February 1, 2024 • 36 mins
Season 11 has premiered and Rachel is ready to talk.
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Speaker 1 (00:05):
This is Rachel Goes Rogue.
Speaker 2 (00:10):
Hey, guys, it's Rachel Savannah Lovis. We are back with
another episode of Rachel Goes Rogue. They I'm super excited
because I think we all just watched the vander Pump
Rules premiere and we have a lot to say about it,
so I would love to get into it. I'm here
with my iHeart team and they'll be helping me really
(00:32):
start this dialogue now that I'm a step outside of this.
Speaker 3 (00:37):
Chaos literally chaos. Yeah, okay, So Rachel, last night, we
obviously watched the premiere episode and there was one really
big important thing missing and I think we all know
what that is, and that was you. So just like
walk me through it. The intro song Raise Your Glass
(01:00):
starts playing and you're watching it and just about to
get into it. What does that song mean to you? Like,
how are you feeling as you're hearing those intro credits
and like seeing the montage of the cast and all
that kind of stuff, Like what's going through your head?
How are you feeling? Tell me all of it.
Speaker 2 (01:16):
The intro credits are probably like one of the most
exciting things. I don't know as a viewer who knows
but as a cast member, it's an honor to have
an opening credit and opening title as a season is premiering,
and so I thought that they looked really good, like
(01:37):
they were on point. And it's like, Okay, I am
watching this show and I'm really having to accept the
fact that I'm not on it this season, and that
was a decision that I really had a lot of
weight in making. I didn't take that lightly, and so
(02:02):
it's almost like a part of me grieving what could
have been in a different parallel timeline. But I do
think of that I made the right decision by not
going back, and we can keep talking about that as
we go on.
Speaker 3 (02:22):
I think it's interesting that you're saying that there was
like a little bit of a grieving in it at
any point of watching, Like right when that song started playing,
was there any part of you that kind of felt
a little fomo or like sadness.
Speaker 1 (02:35):
A little fomo a little bit. Yeah, you can know that, but.
Speaker 2 (02:42):
I don't know. As it went on, I just kept thinking, like,
oh my gosh, I'm so happy that I'm not part
of this.
Speaker 3 (02:51):
You say you're not part of it, but like, ironically
you are. I am the biggest story in this premiere EPI,
which is kind of crazy, but I do think that's
like really important to set up because the timeline of
this is all very interesting. So in the first episode,
(03:13):
we established that it's been three months since the Scandal
reunion all that kind of went down. So where we
have this timeline of it's been three months, James and
Ali are are in their house together, and if it's
okay with you, I do want to ask you about that,
Like you're seeing your fiance on TV or ex fiance, sorry,
(03:35):
on TV with his new girlfriend, Like, ye, did that
hit anything in your heart? Like how did that feel
seeing him in quote unquote a healthy relationship? Like how
did you feel seeing that?
Speaker 1 (03:49):
Sorry?
Speaker 2 (03:50):
I don't mean to laugh, but I don't think that
that's a healthy relationship. Like, I don't think any relationship
with James is healthy, especially knowing that we broke up
and he got with somebody else so quickly after. Yeah,
there's no time to really reflect on yourself in the
in a span of three weeks or four weeks however long,
(04:11):
it was the same problems, just a different person. And
I'm feeling, I don't know why, feeling a little bit
like anxious, nervous talking about it because I don't know,
there's a lot of emotions there, like that was that
was my fiance.
Speaker 1 (04:28):
That was somebody that I thought I was going to
spend my life with. And we were looking at houses
that had.
Speaker 2 (04:37):
A pool, and you know, we were ready to take
that next step.
Speaker 1 (04:42):
And here he.
Speaker 2 (04:43):
Is in this new house with a pool in a backyard,
and like it's really nice. But I don't know, I
just thought it was funny that an airplane like they're
in a flyover.
Speaker 3 (04:56):
Zone close to the Bourbank Airport. Yeah, so you know,
like I don't know, Yeah, I enjoyed that. So I mean,
that's interesting that you say that that you guys were
looking at houses with pools. So do you think he's
kind of like plugging and playing a little bit in
the sense of he's like, Okay, I'm obviously not with
Raquel anymore, but he's using the same dream and just
(05:20):
inserting Ali into this.
Speaker 2 (05:22):
Yeah I know this guy, like I know him well,
and it just it does seem like.
Speaker 3 (05:30):
I can kind of finish your sentence here, because yeah,
I do feel like it's a tale as old as time,
Like we're seeing the same thing play out like he's
sober again, right, like California sober again. So like he
is having a repeat storyline in the sense that he's
deciding not to drink again. Ye is that? How do
you feel seeing that with Ali?
Speaker 2 (05:51):
Like I said, it's you know, a new girl with
the same problems. Like here's a sober for good amount
of time. I think it was about two years and
when we broke up, he was sober, and so I
realized that his issues weren't stemmed from drinking. It was
(06:12):
something deeper that was unresolved. And so you know, it's
just going to be a repeat of patterns, like I
can see it from a mile away, And of course
aally doesn't want him drinking, like he's not a stable
person when he drinks alcohol. I think cutting out alcohol
(06:33):
is a great first step, but being sober and like
feeling all of your emotions without the influence of any
drugs is so important when you're in a recovery phase
in your life, and then also going that next step
(06:53):
and really focusing on like healing that inner child wound
in that childhood trauma. And I know they've said that
he's gone to therapy. You know, I won't be surprised
if a therapy session is one of the things that
they show on the show. It's just I feel like
(07:14):
it's a lot for show, but you know, like that's
just me looking in and giving my opinion on it.
Speaker 3 (07:24):
So looking in on it from a third party perspective,
but also knowing a lot about the situation. Do you
at all see James and Ali making it like is
that do you feel like that can be a future
for them or do you think a few years from
now we're having a very different conversation.
Speaker 1 (07:45):
We'll see. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (07:47):
I think Ali is a very patient person. She reminds
me a lot of me, and I think there's a
motive in her to help. And I think time will tell.
You know, he is older now, has more life experience,
but it doesn't seem like there's a lot of growth there,
so we'll see it.
Speaker 1 (08:08):
Yeah, yeah, we'll see. I don't know. My advice to
Ali would be, don't fall in.
Speaker 2 (08:14):
Love with the potential of somebody, because you're going to
be let down and you could just focus on yourself
and really develop yourself so that one day you can
find someone who is on that same level and has
done the same amount of healing.
Speaker 1 (08:34):
So there's a healthy relationship.
Speaker 3 (08:37):
I love that you're there right now that you've learned that,
you know, like, that's a very mature thing to and
self aware thing to really understand and come out of
such a at the time, a toxic relationship and getting
that understanding.
