Putting Yourself First with Jamie Lynn Sigler

Actress and activist Jamie Lynn Sigler joins Chelsea to talk about why it took her so long to accept her MS diagnosis, how going through her “athlete phase” led her to the love of her life, and the unexpected turns her life has taken since her career-defining role on The Sopranos.  Then: A single woman wants to stay that way, even though her guy-friends can’t take a hint.  An almost-21-year-old worries about inviting her newly-divorced parents to her birthday party.  And a Kiwi with Graves disease wrestles with fertility questions and unchangeable circumstances. 

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Check out MeSsy with Jamie Lynn Sigler and Christina Applegate

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Need some advice from Chelsea? Email us at [e-mail]

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Executive Producer Catherine Law

Edited & Engineered by Brad Dickert

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The views and opinions expressed are solely those of the Podcast author, or individuals participating in the Podcast, and do not represent the opinions of iHeartMedia or its employees.  This Podcast should not be used as medical advice, mental health advice, mental health counseling or therapy, or as imparting any health care recommendations at all.  Individuals are advised to seek independent medical, counseling advice and/or therapy from a competent health care professional with respect to any medical condition, mental health issues, health inquiry or matter, including matters discussed on this Podcast. Guests and listeners should not rely on matters discussed in the Podcast and shall not act or shall refrain from acting based on information contained in the Podcast without first seeking independent medical advice.

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hi Catherine, Hi Chelsea.

Speaker 2 (00:02):
How are you.

Speaker 1 (00:02):
Oh I'm good. I'm good. I'm just enjoying my new house.
I had an energy cleaner come to my house.

Speaker 3 (00:08):
That's excellent.

Speaker 1 (00:08):
Do they do a little samey?

Speaker 4 (00:10):
Well, I wasn't there, which is how I prefer that
to go down. I was on the road this weekend
and they cleared my house of energy and she sent
me an email with all sorts of shit about my
house and what energy was holding on too, and some
past life stuff. And I was like, oh, you know
how I feel about pause lives. I just can't get
my head around that. But I also spoke to a

(00:31):
numerologist that one of my makeup guys referred me to
because he told me a really fascinating story. He lost
his dog and this numerologist helped him actually find his Missishka,
like he led them to.

Speaker 1 (00:42):
Him right, And I was like, oh, I'd like to
talk to that guy.

Speaker 4 (00:44):
So I only did a half hour reading because I
don't have a lot of intention span for that.

Speaker 1 (00:48):
Kind of stuff. But I'm interested. I'm just not like
you know.

Speaker 4 (00:51):
But every psychic in every medium, and every numerologist or
astrologist that I have spoken to has told me that
my mother is with my dogs all that my dogs
all go to my mom.

Speaker 1 (01:02):
And I had this reading like two weeks ago before.

Speaker 4 (01:05):
Bernice was like going downhill and the neumerologists said Bert,
he goes Bert and Bernie and I was like Bert
and he goes is this Sesame Street? And I'm like, no, no,
those are my dogs, Burt and Bernice. Burt and Bernice
and he goes and Chunk and Tammy. Oh my gosh,
I said the four dogs names that I have had.
I mean, he didn't say Burt and Bernie's but this

(01:27):
was premonitionionary because he did say Burt and Bernie. He
goes Sesame Street or there's something about Oscar the Grouch
and then Burt and Bernie and I was like, oh,
those are my two dogs. But anyway, I had to
say goodbye to Bernice last week. Knowing that she was
going straight to see my mother made me just so happy.

Speaker 3 (01:44):
Yes, well, and Larelin Jackson talks about that in her
book as well. There was one couple she did a
reading for who know people came through for, but like
all these pets and animals came through for, and even
like a bee, they have saved from the middle of
the road, and now I feel bad every time I
be like in a puddle and I pulled out, Oh oh.

Speaker 1 (02:02):
Yeah, they're there.

Speaker 4 (02:03):
I don't know if I have time to be pulling
bees out of puddles though story I mean, I do
have time, I just don't know that I'm going to
be spending it that way.

Speaker 1 (02:10):
It's okay, it's okay.

Speaker 4 (02:11):
Doug went to Doggy Daycaren and Whistler and she was like,
what do you want from this? She's like, this is
our first discovery session.

Speaker 1 (02:17):
I was like what. I was like, discoveries, what do
you mean. I'm like, it's a dog, Like, just fucking
drain him.

Speaker 4 (02:25):
Meanwhile, Doug doesn't listen to anything, so he's just like
all my other dogs.

Speaker 1 (02:29):
He's so sweet. He is so beautiful, doesn't matter. He's
such a beautiful baby.

Speaker 4 (02:33):
We got to Vegas yesterday. We're all in a hotel room.
There's like ten of us and we're all in a
hotel room and Doug gets up on the bed urinates
all over the bed in the hotel room in this
huge suite that they gave us, and then ten minutes
later he pisses all over the dining room floor and
it sounded like a horse was peeing. Like Everyone's like,
oh my god, is there a faucet on? And then
we all looked and saw Doug Pete twice back to back.

(02:53):
Oh no, oh, I thank you for this smarting that
we just ruined.

Speaker 1 (02:58):
Oh no, well, I'll give it back to me the
next time I'm there. Yeah.

Speaker 3 (03:03):
Well, Chelsea, I have just a sweet email from a listener.
This was in a follow up to our Jane Fonda episode.
She says, your Chelsea, I wanted to tell you how
much I enjoyed the last podcast with Jane Fonda. She's
such an icon and made such an impact on me
in my youth and now in my later adulthood and
everything in between. I was hooked on her from her
fitness videos in the eighties and on Golden Pond. Spoke

(03:25):
to me too as I had a hard father, then
Nine to five book Club, and of course Grace and Frankie.
As a fifty six year young woman, I look and
listen to her with awe and admiration. When she said
she closed up shop at eighty six, I felt that
I'm happily divorced, single with a situationship with the wisdom
that there are many roads to a good life. Really
and truly, thank you for the podcast, love listening. Bravo

(03:47):
to you all the best. Chrissy D in Chicago.

Speaker 4 (03:50):
I love hearing about how many people lives have been
impacted by Jane Fonda.

Speaker 3 (03:55):
Oh totally, totally, And I just love that she says
like there are many roads to a good life. So
much of the time I'm on the show, we talk
about like should I do this or that? And you know,
you say this a lot, but it's like when you
make the choice and you choose to go towards something
that's the right thing, and if it's not, you change.

Speaker 4 (04:10):
Yeah, absolutely, and also just committing to your decision that
you're making. When life hands you a curveball, it's okay,
that's what life is, curveballs. Like, it doesn't have to
go the exact way you want everything to go.

Speaker 1 (04:23):
In fact, if it does, then you're not really learning
much at all.

Speaker 3 (04:25):
Right, it's right, exactly, So thanks for writing in, Chrissy.
What's going on, Chelsea.

Speaker 4 (04:31):
Well, my two nieces are in college. My other one
is graduated, so I'm getting ready to see them soon. Fine,
actually invited two of them to I'll be on the
podcast to give gen Z advice to young listeners.

Speaker 1 (04:42):
So this is a call to action.

Speaker 4 (04:43):
Actually, my nieces Jordan and Charlie are coming on to
give advice because they're both great at it. They're both
super smart, and they're both very compassionate, and Jordan definitely
has a psychology brain. So I thought that would be
good to incorporate more family members into the podcast. So
if you're their age, my niece is nineteen and then

(05:04):
twenty five. So if you guys are, if you have
young kids or that age range, if you guys have questions,
please send them in and we'll curtail them to that
special episode.

Speaker 3 (05:13):
Yeah, Or if you have questions about gen Zers right in.

Speaker 4 (05:16):
If you want to understand gen Zers too, if you're
older and you need some intel for your own children
or whatever's happening, that's a good idea too.

Speaker 1 (05:23):
But yes, definitely for our younger listeners. Yeah.

