April 4, 2025 • 44 mins
Part 2 includes a breakdown of emotions, as Tori falls into Aubrey’s arms and true friends comfort each other in a time of need. A continuation of an already very real conversation gets very raw. Never mistake vulnerability for weakness, because these may be two of the strongest women you know.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:08):
Misspelling with Tory Spelling and iHeartRadio podcast. This is a
part that me and my bandmates grapple with most of them,
not even my bandmates, but danity came but the three
bands from making the band that we're all created. We
are all in heavy conversation a lot lately. One thing,
when to the people I bounce things off from before
(00:31):
I speak on topic that topic in general, they don't.
They say, what you just said? It was your talent.
It was you that had that. And for me, I
would have never done anything that I do now if
you would have left it up to me and my
knowledge and understanding of what I'm good at. He showed
(00:51):
told master manipulator and like I said, that's not always
a bad thing.
Speaker 2 (00:56):
Good way Okay.
Speaker 1 (00:57):
He taught me I was, and then I knew what
I was. If you come to me now and say
are you a star? I would say yes. They would
say are you amazing on television? I would say yes. Okay.
If they asked me, do you dance?
Speaker 2 (01:13):
Yes?
Speaker 1 (01:14):
Are you a great singer? Yes? And I don't pause,
I don't, I don't feel any If they want to
come back at me with any commentary, I will come
right back at them with commentary, I say it bold,
with no fucking apologies. Now, with that being said, I
had somewhere along the line to have learned that. And
it wasn't my mom and dad, who I don't even
have in my life, who didn't protect me or keep
(01:36):
me safe during any of the crazy things I've gone through,
and we're a part of most of it in my childhood.
So I know that that if you were to, if
I would have just been left up to my own
ideas of what I could be, it wouldn't. I wouldn't
necessarily be in a place where I could positively, with
no quiver in my voice, do everything that I just
(01:57):
did with you right there that came from that man.
There were some goods that I will not discredit him for.
And with puff it's so hard because he's so disliked
now that no one feels comfortable with any positive acknowledgment
of any part of his existence. And I have a
(02:18):
very hard time with that, And the editing on me
isn't allowing for it either. And then I sit at
home and I watch the scripts that they give me
to read or the edits that they give me on shows,
and most of them aren't even out yet. They're still
going to be coming out all year, And I think
to myself and everybody champions me, and then you know,
(02:40):
I'll be getting botox and say to the woman I
go to, like, hey, it's actually I kind of feel
this way and that way, and she would be like, well,
you can't say that, and I'd be like no.
Speaker 2 (02:49):
Regards to what.
Speaker 1 (02:51):
In regards to I think a lot of evil behavior, demons, devils,
whatever you consider of the bad behaving human to be,
I think a lot of that is man made. I
think there are rare circumstances that you have very bad wiring,
and it's just as a genetic situation. I think, like
(03:14):
serial killers and things like that. I don't know. I
mean now we're learning even with bipolar and things like that,
that's something very traumatic had to happen in your childhood
to stick your brain into that state. So I tend
to have a lot of I have a lot of
care and consideration for even people that the world suggests
(03:35):
are horrific. I need more information, and I'm a big
I'm a big advocate and somebody who came forward and
let the world know this is not a this was
not a good person. This is not a safe person.
I wasn't willing to when Trump was like, he's a
great guy, He's an amazing guy. Right, Aubrey. There's a
famous like little clip on Celebrity Apprentice that made its
(03:57):
way around during the election of Trump wanting to force
me to say he's an amazing guy because it's his
good friend, and I wouldn't do it. And I noticed
then there was no reason to not do it. It
only would have worked out in my favor. I would
have been pleasing master over here, pleasing the old Master
and not causing any prompts for myself and not having
the hidden beard people that run your life pissing off
and because they are controlled by the money people, So
(04:19):
it would have been in my best interest to just
say yes to the man, and I didn't. And when
I watched the clip. I don't remember that day, but
when I saw the clip going around, I watched it
and realized, Wow, my integrity has just always been fucking there.
Speaker 2 (04:32):
Is that when you went home?
Speaker 1 (04:34):
No that at that time, that wasn't a topic that
would send you home, Okay, And you know on different shows,
I mean we I won't speak of any show in
particular because I can't, but I'm sure you've experienced this
and can co sign it. Some shows that you watch,
(04:55):
some people potentially could have must make it to three episode,
six episodes or payment wise, they're paid a certain amount
that they're not going home first, or they wouldn't be
paid that amount of money. There's different ways to guys
it because legally it gets.
Speaker 2 (05:10):
Tricky and shows will say no, but we know.
Speaker 1 (05:12):
That yeah no doesn't mean no usually ever, Yeah.
Speaker 2 (05:16):
Here's the first word towards yes. That's what I always say.
Speaker 1 (05:18):
Yes exactly. So so what the audience never knows is
like I would be on shows sometimes and look at
people and be like, this bitch can't even open her laptop,
how the fuck is she still here? And or at
this high and then I would know why later on,
when you know, I would get information from people that
don't work it as executives anymore, or because I fall
(05:38):
in love with the president's son and I'm in a
serious relationship where I hear different things of how things
really work or don't work, Like you know, I don't.
I didn't understand anything at the time, but when I
watched these clips, when I didn't understand anything. The one
thing that is consistent is my integrity, and so for me,
I'm really like Now, that's another one of those topics
(06:00):
where if you ask me if I have it, I
will say yes, and if you have a response, I
will have one for you as well. Like I'm not,
I just don't budge. So I don't know. I guess
I wear these things that I proved in myself time
and time again. I wear them as badges of honor.
And now I said, like I told you earlier and before,
(06:21):
you'd have to really bend my back hard. Now, if
you annoy me, I'll make it clear. I don't even
allow like a slight annoyance. I'll make it very clear quickly.
Speaker 3 (06:30):
But you're so kind, you're so you're so interesting because
what I admire so much in you is you will
say it how it is and you don't let anyone
compromise your beliefs. But it's in such a genuine kind
way that you're likable.
Speaker 1 (06:47):
That's because you know me in real life. On television,
they edit me like.
Speaker 2 (06:51):
The problematic Yeah, right right, you're right.
Speaker 1 (06:54):
They can only show the part when you engage with
someone and let them know about themselves. It's the integrity pece.
It's just that integrity piece, and I think people that
get to know me see that quickly and then really
like me as the person, regardless of what how I'm
interpreted on these shows that really need to box you
into a character very quickly in order to be successful.
Because there's no money. All the money has reduced in
(07:18):
every way. When that is reduced, the quality of a
production is reduced when it takes longer for anyone to
have the nerve to bring something forward. Because with all
the firings that are going on right now, why would
you want to be the one at the office to
have a good idea that might work. Before good ideas
that might work were like holy shit, let's go. Now,
(07:38):
you're going to be hard pressed even if somebody is
in their cubicle with the best ideas, You're going to
be hard pressed to find somebody who's willing to come
forward and just put their ass on the line, because
if they're wrong and something doesn't work, they will be
the first to go.
Speaker 3 (07:51):
Or they might be, but I would always rather be
that person than not take the chance.
Speaker 1 (07:55):
We have a little bit of a luxury given that
we we don't necessarily know what it's like to be
out there on a nine to five pushing resumes, trying
to ask somebody to let us get in a cubicle.
For those people, I feel even more sympathy toward, because
I just feel like I feel so suppressed right now,
(08:20):
because we are in a society where a lot of
things are happening very quickly, with all the changes that
occurred this year, and whether you're for it or not,
it's happening at rapid speeds, and there isn't even enough
time to process it, let alone understand it all, because
eighteen things will happen in one day, and most people
are uninformed and they're just going on their feeling of
(08:41):
whether they like somebody or not. But there is so
many things that so many systems are transitioning, And if
you don't think that that system isn't changing our system,
you are dead wrong. Because everybody I speak to the
thoughts of what the network wants, or.
Speaker 2 (08:58):
Just about entertainment, you mean in general.
Speaker 1 (09:00):
Overall, the political climate is changing the entertainment climate. When
you fire all, when you get rid of DEI and
the political world the entertainment world. Some people do that
as well, it affects all worlds. It affects what you
can sell, what you can't sell. And if you happen
to fall in a DEI category, which me and you
are both in that category as women, it's problematic. It
(09:22):
becomes problematic and you have to step very lightly. Just
the fact that I have to feel that every day
is like a It's horrible. And then you have to
think about people that are marginalized their entire life. It's
likely a lot and people would like probably think I'm
nuts for saying this, But for my most marginalized friend,
(09:46):
it's very similar to like a you and don who
they would be mad if I suggested you are marginalized
in the same way, but not in the same way,
but the feeling of being marginalized, that feeling of never
really even being able to understand your true idea because
you're suppressed out the gate with a last name or
a skin color or whatever. That feeling you can share.
(10:08):
Those two worlds can share that they don't understand that enough,
which is why I try to tell these people and
these people all the time, Hey, we could get together
and really do some phenomenal things if we could just
understand the piece that the experience isn't the same, but
the feeling.
Speaker 2 (10:24):
Of the feeling, the feeling of.
Speaker 3 (10:27):
Trapped, it's taking everything and may not to shut you
down and be like no, no, no, I don't deserve any
special treatment because of a last name.
Speaker 2 (10:34):
Like no, no, no, no, no no, go through.
Speaker 1 (10:37):
Yeah, but actually to never having been able to create
your own identity from the second you came out of
a womb, it's pretty crazy. It's pretty fucking crazy. That's
why I still can have a heart for Dawn and
why people look at me in their lives about that.
Speaker 2 (10:51):
Well, I do, and why does But why does it
happen to.
Speaker 3 (10:54):
Some people and not others? There's last names people have
gone way further having a big last.
Speaker 1 (10:59):
Name, Well, that integrity factor is pretty big. Yeah. I
can't see you doing a lot of the things that
I've seen some of those other last names do to
move up.
Speaker 3 (11:12):
There has the ability to move up, and I just can't.
I fight myself inside of ever taking that step.
Speaker 1 (11:18):
Yeah. Yeah, Like if the assignment was forge your way
in through a sex tape that's highly produced by you
and you have control over and you can be a
huge star and become an icon, would you take it,
would you personally take it? No?
