August 1, 2024 • 33 mins
What does self-care mean to you? Scheduling a massage? Taking a lunchtime nap? Zoning out on your iPad at your hair appointment? This week, Stephanie and Melissa swap stories and feeeeeelings about self-care. Why is it so hard to do? Why do people shame you when you do make time for it? And how do we shed that guilt and just get the damn massage?
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:01):
But see, I feel like when I get a massage,
I also like the kind of massages that like are
like a little like really hurt you.
Speaker 2 (00:08):
Yeah, more better, more, a little bit more better, more,
Welcome to more Better.
Speaker 3 (00:26):
A podcast where we stop pretending to have it all
together and embrace the journey of becoming a little more
better every day, or at least true we're trying, we're
trying to. That's Stephanie Beatrice. That's most a marrow. Hi,
how are you doing? Hey? How's everyone at home? I'm doing?
How are you doing? Are you? Are you doing the things?
Are you living? The lives? We're doing? The things we're
(00:49):
living lives.
Speaker 1 (00:50):
I find summertime very just like freeing. I don't know
if it's like the artist part of me is like
the s gets looser, you know, like I let him
stay up a little later.
Speaker 3 (01:04):
Let them have extra treats.
Speaker 1 (01:05):
Like I'm just like whatever, you know, And I kind
of thrive in that a bit. Then when we're in
the like rigid schedule of school during the year, you know,
I totally understand that it's the opposite for some people,
and summer is really hard and it's definitely like listen,
I put my kid in camp. I keep him busy,
(01:26):
like you know, I still am not trying to like
have him home all day every day, like you know,
set up the play dates.
Speaker 3 (01:33):
I don't know if you want to mark this, if
our producers want to mark this moment here for Melissa's
children to look up in the future for their therapy. Yes, yes,
I just want to time mark. Yeah, this party where
I'm saying I don't want the home all day. I
don't do my home my kids again, when they have children,
they will understand and I love them, dear. Yeah, if
(01:54):
they choose to have children, children, and if they choose
not to, they'll be like, I don't know what you're
talking about. Really understand you know what, I'll pay for
the therapy. It's going to be okay, I have I trust.
How are you? I'm good? I mean, you know, Uh,
my child is going to start pre school. Actually it's
(02:18):
the opposite. She's going to start she's only doing like
a little bit because we have to leave the country
because I have a job. Oh yeah, but she's going
to do like a month of preschool. I'm really I'm
really nervous. I'm nervous.
Speaker 1 (02:33):
That's totally normal. It's like a it's a milestone moment.
It comes with a lot of feelings. You're totally gonna
cry on the first day.
Speaker 3 (02:41):
Oh yeah, that and she will also cry and then
but then it'll be great. I will cry, you know
when I'm gonna cry the first time that like, because
she's like that, okay, no, the first time that like
the teacher calls and is like, your child is a bully.
Speaker 1 (02:59):
Oh my, Producers, please mark this moment in the podcast
for Stephanie's child when she's older, to discuss in her
therapy session about how her mother thought she was a bully.
Speaker 3 (03:16):
Listen, we have a very strong willed little child and
she loves to say go away and stop. That's miss Rachel,
please stop. Yeah, and that song that was going around
for a while please so you don't like that feeling
uncomfortable and need more space nad around me, don't take
(03:37):
it personally, that's a boundary. That's a boundary. I love
that song.
Speaker 1 (03:41):
I mean it is also I get if it's used
all the time, if it is abused.
Speaker 3 (03:49):
I don't personally, I don't want her to say please stop,
I need more space, like that's okay, Like if she's
being polite or whatever. But on the playground, I want
her to be.
Speaker 4 (03:59):
Like back the fuck up, bitch, like I don't like,
I want her to be like get away from me,
you know what I mean, like touch me, get your
hands to yourself.
Speaker 3 (04:10):
Did I tell you some kid hit her in the
head at the park?
Speaker 2 (04:13):
Oh?
Speaker 3 (04:13):
No, set like a big kid, like a six or
seven year old.
Speaker 1 (04:18):
Oh I was picturing like another toddler.
Speaker 3 (04:21):
No, no, I saw it happen. I looked up because
I heard her go stop like that. And I looked
up and this kid reached out and popped her one
and I was like, oh shit, And I was like
what am I gonna do? You know, I'm like having
all these thoughts really fast. And then then she goes
stop it like that, and the kid hit her again,
and I was like could like super loud, like all
(04:44):
the moms on the playground turn around, like with the
dad's too, you know, all the people, all the people
on the playground turned around like because they were like,
oh shit, is my kid that's so really?
Speaker 4 (04:53):
Yeah?
Speaker 3 (04:54):
Parent like, oh no, is it mine? Oh no, it's mine? Yeah. Anyway,
that's what's going on with me? What's going on with me?
What have you done lately. That's like more more better
for yourself, you know what, for yourself, for anyone else.
Speaker 1 (05:10):
I am getting a massage later today. Oh sniffsap, And
it's been a minute since I've gotten one, and I
got a creak in my shoulder and I'm real excited.
And this messuse does a little bit of a reiki
so how.
Speaker 3 (05:24):
You say it?
Speaker 1 (05:25):
Oh h so it's like some real woo woo stuff.
Speaker 3 (05:30):
Uh, And she babes, is this that thing where they
put your hands, their hands over your body and they
move the energy? Yeah kind of is this real? Is
that bullshit? I feel like no idea.
Speaker 1 (05:42):
So the way that she kind of does it is yeah,
she kind of like it's like she says, she feels
my energy and she feels like whatever traumas or negative
things are coming out and then and then we like
release it and then like get into the massage. But
I would tell you this Will is a witch because
she a couple times I love a witch, has said
(06:08):
the thing that is in the back of my mind
that has been like pulling me down, and.
Speaker 3 (06:15):
So yeah, it's like that. And then she just like
does this little like woo woo like and we're releasing that.
We're releasing that, and then it's just like kind of nice.
It's like it's warm and fuzzy, and I'm into it.
And I'm also just like, listen, it's either doing nothing
at all or it's doing something. But all I know
is the massage is amazing, and I do walk out
feeling lighter, so I believe, and I do sleep really good.
(06:42):
I'm I'm open to all the things.
Speaker 1 (06:43):
If it's not gonna like do harm or be negative
in any way, you know, if it's like a it's
gonna do nothing or it's gonna help you, I'm like,
let's fucking try it more better. What are we discussing
this week? We are discussing self care. I already knew,
(07:06):
but you know, we gotta tell everybody. Yeah, that's what
we're diving into. We're diving into self care, self care.
How do you feel about self care?
Speaker 3 (07:17):
Well, but we wanted to talk about this because like
we're equally shit at it.
Speaker 1 (07:22):
I mean I did start this episode by being like
I'm getting a massage later, so like today you're actually great,
that is great.
Speaker 3 (07:29):
I think I'm not consistent with it. It's yeah, yeah,
so I think We both wanted to talk about this
because we both struggle with the same thing, which is like,
how do I do it on a regular basis? How
do I do more of it? What is it for me?
What is it for you? Can we like exchange ideas
about you know, wow, like I feel like I need help.
Speaker 1 (07:55):
I have a nice little definition here, Oh great, love
that Webster's Dictionary. Webster's Dictionary definition of self care is
the self care is the practice of doing things to
promote your physical, mental, emotional, social, and spiritual health and
well being.
