November 14, 2024 • 56 mins
Does your butt get bigger from having anal sex? Is cum good for your face? Find out when Brandon plays a game of Real or Faking with their Big Mouth work wife and friend, Mitra Jouhari. Then, as they get into some booty-related Messy Mail, Brandon and Mitra are joined by the one-and-only butt doctor, Dr. Evan Goldstein for a heaux sympheauxsium.
Follow Mitra on IG at mitrajouhari
Follows Dr. Evan on IG at drevangoldstein
Find 'Butt Seriously' at your local bookstore. https://www.amazon.com/Butt-Seriously-Definitive-Pleasure-Everything-ebook/dp/B0CH83HNV8
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
We go to like dinners with friends or people that
may maybe I don't know at the dinner party, and
then it turns to like, can we go to the bathroom?
Can I just show you my whole I have a problem,
And then like and then like a woman, a girl
would be like I just had my kids, and I'm like,
I have something sticking out my ass and like, I
what is it?
Speaker 2 (00:17):
And then you like the rest, a little reconsultation. You
know what we do here destroy shame around sex by
talking about sex. Now, let me tell you something messy.
What I want to talk to you about today is
(00:38):
really quite important to me, and I think it's you know,
it's come up. People have been bringing up a lot,
and so I'm finally ready to talk about it here
on you know, my show just feels like the right
platform to talk about it, which is that my ass
has grown. Please don't be Dallas, Please don't hate, don't
send the hate mail, don't send any you know, uh,
terrible dms or comments. My ass growing. It is what
(01:01):
it is, and I've worked very hard on it and
I'm proud about it. And if you haven't seen it,
I'm gonna make sure that I post a photo so
that you really understand the growth factor. Here's why I'm
proud of it. Let me you know, and listen, I
think we all should at some point hype up our
you know, things that were proud of. I'm proud of
my ass because I don't come from a family of asses,
Do you know what I'm saying? The goodmans we are
(01:22):
known for our rich textured hair, our strong noses, big lips,
dark skin. But ass never never didn't know her, never
knew her, never understood her. But that was okay because
again I had other things, other things that were going
for me. And then I got to I don't know, college,
and like people weren't really talking about asses like that.
(01:43):
But like once I graduated, like into my twenties, people
started talking a little bit about ass. And then of
course we all know societally as like listen, black folks
have always had asses, but then the Kardashians did it,
and now everyone's like, we gotta have an ass whatever whatever,
But I still stay true to myself. I got the hair,
I got the nose, I got the lips, I got
(02:03):
the skin. I'm good. Then when I moved to La
you know, I have my gaggle of black girlfriends, and
my girlfriends they're they're all male. But you know my sisters, right,
So I have my sisters, and I have the smallest
ass of the group. Everyone knows that, and I'm okay
with that. Again, I have things that work for me
and I'm okay having the small ass. But two years ago,
(02:24):
here's what fucked me up. Two years ago, I made
friends with two white men, my two white sisters, if
you will, and they have ass. And that was it
was troubling for me. It was hard, but like, you know,
like whatever, whatever, But here's what happened. Then I took
a trip. I did a trip with my black sisters
(02:44):
and my two white sisters. And so I went on
this trip and somehow ass came up. Who ass came up?
And everyone was like, well, whose ass is biggest and whatnot?
And everybody, the black sisters and the white sisters agreed.
I ain't have no ass. And that is my villain
origin story, bitch, because I said, absolutely not, Okay, I
(03:07):
will not let these white girls come in here and
try to have fatter ass than me. So I immediately
got myself a nice little fitness coach, and I said
to him. His name is Seth, I said, I said, said,
I want to build my ass. I need a booty.
I need to make these bitches suffer. And Seth said bet.
