February 24, 2025 • 48 mins
For David Oyelowo and Nate Parker, friendship isn’t just about the good times—it’s about showing up when everything is on the line.
On My Legacy, hosts Martin Luther King III, Arndrea Waters King, Marc Kielburger, and Craig Kielburger continue their extraordinary conversation with David and Nate —one that goes beyond Hollywood to explore resilience, redemption, and what it means to stand by someone when the world turns away.
They open up about public scrutiny, Hollywood’s “there can only be one” mindset in Hollywood, and the challenges that tested their bond. But at the heart of their legacies is something even more personal—their roles as fathers and husbands.
David shares the two-week rule that keeps his marriage strong and the best advice he’s received about love. Nate reflects on the intentional ways he’s raising his five daughters, reinforcing their worth, and how fatherhood reshaped his perspective on legacy.
Through raw honesty, reflection, and laughter, this conversation is a testament to faith, family, and the power of showing up for the ones you love most.
Don’t miss Part 2 of this deeply moving and inspiring discussion on My Legacy.
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:03):
For me, friendship is not something that is rooted in
the good times. It actually comes to the fall in
the bad times. And this was a bad time. This
was a deeply challenging time. And when he talks about
us having prayed together, we have snotty, dribbling, screaming, wailing,
(00:28):
preyed together.
Speaker 2 (00:30):
Over this stuff because it was hard.
Speaker 3 (00:37):
Hello, loves, I'm Andrea Waters King. And that was David o'
yellow old describing a friendship that has endured it all,
the kind of bond that doesn't waver even in the
hardest of times. Last week, David and Nate gave us
a glimpse into their journey, one of brotherhood, faith and
standing for what matters. But some stories they can't be told.
Speaker 2 (00:57):
In just one.
Speaker 3 (00:57):
Conversation two they open up like never before about standing
together through public scrutiny, weathering storms no one saw coming,
and the power of faith to rebuild what was broken.
It's a conversation about resilience, redemption, and what it truly
means to show up for someone when the world turns away.
(01:18):
This is My Legacy a podcast hosted by me and
my husband, Martin Luther King, the third eldest son of
doctor Martin Luther King Junior, and Coretta Scott King. Plus
we're joined by good friends New York Times bestselling authors
Mark and Craig Kilberger. Let's pick up right where we
left off.
Speaker 4 (01:38):
What's clear you're building something rooted in deep values. And
obviously we talked about legacy here. In creating a legacy
and just listening to this friendship rooted in faith, rooted
in values. No, David, if I could ask you a question,
can you share with us a time that Nate was
there for you when you were going through a difficult
time and how we helped you.
Speaker 1 (01:58):
I've mentioned one of the the profound moments where he
did that thing that I think Nate briefly mentioned. There
can only be one syndrome, which is very prevalent whenever
there's a marginalized group. It's very prevalent around black men
and certainly around black people in Hollywood. Once there is
(02:22):
a Denzel, that can almost mean that there's no space
for anyone else. Once there's an Obama, once there's a
doctor King. You know, I think one of the challenging
things for the movement was once he was murdered.
Speaker 2 (02:37):
Assassinated, who's next?
Speaker 1 (02:41):
If you haven't created a culture where it's a phalanx,
where it's a community, where it's a many headed monster,
so that when you cut one head off, there's plenty
more there to do the work that is incredibly detrimental
to a community, and it it is self sabotaging to
(03:03):
celebrate the there can only be one syndrome. So in
that moment where Nate not only demonstrated, but actively put
himself to the side in order to demonstrate that this
is not a there can only be one friendship or atmosphere,
(03:27):
that has been incredibly impactful to me because I that's
my disposition, that's my.
Speaker 2 (03:38):
Aspiration.
Speaker 1 (03:39):
I grew up in the theater in the UK, and
that is the only way you get a play going.
It cannot be that there is one person likes It's
just too much of a community endeavor. So one of
the things I will point to when we did Red
Tales together and our backgrounds, as you can probably tell,
very very different. And Nate came from, as he said,
(04:04):
an environment where it's get the money. You know, he
didn't have like I was very blessed to have a
father there to help with his raising. He came from
a more challenged background than me. And what happens with
that is that when you get into a space like
(04:25):
George Lucas is producing a film called Redtails with this
group of young black actors that no one else knows
he could easily have and he was the lead in
that film. And what happened on that film was that,
to be perfectly frank, there were those of us in
that group, or there were some folks who had bought
(04:45):
into there can only be one syndrome.
Speaker 2 (04:49):
And I remember.
Speaker 1 (04:51):
Feeling very on the outs as a result, because I
didn't subscribe to that mindset. I felt it was going
to be detrimental to the experience and to film itself.
And I spoke to Nate about it because we were
playing best friends in the film, and he shared, uh,
(05:13):
my opinion about it.
Speaker 2 (05:15):
And one of the beautiful things that.
Speaker 1 (05:16):
I remember this we gathered the cast together, and this
was early on in our relationship, so you know, I
didn't quite know which way it was gonna go, and
I remember Nate being he's much calmer now than he
was when.
Speaker 2 (05:35):
We first met, and Nate being very.
Speaker 1 (05:38):
Like, you know what I mean, He was quite rightly
upset by I sort of have always had a sort
of calmer demeanor, but his passion infected me and I
think my karma approach. And we stood there together and
we talked to this group of young men, and it
(05:58):
was the moment beyond on which it was the first
time we were effective as a as a team, as
a partnership. And I've never had that before. I had
never had someone who was such a kindred spirit despite
being so different from me. And so to your question,
(06:23):
he gave me a renewed sense of purpose around that
which I feel I'm here to do, which is to
gather people with a common goal towards something greater than
all of us. And I'd never really had a partner
in that who looks like me and who I and
this is an important one respect like I respect his talent,
(06:47):
I respect his perspective, I respect the way he moves
through the world. And so to that was a gift
he gave me in that moment, and we it's never
really abated since, and it has help to me with
my sense of self and my sense of purpose.
Speaker 4 (07:04):
Stay with us as David and Nates share more of
this powerful friendship.
Speaker 5 (07:42):
David, eight years ago, your friendship faced one of his
greatest challenges when an allegation from college that Nate had
been acquitted for resurfaced and he faced very public backlash
for how he responded. You stood firmly by his side
(08:07):
and became an advocate for second chances. How have you
seen Nate grow and change since then?
Speaker 1 (08:18):
Yeah, that moment eight years ago, surrounding birth of a
nation and these allegations, it was incredibly challenging to see
someone you know very well going through something as painful
as that, something as targeted as that. But also, like
(08:40):
I said just before, I have watched Nate from when
we first met, certainly to now and even to then,
evolve enormously as a human being. And the reality is,
and I say this happily now, who Nate was as
a nineteen year old, I don't know that we would
(09:01):
be best friends back then, And that's not only to
do with who Nate might have been back then, but
who I was back then. And yet here we are,
and he is like a brother to me. So I'm
talking about the evolution and the growth that we go through,
(09:21):
and I have watched him grow so in that moment,
and I remember talking to Nate when all of this
was happening and understandably incredibly challenging for him. And we've
talked about this since that some of how Nate reacted
(09:46):
is stuff that he regrets.
Speaker 2 (09:49):
Some of.
Speaker 1 (09:53):
What I had to say at that time took time
to hear, and.
Speaker 2 (10:03):
That to me is the stuff that people don't see.
Speaker 1 (10:07):
You know, we live in an echo chamber of social
media and news cycles and almost carnivorously feeding off of
people and their pain and their circumstances. And I know
what that looks like. I know what that looks like,
(10:27):
even on Selma when we were being accused of inaccuracies
tied to the film, and that actually the Selmer March
was Lyndon Johnson's idea, not your father or the movement side.
I've seen how people during award season have tried to
sling mud in ways that are self seeking and self serving.
(10:51):
That's the industry, that's the industrial complex, that is the press,
that is the industrial complex, that is the new cycle.
But this is a human being. This is a human
being who I know, and so it wasn't difficult for
me at all to advocate for him because I know him,
(11:12):
I know him, and I know he's fallible, and I
see his evolution, and I see that in him, which
I know flies in the face of what people are saying.
So for me, friendship is not something that is rooted
(11:34):
in the good times. It actually comes to the fall
in the bad times. And this was a bad time.
This was a deeply challenging time. He had made a
film that I truly feel was designed and on its
way to having the kind of social impact that was indisputable,
and that got derailed. And we've talked about this a
(12:00):
lot since then. We've done a bunch of work together
because there were mistakes made. There were mistakes made in
terms of disposition. There were attitudes that Nate had in
the past at that time, even you know that we
had to work through. And when he talks about us
(12:21):
having prayed together, we have snotty, dribbling, screaming, wailing prayed
together over this stuff because it was hard, and there
is so much that this will not be able to
(12:44):
give context to. All I can say to you is
that this is a man worthy of redemption. This is
a man worthy of the platform that he had and
God willing will con continue to have. And this is
a man who I have seen evolve and grow in
(13:07):
ways tied to not only humility but also real dark
knight of the soul stuff Like he talks about the
fact that he you know, he's a very private person,
and I invited him here today.
