Do you ever pretend to be confident when you’re not?
When do you feel most confident?
What if real confidence isn’t loud or visible—but built quietly in the moments no one else sees? In today's Jay's Must-Listens, Jay explores the powerful theme of inner confidence—not the kind rooted in outside validation or achievements, but the kind built slowly through learning to trust yourself, commitment to showing up, and living with purpose.
Throughout the episode, Jay draws from powerful moments with past guests and their helpful insights. He shares a moment from his conversation with Kendall Jenner, where she opened up about experiencing anxiety and how even people who appear confident outwardly are often battling internal struggles. Jay also references insights from Lisa Bilyeu, who spoke about repetition and how confidence is built by proving to yourself—again and again—that you can do hard things.
In this episode, you'll learn:
How to Build Confidence Without External Validation
How to Create a Daily Confidence-Boosting Practice
How to Turn Self-Doubt into Self-Discipline
How to Build Confidence Through Repetition and Consistency
How to Anchor Yourself with Purpose, Not Praise
How to Redefine Confidence as Clarity and Alignment
This episode is both a motivational reset and a practical guide for anyone who’s ready to stop doubting themselves or seeking outside validation and start rooting their confidence in something far more lasting: their own truth.
With Love and Gratitude,
Jay Shetty.
Join over 750,000 people to receive my most transformative wisdom directly in your inbox every single week with my free newsletter. Subscribe here.
Join Jay for his first ever, On Purpose Live Tour! Tickets are on sale now. Hope to see you there!
What We Discuss:
00:00 Intro
01:43 Find What Makes You Happy and Do That
04:44 How To Start Believing in Yourself
09:34 Doing Things that Scare You is Worth the Risk
13:26 Genuine Love Should Boost Your Confidence
16:41 Staying Confident When Your Body Is Changing
18:52 How Stress Can Manifest In Your Body
26:32 Don’t Wait To Take Action
29:59 This is How You Build Real Confidence From Within
33:33 The Song I Made Just For Me That Changed Everything
35:28 Healing and Maturing Through Motherhood
36:55 Every Day Is A Chance For Progress
39:01 Stay Consistent In Improving Yourself
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
Hey everyone, It's Jay Sheddy and I'm thrilled to announce
my podcast tour. For the first time ever, you can
experience on Purpose in person. Join me in a city
near you for meaningful, insightful conversations with surprise guests. It
could be a celebrity, top wellness expert, or a CEO
or business leader. We'll dive into experiences designed to experience growth,
(00:25):
spark learning, and build real connections. I can't wait to
meet you. There are a limited number of VIP experiences
for a private Q and a intimate meditation and a
meet and greet with photos. Tickets are on sale now.
Head to Jaysheddy, dop me Forward Slash Tour and get
yours today. Confidence is something we all struggle with at
(00:48):
some point. But where does confidence come from? How do
we build it in a way that feels genuine and lasting?
The number one health and wellness podcast, Jay Seti, Jay Shehey,
Welcome back to On Purpose today. We're talking about something
that impacts every decision we make, a confidence and self worth.
(01:13):
We all struggle with it at some point, questioning if
we're good enough, smart enough, or capable enough. Maybe it
started in childhood, or maybe Over time, life's challenges have
made us second guess ourselves. But here's the truth. Confidence
isn't something you're just born with, it's something you build.
(01:33):
And self worth isn't just about your accomplishments or success.
It's about how you see yourself at your core. In
this episode, I've gathered insights from some of the best
minds to help you quiet self doubt, recognize your true value,
and step into the confidence that's already in you. Because
(01:53):
when you truly believe in yourself, everything changes. So often
when we're searching for confidence and self worth, it's easy
to feel pressured to try every new trend or practice,
as if there's a perfect formula for feeling secure in ourselves.
But real confidence isn't about following the crowd. It's about
(02:14):
tuning out the noise and figuring out what truly works
for you. Kendall Jenna knows that pressure all too well.
Having spent most of her life in the public eye.
She's had to learn how to protect her peace, set boundaries,
and find joy in the simple things. In this conversation,
she opens up about her journey to staying grounded and
(02:36):
true to herself. Let's get into it had.
Speaker 2 (02:39):
Had a lot of people coming to me telling me
about meditation and how it changed their life and therapy
and so many different things, and I was a bit
overwhelmed because I was like, oh my god, what of
this is gonna suit me. I think it's a very
personal experience. I think everybody has a very different version
of all of that stuff, and so it was a
little so I think I really just took the time
(03:01):
to be off for a second. It was even the
little things. It was like being able to go to
my friend's birthday party, which I wouldn't have been able
to go to before because I was working a lot.
Speaker 1 (03:11):
I love hearing that because I think it is those
simple things, like you know, giving yourself that space. Yeah,
whatever it is that you needed to do when you
needed it, And like you said, sometimes it's like that's
when all the subscribe buttons come up in front of
you and it's like try this and try this, and
it's like, well, no, no, no, let me just take my time.
Speaker 2 (03:28):
It was also, now that I think about it, yeah,
twenty three, I'm twenty six. I've had my horse for
so around that time is when I bought the horse
that I have now who is my Like I jump her,
and I like, I have two other horses, but they're
like retired, so I don't really ride them the same
way I ride her. So yeah, I guess it was
(03:49):
around that time too that I was like, I'm going
to do this because I love this and like I
want to get back into it, and this is what
I've loved my whole life. So so it was around that
time that I feel like all of that started happening,
and I bought my and I like started taking more
time for things that made me really happy.
Speaker 1 (04:04):
Yeah, what I what I'm noticing in you and observing
or at least from just the God. No, I was
just saying, it's like, it feels like, no matter what's
happening in your orbit, there's this pillar of belief that
it's important to be happy. Yeah, Like you know, that's
like this core center belief in your life where it's
important to be happy. It's important to be happy. It's
(04:26):
that has to be the.
Speaker 2 (04:27):
Goal for sure, And you know it's not always easy.
We live in such an interesting industry and in such
an interesting time with social media that it can be
very hard. Sometimes you can fall victim to so many
things that don't serve you and that don't make you happy.
(04:50):
If your happiness depends on the actions of others, you know,
you're at mercy of things that you can't control. And
that's ever where I want to be. So I always
want to live in like me and my therapist talk
about like my higher goddess, my higher self, Like I
always want to live there, knowing that you know, when
(05:12):
I'm there, you can't take that away from me. That
that's mine. And no matter what you can disagree with me,
you can agree with me, that's not going I'm not changing,
I'm not shifting. I'm here, I'm in my higher goddess.
So I kind of I always live by, like keep
holding my happiness and not letting anyone else affect it.
And though I fall victim to it at times, well
(05:34):
as we all probably do, absolutely I strive every day
to live in that place.
Speaker 1 (05:40):
So what are some of the qualities of your higher
goddess so that that kind of.
Speaker 2 (05:45):
She's awesome. Like I said, I don't love a pity party.
I also, like, you know, sometimes it feels weird to
like say good things about yourself. But I've also learned
a lot about talking to myself, and a lot about
looking in the mirror and being like, you're you're gorgeous,
you're amazing, you're loyal, you're positive, you're so many like.
I love words of affirmation. I love just sitting there
(06:09):
and reassuring myself of who I am, because that's another
thing for me. You know, there's so many false narratives
about me, about all of us, I'm sure, like so
many people think they have you figured out when they
don't even know the half of it. So sitting there
and being like, you know, you get frustrated. Sometimes it
(06:30):
could feel really unfair. You could be reading something that
someone is saying about you, or hearing something that someone's
saying about you and being like, that is so unfair
because that's not who I am. And that really gets
to me sometimes and that really sucks. But then looking
at myself in the mirror and being like, but I
know who I am and that's all. Why does anything
else matter? And my friends know who I am, and
(06:50):
my family knows who I am, My dog knows who
I am, my horse knows who I am, Like, why
does any of everything else? Is just noise?
Speaker 1 (06:57):
I do this exercise. I didn't think if she had
this before. But I do this exercise with some of
my clients where we'll go on a walk and we'll
be on a hike wherever we are, and I'll ask
them what they think a piece of you know, maybe
there's a little leaf, or maybe there's some flower or
something that looks a little unique on the path, and
I'll say, what do you think that feels like? And
(07:19):
what do you think it would feel like if you
picked it up in your hand. And they'll be like, Oh,
it looks really rough and like it might scratch me,
and like it looks like a bit, you know, like
uneven or whatever, and it looks kind of hard and strong.
And then I'll ask them to pick it up, and
nine times out of ten it's completely different. Like they'll
pick it up and it will just dissolve in their hands,
(07:40):
or they'll turn it over and the color is really
soft and sorry, the shape, the shape's really soft and
the color's totally different on the other side. And I
do that I exercise to help us realize just how
multifaceted humans are. Yeah, today I've got to meet you,
and obviously we're spending a lot of deep, intimate, vulnerable
time together, so you learn faster about someone. But if
someone only follows someone on social media, or only sees
(08:01):
someone at an event, or only sees one interview, it's
so easy to create such a singular view of someone.
I think, and I want to say this because I
really think we all feel it. I don't think anyone
wants to be seen in a singular way. If you
had to choose one word that had to be you
for the rest of your life. I don't think anyone
(08:22):
wants that. I think course all know that we're messy
and complex and different, of course, but we like to
put someone else in a box, whoever that may be,
because it's easier than to live life and say, okay,
well that's person's a bright yeah.
Speaker 3 (08:38):
No.
Speaker 1 (08:38):
So there's this beautiful piece of wisdom that I always
share from Charles Horton Cooley, and he wrote this in
eighteen ninety I think it was, which just shows how
true this has been for such a long time, and
obviously long before that as well. And he said, the
challenge today is I'm not what I think I am.
