My friends are getting a divorce after 20 years… now they’re forcing me to choose! | Reddit Stories - ok storytime

Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hey, this is Sam. This is John the og story
Time podcast host.

Speaker 2 (00:04):
Oh yeah, and we got some great stories coming up.
But before that, we get a teeny two minute break
from the sponsors that keep this show propped up like
a little house. Oh you, my friends are getting a
divorce after twenty years now they're forcing me to choose.
So me thirty four female. I have two close friends
who are married, thirty four female and thirty four male.
Everyone's thirty four love it are getting divorced. I'll call

(00:25):
them Sally and Jack, respectively. Jack and Sally have been
together for about twenty years and have two children together,
twelve and fifteen. I met them maybe seven years ago
through a different friend who I met at a karaoke bar.
Sally and I instantly hinted off and became close friends,
and of course I became close friends with Jack as well.
By the way, this comes from U slash Clyde Frog
on the r slash Okay Storytime sup reread it. So

(00:48):
I love them both dearly, and was closer with Sally
initially because she is more extroverted and we're both alternative
women who share the same style of fashion and enjoy
going out and doing stuff. Jack would occasionally come out
if it's a big occasion, like for our birthday, holiday, celebration, whatever,
but he was more of the stay home play video
games or if we had a game night, he would

(01:08):
join for that. A year or two ago, Jack started
seeing a doctor for some gastric issues he's had for
a while, and they told him he should avoid certain foods.
That turned into him losing some weight, which made him
want to work out, which is great. I noticed he
started wearing some hair clips and decorating his beard with beads, braids,
and colorful hair bands. Thought it was super cool and
honestly would love to see more guys doing that. I

(01:30):
see you, I see you. He started doing experimenting with
makeup and nail polished, which again Sally and I and
their daughters have been nothing but supportivele So this is
where things get complicated. Earlier this year, Sally tells me
that Jack wants to get a divorce because he thinks
he's gay. Dun dun, dull.

Speaker 1 (01:48):
WHOA, that's such a shocker.

Speaker 2 (01:50):
Where did that come from? Yeah, we could see it.
She said. They talked and that they should be open
to having an open relationship for him. To experiment, because
if he's unsure, why go straight to divorce. What if
it's just a fantasy and doesn't end up being what
he wants or anything else?

Speaker 1 (02:07):
Okay, a game plan okay.

Speaker 2 (02:09):
And then if it is what he wants, they can
figure out this splitting up process. She's very She's like, go, okay,
I don't even know how to pertaining. She's doing really
like handling that, so well, oh yeah, you know what
I mean. Like, i'd be so sad, right, She's just like, yeah,
we'll just see what's right for you. Props, props. He
was very adamant about, no, this is what I want,
but would still be intimate with her. So the whole
thing has left her very confused. That confuses me too. Yeah.

(02:32):
He also has identified as being bisex as long as
I've known him. Sally and I both are too. As
a single by person, I've gone through phases where I'm
super into men, super into women, or both, so I
thought it could maybe be something like that. That is true,
That's a very common thing. Anyway, time goes on, and
she had a mental breakdown and ended up being hospitalized
for a short period, got medicated, and left her job.

(02:52):
And went to school to become a licensed nurse assistant.
Oh wow, wow, that's a pivot, quite a big one
that way, Whatever happened, and she has a better job
and afford rent and all that, whether he moves out
or takes the apartment. They also had a joint big
account and he controlled all of the money. Before the
hospitalization and the day after she got out, I told
her to get her own account because if we went

(03:14):
to go out to lunch or something, he would venmo
her like fifty dollars or whatever.

Speaker 1 (03:17):
He is like an allowance? Does he controls all the money?

Speaker 2 (03:20):
Okay, here you go.

Speaker 1 (03:20):
Here's fifty bucks to go do whatever.

Speaker 2 (03:22):
I said. Wait, you work full time and he gives
you an allowance. No, no, get your own account, and
when when bills are due, you can give him the
amount needed. Okay, okay, great, So they went out. Sally
said that Jack will give her money, but then Op
was like, no, no, no, you can do. You're a strong,
confident woman. You need to have your own And I
know she's good with making sure the girls have clothes

(03:42):
that fit them and are clean, because I've known them
long enough to see that. She also has said that
he's been argumentative and very cold towards her taking a
turn o. A month or two ago, Jack was going
to an event within walking distance of my house, so
I met up with him and we had a long time.
He basically told me he wishes he were born a
woman and wants to date man. WHOA, it's like developing

(04:05):
even more. We had a good heart to heart and
I told him that I will be supportive of him,
but he needs to stop being a wiener to Sally,
and he agreed and admitted that he had been treating
her badly. She said he was more kind to her,
but it only lasted a week. Yeah, yeah, I mean
it's coming though, right for Honestly, since then, he's been

(04:28):
sometimes good, sometimes awful. But worst of all, he's starting
to blow off the kids. No, that's not good. That
is worst of all. He also never was a drinker
as long as I've known him, but Sally said, he'll
come home with a six pack and it'll be completely
gone the next day, multiple days in a row.

Speaker 1 (04:45):
Whoa horrible turn Yes.

Speaker 2 (04:49):
Oh my gosh. She ended up kicking him out last
week because he showed up late to their younger daughter's
soccer game. And didn't even stand on the same side
of field as her. And then after the game, their
daughter was crying and begging him to have a family
movie night, but he said no because he had plans. No,
not the daughter, because the kids are young. The kids
are twelve and fifteen. Yeah, twelve years old. That's so sad. Also,

(05:14):
Sally was sitting next to Jack's father at the game
and he asked her why she looked so upset, and
she ended up telling him everything, telling the dad everything.
She wasn't telling him or any of Jack's family anything
in depth because she didn't want to add any more
family drama and was trying to work something out and
figured if Jack wanted them to know anything, he would
tell them himself. And it was actually Jack's father who

(05:36):
suggested kicking him out. Wow, So I'm guessing that means
like she told him how poorly Jack was treating him,
but also probably not trying to like out Jack to
his family. Yeah, that makes sense. That makes sense. So
I did reach out to Jack and said if he
needs anyone to talk to, I'm here. But also when
things were good between him and Sally, we made plans
Jack and I to go see a local band, which

(05:57):
she knows about. This is where I need my ad
My little brother, who I haven't seen a lot lately
because he's near the city and doesn't have a car,
and my car started having issues this year. Literally just
got a new one the other day. We'll be at
the show, and we made plans to all meet up beforehand.
These plans were all made before she kicked him out
and before he started blowing off the kids. I also

(06:18):
feel bad because I'm very pro LGBT being LGBT myself,
and I've been going through my clothes because I've lost
some weight. I'm putting away summer clothes and getting fall
winter clothes out. So I want to give him some
of my feminine clothes that I don't wear anymore and
don't fit me. So should I still go with him
to the concert? Or should I just bail and go

(06:38):
with my brother and risk running into him? Sally knows
I still talk to him, but I feel like a
trader going to a fun event together. I also said maybe,
but then once I found out my brother was going,
I said, heck, yeah, I'll definitely go, and we talked
about parking at his place and all taking the train.
From there. By the way, you can join us live
on YouTube every week day three PMPs just to have

(07:00):
our profile.

Speaker 1 (07:01):
Do you go with Jack or do you go with
the brother and not say anything?

Speaker 2 (07:05):
There is like a tiny bit left.

Speaker 1 (07:06):
What do you do which one?

Speaker 2 (07:08):
Honestly I would just go. I think I would go
to the concert. It'd be a little uncomfortable, but like,
at the same time, she knows you still talk to him,
she knows like you guys were friends. I don't think
that's fully choosing between going.

Speaker 1 (07:20):
With Jack or just the brother.

