"Say Hello to My Amish Friend": Drugs in Pennsylvania Dutch Country

No one expects to hear stories of beard-loving, barn-raising, technology-avoiding Amish and Mennonites being involved in street crime. Let alone that they have secret pot-growing empires. And outlaw biker-supplied cocaine cowboys riding in black buggies. "Welcome to Amish Country, son! Watch your a$$!"

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Ridiculous Crime is a production of iHeartRadio.

Speaker 2 (00:03):
Hey, Elizabeth Dutton, Zaren Burnette, I'm so glad to see you.

Speaker 3 (00:07):
Good to see you.

Speaker 2 (00:08):
I've got a little question for you. If you have
a second before you go anywhere, Yes, sit back down.

Speaker 3 (00:12):
Oh sorry, okay, if you have a second, I'm good.

Speaker 2 (00:14):
Okay.

Speaker 3 (00:15):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (00:15):
So my question is this, do you know what's ridiculous?
I do. I knew you would know.

Speaker 3 (00:19):
The essence of repugnant desire?

Speaker 2 (00:22):
Oh, my stage name in Malaysia repugnant desire dancing. No,
what is repugnant desire?

Speaker 3 (00:28):
Just like leaning over a candle at the dinner table,
but without the hard work. Stand out in the crowd,
get noticed as you walk through the airport.

Speaker 2 (00:35):
I recognize this type of copy.

Speaker 3 (00:40):
You're one of your favorite people. Elon Musk, Oh not Borg.
Elon Musk And I say that sarcastically.

Speaker 2 (00:48):
And I don't even know if you. Borg is still
a good person. I just like saying the name before.
Maybe he's a jerk now, I don't know anyway, moving on.

Speaker 3 (00:53):
I know how he has his various companies that he's
running into the car.

Speaker 2 (00:58):
Elon Berger, Elon City Wrench Company.

Speaker 3 (01:01):
Yeah, he has the boring company. That's the tunnel company.
And they made a flame thrower that one time.

Speaker 2 (01:08):
Oh yeah, I have friends.

Speaker 3 (01:09):
They have another product. Oh really, it's a perfume, a fragrance.
Get out of I'm not I'm not getting out of here.
It's one hundred dollars a bottle, which, like, I don't
know it's that's somewhat expensive. I don't think it's expensive
in the grand scheme of perfume.

Speaker 2 (01:25):
Hundred that's like what you buy the drug store, right.

Speaker 3 (01:28):
Well, no, it's like some like nord Strums.

Speaker 2 (01:30):
Kind of ok. Yeah, do they know they're selling this?

Speaker 3 (01:33):
Oh yeah, no, no, no. He apparently made a crack
about this and on Twitter naturally okay, and then sold
what he claims ten thousand.

Speaker 2 (01:43):
Bottles to one person.

Speaker 3 (01:45):
People with blue checks.

Speaker 2 (01:47):
I don't know.

Speaker 3 (01:48):
Okay, do you want to know what it's called?

Speaker 2 (01:50):
Not really, but tell me anyway.

Speaker 3 (01:52):
Burnt hair?

Speaker 2 (01:53):
Oh god, take it back, don't don't tell me.

Speaker 3 (01:56):
And apparently it smells like burnt hair.

Speaker 2 (01:58):
Of course it does, because he has no irony.

Speaker 3 (02:00):
Yeah, this comes to us. The email that this person
sent to our ridiculous crime was forwarded to me. Ditya wrote,
love the show, hate this mashup.

Speaker 2 (02:11):
Thank you.

Speaker 3 (02:13):
My dad loves Dad Humor and Elon Musk, though his
povs are a bit questionable, as she says, so it
made sense for him to purchase his disgusting new fragrance
burnt hair. I don't know if you've heard of it.
It's from the Boring Company, but my dad bought it
on a whim and we all got the chance to
smell it. I can confirm it smells horrible. Honestly to me,

(02:34):
it resembles the smell of corn on the cob, right
when you're about to bite in, but cold corn on
the cob, because that's gross. I know you guys don't
really check your inbox, which is exactly why I'm using it,
because you should never be aware of the existence of
this abomination.

Speaker 2 (02:50):
Does the Boring Company where they invent this to like
spray into Las Vegas tunnels to get homes?

Speaker 3 (02:54):
Ding Dong walked into Twitter with the sink or whatever
was it.

Speaker 2 (02:58):
Yeah, let the sink in.

Speaker 3 (02:59):
Yeah, let this sink in. Let that sink because I
was like, wait, kitchen sink. I forgot.

Speaker 2 (03:02):
It's whatever.

Speaker 3 (03:03):
It's corny and it's stupid and it's for twelve year olds.
I don't burnt hair perfume.

Speaker 2 (03:08):
Literally, that's it. That's the joke, I suppose. So oh wow,
So yeah, you don't let him near any puppy.

Speaker 3 (03:13):
Dog at the website because of.

Speaker 2 (03:15):
Start trying to make a little boy.

Speaker 3 (03:17):
It's he's just gonna build little boys, now, Okay, Yeah,
I looked at the website. It's sold out, Sara, And
I'm so sorry.

Speaker 2 (03:26):
I'm having such a hard time believing this is true.

Speaker 3 (03:29):
It's totally true. Oh wow, Eli, And the bottle does
look like something you'd buy at the drug store.

Speaker 2 (03:36):
I bet it doesn't look like like, you know, the
poop emoji or something. Oh right, yeah, well, I'm gonna
give you a pass on that one. Is that ridiculous?
But I got something for you if you got a second?

Speaker 3 (03:46):
Yes, please.

Speaker 2 (03:47):
The Amish, that's mean. No, No, I didn't say they're ridiculous.
I'm just clearing the air. The Amish, in all honesty.
The Amish. You know those dudes, the ones with the
beards and the barn raised wagons and stuff. Yeah, you
know how they party like at sixteen ninety nine? Right, Well, Elizabeth,
would you be surprised to learn that they also are
into crime.

Speaker 3 (04:05):
I would be surprised by.

Speaker 2 (04:06):
That, really. Okay, yeah, well they are. Turns out sometimes
Hezekiah is pushing weight in his little old horse and buggy. Yeah,
like you can imagine old Zephaniah out there like Jay
z like, ain't trying to see no highway chase with Jake.
Plus got a few horses and a bond, I can
fight the case. So I pull over to the side
of the road and I heard son, Do you know
what I'm stopping you for? Because I'm young and I'm
Amish and my beard's real low? Or do I look

(04:28):
like a mind reader?

Speaker 4 (04:29):
Sir?

Speaker 2 (04:29):
I don't know. Elizabeth, buckle up, utter capit's about a
get wild.

Speaker 4 (04:34):
Yes, Amish, Okay, this is ridiculous crime, A podcast about

(04:58):
absurd and outrageous capers hi and cons.

Speaker 2 (05:00):
Oh it is nine percent murder free a and ridiculous. Yes, yeah,
all right, yes, Elizabeth, I affirm that, dear co host. Yes,
I guess we should just get this straight out of
the way. What do you know about the Amish and
the Mennonites.

Speaker 3 (05:17):
Uh, the Amish or Pennsylvania type stuff.

Speaker 2 (05:21):
Mm hmm.

Speaker 3 (05:23):
There are a lot of Mennonites in the South, are there. Yeah,
when I lived in South Carolina there was a Mennonite community.
The nicest people, yes, so nice, and they're like really
hard working. They had a bunch of different businesses and
restaurant and a bunch of other stuff. The carpentry yeah yeah,
crafty folk.

Speaker 2 (05:40):
Yeah. So they're generally they can.

Speaker 3 (05:43):
Use like electricity and stuff. The Mennonites and the Amish
they don't do that kind of they don't get with
like computers and right, am I.

Speaker 2 (05:53):
Right, you're mostly right. I'm just enjoying this. We go on. No,
but in all honestly, you are pretty correct. That is
that is a very good general read. Usually that's pretty
much what I knew about the Amish and the men
and Nights before I read all of this.

Speaker 3 (06:04):
Well then I know weird Amish paradise.

