December 27, 2024 • 50 mins
Join Sandra this week as she introduces Tom Bender, and teaches us to discover the importance of meditation & mindfulness to connect with loved ones.
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
And you're here.
Speaker 2 (00:01):
Thanks for choosing the iHeartRadio and Coast to Ghost Day
and Paranormal Podcast Network. Your quest for podcasts of the paranormal, supernatural,
and the unexplained ends here. They invite you to enjoy
all our shows we have on this network, and right now,
let's start with Chase of the Afterlife with Sandra Champlain.
Speaker 3 (00:21):
Welcome to our podcast. Please be aware the thoughts and
opinions expressed by the host are their thoughts and opinions
only and do not reflect those of iHeartMedia, iHeartRadio, Coast
to Coast, AM employees of Premiere Networks, or their sponsors
and associates. We would like to encourage you to do
(00:42):
your own research and discover the subject matter for yourself.
Speaker 1 (00:48):
Hi.
Speaker 3 (00:49):
I'm Sandra Champlain. For over twenty five years, I've been
on a journey to prove the existence of life after death.
On each episode, we'll discuss the reasons we now know
that our loved ones have survived physical death and so
will we. Welcome to Shades of the Afterlife. Have you
(01:09):
ever wondered what your life purpose is? I want to
ask you three questions just for you to ponder. You
don't need to give a response, as it may take
you a little while to come up with the answer.
I will revisit this at the end of the episode
and you'll know why then. The first question is if
(01:31):
I knew I couldn't fail, what would I do or
who would I be? Second question, if I knew I
had one hundred million dollars in the bank, what would
I do or who would I be? And number three,
if I knew I only had six months left to live,
(01:56):
what would I do or who would I be? Good questions. Right,
our guest today has come up with his life purpose
a different way, and I think many of us our
hearts get cracked wide open when we go through the
grieving process. As difficult as grief may be, it may
(02:18):
have us asking these important questions of who am I
and what is my life? For our guest today is
a berieved father, a bereaved son, a bereaved brother, and
a bereaved friend. You'll meet Tom Bender, creator and host
of the Heroes in Grief podcast. On each episode you
(02:40):
meet inspiring folks who turn their grief into purpose. You
can find out more at Heroes in Grief dot com.
Let's meet Tom now hear his story through grief and
his belief in the afterlife.
Speaker 1 (02:56):
Now presently in Niagara Falls, New York. I'm a native
Western New Yorker born in Buffalo, and there's been a
lot of things in my life, a lot of different
things to pull from varied background. I was a pastor
for fifteen years in the Christian Church. I was spiritual
care director at Niagara Hospice for three and a half years.
I worked ambulance for a long time. I was back
(03:18):
in the, as you were, the food industry for a
while and did all kinds of different things. I also
had been involved in music almost all my life, and
so my past fifteen years or so has been a
full time musician here in Western New York. And I
played in nursing homes and things like that during the
day times, and then clubs and other things at night,
(03:39):
and bands and everything else, the whole gamut. But I
was very privileged to be full time, and so it
was nice. And then in February twenty third of twenty
twenty three, my son Jeff passed. He was twenty seven
years old, and he was living with us. He had
come to us to get out of a lifestyle he
(04:00):
had been in involving drugs and things, and so he
came to live with us two and a half years
prior to that, and everything was going relatively well, and
as that sometimes happens, it has gripped him and did
grip him, and so he finally succumbed to that on
the twenty third, and that was horrific, of course, and
changed my life dramatically. I'm still changing and evolving as
(04:22):
a person since that time. It's not that long, of course,
but I found amazing resources right away. I knew I
needed help and tapped into resources that helped me online
and searching out podcast books, just searching for something to
grab onto, and I found immediate help through some of those.
I began to progress in my grief, which I think
(04:45):
everybody has to do. Early stages are tough because you're
just trying to live and survive, of course, and so
what it did is it started moving me onward to
wanting to realize what's happening with in me. First of all,
and that was that I was changing. You can't help
but be changed in many ways, but internally it really
(05:07):
worked in me, and I realized some things that I'm
still trying to process and better myself in but I
wanted to help people and I wanted to help them
through if I could, the pain that I was going through.
I didn't know what that was going to look like.
I didn't know how that was going to happen. I
quickly took a grief educator course through David Kessler that
(05:29):
was on a grief group swanline with his organization, and
again I didn't know exactly what I was going to
do with that, but I thought, maybe I don't know,
maybe one on ones who knows. So I took that.
I ended that in June of last year, relatively quick
again into everything, and then the idea for the podcast
came around that time, actually, but it just wasn't time.
(05:51):
I could tell through the summer months and things got busy,
and it was good because we were being occupied and
that helps pad the grief process as you're going on
and being amongst friends and all those things. Really what
stirred it was that I heard other people's stories and
they meant a lot to me. It didn't matter the
circumstances of their grief, it was what came out of it,
(06:13):
and it seemed like there was something that came out
of every story that was applicable to my grief. But
that is what really spurred me on when I saw
what people were doing with their grief and so many
people then turned it into purpose, and I thought, first
of all, the stories should be getting out there for people,
because different people relate to different people's stories, so the
(06:36):
more we can get that out there, the better it
is for everybody. And then to highlight the things that
people are doing through their grief and the remarkable things.
There's so many resources available for people in grief that
are from other people who have experienced grief, and there's
nobody better, I think, to do that than those who
(06:57):
know what you're going through. So that's where where the
whole idea of heroes and grief came from. I struggled
with the name heroes initially, and then I looked up
and saw that there's part of the definition of heroes
that fit perfectly, and I put that in the intro
to it, and it's those who are doing remarkable things
encourage and it doesn't matter we've made heroes into these
(07:19):
superheroes and all these other things. And of course it
applies to military and things like that, but most people
the common person would not think themselves a hero in
any way, but I found through that definition that it applied,
and they are heroes and certainly heroes for those who
receive something effective for them in their walk with Greece.
(07:40):
I've been on a spiritual journey that now has changed
and exploring meditation in those things. I don't do it
as much as I should and as well as I should,
but the benefits are incredible. I believe I'm being guided
from the universe and from Spirit and from Jeff and
spirit guides and all those types of things that people
(08:00):
may be familiar with. I believe Jeff is present right
here with me right now, and he's shown that in
so many ways. I have signs that could fill a
law book of evidence for me personally. So all I
do is share that as well. And it's very freeing
to be in the grief community. I've found people in
(08:21):
the grief community are genuine and wanting help, and those
who are giving the help are genuine. So it's been
really refreshing to be part of something that is not competitive.
People are genuine and real, and that's where you really
came in for me. And I'll share this story now
how Sandra and I got connected here to do the podcasts.
(08:44):
I did a podcast with Roseanne Norris. She heads up
Helping Parents Heal chapter in Binghamton, New York, and I'm
part of Helping Parents Heal as well. It's an organization
that is all for parents who have lost children. And
so I had her on podcast a couple of weeks ago.
I knew she was acquainted with you, but we didn't
(09:04):
get too deep into that. And so after the podcast,
I sent her an email. And as I have with
several other different people who very initially when I was
in my throes of grief and just clutching for things.
And so that's why I sent the message to Roseanne
for you, is because I found your podcasts and things
(09:26):
early on. You're very inviting in your conversation and things.
I connected with that, and I just wanted to send
you a message to say that you had a positive
role in my process and moving forward. So that was
my intention, and I sent an email to her and said,
what do you think is the best way to contact
(09:47):
Sandra so that she would see the message, because I
didn't know if you actually do your social media and
those types of things, and so that's all I sent her.
And so then she sends me back a message and says,
I contacted sand and she says she wants to be
on your podcast and she wants to have you on hers.
That was remarkable to me. So I'm very, very happy
(10:08):
that you did that. And it's such a privilege to
be here.
Speaker 3 (10:12):
Oh thank you. My mom says, make things happen, don't
wait for them to happen. Make things happen. And I
want to just highlight a few things that you said,
and then I want to ask you about your connection
that ongoing with Jeff as we love to hear stories.
First of all our condolences for his passing. That is
the one thing that unites all of us. Grief is
(10:35):
a thing that hurts worse than anything in the world,
but can actually crack us open to go on that
spiritual journey that we didn't ask for, that we didn't
think we needed, But in it there's transformation. There really
is not only looking at your own spiritual beliefs the hereafter,
but also who you are as a human being, what
(10:55):
you're here for, and you have taken your grief and
grief and action is what.
Speaker 1 (11:02):
You are doing.
Speaker 3 (11:03):
You are making a difference. And I know for myself,
everything that I learned, I couldn't hang on too for myself,
I had to just give it away. So you are,
in fact a hero and grief as well as all
the people that you interview, and they say it a
ton of times. Even if you make a difference for
one person, you never know when you can breathe life
(11:25):
back into a person. And also sometimes we know grief
is hard prevent them from even taking their own life. So,
my friend, now if we can feel back the onion
a little bit on spiritual beliefs. Now, you mentioned hospice.
There's some great stories of things that happen in hospice.
I don't know if you've known or heard about some
(11:46):
of those deathbed visitors. But also I really want to
hear about your connection with Jeff, because we want to
know that our loved ones are still around and what
are real signs and maybe what is our imagination? And
just if you could talk a little bit about the afterlife.
Speaker 1 (12:02):
Side, probably one of my favorite subjects right now. Absolutely,
it's interesting. When I was a pastor, I always felt
that God was bigger. That was the biggest thing that
stuck with me. You can talk a lot about the
context of the church and things like that, but I
don't adhere to the dogma of religion anymore. I certainly
believe in God and Spirit in a different way, so
(12:24):
I don't try to get in battles with anybody in
religion or anything like that. I just knew at the
time that God was bigger, and when I went to hospice,
I experienced it. I did see some of the things
you're speaking of. I saw terminal lucidity, where a person
who was not conscious or speaking or in their right
mind for a long time, sometimes up to years. And
(12:47):
usually these occurrences that I'm about to speak of happen
and the person passes within a couple days.
