February 13, 2024 • 45 mins
This week's episode is entirely about Rosie's experience with 'Guide Dogs of America' and what autism service dogs can do, not only for the child with autism but for the entire family.
Learning about these service dogs who worked with autistic children, it was quickly realized that the child themself is not the dog's handler, so, Rosie became the designated adult, the 'Primary Handler' for her kiddo. Her guest, Kaylie Schmidt, is the volunteer autism service dog coach, that along with the Guide Dog of America trainers, worked with Rosie and the other autism mom during the 10 day in-campus hands on training period. An experience Rosie calls life changing.Link:https://www.guidedogsofamerica.org/
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:12):
Hi, everybody, it's Rosy O'Donnell. Yes it is, and this
is onward my podcast, this interview I jumped right in,
so here we go, Kaylee Schmidt. Take a listen, okay, everybody.
(00:35):
So today's show is going to be all about my
experience with Guide Dogs of America. I can't even begin
to put into words just how changed I am by
the experience of these people, what they do, and what
effect it has on the lives of those people they
(00:56):
are helping. And so basically I'm not an expert. I
am just a new mom of an autism service dog.
And while I was there preparing to go for my
ten day lessons at their dorms and their facility, Guide
(01:16):
Dogs of America And if you want to go online now,
if you're sitting home, Guiddogsofamerica dot org, and you can
just get yourself familiar with what it is that they
do and what it is that they offer. And so
they offer autism service dogs for children twelve and under.
(01:37):
And I did not know anything about this, and I
got involved and I met someone who, to me, should
get Mother of the Year award every year if they
give them out. Kaylee, I'm going to vote for you.
She is an autistic mom married to an autistic man
(01:59):
with autistic children, and she not only has a guide
dog that has changed her life and her family's life.
She took the time out while I was going through
this process with my other autism mom at this place
was Laura, and she personally got involved in helping us
in Kay. I got to tell you, it helped me
(02:20):
so much to have your support and to know another
autistic family that had a service dog. Because I don't
know how you found out about it, but I happened
upon it randomly. I did not know, as an autistic
mom for ten years that this was even an option.
Speaker 2 (02:40):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (02:40):
Yeah, I don't think it's commonly known, you know, And
I think that people don't even realize. For me, I
didn't even know dogs could do autism service work.
Speaker 1 (02:53):
Me.
Speaker 3 (02:54):
I knew about, you know, guide dogs for seeing impaired people,
but that was the extent of my knowledge. So when
my kids got their diagnosis, and then subsequently my husband
and I got our diagnosis, I just decided that I
was going to research everything. It became my special interest.
(03:15):
We talk about special interests and autism all the time,
you know, and autism is my special interest. So I
just started researching what could I do, How can I
help my kids, and how can I help them exist
in a world that is not built for them, you know,
it's not built for us, for the way our brains work.
Speaker 2 (03:37):
And so.
Speaker 3 (03:39):
Once I, once I found it, I was like, this,
this is it, Like, this is the thing that we
have to do. This is you know, going to make
a difference. And I had no idea the impact it
was going to have. And I think you've already gotten
to experience that a little bit in the short time you've.
Speaker 1 (03:57):
Had I'm in shock. Yeah, yeah, I find myself brought
to tears almost every day, two or three times a day,
by the change that I see in my child, by
the letters I'm getting from the teachers and the counselors
in the school saying this was the greatest week we've had.
(04:19):
There's a definite change in this child. And you know,
I wasn't so sure how it was going to work,
but you really answered every question that Laura and I
had and made it so easy. But before we get
to that, can I ask what ages were your children
diagnosed and did it go one at a time or
(04:41):
did you all three kids at once, go there's something
going on here.
Speaker 3 (04:45):
Yeah, So so that it's kind of a complicated answer,
but I'll try to make it as sorry as sweet
as I can.
Speaker 2 (04:52):
But so for what.
Speaker 3 (04:54):
Happened is I have my oldest is a girl, and
then I have two sons and they're all five years apart,
so right now they're fourteen, nine and four.
Speaker 2 (05:04):
And when my middle guy was went.
Speaker 3 (05:08):
Into kindergarten, so five years old, we started noticing that
he was really struggling. He had a really complicated entrance
to life, a lot of medically complex things, and so
the things we were seeing when he was a baby,
I think we dismissed because we thought they were related
to his medical care. And of course he was afraid
(05:28):
of people because he had had so many procedures that
he was, you know, fearful, or of course he struggled
with some sensory issues because he didn't eat my mouth,
he had a feeding tube, and so you know, of
course that would be related. And so I think we
kind of shoot off some of the things that we
were seeing. And then at the same time, our daughter
(05:53):
was struggling, but she was struggling so differently than how
typical may present on the autism spectrum, and so it
wasn't even on my radar, you know. And so when
my middle guy, when the world shut down in twenty twenty,
my middle guy had a total crisis and we were like,
(06:15):
what do we do? You know, there were no resources,
the doctor's offices were closed. Anywhere we could go it
was either virtual or with a mask on, which really
hit a lot of the things that he was trying
that we were trying to, you know, get a doctor
to see. And so we ended up getting him diagnosed
(06:35):
at Mayo Clinic. And once I started doing the research
on that, I was like, this is what is going
on with my kids. So he was six when he
got his diagnosis, and then my daughter got her diagnosis
at twelve. She was the second one to get it.
And then our youngest was born in twenty nineteen, so
(06:57):
he was just a baby when we first heard about autos.
Speaker 2 (07:01):
And I knew right away.
Speaker 3 (07:04):
I'm quite certain he is on the spectrum as well,
given what we were seeing with his century sensory issues
from birth.
Speaker 1 (07:13):
And then your you and your husband get diagnosed. How
did that occurs? Wild and had you thought of it
before you saw no, okay, no, never for yourself. You
never felt like when you hear about autism, that could
be me a little bit? I focus hypo. Never.
Speaker 3 (07:29):
I I don't think I ever thought about it for
myself realistically, because I was so hyper focused on this
being about my kids, you know, like I don't know,
I didn't. It was a compartmentalize things in my brain
when I'm researching, and so I think I was so
intensely focused on helping them that it didn't quite register
(07:52):
until I brought my daughter for her diagnosis and I
found someone that knew autism and girls that was very
importan to me. So I found a diagnostician who was
she herself is on the spectrum, and I was like,
this is awesome. My daughter can see someone you know,
in a great career that is also autistic, and we
(08:14):
can get some really good insight. And as she was
testing her, she starts bringing up all these things, and
in my head, I'm going, that's not the universal human experience,
Like that doesn't happen to neurotypical people. Because I was answering, yes, yes.
Speaker 1 (08:34):
Can you think of a question or a fan or
is it you know so lend.
Speaker 3 (08:39):
Yeah, I think that like the one that I think
of the most, that is in all, like all of
the autism screeners, is like, would you rather be at
a party or in a library? And I remember thinking
that is the dumbest question because I need so many
more other qualifying factors to understand how to answer that question.
(08:59):
You know, is it a library studying something I enjoy?
Or am I studying for a test I don't want
to do?
Speaker 2 (09:06):
Or am I at a party with people I like?
Or am I a.
Speaker 3 (09:09):
Party with nobody? I know, you know, I don't know
which one I want. And my daughter said the same
exact thing. She's like, I don't know how to answer that.
I need more information. And so, you know, that was one,
and then you know other ones were you know, seeing
patterns and things which I had seen since childhood, you know,
(09:31):
and really dismissed because I just thought it was something
that I enjoyed. So it was, you know, very interesting
to sit in on her.
Speaker 1 (09:41):
And think, gosh, this is me, this is yeah. Yeah,
and then your husband as well. I mean, I think
there's a very very beautiful Amy Schumer documentary about finding
out that her husband was on the spectrum, and I
was so moved by it. I was so blown away
by the whole thing and adult diagnosis of autism. How
(10:03):
it reframes everything that you lived before it, you know,
and it makes you uniquely qualified to understand your children
in a way that neurotypical people maybe wouldn't be able to.
Speaker 3 (10:17):
Yeah, I always felt like I had this primal connection
to my children, like more so than just like beyond motherhood.
Right Like, for some reason, when I went into dealing
with my children's meltdowns, even before.
Speaker 2 (10:33):
I knew what label to put on, that.
Speaker 3 (10:37):
I knew, Okay, he needs this right now, and I
just thought, I'm a deep feeler, you know, I'm a
big feeler, and so I feel their feels. But it
did reframe everything, getting the diagnosis and realizing, like I
understand them so deeply because they are me. I think
when I was researching autism, before I knew I was autistic,
(10:59):
I was so passionate about finding autistic adults to talk to,
because that's who I wanted the information from, not the
doctor who was going to tell me fifty five million
things to do for my kids, right I wanted to
talk to somebody who grew up autistic, and I wanted
them to tell me what helped you, what made you
feel more comfortable, and what do you wish your parents
(11:20):
didn't do, you know, what was harmful?
