April 1, 2025 • 14 mins
Learning to love yourself and knowing your worth going into a relationship is more valuable than a lot of people think. It takes practice, discipline, and could be disappointing to the wrong people. Having self-respect and understanding each other's boundaries are part of the growth and establishing a healthy partnership. Are you choosing your selfish desires today or God's will for your life?
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:04):
Welcome back to the Overcomfort podcast. I am your host,
Jennica Lopez. Thank you guys so much for tuning in
to today's episode. I am so glad you guys are
here today. Today's episode is for all my single, dating, engaged,
or even just navigating past and present relationships. I believe
(00:28):
that today's conversation is going to encourage you and encourage me.
If you guys do not know, I have been single
for a very very long time and I've enjoyed my singleness.
It has been a little bit lonely, but I've turned
it from something from seeing it as something negative to
(00:48):
something positive. I see as a season of preparation, as
something I'm getting ready for and to become the woman
I need to be for my future partner, person, husband, etc.
And with that also means knowing who you are and
(01:10):
having your boundaries not just in your friendships or in
your personal circle, but also in your relationship as well.
So today we're going to dive in into an important topic,
honoring yourself and your boundaries in dating and relationships. First
things first, we have to remember our worth and who
(01:31):
we are as people with or without a partner. Our
worth is not defined by another person. And we also
have to recognize our boundaries and have them very firm
and stand by them and recognize where they come from
and why those boundaries are placed. It's so easy to
(01:52):
get caught up in emotions and desires and expectations from others. Everybody,
everybody goes through it. It's okay. But the true truth
is is that God calls us to honor ourselves because
we are made in His image, not by the person
that we see ourselves as, but by who God sees
us as. When we set boundaries and we stick to them,
(02:15):
we show respect for the person we were created to be.
So grab your coffee, let's take a deep breath, and
let's talk about how we can navigate relationships in a
way that also aligns with God's plan for us. Like
(02:35):
I said, you guys, I have been single for a
long time, and I used to see it as something negative, like, oh,
what's wrong with me? What's like? Am I am? I
not likable? Is it because of who I am? Is
it because etc? And then I would also compromise, like
everything that I've worked hard for, Like obviously I'm a
single woman twenty seven, I have my own house, I
(02:56):
have my own car, I pay my own bills, I
make sure that everything's taken care of and whatever, and
that can be intimidating. So I always thought that I
was the problem. But then I realized I'm like, no, Like,
I'm gonna find someone that matches exactly me and matches
my energy, or that loves me and accepts me in
every single way emotionally, physically, et cetera. So let's start
(03:23):
with why do boundaries matter? Why do they even matter?
Why do we have these things where like we tell
people where like we don't. I don't really like this,
like why, Like what is the reason behind them? And
a lot of people think that boundaries are about keeping
people out or being too strict, But in reality, boundaries
(03:45):
are about protecting what's valuable. And there's a proverb that says,
above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do
flows from it. That's Proverbs four twenty three. We are
called to guard our hearts because our emotions and decisions
and future relationships flow from it. I think I said
this in a couple episodes back. Whatever comes into your
(04:07):
heart and your mind is how you exert. It's what
you're going to be given. It's what you're giving out.
If we just let anyone in without wisdom, without discernment,
without really just accepting whatever person even the bare minimum,
we risk pain, confusion, unhealthy patterns, and heartbreak. To be honest,
(04:30):
we are the cause of our own heartbreak if we're
not recognizing patterns. So boundaries and dating help us stay
emotionally and spiritually healthy, avoid unnecessary heartbreak, and also honoring
God with our bodies and hearts. For example, if you
know that physical boundaries are important for your purity, setting
(04:52):
those expectations and a relationship is wise and dating. For example, me,
I have been I believe the correct term is a
little bit not abstinate for oh for a while now,
and I'm choosing to. And I'm choosing because I do
feel that although sex is, you know, important, and people believe, oh,
(05:14):
we got to test drive the car before we purchase
it or whatever, I think, at the end of the day,
take sex out of the picture. Are you still gonna
love me emotionally who I am as a person and
how much are you willing to wait for me? I
feel like that is super important. Oh. Another example is
if you struggle with people pleasing like me, having emotional
(05:36):
boundaries can help you prevent from compromising your values and
just to keep somebody around. So say you're talking or
dating somebody and this person you know really wants a
certain thing. He wants you to I don't know, I
don't know, go somewhere. But it makes you feel uncomfortable,
and it's like, no, I'm not. I'm gonna stay on
(05:56):
firm by what I'm feeling. And at the end of
the day, boundaries aren't about rejection. They're about protection. They
are meant to help you. And I don't want to
say block, but God your heart and protect what's valuable.