Speaker 2 (13:24):
We had to pray over this.
Speaker 1 (13:26):
We debated long and hard about this, because this is
not easy for him in the wake of all of that.
And so, you know, I say all that to say
that I know this man, and for me there is
(13:47):
never hesitancy on the basis of what I know and
what I see, because he's.
Speaker 2 (13:52):
A truly beautiful human being.
Speaker 1 (14:00):
Sorry, we all make mistakes, you know, we all make mistakes.
We've all made mistakes. Nate has made his mistakes, but.
Speaker 2 (14:22):
He, more than.
Speaker 1 (14:26):
Almost anyone else I have encountered, has stepped into a
place of ownership of who he was, some of which
is to.
Speaker 2 (14:41):
Do with.
Speaker 1 (14:45):
Environment, cultural circum whatever it may be. But this is
a man who is worthy of grace. That's all I'll say.
And that's why it never I never feel any hesitation
to shout from the rooftops my friendship with him, my
(15:06):
advocacy for him, my love for him, because he's a
beautiful human being.
Speaker 6 (15:13):
Thank you, brother.
Speaker 5 (15:15):
What is the most profound insight or lesson that you've
gained through the challenges and growth you've experienced.
Speaker 2 (15:25):
I'd say the.
Speaker 6 (15:25):
Most valuable lesson I've learned over the last eight years
of not in my life now, it's been to make
room for empathy in every situation, in every circumstance, no
matter the backstory, and that you can't have empathy if
you're not listening. That was the thing when I constantly
(15:50):
think David for his friendship.
Speaker 2 (15:54):
It's that part, you know.
Speaker 6 (15:58):
I was so caught up in what I felt was
being done to me and my innocence and what I
was losing, what I felt I had to lose. I
didn't recognize the impact that the situation had on so
many other people, the epidemic of that situation, how it
(16:19):
impacts so many people. We know how it impacted you know, fans, friends,
family members. And it was really David that became a
voice of reason for me that and really encouraged me
to be still, because sometimes you're in this energy of
this isn't their, this is it's it's and that's not leadership,
(16:43):
you know. I I don't think I could call myself
a leader when you think about the people I've had
the pleasure of being able to play. We've talked about
it on this podcast. Everyone was service, So how can
I be of service to the people that I feel
like I've been called it? Impact through my art, through
my work, my family, empathy and listening. David encouraged me
(17:07):
to be still to listen earnestly. We did a lot
of listening when talked to us a lot of people,
to reflect quietly rather in public spaces, to really get
into spaces where I can reflect on what I was
listening to and how would impact it, not just me
(17:29):
but those around me. And then really back to constantly
praying for wisdom and discernment. I think that's the thing
that grounds you constantly, that you do not live in
an echo chamber, that in this moment, the people who
have followed you, the people who have supported you, are
(17:50):
expecting a more thoughtful response. And then, finally, and this
is really important, to really look for opportunities for growth
and focused accountability. Where can I show up and say
that I needed to learn this, I need to learn
(18:10):
this needs to become a part of my growth.
Speaker 2 (18:12):
As a man.
Speaker 6 (18:13):
This then needs to be challenged with respect to what
I've been taught about manhood or growth. And these are
things that at you know, I'm not nineteen anymore, I'm
forty five. But these are things that even on a
podcast like this, or even in future projects I do,
or conversations that aren't public, can really have an impact
(18:37):
on the constructs that we have inherited as artists, as
human beings. You know, it says, you know and the
Bible good person leaves an inheritance for their children's children.
What is the inheritance we're leaving? And the inheritance I
want to leave is not a disposition of anger and frustration,
regardless of what I deem to be my perspective of
(19:00):
my innocence or or what happened, but the impact that
all the actions, behaviors, and cultures that we are walking
around steeped in have on those around us.
Speaker 3 (19:09):
We started this conversation talking about your five daughters. I'm
sure that that also had a tremendous impact of growth
over the last eight years. And it's nothing like a
child and you have five some tr us five different personalities.
We have one that has five different personalities, and they
(19:31):
will ask you things you know, and they will kind
of hold your feet to the fire.
Speaker 6 (19:37):
Absolutely.
Speaker 1 (19:38):
One of the things we did soon after this happened
is we went on a tour of talking to lots
of different women, and I called up friends, people who
have more acquaintances. We spoke to experts in the space
(20:03):
as it pertains to just what women have had to
endure in ways that the empathy that Nate is talking
about was something that I grew in because we are
(20:26):
also living in an environment that, as it pertains to women.
Speaker 2 (20:32):
As a man, you take a lot for granted.
Speaker 1 (20:36):
In relation to the effect that is being had in
these spaces. And so when I talk about his evolution,
it's tied to my evolution, is that we literally it's
been eight years and there's a lot we could have
(20:58):
done to sort of.
Speaker 2 (20:59):
What's Nate's come back? What's Nates?
Speaker 1 (21:02):
And actually it's work. There's just the work. What's the work.
The work is empathy. As you've already said, the work
is understanding. The reason I wanted to link my arms
with him and go on that journey is I found
there are massive holes in my knowledge and my empathy
(21:23):
as well, because of the things that we take for granted.
We're here as black men talking about the things that
we've been denied and the things that we are fighting for.
But I think I'm right in saying we had a
blind spot.
Speaker 2 (21:38):
That's right.
Speaker 1 (21:39):
And it took me partnering with my best friend to go, Okay,
this is not about let's get the next movie going
or whatever.
Speaker 2 (21:50):
This is. This is a.
Speaker 1 (21:51):
Journey, and I'm committed to you to go on this
with you because it's a difficult one and there were
doors I could open in terms of I mean, like
people who had real resistance to sitting down with Nate
to going no, do me a solid sit down with him,
(22:12):
because he needs to hear what you have to say.
And you know, without naming names, it's the gamut of
people you didn't know, I didn't know very well, to
people you did who felt, you know, real hurt in
the wake of all of this, And it's been an
extraordinary journey to go on that we don't feel the
(22:34):
need to publicize because, in all honesty, if it's true,
if it worked, if it's real, it will manifest in
our children, it will manifest in our work, it will
manifest in our character, and that speaks louder than anything
that we have to.
Speaker 2 (22:53):
Say or he has to say. And so that's.
Speaker 1 (22:57):
Why I remain in partnership with him on the business
side as a friend as artists, because I know there
is real richness that has come through this challenge that
is going to God willing be beneficial and edifying as
we continue to forge forward as partners in everything that
(23:19):
we're doing together.
Speaker 4 (23:21):
You speak of if it's true or manifest in our children.
I'd love that you talked a lot about empathy, about
growth and David, when I look at your own family,
you have four children. You have spoken beautifully about how
you are in partnership with Jessica and how they ground you.
And so what do you hope your legacy will be
(23:44):
When your kids think about you, what will they say,
not only as a father, but as a human being.
Speaker 1 (23:51):
Well, it's what I just said. I have learned that
with children, it's not what you say, it's what you do.
And the amazing moments are when you see the modeling
behavior that you didn't even really recognize or realize. Hopefully
(24:15):
it's the good stuff that they were paying attention.
Speaker 2 (24:20):
Yes, and.
Speaker 1 (24:24):
You know, my wife and I have a two week
rule when we were never apart from more than two
weeks and That was something we instituted because ours is
a very challenging profession for marriages, and you're on set
with some of the most beautiful people on the planet
and you're away for months, and that's just not conducive
for a marriage and a relationship. So it's in my
(24:47):
contract I will either on the thirteenth day be on
my way back to my wife, or you've got to
figure out getting her to me. And my older kids,
you know, two of them are out of the house now.
Speaker 2 (24:59):
But they check, they go, it's day thirteen. What's happening
with you, guys? Is is Mommy on the way to you?
Or are you on the way back?
Speaker 1 (25:08):
And you, honest, I've seen so many other actors model
the two week rule since Jess and I very naively,
you know, getting married at the age of twenty and
twenty two. And I remember just before we got married,
we were apart for like three weeks and I was ill,
like physically ill from being apart from her, and I went,
We're never doing that again, And so we instituted the
(25:30):
two week rule. We had reps agents managers laugh at
us at the notion that that would would be something
we would be able to continue. I then years following
in instances where I insisted upon it, have had producers
sidle up to me and said, you know what, if
I had thought more about my marriage the way you do,
I might still be married. And that's in a professional capacity.
