May 12, 2022 • 55 mins
In the Dear Chelsea Season 3 Premiere, Chelsea and Catherine pay a visit to Katy Perry’s recording studio to talk about the elusive maternal instinct, being forced to hug other people, and the practical use of *medicinal herbs*. Then: A girlfriend can’t seem to stop yelling at her boyfriend. And a twenty-something worries her new guy will judge her for her former partying lifestyle.
*
Executive Producer Nick Stumpf
Produced by Catherine Law
Edited & Engineered by Brandon Dickert
*
*
*
*
*
The views and opinions expressed are solely those of the Podcast author, or individuals participating in the Podcast, and do not represent the opinions of iHeartMedia or its employees. This Podcast should not be used as medical advice, mental health advice, mental health counseling or therapy, or as imparting any health care recommendations at all. Individuals are advised to seek independent medical, counseling advice and/or therapy from a competent health care professional with respect to any medical condition, mental health issues, health inquiry or matter, including matters discussed on this Podcast. Guests and listeners should not rely on matters discussed in the Podcast and shall not act or shall refrain from acting based on information contained in the Podcast without first seeking independent medical advice.
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hi, Hi, Catherine. How are you, Hi, Chelsea. We're in
a different studio today, we are, it's all a little
bit different. We have a tiny dog friend visiting us today.
I feel like, but it's all in the same color
scheme as our studio. Was that intentional, you know what?
Really prepared for us? Yes, but this is a good
backdrop for us. Maybe we should move our studio over
(00:23):
to here. I'd love that we're recording right now from
Jim Henson's studios, which is very exciting. There's lots of
Kermit the Frogs everywhere. I also didn't connect the dots
when you kept mentioning Kermit via text the relationship to
Henson's studios. It never once occurred to me that it
would be Jim Henson studios. And I thought it was
being all cute too, because I was like, Chelsea, just
meet me by Kermi. I know. I'm like, what what
(00:44):
the fund is? Kermi? I'm like, is that a street?
How are you, Katherine? I'm doing great. I just got
back from Mexico, went on a little girl's trip to
play a Harris and it was delightful. Oh oh you
know what, Mr Koy and I went on a Little
John to Mexico. Yeah, we did. We just got back
(01:05):
from Mexico. We went for a few days and we
went to Cabo because we didn't have we hadn't had
any time in the sun, and after he devoted so
much time to in the snow, to me, I have
to just give into his every whim, which means I
have to go to Cabo, like, you know, every two
every two and a half months, which is no problem. Yes, yeah,
is that one of his favorite places to be? It
(01:25):
is now? It is now after this trip, he's like, oh,
this is awesome. We did a couple's massage. He loves
that ship. That's really He isn't a fan of a massage.
He likes a fan of anything we can do together.
You know. It's one activity after another together juntos as
they say in Spanish, do you get to a point
(01:45):
where you want to be separatos? Well, I don't. I
don't want to be separated, But when we are separated,
I don't hate it. I'm not upset that we're separated.
We're separated a lot when we're on the roads. When
we come back together, that's a nice you know, it
keeps the honeymoon phase going for a while, but yeah,
he definitely. But Joe is a person that also likes
to be he wants to be around his son or
he wants to be around friends. Like he's not gonna
(02:07):
sit in his hotel room alone for three hours, right,
I am eight hours, Give me eight hours, and I'll
still need more time alone, like I'm down, and you
love him even more when you come back. Yeah, yeah, exactly.
So I definitely have I have an active alone relationship.
That's a good way to say it. Well, there is
something nice about that. I know. My husband Brad went
(02:27):
on tour a few years ago and he was gone
for like four months, and I thought I would just
be kind of devastated because we're a little let's say interdependent,
maybe that codependent put it, yes, But I was like, wait,
it's really nice to have the house to myself. It's
really nice to just do whatever I want all day,
Like it was great. And then I was happy when
he came home too. Yeah, yeah, I know, I know.
(02:49):
It's it's very interesting to see people who enjoy alone
time versus people because I used to never be alone
and then I got a taste of it during the
pandemic and I was like, oh, I like me, I
like alone. Yeah, I was into it. I was like,
this is a good time. I'm having a good time
with myself. Like we were both on the same page. Yeah,
you can do your secret single behavior, just like maybe
(03:09):
be a little messier than you would normally be, like
a little lazier than you'd normally be. And that is
the one good thing about Joe is that he's so
fucking messy that no mess I could make is worse
than his. You know, we're both kind of a hot mess.
But I always felt before I had a serious boyfriend,
I just always felt like it would be nice to
have a boyfriend that wanted to spend all of his
(03:29):
time with me. So I remember that anytime I think, wow,
this is a lot, I just remember you thought that
would be nice, because it's better than the opposite. You know,
a person who wants to avoid you, and it's like
constantly making plans. Oh my god, it's way about it
than the opposite. Yeah, Like, anytime I'm available for anything,
Joe's right there. He's like, let's go, and he's like
game to party, to have a good time. Yeah, he
(03:51):
follows my lead. Yeah, and that's that's a good setup
for me. Do you find when he's not there that
you're sort of missing the rapport that he rings to
the table, like if you're out with friends or are
you feeling like it's great? Yeah? No, he definitely adds
a nice little slice when he shows up at things,
like with my girlfriends. We went to a party the
other night, and it was so funny because I said, oh,
(04:12):
you know, my friend was saying, oh. I said, don't
tell all of our drug stories to Joe. Do me
a favor when you meet him. He was coming to
meet us at a party and and they go drug stories.
I go, he's coming tonight. There were four girls with
my friends of mine. We all worked on Chelsea, the
show on Netflix together, so we traveled all around the
world together. So there was a lot of ship that
(04:34):
went down. And my friend goes drug stories. This is
a mushroom party that we're going to. It said mushrooms
on the invitation and it was my invitation. But I
looped to my girlfriends in because we were supposed to
go out. I go, why don't we all just go
to this party together? And I go, really did it
say mushrooms? I was like, I didn't even see that.
And they're like, that's classic, Chelsea, Like you don't even
know that you're bringing us to a drug party and
that you just invited your boyfriend, who you don't want
(04:55):
to talk to drugs about about, you know, to a
mushroom party. So he gets my girlfriend proceeded to tell
one drug story after another about me. She's like. And
then we were in Colombia and Chelsea I was like,
all right, shut and we're all looking around. I go,
are you what's wrong with you? I just told you
to do the opposite of what you're doing. And it
(05:17):
was so funny. And I looked at Joe and I go,
just so you know, honey, like I told them not
to tell you all these things. It's like, why why
you think I'm so judgy? I go, you are judging, Like,
I know you don't think you're judging, but you're judge
about drugs. He doesn't like when people like, you know,
at his birthday party, we had people there and like
people were really partying, and he he was like, it's
(05:37):
too much. I don't I'm like, people are in Vegas
for three days. They're allowed to do whatever they want
to do, and if somebody got a little sloppy or
got a little messy, and then that's their release, you
know what I mean, stop judging that. And it's happening
in Vegas, so it's staying exactly I know. So he's
not I don't want to pay the picture that he's
super judging and that, you know. Anyway, after that night,
(05:59):
I was like, all right, so I guess it's all out,
you know, you know everything, And he's like, I just
worry about you when you're not safe, and I'm like,
I know, honey, but I'm here, I'm alive, everything worked out.
Don't worry about me. Like, I know how to do
drugs and I know how to survive. So when you
say people, quote unquote we're doing drugs, there's maybe one
(06:20):
person that he was concerned about more than others. No,
actually no, it was a friend of mine who was
a bit of a hot mess. She's probably listening to
this podcast right now, so no, it actually wasn't me,
and so I got in trouble for my friend's behavior,
and then eventually, you know, we had to sort that out.
I was like, you can't be mad at me for
something that someone else did. Sorry, anyway, you know the
(06:41):
trials and tribulations of a new coupling, right exactly. You know.
I read something recently and they said all they had
asked the universe for was a super hot guy who
partied at the same speed as they did. And I
was like, that is perfect. That's what we're always looking for,
a super parties. That's good. I should have put that
(07:02):
in my list. Yeah. Like and at the same speed.
It's like, not too much, not too little. Just y.
It sounds like you guys have that going on for
the most part. We do. Yeah, that's great. I'm also
cracking up, Chelsea because you have not looked at the
script yet today, and you have covered several things that
we're going to talk about today with question of me. Yes,
(07:24):
it's pretty amazing and exciting. Oh wait, I have set
updates that I want to promote you guys. Today's May twelve.
So tonight I'm in New Orleans. Tomorrow I'm in Birmingham, Alabama,
and then I'm in San Antonio, Texas on Saturday night.
Then I'm coming to Montclair and Huntington's and I'm shooting
my stand up special, my next stand up special in Nashville,
(07:47):
at the Rhyme in so please, there's an early show
and there's a late show. Please get your tickets. And
this is our first episode back three. It is can
you believe it? How fun is that? It's really excite.
Since it's season three, we decided to bring on a
very special guest who is currently judging her fifth season
on American Idol. She has a Vegas residency called Play
(08:11):
at the Resorts World Theater, and she also has a
new song out with a Lesso called when I'm Gone
and has the title track on Thomas Rhet's new record,
Where We Started. She recently bought out her joint venture
with her shoe line, Katie Perry Collections and now totally
owns the line, which just debuted their Spring collection at
the end of March. And she is a co founder
(08:32):
of a new line of non alcoholic Appertifs Para Tiefs
of Appertifs apparent Tiefs. Right. I actually don't know that.
I actually don't call this way. Please welcome Katie Perry. Hey, Hi, Kai,
Katie brought her doll. Hello. Hello, I can't hear myself.
(08:57):
I love to hear myself. Last time I talked to you.
You were about you we were talking about ayahuasca. Oh yeah, no, no,
I never unwrapped my core. But you sure you didn't know.
But I know, I know you guys were doing that.
Orlando did he went deep? Yeah, he gets deep. He's
a deep person. Well he's a seeker. Yeah, so what
(09:19):
are you. I'm a seeker as well. But I'm just also,
you know, I've got like that artist's brain that is
just a little bit more temperamental sometimes, So you think
you have sometimes bad reactions to things or sense. Yeah,
I don't smoke. I can't smoke weed. Oh I'm one
of those catch me in a corner. Yeah, I got that.
(09:41):
Weed isn't for everybody, and that's something I had to
learn the hard way by giving it out to people
who couldn't handle it. And I saw that. Yeah, I've
done that a lot. I'm like an enabler. Did you
ever have a bad reaction on your show when you
would like have your round table with the weed and
the food. No, one, No, that was on the best behavior. Actually,
(10:01):
you know, maybe I take that back. Maybe somebody had
a slightly bad reaction. But when you're on camera, you know,
you kind of have to temper that reaction and just
try to keep it together. But the one we want
ate a cannabis dinner on one of my episodes of
my show, and I was high for three days, playing
a lot for you because your tolerance must be. My
eye was shut for three days. I couldn't open it.
I was like, Ah, Okay, we have Katie Perry here, finally.
(10:26):
I'm so excited to have you. It's our premier episode
of season three, and I'm excited to talk to you
about all things. And I can't wait to hear all
the advice you give to our callers that call in
and write in. Advice, yes, coming from both of us,
because well, I think you have a lot of wisdom
to impart. Well. Thanks. I mean I've got to see
(10:46):
a lot of the world, so that's a little perspective maybe. Yeah,
And you've had a lot of experiences, different experiences, and
I was just telling you I'm living like in Kentucky
and I have for almost a month now, and that's
quite a um amazing experience because it reminds you that
Hollywood is not America, uh huh, And you need to
remember that because I think you can understand people better. Yeah, right,
(11:10):
It's nice to get outside of what you know to
be normal and your reality. Yeah, I mean they're living
in a bubble of sorts. Were living in a bubble.
Our bubbles are completely opposite, but there. Yeah, it's interesting.
But you've been in different bubbles because you grew up
in a bubble. You grew up super religious. Yeah, and
that's one bubble. Then you came into this industry. That's
another bubble, right there. Bubble's apology study of human Yeah,
(11:30):
that sapiens three. So talk to me about motherhood. Motherhood
best decision I have remained in my entire life. Really. Yeah.