I'm not what you think I am. I am what
(08:59):
I think you think I am. And we'll let that
blow everyone's mind. Charles Houghton Cooley said, the challenge today
is I'm not what I think I am. I'm not
what you think I am. I am what I think
you think I am. And what he's trying to say
is that we live in a perception of a perception
(09:20):
of ourselves. So if I think you think I'm smart,
then I allow myself to feel smart.
Speaker 2 (09:26):
Right, It's like we need that value, we need that validation.
Speaker 1 (09:29):
Or if I think you think I'm not smart, then
I feel hurt. And the challenges I don't know what
you're thinking at all, especially outside in the world, and
so I find out what you're saying around like, well
what do I think about myself? Like how do I
feel about myself? How do the people that actually know
me feel about me? I think that's really empowering. There
are times in life when we feel disconnected from ourselves,
(09:51):
as if we've lost our sense of who we are.
It can happen after a big life change, the grind
of a demanding job, or even just getting stuck in
the routine of everyday life. For Vanessa Hudgens, that moment
came after filming a series of emotionally intense movies, she
found herself questioning her identity and searching for a way
(10:13):
to reconnect. Instead of staying in that uncertainty, she took
a leap, one that felt scary but ultimately led her
back to herself. Let's dive into how stepping outside her
comfort zone helped her rediscover her confidence and self worth.
Speaker 4 (10:30):
I feel like my first solo trip was when I
was like, it was right after I did a stint
of like really heavy, emotionally demanding movies. I think Gimme
Shelter was the last one of that, and I came
home and I like genuinely did.
Speaker 5 (10:53):
Not know who Vanessa was.
Speaker 4 (10:56):
I had gotten so off on becoming this other person
and like genuinely changed my mindset the way that I looked.
I put on like twenty pounds, cut off all my hair,
like all the things that made me me were not
there anymore. And I was like, I need to do
(11:16):
something because I'm like scared because I don't know who
I am. And I was like, Okay, We're gonna go
on a yoga retreat. My my publicist at the time
was like, Ei, there's this retreat. They're doing it the
four seasons. It was like a practice, and I was like, Okay,
I'm just gonna like go on my own because that
scares me. And I was very much in that place
(11:39):
of like do the things that scare you, because you
will evolve like you're forced to. And I was like,
you know, like a yoga retreat in Hawaii, like that
gives me an excuse to be in Hawaii, but also
like have something to do and like know that I'll
be around people because like filming as well as an adult,
(11:59):
Like when I hit eighteen, I would go off to
film things all the time, and I would be on
my own. And so like if I wanted to go
to dinner, like a lot of times, I would just
go by myself and like bring a book, and like
I definitely would have those moments where I'm like looking
around like kind of trying to like lock eyes and
engage with anyone. Preferably would sit at the bar, so
(12:21):
I like talk to the bartender because like I love
I love people, like I love I love just like
talking to people.
Speaker 1 (12:28):
Yeah, but you start using a different part of your
brain when you do that, Like you start using a
different part of your energy where it's like, oh, I'm
going to see if I can make something out of nothing.
Speaker 4 (12:36):
Yeah, exactly.
Speaker 1 (12:37):
I said that you lose as we get older. That's
because most of your life is surrounded about the same people,
same work people, same life people. And so like when
you're like, oh, I'm trying to talk to the bartender,
I'm trying to lock even the idea of locking eyes
with someone random that overcomes a thing. Yeah, but it's
favorite thing.
Speaker 4 (12:53):
I literally will like be driving and like we'll like
turn and just like look at people if I'm stop
at a red light and like try to like dance
with people. The other day, this guy was like listening
to a song. We had our windows down, he had
his windows down, and me and my girlfriend were just
like body well and like just like luck and I
was trying to make this person laugh, like yeah, I
love that. But the trip the yoga retreat in Hawaii
(13:14):
ended up just being like so freeing because I was
just like okay, like I'm here on my own, like
I'm just gonna like talk to people that I connect
with and like go from there and like genuinely forced
me to stay as present as possible because I was
engaging with people I know nothing about. I feel like
(13:36):
That's the thing I love about talking to people that
you don't know, like you're forced to be present because
it's like if you're actually trying to engage, which not
everybody does. Yeah, but then those are the people you
don't need to engage with. But when you find people
who you can like, it's do you say you're so
present because you're actually listening.
Speaker 1 (13:56):
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(15:24):
Confidence is something we all struggle with at some point.
But where does confidence come from? How do we build
it in a way that feels genuine and lasting. Claudia Aushriy, comedian,
podcast host and social media personality, gets candid about her
journey with self image and how love played a role
(15:44):
in shaping her confidence. I really want you to hear
her story, Like, what would you say to someone who
maybe doesn't have doesn't want to go on a z
MPG because they're scared or whatever it may be. But
like what would you say with them?
Speaker 6 (15:58):
So I feel like people don't like my answer because
as when I was like struggling with myself image, I
feel like I'm gonna cry and ass sorry. So much
of my confidence, I would say, like all of it
came from the fact that I had a husband or
a boyfriend at the time, fiance who loved me so
much and he thought I was like the greatest thing.
And so if he thought it and look at him,
like I just I love him so much, and so
(16:19):
he thinks I'm so great, Like that's nothing. You should
get your confidence from a man whatever, But like I did,
just to be loved so unequivocally by somebody who I
think is so great, that gave me a lot of confidence.
Like he thought I was the best, he thought I
was as smartest, he thought I was the prettiest, so
like I was because his opinion is only when that matters.
But also like I look at him and I think
(16:41):
of him as like so charming attractive, like who wouldn't
want to marry him? And he likes me, like, oh
my god, I must be like the greatest thing ever.
And I really feel like so much of my confidence
and It's so funny because he says that he gets
confidence from me, which I feel like really happy that
it's a two way street, but having a relationship that
I felt really solid about, but also somebody who just
(17:02):
loved me so much. Really it just made me believe
like what he was saying, do you know what I mean?
Speaker 1 (17:09):
What's interesting to me is just so much of how
whether it's body shaming we do to ourselves or that
society does to us, how so much of it is
built up around esthetics and visuals, and how health and
vitality are actually not based on simply visuals.
Speaker 6 (17:27):
No, but I will say visually at the time, like
if you were to just compare me visually now and
me visually then, like I was very unhealthy, Like I
had a lot of random medical issues that like a
twenty five year old girl shouldn't be having. So I
agree with you that like a lot of times we
judge people's health based on their weight, and that's not
the case for everyone. But to be clear, like it
was the case for me. Yeah, like I was not healthy.
(17:49):
I did not walk to work, like I was really
like living a very inactive, unhealthy lifestyle. That's not the
case for everyone you see who's overweight, but that was
one thousand percent the case for me.
Speaker 1 (17:59):
Yeah, and now what's the new schedule?
Speaker 6 (18:00):
Oh bitch? Well, nown pregnant, so like it's kind of
reverted back, but so not pregnancy wise. I just really
like lead my day with little pockets of activity. I
think that like meat, going to meetings, going to work,
Like I'm always being like, okay, I'll walk.
Speaker 1 (18:15):
I worked out like before I.
Speaker 6 (18:16):
Got pregnant, I worked out like you know, three to
five times a week. I would spend my weekends like
doing things that I enjoy whilst being active, like going
for walks in the park with Ben. Just like making
sure that I wasn't rotting in bed as much as
I can I'm capable of, because I'm capable of a
great deal of rotting. And then with meals, that's really
(18:37):
where I probably struggled the most, but just just trying
to be a little bit more well rounded. I feel
like I eat like a six year old, and so
I do, like I eat rice and chicken fingers, and
so just changing sometimes to like brown rice and grilled chicken,
you know, thinking a little bit more. But it's hard
because I'm such a picky eater that you know, I'm
not gonna be making Bronzino on the weekends with like
(18:57):
a top of nod. You know that's never gonna happen.
I don't even know what top not is.
Speaker 1 (19:03):
And then I mean, as I'm hearing you speak, I'm
just like, is there a lot of people talk about
this right now, like this idea of when you become pregnant,
is there like a loss of the life you had? Like,
is there a feeling of like, wait a minute, just
a few moments ago, a few months ago I was.
Speaker 6 (19:21):
I would say, I don't feel I really. I mean,
I've been married for one hundred years and we decided
to wait to have kids. And I think that because
we made that choice, I am now not spending my
pregnancy and you know, hopefully the next year or two
mourning a life. I feel like I lived life to
the fullest and I really really waited till I was ready.
(19:44):
So the only thing I feel like I'm mourning is
my body. Like that nobody talks enough about, like what
it's like to lose significant weight and then get pregnant.
I don't know how I feel about it. I don't
have like fully fleshed that out. I'm like struggling every
single day, But no, I don't. I don't I feel
sad about like a life left behind. I feel like
I lived every minute of my twenties, like on the
(20:06):
edge of cliffs, going on trips, partying, like doing everything
I wanted to do. And when I turned thirty over
the summer, I was like, you know what, I'm done,
Like I really feel And That's what I'm so happy about,
because yeah, I like see my friends with kids, and
I'm like, oh, I do wish I had, like, you know,
joined them. But I feel so fulfilled in that one
chapter of my life that I'm really ready to start
the next chapter.
Speaker 1 (20:25):
We often think about self care as something external, our skincare, routine,
our dire or exercise, But what about caring for our soul?
How do we create rituals that nurture not just our body,
but our peace of mind and self worth. To share
her journey, Alicia Keys, Grammy winning artist, entrepreneur, and advocate
(20:45):
for soul care, Alisha opens up about her struggles with anxiety,
how stress affected her skin, and how she turned her
personal healing process into a philosophy that helps others into this.
I think often those of us who live spiritual lives,
we can be quite negligent of our casing and of
(21:07):
this body, and you can you can kind.
Speaker 5 (21:10):
Of disconnect, disconnect from it.