Speaker 2 (08:53):
Yeah, yeah, I've You've done a lot of therapy, intense
tense therapy, and I've done a lot of reflecting on
my patterns and my relationships and looking at the things
with James and then looking at that relationship with Tom
(09:14):
and seeing what was overlapping and for me this affair,
it was kind of manifesting in a different way, Like
I didn't see the similarities when I was in it,
but as I've been able to take a step back
and look more clearly at it, I can see it
(09:35):
for what it is. Like it was that potential, Like
I was in love with the potential of us having
a real relationship out in the open and not in secrecy.
And I didn't even see that as a pattern until
I was able to remove myself from the situation totally.
Speaker 3 (09:58):
So let's go back to the timeline of three months.
I'm going to probably bring that up a few times
throughout here because I just want to know what, like
the process is. So three months has passed by. Tom
and arian are still living under the same roof, which,
by the way, I cannot get more flabbergasted at the
condition of each of their rooms. I need them each
(10:20):
to clean up their rooms. Please put your clothes away,
clean up your room, tidy up. I really need you
to do that, especially when you know that cameras are
coming in. Agreed, Yeah, right, So okay, So aside from that,
Arianna makes a comment that she knows you guys are
still together because you're sending packages back and forth to
(10:42):
each other and she's seen them come in the mail
and all that kind of stuff. This is kind of
the first time that we get a mention of you,
you know, like that that you're very much a part
of the storyline on this new season and that you're
still sending stuff to Tom and the lightning bolts and
all that kind of stuff. So, how was it seeing that?
And Arianna mentioned that it was.
Speaker 1 (11:06):
You know, it was hard to see because.
Speaker 2 (11:09):
I'm in a different place than I was back then,
and it's a weird time warp when you're watching a
show like this and living one reality in that moment,
and then months later when the episodes are airing, you're
living in another reality, but you're also reliving those moments
(11:30):
that they captured on camera. And so it's a nod
to my younger self who was still in love and infatuated.
And I feel like with my apology that I made
at the reunion, I had all the right intentions and
(11:55):
I was extremely sorry that. There's another part of an apology,
which is your actions afterwards. They have to align with
what you're saying, and by sending him letters and being
in contact for a good amount of time, I still,
(12:15):
you know, like, want to take this time now to
apologize again because I am in a different place than
I was back then, and I can see things a
lot clearer now. And also you saw the part where
they did the flashbacks, and I got emotional watching that.
(12:38):
You know, like, I recognize that my behavior was so
hurtful to her.
Speaker 3 (12:43):
I feel like there's like not that you had in
a ha moment, but in a weird way, you kind
of did. You were able to see the situation from
like a third party lens, and it kind of I
don't want to say trigger is the right word, but
it's it is something that like triggered something of reaction
in you. And I can tell right now that that's
(13:05):
you know, seeing those scenes and seeing, Okay, during this time,
I did hurt somebody really really bad and I'm still
kind of putting salt on the wound a little bit.
Speaker 2 (13:17):
Yeah, And it's it's that part of me really wanting
to take accountability because that is a part of true
healing and growth and how we can resolve these painful
memories that we're having to address head on with this show.
Speaker 1 (13:38):
And I just hope that the listeners listening and the
people that were involved.
Speaker 2 (13:47):
Know that I have done so much work on myself
and I've really taken that time to have that introspection
to understand and why I did the things that I did.
Speaker 3 (14:04):
I think that's like a really grown up way to
look at it. I don't mean to take a tangent
off from the premiere, but it did make me think
about something that like obviously came out and is all
(14:26):
over the news right now and.
Speaker 2 (14:29):
Nick Vile, yeah, just talk about it.
Speaker 3 (14:33):
Because it's just I mean, and and thank you. I mean,
just from like a fan of Vander pump Roules, like
I really appreciate the fact that you're like taking a
second to like take accountability for your actions and also
you know, take a second to just reapologize from like
I think also an authentic standpoint, Like I think when
(14:54):
you guys were doing the reunion, it was too fresh
for you to even make that kind of statement.
Speaker 2 (15:00):
It was so fresh, and I really wanted to allow
everyone to get their thoughts across, and like it was
such a new fresh wound, and I knew that people
wouldn't really be able to hear what I had to
say anyway, because all you see is read in a
situation like that. And now that some time has passed
(15:22):
and we have been able to process through everything.
Speaker 3 (15:28):
At the time, you weren't even able to process it.
Like you were sorry, but you also weren't able to
understand why you were sorry, because I think at that
time you were also like, I'm in love with this guy.
Yes I'm sorry, but I'm also in love with this guy,
you know exactly. So not to make it right or whatever,
but it's just giving you know, a reason behind it.
(15:52):
I just do want to give you a credit where
it's due in the sense that you were taking the
second because I feel like, now you're in a very
different point in your life. We're able to reflect in
a way that you've done the work, You're able to
reflect and you're able to actually understand the situation and
process it. But someone who hasn't done that is mister Sandoval.
Speaker 1 (16:12):
And it's very obvious.
Speaker 3 (16:14):
Oh my gosh, it was very just watching that Vile
Files interview, it was just, oh my lord, I don't
I don't even know what to even say about it,
other than he still can't take accountability for his actions.
He did mention you in a weird way. He was
(16:36):
kind of like blaming it on you and also blaming
it on Ariana, and he's like, well, sorry, Rachel was
like thinking, I'm the hottest person in the entire world,
and also sorry that Ariana hasn't paid attention to me
and in ten years, and yeah, no, dude, it's on you.
But those are just like my viewpoint of it. But
how did you feel? Hated?
Speaker 1 (16:59):
I hated what he said.
Speaker 2 (17:01):
He said someone like Raquel's some twenty something year old
doing that whipped cream bikini thing like varsity blues, And
I was like, okay, what is this reference?
Speaker 1 (17:12):
And I I youtubed it.
Speaker 2 (17:14):
And I was like, my gosh, like what And we've
already talked about it on my podcast, like how this
came to be our first moments that really shifted the
dynamic into something more of a love.
Speaker 1 (17:30):
Connection, if you could even call it a love connection.
Speaker 3 (17:35):
But the way that he.
Speaker 1 (17:36):
Was describing it really made it sound.
Speaker 2 (17:39):
Like I was the temptress and that it was this
like seduction that he fell into. I can take ownership
of my part in that, because yeah, it was a
choice that we made every day and it was a
really bad decision, but it just felt like he was
(18:02):
putting a lot on me, saying it was my fault
for seducing him, which I don't think is right.
