September 8, 2021 • 39 mins
The campaign begins NOW. The 100 categories officially have their nominees, and Bowen Yang and Matt Rogers are on hand to make the big announcement.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:04):
Hello everyone, and welcome to the nomination announcement ceremony for
the Lost Culture Restas Culture Awards and event thousands of
years in the making. My name is Douglas Bay, perhaps
better known to readers of the Lost Culture Restas podcast
as Hot Engineer Doug, and I am delighted to be
(00:24):
here this morning for the unveiling of the fabulous nominees
in one hundred unique categories. Publicists, thank you for making
your voice is heard over these last six weeks. Without you,
perhaps some of these luminaries would have gone snubbed, a
fate worse than death during awards season. Without further ado,
(00:45):
I'd like to introduce two very special people who have
kindly agreed to read the names of the nominees this morning.
Were privileged to be joined by Bow and Yang, a
two time Prime Time Emmy nominee for writing and acting
on Saturday Night Live whose comedic gifts are currently on
full display on the new season of Aqua Fina is
(01:07):
Nora from Queens and also Matt Rogers, a forty two
year old former American Idol contestant who used to be
the host of Discovery Channel's gold Rush The Dirt Special.
Thanks to Google for this valuable information. I'm excited to
turn it over to these two who also happened to
host this podcast and selected all of the nominees. Bowen
(01:31):
and Matt. Good Morning, Good morning morning, Bowen, Good morning man.
Let's begin. It's great to see you and we'll start.
In the category of Biggest Jester. The nominees are Gazelle Bryant,
The Real Housewives of Potomac, Charlie Chaplin the Joker on
(01:52):
the Joker Card Deck of Cards, and Margot Robbie as
Harley Quinn. These are the nominees for Bigger Jester. In
the category of Biggest Flop, the nominees are Sea World,
Cats at the Box Office, Jennifer Lawrence, Fell at the Oscars,
Demon Twink. These are the nominees for Biggest Flop. In
(02:16):
the category of Biggest Jester Flop, the nominees are Jen Shaw,
The Real Housewives of Salt Lake City, Wendy Williams, Wendy
Laura Osness, Anti vax Cuomo Sexuals. These are the nominees
for Biggest Jester Flop. In the category of Biggest Jester Flop.
(02:39):
In the Clown Square, the nominees are Elissa MHM. Elyssa
Edwards as Katy Perry on Snatch Game, RuPaul's Drag Race
Season five, John Travolta saying Adel Desim the Oscars Summer
(03:04):
Florida Governor Ron death Santis. These are the nominees for
Biggest These are the nominees for Biggest Jester Flop in
the Clown Square. The nominees for Most Amazing Impact and
Film are Steven Spielberg. Actors two words inclusion writer and
(03:29):
music and scoring in Film. These are the nominees for
Most Amazing Impact in Film. In the category of Best Ascar,
the nominees are Kitty Kuric, Wendy Williams, l Woods. These
are the nominees. These are the nominees for Best Oscar.
(03:51):
In the category of Funniest Gay Man, the nominees are
Pat Reagan, Joel Kim Booster m and Randy Rainbow. These
are the nominees for Funniest Gay Man. In the category
of Funniest Gay Woman, the nominees are Ellen Ms Piggy,
(04:14):
Eleanor Roosevelt. These are the nominees for Funniest Gay Women.
In the category of Best News We Heard, the nominees
are Beautiful Weather for the Labor Day Weekend, Big Little
Lies Season two, and there is a big sale at
our favorite store Think. These are the nominees for Best
(04:40):
News We Heard in the category of In the category
of Best Candy, the nominees are Starburst Nerds Candy by
(05:01):
Mandy Moore. These are the nominees for best Candy. In
the category of Best Chocolate, the nominees are Milk Chocolate,
Dark Chocolate and Lint Truffles. These are the nominees for
best Chocolate. In the category of Best Picture Literal Picture,
(05:26):
the nominees are Iwo Jima, Princess Diana Dancing with John Travolta,
and Shiva Baby Movie Poster. These are the nominees for
Best Picture Literal Picture. In the category of Album of
the Year, the nominees are Live Photos on iPhone, Kasey
(05:49):
Musgrave's Star Crossed Probably and Taylor Swift Reputation. These are
the nominees for Album of the Year. In the category
of Record of the Year, the nominees are All I
Want for Christmas Is You by Mariah Carey, Driver's License
by Olivia Rodrigo, Death Death To All of Them to
(06:16):
Kyle Dance Remix by Wendy Williams and Drive Back by Candice.
These are the nominees for Record of the Year. In
the category of Best Seltzer Flavor, the nominees are Pamplo,
Mouse Lacroix, Lemon Spin Drift, and Black Cherry Polar Seltzer.
(06:42):
These are the nominees for best saltzer Flavor. In the
category of Most Shocking Moment of the Year, the nominees
are Death, Death to All of Them, Wendy Williams, Benefit
two point oh, Bizarrely Staged rim Job Scene, the White Lotus.
(07:08):
These are the nominees for most Shocking Moment of the Year.
In the category of Best Team, the nominees are Olivia Rodrigo,
Malcolm Malcolm in the Middle, and Jordan's Sparks American Idol.
These are the nominees for Best Team. In the category
(07:29):
of Best twentysomething, the nominees are Hannah Horvath, Girls, Marty Michaels, Girls,
Shows Girls. These are the nominees for Best These are
the nominees for Best twenty something in the category. In
(07:54):
the category of Best thirty something, the nominees are Lady Got,
Jordan's Sparks, Waitress Replacement, cast On Broadway actor Skylar Aston
Stage and Screen. These have the nominees for Best thirty
something Okay. In the category of Lady Gaga Award for
(08:27):
being One Person in a Room Award, the nominees are
Kendy Muse Alone in the v I. P. Bree Larson Room,
Bo Burnham Inside, Jacob Trumblay Room. These are the nominees
for Lady Gaga Award for being One Person in a
(08:47):
Room Award. In the category of Best Straight or Heterosexual Person,
the nominees are Dolly Parton, Sally Field, and Shirley McClain.
These are the nominees for Best Straight or Heterosexual Person.