Speaker 2 (07:22):
Both both ill with Jack. You have the plans already,
it was before they separated. They're still kind of cool.
Her and Jack are still kind of cool. You know,
they still talk and stuff. Yeah, even though Jack's not
being great, this can kind of be like a you
can let this be the last time you hang out
with exactly exactly. Yeah. I still care about them both,
but when he started being a wiener, I lost respect

(07:44):
for him. I also suspect he's lashing out due to
gender dysmorphia or identity issues. I know a part of
it was the money situation while she was out of work,
but she finally has a good job now and that
is also why I want to be supportive, but it's
hard because he's treating Sally badly, and that's all we get.
Wow info we have.

Speaker 1 (08:03):
Also, if you ever see friends and you're like, I
have this on the calendar with them, and you kind
of feel like, eh, don't hang out, don't hang out.
You should hang out with people you feel excited about. Yeah,
and you want to you can't wait to see them.

Speaker 2 (08:15):
See. I'm usually the opposite. I'm always like I feel
like I should have to. You know, it's the people
pleasing I think like, I feel like I have to
because I said it.

Speaker 1 (08:23):
What are you excited whenever you go see them?

Speaker 2 (08:25):
Yeah? But no, not always. But then I end up
having fun. That's the thing.

Speaker 1 (08:29):
You probably look into that, But I end up having
fun and it's okay.

Speaker 2 (08:34):
I don't know.

Speaker 1 (08:35):
I don't know, I don't know.

Speaker 2 (08:36):
That's my take, all right, all right, I think she's fine. Yeah,
I don't think that's like choose, Yeah, choosing, it's okay.

Speaker 1 (08:42):
I can see where it's choosing, but just choosing.

Speaker 2 (08:45):
But and if any problems arise from that, then you
deal with it.

Speaker 1 (08:49):
My coworker just told me we're not friends, So I
told her to never speak to me again. So I,
twenty six male, have a coworker twenty three female at
a small local coffee shop where I work at. I
think we have ten employees who I considered myself to
be pretty close with, Especially about a year ago. We
really did hang out quite a lot. Even as early
as a year and a half of the two years
I've known her, we would occasionally hang out, while it

(09:12):
didn't end up happening. She also tried to plan like
a weekend trip with her, myself and a couple others
who other coworkers to Denver once. By the way, this
comes from IBK Throwaway five eighteen on the rs slash
Oo Okay storytime subred. We had a pretty big gap
at the beginning of this year where we didn't hang out,
but this was mostly just stuff in my life getting

(09:33):
in the way. So I hit her up in July
seeing if she wanted to get a drink and catch up.
She accepted and we plan on going after work one day,
but we had to reschedule. Can't remember why, but she
suggested we should watch movies at her apartment. So we
get there and I met her mom and we all
watched deep Blue Sea one and two. Her mom bought
me dinner, which was very nice, and I probably was
there until midnight. We ended up getting drinks within a

(09:55):
few days, and we haven't hung out since that was
in July. Recently, I've noticed that she's be kind of
this network. For example, we used to chat when she
was done with her shift and I was getting it,
and she always goes around to everyone who's working and
says bye and gets some hugs. But recently she stopped
talking to me and giving me a hug before leaving.
She kind of waves by and leaves.

Speaker 2 (10:16):
So she says by to everyone else, but then just
waves sopie.

Speaker 1 (10:19):
So I texted her essentially asking if I hadn't upsetted her,
or if not, if there was any insight she could
give me as to why she seemed to be dissing
herself from me, since I knew she hadn't tried to
make any plans with me recently, and every time I
texted her, I'd get left un delivered after a single message,
so I couldn't make plans. Her response was essentially saying
she was uncomfortable with me flirting with her what and

(10:43):
she hasn't been prioritizing hanging out with people from work,
even though a few weeks back she went and saw
a movie with a few coworkers. Literally the day before,
she messages me, this also another movie with at least
one other coworkers. She's planning on taking your trip out
of state in November to go visit one of her
old coworkers. BeMoved liar and that she values our friendship
professionally as coworkers, without going into much DeTao into how

(11:06):
I responded, I had to say a lot. I essentially said, hey,
you know, we're more than just coworkers. At this point,
we've had several one on one hangouts outside of work,
one literally at your apartment that ended up being with
your mom. Also brought up to say she isn't prioritizing
hanging out with co workers while actively doing so with others.
Doesn't make it seem kind of like she isn't prioritizing

(11:27):
hanging out with.

Speaker 2 (11:28):
Me, Like OPI is right, Like they're definitely more than
just coworkers, you know, like they're definitely bff. OPI knows
her mom right, Like, like that's crazy they hang out
like if you know your coworkers mom I've not met
any of my coworkers' parents. Like that's wild. Okay, Well
yours is different.

Speaker 1 (11:44):
You also live with their coworkers, so well two, I guess,
said Sophia.

Speaker 2 (11:48):
Yeah, Like I feel like that's that's definitely more than
just coworkers. Like that makes a lot of sense. You
can't just call someone like like what if you just
called Sama Sophia, like you just my coworkers. I don't
want to hang out with my coworkers.

Speaker 1 (11:58):
That would be possible.

Speaker 2 (11:59):
That would call the fight.

Speaker 1 (12:01):
Okay. On the note of flirting, I didn't know that
I could be unintitionally kind of flirting, and I would
try to avoid doing so. But I'm just kind of
flirty with everyone, but maybe more importantly so she She
is a huge casual flirt, which doesn't bother me in
the slightest except for when you're gonna say my flirting
makes you uncomfortable. I also brought up that her behavior

(12:21):
towards me was fairly sudden, and she really only seems
to treat me differently when there are others around. When
it was just the two of us, she was once
again back to just being what felt like relatively close.
I think she has a crush from.

Speaker 2 (12:34):
What I was singing the same thing. I was singing
the same thing, Oh my gosh.

Speaker 1 (12:38):
Yeah, and it's playing politics and doesn't want to make
the other coworker jealous.

Speaker 2 (12:42):
Wait wait, so she so you think that the coworker
has a crush on a different coworker. Yeah, or I
was thinking she has a crush on Ope.

Speaker 1 (12:49):
No, she has a crush on a different coworker.

Speaker 2 (12:50):
You think you think she had a crush on Ope.

Speaker 1 (12:52):
She wouldn't treat it differently, you know.

Speaker 2 (12:54):
But what made me think of it was that, like, uh,
I mean, maybe it's a stretch, but I don't know.
Like Ope said that she's a flirt too, but then
she seems to be projecting saying that. Op is like
like she's uncomfortable when she flirts, you know what I mean.
So it's like maybe it's like, oh, P thinks it's
just a funny joke, but then the girl is like
taking it a little more seriously because she that's how

(13:16):
she thinks about it.

Speaker 1 (13:17):
Okay, we got two options here, we know the comments,
which one you guys like to figure it out? Let's
figure it out. Her response was that she doesn't have
to defend how she spends times with coworkers. I didn't
ask her to, I was just pointing out she was,
while also saying she wasn't prioritizing it, telling me that
it puts her in an uncomfortable position when I flirt
with her, citing me by telling her things like you've
been on my mind lately, or I had a dream

(13:38):
about you. Things I tell people who I at least
assume I have somewhat of a close relationship with. That
one isn't even reserved for my super close friends. I
have several other old coworkers who I just like to
let know I've been thinking about them, because why wouldn't I.
That's just a nice thing. Yeah, Opie sounds so nice,
and that literally she just has a professional coworker relationship

(14:00):
with everyone, and none of us really know her deep
enough to get mad that she won't hug us or
hang out. Although I assume most people who would also
be upset to be told that essentially she doesn't care
about their friendship much. I am also not mad, just
confused and her. I responded by addressing all of those
points much like I did parenthetically, but more in depth,

(14:20):
as pointing out that she never really addressed anything I
actually said, so I told her that she shouldn't respond
if she's not going to address my concerns, as why
did you not bring any of this up when it
started bothering you? Why did I have to get pseudogusted
by you to know there's a problem, And why all
of a sudden is any of this an issue, as
I've not really changed how I interact with you the

(14:42):
entire time I've known you, and we've literally never had
a problem.