Speaker 3 (08:11):
By this meant definition, I have done this the other
night when I watched Vander Prompt. Yeah exactly, Okay, great,
I'm a hea game. You're nailing it.
Speaker 1 (08:22):
It can help you manage stress, it can reduce your
risk of illness, it can increase your energy, it can
improve your happiness, and it can strengthen your interpersonal relationships.
Speaker 3 (08:31):
That's real. I mean, I remember after having the baby,
I was like really not able to take care of
myself in any kind of way, shape or form for
like a while, because I was just so focused on
the bay keeping the baby alive, you know, and like
I hated Brad for a while there, like I really
(08:52):
hated him because because I didn't have I felt like
I didn't have any like time to do anything for myself.
And I could see that he was doing things for
himself and he didn't feel guilty about it or anything. Yeah,
and I hated him for that. And once I took
the opportunity to do things for myself, I stopped hating
him for that because I was like, oh, that's up
(09:13):
to me. I choose to do those things are not
yeah sometimes.
Speaker 1 (09:17):
Sometimes uh yeah, I remember speaking of like having babies.
Speaker 3 (09:22):
I was really good about self care. I meditated every
morning before work. So the only time in my life
that I ever meditated every morning that is bananas to
me is bananas to me. Now, I don't know how
I did it.
Speaker 1 (09:36):
I worked out until I had really bad back pain,
but then there was a wonderful prenatal yoga.
Speaker 3 (09:43):
Class that I went to.
Speaker 1 (09:44):
I like, I ate I could just and there was
something about like it wasn't for me really, it was
for like the baby. It was like, you know, I
was doing it for this other person. And then when
I had him, I didn't do any of that really right.
Speaker 3 (10:04):
It all just kind of went away.
Speaker 1 (10:06):
And then I did it again the second time I
was pregnant, not as well as I did the first time,
because then, you know, I was a child, but I
wasn't meditating every day, but I was just like prioritizing
taking care of myself.
Speaker 3 (10:21):
And then I was like, why don't I just do
that anyway? Why don't I because you don't have the
like mind pressure of like I'm growing a human right
It's just like it's like I'm not growing an ear
right now. I'm just like being myself, So like I
don't need it. I don't deserve it. Fuck it, you know,
it's like deserve it. I don't deserve it. That's what
(10:53):
it is. That's what it boils down to for me.
A lot of the time, it's like do I deserve
to go get my nail? It's done, that's expensive, like
takes like I don't know, but but that is something
that I mean, I can't always go. I can't even
always get my nails done. But like I can't always
(11:14):
like go do stuff for myself. But like my nail
tech is in my neighborhood. She's amazing. She's so nice.
She's also like Latina and she's a mom and she
gets it, and so I feel like I'm on vacation.
I feel like I'm doing something for myself when I
go get my nails done, like I really do. Yeah,
(11:36):
And I know not everybody feels that way, but like
for me, it is something, you know, I'd rather do that.
I'd rather go get a manicure than most of the time.
I'd rather do that than like get a massage or
something like, I'd rather because it's like just time for
me and her to like sit there and sometimes like
(11:57):
we'll chat the whole time and I'll make her laugh
and then I'll other times we're just like quiet, you know. Yeah,
but I walk away with this like beautiful manicure that
lasts me multiple weeks, and I can look down on
my hands and be like, hmm, look at that. That's
so pretty. You know. I did that for myself, you know,
as opposed to a massage, which like it feels good
for me when it happens. And don't get me wrong,
I love a massage, but like it doesn't I don't
(12:20):
have anything to show for it, you know what I mean?
Does that make sense? Like I want to be able
to like, no, what do you mean?
Speaker 1 (12:26):
Yeah, I did it oh like the uh huh yeah, okay,
if there's not a physical the way like your nails,
like you can look at it and be like I
did that. But see, I feel like when I get
a massage, I also like the kind of massages that
like are like a little like really hurt you.
Speaker 3 (12:44):
Yeah, I want to fall asleep. Oh god, what a
waste of time. No, I don't want to fall asleep
during massage. Someone that doesn't sleep. It's not a waste
of time. That's pretty much You're right right, not in gold, No,
I know, And for some people is that For me
it is like, yeah, I want to like hurt a
(13:08):
little bit. I want you to work out all the things.
Speaker 1 (13:10):
And then that feels like uh an accomplishment, Like I
feel like I took care of my body and like
I like a good massage to me is I'm walking
away feeling like realigned and like taller and like there's
space again and like whatever was bothering me physically is gone,
and like I feel very accomplished and that I also
(13:31):
like took care of myself. Yeah, Whereas like I sometimes
go crazy if a nail appointment is going too long,
I'm just like, oh my god, that please get done.
Speaker 3 (13:41):
Oh my god, girl, I could sit there for three hours.
Oh my god, No, I live. I live. No chair
comfortable enough to sit as long as you have to
sit sometimes so funny fucking nails. I don't even think
about it. Honestly, you should. Also you should go to
No I should she is She's not. This didn't take
(14:01):
two hours, you know, like it was pretty. She's really
quite fast, especially like if you tell her you have
to be in and out like. But she's also like
a really fantastic artist, so if you want to get
like nail art you could.
Speaker 4 (14:13):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (14:13):
No, your nails have been so you've been going to
her for years and your nail's been incredible.
Speaker 3 (14:17):
Yeah yeah. She also just side note, she does like
press on, so like you can get her like you
can you can have her size them to her like
your hand so they like perfectly fit, and then she
could like send you a box of like handpainted nails
just like like anyway, this is now an ad for Guadaloupe.
But I love Lupet. I think she's the best. I
(14:40):
feel like most of the time though for myself, I'm
I'm cheating the system because I'm telling myself like this
is self care, and it is, but I'm also like
I have to get my nails done for work, you know,
I have to. Like I think I fit it in
because I fit it in because it feels like something
(15:00):
that you.
Speaker 1 (15:01):
Have another excuse in your mind that justifies the self care.
Speaker 3 (15:05):
Yeah. So, like one thing that I count as self
care and it's not, and I've realized that it's not
really or that I've like turned into self care is
getting my roots done because like my hair is very dark, right,
Like I have dark brown hair, and my dad started
to grow gray when he was like thirty, so like
my grades are coming in hot. And like I used
(15:27):
to be like Brad would be like, oh, You're going
to get your hair done. I'm like, no, I'm getting
my roots done. You know, like I would, I'd be
like pissed off that I had to do it, you know,
because of this society, this like male dominated society that
needs me to look young forever and I and I'm
an actor. But now what I've done is I take
my iPad and like I will online shop and like
(15:51):
read articles and like do nothing during that like when
she's doing and I'm like straight up honest with them too.
I'll be like, so this is my me time. I
hope you don't mind, but I am just gonna like
kind of like do internet stuff that I can't do
at home. And they're always so nice about it. They're like, oh, yeah, sure,
no problem. Yeah, because I don't just chat off to
(16:12):
small talk with you. That's it. I appreciate it. I
think that's it. I think they really do. Like last
time I was there darleyn and I was like, oh,
do you like this belt? And she was like, oh,
I really like that one, but it's so expensive. She
was like, go on Etsy, and we had a nice
little conversation about that. But that feels like taking back
something that I quote unquote have to do. I don't
have to dye my hair, but like, yeah, you know,
(16:36):
taking back something that I have to do and making
it something for me, you know, using the time that
that I have to be like somewhere and using it
for myself. Yeah, And it's like heeling it a little bit.
