Grief During the Holidays with Omi Valdivia

This episode is so special because I get to celebrate and grief my mother with my best friend Omi, who also griefs her own mother as well. Together we share our experiences and have a very vulnerable open conversation, with the help of some tequila and questions from our friends who have never gone through grief. This podcast is a safe space and hope our vulnerability is not taken incorrectly. 

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:04):
Welcome back to the Overcover Podcast. I'm your host Jennaka Lopez.

Speaker 2 (00:08):
Thank you guys so much for choosing to watch and
listen to this week's episode.

Speaker 1 (00:14):
This week's episode is We're gonna be on Vibes today.

Speaker 2 (00:18):
I'm letting you guys know right now it is a
very sentimental, emotional.

Speaker 1 (00:24):
Week or episode that we're gonna have today.

Speaker 2 (00:28):
And if you guys don't know, if you know, you know,
If you don't, you don't. But my mom's twelve year
anniversary twelve yes right, twelve yees, twelve year anniversary is
was on Monday, yesterday, This today's Tuesday. But will you guys,
if you guys didn't know, Omi's mom also passed away

(00:50):
December eighth, no coincidence.

Speaker 1 (00:53):
I always truly believe that it is.

Speaker 2 (00:55):
A God given plan and his will that we are
best friends and my mom.

Speaker 3 (01:04):
Why am I gonna cry?

Speaker 1 (01:05):
Already?

Speaker 2 (01:06):
My mom passed away a little bit before her mom,
and I'm able to.

Speaker 3 (01:13):
Be here and to help her.

Speaker 1 (01:16):
Because I love it. Oh why am I crying? It's
really hard.

Speaker 2 (01:21):
It's really really really hard, and I don't think anyone
I love that I'm able to be that person for you.
But I don't think you know how much you are
that person in me that actually understands me and knows it.
And it's just a lot. And I'm grateful to be
have a best friend like her. That's it, but it's

(01:45):
on me.

Speaker 1 (01:45):
I didn't even introduce her. It's oi. We have Oni.

Speaker 4 (01:49):
Today.

Speaker 2 (01:49):
We're gonna be talking about grief during the holidays, you guys,
because it gets really really hard. So get your tissues, okay,
but make sure the Mike is here. We have a
full room.

Speaker 3 (02:02):
Today.

Speaker 2 (02:02):
We're kind of just going on what we're feeling and
what we're yeah, what we're feeling because the holidays, and
I feel like any person that has ever lost anybody,
the holidays is always the worst.

Speaker 4 (02:16):
Yeah, especially when November hits. I feel like because everyone's
with their family, you know, and like you see on Instagram,
they're all like all together, and like if you're missing
a grandparent somebody or somebody, like, I feel like it's
always like you're looking at people being happy, but it's
like you're happy, but you're missing that person with you celebrating.
So it's always very hard.

Speaker 2 (02:36):
Yeah, I think that, Yeah, it definitely is a lot.
It's it's it's heavy, and it's hard to be happy.

Speaker 1 (02:43):
And I feel like.

Speaker 2 (02:45):
We get into this at least I didn't mean I
used to, but now that I'm seeing only how many
years is it?

Speaker 4 (02:51):
Three before? Three? Four before? Yeah?

Speaker 1 (02:54):
Four years for only what was four?

Speaker 3 (02:56):
It was?

Speaker 4 (02:57):
It's gonna be four.

Speaker 3 (02:57):
It's good.

Speaker 4 (02:58):
Well, it's Tuesdays.

Speaker 1 (02:59):
Okay, look, no, you guys, so that you guys have context.
Today is a Saturday.

Speaker 2 (03:02):
Today's Saturday, December seventh, seventh, Okay, tomorrow's Omie's mom's anniversary.

Speaker 4 (03:10):
Uh huh.

Speaker 2 (03:10):
And then my mom's is on Monday, and this episode
comes out Tuesday, so we're we're having a couple drinks.

Speaker 1 (03:16):
We're having drinks.

Speaker 2 (03:18):
If you guys celebrated my mom this weekend, thank you.
Please also celebrate Omi's mom. Shout out Maria, shout out,
Jenny shout out.

Speaker 4 (03:29):
You know they're parting it up right now.

Speaker 2 (03:33):
Yeah, have about everything and then I don't know, dude,
it is it does the holidays do get like very.

Speaker 3 (03:43):
They're missing out on so.

Speaker 4 (03:44):
Much, I know, but the I mean, they're happy. They
just it's true what they say, like even though we
miss them because they're gone and they're not here. The
ones who actually suffer is us because we live with
knowing they're not here and we will never see them
again and they're happy, pain free.

Speaker 3 (03:59):
Okay, four years later, what are you feeling now?

Speaker 2 (04:09):
M Sorry, No, it's okay because I remember talking, like
I remember little things that I that I tell you,
and like now that I'm starting to see like it happened,
like you living a certain way, I'm like, damn, Like I.

Speaker 4 (04:31):
Think it's harder as you get older because you realize,
like you know, even if like you want to think
of having kids or just your life in general, like
you don't have a mom, you know, I'm not close
to my aunts like that, so I can't say like
I have another, you know, mother figure. I mean I

(04:52):
I do have another person that's like a mother figure,
but your mom will always be your mom, like no
one would ever take that place. And I think, like
I said, you get older, like yeah, I have my dad,
but I think my dad's the best dad. But a
mom is different, like the love they give you, like
you know, even just to call them, like it's so different,
you know. And I think I think this wore years,

(05:14):
like I think I did my healing my third year,
but I think this year's where it's kind of weird.
I actually feel it more and I miss her more,
but I'm happier. I just don't know how to explain it.
It's weird.

Speaker 3 (05:24):
It's like mixed feelings. Yeah, does it? Do you feel
wrong to feel that way?

Speaker 4 (05:29):
Like happy? I do. Like Thanksgiving, I was so happy
and I didn't even spend it with my dad and
I was really happy and it was probably like the
best Thanksgiving I ever had, you know. But my last Thanksgiving,
I spent it with my dad, but obviously, like I
met his new girlfriend and stuff, so it was a
little different for me. So it's a little bit of everything.
You know.

Speaker 1 (05:48):
Remember last episode we were talking about your.

Speaker 4 (05:50):
Dad dating, I know, and I wasn't okay with their mother.

Speaker 3 (05:52):
Okay, so where are you at right now? Give us
an update?

Speaker 4 (05:55):
Yeah, the last episode, I was not talking to my dad.
He had a girlfriend and I didn't accept it. But
now I accept it. I met her last year and
he's been with her and he's happy and I'm happy
for him. I talk to her now. I have a
relationship with her daughter, my stepsister, and yeah, it's really good, honestly,
Like it makes me know that he's happy, and somebody's
taking care of him, Like I don't have time to

(06:15):
take care of him. You know, somebody's taking care of him.
He lives in Mexico. He comes back and forth. Sorry,
I get he's just vibe. He's just here, I know.
So I'm gonna, I'm gonna. I'm in a really I'm
in a really good place right now with my dad
and his girlfriend and all that. So I think, in

(06:36):
these what is it three years, I I could say
I grew a lot. It was hard, but I think
it was worth it. And he's happy that I accept
his relationship now, you know.

Speaker 3 (06:47):
And I think you know it's needed.

