In this very special episode, it is my great honor to be invited to the White House for a rare and very personal interview with President Joe Biden.
We will witness The President reflecting on his earliest childhood memories that have indelibly shaped his path. We pause and contemplate the significance of reaching out to those facing tough times, for every compassionate connection has the power to uplift and heal.
The conversation goes deep as we delve into the profound realm of family, the cornerstone of existence, and discover how to cherish and prioritize those who matter most; and the art of decision-making and preparation, as you learn to navigate life's intricate choices with clarity and mindfulness.
In this interview, you'll learn:
The strength one can draw from having a supportive family
How to stand up for yourself and for others
How to help someone that is grieving
How to balance the weight of decision-making
The impact of being present in the most challenging times
In this episode we embrace the transformative power of love, compassion, and purposeful connection, as we unlock the treasures of our past and present.
With Love and Gratitude,
Jay Shetty
What We Discuss:
00:00 Intro
03:17 What is your earliest childhood memory that has defined what you have become today?
10:55 When you see people who are going through some tough times, it does matter when you reach out
12:58 How do you let your children and the people that matter to you know that they are important people in your life?
17:35 Family is the most important asset in life. How do you prioritize yours?
21:17 How do you process decision-making? How do you prepare for it?
27:10 How do you assess a person’s motivation so we can get to the root of it?
29:59 The President on Final Five
39:10 The story behind the pictures that The President holds dear
Episode Resources:
President Joe Biden | Bio
President Joe Biden | YouTube
President Joe Biden | Instagram
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Jay Shetty's podcast On Purpose is the number one health
and wellness podcast. The President participated in an interview with
Jay Shetty, who you all may know, to discuss the
administration's effort to tackle the mental health crisis.
Speaker 2 (00:15):
It's President says, a pleasure good, thank you for this.
Speaker 3 (00:18):
On that, thank you very very grateful. The day will
come when you open that closet door and you smell
the fragrance of her dresses, or you're going by that
park where you walk with your child or or your boy,
or your husband, or the thing that reminds you that
for the longest time, we'll just bring a tear to
your eye. But eventually, everyone in a while, I'll bring
(00:40):
a smile that before bring the tear to your eye.
When that happens, you know you're going to make.
Speaker 1 (00:45):
It the best selling authoring cloth the.
Speaker 3 (00:47):
Number one health and wellness podcast.
Speaker 1 (00:49):
On Purpose with Ja Shetty.
Speaker 2 (00:52):
I'm so grateful and honored that you're here with me
right now. Thank you so much for all your love
and all your support for On Purpose. It's incredible what
we've been creating together, what we've been building together, and
I'm so excited to share some big news with you.
This is an extremely special interview today as I'm sitting
down with the President of the United States, Joe Biden.
(01:15):
This is only possible because of all your love and
support for the podcast and making us a platform that
the President and his team felt was right to talk
about mental health. This conversation is dedicated to the person
behind the podium. I always want to get to know
the human behind the title, behind the position, behind what
they do in the world, and spotlight and shine a
(01:37):
light on mental health. We talk about so many of
the things that he's gone through in his personal life.
I'm so grateful that I got to have this conversation
that we're going to share with the world at large
and make sure that mental health is a mainstream conversation
because it's so integral to all of our lives. I
hope you enjoy this conversation. Thank you for all your
love and support. Means the world to me. Hey everyone,
(02:02):
welcome back to On Purpose, the number one health and
wellness podcast in the world. Thanks to each and every
one of you that come back every week to learn, listen,
and grow. Now you know our mission here is to
make the world happier, healthier, and more healed. And I
believe that learning about people's stories of healing, of grief,
(02:23):
of loss of growth is a powerful way to do that.
And today I've been graciously invited to the White House
and I'm sitting with mister President, and I'm so grateful
and honored to be here and to have you on
our platform, and for you to choose our platform to
have this conversation. I couldn't be more honored. Thank you
so much, Thank you. I'm on interview me absolutely Well,
(02:47):
let's dive straight in. The first question I'd like to
ask you is what is your earliest childhood memory that
you believe defines who you are today and passing you've become.
Speaker 3 (03:01):
The earliest memory I have is there's two of them.
One is there was a bully in the neighborhood lived
down an area called the Plot, and we lived up
the hill, and I was out with my friends in
the alley behind our house and my mother was at
the pantry looking out. The tough guy in the neighborhood
(03:23):
smacked me. Was a couple years older than me, and
I came in hold on my face, and my grandfather
was at the kitchen table and sw what's the matter, Joey,
and he said, that's a shame. I walked in and
my mother said, Joey, go back out there. So go
back out there. I said, walk up to wait till
he walks up to you. As soon as he does,
smack him right in the nose. And the nose. She said,
(03:45):
I'll give you fifty cents if you do it. And
I said, why Mom, She said, you won't be able
to walk in that alley again if you don't. I
was scared to death. I walked out, popped him in
the nose. That bled. He ran, and I thought, huh,
it worked. But I think the lesson I learned the
most so is I used to stutter badly and I
(04:07):
would talk like like like that, and then I'd catch
my rhythm and and it was something that I thought
was the worst curse could happen to me because everybody
makes fun of it.
Speaker 2 (04:22):
I had a similar experience with being bullied, so that
resonates very strongly with me.
Speaker 3 (04:28):
I think everybody does. Yeah, I was the run of
the litter, No, it really was. I was a little guy,
and I was a relatively good athlete even when I
was a kid. But I literally was the runt of
the litter.
Speaker 2 (04:41):
Well, well, for me, it was my weight. I was
overweight growing up, and it was the color of my skin.
I grew up in an area where I wasn't surrounded
by a lot of Indian people. And so those were
the two reasons. Except my mother didn't give me that advice.
Sometimes I wish she did. My mother did the opposite.
She actually came into my school and spoke to the teachers,
which it's really embarrassing at that age, and you know,
(05:02):
no helpful for him.
Speaker 3 (05:03):
No, I think maybe it is. You know, I had
a similar thing I when I was in I went
to Catholic grade school in high school, and you're sitting
in those days, sat in alphabetical order, and I was
in the first row, Biden, four people down and reading class.
Everybody read a paragraph. I got to my paragraph, and
I remember what it was because I used to try
to memorize it rather than have to look at the
(05:25):
word when I was rereading it. And I said, and
he was a gentle man and this, And the teacher said,
what's that, mister Biden? He wanted she minded to say gentleman,
but it's easier to not start her say gentle man,
I said, gent I said, mister Biden, what is that?
And I got up and walked out and walked home
(05:46):
about two miles and my mother was sitting there tapping
the table when I walked in and see get in.
The car went down in the car. We walked in,
went to the principal's office, sat me outside. The door
of the door was cracking. I was one of those
opaque glasses glass windows and it didn't go to the
ceiling anyway. To make a long story short, she said,
I'd like to speak to the teacher. My mother said,
(06:09):
and she said, mister by said, I'd like to speak
to the teacher. So the teacher walks in and looked
at me like you're in trouble now. Biden walked in,
sat down. There was a crack and the door. I'll
never forget this. And my mother, Catherine Eugenia Finnigan Biden,
and she she looked and like, I said, what should
you say to my son? She said, did you say,
but Bob Biden. So I'm just trying to make a point,
(06:30):
missus Biden. She said, if you ever do that again,
I'll come back and rip that bonnet off your head.
Do you understand me. Swear to God, get up, walked out,
go back to class, Joey. But you know, it's everybody
has something that is tough, particularly when you're younger, and
it makes such a difference when when somebody reaches out.
(06:53):
I'm sure you had also had some experiences someone say,
come on, like, for example, there's more than a handful
of young stutterers. They're not so young anymore that I
still keep in touch with it. One young kid he
introduced me when I ran for president, took such courage
because he talked to talk like that, and he practiced,
(07:15):
He practiced, he practiced, but it's had a profound impact
on his life. Another young man, when I was vice president,
he was I could tell you can tell a stutter
if you're a stutter, just by when he was in
line with his mom was in Tennessee and I was
doing a thing for al Gore, and she introduced her
(07:36):
son and I could see him go the lips. I said,
I said, hey, I'm about to finish my speech. Why
don't you come help me write it? And the mother
looked at me, and he looked at me and took
him in and I showed him how I marked up
my speeches so that I could get a little cadence
with what I did. Did you ever see the movie
The King Speech? Yes, of course. Well the gentleman who
(07:58):
had that had a copy of the King's speech? Who
did it? Sent me a copy, and I don't know
if I have my book with me, but there's one
of these days I'll show you my speeches. I looked
at it and I marked it up the same way.
