June 6, 2023 • 51 mins
For more than 4 decades the CIA – doing their best impression of Wile E. Coyote – tried to kill Fidel Castro. The spy agency made 634 assassination attempts on the Cuban leader. And almost all of them were ridiculous.
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Ridiculous Crime is a production of iHeartRadio.
Speaker 2 (00:03):
Elizabeth Dunton, Aren, I'm not done, Zaren Burnette.
Speaker 3 (00:09):
You left out the third.
Speaker 1 (00:11):
Yea and the Walter.
Speaker 3 (00:14):
And the sir and the esquire, Elizabe Dutton. I got
a question for you, mcgaro. Do you know it's ridiculous? Yeah?
Speaker 1 (00:23):
I do, I do.
Speaker 3 (00:25):
I was really just counting on you not knowing.
Speaker 2 (00:27):
I know, and then you just get to run with it. No, nobody,
I'm gonna throw a wrench in this. You know what
a mocha pot is?
Speaker 3 (00:35):
Is that where you pour that stuff in your.
Speaker 2 (00:37):
No, that's a that's a netty pot. Now, this is
an Italian coffee pot. Don't know what it is, but
it's sort of like got a decagon shaped to it,
and it has a chamber in the bottom of it
and that's where you put the water, and then it
has a basket for the grounds and then up top
like the heat draws the water up through through.
Speaker 1 (00:58):
Steam coffee that way. You know, you've seen them.
Speaker 2 (01:01):
I'm sure it's a silver silver, yeah, and so it's
a big deal. There's like two hundred million of them
have been made. Are you getting nervous? No, you should
not back. So this thing, this thing was invented by
Luigi di Ponti in Italy in the thirties, and then
the patents were purchased by Alfonso Biletti, and Alfonso had
(01:26):
a boy, Renato, and in the mid forties, Renato took
over the company and he just marketed the heck out
of these and that's why they become like this standard
bearer for you can make an almost espresso like coffee.
Speaker 1 (01:40):
It's very rich, robust, is like Ilio.
Speaker 3 (01:42):
Is that the brand that makes stuff for.
Speaker 1 (01:44):
This kind of like that.
Speaker 2 (01:45):
Yeah, but this is like if you see it, you'll
know it anyway. So Renato Biletti he passed away at
the age of ninety three in twenty sixteen. I know,
and his children, he has three kids. They had him
cremated and his cremaines were put into a giant Mocha pot.
Speaker 3 (02:05):
Oh nice. See this is like the Pringles guy he was.
Speaker 2 (02:08):
Yes, he was buried inside a large urn shaped like
his stove top coffee maker.
Speaker 3 (02:14):
I like it.
Speaker 1 (02:15):
Yes, it's a little bit ridiculous.
Speaker 3 (02:17):
It is ridiculous.
Speaker 1 (02:18):
This comes to us.
Speaker 2 (02:19):
This is not only an international story because it's from Italy,
but it was given to us by Helga in Germany.
Speaker 3 (02:26):
Ah, Donka Helga, So.
Speaker 2 (02:27):
I yes, Donka to you? Don Ka Shane Darling, Donky Shane.
Speaker 3 (02:32):
Do you remember Cecil Parking fall? You toy your dress?
Speaker 1 (02:35):
What a mess?
Speaker 3 (02:37):
I confess anyway, that is a good one.
Speaker 1 (02:39):
Yeah, I know it is.
Speaker 3 (02:40):
That's why I said it got a hell a ridiculous
one for you. Hit me for more than forty years.
The Central Intelligence Agency aka the Agency, aka the company
aka the CIA. They and their spies, they tried to
kill the same man six hundred and thirty four.
Speaker 1 (02:56):
Times, six hundred and thirty four.
Speaker 3 (02:58):
Yes, And this man he was just like you know,
he was a one time baseball pitching prospect.
Speaker 1 (03:03):
Like Jason Bourne. Huh Jason Bourne.
Speaker 3 (03:06):
No, No, he was a real person. But do you
see his path diverge. Isn't a real person, not totally
a real person. He's real to you. Yeah, so that
counts well. This guy, he's real, like to everybody, right
and he uh he as I told you, a baseball
pitching prospect, but his path diverged from baseball and eventually
he becomes a revolutionary and you would know him as
(03:27):
Fidel Castro. Y know, Elizabeth, I know you're worried, like, wait,
six hundred and thirty four murder attempts. Yeah, that sounds
like we're going to just smash through our like one
percent murder. Well, spoiler alert, the CIA never successfully assassinated
Fidel Castro. Amazing, but boy, how did did they try?
(04:04):
This is Ridiculous Crime, a podcast about absurd and outrageous capers.
Heiss and cons it's always ninety nine percent murder free
and one hundred percent ridiculous. Elizabeth Sarin, the former head
of the Cuban Intelligence. This dude was named Fabian Escalante.
He stepped out of the shadows where spies exist and
(04:26):
he publicly claimed that the Yankees tried to kill Fidell
six hundred and thirty four times.
Speaker 1 (04:31):
The baseball team, not the.
Speaker 3 (04:32):
Baseball team from New York, No, the Yankees as in.
Speaker 1 (04:34):
US Americans, the Yanks, Yeah.
Speaker 3 (04:36):
Exactly, the Yankees. So this cat Escalante, he had the
receipts right because he's the head of the Cuban intelligence.
He knows where the bodies are buried right now, being
the former head of Cuban intelligence, he broke down how
all of the attempts went by president for forty years.
He lists them out for you so very quickly. Dwight D.
Eisenhower kicks it off in nineteen fifty nine. He took
(04:58):
thirty eight attempts. John F. Kennedy he followed him. He
took forty two attempts. LDJ took seventy two attempts. They're
ramping up by the time we get to Nixon. Nixon
goes for a record one hundred and eighty four attempts.
Jimmy Carter clocks in. It's sixty four attempts. Record is
broken by Reagan with one hundred and ninety seven attempts.
On Castro's life, Dan George H. W. Bush keeps it
(05:20):
solid with a nice little conservative sixteen, and then Bill
Clinton ends the era with twenty one of his own.
Speaker 1 (05:27):
This is like fifty ways to leave your lover.
Speaker 3 (05:29):
Right exactly, Bill Clinton trying to kill Castro. I'm like,
my dude, seriously, the Cold War is over. What's the
point here? Are you just trying to get in on
that JFK energy? Yes, Like, look my obsession it runs
that deep. I want to be like the kid. So anyway, Elizabeth,
you may be thinking Zarin, of course, the head of
the Cuban version of the CIA would say some nonsense
(05:50):
like this.
Speaker 1 (05:50):
That's exactly what I was thinking.
Speaker 3 (05:52):
Six hundred and thirty four attempts that can't be true.
That must be revolutionary propaganda, isn't it. Zaren great questions, Elizabeth,
Thank you. Normally I would agree with you normally, but
this is totally the propaganda. But we don't have to
believe Escalante, not in this case. Do you know why
because we have the Church Committee and its Senate hearings.
Huh yeah, do you know the Church Committee is familiar with.
The Church Committee is a big marquee Congressional investigation in
(06:15):
the nineteen seventies. It was famous for pulling back the
veil on countless crimes committed by the CIA. Now, most
of them were overseas, some of them were domestic. They
worked both foreign antheistic, which is totally against the law.
But anyway, we don't have to take the Cuban's word
for it because we have the CIA and the FBI,
and the US Senate and the House road representatives. They
all said the same thing. So you know, here, let
(06:38):
me just read to you from this file that I
have over here marked secretize only this is from the
National archives. It is no longer secretized only, but it
originally was. Now, this is a CIA document that records
the agency's countless attempts to kill Castro, and I quote.
This reconstruction of agency involvement in plans to assassinate Fidel
Castro is at best an imperfect history because of the
(06:59):
extremes insitivity of the operations being discussed or attempted. As
a matter of principle, no official records were kept of
planning or approvals or of implementation. So they're like, yeah,
we kept it. Hush hush, right, hush hush. Now, despite
this apparent difficulty with the with you know, basically documenting
their investigation, they still were able to produce one hundred
(07:20):
and forty three page report documenting all the ways they
tried to kill Castro.
Speaker 1 (07:24):
Oh wait, and how many was it?
Speaker 3 (07:25):
Six? Six hundred and thirty four?
Speaker 1 (07:27):
Huh so they're doing a couple per page?
Speaker 3 (07:29):
Oh yeah. It was like the script from Airplane. It
is just joke after joke every like was it one
joke or three jokes every minute of pre Airplane? It
was like that. But murders attempts love it, Okay, sow.
Starting back in nineteen seventy three, the Senate Watergate Committee investigation.
It starts looking into these rumors of the Watergate break
ins and what Nixon was eventually going to be impeached for. Now,
(07:51):
the American people, they learned through the Watergates that their
nations leaders and our spies had been conducting these clan
destined operations. Right to put it mildly, they were constitutionally corrupt.
Speaker 2 (08:00):
Now.
Speaker 3 (08:00):
The next year, in nineteen seventy four, Seymour Hirsch, this journalist,
investigative journalist, he goes and writes a story for the
New York Times and expose that reveals that the CIA
has been spying on Americans. Back then, this was shocking
to us. We're like, oh, the frenchman with a cigarette
tell me something I did me to know, you know.
(08:21):
But at that time, congressional investigations get launched. It's a
big deal, Elizabeth, I'm telling you. The next year, nineteen
seventy five, it gets nicknamed the Year of Intelligence. This
is due to hold the investigations into the CIA, the FBI,
the NSA, even the irs gets dragged in. Right now,
this all comes under the Church Committee, led by Idaho
Democratic Senator Frank Church. Now that's the name exactly. Now,
(08:45):
his committee was the real deal, serious, like I'm gonna
get to the heart of the matter. He had one
hundred and twenty six full committee meetings, that's not normal,
forty subcommittee hearings, eight hundred witnesses, eleven sorry, one hundred
and ten thousand documents were perused. And yes, finally in
April seventy six, the committee publishes its report. Now, most
(09:05):
of these times we've seen these reports, they're always big.
It could be best to be used as a door stop,
but this one was a door buster. It just went
up there and kicked the door in. Because the Church
Committee hearings declared that dating back to FDR and continuing
right on through the early seventies, there had been one
endless program of spying and destabilization of democracies, both at
(09:26):
home and abroad. Yeah, so they basically just determined that
regardless of the party in power, they had been running
just pretty much any anti democratic effort they could, and
it wasn't just tricky Dick Nixon. So the Church Committee
then reveals like all sorts of stuff that people we
know about them. Now, So there's a famous operations by
the CIA like mk Ultra. Yep, this comes out in
(09:47):
the Church Committee hearings. That's the CIA's mind control program
where they basically took a bunch of involuntary you know, volunteers,
and they use them for human experiments, right to determine
how do we mind control people with like drugs and like,
you know, psychic abuse. Then they went on they did
co Intel pro That was the FBI's program. That was
Jaegar Hoover's little pet project to hold black people down
(10:08):
and pretty much any other social justice campaign. So he
had agents infiltrating the like the Panthers and all these
other social justice and civil rights organizations, and then artists
artists as well, and then he does the divide and
conquer you ghet them with the breakup social movements, rumors
and drugs and bad cop busts or whatever. Right. Then
there was the CIA's program, This is the one I
(10:28):
wanted to tell you about, which is family Jewels.
Speaker 1 (10:31):
Family Jewels, that's what they called it.
Speaker 3 (10:32):
Family Jewels, like kick them in the So this cute
little name was the CIA's nickname for their decades long
program to assassinate foreign leaders leaders leaders multiple So the
Church Committee, they published a sub report. One of the
forty was called the Alleged Assassination Plots Involving Foreign Leaders.
It outlines the CIA's attempts to kill No Dn Diem
of South Vietnam, Patrese La Mumba of Zaire, Rafael Trujillo
(10:56):
from the Dominican Republic, and the big big batty, the
bearded one, Fidel Castro. So if you'd like to read more,
then you could check out CIA Covert Operations two, The
Year of Intelligence in nineteen seventy five. Book. It's a book.
It's a huge book printed by the CIA.
Speaker 1 (11:12):
As a movie.
Speaker 3 (11:13):
I know, like what it like electric boogaloo?
Speaker 1 (11:16):
Yes exactly.
Speaker 3 (11:17):
Yeah. So if you also, if we want some lighter reading,
you can go to the National Archives of Elizabeth. I
book mark some sites for you. But I know you're like, Zaren,
tell me more about the six hundred and thirty four
failed attempts to kill Castro. They're all one hundred percent ridiculous.
It sounds like I'm guaranteeing you that. So all right,
Dwight D. Eisenhower, Ike, Yeah, that's where it starts, right,
who is his vice president? Virulent anti communist, tricky Dick Nixon.
Speaker 1 (11:42):
That's right.
Speaker 3 (11:42):
So Richard Nixon, he took it upon himself and he
met Castro. He met Fidel in person in Washington, DC
in April nineteenth, nineteen sixty. Now he sits down with
Castro in the Vice President's office in the Capitol. The
two men sit together for three hours. Right now. This
is right after the Cuban Revolution is been successful.
Speaker 2 (12:00):
Right.
Speaker 3 (12:01):
So Nixon is like, no, now look here, Fiddel, we
don't want to get that funny business with the Soviets.
If you're prepared to let Pepstery and my friends back
into Cuba, we can play ball. You like ball, don't
you a Fidel? And beg. Fiddel's like, yeah, I don't
even know about this Bison. Right, but the guy, you know,
at this time, Cast's opinion of America it begins to
(12:22):
swiftly reverse. He actually liked America, well, reasonably, he liked America.