Speaker 1 (06:48):
And I'm happy you did.

Speaker 3 (06:49):
Too, I know, because you know that took a matter
of time.

Speaker 4 (06:53):
Like I know, a lot of people told me, like
you need to understand, but I'm a person that I
need to see it to believe it myself, even if
somebody tells me. I'm very like I'm a tourist. I'm stubborn,
so it takes for me to go through a lot
to be like, Okay, I get it now, I accept
it now, you know. But I also didn't want to
go back to the beginning of the part where you
have said that you know, I help you, but I

(07:16):
don't think you know that if I didn't have you,
I wouldn't be here because you know, you and your
sister that don't have your mom help me a lot
to understand. You know that it's okay that she's not here,

(07:36):
you know. And in that time that I lost my mom,
like you know, I didn't get it, and I don't
have anybody besides you guys that has lost the mom,
you know, and it's just weird how it's like a
day you know before or whatever. But you know, you
help me a lot, and you always teld me like, oh,
you gotta feel your pain. I would always ignore you, like,
oh no, I'm fine, I'm fine. You know, I was

(07:58):
keeping busy. But I think I understood that you have
to feel your pain, you know. And I think that's
the most important thing, you know, for anybody going through
any situation, whether it's a loss or whatever. It is,
like you have to feel your pain. If you don't
feel your pain, it adds up and then you just
blow up, yeah, and it just becomes worse. And you know,

(08:20):
sometimes being a lone lonely I think being lonely and
sad it's hard. It hurts, but once you get out
through that, you realize how much growth did it to yourself.

Speaker 2 (08:30):
It hurts so much, Like it hurts so much to
have to like say that and I have and have
to do that, Like it's easier to.

Speaker 1 (08:40):
Say it than do it, said than done, and I
think that, like.

Speaker 3 (08:49):
I don't know, bro, Like that just sucks.

Speaker 5 (08:52):
Bro.

Speaker 1 (08:53):
I know, like I'm happy.

Speaker 6 (08:55):
Like.

Speaker 4 (08:59):
It's just hard. I just say, it's in a roller
coaster emotions like it is. You're okay right now, in
an hour you'll be crying, like no.

Speaker 1 (09:05):
But that's what I mean.

Speaker 2 (09:06):
It's like I'm so happy with my life, like thank God,
Like I'm so grateful. You know, I'm happy with where
you're at in your life too. But it's like, fuck, bro, like.

Speaker 1 (09:18):
You're already thirty. I'm already going to thirty.

Speaker 2 (09:20):
What I don't like, I'm it's like it's starting to
get to that point where it's like damn, like I'm
eventually gonna have to get married, I'm eventually gonna have
to have kids.

Speaker 1 (09:29):
And it's like those are moments.

Speaker 4 (09:35):
Yeah, you know, that's exactly why, Like you know, I
was telling you the other day, like I think about
having kids because it's like, who's gonna take care of
my kids? Like I have my dad. I mean, you know,
like but it's different having a dad, Like I see
the way my my mom raised my nieces and nephews
and was with them, gave them the love. And you know,
my other friend, like Melanie, how her mom raises her baby.
And I'm like, damn, like I'm never gonna.

Speaker 3 (09:56):
Have that that opportunity.

Speaker 4 (09:57):
I don't have that out even know I have a sister. Yeah,
I have you guys in my friend, but it's different,
you know, I don't have it. It's different with the mom.

Speaker 2 (10:04):
Like it's so different, it is, And I think that
a lot of people take it for granted. Yeah, I
really think that they do. And I think it's just
during the holidays.

Speaker 1 (10:14):
Bruh.

Speaker 2 (10:14):
It's like and I know it, it's scientifically proven. Like
once those months, once.

Speaker 4 (10:20):
You start fine, worry first, I'll be fine.

Speaker 2 (10:23):
Yes, No, We're gonna be fine on Tuesday, like we're
gonna be okay. Yeah, But it's just like it's the
dread of like this these days coming up, and it's
so annoying, Like I'm being so vulnerable and so honest
with you guys right now. But this shit is like
it's a drag. Holidays are so like the kids get older. Yeah,

(10:49):
like my brother had a baby on Christmas, Like what
the fuck? Like like those are moments where it's just
like fuck, Like there's so many things that they miss
out on.

Speaker 3 (11:00):
And like that we can't ever share or.

Speaker 2 (11:04):
That they can't be here for and it's just a
constant reminder all the time, and it's just it's annoying.

Speaker 4 (11:10):
It's like.

Speaker 2 (11:13):
People that like that don't even go see their parents
or see like go for the holidays.

Speaker 4 (11:18):
It's like.

Speaker 3 (11:20):
The time or the what what I would give.

Speaker 2 (11:25):
In the world, Like I would literally beg god like
anything just to see one more time, like or have
one more like stupid Thingsgiving Like I loved I loved it.
Thanksgiving was great, but it's again, it's never the same,
like there's always an empty space in the room. Yeah,

(11:45):
you know, and I feel like nobody really gets it
until until they go through it and it happens, and
it's like I have to remind myself, like in the holidays,
like and even when we were talking about it, like
we've been talking about what are we gonna do for.

Speaker 3 (12:00):
Like our moms and whatever.

Speaker 2 (12:02):
And that still trips me out till today that there
is just a day after another.

Speaker 1 (12:07):
But like what are we gonna do for our moms
or whatever?

Speaker 2 (12:11):
And I know what it means for you because it's
so fresh for you still, and like the difference with me,
like we've been not arguing, but we just like she's like, oh,
what do you.

Speaker 1 (12:21):
Want to do? Like do you want to like get
drunk or whatever?

Speaker 2 (12:25):
And it's probably not the best thing, but like I
know that that's that's healing for her, and I know
what it like for me.

Speaker 3 (12:33):
It's a little bit different because it's like I'm just.

Speaker 1 (12:35):
Gonna live any other day, any other you know whatever.
And when I mean, we'll see, we're gonna get drunk,
We're gonna get no.

Speaker 2 (12:42):
But it's a Monday, imagine it's Monday.

Speaker 1 (12:46):
No.

Speaker 2 (12:46):
But but yeah, dude, I think that people take it
for granted, and even during the holidays.

Speaker 4 (12:52):
I mean, and I think even like even me, like
when I did have my mom, Like I mean, I
now that I think of it, Like I mean, I
used to be the same like everybody else. I would
take my mom for granted. I wouldn't see little things
and now that like obviously she's not here, Like I'm
like wow, Like I took her for granted so much
and I didn't realize it, you know. And she would
always tell me, like when you have your kids, you

(13:13):
will understand yep. I mean I don't have kids now,
but I understand why she said.

Speaker 1 (13:18):
That, Like you already get it, Like I.

Speaker 4 (13:20):
Would hurt her unintentionally with little things, you know, And
now that you know obviously that she's not here, I'm like, damn,
like fuck, like I should have took the time to
do this, took the time to do that. But that's
the thing, Like that's why I always tell all my friends,
like spend the time with your parents, your dad, because
you don't. I don't want you. And it's crazy because
you will always tell me that, owe me go home,

(13:41):
go home, And you know, she would always tell me that.
Now I do that to other people. So it's like
it's like, you know, a pattern, Like I mean, she
did her part to help me. I'm doing my part
to help my friends that still have their family here,
because it's like you just never know, like one day
you're here, one day you're not.

