October 22, 2024 • 59 mins
Beverly Hills Cop Scene Stealer, and man of a thousand voices, Bronson Pinchot sits down with Stephen to discuss Madonna's rear end, acting theory, doing nude scenes in the 90s vs. now, and the direction he got from Tony Scott in the most infamous scene in True Romance.
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
I hardly ever know where my phone is. I have
a million things to ask you.
Speaker 2 (00:07):
You know, I'm not, by the way, It's okay. I
usually I'm crazed for I'm usually crazed for food. But
today I ordered some as I to be waiting for
me when I got home, and I and I I
scarfed it so much that most of the granola is
in my nose and so like, it's not like those
days where you're gonna you know where you're gonna eat
the stuffed animals. Now you know when it just gets
(00:29):
up inside your nose, And that's that's how hungry you are.
You know when I'm talking about it's like bet pollen
in your sinuses because you just ate the SI. So
I'm not the only one, thank God. No, No, I
do a lot of audiobooks, and that's always how I
have it.
Speaker 3 (00:42):
Leave us alone, Jared, who's Jared?
Speaker 2 (00:45):
Well, Jared, No, don't leave us so loone, you have
to you have to help us be good.
Speaker 1 (00:49):
Don't like I was saying, brow beat him, Jared, don't
leave us alone, exactly what Bronson says.
Speaker 2 (00:56):
Okay, and then I'm gonna do It's so funny that
you that anyone that knows that that, anyone that's ever
worked with audio, it would be shocked that I had
to be told because usually it's Tom Jones. You remember,
Tom Jones is not unusual. And he used to have
it in his.
Speaker 3 (01:11):
Mouth.
Speaker 2 (01:11):
It was in his mouth. You you remember Tom Jones
used to have it like he was making love to it.
Speaker 3 (01:19):
I did a lot of karaoke doing doing doing Tom Jones.
Speaker 2 (01:23):
Thom is still at it. Back in the day, Tom
is still at it, and God bless her. The most
beautiful voice, had the most beautiful But now I just
sit still Tom, like you know, it's time. And have
you have you seen Madonna's new ass. It's frightening. Get
a picture of it. It's she had an ass lift.
But canok on the screen she looks like your grandma
(01:47):
whose rich fourth husband just got her this ass. Just
put it up. It's it's twos. Now.
Speaker 3 (01:52):
There's some back views put up the ass of the Madonna.
Speaker 2 (01:56):
There's some back views that are to the jaw droppers,
like the view of her ass will get me on correct,
she's my age, she's sixty four, sixty five. I didn't okay,
she's sixty but but but she or she might be
sixty five, but her ass now looks like she's sixty five,
and God bless her. But oh and then she yells
(02:18):
at people from she yelled at this, she yielded a
handy kepp. She yelled a lady in a wheelchair for
not standing then and then the lady's like, you know.
Then then somebody pointed it out to her and she
was like ah, but she didn't say I'm sorry. I
kind of really she was always weird.
Speaker 1 (02:34):
Well, then I asked, like that, who needs I?
Speaker 3 (02:38):
I need you to see the ass so that we
can bond over it.
Speaker 2 (02:40):
Oh my gosh, is that it?
Speaker 4 (02:42):
Well? Hell yeah, and you see it's just it's just
it's bigger than the thigh, which I don't think is
anatomically unless you're like.
Speaker 2 (02:53):
How careful, don't hurt yourself. The end of that movie
where you were in the threesome and then you said like,
don't look at my ass. I know it's a good ass.
The last shot is your ass.
Speaker 3 (03:07):
See your ass.
Speaker 2 (03:10):
There's the blood cheek and then there's the sign and
like they're one all of what's all that? How can
it be on either side?
Speaker 3 (03:18):
Sciences?
Speaker 2 (03:25):
Please find it even better?
Speaker 3 (03:27):
One to inspire us.
Speaker 2 (03:30):
It belongs to a human. But there's a couple and
there there's a couple where she's in concert and it
turns around and it's like somebody took it's like this
is this and just stuck it in. It's the second
and you got that she's in You've really taking a
(03:51):
look at this.
Speaker 1 (03:52):
Well, somebody, I want you to run with it now
because it's and now I'm getting curious, Well, is.
Speaker 3 (03:58):
It just her? No, no, it's it's it's her ass
and her booms and there.
Speaker 2 (04:02):
I think we need to name it. It's just like
in the last month or like.
Speaker 3 (04:05):
The less year.
Speaker 2 (04:06):
This is less.
Speaker 3 (04:09):
Yeah, first, I don't think my cons will allow it.
Really her Welcome to one bad movie, an adult treating
those bad lips. It's so bad. It's good, guilty lasness,
(04:37):
this sun this it's so bad.
Speaker 5 (04:40):
It's good.
Speaker 1 (04:41):
One bad.
Speaker 2 (04:47):
On our screens. Really it it's not it's not.
Speaker 3 (04:55):
Like a virgin video.
Speaker 2 (04:56):
No, no, no, no, nor wishes.
Speaker 3 (04:57):
I think that's safe to say.
Speaker 2 (04:58):
It is. It's wider and taller than a building, and
it's remarkable. You're okay, so there this is.
Speaker 6 (05:09):
The face that goes with it, right, okay, Right, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, sure,
thank god you're blocking my care.
Speaker 2 (05:20):
And then where's the butt? John? There's a concert that's
really worth the price of admission. Can you can your thing?
Speaker 3 (05:36):
Really? Not google like her butt?
Speaker 2 (05:40):
Just google her butt?
Speaker 3 (05:43):
But you know what I'm saying.
Speaker 2 (05:47):
It's not just Madona' butt?
Speaker 5 (05:49):
Is that? Okay?
Speaker 2 (05:50):
Wait? This is?
Speaker 4 (05:52):
This?
Speaker 2 (05:52):
Is it? Which?
Speaker 3 (05:55):
Which is this one? You can see it? What the heck?
Maybe she got stuck by a beat. It's really weird.
Speaker 1 (06:07):
And that's almost like a conspiracy theory shot. I mean,
look at that. That looks like it's housing something.
Speaker 2 (06:17):
I think it's like it's it looks like you might
have something stashed. It's really it's really let's see this one.
It's one, But then there's this. It's just so we're here. Whoa,
that's not her, my friend, you gotta see it from
(06:40):
the back.
Speaker 3 (06:41):
It looks exactly like that's not hers.
Speaker 2 (06:46):
This present and it's just odd.
Speaker 3 (06:49):
Hey, leave Ristidis out of it. The thing is she
was she.
Speaker 2 (06:56):
Was the epitome of getting it, and now she's the
epitome of like I forgot what it was, Well she was,
she defined it, and now it's like, but what did you.
Speaker 3 (07:07):
Do on a serious note, why, like do you think
It's like she's just built a kingdom for herself and
that's it and her boyfriend's thirty.
Speaker 2 (07:15):
Happens when nobody, when nobody will say blu to you,
right then you make ridiculous show. You know, people now
will say to me, ah, like I kept teasing my managers,
are you on your way to this? And I was
like to what and then she she's like hysterical and
she's like and it's like, you know, so she she
(07:35):
would she would give me a new butthole if I
was five minutes late, which is great, but when they
won't say anything, you get that ass.
Speaker 3 (07:44):
You get that you get that ass when you're when
nobody will say boo. I guess it's a discipline. It's
what you're saying. No, if you if you be on time,
lose and don't have that ass.
Speaker 2 (07:54):
Don't you know if you lose? The first thing, guys
hit the brunch and I walked out on the sidewalk.
He waves me from like fifty yards hes in the shorts.
Speaker 3 (08:02):
He looked like a twenty five year old kid looking
for the beach.
Speaker 2 (08:06):
So that's cool. And I saw the hair.
Speaker 3 (08:08):
I saw the hair I saw the hair from twenty
five feet away.
Speaker 2 (08:11):
I was like, it's him, it is just take your
hat off, come on that that's some beautiful hair. Wow.
You know who else has hair like that? Is that
cool kid? Uh?
Speaker 3 (08:21):
Scott Cohn?
Speaker 2 (08:22):
You remember, you too could have a hair off because
he'd win. He's no, he's so fantastic. I'm just Alec
Baldwin's little brother.
Speaker 3 (08:30):
And he'll say all the time, James Conson, he'll say.
Speaker 2 (08:34):
All the time, he'll say, I'm not the best actor
on the block, and I'm not the bestiness, but the hair.
And he's so good. He's a wonderful actor.
Speaker 6 (08:42):
He is.
Speaker 2 (08:43):
He's just he's so good. Anyway, I'm ready for you
to stop talking to me and stop getting me off.
Speaker 3 (08:53):
Topic on other people's asses and hair. Well, you you
wound yourself.
Speaker 2 (09:00):
If we could take her ass and Scotty's hair, we
would have a master race.
Speaker 3 (09:12):
Call it the Madonna Khan.
Speaker 2 (09:15):
I like that. The madonnakn sounds like, first of all,
it sounds like a thing, but it also sounds like
a place you can go in cosplay, you know, like, yeah,
you want to do you want to do madonakaon? Are
you free? To do Madonna khon.
Speaker 3 (09:30):
It'd be nothing, but but it would be really funny.
Imagine what we could charge at the door, the ultimate
Madonna's ass fetish.
Speaker 2 (09:40):
You know, we have to we have to do a
shout out to my younger brother Justin because he said
to me the other day, he said to me, at
two Thanksgivings ago, you got I don't know what happened,
but he he looked at me with that look that
you get on Thanksgiving, and he said, for thirty years,
I have not been Justin Pinchot. I have been Bronson
(10:01):
Pinchow's brother. Yeah, so we might have to give him
some love. Let's give him some live but from you know,
from the from the heart. He also doesn't speak to.
Speaker 3 (10:11):
Me how much I'm affected by this already?
Speaker 1 (10:15):
Right, what's the funny kid from s and that passed away?
Speaker 2 (10:18):
The heavy set kid?
Speaker 3 (10:19):
Oh, Chris Farley.
Speaker 2 (10:21):
So brother.
Speaker 3 (10:24):
Kevin Farley is a stand up comic.
Speaker 2 (10:26):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (10:26):
I just reposted something on Instagram from him where he's like, yeah,
you know, I'm the brother. It was kind of weird.
Speaker 2 (10:34):
It's it's Oliver Pincho's brother. That's my big brother, right,
So you're in the middle. Yeah, of three four not brothers,
one girl, one girl.
Speaker 3 (10:47):
I'm the youngest of six. Are you really four boys,
two girls? I was the tiebreaker?
Speaker 2 (10:54):
Wow.
Speaker 3 (10:54):
So my dad was proud that little Stevie came along.
Speaker 1 (10:57):
But then I was like joined the chorus and he
was like, wait a second, because everybody was like an
athlete in my family. But I have another question, Yeah,
because I want to start steerings steering, uh Madonna's ass here?
Speaker 2 (11:11):
If we can do that? First of all, if we
could also do you remember when Elizabeth Taylor came out
with white diamonds. I want to come out with a
fragrance called Madonna's ass. That's because you just imagine what
that Just imagine what the essence of it.
Speaker 3 (11:26):
I mean, it's it's like self pity and sweat.
Speaker 2 (11:29):
What is it? What is it? Is? It? Is it
demons and skank? What? What could it be? What? What?
Speaker 3 (11:41):
No?
Speaker 1 (11:41):
It's uh bottled in the dungeon of the disco limelight,
Madonna's ass.
Speaker 2 (11:49):
I knew this. Thanksaving you. What did you like?
Speaker 3 (11:54):
The goop chick? What's your name? That has the goop company?
Speaker 1 (11:57):
Yeah, she's got the cam that smells like her.
Speaker 2 (12:01):
Oh no, no, does she She has a she has
a candle. What happens when it is?
Speaker 1 (12:06):
Paltrow about a year and a half two years ago,
launched a candle within her Goop company. That was the
fragrance was essence of No, it's it's my vagina.
Speaker 2 (12:18):
It's literally it's it's it's I just.
Speaker 3 (12:20):
Want this candle. I just want you to know. It's it.
It looks like it just happened organically.
Speaker 2 (12:26):
But in forty two years in show business, nobody has
made me speechless. I know. The only time I'm speechless.
Speaker 3 (12:35):
It's a it's my vagina dot com.
Speaker 2 (12:38):
It's not like my.
Speaker 1 (12:38):
Pillow up here does look pull the candle up vagina vagina. Yeah,
here we go. Here's all the products.
Speaker 2 (12:44):
She has so much cost if you buy it, because
you can also get it and you can get the
t candle. It's a little little one and so you
can get it and underneath it's hand signed if you
get the limited edition on Etsy to get this interview back.
Speaker 3 (13:00):
Wasn't under control of somebody, It was not. It was not,
but which was you know the only way I like
to roll? Actually, Oh I know, yeah.
Speaker 2 (13:08):
So if it's on if it's on track, here's the
most surreal day I ever had in show business. They
get me for the scene into a romance where I'm
driving with the cokehore. Nobody ever asked me if I
could drive stick. They never asked, and I can't drive stick.
(13:29):
So they said, well, Bronson, okay, so we're gonna toe
you for most of it, so you can do that part.
Now we have to show you pulling over. And in
order for you to pull over, we're gonna have to
We're gonna have to teach you stick. So even as
the words were coming out, they knew didn't make sa
so they say to like the grip, all right, you're
human and male. So we're gonna spray paint your hair black,
(13:50):
which was my hair color then, and you're gonna do it.
You're gonna pull it over. And because Bronson, no one
asked him. So the spray paint his hair literally didn't
even have that stuff, the really good stuff that streaks
and tips they did had black spray paint. The spraypitts hair.
And then they said, okay, he looks nothing like Bronson,
so let's put sunglasses on him. And I said, yeah,
(14:11):
but I wasn't wearing sunglasses in the thing. We just
shot and they said, well, like when the cop comes,
just take them off, like put him on check bout
a second. So the's spray painting this dude who looks
nothing like me. There's spray painting his head black. Right after,
there's this kind of thing about like why didn't someone
think to ask Bronson. Then while we're doing it, we're
shooting on Mulholland Drive. I'm not making this up. And
(14:33):
you know me, Madonna cycles by in a onesie made
of lycra.