He liked the ideals of America. He was against US imperialism,
but he liked America. Right. And then he met Richard
Nixon and he's like, so much for all that we
have to know, I'm not you know about this. In
nineteen fifty nine, Fidel wins his revolution, and what does
he do to celebrate? He comes to New York, and
he comes to New York. He's like, hey, in the
(12:43):
way of YORKA and he's like partying, right, and he's
like everyone's like he's he's walking around in the revolutionary dogs,
like right out of the jungle. Right. He has yet
to declare himself a communist at this point. So America
they love him. He goes to the Bronx Zoo. He's
hand feeding tigers. He's chatting with anyone on the streets
in New York in English. Bind you. He gets a
whole tell room and Harlems. He can be by the
people right until he's this huge hit. The New York
(13:04):
Times writes about him. They're calling him quot quote, this
young man is larger than life. You know. Now for
some contacts and contrast, the time goes and compares his
revolution to our revolution. They say that Castro stepped onto
the world stage. Quote not only out of another world,
the world of fierce Latin passion, but also out of
another century, the century of Sam Adams and Patrick Henry
(13:26):
and Thomas Paine and Thomas Jefferson. Perhaps because he stirred
memories long dimmed of a revolutionary past, and recalled a
new order once deeply felt.
Speaker 1 (13:35):
Oh my goodness, damn New York Times.
Speaker 3 (13:37):
All about the castra. Right. Meanwhile, you got Richard Nixon
is like, you know, I met with Fordell, we talked awhile,
and I think we should kill him. So that was
his take, right, that's Nixon's whole of you. Now this
you may be wondering, Saren, why is Nixon so kill crazy?
I know he doesn't like communists, but they killed him.
What's up with them? Well, you have to understand that's
like his love language. Right.
Speaker 1 (13:58):
He wasn't the first to say kill him pretty.
Speaker 3 (14:01):
No, but pretty much Eisenhower. But he's the vice president
under US, so he was collaborating with the CIA. So
basically it is kind of Nixon's pet project. He's like,
before I get the carbon bombing, I'm gonna try to
just take out one man with my old pal. So
the thing Nixon, he spots this commy threat, right, and
it's one with a Spanish accent. So that's just irritating
him and scaring him. So he's it's doubly dangerous to
(14:23):
his way of thinking because it'll inflame Latin America. And
he's got big plans for PepsiCo, right, So he's like,
we got to get this these you know, the factories
an't gonna build themselves communists. So Fidel he does what
Nixon fears most. He sides with the Soviets, all right,
so he declares himself with communist So now the CIA
comes up with the plan, we have to destabilize Castor's revolution.
(14:44):
So what's their answer, Elizabeth, Let's give him acid. So
their first plan is to give Fidel LSD. How do
you think the CIA acid party played out for Fidel?
Speaker 1 (14:56):
Not good, Bob.
Speaker 3 (14:58):
Let's take a quick break and I'll tell you all
about uh, Fidel's LSD acid test with the CIA. All right, Elizabeth, right, Tiger,
(15:26):
we're back, all right, Claude, you're ready to hear about
the CIA's LSD distribution program in Cuba. At the beginning
of the kill Castro campaign, the agency wasn't so blood thirsty.
And they told you they first started out with the
goal of let's just embarrass.
Speaker 1 (15:39):
Castros, like pull down his pants or something.
Speaker 3 (15:41):
Basically, that was their whole idea. They're like, if we
pant over the world, bare bottom, he'd be.
Speaker 1 (15:46):
That'll show him, that'll learn him good.
Speaker 3 (15:47):
This was still the Eisenhower era. It was a more
innocent America.
Speaker 1 (15:50):
It was wholesome. Pantsing is a wholesome activity.
Speaker 3 (15:53):
Very fifties, yes, very yeah. If he had, like if
they could have driven over to Castro's house and just
like knocked over his mailbox with like a small bat
and a convertible, they would have done that.
Speaker 2 (16:02):
We'll get someone to like snap his bras straps in
the hallways exactly.
Speaker 3 (16:05):
Put a kick me sign on the back of Cuba.
Speaker 1 (16:07):
Yeah, I'll get them.
Speaker 3 (16:08):
So Castro has been known to give super long speeches
to his people, and I mean super long, like seven
eight hour, nine hour long speeches. Right, So in August
nineteen sixties, CIA is like, that's our plan. We'll get
them while he's talking. So this is a few months
before the Kennedy Nixon election in nineteen sixty. We're in
August nineteen sixty, right, CIA they planned for quote, a
scheme to contaminate the air of the radio station where
(16:30):
Castro broadcast his speeches with an aerosol spray of a
chemical that produces reactions similar to those of like surgic
acid LSD. So they're going to try to get him
while he's on the radio and have him freak out.
Speaker 1 (16:40):
Vapors breathing in aerosolized LSD.
Speaker 3 (16:43):
Yeah exactly, and then have them have like a bad
trip live on the air.
Speaker 1 (16:45):
Okay.
Speaker 3 (16:46):
So somewhere along the way of them like loading up
their acme brands bugspray cannon with LSD, They're like, you
know what, this is a dumb idea. So then they
were like, okay, let's move on a new plane.
Speaker 1 (16:55):
And then now they got all these cans of LSD spray.
Speaker 3 (16:57):
Yeah, just sitting around. They're like, what we do about this? Well,
it's probably still in their warehouse. Yeah, just kicking back
there with like the I don't know, the Ark of
the Covenant, just a big warehouse, yeah, next to the
LSD for Cuba. So uh, let's see after that, what
did they do? Do you know what? They move on
to more pantsing. They go, what if we made his
beard fall off? That would totally get him.
Speaker 1 (17:18):
Probably in the shampoo.
Speaker 3 (17:19):
Yeah. Basically they're like, so the CIA is like, uh,
you know, his beard is like a it's like a
symbol of power for him. It's talismanic. We need to
get rid of that. So they turned to New Jerseys
find his chemical makers, Like what do you got? Boys?
Got right? They're like, oh, we got this new stuff fallium.
They're like, tell me more about it. So the CIA
quote the idea was to dust thallium powder into Castro's
(17:40):
shoes when they were put out to be shined. The
scheme progressed as far as procuring the chemicals and testing
it on animals. So they're rubbing fallion on animals to
see if that would work on Castro's feet to make
his beard fall off. Right now, the idea was Castro
was going to go to the UN to speak in
New York in nineteen sixty the Sea. They planned to
sneak into his hotel. They would find his room and
(18:00):
then they would find his shoes left outside his room
to be shined. Then they would, like the spy would
dump some thallium powder in his shoes outside of the
hotel room.
Speaker 1 (18:09):
Does he strike you as the shoes shine? Kind of?
Speaker 3 (18:11):
It's so ridiculous. It's like they're trying to poison their dad.
Speaker 2 (18:15):
How long does it take for the to kick in?
And I mean I would assume all of us here
it's not just a beard.
Speaker 3 (18:20):
Removing exactly would be like a full depilatory.
Speaker 1 (18:22):
So yeah, he's got.
Speaker 3 (18:24):
He'd be losing armpit hair. I have no idea. I
didn't go into the research.
Speaker 1 (18:30):
Can't imagine that.
Speaker 3 (18:31):
I imagine a couple of days.
Speaker 1 (18:32):
Oh, I would think it'd be longer than that, but
I don't think. I mean, I'm no scientist.
Speaker 3 (18:37):
Do you work at Dow Chemicals? Sometimes anyway, the CIA
they move on to their next plan because they're like,
all right, Castro's beard is safe for now, what should
we do next? So what is their next plan? Exploding cigars?
Speaker 1 (18:47):
Oh, you're kidding.
Speaker 3 (18:48):
They're like the wiley eye wiley coyote of Assassin.
Speaker 1 (18:52):
They went to like a magic shop and.
Speaker 3 (18:55):
Hand could we use a double sided coin flip?
Speaker 2 (18:59):
And he gets he's gonna sit down at the un
and their loudest fart sound you ever heard.
Speaker 3 (19:04):
Will lean out whipp be cushioned darts will fly out
of they They turned to uh, basically, you know, James
Bond has quh So the CIA is like, who's our
quarter master? So they're like they go find the guy
and deepen the CA bowels of the basement. They're like, hey,
are you the quartermaster. Guy's like, nobody ever comes down
here anymore, not since the war. They're like, oh, we
(19:26):
got a plan for you, buddy. So they have this
guy and his name is Edward Gunn. Edward Gunn, that's
gun with two ends.
Speaker 1 (19:32):
I love it.
Speaker 3 (19:33):
I think he got the job just because of his name.
They're like, Edward Gunn, you're hired, Eddie gun you were
working at the CIA, buddy. So, Teddy gun he's the
head of the CIA's R and D department, Right, the
CIA has a good I guess, a big R and
D department.
Speaker 1 (19:46):
Bigger than Search and development.
Speaker 3 (19:47):
Yeah, bigger than Batman I'm imagining. Right, So he's the
one in charge of inventing the exploding cigar. So he
Teddy Gun, my man, Edward. He decides to exploding guitar, sorry,
exploding guitar, exploding cigar. How do I make an exploding cigar?
He's like, that's kind of impractical, but I can do it.
So he's like he's trying. He's trying. He's like, you
know what, No, this doesn't work as a chemist. This
(20:08):
is just too difficult. I'm going to go on to
the simpler poison. The cigar.
Speaker 1 (20:12):
They yeah, So he's.
Speaker 3 (20:13):
Like, no, he didn't have Google back then, so he
had to figure out how much poison do I have
to put in the cigar to do this? Right? So,
once again returning to the secretized only files of the CIA,
Teddy Gunn quote has a notation that on August sixteenth
in nineteen sixty he received a box of Cuban cigars
to be treated with a lethal material. He understood them
to be Fidel's favorite brand. So now that the CIA's
(20:34):
Q has a box of Fidel's favorite cigars, and what
does he do with them? Well, he decides, with the
help from the CIA's chemist, what's the best poison to
put into this?
Speaker 2 (20:42):
All?
Speaker 3 (20:42):
Right, So they decide shellfish poison, that's the one. Wait, yeah,
they're like shellfish poison, that'll get them, right. But there's
a problemgic, it's just one of the strongest poison. It's
like like blowfish poisons, like one of the strongest poisons. Right,
So they're like this, this will work for Castro. Right,
there's a problem with it because Castro would have had
to have been sucking on the cigar like it was
a McDonald's shake just to get enough of that poison
(21:03):
into him. So the CIA moved on to a poison
that would be a little simpler, just so they could
transfer over the skin really easily. And that one was botox, well,
not actually botox, it was the active ingredientlinus toxin. Yeah,
so Teddy Gun his boys at the chem lab, quote,
they did contaminate a full box of fifty cigars with
botulinus toxin, a virulent poison that produces a fatal illness
(21:24):
some hours after ingestion. So now the kem lab has
doused the cigars, so that quote, the cigars were so
heavily contaminated that merely putting one in the mouth would
do the job. The intended victim would not actually have
to smoke it. So now they're like, no flame necessary,
kill stick, right, so they're all excited. Teddy Gun he
takes his poison cigars, hands them over to the director
of the CIA, who then puts them in a safe
(21:45):
and forgets all about them.
Speaker 1 (21:47):
What I thought he was gonna be likeny pop one
in his mouth.
Speaker 3 (21:51):
Yeah, I know, right, So he took him home and
his children got into him. No, nothing like that, Teddy Gun.
He he goes off, you know, and working on other projects. Meanwhile,
the Kennedy years and the Nixon years, they go through
different phases of how are we going to kill Castro? So,
like in nineteen sixty three, the CIA entered what I'm
calling it's underwater assassination period. So that's like Picasso's blue period. Yeah,
(22:14):
so this was when the agency tried to create an
exploding seashell. Yeah. So the CIA so comical, exactly those
ridiculous stuff. Ever, the CIA knew that Castro loved to
go scuba diving, so they're like, we can kill him there.
So they're like, what do we do? So some spies
were like, what if we made a seashell that's secretly
a bomb?
Speaker 1 (22:33):
Oh my god.
Speaker 3 (22:34):
Some people were like, oh, I love that man. So
they decided they'll hide an exploding seashell in the sea
just where Fidel will find it. But not just anywhere.
It has to be somewhere that Fidel's scuba dives. So
the first they've got to like watchhere Fidel scuba dives,
or they're just like following Fidel for a while. They decide, okay,
we know the place where he's going to be. So
they just tried, how are we going to place it.
This is when they run into a problem. Quote. The
scheme was soon found to be impracticable. None of the
(22:56):
shells that might conceivably be found in the Caribbean area
was both spec tacular enough to be sure to attract
Castro's attention and large enough to hold the needed volume
of explosives.
Speaker 1 (23:06):
Just like the big round bomb with the it's like
you see a scallop with the.
Speaker 3 (23:10):
Fuse, it's actually burning underwater. So they can't find a
seashell sexy enough for Castro, So they're like, what are
we going to do? Oh? I forgot. There was also
a midget submarine that they had developed, and that was
how they were going to place the exploding seashell. But
the ca is a little midget sub It was basically
like a leash of keys. It just didn't have the
range right it had. It needed too much fuel to
(23:32):
be able to make the trips. So they're like, oh,
this isn't going to work.
Speaker 2 (23:34):
So and the director's kids smoking cigars the piloting exactly.
Speaker 3 (23:39):
If they've been road testing it forever.
Speaker 2 (23:40):
It's like they just get like a really lovely shell
from like the South Pacific and just put it out there.
Speaker 3 (23:45):
Yeah, then he'd think what where did this come from?
Speaker 1 (23:48):
And then you're obviously going to go.
Speaker 3 (23:53):
I should So the CIA, without your help, they move
on to poisoned wetsuits, and they're like, this is will
we need is a lethal suit. So they started developing
this This mind you is at this point where after
the post Bay of Pigs, Right, so the Kennedy brothers,
Bobby and JFK they have had had their plan to
invade Cuba fail, and they're now taking a few months
(24:14):
off to rethink their plans, so they don't try to
kill a castro for a couple months, and then they
get right back to it. Yeah, so like we got
to get back on our old energy. So they're like, okay,
what are we gonna do. They go to this guy,
James Donovan. He's a lawyer who that the US has
in charge of negotiating with Cuba for the release of
the prisoners from Bay of Pigs, from the whole fiasco.
