Ep. 30; Online Dating With Expert Erika & Judging Our Dating App Profiles

Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:14):
Personally listening Feldsman.

Speaker 2 (00:18):
After Valentine's Day this past week, I decided it would
be fun to do a post Valentine's episode about dating apps.
I'm bringing on dating coach and truly a dating app expert, Erica,
to share her no nonsense ways to dating in today's culture.
Then I'm bringing on my good friend Jamie to share
a little about our dating app experiences and what our

(00:39):
dating profiles look like.

Speaker 3 (00:41):
And potentially judge each other for them.

Speaker 2 (00:43):
So let's get down to some love business. Erica, thank
you so much for joining me.

Speaker 3 (00:55):
How are you?

Speaker 1 (00:55):
Thank you? I'm good. I've been really excited to talk
to you.

Speaker 2 (00:58):
You know, I've been following you on Instagram for a
while now, and I just love what you are doing.
I love it everything that you're doing on Instagram. It's
this no nonsense dating advice, which I feel like we
need more of.

Speaker 3 (01:11):
So amazing. Just what you're doing is amazing.

Speaker 1 (01:14):
I really appreciate that I was saying to someone earlier today.
It's like most of my advice is pretty common sense.
It's like, if you don't know ask say the thing
that's on your mind. But when you're dating, it's really
easy for common sense to go out the window because
we have such a narrow view of things and we're
so in the situation that we can't see anything outside

(01:35):
of it.

Speaker 2 (01:36):
Well, and honestly, common sense is just hard these days.
We all have a different version of it and.

Speaker 1 (01:40):
It's not common Actually, maybe it's like uncommon sense.

Speaker 2 (01:44):
I was just having that conversation the other day where
it's like, you know, we just really don't have common
sense anymore. So sometimes being reminded of the very small
things is so important.

Speaker 1 (01:54):
Absolutely, absolutely, I appreciate the compliment, so thank you.

Speaker 3 (01:57):
Of course. Now let's get into it.

Speaker 4 (01:59):
Let's dating.

Speaker 2 (02:01):
You talk about dating apps all the time because most
people are on dating apps, so we're.

Speaker 3 (02:05):
Gonna start with a very hot topic.

Speaker 4 (02:07):
Though.

Speaker 2 (02:07):
Do you think we need dating apps or can we
meet people in real life?

Speaker 1 (02:12):
Oh? We need dating apps because look, it's like, okay,
had TikTok actually been removed, once you get used to
having a thing in your life, it would have been
very hard. I don't do TikTok, so I didn't really
it didn't affect me, but it would have been really
hard to go back to a life where something you
know exists no longer exists. And so maybe pre twenty

(02:38):
twelve when Tinder came out, I would have said, what
is this new fangled? Absolutely not, But now that it's here,
it has actually provided a crutch, for better or for worse,
so that people are not as good at approaching people
in person, and so without the dating apps, many couples
would not meet. So yes, we need them.

Speaker 3 (02:57):
Oh I love that. I think that's a good perspective
to have.

Speaker 2 (03:00):
Now with the dating apps, though, has come, as you mentioned,
our lack of ability to connect with people.

Speaker 1 (03:06):
That's correct, which is I don't think that's just with
dating apps. I think that's with technology in general. It's
with everyone you know, behind their screens all the time.
I mean, I'm on the subway and I just watch
everyone playing their candy crush and reading whatever, and it's
like no one interacts anymore. Has nothing to do with
the dating apps. I think it's just the day and
age we live in.

Speaker 2 (03:24):
Yes, absolutely, And to your point, it has created a
little bit of a crutch. You're like, well, I don't
have to go outside of my house and go meet anybody.
I can just sit here while I'm watching a movie
and swipe left.

Speaker 1 (03:34):
And right exactly. I mean you eventually hopefully meet the
person in real life. That is the point. But yeah,
it has become easier and harder in many ways. Easier because,
like you said, you don't have to get dressed, you
don't have to put on pants. Harder in that because
the dating apps are so prevalent in society, you have
to one try harder to stand out, and two we'd

(03:56):
through more people.

Speaker 2 (03:58):
Yeah, you know, I was on the phone with my
mom earlier today and I was talking about I am
on the dating apps, so I am a perfect specimen
for this episode. While I was talking to my mom,
and I had a few first dates in the last
few weeks, and She's like, well, how.

Speaker 3 (04:14):
Are they going? Where are we looking?

Speaker 2 (04:15):
And I said, honestly, I don't know that we have
much prospects. I could be wrong, but the way that
it's looking, this is what it is.

Speaker 3 (04:22):
And it really is all about.

Speaker 2 (04:26):
Going through the experience and meeting people and understanding what
you like and what you don't like.

Speaker 1 (04:31):
Yes, and it's about putting in the time and energy
and effort to doing the online dating apps. Well. I
think unfortunately a lot of people think they're too good
for it. I shouldn't have to put in the work.
I shouldn't have to do it. It should be easy. It
should go nothing in life is Nothing in life that's
actually important is easy. You know, if you get laid off,
you're not going to just like put together a crummy

(04:53):
cover letter and resume and then send out a few
and be like, oh, well it didn't work because I
won't have a job. Like So, why is it that
people think it should be so easy? I would say
choosing your you know, life partner is perhaps more important
than choosing your next job. So I think most things

(05:14):
in life that are important take time, energy and work.

Speaker 3 (05:18):
Yes, say very money they do.

Speaker 2 (05:21):
And you know, I also pay attention to I was
telling her that it's very important to me with intention.
We were talking about the filters of going and being
on a dating app now and I want you to
kind of talk through this with me and share your thoughts.
So it's very important to me when I go to
somebody's profile, did they take the time to fill it
out where I'm actually learning stuff about them?

Speaker 3 (05:43):
Are they showing.

Speaker 2 (05:43):
Pictures that accurately represent their life? Are they sharing correct
information about who they are?

Speaker 3 (05:50):
That's flter one.

Speaker 1 (05:51):
This is all just the filter, and that's all normal
stuff you should be looking for. Yes, Because I always
say lazy profile equals lazy dat. If someone writes no
words or like a word for each prompt, they're not
invested in this. And then later you're gonna wonder why
the conversation's not going well, of course it's not.

Speaker 3 (06:09):
Yeah, they're showing you who they are, so you're having
to be negative, But like.

Speaker 2 (06:12):
Come on, yeah, you know you're They're showing you this
is the type of person there, and that's.

Speaker 1 (06:16):
Exactly this is what they're investing in this. And that's
fine for them, it's not for you.

Speaker 3 (06:21):
Yes, So that's step one.

Speaker 2 (06:23):
Then step two is when the matching happens. I'm and
I'm always paying attention. I don't want to. I don't
have the time or energy to be twenty different people's
pen pals. So are we going to sit here and
at least get to know each other for a little bit,
and then it's going to evolve into a real date
situation where we're gonna meet in person. That's the second
fil term paying attention too.

Speaker 1 (06:43):
Yes, And a lot of people will just beat around
the bush or want to be pen pals, and some
it's because they never want to meet, and some it's
because they don't know when the appropriate time to ask
somebody out is. Because for every person out there who
wants to meet sooner, there's another out There's there's like
alter ego, you who wants to chat for two once,
which is ridiculous. And then there's someone at the other

(07:07):
end thinking, well, I just asked the last person out
within a week, and that person said no, that's not
long enough. So now they're waiting too long to ask
the next one out, even though she's the person who
wants to meet sooner. And it's just like, no one wins.
And so that's why I give a lot of scripts
in what I share about how to move things along. Like,
for example, if you're talking to someone for too long
and you're like, okay, well it's good to move on.

(07:29):
You can say one of a few things. You could
just simply ask if they want to meet. You could
also say I'm enjoying our conversation. Where should we go
from here? Or that was a really good question, maybe
easier to chat in person. Any of those should lead
to a date. If it's going to lead to a.

Speaker 3 (07:46):
Date, yes, that oh gosh, I'm so happy you say that,
because the.

Speaker 2 (07:51):
Pimpelling thing is what's super frustrating on dating apps, because
you get on there with great intentions, when the constant
pimpelling happens, you get very frustrated. Why do you think
it is that people find themselves in this kind of
rotating pin pal type situation?

Speaker 1 (08:08):
Again, I think most people are generally clueless. They don't
know how to how or when to transition from that
conversation to the date, and so if I can do
anything to help people speed that up, I certainly will.
I don't think people have I don't think i'm in general,

(08:30):
I don't think people have some nefarious intentions to just
waste your time on it. Some people do. Sure, some
people are doing it for that validation. Oh look at me,
I'm still desirable. But I never want to meet these people.
Oh I'm just out of a relationship. I don't actually
want a date. I just want to make sure people
still like me. Yeah, of course there are some people
out there like that. But on the whole, I think
people generally do want to meet and they really just

(08:52):
don't like. No one taught this skill in school. It's
a new skill, and so people really just don't know.
So I would say, give the benefit of the doubt.
That's why you're going to use your language to try
to get it closer to a date, or just ask
yourself and then you know from their answer, because they
could either just not answer you, in which case there's
clearly no date. They could ignore your suggestion of meeting,

(09:14):
in which case they either didn't understand or have no
interest in meeting, or they could grab it and run
with it. You win either way because you know exactly
what your next step is.

Speaker 3 (09:24):
It's the basic skill of communicating, which it is.

Speaker 1 (09:26):
But but again, maybe it's not basic, maybe it's not common,
Maybe it's not basic.

Speaker 2 (09:31):
Yeah, you also have this step which I love and
I've incorporated into my dating and it's been super helpful
to find who really is a good communicator.

Speaker 3 (09:39):
Is the ask two questions and then make a statement.

Speaker 1 (09:42):
Oh my god, yes, So tell everyone about it in
case they don't help.

Speaker 3 (09:45):
Well, I want you to tell them you're the expert.
You came up with it.

Speaker 1 (09:48):
I mean you you nailed it. So okay, So let's
have a mock conversation. So we are on a dating app,
we match and send me a message what would you
ask me whatever anything?

Speaker 3 (10:01):
I don't care.

Speaker 2 (10:01):
Hi, Erica, what are your favorite genres of food?

Speaker 1 (10:07):
I love Italian and tie?

Speaker 3 (10:09):
Oh that's really exciting. What's your favorite place in town
to go to?