Speaker 2 (11:22):
Because I wanted to avoid those things.
Speaker 3 (11:25):
And so then realizing that I was that autistic person, was,
you know, an interesting experience for sure.
Speaker 1 (11:32):
More with Kayleie after this, you're told when your kid
(11:57):
is autistic that there's really nothing you can do besides
a Really there's no help, there's no you know. Oh,
you can get them evaluated if they need meds to
help their anxiety, you know, but there really isn't any
And this is a therapeutic choice for your family. And
at Guide Dogs of America it is completely free of charge.
(12:22):
It always has been and it always will be. It's
like the Saint Jude's of Service and Guide Dogs for
people with disabilities in their family. And I am in
awe of the place, as I'm sure you are too.
But how did you first come to read and find
out about this dog experience?
Speaker 2 (12:44):
Yeah?
Speaker 3 (12:44):
So I had noticed that my son when he had
he has pretty intense smeltdowns, I'll use that describer, and
I wanted so desperately for him to have something that
would calm him. But I couldn't find the thing, you know,
And I started noticing that when we were at my parents' house,
actually they had a dog, and when he laid with her,
(13:08):
he was calmer. And I was like, oh my gosh,
there has to be something about the connection between autistic
children and animals. Because there's animal therapy, there's hippotherapy. We
had done echoine therapy, which is horse therapy for a while,
and so I was.
Speaker 2 (13:25):
Like, what about a dog? What about a dog? And
so I start researching, like how to train your dog? Right,
like if I got a dog and got training for it.
Speaker 3 (13:34):
And then I saw these you know, things come up
about autism service dogs, and so I went to some
friends who in the autistic community near live where I live,
and I asked them, do you know anybody who has
autism service dog? And I got connected to somebody and
I started talking to her and I was like, oh
(13:55):
my gosh, like this is the thing I know, this
is what I want to do.
Speaker 2 (14:00):
So when I.
Speaker 3 (14:00):
Started researching, you know, me be me, I couldn't just
research the ones that were close to me. I had
to research all of them in the USA, and I
kept coming back to guide Dogs of America. Something about
the way that they do things and the people I
talked to and their connection to the families is so unique,
(14:22):
even beyond other service dog organizations.
Speaker 2 (14:26):
I think that they know what they're doing in in
such it's so natural for them.
Speaker 3 (14:35):
And then I loved that they wanted to know from
us what would be the most helpful and they took
that advice like they didn't just ask the question to
check off a survey or to you know, complete some metric,
Like they really wanted to know what was it about
my child that I wanted support for and not to
(14:58):
fix my child to because it was so difficult, Rosie,
and I know you know this, to find things that
weren't trying to eliminate what was unique about my children
and about myself.
Speaker 1 (15:10):
I completely agree, even though I understand that there are
kids with autism and it's so so difficult and hard
for the family, and I'm not trying to take anything
away from anyone on the same journey that we're on
in varying degrees. But you know, there is no cure,
(15:31):
or there really is no no need for a cure.
There's a need for acceptance, there's a need for acceptance
of people who have a different operating system in their brain.
They don't have you know, Apple, and they don't have Microsoft.
They got something else, and everyone is different. You can't
(15:53):
just get the autism brain and think it's going to
be the same, you know. I mean, I have a
kid who goes very much inward. You know, there haven't
been many at all. Maybe I can count on one
hand in eleven years meltdowns, sure, you know, and that
doesn't make her in any way unique. There's all different
(16:14):
ways that autism manifests and expresses itself. Yes, And so
you decided you were going to get one, and then
you started the application process, and I got to tell
people it is it's like a college application, you know.
Speaker 3 (16:29):
I think it's more intense than a college application. It was,
you know, it was quite a It wasn't a deterrent, right,
but it.
Speaker 1 (16:37):
Was more a commitment.
Speaker 3 (16:40):
Yeah, it was a commitment. And I think I appreciated that.
I think all along and I hope you feel this
way too. But they were very real about what I
was taking on, you know, like they weren't sugarcoating what
this experience was going to be. Like we talk about
how incredible the experiences, but it is a challenge. I think,
(17:00):
something new you're taking on another family member, you are
you know, learning a whole new way of existing and
working in the world.
Speaker 2 (17:08):
That's not an easy task.
Speaker 3 (17:10):
And so I really appreciated the fact that the even
the application was really real about what we were taking
on and what we were you know, to expect.
Speaker 1 (17:22):
Yes, I made a joke when I got there, when
I saw Russ, I was like, you know, you took
my blood, you gave you paps me or what else
do you need for this?
Speaker 4 (17:29):
You know?
Speaker 1 (17:30):
But they're very thorough and they should be. You know
that many many years and many hours and and uh
training that these dogs, and that these people, the amount
of people that put time and effort into these dogs.
It's not a casual thing. You don't casually get one
of these dogs. And and you know casually uh you
(17:53):
know included or embrace it into You have to be
all in in order to do this and how it's
going to change your life. And what I first asked
you when we first spoke, Kayley, was how has it
changed your child? You got this for your your middle son,
and how did you decide that that would be the
(18:14):
dog's primary focus, or that your son was the one
of the three that would best respond to this.
Speaker 3 (18:21):
Yeah, so I think he was the one that struggled
to get out in the community the most. I saw
this tendency in him to self isolate, and he's so incredible, Like,
I just don't want to miss the opportunity to talk
about how incredible my children are, Like I am in
awe of them every day, And so I hated the
(18:45):
thought of him not getting to experience the things he
wanted to experience because of this fear.
Speaker 2 (18:51):
You know.
Speaker 3 (18:52):
And so I was like, if I have to choose one,
I think he's the one that would need the support
to get out so that all of us that is
a family could have the experiences we want to have
right collectively as a family. And the amazing thing though,
is that since then, in talking with the trainers and
(19:15):
working on everything, Hadley, our dog, now works for all
three of my kids. So she has taken on the
role of autism service dog and then just got above
and beyond, Like she came home and bonded with my
middle son so well, and then she just was.
Speaker 2 (19:38):
Like, oh, this one also needs me. Cool, I know
what to do and she did. She did. She just
innately knows them. They do.
Speaker 3 (19:45):
They come home and they're like, this is what I've
been training for, Like I know what to do, and
I'm so good at this exactly they are.
Speaker 1 (19:53):
How long have you had your dog?
Speaker 2 (19:56):
Hadley's been home with us? It'll be a year in March.
Speaker 1 (19:59):
And if you can would say, like what what what
would you say? The difference before the dog and the
difference now almost a year out.
Speaker 3 (20:08):
I mean night and day. Really, it makes me super
emotional because we weren't going anywhere, like, we weren't doing anything.
Speaker 1 (20:18):
I'm here that we have the same problem here.
Speaker 2 (20:21):
We were so isolated.
Speaker 3 (20:23):
Yes, I understand, and I don't think I realized how
lonely I felt and how.
Speaker 2 (20:31):
How isolated I felt.
Speaker 3 (20:32):
You know, I think COVID gave everyone a little taste
of what it's like to feel isolated, and so everyone
has a connection to that feeling, and it's just not
natural as human beings, autism or not. We don't do
life alone. And so when I started to feel like
(20:56):
the struggles were preventing us from from having a commune
and from feeling like we could do the things that
my children wanted to do and accomplish. Then you know,
that's when we started being like, Okay, we got to
fix this or we got to do something about this.
And so when she came home, I was just hoping,
like maybe he can go to swimming lessons or like
(21:19):
maybe we could go back to school in person, like
really small dreams, you know, like the when you think
about it.
Speaker 1 (21:30):
Was getting to go go out to dinner, which we
haven't diet, but we're braiding up right, but like.
Speaker 3 (21:35):
To a typical family, Rosie, like that would be such
a small thing, like we did that last tuesday.
Speaker 2 (21:40):
Who cares to us? That is a huge.
Speaker 3 (21:43):
Hurdle, right, Like, that is a big deal for our kids,
and we don't want to do it to their detriment.
We want to do it and have them enjoy it
and have them be able to you know, access it.
Speaker 1 (21:53):
And so and now to feel safe. You know that
they feel safe enough and that the fear can be
a baited enough that they can enjoy eating you know,
pasta with butter, but still in a restaurant, getting a
dessert or that they like. And you know, I mean
it's a big, big deal. And if you go years
(22:14):
without doing that, you know what does that do to
the development of a child's social like you you know.