Speaker 3 (11:36):
Oh, so Dean and I when we were together, and
this is in the height of Torri and Dean on Oxygen.
It was Valentine's Ay or something, and I was in
New York. He was filming a movie. Came to visit
me and he was like, hey, let's film ourselves having sex.
We had never done it before, you know, married for
years and we only had.
Speaker 1 (11:55):
Do you know, have plenty of videos?
Speaker 2 (11:58):
I know, look at me like we had never It's funny.
Speaker 1 (12:00):
You can watch it back and fuck to it. It's
even I've never even watched it back. If I say
anything I don't like, I didn't delete it immediately. Never
never let me see that used to get kissed. You like, no,
you can use this five seconds to masturbate too. When
I'm gone, that's it, I'll go.
Speaker 3 (12:16):
Wow, oh yeah, god, I love that. Anyway, we never
locked our shit up. We trusted everybody. He had an
hour computer at home, and a friend he thought was
a friend stayed at our house. Well, we took the
kids to Hawaii. Anyway, took the computer and tried to
sell it to Vivid Video, and they actually contacted us
(12:36):
and said we want to let you know. We didn't
accept it, and I'm like, why.
Speaker 1 (12:41):
Yeah, that's not I don't know that, that's not the normal.
That's I don't know that. I don't know. They have
to know what year it was and what else.
Speaker 3 (12:48):
They were like with your permitted you know, if you
guys want to we'll engage. And do you guys want
to sell it? Yes, but we want to let you know.
So we had to get a restraining order this guy,
we got the we got all of it back and everything,
and yeah, they said, you know.
Speaker 1 (13:03):
Have you ever it's going to be it's going to
be a dark question. Can I want you to think
very hard about it and forget that anyone's looking. Have
you ever had a thought where you wished I could
have released it? It's not like you went out and
actively did it and was like as bad as some
of these other girls are. Of course, do you ever
have just a tiny little thought of it could have?
(13:24):
Of course we helped.
Speaker 2 (13:26):
Yeah, yeah, I don't believe in the breads.
Speaker 1 (13:28):
That's the part that is.
Speaker 2 (13:29):
I'm bummed.
Speaker 3 (13:30):
I said no to Playboy, and now at fifty one,
I wish I'd been on the cover of fucking playboy.
Speaker 1 (13:33):
Like, Yeah, everyone told me no, and I did it,
and I'm so happy I did because it's such an
iconic thing. And now it doesn't even exist anymore.
Speaker 3 (13:40):
I know, Yeah, I was doing it with my husband
and we were together. Yeah, I should have let that
sex tape go out.
Speaker 1 (13:55):
In all worlds, the women are never really respected and
and what's crazy is the women. Then it's like female
on female crime. When I walk into big rooms that
can offer me opportunities and it's men, I usually am
much more comfortable than if there's a woman in the room,
because women will fucking tear apart women way faster than
(14:19):
a man will. And at least if it's all men, I,
as a female, conditioned and socialized by this world, I
know what I need to do if I send certain behaviors,
if we got a little freakadique in the room, I
know a little cleavage and whatever is necessary, how I
can move through it With women, especially women that get
to levels that high they are. I know a few
(14:41):
that are incredible, but it's few and far between.
Speaker 3 (14:44):
I mean, I think it's wide known. I've been fucked
over by men, obviously, but it's the women in my life.
Speaker 1 (14:51):
The women hurt more than that.
Speaker 3 (14:52):
Fucked me over way more because I don't know. We're
as conditioned as we are to understand and what we
need to do or not do when we're dealing with
men with women. Were conditioned as well to think, you know,
women are the first support women.
Speaker 1 (15:08):
You know, Oh, I'm not conditioned to think that. I
think they're all.
Speaker 2 (15:12):
Everything out there, women in power.
Speaker 3 (15:13):
We support each other, the fun that maybe the first
to take you.
Speaker 1 (15:17):
Down and take such Maybe this is just our entertainment perspective,
but I honestly think it's across the board. But we
can speak to just our perspective. It's bad out here
are the women on women And I've never I always
bring up the women up until I had a band
member come out of danity Kane and come with me
into another band. Mit, like, not even midway a little
bit into it. She turned to me and she's like, man,
I had you all wrong in the this year's multi
(15:39):
year span of this other group. Every time you gave
us outfits or this or that, I thought you were
manipulating something in your favor. But really you just want
everybody that's next to you to look better or as
good as you. You really have a thing about that.
When I came in sneakers that weren't a famous brand
and we were going out to a pictured event, you'd change.
I would give her my things. And maybe that's an
only child thing as well well. But I want everybody
(16:01):
around me to be looking their best and feeling their best.
I don't want anyone to be in a bad space
around me. But that is not the common thought amongst women.
It's so insane the way that we work against each other.
And this is the craziest statistic that I think proves this.
We have more women than men in this society and
we've never seen a female president ever, and there's.
Speaker 2 (16:22):
Been because we keep canceling each other out.
Speaker 1 (16:24):
We're canceling each other out more than even the men
that don't like us are. It's insane and I don't
know why or what. I definitely know that there's a
certain way that they expect you to behave as a woman,
because I am definitely the antithesis of that. And every
person that's been offended by the antithesis goes back to
(16:46):
my manager and lets him know that. And every time
he comes to me to scold me, I'm like tell
these people ahead of time that I'm a professional, that
I expect everyone around me to be a professional, that
I don't cut corners, and if I'm not cutting corners,
I don't don't want anyone around me to cut corners.
And if they're going to cut corners, tell them to
do it a little less obviously, because obvious is going
(17:07):
to create reaction. So tell them to go do their
sloppy producing in a different room that I don't have
an earshot of, Like, come on, why can't we all
just enter our jobs and do them. Well, It's just
that that is not the assignment anymore, which is why
when we are discussing other people that are very obnoxious
on sets that I really want to.
Speaker 3 (17:25):
Ask you, why do the mean girl? Why do they
keep working? And why do they even keep getting ahead?
Speaker 1 (17:31):
They're not even fascinating. I did so many shows last
year when I tell you, I was so underwhelmed by
the biggest people that people like. What I see is
they're very good at creating narratives for TMZ. Every day
they stay in the news with drama, and so that
creates your news. It's hard, though, because even TMZ is struggling,
like news cycles are different. Now nobody goes to that
(17:54):
one source anymore. There's way too many sources with how
wide and that technology is becoming.
Speaker 3 (18:02):
So the females that treat people I find self deprecating working.
Speaker 1 (18:10):
Why I think because well, for me, if I see
something inappropriate going on on a production that I'm on,
I'm going to notify someone. Because when there were a
lot of inappropriate things that occurred on sets that I
was on when I was younger, and I didn't know
that they were inappropriate, I normalized them and it was
(18:31):
to a lot of people's detriment. So now that I
know better, since I knew better, I report I will
report it. They don't like you when you do that.
I think those people are so busy bossing people around
and telling them to get their specific water or their
specific coffee, or talking so fucking much about themselves that
they don't notice everyone in the room is like exhausted
(18:53):
or bossing people around and not even noticing that, like
they didn't seem to be having a good day already,
and you kind of probably made it worse. Not even
you don't even know their name. Probably I know the
names of everybody that I'm on set with and normally
years later, I'm still friends with pas, with people that
are just running runners or any like. I make friends
with everybody, and not because I need to for some benefit,
(19:14):
because I'm going to be with them for over a
month or a month at least, and I want to
get to know everybody because we're all going to be
living this life together. That is not the mentality of
most reality stars nowadays. And the ones that I find
do really well are the most nasty on these sets.
Like I think about it, in my world, I never
get to walk away from abrio day because that's why
(19:35):
I play on TV too. You play a character, so
maybe you can walk away from it, but I don't
think you can if you're a great actor, because actors
throw themselves into their characters.
Speaker 3 (19:44):
Started Donna at sixteen, it was probably a lot of
you was more me than Donna. So because so when
you talk about David and Donna being cheated on, like
my whole life, I thought, that's just what happens, Like
women get cheated on, you just go on.
Speaker 1 (20:00):
I mean, that is what happens, bitch. It is. But
did your husband chief did you ever go through that?
Speaker 2 (20:06):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (20:06):
Was it public?
Speaker 2 (20:07):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (20:08):
I was talking to like you were saying, what is
a regular job? A regular job human? The other day
that's also my good friend, and we were talking about
elements of the Diddy stuff, and I was talking about
elements of like people that like I had a band member,
not one of my members, like a band, actual player,
a player of our band who's like beloved and very
(20:29):
talented and also was into scat play. And every area
we would.
Speaker 2 (20:33):
Go on tour.
Speaker 1 (20:34):
Yeah, so every area we would go on tour, and
I'm telling you, like the hottest guy would have dated
him in a second. So so fine as hell, talented
as shit. But he would tell me his little kink
was every time we'd get to a new city, you
can go on these sites that are very available, and
you find people in that city. They create like a
little party. They put a tarp down in a hotel room,
everybody shits and fucks in it. And there's nothing about
(20:57):
this person that's I would suggest, is unsafe. I would
let him. I would keep my moment and have my dogs,
but he could watch my dogs. He could be in
my home and watch my home like them. I love
the guy, but he also was into some very different
things sexually than I am. So I learned then, wow,
this isn't a bad person. So then I just kind
(21:17):
of learned, like I might meet people that are into
a lot of different sexual things that I'm not into,
and there still could be great people.
Speaker 3 (21:26):
Just see you know, obrio da. I'm not into gangbang,
I'm not a swinger, and I don't like scatplay.
Speaker 1 (21:32):
Yeah, I mean neither. But like I kissed the girl
and I liked it.
Speaker 2 (21:36):
I would kiss you.
Speaker 1 (21:37):
Yeah, i'd kiss you too.
Speaker 2 (21:38):
Yeah, you're fine.
Speaker 1 (21:40):
Listen, bitch. Okay, you're Donna Martin and my soul for
the rest of life. Now, one person can go off
on you. I will have them at their throw in
a second.
Speaker 2 (21:55):
Do you still think I should join only fans?
Speaker 1 (21:58):
Yes, I've been telling you for a long time. So
you know, Denise's with my company too. I know I
have the best company number one, and they'll help you,
like get up and facilitate it and you can decide.
Speaker 2 (22:07):
They did.