Speaker 3 (05:26):
Our guest today has a new podcast called Messi that
she co hosts with Christina Applegate, and I think we're
ready to welcome her to the show, right, Chelsea.

Speaker 4 (05:35):
Yeah, our guest today is Jamie Lynn Sigler. Hi, Jamie
Lynn Sigler, what's happening?

Speaker 5 (05:41):
What's I'm so excited to talk to you.

Speaker 1 (05:43):
Oh, it's so nice to see you. When was the
last time we saw each other?

Speaker 5 (05:47):
Was it on your show?

Speaker 1 (05:49):
I don't know was it.

Speaker 5 (05:50):
It's like a very long time. It's been a very long.

Speaker 4 (05:52):
Well you look exactly the same, so you well that's
not true, but thank you very much. I know you
have a new podcast with Christina Gate. It's called MESSI,
where you guys discuss your diagnoses, your lifestyle, well, I mean,
not your diagnosis, your life with MS.

Speaker 5 (06:08):
So, yeah, and and other things.

Speaker 1 (06:10):
Of course, of course it's not only about MS.

Speaker 4 (06:13):
So tell me a little bit about reaching out and
you guys connecting and figuring out that you even wanted.

Speaker 1 (06:17):
To do this.

Speaker 6 (06:18):
Yeah, well we were, you know, we've kind of been
peripheral friends for a number of years, and then when
she was diagnosed, our mutual friend mister Lance Bass put
us in touch because I think, you know, she was
in the middle of filming dead to me and was
scared and confused and didn't know what this would mean
for her and me, being somebody that's lived with this

(06:40):
over two decades, he felt like I could help her
and it just morphed into this beautiful friendship. Like I
didn't realize how badly I needed to have somebody that
also was having my sane experience to talk to. I'd
never had that before. And we'd have these two hour
conversations where we'd be laughing and crying and getting really

(07:01):
intimate in ways that I had never done before. And
she called me one morning, like super early, and she
was like, I feel like we need to put these
conversations out. I think it'll be healing for the both
of us and for other people. And what we found
since is it's been really cool because as specific as
we're getting in our journeys and what we're dealing with

(07:23):
in our lives, it's kind of universal for everybody because
everybody's life is messy. Everybody has things that they push
through and have to everybody has hands that were dealt
that they wish they didn't have, And it's about basically
trying to learn how to accept that and move forward
with it. And so we're kind of taking you on
that journey with us.

Speaker 1 (07:41):
Yeah, I think that's very true.

Speaker 4 (07:43):
I think that a lot of people things happen in
life all the time that completely changed the trajectory of
what you thought was going to happen, and how you
get around that psychologically, emotionally, physically, all of you know,
all of the requirements that are necessary for you to
soldier on. So tell me a little bit about your
your experience, because I know that you kind of kept
it hidden for a while your diagnosis, right.

Speaker 5 (08:05):
I did.

Speaker 6 (08:05):
I kept it hidden for almost sixteen years, and you know,
there's a lot of things that led me to become
public with it, the main one being I couldn't really
hide it anymore and I didn't want to lie, and
I didn't like the feelings of shame I was developing
around it, you know, because it.

Speaker 5 (08:24):
Was a secret.

Speaker 6 (08:25):
I was starting to feel guilty and embarrassed by it,
and I knew that I needed to just see, you know.

Speaker 5 (08:34):
I was so fearful.

Speaker 6 (08:35):
I was so fearful that people would only seems when
they looked at me that I would lose work.

Speaker 5 (08:40):
That I just didn't know what it would mean for
my life.

Speaker 6 (08:42):
Once I said it out loud, and ever since then,
it's been like eight years. It's been this really slow
process of acceptance for me, and I'm not quite there yet,
but I'm getting there, and it's just, you know, it
affects my walking, It affects my gait. That's the way
it affects me the most. And I've just in the
past two years finally started using a cane and a

(09:04):
walking stick when I need And that took a lot
for me to get there. It took a lot for
me to actually say I am disabled, I have a disability,
because I think for a long time maybe it meant
that I was losing the battle, that it meant that
I wasn't doing all the right things. And so, like
you said too, the emotional journey, though beyond the physical,

(09:25):
has been the greater one, and with that has come
a lot of amazing gifts.

Speaker 1 (09:31):
I bet tell us about that.

Speaker 6 (09:34):
Yeah, I used to be the most closed off person
in the world.

Speaker 2 (09:38):
You know.

Speaker 6 (09:39):
I came from an immigrant mother who was like, never
let them see you sweat, always put your lipstick, always
look perfect, never let them know that there's a problem
or you are a problem. And it's been a journey
of kind of undoing that, and in my vulnerability and
my forced vulnerability, because what I struggle with is on
the outside, so people mention it, people see it. It's

(10:01):
it's forced me to talk about it. I've had the
greatest connections with people. It's deepened all my relationships and
deepened my relationship with myself and my self worth and
my value as a human no matter what I'm doing
in my career or what my body, how my body
is moving. And I really know wholeheartedly that I would

(10:23):
not be who I am today without MS. As much
as it breaks my heart to struggle the way that
I do physically, I know it's part of my journey
and I'm grateful for it.

Speaker 1 (10:34):
Yeah. Wow, well that's huge.

Speaker 4 (10:36):
I mean, I think once you get to that place,
then you really are around the corner from acceptance, because
it sounds like you are an acceptance.

Speaker 5 (10:43):
I hope so I am.

Speaker 6 (10:44):
And it's really helped to talk about it, especially on
MESSI and what Christina's done for me, because we're in
two really different places with this. You know, she's still
in the new phases and she's angry and she's she's
in her grief. And not to say that I don't dip.

Speaker 5 (10:59):
My toe in that every once in a while, of
course I do. I'm human.

Speaker 6 (11:02):
But what she's really allowed me to do is sit
down sometimes and be like this sucks.

Speaker 5 (11:08):
I hate this. I wish I didn't have it.

Speaker 6 (11:10):
For so long I didn't allow myself to say that
I was afraid to and she's She's taught me the
beautiful balance of being able to express my emotions but
still press forward and have the gratitude that I have.

Speaker 4 (11:25):
And can you educate us a little bit on how
MS presents differently for different people, or like what the
telltale signs are.

Speaker 6 (11:32):
Like definitely, yeah, MS is very different for everybody, which
is I think kind of like the confusing part for people.
And it's why you have to be your own advocate
and speak onto like how it's affecting you and not
hold back when it comes to that. So, like I said,
for me, it's affected my gait and how I walk,
and in the beginning stages was my bladder. So when

(11:54):
I was working on Sopranos and I wasn't telling anybody,
in the middle of a take, I'd be like, I'm sorry, sorry,
I gotta go because I was gonna pee my pants.
That is a very common symptom among women.

Speaker 1 (12:06):
And why does that happen?

Speaker 4 (12:07):
What is it doing to your bladder that it makes
you have to go, Like impulsively.

Speaker 6 (12:12):
So there's so along all of our nerves is myolin.
It's like if you look at a cord that you're
going to plug in your lamp to the wall, there's
this thick coating around the wires, and so the myolin
is that for our nerves, and MS attacks the myolin,
so there's little holes that are poked or it can
damage it completely, so it weakens the signal and sometimes

(12:35):
with that weakened signal, it could cause a spasm. So
it can cause your bladder to start spasming, which then
your brain is confused like do we have to go,
do we have to pee?

Speaker 5 (12:43):
Do we hold it? What do we do?

Speaker 6 (12:45):
And then sometimes you just don't have the control. Unfortunately,
there's medications that can help that. There's a lot of
disease modifying drugs. But you know, for some it can
affect their speech, their hands, cognitively, it can affect their
energy levels. Luckily for me that's not the case. It's just,
like I said, my bladder and my walking, and it's

(13:05):
kind of been this like really slow burn for me
over the last twenty two years, for better or worse.
But I'm like, I'm a real stubborn fighter, and I
keep trying, and I work out as much as I can,
and I push my body as hard as it can go,
because not only do I have dreams that I still
keep alive, but I have two little boys that I
really want to be as present for as I can.