Speaker 2 (06:07):
Oh yeah, oh yes, yeah. Well the Pennsylvania Dutch that's
what the group is generally kind of like lumped under,
even though they obviously aren't all in Pennsylvania, but that
was the big first amalgamation. Have you ever been to
Pennsylvania Dutch country? No? Well, so you've never been stuck
behind an all black horse drawn buggy stuck on a two.

Speaker 3 (06:25):
Lane road No, I've not. I've been stuck behind like
a combine.

Speaker 2 (06:28):
Yeah, it's basically the same idea, just add in like
my tourist family.

Speaker 3 (06:31):
And no engine.

Speaker 2 (06:32):
Yeah. So the cultural Amish. Do you you ever seen
the Woody Harrelson, Bill Murray Bowling movie Kingpin?

Speaker 3 (06:37):
Yeah?

Speaker 2 (06:38):
Yes, okay, do you remember the Amish in that? I
don't know so Randy Cid he plays a big Amish bowl,
right right? Okay? How about the eighties movie Witness and
early Harrison Ford Banger.

Speaker 3 (06:47):
Yeah?

Speaker 2 (06:48):
Yeah, do you remember any of it?

Speaker 3 (06:50):
Barely?

Speaker 2 (06:50):
Okay, so it doesn't really matter. That's the cultural Amish.
And then, of course you obviously brought up where a
lot of people like we know about the Amish weird
al does Coolio's video Gangster's Paradise as Amish Paradise. Do
you remember the enny of that one?

Speaker 3 (07:04):
No? I know the the the hook, but that's it.

Speaker 2 (07:08):
Like, as I walk through the valley where I harvest
my grain, I take a look at my wife and
realize she's very plain. But that's just perfect for an
homage like me. You know what shun fancy things like
electricity At four thirty in the morning, I'm milking cows,
Jebba dive feeding the chickens, and Jacob plows. So that's Elizabeth,
I know, your favorite weird al song? Yeah?

Speaker 3 (07:28):
Sure?

Speaker 2 (07:29):
I mean right? Am I wrong about?

Speaker 3 (07:30):
I don't really have a favorite. Really, don't maybe do
Sophie's choice? Like what is this doctor dementor.

Speaker 2 (07:37):
Spending most of our lives living in an Amish paradce. No, no,
you're still a hanger anyway, So power weirdo. Excuse me
some backstory. Elizabeth, as ghost face would say, it's time
for us to quote separate the English from the Dutch.
So you know how the Amish they call us the English.
Are you aware of this?

Speaker 3 (07:56):
No?

Speaker 2 (07:56):
So they say like, oh, looks looks smart, mother, We're
out among the English. You know, they call us the English.
So the Pennsylvania Dutch, however, are not Dutch. And just
like how we're not English, they're wrong on both counts.
So they're actually Germans as in my people the Deutsch.
But over time I got American mouthed into Dutch, so

(08:16):
they're Pennsylvania Deutsch Dutch. Whatever.

Speaker 3 (08:19):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (08:19):
So there are also two groups, the Amish and the Mennoniss.
We've discussed. They look similar, they act similar They believe
similar things. They both are pacifists by practice and isolationist
by nature. Now, this similarity is there for a good reason.
They started out as one people. So back in the
old country of Germany, the Amage started out as the
old order Amish. Now when they got here, they got

(08:40):
here early. I'm talking real early, like Amish exiles from
Germany in Switzerland and Russia. They had set up shop
in Lancaster County, Pennsylvania before it was Pennsylvania, before it
was Lancaster County, before King Charles the Second gave William
Penn the land before even known as Penn's Woods. They
were out there being Amish.

Speaker 3 (08:56):
And they're like are you They're like, what kind of
amish Amish?

Speaker 2 (08:59):
Today? So they've been there, as I said, for a minute,
right these days, as you pointed out, you can find
them everywhere. They spread out. They went there in Pennsylvania, Ohio, Indiana, Illinois, Iowa, Tennessee.
This is the Amish. Now the Mennonites, they obviously go
further because they have a fewer restrictions. Now, obviously, both
groups adhere to a simple way of life. They prefer
handmade clothes, houses, and barns they build themselves. They reject

(09:22):
technology and modernity. But the drama, Okay, the Amish in
the Mennonites, they split from each other. When did this happen? Well,
back in the old world, back in sixteen ninety three.

Speaker 3 (09:32):
Oh really, it wasn't like an American splinter se No,
it wasn't.

Speaker 2 (09:35):
Like once we're here, like it would start our own things.

Speaker 3 (09:38):
They love men, and we're out of here.

Speaker 2 (09:39):
Exactly, y'all don't love men and like we do. So
they were part of the Anabaptist church right, which apparently
means like without a Baptist anyway, it was split right
down the center when.

Speaker 3 (09:49):
Jacob someone never took comparative religion.

Speaker 2 (09:53):
Well, I got Latin roots, What do you want from me?
So Jacob Ahman he led the split. His followers. They
became known as the Amish right. They're feeling kind of
Amish now. The ones that stay behind they followed the
Mennonite they become the Menonites. Now in America there are
a bunch of different churches. There's the Old Beechy Amish
Old Beache.

Speaker 3 (10:09):
Yes, they saw Beechie waves in their hair.

Speaker 2 (10:11):
Exactly, that's what I thought. I thought a picture them
as like the fun and suns, like surf.

Speaker 3 (10:14):
And turfish exactly.

Speaker 2 (10:17):
They are not the blonde Ballabu Barbie Amish. They are
They're not even coastal. They are in like Illinois and Kentucky.

Speaker 3 (10:24):
There's beech trees.

Speaker 2 (10:25):
Yeah, it's an old term. Just happens to be an
old term that they're using. Anyway. There's also the New
Order Amish, and they are also not like I saw
your Face slide up like.

Speaker 3 (10:35):
New Wave Club.

Speaker 2 (10:36):
Yeah. Yeah, there's no Ian Curtis, like post Ian Curtis
Joy Division turned into New Order. No, that is not them, Elizabeth.
Then they were just turned out. They were split from
the Old Order Amish. So they're the New Orders exactly.
And then there was the more recent split, this one
which was the Old Order New Order Amish that dates
back to the sixties, the nineteen sixties. Really yea, even
the Amish were getting down in the sixties and I

(10:57):
want to split anyway these days off we speaking. Just
to give you some numbers, there are three hundred and
fifty thousand Old Order Amish living in the US, and
now there's six thousand or so living in Canada. And uh,
there are also a bunch of Mennonites in Canada, but
we'll get to that in a second. Now, okay, the
primer on Mennonites. This is a couple of differences. Starting
around the time of the Civil War, there was a split,
as I told you, in the Amish and Mennonite families

(11:19):
originally back in Europe. And then there was another one.
In eighteen sixty two, a bunch of homage families decided
to leave the church and become Mennonites. So they became
known as the Menonites of Amish origin by men in exactly.
This is such a mouthful. People are like, well, we
need to be able to tell them apart they got
the same beer, it's the same barms. So these are
the Mennonites of Amish origin caps exactly, well, the men
Knits of Amish more origin. See, I can't even say

(11:41):
it that. People are like, we got to come up
with a better name. So now they started calling them
Amish Mennonites. That makes perfect sense. But this was a
problem because that's what the old Order Amige called Mennonites
called themselves. So now we have the new order men
and it was a whole thing.

Speaker 3 (11:54):
Yeah, okay, it's messy.

Speaker 2 (11:56):
My point is there's a lot of them, and there's
a lot of churches. So we have the contingent of
men and I who went to Canada. There's about one
hundred and fifty thousand of them. In the US, there
are about half a million Mennonites. Really, way more Mennonites
than Amish. Yeah, you're far more likely to meet a
Mennonite because also they stray from the farm a lot
more so, Elizabeth, can you guess which country is the
largest Mennonite population outside of Canada and the US. I'll

(12:18):
give you a hand. It's in Africa.

Speaker 3 (12:19):
Oh, it's in Africa, yeah, Bulliser Maya, whoa another South Africa?

Speaker 2 (12:24):
Nope, I give you another hand. Horn of Africa. I
think Old religion.

Speaker 3 (12:30):
Yeah yeah, yeah, Okay.

Speaker 2 (12:31):
The Abyssinian Mennonites in.