In the category of Most Iconic Building or Structure, the
(09:11):
nominees are the Eiffel Tower, Paris, Wegmans America, the Twilight Zone,
Tower of Terror, Disney's Hollywood Studios. These are the nominees
for most Iconic Building or Structure. In the category of
Best YouTube Video of those chart Data Timeline Things, the
(09:31):
nominees are Katie Perry versus Taylor Swift, Mariah Carrey versus
Whitney Houston versus Selene Dion Pink. These are the nominees
for Best YouTube Video of those chart data Timeline Things.
In the category of Best Katy Perry Moments, the nominees
(09:54):
are Thinking of You, MTV Unplugged, Stand Up Comedy, Hosting
the MS, and Super Bowl Are You Ready to Rock?
These are the nominees for Best Katy Perry Moments. In
the category of Best Movie We Did Not See, the
nominees are Citizen Kane mank and the self produced Wendy
(10:21):
Williams Documentary. These are the nominees for Best Movie We
Did Not See. In the category of Outstanding Reality Competition Host,
the nominees are RuPaul, Charles, RuPaul's Drag Race, Pad Milam,
Top Chef, Jeff Prost, Survivor, Nicole Buyer, Nailed It, Amy
(10:46):
Poehler and Nick Offerman Making It Dashaun Wesley Legendary, and
Matt Rodgers Hot Dog Congratulations, Thank You. In the category
of Smallest Snub, the nominees are Matt Rogers Hot Dog,
Outstanding Reality Competition Host, Primetime Emmy Awards, Kate Hudson Something Borrowed,
(11:13):
Best Supporting Actress Academy Awards, Wendy Williams Outstanding Host for
a Daytime Talk Show, Daytime Emmy Awards, Matt Rogers and
Bowen Yang not being cast as Flotsam and Jetsam Disney Casting.
These are the nominees for smallest snub. In the category
(11:35):
of worst insult towards Us, the nominees are Matt Rodgers
and Bow and Yang not being cast as Flotsam and Jetsam.
Quote Entertainment Industry Circle, Jerk on a Journey to discover
the next Marvel Show. Gays getting emotional coming off of
a drugs because they're Saratonin has run out, Bargain Basement,
Real Housewife's Recap Pod, What Culture Hunt, Apple Podcast Review,
(11:58):
Fucking Faggots, Azalea Banks to all gay men, including us.
These are the nominees for worst insult towards US. In
the category of Scariest Monster, the nominees are clover Field,
Dracula and Miranda Priestley Girl. These are the nominees for
(12:21):
scariest Monster. In the category of most Controversial, Wendy William's Movement,
the nominees are Death to all of Them. He has
more followers than me. He was nineteen years old and
he was murdered, accusing every rapper in the nineties of
being gay. These are the nominees for most Controversial Wendy
Williams movement. In the category of most recurring stress stream,
(12:45):
the nominees are teeth, Fallout, Naked in a store, didn't
study for that final exam? Why did I skip class
all semester? These are the nominees for most recurring strass stream.
In the category of worst way to die, the nominees
are your mom has to saw you in half on TV,
(13:08):
snake eats you and with a secret or without having
told the people you love how much they meant to
you before it was too late and you will never
have the chance, or without closure. These are the nominees
for worst way to die. In the category of best
Flavor of them All that not manies are pomp Lay Mouse,
(13:31):
Coconut Flame, and Hot Tasty. These are the nominees for
best flavor of them All. In the category of Best
Little Bro, the nominees are Matt Rodgers, Tie, Mitchell Bottoms
all over the Globe. These are the dominees for best
(13:54):
Little Bro. Congratulations. In the category of Best Big Bro,
the nominees are Matt Rogers, Greg Brady, The Brady Bunch,
and some tops. These are the nominees for Best Big Bro. Congratulations.
(14:15):
Thank You. In the category of Best Friend, the nominees
are Matt Rogers Bowen and Lisa Kudrow. These are the
nominees for Best Friends. In the category of Most Memorable
Line in a Movie or Film, the nominees are I'm
(14:40):
the king of the word, I'll never let co chack,
I'll never let go. Our situation is precarious. You know
the money's gone. It doesn't look any bigger than the
Mauritania and you mean, did we do it? These are
(15:01):
the nominees for most Memorable Line in a movie or film.
In the category of Most Memorable Line in a TV Show,
the nominees are why is your Penis on a dead
Girl's phone? Sasha Away? And Death to All of Them?
(15:23):
These are the nominees for most Memorable Line in the
TV show. In the category of Best Note Ever Sung,
the nominees are from Every Night in My Dreams, in
My Heart Will Go On Loock, from Hook to the
(15:43):
Western Sky, in Defying Gravity, and See Sharp five. These
are the nominees for Best Note Ever Sung and the
category of Worst Note Ever Sung, The nominees are All Notes,
Caitlyn Jenner, the Masked Singer, All Notes, Fergie National Anthem,
(16:10):
the third Burr in Birthday, Happy Birthday. These are the
nominees for Worst Note Ever Sung. In the category of
Best Live Performance by a Woman, the nominees are Brandy
Chavon Massey Defying Gravity, That One Time, Fergie National Anthem,
(16:34):
NBA All Star Game, and Patti LuPone. All these are
the nominees for Best Live Performance by a Woman. In
the category of Diablo Cody Screenplay Award, the nominees are
Diablo Cody, Juno, Diablo Cody Young Adults, and Nia Our
(16:57):
Dallas My Big Fact Reek Wedding. These are the nominees
for Diabolo Cody Screenplay Award. In the category of Kate
Planchet Award for Good Acting, the nominees are Mariah Carey
Precious based on the novel Push by Sapphire, Sidney Sweeney,
(17:17):
The White Lotus Flow Progressive, and Viola Davis. All these
are the nominees for the Kate Blanchet Award for Good Acting.
In the category of Kylie Minogue Award for Why Haven't
They Happened in America Yet, the nominees are Little Mix,
(17:40):
The Letter You in Words with O R and Gay
Late Night Hosts. I may write these are the nominees
for Kylie Minoge Award for why Haven't They Happened in
America Yet? In the category of the Little Mix Award
for being Absolutely Fierce Boots, the nominees are Normandy Gazelle
(18:03):
from Utopia and Candice drive Back. These are the nominees
for the Little Mixed Award for being Absolutely Fierce Boots.