Speaker 3 (12:52):
Of as usual, friends, it's time for a quick break,
and I promised we'll come right back where we left
off with Tom Bender. You're listening to Shades of the
Afterlife on the iHeartRadio and Coast to Coast AM Paranormal
podcast Network. Welcome back to Shades of the Afterlife. I'm
(13:27):
Sandra Champlain and we're with Tom Bender, founder and podcast
host of Heroes in Grief. He's had a varied background,
including being spiritual director at a hospice. Let's continue with
his story.
Speaker 1 (13:42):
And when I went to hospice, I experienced it. If
I saw terminal lucidity where a person who was not
conscious or speaking or in their right mind for a
long time, sometimes up to years. And usually these occurrences
that I'm about to speak of happen and the person
passes within a couple days of this. Usually there's a
lot of studies going on with this type of thing.
Speaker 3 (14:04):
Now.
Speaker 1 (14:04):
Actually here locally factor for Christopher Kerr, which is at
Airy County Hospice or Buffalo Hospice, has done great studies
on this. But terminal lucidity, a person comes into their
regular minds and is talking to their family members. And
I witnessed this. I saw this happen and they were
just dumbfounded, the people around this person, because she knew
(14:26):
every name, she knew every place, she knew everything that
had been happening all around her in the recent history.
And everybody was shocked. And of course it's difficult for
the family members because they feel this is a rallying point,
and really what it is because a kind of a
picture of the end. But yeah, I experienced that, and
it is a remarkable experience, and so we knew this happened,
(14:48):
and we saw this happen. I saw it probably physically
myself a couple times and witnessed it. I heard of
it obviously other times from the workers there. And then
there's other things where they see somebody who has passed
on before them and they talk about it, and they
see it and they talk to them, and they see
(15:08):
them in the room, or they'll see them behind somebody
when they're talking to them. These occurrences happened while I
was there too, and I witnessed that happen. So those
are actual things that people see. We're just normal people.
I know you feel the same Leasander that you share
these things. We are just normal people who have witnessed
these remarkable things around us, and it has to be shared,
(15:32):
or our society seems to squelch these things for some reason,
or maybe we're just desensitized where it doesn't have the
impact that it should. But they're extraordinary things. With Jeff,
Oh boy, there's so many. One of the very early
things that happened was in the immediate days and day
of and days after Jeff passed, and he lived with
(15:54):
us here in the house, and so I'd go into
the bathroom and and of course I'm in my acute
grief phase and you are in la la land. You
don't even know what's going on. It's hard to find
the door, you know. And so I'd walk into the
bathroom and I would hear Dad, Dad every time it happened,
(16:17):
and I was like, Jeff, I know you're there, and
I'm here. I hear you. And I talked to him,
you know, crying at that time, but talking to him.
And he did it probably for about maybe a month
or so, just every time Dad, and it was his voice,
and so it was amazing. That was the first thing.
(16:40):
About three weeks after he passed. Now, as I said,
he'd lived with us, and he was a construction worker,
a great worker, and helped around the house and did things.
We had that bad snowstorm in Buffalo, which was around
Christmas time in twenty twenty two, so he was here
for that time and we got two or three feet
of snow oh here, and so he was out shoveling
(17:02):
one day. And Jeff was like a bull in the
china shop. He was a big guy, but a tender heart,
just a teddy bear, but he was like a bull
in the china shop and we just shake our heads
and say, Jeff, what did you do? Yeah, that type
of thing. Remember he pulled in the driveway one time
and knocked the extension cord holder off the wall and
he had to fix that, but he could fix it,
so it was like, OK, what he did this time? He
(17:24):
was shoveling outside and all of a sudden he came
in and he's holding the shovel handle in his hand
and he goes, I broke the handle, you know. So
actually we went and replaced it that day, or he
went and got another shovel and he came back in
and he had broken another shovel, so two of them
while he was doing that. After that time, a few
(17:46):
days after whatever, I fixed the shovel handle on the
first one that he broke, and that was the one
we used all the time, and we had used it
several times multiple times since then. When Jeff passed, it
was February twenty third, so this was two months after
the snowstorm. And three weeks after that, I go out
to our porch. We didn't really have any snow at
(18:07):
that time, but we kept our shovel on the porch,
and it really hadn't been windy that day either, and
we have a carpeted porch. I have a picture of this. Actually.
I opened up the door just to get some air,
and the shovel's ling on the carpeted floor and the
handle is broken off. And I just was like, Jeff,
(18:27):
that is Jeff, you know, And how did it break
on a carpeted floor, falling from just standing? And it
was remarkable. So a great sign from him something recently
that happened. And I've really been trying to get in
touch with Jeff and in touch with the spirit world.
So sometimes I drive for a living. I drive for
(18:47):
a charter company here in the Falls, and I was
driving out to a school one time. It was in
the evening and it was about hour long drive, and
I put on meditation music. Now this isn't advice for
some people when you're driving, but I just wanted something
to mellow myself, to get myself in a mindful state,
and so I did that while I was listening. You know,
(19:10):
if you've ever seen the newer vehicles, sometimes they have
like a holographic display on the windshield and it goes
up there and it's a little rectangle that has holographic
things on there. This is the way it came up
for me. And I was just trying to get in
a mindful state, and mindfulness is just getting in the
present moment, releasing everything else. And so all of a sudden,
(19:35):
I see that, just like a rectangle, and Jeff is
down in the corner and he's just like like, hey here,
I am his fun kid, funny, beautiful smile, and he
was just like, hey here I am. I'm here. I
love you, I know it. And I acknowledged him, and
as I do, and I talk to him, and then
(19:56):
all of a sudden, my mother shows up. Mother passed
too years before Jeff, than my father. My dad died
when I was ten. Then my brother, my brother died
about ten years ago now maybe more. All of a sudden,
all the people in my life that I knew started
(20:16):
showing up, and it formed like this big party of
people there, and one by one I'd remember them and
they'd show up and they were like hi, Hi, just
kept saying hi, We're all here, and it was just
such an experience and acknowledgement. Now, this is what happens
a lot now for me. I need confirmations. We keep
needing these knocks in the head to say this is real,
(20:39):
this is real. They're there and they're they're with us.
And so I couldn't think of one person that had
passed in my life that it was close to me
that didn't show up there. And so that is just
something that happened recently that is pretty remarkable.
Speaker 3 (20:56):
I just want to ask that you were continuing driving
when this is all happened.
Speaker 1 (21:00):
I did notice that while I was driving. Yes, I'm
thinking of it as it's happening. I was thinking, in
my head, you are totally present what you're doing here.
I was focused on driving the guest right.
Speaker 3 (21:13):
And I know from personal experience we need to be present,
we need to be in the zone, and sometimes driving
is it. I've never heard an experience like that, and
I know from my own experiences when they show up
and in my mind it can be an image not
outside of me, but I can tell what they look like,
(21:36):
what they're wearing. It's different than when my mind says, okay,
picture my dad, because then I have to slow down
and okay, that's what he looks like, and okay, invent
what he's wearing. But it's just like, there they are,
And so it sounds to me like a similar thing
that they just present themselves.
Speaker 1 (21:57):
There they are.
Speaker 3 (21:58):
You wouldn't even have time to try to figure out
and imagine them.
Speaker 1 (22:02):
No, And I wouldn't have put him in the striped
shirt that he had on. People when they see things
or wonder if it's conjuring up in their own mind
or if it's the reality of some of the spirits
showing themselves that it's definite. It's definite, it's real. It
wasn't like vague. It was very clear, and you just
(22:24):
know it's real. It's not like some obscure thing that's
just wavering out there or something. It was very definite,
very clear. And all the rest of them that came up,
they really didn't say anything. They were just like every
one of them kind of just came up and like
acknowledged me and waves said we're here, we're here, We're here.
It's it's like pounding into my head. This is real,
(22:45):
this is real that we are here. And so it
was so awesome to experience that. And yeah, yeah, it
was exhilarating.
Speaker 3 (22:52):
I just got a new to me car. It's a
pre owned, and it has that hologram on the windshield
so I can tell how fast I'm going and not
going and blinks when I'm going over the speed limit.
So I love it. But now next time I get
into my car, I'm going to.
Speaker 1 (23:08):
Think of your story.
Speaker 3 (23:11):
Oh you spoke about you still talk to Jeff, which
we should because they're very much alive. But what does
that look like in your day? Is it just including
him and things?
Speaker 1 (23:24):
And how do you? Yeah, you just feel him, yes, yes,
and yes and yes. Sometimes he reveals himself will remind me.
And boy, you feel guilty sometimes, you know, when you're
not thinking of it all the time. But we need
to go on with our lives. They want us to
go on with our lives. We have things to do.
(23:45):
As you said, what we're doing is important, and so
you have these things to do, so you can't beat
yourself up about that. But sometimes I get eleven eleven
on the time all the time. I dur Like I said,
I drive during the days, and so I'll just glance
at the clock. All of a sudden, it might be
my arrival time, it might be the time that it is.
But one time it happened seven days in a row,
(24:06):
and unprovoked, I was like, okay, well you're getting my
attention here for something, and you know, I just kind
of used it as my internal working on that. Dad. Remember,
do what you're supposed to be doing, you know. And
I need those reminders. So that's good. But various ways,
I've only had one dream with Jeff, and which is
strange to me because I would love for those visitations
(24:28):
and dreams. Of course, just recently, again, it was an
acknowledgment that he's here. It was interesting. I don't know,
dreams are so strange, you know, I know his dream
it wasn't a visit really, Maybe that portion of it
was a visit because I remember it specifically and clearly,
but you know, dreams going on or whatever. But all
of a sudden, Jeff just protruded out of a section
(24:49):
of the visual field, I guess is the best way
I can put it. And again, I haven't had a
dream for Jeff. And it was just like pretty much
that I'm here, I'm here, dad, you know that pretty
much like that with his handouts, I'm here, Dad. And
so when I woke up, I was distressed. I felt
that that was meaningful and purposeful and so I just
(25:13):
felt thank you, you know, and I acknowledge him. And
it might be the coins I pick up. I find
the coins all the time, and I've kept all the
ones that I've found since then.
