February 18, 2025 • 25 mins
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Speaker 1 (00:11):
We all carry deep emotional wounds and scars. Whether it
was something someone said or did, the pain sticks with you.
Now when those hurts come from your mate, how should
you respond? How is it possible for your marriage to survive,
to even heal, to move forward when you've hurt one another?
(00:32):
That's today, Stay with us.
Speaker 2 (00:36):
Welcome to this edition of Living on the Edge with
Chip Ingram. The mission of these daily programs is to
intentionally disciple Christians through the Bible teaching of Chip Ingram.
Speaker 3 (00:46):
What we're nearing the end of our latest.
Speaker 2 (00:48):
Series, Keeping Love Alive Volume four and as you heard
Chip tease, he's tackling a complicated.
Speaker 3 (00:54):
Topic for these last two programs, handling conflict.
Speaker 2 (00:58):
How we communicate and respond to our spouse during disagreements
and stressful moments impacts the well being of our relationships. Well,
there's a lot of ground to cover today, so here's
Chip to dive right into this critical subject.
Speaker 1 (01:12):
This final message is the most challenging, but the one
that has the potential to bring the greatest breakthrough. And
the fourth and final relationship is a christ like relationship
to personal attacks and injustice. Great marriages are characterized by
couples who refuse to repay evil for evil within or
(01:37):
outside their relationship. Translation, every couple wounds one another, and injustice, betrayal,
and personal attacks will happen to all of us from
within and outside the church. If these haven't happened to you,
don't hold your breadth. They're coming. It's a fallen world.
You will be betrayed, you will experience in justice, and
(02:01):
you will receive wounds from people that you love. And
the ones that hurt you the most are the people
that are closest to you. No one can hurt you
like your kids can hurt you, and no one can
hurt you the way your mate can hurt you. The
Prince was, we must extend the mercy and the forgiveness
to others that Jesus has extended to us. Clautions three.
(02:22):
After talking about our new life in Christ, he says,
and so as those who are chosen, holy and dearly
loved by God, here's an action. We're commanded. Put on
a heart of compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience, bearing
with one another and forgiving each other, just as God
(02:43):
in Christ also has forgiven you. And beyond all these things,
put on love, which is the perfect bond of unity.
And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts,
to which indeed we're called into one body. And be thankful,
and let the Word of God richly dwell within you
with all whis wisdom and moonishing and teaching one another,
giving thanks through Him to the Father. And in whatever
(03:05):
you do in word, or indeed, do all in the
name of the Lord Jesus, giving things through Him to
the Father. Put on that little passage is when I
memorized because I had a hard time being compassionate, and
I've been praying, God, help me, help me be compassionate,
(03:28):
help me see people the way you see them, help me,
help me to be humble, help me to put others first.
Help me. And it doesn't come naturally. And so for months,
every morning I just I walk through what I just
quoted to you, and I just said, on this day,
since I'm chosen on this day, since I'm dearly loved,
(03:49):
on this day, since you've already set me apart and
you see me as holy and righteous. Out of that,
then I pray that prayer, and you know what God's answering.
I'm making progress. But my point is we must extend
the mercy and the forgiveness to others that Jesus has
(04:10):
extended to us. Well, how do you develop a christ
like relationship to personal attacks and injustice. I'm going to
give you three ways. Number one, we need to know
Jesus teaching Matthew five, Verses forty three to forty eight.
Jesus is speaking to his followers, and they've been told
this is how life works. And so he says, you
(04:34):
have heard it said this is how life works, basically.
But I say to you, you've heard it said love
your neighbor and hate your enemy. But I tell you
love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you.
Could you underline love your enemies and then underline pray
for those who persecute you. And then there's a purpose
(04:55):
clause why that you may be children of your father
in heaven. I mean you have family likeness to be
a son of or to be like your heavenly father.
It's this is how you treat your enemies. And then
he says, well, what is your father like? He causes
the son to rise on the evil and the good,
and he sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous.
(05:19):
If you love those who love you, what reward will
you get? Are not even tax collectors doing that? And
if you greet your own people, what are you doing
more than others? Do not even the Pagans do that?
Be perfect and circle the word perfect, the Greek word
is telling us the idea is be perfect. In other words,
be mature, or be exactly how you're designed and created
(05:43):
to be. Be perfect. Therefore, as your heavenly father is perfect.
And so the question is, how would obey Jesus teaching
about our enemies change your response to your maid when
their words or actions wound you? Didn't it? This wasn't hypothetical.