Every speech I mark up is the same way they
might have it. See the slash marks I put on. Yes, well,
(08:19):
it's just to help me. But you know there are
people who reached out to me too. Maybe that impediment
was the best thing ever happened to me.
Speaker 2 (08:27):
It's incredible, isn't it. How I challenge that you're going
through actually helps you become more compassionate and empathetic towards
other people.
Speaker 3 (08:35):
It's kind of human nature for most people. When you
understand the pain someone's feeling, your first instinct is, look.
We have an expression in the family. From the time
I was a kid, it's all about showing up to
just being there. I mean, I imagine the times when
(08:57):
you were down because they're making fun of your Indian heritage,
an all white population. That having someone come up and say, hey,
come on you and mean let's do boom, it makes
a difference.
Speaker 2 (09:09):
Absolutely. Yeah, I'll never forget. You've just reminded me. Ian
Winds was his name. He was the toughest kid in
school and he had my back. That was that pass
and that reached out to me. So if anyone had
a problem with me, they had a problem with him,
he take care of him. I felt very safe, felt
very safe with you.
Speaker 3 (09:25):
Well, it really is all about reaching out, isn't it.
I mean, for real, think of all the young people today.
I think that there's more anxiety and loneliness today than
there's been in a long long time. You know, my
friend I appointed, Admiral mcmurthy, he was telling me about,
(09:46):
you know, the percentage of young people today who are
feeling lonely alone, and sometimes it's just just touching, just
showing up. I used to get see son, Beau, who
should be sitting here instead of me? Would I always say, Dad,
you don't have time to make that call, you know,
(10:07):
I'd get in a plan and go home. And because
so someone had a serious problem, lost a wife or daughter,
and I said, Dad, you don't have time when he
passed away. The hundreds of people have told me how
he called, he showed up, he was there, And because
the people have showed up for me too, this really matters.
Speaker 2 (10:28):
Yeah, you've been through you mentioned it there. You've been
through so much tragic loss in your life, as you
just mentioned there. You didn't run for presidency in twenty sixteen,
shortly after the loss of your son. You've lost your
first wife and daughter in a horrific accident. I can't
even begin to understand how someone has the courage to
(10:51):
process that much loss in grief, let alone move forward
in the way you have. It's truly admirable. How did
you begin?
Speaker 3 (11:01):
I had an overwhelming advantage in the loss, and that
was I had a really close family that was there.
For example, when my wife and daughter were killed, my
first wife and my two boys were very badly injured.
Attractor trailer brought side of I was not in an accident.
When I got home from the hospital, my sister and
(11:22):
husband already gave up their apartment and moved in helped
me raise my kid my brother. We lived in a
suburban area that was more country than suburban, and there
was a little barn on a prock garage bar and
my brother came and he turned the loft to the
barn into an apartment for himself. They were there for
me all the time. That was a gigantic difference, my
(11:44):
best friend in my life and my sister and my brothers.
Speaker 2 (11:46):
And.
Speaker 3 (11:48):
So I had an enormous advantage. And I think that
when you see people who were going through something tough,
it does matter if you reach out. I mean it
does matter. Like for example, you know you have a
when you're a senator. For all the years I was
in a small state, you know so many people and
(12:11):
people would pass away, show up at the wake of
the funerrmal matter what was happening. I learned it early on.
People would stop and just come and throw their arms
around me because if they know you know the pain
they feel, they get some solace in it. It's not
always easy, but it's it just matters just to just
to reach out, let people know you see them.
Speaker 2 (12:33):
How did you allow yourself to receive that help too?
I feel like, as you were mentioning earlier, with the
loneliness and anxiety that exists, a lot of people either
struggle to know what to say. I think we live
in a society where people are like, but what do
I say if they've gone to them? And the opposite
end what you just said. Being able to be open
enough to actually receive help requires a certain amount of
(12:57):
courage and strength as well. I was.
Speaker 3 (13:02):
Raising a family, for real, extended family, my grandparents as well,
where my dad. In an expression, family is beginning, middle
and end. There was a rule in the family growing up,
not a joke. We didn't notice the time, but whenever
you wanted to speak to your mother or father, I mean,
they said, can we he had a problem. No matter
(13:24):
what they were doing, they stopped. No matter what they
were doing, they stopped and heard, listen to you. And
I did the same with my children, and they did
the same with theirs, because it's a matter of them
knowing that they are the most important thing in your life.
Have they got a problem, You're there to listen. I
(13:46):
have seven grandkids, four of them five, and mold them
up to talk on the phone. You know, every day
I either text them or call them. And a matter
of fact, or in any campaign they were having a I
didn't realize they're having an interview. The four oldest grandchildren,
(14:07):
they said, And just at the time, and they said,
they call me pop. Pop calls us every day or
text us every day, and I call them the phone. Right. Well,
I give my word. I had no idea, but it's
a look. I just think being there is is important
and it makes such a difference. I think knowing that
(14:31):
someone's going to be there for you, just to listen,
just to just to hold you, just to hug you.
Speaker 2 (14:37):
Yeah, I believe you're right. I believe we often over
complicate things. We think we have to say the perfect thing,
we have to have the solution, we have to be
able to fix.
Speaker 3 (14:47):
I agree, But it's just half of just showing up.
Even people you don't know that well, but you've met
the fact you'd call and say I'm thinking of you.
I learned this from my experience. The day will come
when you open that closet door and you smell the
(15:07):
fragrance of her dresses, or you're going by that park
where you where you where you walked with your child,
or your or your wife or your husband, or the
thing that reminds you, and for the longest time, I'll
just bring a tear to your eye. But eventually everyone
in a while, I'll bring a smile that before bring
the tear to your eye. When that happens, you know
(15:30):
you're going to make it. That's the moment, you know.
I doesn't mean you still don't cry, doesn't mean that
pain still isn't isn't real even years later, but you
know you can make it. I think there's an advantage
sometimes if you have deep faith, whether you're you know, Catholic, Protestant, Hindu, Jewish, Muslim,
(15:53):
you know whatever. My family, when I want to get
an important message to me, they tape it on the
mi in the bathroom. I'm serious.
Speaker 2 (16:02):
So you wake up in the morning and yeah.
Speaker 3 (16:04):
No, it's on the mirror. I guess I was down
early on. I missed ten years ago. I was down
from me and my daughter actually taped on she's a
social worker, taped on my mirror. Happiness is something something
to do, someone to love, and someone to look forward to.
(16:25):
Even dad, you have all those things just remind you,
you know.
Speaker 2 (16:30):
I think what you just said about the smile before
the tear is probably one of the realist things I've
ever heard. I think we often are trying to create
a world in which we only have smiles and where
we put pressure on ourselves and the people around us
to be forever happy. And what you just said there
was really really resonated with me. It really hit me, actually,
(16:52):
the idea that you will cry, it will happen, But
that tiny smile that you experience even through a loss,
even through grief, You're fortunate that you've got to have
that experience that allowed you to find that smile at
that time. And I feel like you've been through so
many obstacles in your life, but I'd love to know
what you see as the relationship between vulnerability and strength,
(17:16):
especially as a leader, because I think leaders have an
overarching pressure to display strength in a certain way. I'll
give you an example. I coach several CEOs and individuals,
athletes and others, and one of the CEOs who leads
a large organization called me a few months ago and
(17:37):
we were working through some things together and at one
point I said to them, I said, it would be
really wonderful for you to tell your teams that you
lead what you've been going through and growing through. And
they said, Jay, I don't know if I can tell them.
I don't know if I can tell them. And I
said why, and they said, well, because it will look
like I'm weak. And I said to them, well, no,
(18:01):
you being vulnerable and sharing your growth is the greatest strength.
That's not a weakness, but that was you. Because so
many leaders feel they have to portray a set and
type of strength. But even today I can see there's
a grace in the way you're sharing.
Speaker 3 (18:14):
Well, I have a rule that I thought that everybody
in my staff knew because I had when I was
a Senator for a long time. At one point, I
don't know how they measured it, but I had the
same staff longest than anybody in the Senate at the time.
