August 22, 2024 • 36 mins
What should I wear? Does this look stupid? Do people still think about that dumb thing I said at that one party like 10 years ago? Does my dog think I’m weird? What is the worst possible case scenario and how do I prepare? Is everybody in this grocery store staring at me? Did I turn off my hair straightener? WOAH WOAH WOAH. Let’s check in real quick. We’ve been reading your e-mails and listening to your voice notes. This week’s episode comes from a listener request! Overthinking. It happens to the best of us — Stephanie and Melissa included. Listen along this week as they share their specific flavors of anxiety and how they each work to get out of their heads when it strikes.
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
Okay, guys, So on our Embrace Your Sexuality episode of
the pod, I kind of made fun of melissas saying
sadomasochism and did rift on the idea of somebody making
into a beat, which is something that they do on the.
Speaker 2 (00:18):
Dough Boys podcast, which I love.
Speaker 1 (00:19):
If you haven't listened to it, give it a listen.
But you guys did it, and I'm so tickled by it.
I just love it so much. We had a couple
of people do it, and I just think this is
so funny. And if I think it might be like
something we continue on the pod, so like, if one
of us says something really weird and totally deranged and outlandish,
(00:40):
please feel free to turn it into the newest club beat.
I'm ready to party. Let's do it. You guys, I
know you can. You're very talented, all of you. Okay,
So the first one is from a more better listener
that call themselves be Temp, which is adorable. I know
that's not your real name, but adorable, Well, it's your
DJ name. Can't wait to hear. This one sado masochism.
(01:19):
And this next one is from a more better listener
named Ash. Thank you so much, Ash for doing this.
These are so funny, you guys.
Speaker 3 (01:35):
Thanks More More, More, more better, more and more.
Speaker 1 (01:46):
Better More. Welcome to More Better, a podcast where we
stop pretending to have it all together and embrace the
journey of becoming a little more better every day.
Speaker 2 (01:58):
Or at least trying to. I clearly am right now.
Speaker 1 (02:01):
Wow, that's like that one. That's most of the marrow,
And that's Stephanie Beatrice.
Speaker 2 (02:07):
How are you, friend? I'm okay, you, I'm great.
Speaker 3 (02:12):
Have you been doing anything lately that's a little more
better Stephanie?
Speaker 1 (02:17):
Honestly, no. Well, I leave for a job pretty soon.
I have to leave the country, So I'm just trying
to like relax and enjoy my house and not stressed
too much. Oh that's good. It's great to have a job,
but it's hard to leave home.
Speaker 2 (02:33):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (02:34):
Yeah, yeah, that is the four months. Yeah, it's a
long time. I know.
Speaker 1 (02:39):
Yeah, it's a long time, bro. It's a long time, bro.
How about you. Have you done anything that's more better lately?
Speaker 3 (02:44):
Well, I am fresh off a trip with my family
and we went to the East coast.
Speaker 1 (02:50):
Uh.
Speaker 3 (02:51):
When we are in Florida, we keep our kids on
West Coast time, so they go to bed late, and
then I go to bed when they go to bed,
and then I stay in bed until they wake up.
So I got like nine ten hours of sleep almost
the whole time while I was in Florida, with the
exception of a few nights in the beginning because bridgest
In Part two had come out, and so obviously I
(03:13):
had no choice.
Speaker 1 (03:13):
Don't tell me anything. Oh my god, I don't tell me.
Speaker 3 (03:15):
My god, watch, Oh my god. I'm so excited for
you to watch it, and please text me and don't
tell me when you finish. It's so horny this season.
Speaker 1 (03:24):
It's always so horny, incredibly horny. Though it's like it's
hitting on another level. It is, you know what I mean.
Speaker 2 (03:31):
Yeah, yeah, I know what you mean. It's great.
Speaker 3 (03:34):
It's great because last last season was like so much
build up and just basically two people like breathing hot
air into each other, like very closely for the entire
season and this season, which it's great, which is great.
Also listen, love a slow burn, love a slow burn.
Speaker 1 (03:49):
But and it's like grab a boob.
Speaker 3 (03:51):
Get it, get up onto it, skirt, yeah, go for it.
Speaker 1 (03:57):
And yeah, well I like how this evolved into it.
It did. We are talking about Bridgerton. I'm watching America's
version of Bridgerton, which is Love Island, USA. It's so good.
I love it so much. It's so funny. I like,
(04:20):
my dream would be to do the commentary on it.
But Ian Sterling, who does the commentary on it, is
so good that like nobody can nobody can match it
because because he's got that like great accent and he's
just ridiculous. But that would be my dream, is to
do guest commentary on Love Island. I want that for you. Yeah,
I want it for me too. They should do a season.
Speaker 3 (04:41):
Where it's like celebrity guest commentary.
Speaker 1 (04:48):
If it's bad, then you it would ruin the show
because it's so stupid and funny. Okay, okay, you guys,
this week we're not talking about We're not talking about
any other television. Although listen, you know what we work
in TV. We like TV. We watched TV. Melissa's taste
is a little better than mine, like True More. You're
(05:09):
you know what, You're right because both shows are horny.
It's just different kinds of horn different kinds of horney.
Speaker 3 (05:14):
And I love all the cheesy rom coms and you
like some really cool anime stuff that I don't watch,
so you know.
Speaker 1 (05:22):
It's all our tastes are varied. Anyway tastes guys, more Better.
We've been reading your emails and we've been listening to
your voice notes, which is really cute. You guys. Thank you,
and thank you guys for writing. Yeah, and this week's
topic comes from a listener request. By the way, if
(05:44):
you have a suggestion for a future episode, please email
us at Morebetter pod at gmail dot com and you
can include a voice note to be featured on the pod.
So let's read the email. It says, hello, Hi to
how whoever this email may reach, it reached us. It's us,
it's us, guys. My name is Jay. These episodes have
(06:06):
really been enjoyable to listen to, especially in my own
downtime where I can relax and switch off. Oh that's nice, Jay.
So what I would like to be more better at
is I find that I struggle with overthinking, or I
should say, I catch myself overthinking about something, which usually
just makes it worse. Oh, I understand. I was hoping
you could talk about how to overcome this I mean,
(06:29):
and we can try.
Speaker 2 (06:30):
We can try.
Speaker 1 (06:30):
Thank you in advance. Thank you and advance are taking
the time to read my passage. Oh my god, are
we in Bridgington? I really appreciate it. Kind regards, Jay,
Thanks Jay, Jay.
Speaker 3 (06:42):
Can I just say your manners are impeccable. I don't
remember the last time I write an email where someone
signed off kind regards and I kind of want my
God also.
Speaker 1 (06:52):
Like taking my time to read my passage, my passage,
my passage. So we liked this. We are going to
talk about overthinking today, Melissa, can you explain what you
think overthinking means?
Speaker 3 (07:07):
Well, I have my interpretation of overthinking, but definition of
overthinking that I looked up or that was given to me.
Overthinking is deep thinking that spirals into unproductive thinking can
be correlated with anxiety, depression and or OCDYE. So of
(07:28):
course yes, and the spiral. It's the spiral. That word spiral,
I think is key when talking about overthinking because that
is the feeling for me when I've been stuck overthinking.
Speaker 2 (07:45):
And I think when I was younger, I.
Speaker 3 (07:46):
Was it was really bad because, in case you don't know,
anxiety and I are BFFs, best friends forever. Oh and
I've learned to live with my bestie a little bit
more better as I had gotten older, touch and go
up and down, as we all know that journey is.
(08:08):
But when I was younger, obviously everything's harder when you're younger,
and it was I just remember like the spiral being
such a huge part of my life, with like everything
getting dressed in the morning, like making choices about the
(08:31):
order to do things or like what to if I
was put in charge of planning something. Yeah, what about you,
How's what's your experience with overthinking?
Speaker 1 (08:44):
I mean, it's an interesting one, right, because like I think, Okay,
so let me start by saying I did go just
I did just go see inside out too. Oh and
have you seen it? I have not. No, I my
kids saw it, but I couldn't go. It's pretty fantastic,
And there's a new emotion, a new character, anxiety, And
(09:08):
like I just thought that was such a smart and
incredible way to introduce the idea of anxiety to kids,
or like this idea to like name what they are
going through. Because every as I've gotten older, I realize
every single person that I know is dealing with anxiety
in some kind of way. Some people are better at
(09:29):
managing it, some people are learning how to manage it,
and some people don't even know that that's what they're
struggling with, and it's just like they're normal, which I
would say is me, It's been a journey to get
to the place where I'm like, oh, yeah, okay, that's
what that's what this is. But for me, overthinking kind
of manifests as like I guess it is a spiral.