Speaker 1 (22:08):
Yes, you can create your career. Give me a number
of time.
Speaker 2 (22:11):
And it wasn't the number.
Speaker 1 (22:12):
That I There is no numbers, you know they Oh, well,
I don't know. I don't know about that. I've never
been offered a number. There there's no numbers. They maybe
you're maybe I don't know what that was that, maybe
it was something different. I don't know.
Speaker 3 (22:24):
For me, it wasn't from this company. It was like
literally only fans. Oh, I don't know what they get.
You honestly don't know any I don't know anyone out
that runs.
Speaker 1 (22:33):
Only fans. And it's like some people in Europe that
own it. There's like seven people in the office. It's
it's for you. You go on there, you talk to people,
you decide your content, you decide what you do. I've
never been asked to do anything. I do everything the
way I want to do it. I'm sure mine is,
like I say, highly artistic. My ideas are creative. I
(22:53):
do things probably much different than maybe other girls do.
But I'm comfortable with everything that I do, and to me,
it's become something that has just given me complete autonomy
in life. I don't let people talk to me even
a little bit sideways anymore. If I'm on a show
where I'm expressing my talent and I'm being taken off
(23:16):
for unfair reasons and it's been vocally expressed to me,
and I could start a shit storm up if I
wanted to, or I could follow the commands that were
being given to me and get further. I immediately knew
the answer. Bye, I have this much money waiting at
home to do a video. I don't need to please
(23:37):
any of you.
Speaker 2 (23:39):
Bye.
Speaker 1 (23:41):
Let me get this off and let me say what
up to everybody, and let me give them a little
world twirl, And then I'm getting the fuck out this room,
and I'm gonna go be around people that aren't fake
as fuck and garbage. When I see somebody that doesn't
want to have to be dealing with the way that
this system is anymore, and I know the type of
freedoms that can exist in other places. And not only that,
(24:03):
but like you control your the timing of your creation.
You don't have to ever be on someone else's schedule.
That's a big thing as we get older, you're a mother,
even so your schedule is way crazier for me, Like,
my time is the most valuable thing I have. And
when I don't want to be doing something, especially a
lot of times in this industry, it's some fake bullshit.
(24:26):
Me and you both pieced out on some shit yesterday
because we just didn't want to do it, yeah, and
it would have been better for our careers had we
done it process, but we just didn't want to do it.
But I don't worry about any situation anymore just because
of that one factor.
Speaker 2 (24:40):
That I have and that financial thing, and lit it's.
Speaker 1 (24:43):
A financial thing, it just is.
Speaker 3 (24:45):
I want to have that freedom because I'm not enjoying
my life, like I have five beautiful, amazing children.
Speaker 1 (24:49):
Well that's why I'm successed to you. And when I
heard you in the room like strange, trust yeah, because
I'm like, if you if you really get to a
point where you're that stress because you're in such a
market where I believe you do so well, like Denist
does so well, and she does very little. And I
think we even talked about it. I don't even think
she does much. I don't know what you saw or
(25:11):
didn't see, but I don't think she.
Speaker 2 (25:12):
Does more than probably what I'd be willing to do.
Speaker 1 (25:15):
Okay, So I'm just so judged, bitch, Everyone is so judged.
You want to know who also feels judged? Someone we
don't even know their name that's watching this right now,
that as a nine to five, and that bitch that
sits across from her at work every day has been
judging her ever since she got there. Everybody in life
feels judged. We have to move past that place. The
people that move past it the quickest make the most
(25:37):
money and have the highest rises. It's crazy, like when
you start giving zero fucks is when how many fucks
do you think? The two people running our country right
now give zero? They don't give a fuck and they
run everything. The not giving a fucks part of me
was so hard. Sometimes I would do a video and
(25:58):
I'd be like, Damn, that was hot. I don't want
to do this and that, but god, I don't know. Judge, judge, judge, judge, judge,
and then I would stop and be like I even
had a moment when I was doing Bunny Jelly Roll's
wife's podcast, Bunny's Podcast. I said she was saying because
she was she worked in the sex industry for a
long time, and she was saying like, I think the
majority of not all people in that that area have
(26:20):
had trauma in their childhoods. And I was like, shit.
I had a moment where one time, the next time
I made a video, I was like, am I making
this video because I was traumatized? Under a person that
I worked for that were now learning did things that
were very potentially, very dangerous and could cause a lot
of trauma, Like am I only doing this because of
(26:42):
a trauma that I experienced at a young age and
I haven't moved past it to the point where I'm
still sexualizing myself, Like I had to have moments of
those types of conversations. It was very hard for me
to shoot any content for a period of time. The
great thing about that platform is when new people come,
there's a million videos that you've already done. If you're
(27:03):
in a month where you're not feeling so sexually great
about yourself, then you can express yourself in other areas. Shit,
what's her name, Iggy Azalea? I think is her name?
A rapper girl, White rapper girl is on there. Yeah,
she had a section of poetry. I don't know how
well it did. Now that's the thing. You can go
on and just do poetry. Is everybody gonna watch? I
(27:25):
don't know, but it just maybe, but it's not it
it's if you're more compelling than your sexuality, you might
be able to do it without that factor, however, but
it's also about who watched past. Yeah, your sexuality is
hard for you. I don't know why. Why because people
have attacked your looks because you were famous so young
(27:47):
your whole life. You were attacked a lot during the
nine o two one Ozero days for beauty standards. I remember, Oh,
why do I just tear up? But you think I
had any feelings left me?
Speaker 3 (27:59):
I don't know, but I look back then about how
like I was always the one wearing like the crop
tops and showing my body off.
Speaker 1 (28:05):
Yeah, you looked so good and you were so attacked.
Speaker 3 (28:08):
I was so attacked, never like was told since I
was young, like how ugly I was, horse face, ugly, nose,
like big eyes. So was there something I felt good
about myself that I still pressed on and wore cute outfits?
Or was I trying to overcome and say for what
I thought they perceived as my face by showing off
a good body.
Speaker 2 (28:28):
I don't know, but I'm still traumatized by it.
Speaker 3 (28:32):
But yet I still there's a part of me that
feels like sexuality is such a huge part of making it.
Speaker 1 (28:38):
I have a question, do you have sex sober or
do you need a drink or something to get through?
Speaker 2 (28:43):
Oh? Interesting, God, I haven't in sex in a while.
Speaker 1 (28:47):
How is it as long as me?
Speaker 2 (28:48):
You said two years?
Speaker 1 (28:49):
While we're pressing on more. No, I've had some of
my friends so easily, but I don't. I don't want
any man inside me if they don't love me, if
they don't respect me, care about me, and if they
don't plan on being right or die with me, Like.
Speaker 2 (29:06):
I see, I don't know what I as anymore. I've lost.
Speaker 3 (29:09):
I had the fairy tale of my whole life in
my head with Dean. No was in my head like
it's from a very young age. I don't know if
it was. My dad was a producer.
Speaker 1 (29:19):
Are you cheating on your mom? Your dad?
Speaker 2 (29:21):
I don't think so. I really don't love her, yes,
oh yeah, yeah yeah.
Speaker 1 (29:26):
Where did you learn this from?
Speaker 2 (29:27):
I'm not sure. I don't know. And that's what's weird
for me. And I just started.
Speaker 3 (29:32):
I having in therapy in a really long time, and
I just started with a new therapist.
Speaker 1 (29:37):
You got to give me some names, and I really.
Speaker 3 (29:41):
And we're going all back way back to childhood because
it's just like I don't know where this comes from.
Speaker 2 (29:48):
But like I have a very odd relationship with men,
Like it's the need to be.
Speaker 3 (29:54):
I don't and I don't know, and I think I'm
now fifty one and single again with five kids, so
I don't even know where I stand in the future.
Speaker 1 (30:01):
Like are you on a dating side girl at all? No? Yeah,
I wouldn't get involved in it. They're all trash on
there anyway. Right now, I would say, I don't there
for what I do want to be like, I don't
want to have a stroke in the midll that I
say this.
Speaker 2 (30:15):
I want to be alone.
Speaker 1 (30:16):
I don't want to. I don't want to be alone either.
I feel you on that. I'm about to leave for
Japan and I wasn't even going to go and on
this adventure. I wanted to do cherry blossom season because
there's like only a few Sorry, I'm about to cry.
Speaker 2 (30:29):
No, don't cry.
Speaker 1 (30:30):
If you want to cry, by the way, good, it's fine.
Let it out. That's part of getting better.
Speaker 2 (30:35):
Listen, I'm such a you know me, I'm Pausitive've.
Speaker 1 (30:37):
Just know you. This is we are, we live there
that you're not going to die alone. I'm here first
of all. Listen to me.
Speaker 2 (30:46):
I'm no hold on, I put my other man.
Speaker 1 (30:52):
I don't care're not alone. Have each other. There are
other people that have our bucks. We're not alone. I
just have to believe that first. Such a fucked up life,
all of this, I know, babes, my fucking life. I'm
forty one without kids. At least you got some. I'm
not even going to be able to have them in
(31:13):
life because of all the bullshit I thought to be
and I really wanted to correct my generational trauma. I'm
not even going to get a chance to do it.
This industry is not for the fucking week.
Speaker 2 (31:29):
What is strong when I am strong?
Speaker 1 (31:32):
So what it needs to correct? But get everything together
real quick.
Speaker 2 (31:37):
This top, sorry, Bob, this top was.
Speaker 1 (31:39):
Just a goddamn I shouldn't have ever purchased it. I
thought I could pull off a back list top.
Speaker 2 (31:44):
It looks great.
Speaker 1 (31:45):
Listen, let me take the podcast bucket. Yeah, let me
tell you something strong.
Speaker 3 (31:49):
I'm fucking Let me tell you they should sample my
DNA when.
Speaker 2 (31:53):
They go to bitch.
Speaker 1 (31:55):
I feel this. I feel the same other.
Speaker 2 (31:57):
Fuck I am. I'm resilient, but what is it? I
need a good of the.
Speaker 1 (32:01):
Day, So fuck everything you're saying. I feel that too.
You have to me. I think for you, I'd start
with you get to teach young you have kids that
you get to But here's the one thing that my
friends told me at one point when I was doing
the same sob over and not over the loss of
not being None of the girls in my group ever
(32:22):
had a child. A lot of girl group girls don't
because of the amount of trauma that we face in
those situations and what it does to us. I think,
I don't know. I wanted to do a documentary on it.
