Destruction, Mayhem and Chaos: The Most Ridiculous Crimes of 2022

This was one helluva year! As life in a pandemic returned to a semblance of normalcy, criminals also got back to work. In many cases the results were predictably ridiculous. To review the felonious year that was, here’s a rundown of the Top Ten Most Ridiculous Crimes of 2022!

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Ridiculous Crime is a production of I Heart Radio Yo,
Elizabeth Dutton Zaron Burnett. Girl, what's that? I got a
question for you? You got five? Okay? Do you know
what's ridiculous? Yes? Yes, please share? Okay? Have you ever
heard the term Kentucky hug? Excuse me? What a Kentucky hug?

(00:21):
I'm from Georgia and I never heard that. Well, apparently,
according to Urban Dictionary, to find Kentucky hug is that
warm feeling you get when drinking bourbon. Oh okay, okay,
that makes a lover. You've felt the Kentucky hug. I've
Kentucky snuggled. Okay, well guess what cuddle puddle? Um, there's

(00:42):
a press release from a business. We're talking mashups again.
I'm so sorry. I just Kentucky hug? What could this
possibly be? Okay, So here's what it says. A Kentucky
hug is a well known term among bourbon lovers, and
here it is. Spoiler alert, Jim Beam fans alike. In

(01:04):
this holiday season, the brand is turning the phrase into
a reality with a limited edition holiday pajama set equipped
with a built in quote unquote hug simulator so you
can send a cozy hug to anyone you're missing this season. Dad,
don't a bottle of gym beam last time my daddy

(01:25):
hugged me. They so it's their bizarre pajamas. They come
in small to double xl um It says it simulates
the sensation of a hug by quote applying weighted pressure
on specific points around your neck, shoulders, and back to
replicate the feeling of an in person hug. It's like
the the emotionally closed off and perhaps you know, unhealthy

(01:50):
relationship with alcohol. Perhaps. So they're like plaid pajamas, right,
these red tartan the red okay, nice holiday pajamas. And
then it's got like a Jim be logo patch over
the left left brist and so it kind of looks
like maybe your name tag jim Beam club membership. It's

(02:11):
club membership. And then it has what looks like it
has like a puffy collar, as if it's a puff coat,
but it's pajamas. Okay, I'm having And then it's like
one of those travel neck pillows that people wear on planes,
kind of like deflated a little bit, and this laying
across the like a stole em Yeah, those neck pillows

(02:36):
are bogus, by the way. I don't use any of that.
I think it's just they don't. I don't know. I
just take my jacket, I bawled up against the window,
and I sleep against that like God intended exactly. I
take off all my clothes and I put them in
a big ball, take my socks off, and I drive
them on my handrail. And they say, and they say, ma'am,
this is a city bus. This is not a plane man.
And I spit at them, and then I keep eating pudding.

(03:00):
So with your fingers, with my fingers. Um. So yeah,
the I think it's ridiculous that Jim Beam makes pajamas
to replicate what they call the Kentucky hug, which is
the feeling of getting toasted. But they're trying to make
it like it's a real hug. This is all. There's
so many problems in this whole thing. I just want
to know. Can you get them also to be scented

(03:20):
so they smell like somebody can send them a sample,
smell like the sweat of bourbon coming out of someone's pores.
After four days, I need a hug, so I hear
if I declare that ridiculous. I love that one. I
love it for me, for everybody like you. They says
it comes from small to double XL, but I'm hoping
they do child sizes. My three year old nephew could

(03:45):
rock these. It would be amazing. Maybe I'll just make
my own. You don't you think that would give him
a complex? Like I always looked at Jim Beam for
my emotional support ever since I was three. He just
held be the coolest it on the block. Yeah, and
with no friends. Maybe it's a bad idea, but I
think I know what Santa's bringing you. Oh Santa, you

(04:08):
too good to say, you naughty fellow. Well that's a
really quite a lovely holiday surprise, Elizabeth. I've got actually
a special one for you. I've prepared. Please do you
got a second? I do? Yes? No, Just imagine a
whole buffet ridiculousness. Okay, s'more gigs boorg if you will,
of illegality, a cordocopia of criminal activity pictured in your mind. Yes.

(04:32):
My point is, Elizabeth, I have prepared this shark cu
to replated criminality of various pungent heist, aromatic caper's, moldy
cons and some cheesy bank jobs all for you. Are
you ready for the first annual Most Ridiculous Crimes of
two Born? Ready? Baby? This is Ridiculous Crime, a podcast

(05:13):
about absurd and outrageous capers, heists, and cons. It's always
murder free and one ridiculous Elizabeth. Now, I promised you
have a hit list of the biggest, dumbest, stupidest, most
outrageous logic, defying luck, requiring good sense, defying crimes. I

(05:35):
am so excited about this. I hope you are because
I want you to be prepared to be horrified in
equal measures. Now, when I first saw this first story
that I'm going to share with you, I was immediately
struck by the question did the thieves who heisted Buzzy
the animatronic inspire others? Because this feels like a copycat

(05:55):
Disney criminal But you be the judge, as the expert,
and you know I love to judge go. In July,
this headline hit the presses man arrested after taking Star
Wars are two d two droid at Disney. Police say
that's the headline, But that's not really the story I
would say at all, because I think the headline should
be Florida man steals are two D two to impress

(06:18):
boss and get job at Disney World. God, so I
like you to meet David Proudfoot. He's a forty four
year old resident of Kissing Me Florida, which I think
should be kiss Ummy, but it's KISSIMMI, Kissimi Florida. So anyway,
Proudfoot wants to get a job at Disney World. So
he thinks long and hard about He's like, how can
I get myself one of them good good jobs at

(06:38):
Disney World? And he's like, I need to impress my
prospective employers. So what does he do? He decides what
better way to get your boss's attention? There was some
smooth criming, right, Okay, So he goes undercover. He poses
as a Disney World guest to get the lay of
the land. Then he's like, you know what, that's not enough.
He goes deeper undercover. He's hice up himself one of

(06:58):
them Disney bad employee badges, and he goes and poses
as a Disney employee at the park. But now he's
ready and to set to astound in amaze the folks
of Disney World. Right, so he steals a ten thous
dollar R two D two droid and that's not enough.
He steals a couple of other items, like a video game,
like a whole asked video game, and like like an

(07:20):
arcade a trade style video game. Yeah, how okay, keep
going because I'm gonna just note my questions here. It's
got like a Disney employee badge. He's got like the
yellow security vesting's walking around like he be there and
it works so he's able to lift the R two
D two all at once. He's doing this at different times.
I was gonna say, because how is he getting this
stuff out of there? Well, you know, I don't know

(07:41):
he's carrying. Does he dress the R two D two
as another fellow employeech No, So the dude he gets
popped eventually because he's not good. Now. When he gets busted,
Proudfoot calmly explains to the Disney Disney police that look, guys,
all this criming, this was my job. Epic patient, you know,
come on, wait what? But he's like, no, okay, truly,

(08:05):
I already did apply for a job, but it didn't
get anyone's attention, didn't jump to the top of the list.
So I thought I will show them. I will show
all of them want a job in security. Security thought,
if I go and I steal some stuff, what better
cover letter for a resume is there than that? He
wants to be like the equivalent of the white hat

(08:25):
hacker exactly. So imagine it. He would be like, Okay,
all good, busted, and I'll turn around and say, look now,
don't you clearly need me? Because otherwise who else would
be able to stop a thief like me? The people
who caught him, they were able to stop him. Disney
World was like, um, how do I put it? Not impressed? Now?