(09:53):
It's less like about it's less about like planning for
the It's not like a planning thing for me, you know,
it's not like a it's more like I start kind
of thinking about how everything is gonna go wrong. Oh
(10:17):
like I think about what could what could go wrong,
like as if that's gonna like help me or protect me.
So yeah, like that's kind of what happens to me.
I like from Jay's letter, it sounds like maybe the
idea is like for Ja, it's like maybe they start
thinking about something and then they can't stop and then
(10:40):
it's like a cycle. Like it just like kind of
like a spiral. R Yeah. Yeah, but I think it's
different for everybody the way that it kind of happens. So,
like I thought this was really interesting. Isis our producer
sent us this article from the Harvard Business Review, and like,
I just I thought this would be interesting to bring
(11:01):
up now because there's like kind of what happens in
the article is this this woman named Melody Wilding, who
is a licensed what what did I look to is
a licensed master social worker. There you go, who's like,
you know, this person knows what they're talking about. Yeah,
we rarely do, but this person does. And what she
(11:23):
said about overthinking is that there's kind of like you
can kind of group it into three types. Right, there's rumination,
which is like a mental loop where you dwell on
past events, particularly negative or distressing ones.
Speaker 2 (11:35):
Right.
Speaker 1 (11:35):
There's future tripping, which is me, I'm the future tripper,
concerned about what lies ahead. Right, future tripping can escalate
to the point where it like stops you from doing
stuff right. And then over analyzing. While rumination and future
tripping are bound by time, one that's looking back and
the other looking forward, over analyzing is centered on depth.
(11:58):
It involves diving credibly deep into a topic, thought, or situation,
often to the point of excess. So it's just like
getting stuck in the thing. Oh, the over analyzing of
like this one moment or this one thing and getting
bogged down in details it might not be particularly relevant.
So I thought that was really interesting because like it
(12:19):
does feel like everybody's kind of overthinking is kind of different, right.
Speaker 3 (12:23):
I like this because it I think it's important to
begin to identify what type of overthinker you may be, right,
because right, the more specific we can get about, like
the things that we struggle with, I feel like helps
us kind of figure out ways to get out of them,
(12:44):
or manage.
Speaker 2 (12:44):
Them, or just be better at them, don't you.
Speaker 1 (12:47):
Think, right? Yeah, I don't overthink about like what to eat, right,
Like what happens to me is like like I'm not
an overthinker about food. For example, I'm I freeze because
like I'd don't have the capability, so like I'll open
the fridge and look around and be like this is
too much. I can't like make myself a sandwich, right,
(13:07):
forget it, and then I'll close the fridge, So like
I would call that something else, right, Like that's something else? Yeah,
Or like my sister, for example, has been helping my
mom pick furniture for her house, and like getting these
two to try to pick a couch or a rug
is like motherfucking bulink deep, Yo, I'm like, what about
(13:28):
this one? What about this one? What about this one?
You know, like I have had to I've had I
can't tell you how my times I've been like, it's
just a couch, you guys, it's just a couch. Like
it you know you can return it, but it's also
you can return it.
Speaker 3 (13:44):
I'm with I identify, I relate with your mom and
your sister because it's not just a couch. No, You're
gonna sit on it every day, and then you have
to think about is it comfortable enough, how will it
break in, how's it going to look in the room?
Speaker 2 (13:55):
Is it too big? Is it too small?
Speaker 1 (13:57):
What?
Speaker 3 (13:57):
Like that's where my brain goes and I can have
paralysis sometimes, like.
Speaker 1 (14:03):
When we've moved and had to go answer to those questions.
Speaker 3 (14:06):
Yes, but sometimes there's multiple answers to them, Stephanie.
Speaker 2 (14:10):
Sometimes there's more than one right answer.
Speaker 1 (14:14):
Okay, So here's what I do in that case. This
is what I did with my mother. Okay, I was like,
write down the things that you want, right, like you
want she wants the couch to be soft. She wants
because like for me and I'm not a journaler, but
when it comes to like this stuff that's like, oh god,
I'm spinning out about some you know, they're spinning out
about a couch, right yeah, Well, then just like write
down what you actually want out of that couch. You
(14:36):
wanted to not be too big for the space. You
want it to be soft enough to be able to
cuddle your granddaughter and read books. You wanted to look
French country chic. You wanted to you know, be stain resistant.
Whatever it is that you specifically need out of that couch,
like the non negotiables, right yeah, the non negotiables. Like
for you guys, it would be like, this couch has
(14:58):
to be kid friendly because like we've got two it's
in a dog, yeah right, yeah, so we've got to
have something that feels like it'll survive that. And then
once you have some of that stuff written down, then
you get then you get into the nitty gritty of like, okay,
well how much space do we have, let's measure it. Okay,
well what's the return policy on this couch? Can we
send it back if we hate it? You know, like okay,
(15:20):
how much time do we have before we have to
make a final decision? You know, like there's like I
think that there's ways too, and also sometimes you just
gotta bite the bullet, like bite the motherfucker bullets.
Speaker 2 (15:30):
Got to bite the motherfucker bullet. I know, I know,
but you have to.
Speaker 1 (15:33):
You have to choose.
Speaker 3 (15:35):
Literally, this conversation is the reason why I have had
the same furniture for like over a decade.
Speaker 1 (15:43):
Let me in there, Melissa leak there.
Speaker 3 (15:46):
Every time I think about switching something out, I get paralyzed.
Speaker 1 (15:50):
Oh my god.
Speaker 3 (15:52):
You know that like little ottoman in my living room.
It's like too big and I want to put like
a couch there the ottoman on the side.
Speaker 1 (16:00):
Yeah, no, it's fantastic, it's fantastic. There's room for the
art above on the wall. Yeah, you already have that
big leather couch. You guys are now you're getting a
lot of personal information about Melissa Rover Merrill's living room,
but it's been.
Speaker 2 (16:13):
Featured on the IG.
Speaker 1 (16:14):
It's not a secret you have that great leather couch.
It's a very hefty piece of furniture. Yeah, you don't
need another couch in there. You don't need another couch,
you don't. This is not an advert anything, But see
what am I overthinking? You're a commercial for Waiver.
Speaker 3 (16:31):
My own overthinking about my living room has a spiral,
does into a conversation about all the living room furniture
and what are the problems about it?
Speaker 2 (16:40):
Yeah, I don't know.
Speaker 1 (16:40):
I think it's how direct I am about it. You are,
You're so concisive, do it? I am? I am about
that stuff.
Speaker 3 (16:57):
I think that there is something about being decisive making
choices that for me can help with overthinking and especially
like the overanalyzing thing I was thinking this morning, particularly
about when I started directing and oh yeah, that first
that episode on Brooklyn where I first started directing. First
couple times I would spiral so much because I was
(17:20):
overloaded with like the choices of like how I could
do the scene, you know, Like I would kind of
figure out the blocking pretty quickly, because I think that
part comes easier to actors. But then I would I
would be like, well, but what if they're I think
because also I was insecure about you know, because I
(17:42):
was just starting out and I was just learning. So
then I think part of the overanalyzing was like what
if there's a better way to block this, or what
if there's like a thing I'm not thinking of that
I could do with the camera to highlight a joke,
and I would just spiral into all these possible routes
I could go. And then I realized at a certain
(18:04):
point that I was just like self sabotaging, and I
also wasn't getting any.
Speaker 2 (18:08):
Work done, because like three hours would go.
Speaker 3 (18:09):
By and I'd be like, oh shit, I'm still on
this one scene and.
Speaker 2 (18:13):
I have thirty more at a block.
Speaker 3 (18:16):
And then it was this moment of just being like,
I just have to make a decision. I just have
to pick a thing, commit to that, make the plan,
do the thing, and I can come back to it later.
If I at three in the morning come up with
a better idea, I can write it down on my
phone real quick, which that has happened.
Speaker 1 (18:36):
I have woken up in the middle of the night
and been like, yeah, this is what I should do
with the camera. That's a gonna deal.
Speaker 3 (18:41):
Yeah, and then I grab my phone and I like
write it down really quick and like go back to sleep.
