August 8, 2024 • 36 mins
Some couples practice “strict” monogamy, while other couples pick up tricks, attend sex parties, and visit cruising spots together. Ain’t love grand? In this episode, Gabe and Chris talk to a couple who cruise and throw sex parties together, about how they make it work, deal with jealousy, and the pros and cons of pursuing partners in pairs! Plus: we stop by Brooklyn’s hottest new queer nightspot Animal to hear stories both hot and horrific - about hooking up with couples.
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Guests featured in this episode:
Leo and Jordan / JXXL
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
Hey, viewers, Sniffy's Cruising Confessions is an explicit podcast about
queer sex. Filter dirty words and unfiltered descriptions of sexual activities.
If hearing about orgies, anonymous sex, kink, fetish, and more
offends your sensibilities, you might want to skip this. Viewer
discretion is advised. It's definitely not for kids. So game.
Speaker 2 (00:22):
So, Chris, question for you, Oh uh, have you ever
gotten cruising for a third with a boyfriend or a partner?
Speaker 1 (00:28):
So in college, my very first boyfriend, I opened up
our relationship and it did not go well in our
early twenties, I don't think we had the emotional maturity
to deal with that. My boyfriend now and I have
been dating for seven years and for the very first
time I think we have as a pair started dating someone. Oh,
which is very funny. Yeah. So we're like together and
(00:48):
we lived together and then we met this guy and
we thought it would sort of be like a one
off hookup. We were really into each other, Okay, And
you know, I think when we first opened up our
relationship because we lived together, it was just very easy
for my boyfriend night hook cup of people together. But
we've kind of I think as we've learned to maneuver
that and started to trust each other more and understood
(01:11):
like how to grapple jealousy and transparency. We started hooking
up with people separately, and so with this guy that
we're dating, I think this is somebody that we love
to see together. But like if I'm out of town
and my boyfriend and our boyfriend hang out, they can,
and so it's like really nice. There's that comfort. I
think we're all kind of on the same page about stuff.
(01:33):
We hang out all the time. It's like very funny
because I always cringe at the word throuple, but like
somebody's like, are you' in a thrupple? And I was like, oh,
I don't know. I think I am. I am in ale. Yeah.
So it's like I like to say that. It's like
we're dating someone, right. We haven't like made it official
or anything concrete, but we see each other.
Speaker 2 (01:51):
When is that going to happen?
Speaker 1 (01:52):
I don't know. I hate making things concrete. It feels
so straight to be like what are we okay? But
like okay, okay, but what are we no? But it works.
It's really nice. We've got a good flow, You've got
a nice trust and I think we understand that there's
like more of an emotional connection there. But we will
also hook up with other people, so you know, we'll
have our own moments. We'll have our moments together. But
I think there's one person that we like cruised and
(02:15):
ended up becoming like very much a part of our lives.
Just been fun all right. Well, as we have been
talking about, some couples do practice strict monogamy, and some
couples do like to pick up tricks, attend sex parties
and visit cruising spots together. Ain't love grand?
Speaker 2 (02:30):
In this episode, we'll talk to a married couple who
cruise together and throw their own sex parties about how
they make it work for them. Then Gabe and I
are heading out to hear some cruising confessions both hot
and horrific.
Speaker 1 (02:40):
Chris, I love it when we're cruising together. Welcome to
Stiffy's Cruising Confessions.
Speaker 2 (02:44):
I am Gabelinzilers, I'm Chris Patterson Rosso. Each week weeks
flore there sublind World of Queer Sex, Cruising and Relationship.
Speaker 1 (02:52):
We'll be talking to queer folks of all kinds, ask
them questions, swap sex stories, share intimate revelations. A lot
of us are discovering ourselves incrusing spaces.
Speaker 2 (03:01):
This happened to me at this toilet stall, in the
library or the airport.
Speaker 1 (03:04):
I feel like everybody's gonna fuck a little harder here. Damn.
So I've been like the neighborhood slot and I took
pride in that.
Speaker 3 (03:10):
I was so afraid but yet so intrigued, and the
more I gave him, the more he could take.
Speaker 2 (03:17):
If you're having sex on Sniffy's, you already have a
moral deficit. Our guests today are two of my best duties.
Leo and Jordan. They met it at sex party in
twenty sixteen, have been together ever since. In twenty twenty
two they got married, and today they throw the super
hot New York based ex parties j xx L and
Comfort Daddy, where you can find me working sometimes.
Speaker 1 (03:39):
Welcome Leo and Jordan. Well everyone, thank you. I wanted
to start at the beginning with your story. Chris said,
you met at a sex party, and I wanted to
know more about the meat cute story.
Speaker 4 (03:50):
I pursued Leo first, and it took a few times,
but I had started working close check at this sex
party that happens in Manhattan. I had seen him out
before as a shape shifter. I don't know if he
knew it was me that was cruising him all this
time before at different events and whatnot.
Speaker 1 (04:07):
I saw Leo.
Speaker 4 (04:08):
I came up to Leo and I said, hey, I
think you're really cute. My advances were not received accepted.
Speaker 1 (04:14):
Look at that little smile, You're like, Look, I was busy.
Speaker 4 (04:19):
Yeah, And then we came back to the July party,
and you know, I said, let's try it again, and
I got a no for a second time.
Speaker 1 (04:28):
So then for the party in.
Speaker 4 (04:29):
August, I was doing close check and I said, we'll
do you know, to myself, We'll try it again. And
with that I had said to Leo, this is the
third time I'm asking you out, and I won't do
it again. I got the phone number. We kind of
log cabined it, you know, very quickly. Right after where
I would stay the night, I would stay two nights.
(04:50):
I would go back to get my long weekend of
clothes out of my dresser where I was living in
my apartment.
Speaker 1 (04:55):
Here we are today, Yeah, yeah, what's your experience of
Oh yeah, that's what I I was like, version.
Speaker 5 (05:04):
Of the truth.
Speaker 3 (05:06):
It's true. He did ask me three times. I was
attending that party each month. I had previously dated someone
younger than me and that did not end well.
Speaker 1 (05:16):
Oh okay, so now we're getting like the background, all
the content.
Speaker 3 (05:19):
So my fear in trepidation sort of kept me from,
you know, saying yeah, right, right now, let's go. So
then we after my birthday, we went on an official
date at this restaurant in our neighborhood, and I said,
before the date, I'm like, we will not be hooking
up tonight. We've both seen each other in action, We've
seen each other naked. We you know, we know a
(05:42):
couple of things about each other. And we had a
good dinner. The next day, we went on another date
and he spent the night, and that's when we had sex.
Speaker 4 (05:53):
And then we capitulated that did meeting at a sex
party make it easier for you to sort of approach
this topic about anaship.
Speaker 3 (06:01):
I can speak from previous relationships that that was always a.
Speaker 1 (06:05):
Huge tension point.
Speaker 3 (06:08):
And when I decided I was going to pursue a
relationship with Jordan, I knew that that was something that
was definitely going to be needed to be worked out
and very clear. I knew, because I am a man
of a certain age and he was in his twenties,
that neither of us were to be tamed.
Speaker 1 (06:30):
And I also think.
Speaker 3 (06:32):
That when you're in, you know, in a relationship, you
want the best for the person and abundance for the person.
The situation that we met in, we both know that
we both have sexual appetite, so it was that we
weren't going to deny each other that where you always
opened from the jump. Once we became we made it
(06:53):
official boyfriends. Then it was my idea that we actually
start hosting our own, oh fun party, Yeah right, And
it started like who we would have in our own home,
in our apartment.
Speaker 1 (07:08):
So I'm curious the first time you all hosted a
party together that was a bit more explicitly sexual. What
was sort of navigating that like for the very first
time once you had officially started dating.
Speaker 3 (07:19):
We invited a new friends. They were new friends to me,
They were friends of Jordan's and I believe he said
out loud that he hadn't been with one of them sexually,
but he was looking forward to it to it and
then you know, going through that process with him was
actually kind of nice to watch.
Speaker 2 (07:42):
Yeah, I've seen her inaction.
Speaker 1 (07:45):
You know, she brought she brought the room together, and
we need a unifier now more than we are here
to foster relationships. Is it easier to kind of avoid
the pitfalls of jealousy when you know the other person
that you're hooking up with is also partnered.
Speaker 3 (07:59):
There's a level of comfort, But cruising other couples there's
not necessarily a free radical and they're hungry. We both
demand a level of respect from our suitors. You know,
(08:23):
somebody's going to be into one more than the other.
That's just kind of that's natural, right, you know, if
you're not so into the other one, you have to at.
Speaker 1 (08:32):
Least be nice and respectable.
Speaker 3 (08:33):
When we sense that that's not the case, it's they
you know, they get checked off the list.
Speaker 4 (08:38):
To nip that ship in the butt right away, because
it only then like it's a death. It either is
a death by a thousand paper cuts or like you know,
a cat bite where it festers under the skin kind
of thing.