Speaker 1 (10:15):
Uh, there's this place called Regent Tie. I really like.

Speaker 3 (10:18):
Oh that's really good. We did it.

Speaker 1 (10:22):
We did it. That was the exercise. So exactly what
we did here. You're engaging me in conversation, and I
am shutting it down at every turn by not asking
you a question back, even an and you and you
would be anything, would be so easy. And so my recommendation,
I call it two qs, two questions in a statement.

(10:43):
So you ask question one what type of food? I
gave a statement, Italian and tie. Question two, oh, do
you have any favorite places? I gave a statement Regent Tie.
And then you're not going to keep asking me questions.
You're not my interviewer here. And but the reason I
do have you sort of that last message in a
statement is because I never ever want anyone to accuse

(11:05):
you of ghosting them or not answering. And so we're
simply closing out the conversation with a statement. Sounds great,
sounds delicious, yum yum. I love pad Thai, I don't care.
So ninety percent of the time the conversation was done anyway,
and you're just sort of shutting the door. They already

(11:25):
shut the door. You're just like putting the deadlock on it.
Ten percent of the time the other person will come
back and ask you a question because they go back
to the conversation realize there's nothing to talk about, Realize, oh,
I didn't ask a question. Half of that ten percent
will be how's it going or how's your day, which

(11:46):
is a non starter.

Speaker 3 (11:48):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (11:48):
You know how many conversations I've had where it's been
how's your day? Oh, it's great, Okay, cool, mind.

Speaker 1 (11:53):
I don't even ask my friends, like I love my friends,
I don't send daily how's you I don't care. I
want to say I don't care. I care, but like
we don't care, we don't care. I'm not asking a
general how's your day? Like I'll ask if they did
the thing that they told me they were gonna do
mm hmm. But how's your day is just so boring,

(12:16):
especially if your profile is filled out really well. There's
a million other things you can ask, So I'm not
saying discount someone immediately if they ask how's your day,
give it one shot. I wouldn't do it's good, how
about you, because like that's going nowhere. But you could say,
you know, it's really good. I surprisingly had the most
delicious canole today, how about you? They'll either say okay,

(12:43):
when you ask someone how their day is, I'm sorry,
I can't shut up about this. When you ask someone
how their day, I did have a canola, which is
why I'm like probably sooped up on sugar, they either
say work, relaxing, or laundry. It's like all people say.
So if you give them a lead in with the
cano and they take it and ask about desserts or
say something of relevance, Okay, maybe it'll turn into a conversation.

(13:06):
Maybe it won't.

Speaker 2 (13:07):
No, that's really helpful advice because it is we get
in this kind of monotonous way of doing things where
somebody's asking how your day, you're responding you ask how exactly?

Speaker 1 (13:15):
It's so boring. And then another piece of advice is
don't eat a two day old cannoli that's been in
your fridge because it's it's not that good, you know,
I say, it was very soggy.

Speaker 2 (13:28):
I feel like that could be also a start of
your fun fact that is going to turn into an
actual fun fact when they don't have a real fun
fact on their profile.

Speaker 3 (13:37):
And I love that.

Speaker 4 (13:38):
Get to that.

Speaker 3 (13:40):
Those are my favorite things to watch every time. You're like,
this is not a fun fact.

Speaker 1 (13:44):
Random fact I love is sunshine. No. No. A fun
fact I'm obsessed with is microphones.

Speaker 2 (13:54):
I just can't oh the amount of times I've seen this.
I'm like, that is not a fun fact.

Speaker 1 (14:00):
Comprehension people, anyway.

Speaker 2 (14:02):
Yeah, so let's talk about the profile, like when you
set up a good dating profile versus one that's not good.

Speaker 3 (14:08):
Give us the good one, give us the bad one.

Speaker 1 (14:11):
Okay, Uh well, I always keep a representative sample on
my phone of good ones. So I'll read you a
Hinge one right now. Perspect here's a good one. It's
it's with my information. I just keep it on my
phone to read. I geek out on This is on
hinge where we have three prompts. A geek out on puns.

(14:33):
Oh well, okay, you'll see puns, ping pong, speakeasy slash,
bourbon omakase like sushi, push ups, Broadway musicals, crosswords, and
a well placed ellipsis like a dot dot dot. Yeah, okay,
there's so much what I call message bait in there
that you can start a conversation on. I'll fall for

(14:54):
you if the idea of telling each other the minutia
of our day, like what we ate for lunch and
putting our dates in a Google calendar sounds like the
epitome of a romance too.

Speaker 2 (15:05):
There's what I'm really sensing here is detailed because tale
inviting questions, it's inviting a conversation.

Speaker 1 (15:11):
Lastly, and this one's interactive. Do you agree or disagree
that riding the subway is actually fun? Locks on a
raisin bagel is a revelation? Please don't argue with me.
Socks are to be worn to sleep.

Speaker 3 (15:25):
Okay, yeah, so hot topics there, you're like not abating them.

Speaker 1 (15:29):
Any hot takes? Like today, someone wrote I was I
was on a call with a guy, and a woman
had written, Oh, it made me so angry. She wrote,
do you agree or disagree that Tom Hanks is a
zero out of ten? I was angry, so I told
him to write he is at least a five out
of ten, and if you count big, he is a

(15:50):
ten out of ten.

Speaker 3 (15:52):
But see look at that.

Speaker 2 (15:54):
It starts this great conversation that say, isn't how are
you well?

Speaker 1 (15:59):
Exactly? And so if you've taken the time to fill
out your profile and someone gives you how are you again,
I'm not saying completely say no, but it does tell
you something about their laziness.

Speaker 3 (16:10):
Yes, there is this piece that Again.

Speaker 2 (16:12):
When I was talking to my mom, I said, I'm
really paying attention to how they're going about planning a date.

Speaker 3 (16:17):
The first one doesn't have to be alive. We're just meeting.

Speaker 2 (16:19):
We're exercising an opportunity to get to know each other
in real life. But past that first date and we
continue a second, a third, and down the line. I'm
paying attention to how you're planning a date because if
you can't plan a date, you can't plan a relationship.

Speaker 1 (16:31):
You can't people. Yeah, people say that. I would say, like,
everyone's planning styles are a little bit different, so you
can sort of push someone into the kind of kind
of planning you want. Like if they say, is there
a spot near you that you like and you really
prefer that they plan, you can say I would love
for you to surprise me, or I would love your

(16:53):
recommendations that's positive reinforcement, but also explaining to them how
you want it.

Speaker 3 (16:59):
Yeah, that's really good. Also, you have so many good tips.

Speaker 2 (17:02):
This is also why I follow you on Instagram because
it's just great to again back to the no nonsense.
You're just cutting down this questioning of so many things
that's happening in the dating world.

Speaker 1 (17:13):
We question ourselves to our death right, or we could
just go on dates. And like, my whole thing is,
I don't even care if people do online dating like
I think most people should. What I do care is
if you're gonna do it, I want you to do
it well because I get frustrated, honestly. I mean, I'm
on zoom calls all day with clients and I have
them share their screen with me, and I see what's
going on, and I get frustrated when I see you

(17:36):
just not using it well, like passively or ignoring good people,
or like saying no to or swiping left on people
who seem great. For Oh, I didn't like one, I
didn't like the background, I didn't like that chair, come on,
you know, And I see this all the time, and
that's what frustrates me. So I just want to make

(17:56):
sure people are using the tools as best they can.

Speaker 2 (18:01):
Something that you said in there kind of struck my
attention to lead you into this. So when somebody matches
with you, like say you like somebody's photo, but they
don't say anything, They just like your.

Speaker 3 (18:12):
Photo to match, who do you feel like?

Speaker 1 (18:15):
Starts that conversation you And when I say you, I
mean anybody. So it is lazy that most people will
just we're talking about on Hinge here, when people just
like a photo and don't write anything. I advise everyone
who works with me and everyone who follows me to
write a message. Clearly. However, I can't get through to
the world and most people are lazy. So what I

(18:37):
recommend is, you got six pictures on hinge. I'm sure
you've seen this, write yourself what I call a Hinge
cheat sheet. Okay, for every photo you have posted on hinge,
write a little canned message that has to do with
that picture that you can then send to start the conversation. So,
for example, let's say you have a picture of yourself
in front of a podcasting microphone. Someone likes that picture

(19:00):
and say, you don't have to tell them you host
a podcast. If you don't want to, you could say, like, oh,
any guesses what I'm doing ted talk or podcast that
would be you know, or stand up whatever, anything like that.
You have a picture of you at a winery again
I'm making this up. Oh thanks for the like that
was actually at a winery in Virginia. Ever, you know,

(19:23):
have you ever been something quick and easy that starts
the conversation. It's still a tailored message, but it's also
like you can use that message for every time somebody
likes that same picture.

Speaker 3 (19:35):
Well, it's helping them.

Speaker 2 (19:37):
As your Instagram is called a little nudge in the direction.

Speaker 1 (19:40):
Yeah, yeah, because then it'll be very clear because if
you just like someone back, the conversation never starts. I mean,
like most people don't start a conversation. I'd rather you
start it and then you'll know immediately if someone's going
to engage with you or not.

Speaker 2 (19:55):
Yeah, this is this is also good. I keep saying
this is great price.

Speaker 1 (19:59):
Yeah, this is I hope we're recording this.

Speaker 3 (20:03):
It's here for a reason. I can't I can't help it. Now.

Speaker 2 (20:07):
I do want to talk about ghosting. Ghosting is wild.
It is a truly wild West situation out here.

Speaker 3 (20:13):
Yeah, what are your thoughts on ghosting? Let's start there.

Speaker 1 (20:16):
Don't do it. Okay, Here's how I define How do
you define ghosting?

Speaker 2 (20:22):
I define ghosting if I if I haven't met you,
I don't really read too much of an into it.

Speaker 3 (20:27):
A conversation falls off.

Speaker 2 (20:29):
But I do like the respectful as long as there
is a close whether it just be hey, thanks, it
was really great to meet you, into conversation, nothing comes
of it, that's what happened. But if you're actively having
a conversation with someone and there's any inclination that you
may be going out again, yeah, you have to say, hey,
I don't want to go out again at that point

(20:51):
in time.

Speaker 3 (20:51):
Wherever that is in the situation for somebody.