I mean Nero would take the Christians and he would
(06:06):
bind them, and then he would tar them, and then
he would light them, and for his cocktail parties, they
would provide the light on the patio. Peter would later write,
why are you surprised at the fiery trial you're undergoing?
As though something strange is happening? He would write to them,
(06:28):
he says, you know, if you suffer for doing what
is evil, you know you're probably going to get the consequences.
But when you suffer for doing what is good, this
finds favor with God. When I respond in a counter
intuitive way. The way Jesus did and the way Steven did,
(06:48):
they weren't doormats. It was out of their strength, not
their weakness. Father, forgive them. They know not what they do.
It's a power, and I find at the very personal,
practical level it can be a real challenge when your
mate wounds you. It can be a comment, it can
be a behavior. Now, by the way, forgiveness doesn't mean
(07:09):
you don't deal with the issue. Forgiveness doesn't mean that
you kiss and make up and everything's okay in twenty
four hours. Forgiveness is you take away the right to
pay back. The root word is to release. You release
them from you owe this because this is what you
did to me, And this is how I'm going to
pay you back. And you say, God, this is I'm
(07:30):
going to give them what you give them to me.
The second way that we learn to have a christ
Like relationship to personal attacks is that we have to
practice overcoming evil. And in Romans chapter twelve, he begins
at verse fourteen through twenty one, speaking to the fifth
group that he addresses after eleven chapters of Grace. Verse one,
(07:54):
this is the normal response of a believer in his
relationship with God. You offer your bak body is a
living sacrifice. You're surrendered to him. The normal response to
the world's system, with all its temptations energized by the enemy,
is that you are living separate from the world's values.
(08:14):
The normal response to you relationship with yourself is you
have a sober self assessment and accurate view. You discover
where you fit in the body of Christ, and you
exercise your gifts to serve others. And then in verses
nine through thirteen, the normal response of a Christian toward
other believers is to radically sacrificially serve one another. Then
(08:36):
in verse fourteen, he shifts and says, well, how do
you respond to the evil, especially evil people coming at you?
And by the way he's saying, this is normal Christianity,
Bless those who persecute you, bless and curse. Not by
the way, the word curse means to desire for someone
to be lost eternally. So this isn't like someone said
(08:57):
something you know, mildly offensive and bless is the desire
for them to not only be saved, but to experience
God's favor. Do you realize how radical this is? Can
you imagine being in the first century and your whole
life you've been taught love your neighbor, hate your enemy.
And then this rabbi comes and starts, you know, like really,
(09:21):
and then he lives it out. And because he talks
about there's a way of life that you see in
the world, and I'm bringing the kingdom is here, and
I'm the king, and there's a kingdom ethic, and there's
now a set of values in the way that doesn't
make any sense except when you do it. I show up.
(09:41):
And the peace and the security and the power that
the world's looking for you experience when you do it
my way. And so when you die, you find your life.
When you give, you receive. You're the change agents of
the world. And then he says, rejoice with those who rejoice,
(10:02):
and weep with those who weep. Be of the same
mind toward one another. Do not be haughty in mind,
but associate with the lowly. Do not be wise in
your own estimation in context, he's still talking about how
you treat people who are persecuting you or are evil. Now,
(10:22):
as a believer, should we rejoice with those who rejoice?
I mean, a friend has a baby, what do you do.
A friend gets a promotion, a friend gets a check
in the mail, a friend has one of their kids
are successful and does something. Well, do you need a
command to rejoice with those who rejoice that you a
friend has cancer? Do you have to say, oh gosh, God,
(10:45):
I need a command? Well? What do you do when
someone you really love has cancer? You cry and you pray?
See what he's showing them? How do you bless those
who persecute you?
Speaker 2 (10:57):
You're listening to Living on the Edge with Chip Ingram,
and he'll continue our series Keeping Love Alive, Volume four
in just a minute, but quickly. If you long for
a marriage that radiates love and honors God, keep listening.
After the message, Chip will reveal an incredible resource designed
to help couples deepen their bond with one another and
(11:18):
strengthen their faith. Stick around for more details. For now,
let's get back to Chip's message.
Speaker 1 (11:24):
Now, I'm going to be real clear here. There are
certain situations where you need to have boundaries. I've taught
this before and had people say, well, you know, my gosh,
my father sexually abused me, or you know, I've been
in physical harm, or we have to bless people. But
that doesn't mean we have to have contact. But in general,
here's what he's saying. He's saying, when someone curses you
(11:49):
and against you, what turns the tide is not you
giving them tit for tat. In fact, it's always it
always accelerates when retribution is to when getting even is
the goal, and so there's always a stance for truth.