And so you know, the last two years have been
(03:29):
me growing my ass and it's been it's been lovely
because not only is there more to hold onto, but
I get the compliments now and I don't mind being
oggled in that way, and I want to enjoy it
because I know that I won't be aggled at in
my entire life, which we should probably talk about. By
the way, welcome to the show. This is telling me
something messy. I'm your your host. Brandon called goodmn. Some
(03:51):
people call me messy mom. You can call me fucking
I don't know. Uh, Well, like a superhero iron ass
you know what I'm saying. Like, I built that ass
out and I'm proud of it. I'm proud to be
a villain of ass. Well, I guess Iron Man wasn't
a villain. But we'll deal with it. The joker, the
(04:12):
joke hole, the jack. I'm a workshott and I will
have it by the end of the episode. Okay, maybe
you know what that means. It is time for a guest,
and while they get situated, we are going to get
our messy key key started with a whole manifest Stow
repeat after me, allowed or in your head. Grant me
(04:34):
the serenity to unpack my shame, the courage to heal,
the wisdom to know that sex is not just about penetration,
the audacity to advocate for my pleasure and my boundaries.
The strength to not call my ex that fuck boy,
fuck girl or buck bay, for it is better for
me to masturbate by myself in peace than to let
someone play in my motherfucking face. Let the community say o, helujah.
(05:00):
I am so excited to have Miitra Juhari on the show.
Miitro Juhari is a writer, actor, and comedian. You can
see her work on Three Busy, Debra's Big Mouth, dig
Man Clone, High, High Maintenance, Abbott, Elementary Search, Party, The Bear,
and more. Mitra is also my work wife. We used
(05:20):
to work together on Big Mouth. We sat next to
each other for all the seasons we were there. I'm obsessed, y'all,
Please help me. Welcome Metro Juhari. Hi, mi Tra, how
are you?
Speaker 3 (05:36):
Great? Brandon?
Speaker 1 (05:38):
Oh?
Speaker 2 (05:38):
My god? Using my name sexy, well bringing the heat.
I know that's right. Well, before we get into our
MESSI key, we have some messy mandates that I'm trying
to find in my doc because I should know my heart.
We're doing so well, okay, So, uh, mess mandates, which
(06:00):
are any thoughts or opinions share have the right to evolve, shift,
or change today, tomorrow or ten years from now. And
this is the most important. Actually, if during the kiki
something feels too personal or unintentionally offends, we use the
safe word fus ball, which gives us a chance to
pause and address or pivot accordingly. I'm good, Yeah, okay,
do you want to play a lue breaker? It's my
(06:22):
favorite thing to ask that question because you will go,
what the fuck is this?
Speaker 1 (06:27):
Nothing?
Speaker 3 (06:28):
Could be shocking?
Speaker 2 (06:31):
Beautiful beautiful, Yeah, great, great, beautiful. So we're gonna start
with this lue breaker, which is a messy round of
real or fake gig which I'm going to give you
a prompt and you tell me if you think it's
true which is real, we're false like a myth, which
is faking, like you guys, terrifying. Are you ready for
the first one?
Speaker 4 (06:50):
Huh?
Speaker 2 (06:51):
Okay, So if you have anal sex, your butt will
get bigger? Yeah fake? Oh my god, if that were
a real, babe, I would have this ass a long
time ago. I've been in the gym on the stairstep bers.
Speaker 3 (07:04):
A lot of tiny little butts.
Speaker 2 (07:05):
Yeah, there are a lot of so tiny. You shouldn't be
so tiny. There would be a lot more ass out there.
There would not be a need for the bbls and
anything like that.
Speaker 3 (07:13):
Exactly, a lot of women on their hands and knees
on an airplane.
Speaker 2 (07:17):
Yes to say, now, what I did read is that
it could make the amus bigger, but not not the
not the actual gluteus maximus.
Speaker 3 (07:28):
Yeah, okay, I mean it would be an ultimate life hack.
Speaker 2 (07:32):
I mean, listen, if getting sucked the askuld get us
bigger asses?
Speaker 3 (07:35):
Wow much?
Speaker 2 (07:38):
If that stairmassard put a lot of people out of
a business, out of work, a lot of those surgeons
would be fucked. Okay, So real or faking semen is
good for your skin.
Speaker 3 (07:49):
I want this to be true because I remember being
told this. Yeah, internalizing it, huh, making choices.
