash shift, there was
a duelash. That's when you know. That's when you know
ship is really like dula. If if one Duela had
already reached her max of no sleep and then another
Duela shows up, that's long and that's really long. I
think you might be the only person on Katie's rip

(56:52):
that's ever reached that, So congratulations, never heard of that.
I feel like I've experienced enough of labor to last
a lifetime. If we have a second one, I'm getting
a duel as quickly as possible. Yeah. We had Casey
Wilson on the podcast UM and she said that she
thinks she's the only person that showed up to cedars.
She was at zero centimeters dilated and asked for her

(57:13):
up a duel and they were like, but you haven't.
It was an induction, They're like, you have a certain
and she was like, oh I don't. I don't care,
Like I don't want to feel anything at all. So
just starting an I know you make any choice, but
she doesn't care. She's like, I'll lay in this bed
for three days and watch TV like I don't give

(57:33):
a ship, Like I'm not doing that. Okay, before we
um wrap it up, UM, I want to know how
being a parent has changed you, Pete. Well back to
sort of where we started, where there's so much of
my life is being professionally special that can be really

(57:58):
toxic and really ugly. Um, if it's left unregulated. And
I'm not saying kids is the only way to sort
of cut that off at the past, it is a
great way for me. Um. There are balanced older comedians
that never got married to that kids, but they found
other ways. They found other interests, meaning I think it's

(58:19):
really really important to have something that's not you, that
you care about more than yourself. The Buddhists have an
idea of the hungry ghost, meaning they have very thin
necks and very big bellies, meaning it's never enough, and
I think we can all sort of relate to that.
It's like, oh, we're doing the small Wood show, now
I can finally retire. It's always it's the heist movie.

(58:42):
One more job and I'll retire. But you know watching
the heist movie, like these guys are never going to
retire their high statics, where we can also be heistatics.
So you need that disruption and having something the way
that I look at my career, the way that I
look at my life, that I take myself way less
seriously because you have something external that you care about

(59:04):
more than yourself is really really healthy, I think for me,
especially when you're in show business. So that's been really great.
It's been this great release value. I am so with you.
I always like when I had my kid, I was like,
do you know how ready and lovely it is to
not be the center of my universe as more? It's
not healthy become like the risk is. The mythology of

(59:29):
dragons is very interesting to me. A dragon is usually
in a castle alone on gold. It can't spend. It's
always hoarding gold it can't spend, and it usually as
a virgin. The myth goes like a princess that it
can't have sex with. They don't explain that, but you know,
the King Kong can't have sex with the good woman.

(59:51):
Dragon can't have sex with a maiden, even though he
steals one. So it's this, you have everything you need
to experience, but you're a dragon, so you're unable to
experience it. So you kind of have to send your
own night into slay that dragon, and the baby is
a really good dragon slayer, and then you do start, uh,

(01:00:14):
spending money, spending time, actually connecting, actually being a human,
you know, not a dragon. Anyway, I'm trying to always
ingest this thing, like show biz is so like I
remember when I was always like oh, just get the
series regular. Get the series regular, get this series, get
the lead and the lead, get the lead. And then
it was like, oh, just get the lead of the episode.

(01:00:35):
Just geta lead of the episode. And then it was like, okay,
just get Jimmy Kim alive, just get whatever it was.
And then I and then by season three I was like, oh, ship,
this is just and thank god I had people who
had already learned this, let you know, carry, I had
carry watching all these people who were like, oh, it
became just like I'm so psyched with what is and

(01:00:55):
it's all great. I am so with you on this
being such a transform bitive, helpful identity shift. Really and
then you didn't ask. But the spiritual thing that I
find most useful is what you just said is making
friends with the present moment and trying not to add
a story to things. Because even when we were sleep
deprived and rocking Lela bouncing Lelana yoga ball, that's that

(01:01:21):
can be painful. It can be painful to not get
enough sleep. But the suffering starts when you go, well,
now i'm gonna be tired all day and that thing
I'm gonna have to cancel that thing your your brain
really wants to build a story. But I do this
all the time. You go, I'm sitting in a rocking
chair holding my baby that at one point will be

(01:01:43):
old and will not want me to hold her, and
I'm sitting just us and I'm feeling her breath like
you become embodied. Ah, this is so great. Also, since
you're so spiritual, and I love that. Any tips for
people listening when your daughter asks you, like what God

(01:02:04):
is and things like that, because I just ran into
that for the first time last week and was not prepared. Wow,
that's should have done that worth. But so for telling
children about spirituality. You get into trouble when you forget
that these are metaphors. That metaphor is the only language
we have to talk about the infinite mystery. There's no
way to talk about it literally. You can't put it

(01:02:27):
in an Amazon Prime box. You can only point at it.
And stories are a great way to point at it.
So if you ask me what happens when we die,
I would say, uh, nothing goes anywhere. The whole the
whole thing is one thing thinking itself, just an undulating
swarm of molecules that is learning and playing so when
you die, I understand it's like a drop of water

(01:02:49):
going into the ocean. I'm sure you've heard that before
the drop of water. It's gone, and we can mourn
that that it's gone, But where has it gone? Where
is there to go? You're just merging into the oneness.
That's a little heavy. You could also just say when
you die, you go to heaven and you re emerge
with what God. That's usually a basic bitch heaven story
and all the other dead people. But that's fine. But

(01:03:13):
what I just said is just kind of another, I
would say, more interesting way of saying, when you die,
you merge into being God and go where all the
other dead people are. And we don't have to take
that literally, but that's a fine way to start. And
even God saying I do not believe in another God.