(08:46):
It turns out he also had a prior criminal history
with the mouse House. He on Valentine's Day of that
same year. This year, proud Foot also purchased a seven
three dollar gold necklace from the Four Seasons Resort at Orlando.
At the Disney Resort, you know that anything you buy
at a resort gift shop perfect bargain. You know you're

(09:06):
getting the best value that is, that's the market buyer's deal.
Make fund to where can I get the best deal?
The Four Seasons gift shop. He goes there and like driver,
he was like, I once saw this movie Fledge. This
guy pulled off a smooth move. I'm going to try that.
So he purchased it by charging the gold necklace to

(09:27):
someone else's room like the Underhills. Oh right, right, right right,
Yes got away with it? What kind of he got arrested? Yes,
so he didn't got arrested. I mean we're talking about
it exactly. So now we'll move on to who our
next appetizer, if you will, this crime is well, I
haven't I told you. I'm my whole Vegas casino buffet
ready for you. That'll be the top ten. But the

(09:48):
first I want to give you a couple more, just
to wet your appetite. For instance, this story comes to
us from Texas, Okay, and headline reads buckets of fecal
matter left at Electra p d woman charged that's next.

(10:09):
So forties six year old Mindy Jeanette Stevens of Electra, Texas,
was sick of all the local cops crap, so she
gave it back to them, literally, I know. So in
December this year, she was booked in the witch Doot
County Jail on a charge of illegal dumping of over
five pounds and under five hundred pounds, which in Texas
is a Class B misdemeanor. Now, what had happened was Elizabeth.

(10:33):
On Thursday, November ten, at around Mindy showed up at
the Electro Police Department with three five gallon buckets of
human dukie. Now she gets out of her suv wearing
a full on white hazmat suit and a yellow mask.
This cops spotsor she's walking up in the white has
mat suit and yellow mask holding the bucket five gallon buckets,
and he's like, ma'am, what exactly are you doing now

(10:55):
Mindy and her all white has matt yellow mass. U's uh.
She looks at the cops and she was like, oh,
these are human all hers out of my question I
cannot answer. Did she like go around to her neighbors.
I have a project? Can you just fill this for me?
It's kind of a group project thing. Yeah, she just

(11:15):
went door to door like can you put this in
your toilet room? She's like, here, have a cup of coffee,
have your have your husband every time he's feeling a
little like heavy and you know he's gonna have a
good one, just use the bucket instead of the john.
So well, after she dropped off the last of her
five goings, really need to know where this all came from.
This is gonna bother me the good so many hops

(11:38):
back in her STUV drives away just let her go
dumbfounded as they are. They just watched her drive away.
Apparently didn't they didn't think it was like, you know,
explosive or anything. So they're like, okay, yeah, So the
question of what to do with this, uh, you know,
dropped off at the cop shop. It falls to the
lieutenant on charge, and so lieutenants like, let me see

(11:59):
the footage. They start going the cops work lt what
are we do about the dukeye bucket? And he's like, well,
I don't know. So one of the cops lieutenants is like,
they're all watching security footage. She's like, wait, I recognize
that voice. Her voice. He had spoken with her earlier
that day and they have been discussing, as he said,
human excrement. Well we'll wait, he would he had been talking,

(12:21):
I don't know, if they're three years at the grocery market.
I don't know. Actually, wouldn't be funny if a baby
you can stop? What if a baby pooped in the sandwich?
Mindy enough the cops now they've got this, these buckets
of poops that now I don't know what to do.
So they called the city of electures, like the office

(12:43):
like the Mayor's office, like, hey, we got this dukey drop.
What should we do with these buckets of poop? They're like, uh,
your cops figure it out. The cops were like darn it.
So then they called Mindy like, hey, Mindy stevens Um.
She's like, yes, uh, Mindy, ma'am, you left your buckets
of poop down at the cops shop. And she's yeah,
that's for y'all to eat, you know, like each listen here, Mindy,

(13:04):
we don't need all that kind of talk. We don't
care about your recommendations for our dietary habits. Now, look,
you come down here and you pick up your pooh
or else what copper? And she's like, oh, well, we
hadn't expected that one else. Will return it to you
at our earliest convenience, Mindy, and we'll charge you. We'll
do it. She's like, with what pig? Well, Mindy, why

(13:24):
is all this necessary. We're gonna have to come down there.
We're gonna have to get one of the sewer guys
to come down here and pick up the poo. Do
you want Dwayne to have to come down here on
his day off, Mendy And she's like, well that sounds
like a you problem and possibly a Dwayne problem. She's like,
not into it. She leaves the buckets of poop. Turns
out this is they were fifty pounds. Yes, And as
I told you, I had the same question you did

(13:45):
reading it, which is was it all her like? How
like was this over the course of a long traded
time where she's like, after three buckets, She's like, I'm
running out of room in the bathroom. Yeah, yeah, seasonal
like pure Mindy, I'm going to be sick Booty Fruit
Harvest sick. Lots of dumb criminals, but fewer as dumb

(14:16):
as this dropped down crew that I'm about to tell you.
They're called the Candy Rapper Bandits. Now, don't get it twisted,
but the candy Rapper Bandits they are not good criminals. Yes,
they were amateurs. In fact, they would be what I
would call bad at crime. Like if I was a
criminal career counselor and they came into my office, like
what kind of career do you have for us? And
I'd be like, you people are not good at cross

(14:37):
why they wind up on the show. Yeah, have you
ever thought about maybe a career in politics, maybe a
little easy or lower the bar for you. So these
seven never do wells. They lived in flop houses about
thirty miles outside of Landed, Georgia, and the candy Rapper
Bandits would break into homes and cars and they would
you know, just steal pretty much whatever they could grab
and carry. So we're talking weapons, money, hand tools to change. Yeah,

(14:57):
pretty much like you know, like a summer coat, you know, like, oh,
so I need to like Jack. So the one of
the bandits they were, they must have been hungry. One
of their big jobs because the crew goes in breaks
into a house and he grabs not only some just
random loot and you know, candlesticks whatever else. He also
grabs a bag of Milky Way minis and he proceeds
to leave the crime scene and eat from the bag

(15:19):
of Milky Way minis, leaving the roun behind him, and
he creates his Hansel and Gretel bread crumb the crime
scene directly to their like hidden layer if you will.
All seven members were busted, and now I have to
find new people to hang out with when I'm in Atlanta.
I'm gonna miss those guys. Anyway, we'll take a break there.