Speaker 3 (18:09):
Yeah, I don't think so either. And I think he
also put a lot of blame on Ariana, saying that
she belittled him and basically caused him not to have
any self worth. And it's just like, come on, can
you just please say that you're sorry and that you
that you're at faults, you know, like, just take a
little bit of accountability and stop blaming it on other
(18:32):
people that are, you know, around you.
Speaker 2 (18:34):
Yeah, and if he got good therapy and some introspection,
he would come to the conclusion that your self worth
isn't based on your significant other. You can't get your
self worth from somebody else. It has to come from
within you.
Speaker 3 (18:51):
Totally, totally. So I had to just go off on
that tangey for a second. But I do want to
bring it back to the premiere, and we do have
this scene where James says that his feelings are hurt
and Ali asked James if he could ever be friends
with Tom Sandoval again, And so I want to ask you,
could you ever be friends with James again?
Speaker 1 (19:14):
Oh no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no no.
Speaker 3 (19:18):
Could you ever be friends with Sandoval again?
Speaker 1 (19:21):
No? I can't know.
Speaker 3 (19:22):
Those two are iced out.
Speaker 1 (19:24):
No, yeah, no, no, there's.
Speaker 3 (19:26):
You're like, there's eleventh of Ever.
Speaker 2 (19:30):
There's a reason why I have no contact policy with James,
and there's a reason why I didn't want him to
have Graham. And you know, thank goodness that Graham is
doing well and you know, debate of polafe thriving. But no, like,
I don't need James in my life.
Speaker 3 (19:50):
That would be.
Speaker 1 (19:53):
Just not good for my well being.
Speaker 2 (19:56):
And then with Tom oh Man, like, oh, it's so
clear to me now, but back then, like when I
was still in communication with him but trying to distance
myself and not not call him from the meadows. And
this is a landline conversation, by the way, like we
(20:18):
have scheduled phone times in this impatient trauma therapy center.
Then if I didn't reach out to him one day
or two days, he would be upset by it and
really kind of take out his frustration on me.
Speaker 1 (20:35):
So it made me feel like I had a responsibility to.
Speaker 2 (20:42):
Maintain that his emotional needs. And oh man, like the
amount of times that Tom called me selfish while I
was in the meadows and that I'm running away from
my problems and I'm dependent on this place that's basically
(21:03):
an assisted living facility, you know, like really guilt tripping
me and saying that I left him to deal with
all the fodder and I'm just running away. You know,
that just reveals the type of person that he is.
And knowing how important mental health has become in my
(21:27):
life and how much of a priority that is to me,
there's no question that Tom and I will never ever
be friends again.
Speaker 3 (21:36):
Okay, that's that is very make serent, But it was
a question I had to ask.
Speaker 2 (21:40):
Yeah, I do think it's interesting though, like the amount
of times that the cast has mentioned processing their own trauma,
like in.
Speaker 1 (21:49):
Reference to.
Speaker 2 (21:52):
Lala saying that she had a lot of trauma to
process with her past relationship with Randall, Lala commenting on
on Ariana getting into a new relationship so quickly and
not having enough time to process that trauma with Tom Sandibal.
There also was mention of Tom Schwartz's emotional trauma that
(22:13):
he experienced with Tom Sandibal over the years and how
that's impacted him. Yet, if I go away to process
my emotional trauma, I'm running away from my problems.
Speaker 1 (22:28):
I don't know. It doesn't add up to me.
Speaker 3 (22:32):
Yeah, And speaking of not adding up, on the premiere episode,
we see Lalla have a complete shift of heart, I guess,
and the sense that she decided to send you this
voice memo on Instagram and was basically kind of the
only one on the episode that I wouldn't even call
(22:54):
it having your back, but opening up that bridge to
speak to you and in a weird way, being like
empathetic towards you. She didn't want you to wear the
mistress badge of honor the rest of your life, and
you know, she was kind of like being really empathetic
towards you personally. For me as a fan watching it,
(23:17):
I was just kind of like, this is a little
bit of a storyline, but I did want to hear
your perspective of it. I also want to know, you know,
being on the receiving end of that message. She did
say that you listen to it. When you listen to that,
how did it feel and were you receptive towards it?
Did you respond?
Speaker 2 (23:36):
When I was at the Meadows, I didn't have access
to my phone, and at that point when she sent
me the voice memo, I was in that treatment facility,
and my publicist has access to my Instagram account, so
she got the notification that Laala reached out to me
via Instagram and she.
Speaker 3 (23:58):
Listened to it, and so it was even you.
Speaker 2 (24:01):
It wasn't me, no, not at that time, but yeah,
I did listen to it when I got out of
the Meadows, and I immediately I just felt like I
didn't trust la La and her intentions. But as I'm
watching this season and this episode, immediately I was like, oh,
(24:29):
she did it on camera. Okay, that makes a lot
of sense because it's allowing for the dialogue to take
place for me to come back into the group.
Speaker 1 (24:44):
It allows for that integration to happen.
Speaker 2 (24:46):
And at this point, vander pump Rules did want me
back and they were trying to figure out ways that
I could reintegrate with the group. And so I think,
first and foremost, it was a way for that to
happen logistically. And I think, you know, I think Lala
(25:10):
did have a lot of trauma with Randall in that
unhealthy relationship, and I don't doubt that she had those
feelings of being isolated and feeling like she didn't have anyone.
That's what she says prompted her to reach out to me,
(25:30):
seeing me open up about that in the last five
minutes of season ten.
Speaker 1 (25:36):
But I also can see it for what it is.
I don't think she well. Just knowing that she didn't
reach out to me on her own time and not
being related to the show and filming tells me everything
that I need to know.
Speaker 2 (25:52):
And also seeing it from a different perspective, not being
in that drama any more, I can see how she's
moving around This concept that I learned. It's called the
Cartman triangle, and basically there's three points. There's the victim,
(26:17):
there's the rescuer, and there's the fender, And so I
could see how she was moving across this triangle, first
as the victim relating to the situation that I was in,
and then as the rescuer to reach out to me.
And then also you'll see her at the end telling
(26:39):
Ariana that she reached out to me, and that's where
she's being the fender and this dynamic causes drama.
Speaker 3 (26:48):
So then just from a surface level perspective, So you
did not know prior to watching this first episode that
that was on camera, No, I didn't know. So then
when you listen to it for the first time, what
was your initial gut reaction? My my god, you gave
me the cringiest face. Yeah, everyone, I can't see. Well,
(27:12):
I don't know.
Speaker 1 (27:12):
I feel bad saying it, but like, I just don't
trust her.
Speaker 3 (27:17):
I don't.