For example, we were doing a very very important Supreme
(18:38):
Court hearing. I was chairman of the shared Committee, and
we worked on it very hard and did all the
research and you know, anyway, and there was the one
young man with people say he was invaluable because he's
the guy who knew all the detail about certainty. And
I found out that he was having trouble at home
(18:58):
and I said, I want you to go home, don't
come into hearing. Said I can't go home, go home,
And you know why, because I would go home. I
have a thousand bosses, but only one me knowing. And
so I know when I had Cristies at home raising
the boys, I went home. I don't know how many
(19:20):
years ago it was, but in this job and as
vice president, another person was having some trouble at home
and I found out. But I said, go home. They said, no, no,
I can't. I got I said, if you don't go home,
I'm going to fire you. Go home. Give relationship. It
was a hell a lot more important to whatever you're
doing for me. So that's a rule we have. Not
(19:41):
a joke, absolutely not. And they never have to tell
me why. All you got to say is I'm not gonnent.
I take you to your word. If it turns out
you're playing games with me, I'll learn. But I know
you too well take the time because you're not any
better than your relationship. And that's a little bit what
(20:02):
you were just talking about. And you know, I think
you have to ask my staff. I don't know, but
I think they as long as they know, that's more important,
more important than doing whatever specific thing you're doing at
that moment for me.
Speaker 2 (20:16):
How do you apply that rule when it feels like
what they are working on this specific moment seems obviously
to be the most important thing in the world. How
do you.
Speaker 3 (20:27):
Well, Because there's only one advantage of getting older, You've
had a lot of experience and you can imply a
little bit of wisdom. It's really critical. Yeah, and by
the way, there's a selfie aspect to it, because when
you have a problem with someone you love or some
problem you're you know, you got to deal with it.
Speaker 2 (20:48):
Yeah, and you can't even perform as well.
Speaker 3 (20:50):
Exactly right. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (20:51):
Absolutely, You've every day for years had to make difficult
and stressful decisions, high stakes, hugely impactful on so many people.
When you're making decisions. Do you follow your head, your heart,
your gut? How do you think about decision making?
Speaker 3 (21:13):
I don't know how to separate the three. Many times
my heart brings me to the problem, and my gut
tells me what I think I want to do, But
my head, meaning the research the back, sometimes says that's
the wrong answer. I think you're driven by a value set.
(21:35):
You know what you value, you know what you think
is important in life, you know what you think is consequential.
And I think people who know what they value doesn't
mean they're better work. But if you follow your value set.
To me, they're kind of basic things. My dad used
to have an expression for real, said Joey. Everyone's entitled
(21:56):
to be treated with dignity. Everybody dignity. This word dignity
and what I find myself looking through the prison. For example,
I was at an event the other day where I
was talking and we were talking about a problem a
mom was having providing for the hell the needs of
(22:17):
a child of actually a teenager. I said, all I
can think of one hearing about not being able to
afford the treatment was how she's deprived of her dignity.
Imagine being a parent and you can't do anything about
it because you don't have the financial wherewithal, because you
don't have the connection, but you don't know where to go.
(22:40):
It's a little bit like you know, I think the
most dangerous, the most hated word in English language and
any other language translated is cancer. You can't it's just
strikes fear and everybody. Well, it's one thing to get
an analysis by great doctor, but you still need someone
to guide you through. Located and we're finding significant breakthroughs
(23:04):
in cancer, but you need someone to sort of lead
you through who knows about it. I think it's the
same way with about any problem people have. If there's
a way to let people know there's an avenue, there's
a way through. You know. I used to have a
friend named Bob Gold who who died of a heart attack.
(23:25):
And I used to say, Bob, do you understand me?
Said Joe, And I don't understand you. I overstand you,
but you got to know how to know. And that's
why we can be so little things it can be
of enormous value. It's like, you know, you're walking across
an intersection. They don't let me do that anymore, but
(23:46):
you walk across the intersection and there's a you know,
an elderly man or woman knowing they're waiting to see
if they have enough time, just grabbing their hand and
walking across. It's a little tiny thing, but it anxiety.
It relieves.
Speaker 2 (24:01):
Yeah, No, that resonates the idea of the more we're
a part of the solution, the less the problem feels overwhelming.
Speaker 3 (24:11):
I think so now I have to admit, when you've
been through something that's been particularly difficult, helping someone going
through it again forces you to relive your experience, like,
for example, the people I admire when we have functions
where we're trying to make a point of how we
(24:32):
can help someone with health care, whatever it is. The
people have been through it who show up and support it.
I always compliment them because it's like it happened yesterday.
When you start to focus on it, and it's hard,
we underestimate what we can do. I'm not about time
being president, I mean just what we can do in
(24:54):
terms of dealing with people. I try to understand and
what is motivating the other person when I'm doing things
internationally or personally, because if you can understand what motivates them,
there's a shot, even with the bad guys, you can
break through and get something done. There's a way to
(25:18):
expose the meanness without causing direct conflict. For example, I
remember I went to a Catholic grade school and we
didn't often get invited to the katillion, which was in
the local school down the street at Mount Pleasant School,
And so I got invited and I was going to go.
I was all excited about going. I think it was
(25:39):
ninth grade, maybe the eighth grade. A little dance and
there was a guy who was a good athlete that
was a relatively good athlete. He was a good athlete
from the school. The other school, big guy became friends.
But so I'm getting dressed and I didn't have a
shirt to wear. So my mother got my uncle's shirt,
who was a smaller man than my dad, and French
(26:03):
cuffs and rolled up the cuffs so who looked like
it fit? And I couldn't find my dad's. We couldn't
find my dad's cuff links. So my mom went and
got a nut in a bolt. I wondered why she
was down downstairs in the laundry room looking for it and
put him in. I said, Mom, I can't do this.
They'll make fun of me. I'll be embarrassed seeing anybody
(26:24):
comes up and says they do you look at them
and say, and here's what to say. This guy, Frank
came up to me and said, hey, look, adbye, look
what he's got here.
Speaker 4 (26:32):
Hey?
Speaker 3 (26:33):
And I looked at him and said, you don't have
a pair of these? And he said, well, yeah, yeah,
I got a pair. But I'm serious.
Speaker 2 (26:44):
How do you assess people's motivations like you were just
saying that when you can understand someone's motivation, you can
almost disalm them without exposing them, which is what you
just gave that example of now, how do we do
that so that we go to the roots of it.
I think often we get it's so caught up in
what someone's what we think someone's thinking, or what we
think someone's saying, but actually going to the heart of
(27:07):
it and the root of it.
Speaker 3 (27:08):
You know, it's hard to explain. I get credit for
these days for sort of whole in the international community together,
and I try to understand what the circumstance the other
world leader is facing and see if there's a way
what needs to be done. Is the way through that
(27:31):
he doesn't or she doesn't have to make a great
sacrifice to do what she's doing, but help make the
case why they're helping others. But there's ways to do that,
and it's doesn't require the person if they have a
fundamental difference with you on a subject. But if they're
doing something because they don't have the political bandwidth to
(27:54):
be able to do it at home, you can provide it.
I will say to this leader sometimes, well why don't
you let me criticize you for this or thank you
for that, or And most of the time, now you
don't do off the top of your head. You got
to know some of these people. They'll go, okay, or
why don't you why why don't you criticize me? Why
(28:17):
don't you criticize me for my not doing something? And
then I'll respond and say okay, and then you can
do what you want to do. It's just basic human nature.
But I think I think trying to figure out what
leeway a person has. I don't expect everybody to that
(28:40):
I'm dealing with to appear in the second editions the
profiles and courage nor may. I mean, it's hard, but
there's ways you can work. Not always, but you can
work through things where you can allow the other person
to save face and still get to where you want
to go. Yes, and sometimes it works with your working
(29:02):
with two people, yes, to get that done. Yeah. But
it's just trying to figure out what is really what
impediments are in their way to keep them from being
able to do what you know, you feel in your gut,
you know they know they should do.
Speaker 2 (29:19):
That's a great perspective. I'm so happy you said that,
because so many of us are fixated on what we
want out of something, or where we want to get to,
or what our challenges are. But mister President, I'm so
grateful for your graciousness and kindness in giving me this
time today. We end every on purpose interview with a
final five Oh and these final five questions are questions
(29:43):
we ask every guest, and there are some great ones
in here for you. So the first question I'm going
to ask you is what is the best advice you've
ever received? And what's the worst advice you've ever received.
Speaker 3 (29:54):
I guess the best advice I've received is show up,
Just show up there and get up. My mother used
to say, Joey, get up, never bow, never been, never
get up, just get up. But showing up is just
that's a big part. And I guess the worst advice
(30:14):
I've ever received was holding a grudge, because lots of
times when people do something that is really not good,
it's because they were fearful and they did it, not
fearful of you, but their circumstance, and it gets you nowhere,
which means people doubt. Well, I'm really irish. The joke
(30:36):
inside was really irish, But all getting aside, remembering is important,
but holding a grudge is it's not helpful, very true,
very true. Fast.
