November 10, 2024 • 48 mins
Actress, songwriter, and singer Chynna Phillips of the trio Wilson Phillips traded in her mic for dancing shoes to join season 13 of DWTS!
Chynna said no the first time Dancing with the Stars came knocking her way. She tells Cheryl why she said yes the second time around. Plus, her first impressions of partner Tony Dovolani, thoughts on his teaching style, what went wrong with their final dance, feeling upset at getting kicked off when they were at the top of the leaderboards, and her advice for the current contestants.
Chynna also opens up about overcoming addiction, the questions she wishes she could have asked her Dad before he passed, her current relationship with her mom, and what she's up to now, including her YouTube channel, California Preachin', and building a community of support with her faith-based women's online community, CaliforniaHealin.com.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
The following episode contains potentially disturbing content and we want
to alert trauma survivors.
Speaker 2 (00:05):
It contains material that for some may be difficult to
discuss or listen to.
Speaker 1 (00:11):
This is Sex, Lies and spray Tands with Me Cheryl
Burke and iHeartRadio Podcast. Hey guys, let's just get right
into it. Our next guest grew up in a famous family,
which might sound glamorous, but it can also mean facing
harsh realities and trauma at a young age, with some
of her earliest memories colored by experiences no child should endure.
(00:32):
As a teenager, she turned to partying and experimented with substances,
a path made all too familiar by the chaos she
witnessed growing up. It wasn't until she faced a pivotal
wake up call that she realized the need for change,
ultimately finding new direction in her faith and spirituality. Through
it all, she built a career in entertainment that spanned
(00:53):
from music, film, and television. Her journey is a story
of survival, strength, and reinvention. Today were sitting down with
China Phillips to discuss how she overcame her past, including
her time on Dancing with the Stars with Tony de Vellani. Okay,
so welcome to Sex License spray Tans. It's been over
a decade. How are you.
Speaker 2 (01:13):
I'm good. It is so good to see you.
Speaker 1 (01:16):
It's been so long yet feels like yesterday.
Speaker 2 (01:19):
I know. And when I heard that you, you know,
reached out and wanted to do this interview, I was
just beside myself. I was so excited to be here.
So thanks for having me on.
Speaker 1 (01:28):
Thank you for being here. So who is China Phillips
behind the glitz and glam of the entertainment industry?
Speaker 2 (01:35):
Well, she is a Christian who is very actively you know,
speaking out for the Lord, and she is actively working
on her YouTube channel California and we're going strong. And
(01:58):
you know, it was just all about my ups and
downs and me running a tight shipwreck with Jesus. And
I'm just basically like also building a women's community. And
the women's community is thriving. I've got about five ladies
now in the ministry and it's really blossoming. And it's
(02:22):
hard sort of to articulate exactly what we're doing, but
we meet daily weekly, have retreats and it's all online
and it's really thriving and a lot of women are
finding lots of refuge in this women's community where we pray,
(02:44):
we read the Bible together, we laugh, we have meetings,
we support one another, and we just encourage each other to,
you know, go deeper into the word.
Speaker 1 (02:57):
I have done some research on you, and I appreciate
all of the work that you've done and how open
and vulnerable you are to share your story because I
can relate to you so much in so many ways
when it comes to certain traumas that happened when I
was a little girl. So thank you for that.
Speaker 2 (03:15):
Yeah, and that's another reason why you have to come over,
because we need to have dinner and just commiserate.
Speaker 1 (03:22):
What made you want to start all of this as
far as getting a women's group together, and was there
something that you just felt that you needed to do
to be of service?
Speaker 2 (03:34):
Well, I mean I was on a ton of pain, honey,
a ton of pain, and I was in a place
of complete and utter surrender because I was just feeling
really helpless and I was just feeling like if I
didn't get I was very lost at sea. And I
didn't and I knew that I needed an anchor and
(03:55):
God was there. But God basically was prompting me to
create a woman's ministry because I was in Alcoholics Anonymous
many years ago and I would always go to women's
meetings because I always felt much more comfortable just around
the ladies. So I knew that if I started a
(04:16):
woman's ministry a ministry, that I would want it to
be women only, nothing against men. But it's just one
of those things where it's hard to be transparent and
totally lay it out when there's like a guy on
the other end. But if you're just talking to women,
I think that your walls come down and you're able
(04:36):
to more freely just open your heart and share what's
going on in your life more openly and safe and
feel like you're in a safe environment. And that was
really important to me. So I started building this online
communitee and literally I thought, Okay, I'll just start one
meeting and it'll be the ten ladies who all growled
with and that'll be end of story. Well, it turned
(04:59):
out to be something a lot bigger than that, and
God had bigger plans. So basically we did our first
meeting and then about thirty meetings in there were other
ladies who were like, can I join, Can I join?
But I wanted to keep the intimacy of the first meeting,
so I thought, well, I'll just start another meeting. And
so I started another meeting, and that was twice a week,
(05:22):
and then there was more demand, and I started a
third meeting, and then a fourth meeting, and then a
fifth meeting, and so now it's just really blossomed. And
I'm not the host of all the meetings, but every
host and admin and every leader that I have in
my women's community, they are just I mean, I'm spell
bound by their commitment and their professionalism and their ability
(05:48):
to manage so many personalities. I could juggle a lot
of different personalities in what I'm doing, Yeah, a lot
of different souls. But it's the most great, fine thing
I've ever done. I mean, I loved Wilson Phillips, obviously,
I love acting, dazzing with the stars, all of that
kind of fun stuff. But I think that this has
(06:10):
been ultimately probably one of the most filling things I've
ever done.
Speaker 1 (06:15):
Let's let's rewind. What is your very first memory as
a kid. Oh my gosh, I have.
Speaker 2 (06:20):
So many, and I was just thinking about that the
other day. Funny enough, One of my earliest memories is
being at you know, Simon and Garfunkle. Yeah, so, I'm
pretty sure. I was at Garfunkle's house and they were
kind of in the deep woods, and I remember he
had a bowl of red pistachios in the bowl, and
(06:45):
I remember it was the first time I ever tasted
a pistachio and that I was just like, what in
the world is this? It was so good to be
I was, and I ate the entire bowl. I just
sat there and ate the whole bowl. I'm not trying
to throw names out there. This is these are literally
my first memories. I was in the pool with Dennis
Hopper and he was teaching me to swim.
Speaker 1 (07:07):
Was it successful?
Speaker 2 (07:09):
Very very Dennis Napper taught me how to swim. Isn't
it funny how sometimes it's the traumatic memories that you remember.
Speaker 1 (07:16):
Oh, mine is so traumatic, you get it. Yeah, for
some people, it's like mine, my grandma picked me out
of the crib and you're like, okay, hey, yeah, no,
so normal of you.
Speaker 2 (07:25):
Right. Yeah. I remember running. I remember my cousin running
through a glass door, like one of those sliding doors.
We were in Tucson, Arizona, and I just remember she
ran through a sliding door. And I also remember my
cousin the same one by the way, accident prone, getting
her fingers stuck in a car door. Memories like that,
I remember, and I was super young.
Speaker 1 (07:48):
Yeah, coming from such a huge family, did you feel
heard scene loved like all the human No? Yeah, say more.
Speaker 2 (08:00):
Now, I mean, and I don't blame anybody per se
because everybody, I guess was doing the best they could.
I don't know, I'm assuming, but yeah, no, I definitely
wasn't seen or heard. And but I you know, I
do give my mother a lot of credit for the
(08:21):
fact that she did show me the whole world. I mean,
I traveled the whole world before I was fifteen years old.
And my mom put a roof over my head, and
there was food, and you know, I had a caretaker
and so I was well taken care of physically personally.
I definitely there was an empty well there pretty much.
(08:42):
And my parents divorced when I was two years old,
so there was there was a lot of pain that
my mom was contending with as well. You know, she
was learning how to survive as a single mother. And
once moms and Papa's dried up. You know, she really
(09:04):
the money went fast. I mean it was like reiining
Gucci for seven years and then suddenly there was no money,
and so she hit the pavement taking acting classes and
she started acting. And I really admire the fact that
she was able to have, you know, really create a career,
(09:24):
a career for herself as be able to support me.
You know that that's very novel that she was able
to do that. It's really cool.
Speaker 1 (09:34):
We have a similar story that my parents also divorce
it too, and my mom was well, not in the
entertainment industry, but she was just trying to create the
very first nursing She was a nurse nurse agency, and
she refused to get any type of child support. Similar
I think to your stories that correct.
Speaker 2 (09:51):
Yeah, my mother would not. She refused any one penny
from YEA. And I don't always think that that's the
wisest choice. I think that a lot of that comes
out of just you know, pride, and that's fine, But
I don't think there's anything wrong with accepting child support.
But that's not the option that my mom.
Speaker 1 (10:10):
Took, right, And you've mentioned how your dad you always
had like a soft spot for your father and saying like,
though my father abandoned us, like there was always this
like anytime I would hear his voice or he'd say
I love you, like I would just start crying, and
like I had so much more compassion I think when
I was younger, interestingly enough, with my father who abandoned
(10:32):
us versus my mother who worked her ass off to
put food on the table. And it's just the dynamic
is interesting. Do you find that it's do you know
where that comes from?
Speaker 2 (10:43):
I think that all children need a dad, every single one.
And I think that when you're deprived of that, if
you're a little girl, there's just something so catastrophic about it.
It's just so devastating to not have a father, and
(11:07):
it's it's catastrophic for a child too. I just think,
I mean for a boy as well, that we have
a soft spot in our hearts for our daddies because
we have such a yearning to be protected and to
have that validation, even if we can't process that as
(11:28):
a child and understand that that's what we're seeking, that
validation and that protection and knowing that you are loved.
I mean, it's your parents are the closest thing to God, right,
you know, the closest things to God on earth. And
so when they when they let you down and they
abandon you, it's it is I mean, I keep going
(11:51):
back to the word, but isn't it It's devastating and
so hard, and it's it's it's an obstacle that I
think really as play into every single decision that I
made as a young adult, as a child, as a
young adult, and even today, Like I hate to admit it,
(12:11):
but even at fifty six years old, sometimes I'm like, hmm,
that's a daddy issue. That's definitely a daddy issue.