Speaker 3 (25:23):
Friends, it's time for another quick break, and when we
get back, there's more of Heroes and Grief podcast host
Tom Bender. You're listening to Shades of the Afterlife on
the iHeartRadio and Coast to Coast, a paranormal podcast network.
(25:55):
Welcome back to Shades of the Afterlife. I'm Sandra Champlain
talking to Tom Bender, host of Heroes in Grief. Tom
has been a longtime professional musician. Well, I feel has
the pause button on that career right now, and a
lot has to do with grief. So let's continue with
(26:16):
him talking about signs and his music and grief.
Speaker 1 (26:20):
It's strange because I've been in music in my life too,
and music has not been a part of it. Really.
I'm not involved in music now, so maybe that's it.
People send me a lot of music in it initially,
and I did not want to listen to anything. But
that's still a place I kind of don't want to go.
I'll tell you another story that happened today though, and
this is interesting. I posted a poem on my podcast
(26:44):
page and it's a beautiful poem. So I posted the
poem and I had sent this actually to my daughter,
to Jeff's sister, and I put the emojis on there.
I put a couple emojis. I put a heart with
stars on it, and then I put one hundred percent
thing and then I put a thumbs up. And that's
what I sent to her yesterday, and today I put
(27:04):
it on the podcast. Well you know, I put those
things on there. I posted it and I looked at
it and there's a buffalo in there. And I was like,
I didn't click on the buffalo, and I was going
to change it and take it out, and then I
thought Jeff, Jeff and I were huge are huge Buffalo
Bills fans, and we watched every single game together. We
(27:26):
have his jersey up in our garage with lights around
it on a memorial wall for Jeff and everything. I
acknowledge him. Every game. We do jello shots for the
Bill's touchdowns. I do one for him every time. You
know so, but the Buffalo's in there, and I was like,
of course, I mean, just crazy stuff, amazing.
Speaker 3 (27:47):
I's like he has a great sense of humor.
Speaker 1 (27:50):
Oh, absolutely, and being a young.
Speaker 3 (27:53):
Man, because you're a young man, there's technology, there's different
ways I think they'll used to be in touch with us.
You know, my grandmother died at ninety, so she probably
not so much would use the emojis. I think our
personalities and our interests dictate how people work with us
(28:15):
and through us. So I think as much as you're
focusing on slowing down, being present, paying attention, talking to him,
he's being creative in different ways to be in touch
from his side and what works, what doesn't work. Let
me knock over the shovel.
Speaker 1 (28:31):
Yeah yeah, I literally did laugh then, and it was
a hurtful time and I just shook my head like, oh, Jeff,
you know so typical, Like you said, such a humor
for sure. Yeah. Yeah.
Speaker 3 (28:45):
Let's talk a little bit about grief because I think
one of the reasons that we have such a difficult
time with it, well, one is that's part of our biology.
But other than that, death is kept so distant from us.
Undred years ago, people grew up in a totally different
time and funerals were in their living room. They're parlor, right,
(29:09):
and it's funny because once they started moving out of
the house that that's when the name living room came
because before that it was parlor and that was associated
with death. And so grief normally hurts awful, But then
when it's caught out of the blue, and then we've
never had training on it as human beings, which is
(29:31):
amazing because people are raised learning how to rear a
child or get a book on this, that and the
other thing, but it's not taught about before we grieve.
And so people like you and me and others and
let people know that this is a very real thing
and how to best navigate through it.
Speaker 1 (29:52):
Can we just talk a little bit about.
Speaker 3 (29:54):
Grief and perhaps your recommendations If somebody's going through a
time where they're feeling extreme guilt, you know those could
as should have would have moments and replaying things in
our mind and the tremendous pain. Yes, we're going to
point them to Heroes and Grief podcast. But what can
(30:15):
we do? What are some tools that we can do
on the court.
Speaker 1 (30:18):
Yes, I'll definitely address that first. First of all, you
shouldn't grieve alone. Nobody should grieve alone. Were I don't
think we're meant to. I think we're meant to be together.
And especially in the greeting process, so many things can
happen when you're associated with other people, and especially other
people who have been grieving. They understand things on a
level that you can relate to, and so it really
(30:42):
helps that those things about grief or guilt and all
of that, the troublesome scenes. I experienced that myself, the
things that pop into your head, it's a retraining of
the mind. You need to acknowledge it at the time,
and you need to feel it. Anything with grief, you
need to it and go through it or it's going
(31:02):
to come back on you at some times. So if
you want to lessen and quicken the process of living
with more love than pain in your life through the
grief process, then you need to deal with it. You
need to sit down with it and go through it.
So when the pain comes, when you experience it, when
(31:22):
it goes through. For instance, that image came through my head.
I was at the volleyball game and that popped into
my head and I was like, what you know, and
it hurt and tears came to my eyes and I
sat with it for a second and then I said
you know what, I'm going to start replacing this with
something else so that can move on from my mind.
(31:44):
So you deal with it, you acknowledge it. And so
what I started doing, and it's the suggestion again that
I got from David Kessler and his sessions in Tender Hearts,
the group that he has online. You talk to somebody,
and he said, when those things come, to replace them
with better images and ignore knowledgement of the person and
things like that. So what I do is I say
I love you, Jeff, I love you Jeff, and I
(32:06):
start thinking other things about Jeff, the better things, the
life things, and retraining my mind to get away from
that vision and those things that are going on. Eventually,
that process changes as those memories come, and I deal
with it a lot quicker now, you know, I certainly
think of it still, It's still going to come up
in my mind, but it's also dealt with differently. I
(32:28):
am in a stronger sense with it. It's still hurts
sometimes sometimes I sit in it and I just say
it's horrible, and I go through some of the details
of it and work through it. But then I still
work to come out of it. And you need to
do that. You need to look at those other things
and retrain your mind to go in a different direction.
So you talked about being more proactive in the grief conversation,
(32:51):
and this is a huge passion of mine. It's just
it's come out of nowhere. But I think that this
needs to be part of wellness training, it needs to
be part of early education. We're all going to go
through grief. There's so many resources in the underground of
us grief workers. And I found this out because I'm
(33:12):
a good networker and on social media. You know, there's
hundreds of podcasts out there about grief. Everybody's like, Oh,
you're doing such a remarkable thing. There's plenty out there,
people just don't know about them. This is where our
society squelches the grief conversation and says, oh, we don't
want grief. They're okay on a reactive situation. But we
can be way more proactive than grief and the conversation.
(33:35):
And I think it should be done at workplaces. I
think it should be done in the student settings to
help people be more equipped with grief. Whether it's for
the grieving person or the people around them. They can
be educated better how to be around a grieving person
and make it a lot easier on you and them.
So many people that'll ask the question, how are you doing,
(33:55):
and then you start really telling them as an honest
grieving person, and they don't want to hear that. They're
not ready for that. They need to understand that they
need to receive it and be ready to receive in
love and compassion. Sometimes a grieving person, even though they're
grieving for a long time, all of a sudden they
just start crying at work, and somebody may think that
they cause that to happen or whatever. No, it happens,
(34:18):
and it still happens. So there's just a lot of
things that people can be enlightened to. I think I
would really love to be part of that process. I
started a thing called Grief Talks, where I'm pushing to
try to get into places to be able to do
that type of thing, and of course also help in
a grieving situation. If something has happened at a place
or organization, whatever it may be, it doesn't matter to
(34:40):
me where I go. So that's a big passion. And yeah,
you struck a chord there beyond that, and it seems
to come up again and again really for me. So
that's how I know that the universe is kind of
leading you in that way. You get these pushes and
they keep coming up again and again. The same circumstances
are people talking about it. So I feel that I'm
heading that direct for sure.
Speaker 3 (35:01):
I know my listeners know my story, and I know
you're going to be interviewing me next week, so I
won't get too much into this right now. But with me,
grief devastated me. With the death of my father causing
a breakdown of my relationships with siblings, I hit rock bottom.
And before that I knew I was going to someday
(35:22):
share the afterlife stuff that I was learning, But it
was really learning about grief and the impact and things
we can do to move through the pain that gave
me the kick in the butt to get these words
out there. And I really did want to share what
I knew about the afterlife. So the book's titled We
Don't Die as Skeptics Discovery of Life after Death. But
(35:45):
I thought, like it or not, I'm going to educate
people on grief, and so that's chapter ten. So folks
like it or not, but you do like it because
you realize that grief isn't just when a loved one dies.
It can be for so many different things that happen
with relationships, and you know, so many different things. So
I think anytime we can give somebody a helping hand.
(36:09):
And for those people that are uncomfortable, they don't know
how to deal with it, well, it's just because grief
hasn't hit you yet, but it will. And I would
much rather hear from somebody who's experienced grief because they know.
It's like a club that we belong to that we
didn't really ask to be part of, but it really
(36:29):
helps people need people we don't want to be alone,
and so I applaud you for that. What else can
we find on your website, Heroes in grief dot com.
There's a way to access your podcast there right.
Speaker 1 (36:41):
All the informations. There are links to go to where
you need to go to. I have a couple groups
that I started on Facebook. I searched resources early on,
probably in the springtime, right after Jeff past I searched
online for a local grief group on Facebook because I
tend to do well online, so that's why I do
that type of stuff. So I looked and there was
(37:01):
no group. I was shocked to find that there was
no grief group for Western New York people or Buffalo
or any of the area. So I started one, and
it's called Western New York Network for Grief and the Grieving.
It's for people just to have a safe place to
come and share grief with others. I have a Grief
Talks Facebook page. I have Friends of the podcast page
(37:23):
where people could discuss things about the podcast if they wish,
and the YouTube page, and now the grief Talks that
I'm trying to get out there as well. There's a
shop on there and it has the books and resources
from the guests that I've had on the podcast, so
those are available there and the links who are always
in the show notes of the shows that I do too.
Speaker 3 (37:42):
My friends. I'm going to stop for our break here,
and why I'm doing that is because when we get back,
Tom will continue talking about some interesting things he does
as an uber driver to engage in the conversation. And
then also we'll get back to those three questions I
asked you in the beginning, so we'll be right back.