Speaker 3 (22:23):
Yeah, And I think there's this big misconception about autistic
individuals that we are not social, or that we don't
have a desire to have relationships or to be with people,
or that we're completely fine being alone. And like, I
think that came out of the fact that, yes, we
do need to isolate sometimes to recover and recoup and
(22:46):
to kind of recharge for the next experience. But I
greatly want to be social. My children greatly want to
be social. They want relationships, they want interactions with other people.
It is absolutely not true that they are incapable of
love or human emotions or this multrum of human experiences.
(23:08):
They are human beings that deserve to have every experience
that they want to have, just like anyone who is
neurotypical does. So to go back to your question of
how life has changed, Hadley has he's.
Speaker 2 (23:23):
My middle guy.
Speaker 3 (23:24):
Is leaving the house on a regular basis, We are
going out in the community. But the best part is
we have been able to get through life with such
joy along the way. And I don't know that we
were fully experiencing joy for a while there. You know,
(23:45):
we were really struggling, and so we had a lot
of life.
Speaker 1 (23:49):
I think because people don't understand how it incrementally decreases,
like all of a sudden, you're like, oh, it's another
weekend and I'm by myself and they're in their zone.
And you know, you go into that zone as often
as they'll let you, you know. But but the choice
of isolation is always their choice, and for my kiddo,
(24:14):
you know, because it's.
Speaker 3 (24:15):
Safe, and they're going to choose safety over doing something
that is going to literally light their their sensory sloop on.
Speaker 1 (24:24):
Fire right right exactly.
Speaker 3 (24:26):
So if they don't feel like they can recharge and
support themselves enough, then they're not going to choose to
do the thing that's really hard. And I think that's
what the service dog does is provide, like one, the
reassurance that this the tool that I need is right
next to me at all times, and they're watching me
(24:50):
to help me know when I need that tool, right,
because sometimes the hard part is knowing like Okay, I
know that I can ask for help or use a
fidget or for deep pressure, whatever the thing is, but
maybe they can't be verbal in that moment to say
that I need that thing, or maybe they're not even.
Speaker 2 (25:09):
Able to recognize in their body that it's coming.
Speaker 3 (25:14):
And so the dogs become so in tune, like I
know right now, you just brought Kuma home, so you're
cueing her a lot cues, the word you know, we
use for giving the dog a command to do the
thing that we our child needs, you know, whether that
be deep pressure or you know, some getting close so
(25:37):
that they can be touched or whatever.
Speaker 1 (25:39):
It is a nudge to disrupt maybe some stemming behavior
or behavior that you know, maybe is hurtful to themselves,
you know.
Speaker 2 (25:47):
Right right.
Speaker 3 (25:49):
But now a year in, I'm cuing her less and less.
She's just naturally doing it like she knows, oh mom,
And she'll look at me like you're not going to
cue me right now, like fine, I'll do it myself,
but I better get a kibble for it, you know.
Speaker 2 (26:06):
So she is so incredibly intelligent.
Speaker 3 (26:10):
And I saw that from the moment that we brought
her home that this connection was going to be so
intense because I hadn't gotten my diagnosis yet when I
brought her home and she I was flying and I'm
a nervous fire, never been good at it. And she
was at my feet and the landing was happening. There
(26:34):
was a little bit of turbulence, and I could feel
my heart rate picking up, like, oh man, I hate
this part, you know. And she jumped up and got
on my lap. And they're not supposed to get out
of the que that you put them in. And I
was like, what are you doing, Like we are landing,
there are people around me. Get back down, and so
I accuted her to go back down, and she got
back down, but I.
Speaker 2 (26:51):
Could tell she didn't want What are you doing? You know?
And so as we land it was a bumpy landing.
Speaker 3 (26:58):
And as the first time hit, she popped back up
and she stayed on my lap and I could tell
I could not get her down.
Speaker 2 (27:04):
Yeah, but she knew, like she knew what I needed.
And we had only been together for ten days.
Speaker 1 (27:10):
Wait right, you know, and that's had a thing that
makes me cry three times a day. Yeah, because I
see that the dog is sensing what my child is
doing and trying to figure out how to best deal
with it. Right, So it was interesting that, you know,
(27:32):
we stayed home today because we had a COVID exposure,
So we stayed home from school today. And it's the
first day that she just really gets to hang out.
And she was on the couch and we put the
blankets on the couch so that she can cuddle with her,
because that's what we want, that connection. And the dog
(27:53):
jumps up and puts herself like in the way of
Dakota's iPad right and does a lap and I call
her down, and Dakota said, no, no, I liked it,
you know. Yeah, So I was like, Wow, the dog knew,
you know. I thought, Oh, it's going to interrupt what
she's doing and it's going to annoy her. No, no,
(28:14):
I liked it. I liked it. So I queued back,
and of course Kumba went and did the whole thing
war with Kaylee after this. It's pretty much like a
(28:46):
huge event in your life, you know, when you were
going to the ten days and you realized, but you
did all the research that you had to go live
there in Silmar for ten days in a dorm. You
have two other autistic children and maybe not known yet
but autistic husband. And I don't assume you had ever
(29:06):
done that before, taken ten days off to go do
something by yourself.
Speaker 3 (29:11):
No, no, I had never left them for that long,
and honestly, that was the one piece that I was like,
I don't know if we.
Speaker 2 (29:17):
Can do this.
Speaker 1 (29:18):
That's what I thought too.
Speaker 3 (29:19):
I rallied our community and made it happen piece together
with the childcare that I needed to make it happen,
and it was the best time investment I've ever made,
because you truly do need the ten days to fully
immerse yourself in the experience, and they are so intentional
(29:44):
with the way that they do the training. They know
their stuff, and so I feel like once I got
to know the trainers, I was like, Okay, I trust
that they are having me there for ten days for
a reason, and you absolutely use every minute of those
ten days to learn what you need to learn and
allow the dog and handler bond to begin and solidify
(30:09):
enough that you feel comfortable to go home and continue
that journey. So it looking back now, I can tell
you that that was the best foundation to what I
needed to know to make sure that that bond happened
for my children, and it absolutely has.
Speaker 1 (30:27):
That's exactly what I felt. I was like, I don't
think I can do this ten days away, and then
the day I was driving there, I was like, maybe
I should just cancel. And you know, I had all
these things in my head and I went there and
I found it to be exceeded my expectations in any
way possible. I didn't know dogs could do this. I
(30:49):
didn't understand you're getting a real dog that is going
to have real dog playtime stuff in your house while
also working sometimes in the house without the vest, right
because you're sitting watching TV. And I can cue her
without a leash and tell her what to do and
she will go and do it. A lot of people
have asked me, and I've said it so many times,
(31:11):
but maybe you can explain why a little better than
I have been able to. Everyone's going is the dolla
going to go to school with Clay? And I'm like,
that's an impossible thing to do because I am the handler.
So maybe you can explain that.
Speaker 3 (31:24):
Yeah, So you know, autism service dogs are a unique
experience because it's a three man team, right. You have
the handler, the service dog, and then the child who
is the recipient is the term we use, but basically
the child that benefits from the dog.
Speaker 2 (31:42):
And so.
Speaker 3 (31:45):
If we were to separate the dog from the handler,
which is the person they know holds the treats, but
also is the one who has been cuing them and
knows them and knows what to expect from them. Then
we're asking a child who is in a time of need,
a time of discomfort, to then recall cues and recall.
Speaker 2 (32:06):
What they need to do to cue the dog for
what they need.
Speaker 3 (32:09):
It's just it's an impossible and very very difficult thing
to put on top of a situation that's already very
hard for them. So to ask an autistic individual in
the middle of a meltdown or even on their way
to a meltdown, it doesn't even have to get to
that peak of a meltdown, but in a time of discomfort,
(32:30):
to ask them then to do something else would not
be fair.
Speaker 2 (32:35):
In that moment.
Speaker 1 (32:36):
Right, it's too much and so too much, And that
the handler is the grown up. The handler is the
grown up, and the child is sort of the charge
or the recipient of the dog of the dog's training. Right,
It's not that for me that I'm getting the dog too,
although I do get the dog to sit on my lap,
so how am I getting? But it is for me too,
(32:59):
Like that's another thing I realized, Like you know how
emotionally defended. I was because this kind of broke down
all those walls, you know, I found like once I
started crying, and it was hard not to cry there
because did you happen to have visually impaired students as
well at the school the time you were there.
Speaker 2 (33:20):
No, we had.
Speaker 3 (33:22):
Several facility dogs and several veteran or mobility dogs, but
we didn't have any visually impaired teams.