Speaker 3 (13:57):
It's because.

Speaker 2 (13:59):
The pay that we feel is something that we wouldn't
ever wish on anybody else. Never, Like when I like
tell you that this is a this shit hurts, like
this is another type of like and I think and again,

(14:20):
I'm so grateful, like it's made me so strong, and
I know that it's made you strong. But it's just
like not even on my worst enemy.

Speaker 1 (14:27):
Like I do not.

Speaker 2 (14:29):
Wish this type of pain or grief in anybody's life.
And if you're going through this, I am.

Speaker 1 (14:34):
Sorry, Like I am with you.

Speaker 3 (14:36):
I hear you.

Speaker 2 (14:39):
It is a pain in the ass to live every
single day knowing that your mom isn't here, Okay, for you,
it's I don't know, it's different for me because it's
a constant reminder every fucking day.

Speaker 4 (14:54):
Bro, Yeah, I know. And it's probably like it's good
and bad because like if you tell me right now,
you remember your mom's voice. I don't. I don't remember
what my mom's voice sounds, like I remember unless I
go to a video and look at it. Like obviously
you know your mom's voice because you hear her everywhere.
So I think it could be good and bad, you know, Like,
but sorry, uh huh, I hate us so much, dude,

(15:31):
You guys, there's no I told there's people in the
room right now, like we have a full dad shout
out David, Nicole, Ye ye, Valerie, Like this was so
this is this is what my life is right now.

Speaker 1 (15:49):
Like I'm with my best friend, and all we wanted
to do was talk about.

Speaker 2 (15:54):
The pain that we feel and give the opportunity, like
you know, our friends in the room, our friend fortunately
all have their moms in their lives, which is beautiful.

Speaker 1 (16:04):
It is I'm so happy both parents both parents.

Speaker 3 (16:08):
Well yeah, because I know.

Speaker 4 (16:09):
But that's why I'm like, yeah, you like honestly, honestly, honestly,
if I'm being real right now, if God want to
took my dad away with COVID as well with my mom,
like I would not be here. So I don't know
how you do it, bro, because luckily you have like
siblings that are like very close to you and they
support you. I mean my siblings do too, But I
feel like you guys have a tight ass love you

(16:31):
know what I mean?

Speaker 3 (16:32):
You know why though, it's and I'm grateful that my
mom raised us that way though, because I feel like
there's so.

Speaker 2 (16:38):
Many people that don't like they're not cool with, like
they're brothers and sisters.

Speaker 4 (16:43):
And I'm always fighting with my brothers all the time.

Speaker 2 (16:45):
No, but it's like I may and I'm grateful that
my mom raised.

Speaker 3 (16:48):
Us that way though because I don't.

Speaker 2 (16:50):
I can't.

Speaker 3 (16:51):
There's nothing else.

Speaker 1 (16:52):
Like imagine if I was an only child. Yeah, no, bro,
imagine like that.

Speaker 2 (16:57):
Would be insane, like it would I probably would have not.

Speaker 3 (17:04):
Yeah, I wouldn't have been here. Yeah, we're gonna go on.

Speaker 1 (17:06):
A quick break and we'll be right back. Welcome back,
you guys, So.

Speaker 4 (17:10):
You know, you know what I also wanted to say,
like growing up, growing up being Mexican, and I'm saying
this for myself. I know people will probably related because
they always come in and tell me the same thing,
like we're shown not to show our pain, like whenever
I was going through to my mom and be like okay,
like you know you have to be strong this and
that we don't talk about this. We don't talk about that.
And even with my dad, like I will never even

(17:32):
if I'm on the floor, I would not call my
dad and say, hey, I aned help. But that's that's
just how we grew up, you know what I mean.
And I feel like even with with like grief and
stuff like if you ask me, like when have you
talked to your dad? Like you missed your mom? Never?
Like you never?

Speaker 1 (17:46):
But you never?

Speaker 4 (17:46):
Like sorry, not that he doesn't care. My dad cares
about me so much, don't you just.

Speaker 1 (17:51):
Don't haven't talked about it like once with him.

Speaker 4 (17:54):
Ever, he knows, he knows when I don't call him.
He knows I'm sad and you know, like same with him.
But he's just old, retired, and he's like, my job
as a parent is not for I don't call you.
You need to call me. If you want to know
how I'm doing, you call me. So if I don't
call my dad, that I'm not gonna know how he's doing.
I'm like, and I get that now, Like it's true.

Speaker 2 (18:12):
Okay, but and everybody can opiniate, but the phone works
both ways at the end of the day.

Speaker 4 (18:19):
Oh but he already yeah, but he already made his statement.
If I don't if he doesn't call me, it's not
that he don't care about me. You're I'm old, I'm retired,
I'm living my life. You need to call me.

Speaker 1 (18:29):
That's just well, I don't know, I don't know what
that's like.

Speaker 3 (18:33):
I don't know. I know that I have to be
the one to call my siblings.

Speaker 4 (18:37):
You know that.

Speaker 1 (18:38):
Yeah, I like to put the effort in as well.

Speaker 2 (18:41):
But like he like your brothers too, you know you've
never really talked about it with them.

Speaker 4 (18:47):
No, it's he too. It's a very tough situation.

Speaker 7 (18:50):
Like I have a question, wait for this is more
for on me because I already know Jenica's response, because
the reason I'm asking this question is because Jenica taught
me this. But I want to know how you feel
about it. Only do you feel like because of what
you went through with your mom, it like helps you
maneuver like current relationships in your life now, Like, for example,

(19:11):
I've never lost anybody, right, Like I have my mom,
my dad, my grandma, my grandpa, my cousin.

Speaker 4 (19:15):
I've never lost anybody, bitch, okay the dark joke.

Speaker 7 (19:21):
So when anything happens like even like the bare minimum
in my life, whether even if it's like something as
simple as an acquaintance, it hurts like bad, right because
I'm not really used to losing anyone. So has what
happened with your mom helped you maneuver the relationships in
your life or view them any different?

Speaker 4 (19:39):
Yeah, Actually I'm not trying to be mean, but I
really don't care about a lot of things like the pain,
like like I could lose a friendship or whatever, and
it's not gonna hurt me. Like I feel like the
I already dealt with the pain, the worst pain.

Speaker 1 (19:53):
I tell you, literally, I told you that.

Speaker 4 (19:55):
I dealt with the worst pain in the way like
I love my dad, but you know, I want my
dad here, my whole I got to die before him.
But if God was to say, like take my dad,
I think I will. It's if it's different. It is
because even though my mom, me and mama had a
good relationship, but we always had like a little picky relationship,
but like she was my mom, Like I would get

(20:16):
home and she would be like, let me rub your feet. Okay,
you know what I mean.

Speaker 2 (20:20):
Like okay, yeah, So I think what always trying to
say is that, yeah, like and I've I've told you
this is the same thing about like nothing scares me
to lose anything anymore, like and that's probably too scary
and maybe that's maybe that's a bad thing.

Speaker 1 (20:35):
Like I don't know, but.