But yeah, it's it's And I think I have over
the years trained myself where I feel like people sometimes
will comment about how decisive I can be, and part
of it is like a little bit of training of
(19:03):
just like not if I know, if I think about
it for more than five minutes, I'm gonna I might
go into a spiral. And so I'm gonna cut myself
off before I even go into the spiral and just
make the goddamn decision and commit to it that's really good,
and say this is what I'm doing, it's really good,
and move on. That's a really good tip for a
real light Like that's an application that we can use
(19:26):
in real life, right, like, because you can actually set
a timer for yourself, like a brain timer or an
actual phone timer and be like, I'm gonna think about
this for ten minutes, and if I don't have a decision,
then I'm just gonna like do something like something pick
just pick the first Yeah, even if I don't like it,
pick something, Just pick something. And then oftentimes, like when
(19:47):
you let go and you move on from that decision,
sometimes there is a better answer that comes, like naturally,
I think organically, like yeah, in a in a random moment,
you go, oh, that's what it was, but like you don't,
I don't getting dressed and putting on the wrong shoe,
me getting dressed and being like and then I'm like
I have.
Speaker 1 (20:06):
I'm like, okay, just get dressed, put it on. And
then I put it on, I'm like, oh no, it's
not the shoe at all. It's that shoe.
Speaker 2 (20:12):
It's that shoe.
Speaker 1 (20:13):
Yeah, it happens to me. Yeah, I know. I do
try to give myself a timer about getting dressed, but
it rarely happens. It's not. But this isn't overthinking for me.
This is like a joy. I really enjoy right dressed
and like putting stuff together. Although it doesn't look like it.
You guys, I'm usually in jeans and a T shirt.
Speaker 2 (20:32):
It's fine.
Speaker 3 (20:34):
I Getting dressed for me is a similar process without
the joy.
Speaker 1 (20:43):
Oh my god, that's shocking to me. Doesn't it shocking
to learn things about like people? I mean, I know
that about you, but it's also just like why why?
Why is oh my god?
Speaker 3 (20:54):
But always I've always, for some reason, getting dressed has
always like given me some level of anxiety. It's gotten
better over the years, and I feel like I've got
better at it and I've let go of a lot
of but oh my god, so many mornings before school
in tears, just be like I don't know what to
just overcome with the anxiety.
Speaker 2 (21:12):
Of like what to.
Speaker 1 (21:13):
Wear that day because you're afraid of what people were
thinking of you.
Speaker 3 (21:17):
I think, so people are gonna Yeah, I was like
really insecure and just yeah, like I don't know, I
was a very anxious teenager.
Speaker 1 (21:28):
Do you guys hear that though? Like, whoever's listening to this,
this is one of the most beautiful people in the world,
and she's saying she's insecure. So like, if you feel insecure,
you just have to remember that, Like most of the time,
it's just your brain feeding you absolutely bullshit, absolutely sit
to try to protect you, you know, yeah, to try
(21:49):
to protect you. But that's what my brain does, like
with overthinking, Like I don't I do the future negative.
My friend Lena my life Lena. My friend Lena calls
it negative future fantasy, So like my imagination goes and
goes to what could happen in the future, which is
(22:12):
gnarly and awful, and that's where I overthink. I go,
it's going to be bad. I'm not going to be
good at it. I'm you know, it's true about you.
I'm remembering some freakouts you had during the strike. Yeah,
like I'm not going to work again, Yes, is it?
I had momentum, and now that's it, or industry collapse,
(22:34):
there's going to be non l Ai. We're going to
have to become some other kind of like maybe I'll
be a postal worker, which you know, would very cool job,
but it's.
Speaker 3 (22:44):
Not to those who are listening. And she's not even embellishing.
Like these were the conversations we were having during the strike,
and I was like, I think it's going.
Speaker 1 (22:51):
To be okay, And then like I start thinking, like
my family depends on me, like my mom and my history,
Like I just have like so many people that are
depending on me, and like what if I can't provide
and what if there's an earthquake and what if we
don't have insurance and what if this? And what if that?
And what if my kid hates me when she grows
(23:12):
up constantly?
Speaker 2 (23:14):
Well that's every parent.
Speaker 1 (23:15):
To spin out, But do you think about it at
three in the morning when you wake up to go
to the bathroom and yeah, for three hours, I do, okay,
Well maybe I'm not alone.
Speaker 3 (23:25):
Then oh yeah, three in the morning, what if what
if I die young?
Speaker 1 (23:28):
Like oh yeah, it's the worst.
Speaker 3 (23:31):
Three in the morning. Overthinking is the worst. So that's
when it happens to me. Yeah, most of the.
Speaker 1 (23:36):
Time when it happens to me, four four better.
Speaker 2 (23:46):
And then how do you get out of it?
Speaker 1 (23:48):
Do you just stay a week or do you I
don't know what I try to do, Okay, So I
have some practical tips that my therapist gave me, which
is like get up out of bed and get up
out of bed. Don't pick up your phone. Yeah, get
up out of bed, like try to sleep for like
a few minutes, right, Like, but if your brain's really going,
get up out of bed, go to the living room
or go to another room and get something to read
(24:09):
that's not like that great. So like you can't be
reading like, you know, a court of whatever. You can't
be like reading your a guitar books, you know, like
if you don't know what that is, gulay alone. Yeah,
don't don't be picking up your favorite thriller. Don't and
pick up some kind of like something kind of boring
to read, Like, you know, I don't know what you
have in your house. It's boring, Like maybe it's a
(24:31):
book that you've been trying to read for a while,
it's not that exciting, or like look at a magazine
or do something that's like sort of mellow's quiet, and
then try to get your brain going on that and
then try to go back to sleep. But the minute
that you pick up your phone, it's over. It's literally
what my therapist said to me. So yeah, you know,
I trust her, don't pick up the phone. And then
(24:54):
the other thing that I think about a lot is
like is that true? Like hmm, meaning that you know,
for example, when I think about Ras hating me in
the future, like, is that true? Well, I don't know,
because it hasn't happened yet, So like I don't know. Yeah,
And no amount of me spinning out about it in
(25:14):
this moment at three o'clock in the morning is going
to give me the answer that's going to either avoid
it or fix it because none of it has happened yet.
So like that's the thing that I go back to
a lot. I'm like, is that true? Is our Is
our industry completely over? Is it? You know?
Speaker 2 (25:31):
All? AI?
Speaker 1 (25:31):
Like? Is that true? I don't know? So I have
to keep moving forward mentally in a place of like
I don't know if that's true. I could try to
find out like whatever I can find out, but I
don't know if that's true. So because I don't know
if it's true, why am I sitting here spinning out
on it? You know, there's this thing called what is
(25:54):
it called short term temporal distancing, like, which is like
your brain kind of like puts it away, Like you
just kind of like.
Speaker 3 (26:01):
Put it in a little baggy and tie it up,
put it in a little bit in a little baggy,
tie up the baggie, and put it on the way
to the back of your brain closet.
Speaker 1 (26:12):
Yeah, just because you don't need to like dig in
there right now. No, that's the thing that I kind
of like have to. That's the other thing about overthinking
is that sometimes what happens is you overthink the overthinking
and you go like why can't I?
Speaker 2 (26:25):
Why can't Then you start judging it.
Speaker 1 (26:26):
Why can't I? And then you judge it And that's
the other thing that gets you really like spinning out too,
which I think is what Jay was getting out in
that letter, which is like, then I I don't know
how to stop, which is like it's okay that you
don't know how to stop. You're not you don't like
the problem is the brain. We own it. It's ours, right,
but we're also not like the expert on it. We
(26:48):
think we're the expert because it's our brain, but like
we're not.
Speaker 2 (26:52):
We're not.
Speaker 1 (26:53):
We're just not. And I think people would go to
school for a long long time to figure it out,
and like even they don't know.
Speaker 3 (27:00):
I think it's yeah, but I like this idea of
it's essentially how do you pull yourself back into the present? Right, Yeah,
because like what you were saying, and I can also
the times that I've talked to Lena about my anxiety.
I remember one time she told me that anxiety is
fear of the unknown, and that really resonated with me because.
Speaker 1 (27:19):
I was like, oh, yeah, I'm just a lot of.
Speaker 3 (27:21):
What I'm tripping about is stuff that I can't control.
So it's like this idea that you're talking about of
like how do we pull ourselves like just back into
the present, like whatever that is, whether it's movement or
journaling or reading something boring or yeah, it's like how
do we just get out of our heads and just
(27:43):
put all that shit in a little bag, put it
to the side, get back to the present and be like,
all right, what's in front of me?