Speaker 3 (08:48):
We both had previous dalliances that we were still friendly
with after we made our book. You know, we became official,
right and they either kind of got on board with
it or they kind of fell by the wayside. They
was almost like we had to reacquaint ourselves with them.
Speaker 1 (09:10):
I kind of appreciate the pragmatism, right. It's like I
have a similar scenario with my partner. He's much taller,
he's white, has like ginger hair. I'm a short perto
Rican dude who's like Harry all over. We are very
different types, as you said, right, and I think we
usually enjoy playing together, and there are moments where it's
like clear somebody's a little more into him than me,
or maybe a little more into me than him. I
don't quite know how to articulate it, but you can
(09:30):
tell when it veers from like a slight preference to
like being rude and exclusionary. Sure, do you feel the
same way, You're like, okay, this.
Speaker 4 (09:38):
Is getting a little like right to deny that that
exists in engaging with another solo person, another couple people
that liked you one day and don't like you another
day kind of thing. It You know, you have to
take it into account. You know, I love a quip
in a one liner and say you can't have either
of us if you're not into both of us. Kind
of thing, and that is easy for people to get
(09:59):
or at least in.
Speaker 1 (10:00):
Two right to understand.
Speaker 6 (10:04):
It.
Speaker 1 (10:04):
Yeah, we're going to make sure you're listening. You're not
going to hear it, you will listen to it.
Speaker 2 (10:11):
What other boundaries did you say? We had a boundary
of condom.
Speaker 4 (10:14):
Condoms outside of the two of us, and even at
our party if other people are having row sex, you
know we have condoms and offer But everybody there knew
that if they were going to get together with.
Speaker 1 (10:25):
Us, they were going to have a condom on. But
I'm curious what goes through your head when you're at
one of your parties and maybe you see the other
person playing with someone else. I'm sure that there are
varying levels of jealousy that have changed over the years.
But what's the way you two found to kind of
cope with that stuff and communicate through it.
Speaker 3 (10:41):
I would say, well, it gave me a view sort
of behind the curtain, because I feel like we become
more aware of each other's appetites.
Speaker 1 (10:54):
Practices.
Speaker 3 (10:55):
I've walked by and Jordan's busy with like five people
and I'm like, wow, you go, you go with.
Speaker 4 (11:02):
But we know that we know that we've either you know,
chatted with him about it, I had to drink about it,
or allowed in him saying I want to see you
do that to him next time.
Speaker 3 (11:14):
When we when we first started, there was this bottom
top dynamic and I was determined to not let him
get all the dicky.
Speaker 1 (11:24):
And you know, being a you know.
Speaker 3 (11:26):
Total top is actually quite tiresome, isn't it.
Speaker 1 (11:29):
Yes, it's a little tire sound.
Speaker 3 (11:31):
And then you know, and Jordan would always been like, oh,
I'm ready to go again, let's go again, and I'm like,
I'm you're gonna give me a heart. So I knew that,
I knew that he had appetites more than just my
one staunch on top so fulfilled and the opposite of that,
(11:51):
like I've been, you know, steadily on my journey of
trying to take more and.
Speaker 1 (11:55):
More okay, and you know, and some pretty large ones
at that. Yes, girl, I've seen you this. You know.
Speaker 4 (12:05):
It harkens back to these like settings and rules or
topics about how we do what we do, and it
is a piece of our personal relationship that extends into
these public fears.
Speaker 3 (12:15):
I think we keep the air of our gatherings very casual. Yes,
like me trying to take a dick in this sling.
Jordan's walking by and.
Speaker 1 (12:22):
I'm like, oh my god, come hold my hand, can
cheer me on.
Speaker 2 (12:27):
But there's a betting process for your parties though too,
like sure, and it's kind of rigorous.
Speaker 3 (12:32):
I would say I like to keep I like to
be very thorough, direct and very clear about what the
what the what the vibe or environment of the party
is going to be. You know, we don't allow like
condom shaming. You know, if any shaming shaming.
Speaker 1 (12:47):
You're into it, say hey.
Speaker 3 (12:49):
If you're not into it, say thank you and keep
it stepping because somebody's going to want you to feet later.
Speaker 1 (12:55):
Literally, we are going to take a quick break, but
when we come back, we'll be asking Leo and Jordan
for their tips if you're looking to start cruising as
a couple of yourself, and we'll learn about their exciting
new party Comfort Daddy. More cruising confessions coming up.
Speaker 7 (13:09):
Something special nou Sniffs in the summer, Something special about
all of my anonymous the first. Something special about our
collective care and pleasure. Something special about sniff He's in
the summer. Something special about a map of local dick
and toolepics. Something special about safety and the humburgs oh N.
Speaker 1 (13:37):
And I have have.
Speaker 7 (13:41):
I something special about.
Speaker 6 (13:48):
Sniffy s the some.
Speaker 7 (13:52):
In the Summer, the summer.
Speaker 1 (13:57):
Something a sort of sniffs the sum Ses.
Speaker 2 (14:08):
That was Snippy's in the Summer by Clovis Gaynor. Now
we're talking with Leo and Jordan, the hop Ways behind
the new Parties, j XXL and Comfort Daddy. Now y'all
seem to have made your open relationship work. What would
you say to the couples who are interested in having
a sort of a relationship that you have.
Speaker 4 (14:23):
The biggest piece of advice or encouragement that I can
get from my perspective is to be open to it
not working out like you planned, and to be able
to be flexible and move within that or away from it.
Speaker 3 (14:36):
There's safety in numbers. I would say, as a unit,
go into more of an event atmosphere rather than just
taking on just a third, because then the dynamics of
that are just so intense that you know somebody's going
to feel left out. Where if you both go into
let's say, you know, an inferno event, there's just so
(14:58):
much more to look at, talk out. You know, you
can make friends, you keep it, you know, you keep
it familiar and casual. Our policy is that we only
have sex with other people at events. We don't do
single fuck dates with other people. When I'm talking to
people about our party or how we do our events,
(15:22):
they will say, Oh, I'd rather just you know, hook
up with you and your partner. I'd rather see how
that person actually engages in a more sexually charged environment,
just to get to know them better. I think that
keeping these casual is a better idea from the beginning.
Speaker 1 (15:38):
How do you see other couples navigate sort of cruising
together or those spaces.
Speaker 3 (15:42):
I see a couple in their like sort of joined
at the hip and they only move around together. In
my mind, I think, oh, well, they're still in that
honeymoon stage where you know, there's I'm sniffing at some
kind of insecurity in there. I also think that attending
an event like hours, you know you're going to work
(16:02):
through that, and there are going to be insecurities at
the beginning of any relationship, but I know who I'm
going home with. Yeah, it makes me feel a little
bit more calm about, you know, just hanging out.
Speaker 1 (16:12):
See what pops I mean. It will say for myself.
It took a while for my boyfriend and I to
open up. The relationship was about three four years in.
But I think having that sort of baseline of trust,
understanding each other, developing a routine, our own rituals made
it so much easier to then be like, hey, I
think we're at this point where we want to explore
different things and no one partner is ever going to
be able to satiate every appetite you have, right, And
(16:34):
so I think opening that up made me feel so
much more comfortable going to a sex party or inviting
a few folks home to hook up with us, or
turning my birthday party into an orgy after midnight. Right,
It's a lot more fun because I'm like, oh, I
know what the deal is, I know our level of trust.
And again it's like, you know who you're going home
with at the end of the night.
Speaker 4 (16:51):
You have to know that there's going to be discomfort
or it's not going to work out the way you
think it is. And again, flexibility within.
Speaker 3 (16:58):
That and in going to these events, I mean some
people go to them, you know avidly, or you know
they're regulars, And I feel like the more you do it,
the more as a couple, you go to these events,
you build confidence not only in each other but yourself.
Speaker 1 (17:15):
Well, there is something kind of fun, right about seeing
your partner do something or try something that you haven't
seen in them yet and seeing that kind of come
out in them. Have either of you ever faced judgment
from friends or strangers for other being in an open
relationship or for throwing sex parties.
Speaker 3 (17:30):
I know we're in a corporate environment, but in my
saying that is that I am very open with my escapades,
with my practices, with you know what I'm doing this weekend.
If someone asks, right leaving like freely and openly and
(17:51):
having no shame, I think that turns some people off
or it maybe it brings out their own insecurities in themself,
so then they're gonna downplay what you do is being
sort of out of bounds or not proper. I think
promoting a you know, open and freeway of living it
(18:12):
removes stigma.
Speaker 4 (18:13):
It also removes some of that judgment, right because then,
like you were saying, there's this, it's carte blanche to
have the conversation or whatever the conversation might be about.
And so where somebody kind of down noses.
Speaker 1 (18:26):
Like eye rolls.