But he's talking about personal relationship. Here there's a time
(12:10):
to fight and there's a time for peace. But he's
talking about in personal relationship, you bless those who persecute you.
And the way you do it is can you think
of someone that maybe hurts you or wounded you, and
how do you feel like when they get a raise
or they get promoted? Well, I mean, down deep right,
(12:31):
this is so unfair because you know how they treat people,
and you know all this, and you know all that,
and yet they got that or right, you bless those
who persecute you, and then notice the dangers. You rejoice
with those who rejoice. Can you imagine that supervisor that
(12:51):
can you imagine what we like? See he knows the
truth and you know the truth. To get a note,
it's a choice of the will from you where you
say I heard about your promotion, and I want to
say since my time when I served with you. He
doesn't need to know how you've prayed, but I've prayed
for you. That would be a true statement. And I
(13:16):
want to just tell your congratulations on your promotion. What
or his wife gets cancer and he gets a note
for you, or you show up at the hospital and
he knows, he knows what he did to you, and
you know what he did to you, and you show
(13:39):
up and say, hey, I know we had our differences,
but I heard about your wife. Would it be okay
if I prayed for I got stories from here down
my elbow of people who have taken this passage that
literally and acted in those ways and seen the most
dramatic breakthroughs, because it's how the kingdom works. But then
(13:59):
he gives some safeguards. Be of the same mind toward another.
And the idea is, when you're doing this, don't take
this position. This guy, this gal is actually a jerk,
and aren't I a wonderful Christian doing this? In fact,
in case you didn't get it, he says, don't be
haughty in mind, but associate with the lowly. See you
(14:22):
don't do this out of you know, right, it's called
being self righteous. Do not be wise in your own estimation.
Don't think like, well, I got it all down and
this right. And then the second major command, that's verses
fourteen to sixteen, verse seventeen. You might underline the first
(14:45):
word never, well, like, how often is that? What's the
Greek word for never? Never?
Speaker 3 (14:58):
Never?
Speaker 1 (14:59):
Pay back evil for evil to anyone. And I might add,
even to the one we're married to respect what is
right in the sight of all men. And this is
one of the keys, especially in our marital relationships. The
word this translation is respect that the word is consider,
(15:24):
take into account. It's it's sort of a stepping back,
and you might write this down. This has helped me.
Everybody behaves in a way that makes sense to them.
When someone does evil in their mind, this makes sense
to them. This is how I get ahead. This makes
sense to me. The real step in having your heart
(15:46):
where you can be much more like Jesus that it's empathy.
And you don't want to have any because you've been wounded,
and what you want to do is protect and then
and then bash them. And so when he says respect
what's right and the of all men. It's this ability
to disengage from the emotion and the wound, and especially
if it's your mate, and consider, in other words, take
(16:08):
into account. It's a word like an accountant looking at
all the numbers and wondering how the numbers all fit together.
It's kind of examining things and realizing he just said this,
or he wounded me again, there was this action, and
not excusing any of it, but it's like stepping back
(16:30):
and going I can see at least how maybe in
view of her background or his background, and the circumstance
and the wounds they have, how this could have happened
and how I received it. You're not saying it's right.
It doesn't mean the wounds went away. I will tell
(16:52):
you this. We had really, really big problems in our marriage,
and yes we needed Christian counseling. But it wasn't until
I heard my wife explain what it was like to
grow up in her home. It wasn't until I heard
(17:14):
I'd seen her father, but I heard what she lived with.
It wasn't until I heard the journey that she'd been on,
and it was like I was so focused on what
she wasn't giving me so focused on her lack of response.
I was so focused on being frustrated and hurt and
(17:35):
protecting myself and attacking her when I just took the moment.
I remember, I remember in the counselor's office thinking, oh
my gosh, it's amazing that she's even a nice person,
let alone this loving person. And you know what, it
didn't change that some things in our marriage I didn't
(17:56):
like and she needed to change and I needed to change.
But it was the first time I had empathy, So
the first time I considered we were apart for a
long time. There is a lot of temptation, There is
a lot of struggles. There is and he or she
absolutely blew it and violated this, but there's some sense
(18:17):
of consider how that person got there. It's so important
to get a grip on kind of where our mate
has been and what they've been through, not to excuse behavior,
but to understand it.
Speaker 2 (18:35):
This is living on the Edge with Chip Ingram, And
you've been listening to part one of Chip's message, a
christ Like Relationship to personal attacks and injustice from our
series Keeping Love Alive, Volume four. Chip will be back
shortly to share some helpful application for us to think about.