(15:41):
We'll be back after this with more of the best
crime stories of all Right, Elizabeth, our next one is

(16:10):
a Florida Man special. Okay, there are no buckets, involve buckets,
no duke. No. This headline is it reads in a
way that maybe a little confusing, and you, as a grammarian,
may spot it right here we go Florida man steals car,
train sends it crashing into house, steals car train, sent punctuation.

(16:31):
There's a semicolon, So it goes Florida man steals car,
semi colon, train sends it crashing into house. Okay, if
there's a semi I get it. But like you read
it quick, it's like, okay, maybe that's why God bless
the semicolon. Can I just talk about how much I
love a semicolon? And I'm not being silly here? Yeah,
what are you like? Three poems to the semicon? Yeah?
I have one tattooed on my forehead. That chap book

(16:52):
was amazing, but I mean you can't see it because
I have my bangs in my face. Well, to me,
the headline it sounded like he stole a car, then
a train, and then he sent the train flying into
a house, which would be impressive, would be super impressive.
But the story goes in February import Lucy, Florida, a
thirty eight year old man was drunk and he couldn't

(17:12):
find his car. So what do you think this chap
chose to do. He's drunk and he can't find his car,
So what does he do in Florida? Drunk can't find
his car and he's tried hitting the little panic button.
He's like, I don't know if he's tied the panic button.
That was not in the stories I read. Well, i'll
tell you what I'll give you him Elizabeth, thirty eight
year old drunken man and producer Dave knows all about

(17:33):
this program, not that he's ever used it, but he
was telling me about it in one of our meetings.
You weren't there, We're in the break room, we're talking
about it. He's like, you've heard about Florida's My Car
is Your Car program? And I was like, yeah, that's
the one that neighbors allowed drunks to borrow their car
to go and find their own car or to drive
home He's like, yeah, that is just amazing program. The
Florida is such a safety first state, and like that.

(17:55):
Of course I'm lying. So so we still have this
thirty eight year old drunk dude just trying to get home.
So Elizabeth, producer Dave and I weren't able to come
up with the right answer. Do you think he got
a shot? What did he do? He stole a car? Yes,
good job, he stole a car. So, according to Florida's
sheriff deputies, the drunk stole a car quote in a
good faith effort to locate his own. So he's like,

(18:18):
I'll just borrow this car. Car. So Swan isn't still
he borrowed. Yeah, so he borrows stole a stranger's car,
he drunk drives it around town, and then he'll just
leave it wherever his car was with a note hope
you find this or sorry. I don't know what his
plan was, maybe a tip for some gas money. But
really from his perspective, you have to understand that this
is a problem solver. I mean, this is like, look,

(18:40):
I'm going to get to my car done. It sounds
like he is really successful at solving all of the
problems in his life. Yeah, he's really good. It sounds
like he's a solution Maven. Really right. Now, the problem
was that his first problem turned into a second problem
because he was driving around drunk in the stranger's car
that he stole borrow, and then he got stuck on

(19:01):
train tracks and he was like, oh my god. So
he's like, well, my stolen car is all stuck. I
can push it. I don't know. But then our little
drunken self do good or he spots a freight train
coming right at him. So what does he do? Now?
Of course, he does the right thing, takes a nap
he leaf from the stolen car, saving himself. Total hero move.

(19:23):
The train smashes into the car, and the train is
going fast enough that it sends the stolen car flying
off the tracks up into the air like mighty mouse.
And the stolen car slams into a house. I remember
this is the middle of the night, so these people
are sleeping the hall. All of a sudden, some stranger's
car slams into the side of their house from the
sky like ripples out from this guy's bad choice of

(19:46):
like and you know that, Okay, he's like thirty eight,
he's drunk at some like dive bar. I'm gonna guess
you're spot on. So he's living his best life and
then he's oh my god, the poor people's house. Now
they yeah, he's already getting four point in the School
of Life. So luckily no one was hurt from the
flying car, thank god. But now they got to pay

(20:06):
for all the repairs. Oh yeah, there's a total insurance.
And the drunk man has to get home. Elizabeth. He's
still not home, is he? What's he going to do now? Well,
being a good Samaritan for himself, he goes out and
he finds something else to steal. This time he farklift
outside of a fruit stand. It's like it's been waiting
for him, Like he says, hey, you need me, steal me.

(20:29):
So look like in Richard's Scary Busy Town, it's like, oh,
a farklift in Now. You seem to be kind of
in a judgmental mood, so you have no idea. I
think you're ignoring the fact that this man is a
hero for himself himself. Home, be your own hero, Elizabeth. Okay,
now I bet he was doing all this. You know,

(20:49):
I've thought about this for a second, like a second,
if you should all this criming to save a puppy,
you'd be applauding him. Well, yeah, right exactly. If he
was like, Oh, I'm gonna say this baby Koala who's
lost in Florida, and I'm gonna get it home by
stealing this forklift, you'd be like. But he's like, look,
I'm gonna get this trunk man home all of a sudden,
it's all everything exactly. Well, as my German friend often

(21:11):
likes to say, be your own hero, and I'm just
gonna keep returning that, Elizabeth, be your own hero. Now
he doesn't call me Elizabeth. He does call me. He
calls me Dizzy. He's like your own hero Dizzy. No,
he doesn't call me that anyway. So our Florida man
he's finally able to get himself arrested. When he's driving
around the forklift, he spots some cops, so he naturally

(21:32):
he flags the cops down. He's like, I don't think
these cops see me on the stone forklifts, so he
waves to them. The cops drive over, and you may
be thinking, now, why would he want to fly down
the deputies, Well, because Elizabeth, he wanted the cops to
know he was being his own hero. You guys don't
need to worry about me. I got this one, guys,
he tells them, I don't need you, I don't need anybody.
I'm fine. I just I'm just still looking for my car.

(21:54):
Don't worry, I'm the depth bees. They decide not to
help this Florida man self hero. Instead, they arrested him.
So like, is the plot twist that he didn't have
a car in the first he had a car. He
totably had a car. I love the flagging of day.
Look at me, I'm doing a great job. I got
this one guy. You can carry on, which is like

(22:17):
it's got to be the middle of the night, right,
And they weren't going to stop a guy on a
forklift until he waved them down there like, well, there's
a guy in a tank top on a forklift at
four in the more. Hope he doesn't need help. Good
for him. So all right, Elizabeth, you ready to get
into it? Always okay, I just paused to say something.