Speaker 2 (14:45):
Yeah, I think it's because she changed. Oh didn't change,
she changed.

Speaker 1 (14:48):
She changed.

Speaker 2 (14:49):
That's clearly the issue.

Speaker 1 (14:50):
And you should change how you go about your weeks
every week by joining us every weekday at three pm
PST on YouTube. Just tap a profile yay. Then, lastly,
the actual part that made an overreaction, I told her
that if she doesn't even see us as friends outside
of just being a coworker that occasionally you will hang
out with instead of someone more you actually really enjoy

(15:10):
being around and care about being outside of our job,
not to even respond. I've got nothing else to say
to her even if that's the case. I just told
her bring the few things of mine that she has
to our job, a book I was letting her borrow
and a guitar asked her to paint that's a little
art project, both of which I only did because I
was under the impression she was my friend. I told

(15:32):
her we could be friendly at work, but I truly
want nothing to do with her outside of work. If
she doesn't see me as a friend. Am I overreacting?

Speaker 2 (15:39):
No? I don't think so. I mean if she says
that she's not your friend, or that you're just coworkers,
and it's like, okay, let me take back my stuff,
let me treat you like a coworker, then like that's
that's I think a very normal reaction.

Speaker 1 (15:52):
No, not overreacting. Yeah, oh it's.

Speaker 2 (15:54):
A mel Okay, Okay, Okay.

Speaker 1 (15:58):
I which smell? I thought it said female.

Speaker 2 (16:00):
Were rocks a guy.

Speaker 1 (16:01):
This has been a guy the whole time, Okay, in
this place, I think that the girl he kind of
likes a girl, and the girl doesn't know how to
respond to that.

Speaker 2 (16:07):
Yeah, but I mean his behavior has been the same
the whole time. I mean unless it just got too
far for her at some point, like, oh this has
been going on a long time, Like do you actually
feel this way? Is this actually are you actually flirting
with me? Or is it just jokes? I could honestly
see that happen. I could see that, Like I know,
I mean, like him being a male, like I guess
shouldn't change that, but kind.

Speaker 1 (16:28):
Of does it changes it kind of does. Yeah, this
guy likes you. It seems like the coworker thinks that
she likes him and she's weirded out. I think she's
weirded out by it because I think maybe the mom.
The mom was like, oh, he's nice.

Speaker 2 (16:39):
Oh, I can see that. I mean, we don't really
have any proof or evidence for that, but I could
see that. I could see that happening for sure. Yeah,
I feel like just being a flirt, Like I get
making those jokes and stuff, and like they can be
funny and whatever, but they definitely can't go too far,
especially if you do them for long enough, and then
like other tiny little hints or like little things throughout

(16:59):
the day or throughout your conversations can also hint at
it being more than just a joke. So I can
understand that, but I still don't think it's an over reaction.
Like I guess, yeah, if you think your friends and
then you're like, oh great, I'm not friends with you
anymore then, Yeah, to take your stuff back, Treat him
just like a coworker, don't be mean, just like you know,
you don't have to go that extra male. Yeah, that's all.

Speaker 1 (17:17):
That's all.

Speaker 2 (17:19):
My boyfriend's friend is constantly insulting us, but my boyfriend
ignores it. My boyfriend, twenty four male, has a best friend,
also twenty four male. He's known since high school and
was college housemates with. His friend has a girlfriend twenty
four female. He's been dating for five years. I've been
dating my boyfriend for a year now. When I first
met the girlfriend, she was fun to be around and

(17:41):
liked talking about sports. Okay, second time I twenty six
female met the girlfriend, she would pull me aside from
my boyfriend and try to ask me questions about my
boyfriend and commented weird things. By the way, this comes
from u slash imaginary band one on our slash Okay
storytime subreddit. Poor guy, he's so smart and great, but
he's stuck at his miserable job with no future. You

(18:03):
must feel bad for him. I hope he can realize
it's worth one day and find something better to do.

Speaker 1 (18:08):
Oh, no, oh no.

Speaker 2 (18:09):
She'd also say, you know my boyfriend's name is, so
I don't know how to say afraid of me. It's
honestly so funny and cute. Him and her boyfriend's name
are always looking for approval from me, like I'm their mom. Haha.
My boyfriend's name was distant with me at first, but
I had to nail it in to him that hey,

(18:30):
my boyfriend can get rid of me, but you can't
get rid of me. You're stuck with seeing me for
life as long as you want to see your best buddy,
so you better act right around me.

Speaker 1 (18:38):
That's weird.

Speaker 2 (18:39):
Your boyfriend is so easily influenced by me, and usually
all of our hangouts are from me telling him what
to do and who to invite. He didn't tell me
he was going to invite you today, so I wasn't
sure if you were going to be here or not,
and felt weird about asking him since I wasn't sure
if you guys were still dating. But I'm so happy
that you're here and that you guys are doing good,
especially since it sounded like you guys were going through

(19:00):
a rough patch. Me and my boyfriend were never going
through a rough patch and have never fought before. When
I replayed the relay the information to my boyfriend, he
was shocked and said he doesn't want to hang out
with them anymore. Yeah, that'd be weird. That sounds that's
very uncomfortable. Those are weird things to say, my boyfriend
told me. She also told his ex that my boyfriend's
best friend is really bad at spicy sleep and isn't

(19:23):
interested in spicy sleep and makes her have to beg
for it, which struck me as someone who has no
boundaries and has no problem talking about intimate and sensitive
issues about other people with strangers.

Speaker 1 (19:35):
Oh so she's not getting that attention from her BF,
I guess so, and she's trying to get that attention
from her BF from opp God.

Speaker 2 (19:42):
I had my guard up after this. This time, she
found out my number through her boyfriend and insisted that
I bring my boyfriend out to hang out with her
and her boy uh uh uh uh uhh yeah weird.
We live an hour and thirty minutes apart, and my
boyfriend had work the next day, but he said he
wanted to go, so I decided to go to Okay, ready,

(20:02):
I actually don't think I am. When we got there.
Turns out she invited her coworker and six other friends
of hers to a bar without telling them. We made
the drive because she made it sound like we're all
gonna hang out with her and my boyfriend's best friend
and get to know each other better. But I ended
up stuck in a group of girls that I don't
know and have nothing in common with in a new
city while my boyfriend was busy catching up with his

(20:23):
best friend that sticks, she's just like left alone. Thankfully,
I was able to strike a conversation with one of
the girls, but it ultimately felt like a really big
waste of time and efforts. My boyfriend's ex best friend's
girlfriend didn't really seem to think of it as that big.

Speaker 3 (20:37):
Of a deal.

Speaker 2 (20:37):
While I was there, she talked with me a little bit,
but the only thing she wanted to talk about with
me was about my boyfriend or my relationship with my boyfriend,
and when I tried to steer the conversation away from that,
she would suddenly become uninterested and just go somewhere out. Dang,
that's strange.

Speaker 1 (20:53):
That was weird.

Speaker 2 (20:54):
Strange. After unsuccessful attempts at getting me to say something
about my boyfriend, At the end of the night, she
pulled me up and said, your boyfriend is so head
over heels in love with you. Me and her boyfriend,
we're just talking about how we don't even recognize him
anymore with how loving he is with you. I'm saying
this because I saw how he interacted with his ex,

(21:14):
and no one would have even guessed they were dating
with the way he treated her. I'm so happy for you, guys.
He looks really happy. You're so much better for him,
like I guess, but like I don't know, It's just
it's just weird.

Speaker 1 (21:26):
This is weird, uh.