Speaker 1 (21:12):
Yeah, disconnect from it right right. And so I wanted
to ask you, how is your relationship changed with your skin?
That was something that brought you anxiety?
Speaker 5 (21:20):
Oh my gosh, I mean confident in your skin. I
mean it was forever. It was literally forever that I
really struggled with my with my skin. And you know,
you're a teenager and your hormones and you get it
and it's cool. And then all of a sudden, I
was like eighteen, and then I was twenty three, and
(21:42):
then I was twenty eight, and then I was thirty,
and then I was like thirty five, and I'm like, WHOA,
when does this thing stop? Like when I thought like sixteen, eighteen,
twenty one, maybe why is it continuing? And it was
really hard to especially to be in spaces where you
would present yourself and you would feel just so self conscious.
(22:03):
I just felt so self conscious and I'm like, but
there's a big bump right here, And then most people
are like, I don't even see the damn bump. But
I see the bump right here, and it's huge, and
it feels really uncomfortable. You know, you just feel uncomfortable.
You want to know why too, You want to know
what's the matter? Is something wrong why? I thought, I'm
(22:27):
what can I do to help this? And so that
definitely caused me a lot of anxiety. I started in
the music world when I was eighteen, and so that
was right kind of at the precipice. And then the
stress of the whole universe of music was just so much.
And I was trying my best to play it cool
(22:47):
and like I can handle it. I can do it.
But it was stressful. It was a whole new world.
I had to carry a new weight on my shoulders
and try to, you know, kind of like be calm
while or cool while doing it, and it was and
my skin. I learned that my body reacts to stress.
Our bodies react to stress. My personal body physically reacts
(23:11):
to stress. Many of our personal bodies do this, which
is obviously why even many diseases come to us from stress,
because physically, it's a physical manifestation of this feeling, which
is why it is so important for us to figure out,
like what gives you peace, what calms you down, what
(23:32):
makes you feel safe and like you're in your skin
and you're yourself and these type of things. And so
of course I didn't know what that was for a
long time, but I realized that it was these relationships
I was attracting, and it was the you know, the
level of commitment I was agreeing to that left no
(23:52):
space for me to reflect or to sleep, or to
be with my friends, and you know, do those those
outlets that do give you a sense of calm. And
so my skin was so reactive that I said, one
day to myself, if I one day I'm gonna make
(24:12):
something that fixes this this, I'm gonna do something about this,
because I know I'm not the only one. And I
realized as I began to you know, live and experience
so many different parts of my life, motherhood and you know,
raising young kids and finding time for yourself really and
(24:33):
getting rid of those toxic energies that were attacking me
in real life, I realized that you really have to
take care of your soul, like you have to take
care of your soul. So this philosophy of soul care
really came from all of these understandings and all of
these realizings that no one's going to do it for me.
(24:57):
Like no, as much as I really really wish someone
would stand up and be like you, you're not good
for her, get out of here, that thing you you
need to stop, No, I have to be the judge
of that. And therefore I have to find my way
to the understanding of how do I hear myself to
know what is good and what is not, or what
is real or what is true? And so there were
(25:17):
many things that brought me to that place. Some of
them were meditations that brought me there and really brought
me to a more intuitive space. Some of them were
just practicing the art of like, no, what do you think? No,
I know six friends said this, or I know that
very strong energy that always tells everybody what they think
(25:37):
said this, But what do you think? And that became
the practice of soul care, and also these ideas of
ancient rituals and what are some special ways that we
can have peace and calm? And I was attracted to
crystals and their powers and their meanings. I was attracted
to journaling. And I have a very difficult time as
(25:58):
a kid, I had a difficult time pressing my truth,
and I realized that when I would journal or do
the stream of consciousness I could, I could actually just
release it. I could let it go. And if I'm
not good at doing that to someone else because I
didn't trust as fully, I can do it with myself,
you know. And so these practices of how do you
kind of like depend on yourself to find your own
(26:19):
grounding became my idea of what soul care is, which
eventually became how I said, I'm going to make that
thing to fix that thing became this key soul care,
and the idea is, to me, it's a philosophy, it's
a way of life. It's a lifestyle to me, you know.
You know, the beauty industry or the skincare industry, just
(26:42):
like the music industry, all of it is kind of
creating how to live within the chaos, and so how
do we do it? Nobody teaches us. Normally it's a
blessing if someone does, but normally it's not so finding
these ways through affirmations, through the idea, idea of really
connecting to yourself and using the affirmations around every battle
(27:04):
because the ideas you wash your face, you do that
every day with the Golden cleanser. You can also think
about how I'm devoted to this moment because so many
times we're over here, over there, back there. How can
you just be right here with yourself right now? And
so the idea is like creating this mixture of ancient
rituals and we're skin meats, soul and sole care because
(27:25):
we have air care, hair care, and nail care, body care,
home care, but we never had soul care. Why so
I want to start it.
Speaker 1 (27:35):
Yeah, that's so beautiful. I mean, I couldn't agree more.
As someone who was very negligent of a lot of
this stuff, like growing up and not really thinking about it,
I've seen the value of I'm a big fan of affirmations, right,
I think even when it comes to cleansing my face,
what that means, what that feels like, how different I
(27:57):
feel internally because of it, How it can be a
reminder to continue to cleanse and detox the soul as
well as that which is around me. There's so much
of that connection from body, mind, spirit and soul that
I think we lose and we don't realize how interconnected
they all are. Confidence is something we all strive for
(28:18):
but often misunderstand. We think we need it before taking action.
But what if the key is to act first, even
when we don't feel ready. What if confidence is something
we build as we go, not something we wait for.
To help us break through the myths of confidence, we
have Lisa Billu, entrepreneur, best selling author, and co founder
(28:41):
of Impact Theory. Lisa's journey from stay at home wife
to powerhouse businesswoman has given her a unique perspective on
what it really takes to build confidence from within. Let's
hear what she has to say. So, I think confidence
is such a important and powerful topic. I wanted to
ask you because I think there's so much material and
(29:04):
you do so many interviews around confidence and what it
means and what it feels like. How do you define
confidence for you and what does it mean to you?
And what is something that people can think of because
I think everyone has a different view of the word confidence.
Speaker 7 (29:19):
Yeah, I think most people actually have the misinterpretation of
a confidence actually is because they usually and I was
culprit of this when I was a stay at home
WiFi eight years. I thought I needed it to get started,
and I thought I needed the confidence to live out
my dreams, to actually go towards my goals, and I
was waiting to have the confidence, and that I think
is a complete misconception. Is what actually is holding so
(29:40):
many of us back from trying anything. And what I
realized was in my own journey, I actually just need
to take action. I needed to go into something very insecure,
not knowing what I was doing. Practice and practice and practicing,
you know, wax on, whax off my favorite movie Karate Kid,
and get so damn good that I build the competence
to then lead to confidence. So the truth is the
(30:02):
confidence is the byproduct of taking action, and a lot
of us don't think of it like that. We think
it's going to be the magic bullet that's going to
get us to actually take that action at the beginning.
And so that's where I actually reshaped and how I
rethought of the word confidence. And then also for me,
confidence is like a muscle. If you don't keep practicing it,
(30:23):
you won't actually get strong at it, and if you
stop practicing, you will get weaker. And just like when
you go to the gym, you may practice like your
biceps or your legs, it's a different mechanism to practice
working your calves than practice in your bicep. So that
is what confidence is. It's not like you get confidence
in one area and you're good to go. It's like
(30:43):
you get confidence maybe being in front of the camera.
But being in front of the camera, as you know, JAY,
is very different than being on stage. So when someone
sees maybe you've got confidence in one area, it doesn't
mean that you've got confidence everywhere else. And I think people,
if it's you and you're thinking about it, you may
then think that you're incompetent, or you're no good, or
like it's just well, I don't have the gene, so
(31:05):
I may as well not get started. But the truth is,
identify where you can't want the confidence, get started, build
that competence, and then eventually it will breed confidence.
Speaker 1 (31:14):
Yeah. Absolutely, I can agree with you more. I remember
once looking at the definition of confidence in the dictionary,
and one of the definitions is an appreciation of one's
own abilities, skills, and qualities. I really like that definition,
Like it's actually self validation, Like confidence is being able
(31:34):
to look at yourself and say, I'm good at this,
I'm actually a kind person, I'm a thoughtful person. I
am a good public speaker, I am a best selling author,
whatever it may be. And you're almost validating a skill,
quality or attribute you have by yourself. And I think
(31:55):
it's so interesting, and you're right. I think we've viewed confidences.
How do other people feelout us? So we look at
it as like, Oh, that person looks so confident because
they're like walking out their car, they got that swag,
they're like dripping in great clothes or whatever it may be.
And we see that as confidence. But we know that
that person could be sitting in there going, oh, I'm
not the right size, I'm overweight, underweight, I'm whatever else
(32:19):
it may be. In criticizing themselves, I was wondering, what
is something that took you the longest in your life
to build confidence around?
Speaker 7 (32:29):
Ooh, I'm ever evolving. But I think it really was
to believe in myself that I'm capable. And that all
started from because I was a stay at home wife
for eight years and I want to just make sure
that I say this though there's nothing wrong with being
a stay home wife at all. It's actually one of
the hardest jobs that was for me. But I didn't
want it that actually wasn't my dream, it was I
(32:50):
felt like it was sucking the life out of me.
So as that staying home wife, I didn't make any
change because I didn't feel like I was capable of anything,
because I was so insecure. That voice my head was
so negative Jay telling me all the reasons why I
was no good to try anything. And so in order
for me to build my confidence to move forward, I
was like, well, what if I am bad? Who cares
(33:12):
you have to actually practice? Why do I think that
I can be amazing at something?
Speaker 3 (33:16):
Right?