(22:39):
Sure you both look so nice today. I mean, I
really appreciate you guys getting all dolled up for this
year end review that I got. Of course, let me
producer Dave, I gotta ask, where did you get that
ruffled tuxedo shirt? Oh? This this old rag? Can I
do a plug on this show? Am I allowed? Yeah,
of course, go for Uh. There's a guy named Van Jansen.

(23:00):
Huh the places dicker and dicker, Beverly Hills. He will
set you up and loves boarding small business. The man
knows the slack. He knows a slack, he knows his
way around a ruffle and uh, and he likes those
the French cuffs. He always consists that I get I
don't have any you know, cuff links. But he's like,
this is the way that you really distinguish yourself. So

(23:20):
thank you. I appreciate it. Extra you were over there
like I Candy, the yellow tuxedo, blue ruffles. I mean
you goddamn Sunflower and Elizabeth, I gotta say, I mean
not everyone can pull off a meat dress. I mean
you and Lady Gaga. For me, I heard Sharkuterie board
and I thought, you know you were dressing them. Yeah,

(23:41):
you can work a theme girl. I mean you were like, oh,
I'm gonna wear my BuOrd Is camp but they like boom, Yes,
I just love it. It just says like love meat,
love meat, just love. Yeah exactly is that Lady Gaga
did it with the raw, but I just have the
various smoked meats. That's why all those raccoons are pawing
at the window. I was wondering. I thought that I

(24:02):
was your whole, Like, yeah, they could smell it. There's
your courtier that you brought with you. You know they've
been following me for like six blocks to get you. Well.
Thank you both for noticing my outfit. I wore my
formal Magnum p I short shorts and a Lohas shirt
showing lots of thigh meat. It's fantastic. In my pockets.
I've got my lucky warm imitation crab meat. I want

(24:23):
to make sure I get everything right. Okay, you guys ready,
But can I tell you that those blue cowboy boots
really set off the shorts electric blue. Yeah, thank you,
that was extra. I had just died the crab meat. Yeah.
Maybe that's why the raccoons are here too. That's just
the That's what I call a Roman therapy. So ready

(24:44):
for the top ten most ridiculous crimes producing Dave you
on board? You hooked, I'm ready all right, where we
go the first injury in our top ten lists. Reminding
me the story you did Elizabeth about your your due
to tell Onmbrus. Yeah, the drunken ice hockey plan, bank
robbing legend, all around, good time guy, well as sloppy

(25:05):
as he got with all his bank robberies. I was
reading this story and I was like, a Tillombreus would
never So starting out number ten, man robs bank hands
teller note written on his own birth certificate. So a Springfield,
Missouri man wanted some loots, so he went to where
loot was. He used to Willie Sutton principle. He's like, well, banks,

(25:27):
that's where the lootst. So he went down there. He's like,
I'm gonna need some Lucci and the banks are like,
huh do you have an account sir? And he was like,
it turns out I do not, but that should not
be a problem because he had professional skills as a
bank robber. So this cat walks into the bank and
he's wearing, by the way, a court ordered ankle monitor,
which was later used to confirm his presence at the back.

(25:48):
One fantastic accessory. But before we go sliding down this
water slide into stupid at the top. His plan was,
I'm gonna walk into this bank with my ankle monitor,
I'm gonna go to the cashier window, going to hand
her a note, and just as cool as sip on
on a slurpean sidbery, I'm gonna walk out with some loot.
And the bank was like, no, that's not happening. He's like,
oh wait, I prepared. You see, I got my note

(26:11):
written in pink high lighter and he hands it like me, like,
oh takedown this number. Oh crap. Okay, So he wrote
on his note, which he slid to the bank teller
and said give your money now, don't say anything. I
have a partner outside in pink high lighter. So the
pank teller reason note. She looks up at the thirty

(26:32):
year old bank robber and he looks dead serious, really
like I mean this. He's like okay, So she does
as instructed. She gives him the money. Now he's got
the stolen luten hand. Bank robber flees the scene, runs out.
He does have a partner waiting. He hops in a
black Dodge Ram trucks. Please the cops arrived on the
scene doesn't take him long to solve this robbery because,

(26:54):
for one, the police received a tip from the bank
robbers roommates girlfriend. Oh, she was like people, hello, nine
one one, Yeah, y'all want to know where to pick
up That dumb son of a robbed the bank today.
His name is Michael Conley Lloyd and he lives at
and so literally told him everything. The roommates girlfriend, though
she may have told the cops the address and like

(27:14):
waited there for them to arrive, she didn't really need
to do that because his dumb ass would have been
busted because on the back of the note written a
pink hie lighter. The one he slipped the bank teller
was a copy of his own burst certificate, all his
name everything. We'll just take it from here, thank you.
He was busted by it that evening. And this guy

(27:34):
loves cops. He just wanted to make I'm going to
be a star. I'm going viral watch this. How does
this happen? Dumb happens? That drugs is the one piece
of paper in his home. If I think he probably
went he needed to get an I D. Then he's like,
I don't have any money for the idea. I'm gonna
go rob a bank to get money from my I

(27:56):
d and he used the one piece of paper in
his car. He's like, oh darn it, I needed that.
Oh my god, that's my guess. Ready for number nine.
There's a lot of lead paint in this the number nine.
The headline says it all for this. One man shoots
himself at corn maze trying to get corn out of
his boot. The crime here, in case you were wondering

(28:18):
being damn dumb. In October this year, thirty year old
man went to a local corn maze to celebrate I
don't know, the fall festive corn Halloween season, just yeah
corn being an American, being good American. Now he ran
it a little trouble, and that little trouble was his
own dumbass. He got stuck in the corn maze. No,
he was actually something called the corn pit. I don't

(28:41):
know what a corn pit is, but I imagine it's
like a giant hole like that, look that was the
gates of Hell and stand imagine that, but like you
just dumped all the year's corn in there, and like
a big hole in the ground that if you take
a misstep in the corn maze, you wind up in
the corn pit you're in like human trafficking, and they're
just gonna order they have to feed a beast that

(29:01):
lives in the corn pit. The ball rug will eat
you offer these guys that of our corn Maze participants
get offered up to the cornet. I just kind of
pictured drunks and children sitting in this corn pit together
and children. I had to look it up and I
did find I thought you might want to know. A
corn pit apparently is like a and I quote a

(29:24):
pile of shelled corn akin to a sandbox. So I
don't know if it's loose corn kernels or like the
actual sheaths like you know. The all this is making
me think of is that the beginning of the pandemic,
when there was the run on toilet paper. I knew
someone who will remain nameless, who didn't understand why people