Speaker 2 (21:26):
And it struck me as weird because I didn't want
to know anything about his ex and it wasn't any
of my business. And I don't understand why she was
comparing a completely different and unique relationship dynamic against mine
and then sharing it with me in an inappropriate way.
She was saying it in a backhanded compliment style, which
also made it weird for me to tell her, all, yeah,
that makes sense, because like that sounded like good stuff technically,

(21:48):
So it's like, you can't really what do you say
to that? You know, how do you respond? When my
boyfriend and me got back. I told him again how
uncomfortable I was with her, especially considering how weird she
was being the last time with me. He said he
wasn't bothered, and that if I have a problem with her,
that I can stay home next time and he can
go by himself, or that I should handle it then
in there and tell her to go away or stop

(22:09):
being weird. Okay, get that, but that's just weird to
say in general, Like even if she did say something
like pretty obvious, like that's just uncomfortable to say to
anyone anyway.

Speaker 1 (22:18):
Yeah, from the boyfriend's perspective, it seems like there's a
relationship between the two, So I could see him saying
that's her, and it'd be weird if I went to
my buddy's friend, Like, let's say, like you and John's
girlfriend were like tiffing it out, and I went to
John and said, hey, like your girl's like doing this.

Speaker 2 (22:31):
Yeah, I feel like you in a way.

Speaker 1 (22:33):
I see where he's coming from. I would want you
to talk to her, because there is sort of like that,
even if you guys aren't vibing or whatever, like in
that case.

Speaker 2 (22:39):
I could see talking to her. But I think I
think then and there. I mean, I don't like confrontations.
So yeah, so then and there I would be uncomfortable,
but later I could see having another conversation matic like, hey,
can we talk for a side or something like that.
I told him I don't feel comfortable about him going
out to see them without me since I feel left
out and I don't want to confront her and make
things awkward for everyone andmbarrass myself or my boyfriend. That's

(23:01):
why I don't like confrontation. It's embarrassing.

Speaker 1 (23:03):
It is embarrassing, and also you don't want her to
steal your boyfriend.

Speaker 2 (23:06):
Yeah. Period. But at the same time, it's kind of like, I.

Speaker 1 (23:09):
Don't know, dude, I don't trust this woman.

Speaker 2 (23:10):
Yeah, but it's like I feel like, even in that
kind of situation, the boyfriend want to do anything, Well,
it's like she'd trust your boyfriend to do that. Yeah, true,
but I mean she doesn't need to be there for that,
but I understand why she would want to be you know.
He said he doesn't mind if I can confront her
because we're two different individuals and my behavior shouldn't reflect
on his character, and to go ahead and confront her myself.
Then he asked me if I'm worried about her because

(23:32):
she might tell him something that's going to make him
not like me anymore. That's an interesting perspective, but like
she doesn't seem to know her though. Yeah, so like
there's nothing to tell. I'm really hurt. But he was
asking me if I wanted to control him by stopping
him from seeing his best friend, and that's not what
I want. But his best friend isn't allowed to hang
out with anyone unless his girlfriend is also there in

(23:52):
their package deal, so he doesn't want to be like
his best friend. I wouldn't want to be like that either.
That is still yeah, that's that's like relationship. No, No,
you can't have a rule of who your boyfriend can see,
like with or without you.

Speaker 1 (24:06):
Yeah, and they live an hour or half away. I
would just try to like slowly break contact.

Speaker 2 (24:11):
I feel like also too, it's like she just she
kind of just said like she didn't want to didn't
want him to go without him without her because she
just would feel left out, which is kind of like
I get it, but also like yeah, you know, like
that's just kind of what's gonna happen. My boyfriend said,
who am I to tell him to leave his girlfriend
at home when we hang out. What if her being
there makes him the happiest. So he's saying there's no

(24:33):
way he can leave the girlfriend out of the picture,
and he wants to stay friends with his best friend.
He doesn't care about the girlfriend and would never talk
to her again if they broke up one day, But
for now, he just wants to see his best friend somehow,
and that means dealing with her. By the way, you
can deal with us every week day three pm because
we're live on YouTube. Just tap our propaty. It makes

(24:55):
me feel inferior and small because of how much power
she has over the dynamic. Well, I have such little
respect from my boyfriend. It makes me resentful and angry
at my boyfriend. How would you react to this?

Speaker 1 (25:06):
I definitely have a hard heart conversation. And you know,
if your partner's open to it, great, but if they're
not open to it, it will be harder. If that
makes sense. Yeah, So, like, if you had an issue
with John's girlfriend, what would you do?

Speaker 2 (25:19):
Well, that's tough because we are friends.

Speaker 1 (25:22):
But you guys are friends. You got like, like, let's
say she's a completely different person and she's like super
like this girl.

Speaker 2 (25:30):
I mean, honestly, I would just deal with it, like
I feel kind of bad, but I feel like I
don't have that much sympathy for Apie. I'm gonna be
so honest to deal with it because I get it, Like, yeah,
that's uncomfortable and that's weird, but to do it a lot. Yeah,
But at the same time, you're kind of it's kind
of a difficult situation. Like I feel like we're ruling out,
like the options of the solutions we're coming up with

(25:52):
kind of cancel each other out, you know, like either
either he goes with her and the girlfriend doesn't go,
which she can't control that.

Speaker 1 (26:01):
Yeah, not at all.

Speaker 2 (26:02):
And apparently there's some sort of weird thing in their
relationship where they have to go together. But either that
happens or she doesn't go and then her boyfriend sees
his best friend, Like I feel like, but then she
doesn't want to do that because she, like the first situation,
can't do it because you can't control that second situation.
She doesn't want to do it because she'd feel left out.
But it's also like, well, I don't know what to

(26:23):
tell you.

Speaker 1 (26:24):
Yeah, it's tough. I just hope that like they're not
since they're not very close together or like distance wise,
deal with it.

Speaker 2 (26:32):
That's exactly.

Speaker 1 (26:34):
Yeah, maybe talk to her about your conversation thing and
be like, I'm not like you just have to yes,
do right.

Speaker 2 (26:40):
All you gotta do is you you have to either
deal with feeling left out or deal with talking to
the weird girlfriend or plant or you can't still talk
to the girlfriend and confront her about all this.

Speaker 1 (26:50):
Or go evil and make a revenge plot where she gets,
you know it, breaks up with the boy.

Speaker 2 (26:56):
Answer, I like that one. Do that? Do that? Just
like do evil plot? There there we go, Yeah, yeah, yeah, Sam.
Here we're gonna get back to the stories. But here's
three of its bads from our sponsors.

Speaker 3 (27:07):
I just found out how my ex'es mom is treating
our kids mosquito bites. I'm calling the cops. You should,
let's concern them over here, call the cops on mosquitoes.
I found this out, like I do most things about
life with their mother through the kids male seven and
female five. As communication has been pretty much non existent
between the X and I since are split sixty years ago.

Speaker 2 (27:28):
Yike.

Speaker 3 (27:29):
Yet, I think when you have kids you kind of
gotta work that out.

Speaker 2 (27:32):
Yeah, it seems kind of important.

Speaker 3 (27:33):
Before anyone jumps to conclusions, No, I don't ever press
my kids for information. I've worked very hard to establish
an uninhibited, open, no topic is off limits type of
relationship with my kids, even though I've only got them
every other weekend. I want them to feel comfortable enough
to fully express themselves and speak their mind freely around me.

(27:55):
By the way, this comes from a whole lot a
lonely on the r slash okay, storytime separated. This has
led to several discoveries about certain aspects of the life
that their mother has asked them not to reveal to me,
something I am very much against. I don't believe any
child should have to hold secrets between their parents. It
isn't their responsibility and is something I would never.

Speaker 2 (28:15):
Ask of them.

Speaker 3 (28:16):
That being said, they've come out with nuggets of wisdom,
such as, we shouldn't be drinking tap water because the
government puts chemicals in there that makes us docile and obedient.
This is a five and a seven year old in
tap water. They're saying, oh my god, oh my god,
Santa isn't real, but Jesus is, and the Bible is
one hundred percent fact controversial topic. I understand, and most

(28:39):
recently that the government says turpentine is poison, but it's
actually good for you.