Speaker 2 (20:37):
I'm not scared to lose any more, Like only said
any more friendships any more. People like I mean obviously
my siblings. The day the day one of my silf,
I'm going, I'm done. I'm not joking, Okay, Like that
is it of my life because this that they are,
my my motivation, that is the reason why I'm alive. Yeah,

(21:00):
you know, And it's it's it's different like when you
lose something again, the pain is so unbearable. You guys
like it is a dread.

Speaker 3 (21:13):
And I'm not saying it's.

Speaker 1 (21:14):
A dread to wake up every day, but it was
a dread.

Speaker 2 (21:17):
Yeah, Like I'm sure only wakes up every day still
dreading that she's alive.

Speaker 4 (21:23):
Yeah, I forget. Sometimes Sometimes it's like I'm doing something
and like I think earlier, I was sending a picture
or Orlando showed me a picture my brother posted and
it was my two brothers when they were little, and
I was gonna send it to my brother, but I
type in mom and I was like, we're literally eating.
I'm like, wait, why am I sending it to my mom?

Speaker 1 (21:39):
Do you have text messages with your I do?

Speaker 4 (21:41):
I still have herund my favorites. I have not changed it.
It's still there.

Speaker 2 (21:45):
You're like that one you're lucky because when I'm being
for real, because when my mom passed away, she.

Speaker 3 (21:50):
Had her back, I don't have anything.

Speaker 4 (21:52):
Yeah, but sometimes I feel back because I can't go
back to my messages with my mom because there's a
lot of messages that, like, you regret, I would I
ignore because I was busier. I wouldn't, but I would
call her all the time. But I was in a
textter with her and she would send me pictures. Oh yes,
that canna be at Lista. And sometimes I'm like, fuck,
Like so now when my dad texted me, my dad

(22:12):
tex tends me a freaking coffee cup of Jenny Devena
every day. What is bread? And I'm like, oh my god,
my dad. But I reply, I'm like, you know what,
I'm gonna regret this. I am typing away on that.
You know you have to, it's it's it sucks, but
you literally, like you literally torture yourself for the rest
of your life. Absolutely, And that's what I do with

(22:33):
with my dad because I'm like, the day my dad's
not here, like he's my last thing. If something was
to happen to him, I don't know what's gonna happen
to me.

Speaker 1 (22:41):
I don't think people really understand it.

Speaker 7 (22:43):
Yeah, and it sucks, but that's whole point, Like.

Speaker 4 (22:48):
I think, I mean, I feel like there's it's good
to talk about this because, like I'm telling you, like
a lot of people don't talk about this because it's
like something so like like taboo, like you don't talk
about this, but I wanted it to be. But there's
so many people dealing with this. Like when I post
sometimes I don't even want to post it and I
feel it and I'm like, I don't want people think
I'm crying on fucking TikTok, but I feel it and

(23:08):
I post it. In the comments I get. I'm like
someone says, my mom just died a week ago, my
mom just died a month ago, and I'm like, fuck,
like that's fucking crazy, like every day moms are dying
or in general anybody. But it's like for me, I
see it hard because it's like it's your mom. Like
no one replaces that. No, not even a dad either,
But I feel like a mom she birth to you,
She gave birth to you, so it's different.

Speaker 7 (23:29):
I have another question, what ah, the interviewer.

Speaker 1 (23:35):
What well both of.

Speaker 7 (23:36):
You answer you okay, okay, what was more like, well,
I don't want to say more little because I don't
want to like belittle any moment and your guys's process,
But what would you say was like the hardest moment,
like when you first found out the funeral, or like
adjusting to living life without her? Like what would you
say in that order? Was like hard the simplest.

Speaker 4 (24:01):
Hm hmm.

Speaker 2 (24:09):
I couldn't wait for the funeral to be over soon,
for sure. And it's a lot harder that it's public
because it was different with my dad because obviously, you know,
my dad was my dad. No one really you know,
knew him.

Speaker 1 (24:32):
Funeral was a dread that I wanted to and I
know the same for you.

Speaker 4 (24:36):
I was with you that day.

Speaker 2 (24:40):
But I think the hardest thing is living without them.

Speaker 7 (24:45):
Like.

Speaker 2 (24:48):
It's harder navigating life and trying to figure out if
you are like I've I've chosen not to live by what.

Speaker 3 (24:58):
My mom would do, you know what I mean.

Speaker 2 (25:01):
It's like and it's hard in the beginning to separate
that like am I how am I? It's that pressure,
like am I disappointing her? If I'm living a certain way?

Speaker 4 (25:12):
You know, it's harder because your mom was a public figure.

Speaker 2 (25:15):
No, but it's also like like even as a as
a daughter, like you know, I only had my mom
for fifteen years, and there was so much of life
that I like missed out on.

Speaker 4 (25:26):
See'. That's another thing where like like sometimes when I
when I'm mad at God, I thank God because I mean,
I got twenty eight years with my mom, and you know,
you got that many years, and there's people that get
less years and there's people that get more years. So
sometimes I'm like when I I mean, it's not good
to do because my therapist is that you can't do
that to yourself. Like, but I'm like, you know what,

(25:48):
thank you God, I got twenty eight years, like Ida
got fifteen. I could have got six to seven, you
know what I mean. So it's like, I don't know,
it's hard, but I agree with you. It's to me.
It was walking into my house. It was cold because

(26:09):
the funeral, like I'm not gonna be lie. My mom
was like Jennica, she's a Libra. She hated people that
Jenika don't hate people, but they don't like being around people.
And my mom always said, like the day, the day
something happens to me, I don't want to no one there,
I don't want the casket open, so to me, like that,
my mom had to pass away in COVID where no
one could get close to her, Like people were scared

(26:29):
to go to her funeral because they were scared to
get sick. Like there was literally we have a big
ass family, I'm telling when we have funerals, that sounds
really weird when there's funerals in a family. In our family,
like there's literally like three hundred top people. Like my
mom's funeral, like you saw, Jenika, it was literally like
twenty people because everyone was so scared. And I literally
laughed and I'm like, fuck, my mom is funny, because

(26:50):
this is exactly what she wanted. Yeah, she didn't want
no one there at the time. That yeah, and you
know that's exactly what happened. And but yeah, for me,
it was just walking into my house knowing my mom
wasn't there and it was just a cold house, just
my dad, my brothers, and that's it.

Speaker 3 (27:06):
That was hard coming home too, Like I remember staying
at like my grandma's for like two.

Speaker 1 (27:13):
Weeks, bro, Like.

Speaker 4 (27:17):
Yeah, and that's exactly why I had to move out
of my house that same year because I couldn't go
to my room and I would just wait for her
to knock. Yeah, And in those times, I would always
be so much like, fuck, why is she not going
to again? Like why is she coming in my room?

Speaker 1 (27:36):
I would be on the phone with you.

Speaker 4 (27:37):
I would be so I'm like, oh my god, what
is my mom want to get in now? I'm like fuck,
Like I'm just waiting for that, dude.

Speaker 1 (27:44):
And one of the things that I like, I think
about all the time is like.

Speaker 2 (27:50):
Waking up at five am, six am every day and
it's like, get ready, let's go, let's go work out.
And although like to the day, like obviously that that
little shit affects me, but.

Speaker 3 (28:04):
I miss it.

Speaker 4 (28:05):
Yeah, the things you hate, you're gonna miss. It's just
how it is.

Speaker 1 (28:09):
Literally, I it's waking up like.