You're listening to Shades of the Afterlife on the iHeartRadio
(38:05):
and Coast to Coast am Paranormal Podcast Network. Welcome back
(38:26):
to Shades of the Afterlife. I'm Sandras Champlain and we
are here with the fabulous Tom Bender, host of Heroes
in Grief podcast. Tom seems to have found one of
his life purposes helping people through grief, and you may
be surprised to learn how he engages people in conversation because,
(38:49):
as we know, people need people. So let's continue with Tom.
Speaker 1 (38:55):
You are speaking, and it struck me too that so
many people they may reach out to wants and have
a bad experience or not get what they wanted. I
just want to tell people you've got to keep pressing.
There's something out there for you, and the same thing
with resources. There's something for you there. And I just
want to encourage people to press on in that and
you can get help for sure.
Speaker 3 (39:16):
Thank you. Can we just do a little plug for
our friends at Helpingparents Heal dot org and let us
know the difference they've made or what's available.
Speaker 1 (39:25):
I am passionate about Helping Parents Heal and I'm in
Helping Fathers Heal group. It's just dads we've lost children.
It is a Facebook group, but we have a zoom
session meeting with the men every Wednesday night. It's eight easterns,
so whatever that works out in the other time zones.
You want to be there every single week. And every
(39:46):
man says that in the group, they're like, oh, I
can't wait for Wednesdays. It's men sharing as men do
and that is great. So helping parents heal in general.
I got to go to the conference in August. They
have a conference two years down in Phoenix. We had
evidential mediums there who brought out the children for certain
parents there. And one gentleman, his daughter came through and
(40:09):
he was behind me in the conference room and it
was so personal and obviously things that no way these
mediums could know from any other source. And afterwards I
said to that dad, and he's a rawnie guy, his
military or whatever, and I said, were you like bawling
because I was when they were saying what they were
saying his daughter was coming through, and he goes, of
(40:32):
course I was bawling. And so he's actually written this story. Now.
Mike Johnson is paid remarkable on helping parents heal. But
when I was there, and you want that and you
desire that, and then I heard one of the speakers say,
if your child's not coming through, don't get discouraged. It
may be that possibly you don't need it as much
as somebody else, or something like that. And I thought
(40:52):
about that, and I thought that may be the case.
I don't know. I feel okay and strong in this,
and I know Jeff's president. And then I thought about it.
And as I said to you before, if I thought
about all the things that occurred to me through Jeff
and with Jeff, that I would have a legal binder
to take into court and show my evidence. It would
(41:13):
be huge. I don't document it. I should. Everybody says
about your and I know it's great, but I don't.
But I would have that I don't have to worry
about it. Thank you.
Speaker 3 (41:24):
Helpingparents. Heal dot Org is the website and there's somewhere
around twenty thousand members, big organization. If you're not a parent,
you can still access the YouTube channel and the website.
There's lots of resources on the website itself, but the
YouTube channel is loaded with just great videos and interviews
(41:44):
and medium demonstrations and if people don't know, every Sunday
at two pm Eastern time, we do a free inspirational
non denominational service on Zoom. Everybody's welcome. In the last
forty five minutes of each one is a medium demonstration
occurred to me, Tom, while we're talking, I'm going to
throw this out there. Would you like to be a
guest speaker sometime on our Sunday gathering?
Speaker 1 (42:07):
Wow? What an honor. I would absolutely be honored to
do that. Thank you. Yeah, you're welcome.
Speaker 3 (42:13):
It just words that I know will make a difference.
So we'll talk about that after while we're here together.
Speaker 1 (42:18):
You're welcome.
Speaker 3 (42:19):
I just you're somebody that makes a difference and I
can get your words to the most amount of people.
That's what I'm here to do. I've taken courses in
medium ship. I'm not an active medium. I don't do
medium readings, but I feel like the universe is using
me as a medium in a different way to get
good people's stories out to the most amount of people,
(42:39):
to help get through grief, look at life the bigger picture,
and to know that we're each important in our own
unique way. We're all those facets of the diamond, all perfect,
whole and complete, and to know there's just such a
bigger purpose. So Tom what else would you like to
share with our minutes together, If there's anything I should
(43:02):
have asked you that I didn't any maybe last words
of inspiration you have.
Speaker 1 (43:07):
I continually go back to who I was, I think
and where people may be. We progress in this, and
we have this belief and trust in this now and
confidence in this. And I think of the people who
aren't there, and I can almost see it as being
something that's almost not offensive but discouraging to them. So
(43:30):
I'm sensitive to them, and it just keeps raising up
for me too, And I just want to tell you
that once again, we are just normal folks who have
experienced these great things and are sharing them with you.
And I tell people sometimes these discussions come up in
my car. I drive for a company here in the
Falls that does charters and things like that, but I
also drive uber and lyft during the day, and I
(43:51):
decided to put a placard on the back of my
seats that the people can see while they're riding in
my car, and I put in there, and I believe
I was led to put this. I put I saw
Jeff past from Fennol, and then I put I'm okay
to talk about it. And I think that line has
made such a difference, and this has really brought out
(44:11):
conversations with people and sometimes their addicts, sometimes they're grieving people.
Sometimes they know somebody else in grief, and so I
feel I was allowed to do that to foster this
conversation even in that context. So I just want to
tell people that there's so much available for you and
if you can share with people who maybe alone in
(44:32):
their grief. I did have a woman contact me recently
lost her daughter and they just sit at the dining
room table every day and don't do anything. It's been months,
and I'm like, you got to get together with people.
The community is needed to get you through these things,
and so you need to do that. And there's so
many resources available that you know, and that's part of
(44:54):
the podcast too. They can fit your style for every
make or size of person, for or there's something out
there for you and something you could connect with. Just
start looking into it, start explore it like you would
anything else. You'd research anything else, right, So just look
into it. We don't have to recruit you. It's not
about recruiting. We just tell our stories and what we're experiencing,
(45:18):
and we get excited about them because we know that
other people can experience that too, and that's the greatest thing.
Speaker 3 (45:24):
Well, thank you for that. You just brought to my
mind the word inspiration. And when I was writing my book,
I got some coaching that just start writing even if
you don't know what to say, and it's like this
wind of inspiration in spirit comes to help. Last night
I was recording a podcast and I needed some help editing,
(45:46):
and I just I was procrastinating. Just start and then
all of a sudden, whosh, it came in. So, whether
it's researching the afterlife, grief, whatever that is in your
life that you're passionate about it, like you said, just
keep pushing, take that one step in the direction of it.
And I believe those in the unseen world that spirit
(46:07):
or the soul within will kick in, but it takes
us taking that very first action.
Speaker 1 (46:13):
Yes, and your journey is your own. You know where
you are is all right. But I tell some of
these people who talk to me in the car and
they're just sometimes they just shake in their heads like
where did this come from? And what I say is,
for one thing, I do not believe in coincidences. They
were there for a reason they were put in my car.
We were connected for a reason. You're hearing this podcast
(46:35):
for a reason right now, folks out there who are listening,
and there's a reason why you've listened to it today.
And so that's what I tell you to explore, not
any particular thing that we've said or anything like that,
but they are resources for you to explore that you
were put here to listen or to receive what you've
(46:56):
gained from whatever you hear or listen to from somebody.
So that's the remarkable thing to me. I tell this
person in the car, don't think of me or whatever,
think of the fact that you were in this car,
and there's reason why you were there, and that's what
you need to explore.
Speaker 3 (47:13):
Absolutely, yeah, absolutely, And yeah I know it's not about you,
it's not about me. Where the messengers. If it was
about us, we'd have a big egos and the world
couldn't handle it. No, no, no, So just keep staying grounded.
And also that's a really good tool for people to
use what you put on the back of your seats.
We connect when we can feel each other's humanity. And yes,
(47:36):
you know, people post pictures of the food they eat
on social media and all that good stuff, But it
really is when we get into these heart to heart
conversations and if we can give ourselves the permission to
share some of those things, other people feel like, hey,
if he's talking about this, I can too. And that's
where you can make the real connections with other human
beings and people need people.
Speaker 1 (47:58):
So yeah, you know that is something that came to
mine as you were saying that, is that these people
want it, they want that conversation, they've wanted it, and
that's what I feel when they leave sometimes.
Speaker 3 (48:09):
Well, Tom, I needed doing what you're doing. And Tom,
thank you so much for being our guest today.
Speaker 1 (48:17):
Thank you, And like I said, it's such a privilege
in looking forward to hearing more about you.
Speaker 3 (48:22):
Tom and I have become friends and very soon you
can find my episode with him on Heroes in Grief
dot com. Tom has found a life purpose, as have I.
But is it the life purpose? Is there a purpose
(48:42):
to each of our lives like one? Nope, I don't
think so. While we're on this planet, if you look
at the person you've been being, what you've been doing,
the people you've been with, you may see a trend
our life purpose does not have to be one thing.
It can be how we're being. I'm someone who likes
(49:05):
to make a difference. I'm someone who loves to share.
I'm someone who likes to have fun. All of those
are part of my life purpose. But if we go
back to those three questions, here they are. If I
knew I couldn't fail, what would I do or be?
If I knew I had one hundred million dollars in
(49:26):
the bank, what would I do or be? And the last,
if I knew I had only six months to live,
what would I do or be? There's a time of year,
my friend, that people make resolutions. Instead of looking at
what's wrong, look at what's right, Look at who you've
(49:47):
been being and what you've been doing. Answer those questions
for yourself. Program your GPS in that direction, and I
promise you when you take action, the invisible forces will
kick in and add wind to your sales, bringing you
(50:08):
towards the life of your dreams. As a reminder, come
visit me at We Don't Die dot com. I'm Sandra Champlain.
Thank you so much for listening to Shades of the
Afterlife on the iHeartRadio and Coast to Coast am Paranormal
Podcast Network.
Speaker 2 (50:35):
Thanks for listening to the iHeartRadio and Coast to Coast
Day and Paranormal Podcast Network. Make sure and check out
all our shows on the iHeartRadio app or by going
to iHeartRadio dot com
And you're here.