So the CIA is like they approached this guy and
(24:34):
they're like, came in, you're the prisoner exchange Lary. He's
like yeah, I'm going down and he's like, you're gonna
talk to Fidel and all that. He's like, yeah, yeah.
They're like, care would you give him a poisoned wetsuit
as a gift And he's like what now? From the
Secret Eyes Only file, I quote, the technique involved dusting
the inside of the suit with a fungus that would
produce a disabling and chronic skin disease madua foot and
contaminating the breathing apparatus with tuberculo basillai. So the poisoned
(24:59):
wetsuit was brilliant. They're like, this is it. We finally
got it right, and it's really bad. Exactly. The skin's
gonna get all itch. He's gonna be terrible. So they decide, okay,
let's go to do this. But this plan also goes nowhere.
Why Elizabeth, you're the one telling the story. The lawyer's
too smart for him, Donovan, he refuses to do wet
work for the CIA. He's like no. He finds out
(25:22):
exactly they're whole planned to give for Fidel, and he's like, Okay,
I know I'm gonna do. He gives Fidel a non
poisonous sweatsuit of his own, so that would be suspicious
if he gives him a second websuita darn it. He
out bought us prisoner exchange lawyer one CIA zero. So
after all these early failed attempts to SEEIA moved on
to its most effective assassination campaign. And do you know
(25:44):
what that one was? They asked Fidel's mistress to kill Castro.
Oh right, finally they get their like their brains together,
like somebody's actually gonna be close to him, right sometimes
right next to him. So twenty sixteen, Vanity Fair, they
sat down with this woman. Her name is Marita Lorenz,
and she was with Elslilmer, Lover and Homegirl. Laid out
just whopper of a story, right, I'm telling you, Like
(26:04):
most of it seems to be true. Some of it is,
like are you surreal? But it doesn't matter. You know,
who cares whether it's fact or fiction. We know most
of this is true because it shows up in a
CIA file. So for the rest of it, who knows
who cares. But according to Marita Lorenz, she was just
minding her own business, being young and German and fabulous.
It's just this self possessed woman of wealth and family connections, right,
(26:25):
She's out in the big wild world all by herself.
She's there in Miami and she meets this man named Eduardo.
Right now, she says, this man, he's an a memorable man, right. So,
he always wore white suits. He had the air of money.
He was very quiet and elegant. From her guests, he
was the money man for this clandestine operation that was
going on that she only knew the veguest outlines of right,
(26:46):
But much later on she would recognize this man and
and his white suits when he was constantly on television.
About a decade later during the Watergate hearings, this man
was e. Howard Hunt of the Watergate break infat Oh,
so how did the inside man for Nick Sin's bungle
get chummy with Fidel's Castro's lover? Right? Well, it's a
small world, Elizabeth, and when you're rich and powerful, it's
(27:06):
even smaller. So Howard Hunt was chummy with the head
of the CIA, Alan Dallies. And the common link between Dallas,
Hunt and Marita was a man named Frank Sturgis. Now
he would also become later known and famous as one
of Nixon's plumbers, one of the break in men for Watergates. So,
this early pre Watergate team is getting the band together
before they make it big. And prior to all this,
(27:28):
prior to meeting Marita, Sturgis had worked for the mafia.
He was their man in Cuba. He was the He
worked for the Mayor Lansky outfit. So he was big
in the casino business under Battista. And he's like, you
know this, he's basically like hanging with Cuba's tourist population. Yeah,
fleecing them. Nobody cares, right, not nobody in Cuba because
they're all like, oh, we're all exploiting everybody. It's a party.
(27:49):
Water's great. So Sturgis, he can smell this change in
the winds, right, So what does he do In nineteen
fifty seven, He gets close with Comandante Fedel and he
starts running guns to the island through his organized crime contexts,
and then that puts him in go with Fidel. So
this is just in time for the Cuban Revolution to occur,
and now he's on the right side of history.
Speaker 2 (28:09):
So he's running guns that are going to toss out
the casinos that were his lifelood.
Speaker 3 (28:13):
Well, he didn't really see it as that way because
nobody understood what Fiddel was going to do it In
the early years because he didn't really come off as
a communist early. He was just a revolutionary working against imperialism.
He was an anti imperialist more so than a communist
at first. So the mafia was fine working with him, right,
They were like, oh, maybe he'll give us a better
deal than Batista. Then he did about so Castro ap
points Sturgis the head of the casino industry in Cuba,
(28:35):
So this is like early on. So then he eventually
sturg just gets made the head of the Air Force
intelligence for Cuba. Really, yeah, Fidel's going whole hog on this.
He's like, yeah, mafia run everything. I don't care. It
turns out though Sturgis was secretly a CIA spy.
Speaker 1 (28:48):
Yeah, so he is.
Speaker 3 (28:50):
Sturg just told Vandy fair quote, I was a double agent.
I was recruited by the CAIA in nineteen fifty eight
and stayed in Havana until June thirty, at nineteen fifty nine.
So he's like running at like, yeah, past this, the
six months past a successful revolutions boom, because it was
a what do you call it? New Year's Day nineteen
fifty nine when the revolution basically wins. So he's there
till June thirtieth of that same year. But in that
(29:10):
time he meets Marita, whose family had interests in Cuba,
so he gets charmed by her. She's this, you know,
bon Vivan, successful, wealthy, beautiful young woman. Surgis does the
next logical thing. He introduces her to his buddy, this
notorious ladies man, Fidel Castro. The two hit it off.
They start this tempestuous love affair. Later a CIA assassination attempt.
(29:32):
So on November eighteenth, nineteen sixty three, Marita gets a
call from Sturgis. He wants her to come meet him
at a hotel in Miami. She assumes this is more
of his gun running business, which she's familiar with, so
she agrees to come along. This is where she meets
future JFK assassin Lee Harvey Oswald.
Speaker 1 (29:46):
Oh you're kidding, yes.
Speaker 3 (29:48):
Marina recalled it. The group of gun runners and conspirators
took three cars. They drive from Miami to Dallas. She
rides with Sturgis and another car was Lee Harvey Oswald.
The caravan stops at some shabby little motel in Dallas.
The group gets two adjoining rooms. Marina told Vanity fair quote,
I thought we were going to hit an armory like
we were here to do in operation. I thought they
were going to use me as a decoy, That's what
(30:10):
I was told. Star just brings in the bag with
disguises and another bag with automatic weapons and starts clipping
them together. It seemed different this time because of the
instructions Frank give. Nobody can make phone calls, no brods,
no booze, no contacts with the outside. So while they
are in this crummy little hotel room putting together of
their guns, Marita she sees Oswald for the first time.
(30:32):
Now before this, this is obviously before he's going to
get famous. She has no idea who he is, so
she just happens to stick in her memory because of
how memorable he is. She said, quote, this guy comes
into the room. He's like a little mob punk. Hey,
a short, balding guy with a cocky hat, heavy set,
with a cleft on his chin. Elizabeth, you'd later know
this guy is Jack Ruby. Let me tell you. Apparently
(30:54):
he Jack Ruby was a charmer because he took two
steps inside, saw me lounging and said, who's that broad?
I said, you'll punk. So they don't hit it off
right now, she wants to leave the shabby motel. I
was furious. Hell he spoke to me. I had been
sitting in crowded car. I have PMS. I said this, Frank,
I'm going home. Give me some plane fare. So he's busy.
(31:17):
Frank sturge is busy trying to keep Jack Ruby happy.
And because they're not too far from where Marita is
standing in the motel parking lot waiting to go to
the airport or wherever, sturgees is leaning on the trunk
of a car, talking in low tones to Jack Ruby.
At this point, Jack Ruby leaves in a huff. Right,
who shows up? E Howard Hunt. She claims he gives
Surgis money and then he went and he spoke with
another guy at the motel, Lee Harvey Oswald. Oh my god,
(31:41):
the door was opened between the two rooms. Oswald was
sitting in the other room with the other guys on
the bed, just casually sitting there waiting for instructions. That
was the last time I saw him, that is until
a few days later when his face was all over
the news. Right anyway, That's how Rita explains how she
met E. Howard Hunt and he connected her with the
CIA and set her up to kill Castro. Oh my god,
(32:02):
So do you want to take a little break and
then I'll tell you to kill Castro? Yes? All right, Elizabeth,
(32:28):
we're back. Yes, how was that role call of nineteen sixties?
Speaker 1 (32:31):
Names?
Speaker 3 (32:33):
Right? I mean? And by the way, this is like
the the JFK assassination. There's a trove of documents that
the CIA had and they released under President Trump, and
so I pulled for a lot of this from these documents.
This is all CIA stuff except for what her quotes.
Those are the only things that are not from the CIA.
So back to the story. Let's see how Marita Lorenz
(32:55):
decides to kill Castro. Yes, okay, So now that they say,
have their amateur assassin to see, handed Marita Lorenz some
poison pills that they had developed to kill Castro. Right,
so she says, the agency also gave her these confidence pills,
which she called gut pills.
Speaker 1 (33:08):
They gave her confidence pill.
Speaker 3 (33:10):
Yeah, apparently there's like some speed pills, like she said,
and I quote, it's some kind of the CIA gives
you that makes you feel very strong and courageous, indifferent
like speed. With her two handfuls of the pills, she
goes down to Cuba, and but she doesn't know if
she can kill her world famous lover yet she's like
on the fence about can I don't know. So well,
(33:32):
that's not exactly true. She knew almost immediately that she
couldn't do it. She was hoping that she could. That
was really how I guess the best way to put it.
So she says, and I quote, I knew the men
that I saw the outline of Havannah. I couldn't do it.
I hopped in the jeep and went to the Hilton,
just simply walked in, said hi to the personnel at
the desk, and went upstairs to the suite room too
(33:54):
far to zero eight. I went in and waited. So
now she's waiting to kill Castro in the Aana Hilton
nineteen sixty three.
Speaker 1 (34:03):
Say oh yeah, so it just gonna be like chaos city.
Speaker 3 (34:05):
Oh yeah, globally.
Speaker 1 (34:06):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (34:06):
So she's there waiting for Fidell, sent by the CIA
to kill him. Fidel thinks she's there to love him
up right, because last time they saw each other it
was passionate awesomeness. Right, So Marita she waits and she waits,
and she has no one feels going to get there.
Finally Fidel arrives. Right, his first question is he wants
to know why she was so quick to leave the
last time he saw her. Oh, so it's like a
whole romance novel for Fidel. Right. So meanwhile, Marita and
(34:30):
I returned to her quotes. I tried to play it cool.
The most nervous I have ever been was in that
room because I had agents on standby and had to
watch my timing. I had enough hours to stay with him.
Ordre Emil killed him and prevent him from making a
speech that night, which was already pre announced. That's her plan,
so Neil kill him, ditch speech exactly. There's one problem
(34:53):
she she can't do it. She can't kill him. She
just loves them. She loves Fidel. Right. He was very
tired and wanted to sleep. He was chewing a cigar
and he laid down on his bed and did you
come here to kill me? Just like that? He says, Oh, God,
Fidel knows she's the assassin, so he knows why she
came back to Q. But it wasn't to love him up.
It was to lug him down right right into the ground.
(35:14):
So he knows the CIA center. So what is Marie
to do? Well, what is the best? She says. I
was standing at the edge of the bed. I said
I wanted to see you, and he said that's good.
That's good. Then he leaned over, pulled out his forty
five and handed it to me. Fidel hands her. Is gone, right,
Fidel's like the Steve McQueen of world leaders. Right. It's
just too cool for school. But so is Marina because
(35:36):
she cocks the handgun Fidel handed her. I flipped the
chamber out and hit it back. He didn't even flinch,
and he said, you can't kill me. Nobody can kill me,
and he kind of smiled and chewed on his cigar.
So there it is. This is the closest the CIA
has gotten to actually killing Fidel, and Fidel's mocking the
assassin to their face. But the assassin, she loves the target,
(35:58):
So even with gun in her hand, she still can't
do it. She's like, I felt deflated. He was so
sure of me. He just grabbed me. We made love.
I contemplated staying to start talking to him later after
his speech, but it would be too late because he
rambles on for like eight ten twelve hours. That was
the hardest part. I wanted him to beg me to stay,
but he got dressed and left and I just sat
(36:19):
there by myself a while. I left him, not I
told him I would be back. She doesn't actually go back,
but anyway, she doesn't kill him the next time she
sees him. Right at this point, Elizabeth, we're somewhere now
the high four to five hundred range of attempts on
his life, and none of them have worked. Right, And
this is as closest we've gotten. Gun in hand. Assassin
in a room with him still fails because Fidel like
(36:39):
loves up the assassin.
Speaker 1 (36:41):
Confidence pills just pumping through her body.
Speaker 3 (36:43):
Exactly speed love. So anyway, who can the CIA turn to?
Now entered La Cosa Nostra aka the American Mafia, the
Old School Mob. So this plot dated back to JFK,
Bobby Kennedy and the Bay of Pigs. But after they
were embarrassed on the world stage, Kennedy brothers wanted Castro
taken out and they were willing to work with the
Mob to make their dark dream come true. They're like
(37:05):
embarrass us with the Bay of Pigs. We're taking them out.
So According to the CIA files quote under five nine
sixty two, Kennedy discussed with the director a number of matters,
including admissioned by CIA that Robert Mayhew had been hired
by the agency to approach sam g and Conna to
have Castro assassinated at a cost of one hundred and
fifty thousand dollars. So the mob boss, the CIA approached
sam Gy and Conna. He was the head of the
(37:26):
Chicago family huge, right. He was also Sinatra's guy. Sam
Giacana was the guy that daddy Joseph Kennedy, the old
school Irish bootleg mobster. He reached out to sam g
and Connie. He's like, look, I need you to help
me secure my son's a nineteen sixty presidential election. Right,
because he was at the time, John Kennedy was not
the presumptive favorite. He was a young senator. He was
(37:47):
the dark horse, if you will, right, But his daddy
was a mobster. So he's like, look, so he approaches
sam g and Conny. He's like, look, I need to
win the West Virginia primary. So Samji and conn is like, okay,
we can make that happen. And according to everybody in
the know, Frank Sina true was the go between between
San Giancanna and Joe Kennedy who made this happen. He
puts together the Democratic nomination by having to get a
victory in the West Virginia primary. Sinatra gets the favor
(38:10):
from Sam Giancana. So what did the Kennedy brothers do
now that they get the White House? They returned the
favor by initiating reco investigations on the mob out of
boom So. Anyway, but Ciangi and Coana wasn't the only
mob boss the Ceia worked with. They also had Santo
Trafficante from the family which was big yes in Atlantic City, Philadelphia.