Speaker 1 (20:54):
Yeah, that's I mean, that's pretty much my definition. If
someone makes themselves vulnerable. And when I say vulnerable, I
don't mean like, oh my god, I tell you my
family history. I mean like asks you a question that
requires a response and you don't answer. I consider that ghosting,
not you a collective you. So do you want to
go out again? You have to answer. You owe the
person an answer. That's like basic, that's basic.

Speaker 4 (21:18):
I mean.

Speaker 1 (21:19):
Even worse is you've been out a number of times
and you ask a question and the other person doesn't answer.
That's horrible. You know, there has to be some acknowledgment.

Speaker 2 (21:31):
Well, because then it creates the cycle effect too, because
somebody gets ghosted, then they're going to go somebody else
because this is how it was handled this way, It's
like the cycle continues to repeat itself.

Speaker 1 (21:40):
I don't know if that's the worst part or it's
more what did I do wrong? I'm going to overanalyze
everything that I ever said and did to this person. Me, me, me,
when it really has nothing to do with you. It's
just the other person's inability to communicate. And so I
don't actually think I wonder if there's a study on

(22:00):
this or if I should do one. I don't actually
think getting ghosted would make someone ghost someone. I think
it would make them think twice about ghosting someone because
it kills. I think it's more it's hurtful because there's
no closure, and you can get over someone if they
tell you no, but it's really hard to get over
someone if they tell you nothing.

Speaker 3 (22:20):
It's true, and I've seen it both ways.

Speaker 2 (22:22):
I've had both experiences where somebody's I personally have been ghosted,
and I make sure that I don't because I've had
that experience. But I've also talked with people who say, well,
they somebody else did it.

Speaker 3 (22:32):
To me, so you know, I'm just gonna do it
to somebody else.

Speaker 1 (22:35):
Yeah, the worst rationale I've ever heard.

Speaker 2 (22:39):
Oh, I'm entirely with you. It's crazy. I feel I'm
not like I know, yeah.

Speaker 3 (22:46):
But it's crazy that it is.

Speaker 2 (22:47):
It goes those both ways, right, and that's ghosting to
me is just such an impersonal way of existing within
the world.

Speaker 3 (22:53):
But it's very common.

Speaker 1 (22:54):
I know.

Speaker 2 (22:58):
How do you handle when somebody is is being ghosted? Say,
put me in the chair, say I get ghosted. Do
I reach out to this person again to trying it closure?
Or do I just accept that the ghosting happened.

Speaker 1 (23:11):
What do you want to do? And how long has
it been? Let's make an actual scenario here.

Speaker 2 (23:16):
Okay, gosh, it's been a minute because I'm an over
communicator at this point my life.

Speaker 3 (23:22):
Make no.

Speaker 1 (23:23):
I mean, I don't mean how long has it been
since you got ghosted? I mean in our scenario, yeah,
how many dates have you been on?

Speaker 2 (23:30):
Like?

Speaker 1 (23:30):
Where are we?

Speaker 3 (23:32):
Say? We've gone on five dates?

Speaker 1 (23:34):
Okay, that's good, and we are.

Speaker 2 (23:36):
Having a great time, The conversation feels like we're headed
to continue doing this.

Speaker 3 (23:40):
The person disappears.

Speaker 1 (23:43):
And you might ask something that clearly required a response.

Speaker 2 (23:47):
Yeah, or at least said hey, like you know, can't
wait to see you again, or excited to see you again,
something that insinuated hey, we are on track to be
able to go out again.

Speaker 1 (23:57):
You usually communicate daily. You can make this up. This
is a fake scenario.

Speaker 2 (24:02):
I would say most people, at least this day and age,
especially with their phones, tend to communicate at somewhat.

Speaker 1 (24:07):
Okay, so it's out of characters what I'm asking? Yes, okay?
How many days go by before you're like, am I
being ghosted?

Speaker 3 (24:16):
Three days? Okay?

Speaker 1 (24:18):
What do you want to do it? Three days?

Speaker 2 (24:21):
I think me as a natural person, I think most people,
especially having been out that many times, would want to
communicate and find out why.

Speaker 1 (24:28):
I agree with you. Unfortunately, a lot of people say
to themselves, well, if they didn't reach out to me,
I don't want to reach out to them. I'm gonna
give the same energy. I disagree with that. I think
the first thing I actually posted a video on this today.
It was exactly the scenario, but it was seven days
I would just check in, just checking in, haven't heard
from you everything? Okay? Yeah, Now if you don't get

(24:51):
an answer to that, I think this is your question.
What do I do? First of all, it's stinks, and
I'm sorry because I hate this shows. Can you even
imagine being in an actual relationship with this person? They
have an issue and just like, what's the equivalent walk
out the door never to return again. That's horrible.

Speaker 3 (25:09):
Anyway, it does.

Speaker 2 (25:10):
Give you an insight into who they are and how
they act in a relationship, so you are better off.

Speaker 3 (25:14):
But I know there's so many people.

Speaker 1 (25:16):
Yes, what do you want to do in the moment,
and then I'll give you my advice.

Speaker 2 (25:23):
I think there's a large part of me that if
I already said hey, I'd like to see you again
and they did it, I think I would just let
it go and try to move on.

Speaker 1 (25:32):
Letting it go is a valid choice. I never let
things go, which could be good or bad. I was
once talking to my mom and she was like, you
need a lot more closure than I do. I'm like,
that's nice, but everyone's on their phone, so like it
was different then, you know, so I generally recommend if

(25:59):
you cannot move passed this without saying something, and that's
an if, because not reaching out is also a valid choice.
I would say something that doesn't brate the other person,
that doesn't ask another question, that doesn't make them tell
you they don't like you, because that's clearly what it is.

(26:20):
They don't like you anymore. I don't know why. Rather,
this message would be solely for the purpose of getting
your own closure and setting yourself free. So it's something like,
I'm not sure why I haven't heard from you since
our last message, or I'm disappointed I haven't heard from

(26:43):
you since our last message. I really enjoyed our five
dates together and was hoping to keep getting to know
each other. I wish you the best.

Speaker 3 (26:56):
Actually enclosure piece.

Speaker 1 (26:57):
Yeah, I sent it to someone today. Let me just
read it what I actually wrote. I'm not sure what happened,
but basically what I just said. But I'm disappointed I
never heard back from you after what I considered. In
this case, it was six weeks. We'll go with five
wonderful dates. I do wish you had kindly let me
know you were no longer interested. Regardless, this will be

(27:19):
my last communication.

Speaker 3 (27:22):
It's respectful, it's honest and it's allowing you to move forward.

Speaker 1 (27:25):
It's not giving them any power. It's saying I noticed,
I don't like it, goodbye. It's not saying why why why?
Because someone told me this analogy and I don't know
where they got it, but I liked it. If a
snake bites you, is your first inclination to tend to
your wound? Or is it to run after the snake
asking why it bit you?

Speaker 3 (27:42):
Obviously not.

Speaker 1 (27:44):
Now you can say curses, snake, I hate you, which
is basically what this text is, but nicer. But you're
gonna tend to your wounds?

Speaker 3 (27:52):
Yeah, and yet we still like to chase after the snake.

Speaker 1 (27:55):
Sometimes, Yeah, you can tell the snake off, but nicely
in this way. I just which is basically like, I
noticed you, snake, I wasn't into it, didn't deserve that
be Well, yes cha, I'm gonna chase a snake. I mean, like,
why did you blame me?

Speaker 3 (28:12):
It's just no, yeah, there, nobody gets anything out of that.
There is no win there.

Speaker 1 (28:17):
So I do like that closure message. I think it's
extremely empowering. You ask two people, one calls it empowering,
one calls it desperate, which I disagree with that's my recommendation.

Speaker 3 (28:30):
But yeah, you know, and you have to go with it.

Speaker 2 (28:32):
I do think there's different scenarios for different things too.
To your point, you're you know, there's sometimes where you
feel you really need to send that message if you
have a really special connection. Other times you're like, well
maybe this wasn't what I thought it was kind of thing,
And I think it depends on the connection that you
have with that.

Speaker 1 (28:48):
Yes, the connection the timeframe. Look in five dates, maybe
you will have slept with someone at that point. That
would hurt way more.

Speaker 2 (28:56):
Yeah, you know, speaking of sleeping with not that that's
the conversation I've headed, but it's getting me in this direction.

Speaker 3 (29:03):
One of your other very strategic things that you tell.

Speaker 2 (29:06):
People is dating NATO, which is not attached to the outcome.
And I've adapted this into my dating and it's been
super helpful because I think I had reached a point where,
you know, you date enough and I've gone on many
dates in my lifetime and I've learned a lot about people.
I've learned a lot about myself. But you do get

(29:28):
to a point where you feel hopeless and you're just yeah,
sometimes yea, yeah, you get bummed and you get tired,
and then you go back up you're like, okay, we're
ready again. Yeah, but having this really has helped me
not kind of go on that rollercoaster ride as much.

Speaker 1 (29:44):
That makes me really happy. That's great. So how do
you I mean, I know how I write it, but like,
how do you interpret that at what? Like in Layman's terms,
what does it mean to.

Speaker 2 (29:53):
You that you go out with someone with the intention
that you would like to meet someone, but you're not
attached yourself to what's gonna happen after that date is over?

Speaker 1 (30:04):
Okay exactly. So many people put pressure on themselves like
is this the one? Is this my future long term relationship?
Is this my future spouse? Is this my future parent
of my future? Trying so much and it's like this
is a stranger. I don't know because when you put
so much pressure on yourself, one, you're not even present
on the date anymore because you're just evaluating this person

(30:26):
against some criteria that they don't even know about. But two,
you're saying, there's only one definition of success. And I
understand that the end goal for many people is that
long term relationship, But to try to backfill this stranger
into could you be my future partner? When you don't
know each other, It's just I don't know, it's counterproductive.

(30:46):
So I'd rather you just meet a new person, see
how you feel about this person, And the only thing
you need to know after a first date is am
I curious enough about this person to go on a
second date? That's about it.

Speaker 3 (30:59):
Yeah, I really love to this.

Speaker 2 (31:00):
This has genuinely shifted, especially just in the dating truly,
because in the dating world for me, I've been in it,
in and out of it for so long that you
do you just you start to get into your habits,
and you start to do things the way that you
think they're supposed to be done. And I feel like
you just bring such a fresh perspective and just truly

(31:22):
thinking of things just so bluntly versus you know, let's
sake here an analysis for thirty minutes.