Speaker 1 (16:48):
How do how do we let go of this sort
of like guilt and shame that's like around taking cause Listen,
I recognize we are incredibly privileged because I do have
the because of the nature of our job, Like when
we're on and in something, it's very difficult to I
mean sometimes you do self care to just like help
(17:10):
you get through the twelve fourteen hour days, and like,
you know, it works itself in that way with your job.
But I also have times in between jobs we're like,
you know, like today I have this afternoon off and
so I can go get a massage before my kids
come home from school.
Speaker 3 (17:28):
That is like a.
Speaker 1 (17:29):
Crazy huge privilege that like people with nine to fives
and you know, other jobs other careers don't have. Like
I was recently one hundred percent speaking to an old
friend who's going through like a really hard time and
some health stuff and she works full time and she
has older kids who are in sports and she's dealing
(17:52):
with a lot, and I was like, how are you
managing your stress?
Speaker 3 (17:55):
Though, Like what are you doing? And she was like,
I'm not doing anything.
Speaker 1 (17:58):
I don't have time, Like when am I'm gonna When
am I gonna take time?
Speaker 3 (18:01):
Like how am I gonna?
Speaker 1 (18:03):
And it's really hard because right it requires like paying
some spending money, like to maybe have someone pick up
your kids to take them to practice so that you
can get an hour, you know, or asking your partner
to like leave work early one day if they can to,
you know, give you time, like it's really hard to
(18:25):
find the time, or on a weekend, like you know,
just saying like, guys, I need two hours this Saturday
to just one hundred percent, oh do something you know,
like no, And then we feel all these especially as
you know, as parents or caretakers or just humans. I
think feel so much guilt around asking for that, But
(18:48):
I do think it's incredibly important to do it, especially
if you're dealing with a lot and you're treading water
and things are hard, right, It's like, but that's when
it feels like the worst then it because when you
need them, you feel like, well, everybody needs me.
Speaker 3 (19:03):
I need you know, everybody needs me? And like how
dare I? How dare I? How dare I say I'm tired? Right?
You know, because I'm so lucky, I'm so lucky, I'm
doing my dream job. I'm not allowed to say I'm tired.
How dare I'm not allowed to say that? And like
that's something that I would tell myself. That's something strangers
(19:25):
tell you on the internet. They go, how dare you?
How dare you complain how dare you? Uh, you know,
how dare you? How dare you? And it's like you've
got to sort of it's very very hard why at
that thing? It's like, you know, like how dare you
take a shower that's a little bit longer because we're
running out of clean water? How dare you use like
(19:45):
a single use face mask? How dare you? You know,
it's just this like mental game that you have to
play with yourself, Like, like I said, like I deserve
it question Yeah four, And I think that that's really universe,
(20:09):
you know, to step into our nerd corner. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (20:13):
There was a study conducted by Kelton Global and funded
by the beauty box company Birch Box, which shout out
birch Box I used, I used to get birch Box
is such a fun for the box to get. They
surveyed over a thousand adults across the country two and
five people. Forty percent feel they rarely have time for
themselves each day. Uh forty five percent of parents, compared
(20:37):
to thirty two percent of childless people say that they
simply don't have time enough time to engage in caring
for themselves and singletons were more likely to regularly make
time for self care than those who were married or
in a relationship forty two percent versus thirty percent. And
so I think this is I are so.
Speaker 3 (20:57):
Mean so tours also, like.
Speaker 1 (21:03):
You know, it being higher for married people and for
people with children. It's like I'm almost to myself like saying, oh,
I should try to also remind my partner to do it,
and he should do that for me, you know, like hey,
go take a break, Like hey go, uh you know whatever.
Things have been stressful, things have been hard, like you know,
(21:26):
go have lunch with your bestie this weekend or go
you know what I mean, like figuring it out as
a family and like trying to notice. I mean, this
is something we should do for ourselves, but I think
it's also something we can do as a community with
our friends, with our loved ones, even with our parents,
(21:47):
like right like little room of like hey, when was
the last time you took a break? Hey what are
you doing to like manage this thing you're going through?
Like can I help you figure out some solutions or
how to find some time?
Speaker 3 (22:00):
Like you know, I straight up told my mom, like
take Facebook off your phone. That is making you an
insane person. You're not going to sleep on time. You're
like in my mom is like a fourteen year old
with her phone, Like I don't know what. I don't
know if it's because she's an older person and like
(22:20):
they didn't get them until oh, I you know they
were older boomers. Love the chy that ship man. Yeah, yeah,
my dad's on a break. You need a break, they like,
take a little break from being constantly plugged in like that.
I cannot be good for you. I mean, like speaking
as someone who's you know, doesn't. I don't. I don't
(22:40):
have TikTok on my phone anymore. It has been good
for me, though. It has been good for me. I
swear to god it's been. It's been like I mean,
that has been a form of self care because you know,
your hair in despair. I'm just looking at you. Take
it off, remove it. It is not good for me, man,
It's like and and like I still post, Like I'll
(23:03):
still post and do stories and stuff, but yeah, I'm
not like looking at it because it's so easy to
just like open your phone and like like look at it,
and like you get those little dopamine hits. But it's
not in the long term.
Speaker 1 (23:20):
Yeah, it's not good. It's not it's not I find
it really hard when I'm busy to Yeah, it's like
it's just like like, can we just give ourselves permission?
You know what I mean, even if it's like doing
it when it's not convenient for the rest of our family.
Like that's the tricky one, right that like asking someone
(23:46):
can you like put an extra effort in time so
that I can go do something good for myself.
Speaker 3 (23:54):
But also I don't want to do that for you
because personally I don't want to do that for you.
I don't want to put in the work, don't so
you cannot do that, but I wait, be doing that. Yeah,
you will all benefit from it, thank you. Imagine can
you imagine? I mean I do. I like Brad is
(24:16):
really good at my husband. Brad is really good at
taking care of himself. Like he doesn't he is not
afraid to ask, you know. I think a lot of
men I don't know, maybe no, yeah, I think, yeah,
David is better at it than I am too. A
lot of Brad's and David's just ask for it. That
there is a little bit of a male thing.
Speaker 1 (24:38):
Yeah that uh yeah, And I think we're a little
bit more conditioned to like us last, right, like take
care of everyone else. I mean, then if there's time,
we'll take care of ourselves. But like if there's not time,
it's fine.
Speaker 3 (24:52):
We sing it in when I get my roots done,
Like there's something kind of like that is a step,
is a way to do it. But like I wish
I would like do it a little more. I wish
I would like, you know, like I don't not doing it.
I'm not doing it. I don't know. I don't know
how to get Honestly, I don't know how to get
(25:14):
better at it because like I just don't. I mean,
I'm not going to join like a fucking you see
that thing that I sent us about the collective Napping Experience,
the napping Yeah, the NAP Ministry, the nap This ministry
is so horrifying to me. But God bless everybody. So
I know what somebody else's young, as my sister SAIDs okay.
Speaker 1 (25:35):
Because listen, girl, I am into it, Okay. The NAP
Ministry was founded in twenty sixteen by Tricia Hersey, and
it is an organization that examines the liberating power of naps.