Speaker 2 (28:14):
At six in the morning, going on a walk with
her and then her taking me to school.

Speaker 1 (28:20):
That's sorry. It yeah, breakfast in the morning and that's it.

Speaker 4 (28:26):
Like, yeah, that's what I always say. It's it's the
meals for me, it's the food.

Speaker 2 (28:32):
And people know it's just like and it's maybe it's
hard to understand through the camera through audio, but it's
like you.

Speaker 4 (28:39):
Guys like.

Speaker 1 (28:41):
It's the little thing.

Speaker 4 (28:42):
And I know a lot of people that have gone
through that is gonna relate to us and be like
fuck and they know exactly what I mean, because when
I see people talk about it, I'm like, fuck, somebody
understands me. And it's just a whole other world of
people that, Oh, I have another question.

Speaker 7 (29:00):
Now, because I know people are gonna want I know
people are going to wonder that way because all these
questions I already know the answers to. It's more for
the public. Thank you, guys, think we later no, butfro
and if it feels like belittling to your emotions, also
let me know. But do you think maybe only you
can answer it? Do you feel like it was easier
that you kind of knew your mom was going through

(29:21):
something rather than it being random, Because I don't Again,
I don't want to say.

Speaker 4 (29:25):
I would assume.

Speaker 7 (29:26):
Yeah. Do you feel like maybe if it was like.

Speaker 1 (29:31):
Yeah, yeah, a question, but I was like she was.

Speaker 8 (29:37):
And was going to pass away. Jennika just woke up
one day and her mom was not here.

Speaker 1 (29:41):
Well, my dad also was sick, yeah, and he passed away.

Speaker 7 (29:45):
Well, technically, hold on, I want to ask something only
didn't know her mom was going to pass away because
like we kind of were prepared.

Speaker 1 (29:51):
It was prepared, were away, but.

Speaker 7 (29:53):
We had a lot of hope though, Like let's be real, Like, yeah,
I at least I remember I was. I lived those
moments with me. I was like almost one hundred percent
convinced that God was gonna do a miracle, and he didn't,
but he's still good, right, But like I didn't think
that something was gonna happen to her.

Speaker 4 (30:09):
Honestly, I don't know, because it's I feel like I
feel like I think it's easier to know when I mean,
even though I had a lot of hope for my mom,
like I knew how sick she was, and I know
that she wasn't gonna come out, I already knew him
deep in my heart. Like to this day, I know
she was not here.

Speaker 1 (30:27):
You could say that you knew.

Speaker 4 (30:28):
Yeah, I knew she was not going to come out
of this. And even if if that one percent of
hope I had, I know she was going to live
her life miserable and she wasn't gonna be happy. So
I already knew that she wasn't gonna make it. So
I feel like in those It was like a month
fifteen days that she was in the hospital, and I
was like, I feel like it helped me because it
helped me prepare. Like fifteen days I didn't talk to

(30:49):
my mom. She was literally intubated. I didn't talk to her.
So I felt during that time it helped me know
that my mom's not here no more, like she wasn't
really here, she was on a machine.

Speaker 1 (30:59):
Do you remember the last time you talked to her? Yeah,
like before she was intubated.

Speaker 3 (31:05):
Yeah, because I never I never.

Speaker 4 (31:07):
Actually have a screenshot of our FaceTime call. I was
so sick too, oh, because you guys, dude.

Speaker 2 (31:13):
The thing is is that only and her, literally her
whole family were in separate rooms in the same hospital.

Speaker 4 (31:18):
Yeah, except my mom. She was at killer Kaiser. It's true.

Speaker 2 (31:23):
Let's not address Kaiser permanente.

Speaker 1 (31:31):
No, but no, but but.

Speaker 4 (31:32):
No, Like, I mean, I don't think I've ever said
this before, but that's the last FaceTime call I had
with my mom. Mind you, Like, I was so sick
with COVID too, Like I hardly remember anything. But that's
one thing I never forget, is it's a screenshot I have,
And I mean I'll share with jennikaf she wants to
add a part of the podcast. But she literally told me,

(31:54):
and I'm like, what do you mean. She's like see
that And I'm like, no, mom, like and she's like,
it's because no one here understands you like you like
and you had COVID. You had to be there alone.
Like my mom spoke English but not really, but she understands.
And and in.

Speaker 1 (32:09):
The hospital it was crime prime.

Speaker 4 (32:12):
Yeah, it was prime COVID and like it was just
crazy like and that's those were her last words after that.
She was intubated and we try not to get her intubated,
but I mean, there's nothing we can do. And those
were her last words. And I do believe that happened
because once we started seeking more things to help her live,
they started kind of like rejecting and getting mad at us.

(32:34):
And yeah, when she got to the funeral home, they
told us that her belongings were just thrown on her.
And I was like, what do you mean crazy? It
was just crazy, like it was just like insane, like
you know I could be in that moment, like I
just chose to, you know what. My mom like had
a lot of sicknesses, like she lived very depressed after
my brother passed away. Like my mom was basically dead

(32:56):
since my brother passed away, so she always ever week,
I would hear my mom say, I want to die.
I want to die. I want to die because my
mom was so depressed she lost my brother, like it
really affected her. So, like I know, if anyone wanted
to go to heaven and be with her son, it
was my mom. That's what she wanted, that's all. That's
all she wanted. She wasn't happy living here. She was

(33:18):
just living here for us. So I I know she's happier.
I don't. I don't think there's one doubt in her
mind that she wants to be here in this world
right now.

Speaker 2 (33:25):
And I would have, honestly, at this point, I wouldn't
want them to come back.

Speaker 1 (33:30):
Let them, let them be happy, let them live there.

Speaker 3 (33:33):
Like it's just.

Speaker 1 (33:36):
This world is so ugly and it's like, oh, it's
just annoying, bro, it's annoying.

Speaker 4 (33:43):
Sometimes I swear to God, like I don't know if
you dream of your mom, but my mom is so
present in my dreams, like when I miss her, it's weird,
Like I hate it because I don't like it. But
like the other. I was like, you know, we can
have a gos having really weird thoughts and you know,

(34:05):
I was talking to her and I went to sleep.
I want to sleep that night and she picked. She
was trying to pick me up in the car and
I'm like, can I go with you? And she's like no,
And I was like, come on, I want to go
with you. Just take me to the mall. She's like, no,
you can't come with me. And the driver the passenger
side was my aunt that passed away, which was like

(34:28):
her best friend two years after, and she didn't want
to take me. I was so mad because she didn't
want to take me with her to the store. Obviously
later later on, did I look at this. I'm like, okay,
like I see the bigger picture. My cousin calls me
a day after. She's like, I had a dream of you,
and I said, well, she goes, bitch, she would try
to take me to the mall with our mom up mad,

(34:50):
I say, you're lying. She goes.

Speaker 1 (34:52):
Always have something similar.

Speaker 4 (34:54):
And she's like, you're trying to take me to the
mall and I kept telling you no because we're not
going to come back, and you're like no, no, let's go.
Let's go. And I was like, and I told her
the truth. I was like, honestly, like I've been feeling
really weird. And I said and I told her my
dream and she started tripping. Now I was like, I
don't know why we I she doesn't dream her mom.
She dreams my mom, and I always dream both of
them together all the time. So it's like it's just crazy,
Like my mom's always in my dreams and I always

(35:16):
see her. Like it's weird.