Speaker 1 (31:29):
Well exactly, I mean it. Yeah, I try to be nice,
but like I do, try to cut through all of
the stuff just to see exactly what is going on.

Speaker 2 (31:38):
Well, it's more helpful than somebody just kind of helping
me beat around a bush call.

Speaker 1 (31:42):
Yeah, I'm paying me to like to be like, Okay,
sweet you know. I mean again, I'm nice. I mean
someone today told me I called her out on something
and then she was like I could tell she didn't
like it, and then she was like, no I needed it.

Speaker 2 (31:53):
I'm like, okay, no, we all we all need that friend.
And you've become that friend for a lot of people.
Oh yeah.

Speaker 1 (32:00):
Being my real friend, though, is always interesting because I
got to keep my big mouth shut because they're not
asking for advice.

Speaker 3 (32:06):
So it is true. You have to be prepared.

Speaker 2 (32:08):
You're like, Okay, I'm just a listener in this situation.
I am not an advice giver.

Speaker 5 (32:12):
Oh.

Speaker 1 (32:13):
I had such a struggle yesterday with something. I don't
even know why I'm bringing this up, but I'm telling
you anyway. So I was at the gym, and I
would call this woman a friendly acquaintance. We're friendlier of
an acquaintances, Like we've gotten drinks before, and she's wedding
planning and I've met her fiance, nice guy. And she
told me, God, I hope she's not listening to this.

(32:35):
She told me they're planning their wedding and it's been
stressful because she wants to get married in a church
and he doesn't, and Ultimately, he conceded and said that
he would get married in the church, and she was
still upset because she wanted him to want to get
married in the church. And she told me that before
class and the whole class, I mean, what else are

(32:57):
you thinking about? I'm like, on the rower, like what
am I going to think of? So I'm thinking about this,
And to me, it was so clear that all he
needs is some appreciation for conceding and doing the thing
he doesn't really want to do, but he wants to
make her happy. And I thought the whole time, I'm like, Erica,
don't say this is not She did not ask your advice, nothing, hm.

(33:22):
But I could tell he'll stress you. I didn't know
what to do. So after class, I said, would you
be open to some advice I have. You can say no,
and she said yes, and I said, okay. I said,
if I am overstepping, tell me to shut up. And
I told her exactly what I just said to you.
I said, I think he's just looking for some appreciation.

(33:43):
And I said to her, he's never gonna want it
like you do, ever. And I made an analogy. I said,
let's say you and I are going to lunch, you
want to go next door, and I want to go
to a place in my neighborhood. And you see, it's
important to me to go in my neighborhood, so you
agree to go in my nihborhood. And instead of being
grateful that you've said, okay, I'll do what you want,

(34:04):
I'm upset that you don't want to come to lunch
in my neighborhood, that you're just going through the motions.
Instead I could just say to you, that's really nice
of you. I really appreciate that. I know it's not
what you wanted, and I think that would bode better
for our relationship. And I still feel weird about giving
the advice, and I still kind of regret bringing it
up because she didn't ask. On the other hand, it

(34:27):
was good advice, So I don't know.

Speaker 2 (34:30):
I think sometimes honestly though, just like your Instagram is,
some people need that push in a direction that they're.

Speaker 3 (34:38):
Not going to think about.

Speaker 2 (34:39):
Yeah, yeah, it is really hard, but again, you didn't
just go in and say that advice, but that would you. Ever?

Speaker 1 (34:46):
I always ask it, and even with clients, even though
they're literally paying me to do my job, I always
say before I say any critique, positive or otherwise about
their profile. I always say, do I have to be honest?
Or if I see something physical I think might be
hurting them. If it's a simple fix that will cost
no money, I might suggest it, suggest it, and I'll say,

(35:09):
do I have permission to make a physical observation? Only
one person in almost fourteen years has said no, and
I didn't.

Speaker 3 (35:19):
But you know they're also not getting their money's worth.
But that's a different story.

Speaker 2 (35:22):
Fair enough, I think you did the right thing in
the scenario, and I think it's hope in the long run,
I do.

Speaker 1 (35:28):
I don't know if I did, but I hope it helped, because,
like I could see how stress anyway. I know that's
a little off topic.

Speaker 2 (35:35):
No, but it's also kind of on because you know,
that is a very great Here's the thing. We all
focus so heavily on the dating and getting on the
date and finding the partner that we almost forget when
we find the partner, how to be a partner.

Speaker 1 (35:50):
Yeah, and like the work's not over, yeah, and it
should be fun. I know work has a bad connotation,
but like you have to maintain, yeah, maintenance mm hmm.

Speaker 2 (35:59):
I want to ask you one more thing before we go,
because it's such a hot topic on social media.

Speaker 4 (36:05):
The ick.

Speaker 3 (36:06):
Oh god, Okay, people get the ick. I'm guilty of it.

Speaker 2 (36:10):
You know everybody has had their moments where they've gotten
the ick on ridiculous or just valid things.

Speaker 1 (36:16):
Yeah, yeah, some are valid.

Speaker 3 (36:18):
Yeah, but how do you feel about the ick?

Speaker 4 (36:20):
What are we doing?

Speaker 5 (36:20):
Oh?

Speaker 1 (36:20):
It's so overused. I'm so tired of hearing about the ick.
Oh my god, did this one little baby thing and
I got the ick? Get over it? Because like, if
everyone gets the ick, there's nobody left. And some are
completely valid, some are like way more than an ick,
some are a red flag, or some are just problems.
But if someone just okay, this is I don't know.

(36:43):
This may have been before you started following me, but
this girl wrote in once and she was like, I
got the ick because he used his napkin wrong. Do
you remember this?

Speaker 3 (36:55):
I've seen the funny ones, but this one was funny.

Speaker 1 (36:57):
It was hilarious, and I had to know, how do
you use a napkinrol? Like I thought, maybe he put
it on his chest like a bib he put on
his head. I don't know, how do you use a
napkin roll? Anyway, she said that he had it rolled
up around the utensils and just like dab dab dabbed
his face without unrolling the napkin, which is weird.

Speaker 3 (37:22):
I'll admit it is weird.

Speaker 1 (37:24):
I thought maybe he was nervous anyway to get the
ick from that. I don't know. I personally in the
moment would be like, you can unroll that, Like that's
my personality, clearly it was not hers or my mom
always taught me you enrolled the dackin, but that to
me is the silliest. Or like someone told me she
got the iick because he had a Superman wallet, and

(37:44):
I'm like, what if his nephew gave it to him
and it's his like prized possession. So we have to
There are ranges of icks, you know.

Speaker 3 (37:51):
There are.

Speaker 1 (37:52):
If you get the ick because someone is rude to
a server, that's not an dick. That's a red flag.

Speaker 2 (37:57):
Yes, very different. We've kind of muddied those waters between
a nick and a red flag for sure. So that's
why I wanted to ask you, because it is listen again.
Some of them are valid, some of them are just
your preferences, and maybe you just say this.

Speaker 1 (38:09):
Is my preference exactly exactly, So what's never? I won't
put you on the spot.

Speaker 3 (38:14):
Oh, it's okay, you, it's.

Speaker 1 (38:15):
Like a funny one. You annoyed you.

Speaker 2 (38:18):
Oh, this is a funny one because it always leads
somewhere else.

Speaker 1 (38:22):
Okay, but I get the ick if i've so.

Speaker 2 (38:24):
Say I'm dating a guy for a while and then
I go to his house and he doesn't have a headboard.

Speaker 3 (38:30):
I know that sounds strange here.

Speaker 1 (38:32):
It does not sound strange. Actually, you want a grown
up with a grown up bed.

Speaker 3 (38:36):
Yes, that's the reason.

Speaker 2 (38:37):
I'm like, if we can't even have a headboard, sir,
I don't know that this is going to work in
the capacity as we keep going down the line. This
is really fun and casual. But that's what your bed's
screaming at me.

Speaker 1 (38:49):
I don't hate that ick.

Speaker 3 (38:51):
Okay, So I'm not bad for that one.

Speaker 1 (38:53):
No, you're not bad.

Speaker 2 (38:55):
But it is a funny one, and it's I've never
I had a guy that I dated for a while
who didn't have one. So it wasn't enough for me
to like not, but it definitely alerted me to say, hmm,
what else do we not have together? Let's pay attention
to the rest of our life. What else are we
not one hundred percent working on? And it just allowed
me to like open my mind and see what else

(39:16):
was going on in his life.

Speaker 1 (39:17):
It's funny, though, because we don't notice our own stuff.
So if he's never had a headboard, he probably doesn't
even notice that he doesn't have a headboard.

Speaker 2 (39:23):
And that's why it can be a controversial itch because
some people just are like, what I don't have No,
you're not supposed to have one.

Speaker 1 (39:29):
We don't notice our own I mean I have one,
but it's neither here nor there.

Speaker 3 (39:34):
Every pretty much every woman I know.

Speaker 1 (39:37):
Yeah, I wouldn't be caught dead sleeping anyway. It doesn't matter.

Speaker 3 (39:42):
So there's mine. That is my controversial one.

Speaker 1 (39:44):
I will it could be way worse.

Speaker 3 (39:46):
It could be.

Speaker 2 (39:47):
I've got I listen, Especially as I've gotten older, I've
you just learned and you experience a lot of things
and you understand people better. And that's part of dating
is experience and understanding the world.

Speaker 1 (39:58):
Absolutely, I totally.

Speaker 3 (40:01):
Well, Erica, thank you so much.

Speaker 2 (40:02):
Is there any last words of wisdom that you maybe
want to share or something that's just on your chest
your heart? You're like, I feel like the people, especially
my single people, need to know this.

Speaker 1 (40:11):
Oh my god, I feel like I've shared all of
my wisdom. What to do? What to do? I don't
want to say no, but I can say no. I
think I'm gonna leave on a high note. I think
this was pretty good.

Speaker 2 (40:21):
Okay, well, Erica, thank you for chatting with me and
talking all things dating again. You are a great follow
on Instagram, so go check her out at a little nudge.

Speaker 3 (40:30):
I personally follow her. She's my dating coach.