In the category of Tina Turner Legend Award, the nominees
are Candice, Wendy Williams and Tina Turner. These are the
(18:25):
nominees for Tina Turner Legend Award. In the category of
Most Relaxing Destination, the nominees are The White Lotus Resort,
Disney's Animal Kingdom, Turks New York City k KOs. These
(18:47):
are the nominees for most Relaxing Destination. In the category
of Best Damn Bird, the nominees are seagull that ate
the lunch of Katrina Rodgers aka the Original Doll, Flamingos,
(19:11):
Big Bird, Sam the Eagle, and Zaptos. These are the
nominees for Best Damn Bird. In the category of Best
Disney Worldwide, the nominees are The Twilight Zone, Tower of Terror, Pandora,
Flight of Passage Expedition Everest. These are the nominees for
(19:38):
Best Disney Worldwide. In the category of Best Universal Studios
Orlando Ride, the nominees are Harry Potter and The Escape
from Green Gots, Harry Potter and The Escape from Green Gots,
Revenge of the Mummy, and Dudley doo Writes Rips Off Falls.
(19:59):
These are the nominee for Best Universal Studios Orlando Ride.
In the category of the Six Flags Award for Worst
Ride in Orlando, the nominees are Oh Pirates of the Caribbean,
This is a Show but Hall of Presidents and the Teacups.
(20:23):
These are the nominees for Six Flags Award for Worst
Ride in Orlando. In the category of Best Cousin of
the Week Ever of all Time, the nominees are girls
named Alex, the cast of Full House and Cousin Greg Succession.
These are the nominees for Best Cousin of the Week
(20:43):
ever of all Time. In the category of Best I
Don't Think So Honey of all Time, the nominees are
going to Church on Sunday and Wednesday, Aaron Jackson, French
Manicures as Pedicures Grated Titleman, Going to Church on Sunday
(21:04):
and Wednesday Remix, Darcy cardon When You fart and a
little comb comes out, Jill and Booster Cocaine, Bowen Yang Congratulations,
Thank you, and Ben Affleck and j Lo Critics Matt
Rodgers congratulation. These are the nominees for best I Don't
(21:27):
Think So Honey of All Time. In the category of
best Thing to Order for the table, the nominees are Chicido, Peppers, water,
Water for Everyone for Now and dip All. These are
the nominees for best thing to order for the table.
(21:51):
In the category of Best Dinner, the nominees are spaghetti
and Meatballs, chicken palm, Pizza Night. These are the nominees
for best Dinner. In the category of Best Lunch, the
(22:13):
nominees are salad, sandwich and soup. These are the nominees
for best lunch. In the category of Best Breakfast, the
nominees are eggs, toast and beans British. These are the
(22:39):
nominees for best breakfast. In the category of Best Snack,
the nominees are string, cheese, seaweed, paper and chips All.
These are the nominees for best snack. In the category
of Best Beverage, the nominees are Sprite dr Pepper and
(23:05):
iced coffee for Gay people a ka but first Dot
Dot Dot coffee in the iced sense. These are the
nominees for best Beverage. In the category of best Fish,
the nominees are Tuna, Flounder, The Little Mermaid and Baby
(23:32):
Lump Sucker. These are the nominees for best Fish. In
the category of the Catherine Han Award for Us Being Gagged,
the nominees are Alyssa Edwards Versus Tatiana Lip sync RuPaul's
Drag Race, Cynthia Arrivo Singing, and Catherine Hahn One Division Acting.
(24:01):
These are the nominees for the Catherine Han Award for
Us Being Gagged. In the category of Worst Criminal of
All Time, the nominees are Voldemort, Erica Girardi, The Real
Housewives of Beverly Hills, and that Cheetoh. These are the
nominees for worst Criminal of All Time. In the category
(24:25):
of Best Influencer We Haven't Heard Of, the nominees are
Addison Ray is that what She Is? These are the
nominees for best Influencer we Haven't heard Of. In the
category of Best Emoji, the nominees are ice Cream, Cone,
(24:49):
Purple horny devil and bottom eyes. These are the nominees
for best Emoji. In the category of best Emotion to
port trey, the nominees are anger and grief at the
same time, organic laughter and ever so slight amusement a
(25:13):
k A. Miranda priestly at the end of devil, worse
product slash small smile slash cathartic character change in like
a tiny, tiny moment, then saying go. These are the
nominees for best emotion to portray. In the category of
Best Animal on the Farm, the nominees are pig or piglet,
(25:40):
chickens of the coupe and hen. These are the nominees
for best animal on the Farm. In the category of
Best Animal in the Forest, the nominees are Mama Bear,
deer and Creatures unknown m These are the nominees for
(26:08):
best animal in the Forest. In the category of Best
Animal in the Sea, the nominees are fish all bottom
of ocean, freaky gutterfish with the light on their head
you know the one, and octopus Teacher, My octopus Teacher.
(26:29):
These are the nominees for best animal in the Sea.
In the category of Best Billionaire, the nominees are Oprah, Winfrey,
Rihanna and Jessica Simpson One of These Days. These are
the nominees for Best Billionaire. In the category of Best Planet,
(26:55):
the nominees are Neptune, hath and Chromatica. These are the
nominees for best Planet. In the category of Best Teacher
we Ever Had a k A The Teacher Respect Award,
the nominees are Octopus Teacher, Bill Nye The Science Guy,
(27:22):
and Dr Wendy Osepho Professor. These are the nominees for
best Teacher We Ever Had a k A The Teacher
Respect Award. In the category of Most Colorful Color, the
nominees are chartrus, aquamarine, magenta, and blue. These are the
(27:45):
nominees for most Colorful Color. We have arrived at the
seventy third question, which means it is time to announce
the nominees for the biggest award of the night. In
the category of the Christina Aguilera Award for Coming on
This Bitch matt as Hell. The nominees are jam RuPaul's
(28:06):
Drag Race, Lindsay Lohan The Rumors music Video, Aaron Rockovich,
When Ed Masary Fired, Harrass Beyonce Lemonade, and Tiffany New
York Pollard All. These are the nominees for the Christina
(28:26):
Aguilera Award for Coming On This Bitch, matt as Hell
and the category of America's Next Top Model. The nominees
are Bowen Yang and Amelia Hamlin. These are the nominees
for America's Next Top Model Congratulations. In the category of
(28:49):
Best Dressed, the nominees are Zenda A Scala, The Real
Housewives of Potomac and Paul fig On Film Sets. These
are the nominees for Best Dressed. In the category of
(29:09):
the National Park Award for Nature, the nominees are The
Tree of Life, Disney's Animal Kingdom, The Grand Canyon, Clouds
That Don't Rain, Reefer Mama, and Uma Thurman as Poison,
Ivy Batman and Robin. These are the nominees for the
(29:31):
National Park Award for Nature. In the category of Best Dress,
the nominees are Dress tell Us, Swift, Reputation, j lo Versace,
you Know the One, and Princess Diana Wedding Dress. These
are the nominees for Best Dress and the category of
(29:56):
Jim and Pam Award. For Best Chemistry, then nominees are
Fleabag and Hot Priest, Fleabag, Diane Keaton and Jack Nicholson.