We're gonna want a quick break and we'll be right
back you guys, All right, welcome back, you guys. Honoring
(06:17):
yourself through those boundaries. Honoring yourself means recognizing that you
are worthy of love, respect, and care. My favorite Bible
verse is also Psalms one thirty nine and fourteen because
it reminds us. It says, I praise you because I'm
fearfully wonderfully made. Your works are wonderful, and I know
(06:38):
that fool and well. Listen, ladies, listen, listen very clearly, ladies,
God did not create us to settle for less than
his best. When you honor yourself, you acknowledge that your
time is valuable, your heart is precious, and your body
is the temple of God, the Holy Spirit. You guys,
we are not meant to settle, ladies. I know, no,
(07:00):
I know that we have this craving. We want attention.
We want guys to like us. We want you know,
and we take the first person, We bite on the
first thing that comes our way. But no, we are
not meant to settle. We are meant to be chased after,
to be pursued, to be wanted. Now I'm not saying
like desperate, like oh my god, play hard to get
(07:22):
like forever and ever, but no, it's like, honor yourself.
Your time is valuable, your heart is precious. It's not
to be played with. It's meant to be protected and guarded.
And are you going to care for this heart you
like the person that I am. Okay, protect my heart
and your body as well. It is it's how we
take care of our body and what we do to
it and how we treat it that that matters. Like
(07:45):
how is this partner or a person that we're interested
in going to take care of us in all those ways.
So how do we honor ourselves in dating? Well? Number one,
know you're worth. Know you're worth in God. Your value
doesn't come from a relationship status. It comes from God.
If you're constantly seeking validation from a partner, take a
(08:08):
step back and ask yourself, am I looking for someone
to fill a place that only God can feel? I
think a lot of ladies with let's say daddy issues,
we have those problems. We tend to draw partners that
remind us that have a very father figure vibe, or
(08:31):
actual dads, people with kids, people that had the same
attitude as our father. Because it's comfortable, it's what we
grew up with. It's something that it's it's a it's
a curse and it's a generational thing that you guys
have to break. And I've learned to do that as well.
So we don't seek validation and a partner, Ladies, we
(08:52):
seek validation in God and in ourselves, and we know
our worth. Say no without guilt. It's okay to say
no to situateationships, situations, relationships or behaviors that just don't
align with God's plan for you. And I want to
make this very important God himself, Jesus himself set boundaries.
(09:13):
He walked away multiple multiple times to go pray by himself.
He knew when to say no. And this also goes
into friendships and families and whatever. When you're setting boundaries,
it is okay because God even did it himself. I
need a break, I need a moment from XYZ. It's
okay to say no. Okay because you ultimately know. You
(09:35):
have to be confident and know that whatever is planned
and whatever is meant to be for me will come
to me. It won't miss me, won't It won't pass
me by, and when you're ready for it, it'll come.
Number three is to communicate clearly, effectively and kindly. And
I think that's what people forget. Also is when you're
(09:56):
communicating these boundaries, you have to speak with respect in
order for that other person to understand you, Like, hey,
very clearly, I just want to let you know I'm
not liking this. I'm kind of just gonna stay away.
If someone truly respects you, they'll respect your boundaries. If
you push past them or make them, or they make
(10:19):
you feel guilty, then that's a sign that maybe they're
not the right person from you. Be calm, clear, collective,
and kind. If someone doesn't respect them, then I'm sorry, babes,
we gotta go. And I think ultimately, here's the thing.
(10:39):
Honoring yourself and boundaries isn't always easy. Sometimes it means
walking away from something that feels good in the moment
temporary satisfaction, but isn't good for your soul or your
heart in the long run. You have to trust that
God knows the plans that he has for you. He
ultimately has plans to prosper you, not to harm you,
but to give you hope and future and always align
(11:02):
with his plan. When we trust God in our relationships,
we also have confidence that his plans are better than
anything we could arrange ourselves. We got to stop surrender
and stop taking control. I know love is something that
we all deep down crave and desire, and that's okay.
We're human, that's part of who we are created. But
(11:24):
we also have to trust that He created us with
purpose and for a reason, and that his plans are
better than any of the little plans that we have.