We've all admired those remarkable couples who have celebrated five
(18:56):
to six, or even seven decades of marriage. That's their secret,
and more importantly, how can we stay committed to our
spouse like that? Through the most recent installment of our
Keeping Love Alive series, Chip on Veil's four crucial relationships
great marriages have in common, discover why these connections matter
and how to prioritize them with your mate. If you've
(19:17):
missed any part of this series, catch up via the
chip Ingram map or at living ondeedge dot org. Well
Chips back with me in studio now and Chip. Throughout
this series, you've emphasized the importance of a godly marriage.
But sadly, marriage is widely undervalued and dismissed by our
culture today. Divorce, cohabitation, and infidelities seem to be rampant.
(19:41):
Why have genuine, committed.
Speaker 3 (19:43):
Marriages become the exception in our society instead of the norm?
Speaker 1 (19:47):
Well, Dave, here's what's really interesting. There's huge changes in
the culture. Right you just watch TV programs and marriage
and family and all the rest is completely redefined. But
when you do the research or when you sit across
the table from someone and you look into their eyes.
Here's what I'm going to tell you. Everyone is looking
(20:08):
for a deep relationship that matters. They want intimacy, They
want a husband or a wife that they can trust.
They long for a spiritual soulmate, a deep connection, a
lover and a best friend. And what I want you
to know is that's what God designed. The farther and
farther I see the culture and even in the church,
(20:29):
moving away from what God said, this is how it works.
He's the architect. What you find is there's more pain,
more dissatisfaction. God has a plan. He's the creator of marriage,
and his word tells us exactly what to do.
Speaker 3 (20:44):
Thanks Jip. If you want to experience a godly marriage
that lasts, let me encourage you to order Chip's book
Marriage That Works. Through this helpful resource, you'll learn about
God's relationship model and the roles of husbands and wives,
discover or what it means to be one with your
spouse spiritually, mentally, emotionally, and physically. To order your copy
(21:07):
of Marriage that Works, go to Living on the Edge
dot org or call us at triple eight three three
three six zero zero three. Again, that's triple eight three
three three six zero zero three, or visit living on
the edge dot org. App listeners tap special offers as
a place to wrap up today. Ship, Let's get to
(21:28):
that application we promised.
Speaker 1 (21:30):
Thanks so much, Dave. I want to say, honestly, this
message is not an easy one to hear or apply
in our marriage. Is when we've been hurt or when
we've been wronged, we want justice. I mean, even to
this person that you said I do and I love
you forever and ever. I mean, when you get really hurt,
you want to pay them back. And what I want
(21:52):
you to know is that some of the deepest struggles
you have in your marriage will never get solved. And
who you have an experience, perhaps like I had when
instead of blaming my wife and being angry with her
and seeing the same old things happen over and over
and over and getting ticked off, I sat in the
(22:15):
counselor's office and I heard about her background and her
family and what she'd been through, and all of a sudden,
I begin to not excuse things, but realize, Wow, she
has been so hurt and so rejected and has been
through so much. No wonder when I just raised my
(22:37):
voice even a little. I mean, not even yell raised
my voice a little. She completely shuts down. And all
I'm saying to you is that empathy might be the
very first step in bringing healing in your marriage. To pause,
to sit down, to really find out where is your
husband coming from, what has he been through, what's his background?
(23:00):
Why is it that he responds or she responds the
way they do. The principle is we must extend the
forgiveness to our mate that we have received by the
forgiveness of Christ. And the only way you can do
that you have to begin by having some empathy and
some compassion and get rid of the bitterness and the
(23:24):
anger and the blaming. The fact of the matter is
you don't want God to give you justice, right you
want his mercy. And if that's the case, we have
to give it to our mate. But my experience is
you can't get there until you understand where they've been.
Here's the prayer I want you to pray. Holy Father.
(23:44):
You know right now I feel hurt, and I feel angry,
and I feel resentful, and I don't want to be
around the person I'm married to. Will you help me
see them through your eyes? Will you help me grasp
where they then and why they act the way they do,
and will you help me forgive them and start afresh
(24:07):
the way you've forgiven me in Jesus name.
Speaker 3 (24:10):
Amen, Amen, Thanks Chip. Well, if you're walking through a
difficult or painful season in your marriage right now, we
want you to know we care about you and your relationship.
So if you'd like someone to pray with you, call
us at Triple eight three three three six zero zero three,
or if you prefer, email us at Chip at Livingontheedge
(24:32):
dot org. That's Chip at Livingontheedge dot org. Well, listen
the next.
Speaker 2 (24:39):
Time as Chip wraps up his series Keeping Love Alive,
Volume four. Until then, this is Dave Druy saying thanks
for joining us for this edition of Living on the Edge.