And also he was the head of the Miami Cuba family,
(38:31):
so he helpfully spoke Spanish. That was good. He also
wanted to control of the Cuban casinos back, so that
was his move, and he wanted to get rid of
the communists. He was a virulent anti communist. Third man
on this job was la mob fixer who was busy
working the Hollywood unions against the studio bosses. A dude
named handsome Johnny Rosselli.
Speaker 1 (38:50):
Oh johnnysell Roselli you know now.
Speaker 3 (38:53):
He would later become the Chicago's mob guy in Vegas
and Gi and Con and Johnny Rosselli went way back.
They actually started out together with al Capone's outfit, so
they had been like deep in the gangster world, right,
So they'd also worked together in Cuba and they put
the casinos, and they'd worked in Vegas and so now
they were working the White House together. So, by the way,
(39:13):
this plan for the CIA and the Mob to team up,
it kind of predated Kennedy. It had started with Eisenhower
and in September nineteen sixty the plan becomes real. This
is before Kennedy is elected, so it's definitely pre dates Kennedy.
But the agency had used a CIA cutout to contact
the mob. This guy was the Robert Mayhew, who was
also a fixer for Howard Hughes. So when he wasn't
(39:34):
doing errands for the CIA, that's what he worked for.
So this cat Mayhew, he reaches out to Sam G
and Kanna and Handsome Johnny. Like I said, small world, right,
once you were so powerful, it's like still a very
small roll. The decks epently, So Howard hues this fixer.
He reaches out to Sam G and Kana handsome Johnny.
He goes, hey, I'll give you guys one hundred and
fifty thousand dollars to kill Castro. By the way, that's
CIA money, so that's guaranteed. And they're like, okay, okay.
(39:55):
The gangsters consider their offer. They're like you know what, No,
and they're like, what do you mean No. He's like, no, no,
we'll do but we'll do it for free. I'm like yeah,
because the mob would. They want to consider it a favor,
because it's like, you know, someday, and that day may
never come. I may come to you, the US government
and ask you for a favor. So of course the
worst thing that can happen happens. What's the worst thing
can happen? J Edgar Hoover finds out about the CIA's
(40:17):
deal with the mob. All right, No, because the CIA
is plotting with the mob, and the FBI just happens
to stumble upon it. They aren't aware, nobody tips them off.
But here the best way for me to tell you this, Elizabeth,
picture it. Yeah, please close your.
Speaker 1 (40:29):
Eyes, yes and picture it.
Speaker 3 (40:30):
Yes. It's nineteen sixty one. You are a maid working
the Sands Casino in Las Vegas. You've left behind your
previous life as a dog groomer to the Hollywood stars.
It was getting to be a bore. Not the dogs,
the stars. So now you're laying low, working as a
maid as you plot your next move. You're pushing your
cart down a long and quiet hallway. The lush casino
(40:52):
carpeting swirls and flourishes beneath your feet. You gaze into
its ornate patterns of color. It splashes overwrought design. Is
your feet rhythmically plod along the wheels. They also have
their own rhythm. You plan to start at the end
of the hallway. You reach the corner room. You're well practiced.
Hand opens the hotel room door without even a jingle
from your pass key. You push open the door with
(41:12):
your backside and you back into the hotel room. But
you hear voices, oh, you freeze. You spin around. The
room is not empty. You see three guys in flashy
shark skin suits. One is seated, Two other guys are
standing behind him like sentries, kind of flanking him. The
guy in the sharkskin suit is talking with two other
men in gray flannel suits, which is odd choice for
Vegas since of the weather but whatever. The guys in
(41:33):
the gray flannel suits they look like complete squares. The
others look like mobsters. The guy in the sharkskin suit,
he doesn't see you at first, so he keeps talking.
Look simple, it's real simple. You bug Dan Rowan's room.
You see, I just want to know if he's getting
handsy with that dame from the Maguia sists phyllis. It's
a little small favor from mister Ginkhana. So the guy
in the sharkskin suit stops talking. He turns to see you.
(41:54):
And what the others are all looking at? Which is you?
So now everyone is staring at you and no one
is speaking. You're all just staring at each other. Clearly
you were not supposed to be in this room, Elizabe
I would say, you quickly apologize to everybody in the room.
You spin around and you screw it out of the room.
You push your maker through the doorway and quickly follow it.
The hotel door closes behind you. You're out. You're free.
Oops eazy, you say to yourself, and then you decide
(42:15):
to go start in the other room across the hall again.
You open the door, you push it open. You know
this room is empty because you saw the vacancy on
the room charts. So you push open the door and boom.
Two guys in short sleeve button down shirts are sitting there.
Both guys wearing ties like idiots, you know, like that
desert business casual. So they freeze in place like the
last room. I'm telling you, they're wearing headphones. They're shocked.
(42:36):
They stare back at you from their little eavesdropping field station.
You don't say a word, neither do they. You slowly
back out of the room as if you were never there,
and the door shuts behind you. This time, you decide
you'll start at the other end of the hallway. Elizabeth,
you've just been witnessed to the FBI listening in on
the mobsters as they convinced the CIA to do a
favor for Chicago mob boss to see if his side
(42:57):
piece was, in turn having an affair with her own
the guy from Martin and Rowans laugh in what so
Sam Jean kind of thought that Phyllis McGuire from the
McGuire sisters having an affair with Dan Rowan from laughing, and
so he asked the CIA, hey, bug that guy's room
in Vegas, say and they did it, and you, yes, exactly,
this is a favor. They may have to come to
you one day for So when the FB guys find
(43:20):
out that they've been surveilling CIA guys working with the Mob,
they are giddy as a schoolgirl and they go running
DEAFBI director Jaygar Hoover now he's super geek to get
the CIA operatives on charges of collaborating with the Mob.
This will embarrass everybody. He loves it. CIA is like, wait, wait, wait, look,
we're guilty with an explanation. So, in the CIA's own
(43:40):
words from an internal memo, we know, quote, can we
plausibly deny that we plotted with gangster elements to assassinate Castro? No,
we cannot. So they're just like, we have no possible
deniability and we're gonna have to go with our old
school why so, the CIA was also like, look, chill,
Jay Hagger, can we talk just agency to agency? We
need Sam g and Conn and Handsome Johnny. They're the
(44:01):
ones who are helping us to kill Castro and Jaeger
Hoover's like, oh, killing commies. Why didn't you say you're
speaking my lad? Carry on? So Attorney General Bobby Kennedy, though,
finds out from a memo from a Giddy, I have
a secret Jaegger Hoover, right, so he goes. When Bobby
finds us out, he's pissed because now he's gonna make
(44:23):
the Kennedy brothers look bad. And they barely got in
the White House. They had to work with the Mob
to get there, so they're worried that this is going
to make them look bad. So what does he do.
He's furious, right, but at the same time he's like,
but still a good idea. You guys keep doing that,
So he gives his blessing to the idea he's super
mad about. Right. In fact, some like Richard Helms, who
was later the ambassador to Iran, but prior to that
was the director of the CIA. He said and testified
(44:45):
to the Church Committee that quote, the principal driving force
was the Attorney General Robert Kennedy. There isn't any question
about this. Oh wow, So it was Bobby Kennedy's mission.
So my favorite part about this super team up between
Mob and g men is how both groups wanted to
be like the other. So the they fantasized about the
Mob guys. They are talking about how they would kill Castro.
They wanted the Mafia to have a bunch of hitman
(45:06):
roll up with like Tommy guns and gun down Castro
in the street. Yeah, they wanted like the Saint Valentine's
past for Castro. Meanwhile, the Mafia, they're like, hey, we
want some of them James Bond super spy gadget. So
we wanted to give them to our assassins, so like,
come in there to see I was like, Oh, we
don't really do that, that's just the movies, guys. So
finally their plan comes together. They actually have a legit idea.
(45:27):
The Mob found the perfect man to do their wet work.
Who is it? Inside man high level Cuban bureaucrat re
enter Teddy gunn Cia s Q. He's like, what do
you guys need? So the Mob told them we want
a super spy assassination pen. So he's like, okay, superspy
assassination pen coming up. So he starts working on a
James Bond number four of them. Right, he rushes the
(45:50):
order because the assassin's gonna leave soon, so he has
to make this poison pen overnight. Oh wow, So he
stays up all night. Luca Brayton his butt buns off
trying to make this pen. He secrets a hypodermic needle
into a pen and just like the mobsters, it suggested
that maybe like a needle in, there was poison in
it was hid in the neck. He's like, perfect, I
got it. So they sent He sends over James Bond
(46:11):
kill pen over the CIA. They rushed to the airport.
They meet the diplomat at the airport, he gets the
assassination kit just before he boards his flight to Paris.
Hours later, he lands in Charles de Gaull Airport. Maybe
it was orally, doesn't really matter. Anyway, He's on his
way to Cuba. He meets someone at the airport, his
point man. Together they make fun of the poison pen
that the CIA gave him, and I quote from the CIA.
(46:33):
Hector Sanchez arrived in Paris on the morning of November
twenty second and met with the flipped Cuban bureaucrat Cubela
late that afternoon. Sanchez states that he showed the pen
syringe to Kubela and explained how it worked. Sanchez distinctly
recalls the Kubela didn't think much of the device. Also,
the CIA didn't include any poison in their poison pen.
He would be assassin was expected to source his own poison.
(46:55):
They did give him a recommendation, though quick Kubela was
expected to supply his own and we merely suggested black
leaf forty as an effective poison for use in the syringe.
So it's just like, go find some black leave forty.
So anyway, fate plays a hand because quote as they
were coming out of the meeting, Sanchez and Coubela were
informed that President Kennedy had been assassinated. Kubela was visibly
(47:16):
moved over the news. Why do such things happen to
good people? He asked, So there is our one percent
in this story, President Kennedy. He gets assassinated. And perhaps
the greatest irony of this is that many of the
men who conspired to kill Castro met violent ends. JFK,
Bobby Kennedy, sam Gy and Kanna and Johnny Rosselli all
caught about it.
Speaker 2 (47:36):
So this the syringe was happening around the same time
that the missive they.
Speaker 3 (47:40):
Were having multiple attempts. They weren't deserving one attempt, like
they were basically both headed there at the same time.
And then it just happened to be that Kennedy got killed,
and that takes and then Castro goes out and makes
a bunch of speeches basically ragging on the Americans for
not seeing that coming. Surprisingly, also there is interesting stuff
in the in the Kennedy stuff about possibly Castro's agents
(48:01):
flipped the Kennedy assassins that were sent to kill Castro
and he sent them back to kill Kennedy. There's a
whole thing there, but we need to have more documents
come out for confirmation on that, but it seems to
be that there was people who flipped the other way. Anyway, Surprisingly,
after the Church Committee's explosive report, there were new laws
that prohibited the assassination of foreign leader. Reagan even signed
(48:21):
one right. US presidents, though, still continue to try kill
with Castro, even President Carter, which I surprised me because
you know, he's kind of like the piece nick peanut
farmer guy. But still he was out there. He's like, well,
I'm not banging hammers into homes for humanity. I'm got
there trying to kill Castro. Anyway, according to the former
head of the Cuban intelligence called Jimmy, Carter clocked in
his sixty four attempts, so that was big. Next Reagan,
(48:43):
he broke the record one hundred and ninety seven attempts.
We went over that, George Bush and Bill Clinton sixteen
to twenty one respectively. And then Clinton. You know, he
had the CAA go back to some of their greatest hits.
He's like, can I get on that Kennedy energy. So
he had them try to put pull an exploding podium
move yeah, He's like yeah, So of course it failed, right.
The British paper The Guardian reported quote as recentably as
(49:04):
two thousand, when Castro was due to visit Panama, a
plot was hatched to put two hundred pounds of high
explosives under the podium where he was due to speak.
Castro's personal security team carried out their own checks before
he arrived and foiled the plot.
Speaker 1 (49:16):
Just because the podium had acme yes, exactly, it.
Speaker 3 (49:19):
Just like literally the drums or the but he got
sticks of dynamite all bound together under the podium with
the clock ticking and just like anyway. Finally, at the
ripe old age of ninety, having outlived most all of
his contemporaries except for Kissinger, many of the men who
plotted to kill him. Castro finally kicked the bucket on
November twenty fifth, twenty sixteen. And I can tell you
(49:40):
one hundred percent with certainty that Cia had absolutely nothing
to do with it. And how do I know this,
Elizabeth hum because Castro died. So what's our ridiculous takeaway?
Speaker 2 (49:51):
My ridiculous takeaway is that if you think you're going
to be clever, you're too clever, yes a half yeah.
Speaker 3 (49:59):
And Wiley Kai is a terrible sassiny model.
Speaker 1 (50:01):
Bad role model.
Speaker 3 (50:03):
Well, thanks for listening. You would always find us online
at Ridiculous Crime dot com. That's our website, or you
can find us on Twitter. Can you find us on Instagram?
You can find us on the streets of Oakland at fast,
but you can also email us at Ridiculous Crime at
gmail dot com. Thanks for listening. Ridiculous Crime is hosted
(50:26):
by Elizabeth Dutton and Zarain Burnett, produced and edited by
Our Man and Havannah Dave Kustin, researches by Marissa the
Librarian Brown and Andrea the Professor. Song Sharpened Tear, our
theme song is by Thomas the Norseman Lee and Handsome
Travis Dutton Executive produces our Ben Dwight Eisenhower tried to
warn us Bowlin and Noel Scheckers Brown.