Speaker 7 (33:16):
If someone looks at you and they're like, oh my god,
he's such an amazing podcaster, how long have you been
doing it? Years and years and years and years. So
when someone looks at you and let's say they're comparing
their beginning to your middle or your end, you will
feel incompetent. And so for me, I had to stop
looking outside of myself at all the amazing people because
I believed I wasn't good enough to try. And so
I had to build the internal confidence to take that
(33:39):
action to actually just try and understand that it's going
to be a process. And without that I never would
have got out of what I call purgatory of the
mundane when my life is just mundane enough and so
I'm just stuck there day in and day out. And
that idea that even if you don't feel good enough,
you can still take action, I think was the biggest
(33:59):
thing that was the heart for me, because I didn't
want to get bullied. I was already bullied as a
kid for my looks from other women, so you can
imagine me trying anything. That fear of being bullied from
other girls was so petrifying that I didn't even want
to take a chance, and so realizing A have to
build that within myself. And you said the word validate
actually earlier. That word really sticks with me because I
(34:20):
think a lot of us wait for validation external validation.
We wait for someone to tell us that we're a
good Greek wife or an amazing husband or a fantastic wife,
and that can actually hold us where we are. Because
I was so seeking validation from everybody else, and at
the time I was getting validation from being that stay
at home wife, and so you can imagine I have
(34:43):
low self esteem. I don't believe in myself. I don't
think I'm good enough, and everyone's validating me for this
one thing, even though I don't like that one thing.
That validation, that feeling good about yourself is what kept
me there. So I think the trick is is how
do you make sure that you value yourself? And that
became the path for me building my confidence every single day.
(35:05):
What am I going to do to validate myself? Not
get validation from my partner, from my boyfriend, from the exit,
how many likes I got on Instagram?
Speaker 3 (35:13):
No?
Speaker 7 (35:14):
No, how can I validate myself? And that became my
north star versus everyone else? Making me feel good about myself.
Speaker 1 (35:21):
Absolutely, confidence isn't something that just appears overnight. It's built
through experiences, setbacks, and self acceptance. For Megan Trainer, that
journey started with a song she never thought anyone would hear. Well.
Began as a fun personal expression, turned into an anthem
that resonated with millions, But even after hitting number one,
(35:44):
she found herself still chasing validation instead of trusting her
own instincts. Let's hear how she learned to let go
of expectations and embrace her true confidence.
Speaker 3 (35:56):
Well, back then, I was a songwriter writing for other artists,
so I was thinking, like, what's not on the radio,
and what could be on the radio. But I when
I wrote all about that bass, it was like a joke.
Like it was like I was like, no one's gonna
cut this. We've wasted a day of work and we'll
just write a therapy song for us, like because the
(36:18):
co writer was like a man and it was a
first time meeting him, so it's kind of like a
blind date and you're like, where'd you grow up? Power,
and we both were like we were chubby kids and
we had to learn how to love ourselves. And I
was like, how funny would it be? That was like
I ain't no sas too, but I can't shake it,
shake it. And I'm like, I'm not a confident dancer
that dances in front of everyone, but I imagine if
(36:39):
I was. And I remember being like, I'll sing the
demo who cares? And it was like a raw demo
with no autitude and nothing, but the lyrics hit so
many people that they're like, this is gonna be huge.
Who's singing it? We'll just let her do it. So
it was really from like a weird, raw place, like
I wasn't chasing radio, I wasn't an I fell into
(37:00):
that before when you're talking about competition, I didn't know
about charts and all that stuff. When they're like you're
number one, I was.
Speaker 5 (37:06):
Like fantastic, Like what is that?
Speaker 4 (37:09):
Like?
Speaker 3 (37:10):
Number one everywhere? They're like everywhere? I was like, well
that was easy. So then anytime I did another song,
I was like, it's not number one everywhere? What do
you mean like? And then I was like, oh, maybe
I'm not doing what's on the radio. And then I've
caught myself chasing radio and just falling on my face.
So with this new album, taking aback, I was like,
I'm gonna go back to when I did do Op
and just didn't care about any charts and anything and
(37:32):
just do me. Yeah, and you'll hear that come out.
And the first song they put out was a emo,
toxic relationship song. I was like, oh, okay, coming out passionate.
Speaker 1 (37:43):
And so it sounds like it's always been a real
emotion that, yeah, that's going on, and now you're taking
it back and going back to that and you're really
earning that, like with this with this new album, would
you say that we're hearing you through the healing process?
Are we hearing you healed? Are we hearing you.
Speaker 3 (37:57):
I think you're hearing. You're here a healed it's your
mother who is just ruthlessly honest.
Speaker 8 (38:07):
You know.
Speaker 3 (38:08):
Like one song don't I Make It Look Easy? That
I tease today on my Instagram is like talking about
don't I make this look easy? Like everything's perfect, because
everyone who interviews me is like, you are so fun
and you have the best family in best life. And
I'm like, I cry so much. You just don't know
it because I don't film myself and post it, you know,
So I say in the first verse, like I posted
a picture, I read all the comments, I hearted the
(38:30):
good ones, and if I'm being honest, I probably spent
an hour on it. And then I'm like, and it's
just like a fun way of being ruthlessly honest. Ruthlessly
that's not the word, brutally honest.
Speaker 1 (38:44):
Yeah. True confidence doesn't just come from winning. It comes
from how you handle the losses. It's about resilience, picking
yourself back up when things don't go your way, and
having the determination to keep pushing forward. Kobe Bryant understood
this better than most. He wasn't always the strongest or
the fastest, but he built confidence by prioritizing long term
(39:06):
growth over immediate results. He knew that self worth isn't
defined by where you are today, It's about your commitment
to improvement. Let's hear how he developed that mindset. And
you talk about that because you talk about you know,
when you talk about missing five throws and you talk
about getting over yourself. Yeah, right, like getting over yourself?
(39:27):
How did you get that mentality of just being like
I need to get over this, like I need to
get over myself? You know?
Speaker 8 (39:32):
Trial and error? You know, you grow up and you
make game winning shots and it's awesome, and you come
back the next day and miss a game when it's
shot and it's misery. And then the next day comes
and you're back playing again, and you understand that life
has this cyclical nature where it's, you know, what you
do on Monday, it's fantastic, but then Tuesday's a bad day.
But guess what, there's Wednesday. So are we just supposed
to live our lives like this the whole time, you know,
(39:54):
versus just staying like this and understanding that it's really
just a journey of evolution. Every day is constant improvement,
constant curiosity, constantly getting better. The results don't really matter.
It's the figuring out that matters.
Speaker 1 (40:09):
Yeah, and we all get obsessed about the results that
we get obsessed about like the output, not the input
of not figuring it out and not like changing things
what you said, trial and error, like the experimenting. We
forget to do that.
Speaker 8 (40:20):
It's unfortunate, man. Like I've seen a lot of players,
especially now, you know in youth basketball, dealing with that.
You have players that are like bigger and faster and stronger,
and you know, their coaches or just coaching them for results.
You know, we're just going to use your size that
because you're bigger than every other twelve year old out
there to dominate today. But they're not growing right, so
(40:42):
they're just based on that result. But they're not focused
on growing this young child into becoming a better athlete
and through that teaching them how to become a more
well rounded person. And we're missing that.
Speaker 1 (40:54):
Yeah, see what you've said that Just I want to
ask you this, And I'm not saying because I you know,
like you you know yourself best and you know how
you've got there. So I'm asking it from a place
of humility of learning. When I look at you, I'm like,
you know, your superpower isn't just your work ethic. Your
superpower isn't just like figuring things out. Your superpower is
like you think strategically. Like that's a very strategic thought
of saying, this person could be this in the future
(41:19):
if they were developed as a whole individual rather than
just like let's use them for the short term. And
where did you develop that from? That ability to see beyond,
to think deeper, to reflect deeper, Where did that come from? Well?
Speaker 8 (41:31):
I had to do that because you know, I grew
up growing up in Italy. When I first moved over there,
it was you know, I didn't speak Italian, I didn't
have any friends. You know, I had the game of basketball,
and through sport and playing soccer, I was able to
make friends and build connections. But it was a lot
of time spent alone. And when I came back to
the States, I wasn't the most athletic kid.
Speaker 4 (41:52):
You know.
Speaker 8 (41:52):
I was really strawny, like really really skinny, and had
like major knee issues because I was growing. So I
was the dorky kid with hot socks and big ol
knee pets. Fashionable now, it's fashionable now, and then and then,
and so I had to look long term because in
the here and now, I couldn't compete with these kids.
I mean there's kids that were like twelve years old
(42:13):
with beards like you. What I was supposed to do
with that? Like they're doing windmills and dunking backwards and
I'm happy to like tap the backboard, you know. So
I had to look at it from a long term
because I wasn't going to give up on the game.
So I had to say, Okay, this year, I'm gonna
get better at that. Next year, this and then so
forth and so on, and then patiently I was able
(42:34):
to catch them.
Speaker 1 (42:35):
Yeah, that's I love hearing that because I think so
many of us kind of you believe, like when when
you see people like yourself, it's like it's so easy
as an excuse to ourselves to just all your destined
for it, right, you were made kind of like that,
you know, Like you know, but when you talk about saying, oh, actually,
when I started, I didn't have the physicality that meant
that I was going to make it Like you have
(42:56):
to figure it out, and I.
Speaker 8 (42:57):
Love to figure it out.
Speaker 3 (42:57):
Man.
Speaker 8 (42:58):
It's just piece by piece, and it's the consistency of
the work, which I feel like a lot of parents
are missing today because we're not teaching that to our kids.
We tend to say like kids don't want to do
the work, but in reality, it's when we're failing them
because we're not leading them the right way and teaching them.
You know how to fish, you know what I mean.