(13:28):
But there's also the hard reality of my limitations when
it comes to being a mother.

Speaker 4 (13:33):
And do those physical limitations Are they the same always?

Speaker 1 (13:37):
Are they? Or does it? Is it sporadic? It's always
the same?

Speaker 5 (13:40):
Yeah? For me, yes, yes, it's it's it's it.

Speaker 6 (13:43):
And I think that that works for me because I
kind of know what I'm dealing with every day, and
especially when I work, it's easy for me to say, Okay,
here's what I can do, here's what I can't do,
here's what I need, here's what I don't need.

Speaker 5 (13:57):
It's allowed me to find my voice at work.

Speaker 1 (14:00):
I bet.

Speaker 4 (14:01):
I mean, I mean, if you said you were hiding
that right from your people you were working with for
so long, how did you I mean having to actually
a tell people like this is what's happening and then
be set boundaries up like Okay, I want you to
hire me, but now I have to give you four
reasons why you might look away and go, we're not
hiring her.

Speaker 5 (14:19):
Yep, yep. I've dealt with all of it. I've dealt
with you know.

Speaker 6 (14:25):
My last job, I got hired on just to be
like a recurring guest star, and then they kept me
on for two seasons as a regular, And so in
that experience, I was like, Oh, I'm not a burden.
This doesn't deter anybody. They hired me for my talent
and they worked around it, which was great. But at
the end of that experience, I felt really strongly that

(14:47):
the next thing I do, I just want to work
in this body, Like, why can't I just walk the
way I walk and play a character. It doesn't have
to all be about MS, because my whole life is
not about MS. But I've lost a role recently where
they felt like the male character wouldn't look very good
if he broke up with a girl that had a disability,
which I get. I'm not mad at, I understand. I

(15:09):
understand their ways of thinking, but also a lot of
my trepidations about coming out about it was because there's
nobody on camera that moves like me, unless it's like
very specifically, like they're the character that has a disability
and they're they're sympathetic or they're a villain, and I'm
just gonna do my part and hopefully try to change that.

Speaker 1 (15:28):
Yeah, I like it. I like everything you're saying.

Speaker 4 (15:30):
That's very powerful, and I'm and noted on the podcast
not only revolving around the disease, but revolving around your
real lives. Because in order to represent MS on TV,
or on podcasts or in media in any way, it
doesn't have to be addressed all the time. You just
have to have people who haven't who are acting like

(15:51):
regular people, because that's what you are, a person.

Speaker 5 (15:53):
That's exactly right.

Speaker 4 (15:55):
So talk to me about your marriage, because I know
you had a divorce when you were very very young.
I was probably traumatic from what I gathered, correct, And
then you went on to meet this new guy, your
husband of how many years?

Speaker 6 (16:07):
Well, we've been together thirteen years, but we've been married.

Speaker 4 (16:11):
Eight okay, and you have two boys with him m hm.
And so how did you go from a toxic relationship
to the healthy relationship because that's what our listeners all
want to know about.

Speaker 5 (16:23):
Let's talk about it.

Speaker 6 (16:24):
Well, my first marriage, so I've never really talked about
much so he was ten years older than me, and
then he became my manager.

Speaker 4 (16:32):
As it was funny though, sorry to interrupt, but I will,
because isn't it funny that you can have a first
marriage and almost forget that you were married all the time.
Think about that, like people are upset about breaking up
with people. It's like you might not even remember this
person fucking ten years from now or five years from now.
There are people that I was in relationships with that
I've forgotten about.

Speaker 5 (16:52):
It's so true.

Speaker 6 (16:54):
I too, I forget all the time that I was married,
literally married to somebody.

Speaker 1 (16:58):
Once, so something to remember people, Yes, that is very true.

Speaker 5 (17:02):
Life goes on.

Speaker 6 (17:04):
So after that, I had a series of three boyfriends
that were all lovely, and you know, my first husband
was like this kind of like showman like who turned
out to be a bit of a sociopath. And then
my next boyfriend was the opposite. He was like super quiet, reserved,
which is kind of what I needed.

Speaker 5 (17:23):
And then I dated my.

Speaker 6 (17:25):
Co starred Jerry Ferarra an Entourage for a little bit,
who was just like loving and supportive. Then I started
going through like a little bit of an athlete phase.
And then yes, I remember that but my end then
my husband was an athlete and he's eight years younger
than me, so when we were we weren't set up.
He was hanging out with my best friend's husband because

(17:48):
they were both baseball players, and I was in a
dry spell for a while and he was leaving for
spring training in a few weeks, and literally my girlfriends.

Speaker 5 (17:56):
Were like, he's so cute, he's into you, just like
fucking for a little while, like have some fun, like.

Speaker 6 (18:03):
Come on, and I was like, okay, And I think
because of that, we didn't play any games. You know,
it was no like don't text or don't call, or
leave a little space, leave a little time. We just
jumped in just having fun and getting to know each
other and kind of the rest is history.

Speaker 5 (18:19):
You know, we did long distance.

Speaker 6 (18:21):
We got pregnant by accident less than a year later,
but that was just kind of, I say, God's way
of interfering to keep me where I was, because I
kind of had a history of like a year or
two in and then I ran because of my divorce
and like my fear of getting too deep into a relationship.
And he is wonderful. He is the most supportive and patient,

(18:45):
loving guy. And I would say the only I wouldn't
call it an issue. But the thing that we really
have to work through is the MS in this relationship,
which sometimes feels like the third person in our relationship
because sometimes I need him to.

Speaker 5 (18:58):
Back off with how much he's helping me.

Speaker 6 (19:01):
Sometimes I need him to just let me vent and
not have to fix those types of things, which is
like sort of been our only real struggle, thankfully.

Speaker 1 (19:12):
And as it should be.

Speaker 4 (19:13):
I mean, that is a struggle, so it wouldn't not
be and you're blessed to not have to be stressed
about anything else in your relationship.

Speaker 1 (19:21):
That is true.

Speaker 4 (19:22):
And I think that's very sagacious what you just said
about venting, because that's definitely a thing.

Speaker 1 (19:27):
I want to fix people's problems always.

Speaker 4 (19:29):
I want to tell them what to do, and I
want to give them advice, and I want to get involved.
And that's not always welcome or necessary. Some people just
want to fucking vent and that's it. They just want
to get it off their chest and they don't want
you to help them fix it, which is what you're saying.
And I can respect that because I definitely have been
there too. And then there are people that just can't
see the forest for the trees who you want to help,

(19:50):
but you can't because they're not listening. They don't get it,
they don't see the problem, and they're focusing on the
small things instead of the larger picture. But I think
it is a very valuable thing to remember that sometimes
people just need to be heard and to be listened to.
And since I don't get to practice that on the podcast,
because that's what this podcast is about, is giving advice
and talking to people, I do want to say that

(20:12):
I practice that.

Speaker 1 (20:12):
In real life with people.

Speaker 4 (20:13):
When I know that somebody has an issue, I just
I'm trying very hard to sit and not interfere and
just listen and hold someone or rub their arm or
their back or whatever, because everyone needs that every once
in a while. We all go through shit where you
just you know somebody can't fix it, but want you
want to complain, you want to get it out.

Speaker 1 (20:31):
It's like one thing after another.

Speaker 6 (20:33):
Yeah, you need to like release the pressure, valve a
little bit, you know, like get.

Speaker 5 (20:37):
Some of that air out.

Speaker 6 (20:38):
And yeah, and I tell my husband and friends even
sometimes like thank you for listening. This is something I
want to.

Speaker 5 (20:45):
Figure out on my own. This is something that I
know I'm going.

Speaker 6 (20:47):
To grow from figuring out on my own. And I
think that comes also with time and experience of figuring
out as the complainer or as the person that's needing
to vent, differentiating like a mice saying this because I
need your help, or am I saying this because I
just need to vent, but knowing that I'm going to
figure it out on my own.

Speaker 1 (21:06):
Okay, well, let's take a break and we'll be right back.