I started doing research. There wasn't a girl group in
my lifetime where I didn't find one member that hadn't
been sexually harassed, and everyone had been underpaid and undervalued
and disrespected, et cetera. I said the same thing and
(32:44):
my friend was like yeah, and she was like, well,
being a mom doesn't bring the what is it all for?
A card to you. And that was the first time
a mom said that to me, and it made me realize, Okay,
so maybe I wouldn't have found the answers in being
a mom. You're a mom and you're still saying the
same thing. I cry that that out loud all the time.
It's hard when so many people live and breathe by
(33:09):
the system that we were a part of teaching people
and creating. It's not in our hands, and it's not
in good hands anymore at all. It has been taken
over and there has been dark shit going on, probably
even during our time. But things were a lot different
back then, and you actually had to have a lot
and bring a lot to the table to get the
type of work that we did. It's not the same anymore,
(33:31):
which makes it even more disrespectful because you have people
who don't even have talent being like, who the fuck
are you? And they look at us like old bitches,
when really we're the reason they have the ability to
have a job. Right now, We're still relevant, Yeah, I
mean we are, but we're not. There's a whole Let
me tell you. I get told how irrelevant I am daily.
(33:52):
The most relevant I've been is as one of Diddy's victims.
Imagine how fucking traumatic that is. I don't know what
it all is for yet, but I know that if
I don't keep speaking up and saying things and making
things known, and and if I'm in contracts, I don't,
I can't telp the world it. But if you get
(34:13):
in any immediate circle, I will run my motherfucking mouth
and tell you what the truth is about people. But
I watch learn and I pay attention to every little thing.
Every time I'm on a network that I don't trust
and a white man comes in and tells me, hey,
you can trust this network. We're not like this. Look
behind me and there's a Asian girl, a Mexican guy
(34:33):
that lets me know he's gay, and a black woman,
and it's like the fucking United Nations and I and
they do their whole the whole spill and they walk out,
and I think to myself, and they're standing five steps
behind him in an appropriate lineup, and they announce themselves
specifically with their sexuality and their races. I just they
walk out of the room, and while everybody waits to
see if I bought it, I just roll my eyes
(34:55):
and go, oh god, So now I understand what this
job is. I'm going to get tired any day now,
Like I see through all of the bullshit at this point,
and I have to be a part of the bullshit
in order to stay relevant. And it is so fucking painful.
I hate that. And even the complexities of what's happening
right now with puff are so deep they are not
(35:16):
even being anywhere near close to being discussed, and I
fear that we never will truly discuss what how many
ways that this needs to be processed in order for
the system to change, so that nobody that is me
at the age I was that wanted what I wanted
at that time would ever have to go through what
I went through again, or anyone that was around me
(35:38):
with any other type of intentions worse or better, no judgment,
I don't think we are anywhere close to changing this system.
And when did he first? When the indictment occurred? Of course,
I was filming a TV show and we had wrapped
and they pulled me back in to do b roll
through a microphone on me and caught it all. Now,
(35:58):
if all the times I've been minipulated for television's sake,
that was one of the most thankful moments that I've
had in regards to being manipulated, because being in the
environment I was was very safe, and I was around
a lot of caring women and they all held me
and I would have been at home alone and scared.
And also people need to see what something like that
looks like. And I don't know that any of things
(36:20):
like that are documented on the victim side necessarily and
put in front of the world. And if there's anyone
fearless enough to do it, like you said, we are strong,
I'm the one to do it too. However, with that
being said, there is so much more that is so
compelling that no one is even talking about. And my
fears that we never do and I know that without
the conversation as a society, that the system won't change.
(36:45):
And when it all gets piled up on one person
and you don't address the systematic issues, the thing changes.
And for us to go with nothing having changed, I
think that's when we'll really cry. And you have the
ability to at least put change and growth in a
new wave of thinking within your children, which I think
is very special, which is what I was thinking motherhood
(37:07):
would at least bring me in my life, because I
think I'd be a kick ass mom because my mom
was garbage and I would definitely want to recorrect that
generationally and send someone on their way. Yes, good history,
good that right there.
Speaker 2 (37:22):
That's one I see.
Speaker 3 (37:23):
I see my daughter for no reason, and I've always
done nothing but tell her how beautiful and amazing she is.
You know, she looked on social media one time and
they said something about in regards to her looks and
she couldn't see it. Yeah, And I was just took
me right back to sixteen and knowing that that had
and I was like, yeah, just doesn't change. No, Can
I tell you she's trying to like the same types
(37:43):
of bad boys I liked.
Speaker 1 (37:44):
And I'm just like, God, can I tell you something.
When we were talking, we've jumped around a lot. But
when I was talking about when I addressed my girlfriends
about humiliation, and one I told you one at the
workplace had a little thing. But I was like, the
type of humiliation that we endure in this industry is
certain now the new age kids, there isn't even paparazzi
that catches you outside anymore. That shit's all set up
at this point, back when they were all standing outside
(38:05):
and catching it, back when they were going like this
as you stepped into your car, Remember when they used
to put the cameras under your dress and they got
Britney spears, pussy and a bunch of other things. We
all had that happened. We all knew when they would
do it. When we got in cars. We all had
protections put in place we started to catch on. But
like we were around in that era of fame, the
eras are changing. The younger kids don't understand what this is.
(38:25):
There aren't celebrities anymore. There's too many TikTokers and YouTubers
and whatever to even have any epic ones like that.
The age of all of that is like, there's a
few that started out so you could take it. But
in our era, the type of humiliation, because of the
way that it moved and grew, was so intense that
like you could spend a lifetime and never even recover
(38:47):
from it. I said to my friends, imagine people taking
photos of you at an off time in your life,
exaggerating them and then putting them on the cover of
every magazine saying, look at this obese pig cow fucker
that's outside of the dollar tree that's obviously broke and
a joke, and then ex boyfriends going on Twitter and writing,
I dodged an obese bullet. Knowing my exes when I
(39:11):
was in my prime, in conversations with them, very big
ones that could potentially be running this country right now,
would say things to me like, oh yeah, like guys
always get together and talk about like the women that
got away, But they always end up like fat and ugly,
and we always are like you know, we were, we
were better off, we dodged Like I know how men
in all these circles talk. Some of my exes are
(39:31):
petty and went and did it in front of the world.
Some did it outside of it. I don't know how
many bottles of pills could have made me feel better
for a very long period of time after that much
humiliation and no ability to tell anyone, Hey, I don't
that's I don't look like that. I don't look great
right now, but I definitely don't look like that. But
like the type of humiliation, and every in every department
(39:53):
is so therapy. How can a therapist they get.
Speaker 2 (39:58):
They're famous, They can't com.
Speaker 1 (40:00):
No, it doesn't work like that. And I don't think
anyone there are difference between people that became famous for
famesake and people that want to share their art with
the world. There's just differences. And I don't know where
fame is at right now. I'm sure fame has always
across the board been a cyclical moment of the fame
famers are big now the real talent people are famous.
(40:24):
I think it goes round and round. Like I said,
what the Grammys were when I watched versus when I
got in completely different. But like everything's cyclical, it'll continue
to move. But I think that, I think that the
amount of trauma that you endure is just too great
for anyone to truly ever be able to understand, except
your famous friends. And for me, my famous friends that
(40:47):
are got ten years on me, that are single like me,
that can move like me. They take their pills and
they knock out. And I was doing that and until
I saw everybody ten years above me doing that. To
escape it all, did I like, move to Balie and
(41:07):
move to a place where you can't get home? What
were you there for long enough to get off pills?
A year and some change? Yeah, and I got the
pills from a famous person that suggested that they could
help me with my problem, my fear of flying. I'm
not a good flyer. I'm one of those pitches that
stand up during turbulence and tell everyone we're gonna die
on the plane. Name okay, everybody that sits next to me.
(41:29):
We end up being best friends because I grab them.
Is that why you were all paranoid to go that day,
it's to work for QVC because you had to get
on a plane. Ye I thought you were being a
drama queen about working at QVC. It was about getting
on a plane because I've never panicked like that unless
I have to get on a plane. I only me too. Okay,
I don't do well on planes. So for me, like
(41:49):
the way that I behave, like I'm in There are
multiple planes that I've stood up and said we're all
going to die on I'm an embarrassment on a plane.
And see the person that I worked for said, oh,
we'll send a doctor your hotel room and fix this.
Because it was becoming a problem in my work when
I couldn't sleep and then I had I was expected
to perform a lot and I wasn't sleep because I
can't knock out on the plane ride and that's the
(42:11):
only time we had to sleep. And when that happened
is the first time I was put on the cocktail
of celebrities. From what I've seen, it ever be ambient,
an adderall.
Speaker 2 (42:21):
Adderall I've never seen an.
Speaker 1 (42:24):
Oh god, girl, you're missing out. But also it's not
you're missing out, but also it's no way to live.
So don't go there. But that is the cocktail that
most doctors had ten years older than me, I saw it,
and then my age it was still there. I think
younger now people are treating mental health and things a
bit differently. Thank God, there's this like whole world of
(42:46):
alternative healing opening up. It needs to open up. When
we were younger, we didn't even we were in home Mech.
They were teaching us how to iron and do the laundry.
Speaker 2 (42:56):
Bitch.
Speaker 1 (42:57):
I took home Mech when I was.
Speaker 2 (42:59):
To do the launch.
Speaker 1 (43:00):
I know that class. Yeah, yeah, I think at the
end of the day, like people have leaving more space.
And by the way, even the people that we see
that the world perceives as evil, they are also very
traumatized in the same ways that you and I have
expressed today. And that's why I leave space for every
(43:22):
person until I understand and trust otherwise, because you never
know what somebody else is battling you.
Speaker 2 (43:30):
Just don't.
Speaker 3 (43:31):
I agree with you, and I think that every day,
especially when you see someone horrible and too him like,
I don't know the other side of it.
Speaker 2 (43:39):
I don't know what they're going to do good for you.
Speaker 1 (43:41):
I need to start doing that more. I'm more judging Mcjudgerson.
I need to calm it down a little bit. There's
certain people a little bit, just the exhausting people I
think that about, but like the compel, the talented ones
I wonder.