Speaker 4 (18:28):
It's then an opportunity that like, okay, this might turn
into a game to convert them and bring them into
our house of worship.
Speaker 6 (18:37):
Right.
Speaker 2 (18:38):
So I'm curious about things from the other party side
of you. Right, So, like, what should cruisers know before
they start hooking up with couples.
Speaker 4 (18:47):
You might cruise a couple on a bad day for them, Okay,
you know, yeah, you.
Speaker 3 (18:55):
Kind of don't know what what you know, what went
on before they went on stage?
Speaker 4 (19:00):
Right, Yeah, somebody approaches us because like you know, we
are out there, our shirts are off, or we're in
our jock straps or whatever it might be. And you
have to be prepared for not to go how you
think it, how you have so maybe planned it or
thought it might.
Speaker 1 (19:16):
On the other hand, you will. You can walk into
a very warm situation.
Speaker 4 (19:19):
You can walk into everything that you might have and
so flexibility with understanding.
Speaker 1 (19:25):
I like charisma.
Speaker 3 (19:27):
Yeah, I would say be charismatic and friendly and to
keep it in a light place, be open and and
and forward, but not intrusive.
Speaker 1 (19:40):
No, I like that too, And I think not being
intrusive is a is a very great guideline, right, because
you're a guest star in this couple's world, right. I
mean what I'm hearing is your place, Yeah, in a
very gentle way, in a very gentle way, know your
place right and be and be good at it. Yeah,
earn your place too, writ of course. Okay, So I
(20:02):
am curious a bit more about JXXL and Comfort Daddy.
I know you've been a regular attendee, but I'm curious
you've talked to us a bit about the vibe. But
there are so many hot sex parties in New York.
What do you think makes yours the one to go to?
And what's the difference between JXXL and Comfort Daddy.
Speaker 3 (20:16):
JXXL was, you know, an invite only we rent the space,
so we were I felt like we were entitled to make,
you know, pick and choose our list. And like I said,
it was about like Vibe referrals, there's some intimacy there.
It's not competitive, it's not CD. What Comfort Daddy is
offering is more of a like diversity. It's a very
(20:39):
evocative party title. Let me tell you, I saw it
in my eyes lit up.
Speaker 1 (20:43):
I was like, yeah, because.
Speaker 2 (20:46):
It's all the different meanings were Comfort Daddy Daddy.
Speaker 1 (20:50):
But I'm don't you come for Daddy exactly.
Speaker 3 (20:55):
I've had to ask myself like, what exactly are we
doing bringing it more into the public sector With Comfort Daddy,
it is a you know, it's a public facing I'm
calling it a public facing event.
Speaker 1 (21:07):
There'll be a variety of music our DJs.
Speaker 3 (21:10):
I think, are you know, unique in their in their offerings,
and you know it's not your cookie cutter pots and
pants like circuit music. Again, like a level of intimacy
that's not competitive. It is almost like a celebration of
I would say, like manhood. You know, guys in their jocks,
(21:32):
you know, kind of bearing bearing all. You know what
you're getting when you go inside. Yes, all right, well,
thank y'all so much for stopping by. How can people
find you online? And how do we get to your party.
Speaker 4 (21:44):
At j x x L community community spelled the dictionary
Way is our instagram for JXXL.
Speaker 1 (21:54):
That's how you can find Comfort Daddy.
Speaker 3 (21:56):
Yes, and then in order to come to one of
the JXSL parties to know somebody, somebody, you got to
talk to us, make a good impression.
Speaker 2 (22:10):
I love that.
Speaker 1 (22:10):
Thank you both again for coming. This has been such
a lovely conversation. All right, when we get back, Chris
and I will be cruising over to one of Brooklyn's
hottest new night spots to hear some piping hot cruising confessions.
We'll see after the break. Hey, welcome back to Snippy's
Cruising Confessions.
Speaker 2 (22:28):
We are here at Animal Bar here in Williamsborg, New York.
It's the hottest new bar here in the city, and
we're just gonna be asking people what it's like to
cruise as a couple or as a single who cruises
with couples. Tell us about the time that you've hooked
up with couples.
Speaker 1 (22:42):
I hooked up with a couple.
Speaker 8 (22:44):
They were beautiful, a very I would say, like famous
Instagate couple. Okay, I was planning on hooking up with them,
and while at the same time also talking to another guy.
The other guy and I were chatting and he was like,
oh my gosh, you're planning on a cooking up with
this couple.
Speaker 1 (23:00):
I hook up with them all the time.
Speaker 8 (23:01):
Should I also join? So the four of us ended
up actually hooking up together, which was so much fun.
Speaker 1 (23:08):
I had a great time.
Speaker 2 (23:09):
And do you normally hook up with couples?
Speaker 8 (23:11):
Is that like your thing, or I wouldn't say that
it's normally my thing. I think it's like if the
right moment presents, if I'm into both of them, if
clearly they're there to both play.
Speaker 1 (23:22):
Together, I'm into it.
Speaker 8 (23:24):
If there's like a weird dynamic or there's like some
underlying vibe that I get that there's like a weird
jealousy component to it's not my thing. I am currently
in a monogamous relationship.
Speaker 1 (23:37):
Have you all ever talked about inviting a third into
your sexual activity.
Speaker 8 (23:42):
I think that the way that we think about it
is an open relationship is something that you do separately,
or that there's not a conversation you have to have
before you hook up with someone else. For us, I
don't think that makes sense. I think only playing together
is something that we would do. It would only make
sense if we both are really into it and both
excited about it. I think if there's even just a
(24:03):
hint of doubt or not feeling like it's the right time,
we would both kind of back out and not feel
like it's important.
Speaker 1 (24:13):
So Keith, how long have you all been together and
when did you decide to open up the relationship? About
two years and I don't know.
Speaker 8 (24:20):
It was kind of from the beginning we decided that
like it worked well for us.
Speaker 9 (24:25):
We found that it really helped to connect on the
expectation of monogamy versus non monogamy at the beginning, and
that just makes us smooth all the way through.
Speaker 1 (24:35):
So if I can ask, what was your most recent
experience with a third or with a group, like, it
wasn't really anything that was like out of the norm
for us.
Speaker 9 (24:43):
It's kind of like a routine hookup with someone and
we aligned on a lot of the things that we
liked at the beginning and kind of like made sure that.
Speaker 1 (24:50):
The third was into it as.
Speaker 9 (24:51):
Well, and it played off very smoothly from there. So
communication and expectation setting work really well, and it just
felt natural. We find confident knowing that we like know
what we're doing and we can kind of provide and
experiencing the other person as well. That isn't like awkward
or like we have to figure out our own shit
(25:12):
while they're like kind of along for the ride, Like
we can kind of just make it clow smoothly.
Speaker 1 (25:16):
Have you found there are any like kind of ground rules,
Like we talked to a couple earlier this episode that
told us they won't hook up with anyone if the
third isn't into both of them.
Speaker 9 (25:24):
I think the biggest thing for us is just knowing
that the other person is like planning on hooking up.
Speaker 1 (25:28):
There's like no secrets.
Speaker 9 (25:29):
There's obviously a very interconnected community of gays in New York,
so you just want to make sure that you don't
like potentially hookup with someone or get involved with someone
that is contentious to your partner.
Speaker 1 (25:41):
Let's say that you all are cruising tonight, assuming you
might be looking. What's like one sign that someone might
be approachable or someone you might be interested in.
Speaker 9 (25:49):
Just a look and like a second of like prolonged
eye contact and like a very innocent, simple like expression
of interest usually and then you kind of know from there, Yeah.
Speaker 2 (26:00):
That little smirk that you get, Yeah, yeah, the one
you're giving them right now.
Speaker 1 (26:05):
Yeah. Yeah. Issue. We are here with a very lovely guest.
We've managed sharrangle Edward. Do you have any memorable stories
you'd like to share with us? Yeah?
Speaker 10 (26:18):
No, I mean I dated a couple for about six
months and then it got it got kind of weird.
One of them got jealous, but it was fantastic experience.
I learned a lot about myself and yeah, which is great.
I don't want to write like I'm a power top
gave nose. I have this thing where I can come.
Speaker 8 (26:35):
Like multiple, multiple, multiple.
Speaker 10 (26:38):
Times without pulling out. I mean like twenty one times
at twenty two times in my record. But they loved that,
and so it became kind of like a selling point
for one of them, and then the other one got jealous.
Speaker 1 (26:50):
Yeah, do you feel like there's like a bit of
pressure with that? Oh?
Speaker 10 (26:53):
Yeah, before they meet popular Like, how many times are
you gonna come?
Speaker 1 (26:56):
I'm like, I don't know.
Speaker 10 (26:57):
I can't predict the future, but sometimes it's.
Speaker 2 (27:00):
A lot depends on how well you do your job.
The minimum is like four or five times.
Speaker 1 (27:05):
I think the better question would be, how are you
going to make me come? Yeah, right, let's get that.