Speaker 3 (12:33):
Amish, they are all Celassia.

Speaker 2 (12:37):
They got like treads and stuff in their beards. Is
that there's three hundred and ten thousand men Knites living
in Ethiopia. There's another two hundred and twenty five thousand,
and the Democratic Republic of Congo sixty six ten thousand
in Tanzania, another fifty thousand. Zimbabwe. There's also a lot
in Mexico, one hundred and ten thousand in Mexico.

Speaker 3 (12:54):
So, and these are black Mennonites.

Speaker 2 (12:57):
The original men in.

Speaker 3 (12:59):
Black is realized. So they go yell in the public square.

Speaker 2 (13:03):
They're very similar, but of beers and no microphone, the megaphone.
They're just sitting at the old school ones like the cone.
They just shout in the cone. Okay, Elizabeth, you remember
World War One? Right? It was rough on me. Yes,
not personally, but remember it was hard for me. So
in World War One we were fighting against the Kaiser
and yeah, the Jerry. So this meant the Pennsylvania Dutch,

(13:25):
the German culture, domage, amendance. They were targets for abuse. Right,
So dateline Kansas nineteen seventeen. The Great War, Its bloodshed's
gripping the minds of the Kansas. So what do they do, Elizabeth?
Obviously they form into angry mobs and go and attack
their neighbors.

Speaker 3 (13:38):
Is that why they were like, oh, we're not We're
not Deutsch, were actually Dutch? You didn't hear us the
first time?

Speaker 2 (13:43):
That's an interesting question. I don't have an answer for that.

Speaker 3 (13:45):
Well, let's say it happened.

Speaker 2 (13:46):
Though I liked that that's what happened.

Speaker 3 (13:48):
That is exactly good.

Speaker 2 (13:49):
Deuts Dutch, no Dutch, you didn't hear me, very simple,
So German listened to me a nunciate Now. So the
Evening Kanson's Republican newspaper, that's the name of the paper,
The Evening kans And Republican. They published America's declaration of
War in April sixth, nineteen seventeen. And in their article
they're talking about world wars coming to America or I
guess we're coming to the war. They thought this might

(14:11):
be a trigger that would incite social strife in America,
and I quote, federal agents say they have evidence of
a widespread movement on the part of agents of the
Imperial German government to incite Negroes to rise against the
United States government. So what do these scared Cansons do, Elizabeth,
I don't know. Well, instead of terrorizing the alleged Kaiser
loving black folks of Kansas, the white Kansons decided to

(14:33):
go see about the patriotisms of the local Mennonites.

Speaker 3 (14:36):
So notably worried that the declaration of war in the
papers is going to cultivate.

Speaker 2 (14:41):
Them, It's going to activate the Mennonites to go get
the Negroes to turn on them, so they want to
stop that change.

Speaker 3 (14:46):
Evanchurian candate kind of like my theory that the cars
for Kids jingle is a trigger for people to rise
up for some.

Speaker 2 (14:53):
Some political Eventually they'll put in the actual Yeah, like the.

Speaker 3 (14:56):
Manchurian candidate, Someone's going to hear it and just like
drive their cars notes.

Speaker 2 (15:00):
That are different. They're like, oh, time to go kill
yeah kids. Well it's kind of like that.

Speaker 3 (15:06):
Yeah, totally.

Speaker 2 (15:07):
The single largest group of men andites living in Kansas
at the time were not from Germany. They were from Russia.
But you'll find that.

Speaker 3 (15:13):
Facts don't matter to Vegas.

Speaker 2 (15:15):
Yeah, that's a large contingent of them. So the Kansas,
these good Kansas, they got out their pitchforks and the
shotguns and they went to work terrorizing their neighbors close enough, Yeah, exactly,
like they got accent Germany Russia nonsense speakers. So the
fact that these pacifists men knights wouldn't send their boys
to die in the war, that didn't with these good Kansas.
So one April evening in nineteen eighteen, with America's involvement

(15:37):
in the war, now one year old and in full
and bloody flourish. People are losing sons. A mob of
forty men visited the farm of one Walter Coop Rider.
Now twenty of the men pulled on masts just like
they'd visited like a spirit Halloween star clans in the costume.

Speaker 3 (15:51):
Yes see, Okay, these men weren't fighting over in flanders Field.
But they'll go and get mad at these dudes for
not okay, exactly needs a white feather on this one.

Speaker 2 (16:05):
I should seriously. So they break into this Mennonite farmer's home.
And this man was not born to Mennonite. He was
the son of a Civil War veteran who had converted
to the faith. But his ancestors had fought to keep
Kansas free. But they're like, it doesn't matter to us.
This is the new War. What are you doing on
this war? So they demanded he'd buy war bonds for
the new War. And he's like, okay, I'm a pacifist.

(16:25):
So they're like, well, we're gonna we're gonna tar and
feather you. And I swear this is the son of
Walter Cooprider. He steps forward bravely and he said, my
father is in ill health, so I will volunteer to
be tarred and feathered in my father's place. One problem,
this mob had apparently not thought to bring hot tar
or maybe they had all like whatever, all they ended
up having. The mob was like, what are you up, Steve?

(16:46):
I got some warm house paint. So they poured warm
house paint on the sun and they had him lie
down on a pile of chicken feathers and so and
he rolled around the feathers. After that, the mob was satisfied.
That's justice, mob, justice, and they left. But they weren't
done it. For the evening, they loaded up in cars.
They drove twenty three miles to the county's edge. There
they visited another Mennonite minister, this guy Da Diener, and

(17:07):
they tried to He was trying to show his support
for the war. He knew these people were kind of
uns So the minister had nailed an American flag to
his church, but the mob had noticed that the flag
had come down, so that was suspicious. So they showed
up in the middle of the night looking for answers.
They wears your flag, mister, it's not.

Speaker 3 (17:24):
The time to be The Lord doesn't want you to
be a pacifist.

Speaker 2 (17:27):
This moment, God wants blood swing on them. A young
pastor had turned out, had taken the flag down. Why
would he do that, Elizabeth, Because according to the US flag.

Speaker 3 (17:37):
Would say that's not respectful to.

Speaker 2 (17:38):
Nail exactly, so the flag should not be left out
at night. He knew that he brought it in. The
mob was unmoved by this fax and logic and flag clothes.

Speaker 3 (17:48):
Like people who are like, you can't burn the flag
while they're wearing like shorts.

Speaker 2 (17:53):
So they these the crowd, the angry mob. They decided
time to heat up some house paint. So they heated
up some house paint and they tarred and feathered. The
pas warm up some house exactly because in Kansas, we
don't waste perfectly good tar. We're a house paint family.
So a few days past, the angry mob reforms and
it returns to the Minister Deaner's home. This time the
angry mob demanded that he signed a fifty dollars check

(18:14):
to the Red Cross. He did, is instructed right then
the next day he canceled. He stops payment on at him,
so the mob. A few days later, the angry mob
reforms and they go and they return to the minister's
house and they're like knock, knock, knock, angry mob back.
And then he's like tarn it. He's like bolt the door.
The mob's like, we will not be stopped. They break
into the house, they ransack it, they steal money from

(18:35):
the minister. They drag him from his home, and then
you guess it, Elizabeth, they poured warm paint on him
and they threw feathers at him, and this time they
were satisfied. Now my favorite of these men night stories
of defiance, this last one. I got one more for you,
where jas is one and a half. These good Kansas
discovered that one of the men knights living among them

(18:55):
dared to not own an American flag. Outrage form up
the angry mob, so they went out there, line of
cars headed out in middle of the night to this
non flag owning farmer. The man came out to face
the angry mob. Right, rather than shrink from fear, this
farmer he's a little bit tougher. He's like, do even
yell all the hot words of violence in my face?
You want to, I'm gonna start singing. So he starts singing.
What does he sing Elizabeth.

Speaker 3 (19:16):
Onward Christian Soldiers, Oh.

Speaker 2 (19:17):
Good one America, the beautiful Oh, in his best church voice,
full throated singing and out the mob was overcome with patriotism.
They start singing along with him. By they don't even
get to the end of the first verse. They're joining it.