Speaker 3 (14:38):
And I said, to like the absolutely.
Speaker 2 (14:42):
Beautiful woman playing the the the coke the coke girl,
I said, could this.
Speaker 3 (14:46):
Get any more surreal? And she goes, nah, she was
wonderful actress, but she was really, really really good.
Speaker 2 (14:53):
She's very funny in it. But I said, I said,
so there's spray painting a guy who's supposed to be me.
I don't know how to drive, he doesn't look like me.
And Madonna just cycled buying acra onesie and I said,
could you write this? She's like, this is correct. We're
making a movie, and uh yeah. She cycled by in
a like he onesie, but like one one entourage on
(15:13):
behind her and one in front of her just but
just doing somewhere, just cycling up a steep road on
Mulholland to get her. Then asked, pretty, what year you
think that was. Well, I'll tell you right now. The
movie came out, I think in ninety three, so we
were shooting it. We would have been shooting it in
ninety two. Wow.
Speaker 3 (15:31):
And she you know, ninety two.
Speaker 2 (15:34):
Madonna, that's the that's the that's the pine Cone tit
and the like I chained myself up and she was.
She was the one you wanted to watch when you.
Speaker 1 (15:44):
Did when that's when you were three. She was very healthy.
She was super healthy. Three dude, I was in high school.
She believe what I was doing when thinking about Madonna.
Speaker 2 (15:56):
Well, of course, no, she she was. She was. I mean,
God bless her. I'm not taking anything away from her.
She was. She she was. She was absolutely the last
word in beauty. She could probably hook you up. No,
but uh, but she cycled by. You know, she had
an absolutely beautiful buy. She was. She was. She was
beautiful and fearless because she cycled up at the angle
(16:19):
of the road. Was like this and we're shooting and
I'm like, they're spray painting someone while Madonna cycles by.
Speaker 3 (16:26):
It's the perfect l a. How did that she finish?
How it finished?
Speaker 2 (16:31):
Was? The last shot we did was where the cop
comes up and I'm covered with coke, and all I
have to say is Hi. And Tony Scott, who was
you know? Did you ever have the pleasure? No, sir,
he was a real, real actress director, no video village
for him. He was right next to the lens and
he was acting it with you, acting it with you
(16:52):
like a great silent film director. So he's right next
to the lens and he comes up to me and
he knew me, and he said, I can't do a
great Tony Scott. But he was like once.
Speaker 5 (17:02):
I mean, it's like thirty forty minutes to redo. You said,
don't laugh. Don't I know you want to know, but
that laugh.
Speaker 2 (17:14):
So all I thought about was don't laugh because I
I don't want to get him. I don't he wouldn't
have gotten mad, but I want to disappoint him. So
I just, with the utmost simplicity, just looked at the
cop and said hi. And it's one of the funniest
things I ever did. And all I was doing was trying,
not just trying to get my mind off laughing, because
because once somebody says, Steven, no matter what, don't fart, right,
(17:40):
you have to fart because the unconscious hears it. But
and so that's what's so great about it is it's
we just it's one take. Because he said, don't you
do it? I loved him so much.
Speaker 3 (17:52):
He was such a great director, and it was it
was in a funny way.
Speaker 2 (17:55):
He was also putting down the gauntlet, like because if
you say don't laugh to anybody, but especially an actor,
especially a largely comic actor, what do you think is
going to happen? But I didn't do it, and we were.
We were thrilled with it. And was that shot outside
literally at the end of the night. Well, we just
did went end of the day.
Speaker 3 (18:15):
When did you shoot?
Speaker 2 (18:16):
Do you remember? Don't forget? We shot in the afternoons,
beautiful afternoon light. And I had also said to Tony,
who was lovely this way, I said, we were driving,
I said where are you? Where are you cutting me?
And he said, what do you cat? And I said,
where are you cutting me? I have an idea? So
he said, come you here, do it. And so I
said to her, you couldn't do it this nowadays. I
(18:37):
was like, you want to do a gag? I have
a great idea. So she said sure. I said, just
put your head down like your b and then I'll
pull your head up into the shot. And she goes, okay.
Speaker 3 (18:46):
So that's why it has that it has a great reveal.
Speaker 2 (18:48):
I'm driving along laughing and you don't know why, and
then all of a sudden, I pull her head up
and then you realize I've been getting and you know
you can't. You can't really pitch that kind of stuff.
No today, No, But she was so game and to
her credit, what she was doing this is let's see
this is my and she went down, you know, to
(19:10):
like pantomime it, and then she was going like this.
Speaker 3 (19:13):
Heepyepy.
Speaker 2 (19:15):
And so that's why I'm laughing. I'm doing this huge
cackle of a laugh as I'm driving because this.
Speaker 3 (19:22):
She's tickling, because.
Speaker 2 (19:23):
No, she's pinching it. She's pinching my junk. And I
thought she I thought, I love her because she's doing
she's doing the visual gag. But she's also like, okay,
she's there for you off, but I'm gonna like do this.
And I was so delighted that she was playing you know,
I was. I was gonna say playing ball, but that didn't.
But she she was so much fun, wonderful, wonderful actress.
(19:45):
If you ever watch it, you know there's such a
big gaggling on with the cocaine that, but she's brilliant.
Speaker 3 (19:51):
She's like, you're driving.
Speaker 2 (19:53):
Along on Mulham and shot.
Speaker 3 (19:55):
Yes, I said, she's making you laugh.
Speaker 2 (19:58):
She's making me laugh by by pal painting and then
at the right time you.
Speaker 3 (20:03):
Pull her head up and reveal her and then you
get pulled over. Yes, and then it's a guy with
spray painted hair.
Speaker 2 (20:10):
And then Madonna goes by in between setups and it
was a surreal. But isn't it weird?
Speaker 3 (20:16):
During like a bj improv, Madonna goes by.
Speaker 2 (20:19):
That's what That's why I said, with that beautiful accurate
that is the name I've forgotten. I said, could this
be any more amazing and surreal? And she said no,
I mean it was just great. And we're in this
in this this Tony Scott movie, and it's going really
well and we're having fun, and Madonna just cycled by
and nobody noticed. That's the other thing, because they were
so busy. Spray painting my double and then you can't
(20:42):
take this stuff up. And then that film goes on
to become quite iconic, yes, but not right away talk
about that. Yeah, well right away everybody people loved it,
but but people didn't go see it, so it became
so it came out in ninety three. It kind of
came and went, and then six seven, eight years later
(21:08):
it started to build and you would just and they
have they have a convention every year. They have a
true true Romans convention. Right, all these people come in
spandex to look like amazing.
Speaker 3 (21:18):
But even upon release of the film, it was critically receiving.
Speaker 2 (21:23):
People. People thought it was good, and it was good.
I never watched myself, but I went to a screening
of it. It was it was, it was so good,
and but it didn't it didn't catch on. And so
you know, it goes to the graveyard of your mind
and then all of a sudden it's so so so
culty right for the right and you can see it.
Every once in a while, I'll go to one of
(21:45):
the conventions and I you know, I'll watch part of it.
And I told Patricia Arcuat it took me twenty years
to realize how brilliant you are because we were so
young that I didn't. Also, I was so in my
own capture because my character and it is he's so
terrified and he's so in over his head, and you know,
I didn't see what she was doing. I couldn't. I
(22:05):
couldn't take it in and admire it because I was
too far inside. And I said, it's it's it's surpassingly
brilliant that performance.
Speaker 3 (22:15):
She had to be very subtle.
Speaker 2 (22:17):
She's brilliant, so vulnerable and other world I mean, and
I said that it took me. It took me twenty
thirty years. Cool, but it's I knew she's still she's
still doing work like that. It's God, she's you just
you know, at the time, were well, thank you, But
(22:38):
you know, at the time she was so she was
also one of those people that's kind of quietly in character.
So she was on set when you would like just
you know, be near her, and she was like drawing
two messent penises because she was playing, you know, was
playing a little hooker. And so I didn't even know
because I if I go way into characterize something, I'm
(22:58):
I'm gone, Like I don't if I do do that,
I go away. She was kind of right there sitting
in her chair, and then you had passion. She'd go
is this good? And it would be this giant vany
penis and I just thought, yeah, maybe there should be
one little vein. I mean, I didn't know what to
say in the same vein. Wonderful Michael Rappaport is in it.
(23:22):
He was such a puppy on that. He's such a
little puppy. He was eighteen, so good and talk about
being in and out of character. He kept wanting to improvise, improvise, improvise,
and I kept saying, I don't want to improvise off camera,
I want to improvise on camera, right, And he was
so fresh out of acting school that he thought I
was turning him down and and and you know, turn
(23:44):
it like and I say save it, save it, save it.
Will do when the camera's rolling. And there are two
or three great moments in it that are completely improvised.
And yet for years afterwards, years it hurt me that
he thought I was you were trying to stag him down.
So literally eight months ago, I see grown up Michael Rappaport.
(24:05):
He was a bit, he was a baby and so
frighteningly talented and fresh. And I saw him outside of
Conye Tez, and I was like Michael, And you know,
I didn't even need to say it, because we both
a whole lifetime is gone by, right. Similarly, I did
a thing when I was maybe thirty where I was
playing Jane Curtin's awful brother on Third Rock from the Sun.
(24:29):
And I was supposed to be so awful that all
the aliens decided to take me to a cornfield and
smash my brains out with a rock, so that he
was like the big the big brother or the little
brother from hell. So I show up again, clash of technique.
I show up already in a character, and I'm like
giving her noogies and doing stuff. And I stupidly thought,
(24:50):
you should never make you know, right, we're all growing up.
You never ever ever should make an assumption. But I
was thirty. I made the assumption that since she'd worked
with Belushi and all those guys, she would what I
was all about. So I'm giving her nogies and doing stuff.
And when we shot the scene, there's some scene in
there where I'm like treating her like my little siss
and I'm rough I'm roughing. I was, and I roughed
roughhousing her. And so she had this diamond earring to
(25:12):
two indemonaeirs and I started to gnaw on her ear.
I was like, and she was going no, no, and
I thought, oh, this is so brilliant. Well, anyway, she
didn't think it was brilliant. She didn't like it, and
she felt violated and rightly, so I just didn't know
anything about I thought everybody would get it. So thirty four,
(25:32):
forty years goes by and I'm shooting this thing, this
Netflix show called The Residents Now, and she comes on
and I thought, so, I said, Jane, do you remember me?
She goes, yeah, you bit my ear? And I said
did I ever say I'm sorry? And she said no.
I said I'm really sorry and she said okay.
Speaker 3 (25:56):
And it was like forty years of.
Speaker 2 (26:00):
Because I just love her and I just met her
at the you know, like I, you just make one
wrong assumption and you think she's gonna get me and
she's gone and she didn't like it, and and decades later,
I was like, I'm so so sorry, and she was like, oh, okay, done.
(26:24):
Do you know what I'd like to propose we all
need to start saying stomach like Argentinians. Because this friend
of mine I was coaching in recently, had I coached
young actors. I really enjoy it, and he said I
have to stop. My stomach hurts, and I thought, we
need we need to all say stomach instead of stomach
because that's the way it looks. Yes, looks like stummach. Yeah,
(26:45):
why are we saying stomach and victuals is written victuals.
But so why don't we just start saying stomach? Why
don't we just start to Also sounds like a small
even stomach on tams. This fabulous scows.
Speaker 1 (27:01):
That previously we had been discussing noxious gases potentially within
one stommach.
Speaker 2 (27:10):
Yes, yeah, you.
Speaker 3 (27:11):
Almost maybe do a real spin take.
Speaker 2 (27:12):
Now here's the funny thing about I will not do
one on camera as written if somebody writes a spit take,
but I don't think there's anything I love more than
an organic real space. You almost maybe do a spin
take because I must expect you to say stummage almost
literally just ejaculated.
Speaker 3 (27:30):
I waited, I waited, I almost ejaculated.
Speaker 2 (27:33):
Mountain Valley, spring water all the way to Marina del
rey because it was so unexpected and it would have
been the only time I've ever done one on camera
because I I only want to do them in real life.
Speaker 3 (27:46):
They're so good in real life there, so first of all,
it goes out your nose.
Speaker 2 (27:50):
But that like when it's in the script, I don't
want to do it right, like no, no, no, no, you
have to make it around it.
Speaker 3 (27:57):
It's like crying. If it says cry, I can't cry.
Speaker 2 (28:00):
Do you want to talk about your audio books? Really
there's just audiobooks, But there is there one you hated.
Oh golly, yes there was one I did. And here's
don't see what it was? Huh, what's that? Don't say
what it was? Well, here's I'm going to tell you
why it was difficult. Okay, So try to follow this
because even I couldn't. It was a novelization. It was
(28:23):
an English novelization, which was the translation of a Japanese
novelization of a Japanese video game. So everything was lost
and it made no sense. And I read it and
read it, and every once in a while and opened
the studio door and I go, what does it? And
(28:44):
the whatever audio? So you're reading the translated English I'm
reading an English translation of a Japanese novelization of a
Japanese video game.
Speaker 3 (28:55):
So the whole thing was and then the characters were.
Speaker 2 (28:58):
Called like Man, and then there was Spirit, and then
there was I don't know what else, but it was.
And I kept opening the door to say to my
engineer what does it mean? Like what does this even mean?
And to my engineer's credit, because they're all really witty.
Instead of answering, it's like, this is the door. I go,
(29:18):
what does it even mean? And they go and they
just shut the door in my face, which was the answer.
The answer was, I don't know, let's just get it done.
So questions. So as somebody who I've done over four
hundred audiobooks.
Speaker 3 (29:31):
As somebody who probably takes on a character with each gig, yeah, here,
you couldn't lock into that, so you just had to
say the words and get out. I kind of decided
to be kind of kind of misty and weird.