Speaker 3 (25:45):
She now, listen, I love a nap. I absolutely love
a nap. I would take a nap every day if
I could. In fact, when we were doing Brooklyn nine nine,
we had usually we had a thirty minute.
Speaker 1 (25:56):
Long I was just gonna say, do you remember how
good we got it napping at globs?
Speaker 3 (26:00):
Oh my god, I ask people to just would I
would scarf my food in five minutes, not great for
my digestive system, and then lay down and be out
out trained my body to take a twenty minute nap
at lunchtime. It was heaven. Oh, it was heaven. It
is the only way I got through some of those
really really long days too, because like I wouldn't have
(26:21):
made it.
Speaker 1 (26:21):
I mean I was called it like five thirty sometimes yeah,
like you no, Yeah, the lunchtime nap was essential. I
remember I got really good at it when I was
pregnant on the show. But then I was able to
like maintain the skill.
Speaker 3 (26:35):
Yes, it is a skill.
Speaker 1 (26:36):
I feel it is because you know what, at night,
I cannot lay down and just close my eyes and
go to sleep, but I can do that shit in
the middle of the day.
Speaker 3 (26:44):
I don't know what's up with that, But if given
the opportunity, I would nap every day. Do I want
to nap in a club? No, I want my This
is the thing about self care for me. I am
not trying to do self care in a party setting,
in a group setting, and I'm not It's for me, me, me, me, me,
myself and I are the only people are invited to
(27:04):
my self care party, you know what I mean. I
will say the Yogi part of.
Speaker 1 (27:08):
Me is somewhat intrigued because there are times at the
end of a yoga class when you're all laying on
the floor in savasna and you're doing that like last
final meditation that almost feels like a collective nap, and
there is something you've.
Speaker 3 (27:22):
Never taken yoga. Savasana is basically like you're just laying
on the floor. It's like with your eyes closed and
your like legs are splayed out and your arms are
splayed out, and you're just like relaxing. Yeah, it's like
almost like a little mini meditation at the end of class. Yeah,
and especially after like a very rigorous class, like and
you're all laying there, and there's something collectively beautiful and
(27:42):
powerful about like laying really still with all these people
that I have been moved by.
Speaker 1 (27:49):
Uh so I kind of get it. I kind of
get the nap the nap ministry.
Speaker 3 (27:56):
Me over here. Oh that's nice, that's nice for you. Oh,
good for you. That's great, that's good for you. No,
I see it. Like I think that's why my mom
goes to church, because like there's something beautiful in the collective,
the collective joining together of people in this moment of
like focusing on something other than I don't know something. Yeah,
(28:19):
and I think that that is.
Speaker 1 (28:20):
Another form of self care can be. Community can be
getting lunch with your besties, spending friend time, you know,
or just you know, social gatherings that aren't that are
fun you know that aren't you know.
Speaker 3 (28:33):
That's real can be really I went to a birthday
party the other day and it was like I was,
it was like I had gone on a retreat. Yeah,
I mean I felt like a new woman when I
got home. Fills your cups, I mean like, yeah, you
walk away just like re energized, And yeah, it can be.
Really that can also be really important, especially as you know,
(28:53):
kids in life and work and we get so busy
that like I find I have to really make an
effort to like see my friends and like totally time
for that because it does me feel so good when
I'm with my pes. Yes, totally. Yeah, that is a
form of self care that I hadn't really thought about,
like the friend thing, the being with a friend, which
(29:17):
like how it fills you up? Yeah, said, it fills
up your cups? Your cup more? Better would you learn today? Man? Ah?
I learned you're a freaky deep and you want to
nap with other people and you want to nap with strangers,
which is like whoa, Okay, I grow and I learned
(29:39):
that maybe, uh, I don't know, maybe like I'm I
maybe like need to maybe take additional steps to to
like self care for myself. I think I'm doing okay,
but I think there's room for I don't want to
say improve, but I think there's room for more, I guess,
(30:02):
or like different versions of it. I'm doing okay. The
way I'm doing it, I'm like squeezing it in, but
maybe I could like make more space for it. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (30:08):
I think that That's what I'm realizing as well, is
that I can make more space for it, and I
can also maybe try to like do some different things,
you know, yeah, and maybe discover just like try some
new things, you know that maybe we'll fit into the
schedule or fit into the routine a little bit more easily,
(30:30):
Like just.
Speaker 3 (30:30):
Just make a little more effort. Maybe like a three
hour nail appointment. Oh god, no, not that heaven. That
would be heaven for me. My cuticles would be amazing. Yeah, no, no,
thank you.
Speaker 1 (30:47):
I'll take my painful massages over that any day.
Speaker 3 (30:50):
Do you feel more better? Yeah, I do feel a
little more better. Not a ton I'll be honest, I
like want to step up my game. I'm realize that
I'm like not slacken, but lack in. I'm lack lacking
in the self care black in, you know what I mean. Yeah, yeah,
I think that's how I'm feeling, too, Like I kinda
(31:11):
I gotta we gotta make I'm glad I talk to
you about it, though, because I don't think I don't.
I don't. I don't trust the magazines and stuff that
are like ten ways to do self care in ten minutes,
you know, Like I know what my real life is,
so like, I'm glad I talked to you about it
because you have a real life too. Yeah, you know,
(31:33):
I don't need like shortcuts. I need like real, real, real,
real talking about how we feel about it.
Speaker 1 (31:39):
Yeah, real real and like ideas shout out to us
if you what are the things that you listeners like
to do for self care? How do you squeeze it in?
What are your creative ways? Let's share ideas and tips?
Speaker 3 (31:55):
Yeah, because I think that's what I got out of this.
It's like everybody's different, right, So, like the things that
I would gravitate toward are not the things that you
would gravitate toward aka nap ministry. But like I think
like by talking about it, it's like you get clearer
about like, oh what feels good? And like where where
(32:15):
am I lacking? Where could I do it more? And
you know I want to carve out some space?
Speaker 1 (32:19):
Yeah, Like this almost made me want to ask more
friends about what they do for self care managed stress
or like what are.
Speaker 3 (32:25):
They doing lately? You know? I like that Hondo. All right, Well,
thanks friends for joining us for that little adventure and
we're serious. We really want to know, So email us
at Morebetter pod at gmail dot com and we'll see
you next time next dame, bye friend, by love you
(32:46):
bye more Bet. Do you have something you'd like to
be More Better at that you want us to talk
about in a future episode.
Speaker 1 (32:52):
Can you relate to our struggles or have you tried
one of our tips and tricks?
Speaker 3 (32:56):
Shoot us your thoughts and ideas at More Better pod
at Gmail and include a voice note if you want
to be featured on the pod. Ooh, More Better with
Stephanie Melissa is a production from w V Sound and
iHeartMedia's Mikultura podcast network, hosted by Me, Stephanie Viatriz and
Melissa Fumero. More Better is produced by Isis Madrid, Leo Clem,
(33:16):
and Sophie Spencer Zabos. Our executive producers are Wilmer Valderrama
and Leo Clem at w V Sound. This episode was
edited by Isis Madrid and engineered by Sean Tracy and
features original music by Madison Davenport and Heylo Boy.
Speaker 1 (33:29):
Our cover art is by vincent Remy's and photography by
David Avalos.
Speaker 3 (33:33):
For more podcasts from iHeart.