Let's flip that. I'm pretty good at that.
Speaker 2 (27:12):
And so have you as a couple hooked up with
a third or yeah?
Speaker 10 (27:17):
I mean to be honest, I like to watch the
guy i've been dating get fucked Yeah, and then kind
of fucking matter.
Speaker 1 (27:24):
But yeah, it's more I like.
Speaker 10 (27:25):
To watch more. Otherwise I like to be watched by
a third when I'm fucking at Yeah.
Speaker 1 (27:30):
Any advice for people who might be in open relationships
who want to hook up with.
Speaker 10 (27:33):
A third Yeah, I think just be free, be open,
be curious, Like I was in a lot of monogamous
relationships and the one that's once I opened it up,
it's been very hot, to be honest, like, I would
recommend it if you're emotionally available.
Speaker 1 (27:46):
And talking to your partner. It's really good. Out of
five stars, ten out of five. Yeah, you heard it
here first, and that's how many times he's coming. We're
here with Matthew, also known as Midnight Radio, one of
Animal's favorite DJs. You can find spinning here on the regular.
Speaker 2 (28:07):
I'd love for you to tell our audience a little
bit about what it's been like for you as a
single person in cruising with couples.
Speaker 11 (28:13):
You know how like Nicki Minaj's verse on Monster is
the best verse. It feels like that.
Speaker 1 (28:21):
You're the Nicki Minaj verse anytime you're featuring. Of course,
of course, Matthew, I'm curious, what was your latest took
up experience with a couple?
Speaker 11 (28:30):
Like we hooked up, they broke up. I ended up
with one of them. And two years later we broke up.
Speaker 1 (28:37):
Oh did they break up during the hookup or like afterward?
That would be pretty fire, though, if you had that power,
if one of them was like, you know what, I'm
actually done.
Speaker 11 (28:51):
No, it didn't happen quite that quickly. But yeah, I
think inevitably one could fall in love with a single
person the other one gets angry when we have an
issue that can work out for the single person or
it could not as a single person. You have to
(29:13):
remember you have no say. You might be the featured artist,
but you have no say.
Speaker 1 (29:24):
Tonight we are here with Michael. Michael, thank you so
much for joining us. Are you in a relationship right
now that's open or are you here cruising for couples?
Speaker 6 (29:32):
No? Actually I met with a friend, but I'm in
a relationship for eighteen years. Yeah, I'm in an open relationship.
Speaker 1 (29:38):
How long were you into your relationship before you and
your partner decided to open it up?
Speaker 6 (29:42):
Five years. It was in Italy and we were talking
about that. Everyone has it in his mind, and it
was like and then we said, okay, let's open the relationship,
but it will be a little bit like a Pandora box,
you know. We decided to take this risk and it
worked actually, and.
Speaker 2 (30:00):
Can you talk a little bit about what the evolution
was like.
Speaker 6 (30:03):
I had this obsession that we we have to be
in a treism relationship more than less or to do
a treism. It was not easy because I fall in
love with the with the Italian with an Italian guy.
Speaker 1 (30:17):
That's relationship in Italy. Do you have any advice for
people who might be looking to open up the relationship
or join another couple.
Speaker 6 (30:26):
To be in an open relationship, you have to be
very in a good relationship to yourself and in a
good relationship to your partner, and very honest, because if
it became kind of competition, it could be very bad
for the relationship. So I would take care when I
open the relationship if if I'm able to manage it.
Speaker 1 (30:52):
We are here with as well and Jay, are you open?
Do you hook up with other folks a lot together?
Speaker 5 (30:58):
So yeah, we just open a relationship about less than
like six months ago. But when it comes to actually
using it in practice, even less than that, I had
a couple threesomes, a couple of individual interactions, but nothing
too crazy. So I would say we're still relatively new
and still exploring.
Speaker 1 (31:17):
I love that you've got like your driver's permit for
that openships, but we're working towards the full license. We
are going slowly with it.
Speaker 12 (31:24):
We both understand that we're both individual personalities and we're
working together as a team versus being a little bit
more possessive about it.
Speaker 1 (31:32):
I love that y'all are the Jujubi and Raven of
open couples. Yes, all stars one. Yeah.
Speaker 5 (31:38):
I love that your twenties are for figuring out yourself.
And I feel like I spent like my first six
years of my twenties kind of figuring out myself and
that's when I got into relationship afterwards. But at that point,
I knew myself so well. I knew what I didn't
want and what I did want, so that I feel
like I was the most prepared for when a relationship
actually came. So I'm curious how long were you all
dating and what was that like kind of conversation and
(32:00):
like once you did decide to invite other people into
having sex with you, Well, we.
Speaker 12 (32:04):
Talked about it before we even decided to be boyfriends,
so we actually had a really honest discussion when we
first started talking to each other.
Speaker 1 (32:11):
Seriously in terms of what we were looking for.
Speaker 5 (32:13):
Honestly, because I had seen relationships that were close to
me in open relationships, and I think that they were
some of the most beautiful relationship that I've seen in
the queer community. So that was something that I was like, Oh,
I was always very drawn to that because it's just
like for me, at least, I was a very sexual person.
So it's just like it was gonna be hard for
me to be monogamous to someone from what I thought,
(32:34):
and it has come easier as the way.
Speaker 1 (32:36):
But I will say I still have.
Speaker 5 (32:37):
My sexual urges and things like that, and I feel
like it doesn't have to mean anything other than that.
Like to me, that's my ideology. It's different for everybody,
but that's just how I think of it.
Speaker 1 (32:48):
And tonight we're here with Walker.
Speaker 13 (32:51):
Well, I'm in an open relationship when I came here tonight,
so I'm from Albuquerque, New Mexico. I was in a
relationship with this guy who lived in Santa Fe at
the time, and he was always telling me about this
like big like bear daddy couple who had a hot tub, right, So.
Speaker 1 (33:06):
We were gonna go hook up with them and be
in their hot.
Speaker 13 (33:08):
Tub immediately a selling point, right, yeah, But then me
and him broke up, unfortunately, but I still wanted to
get in the hot tub. So I hit the guys
up and they were into me. So I drive up
to Santa Fe. I go hang out with them. I'm
like sitting in their living room for a little bit.
You know, we're having the chat beforehand, we're getting to
know each other a little bit. So I'm like, come
up to the bedroom. I think it's time. And it
(33:30):
turns out one of them is a police officer. So
in the bio, he has the pig emoji, and I
thought it was like raunchy pig, but it turns out
it's cop pig.
Speaker 7 (33:39):
Right.
Speaker 1 (33:39):
At least he's self aware, right, No, right, right? Right?
So this is not where I thought this story was going.
This might be the wildest story we had. You're like,
I thought the pigamog may he was into raunch but
he's actually a cop.
Speaker 13 (33:52):
So so I get upstairs and they're like, are you
into handcuffs? And I go, I've never tried, but I
guess i'd be open to it. And he's like, well,
you know, I'm a police officer. So he pulls out
his like police grade handcuffs.
Speaker 1 (34:04):
Right, I'm sorry, not the state sponsored handcuffs.
Speaker 13 (34:07):
Okay, all right, So I'm on all fours. I then
get onto like my chest, knees up right, I guess,
butt up on my knees on all fours. I'm trying
to paint the picture. Hands, please do, please do paint
the picture for us. Hands behind me. They fucked me
for all of like five minutes. Like there was like
(34:28):
an hour and a half build up. They fucked me
for all of five minutes exactly, and there was there
was and there was absolutely no focus on me. I
was truly there for their pleasure, which is never like
not a bad thing, but I was hoping for a
little more. Anyways, they finish inside me, they take the
handcuffs off, and they're like, okay, so do you want
(34:49):
to leave?
Speaker 1 (34:50):
I'm all, but.
Speaker 2 (34:51):
What about the hot tub?
Speaker 1 (34:53):
And they didn't let you back into the hot tub,
so there was no hot tub.
Speaker 13 (34:57):
I drove home with a load in my butt, and
did you tell your excess story?
Speaker 1 (35:00):
No, he doesn't know.
Speaker 13 (35:01):
Oh so if he's a viewer listener of the pod,
maybe he'll reach out.
Speaker 1 (35:06):
Well he might now, Miss Albuquerque if you recognize Walker
and you know what happened. I appreciate the referral, but
it didn't turn out as expected. I'm so sorry, God,
I'm so sorry for you. Thank you. I really need
all the sympathy I can get. Maybe y'all better ask
follow up questions when you see the PIGAMOCHI. That's all
I'm saying again. I want to thank our guest today,
(35:31):
Leo and Jordan and the team over at Animal in Brooklyn.