Speaker 2 (30:47):
I'm for both of those answers.
Speaker 3 (30:48):
I love it. Okay.
Speaker 2 (30:49):
Second question, a lot of Americans today are seeking therapy
as a form of support. Where does the president seek
support and guidance in your own challenges?
Speaker 3 (31:00):
And Jenny, Well, my best friend is my wife, a
woman who has probably had more to do with my
success than anyone. Is my sister Valerie and my brother Jim,
And I think that's the place where I go most.
But also I have a great advantage over the years,
(31:24):
I've grown to have some great, great relationships with people
have worked with and or run of my staff. And
I think most of my staff would tell you the
senior staff is I don't treat them like they work
for me. I treat them which they are. They know
reason I hire them. I want them to know more
than I know. And there are some things that I
(31:47):
seek advice from a religious perspective, but that's really personal.
Speaker 2 (31:55):
Yeah, beautiful, Okay, bad question. I believe it's been said
that you told your first wife when you met her
that you wanted to be or one day you would
be the president of the United States. Is that true?
Speaker 3 (32:10):
No, it's not true. I love it. I read all
this what I did tell her, and I and the
same with no man deserves one great love, let alone
too for real. The two women that I married one
passed away were women I knew when I went out
with them the first time. I wanted to marry them.
(32:32):
My first wife, I told her when I met her.
We went to I went to I had eighty nine
dollars tax returned. I'm want five guys down to Florida,
and I don't drink. So I was bored with all this,
so I went to with three. I went to Nassau
for you could apply for twenty five bucks round trip.
(32:52):
And I met my deceased wife and I told her
when I hung out with her for four days down
there on the beach, and that I was going to
marry her, and she looked at me, said I think so.
And I started commuting every day every weekend when I
(33:12):
was a senior in college. That's how I up to Syracuse.
She's in there and my present wife was. It was
a blind date that my brother set up for us,
and I know what I saw her. I was on
that TEMOCLLS bachelor's list for five years. And it's not
a fun thing because there are a lot of it.
Don't get me wrong. A lot of nice people, but
(33:34):
I've kind of given up on They're thinking I could
have us, and I got the blind date. I'll never fear.
My brother said, you'll like her. She doesn't like politics.
Speaker 2 (33:45):
I'm glad I asked that question. Question number four. This
is very important to social media. So the question is
there are so many shows today based on the presidency,
the White House mirroring it shows on TV eaming platforms.
Which one is the most accurate and which one is
the least accurate?
Speaker 3 (34:05):
Mission impossible, the most the most look. I uh. One
of the problems I have is I don't and I should.
I don't watch much television. No, it's not because I'm
above it or anything like that. It's just that, For example,
for thirty six years after the accident occurred, and I
(34:27):
commuted every day three hundred miles a day, and the
press actually I had won. I got to know all
the conductors so well. I became friends. And one day
as Vice president, I was going home on the train,
which the secret surf doesn't like because there's so many
opportunities to interrupt the train. And this particular guy, I'm
not going to embarrass him and say his name. Company
(34:49):
grab me and cheek is Joey baby. I thought they're
going to shoot him any I said, no, no, he's He said,
I just read in the paper you traveled a million,
one hundred thousand miles on air Force planes. Because I
have a list how many miles a travel on And
he said, big deal, he said, Joey, we had a
retirement dinner. He said, you know what you figured out?
You know how many miles you travel on Amtrak? I
(35:10):
said no. He said a million, two hundred thousand miles,
one hundred and nineteen days a year, three hundred days,
three hundred miles round trip, thirty six years plus. My
point was I was on the training lot, and so
when I get home, there wasn't much to watch. I
mean not it was the watch. But I'd always make sure,
(35:33):
I think, and I think you know all your guests
know this, that children need to know that they're the
most important thing in your life. So even if I
got home late, I'd climb in bed or my two
boys at the time, and just even if they were asleep,
and get up in the morning. And it wasn't like
Ouzzie and Harriet. I wasn't fixing their breakfast but I'd
(35:54):
be there and have breakfast them, they'd take off for school.
I'd take off for the train. So I've been back
and forth so much. I haven't I just haven't watched
many problem And by the way, there's a lot of
good stuff, I'm sure. I mean, everyone's wanted to turn on.
And by the way, they got a great advantage here.
You got a movie theater and so yeah, and they
(36:15):
tell me, I get this list what movies are in
and we have the uh, the the new one, that's
the the Oppenheimer Oppenheimer.
Speaker 4 (36:25):
Yeah, I haven't seen it yet. They're the movies I
see these days. I get to see them at night
once in a while. Okay, very nice, amazing, all right.
Fifth and final question. We asked this question to every
guest has ever been on the show, but it truly
is unique asking you this question.
Speaker 2 (36:41):
If you could create one law in the world that
everyone had to follow, what would it be.
Speaker 3 (36:46):
I don't think it's a matter of being able to
have any one law that could change people's attitudes. I
think I'm optimistic. I think we have we're on the cusp.
We're in the time of real change, and we're an
inflection point. In moral history. Whether I'm president or not,
things are going to change drastically, and you see it
(37:09):
happening all around the world. We have an enormous opportunity.
But the thing I want to I could want to
change is American attitude that we can do anything. We
can do anything. There's nothing we've ever set our mind
that we've not been able to do. We've done together
for real. And so I laid out four things that
(37:30):
I thought were critically important in my stateud you know.
One was to make a fundamental change in cancer treatment.
We can cure that, and that's why we put another
six billion dollars. I mean, pick the impossible thing I have.
Caroline Kennedy gave me a copy of President Kennedy's. Part
of President Kennedy's speech when about going in the morning,
(37:53):
he said, because we refuse to postpone, we have to
refuse to postpone anymore. There's so oh much we can do,
and I mean it. I believe it with every fiber
in my baby. I've been doing this a long time
and I've never been more optimistic about our chances than now.
And that's why when I ran, I said, I ran
for three reasons one to restore the soul of America,
(38:15):
sense of decency, just the way we talk to one another. Secondly,
to build this country from the middle out and the
bottom up. The wealthy still do very well, but everybody
has a shot. And thirdly, to unite the country. And
I think we can do it. I really genuinely do.
But then again, as my offer referred to, I'm a
(38:35):
cock eyed optimist, but I really believe it.
Speaker 2 (38:38):
Mister President, Thank you so much for the autum. I'm
so grateful. I have two tiny requests for you. I'd
love for you, if you don't mind, to walk me
through what's here, because I saw these beautiful pictures when
I walked in, and I thought they looked really special,
and I'd love to shad them this one.
Speaker 3 (38:55):
My dad was a real gentleman and a well read man.
Never got a has to go to college. And he'd
always said, Joey, never explained, never complained. And so we
were having my fourth reelection effort as a senator in
the late nineties, and my dad was over at our
house to you know, to be there with me, and
(39:19):
I was standing on this back porch overlooking this pond.
I built a smaller home when the home we had
when everybody moved out. But it sits on a pond,
a ten acre pond. And I was saying, my deceased wife,
she lived in Lake Skinny Atlas and the finger legs beautiful.
She I said, you know, I wish nearly could have
(39:39):
seen this. And my dad thought, I was man, feel
sorry for myself. So he came. He said I'll be back,
and he took off, and he went up to the
local Hallmark store and came back with this cartoon. This
is his philosophy life. It's Hagar the horrible lightning strikes,
his boat's going down. He's looking up to God and
(40:01):
having to say why me. The next frame of voice
mevericans by why not? My dad always say, what makes
you so special? You don't have these problems. I'll put
it down here. The other ones, there's a bunch there,
but one of my well, one of my favorite ones
is of that one. My son BeO. This is when
(40:24):
he came home from being a rack for a year
with his unit, and uh, this is his son. Little
Hunter got on his shoulders and wouldn't get off his shoulders,
just would not, I mean for hours, was on his shoulders.
The others are my mom and dad. My that's my daughter,
the love of my life, the life of my love. Anyway,
(40:45):
there's a lot up there. I'm Beautiful'm pally born the
hell out of you.
Speaker 2 (40:50):
It was wonderful to see them when I came in,
so thank you.