Speaker 2 (35:18):
I never dream I've never dreamt of my dad. Yeah,
I maybe dreamt of my mom like once, but I never.

Speaker 4 (35:25):
I never.

Speaker 2 (35:26):
And maybe that's better for me though, because makes it
like bad. Yeah, and I feel like I would be
in my head about it. Yeah, like I start thinking
things and like yeah, I don't know knowing me.

Speaker 1 (35:38):
But it's like, Okay, we're gonna want a quick break
because I want toother shot. I will be right back.
Welcome back, you guys. We took a little quick shot.
I just look, you guys. This is this very special
special episode.

Speaker 4 (35:51):
We're celebrating Jenny Rivera. So everybody, no, if you're watching
this right now, take a shot. Listen to Jenny and
post a TikTok right now.

Speaker 2 (36:01):
But yes, you guys, it is our mother's anniversaries.

Speaker 1 (36:05):
We are grieving. This is how life is. If you
guys don't like.

Speaker 2 (36:10):
That we're drinking, I'm sorry. This is the way we're
coping for today.

Speaker 1 (36:14):
This is what we do.

Speaker 2 (36:15):
This is how I wanted to just be comfortable and
safe and with my friends and be able to Yeah, I.

Speaker 4 (36:23):
Have a question. What Okay, obviously you know we all
like you know, before I met you, I was a
big fan of your mom. I went everywhere she went.
She knew who I are.

Speaker 2 (36:35):
Okay, she, you know, just rub it in everybody's face because.

Speaker 4 (36:40):
She loved me. You know, I'm dark, but she used
to call me, of course my mom.

Speaker 1 (36:45):
Yes, Nicole, you don't know. Omi was like the biggest fan.

Speaker 4 (36:48):
Like, let me tell you honey, Staples Center, September third.
I gave her a hat. She took off her hat
and gave me her hat. Yep, you know what. One thing.
Let me tell you one thing about her mom. She
appreciate people who support her, like through thick and thin.
I would go to every fucking not every countrict because
my dad wouldn't allow me because I was young, and

(37:11):
because she used to cuss a lot, he'd be like no,
but then he got used to it. And I used
to go to thank with Talento. My mom used to
lie for me that I went to college, but I
was really a thing with Lento seeing her, Yeah, and
my mom would be in the car.

Speaker 1 (37:22):
And the day my mom passed away, she quit her
Smart and Final drop.

Speaker 4 (37:26):
Oh my god, no one knows that one. Yep, the
day that I used to be a cash register. I
was really devastated. I had to quit Smart Final and
I you know what, No, you know what, I I'm tired.
I'm serious. I'm serious, Like I was. Really, I was

(37:49):
really devastated because I didn't even know Jennica at then.
I don't even know like Jenny and I met Cheek's
like twice. But I used to go Jenny was at
the radio station. I would go, she was here, I
would go, we would go. So she already knew like
her loyal fans like that were always there. The ticket
thin and that's one thing that she appreciate them. So
that September Staple Center show, she gifted me my ticket
because Mikey was going through court and we went to

(38:12):
the court to support. So she gave everybody that went there,
she gave them a ticket for the concert. Yeah, so so,
and then that concert, we were first role. She gave
us first role, and I gave her my hat and
she gave me her hat and I still have that.

Speaker 3 (38:28):
So it was your question.

Speaker 4 (38:29):
What was my question? Okay, Okay, here's my question. Like, obviously,
like your mom is jen Like how do you feel
knowing your mom is your mom? But obviously, like there's
so many people that admire her and love her, but
like she's your mom, like besides the artist's name, besides
you know, everybody loving her like at the end of
the day, like she's your mom, your m om, Like

(38:51):
I can't imagine. She said, no, you know what, because
it's like like like like my mom's my mom, but
I can't imagine like everybody loving my mom.

Speaker 1 (39:05):
You have to share your.

Speaker 4 (39:07):
Exactly what I mean?

Speaker 3 (39:09):
Okay, because it's beautiful and.

Speaker 4 (39:12):
Both because let me tell you so many, let me
tell you so many artists have passed away, but no
one celebrates the way they celebrate December ninth. On TikTok
everyone's posting videos, Oh it's December. I hate to hear
that audio of you know, the whole thing. But people
use that audio to be like, I'm gonna celebrate Jenny,

(39:34):
like you don't be sent ade. I love he sent
fore he's a fucking icon legend, but no one celebrates
the way they celebrate Jenny. That's what I'm saying.

Speaker 8 (39:47):
Okay, how do you feel it's okay to be selfish
because you're her daughter? At the end of the day,
she's your m O M and you look exactly like her. Like,
so what are your feelings? I was gonna say how
do you feel? But I don't know, Like what are
your feelings? What are your thoughts? When you know that
your mom is your mom? But like you also have

(40:08):
to share her because of who she was with everyone,
because she's so important to so many people's lives, and
like the way she they learned from her, they affected
her life. Like do you ever feel like kind of
like damn, like that's my mom, Like I only want
her to be my mom, like, or what are your feelings.

Speaker 1 (40:25):
As a daughter?

Speaker 2 (40:26):
Sometimes I just wish that I was able to grief
in private, like I'm able to, you know, I honestly,
sometimes I wish I can be an Omi's position, where
I don't.

Speaker 3 (40:38):
Need that constant reminder. You know what I mean. It's beautiful.
I'm grateful.

Speaker 1 (40:43):
I love it, thank you, like I love that people
love my mom.

Speaker 3 (40:47):
I genuinely, genuinely, genuinely.

Speaker 2 (40:49):
Do like I like it's it's beautiful, like and twelve
years later is insane.

Speaker 1 (40:58):
But do I wish?

Speaker 3 (41:00):
I don't, like I.

Speaker 2 (41:02):
Could live a normal day without being reminded that my
mom is dead. Yes, A thousand person like that, Like.

Speaker 4 (41:09):
Yeah, that's hard.

Speaker 3 (41:12):
That's like like if.

Speaker 8 (41:13):
I see people like like, oh, like r I P
like I miss you so much?

Speaker 2 (41:19):
Do you have?

Speaker 8 (41:20):
I would be like you don't miss her as much
as I miss It's.

Speaker 2 (41:23):
Worse when like people start like now right now is
the time, like this weekend and like the holidays and
stuff where people start coming with the coming up with
their bullshit like she's still alive.

Speaker 4 (41:35):
Yeah, that's what makes me.

Speaker 1 (41:36):
They killed her, They this, this and that, and it's like.

Speaker 2 (41:42):
It's because I wish, like I wish that I wish
that she maybe for her to knock on my fucking door,
Like that would be insane, Like that would literally be
like my dream.

Speaker 4 (41:57):
Yeah yeah, but it's like I get what you mean,
But it's also beautiful to see like that they still
fucking love her so much. There's so many artists in
the world that people forget about, but I feel like
your mom, Like people don't forget about her. Why because
she was such a legend and obviously the way happened,
it happened so tragically, but also we all know your mom.

(42:19):
If she was gonna go down the way, that's the
way she was gonna go down, Like.

Speaker 2 (42:24):
She had to let very razy, I know, but she
also like literally someone asked me the other day, They're.