We all carry deep emotional wounds and scars. Whether it
was something someone said or did, the pain sticks with you.
Now when those hurts come from your mate, how should
you respond? How is it possible for your marriage to survive,
to even heal, to move forward when you've hurt one another?
(00:32):
That's today, Stay with us.
Speaker 2 (00:36):
Welcome to this edition of Living on the Edge with
Chip Ingram. The mission of these daily programs is to
intentionally disciple Christians through the Bible teaching of Chip Ingram.
Speaker 3 (00:46):
What we're nearing the end of our latest.
Speaker 2 (00:48):
Series, Keeping Love Alive Volume four and as you heard
Chip tease, he's tackling a complicated.
Speaker 3 (00:54):
Topic for these last two programs, handling conflict.
Speaker 2 (00:58):
How we communicate and respond to our spouse during disagreements
and stressful moments impacts the well being of our relationships. Well,
there's a lot of ground to cover today, so here's
Chip to dive right into this critical subject.
Speaker 1 (01:12):
This final message is the most challenging, but the one
that has the potential to bring the greatest breakthrough. And
the fourth and final relationship is a christ like relationship
to personal attacks and injustice. Great marriages are characterized by
couples who refuse to repay evil for evil within or
(01:37):
outside their relationship. Translation, every couple wounds one another, and injustice, betrayal,
and personal attacks will happen to all of us from
within and outside the church. If these haven't happened to you,
don't hold your breadth. They're coming. It's a fallen world.
You will be betrayed, you will experience in justice, and
(02:01):
you will receive wounds from people that you love. And
the ones that hurt you the most are the people
that are closest to you. No one can hurt you
like your kids can hurt you, and no one can
hurt you the way your mate can hurt you. The
Prince was, we must extend the mercy and the forgiveness
to others that Jesus has extended to us. Clautions three.
(02:22):
After talking about our new life in Christ, he says,
and so as those who are chosen, holy and dearly
loved by God, here's an action. We're commanded. Put on
a heart of compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience, bearing
with one another and forgiving each other, just as God
(02:43):
in Christ also has forgiven you. And beyond all these things,
put on love, which is the perfect bond of unity.
And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts,
to which indeed we're called into one body. And be thankful,
and let the Word of God richly dwell within you
with all whis wisdom and moonishing and teaching one another,
giving thanks through Him to the Father. And in whatever
(03:05):
you do in word, or indeed, do all in the
name of the Lord Jesus, giving things through Him to
the Father. Put on that little passage is when I
memorized because I had a hard time being compassionate, and
I've been praying, God, help me, help me be compassionate,
(03:28):
help me see people the way you see them, help me,
help me to be humble, help me to put others first.
Help me. And it doesn't come naturally. And so for months,
every morning I just I walk through what I just
quoted to you, and I just said, on this day,
since I'm chosen on this day, since I'm dearly loved,
(03:49):
on this day, since you've already set me apart and
you see me as holy and righteous. Out of that,
then I pray that prayer, and you know what God's answering.
I'm making progress. But my point is we must extend
the mercy and the forgiveness to others that Jesus has
(04:10):
extended to us. Well, how do you develop a christ
like relationship to personal attacks and injustice. I'm going to
give you three ways. Number one, we need to know
Jesus teaching Matthew five, Verses forty three to forty eight.
Jesus is speaking to his followers, and they've been told
this is how life works. And so he says, you
(04:34):
have heard it said this is how life works, basically.
But I say to you, you've heard it said love
your neighbor and hate your enemy. But I tell you
love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you.
Could you underline love your enemies and then underline pray
for those who persecute you. And then there's a purpose
(04:55):
clause why that you may be children of your father
in heaven. I mean you have family likeness to be
a son of or to be like your heavenly father.
It's this is how you treat your enemies. And then
he says, well, what is your father like? He causes
the son to rise on the evil and the good,
and he sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous.
(05:19):
If you love those who love you, what reward will
you get? Are not even tax collectors doing that? And
if you greet your own people, what are you doing
more than others? Do not even the Pagans do that?
Be perfect and circle the word perfect, the Greek word
is telling us the idea is be perfect. In other words,
be mature, or be exactly how you're designed and created
(05:43):
to be. Be perfect. Therefore, as your heavenly father is perfect.
And so the question is, how would obey Jesus teaching
about our enemies change your response to your maid when
their words or actions wound you? Didn't it? This wasn't hypothetical.
I mean Nero would take the Christians and he would
(06:06):
bind them, and then he would tar them, and then
he would light them, and for his cocktail parties, they
would provide the light on the patio. Peter would later write,
why are you surprised at the fiery trial you're undergoing?