Speaker 1 (33:31):
Yeah, because we had six visually impaired people, and then
we had six service dog people, two with veterans with mobility,
and two facility dogs and then two autism dogs, which
was a wonderful kind of balance, you know. But to
see the blind people making their way learning what they
(33:56):
need to learn without the ability to see and a
walking stick, and they get through their life, and it
was a beautiful thing. Like, you know, I have never
been around that many visually impaired people in my life
at one time. And they had been together for two
(34:16):
weeks before we showed up for our ten days, and
they were rip roaringly funny and playing Uno and screaming
all night and keeping us awake. And they were the funniest,
most heartwarmingly inspiring group of people to have next to
you when you know you always you always think that
you know life is greener somewhere else, but your own
(34:41):
life is what you have to deal with. And to
see people do it with grace, to see those veterans
who have mobility issue walking the five miles a day
that we walk sometime in the mall and at the beach,
and to try to get these these dogs ready for
their permanent home. I was moved by the dedication of
(35:01):
the trainers and the puppy raisers. And it's like magical
when you see them do it. It feels like magic.
Speaker 2 (35:08):
You know it is.
Speaker 3 (35:09):
It is, And those puppy raisers are such an important
part of that journey because they are there the puppies
first experience with a family or with kids, or with
going out in the community or just learning to be
you know, around the house hanging out like you said.
Speaker 2 (35:26):
And so.
Speaker 3 (35:28):
They are so so so important and such a vital
part of the program for them.
Speaker 1 (35:35):
And there's a big need in Silmour in southern California.
If you're in southern California and you feel as though
you have the heart to raise a puppy, usually a
lab or a lab golden mix from ten weeks to
sixteen months, and then you give the puppy back to
Guide Dogs of America and they choose what track the
(35:55):
dog goes on to be a service dog for AUTUS,
for vets with mobility or PTSD, or for visually impaired people.
Those are the three groups that they help at Guide
Dogs Offamerica dot org. You have been so helpful to
me and I know to Laura, and I think you're
(36:16):
a wonderful speaker. I think you should write a book
without a doubt about you know, your life with autism
and with three autistic kids. You're like, you know, as
Laura looked over to me when you were speaking one time,
she says, autistic mom goals. I'm like, totally right, autistic
mom goals, Right.
Speaker 2 (36:36):
I love that. I love that. Well, thank you, I
appreciate it.
Speaker 3 (36:39):
I think you know, on this journey, we talk about
how lonely it can be, and so I know that
I learned the most from people who are a little
bit ahead of me in that journey, and we're willing
to turn back and offer their hand and say, yeah,
I know the way.
Speaker 2 (36:52):
Let's go. Let's do this thing.
Speaker 1 (36:54):
You know, exactly.
Speaker 3 (36:55):
It's such a rewarding part of this journey to be
able to help someone else along the way.
Speaker 1 (37:00):
Well, I hope to be to someone what you were
to me. And oh, Kayleie, thank you so much.
Speaker 2 (37:05):
You are so welcome.
Speaker 3 (37:07):
And remember for.
Speaker 1 (37:07):
More information Guide Dogs of America, Guide Doogs of America
dot org. Tell them Rosie and Kaylee sent you. We'll
be back right after this. I'm going. And by the way, everybody,
(37:29):
Kaylee volunteers as an autism handler coach. That's, you know,
really what she did for me. And it's amazing how
everyone involved at that organization is just fantastic. Check them
out Guiddogs of America dot org. All right, hope you
enjoyed that. We got some questions and comments for today.
Number one is somebody named Garth.
Speaker 5 (37:51):
Hit it Garth Hi, Rosies garethea. I'm calling from the
city of Wrexham in the United Kingdom. It's where Ryan
Reynolds had just purchased the football stadium, so he's here
quite a lot at the moment. I obviously didn't really
see your shows because I'm in the UK, so I
(38:13):
don't think we received your shows in the nineties and noughties,
but I remember you from the film A League of
their Own, and I found clips of you on YouTube
on the view, which also we don't get, and so
I became a fan really from that across the pond.
(38:36):
My question is to do with your love of Barbara
streisand and streisand I should say it correctly because I
have that same kind of love for Shanaia Twain. And
the reason why is because my mother, who has now
passed away about twelve years ago, was a big fan
of his. But she didn't leave the house very much.
(38:58):
I think she was depressed. And twenty years ago, Shania
Twain did a tour called Up Tour, and I managed
to get her to the concert because I said, you
really love Shanaia and I'd really love to take you,
and took a bit of persuasion, but I did get
her there and she managed to shake Shania Twain's hand.
She went to the stage. I don't know how she
(39:19):
got so bold, but she went to the stage and
she shook her hand and she was over the moon.
So it was a memory that I'm so grateful for
that I managed to get her to this concert. So
fast forward twenty years so last year, Shania Twain was
doing a concert in the United Kingdom in September and
I went along with some friends and I got to
(39:40):
shake Shanaiawain's hand. She managed to just come past me,
and I was quite moved by the moment because it
felt like I was shaking hands with my mother, even
though Shanaia has no idea who I am or my
story or anything like that, but she just I'll send
you the clippers. Well, because my friend was filmingu ites,
(40:02):
I'll send that via email if I can. So, yeah,
my questions to do with that and your love of
Barbara streisand so can you just tell me a little
bit of can you see some similarities with my love
of Shneia and your love of Barbara? Take care? Thank
you for listening, Hi, Garth.
Speaker 1 (40:22):
I love your voice. I could listen to you all day.
I love your accent, I love the lilt of your voice.
I just think it's You're delightful. And yes, that is
exactly how my love of Barbara started. By my mother's
love of Barbara. And I could always tell if my
mom was in a good mood, if she was playing
(40:44):
streisand you know, and if she was in a bad mood.
It was the sound of silence, Hello darkness, my old friend.
You know, I understand completely when when Barbara streisand walked
through those doors and I hadn't seen her yet at
that day at the show, it totally felt like my
(41:04):
mom was walking through those doors the curtains, and you know,
it was very, very emotional. In fact, it's hard for
me to watch the clip because it's so much bigger
and the feeling is like goes so deep. And I
think she's one of a kind. And it has been
(41:28):
the greatest joy to get to be in her orbit.
And I'm in the middle of the book. I'm loving it.
I waited till I had some real time off to myself,
and I can't wait to talk about it with our
guest next week, which is Linda Richmond. Linda Richmond, you
(41:48):
all know coffee Talk from Saturday Night Live with Mike
Mayas he would do Linda. It's Linda that he was doing,
and so she and I are the original Barber streisand lovers,
and we will be discussing Barbara and many other things.
But thank you, Garth, thank you so much. We have
(42:09):
one more question comment from Luri hit it.
Speaker 4 (42:14):
Hi, Rosie, my name is Lori. I'm calling from northern California.
Huge fan of your podcasts. The other day I was
listening to SmartLess and Mark Ruffalo was on there and
he was talking about some mini series he did called
I Know This Much is True, and I was like,
what Wally Lamb? Could that be the same story? So
(42:38):
I start I found it and I started watching it.
I finished watching it all in one day. I gotta say,
Rosie O'donald's in it. Are you kidding me? You were
outstanding in that role. Oh my god, I'm so proud
of you. We share the same birthday, which is neither
here nor there, but you where's the Emmy? Where's the
(42:59):
Emmy that Rosie o'donald? Anyway, good luck with a new puppy.
I hope you're great. Thanks for listening. Sorry for the ramble.
It's the wine hour, you know. Anyway, Thank you.
Speaker 1 (43:12):
I thank you, Laurie, Thank you so much. That's so,
you know. It is definitely the best experience I had
acting on a movie was the set with Mark Ruffalo
and Derek cian Franz, who is the director who is
(43:32):
extraordinary and google his movies and listen to the scores,
and he's a genius I think, and so is Mark Ruffalo.
So to get to be working with the two of
them was just the greatest thrill of my career, truthfully,
really was. And I thank you for all the nice comments.
(43:53):
And Mark did win the Emmy for that, and I
was very proud of him. I didn't get nominated, but
that's okay. You know, there were a lot of great
performances and you can't ever really compare art. It's nice
when you get noticed, but it's nice when people just
come up to you and say, hey, I think you
did well in that, you know, like you just did, Lurie,
So thank you for that. Thank you very much. And
(44:15):
happy almost birthday to us, either you the same year
as me or just March twenty one, because are you
going to turn sixty two and you were born in
sixty two, because that's pretty wild. I think it means
it's the golden birthday, which means what people have to
give you gold. I don't really know. I'll have to
google that before next week. All right, Laurie, thank you,
(44:39):
thank you all for listening to hear this whole podcast
thing we do. We got Linda Richmond next week. Really,
no one like it. Really, Barber Streis that she's like butter.