Speaker 2 (29:46):
You made it your own anywhere, did you really? Of
course you gotta do something. Somebody's going to listen to
it on a train ride.
Speaker 3 (29:52):
So so when you say man, when you say the character.
Speaker 2 (29:55):
So I was like, it all takes place in the
dream world kind of in between lives.
Speaker 3 (30:00):
So it's like it's like, you, guys, you have no idea.
Speaker 2 (30:03):
So it's like, let's say that. And I did another
book like this. It's like Stephen and Bronson are talking
and they're in this world. And then Stephen and Bronson
die and their souls are having a talk in this
like limbo, and they have no they have no sex,
they have no gender, they have no They're just the
souls of Stephen. That's why it's man and other man.
And then this other book I did. Then those two
(30:24):
souls get reincarnated and one of them is the table
and the other one is Madonna's ass, and then they
die and they're reincarnated again. So at least the one
I'm talking about, it was a wonderful book called The
Years of Rice and Salt that was neat because every
time the souls were reincarnated they had a different relationship,
but they still felt for each other. But the one
(30:46):
I'm talking about it was like where this was like
the geography was like there's the space, and there's the waves,
and there's the mist. I'm in the mists. Where are you?
I mean, I mean I don't know, So I just
did it kind of like that. And every once in
a while I would take a rusty hunting knife and
(31:13):
I would start to got myself and then I would all, right,
here's the funniest one I ever did.
Speaker 3 (31:17):
I swear to God, the funniest one I ever did.
Speaker 2 (31:20):
Sometimes I have great ideas for voices, and sometimes I
just go, all right, I'm gonna do you. I say
to my engineer Kyle. Kyle's like, what up, brons, And
I have this with the thousand faunt of protols. So
I did a.
Speaker 3 (31:33):
Book about pirates and there were seventy five pirates.
Speaker 2 (31:36):
And I didn't know what else to do. And there's
one guy that every time there was a storm, he'd.
Speaker 3 (31:40):
Go hand me or the guy rut here's something like that,
And so I just did that like Kyle. So everybody
else is like, oh my god, but we're coming, We're up.
Speaker 2 (31:48):
And then the Kyle character would go him me the
rope and it really worked. But anyway, the best one
of those I ever did was my mother was from Brooklyn.
When she died, she was ninety four, and when she
was ninety three, still out all marbles. She's the cutest
little Brooklyn accent, and she would come in with walnut
squares and she would say if she was here now,
she would say, Steven, you're so adorable. Look at that
(32:10):
blue shirt, but the blue eyes. Oh God. So anyway,
she would come in with walnut squares. And we were
doing one book that was like all these universes that
all had different rulers.
Speaker 3 (32:21):
So there was one lady who was in her nineties
and she was the ruler of this planet.
Speaker 2 (32:25):
She was the Empress of the planet, and she only
had one line, which was a pretty funny line, and
it was she had to go into outer space quickly,
and there was no passenger plane, so they took a
cargo plane, and because it was a cargo plane, there
were no seats. So the pilot is piloting this spacecraft
and the ninety two year old Empress of the planet
(32:45):
Xenon is tied with a rope and she's just like
in weightlessness and the young, you know, perky pilot says,
to where you're doing really great, and then the Empress
looks down and says this line. That was her only line.
And I didn't know what else to do, and I thought, well,
she's my mom's age. So I'm just gonna do my
mom's voice. So I did my mom's voice, and I'll
(33:07):
tell you what the line was. And two seconds after
I did it, my mom came in with walnut squares
and my engineer and I to this day, I have
stitches because we laughed so hard. So, now you do
the pilot and I'll do the line that I did
in my mom's voice, say you're doing great. Go ahead,
you're doing great. Would you do me a favor? Would
(33:27):
you yourself to death?
Speaker 3 (33:29):
And so then I did it as my mother, and.
Speaker 2 (33:33):
Then so weir. It was kind of funny. But then
my mother comes in and she's like, put you like
some walnut squeeze.
Speaker 3 (33:39):
After I had said me a favor? And I know
my mom's in heaven right now.
Speaker 2 (33:47):
Going don't tell that story. People will think I said
that that nice Stephen Baldwin. It's just sweet. I would
never say that. Oh God, that's exactly my mother's voice.
That's my mother memorys. So she's in the book. Okay.
Speaker 3 (34:07):
Sometimes there's there's a answer you a few questions.
Speaker 2 (34:09):
What is it you want? Linearity?
Speaker 3 (34:11):
Now, No, this is a show called One Bad Movie.
One Bad Movie is there anyone who's just bad one?
Speaker 1 (34:19):
You were just talking about souls kind of coming back
and replicating, and you know, yeah.
Speaker 2 (34:25):
As one does you know what I mean? What else
are they talking about her?
Speaker 3 (34:30):
Myself?
Speaker 2 (34:31):
Yes?
Speaker 3 (34:32):
Called dead Weekend? Yeah, the director Amos Poe writer, director
Amos Poe, is.
Speaker 2 (34:40):
That too loud? Who prior? You know? I sometimes think
of myself as a seal at sea world who just
got a fish head. That's what my laugh is.
Speaker 1 (34:48):
She pull up a shot of Amos for me, would
you there? He is now Amos Before this picture he
funded several of his own independent movies through Carloans. First
of all, he told me that before I signed up to.
Speaker 2 (35:06):
Do this picture, which is so you did it anyway,
which which is why.
Speaker 3 (35:11):
And like that kind of replication thing.
Speaker 1 (35:13):
So I play a space age soldier, as one does,
who is trying to track down an alien that's come
to earth, played by a woman who, in order to
survive in this atmosphere, must have sex. But each time
(35:33):
that character has sex the alien she morphs into another woman. Oh,
as they do so in the film. In the film,
I have like four or five sex scenes, okay as
part of the storyline because because she has to survive.
Speaker 3 (35:53):
She must survive. Yeah, right, because so my.
Speaker 1 (35:57):
Character motivated by wanting to capture the alien. Yeah, must
I'm following, must follow all leads.
Speaker 2 (36:06):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (36:07):
So, as one would have it, like any good detective,
I would arrive somewhere and it's a different woman now.
Speaker 3 (36:14):
Yeah, and then she.
Speaker 1 (36:15):
Kind of plays hur alien games on me, and I
don't really know what's happening.
Speaker 2 (36:19):
So you know, duh.
Speaker 3 (36:21):
It's called a classic species.
Speaker 2 (36:24):
All Right, I can top that. No you can't, Yes,
I can't. Okay, Okay. So I'm in this movie, the
name of which I can't even remember, that's how bad
it was. And in the movie, I play Wins Bronson
wins No, wait, wait till you want bad movie challenge
this one.
Speaker 3 (36:40):
Wait wait till you hear it. It's wait this is this?
Speaker 2 (36:43):
Is that good? I don't remember the name of the movie,
but I was playing the producer of snuff films. Oh
my gosh, and the souls of the women I have
snuffed come back. I told you it was a no brainer.
But the souls of the women I have snuffed come
back and convince me that they're still alive and invite
(37:05):
me to bonk them. And then kind of kill me.
But the director said, but it's just better.
Speaker 3 (37:13):
I'm not even there yet. I'm setting it up.
Speaker 2 (37:14):
So the director said to me, all right, so Bronson,
what what we're gonna do is, you know, I don't
move after the after we're gonna just move her. So
first you're bonking her up against this dirty sink and
you had to do that Waits in the movie. Yeah,
So you're bonking her up against the dirty sink, and
then just don't move. We're going to move her out
(37:35):
and then we're going to show the audience that she's
a figment of your imagination. So then you're going to
keep on just sing the sink, right. So I said cool,
and he said do you want me to clear the set?
I said absolutely not. You know what in for a
diamond for a dollar? So I do the scene and
I forgot about it. I don't remember the name from
End of Darkness, from Place to Darkness and then from
(37:57):
the place. And here's the funny thing about that, I'll
tell you to second remind me of the title. So
there's this bunch of guys working on my house in
Pennsylvania and they're all Stoners, and one of them, says
to me one day, I forgot I even did the movie.
He goes, I gotta stop. I gotta stop for a
week because I swear to god, I was surfering channels
(38:18):
that and I think, I say, a sink messed him up.
And I said, no, no, you saw it. Well it
gets better. So the movie's called what is it called?
A Place of Darkness? From a place of Darkness? So
I swear to you that my agent was talking to
me about three or four different things. And he goes,
(38:39):
and now Bronson, from a place of darkness. I said, no,
not today. I thought he just meant I'm going to
talk to you from the place of darkness. I thought
he was going to say, like, here's something you're not
going to want to hear. And I said no, and
he goes, no, we have to, meaning like I had
to go film a pick up or something. And he
go I said I can no, I can't not today.
He goes, well, it has to happen. And so we're
(38:59):
talking about for about nothing. I didn't know what was. Actually,
it's gonna tell me something from a place of darkness.
But he needed to talk about from a place of
darkness A pickup shot from a place of darkness to
Jedi mind trick if you know the joy of what
we do?
Speaker 1 (39:13):
Hey, John, could you pull up Steve Baldwin sex scene
Zebra Lounge.
Speaker 2 (39:23):
Zebra Lounge? Oh wait, because if you do Zebra Lounge,
then I have to do me in bad in Black Monday.
Speaker 1 (39:30):
Please hold it, okay? Having sex with who? When did
you do these films?
Speaker 2 (39:36):
Early? This is this is a series called Black Monday
that I did like two years ago, and you had
the oh this is episodes of the show. This one
is so anyway, So the director says to me, brass,
here's my idea. Would you be butt naked? I said yeah,
because like, what's the point of doing this unless you're fearless?
I said yeah. So he said cool, you don't need
a body double. I said no. So he said A right,
(39:57):
I'm gonna have you screwing two your knae kid, but
they're fully clothed. I said, as one does. But now
is the age of of not sensitivity coaches. What is
it called? You know, it's intimacy intimacy coaches. It's an
intimacy coach. I'm naked and I'm bonking these two prostitutes, who,
by the way, were porn actresses, just FYI. So they're in, like,
(40:21):
you know, some mini skirts and sparkle sparkle halter tops.
I'm nick naked, sure, and I'm humping them. So I
said to the makeup I said, I said, you know,
I'm the character was an ex sex addict who had
been rehabilitated. And then the characters on Black Monday tempt
me with drugs to like, you know, fall back in
(40:44):
the fall back up thing, and so I said, I
think I'd be really sweaty. So she goes okay, So
she sprays me all on top to bottom, stop to bottom,
and I'm all on top of these two prostitutes. So
the intimacy coach comes up into two things that were genius.
She comes up with a futon, a pilate's futon, and
she folds it in fours and she says to me,
(41:05):
would you arch up? And I said okay, And she
then she stuck it so that my mid section would
not even touch any part of the lady underneath me, hermit,
her crotch. And I said to myself, she's had a
lot more contact then that she's getting right now. And
(41:30):
she gets the futon, so they rolled up futon. But
it gets better, so I said, just spray me and
do you want us to clear the set?
Speaker 1 (41:36):
No?
Speaker 2 (41:37):
No, no no, I'm already naked. So they sprayed me down,
and then the intimacy coach comes as the intimacy coaches
want to do, and and delicately covers my ass with
a big fluffy towel, which of course ate up all
the moisture that they just sprayed on it.
Speaker 3 (41:52):
And I said, I don't need that, So she covers
my ass.
Speaker 2 (41:55):
It eats up all the moisture and then he's like,
we're rolling and I said, okay, could you could you
please we me down again? So this teeny weeny adorable
little lady whose job it was to wet my ass
comes up and is like, hat has to rewet my ass?
And then I hump the two porn actresses through futon.
You know, the key can't make this up. And then
(42:15):
the intimacy lady comes up and averts arise, uncovered my
ass again and soaks up all the water so that
two seconds later they have to wet rewet my butt.
Speaker 3 (42:26):
It's not like the old days, Bronson. But here's the thing.
That I learned because I thought what I.
Speaker 2 (42:31):
Wanted to do. I'm like, well, I want to do
it all. I've done opera, I've done everything. I've read
a porn book under an assumed name. So I was like,
I want to do everything. I want to see what
it's like to be naked. And to my shock, I
don't know if this was your experience, you have to
tell me. I thought, I want to see what it's like.
So what happens is everybody comes in and they're like, hi, Brosden,
(42:51):
you look great. This is gonna be a great scene.
Like nobody wants to look at your so they're the
ones that are humiliated and embarrassed in tense and I
was just naked. Also I wanted I figured, you know,
how one does you know, like if you're going to
kiss somebody, sometimes you're like, just get here and just
kiss me. Let's get So I showed up for the
scene right before it and I took up all my
(43:13):
clothes and the director said what are you doing? And
I said I'm ready and he goes for what that's
not the scene I did.
Speaker 3 (43:24):
I took up a clothes and he said, what what
are you doing?
Speaker 2 (43:28):
Why would you do that because I because both scenes
took place in this bedroom.
Speaker 3 (43:33):
This was a different scene, but that was your prep. No,
I thought was that the second you know, I thought
it was the sex scene.
Speaker 2 (43:40):
So I came in. There was a scene where we
were just talking about something else in that same bedroom.
Speaker 3 (43:46):
Then they gave me the idea to go to bed
with the two.
Speaker 2 (43:48):
Ladies, and then I came back to the same set
and humped the ladies. So I thought it was the
humping scene because I got the numbers wrong. So I
took up my clothes and he said, just one second,
what are you doing? What are you doing?
Speaker 3 (44:05):
I said, I'm sorry, ready, I'm ready. We're not doing
that shot today, Dolly.
Speaker 2 (44:14):
So I did this other show called Ray Donovan, and
I was playing a sex addict because people love to
make me do nasty stuff because I played adorable little
characters before you were born.
Speaker 3 (44:25):
Sure, so the directors seven Bronson, well you don't look
at little I love you daddy, all right, So lookie,
I was supposed to be a sex addict.