(29:49):
were trying to buy toilet paper because he said if
they if you run out, you just use corn cobs. Yes,
I know him, do you know him? And he would
argue this over and over again and not be able
to explain where people would source said corn cops, but
that it was. He would get very heated and angry

(30:10):
about people trying to buy toilet paper, because why wouldn't
you just use corn cop. That's plenty of corn cops.
It's America offered up everywhere about how this person lives
his life. But yeah, that's what this is, reminding me
of corn cop. You should find that person. How did

(30:31):
your pandemic go? Starr? I wonder whatever happened to him?
Probably somewhere. Sounds like a real ambitious sort. So our suspect,
who will just get back to for all reasons, he
was the Twin Cities corn maze. Thank you for asking,
Elizabeth and um the Purple was quote this is a
quote from the new story was quote bending over at

(30:51):
the waist removing corn from his boot when the firearm
he was carrying on his hip discharged. So he's strapped
at a corn Mazey, he's got he's got quote unquote
he's got corn in his quote unquote boot Casey. When
he comes at him and wants to give him some
problems in his corn hole, he's look comes around the
corner really quick in the in the maze, Plamo, that's

(31:12):
what I was wondering. A mean, he was he like
terrified by the children of a corn as a kid
like where he like, well, you know, I've heard a
lot of hoodlums hang out in the corn. Made you
get you get mugged in the corn man beaten up
by a scarecrow? Like, what's his good story? Anyway? Dude
shoot himself in the upper thigh meat and uh a
good time was still had by all corn festival didn't

(31:33):
even close. They just keep his rolland comes out on
his stretcher. So I let's take another little break and
get back through it. I'll let you calm down, be
back with some more. Okay, Elizabeth? He ready? Yes, Now

(32:06):
I got number eight for you. Loudmouth crank drives car
into wet cement during slow speed car chase with cops.
I love this because I feel like it could be
about me. Yeah, I'm a loudmouth crank and I drive
really slowly. Let's pretend this is you. Okay, Okay, you're ready. Yes.
So it was about five thirty pm when a fifty
three year old woman you was driving around with a
bullhorn shouting at people who were walking around in towntown Rochester, Minnesota?

(32:30):
Was this me? And I didn't know about it? I
want a bullhorn? She was just like she's drive by shouting, shouting.
I don't know she Apparently she was like really into God.
I think a lot of people who have bullhorns are
into God. She was saying some stuff about God. I
don't know which way she was going with it. Trave
and I my brother Travis, who was on guest on

(32:51):
their episode A Good Kid Um. He and I when
we were younger, we'd be driving around and we played
this game called Robot Observer where if you're like in
slow traffic in like a like a pedestrian friendly district
of like shopping district, he would be in the passenger
seat with the window down, and he would just announce
an item of clothing that someone was wearing. So you're

(33:12):
not like heckling people who just go like blue polo
shirt and then someone looks like I'm wearing and then
they looked around, and then we would just look straight
ahead like nothing was going on. So you're just getting
people like weird feleny moments or they're not sure what's
happening in traffic, orange polar fleece and they just be
like and they're talking to me hysterics, But you had

(33:33):
to be like secret hysterics and then I wish we
had a bullhorn for it, so we'll get you one.
So it could have been we could have been on
the show. Well, the Rochester police would not be into
your jam, so that wouldn't play in Minnesota. Probably not
the Rochester police. They pulled him behind this one's car
and they're like, ma'am, you on the bullhorn, hits the
lights in the sirens, try to pull over. So she

(33:54):
shouts on her bullhorn, oh look, I'm getting pulled over. Yes,
she narrates her nice for polo her and she then decides,
you know what, I'm not going to do that, so
she hops to not be pulled over, and it was like,
forget all of that. A sovereign citizen, which amazing. So
she punches it on the accelerator, or rather she lightly

(34:15):
floorted on the accelerator. She gently swerved into oncoming traffic
and tried to drive away right now. The cop was like,
I'll come on, lady, and apparently in Rochester, Minnesota, they're like,
we're not going to, uh, you know, do high speed
car chases. That's just not what we do around here.
So he lets her go and he then watches as
she does her slow speed getaway and drives into a

(34:36):
construction zone and she hits the sign that warns this
is a construction zone and O r old Jenny scoff law.
She tries to drive into what is hardening cement. Right,
So the construction workers had just finished It's four thirty
in the afternoon. They have just finished work, so the
cement concrete guys are still there. They're leaving the job

(34:57):
side when they turned around and they get to see
this dingleling drive like I don't know, Chevy suburban right
into the the cement, the wet samancos wood and she's
up to the wheel wells in her like you know,
station wagon or whatever it is. The car eventually stops
dead in the conference and she's sitting there and there's
this guy and I witnessed, so I have an account

(35:18):
of it for you from Robert samenco of Chippewa Concrete.
He said he and a co workers quote had heard
and a quote all of a sudden, a big loud bang,
and they spin around and they see, as Samanca was saying,
this woman just spinning her wheels right and a quote
she bottom right out. She tried spinning her tires to
keep going, but she just couldn't. He's sitting there on

(35:41):
her damnit, let me go. The cops are standing there
like watching Samanco and the cement guys are watching, and
the police then try to attempt to pull her from
the vehicle, but she will she won't, so she keeps
yelling at them with the ball Are you stay away
from me? People are gathering Samanco. The cement guy is
just like, well, I guess we had now just yeah,

(36:01):
added another day to the work he was prepared for.
Samanko to samantais all philosophical about it, he said in
I quote, we get this once a year. It's early,
so maybe twice a year. Once a year here somebody
gets like road rage and drives into Bay Summant shop. Okay,
what's going on up? It's Minnesota, baby, Minnesota. It's a

(36:23):
beautiful place. No. Number seven. Ye you're ready? Yeah, headline
to stoners sue California pot company for selling weak joints.
How did you get the paper? My lawsuit had a
good lawyer. The company, in case you wanted to know,
is Jeter Brand Joints And according to to California potheads,

(36:45):
Cabbiete and tor The pair of burners hired a lawyer
to sue this California pot company for selling weak as joints.
So they were like the stoners, They've been purchasing pre
rolls and they were greatly disappointed with the effect efficacy.
So just been told, yes that those are pretty potent. Yeah, no, no, no,

(37:05):
it's usually it's the worst weed. They basically like the
hot Dog of weed. It's like the butcher just grabbed
everything that fell off the table and then just turned
it into a pre roll. The I was you were misinformed,
like the waters in Casablanca. You were informed, So Jaspersentino,
Long Beach and Blake Wilson of Fresno, which is the
opposite of fres Yes, he alleged that quote Jeter pre

(37:28):
rolls are total bunk man like rip off city. Bro Okay,
that's not actually a quote. But then I was like
that from the court trans According to California state law,
and I did not know this, any weed sold in
California must be as strong as claimed on the packaging. Now,
there is a ten percent legal allowance for the th
HC contents. It's kind of like how the HP gives

(37:49):
you ten percent of speed variants. They do the same
thing with POT. So if you say you're pot is
thirty seven percent t HC, it's got to be at
least twenty seven percent. Otherwise. The lawyers for these plaintive
come after you. They said, these people are overcharging customers
and that's now we're getting into commercial violations and so forth.
FTC so A dream Fields, the company that owns Jeter brand.