Speaker 2 (08:02):
Routine includes, of course absolutely Unfortunately it's taking devastating, devastating.
Speaker 3 (08:10):
It makes sense considering who told me you're like, now,
I know, no, I know it's not a medical professor
medical question.
Speaker 2 (08:20):
Can I tell you that when I was a kid,
my my bus driver promise is a great story my
bus driver, you know, you know, sorry, when I was
a teenager, you know, puberty is just wrecking the face.
And my uh bus driver told me that, which I can't.
I feel like she said it genuinely, but now she
(08:40):
was fucking with me, but she said, I think I
said this in the room, if you piss on your face,
please tell me safe space. Oh yes, yeah, okay, So
my bus driver said if you put piss on your
face that it would help, that it helps with the pimples.
(09:04):
And so there was a period of time where I
would you have to imagine that I would uh go
to the bathroom, and you know, I was a teenager,
so I would just pee into the toilet bowl and
put like a piece of tissue paper in like in
the line of my piss, and then I would so devastated.
Speaker 3 (09:24):
Completely because I so understand that headspace. Ya, yeah, I
received that information. I would have done exactly immediately.
Speaker 2 (09:32):
I'm like, put this piss on your face.
Speaker 3 (09:34):
Yes, it's like the time of like burning your hair
with a flat iron. Like it's a time where like
anything anyone says you should do, you will do.
Speaker 2 (09:42):
You will absolutely do. You will believe all the myths.
But it was you know, I don't think it helped.
Uh no, No, that wasn't it. That wasn't what cleared
my skin. But back to semen, which is semen can
cause allergic reactions, including stinging, burning, hives, and difficulty breathing.
Symptoms usually appear twenty to thirty minutes after contact, So
(10:03):
don't put semen on your I mean, but that's like
an extreme because I like I have facials. I mean
I have facials for real, but like also like come
facials and my skin seems to be fine. But I
washed my skin right after, so maybe that's helpful.
Speaker 3 (10:16):
I think that's crucial, crucial. I think that's a crucial
because any any like any non skincare related thing that
you're getting on your face, you don't want it to be.
You don't want to stay there, you.
Speaker 2 (10:24):
Don't want to say that. Absolutely, yeah, absolutely.
Speaker 3 (10:27):
Seeing semen is not skincare, But maybe.
Speaker 2 (10:30):
One day it will be. For those listening, for those
who are very impressionable a semen keep it away from
your skin unless it's away.
Speaker 3 (10:39):
No, wait, don't leave it. Don't leave it marinate on
your skin.
Speaker 2 (10:42):
There we go. Okay, that is keate. Please do not
leave it to marinate.
Speaker 3 (10:46):
Wipe it off, wash it off, not just wipe wash
it off.
Speaker 2 (10:49):
Wow. An educational podcast wash wash your face not white.
So this one says, oh, this is also sperm related.
Uh sperm contains real calories? Yes, yes, yeah, it's like
five to seven.
Speaker 3 (11:10):
You can't. I here's how I know.
Speaker 2 (11:12):
Tell me.
Speaker 3 (11:14):
Well, first of all, I don't think you can grow
up early two thousands and not know every single thing
that has calories.
Speaker 2 (11:22):
First of all, toxic, very true, very true. I was
on a sym fast diet which was very toxic. Yeah yeah,
but I also ate on it, which was not you're
not supposed.
Speaker 3 (11:31):
To do, Jimmy Christ. But I saw that people were
logging it on like my fitness pal, oh longing.
Speaker 2 (11:43):
Come my fitness is an app where you can, like,
do you like log what you eat and it'll tell
you like how many calories and macros and whatnot in it.
That's wild that you saw, come on it.
Speaker 3 (11:54):
I saw it on Twitter that people were logging it.
But then I looked, and I like, fully like downloaded
the app, and and you you can.
Speaker 2 (12:03):
Research research, journalistic research, writing a script research.
Speaker 3 (12:08):
Well, and then I was like I had like one
day where I was like, you know, I'm going to
just log everything, and then I was like, no, I'm not.
