Messiest White Women w/ Matteo Lane

This week Sydnee and Marie are joined by comedian Mateo Lane. The trio share their MESSy stories, from ripped pants and late-night nail salon visits to memorable first dates and unexpected encounters. Their topic of the week? Messy white women! And as always, the tree tackle your MESSages! 

Don’t forget to write in your messy stories at [e-mail], or call in at [phone] to have your MESSages read live on air! 

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:03):
You're listening to math and we are.

Speaker 2 (00:06):
We are on time for us, you know, only fifteen
minutes later. No, no, we were we were what were
we we?

Speaker 1 (00:13):
No? No, no, yeah, oh yeah, we didn't get you
in yet. But hold on, Hi, you look amazing, Marie,
you look fantastic.

Speaker 3 (00:24):
Don't be fooled by the rocks that I got. I
literally ripped my pants up the butt when every time
I move my legs I hear it rip a little
bit more.

Speaker 2 (00:33):
What do you mean so there was a little hole
in my pants before I left my house.

Speaker 4 (00:37):
No, no, no, no, Since we have to start the sea,
we have to start from the top.

Speaker 1 (00:40):
From the top, from the make it drop. You rip
in my pants?

Speaker 4 (00:44):
A rip in your pants straight up the button? No,
you're that's not true.

Speaker 3 (00:48):
WHOA I would show you. But listener, can we can
we see subscribe to my butt?

Speaker 1 (00:53):
Listen?

Speaker 5 (00:54):
Can you can you stand uperwear hold on body suit?

Speaker 2 (00:58):
Let me see?

Speaker 1 (00:58):
Girl? Why you being so gay? Girl?

Speaker 6 (01:01):
No?

Speaker 4 (01:01):
Remember we went to Jenny's wedding and your dress ripped
and I was protecting you.

Speaker 1 (01:08):
You were, but it was your.

Speaker 2 (01:09):
Savior for your ass.

Speaker 3 (01:10):
My chair is my ass savior. Okay, okay, listen, I
wore my long coat.

Speaker 2 (01:15):
Is that your Is that your mess for today?

Speaker 3 (01:18):
It's just part of the mess that is me, you know,
mess that is you, That is mess that is me.

Speaker 1 (01:24):
And that might be the title. That's the mess within
me sees me messy. Ye.

Speaker 2 (01:34):
Anyway, I'm very warm, there's a little hot, and I
don't have anything underneath. You just came outside in a
in a thick sweater.

Speaker 4 (01:44):
Yeah, it's giving like I had a little romp with
somebody and I just put on their sweater. Girl, you
banging one of the producers, giving producer sweater right now?
Zip up, it's a zip up. No, I like disheveled today. Disheveled.

Speaker 1 (02:00):
I like went to bed kind of late time.

Speaker 2 (02:03):
Huh at what time?

Speaker 1 (02:04):
Four am? Later? Come on later than four? Yes, he
was up with the baby. Well, I have a child,
she's no.

Speaker 4 (02:17):
The thing is is that we got off the phone.
I don't know what time. I don't know we got
off the phone at midnight day it was before midnight
before you know what. Let me talk about my mess.
The mess is the Neil Salon. They have got to
find a way to be more like time efficient.

Speaker 1 (02:35):
When did it?

Speaker 4 (02:36):
When did it become where you go into the salon
and now you're there all day.

Speaker 1 (02:40):
It's like a two hours It's two hours of my time.

Speaker 4 (02:43):
The nail salon is now a time where it's actually worked.
It's actually I'm clocking in. I like going there. I
thought I could go in and out. There's no more.
You're in and that's your whole day.

Speaker 1 (02:54):
I was.

Speaker 4 (02:54):
I walked in at like three thirty. I didn't leave
until eight thirty.

Speaker 1 (03:00):
What wait? Girl? What? What else? What they do? So?

Speaker 4 (03:04):
I got my feet done too? Oh well, well don't
did I show my feet on the pod?

Speaker 5 (03:13):
I wait to purry the lead that you should say
for the Patreon people would pay to see that.

Speaker 1 (03:17):
Oh you know what, no show it here? Just okay.
Show men will pay for that. You get a lot
of extra money. The only men that are here are gay.
You know what. They don't. They'll still pay.

Speaker 4 (03:27):
For it, still pay for you know what. He won't
let us, he won't let us go in, so we
just have to bring him in. Hey, we have a
guest today. I don't know if you can hear that
beautiful sound that's vibrating over the mic that alto How.

Speaker 1 (03:39):
How long was I supposed to wait? Said? I don't know.

Speaker 3 (03:42):
Actually, honestly, I'm cool with you talking it just it
was funny to see Sidney go, we haven't bought you
in yet.

Speaker 1 (03:48):
Yeah, she's been at.

Speaker 4 (03:52):
The mails, got back from the mails on from yesterday,
which I need to do my nails.

Speaker 1 (03:58):
Okay, well they're rough.

Speaker 2 (04:00):
Let's bring in our fabulous guests. I mean, listen.

Speaker 4 (04:03):
He has a book to coming out, he has another
special coming out on Hulu. I am so glad to
call him one of my dearest close friends.

Speaker 1 (04:12):
Emergency com eulogy he has.

Speaker 4 (04:17):
He has a beautiful apartment and he can make the
hell out of a lasagna.

Speaker 2 (04:20):
Give it up for a Telane.

Speaker 3 (04:22):
Teilane's here, Taylane is here, and uh, you know we're
going to get to your mess in a moment too.

Speaker 2 (04:28):
But you go get your nails done sometimes.

Speaker 1 (04:31):
Every once in a while. But then I chew him
right off. How long does it take? I mean seven
and a half minutes.

Speaker 5 (04:36):
Although last time I went with Nick, I got a
little pumpkin put on my thumb and the girl we
had was like her first day because a guy next
was did a pumpkin, but some white lady was getting
a pumpkin. I thought that is kind of cute. I
do want to live laugh love of my thumb, so this.

Speaker 2 (04:49):
Is you know your thumb is live laugh love.

Speaker 1 (04:51):
It was cute.

Speaker 5 (04:51):
Yeah, Michael's Arts and Crafts. So this is in October.
So I was like, I'll do it. And then the
woman was like clearly panicking, and then this guy kept
coming over and then it because then it's I don't
want the pumpkin anymore because now there's like six people
are like everyone's looking at me just to get this pumpkin.
And she didn't know how to do the gel It
was embarrassing. And then I didn't realize that to get
a gel off you had to go back in and

(05:12):
get them to take it off.

Speaker 1 (05:13):
Yeah. That was kind of rip it off myself. And
it's like you're your nails and you just said.

Speaker 4 (05:18):
Nick Smith, you will also be on the pod one day.

Speaker 1 (05:22):
Yeah.

Speaker 4 (05:22):
I I am tired of maintenance. But I went into
the salon because I was hired of maintenance.

Speaker 1 (05:27):
I'm tired of maintenance, like maintaining the hotness because you can't. Unfortunately,
I'm not just the person who just right out the
coach was hot. I had to build up to the
hotness and then I why whoa well? People that what
you're talking about?

Speaker 2 (05:42):
It is I guess I'm agree with you.

Speaker 3 (05:45):
Think for me.

Speaker 1 (05:47):
Don't do that. You did it. You did it, girl,
she did and I just laughed.

Speaker 3 (05:53):
You said I wasn't out the coach hot, and I said,
this is why you have a personality.

Speaker 1 (05:57):
Yes, people who are hot when they're young, you know.

Speaker 3 (06:00):
And yeah, also they grow up and they get ugly
over time.

Speaker 5 (06:04):
You got to be a I was a balding one
eyebrow to skinny Benjamin button baby, Benjamin button baby.

Speaker 4 (06:12):
Yeah, okay, and you know what, and I'll you know what.
That is my truth and I'll live within it.

Speaker 1 (06:17):
But yeah, there's just so many things that you have
to do to especially being outward.

Speaker 2 (06:23):
You know, we got to be on Instagram and wet
Harver shit together.

Speaker 4 (06:25):
If our eyebrows are not laid, if hair is not
on fleek, why why am I turning on the camera.
So I was in there for too long, days, too long,
and the woman who was doing my nails, you could
just tell when somebody not really in it, their heart
is not and they are not they don't want to
be there. And I was trying to chatter up like Hey,
she was not here for now. She was on her period,

(06:47):
you know what, and we need to stop that. Maybe
she's always about the baby. She just got dumb or
maybe or maybe she just lives in New York.

Speaker 3 (06:53):
Maybe she just got news from the cologists that she
got chlamydia.

Speaker 1 (06:57):
Wow again, Okay, I like the life.

Speaker 3 (07:00):
You're paying for it. She's a bitch, but like we
all have days where we wake up and we're not
really feeling it, but we got to show up and
do our job.

Speaker 1 (07:13):
Isn't that New York? Though? New York is just a
lot of people interacting with each other, but we don't
want to be there. How many times have you gone
to get coffee and.

Speaker 5 (07:21):
You walk up and say, hi, how are you? And
they just stare at you and you're like, okay.

Speaker 1 (07:24):
Yeah, but if you were a mister, would you be
beat it? Would you be smiling?

Speaker 7 (07:28):
No?

Speaker 5 (07:28):
New York beats the ship out of it. It's like
there's no job, a nail salon of breath. Like these
people work their fucking asses off and you get a
bunch of like really really bitchy people coming and you
did this wrong, you did that wrong.

Speaker 1 (07:39):
Every just on high alert. They're on Amber alert all
day long.

Speaker 4 (07:42):
New York is literally beating me like the cops did
Rodney King.

Speaker 2 (07:46):
It kills it every every single day. I'm getting jumps.

Speaker 1 (07:50):
I'm getting We had a nice dinner the other night.
We did, we did, and then we beat the and
now we beat the ship out of Sydney.

Speaker 5 (07:56):
We put on a Christmas movie and beat the ship
out of her and we were like, and then I
made a Mina hot coco to celebrate, right, we had
a toasty tries to play by the way like she's
the sweet one. And then after all the comments are made,
she comes out with the Mina's comment, do I name my.

Speaker 4 (08:13):
Lawyer president, call up overalled my lawyer present you you're
talking about.

Speaker 1 (08:20):
When you called our friend Haggard.

Speaker 2 (08:23):
I never called my friend Haggard.

Speaker 4 (08:27):
Mina called our friend tired, and I just used another word,
and you also used tired, and then you added I
was in.

Speaker 5 (08:33):
The kitchen making that ice cream for the fifth hour,
and I was like, I heard Haggard.

Speaker 4 (08:39):
Let me find out that Mateo is a what is
it tryad wife.

Speaker 1 (08:43):
Or what Martha Stewart. I'm obsessed with Martha Stewart. You
watched the documentary of course.