Speaker 3 (19:29):
But if they if they tuned up this farmer, then
they're gonna be like overcome with starvation. They need these
guys growing their food.

Speaker 2 (19:36):
But they're all farmers though I am just not to
the angry mob. They continue to sing with the farmer right,
but then their voices fall away as he continues to sing.
Why would that be Elizabeth? They don't know the words.
He knows the worst than they do. No, he starts
shaming them with his inarguable americanness that they do not have. Lastly,
there's my man John Shrek. This dude, he looks like

(19:58):
a Mennonite's idea of a bad man, right, just imagine
like a Mennonite biker.

Speaker 3 (20:02):
Right.

Speaker 2 (20:02):
So the angry Mutt mob it comes out to old
John Shrag's farm and they attempt to intimidate John Shrag
and he has some sons and he's like, I don't
I don't allow that, right, and they're like, you need
to buy war bonds. We are the angry mob. And
he's like, I don't give a yeah he wants so
I'm not. I'm not buying any war bonds. I'm a pacifist,
dang it. And so then the angry mob they decided
to do their thing. They ransack his house, they ransack

(20:23):
his barn. They go and they steal tools from his shed.
They're like, I always wanted this saw, right anyway. Finally
they dug a drawn Shrag outside. They drag him outside.
They push an American flag into his hand. They're like
hold this, and he's like, I'm not holding that, and
he lets it drop. Right. Some of the crowd shouts,
he stepped on the flag. And now they want they
want blood, right, They're out for it. They start beating
up the pacifist farmer. Right. Then they bring out the

(20:45):
warm house paint in the feathers. But that's not enough
this time. Now they want a new level. So someone's like,
get a rope. They gonna hang John Shrag, right, So
what does this farmer do at this point? He can't sing,
he ain't got a voice. He starts quoting the Bible
at them. Oh, one eyewitness said, and I quote, there
was some kind of glow come over his face, and
he just looked like Christ. They slug him on one

(21:07):
side of the face and he'd turn his cheeks on
the other. He exemplified the life of Christ more than
any man I ever saw in my life.

Speaker 3 (21:15):
Yeah, he's living it out.

Speaker 2 (21:16):
He's just speaking it exactly. He's taking the blows for it,
just like Christ. He caught some lefts and rights in
the Wow. Yeah, they were like Roman centurion stomping anyway,
because of his wave of violence. The governor and others
all excused. Everyone's like, I can't believe these Mennonites just
won't get with the program. So the men Knights were like,
all right, that we're out of here. So some went
off to Mexico, some went to Canada, and surprisingly large

(21:39):
numbers left, and thus the large numbers in Canada and
in Mexico which Quitcidentally also brings us to the fact
that this movement was what's credited with leading to the
rise of the Mennonite mob and the Amish cocaine cowboys.
Oh what Yeah, after this rake, I'll be back to
tell you all about that. And we're back. Yes, tell

(22:17):
you ready for more? Yes? How do you feel? And
feel a little amish?

Speaker 3 (22:20):
I you know, I'm still kind of those farmers who
are coming at the Mennonites. It's like, take that heat
and go fight.

Speaker 2 (22:28):
Yes you want to go do violence. We have some
players for you.

Speaker 3 (22:32):
They are begging for going.

Speaker 1 (22:33):
Now.

Speaker 2 (22:34):
Whatever you want over there, Well.

Speaker 3 (22:35):
I'll wear a poppy for you later.

Speaker 2 (22:40):
Okay. Remember how I said Mennonites migrated to Canada.

Speaker 3 (22:42):
I remember that, following.

Speaker 2 (22:44):
The persecution long time ago. I remember it. So the
ones who moved to Mexico, they'd really they've been testing
the bounds of their faith and their dedication to the
old fashioned ways. We'll say many men Nights who settled
down in the quantum Oka region of Mexico. They got
chummy with the cartels. So back in twenty thirteen, Mexican Mennonites,
which is what they're known, they were busted for operating
a drug pipeline for the cartels. They've been distributing coke

(23:07):
into from Mexico and via South America into the more
lucrative markets of Canada and the US.

Speaker 3 (23:13):
By horse drawn carriage.

Speaker 2 (23:15):
Just bugging over the border. So they give you a
buggy with spinner rims maybe ground effects. So now for real,
the DEA popped up this Mexican Mennonite for running eleven
thousand pounds of marijuana and thirty kilos of cocaine. The
drugs readed into Alberta, Canada. The bus came about after
years of surveillance and wiretapping.

Speaker 3 (23:33):
So, wait, they're coming from Mexico through so they're going
to go through the United States in.

Speaker 2 (23:37):
The air well, sometimes you can just like yeah, maybe
fly into or bring it even ship into Canada. Yeah,
So it was a total surprise for the DA. They
did not expect to find this Mennie connection. So the
bus started with an investigation into this rumor that old
tractors and farm equipment were being used as a cover
to obscure shipments of cocaine. Yeah, the first agents were like, okay, yeah,

(23:58):
sure the Amage were helping the center cartel Pushwait, okay, buddy, anyway, genius,
they get their parties all sorted. They found that the
men it was Mennonites, not the Amish, who were indeed
slang in that YAlO. So the DA said, and the
press release quote, we've partnered very well with the Royal
Canadian Mounted Police, and between the two agencies we identified
a much larger international organization that comprised a lot of

(24:20):
people from the Mexican Mennonite community, which had deep historical
relationships to other men Andite communities in the US and Canada.
They went, yeah, GOODU yeah exactly, it's like Al Braso
with the Mormon community. They get down to Mexico, They're like,
we're gonna do this. Remember El Brazo. Okay. So as
the investigation broadened, the authorities discovered that the men Nite

(24:43):
drug kingpins were not working with El Chappo and the
Sinaloa cartel. They were instead working with the rival Juarez cartel,
which is a little violent, and they were earning what
they called tributes for their distribution. They called it. They
had to put it in their language, like will you
tie to our church? Anyway? So the Mexican hotels they
why would they seek out a business arrangement with the Mennonites,

(25:03):
Like how did that even happen?

Speaker 3 (25:05):
Because it's a great cover, right that it is a.

Speaker 2 (25:07):
Good clever right, But what about the beards, Barnes and
suspenders said, we'll be googa.

Speaker 3 (25:11):
Cocaine at that I don't know, right, So the.

Speaker 2 (25:13):
Cartels had found that they made a good partner for them,
and I did some research on this. According to Fredrick Darouch,
who is a professor of sociology at Saint Jerome's University
in Waterloo, Ontario, he said, back in two thousand and five,
he wrote a book called The Crime that Pays Drug
Trafficking and Organized Crime in Canada. So he's like, you know,
the expert on Canadian drug crime, right, he spoke to

(25:34):
this because you know, this pops up occasionally and like
you know, conferences he speaks at. People are like, hey,
what about the Mennonite drugs And he's like, oh, I
got a great one for that. He's like, okay, I
have an answer for that. So there's a large number
of drug runners and distributors and cartel leaders I've spoken
to in the course of my investigations. I found that
there's one simple reason why the cartels choose the Mennonites
for business partners. Can you guess what it is?

Speaker 3 (25:56):
Well, because they're pacifist, they're not going to fight back.
He's random enough. I mean, it's just like the Wars
cartel go to see that war as you got dead folks,
you can't get a mayor. And they're like, I don't know,
that's what I would think.

Speaker 2 (26:10):
I thought so too. Yeah, they kind of suck. But
the drug smugglers and the cocaine cowboys, all of them.
They like to minimize risk, right, And one way to
minimize risk is by investing in a tight knit ethnic clan.
So they yeah, they're like the Serbians, we are going
to betray each other. We are tight, so they reduce

(26:31):
any chances for betrayal. So, you know, crime will always
find the best way that human beings work together, you know,
by nature of R and D. Anyway, So Elizabeth, enough
about the Men of Nights. You're ready for an Amite strug.

Speaker 3 (26:43):
Deal born ready?