Speaker 2 (43:55):
Yeah, well, I love you so much. I love you
so much. Things cry on you.
Misspelling with Tory Spelling and iHeartRadio podcast. This is a
part that me and my bandmates grapple with most of them,
not even my bandmates, but danity came but the three
bands from making the band that we're all created. We
are all in heavy conversation a lot lately. One thing,
when to the people I bounce things off from before
(00:31):
I speak on topic that topic in general, they don't.
They say, what you just said? It was your talent.
It was you that had that. And for me, I
would have never done anything that I do now if
you would have left it up to me and my
knowledge and understanding of what I'm good at. He showed
(00:51):
told master manipulator and like I said, that's not always
a bad thing.
Speaker 2 (00:56):
Good way Okay.
Speaker 1 (00:57):
He taught me I was, and then I knew what
I was. If you come to me now and say
are you a star? I would say yes. They would
say are you amazing on television? I would say yes. Okay.
If they asked me, do you dance?
Speaker 2 (01:13):
Yes?
Speaker 1 (01:14):
Are you a great singer? Yes? And I don't pause,
I don't, I don't feel any If they want to
come back at me with any commentary, I will come
right back at them with commentary, I say it bold,
with no fucking apologies. Now, with that being said, I
had somewhere along the line to have learned that. And
it wasn't my mom and dad, who I don't even
have in my life, who didn't protect me or keep
(01:36):
me safe during any of the crazy things I've gone through,
and we're a part of most of it in my childhood.
So I know that that if you were to, if
I would have just been left up to my own
ideas of what I could be, it wouldn't. I wouldn't
necessarily be in a place where I could positively, with
no quiver in my voice, do everything that I just
(01:57):
did with you right there that came from that man.
There were some goods that I will not discredit him for.
And with puff it's so hard because he's so disliked
now that no one feels comfortable with any positive acknowledgment
of any part of his existence. And I have a
(02:18):
very hard time with that, And the editing on me
isn't allowing for it either. And then I sit at
home and I watch the scripts that they give me
to read or the edits that they give me on shows,
and most of them aren't even out yet. They're still
going to be coming out all year, And I think
to myself and everybody champions me, and then you know,
(02:40):
I'll be getting botox and say to the woman I
go to, like, hey, it's actually I kind of feel
this way and that way, and she would be like, well,
you can't say that, and I'd be like no.
Speaker 2 (02:49):
Regards to what.
Speaker 1 (02:51):
In regards to I think a lot of evil behavior, demons, devils,
whatever you consider of the bad behaving human to be,
I think a lot of that is man made. I
think there are rare circumstances that you have very bad wiring,
and it's just as a genetic situation. I think, like
(03:14):
serial killers and things like that. I don't know. I
mean now we're learning even with bipolar and things like that,
that's something very traumatic had to happen in your childhood
to stick your brain into that state. So I tend
to have a lot of I have a lot of
care and consideration for even people that the world suggests
(03:35):
are horrific. I need more information, and I'm a big
I'm a big advocate and somebody who came forward and
let the world know this is not a this was
not a good person. This is not a safe person.
I wasn't willing to when Trump was like, he's a
great guy, He's an amazing guy. Right, Aubrey. There's a
famous like little clip on Celebrity Apprentice that made its
(03:57):
way around during the election of Trump wanting to force
me to say he's an amazing guy because it's his
good friend, and I wouldn't do it. And I noticed
then there was no reason to not do it. It
only would have worked out in my favor. I would
have been pleasing master over here, pleasing the old Master
and not causing any prompts for myself and not having
the hidden beard people that run your life pissing off
and because they are controlled by the money people, So
(04:19):
it would have been in my best interest to just
say yes to the man, and I didn't. And when
I watched the clip. I don't remember that day, but
when I saw the clip going around, I watched it
and realized, Wow, my integrity has just always been fucking there.
Speaker 2 (04:32):
Is that when you went home?
Speaker 1 (04:34):
No that at that time, that wasn't a topic that
would send you home, Okay, And you know on different shows,
I mean we I won't speak of any show in
particular because I can't, but I'm sure you've experienced this
and can co sign it. Some shows that you watch,
(04:55):
some people potentially could have must make it to three episode,
six episodes or payment wise, they're paid a certain amount
that they're not going home first, or they wouldn't be
paid that amount of money. There's different ways to guys
it because legally it gets.
Speaker 2 (05:10):
Tricky and shows will say no, but we know.
Speaker 1 (05:12):
That yeah no doesn't mean no usually ever, Yeah.
Speaker 2 (05:16):
Here's the first word towards yes. That's what I always say.
Speaker 1 (05:18):
Yes exactly. So so what the audience never knows is
like I would be on shows sometimes and look at
people and be like, this bitch can't even open her laptop,
how the fuck is she still here? And or at
this high and then I would know why later on,
when you know, I would get information from people that
don't work it as executives anymore, or because I fall
(05:38):
in love with the president's son and I'm in a
serious relationship where I hear different things of how things
really work or don't work, Like you know, I don't.
I didn't understand anything at the time, but when I
watched these clips, when I didn't understand anything. The one
thing that is consistent is my integrity, and so for me,
I'm really like Now, that's another one of those topics
(06:00):
where if you ask me if I have it, I
will say yes, and if you have a response, I
will have one for you as well. Like I'm not,
I just don't budge. So I don't know. I guess
I wear these things that I proved in myself time
and time again. I wear them as badges of honor.
And now I said, like I told you earlier and before,
(06:21):
you'd have to really bend my back hard. Now, if
you annoy me, I'll make it clear. I don't even
allow like a slight annoyance. I'll make it very clear quickly.
Speaker 3 (06:30):
But you're so kind, you're so you're so interesting because
what I admire so much in you is you will
say it how it is and you don't let anyone
compromise your beliefs. But it's in such a genuine kind
way that you're likable.
Speaker 1 (06:47):
That's because you know me in real life. On television,
they edit me like.
Speaker 2 (06:51):
The problematic Yeah, right right, you're right.
Speaker 1 (06:54):
They can only show the part when you engage with
someone and let them know about themselves. It's the integrity pece.
It's just that integrity piece, and I think people that
get to know me see that quickly and then really
like me as the person, regardless of what how I'm
interpreted on these shows that really need to box you
into a character very quickly in order to be successful.
Because there's no money. All the money has reduced in
(07:18):
every way. When that is reduced, the quality of a
production is reduced when it takes longer for anyone to
have the nerve to bring something forward. Because with all
the firings that are going on right now, why would
you want to be the one at the office to
have a good idea that might work. Before good ideas
that might work were like holy shit, let's go. Now,
(07:38):
you're going to be hard pressed even if somebody is
in their cubicle with the best ideas, You're going to
be hard pressed to find somebody who's willing to come
forward and just put their ass on the line, because
if they're wrong and something doesn't work, they will be
the first to go.
Speaker 3 (07:51):
Or they might be, but I would always rather be
that person than not take the chance.
Speaker 1 (07:55):
We have a little bit of a luxury given that
we we don't necessarily know what it's like to be
out there on a nine to five pushing resumes, trying
to ask somebody to let us get in a cubicle.
For those people, I feel even more sympathy toward, because
I just feel like I feel so suppressed right now,
(08:20):
because we are in a society where a lot of
things are happening very quickly, with all the changes that
occurred this year, and whether you're for it or not,
it's happening at rapid speeds, and there isn't even enough
time to process it, let alone understand it all, because
eighteen things will happen in one day, and most people
are uninformed and they're just going on their feeling of
(08:41):
whether they like somebody or not. But there is so
many things that so many systems are transitioning, And if
you don't think that that system isn't changing our system,
you are dead wrong. Because everybody I speak to the
thoughts of what the network wants, or.
Speaker 2 (08:58):
Just about entertainment, you mean in general.
Speaker 1 (09:00):
Overall, the political climate is changing the entertainment climate. When
you fire all, when you get rid of DEI and
the political world the entertainment world. Some people do that
as well, it affects all worlds. It affects what you
can sell, what you can't sell. And if you happen
to fall in a DEI category, which me and you
are both in that category as women, it's problematic. It
(09:22):
becomes problematic and you have to step very lightly. Just
the fact that I have to feel that every day
is like a It's horrible. And then you have to
think about people that are marginalized their entire life. It's
likely a lot and people would like probably think I'm
nuts for saying this, But for my most marginalized friend,
(09:46):
it's very similar to like a you and don who
they would be mad if I suggested you are marginalized
in the same way, but not in the same way,
but the feeling of being marginalized, that feeling of never
really even being able to understand your true idea because
you're suppressed out the gate with a last name or
a skin color or whatever. That feeling you can share.
(10:08):
Those two worlds can share that they don't understand that enough,
which is why I try to tell these people and
these people all the time, Hey, we could get together
and really do some phenomenal things if we could just
understand the piece that the experience isn't the same, but
the feeling.
Speaker 2 (10:24):
Of the feeling, the feeling of.
Speaker 3 (10:27):
Trapped, it's taking everything and may not to shut you
down and be like no, no, no, I don't deserve any
special treatment because of a last name.
Speaker 2 (10:34):
Like no, no, no, no, no no, go through.
Speaker 1 (10:37):
Yeah, but actually to never having been able to create
your own identity from the second you came out of
a womb, it's pretty crazy. It's pretty fucking crazy. That's
why I still can have a heart for Dawn and
why people look at me in their lives about that.
Speaker 2 (10:51):
Well, I do, and why does But why does it
happen to.
Speaker 3 (10:54):
Some people and not others? There's last names people have
gone way further having a big last.
Speaker 1 (10:59):
Name, Well, that integrity factor is pretty big. Yeah. I
can't see you doing a lot of the things that
I've seen some of those other last names do to
move up.
Speaker 3 (11:12):
There has the ability to move up, and I just can't.
I fight myself inside of ever taking that step.
Speaker 1 (11:18):
Yeah. Yeah, Like if the assignment was forge your way
in through a sex tape that's highly produced by you
and you have control over and you can be a
huge star and become an icon, would you take it,
would you personally take it? No?
Speaker 3 (11:36):
Oh, so Dean and I when we were together, and
this is in the height of Torri and Dean on Oxygen.