Speaker 5 (08:48):
I watched it, and then I since watched every single
her best interviews with David Letterman right after she got
out of jail.

Speaker 3 (08:53):
Wait, hold on before weeks, since we talked.

Speaker 1 (08:55):
About today, Matteo is here to answer the question. Are
white women Yes, Now let's go back white woman. Yeah.

Speaker 5 (09:07):
But there's something different about her because she's not messy
and she's been to jail.

Speaker 4 (09:12):
She said, she's not messy. Didn't she steal somebody's man?
Didn't she cheat on her husband?

Speaker 1 (09:18):
In the church that.

Speaker 5 (09:19):
Was there was it was like an Amsterdam or some
ship Italy. And they, by the way, they.

Speaker 1 (09:23):
Paint international, so if it's not on American grounds, it doesn't.

Speaker 5 (09:27):
They also when they described her story of cheating, it
was like painted, it was like angelic and that. But
but there was the best one her. She was like,
if your ladies, if your husband's cheating on you, get
out of it. You don't either are a piece of ship.
And the producers like, didn't you cheat on your husband?
She's like, well, you didn't know about that.

Speaker 1 (09:43):
Which is fun I'm talking about.

Speaker 5 (09:47):
This came from the fact of we're all performers, and
it comes from who are notoriously the worst audience members
in the world. It's a drunk white woman with a
rose in her hand.

Speaker 4 (09:57):
No, I'm gonna say, I'm going to disagree to that
audience member. Uh, somebody bringing their boyfriend who really didn't
sign up for it.

Speaker 1 (10:05):
Oh, a straight man, a straight man up show. He's
gonna put his feet on the stage. He is going
to look.

Speaker 4 (10:11):
I mean, uncanny Valley giving just straight to the state,
like are you here?

Speaker 1 (10:16):
Are you a robot? They're not talking to they're not
even listening. Do you do this?

Speaker 5 (10:20):
But fine, I'd rather, I would literally rather somebody like
sitting around facing the back of their head than every
single punchline.

Speaker 1 (10:28):
And then why are you gonna do it?

Speaker 5 (10:30):
I mean that is like, because it just happened with
Sydney and I. We're doing shows and Richmond and this
drunk white lady. I mean, of course there's two thousand people.
She's in the front row. Everyone else is calmly minding
their own business.

Speaker 1 (10:44):
And during the.

Speaker 4 (10:44):
Show I told her when she was during my set,
I said something about meth.

Speaker 2 (10:48):
She was going crazy and I was like, are you
on meth?

Speaker 1 (10:50):
I was like, hey, when Mateo comes up here, you
everybody all mute? Meaning you, you are everybody. She's like,
she's not talking about me. I'm special. Yeah, it's it's
my stay week.

Speaker 5 (11:01):
I just reposted my joke about girls who celebrate their
birthday weeks.

Speaker 3 (11:05):
Well, she just she there's no one more confident than
a drunk white woman.

Speaker 1 (11:10):
Oh yeah, and they all they'll fight anyone, Oh babe, Yeah,
but is it really a fight.

Speaker 4 (11:16):
It's more like if you're fighting fighting the air, fighting
the air with arrogance, that's what it is.

Speaker 2 (11:21):
You're not really going to get.

Speaker 1 (11:22):
Is that air a tornado that's ripped through my town?

Speaker 2 (11:26):
Yeah, the tornado that killed Dorothy?

Speaker 1 (11:29):
Did Dorothy die? Dorothy? Didn't Dorothy the East? What movie
did you watch? Marie? Oh? Can you play on your phone?
We made the entire audience with Cynthia Eva.

Speaker 4 (11:43):
And they made me do the example, which is the
worst because I'm toned down.

Speaker 1 (11:48):
It was your idea. It was me and Nix. It
was a thousand percent Sidney's ideas. Either, remember that Nick
can sing, So why would y'all can studied opera?

Speaker 5 (12:03):
It's funny to go through we should just go through
celebrity white women to see who's messy, who's going through.

Speaker 2 (12:07):
The eighth the alphabet of white women, celebrity, white.

Speaker 1 (12:10):
Woman, celebrity's just go through and not away, not messy
and hear me out, well, they don't they You know what.

Speaker 4 (12:19):
The audience is very thick with her because one minute
they're like, oh my god, we're upset she can be
that woman, and then the next minute is like, she's
such a bit she's mean.

Speaker 1 (12:27):
I think it's switched.

Speaker 5 (12:28):
I think I think the consensus was when she won
the Oscar, it was a cringe speech. She was like
the game true like it was. She was very musical,
theater girl. Then she kind of went away for a
bit and she came back. She's never looked better. And
her attitude now is like she doesn't take herself seriously.
Like an entire basketball player fell on her and her
son in a basketball game. She's like, yeah, I was
honestly the best part. Like Internet's back in love with

(12:49):
Anne Hathaway, Like I didn't try to tell her son
because Sam Mourel got a side like courtside see it
was there and her son was so cute. He was
wearing a Knicks jersey. He's like eighty five and kept
he looked at us and he just put the thumbs
up and goes go necks, and we're like, go next.

Speaker 1 (13:07):
Even though I'm a Bulls fan.

Speaker 5 (13:10):
From Chicago. The tables red.

Speaker 1 (13:16):
Teresa America is also red when they sunburned there red. Yes,
except for Italians. Yeah, that is true.

Speaker 3 (13:32):
I was gonna say the thing about Ann Hathaway from
me is I didn't think she should have been catwoman.

Speaker 1 (13:36):
I didn't see it.

Speaker 3 (13:37):
I don't think she's sexy, but she plays like quirky,
weird glow up.

Speaker 5 (13:41):
Girls because I think you associate her with like her
previous roles right, so like everything right way she became.

Speaker 1 (13:48):
She get sexy in that movie though, and I love
she was wearing the Chanel boots.

Speaker 4 (13:52):
No, it wasn't just the boots, the lips, the bangs.
She has a beautiful eye, she's spelled.

Speaker 1 (13:58):
And she is a strong word.

Speaker 5 (14:04):
When you see your in person, you're like, Okay, this
woman is in person literally stunning.

Speaker 2 (14:09):
But she would you call her a sexy person?

Speaker 4 (14:13):
I think sexy is someone sometimes from within. You know,
being mysterious is sexy. I think bangs are sexy.

Speaker 5 (14:22):
Wait, hold on, hold up, we just said it comes
from within, said sterious and jumped straight to bangs.

Speaker 1 (14:28):
That's the bangs. The bangs make you mysterious behind.

Speaker 2 (14:37):
If somebody can't see your eyebrows, they don't know you.

Speaker 1 (14:40):
A little jam Brady, Oh did we watch them? We
watched together.

Speaker 5 (14:44):
It's such a good movie. Okay, So Anne Hathaway, I'm
gonna say not mess, not mess a plus. Okay, Okay, next.

Speaker 1 (14:50):
One, you got a list, Who's who's on?

Speaker 4 (14:52):
I'm going through what I was gonna. I was gonna say.
The next one for me was Madonna. You're going through
the alphabet.

Speaker 1 (14:58):
We can jump right into.

Speaker 4 (14:59):
Yeah, I was gonna say, Madonna's Madonna.

Speaker 2 (15:02):
I just saw a.

Speaker 1 (15:02):
Clip of this isn't always bad. By the way, mess
is fun. Mess is fun. We're here, we listen, we're
here judge and we do judge. No Sidney listens and.

Speaker 5 (15:12):
I yet, no, I think it's I think you're right mess.
By the way, those the mess is not bad, but
Madonna MESSI absolutely.

Speaker 1 (15:19):
Doing poppers on Instagram lot.

Speaker 3 (15:21):
Didn't a rat a mouse run through the back of
her Live one time?

Speaker 1 (15:26):
Your mouse? Oh yes, wait.

Speaker 3 (15:29):
Wait during the pandemic wait Live in twenty twenty and
a mouse ran across the back and you.

Speaker 5 (15:35):
Can't you know that eighteen people were fired the second
that Mouse ran through.

Speaker 2 (15:39):
Okay, well, what are you firing the whole building?

Speaker 4 (15:41):
Like, that's not their fault, it's not her their faul,
like Donason's fault that a rat got in. It's like, hey,
maybe you shouldn't have a big ass door that has
a draft.

Speaker 1 (15:49):
That's gonna google Madonna mouse. Okay, wait, but she she's
just like me. Did you just see that? She?

Speaker 4 (15:54):
Uh?

Speaker 1 (15:55):
I guess was doing a speech.

Speaker 4 (15:56):
She was like, Michael's gone, Whitney's gone on, Aretha is gone?
H who there was like a big name people who
have got Amy Amy wine House gone.

Speaker 1 (16:07):
She's like, but I'm I'm still here? What what? Yeah?
She said.

Speaker 5 (16:14):
It was so it makes it sound like she's like,
and now that they're gone, I shall rule them all.

Speaker 1 (16:20):
Like she's crying on you except me. I'm still here.

Speaker 4 (16:26):
It was so funny because I was like, wait, she's unreal.

Speaker 5 (16:30):
It's a bit messy. Her instagram lives are a bit messy.

Speaker 4 (16:33):
Can someone I need someone to find that clip for me,
and we need to put it in do it right now,
somebody where I'm.

Speaker 1 (16:41):
Going on YouTube right now? Madonna, I'm still here. She's
like she's like, I'm standing or here, maybe still standing.

Speaker 6 (16:51):
Michael is gone, Tupac is gone, Prince is gone, Whitney
is gone, Amy Winehouse is gone, David Bowie is gone.

Speaker 8 (17:04):
But I'm still standing.

Speaker 3 (17:07):
Mass that's supposed to me.

Speaker 1 (17:12):
She just confessed to kill it all of those. You
love it. Madonna is so Funnyrince.

Speaker 3 (17:17):
Is gone, Tupac's gone, Amy one House is gone?

Speaker 1 (17:21):
Who else is gone?

Speaker 4 (17:22):
You know how you're in the mirror and you're This
is probably something that she was like supposed to be
saying to herself, but she went on stage and said
that in a microphone.

Speaker 2 (17:29):
I love that for her. I love that.

Speaker 4 (17:32):
And then there's a mouse, But that's relatable. That's relatable.

Speaker 1 (17:36):
If there's a mouse running in the mad New York.
She lives in Manhattan. What can you do? Yeah, your Madonna?
You have a rat? Bit Madonna?

Speaker 2 (17:46):
Was it a rat or was it a mouse?

Speaker 1 (17:48):
I was calling it a mouse, But this video is
saying Madonna's rat.

Speaker 5 (17:50):
Oh wows like her pet rat.

Speaker 2 (17:55):
What's the difference between a mouse and a rat?

Speaker 3 (17:57):
I always thought a mouse was like a petite in
the house and a rat is a big outside animal.