I wasn't very maternal, and I think that probably stems
from some childhood stuff. And we talked about, you know,
going on certain journeys, whether that's plant base or psychological
or drug based or drug base. Yeah, well plant and
(11:52):
drug I mean that's the same thing, right, some of it.
And I did a lot of work behind that stuck
feeling of not being maternal, although I was very maternal
with all of my friends, I mean my fans and
and my friends, they all called me mom because I
love to take care of people. I like I find
joy through other people's joy. Like if they're having a
great time, I'm having a great time. But still there
(12:14):
was a little bit of a disconnect, and so I
did go on that journey and found the little um
spots that needed some tuning up. And Orlando I got
to see what a great dad he was with his
first child, Flynn, who's now eleven, And so that definitely
primarily influenced me, Like something inside of me said, you,
mid thirties, this man is nice must read. He's you know,
(12:37):
he's a kind man. He's a love machine. I mean
that in a sexual way. I mean that in a
personal way, like when you meet Orlando and you have
a conversation with Orlando, he is filled with love and
spreading love. He's like a machine. I always say when
he walks into the room, he has this Jouis d
vive about him, and he really does. And you know,
(12:59):
some people are like, is that guy on? But he
has just really got this kind of like happy, possy vibes,
you know. And I'm a little bit more like heavy
and prone to depression in some ways, and so it's
good for me to be around him because he gets
me out of my head a little bit. Yeah, that's funny.
I have a similar dynamic with my boyfriend Joe, because
(13:19):
he is all positive vibes, all happiness up up yeah,
And I could be much more cynical than that, where
I'm just like, no, that guy's a fucking asshole. Why
are we hugging him? Yeah? I used to think people
like that were like losers, like they didn't understand the
fullness of life, because I don't know, how could someone
be that happy all the time. But maybe they just haven't,
you know, had as much trauma as us, or maybe
(13:41):
they have and they are just willing to turn it
into positive vibes whatever I'm going to tell you. But
I feel that way too, because Joe hugs everyone everyone
we meet, like, and so all of a sudden, he's
living in my house, hugging my cleaning lady. Every morning
before he leaves, he hugs the landscaper, And now I'm
hugging everybody because otherwise I look like a total bit
(14:02):
well I know, I know, I know how that feels.
I wasn't really a hugger for a while, and you know,
had to kind of work through that, and then when
COVID came, I was like, hmm, I'm kind of okay
with this like no touching, fine, me too. I felt
the same way totally. But but I am there's two
parts of me. When I am on stage and doing
(14:22):
my professional life, I'm really a hugger. But at home
and like in domestic life and personal life, you know,
I'm on the matriarch of the family and just like you,
just like keeping everything in order, dotting the eyes and
crossing the d's and you know, Katie. I mentioned Katie
show in Vegas, which I was trying to come see
when we were in Vegas two weeks ago, but you
weren't performing. That wasn't it was going to be a
(14:44):
one night only for you though, But I'm gonna come
and see you anyway. We're gonna come back and seeone
who's listening. It's a really fun, fun time. So tell
me about how what are you noticing about yourself becoming
a mother, Like, what are you surprised about that you're
able to tolerate, or your pay hints or whatever area
of your personality that you've discovered. Well, I think that
(15:05):
your definition of success changes in life as you get older,
and you know, as Coachella has just passed, we observe
the definition of success for gen Z's and Easter Easter
Passover and Coachella. Yes, And you know, I think your
definition of success coming up and your twenties is very
outward and material and ego driven and all that jazz.
(15:30):
And then thirties hits and you care less, and there's
a kind of an inner confidence and respect for yourself
that starts to grow. Maybe. And then with the motherhood,
you know, your definition of well, my definition of success
is just her happiness. And again, her happiness really gives
me that joy. But a lot of like bs just
(15:50):
falls away. Stuff that you thought was important really was
never important, and you just don't you know, you don't
have time for any sort of energy drama that's not
important in your family. And you know, your family really
starts to become first because you know, like when you're
dating someone, you don't how many kids you've got, like
your posse and this posse and like a couple of
(16:13):
few different posses for different things, and like you meet
all the time, blah blah blah. And although I still
have a lot of those friends, if something, for some
reason becomes a little too complicated, I'm like, I'm out.
I gotta leave this chat. This chat, I'm out because
I got to make sure my the health and wellness
of my child is always in the a world. But
(16:35):
I think that you just feel a lot more grounded
and you focus better. You kind of there's a lot
of lollygagging before kids, and you know that your time
is limited outside of being with them, or or that
if you spend two hours doing something, that better be
of real value, because that's two hours you could like
engage with the person that you love the most, that
(16:57):
loves you the most. So there's a lot of a
element and truly, and I'm in a really privileged place,
I get you know, I have a wonderful nanny and
all that stuff. So it may be an easier time
for someone like myself than anyone else out there. But
I've seen I've got to see a lot of views
of many different mountains, and professionally, I started to see
some of the same views. You know. I've been on tour,
(17:18):
travel the world three times. I got the opportunity to
play Super Bowl. All these things that I'm so so
grateful I got to check off my list before I
had a child. But then you start doing them over again.
You don't get the same high. Yeah, and so you're like, well,
what's the next level to life? And then you start
doing like a lot of plant based medicine because you're like,
there's gotta be a better grid out there. We need
(17:40):
to see the next dimension or whatever. You know, it's
just and and and children for me definitely are that.
I mean my daughter is is that for me? And
has it had it impact your relationship with your mom
or your dad being becoming a parent? Yes? For sure,
for sure there's there is profound respect and also profound anger,
(18:02):
not anger, but just like what's and also just like
amazement that how did we just how did three of
us survive? Because like you turn the corner for two
seconds and you're just like how did you get there?
What is in your mouth? And I give you all
the toys you ever could want, but you still want
(18:23):
to an electrical socket, like you know the dog chew
toys that are like the Rolex or the Starbucks cup
and stuff like that. They need to make like a
an electrical outlet toy for kids that they're really attracted
to that's maybe like bedazzled or something, so that they
go to that one first rather than like the real ones. Yeah,
that's probably a good idea, along with a bunch of
(18:44):
other sharp objects like steak knives or things like that.
I think I have seen a children's steak knife collection
because I think I tried to use one accidentally, because
that's how domesticated I am that I don't know you
can't cut with a rubber knife. But I love all
that you're saying. I have to say from a personal perspective,
like for me watching your Instagram and watching everything. Obviously,
(19:06):
I see you all the time hosting Idol, and I
know you post about Idol a lot, and that's fun.
But you seem like your abulliate, like you have a
what is that word mean, like a big light around you,
like everything is. You seem like you're in a great place. Well,
don't thank me, thank the well Bucher. And quite honestly,
what is well is well preucheron over the counter or
(19:28):
is that a prescription prescription? Oh and it's an antidepressant.
Oh okay, because I thought that, well, I must be
confusing it with some other medication that you can buy
over the counter. Well whatever, Wellness something No, But truly,
I think my daughter has reshaped my life, my perspective,
and given me a love I've never had before. It's
(19:50):
a love and kind of a not a validation, but
I guess validation in its purest form is love. I've
always been wanting that love. That's always been my number
one currency. And then when she came, it was just like,
I love you for for no reason, just because you
are And I'm like, what, you don't need anything from me?
I mean, obviously some food, just a little, a little, okay.
(20:14):
I actually breastfed Katie's baby. I produce almond milk in
my breasts and she's lactose intolerant, so it worked out perfectly. Also,
don't you think that thank you first of all? Must
don't you think that, like the longer that you can
live and observe and survive in this world of spotlight
(20:35):
and you know, I guess we will say industry and
fame and celebrity and navigate it, the more you just
kind of you get better tools and you learn how
to play it better. Yeah, play it better. And I
think you also become less ambitious. Once you've kind of
solidified a place for yourself, It's like there's definitely not
(20:55):
another Chelsea. Ever, that's sweet. I mean, I think you
really start to become right like you, you're not as driven.
I mean, some people seem to have that drive inveterately.
They just go on and on and on and on.
But yeah, but I think, you know, the more confident
you become, the less you need from the general public,
(21:15):
and the more you think, the more introspective your work becomes,
and the higher integrity that your work kind of gives off.
You know, you're like, it's a better quality of work.
I agree, because in the beginning, I think of all
of our careers in the spotlight, you're making art for
yourself to kind of prove, and then somewhere along the way,
you're kind of listening to the stuff and I can't
(21:37):
I can't affect it, and so sometimes the art gets
painted by the noise, and then, like you say, at
a certain point, you like go of the noise again,
and then you go back to just like creating that
art out of feeling, which I think is what usually
gets you on the map in the first place. Yeah. Yeah,
I have a question for both of you about that.
Does it feel harder to be vulnerable the longer you're
(22:01):
doing it? And the more you listen to that noise,
I think it becomes easier to be vulnerable. What do
you think, Well, I think you can be vulnerable, but
I think the higher you get, the harder you can fall.
There's a lot more to lose, I guess, And in
a world where you can go down pretty easily by anything,
(22:25):
I think you have to be you know, just more aware.
There's gotta be a lot more awareness, which is yeah.
I think I was thinking of it in the sense
like being vulnerable, like allowing people to see who you are,
becomes easier, I think for me, especially because I didn't
realize for a long time that people didn't understand that
we're all multifaceted, we all have different parts of our
personality and just because you're not demonstrating at all doesn't
(22:47):
mean it's not there. And when I was like opening
up about my brother dying or like serious things, people
were always like, oh my god, We've never seen this
side of you. It's like, what do you think I'm
just a fucking bitch all the time, Like obviously, I'm
obviously I'm a human girl, Like obviously there's more depth.
I mean, if you believe in like the idea of
like masculine energy. I think we just operate with a
(23:09):
lot more of that, and it can be less soft
soft as feminine. But you know, all those things are smoothing.
Right now, those sayings are being kind of investigated again
because what is masculine energy and why does it belong
to only mail or whatever? You know, you don't want
to put a gender on that type of energy, but
that energy is just strong. It's like dominate and black
(23:31):
and white. You don't seem like a person that like
minces their words. No, And that also can come across
as harsh, like I mean, I just had a conversation.
They were like, can you be nicer to so so
and so? And I go, are you serious? I sent
an email asking just for a bunch of questions. I go,
what do you want me to do? Fucking blow them
on the in the email? Like what? And they're like, oh, no,
(23:51):
you just have to be a little bit softer and
how you ask? That's exactly what they said, softer, And
I was like, okay, I mean all right, but I
don't know if like people would expect that, quite honestly
from the opposite sex. No one, I've never heard any
of that said, hey, can you be softer in your email? Totally,
(24:11):
but anyway, especially not to Orlando. They wouldn't because he's
already already. He's a soft plody and we're prickly Okay,
So we're gonna take callers. We have a caller calling
it for advice. You have to put on your advice cap.
And I've done a lot of therapy for this moment.
I know, we've all all of our therapy comes together
on this podcast, and then we give it out and
we give back exactly. Well, we'll take a quick break
(24:35):
for some ads, and we'll be back with Katie and
Chelsea and we're back where back. We have our first caller,
who is Stephanie. She says, Dear Chelsea, I recently got
into a serious relationship, my first since college. For years
(24:56):
before meeting my new boyfriend, I was in a big
partying phase with plan deal flings and hookups, I mean plenty.
I've been in therapy over the years and have been
cognizant of why I was drinking or hooking up with guys. Really,
it was just a fun time in my life and
I was just figuring it out. I was always known
as the quote a fun girl of the group with
plenty of stories about my drunken escapades, terrible dates, and
(25:18):
minor fuck ups that are more cute slash hilarious than damaging.
Right now, where I'm at is actually Chelsea told a
story very similar to this before you arrive. Yes, I
call into my own podcast and she gives great at
Where I'm at right now is I'm introducing my friends
to my boyfriend and feel uncomfortable with my friends sharing
(25:40):
stories are bringing up pastimes in front of him. I
don't want to lie to him or pretend that I
wasn't like that, But I also don't want him to
think less of me or judge me. He's an incredible
person and I don't think he ever would. But how
do I accept that for myself? Have you owned yourself
and your past relationships though I'm not going out as
my If you're drinking at the level I was before,
(26:01):
how do I still share that part of my life
without scaring him? Stephanie and she's going to be joining us, Oh,
oh great, this is perfect. Yeah, I just told that story.