Something's Gonna Give Baking Soda and Vinegar Signs, Fair Volcano
and Julia Roberts and Richard gear All. These are the
(30:20):
nominees for Jim and Pam Award for Best Chemistry. In
the category of Tic Tac Toe Award for Best Simple Game,
the nominees are Checkers, Hop, Scotch hang Man. These are
the nominees for the Tic Tac Toe Award for Best
(30:42):
Simple Game. In the category of Best Song on Rent Soundtrack,
the nominees are Out Tonight, Take Me or Leave Me, Tango,
Maureen Another Day, lave E bo m M, I Should
tell You Your Eyes will I Santa Fe Without You
(31:11):
and I'll Cover You Reprise. These are the nominees for
Best Song on Rent Soundtrack. In the category of the
Brenda Award for Name that No One gets named Now
or going Forward, the nominees are Clive L. Smith and Bernice.
(31:35):
These are the nominees for the Brenda Award for Name
that No One gets named Now or going Forward. In
the category of Most Important Item of Clothing, the nominees
are socks, Choose, bracelets, and inklet. These are the Amount
(31:59):
These are the nominees for Most Important Item of Clothing.
In the category of the Joy Behart Award for Stand
Up Comedy, the nominees are Joel Kim, Booster, Pat Reagan
and Katie Perry. These are the nominees for the Joy
Behart Award for Stand Up Comedy. In the category of
(32:29):
the Scream by Edward Munch Award for Best Scream, the
nominees are Meryl Streep, Big Little Live Season two, Lady Gaga, Screaming,
What the Fuck in Enigma Show, and Scream. These are
(32:50):
the nominees for the Scream by Edward Munch Award for
Best Scream. In the category of Best Google Service, the
nominees are Maps, dr Images. These are the nominees for
Best Google Service. In the category of Best Google Search,
(33:15):
the nominees are does Hernia Go Away on its Own,
Kerry Washington, Age, am I Gay Quiz, Sebastian Stand But
and Kelly Clark's An Album When. These are the nominees
for Best Google Search. In the category of Best Apple
(33:40):
Products of them All, the nominees are iPhone, MacBook Air,
Schmiga Done. These are the nominees for Best Apple Product
of them All. In the category of wand Division Award
(34:01):
for Television. The nominees are Chasing Cars by Snow Patrol,
Grey's Anatomy Season two finale, Death To All of Them,
Wendy Williams The Comeback Season two finale, The View, and
That John Oliver Guy. These are the nominees for one
(34:23):
Division Award for Television. In the category of the Victoria
Beckham Award for Outstanding Achievement, the nominees are Little Mix,
Jeopardy Winners, High School Graduates, Kelly Ripper, and Walt Disney.
(34:47):
These are the nominees for the Victoria Beckham Award for
Outstanding Achievement. In the category of Best Neighborhood, New York,
the nominees are Fort Greene, Jackson Heights and Murray Hill.
These are the nominees for Best Neighborhood, New York. In
(35:10):
the category of Best Neighborhood, Los Angeles, the nominees are
Los Fieles, Silver Lake, Universal CityWalk. These are the nominees
for Best Neighborhood, Los Angeles. In the category of Best
Neighborhood Dallas Fort Worth, the nominees are Oak Lawn, Downtown
(35:38):
and Austin, Texas. These are the nominees for Best neighborhood
Dallas Fort Worth. In the category of the Chris Award
for Most Timeless Name, the nominees are Amanda, James, Lee,
(36:01):
and Matt These are the nominees for the Chris Award
for Most Timeless Name, Congratulating You. In the category of
Best Video Game Moment, the nominees are when Bowser arrives,
(36:24):
when Mario jumps Person of five, all you Know addressing
like a slut with a gun, after saving the world
in Final Fantasy tend To and when Kirby eats the Girls.
These are the nominees for Best Video Game Moment. In
the category of Dragon Award for Animal We're not Sure
(36:47):
as Real, the nominees are Platypus, Manta Ray, and Pokemon.
These are the nominees for the Dragon Award for Animal
We're not Sure is Real. In the category of Vanilla
Coke Award for What Happened to That, the nominees are
(37:10):
Altoyd's Mango Sours, Kathleen Turner, Pussycat Dolls, Comeback, R nine
a k a. Rihanna's Ninth Album, and Vienetta ice Cream Cakes.
These are the nominees for Vanilla Coke Award for What
happened to that. In the category of Best Taylor Swift,
(37:37):
the nominees are Treacherous, Red, the Folklore, Evermore Era, the
baking of cookies, and releasing albums in the month of November.
These are the nominees for Best Taylor Swift. In the
(38:01):
category of Best Taylor Swift, the nominees are quote, she
basically tried to sabotage an entire arena tour, ready for It, reputation,
hip Hip, Hip, Choreography, and her performance of Wildest Dream
(38:22):
Slash Enchanted on the world tour. White Girl, stomp head,
throwing back, outfit, change, smile, look back at the audience.