Speaker 2 (44:34):
That leev Ray Donovan has to come and he was
me a favorite, so he has to come and save
me because there's a glory hole, there's a there's a
there's a Korean glory hole where I haven't paid my
bill and I go in and I'm humping the glory
hole and then they grabbed my and won't let me
go because I haven't paid my bill and they're they're
hurting me. I'm not making this up.
Speaker 3 (44:55):
You can look at the situation to be in.
Speaker 2 (44:57):
So the director said to me ahead of the time,
he was British, which is you reminded me of. He said,
you gotta, you gotta, you gotta promise to drop your
pants and let me see let me shoot your ass.
I said, no problem, I don't care. So it's wearing
like a business shirt because I was playing a newscaster
and the business shirt. You know, they have those old
friends come along.
Speaker 7 (45:17):
So he's British ready and I'm so, I said to
the prop I said to the prop guy, who was
really cool, I was like, could you go on the
other side and just put it like, just hurt me
or put a zip tire or something round, just do something.
Speaker 2 (45:32):
And he goes, well, yeah, but you can see their feet,
so I'll have to put on high heels and I said,
put them on please.
Speaker 3 (45:40):
So this is a true story. So he puts on
high heels. He's just like you know, super manly stunt guy.
Speaker 2 (45:45):
He puts on high heels and he goes behind the
thing so that you see these heels, and he's hurting
me and I'm going ah. And while I was doing that,
the shirt, the business shirt with the long tail, fell
down and covered my butt. The director is British and
the and the director is saying, shirt up, Bronson's shirt
(46:07):
up right, but it comes out shut up, Bronson, shut up,
And I thought he was saying that I was yelling
to loud, so I left the shirt down and I
was going ah, and he's saying.
Speaker 3 (46:21):
Shut up, shut up, because they couldn't use it unless
you could see my ass.
Speaker 2 (46:27):
So finally, this zip tie is so tight that they
had to get the paramedic. I'm not at the I'm
not at the punchline yet, and it's really good because
I don't write these punchlines. This happened, are you ready?
So meanwhile the stuntman's back there. This is this super
like hairy guy. Put the zip tie on, yes, and
he's in high heels and they're getting the paramedic. And
(46:48):
it was the paramedics, first day ever, and he's trying
to cut the zip tie off me, and it's like,
you know, but to do that you have to grab everything,
and so I'm going, oh oh, and shit, I'm going out.
So the stunt guy comes out while I'm doing this
little operation with surgical scissors, and he says to me
(47:09):
right near my ear, compassionately, and I'm not making this up.
If it's any consolation, these heels are killing me. You can't,
you can't.
Speaker 3 (47:20):
You cannot write better than God. God is the best
comedy writer.
Speaker 2 (47:26):
Bizarre story, and it was. And he's actors motivation. He
said it from the heart. He said, if it's I
have to, I get a little graphic. How long have
I known you?
Speaker 3 (47:40):
So now I mean how long have I known you?
Speaker 2 (47:43):
Thirty plus years? Yeah, okay, go ahead. So a zip tie?
Speaker 1 (47:46):
Yeah, and it was around your chaft, yes, and or
that's what I'm asking. Yeah, it used like like a
ring like mechanism they took It's just a zip and
it just kept touching it.
Speaker 2 (47:57):
Yeah, and it hurt a lot.
Speaker 3 (47:58):
And I was going, well, now you know it, what
are those bulls feels like?
Speaker 2 (48:02):
So it was purple and very chilly and they could
and you know, and and then he got purple.
Speaker 3 (48:09):
Oh yeah, like even after they cut it off.
Speaker 2 (48:11):
No ok. And then during and then the poor the
poor young paramedic, and I said, he said, it's my
first day ever. I mean, you can't make a stuff up.
And I was like, okay, so it was removed by
a paramedic. Oh yeah, so he's the paramedic. He's just
I'm sorry. He had a little pair of like nails,
there's no they were they were scissors that there surgical scissors,
(48:33):
and they had like humpback whale knubbles on the hurt you.
And he's like, but in order to get it, you
got to get under it. So we're all on helping him,
like move stuff out of the way, and he sort
of started he must have been nineteen. He's sort of
started to like try to do it without looking, you
know what I mean. And so then it hit me
(48:53):
how wonderfully funny it was. There's like this nineteen year
old trying to free my junk without looking at it,
which I made purple and nice cold by wanting to
be method. And then there's this guy in high heels
going I'm in pain too.
Speaker 3 (49:10):
You can't. You cannot write better comedy than the universe.
Do you know the famous story about Olivier on Marathon Man?
Speaker 2 (49:20):
Yeah, why don't you just try acting?
Speaker 3 (49:22):
Can I do you mind if I make that suggestion.
Speaker 2 (49:25):
Okay to you in the future, because that's boring. The
other thing is the same director started.
Speaker 1 (49:32):
I've I've done some pretty okay work and have never
had somebody wrap my privates in a frick.
Speaker 2 (49:38):
I always say, and I say to my the young
people that I coach, I say, as a last resort,
act otherwise just be just do it, because acting just
you know, it's like vanilla extract.
Speaker 3 (49:52):
You imagine Bronson directing something in the future, bring in
the zip tie.
Speaker 2 (49:56):
But this is how, this is what.
Speaker 3 (49:58):
This is what did realistic acting first came in in
the fifties.
Speaker 2 (50:02):
Would you zip him tie.
Speaker 3 (50:03):
An actor for a film?
Speaker 2 (50:04):
Ear? Yeah? Or I would say to him, if you
really want to make the right sound, if you really
want to sound like a wounded animal called in barbed wire,
it's zip tie town, and I might okay. So anyway,
I'm not making this part up either, So we all
calm down from shut up, shut up, and the zip
tie in the whole thing, okay.
Speaker 3 (50:22):
And the director is one of those English people who
always has a great story.
Speaker 2 (50:27):
And all I remember is the first line and I
bent double laughing, and he said, what's so funny? And
I'll tell you a second, I said, because only only
a brit would start a story with that line and
expect me to get to the middle of the story.
So do you remember a movie called Ryan's Daughter? What
is it? Ryan's Daughter? It was a big, beautiful epic.
(50:48):
It took place in Ireland, beautiful, beautiful of you in
the sixties, in nineteen seventy. So this a beautiful young woman,
a beautiful actress named Sarah Miles. She's still at it.
She was stunning and it was a beautiful movie. So
he starts the story, which I never heard the middle of,
or the or any part of because I was laughing
so hard. So he comes up to just to be
(51:09):
chummy and just be my buddy, and he says, so,
you know, as Sarah Miles used to drink around urine,
and and that's all I heard. I I just was gone.
I said, who but a brit would start a story
with Sarah mont You know, Sarah Miles used to drink
her own urine. I didn't hear the rest of it.
I never could hear the rest of it because he said,
(51:29):
but I haven't gotten to the good pot yet. I said,
but that's the that's the part that's making me so happy.
Speaker 3 (51:36):
You don't think there, you don't you think you're.
Speaker 2 (51:38):
Gonna top that when if she used to drink cut
around urine. So then there was a scene on the
same thing in a porn shop, and we were shooting
in a real porn shop, the real thing. So everybody breaks,
and I don't really like to. I don't like to
fool around on sets or take breaks. Well, I want
to pace. I want to stay in the scene. So
I went and got like one bite of right, and
(52:00):
then I came back and I was wearing pretty realistic clothes,
and the dude they put at the door said ah,
and I said I'm in this, and he goes, yeah, right,
And I couldn't get back on the sick because he
thought I was just a frickin' pervert who wanted to
go in, and I said, I'm in this.
Speaker 3 (52:22):
In your coaching class, yes, you said.
Speaker 2 (52:26):
That.
Speaker 3 (52:27):
More of the idea is to.
Speaker 2 (52:30):
Just be, Yeah, just be if you're acting, it's gonna Well,
I always tell my young people that I'm like, They'll say,
you could you look at this? And I say yes,
but I'm shooting right now, and I will. Just let's
cut to the chase. Why don't you watch it and
if it looks like acting, toss it because if it
looks like acting, it ain't gonna. I don't. I don't
want to see it because well, because the thing is
(52:54):
acting is you know, the best the stuff that you
just can't ever forget as long as you live, is
just they're just being They're not acting. The acting is
the last resort. I mean, you know, the last resort.
And you and I have both done scenes where you've
got an amazing scene partner and then they put a
piece of tape on the lens. That's when you have
to act. Yeah, you have to act, and that is
(53:16):
the last resort. And that's where you bring me. Sometimes
it's just don't laugh, yeah, you know, and sometimes it's
just don't laugh. But that's where your craft comes in.
But other than that, you should just relax and be
and then it with you.
Speaker 1 (53:29):
Is it a lot of that type of Uh, I
don't want to see experimentation.
Speaker 2 (53:34):
But like improvisation.
Speaker 1 (53:35):
Do you know do you allow them to discover stuff
through improvisation?
Speaker 2 (53:38):
I I I will just say take I was coaching
this young fellow. He's so good, and he's doing a
thing where I don't know what he had to say.
He had to be saying I'm so sorry I did that,
and he was kind of okay. It was like acting.
And I remembered him telling me that he is the
most beautiful little too year old boy that you ever saw.
(54:01):
It looks like a little Disney drawing. And I said,
did you ever make did you ever make? Ragnar upset?
And he goes, yeah, I like I ate all his
cookies and then he saw me eating the last one
and he started to cry. And I said, well, just
stay sorry to him and take all the time you need,
but you better see his face, and you know, he
just started. It was the most beautiful than you've ever seen.
(54:22):
And that was his breakthrough. I was like, just say,
started to Ragnar, I don't be sorry. Don't tell me
you're sorry that you broke someone's heart. Tell me. And
then he got it. And it took a while, but
it was the most gorgeous thing you've ever seen. And
he has never looked back. It was revelatory.
Speaker 3 (54:41):
You opened the door for him, and he's never forgotten
this thought process.
Speaker 2 (54:45):
He's so good that it gives me chills. And we
had worked together for a couple of years and I
would go it would be like two hours, and I
was like, just just just let the words out. I
don't act it, and he would do, like, you know,
an acting face stole and I would say, no acting faces,
no squinting, no nothing. Just But then they had this
(55:06):
little boy. He didn't even have the little boy when
it first started. So he has this little boy, and
then he knows where his heart is and then he
thought of I just said, just say sorry to him,
and that was it. Boom, and he is so good.
Now he is so good. Amen, And it's it's wonderful
to see. But sometimes I do think I do come
this close to saying, let's give up, because it's.
Speaker 3 (55:31):
It seems impossible, you know, it seems impossible as but as.
Speaker 2 (55:34):
We know from our own work, you're only ever a
quarter of an inch from greatness. A quarter of an inch.
It's like right there, it's not a leap.
Speaker 1 (55:43):
Well, I think it's fair to say that acting specifically,
acting is the kind of expression that people can be
successful at it that you might not have thought would
have been successful. That that's a very fascinating Yeah, you
know Melting Pot, well look at.
Speaker 2 (56:02):
I mean, you know, there was a time in my
life when I was just getting started where Joe Peshi
in Raging Bull I used to say that, how like,
how can it get that good? He was so simple?
And I was like, I want to be like that.
And I was trying, trying, try and trying, and I
was trying to act, and there he was not trying to.
And of course deniroed just be like you were saying,
(56:25):
and you look at it when you're eighteen and think
how do I get there? And you never My big
turning point was I was doing an unscripted show where
I was building my own house with architectural salvage, and
it was called the Bronson Pinchow Project, and I couldn't
help noticing that I was Bronson Pinchot. So every time
(56:45):
anything would happen, I would just think, oh, that's cool,
Like I don't have to do anything because I'm me.
It's called the Bronson Pincher project, it's my house and
it's for really real my house and I'm and I
would go like, okay, you guys, we're gonna do We're
gonna do this room and I think, I like this
whatever there and and then friends started to call me
and they were like, you've never been so good. I said,
(57:06):
I'm not doing anything and they said exactly right. And
every once in a while. There was one time this
antique lamp arrived in a million pieces because it wasn't
packed well and I opened it up and I went mm,
closed up and gave it and the director said we
need to do that again. I said why and he said, well,
(57:26):
you need to, you know, get more upset. I said,
it was upset, but I need to get on with that.
I needed to do my my pro I need to
and he goes, no, just give us something. I said, no,
I'm Bronson pinchhow it's called the Bronson Pitchroll Project. In
real time. I just opened the box. It's broken. It
hurt me. I'm done with it. I know who I am,
like I it's not gonna get and I said, I
just I don't want to do that's real And it
(57:49):
was so it was so great. Oh, I had an
even better one. All right. So here's the best thing
that happened on that show, the best thing ever. This
is still the reality show. So the one of the
cameraman producers was this fantastic, oh brilliant, wonderful guy and
he was from Venezuela and he had shot me for
like two years in my own house. And he said,
(58:11):
who wants to do? He and my imitation? Bronson? And
I thought, it's going to be brilliant because he can't
do my voice. He's going to do the way I
think because he can't do my voice. So I said,
I'll bite. Then he said, okay, I am Bronson. Ask
me bron what time is it? And so do that
and I'll show you what he did. So I'm Yvonne
and you say, Bronzo, what time is it? The light
(58:36):
traveling across the ceiling? He's like a p and I
was like, in awe, the light, what time is it?
The light traveling across the ceiling is a poem? And
I was like, that is I knew it was going
to be that kind of imitation. It wasn't going to
be a rach little imitation. It was going to be
here's how your mind works. What time, is it? The
(58:57):
light traveling across the ceiling is wonderful because he he
you know, in reality as he saw it, just what
he saw, and he'd been he'd been you know, he
was like watching me through the camera for two years
and he was dead right. I'm not interested in anything linear.
Will you come back and do the show again?
Speaker 6 (59:17):
Okay, thanks, it's tydamn, said Sam guilty lessons.
Speaker 2 (59:25):
This son, this it's so bad.
Speaker 3 (59:28):
He's the one bad deal.