I'm I'm far too lazy. It's not even like it
was truly just laziness, Like it wasn't even like I'm
more enlightened than this. I like whenever I was like
I'm lazy, I don't want to do this.
Speaker 2 (12:24):
I can't.
Speaker 3 (12:25):
I was like when I realized I had to like
figure out how much like the pistachios.
Speaker 2 (12:29):
Waged weight and you're like, it's so much work.
Speaker 3 (12:32):
So much work, but you can log come.
Speaker 2 (12:38):
Educational podcast. So there's that.
Speaker 3 (12:42):
Let's just say I'm remember my calary a little bit today,
if you know what I mean.
Speaker 2 (12:48):
Unfortunately I do. Okay, well you win, you win win.
My congratulations with my unconditional love, which you already had
to get like double of it, which is just incredible. Okay, Mitra,
(13:08):
will you tell me something messy?
Speaker 3 (13:11):
I was like looking and I was thinking about like
the messiest time of course high school and middle school,
and this isn't so messy, but I just I was
thinking about it and I was laughing, Well, it's messy,
but it's not okay. So I didn't really know, like
how I didn't know about much of anything. I didn't
(13:32):
really know how to be flirty. I don't even think
I told the story in the Big Mother, but maybe
I did one time. I and and he is still
a friend. I lured a boy to my home by
telling him that I could cut hair, and I snuck
him in through a window up to my room, and
I kind of just didn't think, like I didn't think
I would get that.
Speaker 2 (13:51):
Far, and so the pitch was, I can give you
a haircut. He was like yes, and then he came over.
Speaker 3 (14:02):
And then I think, I think in my mind I
was like, maybe that is like a natural segue, like
we won't even get to the haircut. But then we
were both like so nervous that then I just ended
up cutting his hair and it nothing happened in my room.
I cut his hair, and then regular it looked so
(14:29):
bad I would have to find it was like sort
of like spiky on even needed to be styled. And
second of all, probably all the same length when not styled.
But in my mind, I was like, well, to cut
it a bunch of different lengths and then when he
comes up, it'll like look like but he had like
a completely different like texture of hair from the guy
(14:50):
in the movie that we.
Speaker 2 (14:51):
Saw in the movie. So you saw what you saw
a haircut in a movie.
Speaker 3 (14:55):
And I don't remember what movie. I would have to, like,
I would really have to do and I'll do some digging,
but I remember exactly what the hair looked like. Never forget,
and then I will never forget how much it didn't
look like that.
Speaker 2 (15:11):
Sorry, did you have like a photo that you were
copying or you?
Speaker 3 (15:13):
Like from my mind, I was like, I know exactly
what to do here?
Speaker 2 (15:19):
Did he say thank you? Did he? Was?
Speaker 3 (15:21):
He upset because like I don't think he knew how
bad it was at that moment, like like and I
didn't either, because I was like, well, we have to
style it, of course, to see how good the haircut looks.
And then he went home.
Speaker 2 (15:36):
What happened the next day?
Speaker 3 (15:37):
He had to get another haircut.
Speaker 2 (15:43):
Now I want to interview him, and I want to know,
like what his parents response was when he came home.
Speaker 3 (15:47):
Oh my god, I know, and he came all that
way of us could drive, like I think he biked
or something. I actually never even had the curiosity to ask.
I got there.
Speaker 2 (16:00):
Just like so nervous to give a haircut.
Speaker 3 (16:02):
Yeah, And I truly don't know like what I thought
was going to happen, what my intentions were. I can't
imagine that I was sitting there being like, well, give
him haircut and send him on his way.
Speaker 2 (16:13):
You're like, I'm going to give him such a great haircut,
he's gonna have to eat me out.
Speaker 3 (16:18):
I don't even think I knew what that was.
Speaker 2 (16:20):
I think, like kiss, we're going to make out.
Speaker 3 (16:22):
Yeah, I wanted. I think deep down I wanted something
to occur, but I didn't know like even what that
could be.