(38:11):
They called the lawsuits claims quote baseless and ridiculous, and
the Stoner plaintiffs assured the court that their claims were
totally based candidates publication weed Week, which in case you
don't if you don't read it, it's like the women's
wear daily for Weed. So weed Week it was it
tested these Jeter and it said the Jeter pre roles

(38:36):
are listed as having fort th So weed Week went
and tested this and they found that they were closer
to twenty three to twenty seven percent, so they were
below and plaintifts have a strong case, And it looks
like we may have found a plot for our next
great Stoner buddy comedy slash courtroom dramas. Harold and Kumar
go to the Supreme Court. Alright, next, sup Elizabeth number six.

(39:01):
Woman sues Geico car insurance for giving her STD. Court
orders Geico to pay five point two millions. Wow around
what Geico doing on its weekends? Get party, Missouri woman
sue Geico for giving her an STD. The judge said,
and I quote, get out your check book, Mr Lizard. No,

(39:24):
that's not a real quote. It is something akin to that.
The woman told the court that she had contracted an
STD from having sex in her car between November and December.
In February one, she filed a lawsuit alleging that Geico
was to blame. Now you may be wondering, Zaren, how
can my car insurance be to blame for me getting
an STD? And I'm glad that that was the question

(39:47):
in my head. Apparently she had that good, good car insurance,
because it's like, I want collision and bumping grind insurance.
That's confidence. So I don't know, I don't have Geico,
I don't have to. Well, I'll let you know. So
the way he committed to the court that she found
out that her partner gave her an STD, and then
she contacted Geico was like, well, what y'all gonna do

(40:07):
about this? And Geico was like, miss, how is your
sex life our problem? And the customers like, um, I
think you need to fix this, and I believe I
am always right, and the Guico was like, no, you're
an idiot. I'm sorry, you need to stop calling us.
But the customers like, uh no, uh and I quote,
my insurance policy provides coverage from my injuries and losses,
and since I had sex in my car, you better

(40:28):
get ready to pay up. Getico so like, girl, you high,
we are not paying for all that, And the customers like,
fine a million dollars and I'll drop the case. Geico
was like seeing corporate and Geico no, not really, but
this is my imagining of the conversation. Geico did not
see any of that. But anyway, the case gets sent
to an arbitrator. Right now. The arbitrator said, and I

(40:51):
quote there was sexual activity in insured automobile end quote.
This said sexual activity quote directly caused or directly contributed
to cause the STD infection. So furthermore, five point two
million sounds about right for customer damages and injuries. So
Geico ruling it was like, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I

(41:11):
thought we just heard you say we owe her five
point two million. I've got to stop sniffing glue before
these court arbitrations because that couldn't be what you said
that The arbitrators like, did I stutter five point two million?
So Geico appealed the ruling of three judge panel heard
the case. They're like, okay, can we get this back
to reality and earth? And the three judges are all like,
oh yeah, get out to check. But Geico, you should

(41:33):
have taken that one million dollars? Are you kidding me?
So they had to pay five point two million dollars?
Is everyone Geico insurance? Tomorrow? If you have injury with
I'm gonna ride up everything. I'm gonna say, Geico, you
should have protected me from this head wound I got.
I am as pale as they come, so I get
sunburned and then I have skin cancer. Now thanks could

(41:57):
have protected me? Geico. Oh I don't know, sweet cheesy crackers,
I don't know. I don't even know what to say.
They can'tica, I love the Amedica. Wow, okay, so ready
to keep this crazy? I just gotta go to switch
my hurts to go now. Maybe they'll sorry flow from progressive.

(42:19):
I'm on a new jam. You didn't protect me from
my STDs. They would have to prove up that like
it happened in the car. Apparently she's saying, that's the
only place you should have been able to protect me
from this accident that I had in my car. I
don't get it. I cannot process this. But I got
another one for you. Thank you. Let's keep the crazy

(42:40):
train going. I love trains. We're now on the top five,
ELIZABETHA top five. Okay, we've got another lawsuit. The headline
doesn't quite say at all, but it says enough. Ready
woman who claims she developed for an accent after l
A X shuttle collision can't resend settlement. A woman claimed

(43:01):
she was walking in l a out by the airport
and she gets hit by a Hilton shuttle bus because
they got like Hilton Hilton Hotels right there, you know,
so then you know you may even been on it.
I was probably driving it. Hit that woman, get her
out of the way my flight. So anyway, the Hilton
claims that the woman was lying and that the bus
never hit her but merely just cut her off while

(43:22):
she was crossing the intersection, and that she faked her
injuries as a result, and so you know, you may
be wondering there, what are her injuries? Question? Her injuries
that she claims was, I mean, she was hit by
the Hilton bus. She began to suffer from what is
a very very very rare medical condition which causes a
person to speak with a foreign accent. That yeah, I have.

(43:45):
It's a latent, it's intermittent. Yeah, I was born with it.
It's a congenital condition. I've always had foreign accent syndrome.
But anyway, Elizabeth, according to the court, the woman said, quote,
she'd been born and raised in the US, but she
spoke to the jury and some sort of European accent,
so much like me, like it was some sort of
European accent. Is last continental European, Russian? Is she irishan Belgian?

