Dr. Edith Eger

Minnie Questions Dr. Edith Eger, author, professor and Holocaust survivor. Edith shares the story of being liberated from Auschwitz, how she teaches to prevent atrocities, and everything you need to know about Einstein’s odd choice in footwear.

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:02):
I'm gonna call your Minica and hunger okay or okay
Minica Minica any Minika Niga like, but you're not. You're
a biggie. I am a biggie. That is so exactly right.

(00:22):
I'm not many at all. I'm a giant tea. Hello,
I'm Mini driver. Welcome to Many Questions, Season two. I've
always loved Pruce's question. It was originally a nineteenth century
parlor game where players would ask each other thirty five
questions aimed at revealing the other player's true nature. It's

(00:46):
just the scientific method, really. In asking different people the
same set of questions, you can make observations about which
truths appeared to be universal. I love this discipline, and
it made me wonder, what if these quests were just
the jumping off point, what greater depths would be revealed
if I ask these questions as conversation starters with thought

(01:07):
leaders and trailblazers across all these different disciplines. So I
adapted Pru's questionnaire and I wrote my own seven questions
that I personally think a pertinent to a person's story.
They are when and where were you happiest? What is
the quality you like least about yourself. What relationship, real
or fictionalized, defines love for you? What question would you

(01:28):
most like answered, What person, place, or experience has shaped
you the most? What would be your last meal? And
can you tell me something in your life that's grown
out of a personal disaster? And I've gathered a group
of really remarkable people, ones that I am honored and
humbled to have had the chance to engage with. You

(01:48):
may not hear their answers to all seven of these questions.
We've whittled it down to which questions felt closest to
their experience, or the most surprising, or created the most
fertile ground to connect. My guest today on many questions
is best selling author, psychologist, and extraordinary teacher Dr Edith Eager. Dr.

(02:11):
Eagle was born into a Jewish family in Hungary, and
she and her family were sent to Auschwitz during the
Nazi occupation, where her parents were killed and she and
her sister survived. She said that she had been found
by an American soldier on May four when he had
seen her hand moving slightly where she lay among a
number of dead bodies. Dr. Eager eventually moved to America

(02:34):
and received her PhD in clinical psychology from the University
of Texas at El Paso. She spent her entire life
helping patients with post traumatic stress disorder recover and teaching
all of us through her books how to free our
minds from the prison of destructive thoughts and behaviors. She
is genuinely one of the sweetest, most positive and powerful

(02:55):
people I've ever spoken to in my life, and she
left me with the lasting idea that what happens to
us in life is not the most important thing in
the end. Rather, the most important thing is what we
do with our lives. Where and when were you happiest

(03:15):
When my daughter was born September nine, four seven, because
my doctor didn't want me to have a child and
his scheduled an abortion, and I told him I want
to give life. And so I'm glad I didn't listen
to the doctor. Wow, And that's my daughter, Mary Anne,

(03:38):
doctor Mary and Anger married to Robert ang gerl Ian
jay Lee who got the Nobel Plaze and Economics and
two thousand three. So I think it's probably the most
beautiful time when I was able to not only survive
but also give birth to a child. Eat itth the

(04:00):
war ended in nineteen and you gave birth to ninety seven.
People usually asked me did you love your husband? And
my entries. I was seventeen, I was very skinny. I
was very lonely, and most of all, I was very hungry.
So he bought me hungary and salami, and so I

(04:24):
met it him. That's exactly Edith, that is exactly it.
You were hungry, and he put your salami. I was
hungry for attention, for a fraction, for approval. And that's
how I called my patients today. Hungry. They come to
me hungry, hungry because they expected one thing and they

(04:45):
got another. They were told one thing and then they
were presented something. And now, Schwitz, I asked myself many times,
does anyone know that I'm here? It was so important
for me some how to know whether anybody ever heard
of we want to forget and use all kinds of

(05:09):
defense mechanism. We deny it. If we forget it, we
run away from it. And thank God, I'm here with
you at ninety four, a mother of three, a grandmother
of five, and a great grandma of seven. My goodness,
seven little boys, My goodness, that's my revenge to Hitler.

(05:32):
That's the best revenge to Hitler. Your beautiful children and
their children and their children. Yeah, do you remember the
liberation really, really clearly? Do you remember when you really
knew that it was over? That's a beautiful question, and doubt,
doubt such thing. I can remember. Doubt it's just really happening.