Speaker 2 (28:44):
Make that makes sense. What if she's using turpentine on
these mosquito bites? Is that what we're gonna find out?

Speaker 3 (28:50):
I am now really worried that's what we're gonna find out.

Speaker 2 (28:53):
I'm so curious. What the hell do I do here?

Speaker 3 (28:56):
If I speak to my ex about this or even
let slip that I know it's going on, she isn't
going to have an honest conversation about it with me,
and I fear that she'll just press the kids even
harder to keep things from me. I don't want their
heads filled with this rubbish or but I feel so
powerless stop this. All I can do is try to
teach them to think critically, but that is only going
to be so effective when they're getting told all this

(29:18):
nonsense is fact.

Speaker 2 (29:19):
There is an edit.

Speaker 3 (29:20):
I spoke to my children about it and recorded the
conversation to ensure there was no confusion about what was
being said. They were being fed a spoonful of turpentine
every day by their nana for the past four weeks
while they were all away on holidays, but there is
zero chance Max wasn't aware this was happening. Definitely turpentine,
one hundred percent pure gum turpentine, my boy said, the

(29:42):
bottle red. Oh my god, the distilled stuff, he said.
They even started singing that Mary Popin' song A spoonful
of sugarheads.

Speaker 2 (29:51):
Chopentine go down. Stop.

Speaker 3 (29:54):
It feels like I'm in an alternate timeline. Thank you
everyone for being so helpful. I appreciate it so much.
And there is another edit. Talk screen won't be happening
until we get a referral. Poison Hotline has no literature
on hand for chronic exposure to turpentine, let alone in children,
but the kids don't seem symptomatic. We will be visiting
either a GP or the hospital first thing tomorrow for

(30:16):
a full checkup, and a report will be made separately
to that of the medical mandatory report. I don't really
see a scenario playing out where CPS isn't getting involved here,
and I can't not have my kids medically assessed knowing
that this has been going on currently preparing for the
crap storm that's bound to ensure and there is an update.

(30:38):
So I just found out through my kids that my
ex wife has been feeding them turpentine mixed with sugar
or honey as a way to worm them. Worm them.

Speaker 2 (30:47):
What is she planning?

Speaker 3 (30:49):
They are seven male and five female. Reading up on
what it does if you ingest it, because who the
hell would ever think it's a good idea to drink
pink dinner as medicine. It can be devastating in a
doesn't take a whole lot to mess you up, especially
if you're a child. I think one tablespoon could potentially
be enough to change your life kind of messed up.

Speaker 2 (31:09):
Oh my gosh.

Speaker 3 (31:10):
I don't think talking to the ex is going to
yield any results, and realistically, I don't even expect her
to be honest about it anyway. My only evidence so
far is the second hand account of the testimony of
a seven year old boy. He told my mom and
his grandma, and she went and told me, do I
have any legal options here? Should I be collecting evidence?
And if so, what kind? I honestly don't know what

(31:33):
to do. I can't have my kids being fed literal poison.
And to top it off, they were saying, yeah, the
government tells us it's poison, but it's actually good for you.
These children are brainwashed.

Speaker 2 (31:44):
Oh my gosh, they're five years old and seven.

Speaker 3 (31:48):
That is so mind blowing. What do you know about
the government. Yeah, this isn't the first time they've come
out with little nuggets of conspiracy soak wisdom like this
tap water makes you docile and obedient sort of stuff.
But this one is truly terrifying. They were meant to
go back to their mother today, but I've got them
in my care until next weekend due to an undisclosed

(32:10):
emergency that my ex sprung on me about an hour ago.
Never mind that I'm starting a new job tomorrow and
wasn't prepared in any way to look after them for
a week with no notice. But please, if anyone here
can give me a few tips or pointers, I would
be so grateful. I'm stressing pretty bad about this. I
don't know what to do.

Speaker 4 (32:30):
Edit.

Speaker 3 (32:30):
I'm located in Victoria, Australia, if that makes any difference
situation now. I wanted to book in for a talk
screen in blood work, but would have to travel two
hours to get it done, the only other option being
police and CPS, both unfavorable options or seeing a GP.

Speaker 2 (32:46):
What am I in here for?

Speaker 3 (32:47):
What damage would chronic ingestion of turpentine cause a seven
year old or a five year old? What are the
things I should look out for? Would turpentine even show
up in a screen in such a small volume? And
if there's an an you want to hear from Victoria,
would a GP be able to help initiate a talk screen?
The kids have been medically assessed, woo good to hear.

(33:08):
They've had blood work done, testing for liver and kidney
function as well as any other abnormalities, and have undergone
some minor testing. Thankfully, everything has come back clear and
they seem to be happy and in good health.

Speaker 2 (33:21):
Oh good.

Speaker 3 (33:22):
Apart from my daughter being a little upset about being
job with needles, that's well, you know. There were, however,
some very concerning statements made by my kids to the
doctors who screen them, both with and without any family present.
Everything said has been transcribed and documented in their discharge papers.
CPS has been informed of the situation, The situation has

(33:45):
been reported to the police, and a medical release statement
has been filed with them. They told me they would
remain in contact with CPS and wait for their lead.
The kids are legally staying within the care of myself
and my family until further notice from Child Services. At
this point in time, I've had no contact with my
ex since this all came about. I have a tip
on a great family law legal representative whom I will

(34:08):
contact in the very near future to discuss my steps
moving forward and about making a claim for primary custodial care.
My family fully supports this decision and we are still
incredibly shocked about this whole scenario. I am on the
verge of having an absolute meltdown, but things actually seem
okay for now. My kids are safe.

Speaker 2 (34:27):
Oh good. Yeah.

Speaker 3 (34:28):
I couldn't be more grateful for how supportive my family
and friends have been over the last couple of days.
Thank you to everyone who gave me their advice and support.
I appreciate every one of you, and please don't feed
your children Turbentine. Just an update on things since everything
went down, and maybe provide a little clarity on a
few key details. Not that it's necessary to me that

(34:48):
you believe my story read it being what it isn't all,
but bear with me as I haven't really spoken about
the topic with anyone outside of my partner and a
very very long time. There will be a few additional
details that won't be mentioned for discretionary reasons and active
actions currently in place.

Speaker 2 (35:06):
Not very brief.

Speaker 3 (35:07):
Sorry. I'll start by stating that the kids have been
in my full care since the first post and are
very happy and healthy. The mother has placed the entirety
of the blame on the grandmother, and I'll buy it.
I'll buy it and remain steadfast in that stance to
this very day. The month prior to my post, they
spent camping as a family, the kids and their mom's

(35:28):
immediate family. They spent that entire time in her care,
and there was no way she wasn't privy to what
was happening every goddamn day. The kids had an effing
song to sing about it, all substantiated in statements taken
from them. So, as a few have speculated, yes, this
happened in Regional Victoria, a couple hours from Melbourne. The

(35:49):
hospital here could have taken the kids in for screening
through er, but they didn't have the facilities to actually
test the blood work on site. The turnaround for a results,
I was told would have been a few days p
possibly longer as it had to get sent off. Alternatively, Alternatively,
I could have just waited until the following day to
make the trip to the New Yarest facility that was
capable of producing some same day results. We took that option.

(36:14):
The kids for triage the following day through r tested
for organ functionality. Blood work came back clean. They were
privately spoken to and assessed by an on site well
being officers or whatever their title was, and CPS was
contacted through the hospital and a case opened. Note yes
we do the We do call them child Protection here,
even though they operate under the dff H manner Department

(36:37):
of Families, Fairness and Housing, But so does Community Housing
and Disability Support in tangent with NDIS. So do with
that information as you will. It's a broad department. We
left with the medical reports, which included statements given by
the children and holy f were they being fed some
wild facts about the world.