Speaker 1 (18:04):
Yeah, Well, the rats.

Speaker 5 (18:05):
It's I mean, the mice are They're like a prairie animal, right,
and they're smaller, and they're cute. Mice are cute outside
of them being in your home, they're cute.

Speaker 1 (18:15):
They just kind of went free.

Speaker 2 (18:16):
We had a field mouse in my in my apartment.

Speaker 1 (18:18):
Field mouse in the house.

Speaker 2 (18:19):
Yes, I had a field mouse. Had no idea that
it was in there.

Speaker 4 (18:22):
But this was when I, you know, I was working
at night, partying hards, sleeping all day there.

Speaker 1 (18:27):
My light bulb was out in my closet. Had no idea.

Speaker 4 (18:30):
The mouse was apparently living in the cloud roommate, Yes,
living there, going through going going through my clothes from
an intermix, and I had no idea until I started
seeing droppings.

Speaker 2 (18:43):
I was seeing droppings throughout the house.

Speaker 4 (18:45):
And so finally he came out during the day when
I had finally got some pizza because I never had
any food in the house. There was no perishables. So
he finally came out in the middle of the living room, like,
thank god, bitch, if.

Speaker 1 (18:56):
You don't give me a slice right now, I'm shooting
up this whole place. He's a big hold. Where the
hell's a fucking Patti. I'm starving and they're.

Speaker 3 (19:04):
Eating crumbs off your heels, But what were the droppings?

Speaker 2 (19:08):
What was he eating? What I used to call him Patrick?

Speaker 4 (19:11):
Patrick was definitely going through bags of cocaine, like you know,
the residual.

Speaker 1 (19:17):
We're gonna do it, We're gonna start a business the heels.
That's exactly what Patrick was going, and off he was.
He came out, he was like, you finally eat, like
I was worried or he was like, did you have
an eating disorder or not? Like I did not saw
the mouse shave you? Yes?

Speaker 5 (19:35):
Absolutely, So all that to say is Madonna MESSI.

Speaker 4 (19:57):
Yes, yes, yes she was, and she loves dating a
younger guy, which I'm not fine, I'm mad.

Speaker 2 (20:03):
I'm not mad at that.

Speaker 4 (20:04):
But apparently the guy that she was just dating he
left his.

Speaker 1 (20:10):
Young girl for her. Well right, it's Madonna.

Speaker 2 (20:15):
Share is also dating somebody who's really young.

Speaker 1 (20:17):
You know.

Speaker 7 (20:17):
I just want to say something before I get a
chance to go on.

Speaker 1 (20:22):
I date young guys. But oh sunny.

Speaker 2 (20:26):
So I don't think Share is messy. I think Share mine.

Speaker 1 (20:31):
Mess, babes. Why is shareman?

Speaker 7 (20:33):
Because I'm reading Shar's book and her mom was a
mess too. But it's okay, I'm not a mess, but
I am a mess.

Speaker 1 (20:42):
So that's like what shared?

Speaker 5 (20:43):
Doesn't every interview she forget something and then immediately goes
back on what she just said. She's amazing by the way,
I am reading her book.

Speaker 2 (20:49):
What is she saying in the book?

Speaker 7 (20:50):
Well, I'm talking about growing up and being in an
orphanage and then she was an orphanage and my mom
had seven marriages and my dad's Armenian and oh, Sunny,
shut up a bit?

Speaker 1 (21:04):
Is that is?

Speaker 2 (21:04):
Are you listening to the audiobook?

Speaker 1 (21:06):
Like what's going on?

Speaker 7 (21:06):
But I can't do it all myself because I'm dyslectic.

Speaker 1 (21:10):
So she yes, you have to read my tweets too,
But I had Stephanie j Block.

Speaker 7 (21:20):
She did me on Broadways. So she's reading half of it.
So I only read half my book.

Speaker 1 (21:25):
Babes, Wait what, she's not even reading all of her books.

Speaker 7 (21:28):
No, I'm seventy seven, my knees hurd, I need boneva
what isa?

Speaker 1 (21:34):
I don't know. Sally Field always talked about it. Let's
read if you read it.

Speaker 5 (21:39):
Shares tweets by the way, because they're amazing because like
she capitalizes some words and doesn't capitalize other words.

Speaker 1 (21:46):
And I love that for.

Speaker 4 (21:47):
Her because woman, I love her, A woman about her
business is like I'm not I'm not putting caps on everything.
Everything doesn't need to be capitalized like lowercase letters. I
don't like lowercase letters from a straight man. That's toxic.

Speaker 1 (21:59):
Here's a perfect one.

Speaker 7 (22:00):
Elephants deserve freedom with doctor Jane Goodall.

Speaker 1 (22:05):
Oh sunny, son of a b The tweet that can't
be the tweet? Oh no that you must Yeah, haven't.

Speaker 7 (22:15):
Seen TV slash talk to anyone straight didn't know what happened?

Speaker 1 (22:19):
Oh believe it's the only chance for America. Sorry, am I?
What is my problem?

Speaker 2 (22:27):
Well, to be fair, that's what you tweet, A tweet
should be.

Speaker 1 (22:31):
But she's amazing shot, she's super super smart. It's just
kind of kind of had a messy career. She's been up,
she's been down, you know, and she's been like really old.

Speaker 2 (22:39):
What's the messiest part of her career?

Speaker 1 (22:40):
Though?

Speaker 5 (22:41):
I mean everything from the beginning. First of all, she
met Sonny when she was sixteen.

Speaker 1 (22:44):
Oh, I think like late twenties, and then they lived together,
but then we didn't he didn't think I.

Speaker 7 (22:50):
Was attractive, so we didn't sleep with each other until
it was eighteen it sounds like a live.

Speaker 1 (22:54):
You cannot do the voice when you're saying something so serious.
And then they.

Speaker 5 (22:57):
Became big stars, right with the I Got You Babe,
And then they became losers and then they were like touring,
like became Yeah.

Speaker 1 (23:06):
She says that we were losers and we were playing
for four people and shitty shows in Vegas, and then
that's how they came up with the Sonny and Share Show,
and then we were stars again. And then Sonny wanted
her out and then he took her money and all
of her every The only thing he didn't own was
her name.

Speaker 7 (23:20):
So I didn't read the contract, so he took everything.
So I was alone. I had no money.

Speaker 5 (23:25):
And then she did the Share Show and then she
became famous. Then she did a movie and she was
nominated for an Oscar, but people laughed at her when
they showed her name because I didn't think she could
be an actress.

Speaker 1 (23:32):
And then she was She won the Oscar, and then
I did an infomercial and everyone laughed at me. And
then she came back again with the Believe song. Remember Believe?
What is that? That's my audible? True?

Speaker 4 (23:49):
I want to know what type of coffee did you
drink before you got here.

Speaker 1 (23:53):
Fresh shoel with chocolate. I mean to make them chocolate mitello.

Speaker 3 (23:59):
You are I'm not a mess.

Speaker 1 (24:02):
I am a mess. This is a messy white woman,
white woman? Is that so?

Speaker 6 (24:06):
Yeah?

Speaker 1 (24:06):
You came in the podcast with all these voices. You
really do you want me to see him be like
Shares a mess? This is his SNL audition table that show.

Speaker 4 (24:15):
Hey, Lauren, we're tagging Lauren. We're tagging Lauren.

Speaker 1 (24:18):
When we Lauren Michaels Lauren call Hi Lauren or LAURENZ
Sophia Lauren or Lauren Hill, Laurence Hill. Give her two
hours to show up two days. You her two hours
to read the sweet Okay?

Speaker 4 (24:29):
Also next up for me, I think we need to
remove that Britney Spears is connected to mess.

Speaker 2 (24:36):
I think it's more than I think.

Speaker 4 (24:38):
We what what society has done to her with the industry.

Speaker 1 (24:41):
That's the reason why she's the way she was. I
don't think she was always like what she is.

Speaker 5 (24:45):
Right now, let me say this, anything Brittany chooses to
do is a full masterpiece and I stand by it. Yes,
why can Picasso get away being shirtless painting like half
sort of stick figures and everyone. You know, Brittany wants
to dance in a rainbow dress on her Instagram in
front of a.

Speaker 3 (25:06):
Let me tell you who's messy in Brittany's life? Whoever
is not unplugging the Wi Fi? Lock her out of
her Instagram. You know she don't know the password.

Speaker 1 (25:16):
You know, don't take away her money, take away the internet.
She wear her access to us.

Speaker 3 (25:20):
Yes, because if you want to twork with a with
a knife, do that.

Speaker 2 (25:25):
If you want to have this camera at this weird
angle in.

Speaker 3 (25:28):
A shirt, a tank top pulled down to cover up,
barely cover your butt.

Speaker 2 (25:32):
It's like, girl, you've been dancing all your life.

Speaker 1 (25:34):
The only moves you remember we unplugged the router. Wait no,
remember when she?

Speaker 7 (25:40):
Uh?

Speaker 1 (25:41):
She before you even asked the question, the answer is yes.

Speaker 2 (25:44):
I don't want to remember when she started a fire
in her gym.

Speaker 1 (25:46):
I remember, Oh my god, me and Brittany are the same.
She started a fire.

Speaker 9 (25:51):
Yes, Instagram post having them so you might notice have
been a different place. Well, my gym bre down, I
lit a candle and you know what happens anyway, So like, wait.

Speaker 5 (26:01):
A minute, backup, No, I don't know what happens every
single day, and I've never burnt anything.

Speaker 1 (26:09):
Down, especially not your gym.

Speaker 3 (26:11):
Yeah, Britney Spears burning the gym down and no one
being like, hey babe, we need to talk like who
is Chris? People are still getting paid. She got married
in all of that mess and divorced.

Speaker 1 (26:25):
Oh yeah, I forgot that.

Speaker 5 (26:27):
They got married and you know who went to the
wedding was Madonna? No, Christ Jenner, Chris Jenner, Paris Hilton.

Speaker 1 (26:37):
She is a professional like mess. She's a mess curacy.
He's a mess curate.

Speaker 4 (26:43):
I mean she is in charge of the mess. She
is doing the like she's the puppeteer. Okay, well I
don't think she's necessarily messy.

Speaker 2 (26:51):
I think she's.

Speaker 1 (26:55):
Brittany.

Speaker 5 (26:56):
I'm gonna say, is perfection and mess or not mess.
She's doing what she's supposed to do.

Speaker 1 (27:03):
And we love her.

Speaker 4 (27:03):
Yeah, Hyra Banks, she's not a white woman, but she
gets associated with.

Speaker 1 (27:08):
Mess persona the Venn diagram of mess.

Speaker 2 (27:11):
Yeah, I think she might be at the top of
the list.