It was Valentine's Ay or something, and I was in
New York. He was filming a movie. Came to visit
me and he was like, hey, let's film ourselves having sex.
We had never done it before, you know, married for
years and we only had.
Speaker 1 (11:55):
Do you know, have plenty of videos?
Speaker 2 (11:58):
I know, look at me like we had never It's funny.
Speaker 1 (12:00):
You can watch it back and fuck to it. It's
even I've never even watched it back. If I say
anything I don't like, I didn't delete it immediately. Never
never let me see that used to get kissed. You like, no,
you can use this five seconds to masturbate too. When
I'm gone, that's it, I'll go.
Speaker 3 (12:16):
Wow, oh yeah, god, I love that. Anyway, we never
locked our shit up. We trusted everybody. He had an
hour computer at home, and a friend he thought was
a friend stayed at our house. Well, we took the
kids to Hawaii. Anyway, took the computer and tried to
sell it to Vivid Video, and they actually contacted us
(12:36):
and said we want to let you know. We didn't
accept it, and I'm like, why.
Speaker 1 (12:41):
Yeah, that's not I don't know that, that's not the normal.
That's I don't know that. I don't know. They have
to know what year it was and what else.
Speaker 3 (12:48):
They were like with your permitted you know, if you
guys want to we'll engage. And do you guys want
to sell it? Yes, but we want to let you know.
So we had to get a restraining order this guy,
we got the we got all of it back and everything,
and yeah, they said, you know.
Speaker 1 (13:03):
Have you ever it's going to be it's going to
be a dark question. Can I want you to think
very hard about it and forget that anyone's looking. Have
you ever had a thought where you wished I could
have released it? It's not like you went out and
actively did it and was like as bad as some
of these other girls are. Of course, do you ever
have just a tiny little thought of it could have?
(13:24):
Of course we helped.
Speaker 2 (13:26):
Yeah, yeah, I don't believe in the breads.
Speaker 1 (13:28):
That's the part that is.
Speaker 2 (13:29):
I'm bummed.
Speaker 3 (13:30):
I said no to Playboy, and now at fifty one,
I wish I'd been on the cover of fucking playboy.
Speaker 1 (13:33):
Like, Yeah, everyone told me no, and I did it,
and I'm so happy I did because it's such an
iconic thing. And now it doesn't even exist anymore.
Speaker 3 (13:40):
I know, Yeah, I was doing it with my husband
and we were together. Yeah, I should have let that
sex tape go out.
Speaker 1 (13:55):
In all worlds, the women are never really respected and
and what's crazy is the women. Then it's like female
on female crime. When I walk into big rooms that
can offer me opportunities and it's men, I usually am
much more comfortable than if there's a woman in the room,
because women will fucking tear apart women way faster than
(14:19):
a man will. And at least if it's all men, I,
as a female, conditioned and socialized by this world, I
know what I need to do if I send certain behaviors,
if we got a little freakadique in the room, I
know a little cleavage and whatever is necessary, how I
can move through it With women, especially women that get
to levels that high they are. I know a few
(14:41):
that are incredible, but it's few and far between.
Speaker 3 (14:44):
I mean, I think it's wide known. I've been fucked
over by men, obviously, but it's the women in my life.
Speaker 1 (14:51):
The women hurt more than that.
Speaker 3 (14:52):
Fucked me over way more because I don't know. We're
as conditioned as we are to understand and what we
need to do or not do when we're dealing with
men with women. Were conditioned as well to think, you know,
women are the first support women.
Speaker 1 (15:08):
You know, Oh, I'm not conditioned to think that. I
think they're all.
Speaker 2 (15:12):
Everything out there, women in power.
Speaker 3 (15:13):
We support each other, the fun that maybe the first
to take you.
Speaker 1 (15:17):
Down and take such Maybe this is just our entertainment perspective,
but I honestly think it's across the board. But we
can speak to just our perspective. It's bad out here
are the women on women And I've never I always
bring up the women up until I had a band
member come out of danity Kane and come with me
into another band. Mit, like, not even midway a little
bit into it. She turned to me and she's like, man,
I had you all wrong in the this year's multi
(15:39):
year span of this other group. Every time you gave
us outfits or this or that, I thought you were
manipulating something in your favor. But really you just want
everybody that's next to you to look better or as
good as you. You really have a thing about that.
When I came in sneakers that weren't a famous brand
and we were going out to a pictured event, you'd change.
I would give her my things. And maybe that's an
only child thing as well well. But I want everybody
(16:01):
around me to be looking their best and feeling their best.
I don't want anyone to be in a bad space
around me. But that is not the common thought amongst women.
It's so insane the way that we work against each other.
And this is the craziest statistic that I think proves this.
We have more women than men in this society and
we've never seen a female president ever, and there's.
Speaker 2 (16:22):
Been because we keep canceling each other out.
Speaker 1 (16:24):
We're canceling each other out more than even the men
that don't like us are. It's insane and I don't
know why or what. I definitely know that there's a
certain way that they expect you to behave as a woman,
because I am definitely the antithesis of that. And every
person that's been offended by the antithesis goes back to
(16:46):
my manager and lets him know that. And every time
he comes to me to scold me, I'm like tell
these people ahead of time that I'm a professional, that
I expect everyone around me to be a professional, that
I don't cut corners, and if I'm not cutting corners,
I don't don't want anyone around me to cut corners.
And if they're going to cut corners, tell them to
do it a little less obviously, because obvious is going
(17:07):
to create reaction. So tell them to go do their
sloppy producing in a different room that I don't have
an earshot of, Like, come on, why can't we all
just enter our jobs and do them. Well, It's just
that that is not the assignment anymore, which is why
when we are discussing other people that are very obnoxious
on sets that I really want to.
Speaker 3 (17:25):
Ask you, why do the mean girl? Why do they
keep working? And why do they even keep getting ahead?
Speaker 1 (17:31):
They're not even fascinating. I did so many shows last
year when I tell you, I was so underwhelmed by
the biggest people that people like. What I see is
they're very good at creating narratives for TMZ. Every day
they stay in the news with drama, and so that
creates your news. It's hard, though, because even TMZ is struggling,
like news cycles are different. Now nobody goes to that
(17:54):
one source anymore. There's way too many sources with how
wide and that technology is becoming.
Speaker 3 (18:02):
So the females that treat people I find self deprecating working.
Speaker 1 (18:10):
Why I think because well, for me, if I see
something inappropriate going on on a production that I'm on,
I'm going to notify someone. Because when there were a
lot of inappropriate things that occurred on sets that I
was on when I was younger, and I didn't know
that they were inappropriate, I normalized them and it was
(18:31):
to a lot of people's detriment. So now that I
know better, since I knew better, I report I will
report it. They don't like you when you do that.
I think those people are so busy bossing people around
and telling them to get their specific water or their
specific coffee, or talking so fucking much about themselves that
they don't notice everyone in the room is like exhausted
(18:53):
or bossing people around and not even noticing that, like
they didn't seem to be having a good day already,
and you kind of probably made it worse. Not even
you don't even know their name. Probably I know the
names of everybody that I'm on set with and normally
years later, I'm still friends with pas, with people that
are just running runners or any like. I make friends
with everybody, and not because I need to for some benefit,
(19:14):
because I'm going to be with them for over a
month or a month at least, and I want to
get to know everybody because we're all going to be
living this life together. That is not the mentality of
most reality stars nowadays. And the ones that I find
do really well are the most nasty on these sets.
Like I think about it, in my world, I never
get to walk away from abrio day because that's why
(19:35):
I play on TV too. You play a character, so
maybe you can walk away from it, but I don't
think you can if you're a great actor, because actors
throw themselves into their characters.
Speaker 3 (19:44):
Started Donna at sixteen, it was probably a lot of
you was more me than Donna. So because so when
you talk about David and Donna being cheated on, like
my whole life, I thought, that's just what happens, Like
women get cheated on, you just go on.
Speaker 1 (20:00):
I mean, that is what happens, bitch. It is. But
did your husband chief did you ever go through that?
Speaker 2 (20:06):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (20:06):
Was it public?
Speaker 2 (20:07):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (20:08):
I was talking to like you were saying, what is
a regular job? A regular job human? The other day
that's also my good friend, and we were talking about
elements of the Diddy stuff, and I was talking about
elements of like people that like I had a band member,
not one of my members, like a band, actual player,
a player of our band who's like beloved and very
(20:29):
talented and also was into scat play. And every area
we would.
Speaker 2 (20:33):
Go on tour.
Speaker 1 (20:34):
Yeah, so every area we would go on tour, and
I'm telling you, like the hottest guy would have dated
him in a second. So so fine as hell, talented
as shit. But he would tell me his little kink
was every time we'd get to a new city, you
can go on these sites that are very available, and
you find people in that city. They create like a
little party. They put a tarp down in a hotel room,
everybody shits and fucks in it. And there's nothing about
(20:57):
this person that's I would suggest, is unsafe. I would
let him. I would keep my moment and have my dogs,
but he could watch my dogs. He could be in
my home and watch my home like them. I love
the guy, but he also was into some very different
things sexually than I am. So I learned then, wow,
this isn't a bad person. So then I just kind
(21:17):
of learned, like I might meet people that are into
a lot of different sexual things that I'm not into,
and there still could be great people.
Speaker 3 (21:26):
Just see you know, obrio da. I'm not into gangbang,
I'm not a swinger, and I don't like scatplay.
Speaker 1 (21:32):
Yeah, I mean neither. But like I kissed the girl
and I liked it.
Speaker 2 (21:36):
I would kiss you.
Speaker 1 (21:37):
Yeah, i'd kiss you too.
Speaker 2 (21:38):
Yeah, you're fine.
Speaker 1 (21:40):
Listen, bitch. Okay, you're Donna Martin and my soul for
the rest of life. Now, one person can go off
on you. I will have them at their throw in
a second.
Speaker 2 (21:55):
Do you still think I should join only fans?
Speaker 1 (21:58):
Yes, I've been telling you for a long time. So
you know, Denise's with my company too. I know I
have the best company number one, and they'll help you,
like get up and facilitate it and you can decide.
Speaker 2 (22:07):
They did.
Speaker 1 (22:08):
Yes, you can create your career. Give me a number
of time.
Speaker 2 (22:11):
And it wasn't the number.