Speaker 3 (40:52):
Well, like I said, my dad really was one of
these guys, and it was about and so was my
mother's side of family. That family. My dad would say,
it's the beginning in the middle of the end. I
believe it is. I mean, I know what you're trying
to do is all those folks out there that are lonely,
all those folks out there that are feeling uneasy, all
(41:14):
those folks out there that aren't sure. I don't know.
I just just sometimes just reaching out it makes a difference.
Speaker 2 (41:23):
Thank you, mister president.
Speaker 3 (41:25):
Thank you, thank you so much. You're doing good work
for people. I really mean it. Thank you, thank you.
Speaker 2 (41:29):
That means the world coming from you, and I look
forward to many more conversations.
Speaker 3 (41:33):
Thank you.
Speaker 2 (41:34):
Thank you to
Jay Shetty's podcast On Purpose is the number one health
and wellness podcast. The President participated in an interview with
Jay Shetty, who you all may know, to discuss the
administration's effort to tackle the mental health crisis.
Speaker 2 (00:15):
It's President says, a pleasure good, thank you for this.
Speaker 3 (00:18):
On that, thank you very very grateful. The day will
come when you open that closet door and you smell
the fragrance of her dresses, or you're going by that
park where you walk with your child or or your boy,
or your husband, or the thing that reminds you that
for the longest time, we'll just bring a tear to
your eye. But eventually, everyone in a while, I'll bring
(00:40):
a smile that before bring the tear to your eye.
When that happens, you know you're going to make.
Speaker 1 (00:45):
It the best selling authoring cloth the.
Speaker 3 (00:47):
Number one health and wellness podcast.
Speaker 1 (00:49):
On Purpose with Ja Shetty.
Speaker 2 (00:52):
I'm so grateful and honored that you're here with me
right now. Thank you so much for all your love
and all your support for On Purpose. It's incredible what
we've been creating together, what we've been building together, and
I'm so excited to share some big news with you.
This is an extremely special interview today as I'm sitting
down with the President of the United States, Joe Biden.
(01:15):
This is only possible because of all your love and
support for the podcast and making us a platform that
the President and his team felt was right to talk
about mental health. This conversation is dedicated to the person
behind the podium. I always want to get to know
the human behind the title, behind the position, behind what
they do in the world, and spotlight and shine a
(01:37):
light on mental health. We talk about so many of
the things that he's gone through in his personal life.
I'm so grateful that I got to have this conversation
that we're going to share with the world at large
and make sure that mental health is a mainstream conversation
because it's so integral to all of our lives. I
hope you enjoy this conversation. Thank you for all your
love and support. Means the world to me. Hey everyone,
(02:02):
welcome back to On Purpose, the number one health and
wellness podcast in the world. Thanks to each and every
one of you that come back every week to learn, listen,
and grow. Now you know our mission here is to
make the world happier, healthier, and more healed. And I
believe that learning about people's stories of healing, of grief,
(02:23):
of loss of growth is a powerful way to do that.
And today I've been graciously invited to the White House
and I'm sitting with mister President, and I'm so grateful
and honored to be here and to have you on
our platform, and for you to choose our platform to
have this conversation. I couldn't be more honored. Thank you
so much, Thank you. I'm on interview me absolutely Well,
(02:47):
let's dive straight in. The first question I'd like to
ask you is what is your earliest childhood memory that
you believe defines who you are today and passing you've become.
Speaker 3 (03:01):
The earliest memory I have is there's two of them.
One is there was a bully in the neighborhood lived
down an area called the Plot, and we lived up
the hill, and I was out with my friends in
the alley behind our house and my mother was at
the pantry looking out. The tough guy in the neighborhood
(03:23):
smacked me. Was a couple years older than me, and
I came in hold on my face, and my grandfather
was at the kitchen table and sw what's the matter, Joey,
and he said, that's a shame. I walked in and
my mother said, Joey, go back out there. So go
back out there. I said, walk up to wait till
he walks up to you. As soon as he does,
smack him right in the nose. And the nose. She said,
(03:45):
I'll give you fifty cents if you do it. And
I said, why Mom, She said, you won't be able
to walk in that alley again if you don't. I
was scared to death. I walked out, popped him in
the nose. That bled. He ran, and I thought, huh,
it worked. But I think the lesson I learned the
most so is I used to stutter badly and I
(04:07):
would talk like like like that, and then I'd catch
my rhythm and and it was something that I thought
was the worst curse could happen to me because everybody
makes fun of it.
Speaker 2 (04:22):
I had a similar experience with being bullied, so that
resonates very strongly with me.
Speaker 3 (04:28):
I think everybody does. Yeah, I was the run of
the litter, No, it really was. I was a little guy,
and I was a relatively good athlete even when I
was a kid. But I literally was the runt of
the litter.
Speaker 2 (04:41):
Well, well, for me, it was my weight. I was
overweight growing up, and it was the color of my skin.
I grew up in an area where I wasn't surrounded
by a lot of Indian people. And so those were
the two reasons. Except my mother didn't give me that advice.
Sometimes I wish she did. My mother did the opposite.
She actually came into my school and spoke to the teachers,
which it's really embarrassing at that age, and you know,
(05:02):
no helpful for him.
Speaker 3 (05:03):
No, I think maybe it is. You know, I had
a similar thing I when I was in I went
to Catholic grade school in high school, and you're sitting
in those days, sat in alphabetical order, and I was
in the first row, Biden, four people down and reading class.
Everybody read a paragraph. I got to my paragraph, and
I remember what it was because I used to try
to memorize it rather than have to look at the
(05:25):
word when I was rereading it. And I said, and
he was a gentle man and this, And the teacher said,
what's that, mister Biden? He wanted she minded to say gentleman,
but it's easier to not start her say gentle man,
I said, gent I said, mister Biden, what is that?
And I got up and walked out and walked home
(05:46):
about two miles and my mother was sitting there tapping
the table when I walked in and see get in.
The car went down in the car. We walked in,
went to the principal's office, sat me outside. The door
of the door was cracking. I was one of those
opaque glasses glass windows and it didn't go to the
ceiling anyway. To make a long story short, she said,
I'd like to speak to the teacher. My mother said,
(06:09):
and she said, mister by said, I'd like to speak
to the teacher. So the teacher walks in and looked
at me like you're in trouble now. Biden walked in,
sat down. There was a crack and the door. I'll
never forget this. And my mother, Catherine Eugenia Finnigan Biden,
and she she looked and like, I said, what should
you say to my son? She said, did you say,
but Bob Biden. So I'm just trying to make a point,
(06:30):
missus Biden. She said, if you ever do that again,
I'll come back and rip that bonnet off your head.
Do you understand me. Swear to God, get up, walked out,
go back to class, Joey. But you know, it's everybody
has something that is tough, particularly when you're younger, and
it makes such a difference when when somebody reaches out.
(06:53):
I'm sure you had also had some experiences someone say,
come on, like, for example, there's more than a handful
of young stutterers. They're not so young anymore that I
still keep in touch with it. One young kid he
introduced me when I ran for president, took such courage
because he talked to talk like that, and he practiced,
(07:15):
He practiced, he practiced, but it's had a profound impact
on his life. Another young man, when I was vice president,
he was I could tell you can tell a stutter
if you're a stutter, just by when he was in
line with his mom was in Tennessee and I was
doing a thing for al Gore, and she introduced her
(07:36):
son and I could see him go the lips. I said,
I said, hey, I'm about to finish my speech. Why
don't you come help me write it? And the mother
looked at me, and he looked at me and took
him in and I showed him how I marked up
my speeches so that I could get a little cadence
with what I did. Did you ever see the movie
The King Speech? Yes, of course. Well the gentleman who
(07:58):
had that had a copy of the King's speech? Who
did it? Sent me a copy, and I don't know
if I have my book with me, but there's one
of these days I'll show you my speeches. I looked
at it and I marked it up the same way.
Every speech I mark up is the same way they
might have it. See the slash marks I put on. Yes, well,
(08:19):
it's just to help me. But you know there are
people who reached out to me too. Maybe that impediment
was the best thing ever happened to me.
Speaker 2 (08:27):
It's incredible, isn't it. How I challenge that you're going
through actually helps you become more compassionate and empathetic towards
other people.
Speaker 3 (08:35):
It's kind of human nature for most people. When you
understand the pain someone's feeling, your first instinct is, look.
We have an expression in the family. From the time
I was a kid, it's all about showing up to
just being there. I mean, I imagine the times when
(08:57):
you were down because they're making fun of your Indian heritage,
an all white population. That having someone come up and say, hey,
come on you and mean let's do boom, it makes
a difference.