Speaker 2 (40:32):
She doesn't even know it, and I utilize a lot
of stuff she said. So thank you again, Erica, just
for being here.

Speaker 1 (40:38):
Thank you.

Speaker 2 (40:46):
On the second half of this podcast, I'm bringing on
one of my newer friends, Miss Jamie.

Speaker 3 (40:51):
Hello Jamie, how are you?

Speaker 4 (40:52):
Hello, Morgan, how are you you?

Speaker 2 (40:55):
When I say newer friends, this is in the last year,
Jamie and I actually became friends. I had started working
out at a new gym called Seven Minutes Fitness here
in Nashville, and she's a trainer there and we.

Speaker 3 (41:06):
Were kind of friends. And then I went through my
breakup last year and.

Speaker 2 (41:10):
Jamie came in and slipped in and was my savior
and made me eat food when I didn't want to
eat for like a week, and then we became best
friends pretty much ever since that moment, which is crazy
because that's only been a couple months. It feels like
I've known you a lifetime at this point of a
lot of the conversations we've had. But it's wild to
me that you're one of my newer friends.

Speaker 4 (41:32):
I know, it's kind of weird to think about.

Speaker 3 (41:34):
I know you've seen me in multiple faces already too.

Speaker 5 (41:38):
I know life's been crazy this past year. I think
I don't even think it's been a year yet. You're right,
just crazy, I know.

Speaker 2 (41:45):
And that's why I wanted to bring you on though,
because you do often give me some different perspective and
we have some very real conversations, especially when it comes
to dating. You've known me as I was dating someone,
when I broke up with someone, and now is Morgan
who's dating people. You've seen me in the three phases
that exist within the dating realm.

Speaker 3 (42:03):
Just not married yet.

Speaker 5 (42:05):
Yeah, it's on the way.

Speaker 2 (42:07):
Yeah, Jamie likes to remind me tell the people a
little bit about you and kind of your dating story,
your background, if you will.

Speaker 5 (42:15):
Okay, Well, it's not super lengthy as one thing, but
I was in a long term relationship out of high
school through high school and then in college or just
kind of had fun, not like that kind of fun,
but I just didn't really get serious with anyone. And
I haven't really been serious with anyone since. So it's

(42:37):
just been me, which is kind of different than most
people can say. I mean, there's been like a few
things where I'm dating them for a little bit, but
I haven't had a long term relationship in a while.

Speaker 4 (42:51):
I'm kind of boring.

Speaker 3 (42:53):
This is why I think it's interesting.

Speaker 2 (42:55):
We have very, very vastly different experiences. So would you
say one really long term relationship.

Speaker 5 (43:02):
For you then, yeah, I mean it's five years, so
it was pretty long.

Speaker 2 (43:06):
And this is somebody that I assume you thought you
were going to marry at one point.

Speaker 5 (43:10):
Oh for sure. Yeah, instantly, you know, in high school,
you're like, I'm gonna marry him, and then college comes
around and life gets crazy for both of you and
you're young and it just didn't work out, which is okay.

Speaker 2 (43:24):
But since then, do you feel like that has had
a reason as to why you haven't pursued dating as
much because of that relationship.

Speaker 5 (43:33):
I mean, it totally could be. I think I've worked
on a lot with myself and maybe kind of tossed
it to the side and what I went through and
just kind of learned about myself after the fact instead
of blaming him, which I think took a long time
to realize that I'm part of the equation as well.

(43:53):
So how am I Showing up in a relationship is
super important and you can point at the other person
in the whole time and say, oh, it's because he
did this, because she did that. I mean, looking inward
is huge, and I think that's maybe why it's taken
a little while and some trial and errors there. But yeah,

(44:13):
I mean I don't it could be it.

Speaker 3 (44:16):
It doesn't have to be, but I assume it is
most of the time.

Speaker 2 (44:19):
When we've gone through something like that, especially spending five
years of time with somebody, you have some things to
work through when that ends. So and now what are
you doing to date? What does your dating look like?

Speaker 3 (44:33):
Now?

Speaker 4 (44:33):
Oh? Morgan?

Speaker 5 (44:35):
So Morgan has pushed me to be on the dating apps,
which I find it funny. I will download Tender Hinge.
I don't have I been on Tender. I've been on
Tender once. I think maybe twice. Bumble is apparently the
good one. Now I'm literally the worst. I get on
there and I like swipe for about ten minutes and
I'm like, what am.

Speaker 4 (44:54):
I looking at? And then just I never go on it.

Speaker 5 (44:58):
I actually downloaded it last because I was like, oh,
there's a hunting convention coming to town.

Speaker 4 (45:02):
That's what Jamie's into, So let's see what's showing up.
You know, I haven't been on.

Speaker 2 (45:08):
This week, So no, you just got on for that
one brief.

Speaker 5 (45:11):
No, Oh am I on there?

Speaker 4 (45:12):
But I'm not on there?

Speaker 2 (45:14):
Okay, okay, And so if you're not using the dating aps,
please tell the people what you are doing to.

Speaker 3 (45:21):
Date then.

Speaker 5 (45:23):
So to be honest, I think I've gone on like
maybe two real dates, like formal dates.

Speaker 4 (45:35):
That aren't like hey, let's go on a hike.

Speaker 5 (45:37):
Hey like to me, like, I feel like a formal
date is showing up for dinner, he picks you up,
or he plans something. Right.

Speaker 3 (45:43):
I'm very old school. We like old school traditional. It's
a good thing.

Speaker 5 (45:47):
I'm a little traditional, So I haven't. I think it's
been about This is so sad to say, maybe four
years since someone has asked.

Speaker 4 (45:54):
Me formally on a date. I haven't gone on a
formal date.

Speaker 2 (45:58):
Here, okay, But to my point of why I've pushed
you to be on dating apps, I think that's why,
because like this is, you are someone to who's in
a gym environment. You also work in photography, like you
do all kinds of things that you're in positions to.

Speaker 3 (46:15):
Meet a wide variety of human beings. My job not
so much.

Speaker 2 (46:20):
I'm around the same nine people every single day and
it's the same pattern. So the only way I put
myself out there is when I'm going out into the
world outside of work, right, So you do have a
leg up there in your work situation, but beyond that,
it's again going out and doing things.

Speaker 3 (46:36):
And I don't feel like people talk to each other
in the real world anymore.

Speaker 4 (46:41):
They don't. And I've been told I have an RBF.
You do.

Speaker 5 (46:45):
I do.

Speaker 3 (46:47):
I didn't think you liked me at first.

Speaker 5 (46:48):
It's true, that's the normal thing, but I mean, I'm
a little soft to you when it comes down to it,
but you gotta kind of crack me open.

Speaker 3 (46:55):
So I think you are, and we did.

Speaker 2 (46:57):
We have discussed this. You have black Cat energy, I
have Golden Retree energy. We very well mesh together.

Speaker 4 (47:04):
You're like bee bright and happy.

Speaker 5 (47:05):
I'm like, well, I don't know about this one, and
yet here we are, here, we are So I feel
like my approach Like this year, I told myself to
be a little bit more approachable, and I feel like
moving to the south from Arizona has made me way
more approachable. My parents are from Chicago, very midwestern. I

(47:26):
was raid Midwestern but raised not raid. But living in Arizona,
the people are different. It's a little more West coast vibe,
La not so much my speed. But coming here, I've
noticed that people are just so nice and everybody is
just kind of like, hey.

Speaker 3 (47:42):
What do you do?

Speaker 4 (47:44):
I like you?

Speaker 5 (47:44):
You look cool, Like it's okay to be like that.
But what I've noticed in the dating realm, like business wise,
it's great dating rom I don't know what it is
with the dudes.

Speaker 4 (47:54):
I really don't.

Speaker 5 (47:55):
And I want, like a nice southern gentleman to just
walk on my doorstep. Oh I'm waiting, which is not good.
I know that's not good. You've told me I need
to be out about.

Speaker 2 (48:04):
But yeah, no, that doesn't happen. Can a test? As
also as somebody who gave my phone number to a
man who ended up on my front porch at one point.

Speaker 3 (48:14):
Can very much attest that they do not show.

Speaker 2 (48:16):
Up on your front porch, and even when they do,
it doesn't quite work.

Speaker 3 (48:19):
Out in the way that you wanted to.

Speaker 2 (48:21):
So, yes, I wanted to show this perspective of just
two different people taking dating approaches in different ways, like
we have very different I'm actively on dating apps and
I'm very intentionally using dating apps, but I also would love.

Speaker 3 (48:37):
To meet somebody in real life.

Speaker 2 (48:39):
However, neither one of us also go up to people.

Speaker 4 (48:44):
I know.

Speaker 2 (48:45):
We've been out together so many times, and we're really
good at perusing, like Miss Reese Witherspoon says, we love
to peruse, but we don't really go up to anybody.

Speaker 5 (48:57):
No, we just get mozzarellistics and sit in a boot
and just talk and leave by eleven.

Speaker 3 (49:03):
Yes, I didn't need to be called out that hard,
But I'm with.

Speaker 2 (49:07):
You, though I'm calling us out, It's okay, we do okay.

Speaker 3 (49:10):
So this is to my point.

Speaker 2 (49:11):
I want to ask you straight up, then you're not
on dating apps actively, you don't go up to people
on your life, how do you feel like you are
gonna go on dates?

Speaker 3 (49:22):
How do you feel like this is gonna happen genuinely?

Speaker 4 (49:26):
Genuinely?

Speaker 5 (49:27):
I you know what's funny is when I do have
the slightest interest in someone, or I'm like, oh, and
I do talk to them. I do actively kind of
you know, dip my toe in with them, and when
they do show up where I work or whatever, I'm like, hey,
and then I found out they have a girlfriend or
they're getting engaged, or I'm the girl they date, and

(49:50):
then we don't work out, and the next girl that
they're with they marry.

Speaker 4 (49:54):
Like it is like to a tea that.

Speaker 5 (49:57):
That's what happens.

Speaker 3 (49:58):
We have a good luck Chuck situation.

Speaker 4 (50:00):
No, I'm not kidding.

Speaker 3 (50:01):
It's so bad, Jamie. Should we date so like then
we can help each other out.

Speaker 5 (50:07):
I don't really know how this works. I need a
duel income for the things I need working.

Speaker 3 (50:13):
I know what I'm saying.