(25:55):
So to see our kids going what's happening with a
two week rule, you guys, is something that is so
beautiful because, to be perfectly frank, the best piece of advice,
one of the best pieces of advice I got about
marriage is.
Speaker 2 (26:07):
The marriage is the center.
Speaker 1 (26:09):
The kids are a welcome addition because that gives them
security to be kids. They are not the reason you're together.
They are not the glue. They don't have to bear
the burden of well, if I'm not here, mommy and
daddy are not going to be together.
Speaker 2 (26:24):
Now.
Speaker 1 (26:24):
The love I have for my wife, God willing, that
is what they are going to aspire to in their
life partner, and what will get generationally passed down to
my descendants, which is that love is to be fought for.
You know, the two week rule is it's a fight
(26:46):
to maintain that in an industry where you're constantly away.
But you know, to some people it might seem not
that romantic, the notion of a two week rule. But
I remember doing a film in Morocco and it was
twenty four hours of travel each way back to LA
(27:09):
and I flew twenty It took twenty four hours to
get from Morocco to La to be with my wife
for thirty six hours before I turned round again and
flew twenty four hours to get back to set. And
my kids have never forgotten that. So that's not a
saying thing, that's a doing thing. And hopefully I'm modeling
(27:31):
for them what it is to have sacrificial love within
your marriage, because to me, that's what Jesus is, That's
what he represents. That is the zenith, the pinnacle, the
red hot eye of what He did on the cross
with sacrificial love. So as many ways as I can
exhibit that in my marriage and my work with my friendships,
(27:54):
that's what I hope will be the legacy for my
children in terms of how they go into model that behavior.
Speaker 4 (28:00):
You're going forward, we'll be right back as David and
Nature how they're creating a legacy of fatherhood in connection
with their own children.
Speaker 3 (28:36):
Nate, are there any particular stories that you could think
of seeing David as a parent that could give us
just a little bit of a glimpse.
Speaker 2 (28:47):
Of him.
Speaker 6 (28:48):
And I don't think it's a small thing. I don't
think I've talked to him. Maybe maybe my wife, maybe Sarah.
But it is a wonderful thing to see one of
David's children ask him for.
Speaker 2 (28:59):
Some thing.
Speaker 6 (29:02):
And to see him become the dad and considerate when
he knows he's going to give it to them, but
the way in which he thinks about it before he responds,
I don't even know if you do this, And I
can only assume you get it from your father. I've
(29:25):
been at the house, you know, Daddy, Yes, and they
come and ask him.
Speaker 2 (29:32):
He goes.
Speaker 6 (29:35):
As if to measure if they deserve it or not,
and just it is the cutest like that relationship as
a father of five girls, and in that respect, it
doesn't matter if it's you know, I'm not going to
say a children's name, but the boys or the girl.
But I just love seeing you contemplate and eye them
(29:57):
for a moment and then give them what they've asked
for and to see them wait for it, to be
on the outside looking in, and it's just the way
you do it. It always makes me smile because it's
it's to kind of speak to what you spoke to, presence, visibility,
seeing your children having spiritual contact. There's nothing fleeting and
(30:20):
there's nothing flipped. That's one thing we have in common.
You asked me a question, you're going to get an answer,
and if you get no answer, that's an answer. You
know why. It is the one thing that growing up
where I came from be you know, you're yes as
you're yes, your no as you know you look people
in the eye if you're saying, or if you're leaving,
if you're hired, or if you're you look someone in
(30:42):
the eye. And we bring that to our children.
Speaker 2 (30:46):
Can you look at this drawing? Yes?
Speaker 6 (30:47):
What is the drawing there?
Speaker 2 (30:49):
David is like that with all of us.
Speaker 6 (30:51):
It's beautiful to watch. But when they ask him for
something that they don't know that they're going to get
and he just takes a second okay, and then they
go off and get it, it is the I don't know,
if you know, you probably doing it?
Speaker 2 (31:05):
No, I do.
Speaker 1 (31:05):
I do, because it's about making sure that you are
acknowledging that the relationship is not flip. It's not just okay, daddy,
you know, because you know what kids are like.
Speaker 2 (31:18):
They'll time out, they'll.
Speaker 1 (31:19):
Time to wait wait yet you're distracted, and so that
you you can just oh.
Speaker 2 (31:23):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, whatever.
Speaker 1 (31:24):
Not David, No, no, no, because my interactions with my
kit it's about intention, it's about eye contact, it's about
you know you, there are no there are You cannot
say I love you enough because words are powerful, and
I think you're saying I love you by the fact
(31:45):
that regardless of whether I give you this thing or not,
you need to know that love is part of the equation.
Regardless whether it's.
Speaker 2 (31:54):
A no or a yes.
Speaker 1 (31:56):
I'm looking at you to make sure it's not a
flip yes or a flip no. Because again, what you're
modeling for your kids is relationship. The thing that I
get so much joy from is when it's a no
and they can come back, maybe not the same day,
(32:17):
maybe not the next day, but they can go thank
you for saying no. I didn't really need that thing.
Because your kids are constantly testing you. They're custantly testing
where are the boundaries, because the boundaries is what makes
them feel safe. So if you say yes to everything,
they actually are losing a sense of their boundaries, and
(32:39):
there their sense of self and their sense of safety.
So the moment that I'm kind of annoyed that you spotted.
Speaker 2 (32:48):
Is measuring.
Speaker 1 (32:51):
And I know my kids, whether it's something you need
or something you want, and I'm there to provide your
needs wants, and so it's that as well, and sometimes
I'll give you what you want, but just know that's
not going to be an all.
Speaker 2 (33:07):
The time every day.
Speaker 1 (33:08):
Think So it's about intention and it's about connection, I
think is the point.
Speaker 3 (33:15):
But now, David, have you learned anything in particular about
raising daughters.
Speaker 1 (33:23):
You know Nay and I because we run a business together.
We're on the phone a lot together. We are on
a lot of zooms. And the thing I admire the
most about him is similarly, no matter who we're talking to,
if it's the CEO, if it's a potential financier, whatever
(33:44):
it is, when one of his daughters comes into the
room on a zoom, excuse me, you guys, yes, honey.
Speaker 2 (33:52):
And he will never ignore them.
Speaker 1 (33:56):
He will never do that, you know, I've never known
him to do that. And it is so beautiful because
you can see the faces of the squares. Everyone just goes,
Everyone just has that smile of this guy has his
priorities in check, and sometimes you forget to push.
Speaker 2 (34:19):
The mute button. And it always ends with I love you.
Speaker 1 (34:26):
Always ends with I love you, no matter what it is,
no matter how trivial or important. The thing they came
to ask was it always ends with I love you.
And then he's back to the zoom. And to be
perfectly frank, much like the two week rule in that
business setting, I actually think it's incredibly impactful for people
(34:48):
in a business setting to have the priorities put in
the right place of like, all this stuff we're doing,
at the end of the day, nothing is more important
than that and that because I have to say, I'm
not that way in the zoo, on the zoom, I'm
the one who.
Speaker 6 (35:10):
You know, what it is with daughters, it's so different.
You know, as you say, children test you for boundaries,
they also test you for hierarchy. They want to know
where they sit in your life constantly. And daughters, you know,
I have from my youngest to my eldest, I literally
have one in every different level of education. So I
(35:33):
have one in elementary school, one in middle school, one
in high school, one in college, and one getting a
master's and they are constantly asking me with different in
different ways, where do I sit in your life? Where
do I sit amongst my sisters, Where do I sit
in this moment your colleagues? And so my job I
(35:57):
feel as as a father to always remind them that
they're as close to me as anyone or anything on earth.
And that means in a zoom, literally turning and saying yes,
I will hear your poem and listen to the poem
while we're closing the deal, and I will say I
love that poem. I'm going to finish my call and
(36:18):
then we're going to talk about it. I love you, goodbye.
I lose nothing, but I gain everything, and she gains
everything because maybe it wasn't about the poem. She will
leave the room saying I am important, and I am
important enough that in this moment he chose me, because
that's what it's about. You know, we are in a
time where the choosing, whether it be of partners, whether
(36:40):
it be of relationships, have has become very difficult with
social media and all these things that are constantly negotiating likes,
negotiating self esteem. So and I also say I try
my best to treat all my children like their only children,
you know, because I learned early on that when you
take two to Disneyland, it doesn't count. It just doesn't.
(37:05):
If you take three out to dinner, it doesn't count.
It's not a date, that's a group.
Speaker 2 (37:09):
I learned that from you.
Speaker 1 (37:10):
Yeah, I learned the daddy daugh to day from from
I mean, I only have one daughter. You literally came
to my house last week with Justice and he can't
he'd forgotten his bag at my house because we spent
the day together, so you had to come back a
couple of days later, you came with we worked with
your daughter Justice, and they were going out.