Speaker 2 (09:09):
Absolutely. Yeah, I'll never forget. You've just reminded me. Ian
Winds was his name. He was the toughest kid in
school and he had my back. That was that pass
and that reached out to me. So if anyone had
a problem with me, they had a problem with him,
he take care of him. I felt very safe, felt
very safe with you.
Speaker 3 (09:25):
Well, it really is all about reaching out, isn't it.
I mean, for real, think of all the young people today.
I think that there's more anxiety and loneliness today than
there's been in a long long time. You know, my
friend I appointed, Admiral mcmurthy, he was telling me about,
(09:46):
you know, the percentage of young people today who are
feeling lonely alone, and sometimes it's just just touching, just
showing up. I used to get see son, Beau, who
should be sitting here instead of me? Would I always say, Dad,
you don't have time to make that call, you know,
(10:07):
I'd get in a plan and go home. And because
so someone had a serious problem, lost a wife or daughter,
and I said, Dad, you don't have time when he
passed away. The hundreds of people have told me how
he called, he showed up, he was there, And because
the people have showed up for me too, this really matters.
Speaker 2 (10:28):
Yeah, you've been through you mentioned it there. You've been
through so much tragic loss in your life, as you
just mentioned there. You didn't run for presidency in twenty sixteen,
shortly after the loss of your son. You've lost your
first wife and daughter in a horrific accident. I can't
even begin to understand how someone has the courage to
(10:51):
process that much loss in grief, let alone move forward
in the way you have. It's truly admirable. How did
you begin?
Speaker 3 (11:01):
I had an overwhelming advantage in the loss, and that
was I had a really close family that was there.
For example, when my wife and daughter were killed, my
first wife and my two boys were very badly injured.
Attractor trailer brought side of I was not in an accident.
When I got home from the hospital, my sister and
(11:22):
husband already gave up their apartment and moved in helped
me raise my kid my brother. We lived in a
suburban area that was more country than suburban, and there
was a little barn on a prock garage bar and
my brother came and he turned the loft to the
barn into an apartment for himself. They were there for
me all the time. That was a gigantic difference, my
(11:44):
best friend in my life and my sister and my brothers.
Speaker 2 (11:46):
And.
Speaker 3 (11:48):
So I had an enormous advantage. And I think that
when you see people who were going through something tough,
it does matter if you reach out. I mean it
does matter. Like for example, you know you have a
when you're a senator. For all the years I was
in a small state, you know so many people and
(12:11):
people would pass away, show up at the wake of
the funerrmal matter what was happening. I learned it early on.
People would stop and just come and throw their arms
around me because if they know you know the pain
they feel, they get some solace in it. It's not
always easy, but it's it just matters just to just
to reach out, let people know you see them.
Speaker 2 (12:33):
How did you allow yourself to receive that help too?
I feel like, as you were mentioning earlier, with the
loneliness and anxiety that exists, a lot of people either
struggle to know what to say. I think we live
in a society where people are like, but what do
I say if they've gone to them? And the opposite
end what you just said. Being able to be open
enough to actually receive help requires a certain amount of
(12:57):
courage and strength as well. I was.
Speaker 3 (13:02):
Raising a family, for real, extended family, my grandparents as well,
where my dad. In an expression, family is beginning, middle
and end. There was a rule in the family growing up,
not a joke. We didn't notice the time, but whenever
you wanted to speak to your mother or father, I mean,
they said, can we he had a problem. No matter
(13:24):
what they were doing, they stopped. No matter what they
were doing, they stopped and heard, listen to you. And
I did the same with my children, and they did
the same with theirs, because it's a matter of them
knowing that they are the most important thing in your life.
Have they got a problem, You're there to listen. I
(13:46):
have seven grandkids, four of them five, and mold them
up to talk on the phone. You know, every day
I either text them or call them. And a matter
of fact, or in any campaign they were having a I
didn't realize they're having an interview. The four oldest grandchildren,
(14:07):
they said, And just at the time, and they said,
they call me pop. Pop calls us every day or
text us every day, and I call them the phone. Right. Well,
I give my word. I had no idea, but it's
a look. I just think being there is is important
and it makes such a difference. I think knowing that
(14:31):
someone's going to be there for you, just to listen,
just to just to hold you, just to hug you.
Speaker 2 (14:37):
Yeah, I believe you're right. I believe we often over
complicate things. We think we have to say the perfect thing,
we have to have the solution, we have to be
able to fix.
Speaker 3 (14:47):
I agree, But it's just half of just showing up.
Even people you don't know that well, but you've met
the fact you'd call and say I'm thinking of you.
I learned this from my experience. The day will come
when you open that closet door and you smell the
(15:07):
fragrance of her dresses, or you're going by that park
where you where you where you walked with your child,
or your or your wife or your husband, or the
thing that reminds you, and for the longest time, I'll
just bring a tear to your eye. But eventually everyone
in a while, I'll bring a smile that before bring
the tear to your eye. When that happens, you know
(15:30):
you're going to make it. That's the moment, you know.
I doesn't mean you still don't cry, doesn't mean that
pain still isn't isn't real even years later, but you
know you can make it. I think there's an advantage
sometimes if you have deep faith, whether you're you know, Catholic, Protestant, Hindu, Jewish, Muslim,
(15:53):
you know whatever. My family, when I want to get
an important message to me, they tape it on the
mi in the bathroom. I'm serious.
Speaker 2 (16:02):
So you wake up in the morning and yeah.
Speaker 3 (16:04):
No, it's on the mirror. I guess I was down
early on. I missed ten years ago. I was down
from me and my daughter actually taped on she's a
social worker, taped on my mirror. Happiness is something something
to do, someone to love, and someone to look forward to.
(16:25):
Even dad, you have all those things just remind you,
you know.
Speaker 2 (16:30):
I think what you just said about the smile before
the tear is probably one of the realist things I've
ever heard. I think we often are trying to create
a world in which we only have smiles and where
we put pressure on ourselves and the people around us
to be forever happy. And what you just said there
was really really resonated with me. It really hit me, actually,
(16:52):
the idea that you will cry, it will happen, But
that tiny smile that you experience even through a loss,
even through grief, You're fortunate that you've got to have
that experience that allowed you to find that smile at
that time. And I feel like you've been through so
many obstacles in your life, but I'd love to know
what you see as the relationship between vulnerability and strength,
(17:16):
especially as a leader, because I think leaders have an
overarching pressure to display strength in a certain way. I'll
give you an example. I coach several CEOs and individuals,
athletes and others, and one of the CEOs who leads
a large organization called me a few months ago and
(17:37):
we were working through some things together and at one
point I said to them, I said, it would be
really wonderful for you to tell your teams that you
lead what you've been going through and growing through. And
they said, Jay, I don't know if I can tell them.
I don't know if I can tell them. And I
said why, and they said, well, because it will look
like I'm weak. And I said to them, well, no,
(18:01):
you being vulnerable and sharing your growth is the greatest strength.
That's not a weakness, but that was you. Because so
many leaders feel they have to portray a set and
type of strength. But even today I can see there's
a grace in the way you're sharing.
Speaker 3 (18:14):
Well, I have a rule that I thought that everybody
in my staff knew because I had when I was
a Senator for a long time. At one point, I
don't know how they measured it, but I had the
same staff longest than anybody in the Senate at the time.
For example, we were doing a very very important Supreme
(18:38):
Court hearing. I was chairman of the shared Committee, and
we worked on it very hard and did all the
research and you know, anyway, and there was the one
young man with people say he was invaluable because he's
the guy who knew all the detail about certainty. And
I found out that he was having trouble at home
(18:58):
and I said, I want you to go home, don't
come into hearing. Said I can't go home, go home,
And you know why, because I would go home. I
have a thousand bosses, but only one me knowing. And
so I know when I had Cristies at home raising
the boys, I went home. I don't know how many
(19:20):
years ago it was, but in this job and as
vice president, another person was having some trouble at home
and I found out. But I said, go home. They said, no, no,
I can't. I got I said, if you don't go home,
I'm going to fire you. Go home. Give relationship. It
was a hell a lot more important to whatever you're
doing for me. So that's a rule we have. Not
(19:41):
a joke, absolutely not. And they never have to tell
me why. All you got to say is I'm not gonnent.