Speaker 1 (27:17):
I'm like, immediately I was like, no.
Speaker 2 (27:21):
And you don't have any reason to trust her, right
because there has been so many instances like she's she's
hated me since the moment she met me for no reason,
and she has not held back her feelings about me
throughout the seasons.
Speaker 1 (27:39):
I feel like fren of me is.
Speaker 2 (27:41):
A good descriptor word of la Lah because we do
get to a point where we can see eye to eye,
but it doesn't usually last long. And it seems like
she was like the one person that we just could
not come to solution for whatever reason.
Speaker 3 (28:01):
No, you couldn't.
Speaker 2 (28:03):
Yeah, So when I got that voice my moo, I think,
you know, like at first, it's it's nice to hear
that somebody can empathize with you, especially on this cast,
but ultimately I was like, no, red flag, Like this
(28:23):
isn't this doesn't feel right.
Speaker 3 (28:25):
Yeah, and Okay, so I don't really actually know the
answer to this, but what is your relationship with Lisa
currently right now in your life? Like do you have
a relationship with Lisa or no?
Speaker 1 (28:41):
No? No?
Speaker 3 (28:42):
So then because it's interesting because you see this scene
with Laala and Lisa and they're both extremely empathetic towards you.
Lisa's like, oh, you should reach out, like she probably
would love you, know whatever, and then you have Laala
who's like, I just want to make sure she's okay
and that you know, she doesn't live with this forever.
(29:02):
So seeing these two people who are not close to
you whatsoever, have this conversation about you. How does that
make you feel?
Speaker 2 (29:11):
You know, it makes me feel like they're really pushing
for me to come back this season, and they're really
trying to find a way to make that happen, And
I feel like there's a little bit of truth behind it.
There's that authentic part that I think Lala, like I said,
could relate to. But I think, you know, seeing Lisa
(29:36):
so empathetic to me, you know, and this is before
all the Graham stuff, so I'm sure there was a
piece of that that was authentic too, But just knowing
that she's an executive producer on the show, it's very
apparent that this conversation happened, so that, yeah, we could,
(29:59):
you know, it's.
Speaker 3 (29:59):
Also driving a storyline. Yes, yes, I do want to
bring up something that Lala said. She keeps playing when
you said in the Union, if I don't follow what
(30:21):
Tom has told me, I don't feel like I'll have anybody.
And so listening to that back like that was like
a very vulnerable part of your life where you felt
that you had to listen to this person because if
you didn't, you wouldn't have anybody. So like hearing Laala
repeat the words that you said, Does that bring back
(30:42):
any emotion to you?
Speaker 2 (30:44):
Yeah, it was a very scary moment for me in
that interview chair because by revealing the truth, or at
least starting to reveal the truth, and not sticking to
Tom's story that he wanted, you know, I saw it
as this ultimate betrayal to him. And I think it's
(31:09):
you know, like it's sad to think like that was
really my mindset, but I felt I did feel so isolated.
I had lost all of my friends. It felt like
it felt like my whole world completely turned upside down
and I didn't know who to trust because the people
(31:31):
that I was talking to every day, I was just
filling them in, like telling them all the information that
I've been keeping for so long. And then it was
like these articles kept coming out with the information that
I was saying and I wasn't keeping track of who
I was saying what to, So it just was like,
oh my god, like I can't trust anybody. I can't
(31:54):
trust anyone. I can't talk to my friends because I
don't know who's saying what.
Speaker 1 (32:01):
And then, you know, like that really forced me to.
Speaker 2 (32:08):
Confide in Tom in that crisis moment, and it also
you know, like I wasn't processing what happened.
Speaker 1 (32:17):
It was just like on this survival.
Speaker 2 (32:19):
Mode, and it really truly felt like I was going
to lose everything if I betrayed Tom in that moment.
Speaker 1 (32:32):
Yeah, and like Lala said.
Speaker 2 (32:34):
Like, yeah, You're willing to risk it all for this
person like you Yeah.
Speaker 3 (32:39):
And oh I did, Yeah you did.
Speaker 2 (32:42):
I really risked it all. And it's in ways I
really lost it all.
Speaker 3 (32:46):
You did, but you didn't. Sure you lost fandom on Brules.
Who's to say you actually even lost it? You know,
like sure, but you getrew the whole different perspective on
your life, which I think is kind of the gold
in all of this.
Speaker 2 (32:59):
You know, I've come closer to who I am and
knowing myself so much better.
Speaker 3 (33:06):
Now does it bother you at all that throughout this
episode they're calling you Raquel?
Speaker 1 (33:14):
No, actually no, I didn't even really notice.
Speaker 2 (33:18):
So it's just a nickname that I've had since first grade.
So I respond to both Rachel and Raquel.
Speaker 1 (33:27):
In fact, it's it's a.
Speaker 2 (33:28):
Little bit weirder for me to hear people calling me
Rachel that I've known for so long calling me Raquel,
So it does it doesn't feel.
Speaker 3 (33:38):
This isn't bother off to me at all.
Speaker 1 (33:40):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (33:41):
Okay. My last question is you had a very strong
relationship with Sheen and you had a really strong relationship
with Arianna. Tom just reflecting back on this first episode,
like what is your rose and your thorn from it? Like,
what is the one thing that really hurts you and
what is the one thing that really makes you happy?
After watch that first episode? Oh wow, let's start with happy.
(34:05):
Let's do good news.
Speaker 2 (34:06):
Okay, Yeah, when I watch it, I'm just happy that
I'm not in it. I'm so happy that I've been
able to find more peace in my life and my
day to day is stable and as serene as it
could be in this stage in my life, I believe,
(34:29):
you know, like I don't have to worry about things
that are coming up this season, or well that's not true.
I do worry about things that are going to come
up this season. But I'm just happy that I'm not
in it like I used to be.
Speaker 3 (34:43):
And then the thorn, what's the thorn? You know? It is?
It is hard seeing.
Speaker 2 (34:55):
Tina and Ariana, you know, two people that I did
call friends. I think I have a lot more resentment
towards Sheena. So I think the thorn for me is
just seeing Sheena's face, and you know, I'm working through that,
and I think with time and more therapy and just
(35:20):
more I don't know, you know, I don't want to
always feel that way when I look at her, but
I guess right now, I just.
Speaker 1 (35:31):
It's not an enjoyable thing for me.
Speaker 3 (35:34):
Are you continuing to watch the season or are you
going to take a step back.
Speaker 1 (35:39):
I think I'm going to continue watching.
Speaker 2 (35:41):
I don't know how you guys felt watching it, but
I was on the edge of my seat. But I
think that's just because, like this has been a part
of my life for so long.
