Wellness is a trillion-dollar industry full of scams and snake oil salesmen but comedians and best friends Kate Berlant and Jacqueline Novak just can’t get enough. Join them as they try products and practices, consult healers and experts, and ask the ultimate question: is it truly wellness they’re after or just the thrill of the chase?
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This is an episode about faith, diaspora, and what ants are for. Jacqueline is mommy, and the world is your womb. Revelations in a time of rupture: everything “stimulates collagen”. Kate can’t stop smelling the beeswax candles from her cousin, and Jacqueline is searching for a song to mark the end. Holding up the roof as it caves in and taking ownership. Oh, to lie on the b...
Going full placebo and confronting the parable’s obvious idiot. There is no safe chalice, with literacy and hydration at an all-time low. Softer clay. Why we must sleep, and dreams of cat arms wrapped around. What is the cost of donating one’s life to Instagram? Jacqueline would never brag about reading an article. Every day Kate’s hands don’t touch soil is a waste. In the garden of the mind, a bunch of people with wisdom walk arou...
$25 for a new life, and the need to be nudged. Should we not be driving from dead centre? Tradwife sippy cup fertility mug. The fear of looking like a pile of lymph leads Jacqueline to thrilling appointments with specialists, and then on a designer men’s shoe chase. An IV drip and a B12 shot in the ass—ring me up! Dreams of a backyard sauna…but will Kate draw the line at cold plunge? Blue eyeshadow for dancing, Black Honey from mot...
Mirror work. The World Wide Web. Flash frozen blueberries. Fructose. The Holocaust Museum. The Freedom Tower. The fall and rise of Smoothie.
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Retinol, white strips, and burying our dead in the earth. Jacqueline teaches Kate the Pallbearer Shuffle. Kate tells Jacqueline about the first time she saw a corpse. Jacqueline woke up listening to Caroline Myss. Women become more powerful with age. Force Majeure. Ben Franklin’s habit tracking. Surviving on 24 hours in a day. Kate considers an Erewhon membership.
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This episode was edited and engineered by C. Tweedie.
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The hags discuss frothers versus steamers and dying among close friends. Jacqueline got a 5 on the French AP exam and has never been to Paris. Kate speaks fake French gibberish, but has been multiple times. Making a friend into a tit you procure milk from. Narrating your own routines. Space gray.
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The hags went for their big night at Jar. Crying while driving, it’s time for the ashram. To identify the true medicine. To be refined in the fires of suffering. The critic. Ice cold water. Tomatoes in November. Loose leaf tea. Thank you’s written in hot fudge. Calling all New York Body Workers and Acupuncture Practitioners. Will we ever develop habits? Christmas drinks. Sneak around the pain.
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Edited and mixed by Allie Graham...
Clicking on pictures of motorcycles and haunted highways. Has the definition of extroversion changed? Cancelling and taking stock of the 365 days. Kate is healing through errands due to a meme from 6 years ago. Race for the cure? A bold move for someone who’s diminished emotionally. The retirement of a crutch via spiritual awakening… no pun intended. Sad fountain in the woods!
Good Spirits, Courage Bagels, The Noon Day Demon, IKEA,...
A masseuse in Kate’s home reminds her of the necessity of addressing the angels and eating pears. New blocks are located, while Jacqueline scrambles pancakes. What else does one put in a dishwasher? Phone call avoidance and the myths of protein. The hours you’re asleep still count, but where does it start? A math lesson leaves Kate feeling seen.
Mentioned: Dr. Dennis Gross; PlantStrong; Ilia; SURI Electronic Toothbrush; Blueland; D...
Open bins and thick nails. Is she gonna be screaming all night? Jacqueline’s true thoughts on Improv Everywhere, and the shadow of a blogger. 2 days or 2 years? Elegante. Kate recalls hearing a white rap in total darkness, and Jacqueline is not afraid of information. Perhaps you didn’t have to bare that burden! Teller vs Machine and the tyranny of the skinny margarita. Have you no curiosity as a doctor? Tim Gunn it!
Mentioned: Lyma...