I take you to your word. If it turns out
you're playing games with me, I'll learn. But I know
you too well take the time because you're not any
better than your relationship. And that's a little bit what
(20:02):
you were just talking about. And you know, I think
you have to ask my staff. I don't know, but
I think they as long as they know, that's more important,
more important than doing whatever specific thing you're doing at
that moment for me.
Speaker 2 (20:16):
How do you apply that rule when it feels like
what they are working on this specific moment seems obviously
to be the most important thing in the world. How
do you.
Speaker 3 (20:27):
Well, Because there's only one advantage of getting older, You've
had a lot of experience and you can imply a
little bit of wisdom. It's really critical. Yeah, and by
the way, there's a selfie aspect to it, because when
you have a problem with someone you love or some
problem you're you know, you got to deal with it.
Speaker 2 (20:48):
Yeah, and you can't even perform as well.
Speaker 3 (20:50):
Exactly right. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (20:51):
Absolutely, You've every day for years had to make difficult
and stressful decisions, high stakes, hugely impactful on so many people.
When you're making decisions. Do you follow your head, your heart,
your gut? How do you think about decision making?
Speaker 3 (21:13):
I don't know how to separate the three. Many times
my heart brings me to the problem, and my gut
tells me what I think I want to do, But
my head, meaning the research the back, sometimes says that's
the wrong answer. I think you're driven by a value set.
(21:35):
You know what you value, you know what you think
is important in life, you know what you think is consequential.
And I think people who know what they value doesn't
mean they're better work. But if you follow your value set.
To me, they're kind of basic things. My dad used
to have an expression for real, said Joey. Everyone's entitled
(21:56):
to be treated with dignity. Everybody dignity. This word dignity
and what I find myself looking through the prison. For example,
I was at an event the other day where I
was talking and we were talking about a problem a
mom was having providing for the hell the needs of
(22:17):
a child of actually a teenager. I said, all I
can think of one hearing about not being able to
afford the treatment was how she's deprived of her dignity.
Imagine being a parent and you can't do anything about
it because you don't have the financial wherewithal, because you
don't have the connection, but you don't know where to go.
(22:40):
It's a little bit like you know, I think the
most dangerous, the most hated word in English language and
any other language translated is cancer. You can't it's just
strikes fear and everybody. Well, it's one thing to get
an analysis by great doctor, but you still need someone
to guide you through. Located and we're finding significant breakthroughs
(23:04):
in cancer, but you need someone to sort of lead
you through who knows about it. I think it's the
same way with about any problem people have. If there's
a way to let people know there's an avenue, there's
a way through. You know. I used to have a
friend named Bob Gold who who died of a heart attack.
(23:25):
And I used to say, Bob, do you understand me?
Said Joe, And I don't understand you. I overstand you,
but you got to know how to know. And that's
why we can be so little things it can be
of enormous value. It's like, you know, you're walking across
an intersection. They don't let me do that anymore, but
(23:46):
you walk across the intersection and there's a you know,
an elderly man or woman knowing they're waiting to see
if they have enough time, just grabbing their hand and
walking across. It's a little tiny thing, but it anxiety.
It relieves.
Speaker 2 (24:01):
Yeah, No, that resonates the idea of the more we're
a part of the solution, the less the problem feels overwhelming.
Speaker 3 (24:11):
I think so now I have to admit, when you've
been through something that's been particularly difficult, helping someone going
through it again forces you to relive your experience, like,
for example, the people I admire when we have functions
where we're trying to make a point of how we
(24:32):
can help someone with health care, whatever it is. The
people have been through it who show up and support it.
I always compliment them because it's like it happened yesterday.
When you start to focus on it, and it's hard,
we underestimate what we can do. I'm not about time
being president, I mean just what we can do in
(24:54):
terms of dealing with people. I try to understand and
what is motivating the other person when I'm doing things
internationally or personally, because if you can understand what motivates them,
there's a shot, even with the bad guys, you can
break through and get something done. There's a way to
(25:18):
expose the meanness without causing direct conflict. For example, I
remember I went to a Catholic grade school and we
didn't often get invited to the katillion, which was in
the local school down the street at Mount Pleasant School,
And so I got invited and I was going to go.
I was all excited about going. I think it was
(25:39):
ninth grade, maybe the eighth grade. A little dance and
there was a guy who was a good athlete that
was a relatively good athlete. He was a good athlete
from the school. The other school, big guy became friends.
But so I'm getting dressed and I didn't have a
shirt to wear. So my mother got my uncle's shirt,
who was a smaller man than my dad, and French
(26:03):
cuffs and rolled up the cuffs so who looked like
it fit? And I couldn't find my dad's. We couldn't
find my dad's cuff links. So my mom went and
got a nut in a bolt. I wondered why she
was down downstairs in the laundry room looking for it and
put him in. I said, Mom, I can't do this.
They'll make fun of me. I'll be embarrassed seeing anybody
(26:24):
comes up and says they do you look at them
and say, and here's what to say. This guy, Frank
came up to me and said, hey, look, adbye, look
what he's got here.
Speaker 4 (26:32):
Hey?
Speaker 3 (26:33):
And I looked at him and said, you don't have
a pair of these? And he said, well, yeah, yeah,
I got a pair. But I'm serious.
Speaker 2 (26:44):
How do you assess people's motivations like you were just
saying that when you can understand someone's motivation, you can
almost disalm them without exposing them, which is what you
just gave that example of now, how do we do
that so that we go to the roots of it.
I think often we get it's so caught up in
what someone's what we think someone's thinking, or what we
think someone's saying, but actually going to the heart of
(27:07):
it and the root of it.
Speaker 3 (27:08):
You know, it's hard to explain. I get credit for
these days for sort of whole in the international community together,
and I try to understand what the circumstance the other
world leader is facing and see if there's a way
what needs to be done. Is the way through that
(27:31):
he doesn't or she doesn't have to make a great
sacrifice to do what she's doing, but help make the
case why they're helping others. But there's ways to do that,
and it's doesn't require the person if they have a
fundamental difference with you on a subject. But if they're
doing something because they don't have the political bandwidth to
(27:54):
be able to do it at home, you can provide it.
I will say to this leader sometimes, well why don't
you let me criticize you for this or thank you
for that, or And most of the time, now you
don't do off the top of your head. You got
to know some of these people. They'll go, okay, or
why don't you why why don't you criticize me? Why
(28:17):
don't you criticize me for my not doing something? And
then I'll respond and say okay, and then you can
do what you want to do. It's just basic human nature.
But I think I think trying to figure out what
leeway a person has. I don't expect everybody to that
(28:40):
I'm dealing with to appear in the second editions the
profiles and courage nor may. I mean, it's hard, but
there's ways you can work. Not always, but you can
work through things where you can allow the other person
to save face and still get to where you want
to go. Yes, and sometimes it works with your working
(29:02):
with two people, yes, to get that done. Yeah. But
it's just trying to figure out what is really what
impediments are in their way to keep them from being
able to do what you know, you feel in your gut,
you know they know they should do.
Speaker 2 (29:19):
That's a great perspective. I'm so happy you said that,
because so many of us are fixated on what we
want out of something, or where we want to get to,
or what our challenges are. But mister President, I'm so
grateful for your graciousness and kindness in giving me this
time today. We end every on purpose interview with a
final five Oh and these final five questions are questions
(29:43):
we ask every guest, and there are some great ones
in here for you. So the first question I'm going
to ask you is what is the best advice you've
ever received? And what's the worst advice you've ever received.
Speaker 3 (29:54):
I guess the best advice I've received is show up,
Just show up there and get up. My mother used
to say, Joey, get up, never bow, never been, never
get up, just get up. But showing up is just
that's a big part. And I guess the worst advice
(30:14):
I've ever received was holding a grudge, because lots of
times when people do something that is really not good,
it's because they were fearful and they did it, not
fearful of you, but their circumstance, and it gets you nowhere,
which means people doubt. Well, I'm really irish. The joke
(30:36):
inside was really irish, But all getting aside, remembering is important,
but holding a grudge is it's not helpful, very true,
very true. Fast.
Speaker 2 (30:47):
I'm for both of those answers.
Speaker 3 (30:48):
I love it. Okay.
Speaker 2 (30:49):
Second question, a lot of Americans today are seeking therapy
as a form of support. Where does the president seek
support and guidance in your own challenges?
Speaker 3 (31:00):
And Jenny, Well, my best friend is my wife, a
woman who has probably had more to do with my
success than anyone. Is my sister Valerie and my brother Jim,
And I think that's the place where I go most.