Speaker 1 (50:52):
Ridic say it one more time. Ridiculous crime is aroduction
of iHeartRadio
Ridiculous Crime is a production of iHeartRadio.
Speaker 2 (00:03):
Elizabeth Dunton, Aren, I'm not done, Zaren Burnette.
Speaker 3 (00:09):
You left out the third.
Speaker 1 (00:11):
Yea and the Walter.
Speaker 3 (00:14):
And the sir and the esquire, Elizabe Dutton. I got
a question for you, mcgaro. Do you know it's ridiculous? Yeah?
Speaker 1 (00:23):
I do, I do.
Speaker 3 (00:25):
I was really just counting on you not knowing.
Speaker 2 (00:27):
I know, and then you just get to run with it. No, nobody,
I'm gonna throw a wrench in this. You know what
a mocha pot is?
Speaker 3 (00:35):
Is that where you pour that stuff in your.
Speaker 2 (00:37):
No, that's a that's a netty pot. Now, this is
an Italian coffee pot. Don't know what it is, but
it's sort of like got a decagon shaped to it,
and it has a chamber in the bottom of it
and that's where you put the water, and then it
has a basket for the grounds and then up top
like the heat draws the water up through through.
Speaker 1 (00:58):
Steam coffee that way. You know, you've seen them.
Speaker 2 (01:01):
I'm sure it's a silver silver, yeah, and so it's
a big deal. There's like two hundred million of them
have been made. Are you getting nervous? No, you should
not back. So this thing, this thing was invented by
Luigi di Ponti in Italy in the thirties, and then
the patents were purchased by Alfonso Biletti, and Alfonso had
(01:26):
a boy, Renato, and in the mid forties, Renato took
over the company and he just marketed the heck out
of these and that's why they become like this standard
bearer for you can make an almost espresso like coffee.
Speaker 1 (01:40):
It's very rich, robust, is like Ilio.
Speaker 3 (01:42):
Is that the brand that makes stuff for.
Speaker 1 (01:44):
This kind of like that.
Speaker 2 (01:45):
Yeah, but this is like if you see it, you'll
know it anyway. So Renato Biletti he passed away at
the age of ninety three in twenty sixteen. I know,
and his children, he has three kids. They had him
cremated and his cremaines were put into a giant Mocha pot.
Speaker 3 (02:05):
Oh nice. See this is like the Pringles guy he was.
Speaker 2 (02:08):
Yes, he was buried inside a large urn shaped like
his stove top coffee maker.
Speaker 3 (02:14):
I like it.
Speaker 1 (02:15):
Yes, it's a little bit ridiculous.
Speaker 3 (02:17):
It is ridiculous.
Speaker 1 (02:18):
This comes to us.
Speaker 2 (02:19):
This is not only an international story because it's from Italy,
but it was given to us by Helga in Germany.
Speaker 3 (02:26):
Ah, Donka Helga, So.
Speaker 2 (02:27):
I yes, Donka to you? Don Ka Shane Darling, Donky Shane.
Speaker 3 (02:32):
Do you remember Cecil Parking fall? You toy your dress?
Speaker 1 (02:35):
What a mess?
Speaker 3 (02:37):
I confess anyway, that is a good one.
Speaker 1 (02:39):
Yeah, I know it is.
Speaker 3 (02:40):
That's why I said it got a hell a ridiculous
one for you. Hit me for more than forty years.
The Central Intelligence Agency aka the Agency, aka the company
aka the CIA. They and their spies, they tried to
kill the same man six hundred and thirty four.
Speaker 1 (02:56):
Times, six hundred and thirty four.
Speaker 3 (02:58):
Yes, And this man he was just like you know,
he was a one time baseball pitching prospect.
Speaker 1 (03:03):
Like Jason Bourne. Huh Jason Bourne.
Speaker 3 (03:06):
No, No, he was a real person. But do you
see his path diverge. Isn't a real person, not totally
a real person. He's real to you. Yeah, so that
counts well. This guy, he's real, like to everybody, right
and he uh he as I told you, a baseball
pitching prospect, but his path diverged from baseball and eventually
he becomes a revolutionary and you would know him as
(03:27):
Fidel Castro. Y know, Elizabeth, I know you're worried, like, wait,
six hundred and thirty four murder attempts. Yeah, that sounds
like we're going to just smash through our like one
percent murder. Well, spoiler alert, the CIA never successfully assassinated
Fidel Castro. Amazing, but boy, how did did they try?
(04:04):
This is Ridiculous Crime, a podcast about absurd and outrageous capers.
Heiss and cons it's always ninety nine percent murder free
and one hundred percent ridiculous. Elizabeth Sarin, the former head
of the Cuban Intelligence. This dude was named Fabian Escalante.
He stepped out of the shadows where spies exist and
(04:26):
he publicly claimed that the Yankees tried to kill Fidell
six hundred and thirty four times.
Speaker 1 (04:31):
The baseball team, not the.
Speaker 3 (04:32):
Baseball team from New York, No, the Yankees as in.
Speaker 1 (04:34):
US Americans, the Yanks, Yeah.
Speaker 3 (04:36):
Exactly, the Yankees. So this cat Escalante, he had the
receipts right because he's the head of the Cuban intelligence.
He knows where the bodies are buried right now, being
the former head of Cuban intelligence, he broke down how
all of the attempts went by president for forty years.
He lists them out for you so very quickly. Dwight D.
Eisenhower kicks it off in nineteen fifty nine. He took
(04:58):
thirty eight attempts. John F. Kennedy he followed him. He
took forty two attempts. LDJ took seventy two attempts. They're
ramping up by the time we get to Nixon. Nixon
goes for a record one hundred and eighty four attempts.
Jimmy Carter clocks in. It's sixty four attempts. Record is
broken by Reagan with one hundred and ninety seven attempts.
On Castro's life, Dan George H. W. Bush keeps it
(05:20):
solid with a nice little conservative sixteen, and then Bill
Clinton ends the era with twenty one of his own.
Speaker 1 (05:27):
This is like fifty ways to leave your lover.
Speaker 3 (05:29):
Right exactly, Bill Clinton trying to kill Castro. I'm like,
my dude, seriously, the Cold War is over. What's the
point here? Are you just trying to get in on
that JFK energy? Yes, Like, look my obsession it runs
that deep. I want to be like the kid. So anyway, Elizabeth,
you may be thinking Zarin, of course, the head of
the Cuban version of the CIA would say some nonsense
(05:50):
like this.
Speaker 1 (05:50):
That's exactly what I was thinking.
Speaker 3 (05:52):
Six hundred and thirty four attempts that can't be true.
That must be revolutionary propaganda, isn't it. Zaren great questions, Elizabeth,
Thank you. Normally I would agree with you normally, but
this is totally the propaganda. But we don't have to
believe Escalante, not in this case. Do you know why
because we have the Church Committee and its Senate hearings.
Huh yeah, do you know the Church Committee is familiar with.
The Church Committee is a big marquee Congressional investigation in
(06:15):
the nineteen seventies. It was famous for pulling back the
veil on countless crimes committed by the CIA. Now, most
of them were overseas, some of them were domestic. They
worked both foreign antheistic, which is totally against the law.
But anyway, we don't have to take the Cuban's word
for it because we have the CIA and the FBI,
and the US Senate and the House road representatives. They
all said the same thing. So you know, here, let
(06:38):
me just read to you from this file that I
have over here marked secretize only this is from the
National archives. It is no longer secretized only, but it
originally was. Now, this is a CIA document that records
the agency's countless attempts to kill Castro, and I quote.
This reconstruction of agency involvement in plans to assassinate Fidel
Castro is at best an imperfect history because of the
(06:59):
extremes insitivity of the operations being discussed or attempted. As
a matter of principle, no official records were kept of
planning or approvals or of implementation. So they're like, yeah,
we kept it. Hush hush, right, hush hush. Now, despite
this apparent difficulty with the with you know, basically documenting
their investigation, they still were able to produce one hundred
(07:20):
and forty three page report documenting all the ways they
tried to kill Castro.
Speaker 1 (07:24):
Oh wait, and how many was it?
Speaker 3 (07:25):
Six? Six hundred and thirty four?
Speaker 1 (07:27):
Huh so they're doing a couple per page?
Speaker 3 (07:29):
Oh yeah. It was like the script from Airplane. It
is just joke after joke every like was it one
joke or three jokes every minute of pre Airplane? It
was like that. But murders attempts love it, Okay, sow.
Starting back in nineteen seventy three, the Senate Watergate Committee investigation.
It starts looking into these rumors of the Watergate break
ins and what Nixon was eventually going to be impeached for. Now,
(07:51):
the American people, they learned through the Watergates that their
nations leaders and our spies had been conducting these clan
destined operations. Right to put it mildly, they were constitutionally corrupt.
Speaker 2 (08:00):
Now.
Speaker 3 (08:00):
The next year, in nineteen seventy four, Seymour Hirsch, this journalist,
investigative journalist, he goes and writes a story for the
New York Times and expose that reveals that the CIA
has been spying on Americans. Back then, this was shocking
to us. We're like, oh, the frenchman with a cigarette
tell me something I did me to know, you know.
(08:21):
But at that time, congressional investigations get launched. It's a
big deal, Elizabeth, I'm telling you. The next year, nineteen
seventy five, it gets nicknamed the Year of Intelligence. This
is due to hold the investigations into the CIA, the FBI,
the NSA, even the irs gets dragged in. Right now,
this all comes under the Church Committee, led by Idaho
Democratic Senator Frank Church. Now that's the name exactly. Now,
(08:45):
his committee was the real deal, serious, like I'm gonna
get to the heart of the matter. He had one
hundred and twenty six full committee meetings, that's not normal,
forty subcommittee hearings, eight hundred witnesses, eleven sorry, one hundred
and ten thousand documents were perused. And yes, finally in
April seventy six, the committee publishes its report. Now, most
(09:05):
of these times we've seen these reports, they're always big.
It could be best to be used as a door stop,
but this one was a door buster. It just went
up there and kicked the door in. Because the Church
Committee hearings declared that dating back to FDR and continuing
right on through the early seventies, there had been one
endless program of spying and destabilization of democracies, both at
(09:26):
home and abroad. Yeah, so they basically just determined that
regardless of the party in power, they had been running
just pretty much any anti democratic effort they could, and
it wasn't just tricky Dick Nixon. So the Church Committee
then reveals like all sorts of stuff that people we
know about them. Now, So there's a famous operations by
the CIA like mk Ultra. Yep, this comes out in
(09:47):
the Church Committee hearings. That's the CIA's mind control program
where they basically took a bunch of involuntary you know, volunteers,
and they use them for human experiments, right to determine
how do we mind control people with like drugs and like,
you know, psychic abuse. Then they went on they did
co Intel pro That was the FBI's program. That was
Jaegar Hoover's little pet project to hold black people down
(10:08):
and pretty much any other social justice campaign. So he
had agents infiltrating the like the Panthers and all these
other social justice and civil rights organizations, and then artists
artists as well, and then he does the divide and
conquer you ghet them with the breakup social movements, rumors
and drugs and bad cop busts or whatever. Right. Then
there was the CIA's program, This is the one I
(10:28):
wanted to tell you about, which is family Jewels.
Speaker 1 (10:31):
Family Jewels, that's what they called it.
Speaker 3 (10:32):
Family Jewels, like kick them in the So this cute
little name was the CIA's nickname for their decades long
program to assassinate foreign leaders leaders leaders multiple So the
Church Committee, they published a sub report. One of the
forty was called the Alleged Assassination Plots Involving Foreign Leaders.
It outlines the CIA's attempts to kill No Dn Diem
of South Vietnam, Patrese La Mumba of Zaire, Rafael Trujillo
(10:56):
from the Dominican Republic, and the big big batty, the
bearded one, Fidel Castro. So if you'd like to read more,
then you could check out CIA Covert Operations two, The
Year of Intelligence in nineteen seventy five. Book. It's a book.
It's a huge book printed by the CIA.
Speaker 1 (11:12):
As a movie.
Speaker 3 (11:13):
I know, like what it like electric boogaloo?
Speaker 1 (11:16):
Yes exactly.
Speaker 3 (11:17):
Yeah. So if you also, if we want some lighter reading,
you can go to the National Archives of Elizabeth. I
book mark some sites for you. But I know you're like, Zaren,
tell me more about the six hundred and thirty four
failed attempts to kill Castro. They're all one hundred percent ridiculous.
It sounds like I'm guaranteeing you that. So all right,
Dwight D. Eisenhower, Ike, Yeah, that's where it starts, right,
who is his vice president? Virulent anti communist, tricky Dick Nixon.
Speaker 1 (11:42):
That's right.
Speaker 3 (11:42):
So Richard Nixon, he took it upon himself and he
met Castro. He met Fidel in person in Washington, DC
in April nineteenth, nineteen sixty. Now he sits down with
Castro in the Vice President's office in the Capitol. The
two men sit together for three hours. Right now. This
is right after the Cuban Revolution is been successful.
Speaker 2 (12:00):
Right.
Speaker 3 (12:01):
So Nixon is like, no, now look here, Fiddel, we
don't want to get that funny business with the Soviets.
If you're prepared to let Pepstery and my friends back
into Cuba, we can play ball. You like ball, don't
you a Fidel? And beg. Fiddel's like, yeah, I don't
even know about this Bison. Right, but the guy, you know,
at this time, Cast's opinion of America it begins to
(12:22):
swiftly reverse. He actually liked America, well, reasonably, he liked America.