Speaker 1 (27:49):
What can I control? And what can I like do yeah. Well.
The other thing I do sometimes is like I go, well,
if I don't think about this right now, then like
when am I going to think about it? Yeah, so
really bad. That's a bad movie.
Speaker 3 (28:03):
I'm gonna have to schedule some time later to stress
out about this.
Speaker 1 (28:07):
And like, honestly, yes you can, Like you can actually,
I mean I'm not a journaler, but I am like
a list maker, and I will straight up like write down,
like think about how you're going to like you know xyz,
like how do I whatever whatever it is the thing
that you're stressing about, Like how am I going to
(28:28):
blah afford to make this like car payment or to
happen for my family, like pay off the student loan.
It's like you don't have to think about that at
three in the morning. You don't need to, Like you
can write it down on a piece of paper and
then like schedule some time for yourself this week, like okay, Wednesday,
I have a couple hours to kind of brainstorm about
what I'm gonna do about this, Like you don't have
to think about it right in that second, which is
(28:49):
like sometimes I see Brad do that, Like sometimes he'll
be like I have to think about it right now.
I'm like, no, you don't. Can set that aside and
like wait for a second, you know, you can put
it on the counter and like take care of it
in a minute, try not to forget about it, because
I think that's the fear, right. It is like, well
then don't take care of this in the second. Like
I'm not going to be able to figure it out.
(29:10):
It's like, well are you sure? Like is that true?
Speaker 2 (29:12):
Right?
Speaker 1 (29:13):
You know? Is that true? I don't know. I don't
think it is more better.
Speaker 3 (29:21):
I feel like we got some good takeaways and tips
today with overthinking, but I also feel sweaty and stressed
out just talking about thinking.
Speaker 1 (29:31):
Yeah, it's a big it's a big thought. Yeah, overthinking
is a really big thing. It's not just one thing
or another, and it's like connected to all these other
little bits. It's very complex, the future anxiety.
Speaker 3 (29:44):
And we didn't even get into like freaking overthinking about
some stupid shit you said ten years ago, because I'll
do that too.
Speaker 1 (29:52):
Oh my god. I went to an event the other
night just say this really quick, and I was like
we were talking about Celine Dion and someone was saying they
are going to watch the documentary because they really want to,
you know, they feel so bad for her about like
what you know she's going through right now, or like
physical problems, and you know, she's worked her whole life
(30:14):
to be able to sing and now she can't. Really
she's not gonna be able to do the thing that
she's wanted to do forever. And I like made some
I don't even remember what I said. I made some
like dumb joke, you know, and listen, we shouldn't joke
about people's health problems, and I don't think I did
in that moment, but I made some dumb joke and
(30:34):
everybody in this circle just stared at me, and I
was like, oh no. And but at an event and
a party, and it was like kind of loud, so
like I don't know if they were waiting for me
to say something. I don't know, but I was like,
oh no, they hate me, like all of these women
hate me. And then you know, something happened, like some
part of the event started moving along and like there
(30:55):
was like a performance or something, so I didn't have
time to be like that's not what I meant, or
we take that the wrong way. And that was it.
That was just the end of that conversation, multiple writers
who I think are really cool, like you know, people
that I'd love to work with, and I was like,
oh no, they that's it they hate me for that's no.
They might, they might, they might, but like what you know,
(31:20):
part of me is like, oh no, And then another
part of me is like, you know, there's plenty efficiency
Like those writers don't.
Speaker 4 (31:27):
Like me, then maybe some others will. You know, there's
so many writers. But first yeah, but secondly, I bet
that it was not as bad as you think or
it might have been. But also I have had those moments.
Speaker 1 (31:41):
Man oh man Celine Dion, beloved iconic singer, and I
said some dumb shit and everyone was like, excuse him, wah?
Speaker 3 (31:50):
I mean, do you want me to share a really
embarrassing one that will make you feel better?
Speaker 1 (31:54):
Sure? I love that.
Speaker 2 (31:55):
I'm not going to say the name.
Speaker 3 (31:56):
But after we got picked up by NBC rescued, which
was like that whole for those who don't know, our
show got canceled and like a day later got rescued
by NBC and it was this big whirlwind and we
got flown to New York.
Speaker 2 (32:09):
I was already there, but anyway, and it was like
all of a sudden.
Speaker 3 (32:12):
Two days later, we were like at the upfronts and
we were at this and the day before we were
at this like NBC party, and I was so still
in the whirlwind of everything that had happened, like, oh
my god, I can't believe we're here. Oh my god,
I can't believe the show got saved. I can't believe
we got like my brain was so just overloaded with things.
And also we were at this NBC party. We're, you know,
(32:35):
learning new executives. We didn't know his name, blah blah blah. Anyway,
and this actor who's famous, uh was talking to Andy,
I think, and I went up and we said hello,
and then I said something like, oh, we gotta have
you on the show. And that person had already been
(32:55):
on the show in a couple episodes.
Speaker 2 (32:59):
I work with them that much.
Speaker 1 (33:01):
And I don't know why it just like flew out
of my mouth. Oh, because I.
Speaker 2 (33:06):
Don't think I was present.
Speaker 1 (33:08):
I was just like and then he was like, you
were on another planet. He was like, yeah, I have,
and I was like, right, I was just kidding.
Speaker 2 (33:18):
Oh, it was so bad.
Speaker 1 (33:21):
No, he wasn't.
Speaker 3 (33:21):
He was a good sport about it, but he definitely
thinks I'm a fucking idiot. And I just remember walking
away with Andy and going, oh my god, did you
hear what I said?
Speaker 2 (33:34):
And he said, yeah, Bud, I.
Speaker 1 (33:35):
Did I heard it? Oh God, yeah, yeah, Budd. I'm
so sorry.
Speaker 3 (33:46):
I just started sweating more thinking about and I it's bad.
Well sometimes just randomly think of that memory and dwell
on it. So really, yeah, thanks, that does make me
feel better.
Speaker 1 (34:00):
There you go. Not alone, I'm not alone. I am
here with you. Wow. Geez, Louise girl, I'm literally sweating.
I'm sweating so bad just telling that story. Oh listen,
if you think that you have a problem overthinking, don't
overthink it. You're not alone. Yeah, exactly, so alone. You
(34:20):
know we're all doing our best. Okay, So my big
takeaway today is that I'm not alone. I'm great at
picking furniture, and uh, there's a lot of fish in
the sy what about you?
Speaker 3 (34:36):
My big takeaway is I am not good at picking furniture,
and next time I need to, I'm gonna call Stephanie
and I'm gonna stick to my practice of being decisive
because that really helps my overanalyzing.
Speaker 1 (34:51):
Yeah, and try to be present.
Speaker 3 (34:52):
When I feel like I'm getting lost in my head,
try to bring myself back to the present moment.
Speaker 1 (35:00):
I like your five minute tip. I think I am
going to apply that. Sometimes I'm gonna be like, I
can't make a decision about this thing. I'm just gonna
give myself a little timer, and then when it's over,
I'm just gonna choose, just gonna choose and move on
to the next thing. Yeah, yeah, mm hmm. I feel
a little more better about this. I also feel a
little more better. I'm sweating profusely, but I feel a
(35:21):
little more better. Don't ever think you're sweat It's fine,
Thanks girl. Yeah, Okay, see you guys next time. Remember
if you think of a topic that you want us
to cover, please don't ever think it. Oh my god, Stephanie,
stop making that a joke and send it to us. Okay,
(35:42):
bye bye. Do you have something you'd like to be
more better at that you want us to talk about
in a future episode?
Speaker 3 (35:49):
Can you relate to our struggles or have you tried
one of our tips and tricks?
Speaker 1 (35:53):
Shoot us your thoughts and ideas at More Better Pod
at gmail dot com and include a voice note If
you want to be featured on the pod Ooh More
Better with Stephanie Melissa is a production from w V
Sound and iHeartMedia's Mikultura podcast network, hosted by me, Steffanie
Viatriz and Melissa Fumero. More Better is produced by Isis Madrid,
Leo Clem, and Sophie Spencer Zabos. Our executive producers are
(36:16):
Wilmer Valderrama and Leo Clem at w V Sound. This
episode was edited by Isis Madrid and engineered by Sean
Tracy and features original music by Madison Davenport and Hello Boy.