Speaker 2 (59:31):
Reason
I hardly ever know where my phone is. I have
a million things to ask you.
Speaker 2 (00:07):
You know, I'm not, by the way, It's okay. I
usually I'm crazed for I'm usually crazed for food. But
today I ordered some as I to be waiting for
me when I got home, and I and I I
scarfed it so much that most of the granola is
in my nose and so like, it's not like those
days where you're gonna you know where you're gonna eat
the stuffed animals. Now you know when it just gets
(00:29):
up inside your nose, And that's that's how hungry you are.
You know when I'm talking about it's like bet pollen
in your sinuses because you just ate the SI. So
I'm not the only one, thank God. No, No, I
do a lot of audiobooks, and that's always how I
have it.
Speaker 3 (00:42):
Leave us alone, Jared, who's Jared?
Speaker 2 (00:45):
Well, Jared, No, don't leave us so loone, you have
to you have to help us be good.
Speaker 1 (00:49):
Don't like I was saying, brow beat him, Jared, don't
leave us alone, exactly what Bronson says.
Speaker 2 (00:56):
Okay, and then I'm gonna do It's so funny that
you that anyone that knows that that, anyone that's ever
worked with audio, it would be shocked that I had
to be told because usually it's Tom Jones. You remember,
Tom Jones is not unusual. And he used to have
it in his.
Speaker 3 (01:11):
Mouth.
Speaker 2 (01:11):
It was in his mouth. You you remember Tom Jones
used to have it like he was making love to it.
Speaker 3 (01:19):
I did a lot of karaoke doing doing doing Tom Jones.
Speaker 2 (01:23):
Thom is still at it. Back in the day, Tom
is still at it, and God bless her. The most
beautiful voice, had the most beautiful But now I just
sit still Tom, like you know, it's time. And have
you have you seen Madonna's new ass. It's frightening. Get
a picture of it. It's she had an ass lift.
But canok on the screen she looks like your grandma
(01:47):
whose rich fourth husband just got her this ass. Just
put it up. It's it's twos. Now.
Speaker 3 (01:52):
There's some back views put up the ass of the Madonna.
Speaker 2 (01:56):
There's some back views that are to the jaw droppers,
like the view of her ass will get me on correct,
she's my age, she's sixty four, sixty five. I didn't okay,
she's sixty but but but she or she might be
sixty five, but her ass now looks like she's sixty five,
and God bless her. But oh and then she yells
(02:18):
at people from she yelled at this, she yielded a
handy kepp. She yelled a lady in a wheelchair for
not standing then and then the lady's like, you know.
Then then somebody pointed it out to her and she
was like ah, but she didn't say I'm sorry. I
kind of really she was always weird.
Speaker 1 (02:34):
Well, then I asked, like that, who needs I?
Speaker 3 (02:38):
I need you to see the ass so that we
can bond over it.
Speaker 2 (02:40):
Oh my gosh, is that it?
Speaker 4 (02:42):
Well? Hell yeah, and you see it's just it's just
it's bigger than the thigh, which I don't think is
anatomically unless you're like.
Speaker 2 (02:53):
How careful, don't hurt yourself. The end of that movie
where you were in the threesome and then you said like,
don't look at my ass. I know it's a good ass.
The last shot is your ass.
Speaker 3 (03:07):
See your ass.
Speaker 2 (03:10):
There's the blood cheek and then there's the sign and
like they're one all of what's all that? How can
it be on either side?
Speaker 3 (03:18):
Sciences?
Speaker 2 (03:25):
Please find it even better?
Speaker 3 (03:27):
One to inspire us.
Speaker 2 (03:30):
It belongs to a human. But there's a couple and
there there's a couple where she's in concert and it
turns around and it's like somebody took it's like this
is this and just stuck it in. It's the second
and you got that she's in You've really taking a
(03:51):
look at this.
Speaker 1 (03:52):
Well, somebody, I want you to run with it now
because it's and now I'm getting curious, Well, is.
Speaker 3 (03:58):
It just her? No, no, it's it's it's her ass
and her booms and there.
Speaker 2 (04:02):
I think we need to name it. It's just like
in the last month or like.
Speaker 3 (04:05):
The less year.
Speaker 2 (04:06):
This is less.
Speaker 3 (04:09):
Yeah, first, I don't think my cons will allow it.
Really her Welcome to one bad movie, an adult treating
those bad lips. It's so bad. It's good, guilty lasness,
(04:37):
this sun this it's so bad.
Speaker 5 (04:40):
It's good.
Speaker 1 (04:41):
One bad.
Speaker 2 (04:47):
On our screens. Really it it's not it's not.
Speaker 3 (04:55):
Like a virgin video.
Speaker 2 (04:56):
No, no, no, no, nor wishes.
Speaker 3 (04:57):
I think that's safe to say.
Speaker 2 (04:58):
It is. It's wider and taller than a building, and
it's remarkable. You're okay, so there this is.
Speaker 6 (05:09):
The face that goes with it, right, okay, Right, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, sure,
thank god you're blocking my care.
Speaker 2 (05:20):
And then where's the butt? John? There's a concert that's
really worth the price of admission. Can you can your thing?
Speaker 3 (05:36):
Really? Not google like her butt?
Speaker 2 (05:40):
Just google her butt?
Speaker 3 (05:43):
But you know what I'm saying.
Speaker 2 (05:47):
It's not just Madona' butt?
Speaker 5 (05:49):
Is that? Okay?
Speaker 2 (05:50):
Wait? This is?
Speaker 4 (05:52):
This?
Speaker 2 (05:52):
Is it? Which?
Speaker 3 (05:55):
Which is this one? You can see it? What the heck?
Maybe she got stuck by a beat. It's really weird.
Speaker 1 (06:07):
And that's almost like a conspiracy theory shot. I mean,
look at that. That looks like it's housing something.
Speaker 2 (06:17):
I think it's like it's it looks like you might
have something stashed. It's really it's really let's see this one.
It's one, But then there's this. It's just so we're here. Whoa,
that's not her, my friend, you gotta see it from
(06:40):
the back.
Speaker 3 (06:41):
It looks exactly like that's not hers.
Speaker 2 (06:46):
This present and it's just odd.
Speaker 3 (06:49):
Hey, leave Ristidis out of it. The thing is she
was she.
Speaker 2 (06:56):
Was the epitome of getting it, and now she's the
epitome of like I forgot what it was, Well she was,
she defined it, and now it's like, but what did you.
Speaker 3 (07:07):
Do on a serious note, why, like do you think
It's like she's just built a kingdom for herself and
that's it and her boyfriend's thirty.
Speaker 2 (07:15):
Happens when nobody, when nobody will say blu to you,
right then you make ridiculous show. You know, people now
will say to me, ah, like I kept teasing my managers,
are you on your way to this? And I was
like to what and then she she's like hysterical and
she's like and it's like, you know, so she she
(07:35):
would she would give me a new butthole if I
was five minutes late, which is great, but when they
won't say anything, you get that ass.
Speaker 3 (07:44):
You get that you get that ass when you're when
nobody will say boo. I guess it's a discipline. It's
what you're saying. No, if you if you be on time,
lose and don't have that ass.
Speaker 2 (07:54):
Don't you know if you lose? The first thing, guys
hit the brunch and I walked out on the sidewalk.
He waves me from like fifty yards hes in the shorts.
Speaker 3 (08:02):
He looked like a twenty five year old kid looking
for the beach.
Speaker 2 (08:06):
So that's cool. And I saw the hair.
Speaker 3 (08:08):
I saw the hair I saw the hair from twenty
five feet away.
Speaker 2 (08:11):
I was like, it's him, it is just take your
hat off, come on that that's some beautiful hair. Wow.
You know who else has hair like that? Is that
cool kid? Uh?
Speaker 3 (08:21):
Scott Cohn?
Speaker 2 (08:22):
You remember, you too could have a hair off because
he'd win. He's no, he's so fantastic. I'm just Alec
Baldwin's little brother.
Speaker 3 (08:30):
And he'll say all the time, James Conson, he'll say.
Speaker 2 (08:34):
All the time, he'll say, I'm not the best actor
on the block, and I'm not the bestiness, but the hair.
And he's so good. He's a wonderful actor.
Speaker 6 (08:42):
He is.
Speaker 2 (08:43):
He's just he's so good. Anyway, I'm ready for you
to stop talking to me and stop getting me off.
Speaker 3 (08:53):
Topic on other people's asses and hair. Well, you you
wound yourself.
Speaker 2 (09:00):
If we could take her ass and Scotty's hair, we
would have a master race.
Speaker 3 (09:12):
Call it the Madonna Khan.
Speaker 2 (09:15):
I like that. The madonnakn sounds like, first of all,
it sounds like a thing, but it also sounds like
a place you can go in cosplay, you know, like, yeah,
you want to do you want to do madonakaon? Are
you free? To do Madonna khon.
Speaker 3 (09:30):
It'd be nothing, but but it would be really funny.
Imagine what we could charge at the door, the ultimate
Madonna's ass fetish.
Speaker 2 (09:40):
You know, we have to we have to do a
shout out to my younger brother Justin because he said
to me the other day, he said to me, at
two Thanksgivings ago, you got I don't know what happened,
but he he looked at me with that look that
you get on Thanksgiving, and he said, for thirty years,
I have not been Justin Pinchot. I have been Bronson
(10:01):
Pinchow's brother. Yeah, so we might have to give him
some love. Let's give him some live but from you know,
from the from the heart. He also doesn't speak to.
Speaker 3 (10:11):
Me how much I'm affected by this already?
Speaker 1 (10:15):
Right, what's the funny kid from s and that passed away?
Speaker 2 (10:18):
The heavy set kid?
Speaker 3 (10:19):
Oh, Chris Farley.
Speaker 2 (10:21):
So brother.
Speaker 3 (10:24):
Kevin Farley is a stand up comic.
Speaker 2 (10:26):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (10:26):
I just reposted something on Instagram from him where he's like, yeah,
you know, I'm the brother. It was kind of weird.
Speaker 2 (10:34):
It's it's Oliver Pincho's brother. That's my big brother, right,
So you're in the middle. Yeah, of three four not brothers,
one girl, one girl.
Speaker 3 (10:47):
I'm the youngest of six. Are you really four boys,
two girls? I was the tiebreaker?
Speaker 2 (10:54):
Wow.
Speaker 3 (10:54):
So my dad was proud that little Stevie came along.
Speaker 1 (10:57):
But then I was like joined the chorus and he
was like, wait a second, because everybody was like an
athlete in my family. But I have another question, Yeah,
because I want to start steerings steering, uh Madonna's ass here?
Speaker 2 (11:11):
If we can do that? First of all, if we
could also do you remember when Elizabeth Taylor came out
with white diamonds. I want to come out with a
fragrance called Madonna's ass. That's because you just imagine what
that Just imagine what the essence of it.
Speaker 3 (11:26):
I mean, it's it's like self pity and sweat.
Speaker 2 (11:29):
What is it? What is it? Is? It? Is it
demons and skank? What? What could it be? What? What?
Speaker 3 (11:41):
No?
Speaker 1 (11:41):
It's uh bottled in the dungeon of the disco limelight,
Madonna's ass.
Speaker 2 (11:49):
I knew this. Thanksaving you. What did you like?
Speaker 3 (11:54):
The goop chick? What's your name? That has the goop company?
Speaker 1 (11:57):
Yeah, she's got the cam that smells like her.
Speaker 2 (12:01):
Oh no, no, does she She has a she has
a candle. What happens when it is?
Speaker 1 (12:06):
Paltrow about a year and a half two years ago,
launched a candle within her Goop company. That was the
fragrance was essence of No, it's it's my vagina.
Speaker 2 (12:18):
It's literally it's it's it's I just.
Speaker 3 (12:20):
Want this candle. I just want you to know. It's it.
It looks like it just happened organically.
Speaker 2 (12:26):
But in forty two years in show business, nobody has
made me speechless. I know. The only time I'm speechless.
Speaker 3 (12:35):
It's a it's my vagina dot com.
Speaker 2 (12:38):
It's not like my.
Speaker 1 (12:38):
Pillow up here does look pull the candle up vagina vagina. Yeah,
here we go. Here's all the products.
Speaker 2 (12:44):
She has so much cost if you buy it, because
you can also get it and you can get the
t candle. It's a little little one and so you
can get it and underneath it's hand signed if you
get the limited edition on Etsy to get this interview back.
Speaker 3 (13:00):
Wasn't under control of somebody, It was not. It was not,
but which was you know the only way I like
to roll? Actually, Oh I know, yeah.
Speaker 2 (13:08):
So if it's on if it's on track, here's the
most surreal day I ever had in show business. They
get me for the scene into a romance where I'm
driving with the cokehore. Nobody ever asked me if I
could drive stick. They never asked, and I can't drive stick.
(13:29):
So they said, well, Bronson, okay, so we're gonna toe
you for most of it, so you can do that part.
Now we have to show you pulling over. And in
order for you to pull over, we're gonna have to
We're gonna have to teach you stick. So even as
the words were coming out, they knew didn't make sa
so they say to like the grip, all right, you're
human and male. So we're gonna spray paint your hair black,
(13:50):
which was my hair color then, and you're gonna do it.
You're gonna pull it over. And because Bronson, no one
asked him. So the spray paint his hair literally didn't
even have that stuff, the really good stuff that streaks
and tips they did had black spray paint. The spraypitts hair.
And then they said, okay, he looks nothing like Bronson,
so let's put sunglasses on him. And I said, yeah,
(14:11):
but I wasn't wearing sunglasses in the thing. We just
shot and they said, well, like when the cop comes,
just take them off, like put him on check bout
a second. So the's spray painting this dude who looks
nothing like me. There's spray painting his head black. Right after,
there's this kind of thing about like why didn't someone
think to ask Bronson. Then while we're doing it, we're
shooting on Mulholland Drive. I'm not making this up. And
(14:33):
you know me, Madonna cycles by in a onesie made
of lycra.
Speaker 3 (14:38):
And I said, to like the absolutely.