But also I have a great advantage over the years,
(31:24):
I've grown to have some great, great relationships with people
have worked with and or run of my staff. And
I think most of my staff would tell you the
senior staff is I don't treat them like they work
for me. I treat them which they are. They know
reason I hire them. I want them to know more
than I know. And there are some things that I
(31:47):
seek advice from a religious perspective, but that's really personal.
Speaker 2 (31:55):
Yeah, beautiful, Okay, bad question. I believe it's been said
that you told your first wife when you met her
that you wanted to be or one day you would
be the president of the United States. Is that true?
Speaker 3 (32:10):
No, it's not true. I love it. I read all
this what I did tell her, and I and the
same with no man deserves one great love, let alone
too for real. The two women that I married one
passed away were women I knew when I went out
with them the first time. I wanted to marry them.
(32:32):
My first wife, I told her when I met her.
We went to I went to I had eighty nine
dollars tax returned. I'm want five guys down to Florida,
and I don't drink. So I was bored with all this,
so I went to with three. I went to Nassau
for you could apply for twenty five bucks round trip.
(32:52):
And I met my deceased wife and I told her
when I hung out with her for four days down
there on the beach, and that I was going to
marry her, and she looked at me, said I think so.
And I started commuting every day every weekend when I
(33:12):
was a senior in college. That's how I up to Syracuse.
She's in there and my present wife was. It was
a blind date that my brother set up for us,
and I know what I saw her. I was on
that TEMOCLLS bachelor's list for five years. And it's not
a fun thing because there are a lot of it.
Don't get me wrong. A lot of nice people, but
(33:34):
I've kind of given up on They're thinking I could
have us, and I got the blind date. I'll never fear.
My brother said, you'll like her. She doesn't like politics.
Speaker 2 (33:45):
I'm glad I asked that question. Question number four. This
is very important to social media. So the question is
there are so many shows today based on the presidency,
the White House mirroring it shows on TV eaming platforms.
Which one is the most accurate and which one is
the least accurate?
Speaker 3 (34:05):
Mission impossible, the most the most look. I uh. One
of the problems I have is I don't and I should.
I don't watch much television. No, it's not because I'm
above it or anything like that. It's just that, For example,
for thirty six years after the accident occurred, and I
(34:27):
commuted every day three hundred miles a day, and the
press actually I had won. I got to know all
the conductors so well. I became friends. And one day
as Vice president, I was going home on the train,
which the secret surf doesn't like because there's so many
opportunities to interrupt the train. And this particular guy, I'm
not going to embarrass him and say his name. Company
(34:49):
grab me and cheek is Joey baby. I thought they're
going to shoot him any I said, no, no, he's He said,
I just read in the paper you traveled a million,
one hundred thousand miles on air Force planes. Because I
have a list how many miles a travel on And
he said, big deal, he said, Joey, we had a
retirement dinner. He said, you know what you figured out?
You know how many miles you travel on Amtrak? I
(35:10):
said no. He said a million, two hundred thousand miles,
one hundred and nineteen days a year, three hundred days,
three hundred miles round trip, thirty six years plus. My
point was I was on the training lot, and so
when I get home, there wasn't much to watch. I
mean not it was the watch. But I'd always make sure,
(35:33):
I think, and I think you know all your guests
know this, that children need to know that they're the
most important thing in your life. So even if I
got home late, I'd climb in bed or my two
boys at the time, and just even if they were asleep,
and get up in the morning. And it wasn't like
Ouzzie and Harriet. I wasn't fixing their breakfast but I'd
(35:54):
be there and have breakfast them, they'd take off for school.
I'd take off for the train. So I've been back
and forth so much. I haven't I just haven't watched
many problem And by the way, there's a lot of
good stuff, I'm sure. I mean, everyone's wanted to turn on.
And by the way, they got a great advantage here.
You got a movie theater and so yeah, and they
(36:15):
tell me, I get this list what movies are in
and we have the uh, the the new one, that's
the the Oppenheimer Oppenheimer.
Speaker 4 (36:25):
Yeah, I haven't seen it yet. They're the movies I
see these days. I get to see them at night
once in a while. Okay, very nice, amazing, all right.
Fifth and final question. We asked this question to every
guest has ever been on the show, but it truly
is unique asking you this question.
Speaker 2 (36:41):
If you could create one law in the world that
everyone had to follow, what would it be.
Speaker 3 (36:46):
I don't think it's a matter of being able to
have any one law that could change people's attitudes. I
think I'm optimistic. I think we have we're on the cusp.
We're in the time of real change, and we're an
inflection point. In moral history. Whether I'm president or not,
things are going to change drastically, and you see it
(37:09):
happening all around the world. We have an enormous opportunity.
But the thing I want to I could want to
change is American attitude that we can do anything. We
can do anything. There's nothing we've ever set our mind
that we've not been able to do. We've done together
for real. And so I laid out four things that
(37:30):
I thought were critically important in my stateud you know.
One was to make a fundamental change in cancer treatment.
We can cure that, and that's why we put another
six billion dollars. I mean, pick the impossible thing I have.
Caroline Kennedy gave me a copy of President Kennedy's. Part
of President Kennedy's speech when about going in the morning,
(37:53):
he said, because we refuse to postpone, we have to
refuse to postpone anymore. There's so oh much we can do,
and I mean it. I believe it with every fiber
in my baby. I've been doing this a long time
and I've never been more optimistic about our chances than now.
And that's why when I ran, I said, I ran
for three reasons one to restore the soul of America,
(38:15):
sense of decency, just the way we talk to one another. Secondly,
to build this country from the middle out and the
bottom up. The wealthy still do very well, but everybody
has a shot. And thirdly, to unite the country. And
I think we can do it. I really genuinely do.
But then again, as my offer referred to, I'm a
(38:35):
cock eyed optimist, but I really believe it.
Speaker 2 (38:38):
Mister President, Thank you so much for the autum. I'm
so grateful. I have two tiny requests for you. I'd
love for you, if you don't mind, to walk me
through what's here, because I saw these beautiful pictures when
I walked in, and I thought they looked really special,
and I'd love to shad them this one.
Speaker 3 (38:55):
My dad was a real gentleman and a well read man.
Never got a has to go to college. And he'd
always said, Joey, never explained, never complained. And so we
were having my fourth reelection effort as a senator in
the late nineties, and my dad was over at our
house to you know, to be there with me, and
(39:19):
I was standing on this back porch overlooking this pond.
I built a smaller home when the home we had
when everybody moved out. But it sits on a pond,
a ten acre pond. And I was saying, my deceased wife,
she lived in Lake Skinny Atlas and the finger legs beautiful.
She I said, you know, I wish nearly could have
(39:39):
seen this. And my dad thought, I was man, feel
sorry for myself. So he came. He said I'll be back,
and he took off, and he went up to the
local Hallmark store and came back with this cartoon. This
is his philosophy life. It's Hagar the horrible lightning strikes,
his boat's going down. He's looking up to God and
(40:01):
having to say why me. The next frame of voice
mevericans by why not? My dad always say, what makes
you so special? You don't have these problems. I'll put
it down here. The other ones, there's a bunch there,
but one of my well, one of my favorite ones
is of that one. My son BeO. This is when
(40:24):
he came home from being a rack for a year
with his unit, and uh, this is his son. Little
Hunter got on his shoulders and wouldn't get off his shoulders,
just would not, I mean for hours, was on his shoulders.
The others are my mom and dad. My that's my daughter,
the love of my life, the life of my love. Anyway,
(40:45):
there's a lot up there. I'm Beautiful'm pally born the
hell out of you.
Speaker 2 (40:50):
It was wonderful to see them when I came in,
so thank you.
Speaker 3 (40:52):
Well, like I said, my dad really was one of
these guys, and it was about and so was my
mother's side of family. That family. My dad would say,
it's the beginning in the middle of the end. I
believe it is. I mean, I know what you're trying
to do is all those folks out there that are lonely,
all those folks out there that are feeling uneasy, all
(41:14):
those folks out there that aren't sure. I don't know.
I just just sometimes just reaching out it makes a difference.
Speaker 2 (41:23):
Thank you, mister president.
Speaker 3 (41:25):
Thank you, thank you so much. You're doing good work
for people. I really mean it. Thank you, thank you.
Speaker 2 (41:29):
That means the world coming from you, and I look
forward to many more conversations.
Speaker 3 (41:33):
Thank you.
Speaker 2 (41:34):
Thank you to
Host
Jay Shetty
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