Speaker 2 (26:44):
All right, So a little more about the homition. Why
they act like they do as a faith community Amish,
they form districts. They typically have thirty families that create
a community, and then they have no formal church. They
don't build a building, right, so when they hold services,
they just gather in a barn or a farmhouse, and
then they kind to do it themselves, much like the Quakers.
Right now, get this, the leader of this church is

(27:04):
not self appointed much like many of the other American churches.
You can't just go out and say I'm a mass exactly.
So they homage to it old school, I mean like
old school. They do it the exact same way that
the Apostles did it when they in the time of Jesus.
They cast lots. Okay, casting lots is how the Apostles

(27:24):
decided who should be the leader of the Apostles. After
Judas had kind of punked out for a handful of silver,
we need a new leader. And that's how Peter gets
in there. Anyway, So the congregation they nominated a bunch
of candidates and they bring in a Bible, but literally
they bring in like the Bible to sort it out,
but not just one Bible. They bring in a table
load of Bible. They do a big old sack of bibles.
They create a pyramid of Bibles. Then they play a

(27:46):
game of short straw with the bibles. So they put
all these Bibles on a table and then they tell
the candidates, starting with the oldest, they get to go first.
They go, okay, go up to the table, pick a bible. Okay,
there was a ruminate and they can't open they have
to just pick right. So they pick a bible and
then but there before the congregation they select from the
table of bibles. They open it and if inside the
bible there is a slip of paper that says, you
are now the special leader. Guy, you get to be

(28:08):
the special leader and not just a special leader. You're
now the quote minister for life.

Speaker 3 (28:11):
Oh wow.

Speaker 2 (28:12):
So that person they lead the community. But the community
is actually led more by something they called the ord Nung.
So the ord Nung is a code of conduct, and
it guides the community's behavior and their choices. It's a
blueprint for living. And when I say a blueprint, I
mean this thing covers everything. It tells the men how
high to wear their suspenders. Oh, it tells the ladies
like the expectations of how to wear a bonnet, or

(28:33):
like what colored the smock should be. It tells a
man how wide his brim of his hat straw hat
should be. I mean it covers it all right.

Speaker 3 (28:39):
It's like Catholic school uniforms.

Speaker 2 (28:41):
Exactly with the same gusto. The or Nung also tells
people how to comport themselves in the community, and so
they it's like their flexible ten commandments that they can
rewrite except for with way more commandments. So the provost
of Messiah College, he told the Washington Post that quote,
the important thing of being Homish is the willingness to
submit to the ord Nung. So it's like the rule,

(29:03):
it's penal cosh exactly. So back to our crimers who
followed the ord Nung in twenty twenty one, this cat,
I'm about to tell you he stunned local and federal
authorities with the size of his pot growing operation and
the location. Quote, It's like, you know, I thought the
Amish were against technology. Who's paying this dude's light bill?
Because apparently down in Lawrence County, Tennessee, Sarah's deputies had

(29:24):
no expectation that when they rolled up to the home
of Chris Appleby they would find an Omish pot gangster.
So Detective Jason Jenk told his local news outlet, quote,
to be honest with you, my partners and I were
mind boggled by how it was just right there, rolled
up from the earth exactly so the inside that he
had it in a grow house, right. Cops found twenty
five pounds of pot, which is a fair amount of pot. Yeah,

(29:47):
and thirteen weapons, and a large pile of cash. Typical
drug dealer bust. Yeah, not a typical Amish bust. So
the detective Janki said, quote, you never hear anything bad
come out of the en much per se. There's bad
apples in every crowd, but never thought it would be
this big, especially with this amount of marijuana. So apparently
the issue for old Chris Appleby wasn't that he was Amish.

(30:10):
It was that his neighbors were amish because.

Speaker 3 (30:12):
They snitched on them.

Speaker 2 (30:16):
Yeah, but that wasn't the fact that he was amish.

Speaker 3 (30:17):
It was that his neighbors were Detectives figured out, like
how to.

Speaker 2 (30:21):
The neighbors they see all the lights like late at night,
They're like, what kind of amish folk?

Speaker 3 (30:27):
It is immediately a lot of candlepower exactly, like what
kind of tapers is he burning? Mall?

Speaker 2 (30:34):
So Chris Appleby might not be living his best Amish life,
but uh, you know, he'd been spending most of the
live living in an Amish paradise. Sorry anyway, Normally the
homage community quote is, as Detective Jankie said, handles things
within themselves. I can't go into what the complaints were,
but it was enough for us to look into it,
and we all looking into it. We did get probable

(30:56):
cost to execute a search warrant. So the search warrant
they got, they got the property, they find twenty five
pounds of pot, and then they find old Chris Appleby
and Elizabeth. I'd like you to see what old Chris
Appleby looks like.

Speaker 3 (31:09):
He just whos from the office.

Speaker 2 (31:13):
It looks like Rain Wilson's buddy. You might be wondering,
what is this clean cut, mo's looking extra guy doing
in a policeman So, as I said, he was not
born into the Amish tradition. He was a late convert.

Speaker 3 (31:29):
Wow, the hair looks like hair.

Speaker 2 (31:32):
In the goateee. He looks like he's like I tried
to take a shot at the guy who killed Abraham Lincoln. Anyway,
Detective Jankie said, quote from talking to him. He said,
he moved down here seven years ago is and joined
the Amish community. He just wanted to kind of slow
down and live the slow life of the Amish community.

Speaker 3 (31:47):
Oh, so he's a convert.

Speaker 2 (31:48):
Yeah, I don't believe any of it. I'm like, I'd
be willing to bet you he was always planning on
building an enormous grow house and hiding it among the office.
And he's like, looky, LEVI you two amos. I love
to raise barn as much as the next fellow. So
if you just really you know, I just needed to
get away from my Brooklyn startup. So can I join
the community, and of like, oh, of course, brother, I
just want to grow stuff, you know. Anyway, the thirty

(32:10):
three year old international industrial pot grower, he caught four
criminal charges. Huh So this Chris Appleby, the son of
the Applebee's founder, which I believe is related. You you're
from the South. How would this be related to Cracker Barrel?

Speaker 3 (32:24):
Oh? Applebee's is a totally an amash Cracker Barrel.

Speaker 2 (32:26):
Oh perfect, Okay, I'm not sure I've.

Speaker 3 (32:28):
Been to Cracker Barrel once. I don't think I've been
doing Applebee's.

Speaker 2 (32:31):
Oh yeah, well it's not worth I've seen it. You
may enjoy it. Who knows you're you like experience.

Speaker 3 (32:36):
I'll try to take my chance.

Speaker 2 (32:38):
Yes, and sometimes food poison gives you good fun times
you get it like really recentered.

Speaker 3 (32:43):
Wait, and then you know there's going to be like
an Applebee's ad cut to break exactly.

Speaker 2 (32:47):
That's just going to happen. But anyway, let's just cut
to an ass for yourselves. So when we're back, we'll
get into the story of amaged drug dealers who partnered
with an outlaw motorcycle gang to go full hardcore drug
king pep. Oh wow, the right, Elizabeth, We're back.

Speaker 3 (33:21):
Yep, we are.

Speaker 2 (33:22):
So enough about Moby's cousin, the hot Dealer, Elizabeth. Have
you ever heard of the East Coast motorcycle gang, the Pagans. Yes, yes,
you know them. Uh, okay, So they are the East
Coast rival of the Hells Angels.

Speaker 3 (33:34):
Yeah. They had like a big shootout in outside of
Las Vegas, right, was.

Speaker 2 (33:38):
It more recently you're talking. Yes, they are constantly getting
in big gun fights. Yes, kind of their thing. It's
like one of their hobbies, like turn ons and turn offs,
big gun fights outside of casinos. So they're big in
New Jersey. It's long walks on the beach with a gun.
But New Jersey, New York, Pennsylvania, that's where you'll find

(33:58):
their strongholds. But you also find up and down the
Atlantic Coast, North Carolina. They were particular. They really like Florida.
You know, you'll find them everywhere. Yeah, Pagan's not a
good group, bad bunch.

Speaker 3 (34:09):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (34:09):
Yeah. So they founded back in the good old days
of nineteen fifty seven. This is about a decade after
the Hells angel Yeah. Yeah, So the Hells Angels get
founded in Hollister or down in the Holster, but in
a basically, I guess like southern California. I think the Lancaster.
I don't remember exactly where, which town, but anyway.

Speaker 3 (34:23):
It was up here.