Speaker 4 (27:13):
It has nothing to do with race, but Tyra has
on paper, has done the messiest things possible.

Speaker 3 (27:18):
Oh she made that girl close her gap while she cried,
and then she widened someone's gap the next season, and.

Speaker 1 (27:26):
Didn't she like make like black girls white and white
girls black yep.

Speaker 2 (27:29):
And then it was always some guard that was like,
I've never cut my hair.

Speaker 3 (27:32):
I've been growing it since I was six, and Tyra's like,
we're gonna, We're gonna shave it off.

Speaker 1 (27:37):
And then she was giving people bad weaves she gave.

Speaker 3 (27:40):
Remember when she had men on, she put like a
lace front and beard on a guy that got worms
in it or something.

Speaker 2 (27:45):
I don't know, but I think that. But also you
have to understand interview, it was me.

Speaker 1 (27:49):
No, it was a show. It was a show.

Speaker 4 (27:51):
If everybody is just being politically correct and following the rules,
nobody wants to watch that.

Speaker 1 (27:57):
Well that's why we watch it. But also she took
these like wafer thing girls and threw them in a
wind tunnel machine and to get them floating, and they
couldn't keep control. And then she's there, she's like, you're
not being sexy, bitch. The winds are one hundred and
ninety miles an hour. Do you want to be it?
Do you want to be you want to be? Do
you want to be on top?

Speaker 5 (28:17):
My favor was the one girl in the yellow dress
who like She's like, I'm known for being tough and
I'm I'm always a fighter. She walks on slips right
away and she stands up. She's like, I got this.
And as she walks down, she's going on the runway
and they have these giant like clock things, and what happens.
She gets hit by both of them, gets knocked off.
Then she couldn't get back up. Then she fell again,
and then she was crying.

Speaker 1 (28:37):
And it was always a runway like on water with
sharks with lasers on their heads.

Speaker 2 (28:42):
Right, and they're always on shoes that were too small.
It's a challenge.

Speaker 1 (28:46):
And Wendy on the on the ninetieth floor of the
building and you're not giving sexy. They've got a gun
to my head.

Speaker 3 (28:54):
Well, Jay, it used to be Jamie Men and he'd
be like, well, do you want to be a top
model or not?

Speaker 1 (28:59):
It's like, I don't know, Jay, And it.

Speaker 2 (29:00):
Was like, I'm a Christian, I don't want to show
my titties.

Speaker 1 (29:02):
Well, do you want to be a top model or not?
The worst one for me was when they put them
in the ground.

Speaker 4 (29:07):
When they put when they did like six feet under
and the people had to be in a coffin and
then kind of buried alive and like give face in
the coffin and one of the girls, I think her
friend died that day.

Speaker 1 (29:21):
So it was so traumatic. But do you want to
be on top? Ye? Technically she's the bottom six feet
under and that's how you get to the top.

Speaker 5 (29:31):
Who was the one girl, Jade? Maybe when she walked out,
she like walked and she was I used to do
the commercial, remember Love.

Speaker 2 (29:41):
They would do the commercial.

Speaker 3 (29:43):
It was like the last three girls, like the season
finale episode, and they were all trying to read a
prompter and walk. It's hard lash blast, lash, blast slash.
Last cover girl lash blast, blash, lash slash.

Speaker 1 (29:56):
Oh okay.

Speaker 4 (29:57):
Another one on the on the Doctor for me is
Jessica Simpsons. But she did a full rebrand. She started
over and I love that. I love that you can
be a mess and then changed.

Speaker 3 (30:07):
But let's talk about her messiest moment tis the season
she did Peru.

Speaker 1 (30:14):
That's her messiest.

Speaker 5 (30:17):
She was over singing and she's singing with Astley Simpson,
who we're going to get to next.

Speaker 1 (30:23):
And I feel for her. I feel for Ashley. I
love Jessica, and Ashley actually.

Speaker 4 (30:28):
Is the one who was lip singing on SNL. Is
it equivalent to Fergie doing the national anthem?

Speaker 1 (30:34):
That that is a national treasure?

Speaker 4 (30:37):
Yeah, she can't get no better than that. That was
the top of top ten messy is White Woman moments?

Speaker 3 (30:46):
Remember when Fergie was on like the Today Show and
she was doing one armed flips.

Speaker 4 (30:54):
I said, wow, mama at seven am and every and
she was in those American apparel lake Ticks pants and
and of course that and it was like, Babe, if
y'all don't think this is meth, I don't know what
else is.

Speaker 5 (31:12):
But I love that she's pissed her pants. She's done weird.
You've seen the picture of her pants?

Speaker 1 (31:19):
Have you missed this? I didn't know that. That's just
piss everywhere. She pissed her pants. What happened? There has
to be a story. You don't your pants stage? She
pissed her pants? You know what.

Speaker 2 (31:31):
I've been there.

Speaker 1 (31:31):
I have not pissed on my pants, but a little,
a little has come out, for sure, Yes, it has
happened to me. Have you seen the Hillary Good Morning America?
She danced and she's eating it up. This is the audience.

Speaker 3 (31:52):
They're doing that like dance kids are redoing that on
TikTok and they're making it seem so much better.

Speaker 4 (32:00):
Yes, Mary Beth and Benny they do it when they
open up their podcast when they do it live, and they.

Speaker 1 (32:05):
Sent her and raise your voice. No, no, no, no,
you've never seen that. No is that a white man
niche moment? No, everybody, it's okay. I'm talking from like.

Speaker 5 (32:23):
Gay Instagram, a senior raise your Voice ship movie that
makes no sense. I want to be a singer and
go to school. She's except the summer.

Speaker 1 (32:28):
School aims there singer saved the last.

Speaker 5 (32:31):
It's like yeah, but then her brother died a car
as that in the end, like that's the whole thing
abut her brother away.

Speaker 1 (32:36):
So she makes it to this school and everyone's going over.

Speaker 5 (32:39):
Aiden from Sex and City is their teacher, and they're
going over like you know these notes. So then she
stands up and she starts and she didn't and John
really says, there's a lot of shoulder acting.

Speaker 1 (32:48):
So you're just and then they just use another woman's
voice like it's she ends up and going yeah yeah yeah,
and the class is like, I'm like it is fully
three women singing for her keys never seen that.

Speaker 5 (33:12):
Oh my god, we got you're they're probably gonna have
to cut this out. But who gives his ship first
of all, shoulder acting.

Speaker 1 (33:18):
Look at her hair, sweat, look at the bangs. It's
six women's voices. No, no, no, that's another voice. Yeah,
another voice. That's her. That's her, and they're now a

(33:39):
new woman. Oh that's not her fault. Yeah, it's it's back.
Six of the voices were good. I'm here for the work.
All of them were, they felt, they felt vegan. The

(34:04):
fourth one when she twists her head.

Speaker 4 (34:08):
You know when you have like an itch and you're like, yeah, yeah,
she said, wait, you said Julia Stoules, No.

Speaker 1 (34:24):
She's no, I didn't.

Speaker 4 (34:26):
I mean in the movie she was messy, which one
say the last day the dance. That was a movie
thing though that, but we're talking real life.

Speaker 1 (34:35):
In real life, real life from no No, I think
she went away, if she was sent away from the
dance Julliard Juilliard.

Speaker 4 (34:45):
But it was a moment in time, and I think
we needed that for for no one for now, to
make fun of it during the time. I think that
that movie let everyone knows like you don't have to
dance well and it.

Speaker 1 (34:58):
Actually, yes, you don't have to dance. You have to
dance well to get to Julia in a movie.

Speaker 3 (35:04):
That's my favorite part when she's in the chair, clap
under her she does, that's a messy white woman. They're like,
they're like because they because it turns into hip hop ballet.

Speaker 2 (35:22):
That's a messy white woman. The lady from Australia at.

Speaker 1 (35:25):
The Olympics, oh god, she was the moment.

Speaker 4 (35:29):
But she's Australian though. That's that's separate from you know,
we're talking about America there.

Speaker 1 (35:35):
I'm not talking about American I'm talking about.

Speaker 2 (35:37):
White women in general.

Speaker 3 (35:38):
All right, I'm getting this to America, like we don't
have international listener.

Speaker 1 (35:42):
I mean, oh that's right, hated hip Hawk Johnson. This
is I grew up. Mine's more influenced Bart the Kangaroo.
They're messy all over the world. Will I want to
know the process of her being like you know what,
I'm gonna do it, and she got in here's the process.

(36:03):
No one else in Australia was doing.

Speaker 5 (36:06):
That's because if anybody else had done it, they'd be like, bitch,
get out of here. But they were like, well, technically
she's not not doing.

Speaker 3 (36:14):
They're like, you're on the team since you're the only
one that showed up. And then she was like, I'm
gonna leave my warm warm up stuck in.

Speaker 5 (36:20):
It's like everyone's making for that white lady from the
nights when we're like and when you hip hop dance,
she loved.

Speaker 1 (36:25):
Yes, she's on the list messy white woman because she
redid it recently. She did and she looks good too.

Speaker 2 (36:31):
Yeah, she made her bang shorter and she's like, how
did it come from?

Speaker 1 (36:34):
And it comes from the bottom and then you bring
it up the jazz. The jazz comes up from the leg.
I mean, no one dances quite like sit at karaoke video.

Speaker 2 (36:43):
Yeah I think that I I too, am a messy
white woman within within Sydney feels the music at karaoke
in a way that no one.

Speaker 1 (36:50):
Else does, not as much as Amina singing. Kelly Clarkson will.

Speaker 2 (36:55):
Be on the floor.

Speaker 1 (36:56):
Yeah, Mina's not getting on the ground. What would happened?
That was a wig? Remember we were we at the
first time karaoking The video going like this back and forth.

Speaker 4 (37:05):
Oh yes, I mean, I'm full I'm full body karaokeing.

Speaker 2 (37:09):
It's not just the voice.

Speaker 1 (37:10):
Oh I have the best video of you karaoking.

Speaker 4 (37:14):
You put the oh yes, because we were in a
really dark room and I was like, where's the lights,
where's the visuals?

Speaker 5 (37:19):
She took she took her phone and flashed under her chin.
So Sid turns into another person.

Speaker 2 (37:25):
Oh yeah, well you know, she turns into six Hillary Duffs.

Speaker 4 (37:28):
I lived with the not lived with, But I had
the best upbringing by white women in college throughout all
of my twenties.

Speaker 1 (37:36):
Not upbringing. How did they raise your friends? Oh?

Speaker 4 (37:38):
They raised me from the They raised me with their
own tit. They taught you how to respect. Yes, Oh
they were the first ones that showed me soco.

Speaker 1 (37:47):
Lime in college? What SoC lime? That southern? Co Li
and Lin.

Speaker 2 (37:51):
I feel like black people taught me that.