It has it all. These are the nominees for Best
Taylor Swift. In the category of Best Time, the nominees
are PM the Pop Charts In and Minutes. These are
(38:54):
the nominees for Best Time. And finally, in the category
of Artist of the Millennium, the nominees are Man would
you like to read them with me? A, Melissa Edwards,
Mike White, and Wendy Williams. Congratulations to all of the
(39:17):
nominees for the last Cultures Culture Awards. The show will
be at a later date. Publicists, please begin campaigning now,
the campaign starts now now. Thank you so much, Thank
you so much. Have a good morning. Good morning,
Hello everyone, and welcome to the nomination announcement ceremony for
the Lost Culture Restas Culture Awards and event thousands of
years in the making. My name is Douglas Bay, perhaps
better known to readers of the Lost Culture Restas podcast
as Hot Engineer Doug, and I am delighted to be
(00:24):
here this morning for the unveiling of the fabulous nominees
in one hundred unique categories. Publicists, thank you for making
your voice is heard over these last six weeks. Without you,
perhaps some of these luminaries would have gone snubbed, a
fate worse than death during awards season. Without further ado,
(00:45):
I'd like to introduce two very special people who have
kindly agreed to read the names of the nominees this morning.
Were privileged to be joined by Bow and Yang, a
two time Prime Time Emmy nominee for writing and acting
on Saturday Night Live whose comedic gifts are currently on
full display on the new season of Aqua Fina is
(01:07):
Nora from Queens and also Matt Rogers, a forty two
year old former American Idol contestant who used to be
the host of Discovery Channel's gold Rush The Dirt Special.
Thanks to Google for this valuable information. I'm excited to
turn it over to these two who also happened to
host this podcast and selected all of the nominees. Bowen
(01:31):
and Matt. Good Morning, Good morning morning, Bowen, Good morning man.
Let's begin. It's great to see you and we'll start.
In the category of Biggest Jester. The nominees are Gazelle Bryant,
The Real Housewives of Potomac, Charlie Chaplin the Joker on
(01:52):
the Joker Card Deck of Cards, and Margot Robbie as
Harley Quinn. These are the nominees for Bigger Jester. In
the category of Biggest Flop, the nominees are Sea World,
Cats at the Box Office, Jennifer Lawrence, Fell at the Oscars,
Demon Twink. These are the nominees for Biggest Flop. In
(02:16):
the category of Biggest Jester Flop, the nominees are Jen Shaw,
The Real Housewives of Salt Lake City, Wendy Williams, Wendy
Laura Osness, Anti vax Cuomo Sexuals. These are the nominees
for Biggest Jester Flop. In the category of Biggest Jester Flop.
(02:39):
In the Clown Square, the nominees are Elissa MHM. Elyssa
Edwards as Katy Perry on Snatch Game, RuPaul's Drag Race
Season five, John Travolta saying Adel Desim the Oscars Summer
(03:04):
Florida Governor Ron death Santis. These are the nominees for
Biggest These are the nominees for Biggest Jester Flop in
the Clown Square. The nominees for Most Amazing Impact and
Film are Steven Spielberg. Actors two words inclusion writer and
(03:29):
music and scoring in Film. These are the nominees for
Most Amazing Impact in Film. In the category of Best Ascar,
the nominees are Kitty Kuric, Wendy Williams, l Woods. These
are the nominees. These are the nominees for Best Oscar.
(03:51):
In the category of Funniest Gay Man, the nominees are
Pat Reagan, Joel Kim Booster m and Randy Rainbow. These
are the nominees for Funniest Gay Man. In the category
of Funniest Gay Woman, the nominees are Ellen Ms Piggy,
(04:14):
Eleanor Roosevelt. These are the nominees for Funniest Gay Women.
In the category of Best News We Heard, the nominees
are Beautiful Weather for the Labor Day Weekend, Big Little
Lies Season two, and there is a big sale at
our favorite store Think. These are the nominees for Best
(04:40):
News We Heard in the category of In the category
of Best Candy, the nominees are Starburst Nerds Candy by
(05:01):
Mandy Moore. These are the nominees for best Candy. In
the category of Best Chocolate, the nominees are Milk Chocolate,
Dark Chocolate and Lint Truffles. These are the nominees for
best Chocolate. In the category of Best Picture Literal Picture,
(05:26):
the nominees are Iwo Jima, Princess Diana Dancing with John Travolta,
and Shiva Baby Movie Poster. These are the nominees for
Best Picture Literal Picture. In the category of Album of
the Year, the nominees are Live Photos on iPhone, Kasey
(05:49):
Musgrave's Star Crossed Probably and Taylor Swift Reputation. These are
the nominees for Album of the Year. In the category
of Record of the Year, the nominees are All I
Want for Christmas Is You by Mariah Carey, Driver's License
by Olivia Rodrigo, Death Death To All of Them to
(06:16):
Kyle Dance Remix by Wendy Williams and Drive Back by Candice.
These are the nominees for Record of the Year. In
the category of Best Seltzer Flavor, the nominees are Pamplo,
Mouse Lacroix, Lemon Spin Drift, and Black Cherry Polar Seltzer.
(06:42):
These are the nominees for best saltzer Flavor. In the
category of Most Shocking Moment of the Year, the nominees
are Death, Death to All of Them, Wendy Williams, Benefit
two point oh, Bizarrely Staged rim Job Scene, the White Lotus.
(07:08):
These are the nominees for most Shocking Moment of the Year.
In the category of Best Team, the nominees are Olivia Rodrigo,
Malcolm Malcolm in the Middle, and Jordan's Sparks American Idol.
These are the nominees for Best Team. In the category
(07:29):
of Best twentysomething, the nominees are Hannah Horvath, Girls, Marty Michaels, Girls,
Shows Girls. These are the nominees for Best These are
the nominees for Best twenty something in the category. In
(07:54):
the category of Best thirty something, the nominees are Lady Got,
Jordan's Sparks, Waitress Replacement, cast On Broadway actor Skylar Aston
Stage and Screen. These have the nominees for Best thirty
something Okay. In the category of Lady Gaga Award for
(08:27):
being One Person in a Room Award, the nominees are
Kendy Muse Alone in the v I. P. Bree Larson Room,
Bo Burnham Inside, Jacob Trumblay Room. These are the nominees
for Lady Gaga Award for being One Person in a
(08:47):
Room Award. In the category of Best Straight or Heterosexual Person,
the nominees are Dolly Parton, Sally Field, and Shirley McClain.
These are the nominees for Best Straight or Heterosexual Person.
