April 16, 2013 • 39 mins
You can tell a lot about a culture through marriage statistics: what age people get married, how many divorce, who is excluded from legal marriage. It forms a picture of how a society interacts with itself. Learn more about marriage in this episode.
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Speaker 1 (00:01):
Welcome to you Stuff you Should Know from House Stuff
Works dot com. Hey, and welcome to the podcast. I'm
Josh Clark, There's Charles W. Chuck Bryant, and this is
Stuff you Should Know good podcast. Right. How you doing man?
I'm good? And well how are you the same? A
(00:25):
little tired? Yeah, yeah, um, but other than that, I'm
doing pretty good. Man. There's a lot of stuff going
on to day with this topic. Yes, marriage, Chuck, you know,
I am married, you're married. We're married, but not to
one another. Uh, that's true. And in the state that
we live, and we couldn't even if we wanted to. Yeah,
(00:47):
and this this is probably gonna touch on same sex marriage, um,
a decent amount because it's in the news, and hey,
it's marriage too, right, so we're not going to ignore it.
But it's not necessarily just about that. It's about just
marriage as a whole. Right. Everybody call this one how
same sex marriage works? Yeah, exactly, But now maybe we
(01:09):
cannot do that one if we cover it in this one.
You know what I'm saying, how same sex marriage works. Yeah.
I feel like we're going to cover it enough in
this it's pretty straightforward stuff. Um. Well, let's talk about marriage,
all right, Okay, Um, Really, if you boil the whole
thing down, it is, as far as the government views it,
very very very very very unromantically. It's basically a legal
(01:34):
contract between two people, and therefore there are legalities that
you have to go through, and as a result of
going through this this legal process, you are endowed with
certain legal rights. That's marriage. That really is though, And
it's like, I draw a distinction. I don't think it's like, oh,
(01:56):
it's unromantic to call it that, because that's what it is.
It's a difference between a marriage in a lifelong relationship
with somebody that now that's romantic chuck, Yeah, I mean
that's where the romance is. The marriage is just some
official way of recognizing that, right Okay. So um, and
I would imagine it's not just it's not just the
um desire to be, you know, to have your relationship
(02:18):
recognized in that same way that it's a lifelong commitment legally,
but also to get the benefits as well as one
of the those are two probably very big reasons that
same sex couples want to be legally married or allowed
to legally married. Um. So, since it's a legal process, chuckers. Um,
all things start with an application. All legals processes start
(02:41):
by filling out an application. And marriage is no different. Yep,
you gotta get that license. You got to apply to
get that license. And uh here and uh, Emily and
I went to Decatur. It was the sign on the
wall was marriage and gun licenses. We thought was kind
of funny. Yeah, get both in the same one stop shopping.
Uh Uh. But each state has its own uh laws
(03:04):
regarding everything concerning marriage, especially the world not especially, but
the first of which is the license and application process.
How old you got to be? All that stuff varies
from state to state, it does. And um, until very recently, Uh,
Alabama allowed kids as young as fourteen. I believe they
(03:24):
were the youngest state. It says in this article that
there was kids as young as age twelve. I think,
is that right? I think so. But that I think
that was like only with like a court order or
a court permission, like like a pregnancy or something. I
don't know, well that that's that's one of the surprising
(03:44):
things is in Georgia, UM, if you're under eighteen, uh,
you have to present a birth certificate. And I think
your parents have to be present, both of them unless
the unless the bride to be is pregnant, and then
all rules go out the window. Yeah, most states that
allow it under eighteen. The parents have to sign off, right,
and there has to be like some reason. But like
we said, it varies from state to state and it
(04:06):
would take two hours to go over all that. So
if you're interested in getting hitched in your seventeen, look
it up on your state's website. You don't want to
go over to state by state. Do you remember the
the dude from UM Lost and then he was in
one episode of X Files. I can't remember his name.
Which guy from Lost? I don't remember. I didn't watch Lost.
(04:28):
I just know he was on Lost and he married.
He's like pushing fifty forty something and he married a
sixteen year old girl. Uh yeah, and they were gonna
they were sending themselves up. I believe to have UM
a reality show or whatever. But her parents signed off
on it. I remember like that. There was a big
it was a big news story. Remember that too. They
(04:48):
moved to Nevada, or they went to Nevada to get married,
which is not um uncommon. I understand to move to
a different state. No, to go to to go to
Las Vegas to get married. Sure, yeah, people do that.
So no matter where you are, you fill out this application,
you pay a nominal fee. Uh, and then after your ceremony,
(05:11):
you get a certificate that says you're married. Here's proof,
show it to whoever you like. Yeah. Sometimes you need
a blood test. We did not need one here in Georgia.
But that's what you always kind of hear, the old
fashioned thing, like go down and get your blood test
and get married. Yes, but make sure you are disease
free and not cousins. That's right. Is that what it's
for to to check DNA? No, okay, I don't think
(05:34):
they have the equipment to do that. I didn't think
so either. Uh. And you can get married by a
varying like a bunch of different ways. Um, you can
get married by your best friend if you want to,
as long as they get certified online as able to
do that, which is what we did with our father
in law, just to make him part of the experience.
That's stepfather and my stepfather, the one in Ohio. Yeah, yeah,
(05:58):
they're all in Ohio. But yeah, so chuckers, now that
now that you're married. Um, according to federal law, you
are eligible and open for I think thirty eight federal benefits.
Is that still correct? Yes? Is that part of doma? Um,
(06:19):
I'm not sure if that's a specific part of doma,
but it's it's probably a part of many different laws,
you know, if there's a plus, but it's it's all.
This is all specifically federal level. Yeah. Yeah. So for example,
and we'll talk about DOMA in a minute. Yeah, I
believe we should so. Um. For example, if if Emily
(06:40):
is in the hospital, you have a legal right to
go visit her. That's right. I can even make medical
decisions on her behalf, that's right, unless she has a
living well right, which we would do together anyway. Um.
You can get benefits if you're a federal employee. Um.
You can get inheritance rights, property rights sometimes even if
(07:01):
there's no will. Yes, you me can take out a
life and ensures policy on me and it's legal. Yeah.
Tax benefits of course of being married, you can file
that way. Um. You can receive Medicare, Social Security, Disability,
veterans benefits if you're a spouse, legal spouse. Yes, you
can immigrate your spouse to the United States, Yeah, more
(07:24):
easily at least. Yeah, if I killed somebody, Emily could
visit me in jail, that's right, and then prison right
as my spouse, and I would imagine depending on the state,
there would be conjugal rights as well. Yeah, definitely. So
those are just a handful of the eleven hundred entitlements
that you gain. You don't want to go over all
(07:45):
of them. If they have a list, I'll do it.
So yeah, there there are a lot of good reasons
to be married. You can also file jointly, so you
get a tax break there. Um. And in addition to
like the legal benefits, there's been tons and tons and
tons of studies um on marriage that show that, like,
(08:06):
there's actually psychological physiological benefits to marriage. People people happily married,
I should say, um, not just married, Like there's a
key to it. You have to be happily married. They
tend to live longer live um, they two parents, a
married parent household, um tends to produce more stable, well
(08:28):
adjusted kids that do better in school. Yeah. True. Yeah, well,
I mean there's tons and tons of studies, but it
doesn't necessarily relate to same sex or opposite sex it's
just married parents. Um happened to do that statistically, that's right.
So what else? Uh, Well, people are getting married later
and later. I think everyone recognizes that. But um to
(08:51):
the tune of people born from n to ninety nine
of men and women were married by and compared that
to last year, where the average age of marriage was
twenty eight point six for men and twenty six point
six for women. And basically there hasn't been a year
(09:11):
since the nineteen fifties where the median age has not
gone up. She's going up and up and up and up. Yeah,
And you would assume that it would have continued to
go up and up and up prior to the nineteen fifties.