Speaker 2 (50:14):
How do we like reverse engineer that magic of the
good luck Chuck?

Speaker 4 (50:19):
I don't know. I don't know.

Speaker 2 (50:22):
But this is why I want you to to like
genuinely process this as we're sitting here on this podcast
of like, you have to start utilizing the dating apps.

Speaker 3 (50:30):
You have to Yeah, and not in a way.

Speaker 2 (50:33):
That like, I trust me as somebody who I would
love to meet somebody in real life. I would love
to go to a grocery store and we both reach
for it than apple and we're like, oh, you're cute, hey,
can I remember?

Speaker 3 (50:44):
Like, but it doesn't happen. It doesn't happen.

Speaker 2 (50:48):
I've seen cute people at the store and I run
away from them, and maybe they keep people up seen
me and they run away from me. But either way,
it's not happening, right, So we have to change the narrative,
which is what I'm saying. And dating on the apps now,
I say that wholeheartedly knowing that also the dating apps
have not worked for me yet either. And that's somebody
who's been actively.

Speaker 4 (51:10):
You're scaring me. I see how active you are, And.

Speaker 5 (51:14):
I'm like, well, what's happening with Morgan? Like Morgan's out there,
she's like the social butterfly, the Golden triever energy. What
it happens if you put the black cat on there
and the black cat tries that.

Speaker 3 (51:26):
Maybe it works better for the black cat. Maybe the
Golden retriever just likes too many people and wants to
hang out with too many people.

Speaker 2 (51:33):
And then you know she can't really attach to one.

Speaker 5 (51:36):
It took the black Cat matched with a gentleman a
year ago or more, took a year for the black
Cat to meet this gentleman.

Speaker 3 (51:45):
What were you guys doing for a year, just.

Speaker 4 (51:49):
Like come and go?

Speaker 5 (51:50):
And I'm like, wait, I haven't really met this person yet,
so probably she'll get No.

Speaker 3 (51:56):
We can't do that to.

Speaker 4 (52:01):
Jamie.

Speaker 2 (52:02):
Absolutely not. First of all, we don't need pin pals.

Speaker 3 (52:06):
I love I hate pin pals.

Speaker 2 (52:08):
I'm gonna send every pin Pal that comes to me
to you.

Speaker 3 (52:11):
I hate pin pals.

Speaker 5 (52:12):
That's my we're friends.

Speaker 3 (52:14):
Why do you like pin pals?

Speaker 5 (52:16):
I mean, I guess it's just like you kind of
get to know a person like it. Honestly, I just
love friends too, So like getting to write to someone
and like they get to just kind of help you
about their day and it's I don't know, it's.

Speaker 2 (52:31):
Fun, jamielets Okay, I'm not talking about an actual pin
Pal letter thing.

Speaker 3 (52:37):
Okay, that is cute, that's adorable if you can do that.

Speaker 2 (52:40):
I'm talking about a dude who gets your phone number
and you just become pin pals for six months aka
a year.

Speaker 4 (52:46):
But we wouldn't even talk all the time. It was
like nonchalant. It was weird.

Speaker 5 (52:52):
But then I was also kind of seeing someone and
then you know the pattern, so like, it's not like
I put for the effort to him either, So then
it just happened to match up a year later.

Speaker 2 (53:04):
Wait, so then you do like texting pinpals or you don't.

Speaker 5 (53:07):
I don't, Okay, I mean when I like the right,
I was singing like the.

Speaker 4 (53:11):
Right, No traditional.

Speaker 2 (53:12):
I was trying to use a younger person term. Okay,
pin pal like texting pin pals. It is my giant
pet peeve when a man you map with a man
on a dat map and they somehow manage their like, okay,
well let's move this to texting.

Speaker 3 (53:28):
And I'm like, let's also plan.

Speaker 2 (53:30):
A date before we move to the text scene, because
as soon as we get numbers, it becomes this pin
pal exchange for months, and.

Speaker 3 (53:38):
I'm like, what are we doing?

Speaker 4 (53:40):
I don't.

Speaker 3 (53:40):
I don't care. I don't even know you enough.

Speaker 2 (53:42):
To care yet because I haven't met you.

Speaker 3 (53:45):
Heck, I don't even know if you look like.

Speaker 2 (53:46):
Your profile pictures, let alone the fact if you are
actually a real person. So no, I don't want to
hear about your day five times over until I meet you.

Speaker 4 (53:56):
So that's me with the dating apps.

Speaker 3 (53:59):
You don't even want to get to the point of
finding out who they are.

Speaker 5 (54:02):
I mean, they don't put forth that effort right off
the bat. So maybe I'm just like, oh, they're not
asking me out to do anything right away, so I
just don't answer.

Speaker 4 (54:09):
It's just like, Hi, how was your Monday?

Speaker 2 (54:11):
Oh?

Speaker 4 (54:11):
It was good? What do you do? Blah blah blah.
I'm like, Okay, let's get to the point.

Speaker 3 (54:16):
Okay, I agree with that. How are you?

Speaker 4 (54:19):
So?

Speaker 2 (54:19):
I had a dating coach on but before you came on,
and her name's Erica, and she's so blunt and just
so she cuts out the noise in dating and I
love that about her, and she one of the things
she hates is asking how are you? It's the most
stupid in death defying part of a conversation when you're
getting to know somebody.

Speaker 3 (54:38):
So part of that, though, I challenge you, is what's
on your profile?

Speaker 2 (54:42):
Because she also challenged me in this okay, and if
you put detailed stuff on your profile opens up. Now
there's always gonna be lazy people. There's always going to
be lazy matches. There's always going to be attractive men
who don't care, and there's gonna be unattractive men who
also care, and.

Speaker 3 (54:56):
All across the board of the variety.

Speaker 2 (54:59):
Of things you will receive now more often than not, though,
if you have your profile intentionally filled out, you're going
to get better responses and better engaging conversation based off
your prompts. Okay, so do you feel like you've intentionally
filled out your prompts on your dating app?

Speaker 4 (55:17):
No, I'm a dry sense of humor girl.

Speaker 3 (55:19):
That's okay, that's a good thing.

Speaker 5 (55:21):
So I'm kind of like goofy in a way.

Speaker 4 (55:24):
So I'll put jokes we love.

Speaker 5 (55:27):
Yeah, just kind of showing a little bit of my personnel,
like I'm serious, but like I'm not super serious all
the time. I make them so quick. You haven't gone
over my bumbles or hinges?

Speaker 2 (55:36):
Can I see and can we go over I'm gonna hear.

Speaker 3 (55:38):
Will you grab my phone too?

Speaker 2 (55:40):
And we'll we'll look at each other's This will be
really good experience of what we're doing if we can
provide feedback to each other.

Speaker 3 (55:50):
Which one are you on?

Speaker 4 (55:51):
I'm on bumble?

Speaker 2 (55:52):
Okay, I have my hinge profile, so we're like on
different dating apps.

Speaker 3 (55:56):
But this will be good. Okay, you have it pulled up. Yeah,
are you ready?

Speaker 4 (56:00):
We're swapping.

Speaker 2 (56:01):
Yeah, we're okay. I'm gonna go first. You can look
everyone I know, so do you, But I want to
go first. Okay, Jamie's new here, You're always new here.

Speaker 3 (56:13):
It looks like you go in and out of relationships
all the time because you're.

Speaker 5 (56:16):
Like, I know, you probably looks so bad. The guy's
probably seem to go, whoa, now they're failed thing. This
girl's probably crazy, not.

Speaker 3 (56:23):
That far but a little bit.

Speaker 2 (56:25):
Yes, Okay, we love the first We love this picture.
I love this picture.

Speaker 4 (56:30):
Now.

Speaker 2 (56:31):
The one thing I'll say, as I'm gonna go down
as this, I think we need to show your face
in the first photo because first photo is what matters.
The first photo is like all of it combined. Do
you want to show like a full body first?

Speaker 3 (56:44):
You want to like it's just like a first impression,
the first thing. Now, like you're hot.

Speaker 2 (56:49):
I'm intrigued, but I don't know entirely what you look like.
It's also a mistake a lot of guys make because
they put so many freaking pictures of them in sunglasses
and do you know how much sunglasses, change of face, Yes,
so much. Okay, we have very detailed information about who.

Speaker 3 (57:05):
You are, what you're looking for. This is great.

Speaker 2 (57:07):
You should always fill out all of it because that's
how you narrow it down. That's some people fill out nothing.
I'm like, well, I don't know who you are, what
you're looking for. That benefits me zero. You could be
the most attractive person in the world and swipe left right.
Second picture is great. I even think you swap them
again cause you can see your face better. You see
who you are. You're smiling. There's no RBF happening. Correct,

(57:28):
You got to open up a little bit. Your Your
first prompt is my ultimate green flag is no one
lies with brown eyes.

Speaker 3 (57:35):
Okay, funny, Jamie, I'm already looking at the prompts.

Speaker 4 (57:39):
The prompts gotta change.

Speaker 2 (57:40):
I think it's hilarious, but that doesn't tell anybody one.

Speaker 3 (57:44):
They don't have anything to.

Speaker 2 (57:45):
Go off of there besides saying like I have brown eyes.

Speaker 3 (57:51):
And that's literally not gonna help you.

Speaker 2 (57:53):
Low key, I think I am addicted to cheese.

Speaker 4 (57:57):
I feel like I wanted it is blindly fight.

Speaker 3 (58:01):
You were drunk on a Friday night, were like, let me.

Speaker 5 (58:04):
This was Sunday. This was Sunday after the Super Bowl,
after I had takeout Chinese and I was like, I'm
gonna make bumble and put it on airplay on my
TV and just was laughing.

Speaker 2 (58:15):
Okay, so you made this attention of laughing again, lack
of intentionality. I think, low Ki, you're addicted to cheese
is great, but I can relate, and I think a
lot of people can't. But I think you need to
add some more to this, Like you love Mozzarella Stix
and both of our favorite ones are at Ella's and

(58:36):
at Like Side Lounge in Nashville.

Speaker 3 (58:38):
Add that to their like, be like these are my
two favorite places.

Speaker 2 (58:41):
It gives them something to talk about from different places
and potentially somewhere.

Speaker 3 (58:45):
To meet for a first date.

Speaker 5 (58:46):
Okay, to bring up Ella's. You're smart about that one.
I like it.