Speaker 2 (37:31):
For lunch for dinner together.
Speaker 1 (37:34):
And I was like, wow, because I do that with
my daughter, and it's kind of easier when you have
one daughter and you have three sons. It's like the
daddy daugh to day is like, of course it's a dad,
but the fact.
Speaker 2 (37:46):
That you do that.
Speaker 1 (37:47):
I was so impressed with that because you specifically brought
her to get the bag, knowing that it was just
it was her day. And I've been with a Injustice
a lot. I have never seen her that effervescent and
giddy and just happy. And you know, I have a
(38:08):
bunch of dogs in my house. She's petting the dogs,
she's dancing, and I could tell it's because you had
singled the day for her that day and the way
she skipped out of the house knowing that you guys
were going off to dinner. But that that I learned
from you, I didn't. I didn't know how prioritis that
needed to be a spect and i'm I'm.
Speaker 2 (38:28):
My sexism lies firmly in the.
Speaker 1 (38:31):
Fact that I do treat my daughter differently than my
son's And I don't know if it's right or not,
but you know, there is.
Speaker 2 (38:39):
I was one of three boys, then I had three boys.
Then oh my.
Speaker 1 (38:43):
Lord, I had a daughter, which is the thing where
I go, you have five.
Speaker 2 (38:47):
The effect this girl has on my heart is should
be illegal.
Speaker 1 (38:52):
I mean is it is just so profit seeing her
just it's like my heart is being rebroken every time.
And so to see how you have navigated being able
to treat them all as a as a as a
only child in that way has been really exemplary.
Speaker 6 (39:10):
I cry all the time. Now, It's funny where I
come from to cry.
Speaker 2 (39:16):
There's punishment with that.
Speaker 6 (39:17):
You know, what are you crying for I give you
something to cry about. You know, it's a Southern thing,
right right?
Speaker 1 (39:23):
You love too much of that one.
Speaker 6 (39:27):
And so I found myself and my older age, specifically
around my doors. I cry for nothing at all. My
daughter lost her front tooth and she showed it to me.
Why is daddy crying? I'm like, I'm not not sad,
but it's we don't get these moments back, you know.
It's we're getting older, and it's happening fast. We're here,
it says, where it's but a mist of vapor and
(39:48):
then it's gone. So I'm in, you know, I mean,
I'm in a season of absolute and unapologetic investment into
those girls, into my family, into my life. Because before
we know it, someone's gonna be having a podcast and
we're gonna be gone, and they're gonna be talking about
the stuff that we did, hopefully in positive ways, but
(40:10):
at that point it won't matter to us, will be
somewhere else.
Speaker 7 (40:13):
So, David, this whole podcast is inspired by a book
that we've co authored called What is My Legacy? And
part of your legacy is your philanthropic work, especially in Nigeria,
which has inspired us. Can you briefly tell us a
little bit about that work and some amazing work you're doing,
especially with scholarships.
Speaker 1 (40:30):
Yeah, the leadership scholarship we have in Nigeria was inspired
by the bring Back Our Goals movement that happened just
under a decade ago when the Chiapbok girls were kidnapped
in northern Nigeria and what happened in that moment it
became a viral moment. Bring Back our Goal became a hashtag.
(40:50):
Over two hundred girls have been kidnapped. But Boko Haram,
the terrorist group who had done this, they specifically their
goal was to make sure girls are not educated, and
that tells you something that tells you that there is
power in the education of girls specifically. I'm also an
(41:12):
ambassador for an organization called Girl Rising, and studies have
been done to show that the way to end world
poverty is to educate girls globally, And when you think
about something as lofty as ending world poverty, it just
feels insurmountable. But if you can educate one girl and
(41:32):
have her consider the notion of leadership as part of
her legacy, that's a very real drop in the ocean
of ending world poverty. So I partnered with a foundation
called Jinko to start the David A. Yellowell Leadership Scholarship,
and long story short, we now have forty five girls
who are paying for all of their education. We find
(41:55):
girls who have been dealing with terrorism or socioeconomic marginalization,
all of these patriarchy, which is, you know, as much
as I love being a Nigerian, it's a very patriarchal
society that traditionally can often marginalize women and stymy their opportunities,
(42:19):
so that to me is unacceptable.
Speaker 2 (42:22):
A lot of it we've talked.
Speaker 1 (42:23):
About my daughter at nauseum, but a lot of it
was inspired by having a girl all of a sudden
and realizing, oh my gosh, do I have a blind
spot because suddenly I have a person in my life
where the idea that their gender would be the reason
why they would not be afforded every opportunity unacceptable to me.
So our Leadership Scholarship is a means of doing that.
(42:46):
And we are in four states in Nigeria right now.
We've partnered with schools in those four states to basically
have the best we can find who would not otherwise
get the education they deserve. Plant them in these schools
where we will pay for not only their education, but
the thing that we really learned is mental health because
they're coming out of very difficult situations, so we are
(43:11):
we're paying for that component as well.
Speaker 7 (43:13):
And makes zero website for people to learn more about.
Speaker 1 (43:16):
Gingko ginco dot org uh and and everything's g e
A n c o A dot org and it's a
foundation and they can find all the information there.
Speaker 7 (43:27):
Thanks, thank you for sharing.
Speaker 2 (43:28):
Thank you.
Speaker 3 (43:29):
I love that because as Corota Scott King said that
if the soul of this nation is to be saved,
and women must become the soul. Absolutely, and I think
that can be said around the world for sure, for sure.
And then of course you have a wonderful Apple TV series.
Speaker 2 (43:47):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (43:47):
Government Cheese is about a family of four in the
valley in the late nineteen sixties, and I play a
bit of a ne'er do well who's just come out
of prison and is trying to do right by his family,
but he has these encounters with God. So it's a surrealist,
parabolic comedy and he's a man who's trying to get
(44:11):
back on the straight and narrow, trying to do God's well,
but really being pulled back into his past, and the
question of the show is can he become worthy of
his wife and children all over again, which is the
path that God is trying to get him back onto.
Speaker 2 (44:27):
But you know, I'm really really.
Speaker 1 (44:28):
Proud of that show because it's set in the sixties
where we know, certainly at this table, we know we
were dealing with a lot of strife and unrest as
black people. But it doesn't touch on that. It's just
a beautiful celebration of a black family at a time
and a place that we very rarely see on TV.
And it's it's a half hour comedy and I'm just
(44:50):
really proud that we got it made.
Speaker 6 (44:51):
And it's very fun. We don't always get to have fun,
especially in the sixties.
Speaker 4 (44:57):
Definitely check it out.
Speaker 2 (44:59):
There to make it. Yes, gentlemen, I love the laughter.
Speaker 4 (45:07):
I think it's a beautiful note to end on because
we put together this the four of us originally because
we wanted to invite people to have conversations about legacy,
to listen, to learn, and yes, to have a lot
of fun. And I think back at the conversation of
how we live legacy. I love the two week rule.
I want to shamelessly steal that.
Speaker 2 (45:26):
Oh please, thank you well.
Speaker 4 (45:28):
I think we want to bring it into our lives,
and I talk to my wife about that one. I
love the idea of you cannot be what you cannot see.
I think it's deeply powerful, but it's also a great
call to action for role models out there. Yes, I
love your conversation about consult God before consulting the ego.
(45:48):
Made your tribute that you gave to David, I thought
was beautiful, and I actually going to repeat that one again,
Consult God before consulting the ego, because that is profound.
I love the idea you cannot say I love you
too much, and it fits so beautifully on what both
of you have said, which is you know where do
I sit. I always reminding kids that they are our priorities,
our family, our spouses are loved ones. And so I
(46:11):
look at all of these beautiful calls to action that
you gave us today, of how each person can see
how the two of you shape your legacy, how you
live your legacy every day. So on behalf of the
four of us were deeply grateful. David Nate, thank you
for taking the time to share your legacies with us today.
Speaker 2 (46:27):
Thank you.
Speaker 3 (46:28):
I want to salute you all, and I have never
done this in this way before because we always say
to our daughter Yolanda, real queens straighten each other's crowns,
and this is the first time I've said that. You
all embody real kings, straighten each other's crowns. So thank
you all for straightening each other's grounds. Thank you forever,
(46:53):
Thank you for joining us. We are so grateful to
have you as part of this journey. For more information
on Realize the Dream, visit realizethedream dot org. And we
have a special discount code for you to purchase our
new book, What Is My Legacy? Go to my legacy
dot com, follow the link to buy and use the
(47:15):
promo code Legacy thirty all one word and legacy is
all caps for your thirty percent discount. If you enjoy
today's conversation, subscribe and share the podcast with friends, family,
and loved ones, and follow us on social media at
my Legacy Movement. At the heart of this podcast is
(47:35):
doctor King's vision of the beloved community and the power
of connection. This podcast is a testament to that vision
and the product of collective effort enriched by the voices,
stories and support of so many. A legacy plus studio
production distributed by iHeartMedia creative and executive producer Suzanne Hayward
(47:58):
co executive producer Leealile. My Legacy podcast is available on
the iHeartRadio app or wherever you get your podcasts. Until
next time, may you find connection and inspiration to live
your most fulfilled life
For me, friendship is not something that is rooted in
the good times. It actually comes to the fall in
the bad times. And this was a bad time. This
was a deeply challenging time. And when he talks about
us having prayed together, we have snotty, dribbling, screaming, wailing,
(00:28):
preyed together.