Sniffy's Cruising Confessions is a production of the Outspoken podcast
Network from iHeart Podcasts. It's directed by Adam Barron, produced
by Stevie Williams and Cameron Femino, and executive produced by
Eli Martin. Cruising Confessions is presented by Sniffy's, the ultimate
map based cruising platform for gay, by and curious people
(35:53):
ready to cruise. Check out the map at Sniffy's dot
com and follow Sniffy's on socials at Sniffy's app. Put
your put your poots to y
Hey, viewers, Sniffy's Cruising Confessions is an explicit podcast about
queer sex. Filter dirty words and unfiltered descriptions of sexual activities.
If hearing about orgies, anonymous sex, kink, fetish, and more
offends your sensibilities, you might want to skip this. Viewer
discretion is advised. It's definitely not for kids. So game.
Speaker 2 (00:22):
So, Chris, question for you, Oh uh, have you ever
gotten cruising for a third with a boyfriend or a partner?
Speaker 1 (00:28):
So in college, my very first boyfriend, I opened up
our relationship and it did not go well in our
early twenties, I don't think we had the emotional maturity
to deal with that. My boyfriend now and I have
been dating for seven years and for the very first
time I think we have as a pair started dating someone. Oh,
which is very funny. Yeah. So we're like together and
(00:48):
we lived together and then we met this guy and
we thought it would sort of be like a one
off hookup. We were really into each other, Okay, And
you know, I think when we first opened up our
relationship because we lived together, it was just very easy
for my boyfriend night hook cup of people together. But
we've kind of I think as we've learned to maneuver
that and started to trust each other more and understood
(01:11):
like how to grapple jealousy and transparency. We started hooking
up with people separately, and so with this guy that
we're dating, I think this is somebody that we love
to see together. But like if I'm out of town
and my boyfriend and our boyfriend hang out, they can,
and so it's like really nice. There's that comfort. I
think we're all kind of on the same page about stuff.
(01:33):
We hang out all the time. It's like very funny
because I always cringe at the word throuple, but like
somebody's like, are you' in a thrupple? And I was like, oh,
I don't know. I think I am. I am in ale. Yeah.
So it's like I like to say that. It's like
we're dating someone, right. We haven't like made it official
or anything concrete, but we see each other.
Speaker 2 (01:51):
When is that going to happen?
Speaker 1 (01:52):
I don't know. I hate making things concrete. It feels
so straight to be like what are we okay? But
like okay, okay, but what are we no? But it works.
It's really nice. We've got a good flow, You've got
a nice trust and I think we understand that there's
like more of an emotional connection there. But we will
also hook up with other people, so you know, we'll
have our own moments. We'll have our moments together. But
I think there's one person that we like cruised and
(02:15):
ended up becoming like very much a part of our lives.
Just been fun all right. Well, as we have been
talking about, some couples do practice strict monogamy, and some
couples do like to pick up tricks, attend sex parties
and visit cruising spots together. Ain't love grand?
Speaker 2 (02:30):
In this episode, we'll talk to a married couple who
cruise together and throw their own sex parties about how
they make it work for them. Then Gabe and I
are heading out to hear some cruising confessions both hot
and horrific.
Speaker 1 (02:40):
Chris, I love it when we're cruising together. Welcome to
Stiffy's Cruising Confessions.
Speaker 2 (02:44):
I am Gabelinzilers, I'm Chris Patterson Rosso. Each week weeks
flore there sublind World of Queer Sex, Cruising and Relationship.
Speaker 1 (02:52):
We'll be talking to queer folks of all kinds, ask
them questions, swap sex stories, share intimate revelations. A lot
of us are discovering ourselves incrusing spaces.
Speaker 2 (03:01):
This happened to me at this toilet stall, in the
library or the airport.
Speaker 1 (03:04):
I feel like everybody's gonna fuck a little harder here. Damn.
So I've been like the neighborhood slot and I took
pride in that.
Speaker 3 (03:10):
I was so afraid but yet so intrigued, and the
more I gave him, the more he could take.
Speaker 2 (03:17):
If you're having sex on Sniffy's, you already have a
moral deficit. Our guests today are two of my best duties.
Leo and Jordan. They met it at sex party in
twenty sixteen, have been together ever since. In twenty twenty
two they got married, and today they throw the super
hot New York based ex parties j xx L and
Comfort Daddy, where you can find me working sometimes.
Speaker 1 (03:39):
Welcome Leo and Jordan. Well everyone, thank you. I wanted
to start at the beginning with your story. Chris said,
you met at a sex party, and I wanted to
know more about the meat cute story.
Speaker 4 (03:50):
I pursued Leo first, and it took a few times,
but I had started working close check at this sex
party that happens in Manhattan. I had seen him out
before as a shape shifter. I don't know if he
knew it was me that was cruising him all this
time before at different events and whatnot.
Speaker 1 (04:07):
I saw Leo.
Speaker 4 (04:08):
I came up to Leo and I said, hey, I
think you're really cute. My advances were not received accepted.
Speaker 1 (04:14):
Look at that little smile, You're like, Look, I was busy.
Speaker 4 (04:19):
Yeah, And then we came back to the July party,
and you know, I said, let's try it again, and
I got a no for a second time.
Speaker 1 (04:28):
So then for the party in.
Speaker 4 (04:29):
August, I was doing close check and I said, we'll
do you know, to myself, We'll try it again. And
with that I had said to Leo, this is the
third time I'm asking you out, and I won't do
it again. I got the phone number. We kind of
log cabined it, you know, very quickly. Right after where
I would stay the night, I would stay two nights.
(04:50):
I would go back to get my long weekend of
clothes out of my dresser where I was living in
my apartment.
Speaker 1 (04:55):
Here we are today, Yeah, yeah, what's your experience of
Oh yeah, that's what I I was like, version.
Speaker 5 (05:04):
Of the truth.
Speaker 3 (05:06):
It's true. He did ask me three times. I was
attending that party each month. I had previously dated someone
younger than me and that did not end well.
Speaker 1 (05:16):
Oh okay, so now we're getting like the background, all
the content.
Speaker 3 (05:19):
So my fear in trepidation sort of kept me from,
you know, saying yeah, right, right now, let's go. So
then we after my birthday, we went on an official
date at this restaurant in our neighborhood, and I said,
before the date, I'm like, we will not be hooking
up tonight. We've both seen each other in action, We've
seen each other naked. We you know, we know a
(05:42):
couple of things about each other. And we had a
good dinner. The next day, we went on another date
and he spent the night, and that's when we had sex.
Speaker 4 (05:53):
And then we capitulated that did meeting at a sex
party make it easier for you to sort of approach
this topic about anaship.
Speaker 3 (06:01):
I can speak from previous relationships that that was always a.
Speaker 1 (06:05):
Huge tension point.
Speaker 3 (06:08):
And when I decided I was going to pursue a
relationship with Jordan, I knew that that was something that
was definitely going to be needed to be worked out
and very clear. I knew, because I am a man
of a certain age and he was in his twenties,
that neither of us were to be tamed.
Speaker 1 (06:30):
And I also think.
Speaker 3 (06:32):
That when you're in, you know, in a relationship, you
want the best for the person and abundance for the person.
The situation that we met in, we both know that
we both have sexual appetite, so it was that we
weren't going to deny each other that where you always
opened from the jump. Once we became we made it
(06:53):
official boyfriends. Then it was my idea that we actually
start hosting our own, oh fun party, Yeah right, And
it started like who we would have in our own home,
in our apartment.
Speaker 1 (07:08):
So I'm curious the first time you all hosted a
party together that was a bit more explicitly sexual. What
was sort of navigating that like for the very first
time once you had officially started dating.
Speaker 3 (07:19):
We invited a new friends. They were new friends to me,
They were friends of Jordan's and I believe he said
out loud that he hadn't been with one of them sexually,
but he was looking forward to it to it and
then you know, going through that process with him was
actually kind of nice to watch.
Speaker 2 (07:42):
Yeah, I've seen her inaction.
Speaker 1 (07:45):
You know, she brought she brought the room together, and
we need a unifier now more than we are here
to foster relationships. Is it easier to kind of avoid
the pitfalls of jealousy when you know the other person
that you're hooking up with is also partnered.
Speaker 3 (07:59):
There's a level of comfort, But cruising other couples there's
not necessarily a free radical and they're hungry. We both
demand a level of respect from our suitors. You know,
(08:23):
somebody's going to be into one more than the other.
That's just kind of that's natural, right, you know, if
you're not so into the other one, you have to at.
Speaker 1 (08:32):
Least be nice and respectable.
Speaker 3 (08:33):
When we sense that that's not the case, it's they
you know, they get checked off the list.
Speaker 4 (08:38):
To nip that ship in the butt right away, because
it only then like it's a death. It either is
a death by a thousand paper cuts or like you know,
a cat bite where it festers under the skin kind
of thing.
Speaker 3 (08:48):
We both had previous dalliances that we were still friendly
with after we made our book. You know, we became official,
right and they either kind of got on board with
it or they kind of fell by the wayside. They
was almost like we had to reacquaint ourselves with them.