But what's really interesting is in eighteen ninety the average
age that a man got married was twenty six, and
it declined um down to the nineteen fifties and sixties
(09:33):
when it reached its lowest level, lowest age, which is like, um,
like twenty two or something like that, and and then
it started to go back up, which is very odd,
and it did it for men and women because you
would think in you know, olden times, you get married
at age twelve, you know, so people were getting married
at maybe sixteen for a median age, but it was
(09:55):
more than it was older than than people were in
the fifties when they were getting married. So the fifty
might might have just signified some marital boom. Maybe. I
guess people decided that, Um, they were not interested in
pre marital sex. They just decided that. Um have we
(10:16):
covered polygy? We did a full podcast on podcast even
need to mention that. That's what I thought when I
was reading this, I was like, wait a minute, this
this reeks of something familiar. Um, but that is a
type of marriage. Um, And I guess go listen to
that podcast on Did we call it plural marriage or polygamy?
I'm sure we talked about it as plural marriage, but
(10:37):
we called it how polygamy works, right, And I guess
the very condensed form of this is that it is
officially condemned by the Mormon Church these days, although an
estimated thirty to sixty thousand polygamus still uh well, I
guess still practice polygamy. Uh. So there are other types
of unions these days. Um. There are are civil unions,
(11:00):
domestic partnerships in regular old fashioned marriage, and a civil
union entitles same sex couples the same legal rights as
marriage and benefits. So that's you know, like you said,
after two things, the benefits and just the common recognition
among their peers, like I'm just like you and I'm
(11:21):
married just like you. Or in this case of civil union,
UM would only give you the rights and not the
badge of marriage. Right. And there's nine states where you
were civil unions are permitted for same sex couples. That's right, UM, California,
New York City, Maine, and the District of Columbia, I
believe allowed domestic partnerships for same sex couples. That's right.
(11:44):
And actually, UM, one of the one of the big
um same sex marriage cases that's before the Supreme Court
right now is a little old lady who UM lived
with her partner for decades and because she has a
domestic partnership under New York lause, she didn't not to
pay any tax, she didn't have to pay any inheritance tax.
(12:06):
But she got slapped with like a three hundred and
nine dollar federal inheritance tax because the Feds don't recognize
their domestic partnership. And that was that's one of the
cases of Supreme courts hearing right now, Well, you can
get full on same sex married as of December of
two thousand twelve in Massachusetts, Connecticut, Iowa, Vermont, New York,
(12:28):
New Hampshire, Maine, Maryland, Washington State, and the District of Columbia,
and that is full same sex marriage like outright. And
at the same time, thirty eight states have laws banning
outright same sex marriage. So people are really drawing the
line on this issue in this country. Yeah, well it's
(12:48):
pretty polarizing issue to say the least. Like I have
one stat things are changing of people in a same
sex marriage and then last year, so that drop in
fourteen years. You know. In researching this article, I've really um,
(13:12):
I really it's yeah, I've really found out that we
were a radically different country than we are today. Like
socially speaking, we are really really different. There was a
lot of stuff, a lot of laws that passed and
a lot of mentalities that were like supported legislatively that
(13:33):
just don't make any sense today to a lot more people,
you know, like doma sure the idea that that passed,
and like this kind of the meanness behind it is
is it's just well, I guess it's being picked apart
right now, right, Yeah, The Defensive Marriage Act um define
marriage as only a legal union between one man and
(13:54):
one woman as husband and wife. And uh. Bill Clinton
famously signed that and has been sort of changing his
story like every four or five years since then on
why he signed it, because people kind of pick home
and out, like Billy Dude of all presidents, why did
you sign it? Um? In ninety six he said a quote,
(14:16):
I have a long I have long opposed governmental recognition
of same gender marriages, and this legislation is consistent consistent
with that position. And then in two thousand eight he said,
all it said was that Idaho did not have to
recognize a marriage sanctified in Massachusetts. That's pretty good, Quinton.
So he basically was like, hey, listen, man, all I'm
(14:37):
saying was it was left up to the states, which
was a bit of a reversal. And then in two
thousand nine he said, well, you know the reason I
signed it was I thought the question of whether gay
should mary should be left up to states and too
religious organizations, and that if any church or other religious
body wanted to recognize gay marriage, they ought to. So
this is a bit of a he's saying it's being
(14:59):
spun as him coming out as like anti gay uncertain levels,
and he's saying, no, no, no, you're rewriting history in
a different way. What it really meant was let's just
federally say this and let the states decide. But that's
a pretty glim interpretation of DOMA. From what I understand,
it basically removes states rights. And that's one of the
things that the Supreme courts looking at now too, is DOMA.
(15:22):
Is DOMA unconstitutional? And one of the ways that the
the pro same sex marriage lobby could actually harm itself
is if the Supreme Court decides to look at DOMA
as the state's rights issues and kicks it back to
the states, then all of these bands will be upheld
rather than just saying no, it's it's unconstitutional because it
(15:45):
bans marriage effectively between same sex people. So that's I mean,
it's not as it is the state's rights issue in
a way, but not in the way that Clinton is
saying it. It doesn't allow states to kind of make
up their own mind. Uh. I think Clinton is trying to.
I don't think he's super proud of it now, and
I think he's sort of been backtracking ever since and
(16:07):
on reasons why he supported it at the time. And
you know a lot of Congress people have come out
since then and reverse their their statements on it, saying,
you know, I've evolved in my thinking to this point,
and I now think we should look into it more
at least and not necessarily like fully in support of it. Um.
(16:27):
But there are eleven countries if you're wondering what's like
around the world, like all across the country you can
get married if you're same sex, like Argentina, Belgium, Canada, Denmark, Iceland, Netherlands, Norway, Portugal,
South Africa, Sweden, and Spain. It is a federal Uh,
it's legally allowed federally. So let's you know, say what
(16:50):
you will about that. We want to get married, go
to Spain. Um, moved to Spain. You don't have to
like go live there because if the United States whouldn't
recognized or Netherlands, that's an explice. South Africa, we've talked
about that. Um. Yeah, But I mean I think most
people who want to get married who are of the
same sex want to stay at home. She just want
(17:13):
to get married at home, you know. Um, this is uh,
and you're talking about a UM, I guess, being allowed
to be married in an entire country. There's been a
couple of attempts to ban UM same sex marriage as
an entire country in the US, but have been unsuccessful,
like make it a constitutional amendment. Yeah, and that has
(17:37):
not happened now. So in addition to domestic partnerships and
civil unions, that's when I find interesting the reciprocal beneficiary
relationship UM, which was Hawaiian state law and I guess
it was kind of done away with in favor of
civil unions in two thousand eleven or twelve. But basically
it's it's it grants you the right of a married couple,
(18:02):
but it doesn't necessarily mean you're a couple in the
eyes of the law, unless you say we're a couple
it UM. It so like brother and sister can can
be a reciprocal beneficiaries UM and aunt and her nephew
or whatever. It doesn't mean you're a couple. It means
that like you can make legal decisions for one another,
and it's for people who are like dependent on on
(18:24):
one another living situations, that kind of thing. So don't
be super creeped out by that when you and sister
and stuff like that. Uh, do you got anything else
on same sex marriage? Oh? Um, no, I guess that's it.
I'm very interested to see what happens. It's the civil
rights issue of our age, and that's what a lot
(18:44):
of people are arguing, Like, dude, let's just learn from history.
Do we have to go through the same steps every
time we do this? Um with allowing people rights, finally
giving them the rights that you know everyone will in
the future eventually agree they should have and should have
had all along. Um. But apparently we have to go
(19:04):
through at the same struggle every time for each group
before they get their rights, their civil rights that are
afforded everybody, whether it's the African Americans sitting where they
want on a bus or women voting. Um. Yeah, it
seems like this pops up every now and then in
this country, where people say, hey, wait a minute, I
don't have the same rights as that dude over there, right,
(19:25):
and why not? It's very interesting, it is, and I'm
sure like we're going to get a lot of listener
mail about this. Yeah. Well, you know, we're just putting
it out there. This is what certain people think and
that's what other people think. Yeah, I guess, And luckily
we live in a country where you can voice those opinions.