Speaker 2 (00:30):
Over this stuff because it was hard.
Speaker 3 (00:37):
Hello, loves, I'm Andrea Waters King. And that was David o'
yellow old describing a friendship that has endured it all,
the kind of bond that doesn't waver even in the
hardest of times. Last week, David and Nate gave us
a glimpse into their journey, one of brotherhood, faith and
standing for what matters. But some stories they can't be told.
Speaker 2 (00:57):
In just one.
Speaker 3 (00:57):
Conversation two they open up like never before about standing
together through public scrutiny, weathering storms no one saw coming,
and the power of faith to rebuild what was broken.
It's a conversation about resilience, redemption, and what it truly
means to show up for someone when the world turns away.
(01:18):
This is My Legacy a podcast hosted by me and
my husband, Martin Luther King, the third eldest son of
doctor Martin Luther King Junior, and Coretta Scott King. Plus
we're joined by good friends New York Times bestselling authors
Mark and Craig Kilberger. Let's pick up right where we
left off.
Speaker 4 (01:38):
What's clear you're building something rooted in deep values. And
obviously we talked about legacy here. In creating a legacy
and just listening to this friendship rooted in faith, rooted
in values. No, David, if I could ask you a question,
can you share with us a time that Nate was
there for you when you were going through a difficult
time and how we helped you.
Speaker 1 (01:58):
I've mentioned one of the the profound moments where he
did that thing that I think Nate briefly mentioned. There
can only be one syndrome, which is very prevalent whenever
there's a marginalized group. It's very prevalent around black men
and certainly around black people in Hollywood. Once there is
(02:22):
a Denzel, that can almost mean that there's no space
for anyone else. Once there's an Obama, once there's a
doctor King. You know, I think one of the challenging
things for the movement was once he was murdered.
Speaker 2 (02:37):
Assassinated, who's next?
Speaker 1 (02:41):
If you haven't created a culture where it's a phalanx,
where it's a community, where it's a many headed monster,
so that when you cut one head off, there's plenty
more there to do the work that is incredibly detrimental
to a community, and it it is self sabotaging to
(03:03):
celebrate the there can only be one syndrome. So in
that moment where Nate not only demonstrated, but actively put
himself to the side in order to demonstrate that this
is not a there can only be one friendship or atmosphere,
(03:27):
that has been incredibly impactful to me because I that's
my disposition, that's my.
Speaker 2 (03:38):
Aspiration.
Speaker 1 (03:39):
I grew up in the theater in the UK, and
that is the only way you get a play going.
It cannot be that there is one person likes It's
just too much of a community endeavor. So one of
the things I will point to when we did Red
Tales together and our backgrounds, as you can probably tell,
very very different. And Nate came from, as he said,
(04:04):
an environment where it's get the money. You know, he
didn't have like I was very blessed to have a
father there to help with his raising. He came from
a more challenged background than me. And what happens with
that is that when you get into a space like
(04:25):
George Lucas is producing a film called Redtails with this
group of young black actors that no one else knows
he could easily have and he was the lead in
that film. And what happened on that film was that,
to be perfectly frank, there were those of us in
that group, or there were some folks who had bought
(04:45):
into there can only be one syndrome.
Speaker 2 (04:49):
And I remember.
Speaker 1 (04:51):
Feeling very on the outs as a result, because I
didn't subscribe to that mindset. I felt it was going
to be detrimental to the experience and to film itself.
And I spoke to Nate about it because we were
playing best friends in the film, and he shared, uh,
(05:13):
my opinion about it.
Speaker 2 (05:15):
And one of the beautiful things that.
Speaker 1 (05:16):
I remember this we gathered the cast together, and this
was early on in our relationship, so you know, I
didn't quite know which way it was gonna go, and
I remember Nate being he's much calmer now than he
was when.
Speaker 2 (05:35):
We first met, and Nate being very.
Speaker 1 (05:38):
Like, you know what I mean, He was quite rightly
upset by I sort of have always had a sort
of calmer demeanor, but his passion infected me and I
think my karma approach. And we stood there together and
we talked to this group of young men, and it
(05:58):
was the moment beyond on which it was the first
time we were effective as a as a team, as
a partnership. And I've never had that before. I had
never had someone who was such a kindred spirit despite
being so different from me. And so to your question,
(06:23):
he gave me a renewed sense of purpose around that
which I feel I'm here to do, which is to
gather people with a common goal towards something greater than
all of us. And I'd never really had a partner
in that who looks like me and who I and
this is an important one respect like I respect his talent,
(06:47):
I respect his perspective, I respect the way he moves
through the world. And so to that was a gift
he gave me in that moment, and we it's never
really abated since, and it has help to me with
my sense of self and my sense of purpose.
Speaker 4 (07:04):
Stay with us as David and Nates share more of
this powerful friendship.
Speaker 5 (07:42):
David, eight years ago, your friendship faced one of his
greatest challenges when an allegation from college that Nate had
been acquitted for resurfaced and he faced very public backlash
for how he responded. You stood firmly by his side
(08:07):
and became an advocate for second chances. How have you
seen Nate grow and change since then?
Speaker 1 (08:18):
Yeah, that moment eight years ago, surrounding birth of a
nation and these allegations, it was incredibly challenging to see
someone you know very well going through something as painful
as that, something as targeted as that. But also, like
(08:40):
I said just before, I have watched Nate from when
we first met, certainly to now and even to then,
evolve enormously as a human being. And the reality is,
and I say this happily now, who Nate was as
a nineteen year old, I don't know that we would
(09:01):
be best friends back then, And that's not only to
do with who Nate might have been back then, but
who I was back then. And yet here we are,
and he is like a brother to me. So I'm
talking about the evolution and the growth that we go through,
(09:21):
and I have watched him grow so in that moment,
and I remember talking to Nate when all of this
was happening and understandably incredibly challenging for him. And we've
talked about this since that some of how Nate reacted
(09:46):
is stuff that he regrets.
Speaker 2 (09:49):
Some of.
Speaker 1 (09:53):
What I had to say at that time took time
to hear, and.
Speaker 2 (10:03):
That to me is the stuff that people don't see.
Speaker 1 (10:07):
You know, we live in an echo chamber of social
media and news cycles and almost carnivorously feeding off of
people and their pain and their circumstances. And I know
what that looks like. I know what that looks like,
(10:27):
even on Selma when we were being accused of inaccuracies
tied to the film, and that actually the Selmer March
was Lyndon Johnson's idea, not your father or the movement side.
I've seen how people during award season have tried to
sling mud in ways that are self seeking and self serving.
(10:51):
That's the industry, that's the industrial complex, that is the press,
that is the industrial complex, that is the new cycle.
But this is a human being. This is a human
being who I know, and so it wasn't difficult for
me at all to advocate for him because I know him,
(11:12):
I know him, and I know he's fallible, and I
see his evolution, and I see that in him, which
I know flies in the face of what people are saying.
So for me, friendship is not something that is rooted
(11:34):
in the good times. It actually comes to the fall
in the bad times. And this was a bad time.
This was a deeply challenging time. He had made a
film that I truly feel was designed and on its
way to having the kind of social impact that was indisputable,
and that got derailed. And we've talked about this a
(12:00):
lot since then. We've done a bunch of work together
because there were mistakes made. There were mistakes made in
terms of disposition. There were attitudes that Nate had in
the past at that time, even you know that we
had to work through. And when he talks about us
(12:21):
having prayed together, we have snotty, dribbling, screaming, wailing prayed
together over this stuff because it was hard, and there
is so much that this will not be able to
(12:44):
give context to. All I can say to you is
that this is a man worthy of redemption. This is
a man worthy of the platform that he had and
God willing will con continue to have. And this is
a man who I have seen evolve and grow in
(13:07):
ways tied to not only humility but also real dark
knight of the soul stuff Like he talks about the
fact that he you know, he's a very private person,
and I invited him here today.
Speaker 2 (13:24):
We had to pray over this.
Speaker 1 (13:26):
We debated long and hard about this, because this is
not easy for him in the wake of all of that.