Speaker 1 (42:29):
Like, you know what it is?

Speaker 2 (42:31):
You know what I hate though, And I'm gonna be
so honest. It's like explaining it to people. Bro, oh
my god, yeah, yes, like I love it, like I
love people knowing not knowing me. But then it's also like,
this is the uncomfortable part of my life that people

(42:54):
don't understand and that scares them, yeah, you know, Like
and it's it's just like when people ask me, like, oh, so,
how did your mom pass away in a plane.

Speaker 1 (43:04):
Crash, it's like fucking crazy.

Speaker 2 (43:07):
Like what a quick you know, like, and it's harder
to explain, and it's just like it puts this pressure
and sometimes it gives me anxiety, like I don't know
how to explain to people like my mom passed away
in a plane crash because she's a singer and because
she does this and whatever, and like well, well.

Speaker 4 (43:27):
Yeah, well not I see what you mean. But I
feel like they also like that also affects you because
I've been on a plane before with you and there's
been turbulence and I have seen the way you get
and it's like like as a friend, like I can't
do nothing about it, but it's scary, Like obviously we're
in a plane, there's turbulence, Like you freak the hell out,
and I feel like people don't know that, you know,

(43:49):
Like it's scary to see how you get. But it's
like I can't help you. Only you can help yourself,
you know what I mean. And it's scary, but that's
something that you have to live with forever. Yeah, you
know what I mean.

Speaker 2 (43:59):
Yeah, And it's literally what I have, Like I have
to deal with it every day. But yeah, to answer
your question, like it gets a little bit, it's hard,
but it's specifically in this time period.

Speaker 9 (44:11):
Like you your healing process because your mom.

Speaker 3 (44:13):
Is absolutely, absolutely.

Speaker 4 (44:16):
Honestly coming from my mom. I'm not saying my mom
is nobody. My mom's my mom.

Speaker 1 (44:22):
Shout out Maria, Maria the Homier.

Speaker 4 (44:25):
Honestly, I missed your girl. But anyway, no, yeah, like.

Speaker 9 (44:34):
I always think, like, like what am I gonna do?
My mom prosses to call her. I would think of
her all the time and then scrolling through like TikTok. Yeah, Mom,
I take a constant reminder, like.

Speaker 4 (44:45):
Do you think that that just affected me? Absolutely? Yeah,
because you.

Speaker 2 (44:48):
Know every day and I and I have to tell
and I don't know if you've noticed, but I have
to tell val I have to tell you guys like
turn it off, yeah, you know, like.

Speaker 3 (44:58):
Because I don't want to like.

Speaker 4 (45:00):
Even hearing her. Yes, yeah, honestly, it.

Speaker 2 (45:03):
Wouldn't be like and I'm trying, and I try every damn.

Speaker 1 (45:07):
Like let me just try.

Speaker 2 (45:08):
Let me just look at it, let me like I try.

Speaker 4 (45:13):
Maybe today we will try.

Speaker 2 (45:14):
No, but like no, but like it's hard, like and
I and I'm sorry, like I'm sorry to you guys,
like because I know you guys are fans and you
guys love her and you guys want to hear her
music and like all this stuff, like it's beautiful and
I appreciate it so much, like from the bottom of
my heart. But it's like it's harder when you listen

(45:37):
to the music. But that's the thing that took her away,
you know, Like, and that's what people don't really understand.
Like I'm grateful for who my mom is, like I do,
but I wish I.

Speaker 6 (45:53):
Just had my mom, you know, Like I wish I
just had her a little bit more because she shared
so much of her life with all of you guys,
you know, like and always able to have those memories
of like her mom cooking for her and like this,
this and that, and I don't have that many memories,

(46:14):
Like I love when my mom cooked for me.

Speaker 1 (46:16):
Like I did. Those are like the ones that I remember,
you know.

Speaker 2 (46:20):
But she was always working and I appreciate it, and
I learned from that, Like I'm a hard working woman
because of her, Like I learned how to I work
hard because she was a single mom that had to
raise five crazy ass fucking kids on her own.

Speaker 1 (46:38):
All by herself.

Speaker 2 (46:40):
But do I wish that it was just her, Absolutely,
but more because I wish that my sister got her
life back a little bit, you know, like it wasn't
fair for my sister to raise four other kids by herself,
not by herself, but you know what I mean, Like
my sister had had a lot of weight on her

(47:01):
back and a lot of her life was taken like
I think people take for granted or like they don't understand,
like we had to live all on our own too,
Like we didn't have a lot of people, Like my
sister had to do it by herself, and so did
my mom.

Speaker 4 (47:18):
Yeah, and you have your dad either, So I didn't
have my dad.

Speaker 1 (47:21):
They don't have their dad.

Speaker 4 (47:22):
Like that's what I'm saying, Like even though like obviously
your dad passed away and stuff like it's crazy how
And I always saw your sister that the same thing,
like it's crazy how you're here, like you've gone through
all that. You don't have your mom here, you don't
have your dad like I luckily have my dad and
sometimes like I'm like I'm here, but I can't imagine
how you guys feel, like.

Speaker 2 (47:41):
Yeah, it's crazy, it's crazy, but I'm grateful, Like you know,
I'm grateful for the fans. I'm grateful for my mom's music.
She's touched and she's changed people's lives, Like I just
filmed the podcast, the episode with SB right now, Like
she's telling me like about her mom and like how
they connect. And I'm grateful, Like my mom had a story,
like everyone has a story to share, and like she

(48:05):
changed it.

Speaker 1 (48:05):
She changed she changed it.

Speaker 2 (48:07):
For everybody, and I'm happy and I'm so grateful, like
you know, like that was the purpose of her life
and she fulfilled it. And you know, God did what
he had to do and that's it, you know. But yeah,
it does get a lot harder. It gets harder, and
even it gets harder as I get older, Like I
think it gets oh my god, like I thought it

(48:27):
was gonna be fine, but it just it gets harder
as you get older.

Speaker 1 (48:30):
And I always tell omm like the grief never ends.

Speaker 4 (48:32):
Never.

Speaker 1 (48:33):
It never.

Speaker 4 (48:34):
Even when I feel fine, I feel like, oh my god,
Like you know what's weird, Like I feel guilty of
my life being peaceful and not being sad. And I
think it was like a month ago because I haven't
talked to my therapist. I'm sorry for hearing this, but
you know, like I told her, I said, you know what,
I'm really happy. It feels really weird, Like I feel
really fine, like there's nothing, and she's like, why do
you feel guilty. I'm like, because like there's always something

(48:56):
wrong in my life and she's like, that's how life
is supposed to be. And I'm like, yeah, but I'm
used to something going wrong, but then when I think
of it, something goes wrong. So I'm like, it's like
it's like weird, you know what I mean. And it's
like sometimes I feel guilty for not being sad, but
now when I see pictures of my mom, I don't
get sad. Now I'm going through the videos, I can't

(49:17):
hear the voice. If I hear the voice, it messes
me up.

Speaker 1 (49:20):
Yeah, the voice, That's what I'm saying.

Speaker 4 (49:23):
I don't know how you hear your mom's voice because
I was like, I skip it.

Speaker 1 (49:26):
I skip it.