Speaker 1 (09:10):
I kind of appreciate the pragmatism, right. It's like I
have a similar scenario with my partner. He's much taller,
he's white, has like ginger hair. I'm a short perto
Rican dude who's like Harry all over. We are very
different types, as you said, right, and I think we
usually enjoy playing together, and there are moments where it's
like clear somebody's a little more into him than me,
or maybe a little more into me than him. I
don't quite know how to articulate it, but you can
(09:30):
tell when it veers from like a slight preference to
like being rude and exclusionary. Sure, do you feel the
same way, You're like, okay, this.
Speaker 4 (09:38):
Is getting a little like right to deny that that
exists in engaging with another solo person, another couple people
that liked you one day and don't like you another
day kind of thing. It You know, you have to
take it into account. You know, I love a quip
in a one liner and say you can't have either
of us if you're not into both of us. Kind
of thing, and that is easy for people to get
(09:59):
or at least in.
Speaker 1 (10:00):
Two right to understand.
Speaker 6 (10:04):
It.
Speaker 1 (10:04):
Yeah, we're going to make sure you're listening. You're not
going to hear it, you will listen to it.
Speaker 2 (10:11):
What other boundaries did you say? We had a boundary
of condom.
Speaker 4 (10:14):
Condoms outside of the two of us, and even at
our party if other people are having row sex, you
know we have condoms and offer But everybody there knew
that if they were going to get together with.
Speaker 1 (10:25):
Us, they were going to have a condom on. But
I'm curious what goes through your head when you're at
one of your parties and maybe you see the other
person playing with someone else. I'm sure that there are
varying levels of jealousy that have changed over the years.
But what's the way you two found to kind of
cope with that stuff and communicate through it.
Speaker 3 (10:41):
I would say, well, it gave me a view sort
of behind the curtain, because I feel like we become
more aware of each other's appetites.
Speaker 1 (10:54):
Practices.
Speaker 3 (10:55):
I've walked by and Jordan's busy with like five people
and I'm like, wow, you go, you go with.
Speaker 4 (11:02):
But we know that we know that we've either you know,
chatted with him about it, I had to drink about it,
or allowed in him saying I want to see you
do that to him next time.
Speaker 3 (11:14):
When we when we first started, there was this bottom
top dynamic and I was determined to not let him
get all the dicky.
Speaker 1 (11:24):
And you know, being a you know.
Speaker 3 (11:26):
Total top is actually quite tiresome, isn't it.
Speaker 1 (11:29):
Yes, it's a little tire sound.
Speaker 3 (11:31):
And then you know, and Jordan would always been like, oh,
I'm ready to go again, let's go again, and I'm like,
I'm you're gonna give me a heart. So I knew that,
I knew that he had appetites more than just my
one staunch on top so fulfilled and the opposite of that,
(11:51):
like I've been, you know, steadily on my journey of
trying to take more and.
Speaker 1 (11:55):
More okay, and you know, and some pretty large ones
at that. Yes, girl, I've seen you this. You know.
Speaker 4 (12:05):
It harkens back to these like settings and rules or
topics about how we do what we do, and it
is a piece of our personal relationship that extends into
these public fears.
Speaker 3 (12:15):
I think we keep the air of our gatherings very casual. Yes,
like me trying to take a dick in this sling.
Jordan's walking by and.
Speaker 1 (12:22):
I'm like, oh my god, come hold my hand, can
cheer me on.
Speaker 2 (12:27):
But there's a betting process for your parties though too,
like sure, and it's kind of rigorous.
Speaker 3 (12:32):
I would say I like to keep I like to
be very thorough, direct and very clear about what the
what the what the vibe or environment of the party
is going to be. You know, we don't allow like
condom shaming. You know, if any shaming shaming.
Speaker 1 (12:47):
You're into it, say hey.
Speaker 3 (12:49):
If you're not into it, say thank you and keep
it stepping because somebody's going to want you to feet later.
Speaker 1 (12:55):
Literally, we are going to take a quick break, but
when we come back, we'll be asking Leo and Jordan
for their tips if you're looking to start cruising as
a couple of yourself, and we'll learn about their exciting
new party Comfort Daddy. More cruising confessions coming up.
Speaker 7 (13:09):
Something special nou Sniffs in the summer, Something special about
all of my anonymous the first. Something special about our
collective care and pleasure. Something special about sniff He's in
the summer. Something special about a map of local dick
and toolepics. Something special about safety and the humburgs oh N.
Speaker 1 (13:37):
And I have have.
Speaker 7 (13:41):
I something special about.
Speaker 6 (13:48):
Sniffy s the some.
Speaker 7 (13:52):
In the Summer, the summer.
Speaker 1 (13:57):
Something a sort of sniffs the sum Ses.
Speaker 2 (14:08):
That was Snippy's in the Summer by Clovis Gaynor. Now
we're talking with Leo and Jordan, the hop Ways behind
the new Parties, j XXL and Comfort Daddy. Now y'all
seem to have made your open relationship work. What would
you say to the couples who are interested in having
a sort of a relationship that you have.
Speaker 4 (14:23):
The biggest piece of advice or encouragement that I can
get from my perspective is to be open to it
not working out like you planned, and to be able
to be flexible and move within that or away from it.
Speaker 3 (14:36):
There's safety in numbers. I would say, as a unit,
go into more of an event atmosphere rather than just
taking on just a third, because then the dynamics of
that are just so intense that you know somebody's going
to feel left out. Where if you both go into
let's say, you know, an inferno event, there's just so
(14:58):
much more to look at, talk out. You know, you
can make friends, you keep it, you know, you keep
it familiar and casual. Our policy is that we only
have sex with other people at events. We don't do
single fuck dates with other people. When I'm talking to
people about our party or how we do our events,
(15:22):
they will say, Oh, I'd rather just you know, hook
up with you and your partner. I'd rather see how
that person actually engages in a more sexually charged environment,
just to get to know them better. I think that
keeping these casual is a better idea from the beginning.
Speaker 1 (15:38):
How do you see other couples navigate sort of cruising
together or those spaces.
Speaker 3 (15:42):
I see a couple in their like sort of joined
at the hip and they only move around together. In
my mind, I think, oh, well, they're still in that
honeymoon stage where you know, there's I'm sniffing at some
kind of insecurity in there. I also think that attending
an event like hours, you know you're going to work
(16:02):
through that, and there are going to be insecurities at
the beginning of any relationship, but I know who I'm
going home with. Yeah, it makes me feel a little
bit more calm about, you know, just hanging out.
Speaker 1 (16:12):
See what pops I mean. It will say for myself.
It took a while for my boyfriend and I to
open up. The relationship was about three four years in.
But I think having that sort of baseline of trust,
understanding each other, developing a routine, our own rituals made
it so much easier to then be like, hey, I
think we're at this point where we want to explore
different things and no one partner is ever going to
be able to satiate every appetite you have, right, And
(16:34):
so I think opening that up made me feel so
much more comfortable going to a sex party or inviting
a few folks home to hook up with us, or
turning my birthday party into an orgy after midnight. Right,
It's a lot more fun because I'm like, oh, I
know what the deal is, I know our level of trust.
And again it's like, you know who you're going home
with at the end of the night.
Speaker 4 (16:51):
You have to know that there's going to be discomfort
or it's not going to work out the way you
think it is. And again, flexibility within.
Speaker 3 (16:58):
That and in going to these events, I mean some
people go to them, you know avidly, or you know
they're regulars, And I feel like the more you do it,
the more as a couple, you go to these events,
you build confidence not only in each other but yourself.
Speaker 1 (17:15):
Well, there is something kind of fun, right about seeing
your partner do something or try something that you haven't
seen in them yet and seeing that kind of come
out in them. Have either of you ever faced judgment
from friends or strangers for other being in an open
relationship or for throwing sex parties.
Speaker 3 (17:30):
I know we're in a corporate environment, but in my
saying that is that I am very open with my escapades,
with my practices, with you know what I'm doing this weekend.
If someone asks, right leaving like freely and openly and
(17:51):
having no shame, I think that turns some people off
or it maybe it brings out their own insecurities in themself,
so then they're gonna downplay what you do is being
sort of out of bounds or not proper. I think
promoting a you know, open and freeway of living it
(18:12):
removes stigma.
Speaker 4 (18:13):
It also removes some of that judgment, right because then,
like you were saying, there's this, it's carte blanche to
have the conversation or whatever the conversation might be about.
And so where somebody kind of down noses.
Speaker 1 (18:26):
Like eye rolls.
Speaker 4 (18:28):
It's then an opportunity that like, okay, this might turn
into a game to convert them and bring them into
our house of worship.
Speaker 6 (18:37):
Right.
Speaker 2 (18:38):
So I'm curious about things from the other party side
of you. Right, So, like, what should cruisers know before
they start hooking up with couples.