As though something strange is happening? He would write to them,
(06:28):
he says, you know, if you suffer for doing what
is evil, you know you're probably going to get the consequences.
But when you suffer for doing what is good, this
finds favor with God. When I respond in a counter
intuitive way. The way Jesus did and the way Steven did,
(06:48):
they weren't doormats. It was out of their strength, not
their weakness. Father, forgive them. They know not what they do.
It's a power, and I find at the very personal,
practical level it can be a real challenge when your
mate wounds you. It can be a comment, it can
be a behavior. Now, by the way, forgiveness doesn't mean
(07:09):
you don't deal with the issue. Forgiveness doesn't mean that
you kiss and make up and everything's okay in twenty
four hours. Forgiveness is you take away the right to
pay back. The root word is to release. You release
them from you owe this because this is what you
did to me, And this is how I'm going to
pay you back. And you say, God, this is I'm
(07:30):
going to give them what you give them to me.
The second way that we learn to have a christ
Like relationship to personal attacks is that we have to
practice overcoming evil. And in Romans chapter twelve, he begins
at verse fourteen through twenty one, speaking to the fifth
group that he addresses after eleven chapters of Grace. Verse one,
(07:54):
this is the normal response of a believer in his
relationship with God. You offer your bak body is a
living sacrifice. You're surrendered to him. The normal response to
the world's system, with all its temptations energized by the enemy,
is that you are living separate from the world's values.
(08:14):
The normal response to you relationship with yourself is you
have a sober self assessment and accurate view. You discover
where you fit in the body of Christ, and you
exercise your gifts to serve others. And then in verses
nine through thirteen, the normal response of a Christian toward
other believers is to radically sacrificially serve one another. Then
(08:36):
in verse fourteen, he shifts and says, well, how do
you respond to the evil, especially evil people coming at you?
And by the way he's saying, this is normal Christianity,
Bless those who persecute you, bless and curse. Not by
the way, the word curse means to desire for someone
to be lost eternally. So this isn't like someone said
(08:57):
something you know, mildly offensive and bless is the desire
for them to not only be saved, but to experience
God's favor. Do you realize how radical this is? Can
you imagine being in the first century and your whole
life you've been taught love your neighbor, hate your enemy.
And then this rabbi comes and starts, you know, like really,
(09:21):
and then he lives it out. And because he talks
about there's a way of life that you see in
the world, and I'm bringing the kingdom is here, and
I'm the king, and there's a kingdom ethic, and there's
now a set of values in the way that doesn't
make any sense except when you do it. I show up.
(09:41):
And the peace and the security and the power that
the world's looking for you experience when you do it
my way. And so when you die, you find your life.
When you give, you receive. You're the change agents of
the world. And then he says, rejoice with those who rejoice,
(10:02):
and weep with those who weep. Be of the same
mind toward one another. Do not be haughty in mind,
but associate with the lowly. Do not be wise in
your own estimation in context, he's still talking about how
you treat people who are persecuting you or are evil. Now,
(10:22):
as a believer, should we rejoice with those who rejoice?
I mean, a friend has a baby, what do you do.
A friend gets a promotion, a friend gets a check
in the mail, a friend has one of their kids
are successful and does something. Well, do you need a
command to rejoice with those who rejoice that you a
friend has cancer? Do you have to say, oh gosh, God,
(10:45):
I need a command? Well? What do you do when
someone you really love has cancer? You cry and you pray?
See what he's showing them? How do you bless those
who persecute you?
Speaker 2 (10:57):
You're listening to Living on the Edge with Chip Ingram,
and he'll continue our series Keeping Love Alive, Volume four
in just a minute, but quickly. If you long for
a marriage that radiates love and honors God, keep listening.
After the message, Chip will reveal an incredible resource designed
to help couples deepen their bond with one another and
(11:18):
strengthen their faith. Stick around for more details. For now,
let's get back to Chip's message.
Speaker 1 (11:24):
Now, I'm going to be real clear here. There are
certain situations where you need to have boundaries. I've taught
this before and had people say, well, you know, my gosh,
my father sexually abused me, or you know, I've been
in physical harm, or we have to bless people. But
that doesn't mean we have to have contact. But in general,
here's what he's saying. He's saying, when someone curses you
(11:49):
and against you, what turns the tide is not you
giving them tit for tat. In fact, it's always it
always accelerates when retribution is to when getting even is
the goal, and so there's always a stance for truth.
But he's talking about personal relationship. Here there's a time
(12:10):
to fight and there's a time for peace. But he's
talking about in personal relationship, you bless those who persecute you.