He liked the ideals of America. He was against US imperialism,
but he liked America. Right. And then he met Richard
Nixon and he's like, so much for all that we
have to know, I'm not you know about this. In
nineteen fifty nine, Fidel wins his revolution, and what does
he do to celebrate? He comes to New York, and
he comes to New York. He's like, hey, in the
(12:43):
way of YORKA and he's like partying, right, and he's
like everyone's like he's he's walking around in the revolutionary dogs,
like right out of the jungle. Right. He has yet
to declare himself a communist at this point. So America
they love him. He goes to the Bronx Zoo. He's
hand feeding tigers. He's chatting with anyone on the streets
in New York in English. Bind you. He gets a
whole tell room and Harlems. He can be by the
people right until he's this huge hit. The New York
(13:04):
Times writes about him. They're calling him quot quote, this
young man is larger than life. You know. Now for
some contacts and contrast, the time goes and compares his
revolution to our revolution. They say that Castro stepped onto
the world stage. Quote not only out of another world,
the world of fierce Latin passion, but also out of
another century, the century of Sam Adams and Patrick Henry
(13:26):
and Thomas Paine and Thomas Jefferson. Perhaps because he stirred
memories long dimmed of a revolutionary past, and recalled a
new order once deeply felt.
Speaker 1 (13:35):
Oh my goodness, damn New York Times.
Speaker 3 (13:37):
All about the castra. Right. Meanwhile, you got Richard Nixon
is like, you know, I met with Fordell, we talked awhile,
and I think we should kill him. So that was
his take, right, that's Nixon's whole of you. Now this
you may be wondering, Saren, why is Nixon so kill crazy?
I know he doesn't like communists, but they killed him.
What's up with them? Well, you have to understand that's
like his love language. Right.
Speaker 1 (13:58):
He wasn't the first to say kill him pretty.
Speaker 3 (14:01):
No, but pretty much Eisenhower. But he's the vice president
under US, so he was collaborating with the CIA. So
basically it is kind of Nixon's pet project. He's like,
before I get the carbon bombing, I'm gonna try to
just take out one man with my old pal. So
the thing Nixon, he spots this commy threat, right, and
it's one with a Spanish accent. So that's just irritating
him and scaring him. So he's it's doubly dangerous to
(14:23):
his way of thinking because it'll inflame Latin America. And
he's got big plans for PepsiCo, right, So he's like,
we got to get this these you know, the factories
an't gonna build themselves communists. So Fidel he does what
Nixon fears most. He sides with the Soviets, all right,
so he declares himself with communist So now the CIA
comes up with the plan, we have to destabilize Castor's revolution.
(14:44):
So what's their answer, Elizabeth, Let's give him acid. So
their first plan is to give Fidel LSD. How do
you think the CIA acid party played out for Fidel?
Speaker 1 (14:56):
Not good, Bob.
Speaker 3 (14:58):
Let's take a quick break and I'll tell you all
about uh, Fidel's LSD acid test with the CIA. All right, Elizabeth, right, Tiger,
(15:26):
we're back, all right, Claude, you're ready to hear about
the CIA's LSD distribution program in Cuba. At the beginning
of the kill Castro campaign, the agency wasn't so blood thirsty.
And they told you they first started out with the
goal of let's just embarrass.
Speaker 1 (15:39):
Castros, like pull down his pants or something.
Speaker 3 (15:41):
Basically, that was their whole idea. They're like, if we
pant over the world, bare bottom, he'd be.
Speaker 1 (15:46):
That'll show him, that'll learn him good.
Speaker 3 (15:47):
This was still the Eisenhower era. It was a more
innocent America.
Speaker 1 (15:50):
It was wholesome. Pantsing is a wholesome activity.
Speaker 3 (15:53):
Very fifties, yes, very yeah. If he had, like if
they could have driven over to Castro's house and just
like knocked over his mailbox with like a small bat
and a convertible, they would have done that.
Speaker 2 (16:02):
We'll get someone to like snap his bras straps in
the hallways exactly.
Speaker 3 (16:05):
Put a kick me sign on the back of Cuba.
Speaker 1 (16:07):
Yeah, I'll get them.
Speaker 3 (16:08):
So Castro has been known to give super long speeches
to his people, and I mean super long, like seven
eight hour, nine hour long speeches. Right, So in August
nineteen sixties, CIA is like, that's our plan. We'll get
them while he's talking. So this is a few months
before the Kennedy Nixon election in nineteen sixty. We're in
August nineteen sixty, right, CIA they planned for quote, a
scheme to contaminate the air of the radio station where
(16:30):
Castro broadcast his speeches with an aerosol spray of a
chemical that produces reactions similar to those of like surgic
acid LSD. So they're going to try to get him
while he's on the radio and have him freak out.
Speaker 1 (16:40):
Vapors breathing in aerosolized LSD.
Speaker 3 (16:43):
Yeah exactly, and then have them have like a bad
trip live on the air.
Speaker 1 (16:45):
Okay.
Speaker 3 (16:46):
So somewhere along the way of them like loading up
their acme brands bugspray cannon with LSD, They're like, you
know what, this is a dumb idea. So then they
were like, okay, let's move on a new plane.
Speaker 1 (16:55):
And then now they got all these cans of LSD spray.
Speaker 3 (16:57):
Yeah, just sitting around. They're like, what we do about this? Well,
it's probably still in their warehouse. Yeah, just kicking back
there with like the I don't know, the Ark of
the Covenant, just a big warehouse, yeah, next to the
LSD for Cuba. So uh, let's see after that, what
did they do? Do you know what? They move on
to more pantsing. They go, what if we made his
beard fall off? That would totally get him.
Speaker 1 (17:18):
Probably in the shampoo.
Speaker 3 (17:19):
Yeah. Basically they're like, so the CIA is like, uh,
you know, his beard is like a it's like a
symbol of power for him. It's talismanic. We need to
get rid of that. So they turned to New Jerseys
find his chemical makers, Like what do you got? Boys?
Got right? They're like, oh, we got this new stuff fallium.
They're like, tell me more about it. So the CIA
quote the idea was to dust thallium powder into Castro's
(17:40):
shoes when they were put out to be shined. The
scheme progressed as far as procuring the chemicals and testing
it on animals. So they're rubbing fallion on animals to
see if that would work on Castro's feet to make
his beard fall off. Right now, the idea was Castro
was going to go to the UN to speak in
New York in nineteen sixty the Sea. They planned to
sneak into his hotel. They would find his room and
(18:00):
then they would find his shoes left outside his room
to be shined. Then they would, like the spy would
dump some thallium powder in his shoes outside of the
hotel room.
Speaker 1 (18:09):
Does he strike you as the shoes shine? Kind of?
Speaker 3 (18:11):
It's so ridiculous. It's like they're trying to poison their dad.
Speaker 2 (18:15):
How long does it take for the to kick in?
And I mean I would assume all of us here
it's not just a beard.
Speaker 3 (18:20):
Removing exactly would be like a full depilatory.
Speaker 1 (18:22):
So yeah, he's got.
Speaker 3 (18:24):
He'd be losing armpit hair. I have no idea. I
didn't go into the research.
Speaker 1 (18:30):
Can't imagine that.
Speaker 3 (18:31):
I imagine a couple of days.
Speaker 1 (18:32):
Oh, I would think it'd be longer than that, but
I don't think. I mean, I'm no scientist.
Speaker 3 (18:37):
Do you work at Dow Chemicals? Sometimes anyway, the CIA
they move on to their next plan because they're like,
all right, Castro's beard is safe for now, what should
we do next? So what is their next plan? Exploding cigars?
Speaker 1 (18:47):
Oh, you're kidding.
Speaker 3 (18:48):
They're like the wiley eye wiley coyote of Assassin.
Speaker 1 (18:52):
They went to like a magic shop and.
Speaker 3 (18:55):
Hand could we use a double sided coin flip?
Speaker 2 (18:59):
And he gets he's gonna sit down at the un
and their loudest fart sound you ever heard.
Speaker 3 (19:04):
Will lean out whipp be cushioned darts will fly out
of they They turned to uh, basically, you know, James
Bond has quh So the CIA is like, who's our
quarter master? So they're like they go find the guy
and deepen the CA bowels of the basement. They're like, hey,
are you the quartermaster. Guy's like, nobody ever comes down
here anymore, not since the war. They're like, oh, we
(19:26):
got a plan for you, buddy. So they have this
guy and his name is Edward Gunn. Edward Gunn, that's
gun with two ends.
Speaker 1 (19:32):
I love it.
Speaker 3 (19:33):
I think he got the job just because of his name.
They're like, Edward Gunn, you're hired, Eddie gun you were
working at the CIA, buddy. So, Teddy gun he's the
head of the CIA's R and D department, Right, the
CIA has a good I guess, a big R and
D department.
Speaker 1 (19:46):
Bigger than Search and development.
Speaker 3 (19:47):
Yeah, bigger than Batman I'm imagining. Right, So he's the
one in charge of inventing the exploding cigar. So he
Teddy Gun, my man, Edward. He decides to exploding guitar, sorry,
exploding guitar, exploding cigar. How do I make an exploding cigar?
He's like, that's kind of impractical, but I can do it.
So he's like he's trying. He's trying. He's like, you
know what, No, this doesn't work as a chemist. This
(20:08):
is just too difficult. I'm going to go on to
the simpler poison. The cigar.
Speaker 1 (20:12):
They yeah, So he's.
Speaker 3 (20:13):
Like, no, he didn't have Google back then, so he
had to figure out how much poison do I have
to put in the cigar to do this? Right? So,
once again returning to the secretized only files of the CIA,
Teddy Gunn quote has a notation that on August sixteenth
in nineteen sixty he received a box of Cuban cigars
to be treated with a lethal material. He understood them
to be Fidel's favorite brand. So now that the CIA's
(20:34):
Q has a box of Fidel's favorite cigars, and what
does he do with them? Well, he decides, with the
help from the CIA's chemist, what's the best poison to
put into this?
Speaker 2 (20:42):
All?
Speaker 3 (20:42):
Right, So they decide shellfish poison, that's the one. Wait, yeah,
they're like shellfish poison, that'll get them, right. But there's
a problemgic, it's just one of the strongest poison. It's
like like blowfish poisons, like one of the strongest poisons. Right,
So they're like this, this will work for Castro. Right,
there's a problem with it because Castro would have had
to have been sucking on the cigar like it was
a McDonald's shake just to get enough of that poison
(21:03):
into him. So the CIA moved on to a poison
that would be a little simpler, just so they could
transfer over the skin really easily. And that one was botox, well,
not actually botox, it was the active ingredientlinus toxin. Yeah,
so Teddy Gun his boys at the chem lab, quote,
they did contaminate a full box of fifty cigars with
botulinus toxin, a virulent poison that produces a fatal illness
(21:24):
some hours after ingestion. So now the kem lab has
doused the cigars, so that quote, the cigars were so
heavily contaminated that merely putting one in the mouth would
do the job. The intended victim would not actually have
to smoke it. So now they're like, no flame necessary,
kill stick, right, so they're all excited. Teddy Gun he
takes his poison cigars, hands them over to the director
of the CIA, who then puts them in a safe
(21:45):
and forgets all about them.
Speaker 1 (21:47):
What I thought he was gonna be likeny pop one
in his mouth.
Speaker 3 (21:51):
Yeah, I know, right, So he took him home and
his children got into him. No, nothing like that, Teddy Gun.
He he goes off, you know, and working on other projects. Meanwhile,
the Kennedy years and the Nixon years, they go through
different phases of how are we going to kill Castro? So,
like in nineteen sixty three, the CIA entered what I'm
calling it's underwater assassination period. So that's like Picasso's blue period. Yeah,
(22:14):
so this was when the agency tried to create an
exploding seashell. Yeah. So the CIA so comical, exactly those
ridiculous stuff. Ever, the CIA knew that Castro loved to
go scuba diving, so they're like, we can kill him there.
So they're like, what do we do? So some spies
were like, what if we made a seashell that's secretly
a bomb?
Speaker 1 (22:33):
Oh my god.
Speaker 3 (22:34):
Some people were like, oh, I love that man. So
they decided they'll hide an exploding seashell in the sea
just where Fidel will find it. But not just anywhere.
It has to be somewhere that Fidel's scuba dives. So
the first they've got to like watchhere Fidel scuba dives,
or they're just like following Fidel for a while. They decide, okay,
we know the place where he's going to be. So
they just tried, how are we going to place it.
This is when they run into a problem. Quote. The
scheme was soon found to be impracticable. None of the
(22:56):
shells that might conceivably be found in the Caribbean area
was both spec tacular enough to be sure to attract
Castro's attention and large enough to hold the needed volume
of explosives.
Speaker 1 (23:06):
Just like the big round bomb with the it's like
you see a scallop with the.
Speaker 3 (23:10):
Fuse, it's actually burning underwater. So they can't find a
seashell sexy enough for Castro, So they're like, what are
we going to do? Oh? I forgot. There was also
a midget submarine that they had developed, and that was
how they were going to place the exploding seashell. But
the ca is a little midget sub It was basically
like a leash of keys. It just didn't have the
range right it had. It needed too much fuel to
(23:32):
be able to make the trips. So they're like, oh,
this isn't going to work.
Speaker 2 (23:34):
So and the director's kids smoking cigars the piloting exactly.
Speaker 3 (23:39):
If they've been road testing it forever.
Speaker 2 (23:40):
It's like they just get like a really lovely shell
from like the South Pacific and just put it out there.
Speaker 3 (23:45):
Yeah, then he'd think what where did this come from?
Speaker 1 (23:48):
And then you're obviously going to go.
Speaker 3 (23:53):
I should So the CIA, without your help, they move
on to poisoned wetsuits, and they're like, this is will
we need is a lethal suit. So they started developing
this This mind you is at this point where after
the post Bay of Pigs, Right, so the Kennedy brothers,
Bobby and JFK they have had had their plan to
invade Cuba fail, and they're now taking a few months
(24:14):
off to rethink their plans, so they don't try to
kill a castro for a couple months, and then they
get right back to it. Yeah, so like we got
to get back on our old energy. So they're like, okay,
what are we gonna do. They go to this guy,
James Donovan. He's a lawyer who that the US has
in charge of negotiating with Cuba for the release of
the prisoners from Bay of Pigs, from the whole fiasco.
So the CIA is like they approached this guy and
(24:34):
they're like, came in, you're the prisoner exchange Lary. He's
like yeah, I'm going down and he's like, you're gonna
talk to Fidel and all that. He's like, yeah, yeah.