Speaker 4 (18:47):
You might cruise a couple on a bad day for them, Okay,
you know, yeah, you.
Speaker 3 (18:55):
Kind of don't know what what you know, what went
on before they went on stage?
Speaker 4 (19:00):
Right, Yeah, somebody approaches us because like you know, we
are out there, our shirts are off, or we're in
our jock straps or whatever it might be. And you
have to be prepared for not to go how you
think it, how you have so maybe planned it or
thought it might.
Speaker 1 (19:16):
On the other hand, you will. You can walk into
a very warm situation.
Speaker 4 (19:19):
You can walk into everything that you might have and
so flexibility with understanding.
Speaker 1 (19:25):
I like charisma.
Speaker 3 (19:27):
Yeah, I would say be charismatic and friendly and to
keep it in a light place, be open and and
and forward, but not intrusive.
Speaker 1 (19:40):
No, I like that too, And I think not being
intrusive is a is a very great guideline, right, because
you're a guest star in this couple's world, right. I
mean what I'm hearing is your place, Yeah, in a
very gentle way, in a very gentle way, know your
place right and be and be good at it. Yeah,
earn your place too, writ of course. Okay, So I
(20:02):
am curious a bit more about JXXL and Comfort Daddy.
I know you've been a regular attendee, but I'm curious
you've talked to us a bit about the vibe. But
there are so many hot sex parties in New York.
What do you think makes yours the one to go to?
And what's the difference between JXXL and Comfort Daddy.
Speaker 3 (20:16):
JXXL was, you know, an invite only we rent the space,
so we were I felt like we were entitled to make,
you know, pick and choose our list. And like I said,
it was about like Vibe referrals, there's some intimacy there.
It's not competitive, it's not CD. What Comfort Daddy is
offering is more of a like diversity. It's a very
(20:39):
evocative party title. Let me tell you, I saw it
in my eyes lit up.
Speaker 1 (20:43):
I was like, yeah, because.
Speaker 2 (20:46):
It's all the different meanings were Comfort Daddy Daddy.
Speaker 1 (20:50):
But I'm don't you come for Daddy exactly.
Speaker 3 (20:55):
I've had to ask myself like, what exactly are we
doing bringing it more into the public sector With Comfort Daddy,
it is a you know, it's a public facing I'm
calling it a public facing event.
Speaker 1 (21:07):
There'll be a variety of music our DJs.
Speaker 3 (21:10):
I think, are you know, unique in their in their offerings,
and you know it's not your cookie cutter pots and
pants like circuit music. Again, like a level of intimacy
that's not competitive. It is almost like a celebration of
I would say, like manhood. You know, guys in their jocks,
(21:32):
you know, kind of bearing bearing all. You know what
you're getting when you go inside. Yes, all right, well,
thank y'all so much for stopping by. How can people
find you online? And how do we get to your party.
Speaker 4 (21:44):
At j x x L community community spelled the dictionary
Way is our instagram for JXXL.
Speaker 1 (21:54):
That's how you can find Comfort Daddy.
Speaker 3 (21:56):
Yes, and then in order to come to one of
the JXSL parties to know somebody, somebody, you got to
talk to us, make a good impression.
Speaker 2 (22:10):
I love that.
Speaker 1 (22:10):
Thank you both again for coming. This has been such
a lovely conversation. All right, when we get back, Chris
and I will be cruising over to one of Brooklyn's
hottest new night spots to hear some piping hot cruising confessions.
We'll see after the break. Hey, welcome back to Snippy's
Cruising Confessions.
Speaker 2 (22:28):
We are here at Animal Bar here in Williamsborg, New York.
It's the hottest new bar here in the city, and
we're just gonna be asking people what it's like to
cruise as a couple or as a single who cruises
with couples. Tell us about the time that you've hooked
up with couples.
Speaker 1 (22:42):
I hooked up with a couple.
Speaker 8 (22:44):
They were beautiful, a very I would say, like famous
Instagate couple. Okay, I was planning on hooking up with them,
and while at the same time also talking to another guy.
The other guy and I were chatting and he was like,
oh my gosh, you're planning on a cooking up with
this couple.
Speaker 1 (23:00):
I hook up with them all the time.
Speaker 8 (23:01):
Should I also join? So the four of us ended
up actually hooking up together, which was so much fun.
Speaker 1 (23:08):
I had a great time.
Speaker 2 (23:09):
And do you normally hook up with couples?
Speaker 8 (23:11):
Is that like your thing, or I wouldn't say that
it's normally my thing. I think it's like if the
right moment presents, if I'm into both of them, if
clearly they're there to both play.
Speaker 1 (23:22):
Together, I'm into it.
Speaker 8 (23:24):
If there's like a weird dynamic or there's like some
underlying vibe that I get that there's like a weird
jealousy component to it's not my thing. I am currently
in a monogamous relationship.
Speaker 1 (23:37):
Have you all ever talked about inviting a third into
your sexual activity.
Speaker 8 (23:42):
I think that the way that we think about it
is an open relationship is something that you do separately,
or that there's not a conversation you have to have
before you hook up with someone else. For us, I
don't think that makes sense. I think only playing together
is something that we would do. It would only make
sense if we both are really into it and both
excited about it. I think if there's even just a
(24:03):
hint of doubt or not feeling like it's the right time,
we would both kind of back out and not feel
like it's important.
Speaker 1 (24:13):
So Keith, how long have you all been together and
when did you decide to open up the relationship? About
two years and I don't know.
Speaker 8 (24:20):
It was kind of from the beginning we decided that
like it worked well for us.
Speaker 9 (24:25):
We found that it really helped to connect on the
expectation of monogamy versus non monogamy at the beginning, and
that just makes us smooth all the way through.
Speaker 1 (24:35):
So if I can ask, what was your most recent
experience with a third or with a group, like, it
wasn't really anything that was like out of the norm
for us.
Speaker 9 (24:43):
It's kind of like a routine hookup with someone and
we aligned on a lot of the things that we
liked at the beginning and kind of like made sure that.
Speaker 1 (24:50):
The third was into it as.
Speaker 9 (24:51):
Well, and it played off very smoothly from there. So
communication and expectation setting work really well, and it just
felt natural. We find confident knowing that we like know
what we're doing and we can kind of provide and
experiencing the other person as well. That isn't like awkward
or like we have to figure out our own shit
(25:12):
while they're like kind of along for the ride, Like
we can kind of just make it clow smoothly.
Speaker 1 (25:16):
Have you found there are any like kind of ground rules,
Like we talked to a couple earlier this episode that
told us they won't hook up with anyone if the
third isn't into both of them.
Speaker 9 (25:24):
I think the biggest thing for us is just knowing
that the other person is like planning on hooking up.
Speaker 1 (25:28):
There's like no secrets.
Speaker 9 (25:29):
There's obviously a very interconnected community of gays in New York,
so you just want to make sure that you don't
like potentially hookup with someone or get involved with someone
that is contentious to your partner.
Speaker 1 (25:41):
Let's say that you all are cruising tonight, assuming you
might be looking. What's like one sign that someone might
be approachable or someone you might be interested in.
Speaker 9 (25:49):
Just a look and like a second of like prolonged
eye contact and like a very innocent, simple like expression
of interest usually and then you kind of know from there, Yeah.
Speaker 2 (26:00):
That little smirk that you get, Yeah, yeah, the one
you're giving them right now.
Speaker 1 (26:05):
Yeah. Yeah. Issue. We are here with a very lovely guest.
We've managed sharrangle Edward. Do you have any memorable stories
you'd like to share with us? Yeah?
Speaker 10 (26:18):
No, I mean I dated a couple for about six
months and then it got it got kind of weird.
One of them got jealous, but it was fantastic experience.
I learned a lot about myself and yeah, which is great.
I don't want to write like I'm a power top
gave nose. I have this thing where I can come.
Speaker 8 (26:35):
Like multiple, multiple, multiple.
Speaker 10 (26:38):
Times without pulling out. I mean like twenty one times
at twenty two times in my record. But they loved that,
and so it became kind of like a selling point
for one of them, and then the other one got jealous.
Speaker 1 (26:50):
Yeah, do you feel like there's like a bit of
pressure with that? Oh?
Speaker 10 (26:53):
Yeah, before they meet popular Like, how many times are
you gonna come?
Speaker 1 (26:56):
I'm like, I don't know.
Speaker 10 (26:57):
I can't predict the future, but sometimes it's.
Speaker 2 (27:00):
A lot depends on how well you do your job.
The minimum is like four or five times.
Speaker 1 (27:05):
I think the better question would be, how are you
going to make me come? Yeah, right, let's get that.
Let's flip that. I'm pretty good at that.
Speaker 2 (27:12):
And so have you as a couple hooked up with
a third or yeah?
Speaker 10 (27:17):
I mean to be honest, I like to watch the
guy i've been dating get fucked Yeah, and then kind
of fucking matter.