Speaker 2 (16:29):
But it's so sensual to like be touching his hair.
Was that at all on your bed?
Speaker 3 (16:34):
And then he's just leaving his hair like loose hair
all over the bed.
Speaker 2 (16:36):
Make a doll, you know.
Speaker 3 (16:41):
To me, like more intimate than like many sexual encounters.
Speaker 2 (16:47):
That was really wholesome, disturbing, disturbing.
Speaker 3 (16:54):
Like nothing sexual actually had happened yet. It is so
charged and disturbing.
Speaker 2 (17:00):
Disturbingly wholesome, and you love that.
Speaker 3 (17:02):
Wow, Like what did I do with the hair?
Speaker 2 (17:04):
Like, what did she do?
Speaker 3 (17:07):
I don't know, because.
Speaker 2 (17:07):
I'm like, you're like disassociated, You're like it's.
Speaker 3 (17:10):
All it's Yeah. I think it was just like this
few state where I was like, I'm giving it. I'm
actually giving a haircut.
Speaker 2 (17:14):
Because your parents also didn't know he was in the house.
Speaker 3 (17:16):
This was like in the middle of the night, That's
what I mean, Like, how did he get there? How
did he get care? I don't know.
Speaker 2 (17:25):
The middle of the night haircut.
Speaker 3 (17:26):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (17:27):
I think that's so cute because I think, what's what's
wholesome about it? It's like it's so clear that the two
of you wanted each other. Yeah, you both the middle
of the night haircut. What are we doing? Like we
want each other.
Speaker 3 (17:38):
To sleep being so quiet? Yeah, and I'm going all right,
time to cut your hair, I guess. And then thanks
to the haircut, Mitra, time to run home. Didn't let
that close.
Speaker 2 (17:49):
The more you tell me, the more romantic it is
you have to write. You have to write a little
rom com about this, a little short story. I love this,
I love this. Thank you all, thank you. We can
do that a safe space to share about the haircuts, right,
(18:11):
It's time for some messy where we read out messy
patron stories and submissions. As always, your submissions remain anonymous.
One of your submissions will be my messy pick for
a messy key key, which is a more in depth
convote with my guess me trot. This first one says
weekend DP with my husband and two daddies, had my
(18:31):
pussy mouth dripping? Come happy boy? How you feel? How
you feel like that?
Speaker 1 (18:37):
You can?
Speaker 2 (18:39):
I like, yeah read it? Yeah yeah yeah. It says
week and it's copy and paste.
Speaker 3 (18:44):
It's literally pussy slash mouth. That was okay, pussy mouth.
Speaker 2 (18:48):
Well, it's like your mouth has a pussy.
Speaker 3 (18:50):
Yeah yeah, yeah, yah yeah yeah yeah I pussy mouth
new to me.
Speaker 2 (18:56):
This one says, uh oh, how do I get that
juicy bubble boo for your man? I need some pointers now.
When I first read this, I was like for my man,
but I think they mean like.
Speaker 3 (19:05):
For them, maybe for your man?
Speaker 2 (19:07):
Could you imagine asking how do you get a juicy
video for your man? Very housewives, very very housewives.
Speaker 3 (19:14):
Harry squats?
Speaker 2 (19:17):
Oh yeah, sorry about the juicy, but yeah squats clearly
star master. Yeah. Anal sex does not help. As we
debunked earlier. So yeah, stare maaster. I love. That's my
white woman cardio.
Speaker 3 (19:27):
It's good.
Speaker 2 (19:27):
That's what I call it. It's like twenty minutes interval training.
I do. Am I going to really tell you?
Speaker 3 (19:32):
Is hiking hiking?
Speaker 2 (19:34):
I hate hiking, but I mean it's incline. It's the incline.
Speaker 3 (19:38):
It's the incline.
Speaker 2 (19:38):
It's the incline that builds the behind. It was I
was trying to rhyme that somebody will make that, somebody
will figure it out. This one says, I've been trying
to bottom more and heard botox in your hole can help.