Too bad I didn't save it for when Katie was here. Well,
I want to hear it. Well, Hi, Hi, Hi girl.
Hi Stephanie H. This is Katie. Hi. How are you good?
(26:24):
How are you all doing good? We're good. You've spoken
to Catherine before this, so that's this is very perfect
timing because I was just discussing this. I have a
very sorted past with all sorts of drug use, and
I love to talk about it, and my friends love
to tell stories about me and blah blah blah. And
I'm with a person who doesn't have a big history
with drugs. He has no history with drugs, he doesn't
(26:46):
do drugs. And I think it's a very valid question,
and I think you should not be lying. I don't
think you should ever lie about who you are. I
think you know you're gonna be with somebody who's gonna
love you because of who you are, and in spite
of who you are. If you take your drug experience
as a negative thing, when it doesn't have to be
that way. It could be a period of your life
where you learned a lot about yourself. You know that
(27:07):
was positive and that you explored that. It's a matter
of moving forward. Do you still want to do drugs
like that with your partner or are you over that
phase of your life. I mean, I'm always open and
willing to anything, So I don't think it's a phase.
I think it's more of like, you know, a lifestyle.
But I think just just be clear, was it more
just like a partying just like having fun hook ups
(27:30):
in drinking and stuff like that. The drugs thing was
yours and hers is more the the the alcohol. Blame
it on the alcohol and the fun whole bit sets right, Yes, Yeah,
more going out and you know, partying and you know
all those fun things that come out along with it. Yeah,
and your twenties. Yeah, listen. I wrote my first book
(27:50):
was called My Horizontal Life, a collection of one night stands,
So I've not only done it, I've documented it, which
was not a smart move if I was thinking about
potential suitors, Like, no man reads that book and it's
like I want to date this girl, or great, I'll
date this girl so she can write a fucking short
story or essay about me, you know what I mean.
(28:11):
But I'm assuming you're not going to do that. Do
you know what your boyfriend's like drug history or partying
history is? Um? I mean, he likes to go out,
but I would say he's much more tame and laid
back and you know, not out until four in the
morning ever, But like, and how long have you guys
been dating? A little over a year? Okay, so he
must have some sense of your past, right, Yeah, but
(28:35):
it was also COVID and so weird. You know, shut
indoors a lot, and then now that things are opening up,
it's proving to kind of open a like a different door.
Almost did something make you feel like, oh wait, maybe
he's not loving this information or something? Did something happen? No,
(28:56):
I wouldn't say exactly something happened, but you know, whenever
telling a story and like everyone kind of is quiet afterwards,
and you're like, ok, maybe like should have released that information,
or like a friend is telling a story and I'm like,
maybe I don't want my boyfriend to know that happened.
So yeah, it's more more just like me feeling not
(29:17):
almost feeling bad. I think it's my own personal struggle
rather than like an external one. Yeah. I mean, I
don't think anyone loves to hear voluminous stories about someone's
ex like how many people you've slept with? Like that's
not really something that anyone wants to hear. So there's
no reason to really even get into that detailed, just
(29:38):
almost out of respect for the relationship. You don't want to, like,
I mean, nobody wants to hear that. If and I
asked my boyfriend about anything in his past which I
am curious about, he refuses to tell me. He's like,
I'm never wasting energy talking about any of those people. Yeah,
because it doesn't even exist anymore. Yeah, it's so in
the past. But I mean, you going out and parting
and having a good time. I think it's fine. I
(29:58):
don't think it always has to lead to You don't
have to divulge that information to him. It doesn't necessarily
empower anybody to know that their person beforehand was out
and about and sleeping around. You're totally you know, everyone's
allowed to do that, of course, but it's definitely not
a necessary thing you want to do. I would definitely
I would parse those stories too, because you're not lying.
(30:20):
It's almost kind of you're lying for their benefit, and
you're not lying, you're withholding really well, I've been told
a mission is also lying. Yeah, I agree with you.
I mean, you don't need to share all this stuff.
It was it's a journey it's a journey and he
wasn't there for it, so he doesn't need to, you know,
he doesn't need to be a part of it. It
(30:40):
sounds also like you are kind of starting a new
phase in your life, not a new phase, and not
like you're gonna not do stuff that you like or
have fun or get wild or be loose over again.
But maybe it's a little bit more balanced with him,
and maybe those stories are just like their stories from
the past, from when you weren't really that person, or
you were just young, younger and you're wiser and you know,
(31:02):
older a little bit more, and it's just a journey
that you've been on. And also he's probably gonna see
this podcast, so he's gonna know, hey, what's up. Yeah,
we have a ton of straight guys listening to this podcast. Exactly.
I would just say to your friends, like they're telling
these stories because they're kind of trying to brag on you, right,
They're trying to say, like, look, how fun she is,
she's the best. These are these crazy stories. Maybe just
(31:24):
tell them like, hey, let's keep the hookups to a minimum,
but like tell other fun stories about me. Yeah, and
hopefully you won't be like my friend who did exactly
the opposite. When I told her not to, she was also, yeah,
that was she was having a hard night that night.
So I don't blame her because I couldn't otherwise it
would be too ridiculous. I told my girlfriend basically to
(31:44):
recap when I said earlier, I was like, Hey, my
boyfriend doesn't do drugs, don't tell too many drugs stories
about me. And then she proceeded to go from country
to country to country about different drugs we did in
countries where they're those drugs aren't legal anyway. So she's
hurting me on two levels. But yeah, I think what
Katie said is is right. You're in a different part
(32:05):
of your life too, and that's also worth mentioning, you know,
at certain points in your relationship, like I'm so glad
I met you at this time in my life, Like
I'm finally mature enough to appreciate this relationship, to reinforce
that that behavior is kind of not necessarily a thing
of the past, but more of like part of who
you were before you met him. And now you're going
into this phase. Obviously you're not going to go around
hooking up like that when you're in a new relationship
(32:27):
or a newer relationship, I should say, but there's no
reason to go into detail about any of that stuff.
Just one little thing to add. I mean, how young
are you, Stephanie. I'm seven, Okay, Okay, you're getting to
that you're getting to that age where like you're starting
to have real serious commitment relationships or half or every
relationship starts to feel like more serious. But I would
(32:48):
just say, in the relationship I'm in now, I've never
been more myself than I have, and that feels so good.
And I've been in other relationships where I've had to
hide parts of myself and play second fiddle or just
be smaller or like hiding right, and it all, it
all starts to like erupt. It becomes a volcano and
(33:11):
it comes out, and it becomes hysterical. And because you've
suppressed it for so long. So if there's a way,
especially since you're in the new party relationship, where you
can kind of like drip feed him some of the
truth so that it doesn't all explode at once, because
you've been like trying to play a different part just
so you can keep the relationship together. You know, I
think there'll probably be a lot more acceptance, um, and
(33:33):
it may not scare him as much. The truth really
is a cliche in that if he doesn't love you
for who you are, he's really not for you. Yeah,
which doesn't mean you have to frontload it. I think
what she's saying is right. Drip feeding is the best
way to be like accountable. So you're not a liar,
you know what I mean. But you're also not over divulging.
(33:54):
But you know, just be sensitive. It's like, think about
how you would feel if you heard about all the
girls he hooked up with. It's not necessary, yeah yeah, yeah,
definitely not giving him a laundry list, yeah yeah, But
but you know, continue to be who you are and
make sure you're not apologizing for anything you did in
the past, because that's you don't know anybody in apology
for anything. You don't owe people first and last names either,
(34:16):
because sometimes we don't remember those last names. You know,
you don't owe anybody that either. You're like you when
you make the list in your twenties, are like, how
about when you make the list in your twenties and
you make it with it like you're with a girlfriends,
you're a grip of girlfriends. And then the next morning
you're like, wait, I forgot three people that came to me.
And then the next day I'm like, fuck, I forgot
(34:37):
three more people. Now, whenever I make any lists, I'm like,
I said to my assist. We were I'm hosting Jimmy
Kill for the week. She goes put together a list
of who you'd like to interview on the guest And
I made a list and then I was like, don't
send that yet. I'm like, I'll come up with like
any more names as I think about it. You know,
like you have to keep your list going. So when
you make a list, give yourself three days for that list.
(35:00):
All right, well, thank you so much, thanks for calling in.
Good luck by. She made it sound like she just
like lived at Marty Gras for the first twenty years
of her life, and wouldn't that be fun? Yeah? Penetration
pussy land, Yeah, the p p P. Isn't that what
(35:21):
they were called? The no PPE your paychecks for COVID
Was that PPE or that the Protective gear Payment Protection Plan?
That was not to be confused with penetration? What was
the word land? That's your land? My land in Las
(35:45):
Vegas is Peri Playland. Please come visit? Yes, Hers, Yes,
please come visit. Well. Our next question comes from Paige.
Paige says, Dear Chelsea, in a recent episode with Bobby Burke,
you mentioned that you used to resort to yelling in arguments,
(36:05):
but have since turned the corner. I try sometimes. I
feel I'm in a relationship over a year with a
man I completely adore, but I'm a hothead and I
often yell, like really yell. It's causing a huge rift
in our progress, and I'm looking for practical ways to stop.
(36:26):
I've been in therapy on and off for years, and
I'm frustrated that I keep getting the same old, just
be mindful answer. I definitely try every day and have
for decades. Do you have any other practical advice books
or workshops you'd recommend? Thank you from your fellow blonde haired,
big breasted woman page. She's in good company today. We
(36:47):
all have on that first here, Katie. Do you want
to go first or shall I? It sounds like you've
got some rolling. Well, I just talked to my therapist
about this very issue. My boyfriend and I went to
our first therapy session together because I would like to you,
you lifted up your arm because you're about to divulge
your boyfriend. That's a big one with my regular therapist though,
like if this is the guy I used to see
(37:08):
all the time and I haven't seen him in a while,
but we wanted to I wanted to learn about communications. No,
everything we talked about starts with a P on this
part page. But he explained something that was very foundational
and like good for everyone to remember. When you are
in a reaction mode, which is when you're yelling, you
are not You're not getting anywhere. It is pointless to yell.
(37:32):
I mean, think about being yelled at, and think about
yelling at a child, like you are never going to
get what you want out of somebody by yelling at them.
That doesn't work. So you have to calm down, You
have to take your time out, whatever you want to
call that. I say, I need a coconut, which means
I need a time out so I can calm down
and get into reception which means yes, I put out
(37:54):
some reggae and you get into receiving mode instead of
reactive mode. And when you're when you are reactive, nothing
can be solved in that moment of anger when you
are anger and you're yelling. Also, something to remember about
yelling is it's a complete loss of control. Like anytime
you yell, you have lost control, and so do you
(38:15):
really want to be perceived as losing control all the time.
It's better to like think about it, internalize it. Go
sit by yourself, whether it's two minutes or twenty minutes
or a day, whatever you need until you can get
back to a place of reception and receiving and just go, okay,
I'm ready to hear what you're saying. And if there's
just no reason to let it escalate like that, because
(38:36):
nobody likes to get yelled at, and you're gonna push
somebody away by doing that, I agree. That's a lot
of self control. God bless you. And you've been in
this relationship for how long? Shut up? Well, everything is
in the honeymoon phase. We're just we're actually just phasing
out of honeymoon phase. I have found that she's like
(38:59):
I found yelling to be very effective. I found that,
you know, I know it sounds also like a cliche,
but like three deep breaths in through the nose and
out through the mouth, just like expands your options in
your brain to think differently than just like red red,
red red. And yeah, I think you were correct about
the whole, Like I know what it feels like to
have been yelled at as like a child, so like
(39:22):
remembering that and kind of going, oh, that never worked
with me, and knowing it's not going to work with
the other person. Although your partners usually see your best
and a lot of your worst sides because they're there
to be your mirrors. Orlando and I do couples therapy
and we love it because it just keeps us like
in tune, and the resentment can get really strong when
(39:44):
you're both working hard and God bless successful people in
the in the spotlight. And so when you want to
come back to being normal in a domesticated world where
you have a child and stuff like that, you have
to like really learn how to be kind of different
out there in the big and in the small and
so um, we've had a lot of success with that
(40:06):
couples therapy. But she asked if there's like a treatment
or something like that. I went to this place. I'm
sure you've heard of it called the Hoffman Process. Yeah,
and I went there. Orlando went before me, was this
when you guys were buried? He went no when we
were dating, so he came back after going and wasn't
leaning into all of my bullshit, and so it was boring.