So if you're struggling with boundaries right now, I just
want you to remember you don't have to prove your
worth to anyone. God already has that established. You don't
have to fear being alone, no matter what age you're at,
(11:45):
no matter how kids you have, no matter if you
have this job or that job, you don't have to
fear being alone. God is always with you. You're never
ever alone. You don't have to lower your standards ladies.
And I've been I will be honest, I have done
that before. I have done it where it's like, Okay,
I want to be I want to normalize or I
(12:06):
want to come off like you know normal. No, you
don't have to lower your standards. You're in this position
in your life for a reason, and God will bring
the right person at the right time. I love to
say this as well. God is never early. God is
never late, but He's always on time. So whether you're single, dating,
(12:28):
or healing from a past relationship, keep honoring yourself, have
the self worth, have the self respect, because God's best
is worth waiting for. I hope that this conversation has
encouraged you today. Setting boundaries isn't about keeping love out
you guys. It's not. It's about making room for the
right kind of love, the kind that reflects God's heart
(12:51):
for you and remember that your heart is precious, it
is perfect, and it is meant to be protected and
guard it. You guys, just keep in mind, how is
this going to feed my heart? Is this gonna better it?
Or is it going to harden it? And if you're
in a season of learning to honor yourself and your boundaries.
I just want to send a little prayer for you, guys,
(13:13):
because I'm your sister, I'm your friend, and I believe
that when someone is praying with you and for you,
it is unimaginable what God can do when two or
more pray together. And I don't want you guys to
feel alone. We're in this journey together. So God, thank
you for reminding us that we are fearfully and wonderfully made.
(13:34):
Help us walk in confidence knowing that we are worthy
of love, respect, and care. Give us wisdom to set
healthy boundaries and strength to uphold them. We trust that
your plans for us are good. Help us wait for
the relationships that honor you and bring us closer to
you and you name Amen. If this episode encourage you,
(13:56):
share it with a friend who needs this reminder. And
if you haven't already, make sure you guys subscribe for
just more encouragement and more episodes. We are going to
wrap up this season next week, so thank you guys
for tuning in, and I will be pray for your
girl too. We're praying for the man of God, for
the woman of God of your man listening to this
(14:17):
or whatever, We're praying for our partners. Until next time.
Always keep honoring yourself and trusting God's plan for your
heart and I'll see you guys next week. Bye. Overcome
for podcast is a production of Iheartmichael Podcast Network
Welcome back to the Overcomfort podcast. I am your host,
Jennica Lopez. Thank you guys so much for tuning in
to today's episode. I am so glad you guys are
here today. Today's episode is for all my single, dating, engaged,
or even just navigating past and present relationships. I believe
(00:28):
that today's conversation is going to encourage you and encourage me.
If you guys do not know, I have been single
for a very very long time and I've enjoyed my singleness.
It has been a little bit lonely, but I've turned
it from something from seeing it as something negative to
(00:48):
something positive. I see as a season of preparation, as
something I'm getting ready for and to become the woman
I need to be for my future partner, person, husband, etc.
And with that also means knowing who you are and
(01:10):
having your boundaries not just in your friendships or in
your personal circle, but also in your relationship as well.
So today we're going to dive in into an important topic,
honoring yourself and your boundaries in dating and relationships. First
things first, we have to remember our worth and who
(01:31):
we are as people with or without a partner. Our
worth is not defined by another person. And we also
have to recognize our boundaries and have them very firm
and stand by them and recognize where they come from
and why those boundaries are placed. It's so easy to
(01:52):
get caught up in emotions and desires and expectations from others. Everybody,
everybody goes through it. It's okay. But the true truth
is is that God calls us to honor ourselves because
we are made in His image, not by the person
that we see ourselves as, but by who God sees
us as. When we set boundaries and we stick to them,
(02:15):
we show respect for the person we were created to be.
So grab your coffee, let's take a deep breath, and
let's talk about how we can navigate relationships in a
way that also aligns with God's plan for us. Like
(02:35):
I said, you guys, I have been single for a
long time, and I used to see it as something negative, like, oh,
what's wrong with me? What's like? Am I am? I
not likable? Is it because of who I am? Is
it because etc? And then I would also compromise, like
everything that I've worked hard for, Like obviously I'm a
single woman twenty seven, I have my own house, I
(02:56):
have my own car, I pay my own bills, I
make sure that everything's taken care of and whatever, and
that can be intimidating. So I always thought that I
was the problem. But then I realized I'm like, no, Like,
I'm gonna find someone that matches exactly me and matches
my energy, or that loves me and accepts me in
every single way emotionally, physically, et cetera. So let's start
(03:23):
with why do boundaries matter? Why do they even matter?