So before we move on to other parts of marriage,
let's take a quick little message break. Let's do it,
(19:54):
and now we're back with more marriage. Yeah wow. Um
So Chuck one of the ones that I've always heard
of his common law marriage, and I was doing a
little research on it, and it doesn't make much sense
to me. I don't understand, like, apparently its origins where
that's what marriage was like two people just kind of
shacked up and they were viewed by society and the
(20:16):
law as married. And then the the church insinuated itself
by saying, no, there's no more clan to stying marriages anymore.
You have to do this publicly and declare, you know
that you want to be married, and there's got to
be a priest and let's you know, maybe maybe you know,
somebody's gotta be there, so let's have a witness or whatever.
And that that's kind of like the rival of common
(20:37):
law marriage. And and as it's become more and more
um prevalent, common law marriage is kind of fallen into
the waistide. Well don't you just have to shack up
for seven years? No, that is a myth, yea, everyone
always says, I always heard that, Yeah, and I think
that's just a common misconception. Um. If you want to
be uh common law married, you actually have to present
(20:59):
as a married couple. You have to change your last name,
file joint tax returns, basically kind of really live as
if you're married, not just live together and fight over
where to go to dinner. Right, you know, it probably
wouldn't hurt to contact your local probate court and file
something like saying, hey, we're married. Okay, as far as
you're concerned, we're married. We're common law marriage. Now, this
(21:20):
only works if your state recognizes common law marriages, and again,
fewer and fewer states do these days. Um. In some states,
if your common law marriage was around before the nineties,
certain dates in the nineties, it would be grandfather then
Georgia being one of them. Right, Yeah, if you were
common law married in Georgia before January one, you're still
(21:44):
common law married if you still are nice and the
states also don't. Um. We we joked about the seven
year thing, but there is no set time in any
state that you have to live together to present yourself
as common law man and wife, although I don't you know,
I don't know that you would do that after you
just moved in together. But hey you can if you want. Well,
(22:06):
you know, um talking about moving in together, there was
a study that recently found that more and more people
are living together before marriage um or instead of marriage.
And also apparently one of the reasons we were talking
about the marriage age increasing, one of the reasons they
think that people are putting it off more and more lately,
(22:28):
especially millennials, is due to college debt. How sad is that? Okay,
So I'm broke, so I'm not gonna get married, like
I can't afford to get married right now. That's that's terrible.
I don't say what does it cost you though, I
don't get that. Well, I mean, you've got to get
a ring, and there's got a I mean, there's just
certain things to it. I guess that certain costs. Yeah,
(22:52):
I guess it depends on what you're looking for out
of your wedding, in your rings and things like. It
doesn't have to be expensive, you know than half to
just these college kids these days, I don't know, have
no money to get married. Give them some advice to
just get married, don't get a cheap ring and get
hitched at the courthouse. So okay, so um. As far
(23:13):
as shacking up goes, more and more people are doing it. Apparently,
between two thousand and six and two thousand and ten,
almost half of UM, straight women ages fifteen forty four
said that they have lived together with somebody who they
weren't married to. And of gay women, Yeah, I have
(23:34):
another stat here that said from nineteen eighty two, Uh,
it is quadriple the number of people, and this is people.
Percentage of women choosing to not get married and just
cohabitate has gone from three to eleven percent. And um,
what does this all mean to staying married? We're staying
(23:56):
together not a lot. The divorce rate has hovered pretty
close to for quite a while. He goes up a little,
goes down a little, but um hasn't gone down some.
It's gone down a little bit, but it's never like
some enough of a stat to like, you know, rewrite
the record books. You know, it's always close to fifty.
(24:17):
It seems like. Um, And then they found all sorts
of interesting things. Um, among women, there was a fifty
two percent chance that a first marriage would survive for
twenty years, and fifty percent of men their first marriage
would survive for twenty years. Oh and another interesting thing.
They found that, um, your marriage is more likely last
(24:39):
if you went and graduated college. Huh So seventy eight
percent of women with at least a bachelor's degree made
it to their twentieth anniversary as opposed to what was that?
So that's a pretty big yeah. I wonder what the
the explanation is for that. Uh, I don't know. Maybe
it takes a certain amount of tenacity to through college,
(25:00):
and maybe it takes a certain amount of tenacity to
stay married. If you have kids going into the marriage
with someone else, Um, you have less of a chance
to stay married. Thirty um of women marrying a man
who already had kids made it twenty years. So, but
if you have kids after you get married, you have
a higher likelihood of staying together. Yeah. So having your
(25:23):
own kids good, marrying in two kids bad. Yeah, but
then's having your own kids is one of the um,
one of the leading reasons that people stay together. Um.
Apparently there's also couples who drink together um tend to
stay together more especially um if they drink about the
same amount. Make sense. UM. Couples who have I ran
(25:46):
across this two thousand eight study UM from the University
of Denver. Couples who have fun, which fun is defined
is basically spending time together UM free of financial, family
or other stresses. Okay, UM, they tend to stay together longer,
which makes a lot of sense. Basically, if you go
on dates with your spouse, you will stay together longer.
(26:08):
And religion also plays a part. Percentage of married women
you say religion is important six and a percentage of
married women who say religion is not importants And interestingly,
it's about ten percent less for men on both uh
saying religions important religions not. Women just care more than
(26:28):
the number. One UM. I guess indicator that people will
stay together, not necessarily in marriage, but that like as
a couple UM is shared curiosity. Remember we did how
curiosity works years back. One of the one of the
indicators that our predictors sorry that a couple would stay
(26:50):
together was that if both of them were curious people
about the same things or this period just in general. UM.
And and it's like beat out religion, UM. All these
other shared things that you would think that would you know,
keep two people together, you know, make them attracted to
one another. But it was shared curiosity, a love of
(27:11):
just being curious, as long as it's not curious about
like I wonder what it be like to have sex
with that woman? Precisely, it's bad curiosity, right, Yeah. So
since you brought that up, Um, you sent another article
on how stuff works. That was pretty interesting that Molly
Edmonds wrote about the seven year itch. Did you check
(27:32):
that out? So basically the seven year which is this
idea that after seven years people get bored with their
marriage and they divorced or the stray or whatever, um.
And there have been studies that have found that seven
years is actually like a a significant moment in the
average marriage, and that a lot of them do end
(27:53):
up dissolving at this point. Right. Yeah. I think the
median age in the US is seven just over seven years,
so that would suggest that this old yarn is correct.
But it's actually possible that it's even less than seven years.
That it's that there's an indicator that um, at four years, uh,
(28:14):
marriages start to go I guess south. Um. And there's
an anthropologist an evolutionary anthropologist named Helen Fisher who had
a pretty good idea of a pretty cool explanation or
yeah I thought it made sense, go ahead, level it. Okay, Well,
she said that basically, back in our earlier evolutionary age,
(28:38):
took took took took um took took's era. Uh, four
years was about the time that a couple would spend
together conceiving and raising a child, and then it was
time to do it again, and they typically did it
with other people right spread the seed. So that so
Fisher's basically pressing the point that we are evolutionarily hardwired
(29:02):
to um to not last in a monogamous relationship owner
in four years, which is a pretty depressing idea, especially
if it makes sense um. But she also points out
that there that being aware of this or understanding this
possibility can let you guard against it. Oh yeah, that
makes sense. Like keep your marriage exciting, have fun with
(29:25):
your spouse, go on dates with your spouse, you know,
and you can you know, beat that for year, seven
year itch or whatever. Just don't like research that stuff.
Come up with your own stuff, is what I say.
What research like? There's gazillions of articles like how to
keep your marriage spicy. And it's just I encourage you
(29:46):
not to read those If you want to spice super marriage,
just try some things on your own. Don't read Red Book.
I I don't know. Man. If Red Book helps and
read Book helps, it's our mata, al right, So you know,
go ahead read those articles and they'll tell you to
You know what did they say. Oh they all say
things like it's all like sex based usually Uh, actually
(30:09):
that's not true. They're talking about Cosmopolitan, not Red Bus.
Be more active with your husband and get him out
hiking and then dress up as a French maid every
once in a while. It's just like, I don't know.