In the category of Most Iconic Building or Structure, the
(09:11):
nominees are the Eiffel Tower, Paris, Wegmans America, the Twilight Zone,
Tower of Terror, Disney's Hollywood Studios. These are the nominees
for most Iconic Building or Structure. In the category of
Best YouTube Video of those chart Data Timeline Things, the
(09:31):
nominees are Katie Perry versus Taylor Swift, Mariah Carrey versus
Whitney Houston versus Selene Dion Pink. These are the nominees
for Best YouTube Video of those chart data Timeline Things.
In the category of Best Katy Perry Moments, the nominees
(09:54):
are Thinking of You, MTV Unplugged, Stand Up Comedy, Hosting
the MS, and Super Bowl Are You Ready to Rock?
These are the nominees for Best Katy Perry Moments. In
the category of Best Movie We Did Not See, the
nominees are Citizen Kane mank and the self produced Wendy
(10:21):
Williams Documentary. These are the nominees for Best Movie We
Did Not See. In the category of Outstanding Reality Competition Host,
the nominees are RuPaul, Charles, RuPaul's Drag Race, Pad Milam,
Top Chef, Jeff Prost, Survivor, Nicole Buyer, Nailed It, Amy
(10:46):
Poehler and Nick Offerman Making It Dashaun Wesley Legendary, and
Matt Rodgers Hot Dog Congratulations, Thank You. In the category
of Smallest Snub, the nominees are Matt Rogers Hot Dog,
Outstanding Reality Competition Host, Primetime Emmy Awards, Kate Hudson Something Borrowed,
(11:13):
Best Supporting Actress Academy Awards, Wendy Williams Outstanding Host for
a Daytime Talk Show, Daytime Emmy Awards, Matt Rogers and
Bowen Yang not being cast as Flotsam and Jetsam Disney Casting.
These are the nominees for smallest snub. In the category
(11:35):
of worst insult towards Us, the nominees are Matt Rodgers
and Bow and Yang not being cast as Flotsam and Jetsam.
Quote Entertainment Industry Circle, Jerk on a Journey to discover
the next Marvel Show. Gays getting emotional coming off of
a drugs because they're Saratonin has run out, Bargain Basement,
Real Housewife's Recap Pod, What Culture Hunt, Apple Podcast Review,
(11:58):
Fucking Faggots, Azalea Banks to all gay men, including us.
These are the nominees for worst insult towards US. In
the category of Scariest Monster, the nominees are clover Field,
Dracula and Miranda Priestley Girl. These are the nominees for
(12:21):
scariest Monster. In the category of most Controversial, Wendy William's Movement,
the nominees are Death to all of Them. He has
more followers than me. He was nineteen years old and
he was murdered, accusing every rapper in the nineties of
being gay. These are the nominees for most Controversial Wendy
Williams movement. In the category of most recurring stress stream,
(12:45):
the nominees are teeth, Fallout, Naked in a store, didn't
study for that final exam? Why did I skip class
all semester? These are the nominees for most recurring strass stream.
In the category of worst way to die, the nominees
are your mom has to saw you in half on TV,
(13:08):
snake eats you and with a secret or without having
told the people you love how much they meant to
you before it was too late and you will never
have the chance, or without closure. These are the nominees
for worst way to die. In the category of best
Flavor of them All that not manies are pomp Lay Mouse,
(13:31):
Coconut Flame, and Hot Tasty. These are the nominees for
best flavor of them All. In the category of Best
Little Bro, the nominees are Matt Rodgers, Tie, Mitchell Bottoms
all over the Globe. These are the dominees for best
(13:54):
Little Bro. Congratulations. In the category of Best Big Bro,
the nominees are Matt Rogers, Greg Brady, The Brady Bunch,
and some tops. These are the nominees for Best Big Bro. Congratulations.
(14:15):
Thank You. In the category of Best Friend, the nominees
are Matt Rogers Bowen and Lisa Kudrow. These are the
nominees for Best Friends. In the category of Most Memorable
Line in a Movie or Film, the nominees are I'm
(14:40):
the king of the word, I'll never let co chack,
I'll never let go. Our situation is precarious. You know
the money's gone. It doesn't look any bigger than the
Mauritania and you mean, did we do it? These are
(15:01):
the nominees for most Memorable Line in a movie or film.
In the category of Most Memorable Line in a TV Show,
the nominees are why is your Penis on a dead
Girl's phone? Sasha Away? And Death to All of Them?
(15:23):
These are the nominees for most Memorable Line in the
TV show. In the category of Best Note Ever Sung,
the nominees are from Every Night in My Dreams, in
My Heart Will Go On Loock, from Hook to the
(15:43):
Western Sky, in Defying Gravity, and See Sharp five. These
are the nominees for Best Note Ever Sung and the
category of Worst Note Ever Sung, The nominees are All Notes,
Caitlyn Jenner, the Masked Singer, All Notes, Fergie National Anthem,
(16:10):
the third Burr in Birthday, Happy Birthday. These are the
nominees for Worst Note Ever Sung. In the category of
Best Live Performance by a Woman, the nominees are Brandy
Chavon Massey Defying Gravity, That One Time, Fergie National Anthem,
(16:34):
NBA All Star Game, and Patti LuPone. All these are
the nominees for Best Live Performance by a Woman. In
the category of Diablo Cody Screenplay Award, the nominees are
Diablo Cody, Juno, Diablo Cody Young Adults, and Nia Our
(16:57):
Dallas My Big Fact Reek Wedding. These are the nominees
for Diabolo Cody Screenplay Award. In the category of Kate
Planchet Award for Good Acting, the nominees are Mariah Carey
Precious based on the novel Push by Sapphire, Sidney Sweeney,
(17:17):
The White Lotus Flow Progressive, and Viola Davis. All these
are the nominees for the Kate Blanchet Award for Good Acting.
In the category of Kylie Minogue Award for Why Haven't
They Happened in America Yet, the nominees are Little Mix,
(17:40):
The Letter You in Words with O R and Gay
Late Night Hosts. I may write these are the nominees
for Kylie Minoge Award for why Haven't They Happened in
America Yet? In the category of the Little Mix Award
for being Absolutely Fierce Boots, the nominees are Normandy Gazelle
(18:03):
from Utopia and Candice drive Back. These are the nominees
for the Little Mixed Award for being Absolutely Fierce Boots.