Why do we have these things where like we tell
people where like we don't. I don't really like this,
like why, Like what is the reason behind them? And
a lot of people think that boundaries are about keeping
people out or being too strict, But in reality, boundaries
(03:45):
are about protecting what's valuable. And there's a proverb that says,
above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do
flows from it. That's Proverbs four twenty three. We are
called to guard our hearts because our emotions and decisions
and future relationships flow from it. I think I said
this in a couple episodes back. Whatever comes into your
(04:07):
heart and your mind is how you exert. It's what
you're going to be given. It's what you're giving out.
If we just let anyone in without wisdom, without discernment,
without really just accepting whatever person even the bare minimum,
we risk pain, confusion, unhealthy patterns, and heartbreak. To be honest,
(04:30):
we are the cause of our own heartbreak if we're
not recognizing patterns. So boundaries and dating help us stay
emotionally and spiritually healthy, avoid unnecessary heartbreak, and also honoring
God with our bodies and hearts. For example, if you
know that physical boundaries are important for your purity, setting
(04:52):
those expectations and a relationship is wise and dating. For example, me,
I have been I believe the correct term is a
little bit not abstinate for oh for a while now,
and I'm choosing to. And I'm choosing because I do
feel that although sex is, you know, important, and people believe, oh,
(05:14):
we got to test drive the car before we purchase
it or whatever, I think, at the end of the day,
take sex out of the picture. Are you still gonna
love me emotionally who I am as a person and
how much are you willing to wait for me? I
feel like that is super important. Oh. Another example is
if you struggle with people pleasing like me, having emotional
(05:36):
boundaries can help you prevent from compromising your values and
just to keep somebody around. So say you're talking or
dating somebody and this person you know really wants a
certain thing. He wants you to I don't know, I
don't know, go somewhere. But it makes you feel uncomfortable,
and it's like, no, I'm not. I'm gonna stay on
(05:56):
firm by what I'm feeling. And at the end of
the day, boundaries aren't about rejection. They're about protection. They
are meant to help you. And I don't want to
say block, but God your heart and protect what's valuable.
We're gonna want a quick break and we'll be right
back you guys, All right, welcome back, you guys. Honoring
(06:17):
yourself through those boundaries. Honoring yourself means recognizing that you
are worthy of love, respect, and care. My favorite Bible
verse is also Psalms one thirty nine and fourteen because
it reminds us. It says, I praise you because I'm
fearfully wonderfully made. Your works are wonderful, and I know
(06:38):
that fool and well. Listen, ladies, listen, listen very clearly, ladies,
God did not create us to settle for less than
his best. When you honor yourself, you acknowledge that your
time is valuable, your heart is precious, and your body
is the temple of God, the Holy Spirit. You guys,
we are not meant to settle, ladies. I know, no,
(07:00):
I know that we have this craving. We want attention.
We want guys to like us. We want you know,
and we take the first person, We bite on the
first thing that comes our way. But no, we are
not meant to settle. We are meant to be chased after,
to be pursued, to be wanted. Now I'm not saying
like desperate, like oh my god, play hard to get
(07:22):
like forever and ever, but no, it's like, honor yourself.
Your time is valuable, your heart is precious. It's not
to be played with. It's meant to be protected and guarded.
And are you going to care for this heart you
like the person that I am. Okay, protect my heart
and your body as well. It is it's how we
take care of our body and what we do to
it and how we treat it that that matters. Like
(07:45):
how is this partner or a person that we're interested
in going to take care of us in all those ways.
So how do we honor ourselves in dating? Well? Number one,
know you're worth. Know you're worth in God. Your value
doesn't come from a relationship status. It comes from God.
If you're constantly seeking validation from a partner, take a
(08:08):
step back and ask yourself, am I looking for someone
to fill a place that only God can feel? I
think a lot of ladies with let's say daddy issues,
we have those problems. We tend to draw partners that
remind us that have a very father figure vibe, or
(08:31):
actual dads, people with kids, people that had the same
attitude as our father. Because it's comfortable, it's what we
grew up with. It's something that it's it's a it's
a curse and it's a generational thing that you guys
have to break. And I've learned to do that as well.