(44:13):
Who knows? Why not? Everything? He's continental, Elizabeth. So this
is this syndrome is called ambient foreign accent syndrome. And
that's where your accent kind of wanders do No, actually
that the real one is just called foreign accent syndrome.
I made up the ambient one. But then, since nineteen
o seven, there have been a grand total one people

(44:35):
who have been diagnosed with legitimate foreign accent syndrome. This
woman was not one of them, but apparently, like there
was a very most famous case, by the way, a
person who had a Spanish accent suddenly began to speak
with a Hungarian accent. And they were not Hungarian and
didn't know anybody Hungarian, but they had a really thick
Hungarian It's a very fascinating anyway. But this woman didn't

(44:56):
have a damn thing. And the judge was like, you
better get out of my courtroom with that nonsense. The
chair of settlement, which he tried to rest because her
lawyer was like, I don't have to do with this,
and it became a whole mess. She lost everything. So
the court is like accent changes been, the jury is
out of the room. She's like l A X. And
California has like the most protections ever for pedestrians, Like

(45:17):
pedestrians have the right of way, like even if you're
just thinking about crossing a crosswalk, if it's an intersection
a crosswalk, if you're an intersection, the crosswalk is presumed,
and so wow, she should have just let go of
that one. Ready for number four, man shows up at
e er with bomb and his rectum. Excuse me, this producer, Dave,

(45:37):
did you say his rectum wrecked him a damn near
killed him, Dave. Oh, no, French dude. And this guy
wasn't French dude. Years. Oh this man he LEAs the bomb.
He's so apparently, this kinky frenchman was a Saturday night

(46:00):
and he was looking for some extra special feelings. So
he pulled out a World War One artillery show and
that one he had, and he just went to work
fitting into the backflap of his union suit, if you
know what I'm saying. And his man on bomb revelry,
he got this World One relic good and stuck in
there right, just good. And so he tucked on down

(46:24):
to the emergency room. He's like, what's up? Doc? Can'd
of rock? What's up? Doc? And the doc was like,
oh man. So the hospital they weren't too keen on
this because it wasn't that they were laughing at this
poor man with the munitions in his butt. It was
there like that's a live munitions sale. So they have
to clear the hospital because he's got a bomb in

(46:44):
his book. So the pediatric emergency room, the adult emergency
room all had to be cleared out. Bomb experts had
to be called in, and they sent the robot. The
robot so it come in there and they all the
bomb experts have to expect the man's bomb. But and
the bomb experts they reassure the hospital. Yes, this man,
he has bombs, but his s bomb is no problem

(47:05):
for us, So it is unlikely to explode in the yard.
So the munitions lodge and this poor man's direct him
damn near killed him. Was safe for everyone but the
man with the bomb in his But he was the
only one in danger. So the World War One munition
and the lead and all that could be he could
go septic. So it was, by the way, eight inches

(47:26):
long and more than two inches wide. It was. It
was a long daddy, and uh one quick little surgery
later our French kink daddy was free of this unholy relic.
There you go, Wow, I had a bomb, mass booty.
You're ready for number three. So here with number three

(47:53):
and one, it's all gonna be fun, fun, fun, Elizabeth.
Number three woman attempts to run over X's family and
friends at his funeral. Oh, this one has a little
of everything. It is, as you say, all the way unhinged,
full tilt crazy. The woman she woke up the morning

(48:13):
and she was like, I choose the vice where North
Dakota far ago North Dakota, and you would expect that
this would it currently is not right I would expect.
I had no expectations. Oh you're more you're more broad
minded them like this sounds like a Missouri crown me,
I don't know. In May, a North Dakota woman was
arrested at his cemetery after she had arrived at her

(48:35):
ex's funeral uninvited and to make matters where she drove
her suv across the cemetery grounds and she went there
to see that her ex had definitely passed away, like
I want to see it go in the grass, right,
She was that kind of like onward, but she wasn't
done with him or his family. Once he was on
the other side of the grass she was, she strapped
into her suv and decided to head over and see

(48:56):
what's what with who was still left mingling around the
open hall in the earth. So when she arrives at
the funeral, she spots to her people that she recognizes
and starts aiming at them. So the friends and the
fam of her ex have to run and she's scattering
the crowd at the funeral. Oh my god, there's a
reason she's an ex. So she's like trying to put
others in the dirt. Luckily no one gets hurt. But

(49:16):
twenty eight year old Blair Witten crashed into the Fargo,
North Dakota funeral with all the respect and propriety of
a wet fart. And thankfully no one gets you. As
I said, hit or hurt. But the police were already
well acquainted with Blair surprise, because this was not only
she hadn't driven across the sounds like arrow to it

(49:37):
makes a lot of good decisions in life. But last
year she was arrested for spray painting a statue of
Jesus outside of a church in towntown Fargo. And if
you can believe it, she's spray painted Jesus's face black.
She wanted to make a black face Jesus for God
knows what reasons. I don't know what message she's saying,
like black lives, Jesus matters. I don't know. Like this
is like I have no idea tear down this. Blair

(50:01):
was just wild now and then when she gets busted, Oh,
I was making a statement, No Blair, where you were
not doing, not tethered to reality, but thanks for trying.
Number two to wedding spirals into chaos after bride allegedly
laced food with pot. Yes. But in the last story,

(50:22):
the woman woke up that morning, she's like, I choose violence.
This woman woke up the bride She's like, I choose chaos. Yeah,
that's how you need to wake up every morning. I
choose chaos. So I'm reading this story, I'm like, what
in the Church of Teaching Chong was this bride? Thank you?
Because this wicked weed wedding? Guess what state it took
place in? Not California? Okay, is it somewhere that weed

(50:44):
is legal? Not exactly. Oh so medicinal, medicinal, I don't know.
Florida flood, Pablo Honey come to Florida. So this the
little wedding surprise, was the idea of the bride in
her caterer to give her fifty guests a memorable time. Right.

(51:04):
The guests all sucked on meatballs, and they enjoyed the
caesar salad and the bread with herb dip, all of
which was doctor with wheat oil. So nobody be wiser.
The wedding guests are having fun until people start acting strangely.
One guest feels dizzy. She lowers herself on to all
four and starts vomiting profusely, seeing that they're like, oh,

(51:25):
looks like Becky's not having a good one different Yeah,
and they hit different for each person another. Another guest
gets convinced that her heart was about to stop, so
she crawls out of the wedding on once again on
all four her car. Nobody apparently helps her. She gets
through the car starts texting her family, I love you,
I hope to see each other in her advice to everyone,

(51:50):
I shouldn't be laughing, but there she is, minutes from
death like hanging on the side of her car, texting
everyone she knows one truly unlucky guest. I believe this
is the mother of the bride. She was taken to
the e R because she believed everybody was lying to her,
and she believed quote her husband wasn't telling her the
truth about her other family members. She was convinced that
her son in law was dead, she was dying, and

(52:11):
that no one would tell her that she'd been poisoned.
This sounds like PCP Superspy, your PCP Superspy episode. You
gotta also wonder like the side I at the guests
who are just like chilling. They just keep eating, is
all right? They like, they just keeping me at the
right level, keeping me even so at the e R
mother of the bride is so unruly, so loud that

(52:34):
they end up having to drug her yet again, so
they put her down gun. The most memorable day of
her life the day my daughter gets So some guests, though,
they were a bit savvy, as you pointed out, and
some of them were even able to call nine one one,
So E M T s arrived, they're able to help people.
Cops arrive after that, and they quickly determined, you know what,