(05:57):
Is it really true? Yeah? I remember I've out someone
holding my hand, and then I looked up. I saw
beautiful eyes filled with tears. I was liberated. I wish
I could meet that man now. Who gave me Eminem's.
He gives you Eminem's. He gave me M and M's.

(06:19):
If you come to my house. Someone sent me M
and M's with my picture on it. I don't know
how they got to do that, but I can give
you Eminem's with picture. I would like that. I would
very much like to have some Eminem's with your face
on them, but I'm almost positive I would not be

(06:40):
able to eat them. I would just look at them. Oh,
I don't think I could eat something with your face
on it, Edith. But why don't I shave you some
and you come here to my house? Yes, okay, you
did that. I'm gonna come I'll come over and we'll
look at them together. Make I'm hungarian compapria yum. I

(07:02):
would like that very much. I've never had that. You're liking,
you like round chicken paprica. I guaranty you. I actually
don't doubt it at all. Howard is your son. He's thirteen.
He's thirteen and he loves to cook. Oh you know,
I'll tell you a story about him, Edith, When he
was five years old, he came running in the room

(07:22):
and he grabbed my shoulders and he was crying, and
he was like mommy, and I was like, darling, what's happening,
What is happening? And he said, I can't believe it
is chicken a chicken And I said, well, yeah, yeah, yeah,
chicken is a chicken, and he went, I can't believe it.

(07:45):
I thought it was a coincidence. And he was devastated
that he had been eating an animal and he didn't
know it was an animal. So he wrote a song
about how sad he was. And then he was a
vegetarian up until only about a year ago. And he's
always made a lot of his own food and always
been very interested in cooking. And now he's starting to

(08:08):
eat a lot of different food now, and it's amazing
to watch this child who's really he closed his world
down and now he's really opening it up. But he's
doing it really consciously with a lot of awareness, and
it's really amazing to watch. I think it would be
good for him to talk to Mary Anne because she
is an expert. Is she You go to her house

(08:31):
and you don't know what you're gonna get on your play.
You never know what she's going to serve you. And
so she would be the person because he could be
really a chef. Yes, men should stay in the kitchen.
What question would she most like answered? I have been

(08:53):
asked many times the question how would you like to
be remembered? I think that's very fitting for me right now.
How would you like to be remembered someone who did
everything in her power that your children, grandchildren and great
grandchildren were never experienced what I did. I work preventively

(09:18):
and I'm going to work as long as I live.
I do not believe in retirement. Yeah, my mom was
the same, because it's not really work, it's living. Then
we like what we do. We like because it's genuine. Yeah,
And I think if you're putting something into the world.
Like he said, you have a far greater experience than

(09:38):
most people in the world currently of what it really
means to sacrifice and what it really means to put
light back into the world. I think we celebrate many
times what we lost rather than celebrate what we still
have left. And I think it's important for us to
be very picky what we concentrate on. I know because

(10:02):
when my sister asked me, and now shows, how do
I look? And we were completely naked, and uh, I
knew that I became her mirror. And instead of telling
her that we should look I told her, Magda, you
have beautiful eyes. And I didn't see it when you
had hair all over the place. Oh, so you say

(10:24):
you find something good in everything? Why do you think
as people, as humans? Why do you think we jumped
to the negative so quickly? Why do you think we
don't naturally fit ourselves to the positive? You know? I
was in there in Milwaukee, invited to a dinner for
a family, and we said down and the children, you know,

(10:48):
sit down. This is my shy one, this is my
funny one. So on. So I sit down next to
the girl and I look at her and I said,
you have such beautiful pro fire, and the mother kicked
me under the table and said, don't tell her that
she will be conceded. I think it's very important, very

(11:10):
important to pay attention what you're paying attention to, because
we remember the messages our parents give us. We really do. See.
My mother told me, I'm glad you have brains because
you have no looks because my sister was the pretty one. Well,

(11:30):
I think you're beautiful. I think you're beautiful. I am
very important, and really to tell you that you can
rewrite your script. Oh, yes, that is true, always right,
every day. That's real. Right, I am beautiful. I'm one
of her kind. There'll never be another me, and that's true.