Speaker 3 (58:48):
We just add some detail. You're not giving them a
lot of room to make a move.

Speaker 5 (58:52):
Because I'm closed off black cat energy.

Speaker 2 (58:56):
I think overall the photos and stuff are good. I'd
swap so you have a really great first image shot
of who you are in the first one. Unfortunately, in
this dating world. What I've learned from Miss Erica all
I'm doing is taking what she's given me and translating
it back to you. Is to make it so easy
to know who you are and what you want and
what you want to talk about.

Speaker 3 (59:17):
Mm hmm.

Speaker 2 (59:17):
It takes out any of the guesswork of dating, and
then I think you have greater chances for success. And
then I think you don't hate the dating apps as much.

Speaker 5 (59:25):
That's true, and that kind of like brings me back
to like what I've feedback I've gotten from dating was
that I was hard to read. They weren't sure, It
wasn't upfront. I'm just kind of like, well, read my mind,
and I guess that is showing that as well well
on paper a little bit.

Speaker 3 (59:43):
A little bit. But also you're not like that as
a person.

Speaker 2 (59:47):
You've had a reason to be closed off, and you've
had a reason in dating to not want to be
open and not have these experiences with people. But this
is where your growth comes into play, and you have
to trust yourself enough to know that you've done the
work and you've done all the right things that you
have to open up to be willing to have any

(01:00:09):
of this happen to you. And you can also because
I know you like more traditional, you can still have
somebody who will put forth the effort and plan things
and do things for you. As long as I put
everything out on the playing field where I'm like, Hey,
this is what I like, this is who I am,
this is what I'm expecting.

Speaker 3 (01:00:29):
I set me and them up for success in a.

Speaker 2 (01:00:33):
Relationship versus me trying to get them to understand. Now,
that's very different than you having to teach somebody something
multiple times over and hoping for a different result.

Speaker 3 (01:00:44):
That's not the same thing.

Speaker 2 (01:00:45):
But I do think there's a little bit in you
that really just wants them to be traditional and make
some moves and do things, which they can, but they
do have to have a little knowledge on you to do.

Speaker 3 (01:00:56):
So, right.

Speaker 4 (01:00:56):
They don't want to go in completely blind.

Speaker 2 (01:00:58):
Yeah, Nobi does, just like you on the other side.
But I know that's hard because of what you're looking for.
But you have to give a little to get a lot. Yeah,
not just I love cheese, No, give them a little
bit more than that, you know, like what kind.

Speaker 3 (01:01:13):
Of and maybe where we can go.

Speaker 2 (01:01:15):
Other than that, you look amazing. I'm proud of you
for being on the dating apps.

Speaker 3 (01:01:20):
I'm there, you are there.

Speaker 2 (01:01:22):
But maybe they're going to help you have a better
experience with the dating apps.

Speaker 3 (01:01:28):
Yes, if you want to.

Speaker 2 (01:01:30):
Yeah, I also support you if you want to keep
trying to find someone to look in real life. But
just given the state of dating, I know it's a
little bit more unlikely to have really great multiple experiences.

Speaker 3 (01:01:43):
IRL give me the breakdown.

Speaker 2 (01:01:45):
You can be ruthless black cat energy.

Speaker 5 (01:01:48):
This isn't anything to be ruthless about. Though you look gorgeous.
I love this picture of you in the red dress.
That Christmas picture.

Speaker 4 (01:01:54):
Is very Morgan.

Speaker 5 (01:01:55):
And then which is worth splurging on? So she has
some questions. A great dinner, a fun experience, A vacation, Yes,
that can say a lot about someone.

Speaker 3 (01:02:06):
Yes you did you know?

Speaker 2 (01:02:07):
Sneakly what I always want them to say, like, really
the correct there is a correct answer in.

Speaker 3 (01:02:11):
There, experience or a vacation. I agree with all of
them in different settings, but vacation is really what I'm
looking for, mostly because it's somebody who's looking at a
bigger picture.

Speaker 4 (01:02:20):
Oh okay, I see that point.

Speaker 2 (01:02:22):
There's not really technically a wrong answer. They could say
all of them if they have a good reason, then cool.

Speaker 5 (01:02:27):
Biggest risk I've taken taking a brand new jeep off
roading was zero experience and getting stuck within the first
five minutes to ten would do it again, my girl, because.

Speaker 4 (01:02:38):
It is the TV of now.

Speaker 2 (01:02:39):
No, it was one that I got loaned for the weekend.
Oh no, and I got stuck in a track rad
to full.

Speaker 5 (01:02:45):
As because then he's like, oh, I could help you
with that?

Speaker 4 (01:02:50):
Is he enough?

Speaker 3 (01:02:51):
I've had that. I've had those responses.

Speaker 5 (01:02:53):
Guess where this photo was taken? You strutting it in Europe?
Is that in Barcelona?

Speaker 2 (01:02:58):
I look like a world traveler and they're all from
the same time where you literally do it's the fits.

Speaker 5 (01:03:02):
It looks great and it like if he's looking through
your profile intentionally, he would select vacation.

Speaker 3 (01:03:07):
Then mm hmmm, so that's good. See he pays attention
hidden Easter eggs. We like a man that pays attention
and is intentional.

Speaker 5 (01:03:14):
My simple pleasures Patatas Patatas, piatas bravas on a weeknight
hiking at sunset with my dog Coco Dulche chocolates.

Speaker 3 (01:03:24):
Yeah you got it.

Speaker 5 (01:03:25):
Helping animals get adopted and binging a show while ordering
takeout from multiple places. Yeah, he could select one in
your set.

Speaker 2 (01:03:33):
He could go on in the avenue there now, granted
you are looking at my dame profile. After I did
this interview with Erica that we had earlier, I went
back and added details. So I had some of those prompts,
but they were much less detail.

Speaker 3 (01:03:47):
I did not have a lot to them.

Speaker 2 (01:03:48):
They were kind of like quick answers, a lot like yours.
I just edited my refreshened it up two weeks ago.

Speaker 5 (01:03:54):
So I feel like my plainness and maybe you can
relate to this is kind of I've always had a
fear of talking too much or sharing too much, and
like they just don't care. So I feel like I
channel that when writing about myself because I'm like, oh,
they just don't they don't care, Like I don't want to.
I don't want to overdo it. I don't want to

(01:04:15):
overstep because I was constantly told it's too much, like
leave me alone, like whatever, like that kind of energy back.
So I feel like I have that sort of fear
to do that. So seeing this, I'm like, oh, but.

Speaker 3 (01:04:28):
This fear, it should no longer exist. It's it's valid
that you have it because you've been told that.

Speaker 2 (01:04:34):
I've been told that you know how many times I've
been told them too much, or what I'm looking for,
I'm asking for too much.

Speaker 3 (01:04:39):
Or et cetera.

Speaker 2 (01:04:40):
Go on, hm, but you're not. Nothing about you is
too much. If anything, what you're going to do is
filter through the person who's going.

Speaker 3 (01:04:48):
To tell you that you don't want right.

Speaker 2 (01:04:51):
Wouldn't you rather know right across the bat that that
person is not somebody that you want to be with,
versus getting four or five dates in and you're like, oh,
I'm too much for this person. Yeah, And I feel
that I've gone on dates with guys where I'm like, well, dang,
they're not interested in what I have to say, and
they love to talk about themselves.

Speaker 3 (01:05:09):
It's lovely, but this is not for me.

Speaker 2 (01:05:12):
Yeah, And you will pick up on that, and that's
what helps you find that again, back to the dating.
Very intentionally, you're crossing people off who cannot handle you,
and you aren't too much. You are literally not too much.
I don't know who else needs to hear that out there,
but nothing about you is too much. You are exactly
who you are supposed to be.

Speaker 5 (01:05:33):
Keep showing up, you should, and you're a.

Speaker 3 (01:05:36):
Great human being. And what you have to say matters.
What you care about matters.

Speaker 2 (01:05:41):
I hate that there's people out there as partners who've
made both of us feel that way, and a lot
of people feel that way. But just because you're too
much for somebody doesn't mean you're not going to be
just the right much for the right person. Yeah, so
don't forget that and don't let that sway.

Speaker 3 (01:05:58):
You and changing your pup. But it makes sense.

Speaker 5 (01:06:01):
That that's yeah, you hold back a little bit.

Speaker 2 (01:06:04):
And it's funny that, like you looking at mine made
you like kind of click that because.

Speaker 5 (01:06:09):
I know like your experiences and it's pretty similar in
both realms, so it's like, oh, we'regan sharing all of this. Yeah,
so I'm like, huh okay, I love this, Like it
makes me think like, oh yeah, that's totally her, and
then if someone were to read that, it makes it
easier to understand the person as well.

Speaker 2 (01:06:27):
So mm hmm okay, So what do you think give
me a a my new profile? I think it's great
you haven't roasted me at all. Can you roast me
at at least a little bit? I feel like I
deserve it from you. You're not giving very black cat.

Speaker 3 (01:06:39):
Energy right now. You're giving me, my golden retriever.

Speaker 4 (01:06:41):
This is my true self.

Speaker 2 (01:06:43):
I know this is your true self is a podcast,
it is.

Speaker 4 (01:06:47):
My true form.

Speaker 3 (01:06:48):
Everybody.

Speaker 4 (01:06:50):
Don't let the front fool you.

Speaker 2 (01:06:52):
But you do also roast me, and you keep me checked.
You really do keep me, You keep me aligne.

Speaker 5 (01:06:57):
I do think you've taken a bigger risk than a
off roading. I do think there's being true. But it's
a great conversation starter.

Speaker 4 (01:07:06):
So that's why I can't roast it. That's just you.

Speaker 5 (01:07:09):
I'm asking you to open up more there. But like
that's your profile.

Speaker 2 (01:07:12):
Yeah, but that's my fair that's honestly the only one
I can come up with.

Speaker 3 (01:07:15):
That kind of makes me look cool, but not really cool.

Speaker 2 (01:07:18):
It's cool that I wanted to do it, but it's
like not cool that, like I couldn't do it. I
do wish I had a little bit more sillier photos
or stuff. You know something I've really realized across my
friendships and stuff, really, honestly, until our friendship, you're the
first person who really actively takes we take impromp two
photos of each other.

Speaker 3 (01:07:38):
But I've never really had that in a friendship before.