Speaker 2 (44:54):
You know.
Speaker 1 (44:55):
That's Linda Richmond and I talk to her every day,
and he's she's my mom here in a Los Angeles
and in my heart. So Linda Richmond next week, see you.
Then people peace out,
Hi, everybody, it's Rosy O'Donnell. Yes it is, and this
is onward my podcast, this interview I jumped right in,
so here we go, Kaylee Schmidt. Take a listen, okay, everybody.
(00:35):
So today's show is going to be all about my
experience with Guide Dogs of America. I can't even begin
to put into words just how changed I am by
the experience of these people, what they do, and what
effect it has on the lives of those people they
(00:56):
are helping. And so basically I'm not an expert. I
am just a new mom of an autism service dog.
And while I was there preparing to go for my
ten day lessons at their dorms and their facility, Guide
(01:16):
Dogs of America And if you want to go online now,
if you're sitting home, Guiddogsofamerica dot org, and you can
just get yourself familiar with what it is that they
do and what it is that they offer. And so
they offer autism service dogs for children twelve and under.
(01:37):
And I did not know anything about this, and I
got involved and I met someone who, to me, should
get Mother of the Year award every year if they
give them out. Kaylee, I'm going to vote for you.
She is an autistic mom married to an autistic man
(01:59):
with autistic children, and she not only has a guide
dog that has changed her life and her family's life.
She took the time out while I was going through
this process with my other autism mom at this place
was Laura, and she personally got involved in helping us
in Kay. I got to tell you, it helped me
(02:20):
so much to have your support and to know another
autistic family that had a service dog. Because I don't
know how you found out about it, but I happened
upon it randomly. I did not know, as an autistic
mom for ten years that this was even an option.
Speaker 2 (02:40):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (02:40):
Yeah, I don't think it's commonly known, you know, And
I think that people don't even realize. For me, I
didn't even know dogs could do autism service work.
Speaker 1 (02:53):
Me.
Speaker 3 (02:54):
I knew about, you know, guide dogs for seeing impaired people,
but that was the extent of my knowledge. So when
my kids got their diagnosis, and then subsequently my husband
and I got our diagnosis, I just decided that I
was going to research everything. It became my special interest.
(03:15):
We talk about special interests and autism all the time,
you know, and autism is my special interest. So I
just started researching what could I do, How can I
help my kids, and how can I help them exist
in a world that is not built for them, you know,
it's not built for us, for the way our brains work.
Speaker 2 (03:37):
And so.
Speaker 3 (03:39):
Once I, once I found it, I was like, this,
this is it, Like, this is the thing that we
have to do. This is you know, going to make
a difference. And I had no idea the impact it
was going to have. And I think you've already gotten
to experience that a little bit in the short time you've.
Speaker 1 (03:57):
Had I'm in shock. Yeah, yeah, I find myself brought
to tears almost every day, two or three times a day,
by the change that I see in my child, by
the letters I'm getting from the teachers and the counselors
in the school saying this was the greatest week we've had.
(04:19):
There's a definite change in this child. And you know,
I wasn't so sure how it was going to work,
but you really answered every question that Laura and I
had and made it so easy. But before we get
to that, can I ask what ages were your children
diagnosed and did it go one at a time or
(04:41):
did you all three kids at once, go there's something
going on here.
Speaker 3 (04:45):
Yeah, So so that it's kind of a complicated answer,
but I'll try to make it as sorry as sweet
as I can.
Speaker 2 (04:52):
But so for what.
Speaker 3 (04:54):
Happened is I have my oldest is a girl, and
then I have two sons and they're all five years apart,
so right now they're fourteen, nine and four.
Speaker 2 (05:04):
And when my middle guy was went.
Speaker 3 (05:08):
Into kindergarten, so five years old, we started noticing that
he was really struggling. He had a really complicated entrance
to life, a lot of medically complex things, and so
the things we were seeing when he was a baby,
I think we dismissed because we thought they were related
to his medical care. And of course he was afraid
(05:28):
of people because he had had so many procedures that
he was, you know, fearful, or of course he struggled
with some sensory issues because he didn't eat my mouth,
he had a feeding tube, and so you know, of
course that would be related. And so I think we
kind of shoot off some of the things that we
were seeing. And then at the same time, our daughter
(05:53):
was struggling, but she was struggling so differently than how
typical may present on the autism spectrum, and so it
wasn't even on my radar, you know. And so when
my middle guy, when the world shut down in twenty twenty,
my middle guy had a total crisis and we were like,
(06:15):
what do we do? You know, there were no resources,
the doctor's offices were closed. Anywhere we could go it
was either virtual or with a mask on, which really
hit a lot of the things that he was trying
that we were trying to, you know, get a doctor
to see. And so we ended up getting him diagnosed
(06:35):
at Mayo Clinic. And once I started doing the research
on that, I was like, this is what is going
on with my kids. So he was six when he
got his diagnosis, and then my daughter got her diagnosis
at twelve. She was the second one to get it.
And then our youngest was born in twenty nineteen, so
(06:57):
he was just a baby when we first heard about autos.
Speaker 2 (07:01):
And I knew right away.
Speaker 3 (07:04):
I'm quite certain he is on the spectrum as well,
given what we were seeing with his century sensory issues
from birth.
Speaker 1 (07:13):
And then your you and your husband get diagnosed. How
did that occurs? Wild and had you thought of it
before you saw no, okay, no, never for yourself. You
never felt like when you hear about autism, that could
be me a little bit? I focus hypo. Never.
Speaker 3 (07:29):
I I don't think I ever thought about it for
myself realistically, because I was so hyper focused on this
being about my kids, you know, like I don't know,
I didn't. It was a compartmentalize things in my brain
when I'm researching, and so I think I was so
intensely focused on helping them that it didn't quite register
(07:52):
until I brought my daughter for her diagnosis and I
found someone that knew autism and girls that was very
importan to me. So I found a diagnostician who was
she herself is on the spectrum, and I was like,
this is awesome. My daughter can see someone you know,
in a great career that is also autistic, and we
(08:14):
can get some really good insight. And as she was
testing her, she starts bringing up all these things, and
in my head, I'm going, that's not the universal human experience,
Like that doesn't happen to neurotypical people. Because I was answering, yes, yes.
Speaker 1 (08:34):
Can you think of a question or a fan or
is it you know so lend.
Speaker 3 (08:39):
Yeah, I think that like the one that I think
of the most, that is in all, like all of
the autism screeners, is like, would you rather be at
a party or in a library? And I remember thinking
that is the dumbest question because I need so many
more other qualifying factors to understand how to answer that question.
(08:59):
You know, is it a library studying something I enjoy?
Or am I studying for a test I don't want
to do?
Speaker 2 (09:06):
Or am I at a party with people I like?
Or am I a.
Speaker 3 (09:09):
Party with nobody? I know, you know, I don't know
which one I want. And my daughter said the same
exact thing. She's like, I don't know how to answer that.
I need more information. And so, you know, that was one,
and then you know other ones were you know, seeing
patterns and things which I had seen since childhood, you know,
(09:31):
and really dismissed because I just thought it was something
that I enjoyed. So it was, you know, very interesting
to sit in on her.
Speaker 1 (09:41):
And think, gosh, this is me, this is yeah. Yeah,
and then your husband as well. I mean, I think
there's a very very beautiful Amy Schumer documentary about finding
out that her husband was on the spectrum, and I
was so moved by it. I was so blown away
by the whole thing and adult diagnosis of autism. How
(10:03):
it reframes everything that you lived before it, you know,
and it makes you uniquely qualified to understand your children
in a way that neurotypical people maybe wouldn't be able to.
Speaker 3 (10:17):
Yeah, I always felt like I had this primal connection
to my children, like more so than just like beyond motherhood.
Right Like, for some reason, when I went into dealing
with my children's meltdowns, even before.
Speaker 2 (10:33):
I knew what label to put on, that.
Speaker 3 (10:37):
I knew, Okay, he needs this right now, and I
just thought, I'm a deep feeler, you know, I'm a
big feeler, and so I feel their feels. But it
did reframe everything, getting the diagnosis and realizing, like I
understand them so deeply because they are me. I think
when I was researching autism, before I knew I was autistic,
(10:59):
I was so passionate about finding autistic adults to talk to,
because that's who I wanted the information from, not the
doctor who was going to tell me fifty five million
things to do for my kids, right I wanted to
talk to somebody who grew up autistic, and I wanted
them to tell me what helped you, what made you
feel more comfortable, and what do you wish your parents
(11:20):
didn't do, you know, what was harmful?