(11:52):
Never ever will be another Mini Mini Mini, never ever
ever be another Edith. Yes, you know. I think people
can take a journey to discover their true self that
we give up to fit the dynamics. Why do you
think people give up? It's kind of like Shakespeare put

(12:13):
people on that stage and you will be the firstborn child,
so you are the responsible one. The middle child is
usually pacemaker. They want everybody to get along with everybody else,
like Kissinger and the babies. We call charming manipulator. I
was the charming manipulator. Oh. I would go to my

(12:37):
father and ask for money when he was playing with
his croonies billiards, because I knew he was going to
be very generous. I couldn't gotta be with my mother
with anything like that, but you could with your dad.
With my dad, I could do that. Yeah, I was
the same. You got to know the customers. You gotta

(12:58):
know that editory. That is exactly correct. Now, what quality
do you like least about yourself? If you had to

(13:19):
pick something, I could be less perfectionistic and just to
be average. I think it takes courage just to be average.
It's okay not to make a plushes all the time.
It's okay to make beds or even flunk. I always
had to be the number one and graduating with owners

(13:42):
and and I think it takes courage just to be
You don't have to be anything just me. Do you
think that you needed to strive for perfection and to
be the best because you've had such a lot of
time and life and people you love taken away from you.
I think it had agree I do to do with earning,

(14:03):
deserving and the survivor's geared has really taken over big
time because when I was graduating with honors, I did
not show up for my graduation because they died and
I did not even allow myself. That is a good word, permission.
I didn't give myself permission to show up for my graduation,

(14:28):
and that is really something I would not do today.
So I think it's important to live in a present
and celebrate every moment because life is just one day.
The morning sunshine doesn't come back. And that's why I
love to live in a present and think young, but

(14:49):
not young and foolish. I like to be liked, not chardish.
So then you know, I still like the big band
and my children call it supermarket music. They do. I
love big band music. You do too, Oh, I love that,
Glenn Miller, I love. I love big band music. My

(15:11):
mom used to love that. To come with them together.
So I'm gonna come to your house. We're gonna look
at the Eminem's with your face on it. You're gonna
make some chicken Papa cash, and then we're going to
go out dancing. This is like the best date ever.
It's a date, so eat it. What person place or

(15:33):
experience most altered your life. When I was accepted at
the university, I never told them that I never finished
high school and I was accepted on probation, and they
put me in a class called English as a second language.

(15:53):
So you see, I'm manipulated the environment for me to
be able to be a college student and ended up
being a college professor. I was able to somehow get
the education to be able to be part of a
life where I could not only teach others, but teach

(16:17):
them what I lived. And anything I tell you, I
tell you what I lived and made it happen. That
they don't give in to nahility. You don't give in
to nothing. What hope and find hope in hopelessness every time.
Never give up no exactly. And I love that you

(16:39):
say that you teach preventively. To teach love is how
to prevent creating people who would take part in atrocities,
but who would love themselves so they would never even
it would never even cross their mind to do that.
You know. I have it in my book that I
took care of a young man who was part of
the David Korage movement in Texas, and the first thing

(17:02):
he told me that he's going to kill or the Jews.
Now I had a choice, the difference between reacting or responding.
If I would have reacted, I would have dragged him
into the corner. I would have looked at him and say,
how dare you talk to me like this? I saw

(17:23):
my mother going to a gas chamber. But I remember
I was having a relationship with God, my God. I
call it tinker Bell, the free Spirit. And I was
told to find the biggot in me, and I said, no, no, no,
that's impossible. I came to America, Penneler, I didn't speak
about the English. I went to the bathroom and one

(17:46):
of them sad colored yes. Prejudice means to pre judge.
And I joined the n c P. And I marched
with Martin Luther King in nineteen sixteen three, I believe
two or me and I was singing, we shall overcome
with the mamas and the papas way before your time.

(18:08):
You remember those days. I don't remember those days. I
remember the music, and I remember the mamas and the paper.
How do you feel You've lived through so many generations?
Do you ever feel angry that we don't seem to
learn that even today Vladimir Putin is invading Ukraine and
causing misery and heartache, Like, do you ever lose hope

(18:31):
for humanity? You know, a woman just told me that
the boyfriend left, and I told her I'm gonna give
you one word, and the one word is next. So
the question is my daughter calls it dysm. Are you
ewarving or are you rewarring? Oh my god, I stough

(18:55):
that I want that on a T shirt. I'm gonna
make that T shirt fear. Are you evolving or are
you revolving? Thank you, because that way you don't just
do the same thing. Oh well, I know where I
get expecting different results. Yes, that really is the definition
of insanity. Huh, insanity, that's what Albert. Yeah. Albert Dunstein,