Speaker 1 (12:19):
So what's interesting, like for me because of my daddy issues,
I've I've been a bad picker, right, So when it
comes to obviously men with you though, you've been in
a stable marriage for close to three decades.
Speaker 2 (12:34):
So we just celebrated twenty nine years of merits and
it's like thirty three years together.
Speaker 1 (12:39):
Congratulations, thank you. And so where do you did you
find that your daddy issues? Did that not necessarily pertain
to intimate relationships for you?
Speaker 2 (12:52):
Oh? No, in every way. I mean it's all pervasive everything,
And I feel like in many ways, Billy was my
night shining armor that you know, came in to save
the day and was going to protect me and love
me and provide that sort of you know, elusive something
(13:19):
that I was looking for in life and in a man.
And and he's done a really good job of that.
But it can backfire too. You know, there's a converse
of that where it's like the inverse inverse anyway of that,
where it's like, yeah, I don't need you to do
(13:44):
that for me. I am a woman. I can do
this by myself, you know. So I think that he
wanted to be the caretaker. He wanted to come in
and play that role because he was also fulfilling something
from his childhood that you know, in our marriage. So
it just doesn't end. It's such a cycle and it's generational.
(14:05):
And so as much as I love him and as
much as he loves me, we've also had our struggles
and we've had to work through, you know, some serious
issues that have plagued or you know, have plagued us.
I mean, like seriously to the point where I mean,
at one point I was like, is this really what
(14:26):
I want?
Speaker 1 (14:27):
Is this?
Speaker 2 (14:27):
Do I want to be here? And once I was
able to well. First of all, it was on the ground, wailing,
crying when I was thinking about the Big D. I
was like on the floor crying. It felt like somebody
had cut my arm off without as easy as what
I always say. And my therapist was like, yeah, I
(14:47):
don't think divorce is actually what you want. She was like,
maybe it is, but I would just put that, I
would shelve that for now, just put it on the shelf,
because you know, this is this is a very triggering
reaction that you're having right now. Like I like, this
is this is more historic, this reaction than actually what
you want right now. And so it was very confusing
(15:10):
for me all of these emotions that came up when
we considered divorce, Like it was just one of these
things that I had to weed through and figure out, Well,
what's real and what's from the past, and what is
what is really China? What does China really want? Not
China but from who's eleven or twelve, or China who's twenty,
but China who's fifty six. You know. Yeah, So it's
(15:34):
been a journey, but we've been through it together. I mean,
we've grown up together, and we have three beautiful children.
And you know, we make each other laugh and I
think he's the smartest guy, sexiest guy in the world.
And we have just this funny sort of Ricky and
Lucy's sort of relationship, you know, where like he's East coast,
(15:56):
I'm West coast, and he's so serious and like to
the numbers. I'm just like, oh, look a butterfly.
Speaker 1 (16:03):
When you guys are filming your YouTube is so funny.
He's like, no social media, it's so funny. It is priceless.
Speaker 2 (16:13):
Height the banter is classic, it really is.
Speaker 1 (16:15):
And by the way, that just makes you so uh relatable, right,
because yeah, I don't know what man love social media.
I mean either do I to be quite honest, But
you gotta do what you gotta do.
Speaker 2 (16:27):
You gotta do what you gotta do. And you know,
he's been such an angel, Like he comes on California
preaching all the time, and he just and you know
he kind of does it begrudgingly, but then I catch
him checking the comments. You know, he'll be in bed
scrolling and like sure, yeah, so he does get a
(16:49):
thrill out of it too, just to see what people say.
Because we have like we really do, like when the
cameras rolling. I don't know why, but for some reason,
like the funniest crap comes out of our mouths. We're
just like, whoa that was? That was really funny.
Speaker 1 (17:03):
I'm shocked. I don't know if they. I'm sure many
networks I've asked you guys to actually do a reality show,
but it's probably better if you're you have control over
the edit. I guess right, Yeah, well that's what we're
waiting for.
Speaker 2 (17:14):
We're waiting for that opportunity because you're right, like, there's
no point in doing a show like that unless you
have complete control over the editing. So if if there's
a you know, a network out there or streaming that
wants to do it, just.
Speaker 1 (17:30):
Color comment on my YouTube channel. You've talked about complex trauma. Yeah,
the type of IM I've been in therapy since I
(17:51):
was four, So I love me some therapy and I
am very active still to this day.
Speaker 2 (17:58):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (17:58):
What type of childhood trauma did you deal with?
Speaker 2 (18:02):
Pretty complex? Yeah, so I had some sexual abuse that
I had to contend with, and also just I think
my parents divorcing at such a young age was definitely traumatic.
So I had a ton of abandonment issues that I
needed to work through. And then there were there were
(18:24):
the you know, sort of like the I don't even
know what you would call it, I guess violations that
took place as a teenager, and some you know, like
I was just telling my friend the other day, for instance,
that I was it's kind of a long story, so
i'll just stay it in a nutshell. But I got
(18:44):
into a vehicle with a man who offered me a ride,
and I was really desperate because I just needed to
go like twenty blocks and really late. And I was young.
I was probably about when I was fourteen. And I
got into this car and he was really nice. He
was probably about fifteen years older than me, good looking guy,
he seemed safe enough. He was like, hey, I need
(19:05):
to run. I was like, I just going down the street,
just like all right, cool, get in, you know, and
he's like it's getting late, like you should just get it.
Speaker 1 (19:11):
And so I got in.
Speaker 2 (19:12):
The car and we were listening to music and we
were talking and then suddenly he just grabbed me by
the back of my neck and he was like suck mine. Yeah,
And I don't know what came over me, but I just,
in such a rage, turned to this man, and I said,
you know, all this coming car over right now, I'm
(19:32):
gonna kill you or whatever. I said, whatever, But I mean,
like just rage came out of my eyes and he
got so startled. I think he just suspected. I think
he just thought I was like this innocent, little fourteen
year old girl who would not know how to defend
myself or you know, how to speak up for myself.
But oh well, he saw like this whole other creature
come out, and he pulled the car over immediately, and
(19:55):
thank god the doors weren't locked. I pushed myself out
of the door, and before I could even and get
my feet out, he was already driving away. So I
got like a terrible My arm was just oh, it
was so mangled, and but I ran the whole way home,
and you know, stuff like that, and that was sort
of at the bottom of the list. I mean, you
have to remember also the stuff between like Mackenzie and
(20:17):
my father and that scandal, and you know, that was
extremely traumatizing. And so I think that for me, when
I say complex trauma, I I'm even talking about like
in utero. I mean, you know, I love my mom
so much, but they didn't know, they were drinking and smoking,
(20:38):
and so I was talking to a healer and she
was basically saying, you know, this Christian healer was telling me.
She was like, sweety, your trauma started before you were
even you know, born. You know it started in utero.
Speaker 1 (20:51):
So it is complex and it is generational, but you
can change it, though it's going to take more than
one lifetime. I think, yeah, you went into fight flight
or freeze. I believe when you got out of that
car was because of the experiences you went through prior
to that, Like did you find strength in your trauma
that happened before.
Speaker 2 (21:11):
I didn't really start even recognizing what trauma was until
I got into therapy when I was nineteen in it
and I coincided with me getting sober. I think when
I was nineteen is when I really started to see
my life transform and I was able to see where
I disassociated with certain events in my life because people
(21:34):
used to always say to me, you know, China, you're
such a good person and you're so funny, and you're
so talented, but you're kind of checked down and so yeah, so,
and I used to always question that, like, why why
do people say that about me? Or like I'd go
into like these micro aneurysms where I would just like
(21:55):
look out the window and people would be talking to
me and they could literally put their front of it
my face and I would just not react, like, oh gosh,
China's gone into her zone. And I guess that's something
that I've done since I was a little girl. It's
just a it's just a coping mechanism, really, and I
have a lot of those in my life, a lot.
Speaker 1 (22:17):
And thank God for that, by the way, because I'm me.
I can relate to that one hundred percent. And thank
God for our bodies and to be able to dissociate.
I don't think i'd be able to survive through that
if I didn't.
Speaker 2 (22:27):
Yeah. Yeah, we had to disassociate in order to survive.
And now I watch prime shows to disassociate now, like
as if it's past seven point thirty, you know what
I'm doing. I Am watching a crime show on my iPad.
Speaker 1 (22:42):
You were introduced to drugs and alcohol such a young age.
Speaker 2 (22:45):
Yeah, did that did?
Speaker 1 (22:48):
Because you saw your father, unfortunately use when you were
so young. Were you hesitant going into it or was
it just was it a mechanism for you to be
able to survive just to know.
Speaker 2 (23:01):
It also started sort of not innocently, but like, you know,
I would take a hit off the joint that was
being passed around, you know, in the living room by
my family, my mother and all of her friends. You know,
I would just take like a little hit. And then
it turned into, Oh, I'm going to go into the
garage and drink this bottle of wine with my friend
(23:23):
because my mom had like fifty bottles of you know
wine in there, so we would just raid the garage.
And then it turned into oh, I'll just smoke this cigarette,
and then it turned into oh, I'll just try cocaine
once because I was I was terrified of hard drugs, acid, cocaine, heroine.
(23:43):
You know. That all just completely freaked me out because
I saw what my father had gone through, and I
just didn't want to replicate that. I didn't want to.
I didn't want to ruin my entire life with drugs
and alcohol, and I knew that I would if I
ever touched it. So my friends were doing coke and
(24:03):
I was really reluctant to try it. But e then,
of course, you know, all the peer pressure, so finally
I tried it. And then I started doing it every
weekend with my girlfriends. I don't ever consider myself to
have been a cocaine addict, but I definitely loved doing it,
and I loved, you know, I looked forward to the
weekends when I could, you know, do some cocaine. And
(24:24):
I basically did whatever I could get my hands on. Like,
if you had a quailia it, I would take it,
you know, if you had shrooms, i'd troom if you know,
like whatever it was I could get my hands on,
I would do it. And but basically, like one day,
I just looked at myself in the mirror and I
literally like the hue of my skin was just kind
of green. I can't explain it. It was just this
(24:46):
really sick, yellowish green color, something I'd never seen in
my face and my arms before, and I and everything
in my body just said, like, you know, the body
keeps score right, and my body was like, you're dying.