Speaker 3 (36:26):
Our cover art is by Vincent Remy's and photography by
David Avalos. For more podcasts from iHeart, visit the iHeartRadio app,
Apple Podcasts, or wherever.
Speaker 1 (36:34):
You listen to your favorite shows.
Speaker 3 (36:36):
See you next week, Sugas Bye,
Okay, guys, So on our Embrace Your Sexuality episode of
the pod, I kind of made fun of melissas saying
sadomasochism and did rift on the idea of somebody making
into a beat, which is something that they do on the.
Speaker 2 (00:18):
Dough Boys podcast, which I love.
Speaker 1 (00:19):
If you haven't listened to it, give it a listen.
But you guys did it, and I'm so tickled by it.
I just love it so much. We had a couple
of people do it, and I just think this is
so funny. And if I think it might be like
something we continue on the pod, so like, if one
of us says something really weird and totally deranged and outlandish,
(00:40):
please feel free to turn it into the newest club beat.
I'm ready to party. Let's do it. You guys, I
know you can. You're very talented, all of you. Okay,
So the first one is from a more better listener
that call themselves be Temp, which is adorable. I know
that's not your real name, but adorable, Well, it's your
DJ name. Can't wait to hear. This one sado masochism.
(01:19):
And this next one is from a more better listener
named Ash. Thank you so much, Ash for doing this.
These are so funny, you guys.
Speaker 3 (01:35):
Thanks More More, More, more better, more and more.
Speaker 1 (01:46):
Better More. Welcome to More Better, a podcast where we
stop pretending to have it all together and embrace the
journey of becoming a little more better every day.
Speaker 2 (01:58):
Or at least trying to. I clearly am right now.
Speaker 1 (02:01):
Wow, that's like that one. That's most of the marrow,
And that's Stephanie Beatrice.
Speaker 2 (02:07):
How are you, friend? I'm okay, you, I'm great.
Speaker 3 (02:12):
Have you been doing anything lately that's a little more
better Stephanie?
Speaker 1 (02:17):
Honestly, no. Well, I leave for a job pretty soon.
I have to leave the country, So I'm just trying
to like relax and enjoy my house and not stressed
too much. Oh that's good. It's great to have a job,
but it's hard to leave home.
Speaker 2 (02:33):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (02:34):
Yeah, yeah, that is the four months. Yeah, it's a
long time. I know.
Speaker 1 (02:39):
Yeah, it's a long time, bro. It's a long time, bro.
How about you. Have you done anything that's more better lately?
Speaker 3 (02:44):
Well, I am fresh off a trip with my family
and we went to the East coast.
Speaker 1 (02:50):
Uh.
Speaker 3 (02:51):
When we are in Florida, we keep our kids on
West Coast time, so they go to bed late, and
then I go to bed when they go to bed,
and then I stay in bed until they wake up.
So I got like nine ten hours of sleep almost
the whole time while I was in Florida, with the
exception of a few nights in the beginning because bridgest
In Part two had come out, and so obviously I
(03:13):
had no choice.
Speaker 1 (03:13):
Don't tell me anything. Oh my god, I don't tell me.
Speaker 3 (03:15):
My god, watch, Oh my god. I'm so excited for
you to watch it, and please text me and don't
tell me when you finish. It's so horny this season.
Speaker 1 (03:24):
It's always so horny, incredibly horny. Though it's like it's
hitting on another level. It is, you know what I mean.
Speaker 2 (03:31):
Yeah, yeah, I know what you mean. It's great.
Speaker 3 (03:34):
It's great because last last season was like so much
build up and just basically two people like breathing hot
air into each other, like very closely for the entire
season and this season, which it's great, which is great.
Also listen, love a slow burn, love a slow burn.
Speaker 1 (03:49):
But and it's like grab a boob.
Speaker 3 (03:51):
Get it, get up onto it, skirt, yeah, go for it.
Speaker 1 (03:57):
And yeah, well I like how this evolved into it.
It did. We are talking about Bridgerton. I'm watching America's
version of Bridgerton, which is Love Island, USA. It's so good.
I love it so much. It's so funny. I like,
(04:20):
my dream would be to do the commentary on it.
But Ian Sterling, who does the commentary on it, is
so good that like nobody can nobody can match it
because because he's got that like great accent and he's
just ridiculous. But that would be my dream, is to
do guest commentary on Love Island. I want that for you. Yeah,
I want it for me too. They should do a season.
Speaker 3 (04:41):
Where it's like celebrity guest commentary.
Speaker 1 (04:48):
If it's bad, then you it would ruin the show
because it's so stupid and funny. Okay, okay, you guys,
this week we're not talking about We're not talking about
any other television. Although listen, you know what we work
in TV. We like TV. We watched TV. Melissa's taste
is a little better than mine, like True More. You're
(05:09):
you know what, You're right because both shows are horny.
It's just different kinds of horn different kinds of horney.
Speaker 3 (05:14):
And I love all the cheesy rom coms and you
like some really cool anime stuff that I don't watch,
so you know.
Speaker 1 (05:22):
It's all our tastes are varied. Anyway tastes guys, more Better.
We've been reading your emails and we've been listening to
your voice notes, which is really cute. You guys. Thank you,
and thank you guys for writing. Yeah, and this week's
topic comes from a listener request. By the way, if
(05:44):
you have a suggestion for a future episode, please email
us at Morebetter pod at gmail dot com and you
can include a voice note to be featured on the pod.
So let's read the email. It says, hello, Hi to
how whoever this email may reach, it reached us. It's us,
it's us, guys. My name is Jay. These episodes have
(06:06):
really been enjoyable to listen to, especially in my own
downtime where I can relax and switch off. Oh that's nice, Jay.
So what I would like to be more better at
is I find that I struggle with overthinking, or I
should say, I catch myself overthinking about something, which usually
just makes it worse. Oh, I understand. I was hoping
you could talk about how to overcome this I mean,
(06:29):
and we can try.
Speaker 2 (06:30):
We can try.
Speaker 1 (06:30):
Thank you in advance. Thank you and advance are taking
the time to read my passage. Oh my god, are
we in Bridgington? I really appreciate it. Kind regards, Jay,
Thanks Jay, Jay.
Speaker 3 (06:42):
Can I just say your manners are impeccable. I don't
remember the last time I write an email where someone
signed off kind regards and I kind of want my
God also.
Speaker 1 (06:52):
Like taking my time to read my passage, my passage,
my passage. So we liked this. We are going to
talk about overthinking today, Melissa, can you explain what you
think overthinking means?
Speaker 3 (07:07):
Well, I have my interpretation of overthinking, but definition of
overthinking that I looked up or that was given to me.
Overthinking is deep thinking that spirals into unproductive thinking can
be correlated with anxiety, depression and or OCDYE. So of
(07:28):
course yes, and the spiral. It's the spiral. That word spiral,
I think is key when talking about overthinking because that
is the feeling for me when I've been stuck overthinking.
Speaker 2 (07:45):
And I think when I was younger, I.
Speaker 3 (07:46):
Was it was really bad because, in case you don't know,
anxiety and I are BFFs, best friends forever. Oh and
I've learned to live with my bestie a little bit
more better as I had gotten older, touch and go
up and down, as we all know that journey is.
(08:08):
But when I was younger, obviously everything's harder when you're younger,
and it was I just remember like the spiral being
such a huge part of my life, with like everything
getting dressed in the morning, like making choices about the
(08:31):
order to do things or like what to if I
was put in charge of planning something. Yeah, what about you,
How's what's your experience with overthinking?
Speaker 1 (08:44):
I mean, it's an interesting one, right, because like I think, Okay,
so let me start by saying I did go just
I did just go see inside out too. Oh and
have you seen it? I have not. No, I my
kids saw it, but I couldn't go. It's pretty fantastic,
And there's a new emotion, a new character, anxiety, And
(09:08):
like I just thought that was such a smart and
incredible way to introduce the idea of anxiety to kids,
or like this idea to like name what they are
going through. Because every as I've gotten older, I realize
every single person that I know is dealing with anxiety
in some kind of way. Some people are better at
(09:29):
managing it, some people are learning how to manage it,
and some people don't even know that that's what they're
struggling with, and it's just like they're normal, which I
would say is me, It's been a journey to get
to the place where I'm like, oh, yeah, okay, that's
what that's what this is. But for me, overthinking kind
of manifests as like I guess it is a spiral.