I mean, if those articles help you, then it's all
well and good. I take it back. Um, well, you
were saying like that what to do, like go out
(30:29):
on a hike or something like that. This This study
from two thousand and eight from the University of Denver
pointed out that, um, when you go out on a date,
you should be aware that your spouse may not have
the same idea of what a date is that you
do depending on your sex. Like for women, haven't going
on a date is like a chance to have an
intimate conversation just basically friend time, close time, whereas like
(30:52):
the dude is more prone to think a date is
like going to a movie or going to a baseball
game or something like that that you do together and
you're on a date and you're sitting next to another
and like you lean over and kiss and everything, but
you're both watching the game. You just watch the game, right,
you know, so you you I guess again, an awareness
(31:12):
of that will probably get around any weird situations where
you're just like, we went on a date, how are
you not happy? Yeah? This good point. I found that
sporting events I get kind of chatty though, Well, you
would be a perfect date, you know, Yeah, Emily, you'll
go to baseball games. But like literally the only time
it took her to a Falcons game, she brought magazines.
(31:33):
That's funny. People around me were like, so pissed. That's
a waste a ticket. You means like a perfect woman
in that, Like we'll go into shows or something like that.
She doesn't like, she's not chatty during shows, especially like
a concert. Yeah, like you know when you're at a
concert and it's like they're playing the music and just
see him, then somebody just wants to talk to you
the whole time. Yeah, maybe it's not like that. It's
(31:54):
pretty awesome. Yeah, I'm always right next to that person. Whoever,
the most obnoxious person in any crowd is. I will
be no more than five ft away from there. I
feel like I am. But I've tried to installed the
new policy in my life. I used to just get upset,
and because I'm non confrontational with strangers, I would just
sit there in my blood would boil. Whereas there's three
(32:15):
ways you can go about it. You can do that.
You can confront the person, say hey, would you mind
keeping it down? I would never do that. But the
third option I've discovered here in my forties just move. Yeah,
unless you're like in a reserve seat, I just go
stand somewhere else. It's just not worth it for me. Yeah,
that's a good chuck. Yeah, And I found that that
I'm all of a sudden not obsessing over this loud
(32:36):
person next to me while Steve Mountainous is telling a
nice story on stage. Uh. And I just avoid the
drunkest people in the room. That's good. It's always a
good motto. Yeah, Uh, what else you got? I got
nothing else? Cool? We did. We did how marriage works?
Marriage good? Agreed? Yeah. Uh. If you want to learn
(32:57):
more about marriage, there's like a whole channel on most
there a sub channel or something on the site. I
believe if you want to learn more about marriage, get married,
because if you're gonna learn everything you need. Yeah, it's
like immersion learning through immersion. Um. You can also type
the word marriage into the search bar at how stuff
works dot com if you and your partner are curious
types um, and that would be probably a predictor of
(33:21):
your long term success. Um. And I think I said
predictor in there. So it's time for listener mail. Not quite,
it's time for a message break, okay, okay, And now
it's time for listener mail. Huh No, no, Josh, not
listen to mail. Oh we're going to continue, I believe
part two of what will be three of Okay, Well,
(33:47):
I'm going to kick it off. Are you ready please?
I want to give a big shout out to our
buddy Ryan Flanders over at Mad Magazine for sending us
a ton of great stuff magazines, hats, pins, pins, masks, buttons,
masks and beyond. Like the coolness of that. It's just
the fact that because of our careers, we've been able
(34:09):
to talk to people at Mad Magazine and Uncle John's
Reader and Archie Comics, and like they listen to the show.
It's just like that just totally knocks us out. We
grew up on Mad and continue to read it today. Yeah,
all right, what you gotta know? Just okay. We got
a very delightful letter from a boy named Ethan L.
From Windermere, Florida, with the request for an episode on
(34:31):
Minecraft and the hopes that it will change his mom's
opinion about him playing it. I don't know if we're
gonna do that, but thank you for the letter. U
Physique Body of Tea in Boulder, Colorado sent us. Uh T. Yeah,
it's delicious. It's weight lost tea. That's nice. Yeah, I
thought you've been looking more spelled than usually. Well you know. Uh,
we got a c D and vinyl of the album
(34:53):
We Build a Fortress on short notice by the band's
self evidence. It's awesome. Thank you very much, guys. Uh yeah.
And on the music tip um, the La La band
sent us their CD Moonshine Still and the Deathbillies Yeah,
they sent us a packet. They do metal mashups of
jukebox country classics. It's pretty cool. I didn't listen yet.
They're pretty cool that they gave us cool buttons to Okay,
(35:16):
so thank you definitelys um. We got a nice letter
written in cursive from Larry Nina's Ninus. That's what he
even spelled out how to say at Ninus. He lives
in Lagrange, Georgia, and he was prompted by our episode
on memory and possibly synaesthesia. He had some good theories. Uh.
Katie Center sent us a nice handwrite letter, and she's
(35:37):
doing something really cool called the Letter Project, where and
she sends a letter to someone who inspires her and asked,
what are you pursuing in your life? And how do
you know when you've gotten there? And she sent us
that letter, and Katie, the answer is, we're pursuing podcasting
excellence and we uh, we were never gonna arrest like
we we've not gotten there because there's still many more
(35:59):
things to explore or and the beat goes on here
and stuff. You should know. It's the curse and the
gift of perfectionism. That's right. Let's see, we got a
wedding invitation from Savannah and Jonathan mazel tov H. Sarah
Yakawanas sent us some cool graphic posters. I found those.
We did get those, yeah. Um. And she has an
(36:19):
Etsy shop at Takawana's Quilling dot etsy dot com and
that it's t A K A w O n I
s quilling dot etsy dot com. And they're really neat.
I like graphic posters. I like how you say here.
Last thing too. Um. We got a postcard from the
Trinity Nuclear testing site in New Mexico from our friend
Billy ray Cyrus, and another associated one from Van Nostrin.
(36:44):
Really yeah, send us a couple of postcards, so thank you, buddy. Um.
And we got a book from Thomas Trask. He sent
his book Prism Colin Shadow of the Fates. Nice weet,
a lot of Colin's in our book titles here. That's
the thing I guess is if you have a lot
to say, I guess so you throw the colon in there.
So thank you, thanks to Thomas Traps for that. We've
(37:04):
got an anonymous note suggesting we do something on lactose intolerance.
Thank you anonymous right uh. Postcard from Antarctica from Liz
and Dan from San Francisco who went there on their honeymoon.
Congratulations nice. Um. We got some postcards from Christina Bennett
(37:25):
Australia road signs, operation and Enduring Freedom Afghanistan postcards, some
odd postcards. Thank you? Cool you anymore? Uh? Do a
few more? I don't out? Okay? Um. We got some
picture links and a nice letter from Adam Purves. He's
the chief happiness officer of happiness plunge dot com and
(37:46):
go check it out. Do you remember when we talked
about gross national happiness, we asked about people who dropped
out to like just go pursue their own happiness. That
the happiness Plunge. Yeah, happiness plunge dot com. We got
downloads of Jazz Animals, Independence, Louisiana by Burke and Graffia.
You can check those out. Nice those tracks. Um. We
(38:06):
got a Georgia Tech the Club T shirt from J T.
Getter remember him? Yeah? That was very nice. And we're
just kidding about food and Georgia Tech. Kind of kidding.
And I'm going to do one more and then we'll
save the rest of the next time. We got a
letter suggesting meditation as a topic from Rob Hollerbach. Holler
(38:28):
Back I used to meditate. Yeah. Yeah, I'd like to
get back into it. It was nice, okay, Jerry landed
that for some reason it was nice. Uh. Well that's it.
That's for that's administrative details. Yeah. Part two or three
we'll finish up and then um yeah, I'll split these
up between us next great. Okay, So if you want
to send us something, you can get our address out
of us by tweeting two S Y s K podcast.