Speaker 1 (22:12):
That I There is no numbers, you know they Oh, well,
I don't know. I don't know about that. I've never
been offered a number. There there's no numbers. They maybe
you're maybe I don't know what that was that, maybe
it was something different. I don't know.
Speaker 3 (22:24):
For me, it wasn't from this company. It was like
literally only fans. Oh, I don't know what they get.
You honestly don't know any I don't know anyone out
that runs.
Speaker 1 (22:33):
Only fans. And it's like some people in Europe that
own it. There's like seven people in the office. It's
it's for you. You go on there, you talk to people,
you decide your content, you decide what you do. I've
never been asked to do anything. I do everything the
way I want to do it. I'm sure mine is,
like I say, highly artistic. My ideas are creative. I
(22:53):
do things probably much different than maybe other girls do.
But I'm comfortable with everything that I do, and to me,
it's become something that has just given me complete autonomy
in life. I don't let people talk to me even
a little bit sideways anymore. If I'm on a show
where I'm expressing my talent and I'm being taken off
(23:16):
for unfair reasons and it's been vocally expressed to me,
and I could start a shit storm up if I
wanted to, or I could follow the commands that were
being given to me and get further. I immediately knew
the answer. Bye, I have this much money waiting at
home to do a video. I don't need to please
(23:37):
any of you.
Speaker 2 (23:39):
Bye.
Speaker 1 (23:41):
Let me get this off and let me say what
up to everybody, and let me give them a little
world twirl, And then I'm getting the fuck out this room,
and I'm gonna go be around people that aren't fake
as fuck and garbage. When I see somebody that doesn't
want to have to be dealing with the way that
this system is anymore, and I know the type of
freedoms that can exist in other places. And not only that,
(24:03):
but like you control your the timing of your creation.
You don't have to ever be on someone else's schedule.
That's a big thing as we get older, you're a mother,
even so your schedule is way crazier for me, Like,
my time is the most valuable thing I have. And
when I don't want to be doing something, especially a
lot of times in this industry, it's some fake bullshit.
(24:26):
Me and you both pieced out on some shit yesterday
because we just didn't want to do it, yeah, and
it would have been better for our careers had we
done it process, but we just didn't want to do it.
But I don't worry about any situation anymore just because
of that one factor.
Speaker 2 (24:40):
That I have and that financial thing, and lit it's.
Speaker 1 (24:43):
A financial thing, it just is.
Speaker 3 (24:45):
I want to have that freedom because I'm not enjoying
my life, like I have five beautiful, amazing children.
Speaker 1 (24:49):
Well that's why I'm successed to you. And when I
heard you in the room like strange, trust yeah, because
I'm like, if you if you really get to a
point where you're that stress because you're in such a
market where I believe you do so well, like Denist
does so well, and she does very little. And I
think we even talked about it. I don't even think
she does much. I don't know what you saw or
(25:11):
didn't see, but I don't think she.
Speaker 2 (25:12):
Does more than probably what I'd be willing to do.
Speaker 1 (25:15):
Okay, So I'm just so judged, bitch, Everyone is so judged.
You want to know who also feels judged? Someone we
don't even know their name that's watching this right now,
that as a nine to five, and that bitch that
sits across from her at work every day has been
judging her ever since she got there. Everybody in life
feels judged. We have to move past that place. The
people that move past it the quickest make the most
(25:37):
money and have the highest rises. It's crazy, like when
you start giving zero fucks is when how many fucks
do you think? The two people running our country right
now give zero? They don't give a fuck and they
run everything. The not giving a fucks part of me
was so hard. Sometimes I would do a video and
(25:58):
I'd be like, Damn, that was hot. I don't want
to do this and that, but god, I don't know. Judge, judge, judge, judge, judge,
and then I would stop and be like I even
had a moment when I was doing Bunny Jelly Roll's
wife's podcast, Bunny's Podcast. I said she was saying because
she was she worked in the sex industry for a
long time, and she was saying like, I think the
majority of not all people in that that area have
(26:20):
had trauma in their childhoods. And I was like, shit.
I had a moment where one time, the next time
I made a video, I was like, am I making
this video because I was traumatized? Under a person that
I worked for that were now learning did things that
were very potentially, very dangerous and could cause a lot
of trauma, Like am I only doing this because of
(26:42):
a trauma that I experienced at a young age and
I haven't moved past it to the point where I'm
still sexualizing myself, Like I had to have moments of
those types of conversations. It was very hard for me
to shoot any content for a period of time. The
great thing about that platform is when new people come,
there's a million videos that you've already done. If you're
(27:03):
in a month where you're not feeling so sexually great
about yourself, then you can express yourself in other areas. Shit,
what's her name, Iggy Azalea? I think is her name?
A rapper girl, White rapper girl is on there. Yeah,
she had a section of poetry. I don't know how
well it did. Now that's the thing. You can go
on and just do poetry. Is everybody gonna watch? I
(27:25):
don't know, but it just maybe, but it's not it
it's if you're more compelling than your sexuality, you might
be able to do it without that factor, however, but
it's also about who watched past. Yeah, your sexuality is
hard for you. I don't know why. Why because people
have attacked your looks because you were famous so young
(27:47):
your whole life. You were attacked a lot during the
nine o two one Ozero days for beauty standards. I remember, Oh,
why do I just tear up? But you think I
had any feelings left me?
Speaker 3 (27:59):
I don't know, but I look back then about how
like I was always the one wearing like the crop
tops and showing my body off.
Speaker 1 (28:05):
Yeah, you looked so good and you were so attacked.
Speaker 3 (28:08):
I was so attacked, never like was told since I
was young, like how ugly I was, horse face, ugly, nose,
like big eyes. So was there something I felt good
about myself that I still pressed on and wore cute outfits?
Or was I trying to overcome and say for what
I thought they perceived as my face by showing off
a good body.
Speaker 2 (28:28):
I don't know, but I'm still traumatized by it.
Speaker 3 (28:32):
But yet I still there's a part of me that
feels like sexuality is such a huge part of making it.
Speaker 1 (28:38):
I have a question, do you have sex sober or
do you need a drink or something to get through?
Speaker 2 (28:43):
Oh? Interesting, God, I haven't in sex in a while.
Speaker 1 (28:47):
How is it as long as me?
Speaker 2 (28:48):
You said two years?
Speaker 1 (28:49):
While we're pressing on more. No, I've had some of
my friends so easily, but I don't. I don't want
any man inside me if they don't love me, if
they don't respect me, care about me, and if they
don't plan on being right or die with me, Like.
Speaker 2 (29:06):
I see, I don't know what I as anymore. I've lost.
Speaker 3 (29:09):
I had the fairy tale of my whole life in
my head with Dean. No was in my head like
it's from a very young age. I don't know if
it was. My dad was a producer.
Speaker 1 (29:19):
Are you cheating on your mom? Your dad?
Speaker 2 (29:21):
I don't think so. I really don't love her, yes,
oh yeah, yeah yeah.
Speaker 1 (29:26):
Where did you learn this from?
Speaker 2 (29:27):
I'm not sure. I don't know. And that's what's weird
for me. And I just started.
Speaker 3 (29:32):
I having in therapy in a really long time, and
I just started with a new therapist.
Speaker 1 (29:37):
You got to give me some names, and I really.
Speaker 3 (29:41):
And we're going all back way back to childhood because
it's just like I don't know where this comes from.
Speaker 2 (29:48):
But like I have a very odd relationship with men,
Like it's the need to be.
Speaker 3 (29:54):
I don't and I don't know, and I think I'm
now fifty one and single again with five kids, so
I don't even know where I stand in the future.
Speaker 1 (30:01):
Like are you on a dating side girl at all? No? Yeah,
I wouldn't get involved in it. They're all trash on
there anyway. Right now, I would say, I don't there
for what I do want to be like, I don't
want to have a stroke in the midll that I
say this.
Speaker 2 (30:15):
I want to be alone.
Speaker 1 (30:16):
I don't want to. I don't want to be alone either.
I feel you on that. I'm about to leave for
Japan and I wasn't even going to go and on
this adventure. I wanted to do cherry blossom season because
there's like only a few Sorry, I'm about to cry.
Speaker 2 (30:29):
No, don't cry.
Speaker 1 (30:30):
If you want to cry, by the way, good, it's fine.
Let it out. That's part of getting better.
Speaker 2 (30:35):
Listen, I'm such a you know me, I'm Pausitive've.
Speaker 1 (30:37):
Just know you. This is we are, we live there
that you're not going to die alone. I'm here first
of all. Listen to me.
Speaker 2 (30:46):
I'm no hold on, I put my other man.
Speaker 1 (30:52):
I don't care're not alone. Have each other. There are
other people that have our bucks. We're not alone. I
just have to believe that first. Such a fucked up life,
all of this, I know, babes, my fucking life. I'm
forty one without kids. At least you got some. I'm
not even going to be able to have them in
(31:13):
life because of all the bullshit I thought to be
and I really wanted to correct my generational trauma. I'm
not even going to get a chance to do it.
This industry is not for the fucking week.
Speaker 2 (31:29):
What is strong when I am strong?
Speaker 1 (31:32):
So what it needs to correct? But get everything together
real quick.
Speaker 2 (31:37):
This top, sorry, Bob, this top was.
Speaker 1 (31:39):
Just a goddamn I shouldn't have ever purchased it. I
thought I could pull off a back list top.
Speaker 2 (31:44):
It looks great.
Speaker 1 (31:45):
Listen, let me take the podcast bucket. Yeah, let me
tell you something strong.
Speaker 3 (31:49):
I'm fucking Let me tell you they should sample my
DNA when.
Speaker 2 (31:53):
They go to bitch.
Speaker 1 (31:55):
I feel this. I feel the same other.
Speaker 2 (31:57):
Fuck I am. I'm resilient, but what is it? I
need a good of the.
Speaker 1 (32:01):
Day, So fuck everything you're saying. I feel that too.
You have to me. I think for you, I'd start
with you get to teach young you have kids that
you get to But here's the one thing that my
friends told me at one point when I was doing
the same sob over and not over the loss of
not being None of the girls in my group ever
(32:22):
had a child. A lot of girl group girls don't
because of the amount of trauma that we face in
those situations and what it does to us. I think,
I don't know. I wanted to do a documentary on it.