And so like the consistency of work, Monday get better,
(43:20):
Tuesday get better, Wednesday get better. Right, and you do
that over a period of time, you know, not like
one month or two months. I mean it's three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine,
ten years, and then you know you can get to
where you want to go.
Speaker 1 (43:33):
Confidence isn't about walking into a room and thinking you're
the best. It's about not feeling the need to compare
yourself to anyone. True self worth comes from knowing who
you are, not just what you accomplish. It's built in
the quiet moments, how you show up for yourself and
the way you speak to yourself when no one's around.
(43:54):
I hope this episode helped you realize that confidence isn't
about having all the answers. It's about trusting yourself to
figure it out. If something resonated with you, Share it
with someone who needs to hear it, and I'll see
you next time on on Purpose. If you love this episode,
you'll really enjoy my episode with Selena Gomez on befriending
(44:16):
your inner critic and how to speak to yourself with
more compassion.
Speaker 4 (44:21):
My fears are only going to continue to show me
what I'm capable of. The more that I face my fears,
the more that I feel I'm gaining strength and gaining wisdom,
and I just want to keep doing that
Hey everyone, It's Jay Sheddy and I'm thrilled to announce
my podcast tour. For the first time ever, you can
experience on Purpose in person. Join me in a city
near you for meaningful, insightful conversations with surprise guests. It
could be a celebrity, top wellness expert, or a CEO
or business leader. We'll dive into experiences designed to experience growth,
(00:25):
spark learning, and build real connections. I can't wait to
meet you. There are a limited number of VIP experiences
for a private Q and a intimate meditation and a
meet and greet with photos. Tickets are on sale now.
Head to Jaysheddy, dop me Forward Slash Tour and get
yours today. Confidence is something we all struggle with at
(00:48):
some point. But where does confidence come from? How do
we build it in a way that feels genuine and lasting?
The number one health and wellness podcast, Jay Seti, Jay Shehey,
Welcome back to On Purpose today. We're talking about something
that impacts every decision we make, a confidence and self worth.
(01:13):
We all struggle with it at some point, questioning if
we're good enough, smart enough, or capable enough. Maybe it
started in childhood, or maybe Over time, life's challenges have
made us second guess ourselves. But here's the truth. Confidence
isn't something you're just born with, it's something you build.
(01:33):
And self worth isn't just about your accomplishments or success.
It's about how you see yourself at your core. In
this episode, I've gathered insights from some of the best
minds to help you quiet self doubt, recognize your true value,
and step into the confidence that's already in you. Because
(01:53):
when you truly believe in yourself, everything changes. So often
when we're searching for confidence and self worth, it's easy
to feel pressured to try every new trend or practice,
as if there's a perfect formula for feeling secure in ourselves.
But real confidence isn't about following the crowd. It's about
(02:14):
tuning out the noise and figuring out what truly works
for you. Kendall Jenna knows that pressure all too well.
Having spent most of her life in the public eye.
She's had to learn how to protect her peace, set boundaries,
and find joy in the simple things. In this conversation,
she opens up about her journey to staying grounded and
(02:36):
true to herself. Let's get into it had.
Speaker 2 (02:39):
Had a lot of people coming to me telling me
about meditation and how it changed their life and therapy
and so many different things, and I was a bit
overwhelmed because I was like, oh my god, what of
this is gonna suit me. I think it's a very
personal experience. I think everybody has a very different version
of all of that stuff, and so it was a
little so I think I really just took the time
(03:01):
to be off for a second. It was even the
little things. It was like being able to go to
my friend's birthday party, which I wouldn't have been able
to go to before because I was working a lot.
Speaker 1 (03:11):
I love hearing that because I think it is those
simple things, like you know, giving yourself that space. Yeah,
whatever it is that you needed to do when you
needed it, And like you said, sometimes it's like that's
when all the subscribe buttons come up in front of
you and it's like try this and try this, and
it's like, well, no, no, no, let me just take my time.
Speaker 2 (03:28):
It was also, now that I think about it, yeah,
twenty three, I'm twenty six. I've had my horse for
so around that time is when I bought the horse
that I have now who is my Like I jump her,
and I like, I have two other horses, but they're
like retired, so I don't really ride them the same
way I ride her. So yeah, I guess it was
(03:49):
around that time too that I was like, I'm going
to do this because I love this and like I
want to get back into it, and this is what
I've loved my whole life. So so it was around that
time that I feel like all of that started happening,
and I bought my and I like started taking more
time for things that made me really happy.
Speaker 1 (04:04):
Yeah, what I what I'm noticing in you and observing
or at least from just the God. No, I was
just saying, it's like, it feels like, no matter what's
happening in your orbit, there's this pillar of belief that
it's important to be happy. Yeah, Like you know, that's
like this core center belief in your life where it's
important to be happy. It's important to be happy. It's
(04:26):
that has to be the.
Speaker 2 (04:27):
Goal for sure, And you know it's not always easy.
We live in such an interesting industry and in such
an interesting time with social media that it can be
very hard. Sometimes you can fall victim to so many
things that don't serve you and that don't make you happy.
(04:50):
If your happiness depends on the actions of others, you know,
you're at mercy of things that you can't control. And
that's ever where I want to be. So I always
want to live in like me and my therapist talk
about like my higher goddess, my higher self, Like I
always want to live there, knowing that you know, when
(05:12):
I'm there, you can't take that away from me. That
that's mine. And no matter what you can disagree with me,
you can agree with me, that's not going I'm not changing,
I'm not shifting. I'm here, I'm in my higher goddess.
So I kind of I always live by, like keep
holding my happiness and not letting anyone else affect it.
And though I fall victim to it at times, well
(05:34):
as we all probably do, absolutely I strive every day
to live in that place.
Speaker 1 (05:40):
So what are some of the qualities of your higher
goddess so that that kind of.
Speaker 2 (05:45):
She's awesome. Like I said, I don't love a pity party.
I also, like, you know, sometimes it feels weird to
like say good things about yourself. But I've also learned
a lot about talking to myself, and a lot about
looking in the mirror and being like, you're you're gorgeous,
you're amazing, you're loyal, you're positive, you're so many like.
I love words of affirmation. I love just sitting there
(06:09):
and reassuring myself of who I am, because that's another
thing for me. You know, there's so many false narratives
about me, about all of us, I'm sure, like so
many people think they have you figured out when they
don't even know the half of it. So sitting there
and being like, you know, you get frustrated. Sometimes it
(06:30):
could feel really unfair. You could be reading something that
someone is saying about you, or hearing something that someone's
saying about you and being like, that is so unfair
because that's not who I am. And that really gets
to me sometimes and that really sucks. But then looking
at myself in the mirror and being like, but I
know who I am and that's all. Why does anything
else matter? And my friends know who I am, and
(06:50):
my family knows who I am, My dog knows who
I am, my horse knows who I am, Like, why
does any of everything else? Is just noise?
Speaker 1 (06:57):
I do this exercise. I didn't think if she had
this before. But I do this exercise with some of
my clients where we'll go on a walk and we'll
be on a hike wherever we are, and I'll ask
them what they think a piece of you know, maybe
there's a little leaf, or maybe there's some flower or
something that looks a little unique on the path, and
I'll say, what do you think that feels like? And
(07:19):
what do you think it would feel like if you
picked it up in your hand. And they'll be like, Oh,
it looks really rough and like it might scratch me,
and like it looks like a bit, you know, like
uneven or whatever, and it looks kind of hard and strong.
And then I'll ask them to pick it up, and
nine times out of ten it's completely different. Like they'll
pick it up and it will just dissolve in their hands,
(07:40):
or they'll turn it over and the color is really
soft and sorry, the shape, the shape's really soft and
the color's totally different on the other side. And I
do that I exercise to help us realize just how
multifaceted humans are. Yeah, today I've got to meet you,
and obviously we're spending a lot of deep, intimate, vulnerable
time together, so you learn faster about someone. But if
someone only follows someone on social media, or only sees
(08:01):
someone at an event, or only sees one interview, it's
so easy to create such a singular view of someone.
I think, and I want to say this because I
really think we all feel it. I don't think anyone
wants to be seen in a singular way. If you
had to choose one word that had to be you
for the rest of your life. I don't think anyone
(08:22):
wants that. I think course all know that we're messy
and complex and different, of course, but we like to
put someone else in a box, whoever that may be,
because it's easier than to live life and say, okay,
well that's person's a bright yeah.
Speaker 3 (08:38):
No.
Speaker 1 (08:38):
So there's this beautiful piece of wisdom that I always
share from Charles Horton Cooley, and he wrote this in
eighteen ninety I think it was, which just shows how
true this has been for such a long time, and
obviously long before that as well. And he said, the
challenge today is I'm not what I think I am.
I'm not what you think I am. I am what
(08:59):
I think you think I am. And we'll let that
blow everyone's mind. Charles Houghton Cooley said, the challenge today
is I'm not what I think I am. I'm not
what you think I am. I am what I think
you think I am. And what he's trying to say
is that we live in a perception of a perception
(09:20):
of ourselves. So if I think you think I'm smart,
then I allow myself to feel smart.
Speaker 2 (09:26):
Right, It's like we need that value, we need that validation.
Speaker 1 (09:29):
Or if I think you think I'm not smart, then
I feel hurt. And the challenges I don't know what
you're thinking at all, especially outside in the world, and
so I find out what you're saying around like, well
what do I think about myself? Like how do I
feel about myself? How do the people that actually know
me feel about me? I think that's really empowering. There
are times in life when we feel disconnected from ourselves,
(09:51):
as if we've lost our sense of who we are.
It can happen after a big life change, the grind
of a demanding job, or even just getting stuck in
the routine of everyday life. For Vanessa Hudgens, that moment
came after filming a series of emotionally intense movies, she
found herself questioning her identity and searching for a way
(10:13):
to reconnect. Instead of staying in that uncertainty, she took
a leap, one that felt scary but ultimately led her
back to herself. Let's dive into how stepping outside her
comfort zone helped her rediscover her confidence and self worth.