They're like, care would you give him a poisoned wetsuit
as a gift And he's like what now? From the
Secret Eyes Only file, I quote, the technique involved dusting
the inside of the suit with a fungus that would
produce a disabling and chronic skin disease madua foot and
contaminating the breathing apparatus with tuberculo basillai. So the poisoned
(24:59):
wetsuit was brilliant. They're like, this is it. We finally
got it right, and it's really bad. Exactly. The skin's
gonna get all itch. He's gonna be terrible. So they decide, okay,
let's go to do this. But this plan also goes nowhere.
Why Elizabeth, you're the one telling the story. The lawyer's
too smart for him, Donovan, he refuses to do wet
work for the CIA. He's like no. He finds out
(25:22):
exactly they're whole planned to give for Fidel, and he's like, Okay,
I know I'm gonna do. He gives Fidel a non
poisonous sweatsuit of his own, so that would be suspicious
if he gives him a second websuita darn it. He
out bought us prisoner exchange lawyer one CIA zero. So
after all these early failed attempts to SEEIA moved on
to its most effective assassination campaign. And do you know
(25:44):
what that one was? They asked Fidel's mistress to kill Castro.
Oh right, finally they get their like their brains together,
like somebody's actually gonna be close to him, right sometimes
right next to him. So twenty sixteen, Vanity Fair, they
sat down with this woman. Her name is Marita Lorenz,
and she was with Elslilmer, Lover and Homegirl. Laid out
just whopper of a story, right, I'm telling you, Like
(26:04):
most of it seems to be true. Some of it is,
like are you surreal? But it doesn't matter. You know,
who cares whether it's fact or fiction. We know most
of this is true because it shows up in a
CIA file. So for the rest of it, who knows
who cares. But according to Marita Lorenz, she was just
minding her own business, being young and German and fabulous.
It's just this self possessed woman of wealth and family connections, right,
(26:25):
She's out in the big wild world all by herself.
She's there in Miami and she meets this man named Eduardo.
Right now, she says, this man, he's an a memorable man, right. So,
he always wore white suits. He had the air of money.
He was very quiet and elegant. From her guests, he
was the money man for this clandestine operation that was
going on that she only knew the veguest outlines of right,
(26:46):
But much later on she would recognize this man and
and his white suits when he was constantly on television.
About a decade later during the Watergate hearings, this man
was e. Howard Hunt of the Watergate break infat Oh,
so how did the inside man for Nick Sin's bungle
get chummy with Fidel's Castro's lover? Right? Well, it's a
small world, Elizabeth, and when you're rich and powerful, it's
(27:06):
even smaller. So Howard Hunt was chummy with the head
of the CIA, Alan Dallies. And the common link between Dallas,
Hunt and Marita was a man named Frank Sturgis. Now
he would also become later known and famous as one
of Nixon's plumbers, one of the break in men for Watergates. So,
this early pre Watergate team is getting the band together
before they make it big. And prior to all this,
(27:28):
prior to meeting Marita, Sturgis had worked for the mafia.
He was their man in Cuba. He was the He
worked for the Mayor Lansky outfit. So he was big
in the casino business under Battista. And he's like, you
know this, he's basically like hanging with Cuba's tourist population. Yeah,
fleecing them. Nobody cares, right, not nobody in Cuba because
they're all like, oh, we're all exploiting everybody. It's a party.
(27:49):
Water's great. So Sturgis, he can smell this change in
the winds, right, So what does he do In nineteen
fifty seven, He gets close with Comandante Fedel and he
starts running guns to the island through his organized crime contexts,
and then that puts him in go with Fidel. So
this is just in time for the Cuban Revolution to occur,
and now he's on the right side of history.
Speaker 2 (28:09):
So he's running guns that are going to toss out
the casinos that were his lifelood.
Speaker 3 (28:13):
Well, he didn't really see it as that way because
nobody understood what Fiddel was going to do it In
the early years because he didn't really come off as
a communist early. He was just a revolutionary working against imperialism.
He was an anti imperialist more so than a communist
at first. So the mafia was fine working with him, right,
They were like, oh, maybe he'll give us a better
deal than Batista. Then he did about so Castro ap
points Sturgis the head of the casino industry in Cuba,
(28:35):
So this is like early on. So then he eventually
sturg just gets made the head of the Air Force
intelligence for Cuba. Really, yeah, Fidel's going whole hog on this.
He's like, yeah, mafia run everything. I don't care. It
turns out though Sturgis was secretly a CIA spy.
Speaker 1 (28:48):
Yeah, so he is.
Speaker 3 (28:50):
Sturg just told Vandy fair quote, I was a double agent.
I was recruited by the CAIA in nineteen fifty eight
and stayed in Havana until June thirty, at nineteen fifty nine.
So he's like running at like, yeah, past this, the
six months past a successful revolutions boom, because it was
a what do you call it? New Year's Day nineteen
fifty nine when the revolution basically wins. So he's there
till June thirtieth of that same year. But in that
(29:10):
time he meets Marita, whose family had interests in Cuba,
so he gets charmed by her. She's this, you know,
bon Vivan, successful, wealthy, beautiful young woman. Surgis does the
next logical thing. He introduces her to his buddy, this
notorious ladies man, Fidel Castro. The two hit it off.
They start this tempestuous love affair. Later a CIA assassination attempt.
(29:32):
So on November eighteenth, nineteen sixty three, Marita gets a
call from Sturgis. He wants her to come meet him
at a hotel in Miami. She assumes this is more
of his gun running business, which she's familiar with, so
she agrees to come along. This is where she meets
future JFK assassin Lee Harvey Oswald.
Speaker 1 (29:46):
Oh you're kidding, yes.
Speaker 3 (29:48):
Marina recalled it. The group of gun runners and conspirators
took three cars. They drive from Miami to Dallas. She
rides with Sturgis and another car was Lee Harvey Oswald.
The caravan stops at some shabby little motel in Dallas.
The group gets two adjoining rooms. Marina told Vanity fair quote,
I thought we were going to hit an armory like
we were here to do in operation. I thought they
were going to use me as a decoy, That's what
(30:10):
I was told. Star just brings in the bag with
disguises and another bag with automatic weapons and starts clipping
them together. It seemed different this time because of the
instructions Frank give. Nobody can make phone calls, no brods,
no booze, no contacts with the outside. So while they
are in this crummy little hotel room putting together of
their guns, Marita she sees Oswald for the first time.
(30:32):
Now before this, this is obviously before he's going to
get famous. She has no idea who he is, so
she just happens to stick in her memory because of
how memorable he is. She said, quote, this guy comes
into the room. He's like a little mob punk. Hey,
a short, balding guy with a cocky hat, heavy set,
with a cleft on his chin. Elizabeth, you'd later know
this guy is Jack Ruby. Let me tell you. Apparently
(30:54):
he Jack Ruby was a charmer because he took two
steps inside, saw me lounging and said, who's that broad?
I said, you'll punk. So they don't hit it off
right now, she wants to leave the shabby motel. I
was furious. Hell he spoke to me. I had been
sitting in crowded car. I have PMS. I said this, Frank,
I'm going home. Give me some plane fare. So he's busy.
(31:17):
Frank sturge is busy trying to keep Jack Ruby happy.
And because they're not too far from where Marita is
standing in the motel parking lot waiting to go to
the airport or wherever, sturgees is leaning on the trunk
of a car, talking in low tones to Jack Ruby.
At this point, Jack Ruby leaves in a huff. Right,
who shows up? E Howard Hunt. She claims he gives
Surgis money and then he went and he spoke with
another guy at the motel, Lee Harvey Oswald. Oh my god,
(31:41):
the door was opened between the two rooms. Oswald was
sitting in the other room with the other guys on
the bed, just casually sitting there waiting for instructions. That
was the last time I saw him, that is until
a few days later when his face was all over
the news. Right anyway, That's how Rita explains how she
met E. Howard Hunt and he connected her with the
CIA and set her up to kill Castro. Oh my god,
(32:02):
So do you want to take a little break and
then I'll tell you to kill Castro? Yes? All right, Elizabeth,
(32:28):
we're back. Yes, how was that role call of nineteen sixties?
Speaker 1 (32:31):
Names?
Speaker 3 (32:33):
Right? I mean? And by the way, this is like
the the JFK assassination. There's a trove of documents that
the CIA had and they released under President Trump, and
so I pulled for a lot of this from these documents.
This is all CIA stuff except for what her quotes.
Those are the only things that are not from the CIA.
So back to the story. Let's see how Marita Lorenz
(32:55):
decides to kill Castro. Yes, okay, So now that they say,
have their amateur assassin to see, handed Marita Lorenz some
poison pills that they had developed to kill Castro. Right,
so she says, the agency also gave her these confidence pills,
which she called gut pills.
Speaker 1 (33:08):
They gave her confidence pill.
Speaker 3 (33:10):
Yeah, apparently there's like some speed pills, like she said,
and I quote, it's some kind of the CIA gives
you that makes you feel very strong and courageous, indifferent
like speed. With her two handfuls of the pills, she
goes down to Cuba, and but she doesn't know if
she can kill her world famous lover yet she's like
on the fence about can I don't know. So well,
(33:32):
that's not exactly true. She knew almost immediately that she
couldn't do it. She was hoping that she could. That
was really how I guess the best way to put it.
So she says, and I quote, I knew the men
that I saw the outline of Havannah. I couldn't do it.
I hopped in the jeep and went to the Hilton,
just simply walked in, said hi to the personnel at
the desk, and went upstairs to the suite room too
(33:54):
far to zero eight. I went in and waited. So
now she's waiting to kill Castro in the Aana Hilton
nineteen sixty three.
Speaker 1 (34:03):
Say oh yeah, so it just gonna be like chaos city.
Speaker 3 (34:05):
Oh yeah, globally.
Speaker 1 (34:06):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (34:06):
So she's there waiting for Fidell, sent by the CIA
to kill him. Fidel thinks she's there to love him
up right, because last time they saw each other it
was passionate awesomeness. Right, So Marita she waits and she waits,
and she has no one feels going to get there.
Finally Fidel arrives. Right, his first question is he wants
to know why she was so quick to leave the
last time he saw her. Oh, so it's like a
whole romance novel for Fidel. Right. So meanwhile, Marita and
(34:30):
I returned to her quotes. I tried to play it cool.
The most nervous I have ever been was in that
room because I had agents on standby and had to
watch my timing. I had enough hours to stay with him.
Ordre Emil killed him and prevent him from making a
speech that night, which was already pre announced. That's her plan,
so Neil kill him, ditch speech exactly. There's one problem
(34:53):
she she can't do it. She can't kill him. She
just loves them. She loves Fidel. Right. He was very
tired and wanted to sleep. He was chewing a cigar
and he laid down on his bed and did you
come here to kill me? Just like that? He says, Oh, God,
Fidel knows she's the assassin, so he knows why she
came back to Q. But it wasn't to love him up.
It was to lug him down right right into the ground.
(35:14):
So he knows the CIA center. So what is Marie
to do? Well, what is the best? She says. I
was standing at the edge of the bed. I said
I wanted to see you, and he said that's good.
That's good. Then he leaned over, pulled out his forty
five and handed it to me. Fidel hands her. Is gone, right,
Fidel's like the Steve McQueen of world leaders. Right. It's
just too cool for school. But so is Marina because
(35:36):
she cocks the handgun Fidel handed her. I flipped the
chamber out and hit it back. He didn't even flinch,
and he said, you can't kill me. Nobody can kill me,
and he kind of smiled and chewed on his cigar.
So there it is. This is the closest the CIA
has gotten to actually killing Fidel, and Fidel's mocking the
assassin to their face. But the assassin, she loves the target,
(35:58):
So even with gun in her hand, she still can't
do it. She's like, I felt deflated. He was so
sure of me. He just grabbed me. We made love.
I contemplated staying to start talking to him later after
his speech, but it would be too late because he
rambles on for like eight ten twelve hours. That was
the hardest part. I wanted him to beg me to stay,
but he got dressed and left and I just sat
(36:19):
there by myself a while. I left him, not I
told him I would be back. She doesn't actually go back,
but anyway, she doesn't kill him the next time she
sees him. Right at this point, Elizabeth, we're somewhere now
the high four to five hundred range of attempts on
his life, and none of them have worked. Right, And
this is as closest we've gotten. Gun in hand. Assassin
in a room with him still fails because Fidel like
(36:39):
loves up the assassin.
Speaker 1 (36:41):
Confidence pills just pumping through her body.
Speaker 3 (36:43):
Exactly speed love. So anyway, who can the CIA turn to?
Now entered La Cosa Nostra aka the American Mafia, the
Old School Mob. So this plot dated back to JFK,
Bobby Kennedy and the Bay of Pigs. But after they
were embarrassed on the world stage, Kennedy brothers wanted Castro
taken out and they were willing to work with the
Mob to make their dark dream come true. They're like
(37:05):
embarrass us with the Bay of Pigs. We're taking them out.
So According to the CIA files quote under five nine
sixty two, Kennedy discussed with the director a number of matters,
including admissioned by CIA that Robert Mayhew had been hired
by the agency to approach sam g and Conna to
have Castro assassinated at a cost of one hundred and
fifty thousand dollars. So the mob boss, the CIA approached
sam Gy and Conna. He was the head of the
(37:26):
Chicago family huge, right. He was also Sinatra's guy. Sam
Giacana was the guy that daddy Joseph Kennedy, the old
school Irish bootleg mobster. He reached out to sam g
and Connie. He's like, look, I need you to help
me secure my son's a nineteen sixty presidential election. Right,
because he was at the time, John Kennedy was not
the presumptive favorite. He was a young senator. He was
(37:47):
the dark horse, if you will, right, But his daddy
was a mobster. So he's like, look, so he approaches
sam g and Conny. He's like, look, I need to
win the West Virginia primary. So Samji and conn is like, okay,
we can make that happen. And according to everybody in
the know, Frank Sina true was the go between between
San Giancanna and Joe Kennedy who made this happen. He
puts together the Democratic nomination by having to get a
victory in the West Virginia primary. Sinatra gets the favor
(38:10):
from Sam Giancana. So what did the Kennedy brothers do
now that they get the White House? They returned the
favor by initiating reco investigations on the mob out of
boom So. Anyway, but Ciangi and Coana wasn't the only
mob boss the Ceia worked with. They also had Santo
Trafficante from the family which was big yes in Atlantic City, Philadelphia.