(40:28):
It became boring, and I was like, we're breaking up then,
And then I had the worst year of my life,
not just because the relationship, just a lot of different
things were changing and shifting from me, which I really
truly believe was an opportunity for me to evolve and grow.
It's gonna be like, here we are at the fork
in the road. You're gonna take an hour? Are you're
gonna take an r you know? And so a year
later I went to the Hoffman Process, and it is
(40:50):
amazing because it's a week long process, which they do
give scholarships out. It's it's kind of expensive, but I
would say it's the best value. You have no cell
phone and you just go kind of deep through different
exercises with other people actually, which is great because they
trigger you the whole time and then you work on
those triggers. But basically, it's a place you get to
(41:12):
go to where you rewire the neuropathways in your mind
and you get to the you basically get to discover
there's so much awareness. You get to discover why you
have these patterns and habits and where they're coming from.
And all of it's either coming from mom or it's
coming from that. So like if you're yelling, who yelled
at you? And it's it's a learned thing. Everything that
(41:36):
all the kids, like your your babies, they're really just
regurgitating everything they see and from you. So it's really
about the patterns um of our parents that you adopted,
and so you rewire those patterns to have to have
better success at life. And it profoundly changed my life.
(41:57):
It's like the number one thing I always recommend when
somebody is ready for that next level in life, for
that shift if they're just over just like feeling stock
or depressed or traumatized or just like, uh, you know,
they're like, there's gotta be more to to life. This
is like this, I feel like it's where you find consciousness.
(42:19):
It's where you find so much profound awareness and it's great.
You couldn't recommend it more. Yeah, I've heard a lot
of great things about the Hoffman Institute. Is a Hoffman
Institute has process. Another thing to remember is when you
are in that state of yelling, when you're in flight,
fight or freeze, which are those like things where you're
being attacked or attacking, you're not in a place. If
(42:41):
you're in any of those moments, you're not in a
place to discuss the matter. That's when you need a
time out. If you feel like fighting, if you feel
like retreating and running away, or if you feel like
you're frozen. Those are three things to remember that you
need to take a time out. And so I would
just really really recommend that you work hard on your yelling.
And if your therapist doesn't think that that's a problem,
(43:03):
you might need to find a new therapist that pushes
you a little bit more, yeah, or digs a little
bit deeper. Yeah, because that's basic, Like yeah, mindfulness, mindfulness, mindfulness,
I mean there's I love mindfulness, but like let's get
into the nitty gritty, Yeah, get under the hood. You know.
Have you been in any really big arguments with your partner? Yeah? Yeah,
(43:23):
we had one big one, which is why we ended
up going to therapy because I was like, well, let's
nip this in the bud right away. I want to always,
you know, improve on my communication, and I'm an over
communicator where he's an under communicator. But he's never had
you know, he's somebody who's mad and doesn't say anything
for three weeks and then it blows up and you're like,
what was this about. He's like when we were in Whistler.
(43:45):
I'm like, Whistler, that was like a fucking months ago,
months ago, Like wait what So immediately not because he
keeps therapy. He loves the less exactly. It's because we
need it, you know, as a couple and as my
therapy be said. You know, you're a Orlando's B together,
you're a B. That's a different language than what you
(44:06):
do by yourself and what Orlando does for himself. So
like you and your partner are two separate entities, but
when you come together, you have to be mindful of
the fact that he's not you. He's a completely separate
person that needs to be treated with like kindness and respect.
One other book actually that I would recommend to her
is The Dance of Anger. That's one to read a
sad because it helps with dealing with anger all that
(44:29):
stuff that comes up. But also like one of the
pieces of advice I always give to people who are
getting married, is do go to bed angry. I find
that for us, like my husband and I are both yellers,
and I find that like we can get in these
circular things when we're tired or yes, tired, hungry or
maybe a little tipsy or whatever, and if you just
(44:49):
go to sleep, you wake up and you're like, what
were we fighting about? And you're just like well rested
and its better, Like I'm always like so much nicer
in the morning if I've gotten you know, seven is
showers of sleep. You wake up and you're like, how
can I like look at you and still be pissed.
I'm gonna like give me, I'm gonna try. I'm gonna
(45:10):
try for the first five minutes. But if you're still cold,
then we're gonna go back. Yeah. Right, But if you
decide to meet me on that soft suite halfway, then
we're going to be like Because some people, like my boyfriend,
can't go to bed angry. They need to talk it out.
They want to talk it out talk talk talk, talk talk,
And it's like that that is a personality trait too,
(45:31):
So you have to be respectful when people do want
to do that, like I do want to go to
bed also and be like I'll see you tomorrow. But
you know, with him, he's so sensitive that like I
have to sit there with him and like, you know,
figure it out together, which you know is good. I'm
glad I have to be outside of my comfort zone
and and compromise. Yeah, that's growth, Yeah, evolution, evolution, It's
(45:56):
a life worth living. So there you go. Problem solved. YEA.
Well we'll take a quick break for some ads and
be back with Chelsea and Katie and where Katie fantastic? Well, Katie,
was there any advice that you wanted to ask for
(46:18):
from Chelsea? Oh? That's good, yes, thank you. Do you
find it's different for you compared to your male counterparts.
Do you find that there's a certain line not to cross,
or that some people can be spicier comedians. Do you
find if you started out really spicy, you can stay
(46:38):
spicy your whole life or do you kind of have
to be a little bit more aware or what I mean?
I think that you know the boundaries that have been
put in or the parameters that have been placed, you know,
on performers and especially comedians, Like I don't have a
problem with that. I like that that that forces you
to be more clever in my opinion, you know, it
(46:59):
forces you to think outside of your own experience and
to focus on the real issue at hand. Like for
me right now, what I'm doing in my set, it's like,
you know, I'm talking not only but this is a
big issue, is talking to white men about their resistance
to accepting all different walks of life, like they are
the only people kind of prolonging this, this this cancel culture,
(47:20):
you know, the resistance to the cancel culture and arguing
with it, like you know, we're not being sexist or
we're not being racist. It's like, hey, you're not the
judge of who's being treated in a racist or sexist way.
As an individual white male, your opinion is relevant because
you're not the victim of it. You're the perpetrator. And
that's not to say every man is a perpetrator, because
certainly that isn't the case. Not all men are bad.
(47:43):
But I think it's important to bring attention to the
subjects that we're all kind of tiptoeing around because people
don't want to say the wrong thing. It's like, it's
about I think it's a responsibility for every comedian to
lift up all the people that aren't getting that kind
of respect, that aren't being treated like a white male
that you know, like the entire trans community, the entire
LGBTQ community. It's like it is you know some people.
(48:06):
I have just had this conversation with this weekend with
the comic and he's like, it's not my responsibility. He goes,
I accept them. I don't have to sing their praises.
I go, acceptance isn't enough. You have a platform that
a lot of people are listening to and they're taking
your lead on things, and by not going abad for
those people, you're missing a huge opportunity for accepted. Like
(48:26):
if you accept them, then how many other thousands, millions
of people are going to accept them? Right? So, and
he was like, well, I didn't think about it that way.
And I'm like, I know you didn't think about it
that way, and you're not a bad guy, But being
accepting of a certain lifestyle in this climate, I don't
think it's enough. I think you actively have to speak
out about it, and you actively have to let about
(48:48):
the injustice, about the injustice about being welcoming to people
so that they feel included, that they don't feel like
you know you, how would you feel if that was
your child that had to come out to her parents
because you wanted to transition to become a man, because
she feels like she was born in the wrong body, Like,
how would you do? How would you do that? How
would you deal with that if you were your child?
You have to think about that on a global level, right,
(49:10):
Like you want to be compassionate and empathetic to everybody,
and especially the people that have the biggest targets on
their back and are the most discriminated against. And then
he was like, well, you're giving white guys such a
hard time. I'm like, because you guys are the last
line of defense. You're in charge of everything. So if
we don't move you, we're doing it all by ourselves.
(49:31):
All like marginalized groups have to help each other, right,
So what if we just got enough of you guys
to get on board, and you should be you should
be fighting for our rights. It's you know, economically, all
this data backs up. You know everybody does better when
everybody does better, not when there's divisiveness. So I don't
know if that answers your question. Really, I mean, I
(49:51):
think it like kind of circles your question because that's
my focus has I think what I've learned from this
whole movement in the last four to five years, between
times up between me too, between what we've learned about
men and everything, the advantages that they've gotten just by
being white males. I think it is I have a
sense of responsibility to buck against you know, and say, hey,
(50:13):
this isn't enough. You know, you got to do better. Yeah.
And I think your messaging, well, your comedy is funny messaging,
but it's layered. I think we all get into this
may because we want to tell a story, we want
to represent someone or or what I see from you
is you've gone from like okay, how do I get
that laugh too? How do I like leave my mark,
or how do I help a situation or influence some change? Yeah,
(50:36):
in folk thought right, in your in your way, in
your funny kind of like pokey way. It's fun. It's
a it's a fun way to poke the bear. Yeah. Yeah, Yeah.
I wish I didn't have I mean, you know, we
all wish we didn't have to. I wish there were
no rules that everyone can do whatever they want. But
we've learned that look where we are today, that doesn't work.
(50:57):
We have to be sensitive. You know. My my trainer
this morning goes, I just heard a story about this
kid at school. They don't even they don't even you know,
use points at sports in school anymore. They don't. There's
no scoring. Everybody's getting so soft. I go, maybe because
we're too hard. You know. I don't have kids, so
I don't know that. But like where whatever we've done
is it got us to this place, which isn't the
(51:19):
best view of America. A lot of a lot of
that is content and comments. A lot of that's like
never ever, you know, in the history of civilization where
we ever supposed to, you know, digest and consume everyone's
opinion all at once. Yes, So I mean that's really
how to profound change on our our minds and our wellness,
(51:43):
our mental wellness. How do you handle that aspect of
everything like social media? Reading things about yourself articles, What
is your philosophy on that? Well? I used to get
to me, but I don't read it really, And I
like to say, I post and ghost these days, so
I'm not really scrolling anymore. And every once in a
while I'll engage, But it's it's so you know, I
(52:05):
personally think WWWE stands for wild Wild West. It's wild
out there on the internet. You can, you know, you
can have your confidence taken away from you in a second.
You can have your career taken away for you. It's
wild out there, so you really have to navigate well.
But you know, I just have a lot of compassion
for these young kids that are going through it, that
(52:25):
have thirteen to twenty followers that are all in their classroom,
and it's like they go through so much emotion if
someone doesn't like, or someone doesn't comment, or someone does comment,
or someone blocks. I mean, it's the end of their world,
you know. And I and not to compare, but just
to say, like, I mean, you should see the the
(52:47):
crazy shit I've had to block, you know, or like
that I've seen, or because come at me, or the
photoshop of some dark ass ship. Right, But it's really
shaping these young kids minds and and they or how
they are in life, whether that is I think they're
hit over the head a lot on social media every
single day, and so when they go into the real
(53:08):
world then they feel fragile already because of you know,
there are a few hours every day that they are
on social media. It's not building a confidence, it's breaking
down their confidence. So when they get into the real world,
they really don't have any confidence. Man, gen Z has
it rough. I don't know. I'm so confused by every generation.
I'm like jen Is jen X after gen Z. Well,
(53:28):
my daughter's alphaeration new generation. Yeah, I just got her
work cut out for her. Yeah, she does, she does,
but hopefully she's got some some good representation that you
know that goes to therapy and gets advice from Chelsea
Jays is going to be calling in the podcast in
no time. I've already spoken to her a couple of times.
(53:51):
She'll be like, excuse me, what do you think of Elmo? Katie?
Thank you for being here, Thanks for letting us use
your studio and it matches our podcast colors serendipitous. Yeah,
and I love that this is your studio. It's so cool.
But thank you so much for giving me your time.
I know how busy you are and I love you
so much. Thank you. This was fun giving advice together. Yeah,
(54:15):
you're really good at it. It It sounds like you know
you said, you said you like an over communicator. You
definitely like let people know what what, what to do,
when to do it, and how to how to do it.