It's a slow death, but you're dying. And if you
don't do something about this, this is how this is
(25:07):
the way your life is going to play out, and
you're going to be dead before you're thirty. And that
was when I was eighteen. But you know the reason
I was so young was because I kind of have
the Drew Barrymore story where I was like partying and
drinking and going out when I was like nine or ten.
I mean, I was out there. I was doing stuff
I shouldn't have been doing at a very very young age.
(25:27):
I had access to stuff I shouldn't have access to,
shouldn't have had access to.
Speaker 1 (25:31):
You mentioned that you saw your father also turn green.
Was it similar, very similar color?
Speaker 2 (25:37):
And I think that's also what really made me, you know,
really was You're right. I had gone to New York
when I was six years old to go visit my father,
six or seven, and he told me we were going
to go to Disney World, and of course Disney World
never happened. But we're in Manhattan in his apartment, and
(25:59):
suddenly I just see him go into cardiac arrest, and
I see the color of his skin just turn instantaneously
into this yellow green color, the exact same color my
skin turned into. And you're right, that was the correlation
for me, the terrifying connection.
Speaker 1 (26:13):
Sure.
Speaker 2 (26:14):
And yeah, and that's when I found out my father had,
you know, a very severe addiction to heroin. And my
father is a notorious drug addict. I mean even you know,
people like Keith Richards had a hard time hanging out
with my dad. They had to stop hanging out with
my father. And that says a lot. That says a lot.
Speaker 1 (26:37):
Well, your dad could party, right, Yeah, he could party art.
How's your did he has he is? Are your parents
alive still or yes?
Speaker 2 (26:46):
My mom just turned eighty years young and my father No,
he passed away twenty three years ago.
Speaker 1 (26:53):
Now were you able to make peace with him before
his passing at all?
Speaker 2 (26:57):
Or yes?
Speaker 1 (26:58):
And no.
Speaker 2 (26:59):
I wish that I had asked him more questions. I
wish that I didn't feel such a barrier between he
and I in the sense that I loved him so
much and yearned, craved and hungered for a relationship with
(27:19):
a relationship with him so much that it almost made
it impossible for me to have a normal relationship with
him once I was an adult, because I couldn't get
passed like again, it was like I would disassociate when
I was around him. It was just like a part
of me just had to turn off. So I don't
(27:43):
I wouldn't say that it was something I regret. I
definitely feel like I had some closure, but it wasn't
the closure that I could have had if I had
had the strength to just say, hey, dad, you know
obviously we didn't have much time together in my formative years,
(28:04):
you know, and I just have so many questions, like
how did you feel about the divorce, How did you
feel about not being with me, not being able to
watch me grow up? How did you feel about missing
my birthdays and missing you know, my missing every Christmas?
And not to make him feel guilty, but just like
I would have loved to have known his thoughts on that.
(28:26):
And so yeah, we had a lot of but we
have eternity, don't forget.
Speaker 1 (28:32):
And and how about those genes he promised you to get?
Speaker 2 (28:35):
And all, how do you know about my life?
Speaker 1 (28:38):
I did research on you, and believe me, it's addicting
because I just again love and respect all of how
open you've been, because I can relate so much, and
I wish I was able to when I was younger,
have people like you to, you know, tell their stories.
I think it has been an interesting time because back
then mental health or anything was like, you know, keep
(29:00):
that to yourself. There's a lot of shame behind it.
Even therapy.
Speaker 2 (29:06):
You're such an angel to have done all that research.
And yeah, the jeans story that was sad. I just
remember one year he called me to say, China out
of blue. He was like, what would you like for Christmas?
And I was like, Dad, well, no, you don't have
to get me anything. He was like, no, just tell
me what you want please, And I was like, well,
I love these genes called like Shamanda Fair. I think
(29:27):
it was those Shamanda Fair jeans and I said, I
love these jeans and he said, all right, I'm going
to send you six pair and you got my size
and everything. I'm so excited. And then of course Christmas
came and went and there was no package and I
was like, Mom, you know, did you see a package?
Dad said he was going to send me and she
just laughed. She was like, China, do you really really
(29:49):
think you're going to get those jeans in the mail?
And I remember feeling completely crushed because you know what,
I knew I had been duped and I knew she
was right. And that was just like, even if it
wasn't the kindest, most supportive thing for my mother to say,
it was sobering. It was like smelling salts under my nose.
I was like, oh, she's right, but every fiber of
(30:12):
my being wanted to believe that I can't send those jeans,
you know, I hear you. Yeah, maybe you'd get lost
in the mail.
Speaker 1 (30:20):
Yeah no, and by the all six of them. How's
your relationship with your mom now?
Speaker 2 (30:26):
My mom is you know what. We have a really
nice relationship now, and it's like there's still certain things
because my mom can be like she's the warmest individual.
She'll take her sure off her back for anybody, and
you know, she'll take in every little lost animal and
every little you know. But then there's also this real
like dynasty icy side to my mom, you know what
(30:49):
I mean, Like you don't want to double cross my
mom because she can be you know, yeah, she'll let
you have it. But I love my mom and she's
been nothing but portive, you know, to me. But we've struggled.
You know, I'm not gonna lie like she doesn't love
the whole like California preaching thing. And I think that
she thinks I'm a little too outspoken, and I think
(31:11):
it embarrasses her a little bit. Feel a little exposed,
you know, even though they're my stories. I think sometimes
she just feels like, why do I have to go
talking about all that? Stop? Stop? What are you doing?
Speaker 1 (31:37):
Did AA ignite you to finding God?
Speaker 2 (31:41):
Or Yeah? I mean I was already sort of on
a spiritual journey, but you know, I really don't know.
Everything was a dead end. You know. I would meditate
to an unknown god. I was just sort of meditating
the universe, the universe apporting me and I'm just feeling
(32:02):
good vibes.
Speaker 1 (32:03):
And higher power.
Speaker 2 (32:05):
Yeah, and then I'd go get my tarot cards read
and oh I love that. Oh you got to stop.
And then like I'd go see a psychic and then
I would go to, you know, my yoga class, and
then I would just like chime my bells.
Speaker 1 (32:21):
Crystals, crystals.
Speaker 2 (32:23):
But all of it is a dead end. I mean
I can say that confidently. And I don't even mean
for me, I mean for everybody. It is a dead end.
Speaker 1 (32:31):
Okay, let's talk Dancing with the Stars. What was that?
How did that come about for you? Why?
Speaker 2 (32:37):
Well, I was approached and immediately I was like, no,
I'm not doing that. You know, I don't know. There
was terror. Terror flooded through my body. And then I
think I was approached a second time and I was like, okay,
all right, let me think about this. You know, it
(32:59):
wasn't had money, obviously, it was great exposure and it
was kind of a good lineup. I think for the
first time she asked me there were only like two
people who were in the lineup, and I was like, well,
who else do you you know? Like, I mean, there
were big celebrities, but I was like, well who else?
Speaker 1 (33:14):
So then once I sap Kardashian.
Speaker 2 (33:16):
Kidding uh huh, and Chazz and of course Chas Bono,
and then Nancy Grace and we had like Ricky Lake
and yeah, Carson Krestley. It was a great group of
us and we had a really good time. But I'll
have to say that it was one of the most
grueling experiences of my life. And I was actually traumatized
(33:43):
because the hours, the man hours that went into learning
these dances. I was like, wait, what I have to
get there? What? What time can I leave? What? I'm
there from nine in the morning until three thirty or
four in the afternoon, Like what, I've never heard of
such a thing like for me to have to dance
all those hours, and let me tell you barely any breaks.
(34:04):
It was literally dancing from like nine in the morning
till four in the afternoon, and by the end of
the day, I just remember being like spaghetti. I was
just like my whole body it was just like I
just wanted to collapse. And I mean I got into
incredible shape, was like I stealth, like I looked amazing.
By the end, I was like, I'm never allowing my
(34:26):
body to ever ever go back to what it was.
Of course I was back to what it was like
six weeks later, but anyway, it was very upsetting when
I forgot my moves, I have to say, and I
was so upset when I got kicked off because I
really felt like I really felt like and I think
(34:48):
they've changed the rules since my departure, because I think
they saw how that was just so ridiculous, like somebody
who had been at the top of the whatever, the
bar or whatever you call and then the leaderboard, and
then she forgets her moves one night and suddenly she's
kicked off, Like it just didn't it didn't seem fair.
And I think since then they kind of changed the
(35:09):
rules a little bit, which I was grateful for because
I wouldn't want somebody else to be in my position,
because right before we went on stage to figure out
whether I was going to stay or go, I remember
Tony turning to me and saying, you do have like
a departure speech, right, And I was like, you think
we're about to get kicked off? I wasn't good, I'm
going to kick us off and he was like, yeah,
(35:31):
I think we're going. I was like, what, How Like
we've been at the top of the leaderboard. He was like,
that's not really.
Speaker 1 (35:37):
That was me and you at the bottom.
Speaker 2 (35:38):
Remember, oh right, right right?
Speaker 1 (35:40):
No, for sure, though it just sounds it would have
made more sense if we went home. To be quite honest, Yes, yeah, absolutely, yeah,
I don't know.
Speaker 2 (35:50):
I was just a little bumped. But at the same
time I was relieved because it was so much work
and I was away from my children. I was living
in La those five weeks, and so, I mean, it
was a mixed bag for me the stars, but I did.
I was I was very proud of all the work
that I did because I worked really, really, really hard,
(36:12):
and nobody can ever take that away from me. I
worked really really hard, and I think big into it
was that I had a really frantic day, and I
felt really out of sorts and I rehearsed at all,
and so I just did it cold. I literally just
got on did it cold? I hadn't done it since
the day before, and I just forgot.
Speaker 1 (36:31):
My How was your dress rehearsal? Do you remember? Uh?
Speaker 2 (36:35):
No, I think it was fine. I think press rehearsal
was okay, you mean that day, right, So I guess
I did do it. But you see, I don't even
remember that. I'm so out of it that day. No.