And so, you know, I say all that to say
that I know this man, and for me there is
(13:47):
never hesitancy on the basis of what I know and
what I see, because he's.
Speaker 2 (13:52):
A truly beautiful human being.
Speaker 1 (14:00):
Sorry, we all make mistakes, you know, we all make mistakes.
We've all made mistakes. Nate has made his mistakes, but.
Speaker 2 (14:22):
He, more than.
Speaker 1 (14:26):
Almost anyone else I have encountered, has stepped into a
place of ownership of who he was, some of which
is to.
Speaker 2 (14:41):
Do with.
Speaker 1 (14:45):
Environment, cultural circum whatever it may be. But this is
a man who is worthy of grace. That's all I'll say.
And that's why it never I never feel any hesitation
to shout from the rooftops my friendship with him, my
(15:06):
advocacy for him, my love for him, because he's a
beautiful human being.
Speaker 6 (15:13):
Thank you, brother.
Speaker 5 (15:15):
What is the most profound insight or lesson that you've
gained through the challenges and growth you've experienced.
Speaker 2 (15:25):
I'd say the.
Speaker 6 (15:25):
Most valuable lesson I've learned over the last eight years
of not in my life now, it's been to make
room for empathy in every situation, in every circumstance, no
matter the backstory, and that you can't have empathy if
you're not listening. That was the thing when I constantly
(15:50):
think David for his friendship.
Speaker 2 (15:54):
It's that part, you know.
Speaker 6 (15:58):
I was so caught up in what I felt was
being done to me and my innocence and what I
was losing, what I felt I had to lose. I
didn't recognize the impact that the situation had on so
many other people, the epidemic of that situation, how it
(16:19):
impacts so many people. We know how it impacted you know, fans, friends,
family members. And it was really David that became a
voice of reason for me that and really encouraged me
to be still, because sometimes you're in this energy of
this isn't their, this is it's it's and that's not leadership,
(16:43):
you know. I I don't think I could call myself
a leader when you think about the people I've had
the pleasure of being able to play. We've talked about
it on this podcast. Everyone was service, So how can
I be of service to the people that I feel
like I've been called it? Impact through my art, through
my work, my family, empathy and listening. David encouraged me
(17:07):
to be still to listen earnestly. We did a lot
of listening when talked to us a lot of people,
to reflect quietly rather in public spaces, to really get
into spaces where I can reflect on what I was
listening to and how would impact it, not just me
(17:29):
but those around me. And then really back to constantly
praying for wisdom and discernment. I think that's the thing
that grounds you constantly, that you do not live in
an echo chamber, that in this moment, the people who
have followed you, the people who have supported you, are
(17:50):
expecting a more thoughtful response. And then, finally, and this
is really important, to really look for opportunities for growth
and focused accountability. Where can I show up and say
that I needed to learn this, I need to learn
(18:10):
this needs to become a part of my growth.
Speaker 2 (18:12):
As a man.
Speaker 6 (18:13):
This then needs to be challenged with respect to what
I've been taught about manhood or growth. And these are
things that at you know, I'm not nineteen anymore, I'm
forty five. But these are things that even on a
podcast like this, or even in future projects I do,
or conversations that aren't public, can really have an impact
(18:37):
on the constructs that we have inherited as artists, as
human beings. You know, it says, you know and the
Bible good person leaves an inheritance for their children's children.
What is the inheritance we're leaving? And the inheritance I
want to leave is not a disposition of anger and frustration,
regardless of what I deem to be my perspective of
(19:00):
my innocence or or what happened, but the impact that
all the actions, behaviors, and cultures that we are walking
around steeped in have on those around us.
Speaker 3 (19:09):
We started this conversation talking about your five daughters. I'm
sure that that also had a tremendous impact of growth
over the last eight years. And it's nothing like a
child and you have five some tr us five different personalities.
We have one that has five different personalities, and they
(19:31):
will ask you things you know, and they will kind
of hold your feet to the fire.
Speaker 6 (19:37):
Absolutely.
Speaker 1 (19:38):
One of the things we did soon after this happened
is we went on a tour of talking to lots
of different women, and I called up friends, people who
have more acquaintances. We spoke to experts in the space
(20:03):
as it pertains to just what women have had to
endure in ways that the empathy that Nate is talking
about was something that I grew in because we are
(20:26):
also living in an environment that, as it pertains to women.
Speaker 2 (20:32):
As a man, you take a lot for granted.
Speaker 1 (20:36):
In relation to the effect that is being had in
these spaces. And so when I talk about his evolution,
it's tied to my evolution, is that we literally it's
been eight years and there's a lot we could have
(20:58):
done to sort of.
Speaker 2 (20:59):
What's Nate's come back? What's Nates?
Speaker 1 (21:02):
And actually it's work. There's just the work. What's the work.
The work is empathy. As you've already said, the work
is understanding. The reason I wanted to link my arms
with him and go on that journey is I found
there are massive holes in my knowledge and my empathy
(21:23):
as well, because of the things that we take for granted.
We're here as black men talking about the things that
we've been denied and the things that we are fighting for.
But I think I'm right in saying we had a
blind spot.
Speaker 2 (21:38):
That's right.
Speaker 1 (21:39):
And it took me partnering with my best friend to go, Okay,
this is not about let's get the next movie going
or whatever.
Speaker 2 (21:50):
This is. This is a.
Speaker 1 (21:51):
Journey, and I'm committed to you to go on this
with you because it's a difficult one and there were
doors I could open in terms of I mean, like
people who had real resistance to sitting down with Nate
to going no, do me a solid sit down with him,
(22:12):
because he needs to hear what you have to say.
And you know, without naming names, it's the gamut of
people you didn't know, I didn't know very well, to
people you did who felt, you know, real hurt in
the wake of all of this, And it's been an
extraordinary journey to go on that we don't feel the
(22:34):
need to publicize because, in all honesty, if it's true,
if it worked, if it's real, it will manifest in
our children, it will manifest in our work, it will
manifest in our character, and that speaks louder than anything
that we have to.
Speaker 2 (22:53):
Say or he has to say. And so that's.
Speaker 1 (22:57):
Why I remain in partnership with him on the business
side as a friend as artists, because I know there
is real richness that has come through this challenge that
is going to God willing be beneficial and edifying as
we continue to forge forward as partners in everything that
(23:19):
we're doing together.
Speaker 4 (23:21):
You speak of if it's true or manifest in our children.
I'd love that you talked a lot about empathy, about
growth and David, when I look at your own family,
you have four children. You have spoken beautifully about how
you are in partnership with Jessica and how they ground you.
And so what do you hope your legacy will be
(23:44):
When your kids think about you, what will they say,
not only as a father, but as a human being.
Speaker 1 (23:51):
Well, it's what I just said. I have learned that
with children, it's not what you say, it's what you do.
And the amazing moments are when you see the modeling
behavior that you didn't even really recognize or realize. Hopefully
(24:15):
it's the good stuff that they were paying attention.
Speaker 2 (24:20):
Yes, and.
Speaker 1 (24:24):
You know, my wife and I have a two week
rule when we were never apart from more than two
weeks and That was something we instituted because ours is
a very challenging profession for marriages, and you're on set
with some of the most beautiful people on the planet
and you're away for months, and that's just not conducive
for a marriage and a relationship. So it's in my
(24:47):
contract I will either on the thirteenth day be on
my way back to my wife, or you've got to
figure out getting her to me. And my older kids,
you know, two of them are out of the house now.
Speaker 2 (24:59):
But they check, they go, it's day thirteen. What's happening
with you, guys? Is is Mommy on the way to you?
Or are you on the way back?
Speaker 1 (25:08):
And you, honest, I've seen so many other actors model
the two week rule since Jess and I very naively,
you know, getting married at the age of twenty and
twenty two. And I remember just before we got married,
we were apart for like three weeks and I was ill,
like physically ill from being apart from her, and I went,
We're never doing that again, And so we instituted the
(25:30):
two week rule. We had reps agents managers laugh at
us at the notion that that would would be something
we would be able to continue. I then years following
in instances where I insisted upon it, have had producers
sidle up to me and said, you know what, if
I had thought more about my marriage the way you do,
I might still be married. And that's in a professional capacity.
(25:55):
So to see our kids going what's happening with a
two week rule, you guys, is something that is so
beautiful because, to be perfectly frank, the best piece of advice,
one of the best pieces of advice I got about
marriage is.
Speaker 2 (26:07):
The marriage is the center.
Speaker 1 (26:09):
The kids are a welcome addition because that gives them
security to be kids. They are not the reason you're together.
They are not the glue. They don't have to bear
the burden of well, if I'm not here, mommy and
daddy are not going to be together.
Speaker 2 (26:24):
Now.