Speaker 2 (00:01):
Thanks for choosing the iHeartRadio and Coast to Ghost Day
and Paranormal Podcast Network. Your quest for podcasts of the paranormal, supernatural,
and the unexplained ends here. They invite you to enjoy
all our shows we have on this network, and right now,
let's start with Chase of the Afterlife with Sandra Champlain.
Speaker 3 (00:21):
Welcome to our podcast. Please be aware the thoughts and
opinions expressed by the host are their thoughts and opinions
only and do not reflect those of iHeartMedia, iHeartRadio, Coast
to Coast, AM employees of Premiere Networks, or their sponsors
and associates. We would like to encourage you to do
(00:42):
your own research and discover the subject matter for yourself.
Speaker 1 (00:48):
Hi.
Speaker 3 (00:49):
I'm Sandra Champlain. For over twenty five years, I've been
on a journey to prove the existence of life after death.
On each episode, we'll discuss the reasons we now know
that our loved ones have survived physical death and so
will we. Welcome to Shades of the Afterlife. Have you
(01:09):
ever wondered what your life purpose is? I want to
ask you three questions just for you to ponder. You
don't need to give a response, as it may take
you a little while to come up with the answer.
I will revisit this at the end of the episode
and you'll know why then. The first question is if
(01:31):
I knew I couldn't fail, what would I do or
who would I be? Second question, if I knew I
had one hundred million dollars in the bank, what would
I do or who would I be? And number three,
if I knew I only had six months left to live,
(01:56):
what would I do or who would I be? Good questions. Right,
our guest today has come up with his life purpose
a different way, and I think many of us our
hearts get cracked wide open when we go through the
grieving process. As difficult as grief may be, it may
(02:18):
have us asking these important questions of who am I
and what is my life? For our guest today is
a berieved father, a bereaved son, a bereaved brother, and
a bereaved friend. You'll meet Tom Bender, creator and host
of the Heroes in Grief podcast. On each episode you
(02:40):
meet inspiring folks who turn their grief into purpose. You
can find out more at Heroes in Grief dot com.
Let's meet Tom now hear his story through grief and
his belief in the afterlife.
Speaker 1 (02:56):
Now presently in Niagara Falls, New York. I'm a native
Western New Yorker born in Buffalo, and there's been a
lot of things in my life, a lot of different
things to pull from varied background. I was a pastor
for fifteen years in the Christian Church. I was spiritual
care director at Niagara Hospice for three and a half years.
I worked ambulance for a long time. I was back
(03:18):
in the, as you were, the food industry for a
while and did all kinds of different things. I also
had been involved in music almost all my life, and
so my past fifteen years or so has been a
full time musician here in Western New York. And I
played in nursing homes and things like that during the
day times, and then clubs and other things at night,
(03:39):
and bands and everything else, the whole gamut. But I
was very privileged to be full time, and so it
was nice. And then in February twenty third of twenty
twenty three, my son Jeff passed. He was twenty seven
years old, and he was living with us. He had
come to us to get out of a lifestyle he
(04:00):
had been in involving drugs and things, and so he
came to live with us two and a half years
prior to that, and everything was going relatively well, and
as that sometimes happens, it has gripped him and did
grip him, and so he finally succumbed to that on
the twenty third, and that was horrific, of course, and
changed my life dramatically. I'm still changing and evolving as
(04:22):
a person since that time. It's not that long, of course,
but I found amazing resources right away. I knew I
needed help and tapped into resources that helped me online
and searching out podcast books, just searching for something to
grab onto, and I found immediate help through some of those.
I began to progress in my grief, which I think
(04:45):
everybody has to do. Early stages are tough because you're
just trying to live and survive, of course, and so
what it did is it started moving me onward to
wanting to realize what's happening with in me. First of all,
and that was that I was changing. You can't help
but be changed in many ways, but internally it really
(05:07):
worked in me, and I realized some things that I'm
still trying to process and better myself in but I
wanted to help people and I wanted to help them
through if I could, the pain that I was going through.
I didn't know what that was going to look like.
I didn't know how that was going to happen. I
quickly took a grief educator course through David Kessler that
(05:29):
was on a grief group swanline with his organization, and
again I didn't know exactly what I was going to
do with that, but I thought, maybe I don't know,
maybe one on ones who knows. So I took that.
I ended that in June of last year, relatively quick
again into everything, and then the idea for the podcast
came around that time, actually, but it just wasn't time.
(05:51):
I could tell through the summer months and things got busy,
and it was good because we were being occupied and
that helps pad the grief process as you're going on
and being amongst friends and all those things. Really what
stirred it was that I heard other people's stories and
they meant a lot to me. It didn't matter the
circumstances of their grief, it was what came out of it,
(06:13):
and it seemed like there was something that came out
of every story that was applicable to my grief. But
that is what really spurred me on when I saw
what people were doing with their grief and so many
people then turned it into purpose, and I thought, first
of all, the stories should be getting out there for people,
because different people relate to different people's stories, so the
(06:36):
more we can get that out there, the better it
is for everybody. And then to highlight the things that
people are doing through their grief and the remarkable things.
There's so many resources available for people in grief that
are from other people who have experienced grief, and there's
nobody better, I think, to do that than those who
(06:57):
know what you're going through. So that's where where the
whole idea of heroes and grief came from. I struggled
with the name heroes initially, and then I looked up
and saw that there's part of the definition of heroes
that fit perfectly, and I put that in the intro
to it, and it's those who are doing remarkable things
encourage and it doesn't matter we've made heroes into these
(07:19):
superheroes and all these other things. And of course it
applies to military and things like that, but most people
the common person would not think themselves a hero in
any way, but I found through that definition that it applied,
and they are heroes and certainly heroes for those who
receive something effective for them in their walk with Greece.
(07:40):
I've been on a spiritual journey that now has changed
and exploring meditation in those things. I don't do it
as much as I should and as well as I should,
but the benefits are incredible. I believe I'm being guided
from the universe and from Spirit and from Jeff and
spirit guides and all those types of things that people
(08:00):
may be familiar with. I believe Jeff is present right
here with me right now, and he's shown that in
so many ways. I have signs that could fill a
law book of evidence for me personally. So all I
do is share that as well. And it's very freeing
to be in the grief community. I've found people in
(08:21):
the grief community are genuine and wanting help, and those
who are giving the help are genuine. So it's been
really refreshing to be part of something that is not competitive.
People are genuine and real, and that's where you really
came in for me. And I'll share this story now
how Sandra and I got connected here to do the podcasts.
(08:44):
I did a podcast with Roseanne Norris. She heads up
Helping Parents Heal chapter in Binghamton, New York, and I'm
part of Helping Parents Heal as well. It's an organization
that is all for parents who have lost children. And
so I had her on podcast a couple of weeks ago.
I knew she was acquainted with you, but we didn't
(09:04):
get too deep into that. And so after the podcast,
I sent her an email. And as I have with
several other different people who very initially when I was
in my throes of grief and just clutching for things.
And so that's why I sent the message to Roseanne
for you, is because I found your podcasts and things
(09:26):
early on. You're very inviting in your conversation and things.
I connected with that, and I just wanted to send
you a message to say that you had a positive
role in my process and moving forward. So that was
my intention, and I sent an email to her and said,
what do you think is the best way to contact
(09:47):
Sandra so that she would see the message, because I
didn't know if you actually do your social media and
those types of things, and so that's all I sent her.
And so then she sends me back a message and says,
I contacted sand and she says she wants to be
on your podcast and she wants to have you on hers.
That was remarkable to me. So I'm very, very happy
(10:08):
that you did that. And it's such a privilege to
be here.
Speaker 3 (10:12):
Oh thank you. My mom says, make things happen, don't
wait for them to happen. Make things happen. And I
want to just highlight a few things that you said,
and then I want to ask you about your connection
that ongoing with Jeff as we love to hear stories.
First of all our condolences for his passing. That is
the one thing that unites all of us. Grief is
(10:35):
a thing that hurts worse than anything in the world,
but can actually crack us open to go on that
spiritual journey that we didn't ask for, that we didn't
think we needed, But in it there's transformation. There really
is not only looking at your own spiritual beliefs the hereafter,
but also who you are as a human being, what
(10:55):
you're here for, and you have taken your grief and
grief and action is what.
Speaker 1 (11:02):
You are doing.
Speaker 3 (11:03):
You are making a difference. And I know for myself,
everything that I learned, I couldn't hang on too for myself,
I had to just give it away. So you are,
in fact a hero and grief as well as all
the people that you interview, and they say it a
ton of times. Even if you make a difference for
one person, you never know when you can breathe life
(11:25):
back into a person. And also sometimes we know grief
is hard prevent them from even taking their own life. So,
my friend, now if we can feel back the onion
a little bit on spiritual beliefs. Now, you mentioned hospice.
There's some great stories of things that happen in hospice.
I don't know if you've known or heard about some
(11:46):
of those deathbed visitors. But also I really want to
hear about your connection with Jeff, because we want to
know that our loved ones are still around and what
are real signs and maybe what is our imagination? And
just if you could talk a little bit about the afterlife.
Speaker 1 (12:02):
Side, probably one of my favorite subjects right now. Absolutely,
it's interesting. When I was a pastor, I always felt
that God was bigger. That was the biggest thing that
stuck with me. You can talk a lot about the
context of the church and things like that, but I
don't adhere to the dogma of religion anymore. I certainly
believe in God and Spirit in a different way, so
(12:24):
I don't try to get in battles with anybody in
religion or anything like that. I just knew at the
time that God was bigger, and when I went to hospice,
I experienced it. I did see some of the things
you're speaking of. I saw terminal lucidity, where a person
who was not conscious or speaking or in their right
mind for a long time, sometimes up to years. And
(12:47):
usually these occurrences that I'm about to speak of happen
and the person passes within a couple days.