(38:51):
You can join us on Facebook, dot com, slash stuff
you Should Know, Uh, you can send us an email
to stuff Podcast at the Scary dot com and seriously,
come check out our website. It's really neat. Uh. It's
called stuff you Should Know dot com. For more on
(39:11):
this and thousands of other topics. Is it how stuff
works dot com m
Welcome to you Stuff you Should Know from House Stuff
Works dot com. Hey, and welcome to the podcast. I'm
Josh Clark, There's Charles W. Chuck Bryant, and this is
Stuff you Should Know good podcast. Right. How you doing man?
I'm good? And well how are you the same? A
(00:25):
little tired? Yeah, yeah, um, but other than that, I'm
doing pretty good. Man. There's a lot of stuff going
on to day with this topic. Yes, marriage, Chuck, you know,
I am married, you're married. We're married, but not to
one another. Uh, that's true. And in the state that
we live, and we couldn't even if we wanted to. Yeah,
(00:47):
and this this is probably gonna touch on same sex marriage, um,
a decent amount because it's in the news, and hey,
it's marriage too, right, so we're not going to ignore it.
But it's not necessarily just about that. It's about just
marriage as a whole. Right. Everybody call this one how
same sex marriage works? Yeah, exactly, But now maybe we
(01:09):
cannot do that one if we cover it in this one.
You know what I'm saying, how same sex marriage works. Yeah.
I feel like we're going to cover it enough in
this it's pretty straightforward stuff. Um. Well, let's talk about marriage,
all right, Okay, Um, Really, if you boil the whole
thing down, it is, as far as the government views it,
very very very very very unromantically. It's basically a legal
(01:34):
contract between two people, and therefore there are legalities that
you have to go through, and as a result of
going through this this legal process, you are endowed with
certain legal rights. That's marriage. That really is though, And
it's like, I draw a distinction. I don't think it's like, oh,
(01:56):
it's unromantic to call it that, because that's what it is.
It's a difference between a marriage in a lifelong relationship
with somebody that now that's romantic chuck, Yeah, I mean
that's where the romance is. The marriage is just some
official way of recognizing that, right Okay. So um, and
I would imagine it's not just it's not just the
um desire to be, you know, to have your relationship
(02:18):
recognized in that same way that it's a lifelong commitment legally,
but also to get the benefits as well as one
of the those are two probably very big reasons that
same sex couples want to be legally married or allowed
to legally married. Um. So, since it's a legal process, chuckers. Um,
all things start with an application. All legals processes start
(02:41):
by filling out an application. And marriage is no different. Yep,
you gotta get that license. You got to apply to
get that license. And uh here and uh, Emily and
I went to Decatur. It was the sign on the
wall was marriage and gun licenses. We thought was kind
of funny. Yeah, get both in the same one stop shopping.
Uh Uh. But each state has its own uh laws
(03:04):
regarding everything concerning marriage, especially the world not especially, but
the first of which is the license and application process.
How old you got to be? All that stuff varies
from state to state, it does. And um, until very recently, Uh,
Alabama allowed kids as young as fourteen. I believe they
(03:24):
were the youngest state. It says in this article that
there was kids as young as age twelve. I think,
is that right? I think so. But that I think
that was like only with like a court order or
a court permission, like like a pregnancy or something. I
don't know, well that that's that's one of the surprising
(03:44):
things is in Georgia, UM, if you're under eighteen, uh,
you have to present a birth certificate. And I think
your parents have to be present, both of them unless
the unless the bride to be is pregnant, and then
all rules go out the window. Yeah, most states that
allow it under eighteen. The parents have to sign off, right,
and there has to be like some reason. But like
we said, it varies from state to state and it
(04:06):
would take two hours to go over all that. So
if you're interested in getting hitched in your seventeen, look
it up on your state's website. You don't want to
go over to state by state. Do you remember the
the dude from UM Lost and then he was in
one episode of X Files. I can't remember his name.
Which guy from Lost? I don't remember. I didn't watch Lost.
(04:28):
I just know he was on Lost and he married.
He's like pushing fifty forty something and he married a
sixteen year old girl. Uh yeah, and they were gonna
they were sending themselves up. I believe to have UM
a reality show or whatever. But her parents signed off
on it. I remember like that. There was a big
it was a big news story. Remember that too. They
(04:48):
moved to Nevada, or they went to Nevada to get married,
which is not um uncommon. I understand to move to
a different state. No, to go to to go to
Las Vegas to get married. Sure, yeah, people do that.
So no matter where you are, you fill out this application,
you pay a nominal fee. Uh, and then after your ceremony,
(05:11):
you get a certificate that says you're married. Here's proof,
show it to whoever you like. Yeah. Sometimes you need
a blood test. We did not need one here in Georgia.
But that's what you always kind of hear, the old
fashioned thing, like go down and get your blood test
and get married. Yes, but make sure you are disease
free and not cousins. That's right. Is that what it's
for to to check DNA? No, okay, I don't think
(05:34):
they have the equipment to do that. I didn't think
so either. Uh. And you can get married by a
varying like a bunch of different ways. Um, you can
get married by your best friend if you want to,
as long as they get certified online as able to
do that, which is what we did with our father
in law, just to make him part of the experience.
That's stepfather and my stepfather, the one in Ohio. Yeah, yeah,
(05:58):
they're all in Ohio. But yeah, so chuckers, now that
now that you're married. Um, according to federal law, you
are eligible and open for I think thirty eight federal benefits.
Is that still correct? Yes? Is that part of doma? Um,
(06:19):
I'm not sure if that's a specific part of doma,
but it's it's probably a part of many different laws,
you know, if there's a plus, but it's it's all.
This is all specifically federal level. Yeah. Yeah. So for example,
and we'll talk about DOMA in a minute. Yeah, I
believe we should so. Um. For example, if if Emily
(06:40):
is in the hospital, you have a legal right to
go visit her. That's right. I can even make medical
decisions on her behalf, that's right, unless she has a
living well right, which we would do together anyway. Um.
You can get benefits if you're a federal employee. Um.
You can get inheritance rights, property rights sometimes even if
(07:01):
there's no will. Yes, you me can take out a
life and ensures policy on me and it's legal. Yeah.
Tax benefits of course of being married, you can file
that way. Um. You can receive Medicare, Social Security, Disability,
veterans benefits if you're a spouse, legal spouse. Yes, you
can immigrate your spouse to the United States, Yeah, more
(07:24):
easily at least. Yeah, if I killed somebody, Emily could
visit me in jail, that's right, and then prison right
as my spouse, and I would imagine depending on the state,
there would be conjugal rights as well. Yeah, definitely. So
those are just a handful of the eleven hundred entitlements
that you gain. You don't want to go over all
(07:45):
of them. If they have a list, I'll do it.
So yeah, there there are a lot of good reasons
to be married. You can also file jointly, so you
get a tax break there. Um. And in addition to
like the legal benefits, there's been tons and tons and
tons of studies um on marriage that show that, like,
(08:06):
there's actually psychological physiological benefits to marriage. People people happily married,
I should say, um, not just married, Like there's a
key to it. You have to be happily married. They
tend to live longer live um, they two parents, a
married parent household, um tends to produce more stable, well
(08:28):
adjusted kids that do better in school. Yeah. True. Yeah, well,
I mean there's tons and tons of studies, but it
doesn't necessarily relate to same sex or opposite sex it's
just married parents. Um happened to do that statistically, that's right.
So what else? Uh, Well, people are getting married later
and later. I think everyone recognizes that. But um to
(08:51):
the tune of people born from n to ninety nine
of men and women were married by and compared that
to last year, where the average age of marriage was
twenty eight point six for men and twenty six point
six for women. And basically there hasn't been a year
(09:11):
since the nineteen fifties where the median age has not
gone up. She's going up and up and up and up. Yeah,
And you would assume that it would have continued to
go up and up and up prior to the nineteen fifties.