I love that because I'm a super direct person and
I don't want I don't want any gray area. I
want to just know, you know. Yeah, I like we
(54:36):
should hang out, although we probably would like tell each
other too much of the truth. Who cares? Great, I
mean there's a lack of truth. Don't tell Joe. Yeah, great?
Over a G and T. Well, I'll see you at Kentucky.
So okay, I see you and come back. Thank you, Katie,
love you guys. Thanks. So. If you'd like to ask
Chelsea a question, email us at Dear Chelsea Project at
(54:57):
gmail dot com.
Hi, Hi, Catherine. How are you, Hi, Chelsea. We're in
a different studio today, we are, it's all a little
bit different. We have a tiny dog friend visiting us today.
I feel like, but it's all in the same color
scheme as our studio. Was that intentional, you know what?
Really prepared for us? Yes, but this is a good
backdrop for us. Maybe we should move our studio over
(00:23):
to here. I'd love that we're recording right now from
Jim Henson's studios, which is very exciting. There's lots of
Kermit the Frogs everywhere. I also didn't connect the dots
when you kept mentioning Kermit via text the relationship to
Henson's studios. It never once occurred to me that it
would be Jim Henson studios. And I thought it was
being all cute too, because I was like, Chelsea, just
meet me by Kermi. I know. I'm like, what what
(00:44):
the fund is? Kermi? I'm like, is that a street?
How are you, Katherine? I'm doing great. I just got
back from Mexico, went on a little girl's trip to
play a Harris and it was delightful. Oh oh you
know what, Mr Koy and I went on a Little
John to Mexico. Yeah, we did. We just got back
(01:05):
from Mexico. We went for a few days and we
went to Cabo because we didn't have we hadn't had
any time in the sun, and after he devoted so
much time to in the snow, to me, I have
to just give into his every whim, which means I
have to go to Cabo, like, you know, every two
every two and a half months, which is no problem. Yes, yeah,
is that one of his favorite places to be? It
(01:25):
is now? It is now after this trip, he's like, oh,
this is awesome. We did a couple's massage. He loves
that ship. That's really He isn't a fan of a massage.
He likes a fan of anything we can do together.
You know. It's one activity after another together juntos as
they say in Spanish, do you get to a point
(01:45):
where you want to be separatos? Well, I don't. I
don't want to be separated, But when we are separated,
I don't hate it. I'm not upset that we're separated.
We're separated a lot when we're on the roads. When
we come back together, that's a nice you know, it
keeps the honeymoon phase going for a while, but yeah,
he definitely. But Joe is a person that also likes
to be he wants to be around his son or
he wants to be around friends. Like he's not gonna
(02:07):
sit in his hotel room alone for three hours, right,
I am eight hours, Give me eight hours, and I'll
still need more time alone, like I'm down, and you
love him even more when you come back. Yeah, yeah, exactly.
So I definitely have I have an active alone relationship.
That's a good way to say it. Well, there is
something nice about that. I know. My husband Brad went
(02:27):
on tour a few years ago and he was gone
for like four months, and I thought I would just
be kind of devastated because we're a little let's say interdependent,
maybe that codependent put it, yes, But I was like, wait,
it's really nice to have the house to myself. It's
really nice to just do whatever I want all day,
Like it was great. And then I was happy when
he came home too. Yeah, yeah, I know, I know.
(02:49):
It's it's very interesting to see people who enjoy alone
time versus people because I used to never be alone
and then I got a taste of it during the
pandemic and I was like, oh, I like me, I
like alone. Yeah, I was into it. I was like,
this is a good time. I'm having a good time
with myself. Like we were both on the same page. Yeah,
you can do your secret single behavior, just like maybe
(03:09):
be a little messier than you would normally be, like
a little lazier than you'd normally be. And that is
the one good thing about Joe is that he's so
fucking messy that no mess I could make is worse
than his. You know, we're both kind of a hot mess.
But I always felt before I had a serious boyfriend,
I just always felt like it would be nice to
have a boyfriend that wanted to spend all of his
(03:29):
time with me. So I remember that anytime I think, wow,
this is a lot, I just remember you thought that
would be nice, because it's better than the opposite. You know,
a person who wants to avoid you, and it's like
constantly making plans. Oh my god, it's way about it
than the opposite. Yeah, Like, anytime I'm available for anything,
Joe's right there. He's like, let's go, and he's like
game to party, to have a good time. Yeah, he
(03:51):
follows my lead. Yeah, and that's that's a good setup
for me. Do you find when he's not there that
you're sort of missing the rapport that he rings to
the table, like if you're out with friends or are
you feeling like it's great? Yeah? No, he definitely adds
a nice little slice when he shows up at things,
like with my girlfriends. We went to a party the
other night, and it was so funny because I said, oh,
(04:12):
you know, my friend was saying, oh. I said, don't
tell all of our drug stories to Joe. Do me
a favor when you meet him. He was coming to
meet us at a party and and they go drug stories.
I go, he's coming tonight. There were four girls with
my friends of mine. We all worked on Chelsea, the
show on Netflix together, so we traveled all around the
world together. So there was a lot of ship that
(04:34):
went down. And my friend goes drug stories. This is
a mushroom party that we're going to. It said mushrooms
on the invitation and it was my invitation. But I
looped to my girlfriends in because we were supposed to
go out. I go, why don't we all just go
to this party together? And I go, really did it
say mushrooms? I was like, I didn't even see that.
And they're like, that's classic, Chelsea, Like you don't even
know that you're bringing us to a drug party and
that you just invited your boyfriend, who you don't want
(04:55):
to talk to drugs about about, you know, to a
mushroom party. So he gets my girlfriend proceeded to tell
one drug story after another about me. She's like. And
then we were in Colombia and Chelsea I was like,
all right, shut and we're all looking around. I go,
are you what's wrong with you? I just told you
to do the opposite of what you're doing. And it
(05:17):
was so funny. And I looked at Joe and I go,
just so you know, honey, like I told them not
to tell you all these things. It's like, why why
you think I'm so judgy? I go, you are judging, Like,
I know you don't think you're judging, but you're judge
about drugs. He doesn't like when people like, you know,
at his birthday party, we had people there and like
people were really partying, and he he was like, it's
(05:37):
too much. I don't I'm like, people are in Vegas
for three days. They're allowed to do whatever they want
to do, and if somebody got a little sloppy or
got a little messy, and then that's their release, you
know what I mean, stop judging that. And it's happening
in Vegas, so it's staying exactly I know. So he's
not I don't want to pay the picture that he's
super judging and that, you know. Anyway, after that night,
(05:59):
I was like, all right, so I guess it's all out,
you know, you know everything, And he's like, I just
worry about you when you're not safe, and I'm like,
I know, honey, but I'm here, I'm alive, everything worked out.
Don't worry about me. Like, I know how to do
drugs and I know how to survive. So when you
say people, quote unquote we're doing drugs, there's maybe one
(06:20):
person that he was concerned about more than others. No,
actually no, it was a friend of mine who was
a bit of a hot mess. She's probably listening to
this podcast right now, so no, it actually wasn't me,
and so I got in trouble for my friend's behavior,
and then eventually, you know, we had to sort that out.
I was like, you can't be mad at me for
something that someone else did. Sorry, anyway, you know the
(06:41):
trials and tribulations of a new coupling, right exactly. You know.
I read something recently and they said all they had
asked the universe for was a super hot guy who
partied at the same speed as they did. And I
was like, that is perfect. That's what we're always looking for,
a super parties. That's good. I should have put that
(07:02):
in my list. Yeah. Like and at the same speed.
It's like, not too much, not too little. Just y.
It sounds like you guys have that going on for
the most part. We do. Yeah, that's great. I'm also
cracking up, Chelsea because you have not looked at the
script yet today, and you have covered several things that
we're going to talk about today with question of me. Yes,
(07:24):
it's pretty amazing and exciting. Oh wait, I have set
updates that I want to promote you guys. Today's May twelve.
So tonight I'm in New Orleans. Tomorrow I'm in Birmingham, Alabama,
and then I'm in San Antonio, Texas on Saturday night.
Then I'm coming to Montclair and Huntington's and I'm shooting
my stand up special, my next stand up special in Nashville,
(07:47):
at the Rhyme in so please, there's an early show
and there's a late show. Please get your tickets. And
this is our first episode back three. It is can
you believe it? How fun is that? It's really excite.
Since it's season three, we decided to bring on a
very special guest who is currently judging her fifth season
on American Idol. She has a Vegas residency called Play
(08:11):
at the Resorts World Theater, and she also has a
new song out with a Lesso called when I'm Gone
and has the title track on Thomas Rhet's new record,
Where We Started. She recently bought out her joint venture
with her shoe line, Katie Perry Collections and now totally
owns the line, which just debuted their Spring collection at
the end of March. And she is a co founder
(08:32):
of a new line of non alcoholic Appertifs Para Tiefs
of Appertifs apparent Tiefs. Right. I actually don't know that.
I actually don't call this way. Please welcome Katie Perry. Hey, Hi, Kai,
Katie brought her doll. Hello. Hello, I can't hear myself.
(08:57):
I love to hear myself. Last time I talked to you.
You were about you we were talking about ayahuasca. Oh yeah, no, no,
I never unwrapped my core. But you sure you didn't know.
But I know, I know you guys were doing that.
Orlando did he went deep? Yeah, he gets deep. He's
a deep person. Well he's a seeker. Yeah, so what
(09:19):
are you. I'm a seeker as well. But I'm just also,
you know, I've got like that artist's brain that is
just a little bit more temperamental sometimes, So you think
you have sometimes bad reactions to things or sense. Yeah,
I don't smoke. I can't smoke weed. Oh I'm one
of those catch me in a corner. Yeah, I got that.
(09:41):
Weed isn't for everybody, and that's something I had to
learn the hard way by giving it out to people
who couldn't handle it. And I saw that. Yeah, I've
done that a lot. I'm like an enabler. Did you
ever have a bad reaction on your show when you
would like have your round table with the weed and
the food. No, one, No, that was on the best behavior. Actually,
(10:01):
you know, maybe I take that back. Maybe somebody had
a slightly bad reaction. But when you're on camera, you know,
you kind of have to temper that reaction and just
try to keep it together. But the one we want
ate a cannabis dinner on one of my episodes of
my show, and I was high for three days, playing
a lot for you because your tolerance must be. My
eye was shut for three days. I couldn't open it.
I was like, Ah, Okay, we have Katie Perry here, finally.
(10:26):
I'm so excited to have you. It's our premier episode
of season three, and I'm excited to talk to you
about all things. And I can't wait to hear all
the advice you give to our callers that call in
and write in. Advice, yes, coming from both of us,
because well, I think you have a lot of wisdom
to impart. Well. Thanks. I mean I've got to see
(10:46):
a lot of the world, so that's a little perspective maybe. Yeah,
And you've had a lot of experiences, different experiences, and
I was just telling you I'm living like in Kentucky
and I have for almost a month now, and that's
quite a um amazing experience because it reminds you that
Hollywood is not America, uh huh, And you need to
remember that because I think you can understand people better. Yeah, right,
(11:10):
It's nice to get outside of what you know to
be normal and your reality. Yeah, I mean they're living
in a bubble of sorts. Were living in a bubble.
Our bubbles are completely opposite, but there. Yeah, it's interesting.
But you've been in different bubbles because you grew up
in a bubble. You grew up super religious. Yeah, and
that's one bubble. Then you came into this industry. That's
another bubble, right there. Bubble's apology study of human Yeah,
(11:30):
that sapiens three. So talk to me about motherhood. Motherhood
best decision I have remained in my entire life. Really. Yeah.
I wasn't very maternal, and I think that probably stems
from some childhood stuff. And we talked about, you know,
going on certain journeys, whether that's plant base or psychological
or drug based or drug base. Yeah, well plant and
(11:52):
drug I mean that's the same thing, right, some of it.