Speaker 4 (49:27):
Maybe because Johnny and your sister Jackie different. They all
liked it all. You're the only one that it's hard
because I can't.

Speaker 2 (49:36):
I can't, And maybe that's something like I have to
heal and grow on my own, like the fact that
and maybe maybe I'm just discovering that now, like because
my mom chose this career, it's what took her away
from me.

Speaker 4 (49:51):
That's I think that's why something you hold on to you. Yeah,
but it's okay, it's it's it's on your own terms
and times.

Speaker 3 (49:58):
Yeah, and it's the same.

Speaker 2 (50:00):
It was the same for Mikey too, and it's like
I'm I'm like, I'm grateful that, like, you.

Speaker 3 (50:05):
Know, it just makes me sad for them.

Speaker 1 (50:08):
Yeah, we're gonna go on a quick break and we'll
be right back. Welcome back, you guys.

Speaker 2 (50:12):
Like I could think about myself, I could think about
like what I'm going through, but at the end of
the day, like I have.

Speaker 1 (50:17):
Four other people to worry about.

Speaker 4 (50:20):
Yeah, you know, like.

Speaker 2 (50:22):
It's different for all of them, and it's like it's
it's just hard, ruh. It's really hard, and it's hard
for people to understand. And like, I mean, it is
what it is. At the end of the day, it
is what it is. And I'm like, like I choose
to live my life day by day. And I'm again,

(50:43):
I'm so so so grateful, like because I wouldn't even
be here if she wasn't who she was and who
she made herself be by herself, you know, because it
wasn't anybody else.

Speaker 3 (50:58):
That did it.

Speaker 5 (51:01):
So first woman to set out, No, but I think
I like whatever, bro, Like I don't even want to
I don't want to fuck cry anymore.

Speaker 1 (51:12):
I'm done. No, I'm done.

Speaker 2 (51:18):
But like I love, I love, I love all my
friends here right now, you guys, I'm gonna I'm gonna
be so like honest, like I'm so grateful for like
literally every single person in this room right now, and
every single person that was in my.

Speaker 4 (51:33):
Life, like God has at the time at the.

Speaker 2 (51:38):
Time, you know, No, that's literally it, like, and I
was talking to the call about this, like literally God
puts people in your life for a reason, and I'm
a strong.

Speaker 1 (51:48):
Believer in that.

Speaker 2 (51:49):
Like I don't care what anybody says. I don't care
if anybody doesn't fuck with anybody, And like I'm just
grateful for you guys, Like you guys really have been
so important and pivotal in my life, like on me,
like I know, like it is a god given relationship.
It is a reason why we connected and we're friends.

(52:11):
And the same with Lando, and the same with Nicole,
and the same with val and Glory and everybody else,
like everybody that's come into my life and even fucking David,
like stupid ass. But I'm just grateful like I'm grateful
that I have a safe space and you guys have
welcomed me and loved me and like made me feel okay, yeah,

(52:33):
you know, like and loved me, like just love me,
not like for anybody else, but just you know me,
and like fuck with me and write with me, and like,
because I know it's been it's been long, and I
thank you more than anybody knows, like the journey that
it's been.

Speaker 4 (52:53):
So I'm just.

Speaker 2 (52:54):
Thankful and I love you guys so much, and even
to everybody watching and listening, like, I'm so grateful and
if you love my mom and if you love my family,
thank you. Thank you from the bottom of my heart,
because this wouldn't be what it is without you guys,
you know, and life happens. And if there's anything that

(53:15):
you guys can take from this episode is just to
love yours, love your family with all your heart, you know,
and cherish every little single woman. I don't mean to
sound corny, but it is literally it is that simple,
like yeah, to love and to be kind and to
be there for your family and you're more importantly, you know,
shout out to all the mamas, the mamas that are single,

(53:38):
single moms, people that did it by themselves.

Speaker 4 (53:40):
Like dad, single dads, single dads.

Speaker 1 (53:43):
Like it isn't easy.

Speaker 2 (53:44):
It isn't easy at all at all, and for any
person that's grieving too, Like I promise you, I promise you.
I know we've been crying this whole episode, but it
is gonna be okay.

Speaker 4 (53:55):
It won't be easy, but you'll learn to live with
the pain. It's a growing pain, that's literally what it is.

Speaker 1 (54:00):
You grow with it, You grow with the page.

Speaker 4 (54:02):
And you learn to live with it.

Speaker 2 (54:04):
You grow with it, you grow and it'll change you
to be a better person.

Speaker 1 (54:09):
And you know, like just cherish it. Just cherish yours.

Speaker 2 (54:14):
And I don't know if there's anything you want to
say about grief or whatever or whatever you know, but
I'm done because I don't want to cry anymore.

Speaker 1 (54:22):
I'm done.

Speaker 4 (54:24):
I just want to say, like, you know, obviously we
all deal with grief, either if it's a grandparent, a sister, brother, mom,
or dad, whatever, maybe your dog, it doesn't matter. Like
I feel like, grief is grief, Like you feel it,
you got to go through it. You just got to
deal with it. Like it's not gonna get easy. I
hate when people tell me it's gonna get better. It's

(54:45):
not gonna get better. It's not.

Speaker 1 (54:48):
It may feel a little bit, just give me a.

Speaker 4 (54:50):
Hug, don't but don't tell me it's gonna get better,
because it's not, like we just it's just a pain.
You learn to live with and you learn to get
used to in your life. I think for myself like
I just learned to live with it. And you know,
it's hard when you reminded so much of how happy
people are having that person that we don't have here.

(55:13):
But you know what, the train's been leaving so much
and then left again.

Speaker 1 (55:17):
They're left again. You lost to trade. We're done you guys,
We're done. We're done.

Speaker 2 (55:21):
But at the end of the day, just love your family,
love your friends. We never know when is the last time.

Speaker 1 (55:28):
Be kind.

Speaker 4 (55:29):
You know, I have one more appreciate Be patient. Be patient.
Patient with your parents. I never used to understand my
mom or my dad, and I would get mad at
my mom have so many things, and now I'm like, Okay,
I get her. But sometimes we don't understand our parents
or why they're like that with us. But as we
grow older, I'm like, Okay, Dad, I get that, Mom,

(55:52):
I get that I understand that now that I'm older.
So even though you think they're being mean to you,
they're not being mean to you. They're doing it for
a reason, and as you grow older, you're understanding you. Like, Okay,
I understand now why your parents are the only person
in the world. I love my friends, I love my friends,
but the parents, your parents are the only person in
the world that will never hurt you ever. That's all

(56:12):
I gotta say. Mike drop, Mic drop.

Speaker 1 (56:15):
And with that, you guys, we're gonna end this episode because.

Speaker 3 (56:20):
We're just gonna show.

Speaker 1 (56:21):
We're gonna go hard, we're gonna celebrate. If you guys
are celebrating, please enjoy. Take a shot for me, take
a shot for Omi's mom. Shout out to them, Shout.

Speaker 4 (56:34):
Out to Shout.

Speaker 1 (56:37):
Out to all the people that have left us. We
love you, we miss you. Thank you guys so much again.

Speaker 3 (56:43):
For watching and listening.

Speaker 2 (56:44):
Make sure you guys tune in to next week and
I will see you next Tuesday. Overcome for Podcast is
a production of iHeart Podcast Network.