Speaker 2 (14:42):
Beautiful woman playing the the the coke the coke girl,
I said, could this.
Speaker 3 (14:46):
Get any more surreal? And she goes, nah, she was
wonderful actress, but she was really, really really good.
Speaker 2 (14:53):
She's very funny in it. But I said, I said,
so there's spray painting a guy who's supposed to be me.
I don't know how to drive, he doesn't look like me.
And Madonna just cycled buying acra onesie and I said,
could you write this? She's like, this is correct. We're
making a movie, and uh yeah. She cycled by in
a like he onesie, but like one one entourage on
(15:13):
behind her and one in front of her just but
just doing somewhere, just cycling up a steep road on
Mulholland to get her. Then asked, pretty, what year you
think that was. Well, I'll tell you right now. The
movie came out, I think in ninety three, so we
were shooting it. We would have been shooting it in
ninety two. Wow.
Speaker 3 (15:31):
And she you know, ninety two.
Speaker 2 (15:34):
Madonna, that's the that's the that's the pine Cone tit
and the like I chained myself up and she was.
She was the one you wanted to watch when you.
Speaker 1 (15:44):
Did when that's when you were three. She was very healthy.
She was super healthy. Three dude, I was in high school.
She believe what I was doing when thinking about Madonna.
Speaker 2 (15:56):
Well, of course, no, she she was. She was. I mean,
God bless her. I'm not taking anything away from her.
She was. She she was. She was absolutely the last
word in beauty. She could probably hook you up. No,
but uh, but she cycled by. You know, she had
an absolutely beautiful buy. She was. She was. She was
beautiful and fearless because she cycled up at the angle
(16:19):
of the road. Was like this and we're shooting and
I'm like, they're spray painting someone while Madonna cycles by.
Speaker 3 (16:26):
It's the perfect l a. How did that she finish?
How it finished?
Speaker 2 (16:31):
Was? The last shot we did was where the cop
comes up and I'm covered with coke, and all I
have to say is Hi. And Tony Scott, who was
you know? Did you ever have the pleasure? No, sir,
he was a real, real actress director, no video village
for him. He was right next to the lens and
he was acting it with you, acting it with you
(16:52):
like a great silent film director. So he's right next
to the lens and he comes up to me and
he knew me, and he said, I can't do a
great Tony Scott. But he was like once.
Speaker 5 (17:02):
I mean, it's like thirty forty minutes to redo. You said,
don't laugh. Don't I know you want to know, but
that laugh.
Speaker 2 (17:14):
So all I thought about was don't laugh because I
I don't want to get him. I don't he wouldn't
have gotten mad, but I want to disappoint him. So
I just, with the utmost simplicity, just looked at the
cop and said hi. And it's one of the funniest
things I ever did. And all I was doing was trying,
not just trying to get my mind off laughing, because
because once somebody says, Steven, no matter what, don't fart, right,
(17:40):
you have to fart because the unconscious hears it. But
and so that's what's so great about it is it's
we just it's one take. Because he said, don't you
do it? I loved him so much.
Speaker 3 (17:52):
He was such a great director, and it was it
was in a funny way.
Speaker 2 (17:55):
He was also putting down the gauntlet, like because if
you say don't laugh to anybody, but especially an actor,
especially a largely comic actor, what do you think is
going to happen? But I didn't do it, and we were.
We were thrilled with it. And was that shot outside
literally at the end of the night. Well, we just
did went end of the day.
Speaker 3 (18:15):
When did you shoot?
Speaker 2 (18:16):
Do you remember? Don't forget? We shot in the afternoons,
beautiful afternoon light. And I had also said to Tony,
who was lovely this way, I said, we were driving,
I said where are you? Where are you cutting me?
And he said, what do you cat? And I said,
where are you cutting me? I have an idea? So
he said, come you here, do it. And so I
said to her, you couldn't do it this nowadays. I
(18:37):
was like, you want to do a gag? I have
a great idea. So she said sure. I said, just
put your head down like your b and then I'll
pull your head up into the shot. And she goes, okay.
Speaker 3 (18:46):
So that's why it has that it has a great reveal.
Speaker 2 (18:48):
I'm driving along laughing and you don't know why, and
then all of a sudden, I pull her head up
and then you realize I've been getting and you know
you can't. You can't really pitch that kind of stuff.
No today, No, But she was so game and to
her credit, what she was doing this is let's see
this is my and she went down, you know, to
(19:10):
like pantomime it, and then she was going like this.
Speaker 3 (19:13):
Heepyepy.
Speaker 2 (19:15):
And so that's why I'm laughing. I'm doing this huge
cackle of a laugh as I'm driving because this.
Speaker 3 (19:22):
She's tickling, because.
Speaker 2 (19:23):
No, she's pinching it. She's pinching my junk. And I
thought she I thought, I love her because she's doing
she's doing the visual gag. But she's also like, okay,
she's there for you off, but I'm gonna like do this.
And I was so delighted that she was playing you know,
I was. I was gonna say playing ball, but that didn't.
But she she was so much fun, wonderful, wonderful actress.
(19:45):
If you ever watch it, you know there's such a
big gaggling on with the cocaine that, but she's brilliant.
Speaker 3 (19:51):
She's like, you're driving.
Speaker 2 (19:53):
Along on Mulham and shot.
Speaker 3 (19:55):
Yes, I said, she's making you laugh.
Speaker 2 (19:58):
She's making me laugh by by pal painting and then
at the right time you.
Speaker 3 (20:03):
Pull her head up and reveal her and then you
get pulled over. Yes, and then it's a guy with
spray painted hair.
Speaker 2 (20:10):
And then Madonna goes by in between setups and it
was a surreal. But isn't it weird?
Speaker 3 (20:16):
During like a bj improv, Madonna goes by.
Speaker 2 (20:19):
That's what That's why I said, with that beautiful accurate
that is the name I've forgotten. I said, could this
be any more amazing and surreal? And she said no,
I mean it was just great. And we're in this
in this this Tony Scott movie, and it's going really
well and we're having fun, and Madonna just cycled by
and nobody noticed. That's the other thing, because they were
so busy. Spray painting my double and then you can't
(20:42):
take this stuff up. And then that film goes on
to become quite iconic, yes, but not right away talk
about that. Yeah, well right away everybody people loved it,
but but people didn't go see it, so it became
so it came out in ninety three. It kind of
came and went, and then six seven, eight years later
(21:08):
it started to build and you would just and they
have they have a convention every year. They have a
true true Romans convention. Right, all these people come in
spandex to look like amazing.
Speaker 3 (21:18):
But even upon release of the film, it was critically receiving.
Speaker 2 (21:23):
People. People thought it was good, and it was good.
I never watched myself, but I went to a screening
of it. It was it was, it was so good,
and but it didn't it didn't catch on. And so
you know, it goes to the graveyard of your mind
and then all of a sudden it's so so so
culty right for the right and you can see it.
Every once in a while, I'll go to one of
(21:45):
the conventions and I you know, I'll watch part of it.
And I told Patricia Arcuat it took me twenty years
to realize how brilliant you are because we were so
young that I didn't. Also, I was so in my
own capture because my character and it is he's so
terrified and he's so in over his head, and you know,
I didn't see what she was doing. I couldn't. I
(22:05):
couldn't take it in and admire it because I was
too far inside. And I said, it's it's it's surpassingly
brilliant that performance.
Speaker 3 (22:15):
She had to be very subtle.
Speaker 2 (22:17):
She's brilliant, so vulnerable and other world I mean, and
I said that it took me. It took me twenty
thirty years. Cool, but it's I knew she's still she's
still doing work like that. It's God, she's you just
you know, at the time, were well, thank you, But
(22:38):
you know, at the time she was so she was
also one of those people that's kind of quietly in character.
So she was on set when you would like just
you know, be near her, and she was like drawing
two messent penises because she was playing, you know, was
playing a little hooker. And so I didn't even know
because I if I go way into characterize something, I'm
(22:58):
I'm gone, Like I don't if I do do that,
I go away. She was kind of right there sitting
in her chair, and then you had passion. She'd go
is this good? And it would be this giant vany
penis and I just thought, yeah, maybe there should be
one little vein. I mean, I didn't know what to
say in the same vein. Wonderful Michael Rappaport is in it.
(23:22):
He was such a puppy on that. He's such a
little puppy. He was eighteen, so good and talk about
being in and out of character. He kept wanting to improvise, improvise, improvise,
and I kept saying, I don't want to improvise off camera,
I want to improvise on camera, right, And he was
so fresh out of acting school that he thought I
was turning him down and and and you know, turn
(23:44):
it like and I say save it, save it, save it.
Will do when the camera's rolling. And there are two
or three great moments in it that are completely improvised.
And yet for years afterwards, years it hurt me that
he thought I was you were trying to stag him down.
So literally eight months ago, I see grown up Michael Rappaport.
(24:05):
He was a bit, he was a baby and so
frighteningly talented and fresh. And I saw him outside of
Conye Tez, and I was like Michael, And you know,
I didn't even need to say it, because we both
a whole lifetime is gone by, right. Similarly, I did
a thing when I was maybe thirty where I was
playing Jane Curtin's awful brother on Third Rock from the Sun.
(24:29):
And I was supposed to be so awful that all
the aliens decided to take me to a cornfield and
smash my brains out with a rock, so that he
was like the big the big brother or the little
brother from hell. So I show up again, clash of technique.
I show up already in a character, and I'm like
giving her noogies and doing stuff. And I stupidly thought,
(24:50):
you should never make you know, right, we're all growing up.
You never ever ever should make an assumption. But I
was thirty. I made the assumption that since she'd worked
with Belushi and all those guys, she would what I
was all about. So I'm giving her nogies and doing stuff.
And when we shot the scene, there's some scene in
there where I'm like treating her like my little siss
and I'm rough I'm roughing. I was, and I roughed
roughhousing her. And so she had this diamond earring to
(25:12):
two indemonaeirs and I started to gnaw on her ear.
I was like, and she was going no, no, and
I thought, oh, this is so brilliant. Well, anyway, she
didn't think it was brilliant. She didn't like it, and
she felt violated and rightly, so I just didn't know
anything about I thought everybody would get it. So thirty four,
(25:32):
forty years goes by and I'm shooting this thing, this
Netflix show called The Residents Now, and she comes on
and I thought, so, I said, Jane, do you remember me?
She goes, yeah, you bit my ear? And I said
did I ever say I'm sorry? And she said no.
I said I'm really sorry and she said okay.
Speaker 3 (25:56):
And it was like forty years of.
Speaker 2 (26:00):
Because I just love her and I just met her
at the you know, like I, you just make one
wrong assumption and you think she's gonna get me and
she's gone and she didn't like it, and and decades later,
I was like, I'm so so sorry, and she was like, oh, okay, done.
(26:24):
Do you know what I'd like to propose we all
need to start saying stomach like Argentinians. Because this friend
of mine I was coaching in recently, had I coached
young actors. I really enjoy it, and he said I
have to stop. My stomach hurts, and I thought, we
need we need to all say stomach instead of stomach
because that's the way it looks. Yes, looks like stummach. Yeah,
(26:45):
why are we saying stomach and victuals is written victuals.
But so why don't we just start saying stomach? Why
don't we just start to Also sounds like a small
even stomach on tams. This fabulous scows.
Speaker 1 (27:01):
That previously we had been discussing noxious gases potentially within
one stommach.
Speaker 2 (27:10):
Yes, yeah, you.
Speaker 3 (27:11):
Almost maybe do a real spin take.
Speaker 2 (27:12):
Now here's the funny thing about I will not do
one on camera as written if somebody writes a spit take,
but I don't think there's anything I love more than
an organic real space. You almost maybe do a spin
take because I must expect you to say stummage almost
literally just ejaculated.
Speaker 3 (27:30):
I waited, I waited, I almost ejaculated.
Speaker 2 (27:33):
Mountain Valley, spring water all the way to Marina del
rey because it was so unexpected and it would have
been the only time I've ever done one on camera
because I I only want to do them in real life.
Speaker 3 (27:46):
They're so good in real life there, so first of all,
it goes out your nose.
Speaker 2 (27:50):
But that like when it's in the script, I don't
want to do it right, like no, no, no, no, you
have to make it around it.
Speaker 3 (27:57):
It's like crying. If it says cry, I can't cry.
Speaker 2 (28:00):
Do you want to talk about your audio books? Really
there's just audiobooks, But there is there one you hated.
Oh golly, yes there was one I did. And here's
don't see what it was? Huh, what's that? Don't say
what it was? Well, here's I'm going to tell you
why it was difficult. Okay, So try to follow this
because even I couldn't. It was a novelization. It was
(28:23):
an English novelization, which was the translation of a Japanese
novelization of a Japanese video game. So everything was lost
and it made no sense. And I read it and
read it, and every once in a while and opened
the studio door and I go, what does it? And
(28:44):
the whatever audio? So you're reading the translated English I'm
reading an English translation of a Japanese novelization of a
Japanese video game.
Speaker 3 (28:55):
So the whole thing was and then the characters were.
Speaker 2 (28:58):
Called like Man, and then there was Spirit, and then
there was I don't know what else, but it was.
And I kept opening the door to say to my
engineer what does it mean? Like what does this even mean?
And to my engineer's credit, because they're all really witty.
Instead of answering, it's like, this is the door. I go,
(29:18):
what does it even mean? And they go and they
just shut the door in my face, which was the answer.
The answer was, I don't know, let's just get it done.
So questions. So as somebody who I've done over four
hundred audiobooks.
Speaker 3 (29:31):
As somebody who probably takes on a character with each gig, yeah, here,
you couldn't lock into that, so you just had to
say the words and get out. I kind of decided
to be kind of kind of misty and weird.
Speaker 2 (29:46):
You made it your own anywhere, did you really? Of
course you gotta do something. Somebody's going to listen to
it on a train ride.
Speaker 3 (29:52):
So so when you say man, when you say the character.
Speaker 2 (29:55):
So I was like, it all takes place in the
dream world kind of in between lives.