Speaker 2 (36:54):
Oh my gosh, does it have examples?

Speaker 3 (36:59):
That night I made an informal statement at the local
police station stating what the situation was and the actions taken,
just so they had it on record. For those tracking
the chronology of all this, we are roughly thirty hours
into the timeline from me first finding out Wow. CPS
conducted several interviews over the next few months with all
parties involved, as well as a house call to my residents.

(37:22):
Not sure how extensively they interviewed. The month, they concluded
the children unfit to be in the mother's care, but
were comfortable in closing their case should they remain with
me full time. Surprizingly, there was no legal order to
put in place. Apparently they're happy to move on from
a situation once comfortable with the results. Are is the
mom and did Gramma not being put in jail? Yeah?

Speaker 2 (37:42):
What's going on with that?

Speaker 3 (37:44):
It's just being dropped, That's what it sounds like. This
is found a good law firm and started the legal process,
which has been very slow due to an unsurprising lack
of con cooperation. Essentially, though we have restricted the mother's
access to supervise visitation and moved her parental right as
a legal actor regarding medical decision, she has only seen

(38:04):
them a handful of times in the two years following,
despite constant efforts to facilitate visitation. The kids have had
therapy and I've spent many, many hours talking to them
over the last two years, helping them navigate their way
through this. They'll have a lot of questions they'll expect
answers for when they're older, I'm sure. Currently we have
managed to secure a scheduled visitation with the mother through

(38:27):
a professional contact center which facilitates supervised visits, and we
can facilitate a supervised visit from you live every weekday
through PMPST just tab her profile. It has been an
efing wild ride, but we are incredibly lucky and happy
to have the strong family unit we currently do, including
my partner and her daughter, who have been next to

(38:48):
us through most of this process. Please teach your kids
it's safe to be honest and open with you.

Speaker 2 (38:53):
Yeah the story.

Speaker 3 (38:55):
Make sure your kids can talk to you because they
might be being fed turpentine and you have no idea
and you have no idea, have no idea, yike. I
really hope that these the mother and the grandmother we like,
get some jail time.

Speaker 2 (39:09):
Yeah, some some other.

Speaker 3 (39:11):
Consequences rather than other than like the kids being taken
away from them, right, which that's like a.

Speaker 2 (39:16):
Pretty effective and kind of big consequence. I don't know
legally if they would be gone like put in jail.
I don't know it's legally, like you literally were feeding
your kids poisons. They're like poisoning them. I want to
know how old the grandmother is. Yeah, I don't know
how how much. I don't want to know where she's

(39:37):
at with her like mental Yeah, you know what I mean.
If she has like yeah, that's what I'm thinking, Like,
what if she has dementia? Turpentine yes, yeah, and she's
like back in nine eighteen when we had the influenza.

Speaker 3 (39:52):
Yeah, we just took a spoonful of turmitie and.

Speaker 2 (39:54):
Then we were all better. But some people I diaostly,
it was fine.

Speaker 3 (39:58):
Yeah, a strong survive right, But that is the end
of that story.

Speaker 2 (40:03):
I got a new boyfriend, so my ex hacked into
my accounts and deleted everything.

Speaker 3 (40:08):
I don't think he's handling the breakup well, yeah, I.

Speaker 2 (40:10):
Don't think so. I twenty one female, was dating someone
twenty one male for a year. We hit it off
really well when we first started, and at the time
I had just gotten out of a really bad relationship
with someone else. However, after December of twenty twenty two,
things were in nothing but downhill. My boyfriend at the
time had gotten kicked out of his father's house, so
he was living with me in my grandmother's house for

(40:32):
a short period. How old is Sopea at that time
twenty one? Yeoh, I know a lot. Yeah. Unfortunately I
ended up getting kicked out of there for a lot
of things that also happened within my family. So I
moved back in with my parents while my boyfriend moved
in with his brother a month or so after. By
the way, this comes from U slash Arilyn on the
r slash okay storytime sub reddit. So while he stayed

(40:55):
with his brother, uh, he got a job at Wendy's.
But I noticed that his demeanor towards me started to
change rapidly. He would yell at me a lot for
defending myself in regards to his friends, would block me
at any time an argument took place over silly things,
and he even broke up with me before because I
had asked him for fifty dollars for laundry after doing

(41:16):
his laundry and my own when we were living together.
I never understood why he changed or why he acted
this way, but this past month and three weeks really
take the cake. So fast forward to November we had
already gotten back together. At this point, he was playing
yu gi Oh Master Duel with his friends and he
was losing, typical loser. I tried asking him why he

(41:36):
was upset, but he got angry with me and then
claimed the next day that I was condescending and because
of that, we are no longer together. Then later in
the month, he had asked me to pick him up
from work because he had a horrible day, and on
the way to him, he said that things have changed
since the separation. I only hang around you when I
have nothing better to do or I'm bored. After he

(41:57):
said that, I was crushed and even decided I didn't
want to sellelebrate my birthday the time the twenty seventh came.
That's really sad. Don't even want to celebrate your birthday.
I always want to celebrate my birthday. We officially called
things off when the yugi oh thing took place, but
I really told him off after he said that comment.
So my birthday. So by my birthday, it has been
clear that we were broken up. I had a friend

(42:19):
in college, nineteen mail who's the same age as my
baby sister. We hit it off and got really close
as we were working on my college project for my final.
My ex didn't like that at all, going as far
as to hack into my Google account two nights ago
and delete all of my files. No, even the late essay.
I had just turned into my professor, so he couldn't

(42:40):
access the file at all. Again, how did he? How
does he have your password or something? Yeah? Maybe she yeah,
maybe she like signed into something on his computer or
something like that, like to watch them. I don't know.

Speaker 3 (42:53):
It's like, who would expect someone to do something that rage?

Speaker 2 (42:58):
That is crazy? I was in curiated because he deleted
a whole semesters and then some with worth of work.
Even my resumes were gone, so I had to contact
Google Assistance to get all my files back. I mean
sounds like, okay, if that were told me that work,
if that were yeah, mind dude. This is after already
having an argument the night before where things escalated and

(43:19):
he got physical with me. He came to get his
stuff the other night and apologized for everything and wouldn't
stop crying. Oh who cares? Wherever you go? Who? Yeah?
I consoled him, but I told him I needed to
be away from him, and I didn't want to speak
to him because this stuff hurt and had I not
gotten gotten back my files, I would have likely failed

(43:40):
my very first semester of college. Oh now I don't
know what to do because it hurts a lot. And
though he said he understood, he got mad at me
for not talking to him yesterday even though he knows
he's restricted and blogged everywhere. So am I the a hole?
And there is an update Jesus, it's been over three
months since I uploaded this. Thank you for your opinions everyone.

(44:01):
I do have a huge update on said matters, so
I'll try to sum it up as much as I can. So,
my ex tried to leak explicit images of me after
my trip to North Carolina, and this is you can
also like charge him for another thing, absolutely another charge
to add to Yeah. I also found out on Christmas
my ex had done things with my cousin what and

(44:24):
they both lied to me after I went to my
cousin and vented. So there's that little sum up. Currently,
I'm with someone else twenty three mail and I haven't
heard from my ex or my cousin after finding out
everything and confronting them. As far as my schoolwork goes,
I'm currently doing my spring semester and still trying to
pick up the pieces bit by bit, but I've been

(44:45):
healing and mentally I'm in a better situation. Thanks again
for those who have listened. And there still is another update, man,
But I'm so glad that yeah, opas and my hopefully
better boyfriend now yeah, and that she hasn't heard from
the old boyfriend. No, like if you, I do. I mean,
I still think that.

Speaker 3 (45:02):
You should file a police report because there's been a
lot of really terrible, horrible behavior.