This is Rachel Goes Rogue.
Speaker 2 (00:10):
Hey, guys, it's Rachel Savannah Lovis. We are back with
another episode of Rachel Goes Rogue. They I'm super excited
because I think we all just watched the vander Pump
Rules premiere and we have a lot to say about it,
so I would love to get into it. I'm here
with my iHeart team and they'll be helping me really
(00:32):
start this dialogue now that I'm a step outside of this.
Speaker 3 (00:37):
Chaos literally chaos. Yeah, okay, So Rachel, last night, we
obviously watched the premiere episode and there was one really
big important thing missing and I think we all know
what that is, and that was you. So just like
walk me through it. The intro song Raise Your Glass
(01:00):
starts playing and you're watching it and just about to
get into it. What does that song mean to you? Like,
how are you feeling as you're hearing those intro credits
and like seeing the montage of the cast and all
that kind of stuff, Like what's going through your head?
How are you feeling? Tell me all of it.
Speaker 2 (01:16):
The intro credits are probably like one of the most
exciting things. I don't know as a viewer who knows
but as a cast member, it's an honor to have
an opening credit and opening title as a season is premiering,
and so I thought that they looked really good, like
(01:37):
they were on point. And it's like, Okay, I am
watching this show and I'm really having to accept the
fact that I'm not on it this season, and that
was a decision that I really had a lot of
weight in making. I didn't take that lightly, and so
(02:02):
it's almost like a part of me grieving what could
have been in a different parallel timeline. But I do
think of that I made the right decision by not
going back, and we can keep talking about that as
we go on.
Speaker 3 (02:22):
I think it's interesting that you're saying that there was
like a little bit of a grieving in it at
any point of watching, Like right when that song started playing,
was there any part of you that kind of felt
a little fomo or like sadness.
Speaker 1 (02:35):
A little fomo a little bit. Yeah, you can know that, but.
Speaker 2 (02:42):
I don't know. As it went on, I just kept thinking, like,
oh my gosh, I'm so happy that I'm not part
of this.
Speaker 3 (02:51):
You say you're not part of it, but like, ironically
you are. I am the biggest story in this premiere EPI,
which is kind of crazy, but I do think that's
like really important to set up because the timeline of
this is all very interesting. So in the first episode,
(03:13):
we established that it's been three months since the Scandal
reunion all that kind of went down. So where we
have this timeline of it's been three months, James and
Ali are are in their house together, and if it's
okay with you, I do want to ask you about that,
Like you're seeing your fiance on TV or ex fiance, sorry,
(03:35):
on TV with his new girlfriend, Like, ye, did that
hit anything in your heart? Like how did that feel
seeing him in quote unquote a healthy relationship? Like how
did you feel seeing that?
Speaker 1 (03:49):
Sorry?
Speaker 2 (03:50):
I don't mean to laugh, but I don't think that
that's a healthy relationship. Like, I don't think any relationship
with James is healthy, especially knowing that we broke up
and he got with somebody else so quickly after. Yeah,
there's no time to really reflect on yourself in the
in a span of three weeks or four weeks however long,
(04:11):
it was the same problems, just a different person. And
I'm feeling, I don't know why, feeling a little bit
like anxious, nervous talking about it because I don't know,
there's a lot of emotions there, like that was that
was my fiance.
Speaker 1 (04:28):
That was somebody that I thought I was going to
spend my life with. And we were looking at houses
that had.
Speaker 2 (04:37):
A pool, and you know, we were ready to take
that next step.
Speaker 1 (04:42):
And here he.
Speaker 2 (04:43):
Is in this new house with a pool in a backyard,
and like it's really nice. But I don't know, I
just thought it was funny that an airplane like they're
in a flyover.
Speaker 3 (04:56):
Zone close to the Bourbank Airport. Yeah, so you know,
like I don't know, Yeah, I enjoyed that. So I mean,
that's interesting that you say that that you guys were
looking at houses with pools. So do you think he's
kind of like plugging and playing a little bit in
the sense of he's like, Okay, I'm obviously not with
Raquel anymore, but he's using the same dream and just
(05:20):
inserting Ali into this.
Speaker 2 (05:22):
Yeah I know this guy, like I know him well,
and it just it does seem like.
Speaker 3 (05:30):
I can kind of finish your sentence here, because yeah,
I do feel like it's a tale as old as time,
Like we're seeing the same thing play out like he's
sober again, right, like California sober again. So like he
is having a repeat storyline in the sense that he's
deciding not to drink again. Ye is that? How do
you feel seeing that with Ali?
Speaker 2 (05:51):
Like I said, it's you know, a new girl with
the same problems. Like here's a sober for good amount
of time. I think it was about two years and
when we broke up, he was sober, and so I
realized that his issues weren't stemmed from drinking. It was
(06:12):
something deeper that was unresolved. And so you know, it's
just going to be a repeat of patterns, like I
can see it from a mile away, And of course
aally doesn't want him drinking, like he's not a stable
person when he drinks alcohol. I think cutting out alcohol
(06:33):
is a great first step, but being sober and like
feeling all of your emotions without the influence of any
drugs is so important when you're in a recovery phase
in your life, and then also going that next step
(06:53):
and really focusing on like healing that inner child wound
in that childhood trauma. And I know they've said that
he's gone to therapy. You know, I won't be surprised
if a therapy session is one of the things that
they show on the show. It's just I feel like
(07:14):
it's a lot for show, but you know, like that's
just me looking in and giving my opinion on it.
Speaker 3 (07:24):
So looking in on it from a third party perspective,
but also knowing a lot about the situation. Do you
at all see James and Ali making it like is
that do you feel like that can be a future
for them or do you think a few years from
now we're having a very different conversation.
Speaker 1 (07:45):
We'll see. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (07:47):
I think Ali is a very patient person. She reminds
me a lot of me, and I think there's a
motive in her to help. And I think time will tell.
You know, he is older now, has more life experience,
but it doesn't seem like there's a lot of growth there,
so we'll see it.
Speaker 1 (08:08):
Yeah, yeah, we'll see. I don't know. My advice to
Ali would be, don't fall in.
Speaker 2 (08:14):
Love with the potential of somebody, because you're going to
be let down and you could just focus on yourself
and really develop yourself so that one day you can
find someone who is on that same level and has
done the same amount of healing.
Speaker 1 (08:34):
So there's a healthy relationship.
Speaker 3 (08:37):
I love that you're there right now that you've learned that,
you know, like, that's a very mature thing to and
self aware thing to really understand and come out of
such a at the time, a toxic relationship and getting
that understanding.