Speaker 2 (34:25):
I think pretty sure southern California because they used all
the aircraft. It's a bunch of like old bike old
uh US Army veterans. Yeah, War two veterans. A lot
of them were in the they were pilots and they
were involved, and he used the aviation.

Speaker 3 (34:36):
Guess what, my man, I'm gonna look it up.

Speaker 2 (34:37):
Please look it up.

Speaker 3 (34:39):
It's not up here, but it was what I was
gonna think.

Speaker 2 (34:41):
Burdu Samo Okay, so I said, Lancaster, not San Bernardin.
I'll mak It's one of those.

Speaker 3 (34:46):
Like Burdu on their on their rocker on the back.

Speaker 2 (34:50):
So I thought that was like one of the first chapters.
It is the first chapter, okay, sand Burdu, So there
you go. So unlike the Hell's Angels getting found founded
in San Bernardino, ak Samburdue. The Pagans they get started
in Prince George's County, Maryland a decade later, and they're
in a different sort. They were like a British bike club.
They rode triumphs. They dressed like British ton up boys

(35:11):
of the nineteen fifties. Right, they didn't go for the
whole like Hell's Angel, like, we want to do our
best impression of Marlon Brando in the Wild One. That
was the original look for it. Yeah.

Speaker 3 (35:22):
The Hell's Angels also by shunning like the convention, they
had shaggier hair. So you're saying these guys were like so.

Speaker 2 (35:27):
These guys were getting doors, shaped up hair, looking very
much rolled up jeans, exactly looking like guys who would
beat up the Beatles. So the sixties come about, the
culture changes. Now the outlaw biker gangs emerge and the
Hell's Angels they grow their beards longer, they get longer hair.
So do the Pagans. They're like, that's the thing, man,
forget the times. They buy American bikes and so the

(35:48):
Hell's Angels and the Pagans become just like the one
percent you hear about like the real bad outlaw bikers.

Speaker 3 (35:56):
Of wealth in this country.

Speaker 2 (35:57):
No, yes, on the back of the isn't that like
from an article?

Speaker 3 (36:03):
Yeah, but it's like the lawlessness.

Speaker 2 (36:05):
Yeah, it was like a nineteen fifty is a guy
who wrote a new hyper article saying that only one
percent or motorcycle riders are you do crime? And so
then they became proud of that we are the one percent.

Speaker 3 (36:14):
Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 2 (36:15):
So the Pagans were exclusively white, just like the Hell's Angels.
They admit no black members. So I can't be a Pagan.
You're lost. Pagans. Anyway, they've since overtime loosened their standard.
They will now allow Puerto Ricans.

Speaker 3 (36:27):
Yeah, so we saw that on Sons of Er.

Speaker 2 (36:29):
Yeah, still no black folks allowed, exactly. So one Pagan
club apparently authorities where they were surveilling the club and
they listened in as the outlaw bikers. They threatened a
prospective new member and they go, we got to syringe here, buddy,
it's filled with sickle sill.

Speaker 3 (36:43):
And the blacks.

Speaker 2 (36:44):
They are going to inject them with sickle sill because
they said he may be possibly a black biker and
if he was a black biker.

Speaker 3 (36:51):
Sitting there as the possible black biker. I'd be like,
time out, guys, where did you source a syringe of sickles?

Speaker 2 (36:58):
Exactly?

Speaker 3 (36:59):
Like, how where do you order that?

Speaker 2 (37:01):
I also got a little bit of faulmus Gland here.
We're going to test that on Bobby later. So these
ranging from the Pagans, they've been in a long standing
turf for as to say, with the Hell's Angels, that
leads to all sorts of violence. In the late nineties,
the Outlaw biker gang was led by a former cop
named Steve Gorilla Montravine or Montravain anyway. He was an

(37:22):
undisputed badass.

Speaker 3 (37:23):
Right to pretend that that's his like birth certificate middle
name Gorilla.

Speaker 2 (37:27):
Yeah, his mom was just real funny like that DVG.
So this dude was once shot nine times called close range,
and just like Tupac, he survived, although I'm sure he'd
object to that analogy. Well, the first time, five times,
the second time, yeah, all right, but he did anyway.
So after he survived the attempt on his life, this
bike gang leader Gorilla, he led his Pagans to go

(37:50):
get revenge at a Hell's Angel event called the Hell
razors ball in Long Island. The old time national President
Sunny Barger, he was there, right. It was like a thing.
So all the Hell's Angels there, the Pagans they roll
up and they go into like where the Hell's Angels
are basically partying again this casino and they start this well,
they show up strapped right and although the New York

(38:12):
Times tell the story Elizabeth You're ready yes quote. Just
after four pm, the authority said, the vans arrived, some
pulling up to the spot where limousines usually discharge elegantly
gowned and tuxedoed couples. Outmarched a collection of long haired
men with scraggly beards and faded denim vests, some of
them so beefy that later the police had to use
three sets of handcuffs to link their hands behind their backs.

(38:33):
As astonished attendees look down from a sweeping carpeted staircase,
the Pagans began knocking over tables in the hall's pastel
painted lobby. The police said it did not take long
for the Angels to respond. Within minutes, the police said
Raymond Dwyer thirty eight, A Hell's Angel and a tattoo
artist from Oceanside, New York, opened fire at the invaders
with a small caliber handgun, wounding five people inside a casino.

(38:56):
He was just like, let them spray geta When the
gun smoke cleared. Seventy three outlaw bikers were arrested. Sixty
six of them pleaded guilty to quote federal racketeering related
charges stemming from the practice. One person was dead at
Pagan and around the same time, two Amish boys saw
this going down, and they thought to themselves, how do
we bring our buggies to this gunfight?

Speaker 3 (39:17):
Wait, so we do have a one percent of the
one percent?

Speaker 2 (39:20):
Oh yeah, well, I guess there was a murder there. Yeah,
he was definitely murked one percent. Yes. So back in
nineteen ninety eight, there was a pair of Amish dudes
who were running coke for the Pagans. This is their story.
O good, So Elizabeth meet Abner King Stolsfuss twenty three
and Abner Stolsfoss twenty five, two dudes with exactly the

(39:42):
same name, not related. Well, so the dudes were busted
alongside eight members of the Pagans for pushing coke into
Pennsylvania Dutch Country. The bus was a result of a
five year investigation into cocaine distribution and the Outlaw Biker gang.
So you ever heard of Intercourse, Pennsylvania?

Speaker 3 (39:58):
Beautiful place?

Speaker 2 (39:59):
Never been there? Okay, Well I used to have a
shirt that said I Love Intercourse. Yeah, I'm that kind
of guy. He is right in your paradise.

Speaker 3 (40:05):
Did you get it at like what was what's the
joke like, novelty place in the mall?

Speaker 2 (40:12):
Spencer's gifts for every twenty one? Yeah, well no, I
bought it at a good will like a real person does, Elizabeth.
So there's a these a bunch of these little towns
with funny names like Paradise, Intercourse, Bird in Hand, Pennsylvania.
So that's where we are. Imagine you are right down
the street from Bird InHand, Pennsylvania, and you're hanging out
with Abner. Okay, there's sense. There's two of them. I'm

(40:33):
gonna call them Abner King and Abner not King, because
one of them has the middle name Abner King Schools foots, Okay,
the other one's just Abner stools foots. So we're just
gonna call them Abner.

Speaker 3 (40:42):
King and King and Abbey King exactly perfect.

Speaker 2 (40:46):
So the Pennsylvania Dutch of Lancaster County is a picturesque
part of America. I've been there numerous times. I've told
you about it totally. Yeah, haystacks, barnes, you'd love it.
Is this sort of place where tourists clogged the roads
just to get a view of the haystacks? Is it
all well?

Speaker 3 (41:00):
Is it just the Thomas kinkcad of it?

Speaker 2 (41:01):
All it is? You would love it? Yes, it's very
not you. So meanwhile, there's farm kids starting rails of
cocaine in the back of those barns. Who knew right,
So one Amish woman told The New York Times quote,
so many people have an idealistic view of the homage
and treat as if we are wonderful people. I love
the Amish people, but we have our faults and our problems.
It's not good for us to be looked upon as

(41:23):
morally great. We aren't perfect. This barney gonna raise itself exactly. So,
besides the choice to cater to the tourist dollar, there
were other economic pressures at work, namely the challenges facing
the small American farmer. Elizabeth. Always, with each generation there
are fewer, fewer farmers and fewer farms to be had.