Speaker 3 (30:00):
So it's like it's like, you, guys, you have no idea.
Speaker 2 (30:03):
So it's like, let's say that. And I did another
book like this. It's like Stephen and Bronson are talking
and they're in this world. And then Stephen and Bronson
die and their souls are having a talk in this
like limbo, and they have no they have no sex,
they have no gender, they have no They're just the
souls of Stephen. That's why it's man and other man.
And then this other book I did. Then those two
(30:24):
souls get reincarnated and one of them is the table
and the other one is Madonna's ass, and then they
die and they're reincarnated again. So at least the one
I'm talking about, it was a wonderful book called The
Years of Rice and Salt that was neat because every
time the souls were reincarnated they had a different relationship,
but they still felt for each other. But the one
(30:46):
I'm talking about it was like where this was like
the geography was like there's the space, and there's the waves,
and there's the mist. I'm in the mists. Where are you?
I mean, I mean I don't know, So I just
did it kind of like that. And every once in
a while I would take a rusty hunting knife and
(31:13):
I would start to got myself and then I would all, right,
here's the funniest one I ever did.
Speaker 3 (31:17):
I swear to God, the funniest one I ever did.
Speaker 2 (31:20):
Sometimes I have great ideas for voices, and sometimes I
just go, all right, I'm gonna do you. I say
to my engineer Kyle. Kyle's like, what up, brons, And
I have this with the thousand faunt of protols. So
I did a.
Speaker 3 (31:33):
Book about pirates and there were seventy five pirates.
Speaker 2 (31:36):
And I didn't know what else to do. And there's
one guy that every time there was a storm, he'd.
Speaker 3 (31:40):
Go hand me or the guy rut here's something like that,
And so I just did that like Kyle. So everybody
else is like, oh my god, but we're coming, We're up.
Speaker 2 (31:48):
And then the Kyle character would go him me the
rope and it really worked. But anyway, the best one
of those I ever did was my mother was from Brooklyn.
When she died, she was ninety four, and when she
was ninety three, still out all marbles. She's the cutest
little Brooklyn accent, and she would come in with walnut
squares and she would say if she was here now,
she would say, Steven, you're so adorable. Look at that
(32:10):
blue shirt, but the blue eyes. Oh God. So anyway,
she would come in with walnut squares. And we were
doing one book that was like all these universes that
all had different rulers.
Speaker 3 (32:21):
So there was one lady who was in her nineties
and she was the ruler of this planet.
Speaker 2 (32:25):
She was the Empress of the planet, and she only
had one line, which was a pretty funny line, and
it was she had to go into outer space quickly,
and there was no passenger plane, so they took a
cargo plane, and because it was a cargo plane, there
were no seats. So the pilot is piloting this spacecraft
and the ninety two year old Empress of the planet
(32:45):
Xenon is tied with a rope and she's just like
in weightlessness and the young, you know, perky pilot says,
to where you're doing really great, and then the Empress
looks down and says this line. That was her only line.
And I didn't know what else to do, and I thought, well,
she's my mom's age. So I'm just gonna do my
mom's voice. So I did my mom's voice, and I'll
(33:07):
tell you what the line was. And two seconds after
I did it, my mom came in with walnut squares
and my engineer and I to this day, I have
stitches because we laughed so hard. So, now you do
the pilot and I'll do the line that I did
in my mom's voice, say you're doing great. Go ahead,
you're doing great. Would you do me a favor? Would
(33:27):
you yourself to death?
Speaker 3 (33:29):
And so then I did it as my mother, and.
Speaker 2 (33:33):
Then so weir. It was kind of funny. But then
my mother comes in and she's like, put you like
some walnut squeeze.
Speaker 3 (33:39):
After I had said me a favor? And I know
my mom's in heaven right now.
Speaker 2 (33:47):
Going don't tell that story. People will think I said
that that nice Stephen Baldwin. It's just sweet. I would
never say that. Oh God, that's exactly my mother's voice.
That's my mother memorys. So she's in the book. Okay.
Speaker 3 (34:07):
Sometimes there's there's a answer you a few questions.
Speaker 2 (34:09):
What is it you want? Linearity?
Speaker 3 (34:11):
Now, No, this is a show called One Bad Movie.
One Bad Movie is there anyone who's just bad one?
Speaker 1 (34:19):
You were just talking about souls kind of coming back
and replicating, and you know, yeah.
Speaker 2 (34:25):
As one does you know what I mean? What else
are they talking about her?
Speaker 3 (34:30):
Myself?
Speaker 2 (34:31):
Yes?
Speaker 3 (34:32):
Called dead Weekend? Yeah, the director Amos Poe writer, director
Amos Poe, is.
Speaker 2 (34:40):
That too loud? Who prior? You know? I sometimes think
of myself as a seal at sea world who just
got a fish head. That's what my laugh is.
Speaker 1 (34:48):
She pull up a shot of Amos for me, would
you there? He is now Amos Before this picture he
funded several of his own independent movies through Carloans. First
of all, he told me that before I signed up to.
Speaker 2 (35:06):
Do this picture, which is so you did it anyway,
which which is why.
Speaker 3 (35:11):
And like that kind of replication thing.
Speaker 1 (35:13):
So I play a space age soldier, as one does,
who is trying to track down an alien that's come
to earth, played by a woman who, in order to
survive in this atmosphere, must have sex. But each time
(35:33):
that character has sex the alien she morphs into another woman. Oh,
as they do so in the film. In the film,
I have like four or five sex scenes, okay as
part of the storyline because because she has to survive.
Speaker 3 (35:53):
She must survive. Yeah, right, because so my.
Speaker 1 (35:57):
Character motivated by wanting to capture the alien. Yeah, must
I'm following, must follow all leads.
Speaker 2 (36:06):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (36:07):
So, as one would have it, like any good detective,
I would arrive somewhere and it's a different woman now.
Speaker 3 (36:14):
Yeah, and then she.
Speaker 1 (36:15):
Kind of plays hur alien games on me, and I
don't really know what's happening.
Speaker 2 (36:19):
So you know, duh.
Speaker 3 (36:21):
It's called a classic species.
Speaker 2 (36:24):
All Right, I can top that. No you can't, Yes,
I can't. Okay, Okay. So I'm in this movie, the
name of which I can't even remember, that's how bad
it was. And in the movie, I play Wins Bronson
wins No, wait, wait till you want bad movie challenge
this one.
Speaker 3 (36:40):
Wait wait till you hear it. It's wait this is this?
Speaker 2 (36:43):
Is that good? I don't remember the name of the movie,
but I was playing the producer of snuff films. Oh
my gosh, and the souls of the women I have
snuffed come back. I told you it was a no brainer.
But the souls of the women I have snuffed come
back and convince me that they're still alive and invite
(37:05):
me to bonk them. And then kind of kill me.
But the director said, but it's just better.
Speaker 3 (37:13):
I'm not even there yet. I'm setting it up.
Speaker 2 (37:14):
So the director said to me, all right, so Bronson,
what what we're gonna do is, you know, I don't
move after the after we're gonna just move her. So
first you're bonking her up against this dirty sink and
you had to do that Waits in the movie. Yeah,
So you're bonking her up against the dirty sink, and
then just don't move. We're going to move her out
(37:35):
and then we're going to show the audience that she's
a figment of your imagination. So then you're going to
keep on just sing the sink, right. So I said cool,
and he said do you want me to clear the set?
I said absolutely not. You know what in for a
diamond for a dollar? So I do the scene and
I forgot about it. I don't remember the name from
End of Darkness, from Place to Darkness and then from
(37:57):
the place. And here's the funny thing about that, I'll
tell you to second remind me of the title. So
there's this bunch of guys working on my house in
Pennsylvania and they're all Stoners, and one of them, says
to me one day, I forgot I even did the movie.
He goes, I gotta stop. I gotta stop for a
week because I swear to god, I was surfering channels
(38:18):
that and I think, I say, a sink messed him up.
And I said, no, no, you saw it. Well it
gets better. So the movie's called what is it called?
A Place of Darkness? From a place of Darkness? So
I swear to you that my agent was talking to
me about three or four different things. And he goes,
(38:39):
and now Bronson, from a place of darkness. I said, no,
not today. I thought he just meant I'm going to
talk to you from the place of darkness. I thought
he was going to say, like, here's something you're not
going to want to hear. And I said no, and
he goes, no, we have to, meaning like I had
to go film a pick up or something. And he
go I said I can no, I can't not today.
He goes, well, it has to happen. And so we're
(38:59):
talking about for about nothing. I didn't know what was. Actually,
it's gonna tell me something from a place of darkness.
But he needed to talk about from a place of
darkness A pickup shot from a place of darkness to
Jedi mind trick if you know the joy of what
we do?
Speaker 1 (39:13):
Hey, John, could you pull up Steve Baldwin sex scene
Zebra Lounge.
Speaker 2 (39:23):
Zebra Lounge? Oh wait, because if you do Zebra Lounge,
then I have to do me in bad in Black Monday.
Speaker 1 (39:30):
Please hold it, okay? Having sex with who? When did
you do these films?
Speaker 2 (39:36):
Early? This is this is a series called Black Monday
that I did like two years ago, and you had
the oh this is episodes of the show. This one
is so anyway, So the director says to me, brass,
here's my idea. Would you be butt naked? I said yeah,
because like, what's the point of doing this unless you're fearless?
I said yeah. So he said cool, you don't need
a body double. I said no. So he said A right,
(39:57):
I'm gonna have you screwing two your knae kid, but
they're fully clothed. I said, as one does. But now
is the age of of not sensitivity coaches. What is
it called? You know, it's intimacy intimacy coaches. It's an
intimacy coach. I'm naked and I'm bonking these two prostitutes, who,
by the way, were porn actresses, just FYI. So they're in, like,
(40:21):
you know, some mini skirts and sparkle sparkle halter tops.
I'm nick naked, sure, and I'm humping them. So I
said to the makeup I said, I said, you know,
I'm the character was an ex sex addict who had
been rehabilitated. And then the characters on Black Monday tempt
me with drugs to like, you know, fall back in
(40:44):
the fall back up thing, and so I said, I
think I'd be really sweaty. So she goes okay, So
she sprays me all on top to bottom, stop to bottom,
and I'm all on top of these two prostitutes. So
the intimacy coach comes up into two things that were genius.
She comes up with a futon, a pilate's futon, and
she folds it in fours and she says to me,
(41:05):
would you arch up? And I said okay, And she
then she stuck it so that my mid section would
not even touch any part of the lady underneath me, hermit,
her crotch. And I said to myself, she's had a
lot more contact then that she's getting right now. And
(41:30):
she gets the futon, so they rolled up futon. But
it gets better, so I said, just spray me and
do you want us to clear the set?
Speaker 1 (41:36):
No?
Speaker 2 (41:37):
No, no no, I'm already naked. So they sprayed me down,
and then the intimacy coach comes as the intimacy coaches
want to do, and and delicately covers my ass with
a big fluffy towel, which of course ate up all
the moisture that they just sprayed on it.
Speaker 3 (41:52):
And I said, I don't need that, So she covers
my ass.
Speaker 2 (41:55):
It eats up all the moisture and then he's like,
we're rolling and I said, okay, could you could you
please we me down again? So this teeny weeny adorable
little lady whose job it was to wet my ass
comes up and is like, hat has to rewet my ass?
And then I hump the two porn actresses through futon.
You know, the key can't make this up. And then
(42:15):
the intimacy lady comes up and averts arise, uncovered my
ass again and soaks up all the water so that
two seconds later they have to wet rewet my butt.
Speaker 3 (42:26):
It's not like the old days, Bronson. But here's the thing.
That I learned because I thought what I.
Speaker 2 (42:31):
Wanted to do. I'm like, well, I want to do
it all. I've done opera, I've done everything. I've read
a porn book under an assumed name. So I was like,
I want to do everything. I want to see what
it's like to be naked. And to my shock, I
don't know if this was your experience, you have to
tell me. I thought, I want to see what it's like.
So what happens is everybody comes in and they're like, hi, Brosden,
(42:51):
you look great. This is gonna be a great scene.
Like nobody wants to look at your so they're the
ones that are humiliated and embarrassed in tense and I
was just naked. Also I wanted I figured, you know,
how one does you know, like if you're going to
kiss somebody, sometimes you're like, just get here and just
kiss me. Let's get So I showed up for the
scene right before it and I took up all my
(43:13):
clothes and the director said what are you doing? And
I said I'm ready and he goes for what that's
not the scene I did.
Speaker 3 (43:24):
I took up a clothes and he said, what what
are you doing?
Speaker 2 (43:28):
Why would you do that because I because both scenes
took place in this bedroom.
Speaker 3 (43:33):
This was a different scene, but that was your prep. No,
I thought was that the second you know, I thought
it was the sex scene.
Speaker 2 (43:40):
So I came in. There was a scene where we
were just talking about something else in that same bedroom.
Speaker 3 (43:46):
Then they gave me the idea to go to bed
with the two.
Speaker 2 (43:48):
Ladies, and then I came back to the same set
and humped the ladies. So I thought it was the
humping scene because I got the numbers wrong. So I
took up my clothes and he said, just one second,
what are you doing? What are you doing?
Speaker 3 (44:05):
I said, I'm sorry, ready, I'm ready. We're not doing
that shot today, Dolly.
Speaker 2 (44:14):
So I did this other show called Ray Donovan, and
I was playing a sex addict because people love to
make me do nasty stuff because I played adorable little
characters before you were born.
Speaker 3 (44:25):
Sure, so the directors seven Bronson, well you don't look
at little I love you daddy, all right, So lookie,
I was supposed to be a sex addict.
Speaker 2 (44:34):
That leev Ray Donovan has to come and he was
me a favorite, so he has to come and save
me because there's a glory hole, there's a there's a
there's a Korean glory hole where I haven't paid my
bill and I go in and I'm humping the glory
hole and then they grabbed my and won't let me
go because I haven't paid my bill and they're they're
hurting me. I'm not making this up.