Speaker 2 (08:53):
Yeah, yeah, I've You've done a lot of therapy, intense
tense therapy, and I've done a lot of reflecting on
my patterns and my relationships and looking at the things
with James and then looking at that relationship with Tom
(09:14):
and seeing what was overlapping and for me this affair,
it was kind of manifesting in a different way, Like
I didn't see the similarities when I was in it,
but as I've been able to take a step back
and look more clearly at it, I can see it
(09:35):
for what it is. Like it was that potential, Like
I was in love with the potential of us having
a real relationship out in the open and not in secrecy.
And I didn't even see that as a pattern until
I was able to remove myself from the situation totally.
Speaker 3 (09:58):
So let's go back to the timeline of three months.
I'm going to probably bring that up a few times
throughout here because I just want to know what, like
the process is. So three months has passed by. Tom
and arian are still living under the same roof, which,
by the way, I cannot get more flabbergasted at the
condition of each of their rooms. I need them each
(10:20):
to clean up their rooms. Please put your clothes away,
clean up your room, tidy up. I really need you
to do that, especially when you know that cameras are
coming in. Agreed, Yeah, right, So okay, So aside from that,
Arianna makes a comment that she knows you guys are
still together because you're sending packages back and forth to
(10:42):
each other and she's seen them come in the mail
and all that kind of stuff. This is kind of
the first time that we get a mention of you,
you know, like that that you're very much a part
of the storyline on this new season and that you're
still sending stuff to Tom and the lightning bolts and
all that kind of stuff. So, how was it seeing that?
And Arianna mentioned that it was.
Speaker 1 (11:06):
You know, it was hard to see because.
Speaker 2 (11:09):
I'm in a different place than I was back then,
and it's a weird time warp when you're watching a
show like this and living one reality in that moment,
and then months later when the episodes are airing, you're
living in another reality, but you're also reliving those moments
(11:30):
that they captured on camera. And so it's a nod
to my younger self who was still in love and infatuated.
And I feel like with my apology that I made
at the reunion, I had all the right intentions and
(11:55):
I was extremely sorry that. There's another part of an apology,
which is your actions afterwards. They have to align with
what you're saying, and by sending him letters and being
in contact for a good amount of time, I still,
(12:15):
you know, like, want to take this time now to
apologize again because I am in a different place than
I was back then, and I can see things a
lot clearer now. And also you saw the part where
they did the flashbacks, and I got emotional watching that.
(12:38):
You know, like, I recognize that my behavior was so
hurtful to her.
Speaker 3 (12:43):
I feel like there's like not that you had in
a ha moment, but in a weird way, you kind
of did. You were able to see the situation from
like a third party lens, and it kind of I
don't want to say trigger is the right word, but
it's it is something that like triggered something of reaction
in you. And I can tell right now that that's
(13:05):
you know, seeing those scenes and seeing, Okay, during this time,
I did hurt somebody really really bad and I'm still
kind of putting salt on the wound a little bit.
Speaker 2 (13:17):
Yeah, And it's it's that part of me really wanting
to take accountability because that is a part of true
healing and growth and how we can resolve these painful
memories that we're having to address head on with this show.
Speaker 1 (13:38):
And I just hope that the listeners listening and the
people that were involved.
Speaker 2 (13:47):
Know that I have done so much work on myself
and I've really taken that time to have that introspection
to understand and why I did the things that I did.
Speaker 3 (14:04):
I think that's like a really grown up way to
look at it. I don't mean to take a tangent
off from the premiere, but it did make me think
about something that like obviously came out and is all
(14:26):
over the news right now and.
Speaker 2 (14:29):
Nick Vile, yeah, just talk about it.
Speaker 3 (14:33):
Because it's just I mean, and and thank you. I mean,
just from like a fan of Vander pump Roules, like
I really appreciate the fact that you're like taking a
second to like take accountability for your actions and also
you know, take a second to just reapologize from like
I think also an authentic standpoint, Like I think when
(14:54):
you guys were doing the reunion, it was too fresh
for you to even make that kind of statement.
Speaker 2 (15:00):
It was so fresh, and I really wanted to allow
everyone to get their thoughts across, and like it was
such a new fresh wound, and I knew that people
wouldn't really be able to hear what I had to
say anyway, because all you see is read in a
situation like that. And now that some time has passed
(15:22):
and we have been able to process through everything.
Speaker 3 (15:28):
At the time, you weren't even able to process it.
Like you were sorry, but you also weren't able to
understand why you were sorry, because I think at that
time you were also like, I'm in love with this guy.
Yes I'm sorry, but I'm also in love with this guy,
you know exactly. So not to make it right or whatever,
but it's just giving you know, a reason behind it.
(15:52):
I just do want to give you a credit where
it's due in the sense that you were taking the
second because I feel like, now you're in a very
different point in your life. We're able to reflect in
a way that you've done the work, You're able to
reflect and you're able to actually understand the situation and
process it. But someone who hasn't done that is mister Sandoval.
Speaker 1 (16:12):
And it's very obvious.
Speaker 3 (16:14):
Oh my gosh, it was very just watching that Vile
Files interview, it was just, oh my lord, I don't
I don't even know what to even say about it,
other than he still can't take accountability for his actions.
He did mention you in a weird way. He was
(16:36):
kind of like blaming it on you and also blaming
it on Ariana, and he's like, well, sorry, Rachel was
like thinking, I'm the hottest person in the entire world,
and also sorry that Ariana hasn't paid attention to me
and in ten years, and yeah, no, dude, it's on you.
But those are just like my viewpoint of it. But
how did you feel? Hated?
Speaker 1 (16:59):
I hated what he said.
Speaker 2 (17:01):
He said someone like Raquel's some twenty something year old
doing that whipped cream bikini thing like varsity blues, And
I was like, okay, what is this reference?
Speaker 1 (17:12):
And I I youtubed it.
Speaker 2 (17:14):
And I was like, my gosh, like what And we've
already talked about it on my podcast, like how this
came to be our first moments that really shifted the
dynamic into something more of a love.
Speaker 1 (17:30):
Connection, if you could even call it a love connection.
Speaker 3 (17:35):
But the way that he.
Speaker 1 (17:36):
Was describing it really made it sound.
Speaker 2 (17:39):
Like I was the temptress and that it was this
like seduction that he fell into. I can take ownership
of my part in that, because yeah, it was a
choice that we made every day and it was a
really bad decision, but it just felt like he was
(18:02):
putting a lot on me, saying it was my fault
for seducing him, which I don't think is right.