Speaker 3 (21:13):
If you need advice from Chelsea, write into Dear Chelsea
Podcast at gmail dot com. You can ask about your
biggest dating conundrums, the cheating scandal that's rocking your friend group,
the funniest marital disagreements you need Chelsea to weigh in on,
or anything else that's Dear Chelsea Podcast at gmail dot com.

Speaker 4 (21:31):
And we're back. We have some callers today, Jamie. I'm
so happy you're here to give advice. Okay, what do
we got, Catherine?

Speaker 3 (21:39):
We actually have people calling in from all over the place.
We've got someone calling in from Spain, someone calling in
from New Zealand's exciting.

Speaker 4 (21:46):
I can't believe people get my podcast overseas. Oh interesting,
I didn't know how the internet works. Yeah, we'll start
with Megan. So she is almost twenty one.

Speaker 1 (21:55):
Oh.

Speaker 3 (21:56):
She is calling from Spain, where she's been doing a
semester abroad. So Meghan says, Dear Chelsea, I need your
advice on whether or not to invite both my parents
to my twenty first birthday party. I'm in college, and
six months ago I found out my parents are getting
a divorce. I already go to school out of state
and I rarely see my family, but I haven't seen
them in months now because I'm in another country for

(22:17):
the semester. I'm heading home in a couple of weeks,
and my birthday is the first week I'm home from
study abroad. My siblings have been keeping me updated on
all the drama, but I'm the youngest, so they're definitely
keeping things from me. What I do know is my
dad now has a long term girlfriend, and my mom
has just started seeing.

Speaker 5 (22:33):
Someone great Great.

Speaker 3 (22:36):
My parents haven't spoken since Christmas, just through lawyers, so
my birthday would be the first time they'd be in
the same room. I know they want me to be happy,
and we'll do whatever I want them to do, but
I also know one of them will be extremely bummed
if they aren't there to celebrate me. Thanks so much
for being my therapist when I can't visit my actual therapist.
Whatever advice you can give would be amazing. Megan, Why

(22:56):
she is Hi?

Speaker 1 (22:57):
You little almost twenty one year old cutiepows Hi?

Speaker 2 (23:00):
Hi?

Speaker 7 (23:01):
How are you?

Speaker 2 (23:01):
Hi?

Speaker 1 (23:01):
Cutie? This is Jamie Lan Siegler. She's our special guest today.

Speaker 7 (23:05):
Hi, Jamie.

Speaker 1 (23:06):
Hi.

Speaker 4 (23:07):
I think it's a perfect opportunity for your parents to
challenge up to meet the moment and make this their
first outing. And it's not about them.

Speaker 1 (23:15):
It's about you.

Speaker 4 (23:16):
Yeah, No, definitely, And I think listen, obviously, somebody got
very hurt, but if they're both dating other people, that
softens everybody's pain. Obviously, your father, if he has a
long term girlfriend, then he's probably had her for a while,
and your mother probably hates thinks he's an asshole, but
she's dating someone and that's very positive. And if you
feel like you should have a conversation with either one

(23:37):
of them beforehand, then you should do that too, just
to be like, hey, this is a big day for me.
You know, it's my twenty first birthday and I really
would love to have both of you there, and I
know you want to be with me, and let's just
make this as easy and pain free as possible.

Speaker 7 (23:52):
Yeah, no, I completely agree.

Speaker 8 (23:54):
I think I struggle with having like those conversations with them,
just being the youngest and having to.

Speaker 7 (24:00):
Go with the flow. I never really I don't.

Speaker 8 (24:03):
Like to make things about me entirely, so it's definitely
going to be difficult to have that conversation with them.
But my sisters also said the same thing. They were like,
you know, look like this could be the first time
we really get them together and we can test the waters.
But if you don't want that, they said they would
support me in whatever decision I make, And I have
been debating, telling them I don't even want either of

(24:24):
them there and just doing a whole thing with my
friends and my siblings' friends and celebrating it separately. But
it's a big birthday, especially, you know, I've been waiting
to turn twenty one having older siblings all in their twenties,
so I.

Speaker 1 (24:38):
Know the feeling. I'm with you, I got it.

Speaker 8 (24:41):
Oh yeah, I definitely need to have a conversation with them,
and if whatever happens, it happens.

Speaker 7 (24:48):
But I know they're not going to intentionally try to
ruin my day.

Speaker 1 (24:52):
No, they're not.

Speaker 4 (24:53):
And also something you just said, you have problems putting
yourself first, This is a great opportunity to put yourself
for f You're going to have to go through life
and there are going to be times where you have
to put yourself first.

Speaker 1 (25:04):
And that doesn't mean you're selfish.

Speaker 4 (25:06):
That just means that you're healthy and you know that,
like certain dynamics require.

Speaker 1 (25:10):
This is your birthday party.

Speaker 4 (25:11):
And if you don't want to have the conversation, then
write them an email and put it on the email together.
Put them on the email together if you want to
be like, Okay, this is all I've ever known. I
understand you guys aren't together, and I totally support both
of you. This is my birthday. I would love to
have both of you there. If we can have a peaceful,
joyful celebration, and if you don't think that you can

(25:32):
come with that attitude, then we'll celebrate on our own
at another time. But I don't want this birthday to
be about your divorce. Actually, write down exactly what I
just said.

Speaker 1 (25:41):
Because that was really perfect.

Speaker 5 (25:43):
I just wrote it down.

Speaker 7 (25:47):
Good thing it's being recorded.

Speaker 8 (25:48):
Yeah yeah, no, but you said, you know, you saying
an email. That's actually really interesting because my dad would
honestly reply to an email faster than a text message.

Speaker 7 (25:56):
So that's a good idea.

Speaker 1 (25:58):
Yeah, well that's how you know what generations people are from.

Speaker 7 (26:01):
Yeah, exactly. Yeah, I do have older parents.

Speaker 3 (26:03):
So even if you're sort of an adult like you
are now, when your parents get a divorced, you have
to grow up really fast. So you know, this is
that first conversation that you have to have where like
you are taking the reins of this relationship dynamic.

Speaker 1 (26:16):
So how are you feeling about their separation and divorce?
Does that bother you? Were you shocked? Were you upset?

Speaker 7 (26:22):
Well, it was more I wouldn't say shocked.

Speaker 8 (26:25):
It was more like we didn't think it was ever
going to happen because they would always put their relationship
in even us first.

Speaker 4 (26:32):
Well, of course, these couples they wait until their kids
are out of the house. It's like, who the fuck
are you waiting? Like, the kids don't get they just
want normal parents. And when you're fucking fifteen through twenty one,
you are not thinking about your parents.

Speaker 1 (26:45):
You are thinking about your life.

Speaker 8 (26:47):
Right, It's been a lot of ups and downs, just
because when I first found out, I didn't find out
in like the best way possible. But then I was
also at school like fifteen hundred miles away, and now
I am studying abroad in the completely diferent country, So
I'm I don't even know the full story of what's
happening back home. I just get what my siblings tell me,
because obviously my parents aren't telling me anything. They're just

(27:09):
sugarcoating everything. So I don't necessarily know exactly what I'm
going home to. I just have an idea of what
I'm going home too. And that's the other thing that
I'm struggling with.

Speaker 3 (27:18):
What are your siblings saying about it?

Speaker 8 (27:20):
I mean, as much as I love my brother and
I love talking to him in a person, have to
finish that way.

Speaker 1 (27:26):
We all know, brothers.

Speaker 4 (27:28):
You should see the text I got my I had
to put my dog down recently, and my brother sent
me this text. And I have two brothers, and one
of them is so sweet and so loving, and the
other one is a fucking asshole. And the texts I
got from my I mean, the two texts just describe
their I might have to put them in my new
book because it really just shows you who.

Speaker 1 (27:46):
Each person is.

Speaker 7 (27:47):
Yeah. No, well, first I just want to say I'm
sorry about your dog. I loved seeing all those.

Speaker 1 (27:51):
Oh thank you many thank you.