Speaker 4 (10:30):
I feel like my first solo trip was when I
was like, it was right after I did a stint
of like really heavy, emotionally demanding movies. I think Gimme
Shelter was the last one of that, and I came
home and I like genuinely did.
Speaker 5 (10:53):
Not know who Vanessa was.
Speaker 4 (10:56):
I had gotten so off on becoming this other person
and like genuinely changed my mindset the way that I looked.
I put on like twenty pounds, cut off all my hair,
like all the things that made me me were not
there anymore. And I was like, I need to do
(11:16):
something because I'm like scared because I don't know who
I am. And I was like, Okay, We're gonna go
on a yoga retreat. My my publicist at the time
was like, Ei, there's this retreat. They're doing it the
four seasons. It was like a practice, and I was like, Okay,
I'm just gonna like go on my own because that
scares me. And I was very much in that place
(11:39):
of like do the things that scare you, because you
will evolve like you're forced to. And I was like,
you know, like a yoga retreat in Hawaii, like that
gives me an excuse to be in Hawaii, but also
like have something to do and like know that I'll
be around people because like filming as well as an adult,
(11:59):
Like when I hit eighteen, I would go off to
film things all the time, and I would be on
my own. And so like if I wanted to go
to dinner, like a lot of times, I would just
go by myself and like bring a book, and like
I definitely would have those moments where I'm like looking
around like kind of trying to like lock eyes and
engage with anyone. Preferably would sit at the bar, so
(12:21):
I like talk to the bartender because like I love
I love people, like I love I love just like
talking to people.
Speaker 1 (12:28):
Yeah, but you start using a different part of your
brain when you do that, Like you start using a
different part of your energy where it's like, oh, I'm
going to see if I can make something out of nothing.
Speaker 4 (12:36):
Yeah, exactly.
Speaker 1 (12:37):
I said that you lose as we get older. That's
because most of your life is surrounded about the same people,
same work people, same life people. And so like when
you're like, oh, I'm trying to talk to the bartender,
I'm trying to lock even the idea of locking eyes
with someone random that overcomes a thing. Yeah, but it's
favorite thing.
Speaker 4 (12:53):
I literally will like be driving and like we'll like
turn and just like look at people if I'm stop
at a red light and like try to like dance
with people. The other day, this guy was like listening
to a song. We had our windows down, he had
his windows down, and me and my girlfriend were just
like body well and like just like luck and I
was trying to make this person laugh, like yeah, I
love that. But the trip the yoga retreat in Hawaii
(13:14):
ended up just being like so freeing because I was
just like okay, like I'm here on my own, like
I'm just gonna like talk to people that I connect
with and like go from there and like genuinely forced
me to stay as present as possible because I was
engaging with people I know nothing about. I feel like
(13:36):
That's the thing I love about talking to people that
you don't know, like you're forced to be present because
it's like if you're actually trying to engage, which not
everybody does. Yeah, but then those are the people you
don't need to engage with. But when you find people
who you can like, it's do you say you're so
present because you're actually listening.
Speaker 1 (13:56):
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(15:24):
Confidence is something we all struggle with at some point.
But where does confidence come from? How do we build
it in a way that feels genuine and lasting. Claudia Aushriy, comedian,
podcast host and social media personality, gets candid about her
journey with self image and how love played a role
(15:44):
in shaping her confidence. I really want you to hear
her story, Like, what would you say to someone who
maybe doesn't have doesn't want to go on a z
MPG because they're scared or whatever it may be. But
like what would you say with them?
Speaker 6 (15:58):
So I feel like people don't like my answer because
as when I was like struggling with myself image, I
feel like I'm gonna cry and ass sorry. So much
of my confidence, I would say, like all of it
came from the fact that I had a husband or
a boyfriend at the time, fiance who loved me so
much and he thought I was like the greatest thing.
And so if he thought it and look at him,
like I just I love him so much, and so
(16:19):
he thinks I'm so great, Like that's nothing. You should
get your confidence from a man whatever, But like I did,
just to be loved so unequivocally by somebody who I
think is so great, that gave me a lot of confidence.
Like he thought I was the best, he thought I
was as smartest, he thought I was the prettiest, so
like I was because his opinion is only when that matters.
But also like I look at him and I think
(16:41):
of him as like so charming attractive, like who wouldn't
want to marry him? And he likes me, like, oh
my god, I must be like the greatest thing ever.
And I really feel like so much of my confidence
and It's so funny because he says that he gets
confidence from me, which I feel like really happy that
it's a two way street, but having a relationship that
I felt really solid about, but also somebody who just
(17:02):
loved me so much. Really it just made me believe
like what he was saying, do you know what I mean?
Speaker 1 (17:09):
What's interesting to me is just so much of how
whether it's body shaming we do to ourselves or that
society does to us, how so much of it is
built up around esthetics and visuals, and how health and
vitality are actually not based on simply visuals.
Speaker 6 (17:27):
No, but I will say visually at the time, like
if you were to just compare me visually now and
me visually then, like I was very unhealthy, Like I
had a lot of random medical issues that like a
twenty five year old girl shouldn't be having. So I
agree with you that like a lot of times we
judge people's health based on their weight, and that's not
the case for everyone. But to be clear, like it
was the case for me. Yeah, like I was not healthy.
(17:49):
I did not walk to work, like I was really
like living a very inactive, unhealthy lifestyle. That's not the
case for everyone you see who's overweight, but that was
one thousand percent the case for me.
Speaker 1 (17:59):
Yeah, and now what's the new schedule?
Speaker 6 (18:00):
Oh bitch? Well, nown pregnant, so like it's kind of
reverted back, but so not pregnancy wise. I just really
like lead my day with little pockets of activity. I
think that like meat, going to meetings, going to work,
Like I'm always being like, okay, I'll walk.
Speaker 1 (18:15):
I worked out like before I.
Speaker 6 (18:16):
Got pregnant, I worked out like you know, three to
five times a week. I would spend my weekends like
doing things that I enjoy whilst being active, like going
for walks in the park with Ben. Just like making
sure that I wasn't rotting in bed as much as
I can I'm capable of, because I'm capable of a
great deal of rotting. And then with meals, that's really
(18:37):
where I probably struggled the most, but just just trying
to be a little bit more well rounded. I feel
like I eat like a six year old, and so
I do, like I eat rice and chicken fingers, and
so just changing sometimes to like brown rice and grilled chicken,
you know, thinking a little bit more. But it's hard
because I'm such a picky eater that you know, I'm
not gonna be making Bronzino on the weekends with like
(18:57):
a top of nod. You know that's never gonna happen.
I don't even know what top not is.
Speaker 1 (19:03):
And then I mean, as I'm hearing you speak, I'm
just like, is there a lot of people talk about
this right now, like this idea of when you become pregnant,
is there like a loss of the life you had? Like,
is there a feeling of like, wait a minute, just
a few moments ago, a few months ago I was.
Speaker 6 (19:21):
I would say, I don't feel I really. I mean,
I've been married for one hundred years and we decided
to wait to have kids. And I think that because
we made that choice, I am now not spending my
pregnancy and you know, hopefully the next year or two
mourning a life. I feel like I lived life to
the fullest and I really really waited till I was ready.
(19:44):
So the only thing I feel like I'm mourning is
my body. Like that nobody talks enough about, like what
it's like to lose significant weight and then get pregnant.
I don't know how I feel about it. I don't
have like fully fleshed that out. I'm like struggling every
single day, But no, I don't. I don't I feel
sad about like a life left behind. I feel like
I lived every minute of my twenties, like on the
(20:06):
edge of cliffs, going on trips, partying, like doing everything
I wanted to do. And when I turned thirty over
the summer, I was like, you know what, I'm done,
Like I really feel And That's what I'm so happy about,
because yeah, I like see my friends with kids, and
I'm like, oh, I do wish I had, like, you know,
joined them. But I feel so fulfilled in that one
chapter of my life that I'm really ready to start
the next chapter.
Speaker 1 (20:25):
We often think about self care as something external, our skincare, routine,
our dire or exercise, But what about caring for our soul?
How do we create rituals that nurture not just our body,
but our peace of mind and self worth. To share
her journey, Alicia Keys, Grammy winning artist, entrepreneur, and advocate
(20:45):
for soul care, Alisha opens up about her struggles with anxiety,
how stress affected her skin, and how she turned her
personal healing process into a philosophy that helps others into this.
I think often those of us who live spiritual lives,
we can be quite negligent of our casing and of
(21:07):
this body, and you can you can kind.
Speaker 5 (21:10):
Of disconnect, disconnect from it.
Speaker 1 (21:12):
Yeah, disconnect from it right right. And so I wanted
to ask you, how is your relationship changed with your skin?
That was something that brought you anxiety?
Speaker 5 (21:20):
Oh my gosh, I mean confident in your skin. I
mean it was forever. It was literally forever that I
really struggled with my with my skin. And you know,
you're a teenager and your hormones and you get it
and it's cool. And then all of a sudden, I
was like eighteen, and then I was twenty three, and
(21:42):
then I was twenty eight, and then I was thirty,
and then I was like thirty five, and I'm like, WHOA,
when does this thing stop? Like when I thought like sixteen, eighteen,
twenty one, maybe why is it continuing? And it was
really hard to especially to be in spaces where you
would present yourself and you would feel just so self conscious.
(22:03):
I just felt so self conscious and I'm like, but
there's a big bump right here, And then most people
are like, I don't even see the damn bump. But
I see the bump right here, and it's huge, and
it feels really uncomfortable. You know, you just feel uncomfortable.