(52:55):
something ain't right here. So they're like, Deputy Bob, go
over there and grab that. And they started grabbing up
foods apples, glass where pint glasses, Zanna dishes. Everything they put,
they tested all they put on the lab. They test
all of the stuff they can. They find out that
the people had put weed, butter and damn near everything
but the water tested positive for pot weed oil. Mazanna

(53:18):
cheese anyway, and you know what, don't mess with it
like it's it takes you to another plane. Already Garfield
would be so bad that dumb the brider cater. They
both get charged with food tampering and if you you
can believe this delivery of marijuana like yeah, like you okay,

(53:41):
but you got it. Oh my goodness, Elizabeth, we've reached
number one most ridiculous try. I'm of to day. Are
you excited? I cannot wait? Yes, this one. We're excited.
This will probably blow your ears back, may flip your wig,
curl my hair. It'll put a little pep in your step,

(54:01):
or take it out. Yes. California woman drops phone into outhouse,
falls in head first and get stuck. It was just
like nightmare. Sheal continue A bad headline hit the internet,
and the internet hit back if everyone was like, what
are you talking? Because it was a Tuesday afternoon when

(54:23):
a California woman was in Washington State's Olympic National Park.
They're at the base of fot Mount Walker in case
you've never been to Olympic National have not been there.
So she was gazing up at the peak, odd and inspired,
and all of a sudden she felt her bowels begin
to move. She's like, I need to go drop off
the kids at the pool. So she popped over to

(54:44):
the porta potty but it was like one of those
like nice ones, like a wood. She there, you go.
So she pops in there and uh, you know, she's
uh in her forties, but she's like, I need to
get on my phone WM on the crappers. She pulls
had her phone and she's doing her business and doing
her on the phone. Yeah, and when she gets up,

(55:05):
I don't know what happened. Maybe she didn't get her
word all right, She's like, crap and drops her phone
into the crapper. So what would you do? What should
she do? Elizabeth? Well, then I asked someone, where's the
nearest A T and T I can buy an iPhone
because I don't have a phone anymore. That's R I
P phone right now. She took a different approach. She

(55:28):
decided to take the toilet lid off. That way, she
could lie down on the porta potty toilet and reach
further into the toilet, but she couldn't quite reach her phone.
So she had a dog leash with her. She tied,
I don't know where the dog was, but she had
the dogs. Yeah, but that's what would that'd be a
good idea? Actually maybe I don't know, maybe kind of

(55:50):
being on the dog. She tied her dog leash off
to the porta potty I assume like the door handle,
and then she held on tight to the dog leash,
leans into the toilet, reach us as far, but she
still can't quite the phone. It's there, her fingertips. It's
just right, just a little further. What it's falls right, snapped, broke.

(56:11):
I don't know the door handle snap something snap, Woman
California one falls right into the toilet head first. Now
she's stuck inside the toilet, there with the gallons of
human filth. Twenty minutes she's there trying to free herself,
and she realizes, you know what, I'm not gonna be
able to get myself out of this day. She has

(56:31):
the phone. You know, God bless this phone. Apparently it
still works. She's able to call someone. She calls nine. One,
tells the operator, look, I'm stuck in to John. And
she's like, excuse me, what, ma'am, I'm stuck in to John? Well,
have you tried just knocking? No, I'm like in the
toilet part, how is that? Okay? We're going to send help.
So they send out help to this crapper. Ladies in
there for an hour. Rescue crews arrived from two different

(56:55):
fire departments and trying to free just trying as hard
as they can. They hand her very as items, hoping
that that she can put them underneath her and be
able to stand out, spending her like I don't know,
apple boxes or something from a Hollywood set, like stand
on this, want you have something to stand on? She
can reach up and apparently she's short because when she's
five feet down but now standing on something, she's able

(57:16):
to reach up high enough that the firefighters are able
to reach down and grasp her hand and free or
where they pull her out of the toilet like a
second birthing experience. She gets hosed off and they give
her a white tive ex suit to wear. Aunties quote
strongly encouraged her to seek medical attention since she's been
bathing in human waste. For God just set her so

(57:38):
deeply embarrassed. The California California Woman's like which way is
the state line and just tries to leave. So she
goes she didn't go to the hospital, don't go anywhere
but her car. I would be like, what's your strongest antimiotic?
And I want to take him as pills and then
I want you to coat my body in them. I
will never have enough showers to gasoline showers wouldn't be enough.

(58:00):
It can you take me to the chlorox factory just
dunk a u oh goodness. So the water treatment the
closest water treatment plant was like, ma'am, that ain't that
stink ain't coming off the California woman. She thanked the
responders and continued her journey back to her home state.
And if you were wondering, just in case you were,
the toilet was, as I said, more than five ft deep,

(58:21):
and it held five gallons of human waste. Okay, so
you already had me six over three gallons buckets. Now
it's like and if you're wondering, you're like, wait, is
what was her crime there? And I'm like, well, her
crime was trespassing or maybe it was illegal dumping of herself.
I don't really know, but look, cops were called, which
means technically maybe it wasn't a crime. She wasn't a criminal,

(58:43):
but she was starting up ridiculous. Yeah, she's criminally so
and I just got a text from my imaginary lawyer
and she says that California woman was quote wrongfully imprisoned
in herself in a toilet. So boom, yes, and we're good, Elizabeth.
It's our ridiculous takeaway. My ridiculous takeaway is that two

(59:04):
seems to be filled with a lot of poop two,
y'all number two, Well, my ridiculous takeaway. And once again,
thank you for asking, Elizabeth. Nobody asks sar Is. It
was a really crappy year. It was a lot of highs,
a lot of loaves at the number one lot of
number two. You can find us online a Ridiculous Crime

(59:26):
on both Twitter and the Graham Twitters, where you know,
if it's still around us, where you can find us
for some chit chatting. We'll put up some polls and
then take them down and redo them. Yeah, fur them now.
On Instagram we put the photos for each episode if
you want to see what these people look like and
the buckets of pooh, the stories are there. You get
sneak peeks at the new epis on both and also

(59:48):
you can email us Ridiculous Crime at gmail dot com.
Thanks for listening, Thanks for listening, m Ridiculous Crime. Is
hosted by Elizabeth Dutton and Zaron Burnett, produced and edited
by the head of the Couston crime Family, Dave Custin,

(01:00:09):
researches by Marissa Encyclopedia of Crime. Brown are themed songs
by the Right Honorable Judge Thomas Lee and the Good
Doctor of the Jam, Travis Dutton. Executive producers are Ben
Let's Go Boland and No, Don't Call Me Charlie Brown
were Disquiet Say It one more Time? We dequeous Crew.

(01:00:34):
Ridiculous Crime is a production of iHeart Radio. Four more
podcasts to my heart Radio, visit the iHeart Radio app,
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