Speaker 2 (45:07):
Yes, hi, everyone wore I get into what I need
assistance with. I want to first take this time and
thank everyone who responded last time to both my other posts.
I appreciate all the advice given money, and it's helped
me use Reddit as a way to release now onto
the issue at hand. No, I don't want issues, I
want only positives. So I took everyone's advice and I

(45:30):
stopped talking to the X in question, but they were
still talking to each other. I guess, I don't know.
Maybe after like the first initial yes, before the first EFFODT,
I hope so hopefully. However, a lot has happened in
between then and now. My ex couldn't handle us not
being together and decided to not only leak explicit images
of me on an old account I used to control.

(45:52):
Don't worry, I was able to delete it and kick
him out of all the accounts he had access to.
I also found out the night before he leaked these
videos and photos that he had done it with my
cousin on Christmas night. After she reassured me, with me
and my at the time friend nineteen female, that she
would talk to him and help me find the middle
ground because of his behavior, she did more than talk, yeah,

(46:15):
a lot more.

Speaker 3 (46:16):
She was like, I'm the middle ground, right.

Speaker 2 (46:18):
She knew about him deleting my schoolwork, hacking into my
other stuff, and being physically and emotionally abusive towards me.
She actually spoke up on me leaving him a few times,
and she said she was proud when I finally made
the move to do so, but but.

Speaker 3 (46:32):
Her thought process was still, that is the guy that
I want to be.

Speaker 2 (46:36):
With, right, She was like, break up with him so
that I could, I could take him, I could date
it him, We'll find a middle ground. Oh my gosh,
that's crazy. When I found out that she slept with
my ex. I confronted her due to the fact that
a few days before this, she had admitted to me
that they kissed, but swore to me that that's all
they did and they just had a few drinks and

(46:58):
apologized why.

Speaker 3 (47:00):
Are they why is he still around her family?

Speaker 2 (47:04):
Really really leave? That's so frustrating. Immediately, obviously that wasn't
the case anymore. It's actually pretty funny. I was playing
Mario Kart with my friends and my ex somehow texted
me on Snapchat from a different account, and his exact
words were, I'm gonna f up your night. Me and
your cousin didn't just kiss, We spicy slept together, along

(47:26):
with a bunch of other colorful work. He also said
he was doing this since she had made it clear
we weren't cool anymore. I'd also like to point out
that this was during my first vacation, so I was
not at home during any of this. When I finally
reached home, however, my cousin argued with me on Snapchat,
just trying to justify her actions, and argued with my friends,

(47:48):
saying disrespectful things about her family. It was a lot,
and after that we didn't speak to each other. For
another couple months, that makes sense, Yeah, really yeah? After this, however,
give it maybe March or April ish I decided to give.
I decided to forgive her and move on from everything
for my mental health, but to keep her at distance

(48:10):
due to me not wanting to open up again. She however,
didn't like that and insisted that it wasn't fair that
I didn't want to listen and how I let my
friend slut shame her due to what she did, and
refused to understand the point I was making. So it
broke out into an all out war with my ex
somehow getting access to one of my alternative accounts telling

(48:32):
me to stop talking to my cousin, which let me
know that they were still talking. So by that point
I dropped it all together.

Speaker 3 (48:38):
This is, oh, my goodness, your cousin's crazy, your ex
is crazy. You're literally just trying to move on, and
they're both like, no, we won't let you. We're gonna
drag you back into the mud.

Speaker 2 (48:48):
Right. It's oh, so icky, so icky.

Speaker 4 (48:52):
Now.

Speaker 3 (48:52):
Also apparently that like the side part of the story
is that the ex boyfriend is like an amazing hacker.
He ACKed like who things.

Speaker 2 (49:00):
Now Now months later, my cousin has messaged my Instagram
after months of not talking to me, saying she wants
to reconcile and says it's unfair that I was willing
to drop it and forgive my ex and not her first,
even though I did forgive her first, and she chose
to not listen to me of course, and basically that
because we're family, I should be able to reach out
to her and forgive her, like what do you want?

(49:21):
Like she did forgive you. I don't. I don't understand.
I upfront told her that if we were family, you
wouldn't have done what you did to me and lied
to my face. I haven't spoken to her since that day,
but she keeps apologizing and telling me she loves me
and my friend, who I don't speak to anymore. I
don't know what to do here, but you know what
you can do is join us live on YouTube every

(49:43):
weekday at three pm PST, just top our profile. I
don't want to talk to her, but I don't want
to essentially abandon someone I've grown up with for years.
I have lots of mismixed emotions, so would I be
the a hole for not talking to.

Speaker 3 (49:59):
Her honestly, I think you need to go no contact
with her. Yeah, she's a really unhealthy part of your life.
I think she's constantly dragging you back into drama that
you're trying to run away from.

Speaker 2 (50:10):
I don't think that she's the a hole for just
stepping back from all of that at all.

Speaker 3 (50:13):
I think that the cousin is trying to be absolved
of her like sins and her guilt, yeah, by asking
ope to like talk to her. Yeah, but she hasn't
made any action, like actionable attempts to improve her behaviors exactly.

Speaker 2 (50:27):
Like, maybe after some time, because they are family like,
I feel like because of their like close part proximity
and like visiting families like that, after a long time,
you would be able to figure something out now, especially
if she is apologizing and she does want a relationship
with you again. Yeah, but that's the end of that story.

Speaker 4 (50:45):
Woe.

Speaker 2 (50:47):
Hey y'all, it's John Ogi host here. We're gonna get
back to the stories. But here's a quick three minute
break from as for more sponsors.

Speaker 3 (50:53):
My fiance just found out that I used to be
engaged to a man.

Speaker 2 (50:57):
Now she's freaking out. How dare you?

Speaker 3 (51:00):
Oh man, dare you I twenty nine. Mail lost my
fiance four years ago in a car accident. He and
I were both twenty five at the time and had
been together since we were nineteen. If soulmates were real,
he was mine. He was stubborn, he preferred away earlier
bedtime than I did, and he was a major homebody

(51:21):
and I loved all of it. He would stay up
with me until he was sure I fell asleep, and
weekly movie theater outings planned by him became a thing
like a month this meeting. Oh, by the way, this
comes from poetry sonnets on the Arslashoky, Storytime, Subbred. So
I am a fundamentally different person, both because I met
him and because of my grief. I was show him

(51:42):
what real love and effort and care feels like. I
also don't talk about him. I go to therapy once
a week. Otherwise it's silent on that topic from me.

Speaker 2 (51:52):
That's hard.

Speaker 3 (51:53):
It's like someone who's like such a was such an
important part of your life. Yeah, and you still obviously
love right, he lives on in me in the ways
I try to emulate him. I practice the patience he
had that I always struggled to find. I go after
career related opportunities that scare me because I know he
would encourage me to. Sometimes I let myself stay in

(52:14):
bed because I know he'd be gentle with me and
let me do that too. But I don't talk about him,
and I probably never will. I'll make the occasional oh
ex would have loved this comment when I'm with friends
who knew him well, with strangers nothing. My friends and
family respect that as well. I'm engaged again. My fiance
thirty one female, obviously knows I was engaged before. I

(52:37):
pretty much told her my last partner passed away and
I don't talk about it. I don't use social media
and any real capacity anymore. But she happened to stumble
upon an old Instagram profile of mine recently and saw
him heavily featured. This led to her accusing me of
purposely keeping this from her. I don't really see why
his gender matters, and I told her so. She said,

(52:58):
I've broken her trust. Times like these are when I
long for the life I was living before, but grief
fed up my brain, so I'm not sure if I'm
being sensitive an edit. She knew I'm the only thing
she didn't know was that my fiance was a man,
and there is an update. I mean, I don't think
OPI's done anything wrong here. Never asked him, oh if

(53:20):
she knew he was rul She never said like, oh,
what gender was your beyonce and specifically like never lied.