So we don't seek validation and a partner, Ladies, we
(08:52):
seek validation in God and in ourselves, and we know
our worth. Say no without guilt. It's okay to say
no to situateationships, situations, relationships or behaviors that just don't
align with God's plan for you. And I want to
make this very important God himself, Jesus himself set boundaries.
(09:13):
He walked away multiple multiple times to go pray by himself.
He knew when to say no. And this also goes
into friendships and families and whatever. When you're setting boundaries,
it is okay because God even did it himself. I
need a break, I need a moment from XYZ. It's
okay to say no. Okay because you ultimately know. You
(09:35):
have to be confident and know that whatever is planned
and whatever is meant to be for me will come
to me. It won't miss me, won't It won't pass
me by, and when you're ready for it, it'll come.
Number three is to communicate clearly, effectively and kindly. And
I think that's what people forget. Also is when you're
(09:56):
communicating these boundaries, you have to speak with respect in
order for that other person to understand you, Like, hey,
very clearly, I just want to let you know I'm
not liking this. I'm kind of just gonna stay away.
If someone truly respects you, they'll respect your boundaries. If
you push past them or make them, or they make
(10:19):
you feel guilty, then that's a sign that maybe they're
not the right person from you. Be calm, clear, collective,
and kind. If someone doesn't respect them, then I'm sorry, babes,
we gotta go. And I think ultimately, here's the thing.
(10:39):
Honoring yourself and boundaries isn't always easy. Sometimes it means
walking away from something that feels good in the moment
temporary satisfaction, but isn't good for your soul or your
heart in the long run. You have to trust that
God knows the plans that he has for you. He
ultimately has plans to prosper you, not to harm you,
but to give you hope and future and always align
(11:02):
with his plan. When we trust God in our relationships,
we also have confidence that his plans are better than
anything we could arrange ourselves. We got to stop surrender
and stop taking control. I know love is something that
we all deep down crave and desire, and that's okay.
We're human, that's part of who we are created. But
(11:24):
we also have to trust that He created us with
purpose and for a reason, and that his plans are
better than any of the little plans that we have.
So if you're struggling with boundaries right now, I just
want you to remember you don't have to prove your
worth to anyone. God already has that established. You don't
have to fear being alone, no matter what age you're at,
(11:45):
no matter how kids you have, no matter if you
have this job or that job, you don't have to
fear being alone. God is always with you. You're never
ever alone. You don't have to lower your standards ladies.
And I've been I will be honest, I have done
that before. I have done it where it's like, Okay,
I want to be I want to normalize or I
(12:06):
want to come off like you know normal. No, you
don't have to lower your standards. You're in this position
in your life for a reason, and God will bring
the right person at the right time. I love to
say this as well. God is never early. God is
never late, but He's always on time. So whether you're single, dating,
(12:28):
or healing from a past relationship, keep honoring yourself, have
the self worth, have the self respect, because God's best
is worth waiting for. I hope that this conversation has
encouraged you today. Setting boundaries isn't about keeping love out
you guys. It's not. It's about making room for the
right kind of love, the kind that reflects God's heart
(12:51):
for you and remember that your heart is precious, it
is perfect, and it is meant to be protected and
guard it. You guys, just keep in mind, how is
this going to feed my heart? Is this gonna better it?
Or is it going to harden it? And if you're
in a season of learning to honor yourself and your boundaries.
I just want to send a little prayer for you, guys,
(13:13):
because I'm your sister, I'm your friend, and I believe
that when someone is praying with you and for you,
it is unimaginable what God can do when two or
more pray together. And I don't want you guys to
feel alone. We're in this journey together. So God, thank
you for reminding us that we are fearfully and wonderfully made.
(13:34):
Help us walk in confidence knowing that we are worthy
of love, respect, and care. Give us wisdom to set
healthy boundaries and strength to uphold them. We trust that
your plans for us are good. Help us wait for
the relationships that honor you and bring us closer to
you and you name Amen. If this episode encourage you,
(13:56):
share it with a friend who needs this reminder. And
if you haven't already, make sure you guys subscribe for
just more encouragement and more episodes. We are going to
wrap up this season next week, so thank you guys
for tuning in, and I will be pray for your
girl too. We're praying for the man of God, for
the woman of God of your man listening to this
(14:17):
or whatever, We're praying for our partners. Until next time.
Always keep honoring yourself and trusting God's plan for your
heart and I'll see you guys next week. Bye. Overcome
for podcast is a production of Iheartmichael Podcast Network
Host
Jenicka Lopez
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