And the way you do it is can you think
of someone that maybe hurts you or wounded you, and
how do you feel like when they get a raise
or they get promoted? Well, I mean, down deep right,
(12:31):
this is so unfair because you know how they treat people,
and you know all this, and you know all that,
and yet they got that or right, you bless those
who persecute you, and then notice the dangers. You rejoice
with those who rejoice. Can you imagine that supervisor that
(12:51):
can you imagine what we like? See he knows the
truth and you know the truth. To get a note,
it's a choice of the will from you where you
say I heard about your promotion, and I want to
say since my time when I served with you. He
doesn't need to know how you've prayed, but I've prayed
for you. That would be a true statement. And I
(13:16):
want to just tell your congratulations on your promotion. What
or his wife gets cancer and he gets a note
for you, or you show up at the hospital and
he knows, he knows what he did to you, and
you know what he did to you, and you show
(13:39):
up and say, hey, I know we had our differences,
but I heard about your wife. Would it be okay
if I prayed for I got stories from here down
my elbow of people who have taken this passage that
literally and acted in those ways and seen the most
dramatic breakthroughs, because it's how the kingdom works. But then
(13:59):
he gives some safeguards. Be of the same mind toward another.
And the idea is, when you're doing this, don't take
this position. This guy, this gal is actually a jerk,
and aren't I a wonderful Christian doing this? In fact,
in case you didn't get it, he says, don't be
haughty in mind, but associate with the lowly. See you
(14:22):
don't do this out of you know, right, it's called
being self righteous. Do not be wise in your own estimation.
Don't think like, well, I got it all down and
this right. And then the second major command, that's verses
fourteen to sixteen, verse seventeen. You might underline the first
(14:45):
word never, well, like, how often is that? What's the
Greek word for never? Never?
Speaker 3 (14:58):
Never?
Speaker 1 (14:59):
Pay back evil for evil to anyone. And I might add,
even to the one we're married to respect what is
right in the sight of all men. And this is
one of the keys, especially in our marital relationships. The
word this translation is respect that the word is consider,
(15:24):
take into account. It's it's sort of a stepping back,
and you might write this down. This has helped me.
Everybody behaves in a way that makes sense to them.
When someone does evil in their mind, this makes sense
to them. This is how I get ahead. This makes
sense to me. The real step in having your heart
(15:46):
where you can be much more like Jesus that it's empathy.
And you don't want to have any because you've been wounded,
and what you want to do is protect and then
and then bash them. And so when he says respect
what's right and the of all men. It's this ability
to disengage from the emotion and the wound, and especially
if it's your mate, and consider, in other words, take
(16:08):
into account. It's a word like an accountant looking at
all the numbers and wondering how the numbers all fit together.
It's kind of examining things and realizing he just said this,
or he wounded me again, there was this action, and
not excusing any of it, but it's like stepping back
(16:30):
and going I can see at least how maybe in
view of her background or his background, and the circumstance
and the wounds they have, how this could have happened
and how I received it. You're not saying it's right.
It doesn't mean the wounds went away. I will tell
(16:52):
you this. We had really, really big problems in our marriage,
and yes we needed Christian counseling. But it wasn't until
I heard my wife explain what it was like to
grow up in her home. It wasn't until I heard
(17:14):
I'd seen her father, but I heard what she lived with.
It wasn't until I heard the journey that she'd been on,
and it was like I was so focused on what
she wasn't giving me so focused on her lack of response.
I was so focused on being frustrated and hurt and
(17:35):
protecting myself and attacking her when I just took the moment.
I remember, I remember in the counselor's office thinking, oh
my gosh, it's amazing that she's even a nice person,
let alone this loving person. And you know what, it
didn't change that some things in our marriage I didn't
(17:56):
like and she needed to change and I needed to change.
But it was the first time I had empathy, So
the first time I considered we were apart for a
long time. There is a lot of temptation, There is
a lot of struggles. There is and he or she
absolutely blew it and violated this, but there's some sense
(18:17):
of consider how that person got there. It's so important
to get a grip on kind of where our mate
has been and what they've been through, not to excuse behavior,
but to understand it.
Speaker 2 (18:35):
This is living on the Edge with Chip Ingram, And
you've been listening to part one of Chip's message, a
christ Like Relationship to personal attacks and injustice from our
series Keeping Love Alive, Volume four. Chip will be back
shortly to share some helpful application for us to think about.