Speaker 2 (53:28):
Just like right, And it's like, well, if you're okay
with your like partner being tolled, then like, why is
it such a problem that he dated and we're engaged
to the other gender. It was a practice. You don't
like it right, right, Like, I don't know that just
doesn't that's not a big issue, no, or like nothing
that you would need to inform someone about.

Speaker 3 (53:47):
I figured I go ahead and post an update before
I returned to my all lurk no post comment Reddit life. Yesterday,
I had an emergency therapy session because I was spiraling
and didn't feel prepared to tackle the upcoming conversation with
my fiance without one. It was hard, but necessary, as
I was finally honest about just how much I was
compartmentalizing my grief. It laid the foundation for where I'd

(54:09):
like to go moving forward. Now I have to put
in the legwork. The few hours between my therapy appointment
and my fiance getting off work was evidence of just
how avoidant I've become. It was a conversation we needed,
but definitely not one I wanted. I'm glad that Op's
realizing that, like, he does need to talk about this, right,
because like talking in therapy is of course good. Yeah,

(54:32):
but like being able to you're not truly able to
move on from something unless you're able to talk about
it with the people who you love.

Speaker 2 (54:39):
Right.

Speaker 3 (54:40):
It was a conversation we needed, but definitely not one
I wanted. When we finally sat down to talk, I
asked her to start us off by telling you exactly
what was bothering her about the whole situation. She said,
because I had come out to her in a casual way,
the way I come out to anyone, by mentioning it
early on, when it seems natural to bring up she
didn't realize how serious I was.

Speaker 2 (55:01):
No, that's on you.

Speaker 4 (55:05):
He was like yeah, And she's like, oh yeah, you like,
oh yeah, Like he's kissed the man like kisses his
friends as a joke, so like you are not alone
in that experience.

Speaker 3 (55:17):
You apologize for that and suggested that if I told
her more about him now, it might be an easier
pill for her to swallow. Mixed feelings on that. I
was like, yes, you should talk about him, but also
easier pill for her to swallow.

Speaker 2 (55:30):
Yeah, Like shouldn't really be a pill.

Speaker 3 (55:32):
I think there is this like very common thing where
like I've actually heard, you know, from friends talk about
like their partners, Like male friends, I've talked about their
partners being like oh yeah, I don't want to marry
or I don't want to be with a bike man
really who's like like a man who's been with another man.
And it was like I remember talking to someone about
this and they brought it up so casually yeah, And

(55:54):
I was like, it's like, wait a second, get back
to that. But wait, I say why, It's just like
they're like, oh, yeah, like it's just a prefer I'm like.

Speaker 4 (56:01):
No, that's not. Uh.

Speaker 2 (56:03):
I'm scared to know what she's got to say.

Speaker 3 (56:06):
I tried, but there was this not in my stomach
the entire time I tried to pick a place to start.
And maybe this is me being cruel not giving her
the benefit of the doubt, but it just doesn't feel right.
She hadn't come and said. I was shocked because I
realized how little I know about this time in your life?
Would you be open to talking about it now? Instead,
it felt like, tell me what you saw on him,

(56:26):
so I can attempt to rationalize your orientation, which is
what it sounded like. Oh, if you tell me more
about him, maybe I'll be like fine with you.

Speaker 2 (56:33):
Being interesting interesting.

Speaker 3 (56:35):
I told her I needed some time, so she went
to stay elsewhere for the weekend. A long time good
friend of buying came over this morning. I think the
combination of anonymously talking more openly about my partner here,
as well as being more open with my therapist, helped
remind me of how joyous and cathartic it could be.
I don't know the exact catalyst, but I do know
I spilled my guts. We talked for hours about things

(56:58):
I haven't told anyone in year. I expressed how nervous
I was about possibly living alone again, and I was
told that I didn't ever have to worry about that,
that an SOS text message would be all it took
for me to have company if I needed it. Same
goes for all my friends and family. I'm so lucky
I have an incredible support system. Five minutes into that

(57:19):
hour's long conversation. I already knew the trust, security, and
love I felt made room for this newfound openness. The
absence of any one of those marks of RELATIONSHIPDA and
is why I felt physically ill trying to share his
memory with her. Yeah, because he didn't. He didn't have
that trust in her.

Speaker 2 (57:37):
Yeah, and like when which is new if you're about
to get married her, Yeah, you're gonna need that. Yeah.

Speaker 3 (57:43):
No, I like I think that again, this goes back
into the problem of like, why didn't he feel comfortable
to having the conversation with her in first place and
talking about his partner?

Speaker 2 (57:52):
Right?

Speaker 3 (57:53):
And Yeah, again, I don't think he had that trust
in her. And that's that's another problem.

Speaker 2 (57:57):
And it's not that it's kind of being like proved, right, Yeah,
it's some part you're finally learning.

Speaker 3 (58:01):
And your reaction is not like, hey, I'm sad that
you didn't feel comfortable telling me, it's like you shouldn't
have I didn't want to know.

Speaker 2 (58:08):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (58:09):
Yeah, So I think going our separate ways will be
good for both of us. What we weren't getting what
we needed from each other. She's supposed to be coming
back tomorrow, so we'll have the talk. Then I have
lots of work to do, But for tonight I get
to be reminded of what safety feels like.

Speaker 2 (58:25):
Wow, my gosh.

Speaker 3 (58:27):
Oh we got like the love and support he needed
from his best friend. Yeah, but is breaking up with
his fiance? Oh my gosh, that's gotta be that. It's
gonna be really tough.

Speaker 2 (58:38):
Wow? Is there more?

Speaker 3 (58:39):
There's a little bit more to the story. But you
know what isn't tough? Joining us live every week today
a through PMPST. Just tap her profile. But there is
a little edit to finish the story off. Please see
this comment where I elaborate on the conversation she and
I had. There seems to be this misunderstanding where I
blame her for everything because she doesn't because she didn't
perfectly respond to the situation. Two things can be true.

(59:02):
I wasn't open. I am largely accountable for the problems
in this relationship, and I never should have entered it
if I wasn't ready. She also said ignorant things. I'm
not angry about it, and it's certainly not the sole
reason we're breaking up. It's just another reason on the
pile of reasons why this isn't sustainable. Me still not
feeling comfortable enough to share with her does not equal

(59:22):
me blaming her for everything or even the majority of things.
It was just the final nail in the coffin between.
Maybe we can make this work with a lot of effort,
and this needs to end now, which I think is true.
It's like it's not the only The issue was not
just that she was kind of intolerant and said again
ignorant things, right, but he didn't feel comfortable expressing his feelings,

(59:45):
comfortable talking about.

Speaker 2 (59:46):
His past partner, right, That's that's definitely a much bigger issue. Yeah,
because it's so subconscious, you know, you wouldn't know that
until something like this comes up, exactly.

Speaker 3 (59:55):
Yeah. So I think it's just like it seems like
he's maybe not ready for relationship chip yet, Yeah, until
he is able to talk about it, right.

Speaker 2 (01:00:04):
And I think it's good. I mean it sounds like
he's talking to his friend about Yeah, it's too because
which she said he was like cathartic. Yeah, yeah, so
that's that's really good because I mean, like they were
saying earlier, like he was really compartmentalizing it, oh too much,
like you gotta have even those therapy is a great
sports system. It can't it still can't be your only
one to be like that fully healthy, you know, you

(01:00:26):
gotta have you need a support.

Speaker 3 (01:00:27):
System because, like i mean, therapy is great obviously, but
you're like paying someone and to have like that kind
of support system, that unconditional support where someone just like
wants to be there for you because they love you, right,
that is kind of a different feeling, right, And I'm
glad that Opeak gets that too.

Speaker 2 (01:00:46):
Boy boy, all for the better. But that is the
end of the story.

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My friends are getting a divorce after 20 years… now they’re forcing me to choose! | Reddit Stories

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.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}My friends are getting a divorce after 20 years… now they’re forcing me to choose! | Reddit Stories