You want to know why too, You want to know
what's the matter? Is something wrong why? I thought, I'm
(22:27):
what can I do to help this? And so that
definitely caused me a lot of anxiety. I started in
the music world when I was eighteen, and so that
was right kind of at the precipice. And then the
stress of the whole universe of music was just so much.
And I was trying my best to play it cool
(22:47):
and like I can handle it. I can do it.
But it was stressful. It was a whole new world.
I had to carry a new weight on my shoulders
and try to, you know, kind of like be calm
while or cool while doing it, and it was and
my skin. I learned that my body reacts to stress.
Our bodies react to stress. My personal body physically reacts
(23:11):
to stress. Many of our personal bodies do this, which
is obviously why even many diseases come to us from stress,
because physically, it's a physical manifestation of this feeling, which
is why it is so important for us to figure out,
like what gives you peace, what calms you down, what
(23:32):
makes you feel safe and like you're in your skin
and you're yourself and these type of things. And so
of course I didn't know what that was for a
long time, but I realized that it was these relationships
I was attracting, and it was the you know, the
level of commitment I was agreeing to that left no
(23:52):
space for me to reflect or to sleep, or to
be with my friends, and you know, do those those
outlets that do give you a sense of calm. And
so my skin was so reactive that I said, one
day to myself, if I one day I'm gonna make
(24:12):
something that fixes this this, I'm gonna do something about this,
because I know I'm not the only one. And I
realized as I began to you know, live and experience
so many different parts of my life, motherhood and you know,
raising young kids and finding time for yourself really and
(24:33):
getting rid of those toxic energies that were attacking me
in real life, I realized that you really have to
take care of your soul, like you have to take
care of your soul. So this philosophy of soul care
really came from all of these understandings and all of
these realizings that no one's going to do it for me.
(24:57):
Like no, as much as I really really wish someone
would stand up and be like you, you're not good
for her, get out of here, that thing you you
need to stop, No, I have to be the judge
of that. And therefore I have to find my way
to the understanding of how do I hear myself to
know what is good and what is not, or what
is real or what is true? And so there were
(25:17):
many things that brought me to that place. Some of
them were meditations that brought me there and really brought
me to a more intuitive space. Some of them were
just practicing the art of like, no, what do you think? No,
I know six friends said this, or I know that
very strong energy that always tells everybody what they think
(25:37):
said this, But what do you think? And that became
the practice of soul care, and also these ideas of
ancient rituals and what are some special ways that we
can have peace and calm? And I was attracted to
crystals and their powers and their meanings. I was attracted
to journaling. And I have a very difficult time as
(25:58):
a kid, I had a difficult time pressing my truth,
and I realized that when I would journal or do
the stream of consciousness I could, I could actually just
release it. I could let it go. And if I'm
not good at doing that to someone else because I
didn't trust as fully, I can do it with myself,
you know. And so these practices of how do you
kind of like depend on yourself to find your own
(26:19):
grounding became my idea of what soul care is, which
eventually became how I said, I'm going to make that
thing to fix that thing became this key soul care,
and the idea is, to me, it's a philosophy, it's
a way of life. It's a lifestyle to me, you know.
You know, the beauty industry or the skincare industry, just
(26:42):
like the music industry, all of it is kind of
creating how to live within the chaos, and so how
do we do it? Nobody teaches us. Normally it's a
blessing if someone does, but normally it's not so finding
these ways through affirmations, through the idea, idea of really
connecting to yourself and using the affirmations around every battle
(27:04):
because the ideas you wash your face, you do that
every day with the Golden cleanser. You can also think
about how I'm devoted to this moment because so many
times we're over here, over there, back there. How can
you just be right here with yourself right now? And
so the idea is like creating this mixture of ancient
rituals and we're skin meats, soul and sole care because
(27:25):
we have air care, hair care, and nail care, body care,
home care, but we never had soul care. Why so
I want to start it.
Speaker 1 (27:35):
Yeah, that's so beautiful. I mean, I couldn't agree more.
As someone who was very negligent of a lot of
this stuff, like growing up and not really thinking about it,
I've seen the value of I'm a big fan of affirmations, right,
I think even when it comes to cleansing my face,
what that means, what that feels like, how different I
(27:57):
feel internally because of it, How it can be a
reminder to continue to cleanse and detox the soul as
well as that which is around me. There's so much
of that connection from body, mind, spirit and soul that
I think we lose and we don't realize how interconnected
they all are. Confidence is something we all strive for
(28:18):
but often misunderstand. We think we need it before taking action.
But what if the key is to act first, even
when we don't feel ready. What if confidence is something
we build as we go, not something we wait for.
To help us break through the myths of confidence, we
have Lisa Billu, entrepreneur, best selling author, and co founder
(28:41):
of Impact Theory. Lisa's journey from stay at home wife
to powerhouse businesswoman has given her a unique perspective on
what it really takes to build confidence from within. Let's
hear what she has to say. So, I think confidence
is such a important and powerful topic. I wanted to
ask you because I think there's so much material and
(29:04):
you do so many interviews around confidence and what it
means and what it feels like. How do you define
confidence for you and what does it mean to you?
And what is something that people can think of because
I think everyone has a different view of the word confidence.
Speaker 7 (29:19):
Yeah, I think most people actually have the misinterpretation of
a confidence actually is because they usually and I was
culprit of this when I was a stay at home
WiFi eight years. I thought I needed it to get started,
and I thought I needed the confidence to live out
my dreams, to actually go towards my goals, and I
was waiting to have the confidence, and that I think
is a complete misconception. Is what actually is holding so
(29:40):
many of us back from trying anything. And what I
realized was in my own journey, I actually just need
to take action. I needed to go into something very insecure,
not knowing what I was doing. Practice and practice and practicing,
you know, wax on, whax off my favorite movie Karate Kid,
and get so damn good that I build the competence
to then lead to confidence. So the truth is the
(30:02):
confidence is the byproduct of taking action, and a lot
of us don't think of it like that. We think
it's going to be the magic bullet that's going to
get us to actually take that action at the beginning.
And so that's where I actually reshaped and how I
rethought of the word confidence. And then also for me,
confidence is like a muscle. If you don't keep practicing it,
(30:23):
you won't actually get strong at it, and if you
stop practicing, you will get weaker. And just like when
you go to the gym, you may practice like your
biceps or your legs, it's a different mechanism to practice
working your calves than practice in your bicep. So that
is what confidence is. It's not like you get confidence
in one area and you're good to go. It's like
(30:43):
you get confidence maybe being in front of the camera.
But being in front of the camera, as you know, JAY,
is very different than being on stage. So when someone
sees maybe you've got confidence in one area, it doesn't
mean that you've got confidence everywhere else. And I think people,
if it's you and you're thinking about it, you may
then think that you're incompetent, or you're no good, or
like it's just well, I don't have the gene, so
(31:05):
I may as well not get started. But the truth is,
identify where you can't want the confidence, get started, build
that competence, and then eventually it will breed confidence.
Speaker 1 (31:14):
Yeah. Absolutely, I can agree with you more. I remember
once looking at the definition of confidence in the dictionary,
and one of the definitions is an appreciation of one's
own abilities, skills, and qualities. I really like that definition,
Like it's actually self validation, Like confidence is being able
(31:34):
to look at yourself and say, I'm good at this,
I'm actually a kind person, I'm a thoughtful person. I
am a good public speaker, I am a best selling author,
whatever it may be. And you're almost validating a skill,
quality or attribute you have by yourself. And I think
(31:55):
it's so interesting, and you're right. I think we've viewed confidences.
How do other people feelout us? So we look at
it as like, Oh, that person looks so confident because
they're like walking out their car, they got that swag,
they're like dripping in great clothes or whatever it may be.
And we see that as confidence. But we know that
that person could be sitting in there going, oh, I'm
not the right size, I'm overweight, underweight, I'm whatever else
(32:19):
it may be. In criticizing themselves, I was wondering, what
is something that took you the longest in your life
to build confidence around?
Speaker 7 (32:29):
Ooh, I'm ever evolving. But I think it really was
to believe in myself that I'm capable. And that all
started from because I was a stay at home wife
for eight years and I want to just make sure
that I say this though there's nothing wrong with being
a stay home wife at all. It's actually one of
the hardest jobs that was for me. But I didn't
want it that actually wasn't my dream, it was I
(32:50):
felt like it was sucking the life out of me.
So as that staying home wife, I didn't make any
change because I didn't feel like I was capable of anything,
because I was so insecure. That voice my head was
so negative Jay telling me all the reasons why I
was no good to try anything. And so in order
for me to build my confidence to move forward, I
was like, well, what if I am bad? Who cares
(33:12):
you have to actually practice? Why do I think that
I can be amazing at something?
Speaker 3 (33:16):
Right?
Speaker 7 (33:16):
If someone looks at you and they're like, oh my god,
he's such an amazing podcaster, how long have you been
doing it? Years and years and years and years. So
when someone looks at you and let's say they're comparing
their beginning to your middle or your end, you will
feel incompetent. And so for me, I had to stop
looking outside of myself at all the amazing people because
I believed I wasn't good enough to try. And so
I had to build the internal confidence to take that
(33:39):
action to actually just try and understand that it's going
to be a process. And without that I never would
have got out of what I call purgatory of the
mundane when my life is just mundane enough and so
I'm just stuck there day in and day out. And
that idea that even if you don't feel good enough,
you can still take action, I think was the biggest
(33:59):
thing that was the heart for me, because I didn't
want to get bullied. I was already bullied as a
kid for my looks from other women, so you can
imagine me trying anything. That fear of being bullied from
other girls was so petrifying that I didn't even want
to take a chance, and so realizing A have to
build that within myself. And you said the word validate
actually earlier. That word really sticks with me because I
(34:20):
think a lot of us wait for validation external validation.