In the category of Tina Turner Legend Award, the nominees
are Candice, Wendy Williams and Tina Turner. These are the
(18:25):
nominees for Tina Turner Legend Award. In the category of
Most Relaxing Destination, the nominees are The White Lotus Resort,
Disney's Animal Kingdom, Turks New York City k KOs. These
(18:47):
are the nominees for most Relaxing Destination. In the category
of Best Damn Bird, the nominees are seagull that ate
the lunch of Katrina Rodgers aka the Original Doll, Flamingos,
(19:11):
Big Bird, Sam the Eagle, and Zaptos. These are the
nominees for Best Damn Bird. In the category of Best
Disney Worldwide, the nominees are The Twilight Zone, Tower of Terror, Pandora,
Flight of Passage Expedition Everest. These are the nominees for
(19:38):
Best Disney Worldwide. In the category of Best Universal Studios
Orlando Ride, the nominees are Harry Potter and The Escape
from Green Gots, Harry Potter and The Escape from Green Gots,
Revenge of the Mummy, and Dudley doo Writes Rips Off Falls.
(19:59):
These are the nominee for Best Universal Studios Orlando Ride.
In the category of the Six Flags Award for Worst
Ride in Orlando, the nominees are Oh Pirates of the Caribbean,
This is a Show but Hall of Presidents and the Teacups.
(20:23):
These are the nominees for Six Flags Award for Worst
Ride in Orlando. In the category of Best Cousin of
the Week Ever of all Time, the nominees are girls
named Alex, the cast of Full House and Cousin Greg Succession.
These are the nominees for Best Cousin of the Week
(20:43):
ever of all Time. In the category of Best I
Don't Think So Honey of all Time, the nominees are
going to Church on Sunday and Wednesday, Aaron Jackson, French
Manicures as Pedicures Grated Titleman, Going to Church on Sunday
(21:04):
and Wednesday Remix, Darcy cardon When You fart and a
little comb comes out, Jill and Booster Cocaine, Bowen Yang Congratulations,
Thank you, and Ben Affleck and j Lo Critics Matt
Rodgers congratulation. These are the nominees for best I Don't
(21:27):
Think So Honey of All Time. In the category of
best Thing to Order for the table, the nominees are Chicido, Peppers, water,
Water for Everyone for Now and dip All. These are
the nominees for best thing to order for the table.
(21:51):
In the category of Best Dinner, the nominees are spaghetti
and Meatballs, chicken palm, Pizza Night. These are the nominees
for best Dinner. In the category of Best Lunch, the
(22:13):
nominees are salad, sandwich and soup. These are the nominees
for best lunch. In the category of Best Breakfast, the
nominees are eggs, toast and beans British. These are the
(22:39):
nominees for best breakfast. In the category of Best Snack,
the nominees are string, cheese, seaweed, paper and chips All.
These are the nominees for best snack. In the category
of Best Beverage, the nominees are Sprite dr Pepper and
(23:05):
iced coffee for Gay people a ka but first Dot
Dot Dot coffee in the iced sense. These are the
nominees for best Beverage. In the category of best Fish,
the nominees are Tuna, Flounder, The Little Mermaid and Baby
(23:32):
Lump Sucker. These are the nominees for best Fish. In
the category of the Catherine Han Award for Us Being Gagged,
the nominees are Alyssa Edwards Versus Tatiana Lip sync RuPaul's
Drag Race, Cynthia Arrivo Singing, and Catherine Hahn One Division Acting.
(24:01):
These are the nominees for the Catherine Han Award for
Us Being Gagged. In the category of Worst Criminal of
All Time, the nominees are Voldemort, Erica Girardi, The Real
Housewives of Beverly Hills, and that Cheetoh. These are the
nominees for worst Criminal of All Time. In the category
(24:25):
of Best Influencer We Haven't Heard Of, the nominees are
Addison Ray is that what She Is? These are the
nominees for best Influencer we Haven't heard Of. In the
category of Best Emoji, the nominees are ice Cream, Cone,
(24:49):
Purple horny devil and bottom eyes. These are the nominees
for best Emoji. In the category of best Emotion to
port trey, the nominees are anger and grief at the
same time, organic laughter and ever so slight amusement a
(25:13):
k A. Miranda priestly at the end of devil, worse
product slash small smile slash cathartic character change in like
a tiny, tiny moment, then saying go. These are the
nominees for best emotion to portray. In the category of
Best Animal on the Farm, the nominees are pig or piglet,
(25:40):
chickens of the coupe and hen. These are the nominees
for best animal on the Farm. In the category of
Best Animal in the Forest, the nominees are Mama Bear,
deer and Creatures unknown m These are the nominees for
(26:08):
best animal in the Forest. In the category of Best
Animal in the Sea, the nominees are fish all bottom
of ocean, freaky gutterfish with the light on their head
you know the one, and octopus Teacher, My octopus Teacher.
(26:29):
These are the nominees for best animal in the Sea.
In the category of Best Billionaire, the nominees are Oprah, Winfrey,
Rihanna and Jessica Simpson One of These Days. These are
the nominees for Best Billionaire. In the category of Best Planet,
(26:55):
the nominees are Neptune, hath and Chromatica. These are the
nominees for best Planet. In the category of Best Teacher
we Ever Had a k A The Teacher Respect Award,
the nominees are Octopus Teacher, Bill Nye The Science Guy,
(27:22):
and Dr Wendy Osepho Professor. These are the nominees for
best Teacher We Ever Had a k A The Teacher
Respect Award. In the category of Most Colorful Color, the
nominees are chartrus, aquamarine, magenta, and blue. These are the
(27:45):
nominees for most Colorful Color. We have arrived at the
seventy third question, which means it is time to announce
the nominees for the biggest award of the night. In
the category of the Christina Aguilera Award for Coming on
This Bitch matt as Hell. The nominees are jam RuPaul's
(28:06):
Drag Race, Lindsay Lohan The Rumors music Video, Aaron Rockovich,
When Ed Masary Fired, Harrass Beyonce Lemonade, and Tiffany New
York Pollard All. These are the nominees for the Christina
(28:26):
Aguilera Award for Coming On This Bitch, matt as Hell
and the category of America's Next Top Model. The nominees
are Bowen Yang and Amelia Hamlin. These are the nominees
for America's Next Top Model Congratulations. In the category of
(28:49):
Best Dressed, the nominees are Zenda A Scala, The Real
Housewives of Potomac and Paul fig On Film Sets. These
are the nominees for Best Dressed. In the category of
(29:09):
the National Park Award for Nature, the nominees are The
Tree of Life, Disney's Animal Kingdom, The Grand Canyon, Clouds
That Don't Rain, Reefer Mama, and Uma Thurman as Poison,
Ivy Batman and Robin. These are the nominees for the
(29:31):
National Park Award for Nature. In the category of Best Dress,
the nominees are Dress tell Us, Swift, Reputation, j lo Versace,
you Know the One, and Princess Diana Wedding Dress. These
are the nominees for Best Dress and the category of
(29:56):
Jim and Pam Award. For Best Chemistry, then nominees are
Fleabag and Hot Priest, Fleabag, Diane Keaton and Jack Nicholson.