And also he was the head of the Miami Cuba family,
(38:31):
so he helpfully spoke Spanish. That was good. He also
wanted to control of the Cuban casinos back, so that
was his move, and he wanted to get rid of
the communists. He was a virulent anti communist. Third man
on this job was la mob fixer who was busy
working the Hollywood unions against the studio bosses. A dude
named handsome Johnny Rosselli.
Speaker 1 (38:50):
Oh johnnysell Roselli you know now.
Speaker 3 (38:53):
He would later become the Chicago's mob guy in Vegas
and Gi and Con and Johnny Rosselli went way back.
They actually started out together with al Capone's outfit, so
they had been like deep in the gangster world, right,
So they'd also worked together in Cuba and they put
the casinos, and they'd worked in Vegas and so now
they were working the White House together. So, by the way,
(39:13):
this plan for the CIA and the Mob to team up,
it kind of predated Kennedy. It had started with Eisenhower
and in September nineteen sixty the plan becomes real. This
is before Kennedy is elected, so it's definitely pre dates Kennedy.
But the agency had used a CIA cutout to contact
the mob. This guy was the Robert Mayhew, who was
also a fixer for Howard Hughes. So when he wasn't
(39:34):
doing errands for the CIA, that's what he worked for.
So this cat Mayhew, he reaches out to Sam G
and Kanna and Handsome Johnny. Like I said, small world, right,
once you were so powerful, it's like still a very
small roll. The decks epently, So Howard hues this fixer.
He reaches out to Sam G and Kana handsome Johnny.
He goes, hey, I'll give you guys one hundred and
fifty thousand dollars to kill Castro. By the way, that's
CIA money, so that's guaranteed. And they're like, okay, okay.
(39:55):
The gangsters consider their offer. They're like you know what, No,
and they're like, what do you mean No. He's like, no, no,
we'll do but we'll do it for free. I'm like yeah,
because the mob would. They want to consider it a favor,
because it's like, you know, someday, and that day may
never come. I may come to you, the US government
and ask you for a favor. So of course the
worst thing that can happen happens. What's the worst thing
can happen? J Edgar Hoover finds out about the CIA's
(40:17):
deal with the mob. All right, No, because the CIA
is plotting with the mob, and the FBI just happens
to stumble upon it. They aren't aware, nobody tips them off.
But here the best way for me to tell you this, Elizabeth,
picture it. Yeah, please close your.
Speaker 1 (40:29):
Eyes, yes and picture it.
Speaker 3 (40:30):
Yes. It's nineteen sixty one. You are a maid working
the Sands Casino in Las Vegas. You've left behind your
previous life as a dog groomer to the Hollywood stars.
It was getting to be a bore. Not the dogs,
the stars. So now you're laying low, working as a
maid as you plot your next move. You're pushing your
cart down a long and quiet hallway. The lush casino
(40:52):
carpeting swirls and flourishes beneath your feet. You gaze into
its ornate patterns of color. It splashes overwrought design. Is
your feet rhythmically plod along the wheels. They also have
their own rhythm. You plan to start at the end
of the hallway. You reach the corner room. You're well practiced.
Hand opens the hotel room door without even a jingle
from your pass key. You push open the door with
(41:12):
your backside and you back into the hotel room. But
you hear voices, oh, you freeze. You spin around. The
room is not empty. You see three guys in flashy
shark skin suits. One is seated, Two other guys are
standing behind him like sentries, kind of flanking him. The
guy in the sharkskin suit is talking with two other
men in gray flannel suits, which is odd choice for
Vegas since of the weather but whatever. The guys in
(41:33):
the gray flannel suits they look like complete squares. The
others look like mobsters. The guy in the sharkskin suit,
he doesn't see you at first, so he keeps talking.
Look simple, it's real simple. You bug Dan Rowan's room.
You see, I just want to know if he's getting
handsy with that dame from the Maguia sists phyllis. It's
a little small favor from mister Ginkhana. So the guy
in the sharkskin suit stops talking. He turns to see you.
(41:54):
And what the others are all looking at? Which is you?
So now everyone is staring at you and no one
is speaking. You're all just staring at each other. Clearly
you were not supposed to be in this room, Elizabe
I would say, you quickly apologize to everybody in the room.
You spin around and you screw it out of the room.
You push your maker through the doorway and quickly follow it.
The hotel door closes behind you. You're out. You're free.
Oops eazy, you say to yourself, and then you decide
(42:15):
to go start in the other room across the hall again.
You open the door, you push it open. You know
this room is empty because you saw the vacancy on
the room charts. So you push open the door and boom.
Two guys in short sleeve button down shirts are sitting there.
Both guys wearing ties like idiots, you know, like that
desert business casual. So they freeze in place like the
last room. I'm telling you, they're wearing headphones. They're shocked.
(42:36):
They stare back at you from their little eavesdropping field station.
You don't say a word, neither do they. You slowly
back out of the room as if you were never there,
and the door shuts behind you. This time, you decide
you'll start at the other end of the hallway. Elizabeth,
you've just been witnessed to the FBI listening in on
the mobsters as they convinced the CIA to do a
favor for Chicago mob boss to see if his side
(42:57):
piece was, in turn having an affair with her own
the guy from Martin and Rowans laugh in what so
Sam Jean kind of thought that Phyllis McGuire from the
McGuire sisters having an affair with Dan Rowan from laughing, and
so he asked the CIA, hey, bug that guy's room
in Vegas, say and they did it, and you, yes, exactly,
this is a favor. They may have to come to
you one day for So when the FB guys find
(43:20):
out that they've been surveilling CIA guys working with the Mob,
they are giddy as a schoolgirl and they go running
DEAFBI director Jaygar Hoover now he's super geek to get
the CIA operatives on charges of collaborating with the Mob.
This will embarrass everybody. He loves it. CIA is like, wait, wait, wait, look,
we're guilty with an explanation. So, in the CIA's own
(43:40):
words from an internal memo, we know, quote, can we
plausibly deny that we plotted with gangster elements to assassinate Castro? No,
we cannot. So they're just like, we have no possible
deniability and we're gonna have to go with our old
school why so, the CIA was also like, look, chill,
Jay Hagger, can we talk just agency to agency? We
need Sam g and Conn and Handsome Johnny. They're the
(44:01):
ones who are helping us to kill Castro and Jaeger
Hoover's like, oh, killing commies. Why didn't you say you're
speaking my lad? Carry on? So Attorney General Bobby Kennedy, though,
finds out from a memo from a Giddy, I have
a secret Jaegger Hoover, right, so he goes. When Bobby
finds us out, he's pissed because now he's gonna make
(44:23):
the Kennedy brothers look bad. And they barely got in
the White House. They had to work with the Mob
to get there, so they're worried that this is going
to make them look bad. So what does he do.
He's furious, right, but at the same time he's like,
but still a good idea. You guys keep doing that,
So he gives his blessing to the idea he's super
mad about. Right. In fact, some like Richard Helms, who
was later the ambassador to Iran, but prior to that
was the director of the CIA. He said and testified
(44:45):
to the Church Committee that quote, the principal driving force
was the Attorney General Robert Kennedy. There isn't any question
about this. Oh wow, So it was Bobby Kennedy's mission.
So my favorite part about this super team up between
Mob and g men is how both groups wanted to
be like the other. So the they fantasized about the
Mob guys. They are talking about how they would kill Castro.
They wanted the Mafia to have a bunch of hitman
(45:06):
roll up with like Tommy guns and gun down Castro
in the street. Yeah, they wanted like the Saint Valentine's
past for Castro. Meanwhile, the Mafia, they're like, hey, we
want some of them James Bond super spy gadget. So
we wanted to give them to our assassins, so like,
come in there to see I was like, Oh, we
don't really do that, that's just the movies, guys. So
finally their plan comes together. They actually have a legit idea.
(45:27):
The Mob found the perfect man to do their wet work.
Who is it? Inside man high level Cuban bureaucrat re
enter Teddy gunn Cia s Q. He's like, what do
you guys need? So the Mob told them we want
a super spy assassination pen. So he's like, okay, superspy
assassination pen coming up. So he starts working on a
James Bond number four of them. Right, he rushes the
(45:50):
order because the assassin's gonna leave soon, so he has
to make this poison pen overnight. Oh wow, So he
stays up all night. Luca Brayton his butt buns off
trying to make this pen. He secrets a hypodermic needle
into a pen and just like the mobsters, it suggested
that maybe like a needle in, there was poison in
it was hid in the neck. He's like, perfect, I
got it. So they sent He sends over James Bond
(46:11):
kill pen over the CIA. They rushed to the airport.
They meet the diplomat at the airport, he gets the
assassination kit just before he boards his flight to Paris.
Hours later, he lands in Charles de Gaull Airport. Maybe
it was orally, doesn't really matter. Anyway, He's on his
way to Cuba. He meets someone at the airport, his
point man. Together they make fun of the poison pen
that the CIA gave him, and I quote from the CIA.
(46:33):
Hector Sanchez arrived in Paris on the morning of November
twenty second and met with the flipped Cuban bureaucrat Cubela
late that afternoon. Sanchez states that he showed the pen
syringe to Kubela and explained how it worked. Sanchez distinctly
recalls the Kubela didn't think much of the device. Also,
the CIA didn't include any poison in their poison pen.
He would be assassin was expected to source his own poison.
(46:55):
They did give him a recommendation, though quick Kubela was
expected to supply his own and we merely suggested black
leaf forty as an effective poison for use in the syringe.
So it's just like, go find some black leave forty.
So anyway, fate plays a hand because quote as they
were coming out of the meeting, Sanchez and Coubela were
informed that President Kennedy had been assassinated. Kubela was visibly
(47:16):
moved over the news. Why do such things happen to
good people? He asked, So there is our one percent
in this story, President Kennedy. He gets assassinated. And perhaps
the greatest irony of this is that many of the
men who conspired to kill Castro met violent ends. JFK,
Bobby Kennedy, sam Gy and Kanna and Johnny Rosselli all
caught about it.
Speaker 2 (47:36):
So this the syringe was happening around the same time
that the missive they.
Speaker 3 (47:40):
Were having multiple attempts. They weren't deserving one attempt, like
they were basically both headed there at the same time.
And then it just happened to be that Kennedy got killed,
and that takes and then Castro goes out and makes
a bunch of speeches basically ragging on the Americans for
not seeing that coming. Surprisingly, also there is interesting stuff
in the in the Kennedy stuff about possibly Castro's agents
(48:01):
flipped the Kennedy assassins that were sent to kill Castro
and he sent them back to kill Kennedy. There's a
whole thing there, but we need to have more documents
come out for confirmation on that, but it seems to
be that there was people who flipped the other way. Anyway, Surprisingly,
after the Church Committee's explosive report, there were new laws
that prohibited the assassination of foreign leader. Reagan even signed
(48:21):
one right. US presidents, though, still continue to try kill
with Castro, even President Carter, which I surprised me because
you know, he's kind of like the piece nick peanut
farmer guy. But still he was out there. He's like, well,
I'm not banging hammers into homes for humanity. I'm got
there trying to kill Castro. Anyway, according to the former
head of the Cuban intelligence called Jimmy, Carter clocked in
his sixty four attempts, so that was big. Next Reagan,
(48:43):
he broke the record one hundred and ninety seven attempts.
We went over that, George Bush and Bill Clinton sixteen
to twenty one respectively. And then Clinton. You know, he
had the CAA go back to some of their greatest hits.
He's like, can I get on that Kennedy energy. So
he had them try to put pull an exploding podium
move yeah, He's like yeah, So of course it failed, right.
The British paper The Guardian reported quote as recentably as
(49:04):
two thousand, when Castro was due to visit Panama, a
plot was hatched to put two hundred pounds of high
explosives under the podium where he was due to speak.
Castro's personal security team carried out their own checks before
he arrived and foiled the plot.
Speaker 1 (49:16):
Just because the podium had acme yes, exactly, it.
Speaker 3 (49:19):
Just like literally the drums or the but he got
sticks of dynamite all bound together under the podium with
the clock ticking and just like anyway. Finally, at the
ripe old age of ninety, having outlived most all of
his contemporaries except for Kissinger, many of the men who
plotted to kill him. Castro finally kicked the bucket on
November twenty fifth, twenty sixteen. And I can tell you
(49:40):
one hundred percent with certainty that Cia had absolutely nothing
to do with it. And how do I know this,
Elizabeth hum because Castro died. So what's our ridiculous takeaway?
Speaker 2 (49:51):
My ridiculous takeaway is that if you think you're going
to be clever, you're too clever, yes a half yeah.
Speaker 3 (49:59):
And Wiley Kai is a terrible sassiny model.
Speaker 1 (50:01):
Bad role model.
Speaker 3 (50:03):
Well, thanks for listening. You would always find us online
at Ridiculous Crime dot com. That's our website, or you
can find us on Twitter. Can you find us on Instagram?
You can find us on the streets of Oakland at fast,
but you can also email us at Ridiculous Crime at
gmail dot com. Thanks for listening. Ridiculous Crime is hosted
(50:26):
by Elizabeth Dutton and Zarain Burnett, produced and edited by
Our Man and Havannah Dave Kustin, researches by Marissa the
Librarian Brown and Andrea the Professor. Song Sharpened Tear, our
theme song is by Thomas the Norseman Lee and Handsome
Travis Dutton Executive produces our Ben Dwight Eisenhower tried to
warn us Bowlin and Noel Scheckers Brown.
Speaker 1 (50:52):
Ridic say it one more time. Ridiculous crime is aroduction
of iHeartRadio
Hosts And Creators
Zaron Burnett
Elizabeth Dutton
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