Speaker 1 (27:24):
But yeah, it's more I like.
Speaker 10 (27:25):
To watch more. Otherwise I like to be watched by
a third when I'm fucking at Yeah.
Speaker 1 (27:30):
Any advice for people who might be in open relationships
who want to hook up with.
Speaker 10 (27:33):
A third Yeah, I think just be free, be open,
be curious, Like I was in a lot of monogamous
relationships and the one that's once I opened it up,
it's been very hot, to be honest, like, I would
recommend it if you're emotionally available.
Speaker 1 (27:46):
And talking to your partner. It's really good. Out of
five stars, ten out of five. Yeah, you heard it
here first, and that's how many times he's coming. We're
here with Matthew, also known as Midnight Radio, one of
Animal's favorite DJs. You can find spinning here on the regular.
Speaker 2 (28:07):
I'd love for you to tell our audience a little
bit about what it's been like for you as a
single person in cruising with couples.
Speaker 11 (28:13):
You know how like Nicki Minaj's verse on Monster is
the best verse. It feels like that.
Speaker 1 (28:21):
You're the Nicki Minaj verse anytime you're featuring. Of course,
of course, Matthew, I'm curious, what was your latest took
up experience with a couple?
Speaker 11 (28:30):
Like we hooked up, they broke up. I ended up
with one of them. And two years later we broke up.
Speaker 1 (28:37):
Oh did they break up during the hookup or like afterward?
That would be pretty fire, though, if you had that power,
if one of them was like, you know what, I'm
actually done.
Speaker 11 (28:51):
No, it didn't happen quite that quickly. But yeah, I
think inevitably one could fall in love with a single
person the other one gets angry when we have an
issue that can work out for the single person or
it could not as a single person. You have to
(29:13):
remember you have no say. You might be the featured artist,
but you have no say.
Speaker 1 (29:24):
Tonight we are here with Michael. Michael, thank you so
much for joining us. Are you in a relationship right
now that's open or are you here cruising for couples?
Speaker 6 (29:32):
No? Actually I met with a friend, but I'm in
a relationship for eighteen years. Yeah, I'm in an open relationship.
Speaker 1 (29:38):
How long were you into your relationship before you and
your partner decided to open it up?
Speaker 6 (29:42):
Five years. It was in Italy and we were talking
about that. Everyone has it in his mind, and it
was like and then we said, okay, let's open the relationship,
but it will be a little bit like a Pandora box,
you know. We decided to take this risk and it
worked actually, and.
Speaker 2 (30:00):
Can you talk a little bit about what the evolution
was like.
Speaker 6 (30:03):
I had this obsession that we we have to be
in a treism relationship more than less or to do
a treism. It was not easy because I fall in
love with the with the Italian with an Italian guy.
Speaker 1 (30:17):
That's relationship in Italy. Do you have any advice for
people who might be looking to open up the relationship
or join another couple.
Speaker 6 (30:26):
To be in an open relationship, you have to be
very in a good relationship to yourself and in a
good relationship to your partner, and very honest, because if
it became kind of competition, it could be very bad
for the relationship. So I would take care when I
open the relationship if if I'm able to manage it.
Speaker 1 (30:52):
We are here with as well and Jay, are you open?
Do you hook up with other folks a lot together?
Speaker 5 (30:58):
So yeah, we just open a relationship about less than
like six months ago. But when it comes to actually
using it in practice, even less than that, I had
a couple threesomes, a couple of individual interactions, but nothing
too crazy. So I would say we're still relatively new
and still exploring.
Speaker 1 (31:17):
I love that you've got like your driver's permit for
that openships, but we're working towards the full license. We
are going slowly with it.
Speaker 12 (31:24):
We both understand that we're both individual personalities and we're
working together as a team versus being a little bit
more possessive about it.
Speaker 1 (31:32):
I love that y'all are the Jujubi and Raven of
open couples. Yes, all stars one. Yeah.
Speaker 5 (31:38):
I love that your twenties are for figuring out yourself.
And I feel like I spent like my first six
years of my twenties kind of figuring out myself and
that's when I got into relationship afterwards. But at that point,
I knew myself so well. I knew what I didn't
want and what I did want, so that I feel
like I was the most prepared for when a relationship
actually came. So I'm curious how long were you all
dating and what was that like kind of conversation and
(32:00):
like once you did decide to invite other people into
having sex with you, Well, we.
Speaker 12 (32:04):
Talked about it before we even decided to be boyfriends,
so we actually had a really honest discussion when we
first started talking to each other.
Speaker 1 (32:11):
Seriously in terms of what we were looking for.
Speaker 5 (32:13):
Honestly, because I had seen relationships that were close to
me in open relationships, and I think that they were
some of the most beautiful relationship that I've seen in
the queer community. So that was something that I was like, Oh,
I was always very drawn to that because it's just
like for me, at least, I was a very sexual person.
So it's just like it was gonna be hard for
me to be monogamous to someone from what I thought,
(32:34):
and it has come easier as the way.
Speaker 1 (32:36):
But I will say I still have.
Speaker 5 (32:37):
My sexual urges and things like that, and I feel
like it doesn't have to mean anything other than that.
Like to me, that's my ideology. It's different for everybody,
but that's just how I think of it.
Speaker 1 (32:48):
And tonight we're here with Walker.
Speaker 13 (32:51):
Well, I'm in an open relationship when I came here tonight,
so I'm from Albuquerque, New Mexico. I was in a
relationship with this guy who lived in Santa Fe at
the time, and he was always telling me about this
like big like bear daddy couple who had a hot tub, right, So.
Speaker 1 (33:06):
We were gonna go hook up with them and be
in their hot.
Speaker 13 (33:08):
Tub immediately a selling point, right, yeah, But then me
and him broke up, unfortunately, but I still wanted to
get in the hot tub. So I hit the guys
up and they were into me. So I drive up
to Santa Fe. I go hang out with them. I'm
like sitting in their living room for a little bit.
You know, we're having the chat beforehand, we're getting to
know each other a little bit. So I'm like, come
up to the bedroom. I think it's time. And it
(33:30):
turns out one of them is a police officer. So
in the bio, he has the pig emoji, and I
thought it was like raunchy pig, but it turns out
it's cop pig.
Speaker 7 (33:39):
Right.
Speaker 1 (33:39):
At least he's self aware, right, No, right, right? Right?
So this is not where I thought this story was going.
This might be the wildest story we had. You're like,
I thought the pigamog may he was into raunch but
he's actually a cop.
Speaker 13 (33:52):
So so I get upstairs and they're like, are you
into handcuffs? And I go, I've never tried, but I
guess i'd be open to it. And he's like, well,
you know, I'm a police officer. So he pulls out
his like police grade handcuffs.
Speaker 1 (34:04):
Right, I'm sorry, not the state sponsored handcuffs.
Speaker 13 (34:07):
Okay, all right, So I'm on all fours. I then
get onto like my chest, knees up right, I guess,
butt up on my knees on all fours. I'm trying
to paint the picture. Hands, please do, please do paint
the picture for us. Hands behind me. They fucked me
for all of like five minutes. Like there was like
(34:28):
an hour and a half build up. They fucked me
for all of five minutes exactly, and there was there
was and there was absolutely no focus on me. I
was truly there for their pleasure, which is never like
not a bad thing, but I was hoping for a
little more. Anyways, they finish inside me, they take the
handcuffs off, and they're like, okay, so do you want
(34:49):
to leave?
Speaker 1 (34:50):
I'm all, but.
Speaker 2 (34:51):
What about the hot tub?
Speaker 1 (34:53):
And they didn't let you back into the hot tub,
so there was no hot tub.
Speaker 13 (34:57):
I drove home with a load in my butt, and
did you tell your excess story?
Speaker 1 (35:00):
No, he doesn't know.
Speaker 13 (35:01):
Oh so if he's a viewer listener of the pod,
maybe he'll reach out.
Speaker 1 (35:06):
Well he might now, Miss Albuquerque if you recognize Walker
and you know what happened. I appreciate the referral, but
it didn't turn out as expected. I'm so sorry, God,
I'm so sorry for you. Thank you. I really need
all the sympathy I can get. Maybe y'all better ask
follow up questions when you see the PIGAMOCHI. That's all
I'm saying again. I want to thank our guest today,
(35:31):
Leo and Jordan and the team over at Animal in Brooklyn.
Sniffy's Cruising Confessions is a production of the Outspoken podcast
Network from iHeart Podcasts. It's directed by Adam Barron, produced
by Stevie Williams and Cameron Femino, and executive produced by
Eli Martin. Cruising Confessions is presented by Sniffy's, the ultimate
map based cruising platform for gay, by and curious people
(35:53):
ready to cruise. Check out the map at Sniffy's dot
com and follow Sniffy's on socials at Sniffy's app. Put
your put your poots to y
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