Speaker 3 (18:09):
Yeah, I don't think so either. And I think he
also put a lot of blame on Ariana, saying that
she belittled him and basically caused him not to have
any self worth. And it's just like, come on, can
you just please say that you're sorry and that you
that you're at faults, you know, like, just take a
little bit of accountability and stop blaming it on other
(18:32):
people that are, you know, around you.
Speaker 2 (18:34):
Yeah, and if he got good therapy and some introspection,
he would come to the conclusion that your self worth
isn't based on your significant other. You can't get your
self worth from somebody else. It has to come from
within you.
Speaker 3 (18:51):
Totally, totally. So I had to just go off on
that tangey for a second. But I do want to
bring it back to the premiere, and we do have
this scene where James says that his feelings are hurt
and Ali asked James if he could ever be friends
with Tom Sandoval again, And so I want to ask you,
could you ever be friends with James again?
Speaker 1 (19:14):
Oh no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no no.
Speaker 3 (19:18):
Could you ever be friends with Sandoval again?
Speaker 1 (19:21):
No? I can't know.
Speaker 3 (19:22):
Those two are iced out.
Speaker 1 (19:24):
No, yeah, no, no, there's.
Speaker 3 (19:26):
You're like, there's eleventh of Ever.
Speaker 2 (19:30):
There's a reason why I have no contact policy with James,
and there's a reason why I didn't want him to
have Graham. And you know, thank goodness that Graham is
doing well and you know, debate of polafe thriving. But no, like,
I don't need James in my life.
Speaker 3 (19:50):
That would be.
Speaker 1 (19:53):
Just not good for my well being.
Speaker 2 (19:56):
And then with Tom oh Man, like, oh, it's so
clear to me now, but back then, like when I
was still in communication with him but trying to distance
myself and not not call him from the meadows. And
this is a landline conversation, by the way, like we
(20:18):
have scheduled phone times in this impatient trauma therapy center.
Then if I didn't reach out to him one day
or two days, he would be upset by it and
really kind of take out his frustration on me.
Speaker 1 (20:35):
So it made me feel like I had a responsibility to.
Speaker 2 (20:42):
Maintain that his emotional needs. And oh man, like the
amount of times that Tom called me selfish while I
was in the meadows and that I'm running away from
my problems and I'm dependent on this place that's basically
(21:03):
an assisted living facility, you know, like really guilt tripping
me and saying that I left him to deal with
all the fodder and I'm just running away. You know,
that just reveals the type of person that he is.
And knowing how important mental health has become in my
(21:27):
life and how much of a priority that is to me,
there's no question that Tom and I will never ever
be friends again.
Speaker 3 (21:36):
Okay, that's that is very make serent, But it was
a question I had to ask.
Speaker 2 (21:40):
Yeah, I do think it's interesting though, like the amount
of times that the cast has mentioned processing their own trauma,
like in.
Speaker 1 (21:49):
Reference to.
Speaker 2 (21:52):
Lala saying that she had a lot of trauma to
process with her past relationship with Randall, Lala commenting on
on Ariana getting into a new relationship so quickly and
not having enough time to process that trauma with Tom Sandibal.
There also was mention of Tom Schwartz's emotional trauma that
(22:13):
he experienced with Tom Sandibal over the years and how
that's impacted him. Yet, if I go away to process
my emotional trauma, I'm running away from my problems.
Speaker 1 (22:28):
I don't know. It doesn't add up to me.
Speaker 3 (22:32):
Yeah, And speaking of not adding up, on the premiere episode,
we see Lalla have a complete shift of heart, I guess,
and the sense that she decided to send you this
voice memo on Instagram and was basically kind of the
only one on the episode that I wouldn't even call
(22:54):
it having your back, but opening up that bridge to
speak to you and in a weird way, being like
empathetic towards you. She didn't want you to wear the
mistress badge of honor the rest of your life, and
you know, she was kind of like being really empathetic
towards you personally. For me as a fan watching it,
(23:17):
I was just kind of like, this is a little
bit of a storyline, but I did want to hear
your perspective of it. I also want to know, you know,
being on the receiving end of that message. She did
say that you listen to it. When you listen to that,
how did it feel and were you receptive towards it?
Did you respond?
Speaker 2 (23:36):
When I was at the Meadows, I didn't have access
to my phone, and at that point when she sent
me the voice memo, I was in that treatment facility,
and my publicist has access to my Instagram account, so
she got the notification that Laala reached out to me
via Instagram and she.
Speaker 3 (23:58):
Listened to it, and so it was even you.
Speaker 2 (24:01):
It wasn't me, no, not at that time, but yeah,
I did listen to it when I got out of
the Meadows, and I immediately I just felt like I
didn't trust la La and her intentions. But as I'm
watching this season and this episode, immediately I was like, oh,
(24:29):
she did it on camera. Okay, that makes a lot
of sense because it's allowing for the dialogue to take
place for me to come back into the group.
Speaker 1 (24:44):
It allows for that integration to happen.
Speaker 2 (24:46):
And at this point, vander pump Rules did want me
back and they were trying to figure out ways that
I could reintegrate with the group. And so I think,
first and foremost, it was a way for that to
happen logistically. And I think, you know, I think Lala
(25:10):
did have a lot of trauma with Randall in that
unhealthy relationship, and I don't doubt that she had those
feelings of being isolated and feeling like she didn't have anyone.
That's what she says prompted her to reach out to me,
(25:30):
seeing me open up about that in the last five
minutes of season ten.
Speaker 1 (25:36):
But I also can see it for what it is.
I don't think she well. Just knowing that she didn't
reach out to me on her own time and not
being related to the show and filming tells me everything
that I need to know.
Speaker 2 (25:52):
And also seeing it from a different perspective, not being
in that drama any more, I can see how she's
moving around This concept that I learned. It's called the
Cartman triangle, and basically there's three points. There's the victim,
(26:17):
there's the rescuer, and there's the fender, And so I
could see how she was moving across this triangle, first
as the victim relating to the situation that I was in,
and then as the rescuer to reach out to me.
And then also you'll see her at the end telling
(26:39):
Ariana that she reached out to me, and that's where
she's being the fender and this dynamic causes drama.
Speaker 3 (26:48):
So then just from a surface level perspective, So you
did not know prior to watching this first episode that
that was on camera, No, I didn't know. So then
when you listen to it for the first time, what
was your initial gut reaction? My my god, you gave
me the cringiest face. Yeah, everyone, I can't see. Well,
(27:12):
I don't know.
Speaker 1 (27:12):
I feel bad saying it, but like, I just don't
trust her.
Speaker 3 (27:17):
I don't.
Speaker 1 (27:17):
I'm like, immediately I was like, no.