Something's Gonna Give Baking Soda and Vinegar Signs, Fair Volcano
and Julia Roberts and Richard gear All. These are the
(30:20):
nominees for Jim and Pam Award for Best Chemistry. In
the category of Tic Tac Toe Award for Best Simple Game,
the nominees are Checkers, Hop, Scotch hang Man. These are
the nominees for the Tic Tac Toe Award for Best
(30:42):
Simple Game. In the category of Best Song on Rent Soundtrack,
the nominees are Out Tonight, Take Me or Leave Me, Tango,
Maureen Another Day, lave E bo m M, I Should
tell You Your Eyes will I Santa Fe Without You
(31:11):
and I'll Cover You Reprise. These are the nominees for
Best Song on Rent Soundtrack. In the category of the
Brenda Award for Name that No One gets named Now
or going Forward, the nominees are Clive L. Smith and Bernice.
(31:35):
These are the nominees for the Brenda Award for Name
that No One gets named Now or going Forward. In
the category of Most Important Item of Clothing, the nominees
are socks, Choose, bracelets, and inklet. These are the Amount
(31:59):
These are the nominees for Most Important Item of Clothing.
In the category of the Joy Behart Award for Stand
Up Comedy, the nominees are Joel Kim, Booster, Pat Reagan
and Katie Perry. These are the nominees for the Joy
Behart Award for Stand Up Comedy. In the category of
(32:29):
the Scream by Edward Munch Award for Best Scream, the
nominees are Meryl Streep, Big Little Live Season two, Lady Gaga, Screaming,
What the Fuck in Enigma Show, and Scream. These are
(32:50):
the nominees for the Scream by Edward Munch Award for
Best Scream. In the category of Best Google Service, the
nominees are Maps, dr Images. These are the nominees for
Best Google Service. In the category of Best Google Search,
(33:15):
the nominees are does Hernia Go Away on its Own,
Kerry Washington, Age, am I Gay Quiz, Sebastian Stand But
and Kelly Clark's An Album When. These are the nominees
for Best Google Search. In the category of Best Apple
(33:40):
Products of them All, the nominees are iPhone, MacBook Air,
Schmiga Done. These are the nominees for Best Apple Product
of them All. In the category of wand Division Award
(34:01):
for Television. The nominees are Chasing Cars by Snow Patrol,
Grey's Anatomy Season two finale, Death To All of Them,
Wendy Williams The Comeback Season two finale, The View, and
That John Oliver Guy. These are the nominees for one
(34:23):
Division Award for Television. In the category of the Victoria
Beckham Award for Outstanding Achievement, the nominees are Little Mix,
Jeopardy Winners, High School Graduates, Kelly Ripper, and Walt Disney.
(34:47):
These are the nominees for the Victoria Beckham Award for
Outstanding Achievement. In the category of Best Neighborhood, New York,
the nominees are Fort Greene, Jackson Heights and Murray Hill.
These are the nominees for Best Neighborhood, New York. In
(35:10):
the category of Best Neighborhood, Los Angeles, the nominees are
Los Fieles, Silver Lake, Universal CityWalk. These are the nominees
for Best Neighborhood, Los Angeles. In the category of Best
Neighborhood Dallas Fort Worth, the nominees are Oak Lawn, Downtown
(35:38):
and Austin, Texas. These are the nominees for Best neighborhood
Dallas Fort Worth. In the category of the Chris Award
for Most Timeless Name, the nominees are Amanda, James, Lee,
(36:01):
and Matt These are the nominees for the Chris Award
for Most Timeless Name, Congratulating You. In the category of
Best Video Game Moment, the nominees are when Bowser arrives,
(36:24):
when Mario jumps Person of five, all you Know addressing
like a slut with a gun, after saving the world
in Final Fantasy tend To and when Kirby eats the Girls.
These are the nominees for Best Video Game Moment. In
the category of Dragon Award for Animal We're not Sure
(36:47):
as Real, the nominees are Platypus, Manta Ray, and Pokemon.
These are the nominees for the Dragon Award for Animal
We're not Sure is Real. In the category of Vanilla
Coke Award for What Happened to That, the nominees are
(37:10):
Altoyd's Mango Sours, Kathleen Turner, Pussycat Dolls, Comeback, R nine
a k a. Rihanna's Ninth Album, and Vienetta ice Cream Cakes.
These are the nominees for Vanilla Coke Award for What
happened to that. In the category of Best Taylor Swift,
(37:37):
the nominees are Treacherous, Red, the Folklore, Evermore Era, the
baking of cookies, and releasing albums in the month of November.
These are the nominees for Best Taylor Swift. In the
(38:01):
category of Best Taylor Swift, the nominees are quote, she
basically tried to sabotage an entire arena tour, ready for It, reputation,
hip Hip, Hip, Choreography, and her performance of Wildest Dream
(38:22):
Slash Enchanted on the world tour. White Girl, stomp head,
throwing back, outfit, change, smile, look back at the audience.
It has it all. These are the nominees for Best
Taylor Swift. In the category of Best Time, the nominees
are PM the Pop Charts In and Minutes. These are
(38:54):
the nominees for Best Time. And finally, in the category
of Artist of the Millennium, the nominees are Man would
you like to read them with me? A, Melissa Edwards,
Mike White, and Wendy Williams. Congratulations to all of the
(39:17):
nominees for the last Cultures Culture Awards. The show will
be at a later date. Publicists, please begin campaigning now,
the campaign starts now now. Thank you so much, Thank
you so much. Have a good morning. Good morning,
Hosts And Creators
Bowen Yang
Matt Rogers
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