(09:53):
It's less like about it's less about like planning for
the It's not like a planning thing for me, you know,
it's not like a it's more like I start kind
of thinking about how everything is gonna go wrong. Oh
(10:17):
like I think about what could what could go wrong,
like as if that's gonna like help me or protect me.
So yeah, like that's kind of what happens to me.
I like from Jay's letter, it sounds like maybe the
idea is like for Ja, it's like maybe they start
thinking about something and then they can't stop and then
(10:40):
it's like a cycle. Like it just like kind of
like a spiral. R Yeah. Yeah, but I think it's
different for everybody the way that it kind of happens. So,
like I thought this was really interesting. Isis our producer
sent us this article from the Harvard Business Review, and like,
I just I thought this would be interesting to bring
(11:01):
up now because there's like kind of what happens in
the article is this this woman named Melody Wilding, who
is a licensed what what did I look to is
a licensed master social worker. There you go, who's like,
you know, this person knows what they're talking about. Yeah,
we rarely do, but this person does. And what she
(11:23):
said about overthinking is that there's kind of like you
can kind of group it into three types. Right, there's rumination,
which is like a mental loop where you dwell on
past events, particularly negative or distressing ones.
Speaker 2 (11:35):
Right.
Speaker 1 (11:35):
There's future tripping, which is me, I'm the future tripper,
concerned about what lies ahead. Right, future tripping can escalate
to the point where it like stops you from doing
stuff right. And then over analyzing. While rumination and future
tripping are bound by time, one that's looking back and
the other looking forward, over analyzing is centered on depth.
(11:58):
It involves diving credibly deep into a topic, thought, or situation,
often to the point of excess. So it's just like
getting stuck in the thing. Oh, the over analyzing of
like this one moment or this one thing and getting
bogged down in details it might not be particularly relevant.
So I thought that was really interesting because like it
(12:19):
does feel like everybody's kind of overthinking is kind of different, right.
Speaker 3 (12:23):
I like this because it I think it's important to
begin to identify what type of overthinker you may be, right,
because right, the more specific we can get about, like
the things that we struggle with, I feel like helps
us kind of figure out ways to get out of them,
(12:44):
or manage.
Speaker 2 (12:44):
Them, or just be better at them, don't you.
Speaker 1 (12:47):
Think, right? Yeah, I don't overthink about like what to eat, right,
Like what happens to me is like like I'm not
an overthinker about food. For example, I'm I freeze because
like I'd don't have the capability, so like I'll open
the fridge and look around and be like this is
too much. I can't like make myself a sandwich, right,
(13:07):
forget it, and then I'll close the fridge, So like
I would call that something else, right, Like that's something else? Yeah,
Or like my sister, for example, has been helping my
mom pick furniture for her house, and like getting these
two to try to pick a couch or a rug
is like motherfucking bulink deep, Yo, I'm like, what about
(13:28):
this one? What about this one? What about this one?
You know, like I have had to I've had I
can't tell you how my times I've been like, it's
just a couch, you guys, it's just a couch. Like
it you know you can return it, but it's also
you can return it.
Speaker 3 (13:44):
I'm with I identify, I relate with your mom and
your sister because it's not just a couch. No, You're
gonna sit on it every day, and then you have
to think about is it comfortable enough, how will it
break in, how's it going to look in the room?
Speaker 2 (13:55):
Is it too big? Is it too small?
Speaker 1 (13:57):
What?
Speaker 3 (13:57):
Like that's where my brain goes and I can have
paralysis sometimes, like.
Speaker 1 (14:03):
When we've moved and had to go answer to those questions.
Speaker 3 (14:06):
Yes, but sometimes there's multiple answers to them, Stephanie.
Speaker 2 (14:10):
Sometimes there's more than one right answer.
Speaker 1 (14:14):
Okay, So here's what I do in that case. This
is what I did with my mother. Okay, I was like,
write down the things that you want, right, like you
want she wants the couch to be soft. She wants
because like for me and I'm not a journaler, but
when it comes to like this stuff that's like, oh god,
I'm spinning out about some you know, they're spinning out
about a couch, right yeah, Well, then just like write
down what you actually want out of that couch. You
(14:36):
wanted to not be too big for the space. You
want it to be soft enough to be able to
cuddle your granddaughter and read books. You wanted to look
French country chic. You wanted to you know, be stain resistant.
Whatever it is that you specifically need out of that couch,
like the non negotiables, right yeah, the non negotiables. Like
for you guys, it would be like, this couch has
(14:58):
to be kid friendly because like we've got two it's
in a dog, yeah right, yeah, so we've got to
have something that feels like it'll survive that. And then
once you have some of that stuff written down, then
you get then you get into the nitty gritty of like, okay,
well how much space do we have, let's measure it. Okay,
well what's the return policy on this couch? Can we
send it back if we hate it? You know, like okay,
(15:20):
how much time do we have before we have to
make a final decision? You know, like there's like I
think that there's ways too, and also sometimes you just
gotta bite the bullet, like bite the motherfucker bullets.
Speaker 2 (15:30):
Got to bite the motherfucker bullet. I know, I know,
but you have to.
Speaker 1 (15:33):
You have to choose.
Speaker 3 (15:35):
Literally, this conversation is the reason why I have had
the same furniture for like over a decade.
Speaker 1 (15:43):
Let me in there, Melissa leak there.
Speaker 3 (15:46):
Every time I think about switching something out, I get paralyzed.
Speaker 1 (15:50):
Oh my god.
Speaker 3 (15:52):
You know that like little ottoman in my living room.
It's like too big and I want to put like
a couch there the ottoman on the side.
Speaker 1 (16:00):
Yeah, no, it's fantastic, it's fantastic. There's room for the
art above on the wall. Yeah, you already have that
big leather couch. You guys are now you're getting a
lot of personal information about Melissa Rover Merrill's living room,
but it's been.
Speaker 2 (16:13):
Featured on the IG.
Speaker 1 (16:14):
It's not a secret you have that great leather couch.
It's a very hefty piece of furniture. Yeah, you don't
need another couch in there. You don't need another couch,
you don't. This is not an advert anything, But see
what am I overthinking? You're a commercial for Waiver.
Speaker 3 (16:31):
My own overthinking about my living room has a spiral,
does into a conversation about all the living room furniture
and what are the problems about it?
Speaker 2 (16:40):
Yeah, I don't know.
Speaker 1 (16:40):
I think it's how direct I am about it. You are,
You're so concisive, do it? I am? I am about
that stuff.
Speaker 3 (16:57):
I think that there is something about being decisive making
choices that for me can help with overthinking and especially
like the overanalyzing thing I was thinking this morning, particularly
about when I started directing and oh yeah, that first
that episode on Brooklyn where I first started directing. First
couple times I would spiral so much because I was
(17:20):
overloaded with like the choices of like how I could
do the scene, you know, Like I would kind of
figure out the blocking pretty quickly, because I think that
part comes easier to actors. But then I would I
would be like, well, but what if they're I think
because also I was insecure about you know, because I
(17:42):
was just starting out and I was just learning. So
then I think part of the overanalyzing was like what
if there's a better way to block this, or what
if there's like a thing I'm not thinking of that
I could do with the camera to highlight a joke,
and I would just spiral into all these possible routes
I could go. And then I realized at a certain
(18:04):
point that I was just like self sabotaging, and I
also wasn't getting any.
Speaker 2 (18:08):
Work done, because like three hours would go.
Speaker 3 (18:09):
By and I'd be like, oh shit, I'm still on
this one scene and.
Speaker 2 (18:13):
I have thirty more at a block.
Speaker 3 (18:16):
And then it was this moment of just being like,
I just have to make a decision. I just have
to pick a thing, commit to that, make the plan,
do the thing, and I can come back to it later.
If I at three in the morning come up with
a better idea, I can write it down on my
phone real quick, which that has happened.
Speaker 1 (18:36):
I have woken up in the middle of the night
and been like, yeah, this is what I should do
with the camera. That's a gonna deal.
Speaker 3 (18:41):
Yeah, and then I grab my phone and I like
write it down really quick and like go back to sleep.