Speaker 3 (12:52):
Of as usual, friends, it's time for a quick break,
and I promised we'll come right back where we left
off with Tom Bender. You're listening to Shades of the
Afterlife on the iHeartRadio and Coast to Coast AM Paranormal
podcast Network. Welcome back to Shades of the Afterlife. I'm
(13:27):
Sandra Champlain and we're with Tom Bender, founder and podcast
host of Heroes in Grief. He's had a varied background,
including being spiritual director at a hospice. Let's continue with
his story.
Speaker 1 (13:42):
And when I went to hospice, I experienced it. If
I saw terminal lucidity where a person who was not
conscious or speaking or in their right mind for a
long time, sometimes up to years. And usually these occurrences
that I'm about to speak of happen and the person
passes within a couple days of this. Usually there's a
lot of studies going on with this type of thing.
Speaker 3 (14:04):
Now.
Speaker 1 (14:04):
Actually here locally factor for Christopher Kerr, which is at
Airy County Hospice or Buffalo Hospice, has done great studies
on this. But terminal lucidity, a person comes into their
regular minds and is talking to their family members. And
I witnessed this. I saw this happen and they were
just dumbfounded, the people around this person, because she knew
(14:26):
every name, she knew every place, she knew everything that
had been happening all around her in the recent history.
And everybody was shocked. And of course it's difficult for
the family members because they feel this is a rallying point,
and really what it is because a kind of a
picture of the end. But yeah, I experienced that, and
it is a remarkable experience, and so we knew this happened,
(14:48):
and we saw this happen. I saw it probably physically
myself a couple times and witnessed it. I heard of
it obviously other times from the workers there. And then
there's other things where they see somebody who has passed
on before them and they talk about it, and they
see it and they talk to them, and they see
(15:08):
them in the room, or they'll see them behind somebody
when they're talking to them. These occurrences happened while I
was there too, and I witnessed that happen. So those
are actual things that people see. We're just normal people.
I know you feel the same Leasander that you share
these things. We are just normal people who have witnessed
these remarkable things around us, and it has to be shared,
(15:32):
or our society seems to squelch these things for some reason,
or maybe we're just desensitized where it doesn't have the
impact that it should. But they're extraordinary things. With Jeff,
Oh boy, there's so many. One of the very early
things that happened was in the immediate days and day
of and days after Jeff passed, and he lived with
(15:54):
us here in the house, and so I'd go into
the bathroom and and of course I'm in my acute
grief phase and you are in la la land. You
don't even know what's going on. It's hard to find
the door, you know. And so I'd walk into the
bathroom and I would hear Dad, Dad every time it happened,
(16:17):
and I was like, Jeff, I know you're there, and
I'm here. I hear you. And I talked to him,
you know, crying at that time, but talking to him.
And he did it probably for about maybe a month
or so, just every time Dad, and it was his voice,
and so it was amazing. That was the first thing.
(16:40):
About three weeks after he passed. Now, as I said,
he'd lived with us, and he was a construction worker,
a great worker, and helped around the house and did things.
We had that bad snowstorm in Buffalo, which was around
Christmas time in twenty twenty two, so he was here
for that time and we got two or three feet
of snow oh here, and so he was out shoveling
(17:02):
one day. And Jeff was like a bull in the
china shop. He was a big guy, but a tender heart,
just a teddy bear, but he was like a bull
in the china shop and we just shake our heads
and say, Jeff, what did you do? Yeah, that type
of thing. Remember he pulled in the driveway one time
and knocked the extension cord holder off the wall and
he had to fix that, but he could fix it,
so it was like, OK, what he did this time? He
(17:24):
was shoveling outside and all of a sudden he came
in and he's holding the shovel handle in his hand
and he goes, I broke the handle, you know. So
actually we went and replaced it that day, or he
went and got another shovel and he came back in
and he had broken another shovel, so two of them
while he was doing that. After that time, a few
(17:46):
days after whatever, I fixed the shovel handle on the
first one that he broke, and that was the one
we used all the time, and we had used it
several times multiple times since then. When Jeff passed, it
was February twenty third, so this was two months after
the snowstorm. And three weeks after that, I go out
to our porch. We didn't really have any snow at
(18:07):
that time, but we kept our shovel on the porch,
and it really hadn't been windy that day either, and
we have a carpeted porch. I have a picture of this. Actually.
I opened up the door just to get some air,
and the shovel's ling on the carpeted floor and the
handle is broken off. And I just was like, Jeff,
(18:27):
that is Jeff, you know, And how did it break
on a carpeted floor, falling from just standing? And it
was remarkable. So a great sign from him something recently
that happened. And I've really been trying to get in
touch with Jeff and in touch with the spirit world.
So sometimes I drive for a living. I drive for
(18:47):
a charter company here in the Falls, and I was
driving out to a school one time. It was in
the evening and it was about hour long drive, and
I put on meditation music. Now this isn't advice for
some people when you're driving, but I just wanted something
to mellow myself, to get myself in a mindful state,
and so I did that while I was listening. You know,
(19:10):
if you've ever seen the newer vehicles, sometimes they have
like a holographic display on the windshield and it goes
up there and it's a little rectangle that has holographic
things on there. This is the way it came up
for me. And I was just trying to get in
a mindful state, and mindfulness is just getting in the
present moment, releasing everything else. And so all of a sudden,
(19:35):
I see that, just like a rectangle, and Jeff is
down in the corner and he's just like like, hey here,
I am his fun kid, funny, beautiful smile, and he
was just like, hey here I am. I'm here. I
love you, I know it. And I acknowledged him, and
as I do, and I talk to him, and then
(19:56):
all of a sudden, my mother shows up. Mother passed
too years before Jeff, than my father. My dad died
when I was ten. Then my brother, my brother died
about ten years ago now maybe more. All of a sudden,
all the people in my life that I knew started
(20:16):
showing up, and it formed like this big party of
people there, and one by one I'd remember them and
they'd show up and they were like hi, Hi, just
kept saying hi, We're all here, and it was just
such an experience and acknowledgement. Now, this is what happens
a lot now for me. I need confirmations. We keep
needing these knocks in the head to say this is real,
(20:39):
this is real. They're there and they're they're with us.
And so I couldn't think of one person that had
passed in my life that it was close to me
that didn't show up there. And so that is just
something that happened recently that is pretty remarkable.
Speaker 3 (20:56):
I just want to ask that you were continuing driving
when this is all happened.
Speaker 1 (21:00):
I did notice that while I was driving. Yes, I'm
thinking of it as it's happening. I was thinking, in
my head, you are totally present what you're doing here.
I was focused on driving the guest right.
Speaker 3 (21:13):
And I know from personal experience we need to be present,
we need to be in the zone, and sometimes driving
is it. I've never heard an experience like that, and
I know from my own experiences when they show up
and in my mind it can be an image not
outside of me, but I can tell what they look like,
(21:36):
what they're wearing. It's different than when my mind says, okay,
picture my dad, because then I have to slow down
and okay, that's what he looks like, and okay, invent
what he's wearing. But it's just like, there they are,
And so it sounds to me like a similar thing
that they just present themselves.
Speaker 1 (21:57):
There they are.
Speaker 3 (21:58):
You wouldn't even have time to try to figure out
and imagine them.
Speaker 1 (22:02):
No, And I wouldn't have put him in the striped
shirt that he had on. People when they see things
or wonder if it's conjuring up in their own mind
or if it's the reality of some of the spirits
showing themselves that it's definite. It's definite, it's real. It
wasn't like vague. It was very clear, and you just
(22:24):
know it's real. It's not like some obscure thing that's
just wavering out there or something. It was very definite,
very clear. And all the rest of them that came up,
they really didn't say anything. They were just like every
one of them kind of just came up and like
acknowledged me and waves said we're here, we're here, We're here.
It's it's like pounding into my head. This is real,
(22:45):
this is real that we are here. And so it
was so awesome to experience that. And yeah, yeah, it
was exhilarating.
Speaker 3 (22:52):
I just got a new to me car. It's a
pre owned, and it has that hologram on the windshield
so I can tell how fast I'm going and not
going and blinks when I'm going over the speed limit.
So I love it. But now next time I get
into my car, I'm going to.
Speaker 1 (23:08):
Think of your story.
Speaker 3 (23:11):
Oh you spoke about you still talk to Jeff, which
we should because they're very much alive. But what does
that look like in your day? Is it just including
him and things?
Speaker 1 (23:24):
And how do you? Yeah, you just feel him, yes, yes,
and yes and yes. Sometimes he reveals himself will remind me.
And boy, you feel guilty sometimes, you know, when you're
not thinking of it all the time. But we need
to go on with our lives. They want us to
go on with our lives. We have things to do.
(23:45):
As you said, what we're doing is important, and so
you have these things to do, so you can't beat
yourself up about that. But sometimes I get eleven eleven
on the time all the time. I dur Like I said,
I drive during the days, and so I'll just glance
at the clock. All of a sudden, it might be
my arrival time, it might be the time that it is.
But one time it happened seven days in a row,
(24:06):
and unprovoked, I was like, okay, well you're getting my
attention here for something, and you know, I just kind
of used it as my internal working on that. Dad. Remember,
do what you're supposed to be doing, you know. And
I need those reminders. So that's good. But various ways,
I've only had one dream with Jeff, and which is
strange to me because I would love for those visitations
(24:28):
and dreams. Of course, just recently, again, it was an
acknowledgment that he's here. It was interesting. I don't know,
dreams are so strange, you know, I know his dream
it wasn't a visit really, Maybe that portion of it
was a visit because I remember it specifically and clearly,
but you know, dreams going on or whatever. But all
of a sudden, Jeff just protruded out of a section
(24:49):
of the visual field, I guess is the best way
I can put it. And again, I haven't had a
dream for Jeff. And it was just like pretty much
that I'm here, I'm here, dad, you know that pretty
much like that with his handouts, I'm here, Dad. And
so when I woke up, I was distressed. I felt
that that was meaningful and purposeful and so I just
(25:13):
felt thank you, you know, and I acknowledge him. And
it might be the coins I pick up. I find
the coins all the time, and I've kept all the
ones that I've found since then.