We wait for someone to tell us that we're a
good Greek wife or an amazing husband or a fantastic wife,
and that can actually hold us where we are. Because
I was so seeking validation from everybody else, and at
the time I was getting validation from being that stay
at home wife, and so you can imagine I have
(34:43):
low self esteem. I don't believe in myself. I don't
think I'm good enough, and everyone's validating me for this
one thing, even though I don't like that one thing.
That validation, that feeling good about yourself is what kept
me there. So I think the trick is is how
do you make sure that you value yourself? And that
became the path for me building my confidence every single day.
(35:05):
What am I going to do to validate myself? Not
get validation from my partner, from my boyfriend, from the exit,
how many likes I got on Instagram?
Speaker 3 (35:13):
No?
Speaker 7 (35:14):
No, how can I validate myself? And that became my
north star versus everyone else? Making me feel good about myself.
Speaker 1 (35:21):
Absolutely, confidence isn't something that just appears overnight. It's built
through experiences, setbacks, and self acceptance. For Megan Trainer, that
journey started with a song she never thought anyone would hear. Well.
Began as a fun personal expression, turned into an anthem
that resonated with millions, But even after hitting number one,
(35:44):
she found herself still chasing validation instead of trusting her
own instincts. Let's hear how she learned to let go
of expectations and embrace her true confidence.
Speaker 3 (35:56):
Well, back then, I was a songwriter writing for other artists,
so I was thinking, like, what's not on the radio,
and what could be on the radio. But I when
I wrote all about that bass, it was like a joke.
Like it was like I was like, no one's gonna
cut this. We've wasted a day of work and we'll
just write a therapy song for us, like because the
(36:18):
co writer was like a man and it was a
first time meeting him, so it's kind of like a
blind date and you're like, where'd you grow up? Power,
and we both were like we were chubby kids and
we had to learn how to love ourselves. And I
was like, how funny would it be? That was like
I ain't no sas too, but I can't shake it,
shake it. And I'm like, I'm not a confident dancer
that dances in front of everyone, but I imagine if
(36:39):
I was. And I remember being like, I'll sing the
demo who cares? And it was like a raw demo
with no autitude and nothing, but the lyrics hit so
many people that they're like, this is gonna be huge.
Who's singing it? We'll just let her do it. So
it was really from like a weird, raw place, like
I wasn't chasing radio, I wasn't an I fell into
(37:00):
that before when you're talking about competition, I didn't know
about charts and all that stuff. When they're like you're
number one, I was.
Speaker 5 (37:06):
Like fantastic, Like what is that?
Speaker 4 (37:09):
Like?
Speaker 3 (37:10):
Number one everywhere? They're like everywhere? I was like, well
that was easy. So then anytime I did another song,
I was like, it's not number one everywhere? What do
you mean like? And then I was like, oh, maybe
I'm not doing what's on the radio. And then I've
caught myself chasing radio and just falling on my face.
So with this new album, taking aback, I was like,
I'm gonna go back to when I did do Op
and just didn't care about any charts and anything and
(37:32):
just do me. Yeah, and you'll hear that come out.
And the first song they put out was a emo,
toxic relationship song. I was like, oh, okay, coming out passionate.
Speaker 1 (37:43):
And so it sounds like it's always been a real
emotion that, yeah, that's going on, and now you're taking
it back and going back to that and you're really
earning that, like with this with this new album, would
you say that we're hearing you through the healing process?
Are we hearing you healed? Are we hearing you.
Speaker 3 (37:57):
I think you're hearing. You're here a healed it's your
mother who is just ruthlessly honest.
Speaker 8 (38:07):
You know.
Speaker 3 (38:08):
Like one song don't I Make It Look Easy? That
I tease today on my Instagram is like talking about
don't I make this look easy? Like everything's perfect, because
everyone who interviews me is like, you are so fun
and you have the best family in best life. And
I'm like, I cry so much. You just don't know
it because I don't film myself and post it, you know,
So I say in the first verse, like I posted
a picture, I read all the comments, I hearted the
(38:30):
good ones, and if I'm being honest, I probably spent
an hour on it. And then I'm like, and it's
just like a fun way of being ruthlessly honest. Ruthlessly
that's not the word, brutally honest.
Speaker 1 (38:44):
Yeah. True confidence doesn't just come from winning. It comes
from how you handle the losses. It's about resilience, picking
yourself back up when things don't go your way, and
having the determination to keep pushing forward. Kobe Bryant understood
this better than most. He wasn't always the strongest or
the fastest, but he built confidence by prioritizing long term
(39:06):
growth over immediate results. He knew that self worth isn't
defined by where you are today, It's about your commitment
to improvement. Let's hear how he developed that mindset. And
you talk about that because you talk about you know,
when you talk about missing five throws and you talk
about getting over yourself. Yeah, right, like getting over yourself?
(39:27):
How did you get that mentality of just being like
I need to get over this, like I need to
get over myself? You know?
Speaker 8 (39:32):
Trial and error? You know, you grow up and you
make game winning shots and it's awesome, and you come
back the next day and miss a game when it's
shot and it's misery. And then the next day comes
and you're back playing again, and you understand that life
has this cyclical nature where it's, you know, what you
do on Monday, it's fantastic, but then Tuesday's a bad day.
But guess what, there's Wednesday. So are we just supposed
to live our lives like this the whole time, you know,
(39:54):
versus just staying like this and understanding that it's really
just a journey of evolution. Every day is constant improvement,
constant curiosity, constantly getting better. The results don't really matter.
It's the figuring out that matters.
Speaker 1 (40:09):
Yeah, and we all get obsessed about the results that
we get obsessed about like the output, not the input
of not figuring it out and not like changing things
what you said, trial and error, like the experimenting. We
forget to do that.
Speaker 8 (40:20):
It's unfortunate, man. Like I've seen a lot of players,
especially now, you know in youth basketball, dealing with that.
You have players that are like bigger and faster and stronger,
and you know, their coaches or just coaching them for results.
You know, we're just going to use your size that
because you're bigger than every other twelve year old out
there to dominate today. But they're not growing right, so
(40:42):
they're just based on that result. But they're not focused
on growing this young child into becoming a better athlete
and through that teaching them how to become a more
well rounded person. And we're missing that.
Speaker 1 (40:54):
Yeah, see what you've said that Just I want to
ask you this, And I'm not saying because I you know,
like you you know yourself best and you know how
you've got there. So I'm asking it from a place
of humility of learning. When I look at you, I'm like,
you know, your superpower isn't just your work ethic. Your
superpower isn't just like figuring things out. Your superpower is
like you think strategically. Like that's a very strategic thought
of saying, this person could be this in the future
(41:19):
if they were developed as a whole individual rather than
just like let's use them for the short term. And
where did you develop that from? That ability to see beyond,
to think deeper, to reflect deeper, Where did that come from? Well?
Speaker 8 (41:31):
I had to do that because you know, I grew
up growing up in Italy. When I first moved over there,
it was you know, I didn't speak Italian, I didn't
have any friends. You know, I had the game of basketball,
and through sport and playing soccer, I was able to
make friends and build connections. But it was a lot
of time spent alone. And when I came back to
the States, I wasn't the most athletic kid.
Speaker 4 (41:52):
You know.
Speaker 8 (41:52):
I was really strawny, like really really skinny, and had
like major knee issues because I was growing. So I
was the dorky kid with hot socks and big ol
knee pets. Fashionable now, it's fashionable now, and then and then,
and so I had to look long term because in
the here and now, I couldn't compete with these kids.
I mean there's kids that were like twelve years old
(42:13):
with beards like you. What I was supposed to do
with that? Like they're doing windmills and dunking backwards and
I'm happy to like tap the backboard, you know. So
I had to look at it from a long term
because I wasn't going to give up on the game.
So I had to say, Okay, this year, I'm gonna
get better at that. Next year, this and then so
forth and so on, and then patiently I was able
(42:34):
to catch them.
Speaker 1 (42:35):
Yeah, that's I love hearing that because I think so
many of us kind of you believe, like when when
you see people like yourself, it's like it's so easy
as an excuse to ourselves to just all your destined
for it, right, you were made kind of like that,
you know, Like you know, but when you talk about saying, oh, actually,
when I started, I didn't have the physicality that meant
that I was going to make it Like you have
(42:56):
to figure it out, and I.
Speaker 8 (42:57):
Love to figure it out.
Speaker 3 (42:57):
Man.
Speaker 8 (42:58):
It's just piece by piece, and it's the consistency of
the work, which I feel like a lot of parents
are missing today because we're not teaching that to our kids.
We tend to say like kids don't want to do
the work, but in reality, it's when we're failing them
because we're not leading them the right way and teaching them.
You know how to fish, you know what I mean.
And so like the consistency of work, Monday get better,
(43:20):
Tuesday get better, Wednesday get better. Right, and you do
that over a period of time, you know, not like
one month or two months. I mean it's three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine,
ten years, and then you know you can get to
where you want to go.
Speaker 1 (43:33):
Confidence isn't about walking into a room and thinking you're
the best. It's about not feeling the need to compare
yourself to anyone. True self worth comes from knowing who
you are, not just what you accomplish. It's built in
the quiet moments, how you show up for yourself and
the way you speak to yourself when no one's around.
(43:54):
I hope this episode helped you realize that confidence isn't
about having all the answers. It's about trusting yourself to
figure it out. If something resonated with you, Share it
with someone who needs to hear it, and I'll see
you next time on on Purpose. If you love this episode,
you'll really enjoy my episode with Selena Gomez on befriending
(44:16):
your inner critic and how to speak to yourself with
more compassion.
Speaker 4 (44:21):
My fears are only going to continue to show me
what I'm capable of. The more that I face my fears,
the more that I feel I'm gaining strength and gaining wisdom,
and I just want to keep doing that
Host
Jay Shetty
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