(01:03:35):
I'm a pan antheist, which means pantheist means everything is God.
I believe that God is in everything. To God is
looking out your eyes right now. You like to use
the water thing. There's a drop of water in you
that's giving you awareness, that's giving you consciousness, and the
idea of God is the ocean is all of it.
So you can be reverent to that, you can worship that,

(01:03:56):
you can be humbled before that and say I am
not that, and yet I am that. It's a paradox.
It's fine to say. The danger again is when you
take it literally. But you can say God is a
man if you'd like, this is what a lot of
people do. But if you want to say, God is
like Jimmy Cricketer, God is sitting on a cloud. What

(01:04:17):
is what is a cloud? It's above, it's participating, but
it's above so it sees the big picture. That's a
good metaphor. I believe that God is consciousness itself. I
believe Leela has way more to teach me about God
than I have to teach her about God. So I
try to listen a lot of the mystery do you
use that? Would you use that word god? Um? We

(01:04:39):
might might. I feel like if Leela asked me, uh,
you know, what is God? I would say the same
beginning as if she asked me where do you go
when you die? Which is no one knows for sure.
It's this really great mystery and that's what makes life
so exciting. A lot people will have different stories to

(01:05:02):
help them understand that Nana and Papa are going to
have this Christian story. So so I do want her
to have this idea that like she's going to hear
different stories and but nobody knows for sure, and that's
what's so exciting about it. One of my favorite books
of God is the name of the Blanket. We put
over the mystery to give it shape, so it's like

(01:05:23):
a word that we use to talk about life itself.
A way to think about it is when you play
with your toys, toy stories about God, that the child
is God and the toys are animated by God. And
we talked about this all the time on our podcast,
where like the first awakening Buzz Lightyear has is that

(01:05:44):
he realizes he's a toy. That's the first awakening. But
that first awakening when you realize life is Leela and
life is a play, can actually lead to paranoia and
nihilism where you just go like, well nothing matters, I'm
just a toy. I just get right. But the second
and important wakening is seeing that the word andy is
on the bottom of your foot. That's the more important wakening.
Who do you belong to? Are you beloved? Do you

(01:06:07):
belong does somebody care about you. Did somebody play with you?
Did someone breathe life into the toys? Story is a
great way to think about it, Like Andy is like
God to the toys. He's what brings them life. When
you play with your toys, that's like giving life to
your toys, and God is what's sort of playing with us.

(01:06:27):
Is one way to talk about it. I might just
go full old school and be like, it's creation, it's
it's it's God is like a man who's playing with toys.
We're gonna go traditional. We're going to make her a
woman because she created life. All right. She's been saying, yeah,
But I love that. We're gonna have to have you
back on the podcast because I'm really so excited. Also,

(01:06:52):
we'll be talking about this at work all the time
as we're trying to make a multi camp sitcom. But
it's just like Katie, it's just as Lela. I'm excited
to know you both, and I'm excited to be on
this parenthood ride with you both because I'm I can't
wait to hear how Leela asks and how you address

(01:07:16):
her curiosities about big stuff. Um, you get so many
fucking opportunities, you really can't suck it up because I
really know that I can be casual about it because
I know that the opportunity will show itself again so
many more times. And it's not one a three hour

(01:07:37):
long conversation, it's multiple, It's thousands of one minute conversations
with him about God is really what parenting is going
to be um and is So I will have this
opportunity again next week, and luckily I'll get to see
Pete at work and be like, what do you think?
And I'll be like, oh, ship, good idea. I'm gonna
try that next time. Anyway, blabbing and boring about having

(01:07:59):
the answers and to what you just said, it is
just a process of being present. I really think the
best thing you can do is be present with them
and be be there, and even if you do it wrong,
you can be honest in present and fast up when
you were wrong or say I don't the best I
messed up. I Yeah, I love saying when I like

(01:08:21):
blew a gasket. This weekend, I said that I was like, Albie,
I really blew against my parents said, and they were
doing their own thing. If they had ever just been
like I really lost my cool that didn't have anything
to do with you. The reason I'm a creative person
was because I was left in the backseat of Evolvo
guessing what went wrong? You know what I mean, And

(01:08:42):
that's why I'm writing scripts these days. I'm still guessing
and we're grateful to them for that. Um. Parenthood is
to me one word each parenthood is I'm gonna as
Lela parenting is you? Guys both in Unison can agree

(01:09:09):
that his parents would is Leela, and I'm going to
jump on that as well, parents would parenting Well her
name is. Isn't just for her to reminder to us
you can't have a child named Leela and then be
frustrated that it's taking too long to get her. What
are you pajamas on? Yeah, that's just another thing to
knock you into going like what am I taking this
so seriously for? Yeah? I cannot thank you enough for

(01:09:32):
your time and your energy and you're in your experience
and sharing your experience and I just a big fan same.
It's mutual and like Pete, I really I am so
excited that I get to play your TV wife and
val You're the fucking ship. Thank you guys so much

(01:10:06):
for listening to today's episode. Please share, like, subscribe, tell
your friends, and also always feel free to hit me
up Katie's Crib at Shonda land dot com because I
want to hear what topics you want me to talk about,
what guests we should have on any suggestions, comments, you
know where to find me. Thanks guys. Katie's Crib is
a production of Shonda land Audio in partnership with I

(01:10:27):
Heart Radio. For more podcasts from Shonda land Audio, visit
the I Heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you
listen to your favorite shows you can. I'm chill you

(01:10:48):
try me