Speaker 3 (25:23):
Friends, it's time for another quick break, and when we
get back, there's more of Heroes and Grief podcast host
Tom Bender. You're listening to Shades of the Afterlife on
the iHeartRadio and Coast to Coast, a paranormal podcast network.
(25:55):
Welcome back to Shades of the Afterlife. I'm Sandra Champlain
talking to Tom Bender, host of Heroes in Grief. Tom
has been a longtime professional musician. Well, I feel has
the pause button on that career right now, and a
lot has to do with grief. So let's continue with
(26:16):
him talking about signs and his music and grief.
Speaker 1 (26:20):
It's strange because I've been in music in my life too,
and music has not been a part of it. Really.
I'm not involved in music now, so maybe that's it.
People send me a lot of music in it initially,
and I did not want to listen to anything. But
that's still a place I kind of don't want to go.
I'll tell you another story that happened today though, and
this is interesting. I posted a poem on my podcast
(26:44):
page and it's a beautiful poem. So I posted the
poem and I had sent this actually to my daughter,
to Jeff's sister, and I put the emojis on there.
I put a couple emojis. I put a heart with
stars on it, and then I put one hundred percent
thing and then I put a thumbs up. And that's
what I sent to her yesterday, and today I put
(27:04):
it on the podcast. Well you know, I put those
things on there. I posted it and I looked at
it and there's a buffalo in there. And I was like,
I didn't click on the buffalo, and I was going
to change it and take it out, and then I
thought Jeff, Jeff and I were huge are huge Buffalo
Bills fans, and we watched every single game together. We
(27:26):
have his jersey up in our garage with lights around
it on a memorial wall for Jeff and everything. I
acknowledge him. Every game. We do jello shots for the
Bill's touchdowns. I do one for him every time. You
know so, but the Buffalo's in there, and I was like,
of course, I mean, just crazy stuff, amazing.
Speaker 3 (27:47):
I's like he has a great sense of humor.
Speaker 1 (27:50):
Oh, absolutely, and being a young.
Speaker 3 (27:53):
Man, because you're a young man, there's technology, there's different
ways I think they'll used to be in touch with us.
You know, my grandmother died at ninety, so she probably
not so much would use the emojis. I think our
personalities and our interests dictate how people work with us
(28:15):
and through us. So I think as much as you're
focusing on slowing down, being present, paying attention, talking to him,
he's being creative in different ways to be in touch
from his side and what works, what doesn't work. Let
me knock over the shovel.
Speaker 1 (28:31):
Yeah yeah, I literally did laugh then, and it was
a hurtful time and I just shook my head like, oh, Jeff,
you know so typical, Like you said, such a humor
for sure. Yeah. Yeah.
Speaker 3 (28:45):
Let's talk a little bit about grief because I think
one of the reasons that we have such a difficult
time with it, well, one is that's part of our biology.
But other than that, death is kept so distant from us.
Undred years ago, people grew up in a totally different
time and funerals were in their living room. They're parlor, right,
(29:09):
and it's funny because once they started moving out of
the house that that's when the name living room came
because before that it was parlor and that was associated
with death. And so grief normally hurts awful, But then
when it's caught out of the blue, and then we've
never had training on it as human beings, which is
(29:31):
amazing because people are raised learning how to rear a
child or get a book on this, that and the
other thing, but it's not taught about before we grieve.
And so people like you and me and others and
let people know that this is a very real thing
and how to best navigate through it.
Speaker 1 (29:52):
Can we just talk a little bit about.
Speaker 3 (29:54):
Grief and perhaps your recommendations If somebody's going through a
time where they're feeling extreme guilt, you know those could
as should have would have moments and replaying things in
our mind and the tremendous pain. Yes, we're going to
point them to Heroes and Grief podcast. But what can
(30:15):
we do? What are some tools that we can do
on the court.
Speaker 1 (30:18):
Yes, I'll definitely address that first. First of all, you
shouldn't grieve alone. Nobody should grieve alone. Were I don't
think we're meant to. I think we're meant to be together.
And especially in the greeting process, so many things can
happen when you're associated with other people, and especially other
people who have been grieving. They understand things on a
level that you can relate to, and so it really
(30:42):
helps that those things about grief or guilt and all
of that, the troublesome scenes. I experienced that myself, the
things that pop into your head, it's a retraining of
the mind. You need to acknowledge it at the time,
and you need to feel it. Anything with grief, you
need to it and go through it or it's going
(31:02):
to come back on you at some times. So if
you want to lessen and quicken the process of living
with more love than pain in your life through the
grief process, then you need to deal with it. You
need to sit down with it and go through it.
So when the pain comes, when you experience it, when
(31:22):
it goes through. For instance, that image came through my head.
I was at the volleyball game and that popped into
my head and I was like, what you know, and
it hurt and tears came to my eyes and I
sat with it for a second and then I said
you know what, I'm going to start replacing this with
something else so that can move on from my mind.
(31:44):
So you deal with it, you acknowledge it. And so
what I started doing, and it's the suggestion again that
I got from David Kessler and his sessions in Tender Hearts,
the group that he has online. You talk to somebody,
and he said, when those things come, to replace them
with better images and ignore knowledgement of the person and
things like that. So what I do is I say
I love you, Jeff, I love you Jeff, and I
(32:06):
start thinking other things about Jeff, the better things, the
life things, and retraining my mind to get away from
that vision and those things that are going on. Eventually,
that process changes as those memories come, and I deal
with it a lot quicker now, you know, I certainly
think of it still, It's still going to come up
in my mind, but it's also dealt with differently. I
(32:28):
am in a stronger sense with it. It's still hurts
sometimes sometimes I sit in it and I just say
it's horrible, and I go through some of the details
of it and work through it. But then I still
work to come out of it. And you need to
do that. You need to look at those other things
and retrain your mind to go in a different direction.
So you talked about being more proactive in the grief conversation,
(32:51):
and this is a huge passion of mine. It's just
it's come out of nowhere. But I think that this
needs to be part of wellness training, it needs to
be part of early education. We're all going to go
through grief. There's so many resources in the underground of
us grief workers. And I found this out because I'm
(33:12):
a good networker and on social media. You know, there's
hundreds of podcasts out there about grief. Everybody's like, Oh,
you're doing such a remarkable thing. There's plenty out there,
people just don't know about them. This is where our
society squelches the grief conversation and says, oh, we don't
want grief. They're okay on a reactive situation. But we
can be way more proactive than grief and the conversation.
(33:35):
And I think it should be done at workplaces. I
think it should be done in the student settings to
help people be more equipped with grief. Whether it's for
the grieving person or the people around them. They can
be educated better how to be around a grieving person
and make it a lot easier on you and them.
So many people that'll ask the question, how are you doing,
(33:55):
and then you start really telling them as an honest
grieving person, and they don't want to hear that. They're
not ready for that. They need to understand that they
need to receive it and be ready to receive in
love and compassion. Sometimes a grieving person, even though they're
grieving for a long time, all of a sudden they
just start crying at work, and somebody may think that
they cause that to happen or whatever. No, it happens,
(34:18):
and it still happens. So there's just a lot of
things that people can be enlightened to. I think I
would really love to be part of that process. I
started a thing called Grief Talks, where I'm pushing to
try to get into places to be able to do
that type of thing, and of course also help in
a grieving situation. If something has happened at a place
or organization, whatever it may be, it doesn't matter to
(34:40):
me where I go. So that's a big passion. And yeah,
you struck a chord there beyond that, and it seems
to come up again and again really for me. So
that's how I know that the universe is kind of
leading you in that way. You get these pushes and
they keep coming up again and again. The same circumstances
are people talking about it. So I feel that I'm
heading that direct for sure.
Speaker 3 (35:01):
I know my listeners know my story, and I know
you're going to be interviewing me next week, so I
won't get too much into this right now. But with me,
grief devastated me. With the death of my father causing
a breakdown of my relationships with siblings, I hit rock bottom.
And before that I knew I was going to someday
(35:22):
share the afterlife stuff that I was learning, But it
was really learning about grief and the impact and things
we can do to move through the pain that gave
me the kick in the butt to get these words
out there. And I really did want to share what
I knew about the afterlife. So the book's titled We
Don't Die as Skeptics Discovery of Life after Death. But
(35:45):
I thought, like it or not, I'm going to educate
people on grief, and so that's chapter ten. So folks
like it or not, but you do like it because
you realize that grief isn't just when a loved one dies.
It can be for so many different things that happen
with relationships, and you know, so many different things. So
I think anytime we can give somebody a helping hand.
(36:09):
And for those people that are uncomfortable, they don't know
how to deal with it, well, it's just because grief
hasn't hit you yet, but it will. And I would
much rather hear from somebody who's experienced grief because they know.
It's like a club that we belong to that we
didn't really ask to be part of, but it really
(36:29):
helps people need people we don't want to be alone,
and so I applaud you for that. What else can
we find on your website, Heroes in grief dot com.
There's a way to access your podcast there right.
Speaker 1 (36:41):
All the informations. There are links to go to where
you need to go to. I have a couple groups
that I started on Facebook. I searched resources early on,
probably in the springtime, right after Jeff past I searched
online for a local grief group on Facebook because I
tend to do well online, so that's why I do
that type of stuff. So I looked and there was
(37:01):
no group. I was shocked to find that there was
no grief group for Western New York people or Buffalo
or any of the area. So I started one, and
it's called Western New York Network for Grief and the Grieving.
It's for people just to have a safe place to
come and share grief with others. I have a Grief
Talks Facebook page. I have Friends of the podcast page
(37:23):
where people could discuss things about the podcast if they wish,
and the YouTube page, and now the grief Talks that
I'm trying to get out there as well. There's a
shop on there and it has the books and resources
from the guests that I've had on the podcast, so
those are available there and the links who are always
in the show notes of the shows that I do too.
Speaker 3 (37:42):
My friends. I'm going to stop for our break here,
and why I'm doing that is because when we get back,
Tom will continue talking about some interesting things he does
as an uber driver to engage in the conversation. And
then also we'll get back to those three questions I
asked you in the beginning, so we'll be right back.