Speaker 1 (37:53):
I don't know what southern? Is that a drink? I
don't drink. Yeah, even when I.

Speaker 5 (37:59):
Did drink, I don't What were you drinking when you well,
when you first start drinking. At first it was like
beer and.

Speaker 4 (38:07):
One was Mike's Heart lemonade. Then it was zema, remember
malt liquor baby.

Speaker 5 (38:14):
Remember Lauren Lawrence had a great joke about zenas. Because
everyone enjoying their zemas, it was clear.

Speaker 4 (38:23):
It looked like it could be sprite, and then you
taste that it was a malt liquor. It was clear, Yeah,
it was clear.

Speaker 1 (38:30):
Was a clear.

Speaker 3 (38:32):
It was lightly carbonated alcoholic beverage with four point seven
to five alcohol.

Speaker 1 (38:37):
That's a lot. That's like a beer. That's the thing.
It was like, it's hard to explain because you can
feel the essence of beer in the take, but it's
not because beer now feels like you're just eating.

Speaker 2 (38:49):
Like I was from course night of course brewing beer.

Speaker 1 (38:54):
Oh smirnoff.

Speaker 3 (38:55):
I feel like was my first smart off ice was good? Yeah,
smartoff ice. I remember the first activated The first time
I ever got drunk. I was in some Haitian people's
backyard and I was like fifteen.

Speaker 1 (39:07):
I was like fifteen and I was like sixteen or fifty.

Speaker 3 (39:09):
I had never gotten drunk before, so I was just
drinking and I got whoo blackout drunk. And I was
a block away from my house and my friends were like, well,
we got to take you home, and I was like,
I can't go.

Speaker 2 (39:22):
I'm gonna get in trouble. And they were like, well
you can't stay here.

Speaker 3 (39:26):
I'm like they put me in the car, I jump out,
they put me in, I jump out, they locked it.

Speaker 1 (39:30):
I jump out the window.

Speaker 2 (39:31):
They put the child locks on and then they do.

Speaker 3 (39:34):
So my friend is driving me home and I opened
the door finally when we get to my house and
I fall out of the car and my dad was
in the window watching me fall.

Speaker 1 (39:45):
Well, he so this.

Speaker 2 (39:46):
My My brother's friend was across the street and he
was like, is that murray?

Speaker 3 (39:50):
And he comes to get me and we sit on
the stoop and my dad opens the door behind me
and my friend runs away and I was like, no
one can see me. And I got drunk. I hit
behind a bush and my dad was like, I can
see you. And then it was like, well now I'm peeing.

Speaker 1 (40:03):
So yes, that was happened.

Speaker 4 (40:05):
When I had Mike Mike's Heart lemonade, I had two
of them back to back, and I was holding my
pee because we were drinking on the roof and then
it was off the roof. No no, no, no no no,
because I didn't because then we had to go in
the house. And then her parents like could tell that
something was up. So I was like, I'm just gonna
go home, and then I ended up going downstairs and
I'm not going to hold.

Speaker 1 (40:25):
This pee to get to the train. So I peed
on eighth Street like ray eighth a street, and Soho
I peed right in Soho.

Speaker 4 (40:33):
I peed in Soho when Soho wasn't really Soho. You
know when Soho and so had no hope. Well, I
was the hope for Soo.

Speaker 1 (40:42):
So I was.

Speaker 4 (40:43):
I was so hoeing and hoeing and peeing in the street.
It was I mean it was the peace smelled sweet too.
The p had a little kick to it. Wait another
another Betty White, No, no mind, what a nice old lady?

Speaker 1 (41:09):
Did she died recently? Yeah, she died, Yeah, like Christmas down,
you know, a couple of years ago. I know what
was messy.

Speaker 4 (41:15):
Someoney was like, didn't meme that, like Betty White, You're
not going to end the year with us, and then
she died.

Speaker 1 (41:21):
I was like, why would you put that negativity out there?
What are She was like, yeah, Marilyn Monroe, I feel
bad a situation where it's like too I mean, too
many people taking advantage of Yes. Absolutely, there was an
interview that she did where it was kind of cool.

Speaker 5 (41:38):
She was like she was talking about how she was
walking with one of her friends and she goes, you
want to see what happens when they put Marylyn on,
they go okay, And she changed her body and changed
how she walked and changed, and they were from no
one stopping them in the streets to crowds of people
around them. It was like she could turn it on
at Marylyn because we listened to some interviews with her,
she was very down to earth and very.

Speaker 1 (41:58):
Yeah, Norma jean Or bargine.

Speaker 5 (42:01):
Surgery to at that time, they did in her nose Maryland. Yeah,
she had plastic surgery.

Speaker 7 (42:06):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (42:06):
I watched the whole thing about it. Yeah.

Speaker 5 (42:08):
Well they did a phenomenal job. I couldn't even little stuff.
I mean, they're not what they can do today, but
they changed part of her nose and her chin.

Speaker 1 (42:15):
It's like the beginning of plastic surgery. Yeah.

Speaker 4 (42:17):
I think her I think people who are excluded from Yes,
they did mess but I think it also like the
industry ruined them. Her Anna Nicole Smith, I mean, but
Anna Nicole really knew how to make it comical.

Speaker 1 (42:29):
She was funny and then it got sad. Yeah. The
last year that trim Spy years Trim trim.

Speaker 2 (42:38):
Messy was trim Spot. The original OZEMPI no.

Speaker 5 (42:43):
I think was just like along a bunch of lines
of like diet products. Yeah, I don't know if it
was like caffeine, like sped.

Speaker 1 (42:50):
I don't know what it did. I don't know what
trim spot did.

Speaker 3 (42:53):
But it's the original flat Tommy t It was flat,
was mL laxative.

Speaker 1 (43:00):
It just made you get everything out. Oh yeah, and
then you were like, no, I'm skinny up.

Speaker 4 (43:06):
I think that they would have like ambassadors that are like, oh,
I'm trendspot, but they actually had a whole bunch of
plastic surgery and like light bulb and stuff.

Speaker 1 (43:14):
So you don't really know.

Speaker 5 (43:15):
Yeah, I mean, anytime a celebrity endorses something at that
level a lot, you're getting paid a lot.

Speaker 1 (43:21):
Wait, was Ricky Lake messy? Her show was show was messy?
She wasn't messy.

Speaker 5 (43:27):
I don't know much about her her, but she did.
She became famous from Hairspray. Then she had the Ricky
Lake Show.

Speaker 1 (43:33):
Wait, she was she was some more kind.

Speaker 2 (43:36):
She was a really kind host.

Speaker 1 (43:37):
She wasn't she acted like she didn't know what was
going on. Yes, everything would happened to you go and
I'm like, yeah, but she was one of us. I'm shocked.
You're shocked. We all shot. I'm in my earpiece, like now,
bring out the husband. What was the messiest show?

Speaker 3 (43:54):
Was it?

Speaker 1 (43:55):
Ricky Lake? Jenny Jones? This is a trick question. Yes
it is Jenny Jones, Jerry Springer or Sally Jesse Raphael.

Speaker 3 (44:03):
I didn't watch Sally and I didn't I don't remember
what Jenny Jones was talking about.

Speaker 1 (44:07):
Jenny Jones is a mess because someone got murdered after
her show.

Speaker 4 (44:10):
Wasn't it about someone not coming out or like somebody
with Yeah.

Speaker 1 (44:16):
Something about being gay and then someone got killed. That
she really scary? Huh, Jenny Jones, Yes, girl, it's still
scary to be gay.

Speaker 2 (44:25):
Well, we're not down with it.

Speaker 1 (44:27):
I'm sorry some. When I say some, I'm saying it's fine.
Being gay is cool. Now being straight is gross.

Speaker 4 (44:40):
I don't know, I think it all. I'm I need
there needs to be more a sexual awareness. And where
are the asexuals out? Please come out there in the house.

Speaker 1 (44:48):
No, they need to come out. Why they need to
come out their home banging? Nobody exactly, But I need
more like out and proud asexuals. You know, they need it.

Speaker 4 (44:58):
They need a new pr whist, They need more coming cool,
asexuals coming out being proud that they're not banging anybody.
They look good, they smell good, they're working hard, so
maybe that they can sell it.

Speaker 1 (45:11):
Maybe more people need to be asexual. You know what,
Sidney start the movement. I did this speech.

Speaker 4 (45:19):
I was a sexual for about five years. I'm not
going to say what years it was, but yeah, that
was yeah hite, not having any banging of the coochies
at all. So yeah, and when I would say I
think I'm a sexual, people like that feels sad.

Speaker 1 (45:36):
So I don't think they wouldn't say that.

Speaker 2 (45:39):
They were saying that.

Speaker 1 (45:41):
They're like, you're asexual and you're sober and you're gay. God, Yeah,
that's crazy.

Speaker 3 (45:49):
Yeah, I don't remember if I said that, but I'm like, oh,
I'm not mad at that.

Speaker 1 (45:58):
Material. Let's get it to you.

Speaker 2 (46:00):
So do you have any uh, you know, top five
messy moments for yourself?

Speaker 6 (46:04):
Yeah?

Speaker 5 (46:07):
My first, yes, I am a very messy white woman.
But one being when I was young and I drank
for the first time. I remember my friend Chuck, his
older brother, got us a bunch of Mike's hard lemonades.

Speaker 1 (46:17):
And what happened is I was with my friend Caesar
Chuck Chuck, Yeah, a young It was Dani's.

Speaker 5 (46:24):
Girl named Veronica, and I was like fifteen or sixteen,
drinking Mike's hard lemonade. And then because I just didn't
know you, just like you said, you just drank, so
I drank like too much vodka straight yeah, and all
I remember was like speaking Spanish with Veronica in the
backyard at the table. And then I woke up in
Mark's house somehow like the next morning, and Shrek was

(46:44):
on and I was like what happened. Mark's like, okay,
you passed out, and then Caesar recorded it, and so
they called me awful. It's funny now they called it
fetus and like I was like throwing up in Chuck's
mom's car, and then they like had to clean it up,
and Marks the brother had to come and help clean.
And then they were like calling my sister like is
he usually like this? She's like I don't fucking know,

(47:04):
you know what I mean? Like she's like I'm drunk too.
And then the next day we woke up. Mark took
me to a Panera bread on Halsteed Street, which isn't
even there anymore in Chicago.

Speaker 2 (47:12):
What a nice mic, we need more mics out here.

Speaker 1 (47:15):
Well and oh didn't do it.

Speaker 5 (47:18):
But then we went to a water park that day
and then we all got kicked out for mooning each other.

Speaker 2 (47:23):
Oh, like, how I'm gonna get in trouble on the
train later with this ripping my pants? I can't believe
that happening.

Speaker 1 (47:29):
Marie came. She's like, I ripped my pants. These are
really cute pants. To make sure these pants there, but
it's right on the scene so I can sew it
me or someone else.