But what's really interesting is in eighteen ninety the average
age that a man got married was twenty six, and
it declined um down to the nineteen fifties and sixties
(09:33):
when it reached its lowest level, lowest age, which is like, um,
like twenty two or something like that, and and then
it started to go back up, which is very odd,
and it did it for men and women because you
would think in you know, olden times, you get married
at age twelve, you know, so people were getting married
at maybe sixteen for a median age, but it was
(09:55):
more than it was older than than people were in
the fifties when they were getting married. So the fifty
might might have just signified some marital boom. Maybe. I
guess people decided that, Um, they were not interested in
pre marital sex. They just decided that. Um have we
(10:16):
covered polygy? We did a full podcast on podcast even
need to mention that. That's what I thought when I
was reading this, I was like, wait a minute, this
this reeks of something familiar. Um, but that is a
type of marriage. Um, And I guess go listen to
that podcast on Did we call it plural marriage or polygamy?
I'm sure we talked about it as plural marriage, but
(10:37):
we called it how polygamy works, right, And I guess
the very condensed form of this is that it is
officially condemned by the Mormon Church these days, although an
estimated thirty to sixty thousand polygamus still uh well, I
guess still practice polygamy. Uh. So there are other types
of unions these days. Um. There are are civil unions,
(11:00):
domestic partnerships in regular old fashioned marriage, and a civil
union entitles same sex couples the same legal rights as
marriage and benefits. So that's you know, like you said,
after two things, the benefits and just the common recognition
among their peers, like I'm just like you and I'm
(11:21):
married just like you. Or in this case of civil union,
UM would only give you the rights and not the
badge of marriage. Right. And there's nine states where you
were civil unions are permitted for same sex couples. That's right, UM, California,
New York City, Maine, and the District of Columbia, I
believe allowed domestic partnerships for same sex couples. That's right.
(11:44):
And actually, UM, one of the one of the big
um same sex marriage cases that's before the Supreme Court
right now is a little old lady who UM lived
with her partner for decades and because she has a
domestic partnership under New York lause, she didn't not to
pay any tax, she didn't have to pay any inheritance tax.
(12:06):
But she got slapped with like a three hundred and
nine dollar federal inheritance tax because the Feds don't recognize
their domestic partnership. And that was that's one of the
cases of Supreme courts hearing right now, Well, you can
get full on same sex married as of December of
two thousand twelve in Massachusetts, Connecticut, Iowa, Vermont, New York,
(12:28):
New Hampshire, Maine, Maryland, Washington State, and the District of Columbia,
and that is full same sex marriage like outright. And
at the same time, thirty eight states have laws banning
outright same sex marriage. So people are really drawing the
line on this issue in this country. Yeah, well it's
(12:48):
pretty polarizing issue to say the least. Like I have
one stat things are changing of people in a same
sex marriage and then last year, so that drop in
fourteen years. You know. In researching this article, I've really um,
(13:12):
I really it's yeah, I've really found out that we
were a radically different country than we are today. Like
socially speaking, we are really really different. There was a
lot of stuff, a lot of laws that passed and
a lot of mentalities that were like supported legislatively that
(13:33):
just don't make any sense today to a lot more people,
you know, like doma sure the idea that that passed,
and like this kind of the meanness behind it is
is it's just well, I guess it's being picked apart
right now, right, Yeah, The Defensive Marriage Act um define
marriage as only a legal union between one man and
(13:54):
one woman as husband and wife. And uh. Bill Clinton
famously signed that and has been sort of changing his
story like every four or five years since then on
why he signed it, because people kind of pick home
and out, like Billy Dude of all presidents, why did
you sign it? Um? In ninety six he said a quote,
(14:16):
I have a long I have long opposed governmental recognition
of same gender marriages, and this legislation is consistent consistent
with that position. And then in two thousand eight he said,
all it said was that Idaho did not have to
recognize a marriage sanctified in Massachusetts. That's pretty good, Quinton.
So he basically was like, hey, listen, man, all I'm
(14:37):
saying was it was left up to the states, which
was a bit of a reversal. And then in two
thousand nine he said, well, you know the reason I
signed it was I thought the question of whether gay
should mary should be left up to states and too
religious organizations, and that if any church or other religious
body wanted to recognize gay marriage, they ought to. So
this is a bit of a he's saying it's being
(14:59):
spun as him coming out as like anti gay uncertain levels,
and he's saying, no, no, no, you're rewriting history in
a different way. What it really meant was let's just
federally say this and let the states decide. But that's
a pretty glim interpretation of DOMA. From what I understand,
it basically removes states rights. And that's one of the
things that the Supreme courts looking at now too, is DOMA.
(15:22):
Is DOMA unconstitutional? And one of the ways that the
the pro same sex marriage lobby could actually harm itself
is if the Supreme Court decides to look at DOMA
as the state's rights issues and kicks it back to
the states, then all of these bands will be upheld
rather than just saying no, it's it's unconstitutional because it
(15:45):
bans marriage effectively between same sex people. So that's I mean,
it's not as it is the state's rights issue in
a way, but not in the way that Clinton is
saying it. It doesn't allow states to kind of make
up their own mind. Uh. I think Clinton is trying to.
I don't think he's super proud of it now, and
I think he's sort of been backtracking ever since and
(16:07):
on reasons why he supported it at the time. And
you know a lot of Congress people have come out
since then and reverse their their statements on it, saying,
you know, I've evolved in my thinking to this point,
and I now think we should look into it more
at least and not necessarily like fully in support of it. Um.
(16:27):
But there are eleven countries if you're wondering what's like
around the world, like all across the country you can
get married if you're same sex, like Argentina, Belgium, Canada, Denmark, Iceland, Netherlands, Norway, Portugal,
South Africa, Sweden, and Spain. It is a federal Uh,
it's legally allowed federally. So let's you know, say what
(16:50):
you will about that. We want to get married, go
to Spain. Um, moved to Spain. You don't have to
like go live there because if the United States whouldn't
recognized or Netherlands, that's an explice. South Africa, we've talked
about that. Um. Yeah, But I mean I think most
people who want to get married who are of the
same sex want to stay at home. She just want
(17:13):
to get married at home, you know. Um, this is uh,
and you're talking about a UM, I guess, being allowed
to be married in an entire country. There's been a
couple of attempts to ban UM same sex marriage as
an entire country in the US, but have been unsuccessful,
like make it a constitutional amendment. Yeah, and that has
(17:37):
not happened now. So in addition to domestic partnerships and
civil unions, that's when I find interesting the reciprocal beneficiary
relationship UM, which was Hawaiian state law and I guess
it was kind of done away with in favor of
civil unions in two thousand eleven or twelve. But basically
it's it's it grants you the right of a married couple,
(18:02):
but it doesn't necessarily mean you're a couple in the
eyes of the law, unless you say we're a couple
it UM. It so like brother and sister can can
be a reciprocal beneficiaries UM and aunt and her nephew
or whatever. It doesn't mean you're a couple. It means
that like you can make legal decisions for one another,
and it's for people who are like dependent on on
(18:24):
one another living situations, that kind of thing. So don't
be super creeped out by that when you and sister
and stuff like that. Uh, do you got anything else
on same sex marriage? Oh? Um, no, I guess that's it.
I'm very interested to see what happens. It's the civil
rights issue of our age, and that's what a lot
(18:44):
of people are arguing, Like, dude, let's just learn from history.
Do we have to go through the same steps every
time we do this? Um with allowing people rights, finally
giving them the rights that you know everyone will in
the future eventually agree they should have and should have
had all along. Um. But apparently we have to go
(19:04):
through at the same struggle every time for each group
before they get their rights, their civil rights that are
afforded everybody, whether it's the African Americans sitting where they
want on a bus or women voting. Um. Yeah, it
seems like this pops up every now and then in
this country, where people say, hey, wait a minute, I
don't have the same rights as that dude over there, right,
(19:25):
and why not? It's very interesting, it is, and I'm
sure like we're going to get a lot of listener
mail about this. Yeah. Well, you know, we're just putting
it out there. This is what certain people think and
that's what other people think. Yeah, I guess, And luckily
we live in a country where you can voice those opinions.