Speaker 1 (33:35):
Visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever.
Speaker 3 (33:38):
You listen to your favorite shows. See you next week,
Suger bye,
But see, I feel like when I get a massage,
I also like the kind of massages that like are
like a little like really hurt you.
Speaker 2 (00:08):
Yeah, more better, more, a little bit more better, more,
Welcome to more Better.
Speaker 3 (00:26):
A podcast where we stop pretending to have it all
together and embrace the journey of becoming a little more
better every day, or at least true we're trying, we're
trying to. That's Stephanie Beatrice. That's most a marrow. Hi,
how are you doing? Hey? How's everyone at home? I'm doing?
How are you doing? Are you? Are you doing the things?
Are you living? The lives? We're doing? The things we're
(00:49):
living lives.
Speaker 1 (00:50):
I find summertime very just like freeing. I don't know
if it's like the artist part of me is like
the s gets looser, you know, like I let him
stay up a little later.
Speaker 3 (01:04):
Let them have extra treats.
Speaker 1 (01:05):
Like I'm just like whatever, you know, And I kind
of thrive in that a bit. Then when we're in
the like rigid schedule of school during the year, you know,
I totally understand that it's the opposite for some people,
and summer is really hard and it's definitely like listen,
I put my kid in camp. I keep him busy,
(01:26):
like you know, I still am not trying to like
have him home all day every day, like you know,
set up the play dates.
Speaker 3 (01:33):
I don't know if you want to mark this, if
our producers want to mark this moment here for Melissa's
children to look up in the future for their therapy. Yes, yes,
I just want to time mark. Yeah, this party where
I'm saying I don't want the home all day. I
don't do my home my kids again, when they have children,
they will understand and I love them, dear. Yeah, if
(01:54):
they choose to have children, children, and if they choose
not to, they'll be like, I don't know what you're
talking about. Really understand you know what, I'll pay for
the therapy. It's going to be okay, I have I trust.
How are you? I'm good? I mean, you know, Uh,
my child is going to start pre school. Actually it's
(02:18):
the opposite. She's going to start she's only doing like
a little bit because we have to leave the country
because I have a job. Oh yeah, but she's going
to do like a month of preschool. I'm really I'm
really nervous. I'm nervous.
Speaker 1 (02:33):
That's totally normal. It's like a it's a milestone moment.
It comes with a lot of feelings. You're totally gonna
cry on the first day.
Speaker 3 (02:41):
Oh yeah, that and she will also cry and then
but then it'll be great. I will cry, you know
when I'm gonna cry the first time that like, because
she's like that, okay, no, the first time that like
the teacher calls and is like, your child is a bully.
Speaker 1 (02:59):
Oh my, Producers, please mark this moment in the podcast
for Stephanie's child when she's older, to discuss in her
therapy session about how her mother thought she was a bully.
Speaker 3 (03:16):
Listen, we have a very strong willed little child and
she loves to say go away and stop. That's miss Rachel,
please stop. Yeah, and that song that was going around
for a while please so you don't like that feeling
uncomfortable and need more space nad around me, don't take
(03:37):
it personally, that's a boundary. That's a boundary. I love
that song.
Speaker 1 (03:41):
I mean it is also I get if it's used
all the time, if it is abused.
Speaker 3 (03:49):
I don't personally, I don't want her to say please stop,
I need more space, like that's okay, Like if she's
being polite or whatever. But on the playground, I want
her to be.
Speaker 4 (03:59):
Like back the fuck up, bitch, like I don't like,
I want her to be like get away from me,
you know what I mean, like touch me, get your
hands to yourself.
Speaker 3 (04:10):
Did I tell you some kid hit her in the
head at the park?
Speaker 2 (04:13):
Oh?
Speaker 3 (04:13):
No, set like a big kid, like a six or
seven year old.
Speaker 1 (04:18):
Oh I was picturing like another toddler.
Speaker 3 (04:21):
No, no, I saw it happen. I looked up because
I heard her go stop like that. And I looked
up and this kid reached out and popped her one
and I was like, oh shit, And I was like
what am I gonna do? You know, I'm like having
all these thoughts really fast. And then then she goes
stop it like that, and the kid hit her again,
and I was like could like super loud, like all
(04:44):
the moms on the playground turn around, like with the
dad's too, you know, all the people, all the people
on the playground turned around like because they were like,
oh shit, is my kid that's so really?
Speaker 4 (04:53):
Yeah?
Speaker 3 (04:54):
Parent like, oh no, is it mine? Oh no, it's mine? Yeah. Anyway,
that's what's going on with me? What's going on with me?
What have you done lately. That's like more more better
for yourself, you know what, for yourself, for anyone else.
Speaker 1 (05:10):
I am getting a massage later today. Oh sniffsap, And
it's been a minute since I've gotten one, and I
got a creak in my shoulder and I'm real excited.
And this messuse does a little bit of a reiki
so how.
Speaker 3 (05:24):
You say it?
Speaker 1 (05:25):
Oh h so it's like some real woo woo stuff.
Speaker 3 (05:30):
Uh, And she babes, is this that thing where they
put your hands, their hands over your body and they
move the energy? Yeah kind of is this real? Is
that bullshit? I feel like no idea.
Speaker 1 (05:42):
So the way that she kind of does it is yeah,
she kind of like it's like she says, she feels
my energy and she feels like whatever traumas or negative
things are coming out and then and then we like
release it and then like get into the massage. But
I would tell you this Will is a witch because
she a couple times I love a witch, has said
(06:08):
the thing that is in the back of my mind
that has been like pulling me down, and.
Speaker 3 (06:15):
So yeah, it's like that. And then she just like
does this little like woo woo like and we're releasing that.
We're releasing that, and then it's just like kind of nice.
It's like it's warm and fuzzy, and I'm into it.
And I'm also just like, listen, it's either doing nothing
at all or it's doing something. But all I know
is the massage is amazing, and I do walk out
feeling lighter, so I believe, and I do sleep really good.
(06:42):
I'm I'm open to all the things.
Speaker 1 (06:43):
If it's not gonna like do harm or be negative
in any way, you know, if it's like a it's
gonna do nothing or it's gonna help you, I'm like,
let's fucking try it more better. What are we discussing
this week? We are discussing self care. I already knew,
(07:06):
but you know, we gotta tell everybody. Yeah, that's what
we're diving into. We're diving into self care, self care.
How do you feel about self care?
Speaker 3 (07:17):
Well, but we wanted to talk about this because like
we're equally shit at it.
Speaker 1 (07:22):
I mean I did start this episode by being like
I'm getting a massage later, so like today you're actually great,
that is great.
Speaker 3 (07:29):
I think I'm not consistent with it. It's yeah, yeah,
so I think We both wanted to talk about this
because we both struggle with the same thing, which is like,
how do I do it on a regular basis? How
do I do more of it? What is it for me?
What is it for you? Can we like exchange ideas
about you know, wow, like I feel like I need help.
Speaker 1 (07:55):
I have a nice little definition here, Oh great, love
that Webster's Dictionary. Webster's Dictionary definition of self care is
the self care is the practice of doing things to
promote your physical, mental, emotional, social, and spiritual health and
well being.
Speaker 3 (08:11):
By this meant definition, I have done this the other
night when I watched Vander Prompt. Yeah exactly, Okay, great,
I'm a hea game. You're nailing it.