Speaker 1 (26:24):
The love I have for my wife, God willing, that
is what they are going to aspire to in their
life partner, and what will get generationally passed down to
my descendants, which is that love is to be fought for.
You know, the two week rule is it's a fight
(26:46):
to maintain that in an industry where you're constantly away.
But you know, to some people it might seem not
that romantic, the notion of a two week rule. But
I remember doing a film in Morocco and it was
twenty four hours of travel each way back to LA
(27:09):
and I flew twenty It took twenty four hours to
get from Morocco to La to be with my wife
for thirty six hours before I turned round again and
flew twenty four hours to get back to set. And
my kids have never forgotten that. So that's not a
saying thing, that's a doing thing. And hopefully I'm modeling
(27:31):
for them what it is to have sacrificial love within
your marriage, because to me, that's what Jesus is, That's
what he represents. That is the zenith, the pinnacle, the
red hot eye of what He did on the cross
with sacrificial love. So as many ways as I can
exhibit that in my marriage and my work with my friendships,
(27:54):
that's what I hope will be the legacy for my
children in terms of how they go into model that behavior.
Speaker 4 (28:00):
You're going forward, we'll be right back as David and
Nature how they're creating a legacy of fatherhood in connection
with their own children.
Speaker 3 (28:36):
Nate, are there any particular stories that you could think
of seeing David as a parent that could give us
just a little bit of a glimpse.
Speaker 2 (28:47):
Of him.
Speaker 6 (28:48):
And I don't think it's a small thing. I don't
think I've talked to him. Maybe maybe my wife, maybe Sarah.
But it is a wonderful thing to see one of
David's children ask him for.
Speaker 2 (28:59):
Some thing.
Speaker 6 (29:02):
And to see him become the dad and considerate when
he knows he's going to give it to them, but
the way in which he thinks about it before he responds,
I don't even know if you do this, And I
can only assume you get it from your father. I've
(29:25):
been at the house, you know, Daddy, Yes, and they
come and ask him.
Speaker 2 (29:32):
He goes.
Speaker 6 (29:35):
As if to measure if they deserve it or not,
and just it is the cutest like that relationship as
a father of five girls, and in that respect, it
doesn't matter if it's you know, I'm not going to
say a children's name, but the boys or the girl.
But I just love seeing you contemplate and eye them
(29:57):
for a moment and then give them what they've asked
for and to see them wait for it, to be
on the outside looking in, and it's just the way
you do it. It always makes me smile because it's
it's to kind of speak to what you spoke to, presence, visibility,
seeing your children having spiritual contact. There's nothing fleeting and
(30:20):
there's nothing flipped. That's one thing we have in common.
You asked me a question, you're going to get an answer,
and if you get no answer, that's an answer. You
know why. It is the one thing that growing up
where I came from be you know, you're yes as
you're yes, your no as you know you look people
in the eye if you're saying, or if you're leaving,
if you're hired, or if you're you look someone in
(30:42):
the eye. And we bring that to our children.
Speaker 2 (30:46):
Can you look at this drawing? Yes?
Speaker 6 (30:47):
What is the drawing there?
Speaker 2 (30:49):
David is like that with all of us.
Speaker 6 (30:51):
It's beautiful to watch. But when they ask him for
something that they don't know that they're going to get
and he just takes a second okay, and then they
go off and get it, it is the I don't know,
if you know, you probably doing it?
Speaker 2 (31:05):
No, I do.
Speaker 1 (31:05):
I do, because it's about making sure that you are
acknowledging that the relationship is not flip. It's not just okay, daddy,
you know, because you know what kids are like.
Speaker 2 (31:18):
They'll time out, they'll.
Speaker 1 (31:19):
Time to wait wait yet you're distracted, and so that
you you can just oh.
Speaker 2 (31:23):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, whatever.
Speaker 1 (31:24):
Not David, No, no, no, because my interactions with my
kit it's about intention, it's about eye contact, it's about
you know you, there are no there are You cannot
say I love you enough because words are powerful, and
I think you're saying I love you by the fact
(31:45):
that regardless of whether I give you this thing or not,
you need to know that love is part of the equation.
Regardless whether it's.
Speaker 2 (31:54):
A no or a yes.
Speaker 1 (31:56):
I'm looking at you to make sure it's not a
flip yes or a flip no. Because again, what you're
modeling for your kids is relationship. The thing that I
get so much joy from is when it's a no
and they can come back, maybe not the same day,
(32:17):
maybe not the next day, but they can go thank
you for saying no. I didn't really need that thing.
Because your kids are constantly testing you. They're custantly testing
where are the boundaries, because the boundaries is what makes
them feel safe. So if you say yes to everything,
they actually are losing a sense of their boundaries, and
(32:39):
there their sense of self and their sense of safety.
So the moment that I'm kind of annoyed that you spotted.
Speaker 2 (32:48):
Is measuring.
Speaker 1 (32:51):
And I know my kids, whether it's something you need
or something you want, and I'm there to provide your
needs wants, and so it's that as well, and sometimes
I'll give you what you want, but just know that's
not going to be an all.
Speaker 2 (33:07):
The time every day.
Speaker 1 (33:08):
Think So it's about intention and it's about connection, I
think is the point.
Speaker 3 (33:15):
But now, David, have you learned anything in particular about
raising daughters.
Speaker 1 (33:23):
You know Nay and I because we run a business together.
We're on the phone a lot together. We are on
a lot of zooms. And the thing I admire the
most about him is similarly, no matter who we're talking to,
if it's the CEO, if it's a potential financier, whatever
(33:44):
it is, when one of his daughters comes into the
room on a zoom, excuse me, you guys, yes, honey.
Speaker 2 (33:52):
And he will never ignore them.
Speaker 1 (33:56):
He will never do that, you know, I've never known
him to do that. And it is so beautiful because
you can see the faces of the squares. Everyone just goes,
Everyone just has that smile of this guy has his
priorities in check, and sometimes you forget to push.
Speaker 2 (34:19):
The mute button. And it always ends with I love you.
Speaker 1 (34:26):
Always ends with I love you, no matter what it is,
no matter how trivial or important. The thing they came
to ask was it always ends with I love you.
And then he's back to the zoom. And to be
perfectly frank, much like the two week rule in that
business setting, I actually think it's incredibly impactful for people
(34:48):
in a business setting to have the priorities put in
the right place of like, all this stuff we're doing,
at the end of the day, nothing is more important
than that and that because I have to say, I'm
not that way in the zoo, on the zoom, I'm
the one who.
Speaker 6 (35:10):
You know, what it is with daughters, it's so different.
You know, as you say, children test you for boundaries,
they also test you for hierarchy. They want to know
where they sit in your life constantly. And daughters, you know,
I have from my youngest to my eldest, I literally
have one in every different level of education. So I
(35:33):
have one in elementary school, one in middle school, one
in high school, one in college, and one getting a
master's and they are constantly asking me with different in
different ways, where do I sit in your life? Where
do I sit amongst my sisters, Where do I sit
in this moment your colleagues? And so my job I
(35:57):
feel as as a father to always remind them that
they're as close to me as anyone or anything on earth.
And that means in a zoom, literally turning and saying yes,
I will hear your poem and listen to the poem
while we're closing the deal, and I will say I
love that poem. I'm going to finish my call and
(36:18):
then we're going to talk about it. I love you, goodbye.
I lose nothing, but I gain everything, and she gains
everything because maybe it wasn't about the poem. She will
leave the room saying I am important, and I am
important enough that in this moment he chose me, because
that's what it's about. You know, we are in a
time where the choosing, whether it be of partners, whether
(36:40):
it be of relationships, have has become very difficult with
social media and all these things that are constantly negotiating likes,
negotiating self esteem. So and I also say I try
my best to treat all my children like their only children,
you know, because I learned early on that when you
take two to Disneyland, it doesn't count. It just doesn't.
(37:05):
If you take three out to dinner, it doesn't count.
It's not a date, that's a group.
Speaker 2 (37:09):
I learned that from you.
Speaker 1 (37:10):
Yeah, I learned the daddy daugh to day from from
I mean, I only have one daughter. You literally came
to my house last week with Justice and he can't
he'd forgotten his bag at my house because we spent
the day together, so you had to come back a
couple of days later, you came with we worked with
your daughter Justice, and they were going out.
Speaker 2 (37:31):
For lunch for dinner together.
Speaker 1 (37:34):
And I was like, wow, because I do that with
my daughter, and it's kind of easier when you have
one daughter and you have three sons. It's like the
daddy daugh to day is like, of course it's a dad,
but the fact.
Speaker 2 (37:46):
That you do that.