(41:43):
So the young men who seek to one day have
their own farm, they struggled to purchase farmlands. Are like,
you know, cocaine's a good way to raise money, but
not these guys. They didn't want to raise money to
buy farmland. Right. But as Donald Crabill, the provost of
Messiah College in Grantham, Pennsylvania. He's the author of quote
the book The Riddle of Amish Culture. Oh love that title.
I don't know why enigma exactly shrouded and enigma wrapped

(42:06):
in a riddle. Quote. There is a myth that these
are innocent, barefoot peasants. People don't realize how much they
interact with the outside world. But I don't think any
of us thought they were barefoot peasants. But anyway, I
get it. You wrote the book you want to be
dramatic cell pages anyway, not to mention the idea that
the Olamash We've always talked about this, we talked about earlier.
We say they never used technology. Turns out a.

Speaker 3 (42:26):
Myth they have cell phones, right.

Speaker 2 (42:28):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (42:28):
I saw something in like sixty minutes where they're at
a farmer's market.

Speaker 2 (42:31):
Yes, they eshoe technology, they avoid it. They aren't against it.
They don't see it as a sin. They just say
it's like a performance enhancing drug, you know what I mean.

Speaker 3 (42:42):
Like so they look at their phone and they're like ew.

Speaker 2 (42:44):
Yeah, exactly much like me or you. They're like, I
don't want to touch it. So now I've been in
an Amtrak station in Chicago, which is absolutely stuff with
men in nites. Really yeah. And I've been in Lancaster, Pennsylvania,
and the mall just stuffed with Amish. So I know
for a fact that these people, and I'm talking to
old ones, not the young, like, oh I'm out there
like just in my oats. No.

Speaker 3 (43:03):
So you know, like anyway, not the eminem Amish.

Speaker 2 (43:07):
No, But I was when I was in the Chicago
train station. I couldn't believe it. They were taking buses
to get there. Getting on the train with me just
rife with men and nits. I was like, I guess gas.
No one rides for free hy yaikaya. Anyway, Rum Springer,
I mentioned this tradition in your episode on the William Bowalda. Yes,
And so the Amish community, they set their young children

(43:29):
out into the world. They just go get out. They
push them out like fledglings, right, they're like, go fly
on your own, and they were out there armed only
with the values they taught them.

Speaker 3 (43:37):
They're like a juvenile redtail.

Speaker 2 (43:39):
Hawk exactly, just shrieking mom, Mom, wears my. Once they
turn eighteen, they're turned loose, right, and they're told to
experience life among the English. Now at twenty four they
are invited to return to become members of the church.
So for six years they get to just run wild
and reckless.

Speaker 3 (43:54):
Years.

Speaker 2 (43:55):
Yeah, wild and reckless.

Speaker 3 (43:56):
I thought it was like a year, I thought the
eighteen months.

Speaker 2 (43:58):
Yeah, yeah, no, so it's a And after they see
the outside world they can willingly choose to rejoin the
Church of a full heart and blubble right. Sometimes, as
their parents worry, the young Amish are seduced away. They
drift into worldliness.

Speaker 3 (44:11):
They just love the big Max.

Speaker 2 (44:13):
They can't help it. That cheese is so cheesy. Now
the two abners King and not King. They were not
alone and being seduced away. As one Amish teen said,
this person, by the way, was a young man, and
he was quote standing barefoot beside a team of five
mules hitched to a hay baler.

Speaker 3 (44:29):
Oh but they're not barefoot peasants.

Speaker 2 (44:30):
So apparently I'm wrong. I gotta take it back, so
he told The New York Times. Quote, they wear white
sneakers and English pants. They won't wear the pants their
mothers make for them anymore. Oh do they think they are?
So these are his parents. Yeah, he's like the fourteen
year old who doesn't want to turn.

Speaker 3 (44:46):
Out like the others, like my two Abners.

Speaker 2 (44:47):
Exactly. Can you imagine, Elizabeth. I mean, these days it's
become like a kind of like a time for the
young Amish to get you know, tact while, get drunk
partying bars. They even can buy flashy cars. They go
out there and they have cocaine fueled downs apparently. So
this was the life of Abner King and Abner.

Speaker 3 (45:04):
Horse drawn Lamborghini exactly, horse drown Lamba. And then they
fly around and horse drawn helicopters exactly.

Speaker 2 (45:12):
Oh, mar strong helicopter be amazing pegasusts though like horses.

Speaker 3 (45:16):
So well, they a Lisa Frank fever dream.

Speaker 2 (45:19):
It's like a Lisa Simpson fever dream. So well, they
did go off and enjoy their rum springer. These boys,
Abner King and Abner not King. They worked in construction.
They got jobs, and they got gigs as roofers, and
I might tell you that's a rough industry. That's the
kind of place where you meet people who, uh who.

Speaker 3 (45:35):
Are roofers, travelers, Irish traveler, a lot of that.

Speaker 2 (45:39):
A lot of travelers. Yeah. So their co workers were
bikers from the Pagans. Yeah, yeah, right, totally. Yeah.

Speaker 3 (45:46):
And they offered him power aid and that was it.

Speaker 2 (45:48):
Yeah, was the end of it. That's all it took.
They got to talking at lunch, they got friendly. But
the afternoon they were like, when can we get a
couple of kilos of cocaine? So it wasn't that fast.
It took a little time.

Speaker 3 (45:58):
They had they now they want coke.

Speaker 2 (46:01):
Now they're in the back of the van, going you
got any more of that? Blue man? Come on, come
on man, you got any more of that? So gross,
I didn't need it, like we're turning favors.

Speaker 3 (46:09):
For the coast. That's not what I'm saying. Just doing coke, oh,
just in general, in the back of a van. Gross
sing coke in the back of a van with outlaw bikers. Gross,
double gross, doing coke in the back of a van
with outlaw bikers who've been out in the sun all
day working.

Speaker 2 (46:24):
With some Amish teens with a hammer. Gross, super gross. Yeah, okay,
now we got all your turn offs listed.

Speaker 3 (46:31):
Thank you.

Speaker 2 (46:32):
I'll just tell you. These homage kids they decided, you know,
they told you, can I buy some cocaine from my
car workers and I have work construction. It's a great
place to find cocaine. So they're like, hey, man, we're
gonna take this up and turn this into a business
opportunity and not just a little weekend fun. The guys
really cool, bet we got kilos of this, you know,
And so they're like, oh, we can make it happen.
Can you get Can you get your buggy out to

(46:53):
you know, Long Island? They're like, we'll bling it out
to you guys, forget it. So they start working out
distribution deals. These amige kids they go they take the
cocaine back home. They're like, hey, Ezekiel, you want to
try a little of the nose candy. And so eventually
everybody word spreads from farm to farm. The kids were like,
he got to go to the hodown this weekend, Bobby.

Speaker 3 (47:10):
So suddenly they're all just growing coca crops.

Speaker 2 (47:13):
Exactly kicked over your corn. So for the next five years.
Abner King and Abner Nott King. They managed to pull
this together and they sell a million dollars worth of cocaine,
a million in the quaint Lancaster County area, just two
guys with a dream. The context at this same time
the president of the Chester County chapter of the Pagans.

(47:34):
He was in legal trouble and he'd broken the leg
of one man with an axe hample after the biker
refused to follow through on an order he'd given him.
Then he also knocked another man's teeth out after he
didn't have the money he owed the Pagans that's their boss.
These two amused kids were like, that's cool with us.

Speaker 3 (47:49):
Man.

Speaker 2 (47:49):
We're Abner King and Abner Knot King.

Speaker 3 (47:51):
We rolled home non pacifist.

Speaker 2 (47:53):
So yeah, So they heard all about this and they're like,
we should get into the cocaine business with him and
do that for five years, and apparently they did. And uh,
you know, so what do they do with a kilo
of coke once they pick it up from the Pagans?

Speaker 3 (48:04):
I don't know.