Speaker 2 (47:39):
So you're gonna go home and sew them immediately, maybe.

Speaker 1 (47:43):
Because I'm gonna wear these to the show to do
you know how to sew? Yes? I remember I knew
how to.

Speaker 5 (47:48):
I used to know how all the way up to
the You're gonna walk out here just in a courset, Marie.

Speaker 1 (47:53):
You had a pant ask girls as listen, who needs
a B B L? When you just built? Like Marie
shut coming back from Brazil Colombia, Marie.

Speaker 2 (48:07):
We didn't even get into your mess. What was yours
for the week?

Speaker 1 (48:10):
Well?

Speaker 3 (48:10):
Is this messy or is this just living? So I've
unblocked two men from my past and and uh, I'm
not trying to be with either of them. But if
you're listening.

Speaker 1 (48:26):
Yell.

Speaker 5 (48:30):
On Real Housewives and like, I don't want anyone to
know this, but like, bitch, you're on TV and.

Speaker 1 (48:35):
It's like your record. I'm whispering about it because I
don't want them to hear.

Speaker 3 (48:40):
But yeah, yeah, yeah, unblocked two people, and you know
both of them, you know, the last two the most prominent,
and I think each of them is trying to impress
me in their own way.

Speaker 1 (48:53):
And between the two of them, I have one good
man that's hot living because she's playing game show hosts
every week. See what could justin number one? And then
you're like challenge, I challenge you to a duel, to
a duel, Well, who will have the best date idea
and come pick me up within the next thirty minutes.

Speaker 3 (49:12):
Well, this guy, one of them, messaged me last week
and he was like, hey, are you free this week?
And I was like, yeah, I might be for you
on Thursday. Try to keep it loose, you know, And
he was like, if I are you cool with surprises,
can I send a car to come.

Speaker 1 (49:24):
Pick you up at seventh I.

Speaker 2 (49:26):
Do not search surprises.

Speaker 1 (49:27):
I do not like.

Speaker 2 (49:32):
Yeah, you like the suspense I need to know what's
going on. I'm like what, I said, Well, can I
get a hint? What do I need to wear?

Speaker 1 (49:40):
And he said nothing, nothing.

Speaker 5 (49:42):
To nothing walking naked? So these are the perfect girl.

Speaker 1 (49:46):
What if he picks you up, takes you somewhere, and
then proposes.

Speaker 5 (49:50):
What you're not circumstances proposes I haven't seen this person
in month, That's exactly that's a reason to propose.

Speaker 1 (50:00):
Hey, why did not see you? I want you back, baby.
Here's the ring.

Speaker 3 (50:03):
That's a reason for me to light I propose, Sydney,
he didn't hit you up? Hey, which one of these rings?
Would Marie like?

Speaker 2 (50:13):
Sydney's like this one?

Speaker 1 (50:16):
Would you like to carrot car? I'm not doing this?
What kind of what kind of shape? I want one
of the j Lo rings? Really?

Speaker 2 (50:24):
She has five or six times?

Speaker 1 (50:26):
Has she been engag She's like a super Bowl of divorce.
She's the theanos of you said, Pantos is a much
better it's a much better metaphorus. Yes, So she snaps
and her marriage is over. She snaps, and Ben Affleck
is back with Jennifer Garner. That was the one he
really loves Jennifer Gardner. I don't know who she doesn't
want him back. Why he loves Matt Damon. I met

(50:49):
Matt Damon. One said the seller was he tall? No,
but he was very very nice. Him and his wife.
They had a couple of drinks, but they were really
really sweet and they were watching the show their friends
with Tom Papa, so we all ate dinner to It
was so weird.

Speaker 2 (51:03):
And Jelina Jolie, I think she's on the cusp of
mess I saw an interview of her last night.

Speaker 3 (51:08):
She was on the Tonight Show, one of them shows,
and she was like, I don't do late night shows.

Speaker 2 (51:13):
This is the first one I've done in decades, for
a decade.

Speaker 1 (51:17):
What brought her out? She has a new Maria carlas Maria.
She's playing with Maria.

Speaker 2 (51:23):
Oh that's stunning. Is she's singing for real?

Speaker 5 (51:25):
Lord, she learned how to sing, but they do most
of the mixing, so I think it's like ninety percent
Maria's voice. But the public moments where she's like, yeah,
Maria was losing her.

Speaker 1 (51:37):
And that's the time. Yeah, yeah, I think it, yeah,
yeah yeah. No gift Chudring Barra.

Speaker 4 (51:55):
I think Angelina Jolie's messiest moment was when she was
with Billy Bob.

Speaker 5 (52:00):
Billy Bob brother, but they was wearing Billy's blood on
the red carpet and he was wearing hers and the necklace.

Speaker 3 (52:07):
Remember yes, but that makes sense. Her her and Billy Bob.
To me was like, girl, why are you with him?
He looks like a tow truck.

Speaker 1 (52:15):
But you got to have that moment.

Speaker 4 (52:16):
Every every girl has that moment in her life where
they look back and they're like, I don't know what
that grimlin I was dating. We all have one person
that were like whoo she and I know she had
a ball, you know what I'm saying. She was wearing
like sleeveless tank tops. She she was giving stem like
she's stunning. Yeah she was, but she was also giving
like grungy lesbian vines and they were like making out

(52:40):
on the red carpet.

Speaker 1 (52:41):
That's life, that's exciting. She was married to him.

Speaker 5 (52:45):
They were married because she changed when she did tomb
Raider and she met her first son and she adopted him,
and then that's when she was like, never mind, I'm
gonna just be more of a humanitarian and family.

Speaker 1 (52:58):
And likeli, yeah, I like her too.

Speaker 2 (53:00):
The pipeline to kissing your brother to you menitar.

Speaker 1 (53:04):
Kissing of the brother. It was very sirs, Lanister, you're
not messy, I'm not Lanister. Is a very messy white woman.

Speaker 4 (53:17):
Oh, Sarah Jessica Parker not messy. But Carrie Bradshaw the messy. No,
we are actually putting her number one as messiest white
woman on record.

Speaker 1 (53:32):
There were so many seasons, and it was all of
the red flags, like you're not getting dog while he's
redoing her walk to make out you're mess.

Speaker 4 (53:42):
Girl, leaving your best friend who just had a baby
to go meet the man who barely cares about you
before he moves.

Speaker 1 (53:49):
I'm like, girl, the baby just came out to CoA.
The placenta is still on his eyebro.

Speaker 3 (53:53):
You're like, I gotta go. Yeah, but I mean to
be fair. Her water broke on her new shoes, so
I would leave my friend too.

Speaker 1 (54:00):
Gotta go.

Speaker 4 (54:01):
Girl asking Charlotte, hey, can you give up your ring
so I can afford my apartment?

Speaker 2 (54:06):
That wild She's stormed over there.

Speaker 1 (54:09):
Like it would be the money.

Speaker 5 (54:10):
Charlotte didn't need that fucking apartment. Charlotte's a big Charlotte's
not a mess, but she's annoying. Hold on now, I wait,
standing right here, Wait what Charlotte? Yes, how many bees
are left in this colony? This is just Sydney and Charlotte,
tell me, tell me your reasoning why she's a mess.
She's like forty years old in there at breakfast and

(54:31):
then she's like, keegle, what's that is that?

Speaker 1 (54:33):
Wait?

Speaker 5 (54:33):
Does it Alasa Trego joke? That might be That's why
I know this. She was not shout out to Tregger.
If that's a Lisa Treger joke, it actually might be.

Speaker 1 (54:40):
But she was right.

Speaker 5 (54:41):
She talks about Charlotte, but Charlotte, this is my friend
pat power side. Charlotte should have a hand next to
her face so that every time she talks it slaps her.

Speaker 1 (54:49):
She just says, such stupid ship. It's not stupid. She
was sheltered and some people are sheltered and she was
out in Manhattan. Yeah, man a divorce, getting it apart.
She was not shelter.

Speaker 3 (55:00):
Want to be fair, Keegels were invented in nineteen ninety nine,
so maybe that's why she didn't know what they were.

Speaker 1 (55:05):
Suzanne Summers invented them with the time Master.

Speaker 3 (55:09):
Carrie Bradshaw really was the messiest because she didn't have
no life savings. She had no money, but she and
I think her rent because I'm rewatching the series now,
her rent was like nine hundred dollars.

Speaker 1 (55:19):
For that apartment. Yeah, in the village. That was the time.
It was it was the ninety nines.

Speaker 2 (55:25):
We missed those days.

Speaker 1 (55:26):
Yeah, it was mayor at that time. Rudy Giuliani. Damn,
do we need to bring them back? City said bring
back Giuliani, so her rent could be no day's back.
You want gays being what do you want? She wants
low rent base.

Speaker 4 (55:39):
I just want to be able to afford an apartment
without like pretending to be somebody else on paper.

Speaker 1 (55:44):
Way, before we end this, let me ask if that's
Lisa's joke.

Speaker 4 (55:47):
Yeah, you should also Carrie Bradshaw going to Paris with
this like abusive artist.

Speaker 1 (55:54):
I had no chemistry.

Speaker 5 (55:56):
No, I hated facetiming. Yeah, to ask, I swear to
God that that's her jokes. We got to give credit work.
Credit was not going to pick up. I bet she's
there's Lisa. Is your joke Lisa where you're like about
sex and the city and then you say, like Charlotte's
like four years old, She's like, what's.

Speaker 1 (56:14):
A key goal.

Speaker 5 (56:15):
Yeah, okay, because I said it, I instinctively said I
hated Charlotte and then I said that, I go, wait
a minute, that's Lisa Trigger who said that.

Speaker 1 (56:23):
So then I had to call you, budd. He was like,
she doesn't know anything. Wait, Lisa, while we have you here,
we have a special, a special special guest.

Speaker 2 (56:34):
Top three messiest white women of all time?

Speaker 1 (56:38):
Cool? What pops into mind?

Speaker 2 (56:41):
Since you know quick FaceTime, I'm gonna say Courtney love.

Speaker 1 (56:51):
Britney spears. Okay. We discussed that that's it. They're the
word miss. That's a product. Ye, And then it could
be it.

Speaker 2 (57:01):
Could be, and we took we took Anna Nicole Smith
out as well.

Speaker 1 (57:09):
Who gets arrested? Because I love Lindsey to all these
people have bad parents.

Speaker 5 (57:13):
Yeah, and Lindsay really made a comeback. She's never looked
better than that. She looks now face.

Speaker 1 (57:18):
Looks so good. Oh, I guess the Real Housewives. Now
that I'm looking at my friends like Son Morgan. Yeah,
I remember Son. I remember I remember serving her when
I used to work at the Rose Bar.