Speaker 2 (27:21):
And you don't have any reason to trust her, right
because there has been so many instances like she's she's
hated me since the moment she met me for no reason,
and she has not held back her feelings about me
throughout the seasons.
Speaker 1 (27:39):
I feel like fren of me is.
Speaker 2 (27:41):
A good descriptor word of la Lah because we do
get to a point where we can see eye to eye,
but it doesn't usually last long. And it seems like
she was like the one person that we just could
not come to solution for whatever reason.
Speaker 3 (28:01):
No, you couldn't.
Speaker 2 (28:03):
Yeah, So when I got that voice my moo, I think,
you know, like at first, it's it's nice to hear
that somebody can empathize with you, especially on this cast,
but ultimately I was like, no, red flag, Like this
(28:23):
isn't this doesn't feel right.
Speaker 3 (28:25):
Yeah, and Okay, so I don't really actually know the
answer to this, but what is your relationship with Lisa
currently right now in your life? Like do you have
a relationship with Lisa or no?
Speaker 1 (28:41):
No? No?
Speaker 3 (28:42):
So then because it's interesting because you see this scene
with Laala and Lisa and they're both extremely empathetic towards you.
Lisa's like, oh, you should reach out, like she probably
would love you, know whatever, and then you have Laala
who's like, I just want to make sure she's okay
and that you know, she doesn't live with this forever.
(29:02):
So seeing these two people who are not close to
you whatsoever, have this conversation about you. How does that
make you feel?
Speaker 2 (29:11):
You know, it makes me feel like they're really pushing
for me to come back this season, and they're really
trying to find a way to make that happen, And
I feel like there's a little bit of truth behind it.
There's that authentic part that I think Lala, like I said,
could relate to. But I think, you know, seeing Lisa
(29:36):
so empathetic to me, you know, and this is before
all the Graham stuff, so I'm sure there was a
piece of that that was authentic too, But just knowing
that she's an executive producer on the show, it's very
apparent that this conversation happened, so that, yeah, we could,
(29:59):
you know, it's.
Speaker 3 (29:59):
Also driving a storyline. Yes, yes, I do want to
bring up something that Lala said. She keeps playing when
you said in the Union, if I don't follow what
(30:21):
Tom has told me, I don't feel like I'll have anybody.
And so listening to that back like that was like
a very vulnerable part of your life where you felt
that you had to listen to this person because if
you didn't, you wouldn't have anybody. So like hearing Laala
repeat the words that you said, Does that bring back
(30:42):
any emotion to you?
Speaker 2 (30:44):
Yeah, it was a very scary moment for me in
that interview chair because by revealing the truth, or at
least starting to reveal the truth, and not sticking to
Tom's story that he wanted, you know, I saw it
as this ultimate betrayal to him. And I think it's
(31:09):
you know, like it's sad to think like that was
really my mindset, but I felt I did feel so isolated.
I had lost all of my friends. It felt like
it felt like my whole world completely turned upside down
and I didn't know who to trust because the people
(31:31):
that I was talking to every day, I was just
filling them in, like telling them all the information that
I've been keeping for so long. And then it was
like these articles kept coming out with the information that
I was saying and I wasn't keeping track of who
I was saying what to, So it just was like,
oh my god, like I can't trust anybody. I can't
(31:54):
trust anyone. I can't talk to my friends because I
don't know who's saying what.
Speaker 1 (32:01):
And then, you know, like that really forced me to.
Speaker 2 (32:08):
Confide in Tom in that crisis moment, and it also
you know, like I wasn't processing what happened.
Speaker 1 (32:17):
It was just like on this survival.
Speaker 2 (32:19):
Mode, and it really truly felt like I was going
to lose everything if I betrayed Tom in that moment.
Speaker 1 (32:32):
Yeah, and like Lala said.
Speaker 2 (32:34):
Like, yeah, You're willing to risk it all for this
person like you Yeah.
Speaker 3 (32:39):
And oh I did, Yeah you did.
Speaker 2 (32:42):
I really risked it all. And it's in ways I
really lost it all.
Speaker 3 (32:46):
You did, but you didn't. Sure you lost fandom on Brules.
Who's to say you actually even lost it? You know,
like sure, but you getrew the whole different perspective on
your life, which I think is kind of the gold
in all of this.
Speaker 2 (32:59):
You know, I've come closer to who I am and
knowing myself so much better.
Speaker 3 (33:06):
Now does it bother you at all that throughout this
episode they're calling you Raquel?
Speaker 1 (33:14):
No, actually no, I didn't even really notice.
Speaker 2 (33:18):
So it's just a nickname that I've had since first grade.
So I respond to both Rachel and Raquel.
Speaker 1 (33:27):
In fact, it's it's a.
Speaker 2 (33:28):
Little bit weirder for me to hear people calling me
Rachel that I've known for so long calling me Raquel,
So it does it doesn't feel.
Speaker 3 (33:38):
This isn't bother off to me at all.
Speaker 1 (33:40):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (33:41):
Okay. My last question is you had a very strong
relationship with Sheen and you had a really strong relationship
with Arianna. Tom just reflecting back on this first episode,
like what is your rose and your thorn from it? Like,
what is the one thing that really hurts you and
what is the one thing that really makes you happy?
After watch that first episode? Oh wow, let's start with happy.
(34:05):
Let's do good news.
Speaker 2 (34:06):
Okay, Yeah, when I watch it, I'm just happy that
I'm not in it. I'm so happy that I've been
able to find more peace in my life and my
day to day is stable and as serene as it
could be in this stage in my life, I believe,
(34:29):
you know, like I don't have to worry about things
that are coming up this season, or well that's not true.
I do worry about things that are going to come
up this season. But I'm just happy that I'm not
in it like I used to be.
Speaker 3 (34:43):
And then the thorn, what's the thorn? You know? It is?
It is hard seeing.
Speaker 2 (34:55):
Tina and Ariana, you know, two people that I did
call friends. I think I have a lot more resentment
towards Sheena. So I think the thorn for me is
just seeing Sheena's face, and you know, I'm working through that,
and I think with time and more therapy and just
(35:20):
more I don't know, you know, I don't want to
always feel that way when I look at her, but
I guess right now, I just.
Speaker 1 (35:31):
It's not an enjoyable thing for me.
Speaker 3 (35:34):
Are you continuing to watch the season or are you
going to take a step back.
Speaker 1 (35:39):
I think I'm going to continue watching.
Speaker 2 (35:41):
I don't know how you guys felt watching it, but
I was on the edge of my seat. But I
think that's just because, like this has been a part
of my life for so long.
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