Speaker 2 (48:04):
Or rather than tell you about Elizabeth, I'd like you
to close your eyes.

Speaker 3 (48:07):
My eyes are closed.

Speaker 2 (48:08):
And picture it You are a barn cat. You've spent
the day luxuriating in various sun spots in haylocks. You've
chased some mice, you've missed some, you've caught some. Now
after a long late evening nap, you are awakened to
the sounds of the Oh it's Biggie Smalls, it's attract
hypnotize pink Gate. Is my Detroit players TEMs from my

(48:29):
hooligans in Brooklyn. That's right, dead right, if the head right,
Biggie's that every night, Papa been smooth since the day's
under rus. You're like, oh man, you're a fan of
the hip hop. We're surprising you. Hear often from the
young Amish who use the barns as their social clubs.
Tonight you see that there's multiple clubs in attendance. The
crickets are here, and the antiques in the Pilgrims Elizabeth,

(48:50):
they're all here. That's right, that's what the Amish kids
call their social clubs. But your cat eyes knows that
these are just wanna be gangsters, and the cocaine is
helping to really push that opinion down the road.

Speaker 3 (49:02):
They got a click called the crickets.

Speaker 2 (49:04):
Yeah, they're like gangs.

Speaker 3 (49:05):
They're Amish Kankans.

Speaker 2 (49:07):
You know, you guys should join the Pilgrims apple gang.
We totally beat up the apple pickers the other day.
So this hodown, you know, and it was the type
of hope. What's a hodown with asben cokayin? You know?
For those who prefer a longer lasting high. There's also
plenty of meth at the party. Oh my god, you
being a barn cat, you're not into that now. Also
there's fentanyls not yet a thing, but some oxy codin

(49:29):
is floating around. It's just becoming a street drug. Mostly
those it's just cocin meth. For these Amish kids, that's
just they don't break me off any nip, you hear it?
Cheer go up. When Abner King and Abder not King
roll up to the club, and by the club, I
mean the barn, So this Amish social club. These the
kids are. Some of them are dressed for afternoon volleyball
because that's what they were doing just moments before. Some

(49:51):
are dressed to dance and drink and snort rails because
the biggie is blesting in the barn. Some came ready
to party. Some just came from volleyball anyway. All the
kids are here, all the ones that matter. You, the barncat,
You're just not about this at all. Now. The most
of the tourists who visit the Amish country would never
imagine that as they drove by. Inside the beauty of
these old school barns is a cocaine holdown, a dark

(50:15):
but the holdown it's a bumpin' And you, the barncat,
you are once again I said it, not having it.
You hop down from the haylof you weave through bare legs,
spilled beer. You find an open barn door. You escape
into the night as the Amish young, drunken coke up
continue to whoop and holler in the barn, and you
wonder how many will come back from their time among
the English. And then you find a spot of moonlight

(50:35):
and PLoP back down and tell yourself it's not my concern.

Speaker 3 (50:38):
Yeah, you know what, in Cali, we were chucks, not balleys.
That's my response to the biggie.

Speaker 2 (50:45):
You're gonna gonna wave away like smudge it California. So okay.
Once the news broke in Pennsylvania, Dutch Country and the
Amish passed the word from farm to farm and around
the literal sewing circles. They fretted about what these outlaw
biker coke bust would mean for them their farms. Yeah,
the tourist dollars, their kids, reporters flock into the tourists ready.

(51:08):
Farms rush up on the black Amish buggies. And then
ever they come into town, they go hey, They push
mics in their face and they ask them, what do
you guys think about the outlaw bikers and the cocaine
amongst your kids. Now, one guy they found he said, quote,
my neighbor has a motorcycle. I'll try to stay friends
with him. Hope he'll do the same.

Speaker 3 (51:26):
I'm so forgiving. And yeah, meanwhile, they've got like jars
of apple butter filled with coke.

Speaker 2 (51:32):
Yeah, exactly, like a half a kilo squeezed in there. Anyway,
the lawyer for the Pagans, Yeah, they decided to point
out that her clients were not that much different than
these seemingly good farm boys. Quote, they're making the Amish
out to be pristine, untarnished young men corrupted by the
evil Pagans. The truth be know, these kids are the
same as any other kids who's surrendered to the temptations

(51:53):
of youth. They weren't corrupted at best, they were willing participants.

Speaker 3 (51:57):
Huh.

Speaker 2 (51:58):
Then came the judge. So when the trial rolled around,
with all the commencer of publicity and appropriate media attention,
the Amish community rocked up to their black buggies, their
Sunday best going to meeting clothes. They had the luxurious beards,
you know, the freshly brushed down. They had the black vests,
spotless trousers, women lace bonnets, trying to look clean because
you know that you want to like present well for court.

(52:19):
They decided to present well as a community. So they
got their best like you know, plane face going and
then walked in and said, your honor, these boys mean well. Well,
the boys did not do as well in their presentation,
so Abner King and Abner not King were brought into
the courtroom by FBI agents. They also wore black trousers,
black vests, button down white vests. Sorry shirts the drug

(52:41):
dealing young men, not the FBI, that is the FBI.
They just wore unimaginative gray suits. Anyway, So these guys
were bulky. They're sitting there, they're wearing like bright blue
shirts with their suspenders. They're trying to like the one
guy's got like nine two and oh Dylan Sideburns. This
is nineteen ninety eight, so like they don't have TV,
so they don't know. They've just seen it. I guess
in the mall want though. Anyway, so we don't know

(53:02):
what the courtroom scene look like because the save for
journalist descriptions, the courtroom artist was removed from the courtroom
that day because it goes against the religious traditions to
draw them. They don't believe it you can have their
likeness reproduced, so they were kind about that thing. So anyway, Yeah,
so the court case it proceeded as expected. Family's friends
were there in court, and then of course they get
here given can you guess how long they were found guilty?

(53:23):
Can you guess how long they went for being cocaine
distributors for one million dollars worth of coke for five years? Long?
How long did the boys go away?

Speaker 4 (53:29):
Nine?

Speaker 2 (53:30):
One year?

Speaker 3 (53:31):
Oh wow?

Speaker 2 (53:31):
One year for cocaine cowboy Lancaster County. So since then
things have been far calmer and they've been able to
keep the rump spring of down, So bully to them.
But if you see that black buggy or rocking, don't
be surprised if they got the yao and the knocking.
So anyway, that's all I got for you. Lose amazing.
There you go. Do you got a ridiculous takeaway for it?

Speaker 3 (53:51):
Yeah? Humans are humans and they're gonna crime no matter
how you raised. I mean, there's a portion of the
population that's always gonna do bad things, make bad choices.

Speaker 2 (53:59):
Yeah. Never a book by its cover, or a man
by his beard or.

Speaker 3 (54:03):
By his apple butter exactly.

Speaker 2 (54:05):
He turned that butter himself. Don't mean you don't like
some cocaine too, all right, Well, you can find his
online A Ridiculous Crime on Twitter and Instagram and also
on threads and on pins and needles and anywhere that
has sharp pointy places. Anyway, we also have a website,
Ridiculous Crime at dot com. Ridiculous Crime dot com is designed.

(54:28):
It's a brilliant, beautiful word that image sky I'm so good. Also,
if you'd like to email us, specifically Elizabeth, write Dear
Elizabeth at ridiculous Crime at gmail dot com and we'll
be sure to get it to her. Once again, thanks
for listening, See you next Crime Ridiculous Crime is hosted

(54:53):
by Elzabeth Duddon Endzart, produced and edited by Weird Al's
bass player Dave Houston. Researches by Marissa Got Them two
for five Brown and Andrea A Smart Woman Never Breaks
Biggie's Crack Commandments song Sharpened Tear Our theme song is
by Thomas the flower Lee and Travis the Sewer. The
host wardrobe provided by Body five hundred. Executive produces are

(55:14):
Ben Bill Murray's biggest fan Boland and Noel Woody Harrelson's
second biggest fan, Wow g Clime Say It One More Time,
Geek We Cry.

Speaker 1 (55:32):
Ridiculous Crime is a production of iHeartRadio four More Podcasts.
My Heart Radio visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or
wherever you listen to your favorite shows,