Speaker 1 (08:22):
It can help you manage stress, it can reduce your
risk of illness, it can increase your energy, it can
improve your happiness, and it can strengthen your interpersonal relationships.
Speaker 3 (08:31):
That's real. I mean, I remember after having the baby,
I was like really not able to take care of
myself in any kind of way, shape or form for
like a while, because I was just so focused on
the bay keeping the baby alive, you know, and like
I hated Brad for a while there, like I really
(08:52):
hated him because because I didn't have I felt like
I didn't have any like time to do anything for myself.
And I could see that he was doing things for
himself and he didn't feel guilty about it or anything. Yeah,
and I hated him for that. And once I took
the opportunity to do things for myself, I stopped hating
him for that because I was like, oh, that's up
(09:13):
to me. I choose to do those things are not
yeah sometimes.
Speaker 1 (09:17):
Sometimes uh yeah, I remember speaking of like having babies.
Speaker 3 (09:22):
I was really good about self care. I meditated every
morning before work. So the only time in my life
that I ever meditated every morning that is bananas to
me is bananas to me. Now, I don't know how
I did it.
Speaker 1 (09:36):
I worked out until I had really bad back pain,
but then there was a wonderful prenatal yoga.
Speaker 3 (09:43):
Class that I went to.
Speaker 1 (09:44):
I like, I ate I could just and there was
something about like it wasn't for me really, it was
for like the baby. It was like, you know, I
was doing it for this other person. And then when
I had him, I didn't do any of that really right.
Speaker 3 (10:04):
It all just kind of went away.
Speaker 1 (10:06):
And then I did it again the second time I
was pregnant, not as well as I did the first time,
because then, you know, I was a child, but I
wasn't meditating every day, but I was just like prioritizing
taking care of myself.
Speaker 3 (10:21):
And then I was like, why don't I just do
that anyway? Why don't I because you don't have the
like mind pressure of like I'm growing a human right
It's just like it's like I'm not growing an ear
right now. I'm just like being myself, So like I
don't need it. I don't deserve it. Fuck it, you know,
it's like deserve it. I don't deserve it. That's what
(10:53):
it is. That's what it boils down to for me.
A lot of the time, it's like do I deserve
to go get my nail? It's done, that's expensive, like
takes like I don't know, but but that is something
that I mean, I can't always go. I can't even
always get my nails done. But like I can't always
(11:14):
like go do stuff for myself. But like my nail
tech is in my neighborhood. She's amazing. She's so nice.
She's also like Latina and she's a mom and she
gets it, and so I feel like I'm on vacation.
I feel like I'm doing something for myself when I
go get my nails done, like I really do. Yeah,
(11:36):
And I know not everybody feels that way, but like
for me, it is something, you know, I'd rather do that.
I'd rather go get a manicure than most of the time.
I'd rather do that than like get a massage or
something like, I'd rather because it's like just time for
me and her to like sit there and sometimes like
(11:57):
we'll chat the whole time and I'll make her laugh
and then I'll other times we're just like quiet, you know. Yeah,
but I walk away with this like beautiful manicure that
lasts me multiple weeks, and I can look down on
my hands and be like, hmm, look at that. That's
so pretty. You know. I did that for myself, you know,
as opposed to a massage, which like it feels good
for me when it happens. And don't get me wrong,
I love a massage, but like it doesn't I don't
(12:20):
have anything to show for it, you know what I mean?
Does that make sense? Like I want to be able
to like, no, what do you mean?
Speaker 1 (12:26):
Yeah, I did it oh like the uh huh yeah, okay,
if there's not a physical the way like your nails,
like you can look at it and be like I
did that. But see, I feel like when I get
a massage, I also like the kind of massages that
like are like a little like really hurt you.
Speaker 3 (12:44):
Yeah, I want to fall asleep. Oh god, what a
waste of time. No, I don't want to fall asleep
during massage. Someone that doesn't sleep. It's not a waste
of time. That's pretty much You're right right, not in gold, No,
I know, And for some people is that For me
it is like, yeah, I want to like hurt a
(13:08):
little bit. I want you to work out all the things.
Speaker 1 (13:10):
And then that feels like uh an accomplishment, Like I
feel like I took care of my body and like
I like a good massage to me is I'm walking
away feeling like realigned and like taller and like there's
space again and like whatever was bothering me physically is gone,
and like I feel very accomplished and that I also
(13:31):
like took care of myself. Yeah, Whereas like I sometimes
go crazy if a nail appointment is going too long,
I'm just like, oh my god, that please get done.
Speaker 3 (13:41):
Oh my god, girl, I could sit there for three hours.
Oh my god, No, I live. I live. No chair
comfortable enough to sit as long as you have to
sit sometimes so funny fucking nails. I don't even think
about it. Honestly, you should. Also you should go to
No I should she is She's not. This didn't take
(14:01):
two hours, you know, like it was pretty. She's really
quite fast, especially like if you tell her you have
to be in and out like. But she's also like
a really fantastic artist, so if you want to get
like nail art you could.
Speaker 4 (14:13):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (14:13):
No, your nails have been so you've been going to
her for years and your nail's been incredible.
Speaker 3 (14:17):
Yeah yeah. She also just side note, she does like
press on, so like you can get her like you
can you can have her size them to her like
your hand so they like perfectly fit, and then she
could like send you a box of like handpainted nails
just like like anyway, this is now an ad for Guadaloupe.
But I love Lupet. I think she's the best. I
(14:40):
feel like most of the time though for myself, I'm
I'm cheating the system because I'm telling myself like this
is self care, and it is, but I'm also like
I have to get my nails done for work, you know,
I have to. Like I think I fit it in
because I fit it in because it feels like something
(15:00):
that you.
Speaker 1 (15:01):
Have another excuse in your mind that justifies the self care.
Speaker 3 (15:05):
Yeah. So, like one thing that I count as self
care and it's not, and I've realized that it's not
really or that I've like turned into self care is
getting my roots done because like my hair is very dark, right,
Like I have dark brown hair, and my dad started
to grow gray when he was like thirty, so like
my grades are coming in hot. And like I used
(15:27):
to be like Brad would be like, oh, You're going
to get your hair done. I'm like, no, I'm getting
my roots done. You know, like I would, I'd be
like pissed off that I had to do it, you know,
because of this society, this like male dominated society that
needs me to look young forever and I and I'm
an actor. But now what I've done is I take
my iPad and like I will online shop and like
(15:51):
read articles and like do nothing during that like when
she's doing and I'm like straight up honest with them too.
I'll be like, so this is my me time. I
hope you don't mind, but I am just gonna like
kind of like do internet stuff that I can't do
at home. And they're always so nice about it. They're like, oh, yeah, sure,
no problem. Yeah, because I don't just chat off to
(16:12):
small talk with you. That's it. I appreciate it. I
think that's it. I think they really do. Like last
time I was there darleyn and I was like, oh,
do you like this belt? And she was like, oh,
I really like that one, but it's so expensive. She
was like, go on Etsy, and we had a nice
little conversation about that. But that feels like taking back
something that I quote unquote have to do. I don't
have to dye my hair, but like, yeah, you know,
(16:36):
taking back something that I have to do and making
it something for me, you know, using the time that
that I have to be like somewhere and using it
for myself. Yeah, And it's like heeling it a little bit.