I started doing research. There wasn't a girl group in
my lifetime where I didn't find one member that hadn't
been sexually harassed, and everyone had been underpaid and undervalued
and disrespected, et cetera. I said the same thing and
(32:44):
my friend was like yeah, and she was like, well,
being a mom doesn't bring the what is it all for?
A card to you. And that was the first time
a mom said that to me, and it made me realize, Okay,
so maybe I wouldn't have found the answers in being
a mom. You're a mom and you're still saying the
same thing. I cry that that out loud all the time.
It's hard when so many people live and breathe by
(33:09):
the system that we were a part of teaching people
and creating. It's not in our hands, and it's not
in good hands anymore at all. It has been taken
over and there has been dark shit going on, probably
even during our time. But things were a lot different
back then, and you actually had to have a lot
and bring a lot to the table to get the
type of work that we did. It's not the same anymore,
(33:31):
which makes it even more disrespectful because you have people
who don't even have talent being like, who the fuck
are you? And they look at us like old bitches,
when really we're the reason they have the ability to
have a job. Right now, We're still relevant, Yeah, I
mean we are, but we're not. There's a whole Let
me tell you. I get told how irrelevant I am daily.
(33:52):
The most relevant I've been is as one of Diddy's victims.
Imagine how fucking traumatic that is. I don't know what
it all is for yet, but I know that if
I don't keep speaking up and saying things and making
things known, and and if I'm in contracts, I don't,
I can't telp the world it. But if you get
(34:13):
in any immediate circle, I will run my motherfucking mouth
and tell you what the truth is about people. But
I watch learn and I pay attention to every little thing.
Every time I'm on a network that I don't trust
and a white man comes in and tells me, hey,
you can trust this network. We're not like this. Look
behind me and there's a Asian girl, a Mexican guy
(34:33):
that lets me know he's gay, and a black woman,
and it's like the fucking United Nations and I and
they do their whole the whole spill and they walk out,
and I think to myself, and they're standing five steps
behind him in an appropriate lineup, and they announce themselves
specifically with their sexuality and their races. I just they
walk out of the room, and while everybody waits to
see if I bought it, I just roll my eyes
(34:55):
and go, oh god, So now I understand what this
job is. I'm going to get tired any day now,
Like I see through all of the bullshit at this point,
and I have to be a part of the bullshit
in order to stay relevant. And it is so fucking painful.
I hate that. And even the complexities of what's happening
right now with puff are so deep they are not
(35:16):
even being anywhere near close to being discussed, and I
fear that we never will truly discuss what how many
ways that this needs to be processed in order for
the system to change, so that nobody that is me
at the age I was that wanted what I wanted
at that time would ever have to go through what
I went through again, or anyone that was around me
(35:38):
with any other type of intentions worse or better, no judgment,
I don't think we are anywhere close to changing this system.
And when did he first? When the indictment occurred? Of course,
I was filming a TV show and we had wrapped
and they pulled me back in to do b roll
through a microphone on me and caught it all. Now,
(35:58):
if all the times I've been minipulated for television's sake,
that was one of the most thankful moments that I've
had in regards to being manipulated, because being in the
environment I was was very safe, and I was around
a lot of caring women and they all held me
and I would have been at home alone and scared.
And also people need to see what something like that
looks like. And I don't know that any of things
(36:20):
like that are documented on the victim side necessarily and
put in front of the world. And if there's anyone
fearless enough to do it, like you said, we are strong,
I'm the one to do it too. However, with that
being said, there is so much more that is so
compelling that no one is even talking about. And my
fears that we never do and I know that without
the conversation as a society, that the system won't change.
(36:45):
And when it all gets piled up on one person
and you don't address the systematic issues, the thing changes.
And for us to go with nothing having changed, I
think that's when we'll really cry. And you have the
ability to at least put change and growth in a
new wave of thinking within your children, which I think
is very special, which is what I was thinking motherhood
(37:07):
would at least bring me in my life, because I
think I'd be a kick ass mom because my mom
was garbage and I would definitely want to recorrect that
generationally and send someone on their way. Yes, good history,
good that right there.
Speaker 2 (37:22):
That's one I see.
Speaker 3 (37:23):
I see my daughter for no reason, and I've always
done nothing but tell her how beautiful and amazing she is.
You know, she looked on social media one time and
they said something about in regards to her looks and
she couldn't see it. Yeah, And I was just took
me right back to sixteen and knowing that that had
and I was like, yeah, just doesn't change. No, Can
I tell you she's trying to like the same types
(37:43):
of bad boys I liked.
Speaker 1 (37:44):
And I'm just like, God, can I tell you something.
When we were talking, we've jumped around a lot. But
when I was talking about when I addressed my girlfriends
about humiliation, and one I told you one at the
workplace had a little thing. But I was like, the
type of humiliation that we endure in this industry is
certain now the new age kids, there isn't even paparazzi
that catches you outside anymore. That shit's all set up
at this point, back when they were all standing outside
(38:05):
and catching it, back when they were going like this
as you stepped into your car, Remember when they used
to put the cameras under your dress and they got
Britney spears, pussy and a bunch of other things. We
all had that happened. We all knew when they would
do it. When we got in cars. We all had
protections put in place we started to catch on. But
like we were around in that era of fame, the
eras are changing. The younger kids don't understand what this is.
(38:25):
There aren't celebrities anymore. There's too many TikTokers and YouTubers
and whatever to even have any epic ones like that.
The age of all of that is like, there's a
few that started out so you could take it. But
in our era, the type of humiliation, because of the
way that it moved and grew, was so intense that
like you could spend a lifetime and never even recover
(38:47):
from it. I said to my friends, imagine people taking
photos of you at an off time in your life,
exaggerating them and then putting them on the cover of
every magazine saying, look at this obese pig cow fucker
that's outside of the dollar tree that's obviously broke and
a joke, and then ex boyfriends going on Twitter and writing,
I dodged an obese bullet. Knowing my exes when I
(39:11):
was in my prime, in conversations with them, very big
ones that could potentially be running this country right now,
would say things to me like, oh yeah, like guys
always get together and talk about like the women that
got away, But they always end up like fat and ugly,
and we always are like you know, we were, we
were better off, we dodged Like I know how men
in all these circles talk. Some of my exes are
(39:31):
petty and went and did it in front of the world.
Some did it outside of it. I don't know how
many bottles of pills could have made me feel better
for a very long period of time after that much
humiliation and no ability to tell anyone, Hey, I don't
that's I don't look like that. I don't look great
right now, but I definitely don't look like that. But
like the type of humiliation, and every in every department
(39:53):
is so therapy. How can a therapist they get.
Speaker 2 (39:58):
They're famous, They can't com.
Speaker 1 (40:00):
No, it doesn't work like that. And I don't think
anyone there are difference between people that became famous for
famesake and people that want to share their art with
the world. There's just differences. And I don't know where
fame is at right now. I'm sure fame has always
across the board been a cyclical moment of the fame
famers are big now the real talent people are famous.
(40:24):
I think it goes round and round. Like I said,
what the Grammys were when I watched versus when I
got in completely different. But like everything's cyclical, it'll continue
to move. But I think that, I think that the
amount of trauma that you endure is just too great
for anyone to truly ever be able to understand, except
your famous friends. And for me, my famous friends that
(40:47):
are got ten years on me, that are single like me,
that can move like me. They take their pills and
they knock out. And I was doing that and until
I saw everybody ten years above me doing that. To
escape it all, did I like, move to Balie and
(41:07):
move to a place where you can't get home? What
were you there for long enough to get off pills?
A year and some change? Yeah, and I got the
pills from a famous person that suggested that they could
help me with my problem, my fear of flying. I'm
not a good flyer. I'm one of those pitches that
stand up during turbulence and tell everyone we're gonna die
on the plane. Name okay, everybody that sits next to me.
(41:29):
We end up being best friends because I grab them.
Is that why you were all paranoid to go that day,
it's to work for QVC because you had to get
on a plane. Ye I thought you were being a
drama queen about working at QVC. It was about getting
on a plane because I've never panicked like that unless
I have to get on a plane. I only me too. Okay,
I don't do well on planes. So for me, like
(41:49):
the way that I behave, like I'm in There are
multiple planes that I've stood up and said we're all
going to die on I'm an embarrassment on a plane.
And see the person that I worked for said, oh,
we'll send a doctor your hotel room and fix this.
Because it was becoming a problem in my work when
I couldn't sleep and then I had I was expected
to perform a lot and I wasn't sleep because I
can't knock out on the plane ride and that's the
(42:11):
only time we had to sleep. And when that happened
is the first time I was put on the cocktail
of celebrities. From what I've seen, it ever be ambient,
an adderall.
Speaker 2 (42:21):
Adderall I've never seen an.
Speaker 1 (42:24):
Oh god, girl, you're missing out. But also it's not
you're missing out, but also it's no way to live.
So don't go there. But that is the cocktail that
most doctors had ten years older than me, I saw it,
and then my age it was still there. I think
younger now people are treating mental health and things a
bit differently. Thank God, there's this like whole world of
(42:46):
alternative healing opening up. It needs to open up. When
we were younger, we didn't even we were in home Mech.
They were teaching us how to iron and do the laundry.
Speaker 2 (42:56):
Bitch.
Speaker 1 (42:57):
I took home Mech when I was.
Speaker 2 (42:59):
To do the launch.
Speaker 1 (43:00):
I know that class. Yeah, yeah, I think at the
end of the day, like people have leaving more space.
And by the way, even the people that we see
that the world perceives as evil, they are also very
traumatized in the same ways that you and I have
expressed today. And that's why I leave space for every
(43:22):
person until I understand and trust otherwise, because you never
know what somebody else is battling you.
Speaker 2 (43:30):
Just don't.
Speaker 3 (43:31):
I agree with you, and I think that every day,
especially when you see someone horrible and too him like,
I don't know the other side of it.
Speaker 2 (43:39):
I don't know what they're going to do good for you.
Speaker 1 (43:41):
I need to start doing that more. I'm more judging Mcjudgerson.
I need to calm it down a little bit. There's
certain people a little bit, just the exhausting people I
think that about, but like the compel, the talented ones
I wonder.
Speaker 2 (43:55):
Yeah, well, I love you so much. I love you
so much. Things cry on you.
Host
Tori Spelling
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