Speaker 2 (11:22):
Because I wanted to avoid those things.
Speaker 3 (11:25):
And so then realizing that I was that autistic person, was,
you know, an interesting experience for sure.
Speaker 1 (11:32):
More with Kayleie after this, you're told when your kid
(11:57):
is autistic that there's really nothing you can do besides
a Really there's no help, there's no you know. Oh,
you can get them evaluated if they need meds to
help their anxiety, you know, but there really isn't any
And this is a therapeutic choice for your family. And
at Guide Dogs of America it is completely free of charge.
(12:22):
It always has been and it always will be. It's
like the Saint Jude's of Service and Guide Dogs for
people with disabilities in their family. And I am in
awe of the place, as I'm sure you are too.
But how did you first come to read and find
out about this dog experience?
Speaker 2 (12:44):
Yeah?
Speaker 3 (12:44):
So I had noticed that my son when he had
he has pretty intense smeltdowns, I'll use that describer, and
I wanted so desperately for him to have something that
would calm him. But I couldn't find the thing, you know,
And I started noticing that when we were at my parents' house,
actually they had a dog, and when he laid with her,
(13:08):
he was calmer. And I was like, oh my gosh,
there has to be something about the connection between autistic
children and animals. Because there's animal therapy, there's hippotherapy. We
had done echoine therapy, which is horse therapy for a while,
and so I was.
Speaker 2 (13:25):
Like, what about a dog? What about a dog? And
so I start researching, like how to train your dog? Right,
like if I got a dog and got training for it.
Speaker 3 (13:34):
And then I saw these you know, things come up
about autism service dogs, and so I went to some
friends who in the autistic community near live where I live,
and I asked them, do you know anybody who has
autism service dog? And I got connected to somebody and
I started talking to her and I was like, oh
(13:55):
my gosh, like this is the thing I know, this
is what I want to do.
Speaker 2 (14:00):
So when I.
Speaker 3 (14:00):
Started researching, you know, me be me, I couldn't just
research the ones that were close to me. I had
to research all of them in the USA, and I
kept coming back to guide Dogs of America. Something about
the way that they do things and the people I
talked to and their connection to the families is so unique,
(14:22):
even beyond other service dog organizations.
Speaker 2 (14:26):
I think that they know what they're doing in in
such it's so natural for them.
Speaker 3 (14:35):
And then I loved that they wanted to know from
us what would be the most helpful and they took
that advice like they didn't just ask the question to
check off a survey or to you know, complete some metric,
Like they really wanted to know what was it about
my child that I wanted support for and not to
(14:58):
fix my child to because it was so difficult, Rosie,
and I know you know this, to find things that
weren't trying to eliminate what was unique about my children
and about myself.
Speaker 1 (15:10):
I completely agree, even though I understand that there are
kids with autism and it's so so difficult and hard
for the family, and I'm not trying to take anything
away from anyone on the same journey that we're on
in varying degrees. But you know, there is no cure,
(15:31):
or there really is no no need for a cure.
There's a need for acceptance, there's a need for acceptance
of people who have a different operating system in their brain.
They don't have you know, Apple, and they don't have Microsoft.
They got something else, and everyone is different. You can't
(15:53):
just get the autism brain and think it's going to
be the same, you know. I mean, I have a
kid who goes very much inward. You know, there haven't
been many at all. Maybe I can count on one
hand in eleven years meltdowns, sure, you know, and that
doesn't make her in any way unique. There's all different
(16:14):
ways that autism manifests and expresses itself. Yes, And so
you decided you were going to get one, and then
you started the application process, and I got to tell
people it is it's like a college application, you know.
Speaker 3 (16:29):
I think it's more intense than a college application. It was,
you know, it was quite a It wasn't a deterrent, right,
but it.
Speaker 1 (16:37):
Was more a commitment.
Speaker 3 (16:40):
Yeah, it was a commitment. And I think I appreciated that.
I think all along and I hope you feel this
way too. But they were very real about what I
was taking on, you know, like they weren't sugarcoating what
this experience was going to be. Like we talk about
how incredible the experiences, but it is a challenge. I think,
(17:00):
something new you're taking on another family member, you are
you know, learning a whole new way of existing and
working in the world.
Speaker 2 (17:08):
That's not an easy task.
Speaker 3 (17:10):
And so I really appreciated the fact that the even
the application was really real about what we were taking
on and what we were you know, to expect.
Speaker 1 (17:22):
Yes, I made a joke when I got there, when
I saw Russ, I was like, you know, you took
my blood, you gave you paps me or what else
do you need for this?
Speaker 4 (17:29):
You know?
Speaker 1 (17:30):
But they're very thorough and they should be. You know
that many many years and many hours and and uh
training that these dogs, and that these people, the amount
of people that put time and effort into these dogs.
It's not a casual thing. You don't casually get one
of these dogs. And and you know casually uh you
(17:53):
know included or embrace it into You have to be
all in in order to do this and how it's
going to change your life. And what I first asked
you when we first spoke, Kayley, was how has it
changed your child? You got this for your your middle son,
and how did you decide that that would be the
(18:14):
dog's primary focus, or that your son was the one
of the three that would best respond to this.
Speaker 3 (18:21):
Yeah, so I think he was the one that struggled
to get out in the community the most. I saw
this tendency in him to self isolate, and he's so incredible, Like,
I just don't want to miss the opportunity to talk
about how incredible my children are, Like I am in
awe of them every day, And so I hated the
(18:45):
thought of him not getting to experience the things he
wanted to experience because of this fear.
Speaker 2 (18:51):
You know.
Speaker 3 (18:52):
And so I was like, if I have to choose one,
I think he's the one that would need the support
to get out so that all of us that is
a family could have the experiences we want to have
right collectively as a family. And the amazing thing though,
is that since then, in talking with the trainers and
(19:15):
working on everything, Hadley, our dog, now works for all
three of my kids. So she has taken on the
role of autism service dog and then just got above
and beyond, Like she came home and bonded with my
middle son so well, and then she just was.
Speaker 2 (19:38):
Like, oh, this one also needs me. Cool, I know
what to do and she did. She did. She just
innately knows them. They do.
Speaker 3 (19:45):
They come home and they're like, this is what I've
been training for, Like I know what to do, and
I'm so good at this exactly they are.
Speaker 1 (19:53):
How long have you had your dog?
Speaker 2 (19:56):
Hadley's been home with us? It'll be a year in March.
Speaker 1 (19:59):
And if you can would say, like what what what
would you say? The difference before the dog and the
difference now almost a year out.
Speaker 3 (20:08):
I mean night and day. Really, it makes me super
emotional because we weren't going anywhere, like, we weren't doing anything.
Speaker 1 (20:18):
I'm here that we have the same problem here.
Speaker 2 (20:21):
We were so isolated.
Speaker 3 (20:23):
Yes, I understand, and I don't think I realized how
lonely I felt and how.
Speaker 2 (20:31):
How isolated I felt.
Speaker 3 (20:32):
You know, I think COVID gave everyone a little taste
of what it's like to feel isolated, and so everyone
has a connection to that feeling, and it's just not
natural as human beings, autism or not. We don't do
life alone. And so when I started to feel like
(20:56):
the struggles were preventing us from from having a commune
and from feeling like we could do the things that
my children wanted to do and accomplish. Then you know,
that's when we started being like, Okay, we got to
fix this or we got to do something about this.
And so when she came home, I was just hoping,
like maybe he can go to swimming lessons or like
(21:19):
maybe we could go back to school in person, like
really small dreams, you know, like the when you think
about it.
Speaker 1 (21:30):
Was getting to go go out to dinner, which we
haven't diet, but we're braiding up right, but like.
Speaker 3 (21:35):
To a typical family, Rosie, like that would be such
a small thing, like we did that last tuesday.
Speaker 2 (21:40):
Who cares to us? That is a huge.
Speaker 3 (21:43):
Hurdle, right, Like, that is a big deal for our kids,
and we don't want to do it to their detriment.
We want to do it and have them enjoy it
and have them be able to you know, access it.
Speaker 1 (21:53):
And so and now to feel safe. You know that
they feel safe enough and that the fear can be
a baited enough that they can enjoy eating you know,
pasta with butter, but still in a restaurant, getting a
dessert or that they like. And you know, I mean
it's a big, big deal. And if you go years
(22:14):
without doing that, you know what does that do to
the development of a child's social like you you know.
Speaker 3 (22:23):
Yeah, And I think there's this big misconception about autistic
individuals that we are not social, or that we don't
have a desire to have relationships or to be with people,
or that we're completely fine being alone. And like, I
think that came out of the fact that, yes, we
do need to isolate sometimes to recover and recoup and
(22:46):
to kind of recharge for the next experience. But I
greatly want to be social. My children greatly want to
be social. They want relationships, they want interactions with other people.