And I did a lot of work behind that stuck
feeling of not being maternal, although I was very maternal
with all of my friends, I mean my fans and
and my friends, they all called me mom because I
love to take care of people. I like I find
joy through other people's joy. Like if they're having a
great time, I'm having a great time. But still there
(12:14):
was a little bit of a disconnect, and so I
did go on that journey and found the little um
spots that needed some tuning up. And Orlando I got
to see what a great dad he was with his
first child, Flynn, who's now eleven, And so that definitely
primarily influenced me, Like something inside of me said, you,
mid thirties, this man is nice must read. He's you know,
(12:37):
he's a kind man. He's a love machine. I mean
that in a sexual way. I mean that in a
personal way, like when you meet Orlando and you have
a conversation with Orlando, he is filled with love and
spreading love. He's like a machine. I always say when
he walks into the room, he has this Jouis d
vive about him, and he really does. And you know,
(12:59):
some people are like, is that guy on? But he
has just really got this kind of like happy, possy vibes,
you know. And I'm a little bit more like heavy
and prone to depression in some ways, and so it's
good for me to be around him because he gets
me out of my head a little bit. Yeah, that's funny.
I have a similar dynamic with my boyfriend Joe, because
(13:19):
he is all positive vibes, all happiness up up yeah,
And I could be much more cynical than that, where
I'm just like, no, that guy's a fucking asshole. Why
are we hugging him? Yeah? I used to think people
like that were like losers, like they didn't understand the
fullness of life, because I don't know, how could someone
be that happy all the time. But maybe they just haven't,
you know, had as much trauma as us, or maybe
(13:41):
they have and they are just willing to turn it
into positive vibes whatever I'm going to tell you. But
I feel that way too, because Joe hugs everyone everyone
we meet, like, and so all of a sudden, he's
living in my house, hugging my cleaning lady. Every morning
before he leaves, he hugs the landscaper, And now I'm
hugging everybody because otherwise I look like a total bit
(14:02):
well I know, I know, I know how that feels.
I wasn't really a hugger for a while, and you know,
had to kind of work through that, and then when
COVID came, I was like, hmm, I'm kind of okay
with this like no touching, fine, me too. I felt
the same way totally. But but I am there's two
parts of me. When I am on stage and doing
(14:22):
my professional life, I'm really a hugger. But at home
and like in domestic life and personal life, you know,
I'm on the matriarch of the family and just like you,
just like keeping everything in order, dotting the eyes and
crossing the d's and you know, Katie. I mentioned Katie
show in Vegas, which I was trying to come see
when we were in Vegas two weeks ago, but you
weren't performing. That wasn't it was going to be a
(14:44):
one night only for you though, But I'm gonna come
and see you anyway. We're gonna come back and seeone
who's listening. It's a really fun, fun time. So tell
me about how what are you noticing about yourself becoming
a mother, Like, what are you surprised about that you're
able to tolerate, or your pay hints or whatever area
of your personality that you've discovered. Well, I think that
(15:05):
your definition of success changes in life as you get older,
and you know, as Coachella has just passed, we observe
the definition of success for gen Z's and Easter Easter
Passover and Coachella. Yes, And you know, I think your
definition of success coming up and your twenties is very
outward and material and ego driven and all that jazz.
(15:30):
And then thirties hits and you care less, and there's
a kind of an inner confidence and respect for yourself
that starts to grow. Maybe. And then with the motherhood,
you know, your definition of well, my definition of success
is just her happiness. And again, her happiness really gives
me that joy. But a lot of like bs just
(15:50):
falls away. Stuff that you thought was important really was
never important, and you just don't you know, you don't
have time for any sort of energy drama that's not
important in your family. And you know, your family really
starts to become first because you know, like when you're
dating someone, you don't how many kids you've got, like
your posse and this posse and like a couple of
(16:13):
few different posses for different things, and like you meet
all the time, blah blah blah. And although I still
have a lot of those friends, if something, for some
reason becomes a little too complicated, I'm like, I'm out.
I gotta leave this chat. This chat, I'm out because
I got to make sure my the health and wellness
of my child is always in the a world. But
(16:35):
I think that you just feel a lot more grounded
and you focus better. You kind of there's a lot
of lollygagging before kids, and you know that your time
is limited outside of being with them, or or that
if you spend two hours doing something, that better be
of real value, because that's two hours you could like
engage with the person that you love the most, that
(16:57):
loves you the most. So there's a lot of a
element and truly, and I'm in a really privileged place,
I get you know, I have a wonderful nanny and
all that stuff. So it may be an easier time
for someone like myself than anyone else out there. But
I've seen I've got to see a lot of views
of many different mountains, and professionally, I started to see
some of the same views. You know. I've been on tour,
(17:18):
travel the world three times. I got the opportunity to
play Super Bowl. All these things that I'm so so
grateful I got to check off my list before I
had a child. But then you start doing them over again.
You don't get the same high. Yeah, and so you're like, well,
what's the next level to life? And then you start
doing like a lot of plant based medicine because you're like,
there's gotta be a better grid out there. We need
(17:40):
to see the next dimension or whatever. You know, it's
just and and and children for me definitely are that.
I mean my daughter is is that for me? And
has it had it impact your relationship with your mom
or your dad being becoming a parent? Yes? For sure,
for sure there's there is profound respect and also profound anger,
(18:02):
not anger, but just like what's and also just like
amazement that how did we just how did three of
us survive? Because like you turn the corner for two
seconds and you're just like how did you get there?
What is in your mouth? And I give you all
the toys you ever could want, but you still want
(18:23):
to an electrical socket, like you know the dog chew
toys that are like the Rolex or the Starbucks cup
and stuff like that. They need to make like a
an electrical outlet toy for kids that they're really attracted
to that's maybe like bedazzled or something, so that they
go to that one first rather than like the real ones. Yeah,
that's probably a good idea, along with a bunch of
(18:44):
other sharp objects like steak knives or things like that.
I think I have seen a children's steak knife collection
because I think I tried to use one accidentally, because
that's how domesticated I am that I don't know you
can't cut with a rubber knife. But I love all
that you're saying. I have to say from a personal perspective,
like for me watching your Instagram and watching everything. Obviously,
(19:06):
I see you all the time hosting Idol, and I
know you post about Idol a lot, and that's fun.
But you seem like your abulliate, like you have a
what is that word mean, like a big light around you,
like everything is. You seem like you're in a great place. Well,
don't thank me, thank the well Bucher. And quite honestly,
what is well is well preucheron over the counter or
(19:28):
is that a prescription prescription? Oh and it's an antidepressant.
Oh okay, because I thought that, well, I must be
confusing it with some other medication that you can buy
over the counter. Well whatever, Wellness something No, But truly,
I think my daughter has reshaped my life, my perspective,
and given me a love I've never had before. It's
(19:50):
a love and kind of a not a validation, but
I guess validation in its purest form is love. I've
always been wanting that love. That's always been my number
one currency. And then when she came, it was just like,
I love you for for no reason, just because you
are And I'm like, what, you don't need anything from me?
I mean, obviously some food, just a little, a little, okay.
(20:14):
I actually breastfed Katie's baby. I produce almond milk in
my breasts and she's lactose intolerant, so it worked out perfectly. Also,
don't you think that thank you first of all? Must
don't you think that, like the longer that you can
live and observe and survive in this world of spotlight
(20:35):
and you know, I guess we will say industry and
fame and celebrity and navigate it, the more you just
kind of you get better tools and you learn how
to play it better. Yeah, play it better. And I
think you also become less ambitious. Once you've kind of
solidified a place for yourself, It's like there's definitely not
(20:55):
another Chelsea. Ever, that's sweet. I mean, I think you
really start to become right like you, you're not as driven.
I mean, some people seem to have that drive inveterately.
They just go on and on and on and on.
But yeah, but I think, you know, the more confident
you become, the less you need from the general public,
(21:15):
and the more you think, the more introspective your work becomes,
and the higher integrity that your work kind of gives off.
You know, you're like, it's a better quality of work.
I agree, because in the beginning, I think of all
of our careers in the spotlight, you're making art for
yourself to kind of prove, and then somewhere along the way,
you're kind of listening to the stuff and I can't
(21:37):
I can't affect it, and so sometimes the art gets
painted by the noise, and then, like you say, at
a certain point, you like go of the noise again,
and then you go back to just like creating that
art out of feeling, which I think is what usually
gets you on the map in the first place. Yeah. Yeah,
I have a question for both of you about that.
Does it feel harder to be vulnerable the longer you're
(22:01):
doing it? And the more you listen to that noise,
I think it becomes easier to be vulnerable. What do
you think, Well, I think you can be vulnerable, but
I think the higher you get, the harder you can fall.
There's a lot more to lose, I guess, And in
a world where you can go down pretty easily by anything,
(22:25):
I think you have to be you know, just more aware.
There's gotta be a lot more awareness, which is yeah.
I think I was thinking of it in the sense
like being vulnerable, like allowing people to see who you are,
becomes easier, I think for me, especially because I didn't
realize for a long time that people didn't understand that
we're all multifaceted, we all have different parts of our
personality and just because you're not demonstrating at all doesn't
(22:47):
mean it's not there. And when I was like opening
up about my brother dying or like serious things, people
were always like, oh my god, We've never seen this
side of you. It's like, what do you think I'm
just a fucking bitch all the time, Like obviously, I'm
obviously I'm a human girl, Like obviously there's more depth.
I mean, if you believe in like the idea of
like masculine energy. I think we just operate with a
(23:09):
lot more of that, and it can be less soft
soft as feminine. But you know, all those things are smoothing.
Right now, those sayings are being kind of investigated again
because what is masculine energy and why does it belong
to only mail or whatever? You know, you don't want
to put a gender on that type of energy, but
that energy is just strong. It's like dominate and black
(23:31):
and white. You don't seem like a person that like
minces their words. No, And that also can come across
as harsh, like I mean, I just had a conversation.
They were like, can you be nicer to so so
and so? And I go, are you serious? I sent
an email asking just for a bunch of questions. I go,
what do you want me to do? Fucking blow them
on the in the email? Like what? And they're like, oh, no,
(23:51):
you just have to be a little bit softer and
how you ask? That's exactly what they said, softer, And
I was like, okay, I mean all right, but I
don't know if like people would expect that, quite honestly
from the opposite sex. No one, I've never heard any
of that said, hey, can you be softer in your email? Totally,
(24:11):
but anyway, especially not to Orlando. They wouldn't because he's
already already. He's a soft plody and we're prickly Okay,
So we're gonna take callers. We have a caller calling
it for advice. You have to put on your advice cap.
And I've done a lot of therapy for this moment.
I know, we've all all of our therapy comes together
on this podcast, and then we give it out and
we give back exactly. Well, we'll take a quick break
(24:35):
for some ads, and we'll be back with Katie and
Chelsea and we're back where back. We have our first caller,
who is Stephanie. She says, Dear Chelsea, I recently got
into a serious relationship, my first since college. For years
(24:56):
before meeting my new boyfriend, I was in a big
partying phase with plan deal flings and hookups, I mean plenty.
I've been in therapy over the years and have been
cognizant of why I was drinking or hooking up with guys. Really,
it was just a fun time in my life and
I was just figuring it out. I was always known
as the quote a fun girl of the group with
plenty of stories about my drunken escapades, terrible dates, and
(25:18):
minor fuck ups that are more cute slash hilarious than damaging.
Right now, where I'm at is actually Chelsea told a
story very similar to this before you arrive. Yes, I
call into my own podcast and she gives great at
Where I'm at right now is I'm introducing my friends
to my boyfriend and feel uncomfortable with my friends sharing
(25:40):
stories are bringing up pastimes in front of him. I
don't want to lie to him or pretend that I
wasn't like that, But I also don't want him to
think less of me or judge me. He's an incredible
person and I don't think he ever would. But how
do I accept that for myself? Have you owned yourself
and your past relationships though I'm not going out as
my If you're drinking at the level I was before,
(26:01):
how do I still share that part of my life
without scaring him? Stephanie and she's going to be joining us, Oh,
oh great, this is perfect. Yeah, I just told that story.
Too bad I didn't save it for when Katie was here. Well,
I want to hear it. Well, Hi, Hi, Hi girl.
Hi Stephanie H. This is Katie. Hi. How are you good?
(26:24):
How are you all doing good? We're good. You've spoken
to Catherine before this, so that's this is very perfect
timing because I was just discussing this. I have a
very sorted past with all sorts of drug use, and
I love to talk about it, and my friends love
to tell stories about me and blah blah blah. And
I'm with a person who doesn't have a big history
with drugs. He has no history with drugs, he doesn't
(26:46):
do drugs. And I think it's a very valid question,
and I think you should not be lying. I don't
think you should ever lie about who you are. I
think you know you're gonna be with somebody who's gonna
love you because of who you are, and in spite
of who you are. If you take your drug experience
as a negative thing, when it doesn't have to be
that way. It could be a period of your life
where you learned a lot about yourself. You know that
(27:07):
was positive and that you explored that. It's a matter
of moving forward. Do you still want to do drugs
like that with your partner or are you over that
phase of your life. I mean, I'm always open and
willing to anything, So I don't think it's a phase.