So before we move on to other parts of marriage,
let's take a quick little message break. Let's do it,
(19:54):
and now we're back with more marriage. Yeah wow. Um
So Chuck one of the ones that I've always heard
of his common law marriage, and I was doing a
little research on it, and it doesn't make much sense
to me. I don't understand, like, apparently its origins where
that's what marriage was like two people just kind of
shacked up and they were viewed by society and the
(20:16):
law as married. And then the the church insinuated itself
by saying, no, there's no more clan to stying marriages anymore.
You have to do this publicly and declare, you know
that you want to be married, and there's got to
be a priest and let's you know, maybe maybe you know,
somebody's gotta be there, so let's have a witness or whatever.
And that that's kind of like the rival of common
(20:37):
law marriage. And and as it's become more and more
um prevalent, common law marriage is kind of fallen into
the waistide. Well don't you just have to shack up
for seven years? No, that is a myth, yea, everyone
always says, I always heard that, Yeah, and I think
that's just a common misconception. Um. If you want to
be uh common law married, you actually have to present
(20:59):
as a married couple. You have to change your last name,
file joint tax returns, basically kind of really live as
if you're married, not just live together and fight over
where to go to dinner. Right, you know, it probably
wouldn't hurt to contact your local probate court and file
something like saying, hey, we're married. Okay, as far as
you're concerned, we're married. We're common law marriage. Now, this
(21:20):
only works if your state recognizes common law marriages, and again,
fewer and fewer states do these days. Um. In some states,
if your common law marriage was around before the nineties,
certain dates in the nineties, it would be grandfather then
Georgia being one of them. Right, Yeah, if you were
common law married in Georgia before January one, you're still
(21:44):
common law married if you still are nice and the
states also don't. Um. We we joked about the seven
year thing, but there is no set time in any
state that you have to live together to present yourself
as common law man and wife, although I don't you know,
I don't know that you would do that after you
just moved in together. But hey you can if you want. Well,
(22:06):
you know, um talking about moving in together, there was
a study that recently found that more and more people
are living together before marriage um or instead of marriage.
And also apparently one of the reasons we were talking
about the marriage age increasing, one of the reasons they
think that people are putting it off more and more lately,
(22:28):
especially millennials, is due to college debt. How sad is that? Okay,
So I'm broke, so I'm not gonna get married, like
I can't afford to get married right now. That's that's terrible.
I don't say what does it cost you though, I
don't get that. Well, I mean, you've got to get
a ring, and there's got a I mean, there's just
certain things to it. I guess that certain costs. Yeah,
(22:52):
I guess it depends on what you're looking for out
of your wedding, in your rings and things like. It
doesn't have to be expensive, you know than half to
just these college kids these days, I don't know, have
no money to get married. Give them some advice to
just get married, don't get a cheap ring and get
hitched at the courthouse. So okay, so um. As far
(23:13):
as shacking up goes, more and more people are doing it. Apparently,
between two thousand and six and two thousand and ten,
almost half of UM, straight women ages fifteen forty four
said that they have lived together with somebody who they
weren't married to. And of gay women, Yeah, I have
(23:34):
another stat here that said from nineteen eighty two, Uh,
it is quadriple the number of people, and this is people.
Percentage of women choosing to not get married and just
cohabitate has gone from three to eleven percent. And um,
what does this all mean to staying married? We're staying
(23:56):
together not a lot. The divorce rate has hovered pretty
close to for quite a while. He goes up a little,
goes down a little, but um hasn't gone down some.
It's gone down a little bit, but it's never like
some enough of a stat to like, you know, rewrite
the record books. You know, it's always close to fifty.
(24:17):
It seems like. Um, And then they found all sorts
of interesting things. Um, among women, there was a fifty
two percent chance that a first marriage would survive for
twenty years, and fifty percent of men their first marriage
would survive for twenty years. Oh and another interesting thing.
They found that, um, your marriage is more likely last
(24:39):
if you went and graduated college. Huh So seventy eight
percent of women with at least a bachelor's degree made
it to their twentieth anniversary as opposed to what was that?
So that's a pretty big yeah. I wonder what the
the explanation is for that. Uh, I don't know. Maybe
it takes a certain amount of tenacity to through college,
(25:00):
and maybe it takes a certain amount of tenacity to
stay married. If you have kids going into the marriage
with someone else, Um, you have less of a chance
to stay married. Thirty um of women marrying a man
who already had kids made it twenty years. So, but
if you have kids after you get married, you have
a higher likelihood of staying together. Yeah. So having your
(25:23):
own kids good, marrying in two kids bad. Yeah, but
then's having your own kids is one of the um,
one of the leading reasons that people stay together. Um.
Apparently there's also couples who drink together um tend to
stay together more especially um if they drink about the
same amount. Make sense. UM. Couples who have I ran
(25:46):
across this two thousand eight study UM from the University
of Denver. Couples who have fun, which fun is defined
is basically spending time together UM free of financial, family
or other stresses. Okay, UM, they tend to stay together longer,
which makes a lot of sense. Basically, if you go
on dates with your spouse, you will stay together longer.
(26:08):
And religion also plays a part. Percentage of married women
you say religion is important six and a percentage of
married women who say religion is not importants And interestingly,
it's about ten percent less for men on both uh
saying religions important religions not. Women just care more than
(26:28):
the number. One UM. I guess indicator that people will
stay together, not necessarily in marriage, but that like as
a couple UM is shared curiosity. Remember we did how
curiosity works years back. One of the one of the
indicators that our predictors sorry that a couple would stay
(26:50):
together was that if both of them were curious people
about the same things or this period just in general. UM.
And and it's like beat out religion, UM. All these
other shared things that you would think that would you know,
keep two people together, you know, make them attracted to
one another. But it was shared curiosity, a love of
(27:11):
just being curious, as long as it's not curious about
like I wonder what it be like to have sex
with that woman? Precisely, it's bad curiosity, right, Yeah. So
since you brought that up, Um, you sent another article
on how stuff works. That was pretty interesting that Molly
Edmonds wrote about the seven year itch. Did you check
(27:32):
that out? So basically the seven year which is this
idea that after seven years people get bored with their
marriage and they divorced or the stray or whatever, um.
And there have been studies that have found that seven
years is actually like a a significant moment in the
average marriage, and that a lot of them do end
(27:53):
up dissolving at this point. Right. Yeah. I think the
median age in the US is seven just over seven years,
so that would suggest that this old yarn is correct.
But it's actually possible that it's even less than seven years.
That it's that there's an indicator that um, at four years, uh,
(28:14):
marriages start to go I guess south. Um. And there's
an anthropologist an evolutionary anthropologist named Helen Fisher who had
a pretty good idea of a pretty cool explanation or
yeah I thought it made sense, go ahead, level it. Okay, Well,
she said that basically, back in our earlier evolutionary age,
(28:38):
took took took took um took took's era. Uh, four
years was about the time that a couple would spend
together conceiving and raising a child, and then it was
time to do it again, and they typically did it
with other people right spread the seed. So that so
Fisher's basically pressing the point that we are evolutionarily hardwired
(29:02):
to um to not last in a monogamous relationship owner
in four years, which is a pretty depressing idea, especially
if it makes sense um. But she also points out
that there that being aware of this or understanding this
possibility can let you guard against it. Oh yeah, that
makes sense. Like keep your marriage exciting, have fun with
(29:25):
your spouse, go on dates with your spouse, you know,
and you can you know, beat that for year, seven
year itch or whatever. Just don't like research that stuff.
Come up with your own stuff, is what I say.
What research like? There's gazillions of articles like how to
keep your marriage spicy. And it's just I encourage you
(29:46):
not to read those If you want to spice super marriage,
just try some things on your own. Don't read Red Book.
I I don't know. Man. If Red Book helps and
read Book helps, it's our mata, al right, So you know,
go ahead read those articles and they'll tell you to
You know what did they say. Oh they all say
things like it's all like sex based usually Uh, actually
(30:09):
that's not true. They're talking about Cosmopolitan, not Red Bus.
Be more active with your husband and get him out
hiking and then dress up as a French maid every
once in a while. It's just like, I don't know.