We've all admired those remarkable couples who have celebrated five
(18:56):
to six, or even seven decades of marriage. That's their secret,
and more importantly, how can we stay committed to our
spouse like that? Through the most recent installment of our
Keeping Love Alive series, Chip on Veil's four crucial relationships
great marriages have in common, discover why these connections matter
and how to prioritize them with your mate. If you've
(19:17):
missed any part of this series, catch up via the
chip Ingram map or at living ondeedge dot org. Well
Chips back with me in studio now and Chip. Throughout
this series, you've emphasized the importance of a godly marriage.
But sadly, marriage is widely undervalued and dismissed by our
culture today. Divorce, cohabitation, and infidelities seem to be rampant.
(19:41):
Why have genuine, committed.
Speaker 3 (19:43):
Marriages become the exception in our society instead of the norm?
Speaker 1 (19:47):
Well, Dave, here's what's really interesting. There's huge changes in
the culture. Right you just watch TV programs and marriage
and family and all the rest is completely redefined. But
when you do the research or when you sit across
the table from someone and you look into their eyes.
Here's what I'm going to tell you. Everyone is looking
(20:08):
for a deep relationship that matters. They want intimacy, They
want a husband or a wife that they can trust.
They long for a spiritual soulmate, a deep connection, a
lover and a best friend. And what I want you
to know is that's what God designed. The farther and
farther I see the culture and even in the church,
(20:29):
moving away from what God said, this is how it works.
He's the architect. What you find is there's more pain,
more dissatisfaction. God has a plan. He's the creator of marriage,
and his word tells us exactly what to do.
Speaker 3 (20:44):
Thanks Jip. If you want to experience a godly marriage
that lasts, let me encourage you to order Chip's book
Marriage That Works. Through this helpful resource, you'll learn about
God's relationship model and the roles of husbands and wives,
discover or what it means to be one with your
spouse spiritually, mentally, emotionally, and physically. To order your copy
(21:07):
of Marriage that Works, go to Living on the Edge
dot org or call us at triple eight three three
three six zero zero three. Again, that's triple eight three
three three six zero zero three, or visit living on
the edge dot org. App listeners tap special offers as
a place to wrap up today. Ship, Let's get to
(21:28):
that application we promised.
Speaker 1 (21:30):
Thanks so much, Dave. I want to say, honestly, this
message is not an easy one to hear or apply
in our marriage. Is when we've been hurt or when
we've been wronged, we want justice. I mean, even to
this person that you said I do and I love
you forever and ever. I mean, when you get really hurt,
you want to pay them back. And what I want
(21:52):
you to know is that some of the deepest struggles
you have in your marriage will never get solved. And
who you have an experience, perhaps like I had when
instead of blaming my wife and being angry with her
and seeing the same old things happen over and over
and over and getting ticked off, I sat in the
(22:15):
counselor's office and I heard about her background and her
family and what she'd been through, and all of a sudden,
I begin to not excuse things, but realize, Wow, she
has been so hurt and so rejected and has been
through so much. No wonder when I just raised my
(22:37):
voice even a little. I mean, not even yell raised
my voice a little. She completely shuts down. And all
I'm saying to you is that empathy might be the
very first step in bringing healing in your marriage. To pause,
to sit down, to really find out where is your
husband coming from, what has he been through, what's his background?
(23:00):
Why is it that he responds or she responds the
way they do. The principle is we must extend the
forgiveness to our mate that we have received by the
forgiveness of Christ. And the only way you can do
that you have to begin by having some empathy and
some compassion and get rid of the bitterness and the
(23:24):
anger and the blaming. The fact of the matter is
you don't want God to give you justice, right you
want his mercy. And if that's the case, we have
to give it to our mate. But my experience is
you can't get there until you understand where they've been.
Here's the prayer I want you to pray. Holy Father.
(23:44):
You know right now I feel hurt, and I feel angry,
and I feel resentful, and I don't want to be
around the person I'm married to. Will you help me
see them through your eyes? Will you help me grasp
where they then and why they act the way they do,
and will you help me forgive them and start afresh
(24:07):
the way you've forgiven me in Jesus name.
Speaker 3 (24:10):
Amen, Amen, Thanks Chip. Well, if you're walking through a
difficult or painful season in your marriage right now, we
want you to know we care about you and your relationship.
So if you'd like someone to pray with you, call
us at Triple eight three three three six zero zero three,
or if you prefer, email us at Chip at Livingontheedge
(24:32):
dot org. That's Chip at Livingontheedge dot org. Well, listen
the next.
Speaker 2 (24:39):
Time as Chip wraps up his series Keeping Love Alive,
Volume four. Until then, this is Dave Druy saying thanks
for joining us for this edition of Living on the Edge.
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