Speaker 1 (36:47):
And by the way, it happens to the best, it
happened to Alona just no. I don't know if you're
watching the season, but a contestant right now. She totally
went blank in her jibe and she just was so emotional.
I loved her vulnerability. I also think that vulnerability is
so key, and I think you really showcase that I did. Yeah,
I was beautiful.
Speaker 2 (37:06):
Gosh, I don't I kind of remember, like zoning out.
Speaker 1 (37:09):
A little bit to dancing that starts bring up any
triggers for you whatsoever?
Speaker 2 (37:16):
I mean, I guess the triggers it brought up for me,
if anything would probably just be you know, I think
I have a little bit of a learning disability. So
I think that for me there there was like that
learning curve of like, Okay, I'm supposed to we only
have a certain amount of time and we have to
(37:36):
learn this dance. And if I don't learn this dance
in this window of time, we're going live on air,
and like, I'm screwed if I don't remember this. And
so I think the pressure for me was, oh my gosh,
like I have to if I couldn't figure out a
move or something, and then we'd have to simplify it
or we would have to sort of okay, well, fine, love,
we won't do that move, let's do and then everything
(37:57):
changed on a dime, and then I had to learn
this other move. It was just so I think for me,
just things constantly changing is triggering for me. And just
having to learn something in a condensed amount of time
that was a lot of pressure. Brought up feelings for me,
like tests and having to perform and be prepared for
the test on test day at school. You know, that
(38:20):
was always terrifying for me.
Speaker 1 (38:22):
How was you and did you request Tony as your
partner or.
Speaker 2 (38:25):
No, no, I was assigned.
Speaker 1 (38:27):
Yeah, what were your first impressions?
Speaker 2 (38:30):
Good looking, kind and definitely you know, not as Bengali,
but like serious, like he wasn't gonna he wasn't messing around,
you know, he he wasn't in it to play. There
was no play.
Speaker 1 (38:47):
What was his teaching style? Like I can no stand
up like a task master?
Speaker 2 (38:55):
Put your chanin up, you know, put your chin up,
stand up straight? Where are your shoulders? Where are you shoulder?
Your shoulders on your package?
Speaker 1 (39:03):
He's like, where's your right leg? What lake are you
standing on? Where's your right? You're like, well, that's your
left and he goes, no, no, where's your right? Like
what the lake are you?
Speaker 2 (39:12):
Yeah? Exactly.
Speaker 1 (39:14):
Then you kicked him in the balls, which was hysterical.
Speaker 2 (39:17):
Gosh, that was not staged.
Speaker 1 (39:19):
I swear that was so freaking funny.
Speaker 2 (39:23):
The other thing was my manager called me about three
weeks in and he was like, what are you wearing
in these rehearsals? What are you wearing? And I was like,
what do you mean. I've got like this one piece
leotard from like nineteen eighty five, And he was like,
look at Kristin Cavalari, look at what she's wearing. She
looks so good in her little Nike shoes and her
(39:43):
cute little, like you know, Lululemon pants, and I was like, oh,
I guess I could be a little bored with it
with like my you know, my wardrobe. So then I
got this really cute like workout wardrobe, and then I
got then I got kicked off the shit.
Speaker 1 (39:57):
How was your mental health on the show?
Speaker 2 (40:01):
I was missing my kids so much. Oh my gosh.
It was really hard to be away from them. And
I was only ninety minutes away, and Billy would drive
the kids in and that was lovely. But it's not
the same. It's so time consuming. It just was. It
just sort of infiltrated my entire life for five whole
weeks and maybe longer because there were rehearsals before weeks.
(40:23):
Eight weeks. Yeah, And I felt for the kids, especially Brooks,
because she was only I don't know, five or six
years old, and you know, that's just a very formative time,
and so I think it was hard for her to be,
you know, away from me and vice versa. But other
than that, I think my mental health was pretty good.
(40:43):
Thank God, I was sober. Thank God I was you know,
hied Jesus, thank God, I was, you know, in a
position where I had so many so much moral support
in Los Angeles, because that's I'm an LA girl, right,
So it wasn't like I was, you know, out of
wald fish out of water.
Speaker 1 (41:02):
You know.
Speaker 2 (41:02):
I could go to my mom's house, which was just
a few miles away, and I had a lot of
girlfriends around, so I wasn't all alone. And I think
that really good component. That was a very positive component.
Speaker 1 (41:13):
Did you ever feel like throwing in the towel or.
Speaker 2 (41:16):
Oh my gosh, yes, I mean I wouldn't have, but
I definitely had those days where I was just in
a puddle of tears and yeah, and I got pretty
close to Kristin and we would talk and commiserate, talk
about the experience. It. Yeah, it was a lot.
Speaker 1 (41:33):
I also got eliminated too early for most Memorable No see.
I believe it's because of the package. I think the
package holds so much weight because now that I'm watching
it as a fan, I don't want to see people
fighting phosals. I don't and I also don't want to
I only want to see it. Look, I want to
see the reality. So for example, like I don't know
(41:54):
Phaedra and val last week they got eliminated, but they
had a that tension was building up for many weeks
and they just decided to show it. You know, yeah, fascinating. Anyway,
the show was so consuming in my life. Did they
not tell you ahead of time in the pre meeting
that there was going to be this show that was
going to take up twenty five hours of your day
every day?
Speaker 2 (42:15):
Well, I think it's one thing to see it on
paper and to hear someone say it, and then it's
another to actually limit out in real time. And so
I think that sometimes I think that I'm more capable
than I actually am. Like it took me many years
to realize that going on tour for me just is
(42:36):
not plausible. I can't do weeks and weeks and weeks
on the road. It just doesn't work for me. I
end up having a breakdown and I end up canceling shows.
And so I had to learn that lesson the hard way.
So now I know my bandwidth, and so I would
never take on a project like that now because.
Speaker 1 (42:56):
Are you going to do All Stars?
Speaker 2 (42:57):
Nope? I just I just know my bandwidth and that's
not you know, in my wheelhouse to do weeks and
weeks of work like that intense, intense work like that.
If I'm writing music intensely in my own home with
a collaborator and my own guitar and with my cat
(43:18):
and with my husband and my kids all around, that's different.
But when you pull me out of my own environment
for weeks at a time, don't, I don't farewell.
Speaker 1 (43:26):
And then you have a deadline right like that, and
then you're doing it live, and there's a lot of pressure.
Speaker 2 (43:31):
So many people down if I have to just cancel
because I can't, mentally, I hear you, Yeah, I take
it on.
Speaker 1 (43:37):
What are you up to now? What's new? Go for it?
Speaker 2 (43:41):
So right now I am immersing myself in my online
women's community, which is called California Healing. So now I
have California preach in, which is the YouTube channel that
I have California Healing, which is my online women's community,
and it is thriving. It's just so beautiful. I would
love for you to check it out. Actually, I would
(44:03):
love to give you a drop in. But it's it's
just a twenty four to seven revolving door of support
and we have meetings, we have a WhatsApp thread, we
meet at retreats, we have a lot of offshoot meetings, uh,
you know, praying for our kids in our lives, whether
(44:23):
it's a grandchild or a son, or a daughter, or
a nephew or a neighbor's daughter or son. And we
have incredible women who are all working together to walk
each other home. That's what we're doing. We're just sort
of like supporting each other in this life journey. And
(44:47):
it's an amazing, an amazing platform for anybody who wants
to be able to have, you know, a hundred ladies
at their disposal, to be able to talk to, pray with,
laugh with, and share their story with and hear other
people's stories of redemption and stories of you know, their
struggles and what they've you know, walked through their obstacles,
(45:10):
their challenges. And it's been a lifesaver for me. I
started it because I was sinking fast and I needed
other ladies in my life to help support me. And
now it's like I've got a gaggle of ladies that
are there at a fingertip. And I would love to
give anybody who's listening, you know, a free drop into
(45:31):
California Healing. Just go to California Healing dot com. And
also shareyl. I'll make sure that my peeps give you
the link to sign up for California Healing if you're interested.
Don't forget my.
Speaker 1 (45:44):
You know, but I want to put on my social
media and everything.
Speaker 2 (45:46):
Okay, great, thank you, Yeah, Jenny, We'll get you all
that information. And then I also have my YouTube channel.
I'm still dropping videos every single week, and I do
a live California Preaching Live on Wednesday nights, and my
California Preach channel, which is just a lot of fun.
And you know, I get to talk about my peaks
and valleys with Jesus because it's not a perfect walk
(46:07):
with God, but it's funny and it makes for really good.
Speaker 1 (46:10):
Content I can concur.
Speaker 2 (46:14):
So that's what I'm up to. And of course, you
know my three kids, who are just a total joy.
Speaker 1 (46:19):
What advice do you have for the remaining couples this season?
Speaker 2 (46:25):
Well, first of all, congratulations. It's hard to get that far,
and I would probably say to reward yourself now by
telling yourself what a great job you're doing, and don't
save the accolades for after you've won, because what you've
(46:48):
taken on is so demanding of your time and your
mind and your energy, and I want you to applaud
yourself now for the work that you already put into it,
instead of potentially never giving yourself that validation because you
didn't win. It's not about the win. It's about what
(47:10):
have you learned through this experience. What have you learned
about yourself? Even if it's that you've learned what your
bandwidth is, even if you've learned that this is not
your wheelhouse, that's a very important lesson. That's something that
you'll take with you for the rest of your life.
Speaker 1 (47:26):
Well that's the best answer. And all of these interviews
I've done, you just gave me kills. You gave me chills. Yes, yeah,
that's beautiful. Thank you for your time. I want to
thank China so much for coming on the podcast and
for her vulnerability and sharing her story as I know
it has and will continue to help so many people
feel like they're not alone. Make sure to check out
(47:46):
her YouTube channel, California Preaching, and follow her on all
of the different platforms Instagram, TikTok, Facebook, et cetera, and
as always, don't forget to Please take a moment to
rate and review this episode wherever your current listening to it.