It is absolutely not true that they are incapable of
love or human emotions or this multrum of human experiences.
(23:08):
They are human beings that deserve to have every experience
that they want to have, just like anyone who is
neurotypical does. So to go back to your question of
how life has changed, Hadley has he's.
Speaker 2 (23:23):
My middle guy.
Speaker 3 (23:24):
Is leaving the house on a regular basis, We are
going out in the community. But the best part is
we have been able to get through life with such
joy along the way. And I don't know that we
were fully experiencing joy for a while there. You know,
(23:45):
we were really struggling, and so we had a lot
of life.
Speaker 1 (23:49):
I think because people don't understand how it incrementally decreases,
like all of a sudden, you're like, oh, it's another
weekend and I'm by myself and they're in their zone.
And you know, you go into that zone as often
as they'll let you, you know. But but the choice
of isolation is always their choice, and for my kiddo,
(24:14):
you know, because it's.
Speaker 3 (24:15):
Safe, and they're going to choose safety over doing something
that is going to literally light their their sensory sloop on.
Speaker 1 (24:24):
Fire right right exactly.
Speaker 3 (24:26):
So if they don't feel like they can recharge and
support themselves enough, then they're not going to choose to
do the thing that's really hard. And I think that's
what the service dog does is provide, like one, the
reassurance that this the tool that I need is right
next to me at all times, and they're watching me
(24:50):
to help me know when I need that tool, right,
because sometimes the hard part is knowing like Okay, I
know that I can ask for help or use a
fidget or for deep pressure, whatever the thing is, but
maybe they can't be verbal in that moment to say
that I need that thing, or maybe they're not even.
Speaker 2 (25:09):
Able to recognize in their body that it's coming.
Speaker 3 (25:14):
And so the dogs become so in tune, like I
know right now, you just brought Kuma home, so you're
cueing her a lot cues, the word you know, we
use for giving the dog a command to do the
thing that we our child needs, you know, whether that
be deep pressure or you know, some getting close so
(25:37):
that they can be touched or whatever.
Speaker 1 (25:39):
It is a nudge to disrupt maybe some stemming behavior
or behavior that you know, maybe is hurtful to themselves,
you know.
Speaker 2 (25:47):
Right right.
Speaker 3 (25:49):
But now a year in, I'm cuing her less and less.
She's just naturally doing it like she knows, oh mom,
And she'll look at me like you're not going to
cue me right now, like fine, I'll do it myself,
but I better get a kibble for it, you know.
Speaker 2 (26:06):
So she is so incredibly intelligent.
Speaker 3 (26:10):
And I saw that from the moment that we brought
her home that this connection was going to be so
intense because I hadn't gotten my diagnosis yet when I
brought her home and she I was flying and I'm
a nervous fire, never been good at it. And she
was at my feet and the landing was happening. There
(26:34):
was a little bit of turbulence, and I could feel
my heart rate picking up, like, oh man, I hate
this part, you know. And she jumped up and got
on my lap. And they're not supposed to get out
of the que that you put them in. And I
was like, what are you doing, Like we are landing,
there are people around me. Get back down, and so
I accuted her to go back down, and she got
back down, but I.
Speaker 2 (26:51):
Could tell she didn't want What are you doing? You know?
And so as we land it was a bumpy landing.
Speaker 3 (26:58):
And as the first time hit, she popped back up
and she stayed on my lap and I could tell
I could not get her down.
Speaker 2 (27:04):
Yeah, but she knew, like she knew what I needed.
And we had only been together for ten days.
Speaker 1 (27:10):
Wait right, you know, and that's had a thing that
makes me cry three times a day. Yeah, because I
see that the dog is sensing what my child is
doing and trying to figure out how to best deal
with it. Right, So it was interesting that, you know,
(27:32):
we stayed home today because we had a COVID exposure,
So we stayed home from school today. And it's the
first day that she just really gets to hang out.
And she was on the couch and we put the
blankets on the couch so that she can cuddle with her,
because that's what we want, that connection. And the dog
(27:53):
jumps up and puts herself like in the way of
Dakota's iPad right and does a lap and I call
her down, and Dakota said, no, no, I liked it,
you know. Yeah, So I was like, Wow, the dog knew,
you know. I thought, Oh, it's going to interrupt what
she's doing and it's going to annoy her. No, no,
(28:14):
I liked it. I liked it. So I queued back,
and of course Kumba went and did the whole thing
war with Kaylee after this. It's pretty much like a
(28:46):
huge event in your life, you know, when you were
going to the ten days and you realized, but you
did all the research that you had to go live
there in Silmar for ten days in a dorm. You
have two other autistic children and maybe not known yet
but autistic husband. And I don't assume you had ever
(29:06):
done that before, taken ten days off to go do
something by yourself.
Speaker 3 (29:11):
No, no, I had never left them for that long,
and honestly, that was the one piece that I was like,
I don't know if we.
Speaker 2 (29:17):
Can do this.
Speaker 1 (29:18):
That's what I thought too.
Speaker 3 (29:19):
I rallied our community and made it happen piece together
with the childcare that I needed to make it happen,
and it was the best time investment I've ever made,
because you truly do need the ten days to fully
immerse yourself in the experience, and they are so intentional
(29:44):
with the way that they do the training. They know
their stuff, and so I feel like once I got
to know the trainers, I was like, Okay, I trust
that they are having me there for ten days for
a reason, and you absolutely use every minute of those
ten days to learn what you need to learn and
allow the dog and handler bond to begin and solidify
(30:09):
enough that you feel comfortable to go home and continue
that journey. So it looking back now, I can tell
you that that was the best foundation to what I
needed to know to make sure that that bond happened
for my children, and it absolutely has.
Speaker 1 (30:27):
That's exactly what I felt. I was like, I don't
think I can do this ten days away, and then
the day I was driving there, I was like, maybe
I should just cancel. And you know, I had all
these things in my head and I went there and
I found it to be exceeded my expectations in any
way possible. I didn't know dogs could do this. I
(30:49):
didn't understand you're getting a real dog that is going
to have real dog playtime stuff in your house while
also working sometimes in the house without the vest, right
because you're sitting watching TV. And I can cue her
without a leash and tell her what to do and
she will go and do it. A lot of people
have asked me, and I've said it so many times,
(31:11):
but maybe you can explain why a little better than
I have been able to. Everyone's going is the dolla
going to go to school with Clay? And I'm like,
that's an impossible thing to do because I am the handler.
So maybe you can explain that.
Speaker 3 (31:24):
Yeah, So you know, autism service dogs are a unique
experience because it's a three man team, right. You have
the handler, the service dog, and then the child who
is the recipient is the term we use, but basically
the child that benefits from the dog.
Speaker 2 (31:42):
And so.
Speaker 3 (31:45):
If we were to separate the dog from the handler,
which is the person they know holds the treats, but
also is the one who has been cuing them and
knows them and knows what to expect from them. Then
we're asking a child who is in a time of need,
a time of discomfort, to then recall cues and recall.
Speaker 2 (32:06):
What they need to do to cue the dog for
what they need.
Speaker 3 (32:09):
It's just it's an impossible and very very difficult thing
to put on top of a situation that's already very
hard for them. So to ask an autistic individual in
the middle of a meltdown or even on their way
to a meltdown, it doesn't even have to get to
that peak of a meltdown, but in a time of discomfort,
(32:30):
to ask them then to do something else would not
be fair.
Speaker 2 (32:35):
In that moment.
Speaker 1 (32:36):
Right, it's too much and so too much, And that
the handler is the grown up. The handler is the
grown up, and the child is sort of the charge
or the recipient of the dog of the dog's training. Right,
It's not that for me that I'm getting the dog too,
although I do get the dog to sit on my lap,
so how am I getting? But it is for me too,
(32:59):
Like that's another thing I realized, Like you know how
emotionally defended. I was because this kind of broke down
all those walls, you know, I found like once I
started crying, and it was hard not to cry there
because did you happen to have visually impaired students as
well at the school the time you were there.
Speaker 2 (33:20):
No, we had.
Speaker 3 (33:22):
Several facility dogs and several veteran or mobility dogs, but
we didn't have any visually impaired teams.