Speaker 1 (16:48):
How do how do we let go of this sort
of like guilt and shame that's like around taking cause Listen,
I recognize we are incredibly privileged because I do have
the because of the nature of our job, Like when
we're on and in something, it's very difficult to I
mean sometimes you do self care to just like help
(17:10):
you get through the twelve fourteen hour days, and like,
you know, it works itself in that way with your job.
But I also have times in between jobs we're like,
you know, like today I have this afternoon off and
so I can go get a massage before my kids
come home from school.
Speaker 3 (17:28):
That is like a.
Speaker 1 (17:29):
Crazy huge privilege that like people with nine to fives
and you know, other jobs other careers don't have. Like
I was recently one hundred percent speaking to an old
friend who's going through like a really hard time and
some health stuff and she works full time and she
has older kids who are in sports and she's dealing
(17:52):
with a lot, and I was like, how are you
managing your stress?
Speaker 3 (17:55):
Though, Like what are you doing? And she was like,
I'm not doing anything.
Speaker 1 (17:58):
I don't have time, Like when am I'm gonna When
am I gonna take time?
Speaker 3 (18:01):
Like how am I gonna?
Speaker 1 (18:03):
And it's really hard because right it requires like paying
some spending money, like to maybe have someone pick up
your kids to take them to practice so that you
can get an hour, you know, or asking your partner
to like leave work early one day if they can to,
you know, give you time, like it's really hard to
(18:25):
find the time, or on a weekend, like you know,
just saying like, guys, I need two hours this Saturday
to just one hundred percent, oh do something you know,
like no, And then we feel all these especially as
you know, as parents or caretakers or just humans. I
think feel so much guilt around asking for that, But
(18:48):
I do think it's incredibly important to do it, especially
if you're dealing with a lot and you're treading water
and things are hard, right, It's like, but that's when
it feels like the worst then it because when you
need them, you feel like, well, everybody needs me.
Speaker 3 (19:03):
I need you know, everybody needs me? And like how
dare I? How dare I? How dare I say I'm tired? Right?
You know, because I'm so lucky, I'm so lucky, I'm
doing my dream job. I'm not allowed to say I'm tired.
How dare I'm not allowed to say that? And like
that's something that I would tell myself. That's something strangers
(19:25):
tell you on the internet. They go, how dare you?
How dare you complain how dare you? Uh, you know,
how dare you? How dare you? And it's like you've
got to sort of it's very very hard why at
that thing? It's like, you know, like how dare you
take a shower that's a little bit longer because we're
running out of clean water? How dare you use like
(19:45):
a single use face mask? How dare you? You know,
it's just this like mental game that you have to
play with yourself, Like, like I said, like I deserve
it question Yeah four, And I think that that's really universe,
(20:09):
you know, to step into our nerd corner. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (20:13):
There was a study conducted by Kelton Global and funded
by the beauty box company Birch Box, which shout out
birch Box I used, I used to get birch Box
is such a fun for the box to get. They
surveyed over a thousand adults across the country two and
five people. Forty percent feel they rarely have time for
themselves each day. Uh forty five percent of parents, compared
(20:37):
to thirty two percent of childless people say that they
simply don't have time enough time to engage in caring
for themselves and singletons were more likely to regularly make
time for self care than those who were married or
in a relationship forty two percent versus thirty percent. And
so I think this is I are so.
Speaker 3 (20:57):
Mean so tours also, like.
Speaker 1 (21:03):
You know, it being higher for married people and for
people with children. It's like I'm almost to myself like saying, oh,
I should try to also remind my partner to do it,
and he should do that for me, you know, like hey,
go take a break, Like hey go, uh you know whatever.
Things have been stressful, things have been hard, like you know,
(21:26):
go have lunch with your bestie this weekend or go
you know what I mean, like figuring it out as
a family and like trying to notice. I mean, this
is something we should do for ourselves, but I think
it's also something we can do as a community with
our friends, with our loved ones, even with our parents,
(21:47):
like right like little room of like hey, when was
the last time you took a break? Hey what are
you doing to like manage this thing you're going through?
Like can I help you figure out some solutions or
how to find some time?
Speaker 3 (22:00):
Like you know, I straight up told my mom, like
take Facebook off your phone. That is making you an
insane person. You're not going to sleep on time. You're
like in my mom is like a fourteen year old
with her phone, Like I don't know what. I don't
know if it's because she's an older person and like
(22:20):
they didn't get them until oh, I you know they
were older boomers. Love the chy that ship man. Yeah, yeah,
my dad's on a break. You need a break, they like,
take a little break from being constantly plugged in like that.
I cannot be good for you. I mean, like speaking
as someone who's you know, doesn't. I don't. I don't
(22:40):
have TikTok on my phone anymore. It has been good
for me, though. It has been good for me. I
swear to god it's been. It's been like I mean,
that has been a form of self care because you know,
your hair in despair. I'm just looking at you. Take
it off, remove it. It is not good for me, man,
It's like and and like I still post, Like I'll
(23:03):
still post and do stories and stuff, but yeah, I'm
not like looking at it because it's so easy to
just like open your phone and like like look at it,
and like you get those little dopamine hits. But it's
not in the long term.
Speaker 1 (23:20):
Yeah, it's not good. It's not it's not I find
it really hard when I'm busy to Yeah, it's like
it's just like like, can we just give ourselves permission?
You know what I mean, even if it's like doing
it when it's not convenient for the rest of our family.
Like that's the tricky one, right that like asking someone
(23:46):
can you like put an extra effort in time so
that I can go do something good for myself.
Speaker 3 (23:54):
But also I don't want to do that for you
because personally I don't want to do that for you.
I don't want to put in the work, don't so
you cannot do that, but I wait, be doing that. Yeah,
you will all benefit from it, thank you. Imagine can
you imagine? I mean I do. I like Brad is
(24:16):
really good at my husband. Brad is really good at
taking care of himself. Like he doesn't he is not
afraid to ask, you know. I think a lot of
men I don't know, maybe no, yeah, I think, yeah,
David is better at it than I am too. A
lot of Brad's and David's just ask for it. That
there is a little bit of a male thing.
Speaker 1 (24:38):
Yeah that uh yeah, And I think we're a little
bit more conditioned to like us last, right, like take
care of everyone else. I mean, then if there's time,
we'll take care of ourselves. But like if there's not time,
it's fine.
Speaker 3 (24:52):
We sing it in when I get my roots done,
Like there's something kind of like that is a step,
is a way to do it. But like I wish
I would like do it a little more. I wish
I would like, you know, like I don't not doing it.
I'm not doing it. I don't know. I don't know
how to get Honestly, I don't know how to get
(25:14):
better at it because like I just don't. I mean,
I'm not going to join like a fucking you see
that thing that I sent us about the collective Napping Experience,
the napping Yeah, the NAP Ministry, the nap This ministry
is so horrifying to me. But God bless everybody. So
I know what somebody else's young, as my sister SAIDs okay.
Speaker 1 (25:35):
Because listen, girl, I am into it, Okay. The NAP
Ministry was founded in twenty sixteen by Tricia Hersey, and
it is an organization that examines the liberating power of naps.
Speaker 3 (25:45):
She now, listen, I love a nap. I absolutely love
a nap. I would take a nap every day if
I could. In fact, when we were doing Brooklyn nine nine,
we had usually we had a thirty minute.