But yeah, it's it's And I think I have over
the years trained myself where I feel like people sometimes
will comment about how decisive I can be, and part
of it is like a little bit of training of
(19:03):
just like not if I know, if I think about
it for more than five minutes, I'm gonna I might
go into a spiral. And so I'm gonna cut myself
off before I even go into the spiral and just
make the goddamn decision and commit to it that's really good,
and say this is what I'm doing, it's really good,
and move on. That's a really good tip for a
real light Like that's an application that we can use
(19:26):
in real life, right, like, because you can actually set
a timer for yourself, like a brain timer or an
actual phone timer and be like, I'm gonna think about
this for ten minutes, and if I don't have a decision,
then I'm just gonna like do something like something pick
just pick the first Yeah, even if I don't like it,
pick something, Just pick something. And then oftentimes, like when
(19:47):
you let go and you move on from that decision,
sometimes there is a better answer that comes, like naturally,
I think organically, like yeah, in a in a random moment,
you go, oh, that's what it was, but like you don't,
I don't getting dressed and putting on the wrong shoe,
me getting dressed and being like and then I'm like
I have.
Speaker 1 (20:06):
I'm like, okay, just get dressed, put it on. And
then I put it on, I'm like, oh no, it's
not the shoe at all. It's that shoe.
Speaker 2 (20:12):
It's that shoe.
Speaker 1 (20:13):
Yeah, it happens to me. Yeah, I know. I do
try to give myself a timer about getting dressed, but
it rarely happens. It's not. But this isn't overthinking for me.
This is like a joy. I really enjoy right dressed
and like putting stuff together. Although it doesn't look like it.
You guys, I'm usually in jeans and a T shirt.
Speaker 2 (20:32):
It's fine.
Speaker 3 (20:34):
I Getting dressed for me is a similar process without
the joy.
Speaker 1 (20:43):
Oh my god, that's shocking to me. Doesn't it shocking
to learn things about like people? I mean, I know
that about you, but it's also just like why why?
Why is oh my god?
Speaker 3 (20:54):
But always I've always, for some reason, getting dressed has
always like given me some level of anxiety. It's gotten
better over the years, and I feel like I've got
better at it and I've let go of a lot
of but oh my god, so many mornings before school
in tears, just be like I don't know what to
just overcome with the anxiety.
Speaker 2 (21:12):
Of like what to.
Speaker 1 (21:13):
Wear that day because you're afraid of what people were
thinking of you.
Speaker 3 (21:17):
I think, so people are gonna Yeah, I was like
really insecure and just yeah, like I don't know, I
was a very anxious teenager.
Speaker 1 (21:28):
Do you guys hear that though? Like, whoever's listening to this,
this is one of the most beautiful people in the world,
and she's saying she's insecure. So like, if you feel insecure,
you just have to remember that, Like most of the time,
it's just your brain feeding you absolutely bullshit, absolutely sit
to try to protect you, you know, yeah, to try
(21:49):
to protect you. But that's what my brain does, like
with overthinking, Like I don't I do the future negative.
My friend Lena my life Lena. My friend Lena calls
it negative future fantasy, So like my imagination goes and
goes to what could happen in the future, which is
(22:12):
gnarly and awful, and that's where I overthink. I go,
it's going to be bad. I'm not going to be
good at it. I'm you know, it's true about you.
I'm remembering some freakouts you had during the strike. Yeah,
like I'm not going to work again, Yes, is it?
I had momentum, and now that's it, or industry collapse,
(22:34):
there's going to be non l Ai. We're going to
have to become some other kind of like maybe I'll
be a postal worker, which you know, would very cool job,
but it's.
Speaker 3 (22:44):
Not to those who are listening. And she's not even embellishing.
Like these were the conversations we were having during the strike,
and I was like, I think it's going.
Speaker 1 (22:51):
To be okay, And then like I start thinking, like
my family depends on me, like my mom and my history,
Like I just have like so many people that are
depending on me, and like what if I can't provide
and what if there's an earthquake and what if we
don't have insurance and what if this? And what if that?
And what if my kid hates me when she grows
(23:12):
up constantly?
Speaker 2 (23:14):
Well that's every parent.
Speaker 1 (23:15):
To spin out, But do you think about it at
three in the morning when you wake up to go
to the bathroom and yeah, for three hours, I do, okay,
Well maybe I'm not alone.
Speaker 3 (23:25):
Then oh yeah, three in the morning, what if what
if I die young?
Speaker 1 (23:28):
Like oh yeah, it's the worst.
Speaker 3 (23:31):
Three in the morning. Overthinking is the worst. So that's
when it happens to me. Yeah, most of the.
Speaker 1 (23:36):
Time when it happens to me, four four better.
Speaker 2 (23:46):
And then how do you get out of it?
Speaker 1 (23:48):
Do you just stay a week or do you I
don't know what I try to do, Okay, So I
have some practical tips that my therapist gave me, which
is like get up out of bed and get up
out of bed. Don't pick up your phone. Yeah, get
up out of bed, like try to sleep for like
a few minutes, right, Like, but if your brain's really going,
get up out of bed, go to the living room
or go to another room and get something to read
(24:09):
that's not like that great. So like you can't be
reading like, you know, a court of whatever. You can't
be like reading your a guitar books, you know, like
if you don't know what that is, gulay alone. Yeah,
don't don't be picking up your favorite thriller. Don't and
pick up some kind of like something kind of boring
to read, Like, you know, I don't know what you
have in your house. It's boring, Like maybe it's a
(24:31):
book that you've been trying to read for a while,
it's not that exciting, or like look at a magazine
or do something that's like sort of mellow's quiet, and
then try to get your brain going on that and
then try to go back to sleep. But the minute
that you pick up your phone, it's over. It's literally
what my therapist said to me. So yeah, you know,
I trust her, don't pick up the phone. And then
(24:54):
the other thing that I think about a lot is
like is that true? Like hmm, meaning that you know,
for example, when I think about Ras hating me in
the future, like, is that true? Well, I don't know,
because it hasn't happened yet, So like I don't know. Yeah,
And no amount of me spinning out about it in
(25:14):
this moment at three o'clock in the morning is going
to give me the answer that's going to either avoid
it or fix it because none of it has happened yet.
So like that's the thing that I go back to
a lot. I'm like, is that true? Is our Is
our industry completely over? Is it? You know?
Speaker 2 (25:31):
All? AI?
Speaker 1 (25:31):
Like? Is that true? I don't know? So I have
to keep moving forward mentally in a place of like
I don't know if that's true. I could try to
find out like whatever I can find out, but I
don't know if that's true. So because I don't know
if it's true, why am I sitting here spinning out
on it? You know, there's this thing called what is
(25:54):
it called short term temporal distancing, like, which is like
your brain kind of like puts it away, Like you
just kind of like.
Speaker 3 (26:01):
Put it in a little baggy and tie it up,
put it in a little bit in a little baggy,
tie up the baggie, and put it on the way
to the back of your brain closet.
Speaker 1 (26:12):
Yeah, just because you don't need to like dig in
there right now. No, that's the thing that I kind
of like have to. That's the other thing about overthinking
is that sometimes what happens is you overthink the overthinking
and you go like why can't I?
Speaker 2 (26:25):
Why can't Then you start judging it.
Speaker 1 (26:26):
Why can't I? And then you judge it And that's
the other thing that gets you really like spinning out too,
which I think is what Jay was getting out in
that letter, which is like, then I I don't know
how to stop, which is like it's okay that you
don't know how to stop. You're not you don't like
the problem is the brain. We own it. It's ours, right,
but we're also not like the expert on it. We
(26:48):
think we're the expert because it's our brain, but like
we're not.
Speaker 2 (26:52):
We're not.
Speaker 1 (26:53):
We're just not. And I think people would go to
school for a long long time to figure it out,
and like even they don't know.
Speaker 3 (27:00):
I think it's yeah, but I like this idea of
it's essentially how do you pull yourself back into the present? Right, Yeah,
because like what you were saying, and I can also
the times that I've talked to Lena about my anxiety.
I remember one time she told me that anxiety is
fear of the unknown, and that really resonated with me because.
Speaker 1 (27:19):
I was like, oh, yeah, I'm just a lot of.
Speaker 3 (27:21):
What I'm tripping about is stuff that I can't control.
So it's like this idea that you're talking about of
like how do we pull ourselves like just back into
the present, like whatever that is, whether it's movement or
journaling or reading something boring or yeah, it's like how
do we just get out of our heads and just
(27:43):
put all that shit in a little bag, put it
to the side, get back to the present and be like,
all right, what's in front of me?
Speaker 1 (27:49):
What can I control? And what can I like do yeah. Well.
The other thing I do sometimes is like I go, well,
if I don't think about this right now, then like
when am I going to think about it? Yeah, so
really bad. That's a bad movie.