No matter if you've done so a million times already,
as it's key to the podcast's success, your feedback and
(48:07):
support is invaluable. Make sure you, guys check out the
show notes and check out a little bit more information
as far as websites and all of that to follow
China on her journey and also if you have any
interest in joining her group California Healin, make sure you
check the show notes as well for that link. Make
sure to drop in on Wednesday as I recap the
(48:28):
latest episode of Dancing with the Stars, and we'll see
you again on Friday for headlines. Until next time, love
you guys, Bye,
The following episode contains potentially disturbing content and we want
to alert trauma survivors.
Speaker 2 (00:05):
It contains material that for some may be difficult to
discuss or listen to.
Speaker 1 (00:11):
This is Sex, Lies and spray Tands with Me Cheryl
Burke and iHeartRadio Podcast. Hey guys, let's just get right
into it. Our next guest grew up in a famous family,
which might sound glamorous, but it can also mean facing
harsh realities and trauma at a young age, with some
of her earliest memories colored by experiences no child should endure.
(00:32):
As a teenager, she turned to partying and experimented with substances,
a path made all too familiar by the chaos she
witnessed growing up. It wasn't until she faced a pivotal
wake up call that she realized the need for change,
ultimately finding new direction in her faith and spirituality. Through
it all, she built a career in entertainment that spanned
(00:53):
from music, film, and television. Her journey is a story
of survival, strength, and reinvention. Today were sitting down with
China Phillips to discuss how she overcame her past, including
her time on Dancing with the Stars with Tony de Vellani. Okay,
so welcome to Sex License spray Tans. It's been over
a decade. How are you.
Speaker 2 (01:13):
I'm good. It is so good to see you.
Speaker 1 (01:16):
It's been so long yet feels like yesterday.
Speaker 2 (01:19):
I know. And when I heard that you, you know,
reached out and wanted to do this interview, I was
just beside myself. I was so excited to be here.
So thanks for having me on.
Speaker 1 (01:28):
Thank you for being here. So who is China Phillips
behind the glitz and glam of the entertainment industry?
Speaker 2 (01:35):
Well, she is a Christian who is very actively you know,
speaking out for the Lord, and she is actively working
on her YouTube channel California and we're going strong. And
(01:58):
you know, it was just all about my ups and
downs and me running a tight shipwreck with Jesus. And
I'm just basically like also building a women's community. And
the women's community is thriving. I've got about five ladies
now in the ministry and it's really blossoming. And it's
(02:22):
hard sort of to articulate exactly what we're doing, but
we meet daily weekly, have retreats and it's all online
and it's really thriving and a lot of women are
finding lots of refuge in this women's community where we pray,
(02:44):
we read the Bible together, we laugh, we have meetings,
we support one another, and we just encourage each other to,
you know, go deeper into the word.
Speaker 1 (02:57):
I have done some research on you, and I appreciate
all of the work that you've done and how open
and vulnerable you are to share your story because I
can relate to you so much in so many ways
when it comes to certain traumas that happened when I
was a little girl. So thank you for that.
Speaker 2 (03:15):
Yeah, and that's another reason why you have to come over,
because we need to have dinner and just commiserate.
Speaker 1 (03:22):
What made you want to start all of this as
far as getting a women's group together, and was there
something that you just felt that you needed to do
to be of service?
Speaker 2 (03:34):
Well, I mean I was on a ton of pain, honey,
a ton of pain, and I was in a place
of complete and utter surrender because I was just feeling
really helpless and I was just feeling like if I
didn't get I was very lost at sea. And I
didn't and I knew that I needed an anchor and
(03:55):
God was there. But God basically was prompting me to
create a woman's ministry because I was in Alcoholics Anonymous
many years ago and I would always go to women's
meetings because I always felt much more comfortable just around
the ladies. So I knew that if I started a
(04:16):
woman's ministry a ministry, that I would want it to
be women only, nothing against men. But it's just one
of those things where it's hard to be transparent and
totally lay it out when there's like a guy on
the other end. But if you're just talking to women,
I think that your walls come down and you're able
(04:36):
to more freely just open your heart and share what's
going on in your life more openly and safe and
feel like you're in a safe environment. And that was
really important to me. So I started building this online
communitee and literally I thought, Okay, I'll just start one
meeting and it'll be the ten ladies who all growled
with and that'll be end of story. Well, it turned
(04:59):
out to be something a lot bigger than that, and
God had bigger plans. So basically we did our first
meeting and then about thirty meetings in there were other
ladies who were like, can I join, Can I join?
But I wanted to keep the intimacy of the first meeting,
so I thought, well, I'll just start another meeting. And
so I started another meeting, and that was twice a week,
(05:22):
and then there was more demand, and I started a
third meeting, and then a fourth meeting, and then a
fifth meeting, and so now it's just really blossomed. And
I'm not the host of all the meetings, but every
host and admin and every leader that I have in
my women's community, they are just I mean, I'm spell
bound by their commitment and their professionalism and their ability
(05:48):
to manage so many personalities. I could juggle a lot
of different personalities in what I'm doing, Yeah, a lot
of different souls. But it's the most great, fine thing
I've ever done. I mean, I loved Wilson Phillips, obviously,
I love acting, dazzing with the stars, all of that
kind of fun stuff. But I think that this has
(06:10):
been ultimately probably one of the most filling things I've
ever done.
Speaker 1 (06:15):
Let's let's rewind. What is your very first memory as
a kid. Oh my gosh, I have.
Speaker 2 (06:20):
So many, and I was just thinking about that the
other day. Funny enough, One of my earliest memories is
being at you know, Simon and Garfunkle. Yeah, so, I'm
pretty sure. I was at Garfunkle's house and they were
kind of in the deep woods, and I remember he
had a bowl of red pistachios in the bowl, and
(06:45):
I remember it was the first time I ever tasted
a pistachio and that I was just like, what in
the world is this? It was so good to be
I was, and I ate the entire bowl. I just
sat there and ate the whole bowl. I'm not trying
to throw names out there. This is these are literally
my first memories. I was in the pool with Dennis
Hopper and he was teaching me to swim.
Speaker 1 (07:07):
Was it successful?
Speaker 2 (07:09):
Very very Dennis Napper taught me how to swim. Isn't
it funny how sometimes it's the traumatic memories that you remember.
Speaker 1 (07:16):
Oh, mine is so traumatic, you get it. Yeah, for
some people, it's like mine, my grandma picked me out
of the crib and you're like, okay, hey, yeah, no,
so normal of you.
Speaker 2 (07:25):
Right. Yeah. I remember running. I remember my cousin running
through a glass door, like one of those sliding doors.
We were in Tucson, Arizona, and I just remember she
ran through a sliding door. And I also remember my
cousin the same one by the way, accident prone, getting
her fingers stuck in a car door. Memories like that,
I remember, and I was super young.
Speaker 1 (07:48):
Yeah, coming from such a huge family, did you feel
heard scene loved like all the human No? Yeah, say more.
Speaker 2 (08:00):
Now, I mean, and I don't blame anybody per se
because everybody, I guess was doing the best they could.
I don't know, I'm assuming, but yeah, no, I definitely
wasn't seen or heard. And but I you know, I
do give my mother a lot of credit for the
(08:21):
fact that she did show me the whole world. I mean,
I traveled the whole world before I was fifteen years old.
And my mom put a roof over my head, and
there was food, and you know, I had a caretaker
and so I was well taken care of physically personally.
I definitely there was an empty well there pretty much.
(08:42):
And my parents divorced when I was two years old,
so there was there was a lot of pain that
my mom was contending with as well. You know, she
was learning how to survive as a single mother. And
once moms and Papa's dried up. You know, she really
(09:04):
the money went fast. I mean it was like reiining
Gucci for seven years and then suddenly there was no money,
and so she hit the pavement taking acting classes and
she started acting. And I really admire the fact that
she was able to have, you know, really create a career,
(09:24):
a career for herself as be able to support me.
You know that that's very novel that she was able
to do that. It's really cool.
Speaker 1 (09:34):
We have a similar story that my parents also divorce
it too, and my mom was well, not in the
entertainment industry, but she was just trying to create the
very first nursing She was a nurse nurse agency, and
she refused to get any type of child support. Similar
I think to your stories that correct.
Speaker 2 (09:51):
Yeah, my mother would not. She refused any one penny
from YEA. And I don't always think that that's the
wisest choice. I think that a lot of that comes
out of just you know, pride, and that's fine, But
I don't think there's anything wrong with accepting child support.
But that's not the option that my mom.
Speaker 1 (10:10):
Took, right, And you've mentioned how your dad you always
had like a soft spot for your father and saying like,
though my father abandoned us, like there was always this
like anytime I would hear his voice or he'd say
I love you, like I would just start crying, and
like I had so much more compassion I think when
I was younger, interestingly enough, with my father who abandoned
(10:32):
us versus my mother who worked her ass off to
put food on the table. And it's just the dynamic
is interesting. Do you find that it's do you know
where that comes from?
Speaker 2 (10:43):
I think that all children need a dad, every single one.
And I think that when you're deprived of that, if
you're a little girl, there's just something so catastrophic about it.
It's just so devastating to not have a father, and
(11:07):
it's it's catastrophic for a child too. I just think,
I mean for a boy as well, that we have
a soft spot in our hearts for our daddies because
we have such a yearning to be protected and to
have that validation, even if we can't process that as
(11:28):
a child and understand that that's what we're seeking, that
validation and that protection and knowing that you are loved.
I mean, it's your parents are the closest thing to God, right,
you know, the closest things to God on earth. And
so when they when they let you down and they
abandon you, it's it is I mean, I keep going
(11:51):
back to the word, but isn't it It's devastating and
so hard, and it's it's it's an obstacle that I
think really as play into every single decision that I
made as a young adult, as a child, as a
young adult, and even today, Like I hate to admit it,
(12:11):
but even at fifty six years old, sometimes I'm like, hmm,
that's a daddy issue. That's definitely a daddy issue.
Speaker 1 (12:19):
So what's interesting, like for me because of my daddy issues,
I've I've been a bad picker, right, So when it
comes to obviously men with you though, you've been in
a stable marriage for close to three decades.
Speaker 2 (12:34):
So we just celebrated twenty nine years of merits and
it's like thirty three years together.