I think it's more of like, you know, a lifestyle.
But I think just just be clear, was it more
just like a partying just like having fun hook ups
(27:30):
in drinking and stuff like that. The drugs thing was
yours and hers is more the the the alcohol. Blame
it on the alcohol and the fun whole bit sets right, Yes, Yeah,
more going out and you know, partying and you know
all those fun things that come out along with it. Yeah,
and your twenties. Yeah, listen. I wrote my first book
(27:50):
was called My Horizontal Life, a collection of one night stands,
So I've not only done it, I've documented it, which
was not a smart move if I was thinking about
potential suitors, Like, no man reads that book and it's
like I want to date this girl, or great, I'll
date this girl so she can write a fucking short
story or essay about me, you know what I mean.
(28:11):
But I'm assuming you're not going to do that. Do
you know what your boyfriend's like drug history or partying
history is? Um? I mean, he likes to go out,
but I would say he's much more tame and laid
back and you know, not out until four in the
morning ever, But like, and how long have you guys
been dating? A little over a year? Okay, so he
must have some sense of your past, right, Yeah, but
(28:35):
it was also COVID and so weird. You know, shut
indoors a lot, and then now that things are opening up,
it's proving to kind of open a like a different door.
Almost did something make you feel like, oh wait, maybe
he's not loving this information or something? Did something happen? No,
(28:56):
I wouldn't say exactly something happened, but you know, whenever
telling a story and like everyone kind of is quiet afterwards,
and you're like, ok, maybe like should have released that information,
or like a friend is telling a story and I'm like,
maybe I don't want my boyfriend to know that happened.
So yeah, it's more more just like me feeling not
(29:17):
almost feeling bad. I think it's my own personal struggle
rather than like an external one. Yeah. I mean, I
don't think anyone loves to hear voluminous stories about someone's
ex like how many people you've slept with? Like that's
not really something that anyone wants to hear. So there's
no reason to really even get into that detailed, just
(29:38):
almost out of respect for the relationship. You don't want to, like,
I mean, nobody wants to hear that. If and I
asked my boyfriend about anything in his past which I
am curious about, he refuses to tell me. He's like,
I'm never wasting energy talking about any of those people. Yeah,
because it doesn't even exist anymore. Yeah, it's so in
the past. But I mean, you going out and parting
and having a good time. I think it's fine. I
(29:58):
don't think it always has to lead to You don't
have to divulge that information to him. It doesn't necessarily
empower anybody to know that their person beforehand was out
and about and sleeping around. You're totally you know, everyone's
allowed to do that, of course, but it's definitely not
a necessary thing you want to do. I would definitely
I would parse those stories too, because you're not lying.
(30:20):
It's almost kind of you're lying for their benefit, and
you're not lying, you're withholding really well, I've been told
a mission is also lying. Yeah, I agree with you.
I mean, you don't need to share all this stuff.
It was it's a journey it's a journey and he
wasn't there for it, so he doesn't need to, you know,
he doesn't need to be a part of it. It
(30:40):
sounds also like you are kind of starting a new
phase in your life, not a new phase, and not
like you're gonna not do stuff that you like or
have fun or get wild or be loose over again.
But maybe it's a little bit more balanced with him,
and maybe those stories are just like their stories from
the past, from when you weren't really that person, or
you were just young, younger and you're wiser and you know,
(31:02):
older a little bit more, and it's just a journey
that you've been on. And also he's probably gonna see
this podcast, so he's gonna know, hey, what's up. Yeah,
we have a ton of straight guys listening to this podcast. Exactly.
I would just say to your friends, like they're telling
these stories because they're kind of trying to brag on you, right,
They're trying to say, like, look, how fun she is,
she's the best. These are these crazy stories. Maybe just
(31:24):
tell them like, hey, let's keep the hookups to a minimum,
but like tell other fun stories about me. Yeah, and
hopefully you won't be like my friend who did exactly
the opposite. When I told her not to, she was also, yeah,
that was she was having a hard night that night.
So I don't blame her because I couldn't otherwise it
would be too ridiculous. I told my girlfriend basically to
(31:44):
recap when I said earlier, I was like, Hey, my
boyfriend doesn't do drugs, don't tell too many drugs stories
about me. And then she proceeded to go from country
to country to country about different drugs we did in
countries where they're those drugs aren't legal anyway. So she's
hurting me on two levels. But yeah, I think what
Katie said is is right. You're in a different part
(32:05):
of your life too, and that's also worth mentioning, you know,
at certain points in your relationship, like I'm so glad
I met you at this time in my life, Like
I'm finally mature enough to appreciate this relationship, to reinforce
that that behavior is kind of not necessarily a thing
of the past, but more of like part of who
you were before you met him. And now you're going
into this phase. Obviously you're not going to go around
hooking up like that when you're in a new relationship
(32:27):
or a newer relationship, I should say, but there's no
reason to go into detail about any of that stuff.
Just one little thing to add. I mean, how young
are you, Stephanie. I'm seven, Okay, Okay, you're getting to
that you're getting to that age where like you're starting
to have real serious commitment relationships or half or every
relationship starts to feel like more serious. But I would
(32:48):
just say, in the relationship I'm in now, I've never
been more myself than I have, and that feels so good.
And I've been in other relationships where I've had to
hide parts of myself and play second fiddle or just
be smaller or like hiding right, and it all, it
all starts to like erupt. It becomes a volcano and
(33:11):
it comes out, and it becomes hysterical. And because you've
suppressed it for so long. So if there's a way,
especially since you're in the new party relationship, where you
can kind of like drip feed him some of the
truth so that it doesn't all explode at once, because
you've been like trying to play a different part just
so you can keep the relationship together. You know, I
think there'll probably be a lot more acceptance, um, and
(33:33):
it may not scare him as much. The truth really
is a cliche in that if he doesn't love you
for who you are, he's really not for you. Yeah,
which doesn't mean you have to frontload it. I think
what she's saying is right. Drip feeding is the best
way to be like accountable. So you're not a liar,
you know what I mean. But you're also not over divulging.
(33:54):
But you know, just be sensitive. It's like, think about
how you would feel if you heard about all the
girls he hooked up with. It's not necessary, yeah yeah, yeah,
definitely not giving him a laundry list, yeah yeah, But
but you know, continue to be who you are and
make sure you're not apologizing for anything you did in
the past, because that's you don't know anybody in apology
for anything. You don't owe people first and last names either,
(34:16):
because sometimes we don't remember those last names. You know,
you don't owe anybody that either. You're like you when
you make the list in your twenties, are like, how
about when you make the list in your twenties and
you make it with it like you're with a girlfriends,
you're a grip of girlfriends. And then the next morning
you're like, wait, I forgot three people that came to me.
And then the next day I'm like, fuck, I forgot
(34:37):
three more people. Now, whenever I make any lists, I'm like,
I said to my assist. We were I'm hosting Jimmy
Kill for the week. She goes put together a list
of who you'd like to interview on the guest And
I made a list and then I was like, don't
send that yet. I'm like, I'll come up with like
any more names as I think about it. You know,
like you have to keep your list going. So when
you make a list, give yourself three days for that list.
(35:00):
All right, well, thank you so much, thanks for calling in.
Good luck by. She made it sound like she just
like lived at Marty Gras for the first twenty years
of her life, and wouldn't that be fun? Yeah? Penetration
pussy land, Yeah, the p p P. Isn't that what
(35:21):
they were called? The no PPE your paychecks for COVID
Was that PPE or that the Protective gear Payment Protection Plan?
That was not to be confused with penetration? What was
the word land? That's your land? My land in Las
(35:45):
Vegas is Peri Playland. Please come visit? Yes, Hers, Yes,
please come visit. Well. Our next question comes from Paige.
Paige says, Dear Chelsea, in a recent episode with Bobby Burke,
you mentioned that you used to resort to yelling in arguments,
(36:05):
but have since turned the corner. I try sometimes. I
feel I'm in a relationship over a year with a
man I completely adore, but I'm a hothead and I
often yell, like really yell. It's causing a huge rift
in our progress, and I'm looking for practical ways to stop.
(36:26):
I've been in therapy on and off for years, and
I'm frustrated that I keep getting the same old, just
be mindful answer. I definitely try every day and have
for decades. Do you have any other practical advice books
or workshops you'd recommend? Thank you from your fellow blonde haired,
big breasted woman page. She's in good company today. We
(36:47):
all have on that first here, Katie. Do you want
to go first or shall I? It sounds like you've
got some rolling. Well, I just talked to my therapist
about this very issue. My boyfriend and I went to
our first therapy session together because I would like to you,
you lifted up your arm because you're about to divulge
your boyfriend. That's a big one with my regular therapist though,
like if this is the guy I used to see
(37:08):
all the time and I haven't seen him in a while,
but we wanted to I wanted to learn about communications. No,
everything we talked about starts with a P on this
part page. But he explained something that was very foundational
and like good for everyone to remember. When you are
in a reaction mode, which is when you're yelling, you
are not You're not getting anywhere. It is pointless to yell.
(37:32):
I mean, think about being yelled at, and think about
yelling at a child, like you are never going to
get what you want out of somebody by yelling at them.
That doesn't work. So you have to calm down, You
have to take your time out, whatever you want to
call that. I say, I need a coconut, which means
I need a time out so I can calm down
and get into reception which means yes, I put out
(37:54):
some reggae and you get into receiving mode instead of
reactive mode. And when you're when you are reactive, nothing
can be solved in that moment of anger when you
are anger and you're yelling. Also, something to remember about
yelling is it's a complete loss of control. Like anytime
you yell, you have lost control, and so do you
(38:15):
really want to be perceived as losing control all the time.
It's better to like think about it, internalize it. Go
sit by yourself, whether it's two minutes or twenty minutes
or a day, whatever you need until you can get
back to a place of reception and receiving and just go, okay,
I'm ready to hear what you're saying. And if there's
just no reason to let it escalate like that, because
(38:36):
nobody likes to get yelled at, and you're gonna push
somebody away by doing that, I agree. That's a lot
of self control. God bless you. And you've been in
this relationship for how long? Shut up? Well, everything is
in the honeymoon phase. We're just we're actually just phasing
out of honeymoon phase. I have found that she's like
(38:59):
I found yelling to be very effective. I found that,
you know, I know it sounds also like a cliche,
but like three deep breaths in through the nose and
out through the mouth, just like expands your options in
your brain to think differently than just like red red,
red red. And yeah, I think you were correct about
the whole, Like I know what it feels like to
have been yelled at as like a child, so like
(39:22):
remembering that and kind of going, oh, that never worked
with me, and knowing it's not going to work with
the other person. Although your partners usually see your best
and a lot of your worst sides because they're there
to be your mirrors. Orlando and I do couples therapy
and we love it because it just keeps us like
in tune, and the resentment can get really strong when
(39:44):
you're both working hard and God bless successful people in
the in the spotlight. And so when you want to
come back to being normal in a domesticated world where
you have a child and stuff like that, you have
to like really learn how to be kind of different
out there in the big and in the small and
so um, we've had a lot of success with that
(40:06):
couples therapy. But she asked if there's like a treatment
or something like that. I went to this place. I'm
sure you've heard of it called the Hoffman Process. Yeah,
and I went there. Orlando went before me, was this
when you guys were buried? He went no when we
were dating, so he came back after going and wasn't
leaning into all of my bullshit, and so it was boring.
(40:28):
It became boring, and I was like, we're breaking up then,
And then I had the worst year of my life,
not just because the relationship, just a lot of different
things were changing and shifting from me, which I really
truly believe was an opportunity for me to evolve and grow.
It's gonna be like, here we are at the fork
in the road. You're gonna take an hour? Are you're
gonna take an r you know? And so a year
later I went to the Hoffman Process, and it is
(40:50):
amazing because it's a week long process, which they do
give scholarships out. It's it's kind of expensive, but I
would say it's the best value. You have no cell
phone and you just go kind of deep through different
exercises with other people actually, which is great because they
trigger you the whole time and then you work on
those triggers. But basically, it's a place you get to
(41:12):
go to where you rewire the neuropathways in your mind
and you get to the you basically get to discover
there's so much awareness. You get to discover why you
have these patterns and habits and where they're coming from.