Speaker 4 (57:32):
And when I tell you that woman would come in
with a cardigan flipped flipped curls and was ready to go.
She was one of those people that were like, I'm
not going to get dressed up, but I'm going to
get every man in here.

Speaker 1 (57:43):
And she did we call you, We'll call you past
son Oh yeah, I met.

Speaker 4 (57:51):
Sonya before she was on the show, and she came
in with drunk maybe MELODYE.

Speaker 1 (57:57):
Griffith. I know one once and.

Speaker 5 (58:02):
I don't know who was the country singer. Who is
that white girl who was saying uh and no kyote ugly? Yeah,
she's messy?

Speaker 2 (58:12):
Is Leon Rhymes the one who stole that her husband
from somebody else?

Speaker 1 (58:16):
Eddie and I don't want to see Eddie. It was
the worst stealing, you know. It was a man in
a enyclopedia of Mets White.

Speaker 2 (58:28):
For your contribution, we.

Speaker 5 (58:31):
Love you, love you bye. That's a comics thing. You
got a credit comics. You know when you say something like, wait,
I've heard that before. That's lie'sa tragger.

Speaker 2 (58:40):
Yeah, but you have a good memory, so you remembers.

Speaker 5 (58:43):
And I also were on the road together for an
entire year doing the worst comedy clubs in America, bombing
every single night.

Speaker 1 (58:48):
What year was this, twenty sixteen? Okay, this was a
long time. Oh, my god again with the audience. But
I knew her whole hour. She knew my whole hour.

Speaker 5 (58:58):
Oh yeah, friendship time we were in Seattle, Leeds was
getting to fight with this woman in the audience, and
she was standing be cause she's fighting her. And then
the fire alarm went off and we all had to leave.
And as we're leaving, the host is handing out his mixtape.
Then we all go outside, the fire trucks come, they
say it's fine. Then we all had to go back
in the audience sat right back down. Lisa gets and
say the woman continued heckling her.

Speaker 4 (59:17):
No, after all you've been through, Lisa should have been
tyree on the what more than you want from me?
Where was Seattle?

Speaker 1 (59:26):
I had such a good time. It was a suburb
of Seattle. Was in a comedy club, like forty minutes
outside the city.

Speaker 3 (59:32):
Well, I would be angry too if I lived outside
a small if I lived near Gray's Anatomy and it's
always raining.

Speaker 1 (59:38):
And no one came to see it, no one. We
couldn't sell tickets. And look at you now selling seats
every single thing else, selling everything I was selling you.

Speaker 4 (59:47):
I mean, you're going to be new York Times bestseller
for sure. Mateo, what's something that you would never sell?

Speaker 1 (59:55):
Something I would never sell, like a product? Yeah, what's
something that you wouldn't I don't know, something that hurts people,
something that hurt people. Yeah, you wouldn't.

Speaker 2 (01:00:03):
You wouldn't be a part of that.

Speaker 1 (01:00:07):
Can you imagine? Yeah, you imagine Gates for gun. I
could see you on that. I can see you in
the campaign Gates for Guns. Yes, work a K forty seven,
you sitting right on it and you then eating some pasta.
You're like people ask me every day how I get
these abs? Trim spot baby, flet me. I want make

(01:00:28):
my movie. No, we have messages. Should we get into

(01:00:52):
that about these? Wow? Yeah, we have some messages we
need to read that listeners have sent in. Okay, here
we go.

Speaker 4 (01:00:58):
My mess is that I'm I'm a retired prostitute age
twenty five ish.

Speaker 1 (01:01:02):
Whoa you wait out the game early? Yes?

Speaker 2 (01:01:04):
Read the sentence again. I'm a retired prostitute. Yes, age
twenty five ish.

Speaker 1 (01:01:09):
Wow. And my ex pimp, age fifty ish is requesting
that I come back to him.

Speaker 4 (01:01:14):
But I feel like it's a trap. Oh you don't say,
he says, he wants to build with me the right way.
He wants us to make legal money and live a
life together in a square, a square in a square,
normal non illegal relationship.

Speaker 2 (01:01:29):
He's calling like, you know, a healthy living life square.

Speaker 1 (01:01:33):
He's double your age, babe, and you just said you're retired.

Speaker 4 (01:01:36):
But he maybe she'll come back out the game. I
haven't seen him in person in years. We don't live
in the same state. Wait, hold on, so you're gonna travel, you're.

Speaker 1 (01:01:44):
Gonna travel, Let me let me read.

Speaker 2 (01:01:46):
Okay, I've moved on and changed my life for the better.

Speaker 1 (01:01:49):
Amen.

Speaker 4 (01:01:50):
He is in my past, but I'm conflicted. Okay, what
is they know there is a catch? No, I thought
I was gonna I'm waiting for her to be like
the cat she is. No, she says, I know there
is a catch. Well, maybe does he honestly miss me?
Or maybe he's trying to use me and trap me.

Speaker 5 (01:02:08):
Girl Friends, I think if your instincts are that someone
might be trying to use you and trap you, it's
best to keep them completely out of your life and
have people only in your life that you don't second guess.

Speaker 2 (01:02:17):
But also, I've moved on and changed my life for
the better.

Speaker 5 (01:02:20):
And in a different state, and here we are probably
and here we are with a message coming to us,
so we've not moved on fully.

Speaker 1 (01:02:27):
Now.

Speaker 5 (01:02:27):
I think it's about getting some self confidence. You gotta
believe in yourself.

Speaker 1 (01:02:31):
You gotta be strong, and you gotta set boundaries and
not let people in your life that are gonna make
you double guess yourself.

Speaker 3 (01:02:37):
Yeah.

Speaker 4 (01:02:38):
I remember an old manager of mine text me and
was like, Hey, we're opening up a bar, would love
to know if you would like to, like, you know,
come in.

Speaker 2 (01:02:46):
And I said, what, Like.

Speaker 1 (01:02:48):
When was this? I'm like two years ago? I was
like a two days ago. It's like it's my career
doing that bad where you're like, hey, I think you
need to sling some bottles. Now I saw you.

Speaker 2 (01:02:58):
I saw you on a thing on NETFLI it looked
really bad.

Speaker 1 (01:03:01):
You should come in just.

Speaker 5 (01:03:03):
An elementary and that you're nominated for an Emmy. Do
you think you could come in at five pm on Tuesday?

Speaker 1 (01:03:08):
You don't want to?

Speaker 3 (01:03:09):
I see you just want to WGA Award. Do you
want to swing by and do a double this weekend?

Speaker 1 (01:03:14):
Yeah?

Speaker 4 (01:03:15):
No, that was really scary. Moments I was like am
I am I doing good? Or am I doing bad?

Speaker 1 (01:03:20):
I have no idea.

Speaker 2 (01:03:21):
Well, my question about this, this listener letter is why
not starting OnlyFans and.

Speaker 1 (01:03:29):
Then you get to keep all your money? Babe? Yeah,
why are you?

Speaker 2 (01:03:32):
What is this person adding to your life?

Speaker 5 (01:03:35):
That's not that I'm just saying this person. If you
have any kind of gut feeling about someone in your
life that's not good, just take them out.

Speaker 1 (01:03:42):
Why avoid the inevitable?

Speaker 4 (01:03:43):
Yeah, I think we're at it at the age. Well,
she's twenty five ish.

Speaker 1 (01:03:47):
Twenty five that means thirty, That means thirty, so that's years.

Speaker 4 (01:03:54):
I think that if you are in a in a
state of like having to add ask all these questions,
you probably shouldn't need to do it. Because if I'm
thinking too much about the what ifs, that means that
I don't have definite answers. And in my time, in
my life, I need to know for sure when I
step out my house is it going to be worth it?

Speaker 2 (01:04:16):
Am I making money? Am I having a good time?

Speaker 1 (01:04:18):
Wait a minute, hold on, hold on, hold on?

Speaker 3 (01:04:21):
Does he honestly miss me or is he trying to
use me and trap me? Or is his old ash
truthfully done living that lifestyle? And why do I feel
myself missing him. We video called the other day for
the first time in a long time, and I forgot
how good he looked, and how smooth his voice sounded,
and how beautiful his green eyes were.

Speaker 1 (01:04:41):
About the heart, bitch, you should have dropped a photo.
You can't say all of.

Speaker 3 (01:04:44):
This and then don't let us know what this man
is looking like for real. I see green eyes and
I'm like, that's a white man or a light skinned
guy with some green eyes.

Speaker 2 (01:04:56):
Yeah, a drag with green eyes.

Speaker 1 (01:04:57):
Send us a picture of him. Yeah, we No, she
didn't mention anything about who he is. She said.

Speaker 5 (01:05:03):
He says skin is smooth, so okay, this is just
the movie and his skin as white as snow.

Speaker 1 (01:05:09):
She lives in the far Oh.

Speaker 3 (01:05:10):
My god, let me tell you we didn't even talk
about this. You Italian, and the assassinator guy is also Italian?

Speaker 1 (01:05:17):
Luis, how do you feel about that? He's really beautiful.
But the thing is I would even if he didn't.

Speaker 5 (01:05:26):
All the Italian comments are like, yo, that wasn't him,
but he was cooking at my cousin's house.

Speaker 1 (01:05:31):
He was making sauce on Sunday.

Speaker 5 (01:05:33):
And then they're like, he only got arrested because he
called a gravy instead of sauce. Like, this is the
weirdest thing that it's like kind of brought so many
people together will be like, well, there's been some people
online who have kind of made this as something it's not.
It's a terrible tragedy, and the rest of us are.

Speaker 4 (01:05:49):
Like, okay, is it a tragedy? But the thing is,
I don't even think it matters that he's attractive. I
think people were going to be on this bandwagon of.

Speaker 1 (01:05:57):
Like, but then he comes out and he's fucking Aladdin.
I mean he's hot. We had those brows. Wait, looks
like he just looks like was Aladdin? Italian? Italian?

Speaker 9 (01:06:09):
And the king man, say Luca Mario said, did I
watch the rite Aladdin?

Speaker 1 (01:06:17):
You know principal was Italian. I want to make about
sick wee. I wish it to be nobody. Yes, Olivia,
did you find a way to play it the control booth?

Speaker 6 (01:06:37):
Pas it?

Speaker 1 (01:06:38):
Okay?

Speaker 2 (01:06:38):
Okay, okay, let's hear yeah.

Speaker 8 (01:06:41):
And Marie Sydney here from.

Speaker 1 (01:06:47):
So is this mentor just living?

Speaker 8 (01:06:50):
So I was talking to this dude, he slit in
mind the ends and like first baby like gorgeous. I
would love to take you out to this Christmas bard.

Speaker 1 (01:07:00):
We have in town.