Speaker 1 (12:39):
Congratulations, thank you. And so where do you did you
find that your daddy issues? Did that not necessarily pertain
to intimate relationships for you?
Speaker 2 (12:52):
Oh? No, in every way. I mean it's all pervasive everything,
And I feel like in many ways, Billy was my
night shining armor that you know, came in to save
the day and was going to protect me and love
me and provide that sort of you know, elusive something
(13:19):
that I was looking for in life and in a man.
And and he's done a really good job of that.
But it can backfire too. You know, there's a converse
of that where it's like the inverse inverse anyway of that,
where it's like, yeah, I don't need you to do
(13:44):
that for me. I am a woman. I can do
this by myself, you know. So I think that he
wanted to be the caretaker. He wanted to come in
and play that role because he was also fulfilling something
from his childhood that you know, in our marriage. So
it just doesn't end. It's such a cycle and it's generational.
(14:05):
And so as much as I love him and as
much as he loves me, we've also had our struggles
and we've had to work through, you know, some serious
issues that have plagued or you know, have plagued us.
I mean, like seriously to the point where I mean,
at one point I was like, is this really what
(14:26):
I want?
Speaker 1 (14:27):
Is this?
Speaker 2 (14:27):
Do I want to be here? And once I was
able to well. First of all, it was on the ground, wailing,
crying when I was thinking about the Big D. I
was like on the floor crying. It felt like somebody
had cut my arm off without as easy as what
I always say. And my therapist was like, yeah, I
(14:47):
don't think divorce is actually what you want. She was like,
maybe it is, but I would just put that, I
would shelve that for now, just put it on the shelf,
because you know, this is this is a very triggering
reaction that you're having right now. Like I like, this
is this is more historic, this reaction than actually what
you want right now. And so it was very confusing
(15:10):
for me all of these emotions that came up when
we considered divorce, Like it was just one of these
things that I had to weed through and figure out, Well,
what's real and what's from the past, and what is
what is really China? What does China really want? Not
China but from who's eleven or twelve, or China who's twenty,
but China who's fifty six. You know. Yeah, So it's
(15:34):
been a journey, but we've been through it together. I mean,
we've grown up together, and we have three beautiful children.
And you know, we make each other laugh and I
think he's the smartest guy, sexiest guy in the world.
And we have just this funny sort of Ricky and
Lucy's sort of relationship, you know, where like he's East coast,
(15:56):
I'm West coast, and he's so serious and like to
the numbers. I'm just like, oh, look a butterfly.
Speaker 1 (16:03):
When you guys are filming your YouTube is so funny.
He's like, no social media, it's so funny. It is priceless.
Speaker 2 (16:13):
Height the banter is classic, it really is.
Speaker 1 (16:15):
And by the way, that just makes you so uh relatable, right,
because yeah, I don't know what man love social media.
I mean either do I to be quite honest, But
you gotta do what you gotta do.
Speaker 2 (16:27):
You gotta do what you gotta do. And you know,
he's been such an angel, Like he comes on California
preaching all the time, and he just and you know
he kind of does it begrudgingly, but then I catch
him checking the comments. You know, he'll be in bed
scrolling and like sure, yeah, so he does get a
(16:49):
thrill out of it too, just to see what people say.
Because we have like we really do, like when the
cameras rolling. I don't know why, but for some reason,
like the funniest crap comes out of our mouths. We're
just like, whoa that was? That was really funny.
Speaker 1 (17:03):
I'm shocked. I don't know if they. I'm sure many
networks I've asked you guys to actually do a reality show,
but it's probably better if you're you have control over
the edit. I guess right, Yeah, well that's what we're
waiting for.
Speaker 2 (17:14):
We're waiting for that opportunity because you're right, like, there's
no point in doing a show like that unless you
have complete control over the editing. So if if there's
a you know, a network out there or streaming that
wants to do it, just.
Speaker 1 (17:30):
Color comment on my YouTube channel. You've talked about complex trauma. Yeah,
the type of IM I've been in therapy since I
(17:51):
was four, So I love me some therapy and I
am very active still to this day.
Speaker 2 (17:58):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (17:58):
What type of childhood trauma did you deal with?
Speaker 2 (18:02):
Pretty complex? Yeah, so I had some sexual abuse that
I had to contend with, and also just I think
my parents divorcing at such a young age was definitely traumatic.
So I had a ton of abandonment issues that I
needed to work through. And then there were there were
(18:24):
the you know, sort of like the I don't even
know what you would call it, I guess violations that
took place as a teenager, and some you know, like
I was just telling my friend the other day, for instance,
that I was it's kind of a long story, so
i'll just stay it in a nutshell. But I got
(18:44):
into a vehicle with a man who offered me a ride,
and I was really desperate because I just needed to
go like twenty blocks and really late. And I was young.
I was probably about when I was fourteen. And I
got into this car and he was really nice. He
was probably about fifteen years older than me, good looking guy,
he seemed safe enough. He was like, hey, I need
(19:05):
to run. I was like, I just going down the street,
just like all right, cool, get in, you know, and
he's like it's getting late, like you should just get it.
Speaker 1 (19:11):
And so I got in.
Speaker 2 (19:12):
The car and we were listening to music and we
were talking and then suddenly he just grabbed me by
the back of my neck and he was like suck mine. Yeah,
And I don't know what came over me, but I just,
in such a rage, turned to this man, and I said,
you know, all this coming car over right now, I'm
(19:32):
gonna kill you or whatever. I said, whatever, But I mean,
like just rage came out of my eyes and he
got so startled. I think he just suspected. I think
he just thought I was like this innocent, little fourteen
year old girl who would not know how to defend
myself or you know, how to speak up for myself.
But oh well, he saw like this whole other creature
come out, and he pulled the car over immediately, and
(19:55):
thank god the doors weren't locked. I pushed myself out
of the door, and before I could even and get
my feet out, he was already driving away. So I
got like a terrible My arm was just oh, it
was so mangled, and but I ran the whole way home,
and you know, stuff like that, and that was sort
of at the bottom of the list. I mean, you
have to remember also the stuff between like Mackenzie and
(20:17):
my father and that scandal, and you know, that was
extremely traumatizing. And so I think that for me, when
I say complex trauma, I I'm even talking about like
in utero. I mean, you know, I love my mom
so much, but they didn't know, they were drinking and smoking,
(20:38):
and so I was talking to a healer and she
was basically saying, you know, this Christian healer was telling me.
She was like, sweety, your trauma started before you were
even you know, born. You know it started in utero.
Speaker 1 (20:51):
So it is complex and it is generational, but you
can change it, though it's going to take more than
one lifetime. I think, yeah, you went into fight flight
or freeze. I believe when you got out of that
car was because of the experiences you went through prior
to that, Like did you find strength in your trauma
that happened before.
Speaker 2 (21:11):
I didn't really start even recognizing what trauma was until
I got into therapy when I was nineteen in it
and I coincided with me getting sober. I think when
I was nineteen is when I really started to see
my life transform and I was able to see where
I disassociated with certain events in my life because people
(21:34):
used to always say to me, you know, China, you're
such a good person and you're so funny, and you're
so talented, but you're kind of checked down and so yeah, so,
and I used to always question that, like, why why
do people say that about me? Or like I'd go
into like these micro aneurysms where I would just like
(21:55):
look out the window and people would be talking to
me and they could literally put their front of it
my face and I would just not react, like, oh gosh,
China's gone into her zone. And I guess that's something
that I've done since I was a little girl. It's
just a it's just a coping mechanism, really, and I
have a lot of those in my life, a lot.
Speaker 1 (22:17):
And thank God for that, by the way, because I'm me.
I can relate to that one hundred percent. And thank
God for our bodies and to be able to dissociate.
I don't think i'd be able to survive through that
if I didn't.
Speaker 2 (22:27):
Yeah. Yeah, we had to disassociate in order to survive.
And now I watch prime shows to disassociate now, like
as if it's past seven point thirty, you know what
I'm doing. I Am watching a crime show on my iPad.
Speaker 1 (22:42):
You were introduced to drugs and alcohol such a young age.
Speaker 2 (22:45):
Yeah, did that did?
Speaker 1 (22:48):
Because you saw your father, unfortunately use when you were
so young. Were you hesitant going into it or was
it just was it a mechanism for you to be
able to survive just to know.
Speaker 2 (23:01):
It also started sort of not innocently, but like, you know,
I would take a hit off the joint that was
being passed around, you know, in the living room by
my family, my mother and all of her friends. You know,
I would just take like a little hit. And then
it turned into, Oh, I'm going to go into the
garage and drink this bottle of wine with my friend
(23:23):
because my mom had like fifty bottles of you know
wine in there, so we would just raid the garage.
And then it turned into oh, I'll just smoke this cigarette,
and then it turned into oh, I'll just try cocaine
once because I was I was terrified of hard drugs, acid, cocaine, heroine.
(23:43):
You know. That all just completely freaked me out because
I saw what my father had gone through, and I
just didn't want to replicate that. I didn't want to.
I didn't want to ruin my entire life with drugs
and alcohol, and I knew that I would if I
ever touched it. So my friends were doing coke and
(24:03):
I was really reluctant to try it. But e then,
of course, you know, all the peer pressure, so finally
I tried it. And then I started doing it every
weekend with my girlfriends. I don't ever consider myself to
have been a cocaine addict, but I definitely loved doing it,
and I loved, you know, I looked forward to the
weekends when I could, you know, do some cocaine. And
(24:24):
I basically did whatever I could get my hands on. Like,
if you had a quailia it, I would take it,
you know, if you had shrooms, i'd troom if you know,
like whatever it was I could get my hands on,
I would do it. And but basically, like one day,
I just looked at myself in the mirror and I
literally like the hue of my skin was just kind
of green. I can't explain it. It was just this
(24:46):
really sick, yellowish green color, something I'd never seen in
my face and my arms before, and I and everything
in my body just said, like, you know, the body
keeps score right, and my body was like, you're dying.
It's a slow death, but you're dying. And if you
don't do something about this, this is how this is
(25:07):
the way your life is going to play out, and
you're going to be dead before you're thirty. And that
was when I was eighteen. But you know the reason
I was so young was because I kind of have
the Drew Barrymore story where I was like partying and
drinking and going out when I was like nine or ten.