I mean, if those articles help you, then it's all
well and good. I take it back. Um, well, you
were saying like that what to do, like go out
(30:29):
on a hike or something like that. This This study
from two thousand and eight from the University of Denver
pointed out that, um, when you go out on a date,
you should be aware that your spouse may not have
the same idea of what a date is that you
do depending on your sex. Like for women, haven't going
on a date is like a chance to have an
intimate conversation just basically friend time, close time, whereas like
(30:52):
the dude is more prone to think a date is
like going to a movie or going to a baseball
game or something like that that you do together and
you're on a date and you're sitting next to another
and like you lean over and kiss and everything, but
you're both watching the game. You just watch the game, right,
you know, so you you I guess again, an awareness
(31:12):
of that will probably get around any weird situations where
you're just like, we went on a date, how are
you not happy? Yeah? This good point. I found that
sporting events I get kind of chatty though, Well, you
would be a perfect date, you know, Yeah, Emily, you'll
go to baseball games. But like literally the only time
it took her to a Falcons game, she brought magazines.
(31:33):
That's funny. People around me were like, so pissed. That's
a waste a ticket. You means like a perfect woman
in that, Like we'll go into shows or something like that.
She doesn't like, she's not chatty during shows, especially like
a concert. Yeah, like you know when you're at a
concert and it's like they're playing the music and just
see him, then somebody just wants to talk to you
the whole time. Yeah, maybe it's not like that. It's
(31:54):
pretty awesome. Yeah, I'm always right next to that person. Whoever,
the most obnoxious person in any crowd is. I will
be no more than five ft away from there. I
feel like I am. But I've tried to installed the
new policy in my life. I used to just get upset,
and because I'm non confrontational with strangers, I would just
sit there in my blood would boil. Whereas there's three
(32:15):
ways you can go about it. You can do that.
You can confront the person, say hey, would you mind
keeping it down? I would never do that. But the
third option I've discovered here in my forties just move. Yeah,
unless you're like in a reserve seat, I just go
stand somewhere else. It's just not worth it for me. Yeah,
that's a good chuck. Yeah, And I found that that
I'm all of a sudden not obsessing over this loud
(32:36):
person next to me while Steve Mountainous is telling a
nice story on stage. Uh. And I just avoid the
drunkest people in the room. That's good. It's always a
good motto. Yeah, Uh, what else you got? I got
nothing else? Cool? We did. We did how marriage works?
Marriage good? Agreed? Yeah. Uh. If you want to learn
(32:57):
more about marriage, there's like a whole channel on most
there a sub channel or something on the site. I
believe if you want to learn more about marriage, get married,
because if you're gonna learn everything you need. Yeah, it's
like immersion learning through immersion. Um. You can also type
the word marriage into the search bar at how stuff
works dot com if you and your partner are curious
types um, and that would be probably a predictor of
(33:21):
your long term success. Um. And I think I said
predictor in there. So it's time for listener mail. Not quite,
it's time for a message break, okay, okay, And now
it's time for listener mail. Huh No, no, Josh, not
listen to mail. Oh we're going to continue, I believe
part two of what will be three of Okay, Well,
(33:47):
I'm going to kick it off. Are you ready please?
I want to give a big shout out to our
buddy Ryan Flanders over at Mad Magazine for sending us
a ton of great stuff magazines, hats, pins, pins, masks, buttons,
masks and beyond. Like the coolness of that. It's just
the fact that because of our careers, we've been able
(34:09):
to talk to people at Mad Magazine and Uncle John's
Reader and Archie Comics, and like they listen to the show.
It's just like that just totally knocks us out. We
grew up on Mad and continue to read it today. Yeah,
all right, what you gotta know? Just okay. We got
a very delightful letter from a boy named Ethan L.
From Windermere, Florida, with the request for an episode on
(34:31):
Minecraft and the hopes that it will change his mom's
opinion about him playing it. I don't know if we're
gonna do that, but thank you for the letter. U
Physique Body of Tea in Boulder, Colorado sent us. Uh T. Yeah,
it's delicious. It's weight lost tea. That's nice. Yeah, I
thought you've been looking more spelled than usually. Well you know. Uh,
we got a c D and vinyl of the album
(34:53):
We Build a Fortress on short notice by the band's
self evidence. It's awesome. Thank you very much, guys. Uh yeah.
And on the music tip um, the La La band
sent us their CD Moonshine Still and the Deathbillies Yeah,
they sent us a packet. They do metal mashups of
jukebox country classics. It's pretty cool. I didn't listen yet.
They're pretty cool that they gave us cool buttons to Okay,
(35:16):
so thank you definitelys um. We got a nice letter
written in cursive from Larry Nina's Ninus. That's what he
even spelled out how to say at Ninus. He lives
in Lagrange, Georgia, and he was prompted by our episode
on memory and possibly synaesthesia. He had some good theories. Uh.
Katie Center sent us a nice handwrite letter, and she's
(35:37):
doing something really cool called the Letter Project, where and
she sends a letter to someone who inspires her and asked,
what are you pursuing in your life? And how do
you know when you've gotten there? And she sent us
that letter, and Katie, the answer is, we're pursuing podcasting
excellence and we uh, we were never gonna arrest like
we we've not gotten there because there's still many more
(35:59):
things to explore or and the beat goes on here
and stuff. You should know. It's the curse and the
gift of perfectionism. That's right. Let's see, we got a
wedding invitation from Savannah and Jonathan mazel tov H. Sarah
Yakawanas sent us some cool graphic posters. I found those.
We did get those, yeah. Um. And she has an
(36:19):
Etsy shop at Takawana's Quilling dot etsy dot com and
that it's t A K A w O n I
s quilling dot etsy dot com. And they're really neat.
I like graphic posters. I like how you say here.
Last thing too. Um. We got a postcard from the
Trinity Nuclear testing site in New Mexico from our friend
Billy ray Cyrus, and another associated one from Van Nostrin.
(36:44):
Really yeah, send us a couple of postcards, so thank you, buddy. Um.
And we got a book from Thomas Trask. He sent
his book Prism Colin Shadow of the Fates. Nice weet,
a lot of Colin's in our book titles here. That's
the thing I guess is if you have a lot
to say, I guess so you throw the colon in there.
So thank you, thanks to Thomas Traps for that. We've
(37:04):
got an anonymous note suggesting we do something on lactose intolerance.
Thank you anonymous right uh. Postcard from Antarctica from Liz
and Dan from San Francisco who went there on their honeymoon.
Congratulations nice. Um. We got some postcards from Christina Bennett
(37:25):
Australia road signs, operation and Enduring Freedom Afghanistan postcards, some
odd postcards. Thank you? Cool you anymore? Uh? Do a
few more? I don't out? Okay? Um. We got some
picture links and a nice letter from Adam Purves. He's
the chief happiness officer of happiness plunge dot com and
(37:46):
go check it out. Do you remember when we talked
about gross national happiness, we asked about people who dropped
out to like just go pursue their own happiness. That
the happiness Plunge. Yeah, happiness plunge dot com. We got
downloads of Jazz Animals, Independence, Louisiana by Burke and Graffia.
You can check those out. Nice those tracks. Um. We
(38:06):
got a Georgia Tech the Club T shirt from J T.
Getter remember him? Yeah? That was very nice. And we're
just kidding about food and Georgia Tech. Kind of kidding.
And I'm going to do one more and then we'll
save the rest of the next time. We got a
letter suggesting meditation as a topic from Rob Hollerbach. Holler
(38:28):
Back I used to meditate. Yeah. Yeah, I'd like to
get back into it. It was nice, okay, Jerry landed
that for some reason it was nice. Uh. Well that's it.
That's for that's administrative details. Yeah. Part two or three
we'll finish up and then um yeah, I'll split these
up between us next great. Okay, So if you want
to send us something, you can get our address out
of us by tweeting two S Y s K podcast.
(38:51):
You can join us on Facebook, dot com, slash stuff
you Should Know, Uh, you can send us an email
to stuff Podcast at the Scary dot com and seriously,
come check out our website. It's really neat. Uh. It's
called stuff you Should Know dot com. For more on
(39:11):
this and thousands of other topics. Is it how stuff
works dot com m
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