Speaker 3 (44:55):
You can look at the situation to be in.
Speaker 2 (44:57):
So the director said to me ahead of the time,
he was British, which is you reminded me of. He said,
you gotta, you gotta, you gotta promise to drop your
pants and let me see let me shoot your ass.
I said, no problem, I don't care. So it's wearing
like a business shirt because I was playing a newscaster
and the business shirt. You know, they have those old
friends come along.
Speaker 7 (45:17):
So he's British ready and I'm so, I said to
the prop I said to the prop guy, who was
really cool, I was like, could you go on the
other side and just put it like, just hurt me
or put a zip tire or something round, just do something.
Speaker 2 (45:32):
And he goes, well, yeah, but you can see their feet,
so I'll have to put on high heels and I said,
put them on please.
Speaker 3 (45:40):
So this is a true story. So he puts on
high heels. He's just like you know, super manly stunt guy.
Speaker 2 (45:45):
He puts on high heels and he goes behind the
thing so that you see these heels, and he's hurting
me and I'm going ah. And while I was doing that,
the shirt, the business shirt with the long tail, fell
down and covered my butt. The director is British and
the and the director is saying, shirt up, Bronson's shirt
(46:07):
up right, but it comes out shut up, Bronson, shut up,
And I thought he was saying that I was yelling
to loud, so I left the shirt down and I
was going ah, and he's saying.
Speaker 3 (46:21):
Shut up, shut up, because they couldn't use it unless
you could see my ass.
Speaker 2 (46:27):
So finally, this zip tie is so tight that they
had to get the paramedic. I'm not at the I'm
not at the punchline yet, and it's really good because
I don't write these punchlines. This happened, are you ready?
So meanwhile the stuntman's back there. This is this super
like hairy guy. Put the zip tie on, yes, and
he's in high heels and they're getting the paramedic. And
(46:48):
it was the paramedics, first day ever, and he's trying
to cut the zip tie off me, and it's like,
you know, but to do that you have to grab everything,
and so I'm going, oh oh, and shit, I'm going out.
So the stunt guy comes out while I'm doing this
little operation with surgical scissors, and he says to me
(47:09):
right near my ear, compassionately, and I'm not making this up.
If it's any consolation, these heels are killing me. You can't,
you can't.
Speaker 3 (47:20):
You cannot write better than God. God is the best
comedy writer.
Speaker 2 (47:26):
Bizarre story, and it was. And he's actors motivation. He
said it from the heart. He said, if it's I
have to, I get a little graphic. How long have
I known you?
Speaker 3 (47:40):
So now I mean how long have I known you?
Speaker 2 (47:43):
Thirty plus years? Yeah, okay, go ahead. So a zip tie?
Speaker 1 (47:46):
Yeah, and it was around your chaft, yes, and or
that's what I'm asking. Yeah, it used like like a
ring like mechanism they took It's just a zip and
it just kept touching it.
Speaker 2 (47:57):
Yeah, and it hurt a lot.
Speaker 3 (47:58):
And I was going, well, now you know it, what
are those bulls feels like?
Speaker 2 (48:02):
So it was purple and very chilly and they could
and you know, and and then he got purple.
Speaker 3 (48:09):
Oh yeah, like even after they cut it off.
Speaker 2 (48:11):
No ok. And then during and then the poor the
poor young paramedic, and I said, he said, it's my
first day ever. I mean, you can't make a stuff up.
And I was like, okay, so it was removed by
a paramedic. Oh yeah, so he's the paramedic. He's just
I'm sorry. He had a little pair of like nails,
there's no they were they were scissors that there surgical scissors,
(48:33):
and they had like humpback whale knubbles on the hurt you.
And he's like, but in order to get it, you
got to get under it. So we're all on helping him,
like move stuff out of the way, and he sort
of started he must have been nineteen. He's sort of
started to like try to do it without looking, you
know what I mean. And so then it hit me
(48:53):
how wonderfully funny it was. There's like this nineteen year
old trying to free my junk without looking at it,
which I made purple and nice cold by wanting to
be method. And then there's this guy in high heels
going I'm in pain too.
Speaker 3 (49:10):
You can't. You cannot write better comedy than the universe.
Do you know the famous story about Olivier on Marathon Man?
Speaker 2 (49:20):
Yeah, why don't you just try acting?
Speaker 3 (49:22):
Can I do you mind if I make that suggestion.
Speaker 2 (49:25):
Okay to you in the future, because that's boring. The
other thing is the same director started.
Speaker 1 (49:32):
I've I've done some pretty okay work and have never
had somebody wrap my privates in a frick.
Speaker 2 (49:38):
I always say, and I say to my the young
people that I coach, I say, as a last resort,
act otherwise just be just do it, because acting just
you know, it's like vanilla extract.
Speaker 3 (49:52):
You imagine Bronson directing something in the future, bring in
the zip tie.
Speaker 2 (49:56):
But this is how, this is what.
Speaker 3 (49:58):
This is what did realistic acting first came in in
the fifties.
Speaker 2 (50:02):
Would you zip him tie.
Speaker 3 (50:03):
An actor for a film?
Speaker 2 (50:04):
Ear? Yeah? Or I would say to him, if you
really want to make the right sound, if you really
want to sound like a wounded animal called in barbed wire,
it's zip tie town, and I might okay. So anyway,
I'm not making this part up either, So we all
calm down from shut up, shut up, and the zip
tie in the whole thing, okay.
Speaker 3 (50:22):
And the director is one of those English people who
always has a great story.
Speaker 2 (50:27):
And all I remember is the first line and I
bent double laughing, and he said, what's so funny? And
I'll tell you a second, I said, because only only
a brit would start a story with that line and
expect me to get to the middle of the story.
So do you remember a movie called Ryan's Daughter? What
is it? Ryan's Daughter? It was a big, beautiful epic.
(50:48):
It took place in Ireland, beautiful, beautiful of you in
the sixties, in nineteen seventy. So this a beautiful young woman,
a beautiful actress named Sarah Miles. She's still at it.
She was stunning and it was a beautiful movie. So
he starts the story, which I never heard the middle of,
or the or any part of because I was laughing
so hard. So he comes up to just to be
(51:09):
chummy and just be my buddy, and he says, so,
you know, as Sarah Miles used to drink around urine,
and and that's all I heard. I I just was gone.
I said, who but a brit would start a story
with Sarah mont You know, Sarah Miles used to drink
her own urine. I didn't hear the rest of it.
I never could hear the rest of it because he said,
(51:29):
but I haven't gotten to the good pot yet. I said,
but that's the that's the part that's making me so happy.
Speaker 3 (51:36):
You don't think there, you don't you think you're.
Speaker 2 (51:38):
Gonna top that when if she used to drink cut
around urine. So then there was a scene on the
same thing in a porn shop, and we were shooting
in a real porn shop, the real thing. So everybody breaks,
and I don't really like to. I don't like to
fool around on sets or take breaks. Well, I want
to pace. I want to stay in the scene. So
I went and got like one bite of right, and
(52:00):
then I came back and I was wearing pretty realistic clothes,
and the dude they put at the door said ah,
and I said I'm in this, and he goes, yeah, right,
And I couldn't get back on the sick because he
thought I was just a frickin' pervert who wanted to
go in, and I said, I'm in this.
Speaker 3 (52:22):
In your coaching class, yes, you said.
Speaker 2 (52:26):
That.
Speaker 3 (52:27):
More of the idea is to.
Speaker 2 (52:30):
Just be, Yeah, just be if you're acting, it's gonna Well,
I always tell my young people that I'm like, They'll say,
you could you look at this? And I say yes,
but I'm shooting right now, and I will. Just let's
cut to the chase. Why don't you watch it and
if it looks like acting, toss it because if it
looks like acting, it ain't gonna. I don't. I don't
want to see it because well, because the thing is
(52:54):
acting is you know, the best the stuff that you
just can't ever forget as long as you live, is
just they're just being They're not acting. The acting is
the last resort. I mean, you know, the last resort.
And you and I have both done scenes where you've
got an amazing scene partner and then they put a
piece of tape on the lens. That's when you have
to act. Yeah, you have to act, and that is
(53:16):
the last resort. And that's where you bring me. Sometimes
it's just don't laugh, yeah, you know, and sometimes it's
just don't laugh. But that's where your craft comes in.
But other than that, you should just relax and be
and then it with you.
Speaker 1 (53:29):
Is it a lot of that type of Uh, I
don't want to see experimentation.
Speaker 2 (53:34):
But like improvisation.
Speaker 1 (53:35):
Do you know do you allow them to discover stuff
through improvisation?
Speaker 2 (53:38):
I I I will just say take I was coaching
this young fellow. He's so good, and he's doing a
thing where I don't know what he had to say.
He had to be saying I'm so sorry I did that,
and he was kind of okay. It was like acting.
And I remembered him telling me that he is the
most beautiful little too year old boy that you ever saw.
(54:01):
It looks like a little Disney drawing. And I said,
did you ever make did you ever make? Ragnar upset?
And he goes, yeah, I like I ate all his
cookies and then he saw me eating the last one
and he started to cry. And I said, well, just
stay sorry to him and take all the time you need,
but you better see his face, and you know, he
just started. It was the most beautiful than you've ever seen.
(54:22):
And that was his breakthrough. I was like, just say,
started to Ragnar, I don't be sorry. Don't tell me
you're sorry that you broke someone's heart. Tell me. And
then he got it. And it took a while, but
it was the most gorgeous thing you've ever seen. And
he has never looked back. It was revelatory.
Speaker 3 (54:41):
You opened the door for him, and he's never forgotten
this thought process.
Speaker 2 (54:45):
He's so good that it gives me chills. And we
had worked together for a couple of years and I
would go it would be like two hours, and I
was like, just just just let the words out. I
don't act it, and he would do, like, you know,
an acting face stole and I would say, no acting faces,
no squinting, no nothing. Just But then they had this
(55:06):
little boy. He didn't even have the little boy when
it first started. So he has this little boy, and
then he knows where his heart is and then he
thought of I just said, just say sorry to him,
and that was it. Boom, and he is so good.
Now he is so good. Amen, And it's it's wonderful
to see. But sometimes I do think I do come
this close to saying, let's give up, because it's.
Speaker 3 (55:31):
It seems impossible, you know, it seems impossible as but as.
Speaker 2 (55:34):
We know from our own work, you're only ever a
quarter of an inch from greatness. A quarter of an inch.
It's like right there, it's not a leap.
Speaker 1 (55:43):
Well, I think it's fair to say that acting specifically,
acting is the kind of expression that people can be
successful at it that you might not have thought would
have been successful. That that's a very fascinating Yeah, you
know Melting Pot, well look at.
Speaker 2 (56:02):
I mean, you know, there was a time in my
life when I was just getting started where Joe Peshi
in Raging Bull I used to say that, how like,
how can it get that good? He was so simple?
And I was like, I want to be like that.
And I was trying, trying, try and trying, and I
was trying to act, and there he was not trying to.
And of course deniroed just be like you were saying,
(56:25):
and you look at it when you're eighteen and think
how do I get there? And you never My big
turning point was I was doing an unscripted show where
I was building my own house with architectural salvage, and
it was called the Bronson Pinchow Project, and I couldn't
help noticing that I was Bronson Pinchot. So every time
(56:45):
anything would happen, I would just think, oh, that's cool,
Like I don't have to do anything because I'm me.
It's called the Bronson Pincher project, it's my house and
it's for really real my house and I'm and I
would go like, okay, you guys, we're gonna do We're
gonna do this room and I think, I like this
whatever there and and then friends started to call me
and they were like, you've never been so good. I said,
(57:06):
I'm not doing anything and they said exactly right. And
every once in a while. There was one time this
antique lamp arrived in a million pieces because it wasn't
packed well and I opened it up and I went mm,
closed up and gave it and the director said we
need to do that again. I said why and he said, well,
(57:26):
you need to, you know, get more upset. I said,
it was upset, but I need to get on with that.
I needed to do my my pro I need to
and he goes, no, just give us something. I said, no,
I'm Bronson pinchhow it's called the Bronson Pitchroll Project. In
real time. I just opened the box. It's broken. It
hurt me. I'm done with it. I know who I am,
like I it's not gonna get and I said, I
just I don't want to do that's real And it
(57:49):
was so it was so great. Oh, I had an
even better one. All right. So here's the best thing
that happened on that show, the best thing ever. This
is still the reality show. So the one of the
cameraman producers was this fantastic, oh brilliant, wonderful guy and
he was from Venezuela and he had shot me for
like two years in my own house. And he said,
(58:11):
who wants to do? He and my imitation? Bronson? And
I thought, it's going to be brilliant because he can't
do my voice. He's going to do the way I
think because he can't do my voice. So I said,
I'll bite. Then he said, okay, I am Bronson. Ask
me bron what time is it? And so do that
and I'll show you what he did. So I'm Yvonne
and you say, Bronzo, what time is it? The light
(58:36):
traveling across the ceiling? He's like a p and I
was like, in awe, the light, what time is it?
The light traveling across the ceiling is a poem? And
I was like, that is I knew it was going
to be that kind of imitation. It wasn't going to
be a rach little imitation. It was going to be
here's how your mind works. What time, is it? The
(58:57):
light traveling across the ceiling is wonderful because he he
you know, in reality as he saw it, just what
he saw, and he'd been he'd been you know, he
was like watching me through the camera for two years
and he was dead right. I'm not interested in anything linear.
Will you come back and do the show again?
Speaker 6 (59:17):
Okay, thanks, it's tydamn, said Sam guilty lessons.
Speaker 2 (59:25):
This son, this it's so bad.
Speaker 3 (59:28):
He's the one bad deal.
Speaker 2 (59:31):
Reason
Popular Podcasts
40s and Free Agents: NFL Draft Season
Daniel Jeremiah of Move the Sticks and Gregg Rosenthal of NFL Daily join forces to break down every team's needs this offseason.
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com
The Bobby Bones Show
Listen to 'The Bobby Bones Show' by downloading the daily full replay.