Speaker 4 (27:53):
What are they saying your sister's saying about the dynamics
since they separated.

Speaker 8 (27:57):
I think they're telling me what I ask them questions about.

Speaker 7 (28:01):
And one my sister, she.

Speaker 8 (28:03):
Does like still live in my hometown and so she's
getting it all in person, so a lot. And she's
also the oldest, so my mom is kind of putting
everything on her, and then my dad is asking her like, oh, like,
how's your mom doing? And she's very much in the middle.
So sometimes when we call to catch up, she kind
of just dumps it all on me, and which I'm
okay with because then I am getting the full truth.

(28:24):
Whereas my other sister, who knows way more about everything
that's been happening, like she's known since the beginning, She's
more like, I'll tell you whatever you want to know
and whatever you ask questions about. But I don't want
to ruin your study abroad experience by just calling you
when something happens and telling you what's going on. You know,

(28:45):
she just waits for me to ask.

Speaker 1 (28:46):
Yeah, it sounds like you have great sisters.

Speaker 5 (28:48):
Yeah, okay, it's so considerable.

Speaker 8 (28:50):
I do.

Speaker 7 (28:50):
I'm really lucky.

Speaker 4 (28:51):
Yeah, totally, that's so nice. I have great sisters too.
It's so Jamie, do you have sisters?

Speaker 5 (28:57):
No, I grew up with two older brothers.

Speaker 1 (28:58):
Okay, so then you have you have to deal with that.
Thank you.

Speaker 7 (29:01):
Yeah you understand the brother that.

Speaker 6 (29:04):
Yeah, of course, of course. But I think you know,
like your parents made this decision for them and what
was right for their lives, Like Chelsea said, like this
is your opportunity to do that for yourself, and your
twenty first birthday is one to remember hopefully, and like
you should say that in your email. If you feel
like they're not going to be able to show up

(29:25):
for you the way that you need, then maybe it's
just not the place for them to be at.

Speaker 5 (29:29):
Maybe you don't even want them there.

Speaker 3 (29:31):
Maybe you have like a family dinner and like you
get to go out and get trashed with your friends,
you know, for like at the actual twenty first birthday, what.

Speaker 1 (29:39):
Is the plan? Is it a big party?

Speaker 8 (29:40):
You said, it's a big group of us going downtown,
Like a lot of my friends won't be home from
school yet, so it's only a few of my friends,
but it's my siblings and all of their friends who
also watched me grow up and they've all.

Speaker 7 (29:53):
Been waiting for me to turn twenty one.

Speaker 8 (29:54):
So it's going to be it's going to be so
much fun because it's a big group. But also I
don't know who knows what of what's been going on
because everything is so new. So if a fight does
break out, like I really don't want to be put
in a situation, and I doubt my siblings want to
be put in a situation where we have to like
explain that or like cover that up.

Speaker 1 (30:15):
You know, well, I think this email will cover.

Speaker 4 (30:17):
You'll find out where they are and if they're able
to be in the same space together, and if they're not,
then you know, then they're not and that's okay too,
Like then you can have celebrate with them individually, because
it does sound like what you're going to do is
basically like a bar crawl, right.

Speaker 7 (30:29):
That's that's exactly what we're doing. Yeah, party, bus bar.

Speaker 4 (30:32):
That's going to be more fun without your parents anyway,
So you could go either way you want with this one.
I mean, you know, and they'll probably only come and
then leave, you know what I mean.

Speaker 1 (30:40):
They're not going to be there all night.

Speaker 7 (30:41):
Yeah right, They're probably gonna go home by ten.

Speaker 1 (30:43):
Yeah yeah.

Speaker 3 (30:43):
And I would worry less about like a fight breaking
out than like just general tension.

Speaker 1 (30:47):
My last piece of advice that will tell you is hydrate.

Speaker 3 (30:50):
Hydrate all day and then between every day you have
a water you'll see get I would love to try
that one time.

Speaker 4 (30:57):
I would love because of how much I fucking detest water.
But now I have my new water flavorers that.

Speaker 1 (31:04):
I like my electro life.

Speaker 4 (31:05):
But I would love to go out drink, have a
glass of water like everyone's been fucking talking about for
the last fifty thousand years, and see if.

Speaker 1 (31:13):
That makes a fucking difference. Because I doubt it will
does for me, it does the.

Speaker 8 (31:17):
Next day, then maybe I should Maybe I should tell
them to drink water.

Speaker 1 (31:21):
I just get an IV Get an IV there. It
is a preemptive well.

Speaker 8 (31:25):
Honestly, I was thinking about that, just booking an appointment
and getting.

Speaker 4 (31:28):
Get a phyplactic IVY so that you're prepared for all
the water that all the dehydration coming your way, and
also have a great fucking birthday. Twenty one is a
huge birthday. That's your first big birthday in your life
other than when you turn eighteen.

Speaker 1 (31:42):
That's good.

Speaker 8 (31:43):
Well, eighteen these days isn't like that big of a
deal because like what, you can vote, maybe get drafted
to the war, but what all the perks.

Speaker 4 (31:53):
Seventeen was big because of your license, So that was
my that was seventeen sixteen. Oh I didn't get my license,
so sixteen.

Speaker 1 (32:01):
Yeah, seventeen was big.

Speaker 4 (32:03):
Eighteen was big, and then twenty one and then after
that it's every ten years.

Speaker 7 (32:07):
So yeah, I'm gonna say it's just down hope from here.

Speaker 2 (32:10):
Yeah.

Speaker 4 (32:11):
I enjoy yourself and your future is Thank you so much. Okay,
you're welcome. Hoy Bday, Happy birthday.

Speaker 1 (32:16):
Thank you.

Speaker 7 (32:17):
I appreciate it. Bye guys, Bye Jamie.

Speaker 1 (32:20):
What's your situation? Are you allowed to drink while you're
on the medication you're on for MS or no?

Speaker 6 (32:25):
I am allowed. I just don't alcohol for whatever reasons.
Never really hit me, right, Oh cannabis does?

Speaker 1 (32:32):
Yeah? Oh interesting, interesting, very nice.

Speaker 4 (32:35):
It's why all drugs affect me in a positive way
and other people either like it's they like one or
the other. Typically alcohol or cannabis, right, all of my
friends that are cannabis people don't like alcohol, you.

Speaker 6 (32:48):
Know, I get in my younger years, I just would
get slappy, like I'm the girl that like the decision
making goes out the window, Like wouldn't it be funny
if I flashed them so I fly, you know, like
I would just be.

Speaker 1 (33:03):
Right, I hear you. Okay, fair enough.

Speaker 3 (33:05):
Well, let's take a break and we'll be right back.
Our next caller is Katie. She says, Dear Chelsea, I'm
writing in today to ask you about an issue that
I've honestly struggled with ever since I was a teenager. Basically,
my question is this, how do you deal with a
friend who develops romantic feelings for you when you don't

(33:26):
have the same interest in them. This has happened to
me many times over the years, mostly with my guy friends,
and I never feel like I handle the situation well.
My typical approach is to ignore the signs that they
have feelings for me as long as possible, and then
when they finally decide to bring up their feelings, I
try to shut it down as politely as I can.
No matter what, I always end up feeling guilty about
the situation, like I've been leading them on or something. Also,

(33:48):
when we do end up having the conversation about dating
and how I'm not interested, it frequently feels like they're
trying to argue with me or convince me to change
my mind. The way I see this is if I'm
not attracted to you romantically or interested in you, I'm
not going to spend my limited time and energy giving
it a chance. Life's too short for that shit. So
how do I shut these types of conversations down while

(34:09):
preserving the friendship? Katie Hi, Katie Hi?

Speaker 1 (34:12):
Hi, This is JB. She's our special guest, So say
hi to her.

Speaker 7 (34:15):
Hi, Nice to meet you too.

Speaker 4 (34:18):
Okay, so you seem to get a lot of people.
Is it all men or are you implying that there
was a woman that has a crush on you now?