Speaker 3 (28:03):
I'm gonna have to schedule some time later to stress
out about this.
Speaker 1 (28:07):
And like, honestly, yes you can, Like you can actually,
I mean I'm not a journaler, but I am like
a list maker, and I will straight up like write down,
like think about how you're going to like you know xyz,
like how do I whatever whatever it is the thing
that you're stressing about, Like how am I going to
(28:28):
blah afford to make this like car payment or to
happen for my family, like pay off the student loan.
It's like you don't have to think about that at
three in the morning. You don't need to, Like you
can write it down on a piece of paper and
then like schedule some time for yourself this week, like okay, Wednesday,
I have a couple hours to kind of brainstorm about
what I'm gonna do about this, Like you don't have
to think about it right in that second, which is
(28:49):
like sometimes I see Brad do that, Like sometimes he'll
be like I have to think about it right now.
I'm like, no, you don't. Can set that aside and
like wait for a second, you know, you can put
it on the counter and like take care of it
in a minute, try not to forget about it, because
I think that's the fear, right. It is like, well
then don't take care of this in the second. Like
I'm not going to be able to figure it out.
(29:10):
It's like, well are you sure? Like is that true?
Speaker 2 (29:12):
Right?
Speaker 1 (29:13):
You know? Is that true? I don't know. I don't
think it is more better.
Speaker 3 (29:21):
I feel like we got some good takeaways and tips
today with overthinking, but I also feel sweaty and stressed
out just talking about thinking.
Speaker 1 (29:31):
Yeah, it's a big it's a big thought. Yeah, overthinking
is a really big thing. It's not just one thing
or another, and it's like connected to all these other
little bits. It's very complex, the future anxiety.
Speaker 3 (29:44):
And we didn't even get into like freaking overthinking about
some stupid shit you said ten years ago, because I'll
do that too.
Speaker 1 (29:52):
Oh my god. I went to an event the other
night just say this really quick, and I was like
we were talking about Celine Dion and someone was saying they
are going to watch the documentary because they really want to,
you know, they feel so bad for her about like
what you know she's going through right now, or like
physical problems, and you know, she's worked her whole life
(30:14):
to be able to sing and now she can't. Really
she's not gonna be able to do the thing that
she's wanted to do forever. And I like made some
I don't even remember what I said. I made some
like dumb joke, you know, and listen, we shouldn't joke
about people's health problems, and I don't think I did
in that moment, but I made some dumb joke and
(30:34):
everybody in this circle just stared at me, and I
was like, oh no. And but at an event and
a party, and it was like kind of loud, so
like I don't know if they were waiting for me
to say something. I don't know, but I was like,
oh no, they hate me, like all of these women
hate me. And then you know, something happened, like some
part of the event started moving along and like there
(30:55):
was like a performance or something, so I didn't have
time to be like that's not what I meant, or
we take that the wrong way. And that was it.
That was just the end of that conversation, multiple writers
who I think are really cool, like you know, people
that I'd love to work with, and I was like,
oh no, they that's it they hate me for that's no.
They might, they might, they might, but like what you know,
(31:20):
part of me is like, oh no, And then another
part of me is like, you know, there's plenty efficiency
Like those writers don't.
Speaker 4 (31:27):
Like me, then maybe some others will. You know, there's
so many writers. But first yeah, but secondly, I bet
that it was not as bad as you think or
it might have been. But also I have had those moments.
Speaker 1 (31:41):
Man oh man Celine Dion, beloved iconic singer, and I
said some dumb shit and everyone was like, excuse him, wah?
Speaker 3 (31:50):
I mean, do you want me to share a really
embarrassing one that will make you feel better?
Speaker 1 (31:54):
Sure? I love that.
Speaker 2 (31:55):
I'm not going to say the name.
Speaker 3 (31:56):
But after we got picked up by NBC rescued, which
was like that whole for those who don't know, our
show got canceled and like a day later got rescued
by NBC and it was this big whirlwind and we
got flown to New York.
Speaker 2 (32:09):
I was already there, but anyway, and it was like
all of a sudden.
Speaker 3 (32:12):
Two days later, we were like at the upfronts and
we were at this and the day before we were
at this like NBC party, and I was so still
in the whirlwind of everything that had happened, like, oh
my god, I can't believe we're here. Oh my god,
I can't believe the show got saved. I can't believe
we got like my brain was so just overloaded with things.
And also we were at this NBC party. We're, you know,
(32:35):
learning new executives. We didn't know his name, blah blah blah. Anyway,
and this actor who's famous, uh was talking to Andy,
I think, and I went up and we said hello,
and then I said something like, oh, we gotta have
you on the show. And that person had already been
(32:55):
on the show in a couple episodes.
Speaker 2 (32:59):
I work with them that much.
Speaker 1 (33:01):
And I don't know why it just like flew out
of my mouth. Oh, because I.
Speaker 2 (33:06):
Don't think I was present.
Speaker 1 (33:08):
I was just like and then he was like, you
were on another planet. He was like, yeah, I have,
and I was like, right, I was just kidding.
Speaker 2 (33:18):
Oh, it was so bad.
Speaker 1 (33:21):
No, he wasn't.
Speaker 3 (33:21):
He was a good sport about it, but he definitely
thinks I'm a fucking idiot. And I just remember walking
away with Andy and going, oh my god, did you
hear what I said?
Speaker 2 (33:34):
And he said, yeah, Bud, I.
Speaker 1 (33:35):
Did I heard it? Oh God, yeah, yeah, Budd. I'm
so sorry.
Speaker 3 (33:46):
I just started sweating more thinking about and I it's bad.
Well sometimes just randomly think of that memory and dwell
on it. So really, yeah, thanks, that does make me
feel better.
Speaker 1 (34:00):
There you go. Not alone, I'm not alone. I am
here with you. Wow. Geez, Louise girl, I'm literally sweating.
I'm sweating so bad just telling that story. Oh listen,
if you think that you have a problem overthinking, don't
overthink it. You're not alone. Yeah, exactly, so alone. You
(34:20):
know we're all doing our best. Okay, So my big
takeaway today is that I'm not alone. I'm great at
picking furniture, and uh, there's a lot of fish in
the sy what about you?
Speaker 3 (34:36):
My big takeaway is I am not good at picking furniture,
and next time I need to, I'm gonna call Stephanie
and I'm gonna stick to my practice of being decisive
because that really helps my overanalyzing.
Speaker 1 (34:51):
Yeah, and try to be present.
Speaker 3 (34:52):
When I feel like I'm getting lost in my head,
try to bring myself back to the present moment.
Speaker 1 (35:00):
I like your five minute tip. I think I am
going to apply that. Sometimes I'm gonna be like, I
can't make a decision about this thing. I'm just gonna
give myself a little timer, and then when it's over,
I'm just gonna choose, just gonna choose and move on
to the next thing. Yeah, yeah, mm hmm. I feel
a little more better about this. I also feel a
little more better. I'm sweating profusely, but I feel a
(35:21):
little more better. Don't ever think you're sweat It's fine,
Thanks girl. Yeah, Okay, see you guys next time. Remember
if you think of a topic that you want us
to cover, please don't ever think it. Oh my god, Stephanie,
stop making that a joke and send it to us. Okay,
(35:42):
bye bye. Do you have something you'd like to be
more better at that you want us to talk about
in a future episode?
Speaker 3 (35:49):
Can you relate to our struggles or have you tried
one of our tips and tricks?
Speaker 1 (35:53):
Shoot us your thoughts and ideas at More Better Pod
at gmail dot com and include a voice note If
you want to be featured on the pod Ooh More
Better with Stephanie Melissa is a production from w V
Sound and iHeartMedia's Mikultura podcast network, hosted by me, Steffanie
Viatriz and Melissa Fumero. More Better is produced by Isis Madrid,
Leo Clem, and Sophie Spencer Zabos. Our executive producers are
(36:16):
Wilmer Valderrama and Leo Clem at w V Sound. This
episode was edited by Isis Madrid and engineered by Sean
Tracy and features original music by Madison Davenport and Hello Boy.
Speaker 3 (36:26):
Our cover art is by Vincent Remy's and photography by
David Avalos. For more podcasts from iHeart, visit the iHeartRadio app,
Apple Podcasts, or wherever.
Speaker 1 (36:34):
You listen to your favorite shows.
Speaker 3 (36:36):
See you next week, Sugas Bye,
Hosts And Creators
Stephanie Beatriz
Melissa Fumero
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