Do you feel off? Jacqueline’s not convinced by the 'truth of dermis.' It was a bad joke, but sweetness was located as the issue. Flapjacks for the table: Lychee, Passion, Espresso. Kate could spot marbleization anywhere, especially in nature. A true hiccup cannot be controlled. Breakfast burrito in the purse, mashed potatoes for dinner. No regrets… is that the white light?
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Brands: Rose Delig...
A gift for getting through this. LA is for drinking out of jars and getting filler quietly in the night. Kate’s not in Tuscany—she’s not even at a bar. Cry wolfina…blueberries and small curds are the answer. Broth Birthday! Do people share the features of their parents, or just the way they hold their faces? The summer blockbuster is back and the floor remains hideous. Recipe hacks and addressing the cravings of Husbands. Wanna see...
Aligned with a doctor, and finding that the truth is apparent. Son baggage and punishment for the fertile. Griffin Dunne? Frank conversations about identity with medical staff… this is a privilege. Pee before you leave, don’t squeeze the neck. What kind of flower? The mother’s have a knot in their stomach, and the not-mother’s have a knot in their stomach. No one is immune.
Edited and mixed by Allie Grah...
Gesture, Jester... we all know the mirror’s flipped, right? The drink of the summer is in Kate’s loser tradwife sippy cup. Jacqueline reflects on the response to ‘plant points’. Has Kate been under-SPF-ing? Huge week for porridge and meal prep. These doctors need to know who they’re dealing with! Restating the Poog Promise, Kate recounts a heartbreaking moment at the pizza bar to 'Jacly'. To have been friends in college... imagine ...
Whatever happened to Born This Way? Beyond notes, and placing the tiara on the coma patient. Orthopaedic shoes on each hand and a retainer stabilizing the ankle. Should you walk the room or stand dead center? A plan to heal Kate’s microbiome…add up the plant points and see who wins! You don’t have to hit someone just because Big Volkswagen told you to. Calling all patent experts and technical drawers, Jacqueline is inventing. Quest...
A strange state drives Kate to watch the birds and the bees. Rest your coffee inside the ring. Using the language of Others, passing the window and not looking in, and grazing the fly. Regret, reflection and a promise to stop disobeying. The issue with anecdotal and getting sloppy with the journal. Are these all projections? Slow Cooker, Instant Cooker, Pressure Cooker… and The Whole Kitchen by Jacqueline Novak. Do you know nothing...
Reading The Sabbath and watching The Frisco Kid. Why scroll when you could build cathedrals in time? The orange tree gives two negronis and a troubling preference for bad movies is questioned. When blood becomes digital and gardens are raised. Why talk about the form at all? Sweating in the sheets…the WHOOP is consulted. There are robots that are friends, and then there are robots that are therapists. Thank God, Art. It was never a...
The inevitability of developing cortisol face and the lawlessness of Zoom support groups. With talk of a rancher’s husband, Kate requires a Buddhism IV drip directly to the arm. With the instinct to avoid everything...a new whole-foods, plant-based lifestyle is embraced. If you’re dying, you’re alive. How to prepare hibiscus tea and acknowledge varying pronunciation. Jacqueline contemplates comedy on canvas and the impact of the Ar...
The hags deliver you a morning Poog. Colonics are the primary concern. Jacqueline had one. Kate wants one. Can they get one together? Early surgery and the romance of dying on the table, any table. Being awake while under anesthesia. The importance of Astral Projection. Pre-biotics, pro-biotics, leaky gut and extinction events. Glyphosate and Round Up causing our cells to forget their identity. Lingering in the the hypnogogic phase...
Beauty and wellness tips from two hogs. Sorry, which hole? Rest assured this is Vaudeville, there was no mirror. You wanna go to Kate’s Cafe? A 'W' so flowery it evokes music. Elizabeth & Sarah & Tracy & Me. The shoes are wet, but these feet don’t sweat. If there’s a Jacqueline link, the hags need to come through. She was pumped! Awe and concern at seeing both anus and V. There’s something kind of desert-pleasing about ...
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