Speaker 1 (33:31):
Yeah, because we had six visually impaired people, and then
we had six service dog people, two with veterans with mobility,
and two facility dogs and then two autism dogs, which
was a wonderful kind of balance, you know. But to
see the blind people making their way learning what they
(33:56):
need to learn without the ability to see and a
walking stick, and they get through their life, and it
was a beautiful thing. Like, you know, I have never
been around that many visually impaired people in my life
at one time. And they had been together for two
(34:16):
weeks before we showed up for our ten days, and
they were rip roaringly funny and playing Uno and screaming
all night and keeping us awake. And they were the funniest,
most heartwarmingly inspiring group of people to have next to
you when you know you always you always think that
you know life is greener somewhere else, but your own
(34:41):
life is what you have to deal with. And to
see people do it with grace, to see those veterans
who have mobility issue walking the five miles a day
that we walk sometime in the mall and at the beach,
and to try to get these these dogs ready for
their permanent home. I was moved by the dedication of
(35:01):
the trainers and the puppy raisers. And it's like magical
when you see them do it. It feels like magic.
Speaker 2 (35:08):
You know it is.
Speaker 3 (35:09):
It is, And those puppy raisers are such an important
part of that journey because they are there the puppies
first experience with a family or with kids, or with
going out in the community or just learning to be
you know, around the house hanging out like you said.
Speaker 2 (35:26):
And so.
Speaker 3 (35:28):
They are so so so important and such a vital
part of the program for them.
Speaker 1 (35:35):
And there's a big need in Silmour in southern California.
If you're in southern California and you feel as though
you have the heart to raise a puppy, usually a
lab or a lab golden mix from ten weeks to
sixteen months, and then you give the puppy back to
Guide Dogs of America and they choose what track the
(35:55):
dog goes on to be a service dog for AUTUS,
for vets with mobility or PTSD, or for visually impaired people.
Those are the three groups that they help at Guide
Dogs Offamerica dot org. You have been so helpful to
me and I know to Laura, and I think you're
(36:16):
a wonderful speaker. I think you should write a book
without a doubt about you know, your life with autism
and with three autistic kids. You're like, you know, as
Laura looked over to me when you were speaking one time,
she says, autistic mom goals. I'm like, totally right, autistic
mom goals, Right.
Speaker 2 (36:36):
I love that. I love that. Well, thank you, I
appreciate it.
Speaker 3 (36:39):
I think you know, on this journey, we talk about
how lonely it can be, and so I know that
I learned the most from people who are a little
bit ahead of me in that journey, and we're willing
to turn back and offer their hand and say, yeah,
I know the way.
Speaker 2 (36:52):
Let's go. Let's do this thing.
Speaker 1 (36:54):
You know, exactly.
Speaker 3 (36:55):
It's such a rewarding part of this journey to be
able to help someone else along the way.
Speaker 1 (37:00):
Well, I hope to be to someone what you were
to me. And oh, Kayleie, thank you so much.
Speaker 2 (37:05):
You are so welcome.
Speaker 3 (37:07):
And remember for.
Speaker 1 (37:07):
More information Guide Dogs of America, Guide Doogs of America
dot org. Tell them Rosie and Kaylee sent you. We'll
be back right after this. I'm going. And by the way, everybody,
(37:29):
Kaylee volunteers as an autism handler coach. That's, you know,
really what she did for me. And it's amazing how
everyone involved at that organization is just fantastic. Check them
out Guiddogs of America dot org. All right, hope you
enjoyed that. We got some questions and comments for today.
Number one is somebody named Garth.
Speaker 5 (37:51):
Hit it Garth Hi, Rosies garethea. I'm calling from the
city of Wrexham in the United Kingdom. It's where Ryan
Reynolds had just purchased the football stadium, so he's here
quite a lot at the moment. I obviously didn't really
see your shows because I'm in the UK, so I
(38:13):
don't think we received your shows in the nineties and noughties,
but I remember you from the film A League of
their Own, and I found clips of you on YouTube
on the view, which also we don't get, and so
I became a fan really from that across the pond.
(38:36):
My question is to do with your love of Barbara
streisand and streisand I should say it correctly because I
have that same kind of love for Shanaia Twain. And
the reason why is because my mother, who has now
passed away about twelve years ago, was a big fan
of his. But she didn't leave the house very much.
(38:58):
I think she was depressed. And twenty years ago, Shania
Twain did a tour called Up Tour, and I managed
to get her to the concert because I said, you
really love Shanaia and I'd really love to take you,
and took a bit of persuasion, but I did get
her there and she managed to shake Shania Twain's hand.
She went to the stage. I don't know how she
(39:19):
got so bold, but she went to the stage and
she shook her hand and she was over the moon.
So it was a memory that I'm so grateful for
that I managed to get her to this concert. So
fast forward twenty years so last year, Shania Twain was
doing a concert in the United Kingdom in September and
I went along with some friends and I got to
(39:40):
shake Shanaiawain's hand. She managed to just come past me,
and I was quite moved by the moment because it
felt like I was shaking hands with my mother, even
though Shanaia has no idea who I am or my
story or anything like that, but she just I'll send
you the clippers. Well, because my friend was filmingu ites,
(40:02):
I'll send that via email if I can. So, yeah,
my questions to do with that and your love of
Barbara streisand so can you just tell me a little
bit of can you see some similarities with my love
of Shneia and your love of Barbara? Take care? Thank
you for listening, Hi, Garth.
Speaker 1 (40:22):
I love your voice. I could listen to you all day.
I love your accent, I love the lilt of your voice.
I just think it's You're delightful. And yes, that is
exactly how my love of Barbara started. By my mother's
love of Barbara. And I could always tell if my
mom was in a good mood, if she was playing
(40:44):
streisand you know, and if she was in a bad mood.
It was the sound of silence, Hello darkness, my old friend.
You know, I understand completely when when Barbara streisand walked
through those doors and I hadn't seen her yet at
that day at the show, it totally felt like my
(41:04):
mom was walking through those doors the curtains, and you know,
it was very, very emotional. In fact, it's hard for
me to watch the clip because it's so much bigger
and the feeling is like goes so deep. And I
think she's one of a kind. And it has been
(41:28):
the greatest joy to get to be in her orbit.
And I'm in the middle of the book. I'm loving it.
I waited till I had some real time off to myself,
and I can't wait to talk about it with our
guest next week, which is Linda Richmond. Linda Richmond, you
(41:48):
all know coffee Talk from Saturday Night Live with Mike
Mayas he would do Linda. It's Linda that he was doing,
and so she and I are the original Barber streisand lovers,
and we will be discussing Barbara and many other things.
But thank you, Garth, thank you so much. We have
(42:09):
one more question comment from Luri hit it.
Speaker 4 (42:14):
Hi, Rosie, my name is Lori. I'm calling from northern California.
Huge fan of your podcasts. The other day I was
listening to SmartLess and Mark Ruffalo was on there and
he was talking about some mini series he did called
I Know This Much is True, and I was like,
what Wally Lamb? Could that be the same story? So
(42:38):
I start I found it and I started watching it.
I finished watching it all in one day. I gotta say,
Rosie O'donald's in it. Are you kidding me? You were
outstanding in that role. Oh my god, I'm so proud
of you. We share the same birthday, which is neither
here nor there, but you where's the Emmy? Where's the
(42:59):
Emmy that Rosie o'donald? Anyway, good luck with a new puppy.
I hope you're great. Thanks for listening. Sorry for the ramble.
It's the wine hour, you know. Anyway, Thank you.
Speaker 1 (43:12):
I thank you, Laurie, Thank you so much. That's so,
you know. It is definitely the best experience I had
acting on a movie was the set with Mark Ruffalo
and Derek cian Franz, who is the director who is
(43:32):
extraordinary and google his movies and listen to the scores,
and he's a genius I think, and so is Mark Ruffalo.
So to get to be working with the two of
them was just the greatest thrill of my career, truthfully,
really was. And I thank you for all the nice comments.
(43:53):
And Mark did win the Emmy for that, and I
was very proud of him. I didn't get nominated, but
that's okay. You know, there were a lot of great
performances and you can't ever really compare art. It's nice
when you get noticed, but it's nice when people just
come up to you and say, hey, I think you
did well in that, you know, like you just did, Lurie,
So thank you for that. Thank you very much. And
(44:15):
happy almost birthday to us, either you the same year
as me or just March twenty one, because are you
going to turn sixty two and you were born in
sixty two, because that's pretty wild. I think it means
it's the golden birthday, which means what people have to
give you gold. I don't really know. I'll have to
google that before next week. All right, Laurie, thank you,
(44:39):
thank you all for listening to hear this whole podcast
thing we do. We got Linda Richmond next week. Really,
no one like it. Really, Barber Streis that she's like butter.
Speaker 2 (44:54):
You know.
Speaker 1 (44:55):
That's Linda Richmond and I talk to her every day,
and he's she's my mom here in a Los Angeles
and in my heart. So Linda Richmond next week, see you.
Then people peace out,
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