(19:21):
I understand, was teaching at Princeton and he came out
and one of the students looked at him and said,
you're not wearing socks, And he said, I'm not in
two socks. And I'm thinking, sure, if you're aber, you
don't have to bet sock. You can't do anything you
want to because you're aber. I think you cannot wear

(19:45):
socks even if you're not. Albert Einstein. Yeah, because you
have to risk, You have to risk cold feet, chances
that that no one notices it as much as you. Yeah.
I remember I moved to Sandy Ago from Texas and
I went to the symphony one night and I forgot
to take off my slippers. Nobody noticed that I was

(20:10):
the only one. I think people have fall less interested
in our story than than we are. Of course, of course,
can you tell me about something that has grown out

(20:32):
of a personal disaster. I appreciate every moment because I
remember when I saw my mother going to the gas chamber,
and when that picture comes up for me, it really
gives me right on time how to experience the present
that I can only touch you now. So I do

(20:54):
live in a present. I never forget the past. I
don't even know what the world overcome means, but I
came to terms that I call it my cherished wound.
I think in a way, in a big way, we're
all wounded, and that woundedness gives us birth to the me,

(21:16):
my genuine self that I give up many times to
please the family dynamics. Take a journey and see what
you discover on the way. Where you are now A
many girls and how much do you have left? Because
chances are you may have fifty more years and that's

(21:38):
quite a bit of time for you to maybe go
back to school, maybe learn how to do belly dancing.
You're something red. Maybe I've got a belly dancing school,
or go to Hungarian jars. You know it is that
a plastical dancing? Is that first dancing? Yes? Yes, I

(21:59):
was dancing with car Lodgers in Hungary in nine Yes. Yes,
eating the Hungary eating goulash is very good, very good.
If your sound likes cooking, I'm happy that you are supporting.

(22:20):
It doesn't have to be his future. It can be
one of his goals to be a good chef. Yeah, exactly.
I think food is love. I mean it really making
food is that there's a lot of love in it.
When he makes food for me, I know that he
has put all his love into it. Maybe you can
buy it, Asta. I love that you're reworking my whole life.

(22:42):
I'm going to go back to school, I'm gonna learn
to be a belly dancer, and I'm going to open
a restaurant. There you girl, I'm loving my alternative life.
I love the idea of expanding and doing lots of
other things. You're a magical person. You really are. Like
it feels like everything has grown out of something which

(23:03):
one would imagine might end a person's life, even if
they carried on living, that their spirit would be so
traumatized and damaged. But to talk to you and to
see you, and to hear the way that you feel
about the world, it's such a beautiful reminder that we
can always choose to grow, we can always rewrite the script.

(23:24):
Like you said, life is beautiful. It's not what there is.
That's what we do with it every moment. We don't
seem to appreciate it what we have many times until
we lose it. And that's why I eat up every
marshal of food on my plateate on your play. If
you don't need, they'll take it home. I never reached

(23:49):
fiece of bread ever. Well, it has been the most wonderful,
wonderful time talking to you. Thank you so much, really,
with all my heart, thank you. It's so beautiful to
share what you have to say with everybody, everybody is
an absolute blessing. Thank you. Memories, yes, yes, Edith, we're

(24:09):
making beautiful memories. I'm very grateful for sharing memories with you.
Edith has put out a new edition of her acclaimed book,
The Gift. The Gift covers Edith's insight into dealing with
life's most complex challenges, and the new edition includes two
additional chapters that examine Edith's introspections during COVID. She really

(24:32):
is always growing, always evolving, and always teaching. You can
find her book and more about Edith on her website,
Dr Edith Eager dot com. That's d r Edith Eager
dot com. Many Questions will be taking a short mid
season break while I'm on set for a new movie,
but we will be back next month with more guests.

(24:54):
While we're away. If you're looking for more stories, please
do check out my newly published memoir, Well Memoirish Managing Expectations.
Thank you for listening, and please rate and subscribe to
the Share and as far as my belly dancing career goes,
I'll keep you posted. Mini Questions is hosted and written

(25:17):
by me Mini Driver, supervising producer, Aaron Kaufman, Producer Morgan Lavoy,
Research assistant Marissa Brown. Original music Sorry Baby by Minni Driver.
Additional music by Aaron Kaufman, Executive produced by ME Mini
Driver Special thanks to Jim Nikolay, Will Pearson, Addison No Day,

(25:44):
Lisa Castella and a Nick Oppenheim at w kPr de
La Pescador, Kate Driver and Jason Weinberg, and for constantly
solicited tech support Henry Driver