Speaker 2 (34:24):
Oh that Well, there is a woman who has a
crush on me now, but that's kind of my fault.
But well, we met on a dating app, so like
that's a separate issue.

Speaker 1 (34:33):
Okay, let's go back. I'm curious about that issue also.

Speaker 2 (34:37):
But yeah, well so, but mostly the issue is like
straight guys that I've been friends with, I don't think
I can think of a single guy friend that I
have that I'm still friends with who didn't have a
crush on me at some point. So I feel like
I'm constantly having to deal with this, but also like
a lot of my friends deal with this too, where
you know, they're like they it's some guy they know,

(34:57):
some guy like they work with or is like a
mutual friend or something like that, and then it just
gets really awkward really fast.

Speaker 4 (35:04):
And have you ever handled it where it was a
successful result and you remain friends with the guy after
they revealed to you that they had feelings.

Speaker 2 (35:11):
Yeah, yeah, I have a few guy friends who handled
it well and we're still friends.

Speaker 4 (35:15):
And how did you handle those interactions when it came
down to the wire.

Speaker 2 (35:19):
I mean, I just feel like I was like, you know,
I'm not interested. Can we just be friends? And I
feel like a lot of the work is on their part,
like of being like, Okay, yeah, I'm going to be
cool with this and I'm going to accept it. I
was like, hey, I understand if you like need some
time and space, that's fine, but then the ball's.

Speaker 7 (35:37):
Kind of in their core. I feel like to not
be weird.

Speaker 4 (35:40):
Absolutely, I mean, if you tell someone that you're not interested,
they have to say take that information and accept it.
They can't be like, well you should be because of
ab and c. Like that's kind of really annoying. You
can't be convinced to date somebody you should like me
because yeah, yeah, I have had this experience, Jamie. I'm
sure you've had plenty of friendships where they thought it
was headed in a different direction.

Speaker 6 (36:03):
You know, not many, maybe once or twice, But I
think it was just more like I went on a
date or two and then not feeling it and the
other person really not understanding.

Speaker 4 (36:14):
Why isn't that amazing though, that you could be on
such different tracks?

Speaker 6 (36:18):
Yeah, Like, isn't it very clear that there's not a
connection here.

Speaker 1 (36:22):
It's like chemistry is palpable.

Speaker 4 (36:24):
When there is chemistry between two people, you feel it
and both people feel it. So if the person that
you're telling that you don't have chemistry with, that you're
not interested doesn't understand that there's no chemistry, then they've
never felt chemistry between another person before, yes.

Speaker 5 (36:40):
And to try to like make it work.

Speaker 6 (36:42):
I mean, I've also been in situations where you know
you're dating somebody and then after a while you can
feel that they're not feeling it anymore. And it's the worst,
but it's so clear you can feel the shift, and
it's it's important too, and you're right, and it was
on me to do the work for it.

Speaker 3 (36:57):
Well yeah, well we women can, that's right, right, Yeah,
maybe these guys just aren't feeling it.

Speaker 7 (37:02):
Yeah.

Speaker 4 (37:02):
I do think though, listen and when you know somebody
has a crush on you, since this is a pattern,
it happens to you frequently, I do think you can
get a little bit smarter about nipping it in the
bud before it becomes an issue. You know, make it
very clear that you are not available in that way,
even if you're single, that you're not interested in that
kind of dynamic with friends, Like I love having a

(37:23):
friend like you. I hope you can be friends for
a long time. I hope I can introduce you to
my next boyfriend and my husband. I hope you'll be
at my wedding, you know, like making a delineation about
the friendship and making it very clear, this is us,
this is what we're doing, and it's not going to
go beyond that. In as gentle a way as possible.
I think it is helpful to steer the person off course,

(37:43):
you know what I mean.

Speaker 3 (37:44):
You know, I almost wonder too, because Katie and I
want you to talk about this for a second, but
like when we talked to you, like, I love being single,
and I think sometimes the person who's like not interested
at all sort of is like guys are like, yeah,
it's a.

Speaker 4 (37:58):
Magnetic attraction because you don't you're not despert and you're
not asking for anything. So that's when men are turned
on when you're not interested. So it's totally normal. Like
I've had this so many times with men when I've
been single, roommates, guys, and I'm but I was so
clueless to it because I was just an idiot, you know,
until they actually try to kiss me and I'm like,
what the fuck are you doing?

Speaker 1 (38:17):
But I do lead people on without thinking of it.

Speaker 4 (38:20):
So I had to really curb my behavior with male
friends to let them know, like just because I'm flirty
and fun and I like to take my top off
doesn't mean I want to fuck you.

Speaker 7 (38:28):
Yeah, for sure, for sure.

Speaker 2 (38:29):
And I guess just being like just because I'm single
doesn't mean I'm interested or doesn't mean I'm available, Like
automatically like, is.

Speaker 4 (38:35):
There anything you're doing that you think you should change?
Is there any behavioral patterns that you think are leading
to this?

Speaker 7 (38:44):
I don't think so.

Speaker 2 (38:44):
I'm not even really that flirty like of a person,
Like I'm just kind of me hanging out here doing
what I do, you know, But I think there are
some guys where if you're just nice to them at all,
they fall in love with you.

Speaker 1 (38:57):
So well.

Speaker 4 (38:58):
Also because you are happy and you are centered and
you are grounded, that is attractive to men.

Speaker 1 (39:04):
You know. It's like, look, she's got her shit together.
That's fun. Okay. So there's nothing you're doing that you
think that is leading it to this.

Speaker 4 (39:10):
So I would just try and be like a little
bit more proactive about it before it comes up. Try
and just keep your eyes open for that and just
when you sense it, make it clear.

Speaker 3 (39:21):
Yeah, and you can even like what Chelsea said about
when you do have to address it tag onto that
don't make it weird, like this doesn't have to be
a thing, like let's keep being friends and like.

Speaker 1 (39:29):
Yes, let's have this. That's good.

Speaker 7 (39:31):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (39:32):
I like that.

Speaker 4 (39:32):
If someone said that to me that I had a
crush on, I would be like oh okay, yeah, like
it's not good fuck.

Speaker 1 (39:36):
You anyway, but thank you for that's up. I'm glad
I know I have a friend out there. Awesome. Well
did that help, Katie?

Speaker 3 (39:44):
Yes, definitely, okay, awesome, all right, let us know next
time as happens if things worked out well and yeah.

Speaker 5 (39:51):
For sure for sure.

Speaker 1 (39:52):
Okay, bye, Katie.

Speaker 7 (39:53):
Well thanks for having me bye.

Speaker 5 (39:55):
I mean it's not a bad problem to have.

Speaker 3 (39:59):
I think there's some women who like are just not
interested in like the men around them, and it's magnetic,
like you said, no.

Speaker 1 (40:05):
Yeah, it's something happens. It's it's always like that, yep.

Speaker 4 (40:08):
And also people create narratives, like when they hang out
with you, they start to believe whatever they want to
believe about the dynamics. So they're like, oh, yeah, I
hung out with her again. She's spending time with me.
She obviously likes me.

Speaker 6 (40:21):
Yes, right, your brain can find evidence for whatever story exactly.

Speaker 3 (40:26):
It's like she doesn't dislike you, or she wouldn't be
inviting around.

Speaker 5 (40:28):
But yeah.

Speaker 7 (40:30):
Well.

Speaker 3 (40:30):
Georgia is calling in from New Zealand. Her subject line
was Graves disease is a stupid name for a stupid condition.

Speaker 1 (40:37):
Dear, Chelsea.

Speaker 3 (40:38):
I'm writing a need of some advice from my favorite
doctor comedian podcast Queen. I'm a twenty eight year old
woman in New Zealand and I was recently diagnosed with
Graves disease and autoimmune condition where my thiraid goes way
too fast. This came after experiencing some mild, vague symptoms,
and the diagnosis came as a big shock. I've always
been generally happy and healthy. The diagnosis has left me

(41:00):
feeling insecure, ashamed, lost and confused. There's been some weight
gain on my medication inevitable in this case, and some
eye symptoms, and I'm ashamed because that's such a vain concern.
I'm also worried about the impact this has on my fertility,
as my husband and I were keen to start trying
next year and that may no longer be an option.
Do you have any advice on adjusting to a huge

(41:20):
life change, be it health related or not. I'm seeing
a therapist I love, but would love any advice you
have to give. Love from New Zealand, Georgia.