I mean, I was out there. I was doing stuff
I shouldn't have been doing at a very very young age.
(25:27):
I had access to stuff I shouldn't have access to,
shouldn't have had access to.
Speaker 1 (25:31):
You mentioned that you saw your father also turn green.
Was it similar, very similar color?
Speaker 2 (25:37):
And I think that's also what really made me, you know,
really was You're right. I had gone to New York
when I was six years old to go visit my father,
six or seven, and he told me we were going
to go to Disney World, and of course Disney World
never happened. But we're in Manhattan in his apartment, and
(25:59):
suddenly I just see him go into cardiac arrest, and
I see the color of his skin just turn instantaneously
into this yellow green color, the exact same color my
skin turned into. And you're right, that was the correlation
for me, the terrifying connection.
Speaker 1 (26:13):
Sure.
Speaker 2 (26:14):
And yeah, and that's when I found out my father had,
you know, a very severe addiction to heroin. And my
father is a notorious drug addict. I mean even you know,
people like Keith Richards had a hard time hanging out
with my dad. They had to stop hanging out with
my father. And that says a lot. That says a lot.
Speaker 1 (26:37):
Well, your dad could party, right, Yeah, he could party art.
How's your did he has he is? Are your parents
alive still or yes?
Speaker 2 (26:46):
My mom just turned eighty years young and my father No,
he passed away twenty three years ago.
Speaker 1 (26:53):
Now were you able to make peace with him before
his passing at all?
Speaker 2 (26:57):
Or yes?
Speaker 1 (26:58):
And no.
Speaker 2 (26:59):
I wish that I had asked him more questions. I
wish that I didn't feel such a barrier between he
and I in the sense that I loved him so
much and yearned, craved and hungered for a relationship with
(27:19):
a relationship with him so much that it almost made
it impossible for me to have a normal relationship with
him once I was an adult, because I couldn't get
passed like again, it was like I would disassociate when
I was around him. It was just like a part
of me just had to turn off. So I don't
(27:43):
I wouldn't say that it was something I regret. I
definitely feel like I had some closure, but it wasn't
the closure that I could have had if I had
had the strength to just say, hey, dad, you know
obviously we didn't have much time together in my formative years,
(28:04):
you know, and I just have so many questions, like
how did you feel about the divorce, How did you
feel about not being with me, not being able to
watch me grow up? How did you feel about missing
my birthdays and missing you know, my missing every Christmas?
And not to make him feel guilty, but just like
I would have loved to have known his thoughts on that.
(28:26):
And so yeah, we had a lot of but we
have eternity, don't forget.
Speaker 1 (28:32):
And and how about those genes he promised you to get?
Speaker 2 (28:35):
And all, how do you know about my life?
Speaker 1 (28:38):
I did research on you, and believe me, it's addicting
because I just again love and respect all of how
open you've been, because I can relate so much, and
I wish I was able to when I was younger,
have people like you to, you know, tell their stories.
I think it has been an interesting time because back
then mental health or anything was like, you know, keep
(29:00):
that to yourself. There's a lot of shame behind it.
Even therapy.
Speaker 2 (29:06):
You're such an angel to have done all that research.
And yeah, the jeans story that was sad. I just
remember one year he called me to say, China out
of blue. He was like, what would you like for Christmas?
And I was like, Dad, well, no, you don't have
to get me anything. He was like, no, just tell
me what you want please, And I was like, well,
I love these genes called like Shamanda Fair. I think
(29:27):
it was those Shamanda Fair jeans and I said, I
love these jeans and he said, all right, I'm going
to send you six pair and you got my size
and everything. I'm so excited. And then of course Christmas
came and went and there was no package and I
was like, Mom, you know, did you see a package?
Dad said he was going to send me and she
just laughed. She was like, China, do you really really
(29:49):
think you're going to get those jeans in the mail?
And I remember feeling completely crushed because you know what,
I knew I had been duped and I knew she
was right. And that was just like, even if it
wasn't the kindest, most supportive thing for my mother to say,
it was sobering. It was like smelling salts under my nose.
I was like, oh, she's right, but every fiber of
(30:12):
my being wanted to believe that I can't send those jeans,
you know, I hear you. Yeah, maybe you'd get lost
in the mail.
Speaker 1 (30:20):
Yeah no, and by the all six of them. How's
your relationship with your mom now?
Speaker 2 (30:26):
My mom is you know what. We have a really
nice relationship now, and it's like there's still certain things
because my mom can be like she's the warmest individual.
She'll take her sure off her back for anybody, and
you know, she'll take in every little lost animal and
every little you know. But then there's also this real
like dynasty icy side to my mom, you know what
(30:49):
I mean, Like you don't want to double cross my
mom because she can be you know, yeah, she'll let
you have it. But I love my mom and she's
been nothing but portive, you know, to me. But we've struggled.
You know, I'm not gonna lie like she doesn't love
the whole like California preaching thing. And I think that
she thinks I'm a little too outspoken, and I think
(31:11):
it embarrasses her a little bit. Feel a little exposed,
you know, even though they're my stories. I think sometimes
she just feels like, why do I have to go
talking about all that? Stop? Stop? What are you doing?
Speaker 1 (31:37):
Did AA ignite you to finding God?
Speaker 2 (31:41):
Or Yeah? I mean I was already sort of on
a spiritual journey, but you know, I really don't know.
Everything was a dead end. You know. I would meditate
to an unknown god. I was just sort of meditating
the universe, the universe apporting me and I'm just feeling
(32:02):
good vibes.
Speaker 1 (32:03):
And higher power.
Speaker 2 (32:05):
Yeah, and then I'd go get my tarot cards read
and oh I love that. Oh you got to stop.
And then like I'd go see a psychic and then
I would go to, you know, my yoga class, and
then I would just like chime my bells.
Speaker 1 (32:21):
Crystals, crystals.
Speaker 2 (32:23):
But all of it is a dead end. I mean
I can say that confidently. And I don't even mean
for me, I mean for everybody. It is a dead end.
Speaker 1 (32:31):
Okay, let's talk Dancing with the Stars. What was that?
How did that come about for you? Why?
Speaker 2 (32:37):
Well, I was approached and immediately I was like, no,
I'm not doing that. You know, I don't know. There
was terror. Terror flooded through my body. And then I
think I was approached a second time and I was like, okay,
all right, let me think about this. You know, it
(32:59):
wasn't had money, obviously, it was great exposure and it
was kind of a good lineup. I think for the
first time she asked me there were only like two
people who were in the lineup, and I was like, well,
who else do you you know? Like, I mean, there
were big celebrities, but I was like, well who else?
Speaker 1 (33:14):
So then once I sap Kardashian.
Speaker 2 (33:16):
Kidding uh huh, and Chazz and of course Chas Bono,
and then Nancy Grace and we had like Ricky Lake
and yeah, Carson Krestley. It was a great group of
us and we had a really good time. But I'll
have to say that it was one of the most
grueling experiences of my life. And I was actually traumatized
(33:43):
because the hours, the man hours that went into learning
these dances. I was like, wait, what I have to
get there? What? What time can I leave? What? I'm
there from nine in the morning until three thirty or
four in the afternoon, Like what, I've never heard of
such a thing like for me to have to dance
all those hours, and let me tell you barely any breaks.
(34:04):
It was literally dancing from like nine in the morning
till four in the afternoon, and by the end of
the day, I just remember being like spaghetti. I was
just like my whole body it was just like I
just wanted to collapse. And I mean I got into
incredible shape, was like I stealth, like I looked amazing.
By the end, I was like, I'm never allowing my
(34:26):
body to ever ever go back to what it was.
Of course I was back to what it was like
six weeks later, but anyway, it was very upsetting when
I forgot my moves, I have to say, and I
was so upset when I got kicked off because I
really felt like I really felt like and I think
(34:48):
they've changed the rules since my departure, because I think
they saw how that was just so ridiculous, like somebody
who had been at the top of the whatever, the
bar or whatever you call and then the leaderboard, and
then she forgets her moves one night and suddenly she's
kicked off, Like it just didn't it didn't seem fair.
And I think since then they kind of changed the
(35:09):
rules a little bit, which I was grateful for because
I wouldn't want somebody else to be in my position,
because right before we went on stage to figure out
whether I was going to stay or go, I remember
Tony turning to me and saying, you do have like
a departure speech, right, And I was like, you think
we're about to get kicked off? I wasn't good, I'm
going to kick us off and he was like, yeah,
(35:31):
I think we're going. I was like, what, How Like
we've been at the top of the leaderboard. He was like,
that's not really.
Speaker 1 (35:37):
That was me and you at the bottom.
Speaker 2 (35:38):
Remember, oh right, right right?
Speaker 1 (35:40):
No, for sure, though it just sounds it would have
made more sense if we went home. To be quite honest, Yes, yeah, absolutely, yeah,
I don't know.
Speaker 2 (35:50):
I was just a little bumped. But at the same
time I was relieved because it was so much work
and I was away from my children. I was living
in La those five weeks, and so, I mean, it
was a mixed bag for me the stars, but I did.
I was I was very proud of all the work
that I did because I worked really, really, really hard,
(36:12):
and nobody can ever take that away from me. I
worked really really hard, and I think big into it
was that I had a really frantic day, and I
felt really out of sorts and I rehearsed at all,
and so I just did it cold. I literally just
got on did it cold? I hadn't done it since
the day before, and I just forgot.
Speaker 1 (36:31):
My How was your dress rehearsal? Do you remember? Uh?
Speaker 2 (36:35):
No, I think it was fine. I think press rehearsal
was okay, you mean that day, right, So I guess
I did do it. But you see, I don't even
remember that. I'm so out of it that day. No.
Speaker 1 (36:47):
And by the way, it happens to the best, it
happened to Alona just no. I don't know if you're
watching the season, but a contestant right now. She totally
went blank in her jibe and she just was so emotional.
I loved her vulnerability. I also think that vulnerability is
so key, and I think you really showcase that I did. Yeah,
I was beautiful.