You're listening to Shades of the Afterlife on the iHeartRadio
(38:05):
and Coast to Coast am Paranormal Podcast Network. Welcome back
(38:26):
to Shades of the Afterlife. I'm Sandras Champlain and we
are here with the fabulous Tom Bender, host of Heroes
in Grief podcast. Tom seems to have found one of
his life purposes helping people through grief, and you may
be surprised to learn how he engages people in conversation because,
(38:49):
as we know, people need people. So let's continue with Tom.
Speaker 1 (38:55):
You are speaking, and it struck me too that so
many people they may reach out to wants and have
a bad experience or not get what they wanted. I
just want to tell people you've got to keep pressing.
There's something out there for you, and the same thing
with resources. There's something for you there. And I just
want to encourage people to press on in that and
you can get help for sure.
Speaker 3 (39:16):
Thank you. Can we just do a little plug for
our friends at Helpingparents Heal dot org and let us
know the difference they've made or what's available.
Speaker 1 (39:25):
I am passionate about Helping Parents Heal and I'm in
Helping Fathers Heal group. It's just dads we've lost children.
It is a Facebook group, but we have a zoom
session meeting with the men every Wednesday night. It's eight easterns,
so whatever that works out in the other time zones.
You want to be there every single week. And every
(39:46):
man says that in the group, they're like, oh, I
can't wait for Wednesdays. It's men sharing as men do
and that is great. So helping parents heal in general.
I got to go to the conference in August. They
have a conference two years down in Phoenix. We had
evidential mediums there who brought out the children for certain
parents there. And one gentleman, his daughter came through and
(40:09):
he was behind me in the conference room and it
was so personal and obviously things that no way these
mediums could know from any other source. And afterwards I
said to that dad, and he's a rawnie guy, his
military or whatever, and I said, were you like bawling
because I was when they were saying what they were
saying his daughter was coming through, and he goes, of
(40:32):
course I was bawling. And so he's actually written this story. Now.
Mike Johnson is paid remarkable on helping parents heal. But
when I was there, and you want that and you
desire that, and then I heard one of the speakers say,
if your child's not coming through, don't get discouraged. It
may be that possibly you don't need it as much
as somebody else, or something like that. And I thought
(40:52):
about that, and I thought that may be the case.
I don't know. I feel okay and strong in this,
and I know Jeff's president. And then I thought about it.
And as I said to you before, if I thought
about all the things that occurred to me through Jeff
and with Jeff, that I would have a legal binder
to take into court and show my evidence. It would
(41:13):
be huge. I don't document it. I should. Everybody says
about your and I know it's great, but I don't.
But I would have that I don't have to worry
about it. Thank you.
Speaker 3 (41:24):
Helpingparents. Heal dot Org is the website and there's somewhere
around twenty thousand members, big organization. If you're not a parent,
you can still access the YouTube channel and the website.
There's lots of resources on the website itself, but the
YouTube channel is loaded with just great videos and interviews
(41:44):
and medium demonstrations and if people don't know, every Sunday
at two pm Eastern time, we do a free inspirational
non denominational service on Zoom. Everybody's welcome. In the last
forty five minutes of each one is a medium demonstration
occurred to me, Tom, while we're talking, I'm going to
throw this out there. Would you like to be a
guest speaker sometime on our Sunday gathering?
Speaker 1 (42:07):
Wow? What an honor. I would absolutely be honored to
do that. Thank you. Yeah, you're welcome.
Speaker 3 (42:13):
It just words that I know will make a difference.
So we'll talk about that after while we're here together.
Speaker 1 (42:18):
You're welcome.
Speaker 3 (42:19):
I just you're somebody that makes a difference and I
can get your words to the most amount of people.
That's what I'm here to do. I've taken courses in
medium ship. I'm not an active medium. I don't do
medium readings, but I feel like the universe is using
me as a medium in a different way to get
good people's stories out to the most amount of people,
(42:39):
to help get through grief, look at life the bigger picture,
and to know that we're each important in our own
unique way. We're all those facets of the diamond, all perfect,
whole and complete, and to know there's just such a
bigger purpose. So Tom what else would you like to
share with our minutes together, If there's anything I should
(43:02):
have asked you that I didn't any maybe last words
of inspiration you have.
Speaker 1 (43:07):
I continually go back to who I was, I think
and where people may be. We progress in this, and
we have this belief and trust in this now and
confidence in this. And I think of the people who
aren't there, and I can almost see it as being
something that's almost not offensive but discouraging to them. So
(43:30):
I'm sensitive to them, and it just keeps raising up
for me too, And I just want to tell you
that once again, we are just normal folks who have
experienced these great things and are sharing them with you.
And I tell people sometimes these discussions come up in
my car. I drive for a company here in the
Falls that does charters and things like that, but I
also drive uber and lyft during the day, and I
(43:51):
decided to put a placard on the back of my
seats that the people can see while they're riding in
my car, and I put in there, and I believe
I was led to put this. I put I saw
Jeff past from Fennol, and then I put I'm okay
to talk about it. And I think that line has
made such a difference, and this has really brought out
(44:11):
conversations with people and sometimes their addicts, sometimes they're grieving people.
Sometimes they know somebody else in grief, and so I
feel I was allowed to do that to foster this
conversation even in that context. So I just want to
tell people that there's so much available for you and
if you can share with people who maybe alone in
(44:32):
their grief. I did have a woman contact me recently
lost her daughter and they just sit at the dining
room table every day and don't do anything. It's been months,
and I'm like, you got to get together with people.
The community is needed to get you through these things,
and so you need to do that. And there's so
many resources available that you know, and that's part of
(44:54):
the podcast too. They can fit your style for every
make or size of person, for or there's something out
there for you and something you could connect with. Just
start looking into it, start explore it like you would
anything else. You'd research anything else, right, So just look
into it. We don't have to recruit you. It's not
about recruiting. We just tell our stories and what we're experiencing,
(45:18):
and we get excited about them because we know that
other people can experience that too, and that's the greatest thing.
Speaker 3 (45:24):
Well, thank you for that. You just brought to my
mind the word inspiration. And when I was writing my book,
I got some coaching that just start writing even if
you don't know what to say, and it's like this
wind of inspiration in spirit comes to help. Last night
I was recording a podcast and I needed some help editing,
(45:46):
and I just I was procrastinating. Just start and then
all of a sudden, whosh, it came in. So, whether
it's researching the afterlife, grief, whatever that is in your
life that you're passionate about it, like you said, just
keep pushing, take that one step in the direction of it.
And I believe those in the unseen world that spirit
(46:07):
or the soul within will kick in, but it takes
us taking that very first action.
Speaker 1 (46:13):
Yes, and your journey is your own. You know where
you are is all right. But I tell some of
these people who talk to me in the car and
they're just sometimes they just shake in their heads like
where did this come from? And what I say is,
for one thing, I do not believe in coincidences. They
were there for a reason they were put in my car.
We were connected for a reason. You're hearing this podcast
(46:35):
for a reason right now, folks out there who are listening,
and there's a reason why you've listened to it today.
And so that's what I tell you to explore, not
any particular thing that we've said or anything like that,
but they are resources for you to explore that you
were put here to listen or to receive what you've
(46:56):
gained from whatever you hear or listen to from somebody.
So that's the remarkable thing to me. I tell this
person in the car, don't think of me or whatever,
think of the fact that you were in this car,
and there's reason why you were there, and that's what
you need to explore.
Speaker 3 (47:13):
Absolutely, yeah, absolutely, And yeah I know it's not about you,
it's not about me. Where the messengers. If it was
about us, we'd have a big egos and the world
couldn't handle it. No, no, no, So just keep staying grounded.
And also that's a really good tool for people to
use what you put on the back of your seats.
We connect when we can feel each other's humanity. And yes,
(47:36):
you know, people post pictures of the food they eat
on social media and all that good stuff, But it
really is when we get into these heart to heart
conversations and if we can give ourselves the permission to
share some of those things, other people feel like, hey,
if he's talking about this, I can too. And that's
where you can make the real connections with other human
beings and people need people.
Speaker 1 (47:58):
So yeah, you know that is something that came to
mine as you were saying that, is that these people
want it, they want that conversation, they've wanted it, and
that's what I feel when they leave sometimes.
Speaker 3 (48:09):
Well, Tom, I needed doing what you're doing. And Tom,
thank you so much for being our guest today.
Speaker 1 (48:17):
Thank you, And like I said, it's such a privilege
in looking forward to hearing more about you.
Speaker 3 (48:22):
Tom and I have become friends and very soon you
can find my episode with him on Heroes in Grief
dot com. Tom has found a life purpose, as have I.
But is it the life purpose? Is there a purpose
(48:42):
to each of our lives like one? Nope, I don't
think so. While we're on this planet, if you look
at the person you've been being, what you've been doing,
the people you've been with, you may see a trend
our life purpose does not have to be one thing.
It can be how we're being. I'm someone who likes
(49:05):
to make a difference. I'm someone who loves to share.
I'm someone who likes to have fun. All of those
are part of my life purpose. But if we go
back to those three questions, here they are. If I
knew I couldn't fail, what would I do or be?
If I knew I had one hundred million dollars in
(49:26):
the bank, what would I do or be? And the last,
if I knew I had only six months to live,
what would I do or be? There's a time of year,
my friend, that people make resolutions. Instead of looking at
what's wrong, look at what's right, Look at who you've
(49:47):
been being and what you've been doing. Answer those questions
for yourself. Program your GPS in that direction, and I
promise you when you take action, the invisible forces will
kick in and add wind to your sales, bringing you
(50:08):
towards the life of your dreams. As a reminder, come
visit me at We Don't Die dot com. I'm Sandra Champlain.
Thank you so much for listening to Shades of the
Afterlife on the iHeartRadio and Coast to Coast am Paranormal
Podcast Network.
Speaker 2 (50:35):
Thanks for listening to the iHeartRadio and Coast to Coast
Day and Paranormal Podcast Network. Make sure and check out
all our shows on the iHeartRadio app or by going
to iHeartRadio dot com
Host
Sandra Champlain
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