Speaker 1 (41:29):
Hi, Georgia, Hi, Yeah, how are you? I'm good?

Speaker 5 (41:32):
Hi?

Speaker 1 (41:32):
Thanks for calling from all the way from New Zealand.

Speaker 4 (41:35):
Jamie, why don't you start this one since you have
more experience.

Speaker 5 (41:40):
Yes, So, Georgia, Hi, nice to meet you. I'm Jamie.

Speaker 6 (41:43):
I live with also an autoimmune neurological disorder called MS,
so I understand and can sympathize greatly with what you're
feeling and going through.

Speaker 5 (41:54):
And I'm sorry.

Speaker 6 (41:55):
I've lived with this for a very long time, over
twenty two years. So the advice that I could give
you is I developed this kind of like three step
thing for myself that really helps me. And the first
step is to reflect, and that means to sit with
the hard feelings, the grief, the sadness, the depression, the

(42:19):
despair of what you thought was going to be for
your body, for your old body, all of those things.
You have to give yourself the space to feel all
of those things. And the second step is reframe. So
there has to be acceptance over your diagnosis and what
this means for your life, and that means you're going
to have to reframe that and the decisions and things

(42:41):
that you're going to make. Doesn't mean that things are hopeless,
but you have to figure out the adjustments and the
way that you're going to need to pivot. And then
the third step is reach out, reach out for help.

Speaker 5 (42:52):
There's resources, there's people, there's.

Speaker 6 (42:56):
Tons of opportunity to research and find mind whatever little
bit of help might help you. There's tons of modalities
for different things, and I think that those are kind
of three steps that I come back to often still.
I mean, it's not like it's one and done, but
it really helps me kind of process the way a

(43:18):
disease that you have no control over sometimes affects you.

Speaker 4 (43:21):
And also, I'm sure there's a support group for people
who have been diagnosed with graves. That's where you should start,
you know, to get advice and tools for dealing with
it from people who have been experiencing it.

Speaker 9 (43:33):
Yeah. Yeah, and that's all very helpful. I think that
those three steps are a really interesting way to I
think I did a lot of the first step sitting
with it, feeling a lot of feelings, and then I
think I sort of jumped to step three of reaching
out and getting into therapy and looking for those resources
and that sort of thing. I still think what I've
struggled with and maybe what I need to focus on

(43:53):
more is that reframing step and that acceptance and actually
looking forward instead of sort of being like, either it's
going to be fine and just sort of cutting or
I'm feeling really down about it.

Speaker 5 (44:06):
It's going to change day to day.

Speaker 6 (44:09):
Might have good weeks, you might have good months, you
might have good years, or you know, it's you have
to give yourself grace through all of it. Strength doesn't
mean that you're like handling it with positivity and everything's great.
Strength means that you're just still showing up for yourself
wherever you are that day, wherever you are.

Speaker 5 (44:27):
In that moment, in my opinion, and.

Speaker 6 (44:29):
That is really difficult, and I understand that. And also
getting a good community around you, whether it's two three people,
whoever it is. It's important for you to not go
through this too much in your own head and with
your own self.

Speaker 7 (44:45):
You know.

Speaker 4 (44:46):
Can I ask you what is the status of being
able to have children? Did they say that that is
off the table or that it may not be on
the table.

Speaker 9 (44:53):
So a little update. I'm actually pregnant now.

Speaker 3 (44:57):
Oh oh my god, Telsey, work quickly.

Speaker 1 (45:01):
That is so fast.

Speaker 4 (45:02):
You just called in like five minutes ago and you're
already pregnant.

Speaker 9 (45:08):
I haven't very very quickly. I had a thyroid ectomy.
So they actually removed the thyroid, which meant that I
am no longer on medication, which meant I couldn't get pregnant.
And so it got the clear from my doctors in
about December, and we thought, okay, well, this might take
quite a long time.

Speaker 5 (45:27):
You know, getting.

Speaker 9 (45:27):
Hormones back to normal can have a huge effect. And no,
that didn't take that long.

Speaker 1 (45:33):
That's amazing.

Speaker 4 (45:34):
I mean, there you go, right there, there's a sign
from the universe telling you that everything is going to
be okay, but slightly different, you know what I mean.

Speaker 5 (45:42):
Yeah, then your body is an abandoning you.

Speaker 9 (45:45):
Yeah, I think it has been. It's definitely helped with
gaining some of that trust back. Surely you're quite familiar
with that feeling.

Speaker 8 (45:51):
I'm feeling.

Speaker 9 (45:52):
I've quite felt quite betrayed for the first time from
my own body. It has definitely been quite healing to
gain some of that trustpack.

Speaker 2 (46:01):
I think.

Speaker 1 (46:02):
Yeah. Wow.

Speaker 3 (46:03):
Georgia, when we talked earlier, you had mentioned that some
of your symptoms have continued even after having some treatments.
Do you want to tell us a little bit about that?
And I wonder if Jamie has some wisdom on like
dealing with disappointments when it comes to different treatments.

Speaker 9 (46:18):
Yeah, so I'm now on because I have no function,
I'm now on medication that helps my thyroid to work well,
the sort of fake thyroid replacement replacement, and so that
has led to I guess a different set of symptoms.
Where before getting pregnant there was a bit of weight gain,
and I guess things went the other way, feeling maybe lethargic.

(46:40):
And the big one that I have had since is
I also developed thyroid eye disease, which is sort of
a different disease from Graves, but you get it because
of Graves. And it meant that my eyes have changed
in appearance. They sort of bulge out a bit more.
I've had some treatment so my island that it made

(47:01):
sort of my eyelids sort of raise, and so I
looked quite surprised, And I was surprised when I was
learning about Graves. That was a symptom that wasn't going
to go away just when we treated the thyroids stuff.
And so I felt like I was, Oh, I'm going
to get on top of it, get my thyroid taken out.
I think there's still some you're realigning with the fact
that some of these changes might be more permanent.

Speaker 6 (47:23):
That's hard to accept sometimes. Yeah, yeah, I understand that,
and I can understand sometimes the way that one treatment
can affect you for the better, but then there's side
effects from that. It's it's a very unfortunate and frustrating
dance that you have to dance it.

Speaker 5 (47:41):
But this is all new to you still.

Speaker 6 (47:44):
And sometimes these things just take time. And I think
like living in the beautiful journey of pregnancy and going
through this pregnancy, I remember for me during both my pregnancies,
like finally feeling like my body with doing what I
wanted it to do was something that was, like you're saying,

(48:04):
like really important because for so long and still today
sometimes it felt like my body's betraying me and not
doing what I wanted to do. So I would say,
hold on as much as you can to those gifts
because they are real and are important, and sometimes they
could just make the other stuff just you know, it's

(48:26):
what you have to focus on. You have to choose
sometimes what you focus on, because sometimes there's just nothing
you can do about the other things, you know.

Speaker 4 (48:33):
Yeah, and you know, with regard to your eyes, I'm
sure there are things you're going to be able to
find out that you can do. Actually, but in the meantime,
if you do feel stuck like, oh this is I
can't change this, I can't change this, then you really
should go to the next thing, you know what I mean, Like,
there's no point in sitting there and digging a hole
when you're not going to get to water, Like that

(48:54):
is just kind of reversing and you're resisting reality. And
you just and you want to be always moved, being
forward right with respect to yourself, when you need to
sit and reflect and take your time to sit with
your emotions and what they mean. Absolutely, but always with
the ball moving. You have a baby coming, you have
all this excitement to prepare for. You have a husband

(49:16):
that loves and adores you, and I'm sure it as
has he been good through this process?