And all of it's either coming from mom or it's
coming from that. So like if you're yelling, who yelled
at you? And it's it's a learned thing. Everything that
(41:36):
all the kids, like your your babies, they're really just
regurgitating everything they see and from you. So it's really
about the patterns um of our parents that you adopted,
and so you rewire those patterns to have to have
better success at life. And it profoundly changed my life.
(41:57):
It's like the number one thing I always recommend when
somebody is ready for that next level in life, for
that shift if they're just over just like feeling stock
or depressed or traumatized or just like, uh, you know,
they're like, there's gotta be more to to life. This
is like this, I feel like it's where you find consciousness.
(42:19):
It's where you find so much profound awareness and it's great.
You couldn't recommend it more. Yeah, I've heard a lot
of great things about the Hoffman Institute. Is a Hoffman
Institute has process. Another thing to remember is when you
are in that state of yelling, when you're in flight,
fight or freeze, which are those like things where you're
being attacked or attacking, you're not in a place. If
(42:41):
you're in any of those moments, you're not in a
place to discuss the matter. That's when you need a
time out. If you feel like fighting, if you feel
like retreating and running away, or if you feel like
you're frozen. Those are three things to remember that you
need to take a time out. And so I would
just really really recommend that you work hard on your yelling.
And if your therapist doesn't think that that's a problem,
(43:03):
you might need to find a new therapist that pushes
you a little bit more, yeah, or digs a little
bit deeper. Yeah, because that's basic, Like yeah, mindfulness, mindfulness, mindfulness,
I mean there's I love mindfulness, but like let's get
into the nitty gritty, Yeah, get under the hood. You know.
Have you been in any really big arguments with your partner? Yeah? Yeah,
(43:23):
we had one big one, which is why we ended
up going to therapy because I was like, well, let's
nip this in the bud right away. I want to always,
you know, improve on my communication, and I'm an over
communicator where he's an under communicator. But he's never had
you know, he's somebody who's mad and doesn't say anything
for three weeks and then it blows up and you're like,
what was this about. He's like when we were in Whistler.
(43:45):
I'm like, Whistler, that was like a fucking months ago,
months ago, Like wait what So immediately not because he
keeps therapy. He loves the less exactly. It's because we
need it, you know, as a couple and as my
therapy be said. You know, you're a Orlando's B together,
you're a B. That's a different language than what you
(44:06):
do by yourself and what Orlando does for himself. So
like you and your partner are two separate entities, but
when you come together, you have to be mindful of
the fact that he's not you. He's a completely separate
person that needs to be treated with like kindness and respect.
One other book actually that I would recommend to her
is The Dance of Anger. That's one to read a
sad because it helps with dealing with anger all that
(44:29):
stuff that comes up. But also like one of the
pieces of advice I always give to people who are
getting married, is do go to bed angry. I find
that for us, like my husband and I are both yellers,
and I find that like we can get in these
circular things when we're tired or yes, tired, hungry or
maybe a little tipsy or whatever, and if you just
(44:49):
go to sleep, you wake up and you're like, what
were we fighting about? And you're just like well rested
and its better, Like I'm always like so much nicer
in the morning if I've gotten you know, seven is
showers of sleep. You wake up and you're like, how
can I like look at you and still be pissed.
I'm gonna like give me, I'm gonna try. I'm gonna
(45:10):
try for the first five minutes. But if you're still cold,
then we're gonna go back. Yeah. Right, But if you
decide to meet me on that soft suite halfway, then
we're going to be like Because some people, like my boyfriend,
can't go to bed angry. They need to talk it out.
They want to talk it out talk talk talk, talk talk,
And it's like that that is a personality trait too,
(45:31):
So you have to be respectful when people do want
to do that, like I do want to go to
bed also and be like I'll see you tomorrow. But
you know, with him, he's so sensitive that like I
have to sit there with him and like, you know,
figure it out together, which you know is good. I'm
glad I have to be outside of my comfort zone
and and compromise. Yeah, that's growth, Yeah, evolution, evolution, It's
(45:56):
a life worth living. So there you go. Problem solved. YEA.
Well we'll take a quick break for some ads and
be back with Chelsea and Katie and where Katie fantastic? Well, Katie,
was there any advice that you wanted to ask for
(46:18):
from Chelsea? Oh? That's good, yes, thank you. Do you
find it's different for you compared to your male counterparts.
Do you find that there's a certain line not to cross,
or that some people can be spicier comedians. Do you
find if you started out really spicy, you can stay
(46:38):
spicy your whole life or do you kind of have
to be a little bit more aware or what I mean?
I think that you know the boundaries that have been
put in or the parameters that have been placed, you know,
on performers and especially comedians, Like I don't have a
problem with that. I like that that that forces you
to be more clever in my opinion, you know, it
(46:59):
forces you to think outside of your own experience and
to focus on the real issue at hand. Like for
me right now, what I'm doing in my set, it's like,
you know, I'm talking not only but this is a
big issue, is talking to white men about their resistance
to accepting all different walks of life, like they are
the only people kind of prolonging this, this this cancel culture,
(47:20):
you know, the resistance to the cancel culture and arguing
with it, like you know, we're not being sexist or
we're not being racist. It's like, hey, you're not the
judge of who's being treated in a racist or sexist way.
As an individual white male, your opinion is relevant because
you're not the victim of it. You're the perpetrator. And
that's not to say every man is a perpetrator, because
certainly that isn't the case. Not all men are bad.
(47:43):
But I think it's important to bring attention to the
subjects that we're all kind of tiptoeing around because people
don't want to say the wrong thing. It's like, it's
about I think it's a responsibility for every comedian to
lift up all the people that aren't getting that kind
of respect, that aren't being treated like a white male
that you know, like the entire trans community, the entire
LGBTQ community. It's like it is you know some people.
(48:06):
I have just had this conversation with this weekend with
the comic and he's like, it's not my responsibility. He goes,
I accept them. I don't have to sing their praises.
I go, acceptance isn't enough. You have a platform that
a lot of people are listening to and they're taking
your lead on things, and by not going abad for
those people, you're missing a huge opportunity for accepted. Like
(48:26):
if you accept them, then how many other thousands, millions
of people are going to accept them? Right? So, and
he was like, well, I didn't think about it that way.
And I'm like, I know you didn't think about it
that way, and you're not a bad guy, But being
accepting of a certain lifestyle in this climate, I don't
think it's enough. I think you actively have to speak
out about it, and you actively have to let about
(48:48):
the injustice, about the injustice about being welcoming to people
so that they feel included, that they don't feel like
you know you, how would you feel if that was
your child that had to come out to her parents
because you wanted to transition to become a man, because
she feels like she was born in the wrong body, Like,
how would you do? How would you do that? How
would you deal with that if you were your child?
You have to think about that on a global level, right,
(49:10):
Like you want to be compassionate and empathetic to everybody,
and especially the people that have the biggest targets on
their back and are the most discriminated against. And then
he was like, well, you're giving white guys such a
hard time. I'm like, because you guys are the last
line of defense. You're in charge of everything. So if
we don't move you, we're doing it all by ourselves.
(49:31):
All like marginalized groups have to help each other, right,
So what if we just got enough of you guys
to get on board, and you should be you should
be fighting for our rights. It's you know, economically, all
this data backs up. You know everybody does better when
everybody does better, not when there's divisiveness. So I don't
know if that answers your question. Really, I mean, I
(49:51):
think it like kind of circles your question because that's
my focus has I think what I've learned from this
whole movement in the last four to five years, between
times up between me too, between what we've learned about
men and everything, the advantages that they've gotten just by
being white males. I think it is I have a
sense of responsibility to buck against you know, and say, hey,
(50:13):
this isn't enough. You know, you got to do better. Yeah.
And I think your messaging, well, your comedy is funny messaging,
but it's layered. I think we all get into this
may because we want to tell a story, we want
to represent someone or or what I see from you
is you've gone from like okay, how do I get
that laugh too? How do I like leave my mark,
or how do I help a situation or influence some change? Yeah,
(50:36):
in folk thought right, in your in your way, in
your funny kind of like pokey way. It's fun. It's
a it's a fun way to poke the bear. Yeah. Yeah, Yeah.
I wish I didn't have I mean, you know, we
all wish we didn't have to. I wish there were
no rules that everyone can do whatever they want. But
we've learned that look where we are today, that doesn't work.
(50:57):
We have to be sensitive. You know. My my trainer
this morning goes, I just heard a story about this
kid at school. They don't even they don't even you know,
use points at sports in school anymore. They don't. There's
no scoring. Everybody's getting so soft. I go, maybe because
we're too hard. You know. I don't have kids, so
I don't know that. But like where whatever we've done
is it got us to this place, which isn't the
(51:19):
best view of America. A lot of a lot of
that is content and comments. A lot of that's like
never ever, you know, in the history of civilization where
we ever supposed to, you know, digest and consume everyone's
opinion all at once. Yes, So I mean that's really
how to profound change on our our minds and our wellness,
(51:43):
our mental wellness. How do you handle that aspect of
everything like social media? Reading things about yourself articles, What
is your philosophy on that? Well? I used to get
to me, but I don't read it really, And I
like to say, I post and ghost these days, so
I'm not really scrolling anymore. And every once in a
while I'll engage, But it's it's so you know, I
(52:05):
personally think WWWE stands for wild Wild West. It's wild
out there on the internet. You can, you know, you
can have your confidence taken away from you in a second.
You can have your career taken away for you. It's
wild out there, so you really have to navigate well.
But you know, I just have a lot of compassion
for these young kids that are going through it, that
(52:25):
have thirteen to twenty followers that are all in their classroom,
and it's like they go through so much emotion if
someone doesn't like, or someone doesn't comment, or someone does comment,
or someone blocks. I mean, it's the end of their world,
you know. And I and not to compare, but just
to say, like, I mean, you should see the the
(52:47):
crazy shit I've had to block, you know, or like
that I've seen, or because come at me, or the
photoshop of some dark ass ship. Right, But it's really
shaping these young kids minds and and they or how
they are in life, whether that is I think they're
hit over the head a lot on social media every
single day, and so when they go into the real
(53:08):
world then they feel fragile already because of you know,
there are a few hours every day that they are
on social media. It's not building a confidence, it's breaking
down their confidence. So when they get into the real world,
they really don't have any confidence. Man, gen Z has
it rough. I don't know. I'm so confused by every generation.
I'm like jen Is jen X after gen Z. Well,
(53:28):
my daughter's alphaeration new generation. Yeah, I just got her
work cut out for her. Yeah, she does, she does,
but hopefully she's got some some good representation that you
know that goes to therapy and gets advice from Chelsea
Jays is going to be calling in the podcast in
no time. I've already spoken to her a couple of times.
(53:51):
She'll be like, excuse me, what do you think of Elmo? Katie?
Thank you for being here, Thanks for letting us use
your studio and it matches our podcast colors serendipitous. Yeah,
and I love that this is your studio. It's so cool.
But thank you so much for giving me your time.
I know how busy you are and I love you
so much. Thank you. This was fun giving advice together. Yeah,
(54:15):
you're really good at it. It It sounds like you know
you said, you said you like an over communicator. You
definitely like let people know what what, what to do,
when to do it, and how to how to do it.
I love that because I'm a super direct person and
I don't want I don't want any gray area. I
want to just know, you know. Yeah, I like we
(54:36):
should hang out, although we probably would like tell each
other too much of the truth. Who cares? Great, I
mean there's a lack of truth. Don't tell Joe. Yeah, great?
Over a G and T. Well, I'll see you at Kentucky.
So okay, I see you and come back. Thank you, Katie,
love you guys. Thanks. So. If you'd like to ask
Chelsea a question, email us at Dear Chelsea Project at
(54:57):
gmail dot com.
Popular Podcasts
40s and Free Agents: NFL Draft Season
Daniel Jeremiah of Move the Sticks and Gregg Rosenthal of NFL Daily join forces to break down every team's needs this offseason.
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com
The Bobby Bones Show
Listen to 'The Bobby Bones Show' by downloading the daily full replay.