Speaker 2 (37:06):
Gosh, I don't I kind of remember, like zoning out.
Speaker 1 (37:09):
A little bit to dancing that starts bring up any
triggers for you whatsoever?
Speaker 2 (37:16):
I mean, I guess the triggers it brought up for me,
if anything would probably just be you know, I think
I have a little bit of a learning disability. So
I think that for me there there was like that
learning curve of like, Okay, I'm supposed to we only
have a certain amount of time and we have to
(37:36):
learn this dance. And if I don't learn this dance
in this window of time, we're going live on air,
and like, I'm screwed if I don't remember this. And
so I think the pressure for me was, oh my gosh,
like I have to if I couldn't figure out a
move or something, and then we'd have to simplify it
or we would have to sort of okay, well, fine, love,
we won't do that move, let's do and then everything
(37:57):
changed on a dime, and then I had to learn
this other move. It was just so I think for me,
just things constantly changing is triggering for me. And just
having to learn something in a condensed amount of time
that was a lot of pressure. Brought up feelings for me,
like tests and having to perform and be prepared for
the test on test day at school. You know, that
(38:20):
was always terrifying for me.
Speaker 1 (38:22):
How was you and did you request Tony as your
partner or.
Speaker 2 (38:25):
No, no, I was assigned.
Speaker 1 (38:27):
Yeah, what were your first impressions?
Speaker 2 (38:30):
Good looking, kind and definitely you know, not as Bengali,
but like serious, like he wasn't gonna he wasn't messing around,
you know, he he wasn't in it to play. There
was no play.
Speaker 1 (38:47):
What was his teaching style? Like I can no stand
up like a task master?
Speaker 2 (38:55):
Put your chanin up, you know, put your chin up,
stand up straight? Where are your shoulders? Where are you shoulder?
Your shoulders on your package?
Speaker 1 (39:03):
He's like, where's your right leg? What lake are you
standing on? Where's your right? You're like, well, that's your
left and he goes, no, no, where's your right? Like
what the lake are you?
Speaker 2 (39:12):
Yeah? Exactly.
Speaker 1 (39:14):
Then you kicked him in the balls, which was hysterical.
Speaker 2 (39:17):
Gosh, that was not staged.
Speaker 1 (39:19):
I swear that was so freaking funny.
Speaker 2 (39:23):
The other thing was my manager called me about three
weeks in and he was like, what are you wearing
in these rehearsals? What are you wearing? And I was like,
what do you mean. I've got like this one piece
leotard from like nineteen eighty five, And he was like,
look at Kristin Cavalari, look at what she's wearing. She
looks so good in her little Nike shoes and her
(39:43):
cute little, like you know, Lululemon pants, and I was like, oh,
I guess I could be a little bored with it
with like my you know, my wardrobe. So then I
got this really cute like workout wardrobe, and then I
got then I got kicked off the shit.
Speaker 1 (39:57):
How was your mental health on the show?
Speaker 2 (40:01):
I was missing my kids so much. Oh my gosh.
It was really hard to be away from them. And
I was only ninety minutes away, and Billy would drive
the kids in and that was lovely. But it's not
the same. It's so time consuming. It just was. It
just sort of infiltrated my entire life for five whole
weeks and maybe longer because there were rehearsals before weeks.
(40:23):
Eight weeks. Yeah, And I felt for the kids, especially Brooks,
because she was only I don't know, five or six
years old, and you know, that's just a very formative time,
and so I think it was hard for her to be,
you know, away from me and vice versa. But other
than that, I think my mental health was pretty good.
(40:43):
Thank God, I was sober. Thank God I was you know,
hied Jesus, thank God, I was, you know, in a
position where I had so many so much moral support
in Los Angeles, because that's I'm an LA girl, right,
So it wasn't like I was, you know, out of
wald fish out of water.
Speaker 1 (41:02):
You know.
Speaker 2 (41:02):
I could go to my mom's house, which was just
a few miles away, and I had a lot of
girlfriends around, so I wasn't all alone. And I think
that really good component. That was a very positive component.
Speaker 1 (41:13):
Did you ever feel like throwing in the towel or.
Speaker 2 (41:16):
Oh my gosh, yes, I mean I wouldn't have, but
I definitely had those days where I was just in
a puddle of tears and yeah, and I got pretty
close to Kristin and we would talk and commiserate, talk
about the experience. It. Yeah, it was a lot.
Speaker 1 (41:33):
I also got eliminated too early for most Memorable No see.
I believe it's because of the package. I think the
package holds so much weight because now that I'm watching
it as a fan, I don't want to see people
fighting phosals. I don't and I also don't want to
I only want to see it. Look, I want to
see the reality. So for example, like I don't know
(41:54):
Phaedra and val last week they got eliminated, but they
had a that tension was building up for many weeks
and they just decided to show it. You know, yeah, fascinating. Anyway,
the show was so consuming in my life. Did they
not tell you ahead of time in the pre meeting
that there was going to be this show that was
going to take up twenty five hours of your day
every day?
Speaker 2 (42:15):
Well, I think it's one thing to see it on
paper and to hear someone say it, and then it's
another to actually limit out in real time. And so
I think that sometimes I think that I'm more capable
than I actually am. Like it took me many years
to realize that going on tour for me just is
(42:36):
not plausible. I can't do weeks and weeks and weeks
on the road. It just doesn't work for me. I
end up having a breakdown and I end up canceling shows.
And so I had to learn that lesson the hard way.
So now I know my bandwidth, and so I would
never take on a project like that now because.
Speaker 1 (42:56):
Are you going to do All Stars?
Speaker 2 (42:57):
Nope? I just I just know my bandwidth and that's
not you know, in my wheelhouse to do weeks and
weeks of work like that intense, intense work like that.
If I'm writing music intensely in my own home with
a collaborator and my own guitar and with my cat
(43:18):
and with my husband and my kids all around, that's different.
But when you pull me out of my own environment
for weeks at a time, don't, I don't farewell.
Speaker 1 (43:26):
And then you have a deadline right like that, and
then you're doing it live, and there's a lot of pressure.
Speaker 2 (43:31):
So many people down if I have to just cancel
because I can't, mentally, I hear you, Yeah, I take
it on.
Speaker 1 (43:37):
What are you up to now? What's new? Go for it?
Speaker 2 (43:41):
So right now I am immersing myself in my online
women's community, which is called California Healing. So now I
have California preach in, which is the YouTube channel that
I have California Healing, which is my online women's community,
and it is thriving. It's just so beautiful. I would
love for you to check it out. Actually, I would
(44:03):
love to give you a drop in. But it's it's
just a twenty four to seven revolving door of support
and we have meetings, we have a WhatsApp thread, we
meet at retreats, we have a lot of offshoot meetings, uh,
you know, praying for our kids in our lives, whether
(44:23):
it's a grandchild or a son, or a daughter, or
a nephew or a neighbor's daughter or son. And we
have incredible women who are all working together to walk
each other home. That's what we're doing. We're just sort
of like supporting each other in this life journey. And
(44:47):
it's an amazing, an amazing platform for anybody who wants
to be able to have, you know, a hundred ladies
at their disposal, to be able to talk to, pray with,
laugh with, and share their story with and hear other
people's stories of redemption and stories of you know, their
struggles and what they've you know, walked through their obstacles,
(45:10):
their challenges. And it's been a lifesaver for me. I
started it because I was sinking fast and I needed
other ladies in my life to help support me. And
now it's like I've got a gaggle of ladies that
are there at a fingertip. And I would love to
give anybody who's listening, you know, a free drop into
(45:31):
California Healing. Just go to California Healing dot com. And
also shareyl. I'll make sure that my peeps give you
the link to sign up for California Healing if you're interested.
Don't forget my.
Speaker 1 (45:44):
You know, but I want to put on my social
media and everything.
Speaker 2 (45:46):
Okay, great, thank you, Yeah, Jenny, We'll get you all
that information. And then I also have my YouTube channel.
I'm still dropping videos every single week, and I do
a live California Preaching Live on Wednesday nights, and my
California Preach channel, which is just a lot of fun.
And you know, I get to talk about my peaks
and valleys with Jesus because it's not a perfect walk
(46:07):
with God, but it's funny and it makes for really good.
Speaker 1 (46:10):
Content I can concur.
Speaker 2 (46:14):
So that's what I'm up to. And of course, you
know my three kids, who are just a total joy.
Speaker 1 (46:19):
What advice do you have for the remaining couples this season?
Speaker 2 (46:25):
Well, first of all, congratulations. It's hard to get that far,
and I would probably say to reward yourself now by
telling yourself what a great job you're doing, and don't
save the accolades for after you've won, because what you've
(46:48):
taken on is so demanding of your time and your
mind and your energy, and I want you to applaud
yourself now for the work that you already put into it,
instead of potentially never giving yourself that validation because you
didn't win. It's not about the win. It's about what
(47:10):
have you learned through this experience. What have you learned
about yourself? Even if it's that you've learned what your
bandwidth is, even if you've learned that this is not
your wheelhouse, that's a very important lesson. That's something that
you'll take with you for the rest of your life.
Speaker 1 (47:26):
Well that's the best answer. And all of these interviews
I've done, you just gave me kills. You gave me chills. Yes, yeah,
that's beautiful. Thank you for your time. I want to
thank China so much for coming on the podcast and
for her vulnerability and sharing her story as I know
it has and will continue to help so many people
feel like they're not alone. Make sure to check out
(47:46):
her YouTube channel, California Preaching, and follow her on all
of the different platforms Instagram, TikTok, Facebook, et cetera, and
as always, don't forget to Please take a moment to
rate and review this episode wherever your current listening to it.
No matter if you've done so a million times already,
as it's key to the podcast's success, your feedback and
(48:07):
support is invaluable. Make sure you, guys check out the
show notes and check out a little bit more information
as far as websites and all of that to follow
China on her journey and also if you have any
interest in joining her group California Healin, make sure you
check the show notes as well for that link. Make
sure to drop in on Wednesday as I recap the
(48:28):
latest episode of Dancing with the Stars, and we'll see
you again on Friday for headlines. Until next time, love
you guys, Bye,
Host
Cheryl Burke
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