Speaker 1 (49:21):
Yeah, oh well that's great.

Speaker 4 (49:23):
And so of course you don't want, you know, you
don't want things to happen to you physically that you're
not prepared for or that you didn't ask for. But
that's when you really have to focus on all the
love and the light that is there.

Speaker 1 (49:35):
Yeah.

Speaker 4 (49:35):
Yeah, So just don't get mired in the things that
you can't change and instead get miired and the things
that are growing and can change.

Speaker 9 (49:44):
Yeah, thank you. I think it's really strong advice to
carry forward.

Speaker 4 (49:48):
Yeah, and you're going to write down those three things
that Jamie said because it's recorded.

Speaker 7 (49:52):
Yes, I am. I was almost writing them down at
the time.

Speaker 6 (49:55):
So when I get this, if you go to reframing
ms dot com, I collaborate with the vartists on this
three step guide and it's all in detail there.

Speaker 1 (50:03):
Oh great, that's great for our listeners.

Speaker 5 (50:06):
Yeah, reframing ns dot com.

Speaker 9 (50:09):
Thank you.

Speaker 4 (50:09):
Okay, well, thank you, Georgia. I'm coming to New Zealand.
I'm doing shows there, are you coming.

Speaker 9 (50:14):
Yes, you're coming to my city? I will babe.

Speaker 1 (50:16):
Oh good, okay, great, great, I hope to see you there.

Speaker 9 (50:18):
Okay, thank you so much.

Speaker 1 (50:19):
Okay, bye, honey. Oh that was cute.

Speaker 5 (50:22):
That was great advice, Chelsea. I'm taking that from myself too.
It's so true. You know, you just have to sometimes.

Speaker 6 (50:27):
Just shift the focus, because you know, I could have
every right to kind of, you know, focus on all
the things that are not working and going, but you know,
I just what would my life be?

Speaker 5 (50:38):
Then I have to keep moving forward? Focusing on the
good things.

Speaker 9 (50:41):
Right.

Speaker 4 (50:42):
Well, I think you're doing a pretty good job of
keeping your shit together, Jamie, and very inspiring. Oh shit,
before I say goodbye, we'll take a break and come
back and we're back with Jamielen Sigler.

Speaker 3 (50:56):
So, Jamie, I remember I was listening to MESSI and
you mentioned some neuroplasticity stuff that you've learned. Is there
anything you can teach our listeners about that are so neuroplasticity?

Speaker 5 (51:05):
God, I hope I don't, butger this. I am not
a doctor.

Speaker 1 (51:08):
Don't worry. I I'll help you out.

Speaker 6 (51:10):
Okay, great, please doctor Chelsea, but correct me if I'm wrong.
The neuroplasticity is basically, sometimes you can build new pathways
for function in your body, and it can take It
takes a lot of repetition and it takes a lot
of work. And that's what I work on daily through
my own physical therapy and things I've learned from wonderful

(51:32):
different therapists. Like for me, it's, you know, lifting my
right foot up. A lot of those nerves are damage.
But if you do concentrated, constant, like really isolated movements,
the idea is that the body can figure out a
new pathway to kind of get you there again. It
takes a lot of work and it takes a lot

(51:53):
of commitment, but these are the things that you know
give hope. You know that the body is miraculous and
there's been many beautiful stories of healing. And you know, again,
whether it's me being a stubborn Taurus or not, like
I still hold out a lot of hope for better days,
and I think that that's sometimes what gets me up

(52:16):
in the morning.

Speaker 4 (52:16):
I mean, I read an article, I guess about this
guy who was in a terrible car accident and damaged
his spine so badly he was never going to walk again.
They told him he was never going to walk again.
I mean, this just happened to this guy, the skier,
the guy that Mikhaela Schiffern just got engaged to. He's Norwegian,
I forget his name. He had a terrible ski accident.
He could have died, Like the ski went through his

(52:39):
craft muscle and opened it was like two seconds from
an artery. If he hadn't been where he was in
relation to like getting medical treatment, he would have died.
And he is up and walking like he's an athlete.
So that's not a great example, but I was reading
an article. I mean it is a great example because
it's willpower and it is strength of mind, it's fortitude,
and it's like, are you gonna let somebody tell you

(52:59):
what's to happen for the rest of your life or
are you going to actually impact what's going to happen
for the rest of your life. So this guy who
had no chance of ever walking again, just did rehab
for fourteen hours every single day, and not that everyone
has fourteen hours, but he was not going to take
that diagnosis.

Speaker 1 (53:16):
He's like, I reject that. I reject that. And this
guy is skiing today.

Speaker 4 (53:21):
So that's where I read the article when I was
in Whistler, because I met a friend of his and
she directed me towards it, and so like, I mean,
he turned his life around, and I totally And neuroplasticity
is a very very provable thing. Like people create neuropathways
new neural pathways all the time, And as a very
bona fide pot smoker, I'm constantly trying to create neural

(53:43):
pathways because of the woods that are the ones that
I've burned through. But I mean, not firing on all cylinders,
so you know what I mean it now. But yes,
I would just say, like everyone I love, I love
that subject matter, and I want to read more about
neuroplasticity because.

Speaker 6 (54:00):
That mind is very, very powerful and I think the
biggest tool in your toolbox totally.

Speaker 3 (54:06):
We talk about neuroplasticity pretty often on this podcast from
like a mental health standpoint and like shifting your worldview,
but it's really cool to hear about the ways it
can potentially help people with chronic illness and physical stuff too.

Speaker 6 (54:19):
I think too, like what you believe is true, and
I think sometimes when you have a condition that forces
you in a doctor to be in a doctor's office
a lot of the time, you could be talked at
a lot and feel like you have no voice in
the matter, and you're being told what's going on in
your body and even what you're feeling. And I fortunately

(54:40):
have a neurologist that I started working with eight years
ago that said to me, Jamie, I want your voice
to be the loudest one in this room. And I'm
so grateful for that because he said, I can't tell
you what you feel.

Speaker 5 (54:52):
I don't have MS.

Speaker 6 (54:53):
I live with MS patients every day, but you need
to tell me how you feel, what you feel is
going on, so that I can help you the best
that I can. And I think that it's important for
anybody in life, no matter what you're dealing with, to
just trust yourself and then yes, I think the mind
can be very powerful in any kind of healing.

Speaker 1 (55:13):
Well, thank you so much. This was so great. What
a great episode. I love thank you.

Speaker 5 (55:19):
You should come on Messy.

Speaker 1 (55:20):
I love you anytime. Amazing, Okay, awesome, all right, take care.

Speaker 5 (55:24):
Thank you guys so much. Thank Bie.

Speaker 1 (55:27):
Okay, guys, So for stand up.

Speaker 4 (55:30):
We added a second show in Sydney, and we added
a second show in Prior Lake, Minnesota, which is now
going to be May twenty fourth. We added the Santa
Barbara Bowl, which is so fun. I performed there last year.
That's August seventeenth, the Santa Barbara Bowl. We added a
second show at Santa Rosa on August second, and we

(55:52):
added two dates at Hawaii.

Speaker 1 (55:54):
Guys.

Speaker 4 (55:54):
I'm coming to Hawaii on July nineteenth to k Who.
I'm gonna be at Cough Who Louis, and then I'm
coming on July.

Speaker 1 (56:04):
Twenty at to Honolulu.

Speaker 4 (56:06):
And I just added another date on August first, Auburn, Washington, SO.
And all my Australia and New Zealand dates are up,
and I will be announcing a European tour shortly and May.

Speaker 1 (56:20):
Third, which is my mother's birthday.

Speaker 4 (56:22):
Norman, Oklahoma, So Oklahomians, Oklahomans, Oklahom's come bye.

Speaker 3 (56:29):
If you'd like advice from Chelsea, shoot us an email
at Dear Chelsea podcast at gmail dot com and be
sure to include your phone number. Dear Chelsea is edited
and engineered by Brad Dickert executive producer Catherine Law and
be sure to check out our merch at Chelseahandler dot
com