Speaker 1 (25:56):
Long I was just gonna say, do you remember how
good we got it napping at globs?
Speaker 3 (26:00):
Oh my god, I ask people to just would I
would scarf my food in five minutes, not great for
my digestive system, and then lay down and be out
out trained my body to take a twenty minute nap
at lunchtime. It was heaven. Oh, it was heaven. It
is the only way I got through some of those
really really long days too, because like I wouldn't have
(26:21):
made it.
Speaker 1 (26:21):
I mean I was called it like five thirty sometimes yeah,
like you no, Yeah, the lunchtime nap was essential. I
remember I got really good at it when I was
pregnant on the show. But then I was able to
like maintain the skill.
Speaker 3 (26:35):
Yes, it is a skill.
Speaker 1 (26:36):
I feel it is because you know what, at night,
I cannot lay down and just close my eyes and
go to sleep, but I can do that shit in
the middle of the day.
Speaker 3 (26:44):
I don't know what's up with that, But if given
the opportunity, I would nap every day. Do I want
to nap in a club? No, I want my This
is the thing about self care for me. I am
not trying to do self care in a party setting,
in a group setting, and I'm not It's for me, me, me, me, me,
myself and I are the only people are invited to
(27:04):
my self care party, you know what I mean. I
will say the Yogi part of.
Speaker 1 (27:08):
Me is somewhat intrigued because there are times at the
end of a yoga class when you're all laying on
the floor in savasna and you're doing that like last
final meditation that almost feels like a collective nap, and
there is something you've.
Speaker 3 (27:22):
Never taken yoga. Savasana is basically like you're just laying
on the floor. It's like with your eyes closed and
your like legs are splayed out and your arms are
splayed out, and you're just like relaxing. Yeah, it's like
almost like a little mini meditation at the end of class. Yeah,
and especially after like a very rigorous class, like and
you're all laying there, and there's something collectively beautiful and
(27:42):
powerful about like laying really still with all these people
that I have been moved by.
Speaker 1 (27:49):
Uh so I kind of get it. I kind of
get the nap the nap ministry.
Speaker 3 (27:56):
Me over here. Oh that's nice, that's nice for you. Oh,
good for you. That's great, that's good for you. No,
I see it. Like I think that's why my mom
goes to church, because like there's something beautiful in the collective,
the collective joining together of people in this moment of
like focusing on something other than I don't know something. Yeah,
(28:19):
and I think that that is.
Speaker 1 (28:20):
Another form of self care can be. Community can be
getting lunch with your besties, spending friend time, you know,
or just you know, social gatherings that aren't that are
fun you know that aren't you know.
Speaker 3 (28:33):
That's real can be really I went to a birthday
party the other day and it was like I was,
it was like I had gone on a retreat. Yeah,
I mean I felt like a new woman when I
got home. Fills your cups, I mean like, yeah, you
walk away just like re energized, And yeah, it can be.
Really that can also be really important, especially as you know,
(28:53):
kids in life and work and we get so busy
that like I find I have to really make an
effort to like see my friends and like totally time
for that because it does me feel so good when
I'm with my pes. Yes, totally. Yeah, that is a
form of self care that I hadn't really thought about,
like the friend thing, the being with a friend, which
(29:17):
like how it fills you up? Yeah, said, it fills
up your cups? Your cup more? Better would you learn today? Man? Ah?
I learned you're a freaky deep and you want to
nap with other people and you want to nap with strangers,
which is like whoa, Okay, I grow and I learned
(29:39):
that maybe, uh, I don't know, maybe like I'm I
maybe like need to maybe take additional steps to to
like self care for myself. I think I'm doing okay,
but I think there's room for I don't want to
say improve, but I think there's room for more, I guess,
(30:02):
or like different versions of it. I'm doing okay. The
way I'm doing it, I'm like squeezing it in, but
maybe I could like make more space for it. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (30:08):
I think that That's what I'm realizing as well, is
that I can make more space for it, and I
can also maybe try to like do some different things,
you know, yeah, and maybe discover just like try some
new things, you know that maybe we'll fit into the
schedule or fit into the routine a little bit more easily,
(30:30):
Like just.
Speaker 3 (30:30):
Just make a little more effort. Maybe like a three
hour nail appointment. Oh god, no, not that heaven. That
would be heaven for me. My cuticles would be amazing. Yeah, no, no,
thank you.
Speaker 1 (30:47):
I'll take my painful massages over that any day.
Speaker 3 (30:50):
Do you feel more better? Yeah, I do feel a
little more better. Not a ton I'll be honest, I
like want to step up my game. I'm realize that
I'm like not slacken, but lack in. I'm lack lacking
in the self care black in, you know what I mean. Yeah, yeah,
I think that's how I'm feeling, too, Like I kinda
(31:11):
I gotta we gotta make I'm glad I talk to
you about it, though, because I don't think I don't.
I don't. I don't trust the magazines and stuff that
are like ten ways to do self care in ten minutes,
you know, Like I know what my real life is,
so like, I'm glad I talked to you about it
because you have a real life too. Yeah, you know,
(31:33):
I don't need like shortcuts. I need like real, real, real,
real talking about how we feel about it.
Speaker 1 (31:39):
Yeah, real real and like ideas shout out to us
if you what are the things that you listeners like
to do for self care? How do you squeeze it in?
What are your creative ways? Let's share ideas and tips?
Speaker 3 (31:55):
Yeah, because I think that's what I got out of this.
It's like everybody's different, right, So, like the things that
I would gravitate toward are not the things that you
would gravitate toward aka nap ministry. But like I think
like by talking about it, it's like you get clearer
about like, oh what feels good? And like where where
(32:15):
am I lacking? Where could I do it more? And
you know I want to carve out some space?
Speaker 1 (32:19):
Yeah, Like this almost made me want to ask more
friends about what they do for self care managed stress
or like what are.
Speaker 3 (32:25):
They doing lately? You know? I like that Hondo. All right, Well,
thanks friends for joining us for that little adventure and
we're serious. We really want to know, So email us
at Morebetter pod at gmail dot com and we'll see
you next time next dame, bye friend, by love you
(32:46):
bye more Bet. Do you have something you'd like to
be More Better at that you want us to talk
about in a future episode.
Speaker 1 (32:52):
Can you relate to our struggles or have you tried
one of our tips and tricks?
Speaker 3 (32:56):
Shoot us your thoughts and ideas at More Better pod
at Gmail and include a voice note if you want
to be featured on the pod. Ooh, More Better with
Stephanie Melissa is a production from w V Sound and
iHeartMedia's Mikultura podcast network, hosted by Me, Stephanie Viatriz and
Melissa Fumero. More Better is produced by Isis Madrid, Leo Clem,
(33:16):
and Sophie Spencer Zabos. Our executive producers are Wilmer Valderrama
and Leo Clem at w V Sound. This episode was
edited by Isis Madrid and engineered by Sean Tracy and
features original music by Madison Davenport and Heylo Boy.
Speaker 1 (33:29):
Our cover art is by vincent Remy's and photography by
David Avalos.
Speaker 3 (33:33):
For more podcasts from iHeart.
Speaker 1 (33:35):
Visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever.
Speaker 3 (33:38):
You listen to your favorite shows. See you next week,
Suger bye,
Hosts And Creators
Stephanie Beatriz
Melissa Fumero
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