Speaker 1 (37:47):
I was so impressed with that because you specifically brought
her to get the bag, knowing that it was just
it was her day. And I've been with a Injustice
a lot. I have never seen her that effervescent and
giddy and just happy. And you know, I have a
(38:08):
bunch of dogs in my house. She's petting the dogs,
she's dancing, and I could tell it's because you had
singled the day for her that day and the way
she skipped out of the house knowing that you guys
were going off to dinner. But that that I learned
from you, I didn't. I didn't know how prioritis that
needed to be a spect and i'm I'm.
Speaker 2 (38:28):
My sexism lies firmly in the.
Speaker 1 (38:31):
Fact that I do treat my daughter differently than my
son's And I don't know if it's right or not,
but you know, there is.
Speaker 2 (38:39):
I was one of three boys, then I had three boys.
Then oh my.
Speaker 1 (38:43):
Lord, I had a daughter, which is the thing where
I go, you have five.
Speaker 2 (38:47):
The effect this girl has on my heart is should
be illegal.
Speaker 1 (38:52):
I mean is it is just so profit seeing her
just it's like my heart is being rebroken every time.
And so to see how you have navigated being able
to treat them all as a as a as a
only child in that way has been really exemplary.
Speaker 6 (39:10):
I cry all the time. Now, It's funny where I
come from to cry.
Speaker 2 (39:16):
There's punishment with that.
Speaker 6 (39:17):
You know, what are you crying for I give you
something to cry about. You know, it's a Southern thing,
right right?
Speaker 1 (39:23):
You love too much of that one.
Speaker 6 (39:27):
And so I found myself and my older age, specifically
around my doors. I cry for nothing at all. My
daughter lost her front tooth and she showed it to me.
Why is daddy crying? I'm like, I'm not not sad,
but it's we don't get these moments back, you know.
It's we're getting older, and it's happening fast. We're here,
it says, where it's but a mist of vapor and
(39:48):
then it's gone. So I'm in, you know, I mean,
I'm in a season of absolute and unapologetic investment into
those girls, into my family, into my life. Because before
we know it, someone's gonna be having a podcast and
we're gonna be gone, and they're gonna be talking about
the stuff that we did, hopefully in positive ways, but
(40:10):
at that point it won't matter to us, will be
somewhere else.
Speaker 7 (40:13):
So, David, this whole podcast is inspired by a book
that we've co authored called What is My Legacy? And
part of your legacy is your philanthropic work, especially in Nigeria,
which has inspired us. Can you briefly tell us a
little bit about that work and some amazing work you're doing,
especially with scholarships.
Speaker 1 (40:30):
Yeah, the leadership scholarship we have in Nigeria was inspired
by the bring Back Our Goals movement that happened just
under a decade ago when the Chiapbok girls were kidnapped
in northern Nigeria and what happened in that moment it
became a viral moment. Bring Back our Goal became a hashtag.
(40:50):
Over two hundred girls have been kidnapped. But Boko Haram,
the terrorist group who had done this, they specifically their
goal was to make sure girls are not educated, and
that tells you something that tells you that there is
power in the education of girls specifically. I'm also an
(41:12):
ambassador for an organization called Girl Rising, and studies have
been done to show that the way to end world
poverty is to educate girls globally, And when you think
about something as lofty as ending world poverty, it just
feels insurmountable. But if you can educate one girl and
(41:32):
have her consider the notion of leadership as part of
her legacy, that's a very real drop in the ocean
of ending world poverty. So I partnered with a foundation
called Jinko to start the David A. Yellowell Leadership Scholarship,
and long story short, we now have forty five girls
who are paying for all of their education. We find
(41:55):
girls who have been dealing with terrorism or socioeconomic marginalization,
all of these patriarchy, which is, you know, as much
as I love being a Nigerian, it's a very patriarchal
society that traditionally can often marginalize women and stymy their opportunities,
(42:19):
so that to me is unacceptable.
Speaker 2 (42:22):
A lot of it we've talked.
Speaker 1 (42:23):
About my daughter at nauseum, but a lot of it
was inspired by having a girl all of a sudden
and realizing, oh my gosh, do I have a blind
spot because suddenly I have a person in my life
where the idea that their gender would be the reason
why they would not be afforded every opportunity unacceptable to me.
So our Leadership Scholarship is a means of doing that.
(42:46):
And we are in four states in Nigeria right now.
We've partnered with schools in those four states to basically
have the best we can find who would not otherwise
get the education they deserve. Plant them in these schools
where we will pay for not only their education, but
the thing that we really learned is mental health because
they're coming out of very difficult situations, so we are
(43:11):
we're paying for that component as well.
Speaker 7 (43:13):
And makes zero website for people to learn more about.
Speaker 1 (43:16):
Gingko ginco dot org uh and and everything's g e
A n c o A dot org and it's a
foundation and they can find all the information there.
Speaker 7 (43:27):
Thanks, thank you for sharing.
Speaker 2 (43:28):
Thank you.
Speaker 3 (43:29):
I love that because as Corota Scott King said that
if the soul of this nation is to be saved,
and women must become the soul. Absolutely, and I think
that can be said around the world for sure, for sure.
And then of course you have a wonderful Apple TV series.
Speaker 2 (43:47):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (43:47):
Government Cheese is about a family of four in the
valley in the late nineteen sixties, and I play a
bit of a ne'er do well who's just come out
of prison and is trying to do right by his family,
but he has these encounters with God. So it's a surrealist,
parabolic comedy and he's a man who's trying to get
(44:11):
back on the straight and narrow, trying to do God's well,
but really being pulled back into his past, and the
question of the show is can he become worthy of
his wife and children all over again, which is the
path that God is trying to get him back onto.
Speaker 2 (44:27):
But you know, I'm really really.
Speaker 1 (44:28):
Proud of that show because it's set in the sixties
where we know, certainly at this table, we know we
were dealing with a lot of strife and unrest as
black people. But it doesn't touch on that. It's just
a beautiful celebration of a black family at a time
and a place that we very rarely see on TV.
And it's it's a half hour comedy and I'm just
(44:50):
really proud that we got it made.
Speaker 6 (44:51):
And it's very fun. We don't always get to have fun,
especially in the sixties.
Speaker 4 (44:57):
Definitely check it out.
Speaker 2 (44:59):
There to make it. Yes, gentlemen, I love the laughter.
Speaker 4 (45:07):
I think it's a beautiful note to end on because
we put together this the four of us originally because
we wanted to invite people to have conversations about legacy,
to listen, to learn, and yes, to have a lot
of fun. And I think back at the conversation of
how we live legacy. I love the two week rule.
I want to shamelessly steal that.
Speaker 2 (45:26):
Oh please, thank you well.
Speaker 4 (45:28):
I think we want to bring it into our lives,
and I talk to my wife about that one. I
love the idea of you cannot be what you cannot see.
I think it's deeply powerful, but it's also a great
call to action for role models out there. Yes, I
love your conversation about consult God before consulting the ego.
(45:48):
Made your tribute that you gave to David, I thought
was beautiful, and I actually going to repeat that one again,
Consult God before consulting the ego, because that is profound.
I love the idea you cannot say I love you
too much, and it fits so beautifully on what both
of you have said, which is you know where do
I sit. I always reminding kids that they are our priorities,
our family, our spouses are loved ones. And so I
(46:11):
look at all of these beautiful calls to action that
you gave us today, of how each person can see
how the two of you shape your legacy, how you
live your legacy every day. So on behalf of the
four of us were deeply grateful. David Nate, thank you
for taking the time to share your legacies with us today.
Speaker 2 (46:27):
Thank you.
Speaker 3 (46:28):
I want to salute you all, and I have never
done this in this way before because we always say
to our daughter Yolanda, real queens straighten each other's crowns,
and this is the first time I've said that. You
all embody real kings, straighten each other's crowns. So thank
you all for straightening each other's grounds. Thank you forever,
(46:53):
Thank you for joining us. We are so grateful to
have you as part of this journey. For more information
on Realize the Dream, visit realizethedream dot org. And we
have a special discount code for you to purchase our
new book, What Is My Legacy? Go to my legacy
dot com, follow the link to buy and use the
(47:15):
promo code Legacy thirty all one word and legacy is
all caps for your thirty percent discount. If you enjoy
today's conversation, subscribe and share the podcast with friends, family,
and loved ones, and follow us on social media at
my Legacy Movement. At the heart of this podcast is
(47:35):
doctor King's vision of the beloved community and the power
of connection. This podcast is a testament to that vision
and the product of collective effort enriched by the voices,
stories and support of so many. A legacy plus studio
production distributed by iHeartMedia creative and executive producer Suzanne Hayward
(47:58):
co executive producer Leealile. My Legacy podcast is available on
the iHeartRadio app or wherever you get your podcasts. Until
next time, may you find connection and inspiration to live
your most fulfilled life
Hosts And Creators
Craig Kielburger
Marc Kielburger
Martin Luther King III
Arndrea Waters King
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