Speaker 2 (01:07:41):
I just don't know that any of my friends really
cared enough in the same way, Like you and I
both love taking photos.

Speaker 3 (01:07:45):
That's just something we like to do.

Speaker 2 (01:07:47):
So we take just funny photos of each other all
the time, versus despite like just asking like, hey, can
you take a.

Speaker 3 (01:07:54):
Photo of me? We just do it. Yeah, And this
is the first friendship where that's happened. So I don't
really have what I wish I have was more like
kind of.

Speaker 2 (01:08:02):
Impromptu, like silly, goofy photos when I'm truly my alter
ego because she's a riot, she's great, are my first?

Speaker 3 (01:08:10):
Always done that for me.

Speaker 5 (01:08:11):
We have a whole summer coming up to build this.

Speaker 3 (01:08:13):
We do hot girl summer? Is that gonna be a
thing again. I don't think I have the capacity for
another hot girl summer.

Speaker 5 (01:08:20):
I don't even think last summer was a hot girl summer.
I honestly can I admit. I think I blacked out
last year. I did so much last year. When I
think of like summer, I'm like, wow, that was two
years ago. No, honey, you haven't even reached a year yet.

Speaker 2 (01:08:34):
And I got to the point where I was like,
I can't do this anymore, Jamie, I'm tired.

Speaker 3 (01:08:38):
And it wasn't that I didn't want to have with you.
I was like, I can't be out in the world anymore.
I seen say no to all kinds of things I know.

Speaker 4 (01:08:44):
And then I.

Speaker 3 (01:08:45):
Started going on dates again. I was like, I hate dating.
This is horrible. I literally would text me be like
I have a date, FMN.

Speaker 4 (01:08:51):
No track me.

Speaker 5 (01:08:53):
So I'm like, I get up atfore in the morning
to work out, and I'm just like, I wake up
in the middle and I was like, where's Morgan.

Speaker 4 (01:08:59):
You good?

Speaker 3 (01:09:00):
Okay? Like I haven't had a four night a hot minute.

Speaker 5 (01:09:05):
We've been boring lately. Halloween fall had a wild.

Speaker 4 (01:09:09):
Hair, we had feral fall.

Speaker 3 (01:09:10):
Yeah, it was feral girl fall. It was so good.
But then Christmas we weren't even a feral We really weren't.
It was fun to say that we were.

Speaker 4 (01:09:18):
But we're all talk guys.

Speaker 3 (01:09:21):
I think I've slowed down a lot.

Speaker 2 (01:09:22):
I mean, even again, just going on a few days
from the dating apps.

Speaker 3 (01:09:26):
I've been on quite a few and I'm just tired.
I'm so exhausted. Yeah, I can't keep up with it.

Speaker 4 (01:09:32):
My fear.

Speaker 5 (01:09:33):
See, Morgan, I live through you and I watch you.

Speaker 4 (01:09:35):
I don't live through me.

Speaker 3 (01:09:36):
I need somebody else. To experience when I'm experiencing.

Speaker 5 (01:09:40):
Having been the youngest sibling, I've always watched what my
older brother would do. And then when I have like
friends that are doing other things, I'm very intentional with them.
I kind of experience and watch like, yeah, it's not
for me.

Speaker 4 (01:09:54):
I don't want to go through that.

Speaker 2 (01:09:55):
We are very different variations of the youngest child. We
are both youngest. You like sit and observe.

Speaker 3 (01:10:01):
I would watch and be like, I'm doing that.

Speaker 4 (01:10:04):
I just did it all.

Speaker 5 (01:10:06):
You did it.

Speaker 4 (01:10:06):
I do it.

Speaker 3 (01:10:07):
Okay, you did that. I do that. I'm just a
little spitfire.

Speaker 5 (01:10:11):
I feel like I've done things that they haven't or
they have mentioned they would maybe want to. I'm like,
I'll probably just do it, like moving across the country
through big little curveball to the family. Now that is
true for no reason, there's nothing here for me.

Speaker 3 (01:10:29):
Isn't that crazy?

Speaker 2 (01:10:30):
What happens when you just take a different jump or
a leap of faith if you will, in a different
direction that you really didn't see coming.

Speaker 5 (01:10:37):
Mm hmm, Like scared to take the leap with someone else,
but you, I'm trusting myself enough and showing the trust
in myself to take leaps for myself, like moving here
m hm and just letting it happen.

Speaker 2 (01:10:50):
Dating can be so exhausting, and when you've gotten to
a place in your life where you kind of might
be there too. I'm definitely in place now where I'm
just so happy and I'm so comfortable and i have
the life that I want that it's going to take
a very special person to come in and allow them
in that space and that really comfortable place that I've created,

(01:11:15):
especially after coming out of my last relationship, where I
really had confidence that this was one a great person
in somebody that I could see myself having a future
with to being blindsided. I'm now even more cautious than
I already was before I started dating him, And that

(01:11:36):
does scare me a little bit, because I was very
cautious going into that and very protective of myself, and
I've been protective not even just with him, but the
ex before him, after experiences that I had, and both
times I kind of got screwed, and not unlike in
this recent one, it was a better screwed than the
last one.

Speaker 4 (01:11:53):
At least it was just it didn't work out.

Speaker 3 (01:11:54):
It's a better screwed, you know, an.

Speaker 4 (01:12:01):
I find him.

Speaker 3 (01:12:02):
It's I love it.

Speaker 2 (01:12:07):
Was a better screwed it because like I was blindsided,
but he didn't hurt me in the capacity that I
had been hurt before. He just hurt me in a
different emotional way. It does scare me because I've tried
so hard to like use my growth, be who I'm
supposed to be and and really like channel this safe
energy and have the right boundaries and do all the
right things. And just like the dating apps, I'm doing

(01:12:28):
all the things I'm supposed to be doing. I'm being intentional,
I'm looking at quality, I'm paying attention. And one love
the space I've created, don't.

Speaker 3 (01:12:36):
Really want to let anybody in.

Speaker 2 (01:12:38):
And two I'm so tired of I had to do
all of that stuff just to get here, and now
I have.

Speaker 3 (01:12:44):
To go on dates, you know what I mean. Like
it's so much work.

Speaker 2 (01:12:49):
And so much effort, and I'm tired.

Speaker 4 (01:12:52):
Energy for this.

Speaker 5 (01:12:53):
I don't Yeah, And I like back to the screwed
in a better way kind of thing, a less hard.
It's like we go through these lessons multiple times and
it's like, Okay, this was like a different version of
the lesson. This time I was guarding I was more
aware of everything, but it still happened to me. So

(01:13:15):
I feel like we constantly go and I have a
fear of going through the things again. So I always
like look at you and I'm like proud of you
because you face it, you've gone through it, and you're
like all right, suit back up, go back out there.
Where I'm like, yeah, I've felt that before.

Speaker 4 (01:13:29):
I ain't feeling that again.

Speaker 5 (01:13:31):
But it's like you kind of got to open up
the hands and let it happen because the lessons are
going to keep coming and the right person is going
to come in, step in and make everything feel safe.

Speaker 2 (01:13:43):
You are very good at that, You're very good at
the hopeful side. And potentially that's because I have done
quite a bit of dating and we are on different
plane fields, I guess when it comes to that.

Speaker 3 (01:13:54):
So your optimism and your hope is still there where
mine is like a little bit cracked.

Speaker 5 (01:14:00):
Been like super It's just like I've seen it, is
it forky?

Speaker 2 (01:14:08):
I am, I'm arety forky whatever, And I'm just like
hanging on bath thread.

Speaker 5 (01:14:15):
I'm holding her like Woodie, come.

Speaker 2 (01:14:17):
On, buddy, if that doesn't define who we are, And
like dating, I'm like no, you don't understand.

Speaker 3 (01:14:25):
I've seen and done some things and I'm tired. I'm good.

Speaker 4 (01:14:31):
It's so true.

Speaker 5 (01:14:33):
The image is like, I think that to be our
Halloween cost.

Speaker 3 (01:14:36):
I was just about to say, I think we have
our next Halloween cost.

Speaker 2 (01:14:39):
But can you to end us on a highlight positive note,
because you are so good at instilling hope back in me,
can you leave us all on some piece of hope
When it comes to love and being single and finding
our person.

Speaker 5 (01:14:54):
Life is always going to be beautiful and you always have
love around you. And love may not be with the
romantic side, but love comes into your life in so
many different forms, your animals, your friends that come along
that are new, your old friends, some old friends that
you don't talk to anymore. But that love is still
there no matter what. Holding on to the romantic side

(01:15:17):
it's kind of going to stray you away from what's
right in front of you with everybody else. So I've
just kind of this year is just being a little
more intentional with the people that do love me, and
I know they're going to guide me to who is
going to be in love with me and who I'm
going to be in love with as well.

Speaker 3 (01:15:37):
See yourself being.

Speaker 4 (01:15:38):
Helpful, little teer.

Speaker 2 (01:15:41):
I'm hopeful in every aspect of my life besides this one,
and you put it back into me. So thank you
for doing it for everybody. Of course, thank you for
talking with me and allowing us.

Speaker 5 (01:15:52):
To go over our dating yourself together.

Speaker 2 (01:15:55):
Yeah, now you know, sit me out on another date
and I'll come back a little broke it again.

Speaker 4 (01:16:00):
Let's try you remind me about love.

Speaker 2 (01:16:03):
I'm gonna have a sporkys eyebrow hanging off and it'll
be fine. I just like, what is the love, Jamie, Jamie,
The amount of breakup playlist I have is insane.

Speaker 3 (01:16:13):
We don't need to walk down that road love it.

Speaker 4 (01:16:17):
Anyways.

Speaker 3 (01:16:18):
I hope everybody had a great outside straight and Jamie,
thanks for being here. I love you. You're amazing.

Speaker 4 (01:16:24):
I love you too. Morgan.

Speaker 2 (01:16:25):
Thanks for joining this week's love or anti love episode,
depending on how you look at it. I truly hope
you enjoyed it. And for all my single people, I
hope you feel seen on this week's episode. And if
you're looking for love all around you, much like Jamie suggests,
then I hope you know that I love you and
I'm really happy that you're here.

Speaker 3 (01:16:42):
Bye friends,

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Episode Transcript

Host

Morgan Huelsman

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