Speaker 8 (01:07:01):
I was like, okay, cool, Like we hit it off instantly,
started having great conversation or whatever. We went out on
our friend day, had a great time and everything was
going well. And in the midst of us having a
conversation on this date mine, he's from out of town.
He is from New York, and I'm born and raised
here in Houston, and he's been out here for about

(01:07:23):
like six months, and so like while we're on the day,
he's like, oh, yeah, you know, yeah, I wasn't goun
here so different. What is some beautiful woman out here?
I was like, yeah, I mean we were really diverse
or mostly pot Yeah. Yeah. He was like, yeah, I'll
talk to this one girl we literally like a couple
of weeks ago.

Speaker 1 (01:07:36):
She was man, she was fun. Man.

Speaker 8 (01:07:39):
He kind of like gazed off and I was like, oh,
so He's like, yeah, she was fine. We hit it off,
we had a great time. He was like, I was like,
oh okay, and then he was like yeah. Then after day,
I didn't hear beast from us, so I don't know,
this is it. And I just looked in him is

(01:08:00):
mess to be talking about other dates or other people
you've been with on a date?

Speaker 6 (01:08:06):
Is I just living?

Speaker 8 (01:08:06):
Because we're not anything obviously, but I thought.

Speaker 3 (01:08:08):
It was kind of rude.

Speaker 8 (01:08:09):
I know you're talking to other people, so am I,
but I'm not going to talk about it in front
of you and right specualizer in Oh yeah, she was fine,
kind of like days and it was weird. So is
it mess or am I turpin? Is he just living
and I just need to live more?

Speaker 1 (01:08:25):
Noh?

Speaker 3 (01:08:26):
Like that?

Speaker 1 (01:08:27):
Is he living and I just need to live more?
Here's what happened.

Speaker 5 (01:08:30):
The reason she called is because it's it's shocking, right,
It's it's something that's unexpected. Usually when someone asks about
on a date, you of course were dating other people,
but you kind of keep it to just like, you know,
let's just keep it between us and see if there's
anything here. So I would be like her, be like
shocked that someone could actually have the balls to sit
there and talk about dating other women and this and
that and da da da in front of her. It's

(01:08:52):
like all right, like okay, I'm glad, Like obviously we're
not like together, but this is it's inappropriate. It's just
there's a time and a place where I didn't ask you, Like, sure,
there are couples that can be like that, But at first,
on the first date and someone's courting you, don't you
kind of want to lie.

Speaker 3 (01:09:06):
I'll be like I went on a date last weekend.
She was so hot and she never called me. Yeah,
I'm sitting here.

Speaker 4 (01:09:13):
No, I think I think moving forward for all dates.
People who are listening to us, no past. Let's talk
about what's the president?

Speaker 1 (01:09:20):
What are we doing now? How are we feeling now? What?

Speaker 4 (01:09:22):
What are we looking forward to? What did you watch?
What do you on your first date? You should not
be trauma dumping. You should not be unpacking things that
happen in last relationships like that we just the bread
is warm? Are talking about the paint on the wall?
Then talk about somebody you used to date three years ago.

Speaker 5 (01:09:43):
I just love the as the Christmas bar all right here,
here's the reason. Okay, you're her, you're him? Okay and action.

Speaker 1 (01:09:54):
So how long you been to Houston? Well? I was
here last week. I was actually taking this girl out
with this pixie cut.

Speaker 4 (01:10:02):
Wow, her eyes were so ammon, and we really like
had a great conversation about football, and I was like, damn,
should I marry her?

Speaker 2 (01:10:11):
But yeah, she never called me back.

Speaker 1 (01:10:12):
How are you doing?

Speaker 3 (01:10:14):
Check?

Speaker 1 (01:10:14):
Check? Give it to him? Give him the check? But also,
how do you respond in a situation like that if
you want to date?

Speaker 2 (01:10:22):
If y'all, if I was on a date with somebody
and they were talking about somebody else, I'd be.

Speaker 1 (01:10:25):
Like, are we? I would say right away, be like
well that's interesting. I would actually leave.

Speaker 2 (01:10:29):
I'm like, that's crazy that you're talking about her while
I'm sitting.

Speaker 1 (01:10:33):
When I used to date, I remember one time this
guy he was like coording me, like let's go, let's
meet blah blah.

Speaker 5 (01:10:38):
Isn't that It's like eleven am. He's like, okay, six
thirty we're going to get dinner. I said, okay, I'll
pick this place. It is called Picklelo Kuccina. It's on
my favorite. They know me there, it's packed. It was
like around Valentine's date, you know, so I mixed up.
We've been talking for a while and then at like
six twenty I text him like all right, I'm almost there.
I'll get it to the table. He goes, oh, I'm
about to leave my house. I'm like, you say, there

(01:11:00):
it's six thirty.

Speaker 3 (01:11:01):
So then I'm like, okay, Maria, I'm already at the
house and my way.

Speaker 1 (01:11:09):
It's on the dress code. I'm drinking.

Speaker 5 (01:11:12):
So I sit down and it's been like ten minutes
and he's texting me, Oh, I don't understand the trains.
I'm trying to figure out the trains, blah blah blah.
I'm like okay, so I'm like whatever. So then they
give me a glass of wine. I'm drinking it. Now
it's like twenty five minutes. Now I'm furious because the
messages are still like I think now I had to
get out. Now, I had to take an uber and
now I had to do this now to do that.

(01:11:32):
So I was like, if I swear to God, if
it goes a half arms, I'm just leaving. I'm literally
just leaving. I'm this is a waste of my fucking time.
We've been playing this since eleven. Am like, come on that,
and if.

Speaker 1 (01:11:41):
You don't know the train, you should have left with
enough time to figure it out. Te So I just
say to the way, are you talking to you?

Speaker 3 (01:11:48):
I know the train, I know where to I know
where to stay. Don't the train, baby, It's always I'm
hit to the front of the train or the end
of the train, and I know.

Speaker 1 (01:12:01):
That's such a New York thing.

Speaker 5 (01:12:04):
So then I just said to the waiter, I'm like,
all right, I'm leaving, I said to him Italian I said, hey,
I he's not coming.

Speaker 1 (01:12:10):
I was like, so, let me just pay for the wine.
And the whole stad was like, no, my dal no,
you no pay for the wine. It was Luigi wine
will shoot. So I was like, all right, So I
leave and then at like seven ten he text me, hey,
I'm here. Where are you what?

Speaker 5 (01:12:26):
And I wrote back and I said I left. I said,
I'm not waiting forty minutes for you.

Speaker 1 (01:12:30):
I don't even know you.

Speaker 5 (01:12:31):
I left and goes oh my. They tried putting it
on me. I told you I didn't know where I
was going. I told you I didn't understand the trains.
And now I came all the way down here for this,
I said, you and I both came down there. I'm
a busy person. I don't have time for this.

Speaker 4 (01:12:44):
You would have said, I came all the way down
here blocked. You get in the green bubbles now, because
you're gonna be down there.

Speaker 1 (01:12:49):
Right by your side. You better text somebody else.

Speaker 2 (01:12:52):
I would have texted, oh yeah, I'm in the bathroom.

Speaker 3 (01:12:56):
Seven thirty. He'd be like, yo, what's up? Taking it's
up and open this door and he would have sat there.
But yeah, no, uh huh No, we made the date
the day of and you're forty five minutes late.

Speaker 1 (01:13:08):
No, well, maybe that's why so and so is sending
me a car next this Thursday, because you.

Speaker 5 (01:13:14):
Want to be on time, because now the driver's got
to be like she's running like it's gonna be like
you at home alone too. It's gonna be a big
limo and you're gonna be the vackuzza.

Speaker 4 (01:13:23):
But the thing is is that Marie, a car will
be waiting downstairs for you, and you'll legit still be late.

Speaker 2 (01:13:28):
Baby, a black car has to wait what five ten minutes?

Speaker 1 (01:13:31):
Fifteen?

Speaker 4 (01:13:32):
You're taking the hold thirteen and a half min nover,
you're coming in sixteen minutes. Oh my god, and thank
you so much.

Speaker 1 (01:13:41):
For coming in amazing. Can you please tell the listeners
what you have going on? Where can I patch you?
Like a week? Oh, I'm currently on tour. I'm gonna
name out the uh cities I'm coming to because we
just really announced the second part of my tour. So
if you want, I'll be in Louisville, Providence, Rhoda Island, Philadelphia, Orlando, Jacksonville, Florida, Seattle, Charlotte, Toronto,

(01:14:05):
Los Angeles, Baltimore and Radio City Music Hall April fifth,
New York City. So I will.

Speaker 5 (01:14:12):
I'll be there Taylinecomedy dot com and see you guys there,
and my book comes out April first. Your pasta Sucks
a cookbook with Mateo Lane and that's them.

Speaker 1 (01:14:20):
I love the stream.

Speaker 2 (01:14:22):
You are not a mass Matello. Everything is in order.

Speaker 1 (01:14:24):
You a little bit of a mess. I mean you
did get here thirty minutes earlier than us. Well, I
thought it was at two, and thank god, I was like, oh.

Speaker 3 (01:14:31):
My message just at one forty three. Hey, I'm running
five minutes late. And I was like, am I running half?

Speaker 1 (01:14:37):
I thought it was that was fine. I saw that.
I was like, not again, it's so late, they're gonna
fire me said, and then I looked and then I
looked at.

Speaker 3 (01:14:49):
My calendar to make sure. Yeah, And then you didn't
say anything, and I was like, wait, is it too?
And then it was two thirty, So yeah, okayo as
an Italian person. If you could shoot somebody, who would
you shoot?

Speaker 1 (01:14:58):
No? Oh my god, I mean we have a history.
Does not act like that's not history. No.

Speaker 3 (01:15:06):
Well, thank you for being here sitting us messages and
reviewing us on iTunes and I love when they leave
comments on Spotify.

Speaker 1 (01:15:16):
I'm obsessed with that. It's really it's really cute and sweet.

Speaker 5 (01:15:20):
Thank you so much for listen to my podcast with
Nick Smith Old I never liked you on all places
to get podcasts and YouTube.

Speaker 2 (01:15:26):
Oh look at that.

Speaker 1 (01:15:26):
We're out of time. They don't even get to record
that by Bie.

Speaker 3 (01:15:31):
Mess with Sidney Washington and Marie Foston is a production
by Will Ferrell's Big Money Players and iHeartRadio Podcasts.

Speaker 1 (01:15:37):
Created and hosted by Sidney Washington and Marie Foston.

Speaker 3 (01:15:41):
Executive produced by Olivia Aguilar and Hans Sonny, super produced
by Becca Ramos, edited a mixed by Brian Jeffries. If
you would like your messages read on air, please email
us at mess Thepodcast at gmail dot com, or call
for your messages to be played at seven six three
two eight zero six five eight eight two