Is this true? Well, listen, I don't actually know. I've
(20:00):
heard about this, but I don't know. So we're bringing
in a sexpert, and here he is. We're gonna talk
to doctor Evan Goldstein, who is the leading anal health
expert in the United States, founder of Future Method, and
one of the few surgeons in the world whose practice
Bespoke Surgical is dedicated to treating and restoring the human
(20:22):
But he has been featured we need you, Thank you,
thank you, thank you. Doctor. He has been featured in
national publications including GQ, Well and Good Men's Health. Cosmopolitan,
New York mag Forbes, Fast Company, Out and Shape, and
is an in demand speaker for both medical and sex
positive industries. His first book, But Seriously, The Definitive Guide
(20:45):
to anal Health, Pleasure and Everything in Between, was published
in May of this year. Please help Me, welcome doctor Evan.
Speaker 1 (20:54):
Thanks so much for having me.
Speaker 2 (20:56):
Oh my god, thank you for being here. We're so excited,
like literal.
Speaker 3 (21:01):
You know, I've been looking forward to this for weeks.
Speaker 2 (21:04):
Literally literally, I was like, mit, do you want to
interview the butt doctor? Let's just start there? Is there?
Speaker 1 (21:16):
There's anal botox totally. Anal botox is a huge thing.
It's been for a while now. It's like super mainstream.
But you need to first make sure that you are
a candidate for it.
Speaker 2 (21:30):
How are you a candidate?
Speaker 1 (21:32):
So there's three types of holes in the world? Is leading?
Speaker 2 (21:38):
Did you see that leaned in my candidate?
Speaker 1 (21:44):
So there are three types of assholes in the world. Okay,
and how do we know this? So in my office,
for the last fifteen years, we've been doing testing to
see are there different groups of people, people that can
totally take any versus people that can't. And there's three groups.
The first group is I can relax my ass, I
(22:07):
can take whatever, and I'm blessed.
Speaker 4 (22:10):
That's I'm totally blessed, God's chosen.
Speaker 1 (22:19):
But yes, that's not me. I don't know if that's you,
but that's not me. So that that group is about
thirty five percent of people actually really yeah, And then
the rest of people are having some issues. And the
group number two is I sometimes can I sometimes am
(22:41):
having some difficulty. There's some pain when I start, whereas
group three is like, nothing's going in there. It's too tight,
it's too restricted, there's something that I may necessarily need
to do surgery on. So the reality is that with
anal botox first, to take it back to like why
(23:01):
does ano botox work? So there are three muscles in
everybody's ass. If you, guys, squeeze your whole right now,
and the listeners are doing that too. You're squeezing. You
can rest now you're squeezing. You're squeezing the two outer
(23:25):
most muscles. The third one is deeper in that's you
and I don't have much control over that. That's the
one that is tighter in a lot of people. So
I'm like, let's say I'm having sex with someone that
I'm entering them and they're like, oh, I'm totally relaxed,
and I'm like, yeah, I can't get myself inside you.
(23:46):
It's that third muscle called the internal sphincter that is
really too tight. That's the one that you give a
botox too. And what that does is it just decreases
the pressure. So there's you know, like we said, with
multiple bottoms, there's people that are too loose, there's normal,
and then there's people that are too tight. By giving
(24:08):
the boatox in that third muscle, you're moving them into
a realm of being what would be considered in a
more normal range. But the way that anal boatox works,
first of all, it's the same day application. You do
it in the office. It's super easy to do.
Speaker 2 (24:27):
It's just hurt.
Speaker 1 (24:28):
It's it's like a needle in your hole. I mean
it's you know, yeah, I mean nobody.
Speaker 2 (24:38):
Sorry, I mean too obvious, but you know, yeah, it's okay.
So it's a little people.
Speaker 1 (24:43):
In fifteen years of doing this, I have never had
anybody not do it and not do it successfully in
the office. But there's some people that need some coaching,
you know, breathing and like hey, I'm going to inject it,
but it's four injections, no downtime, and it lasts for
about three to four months.
Speaker 2 (25:02):
Wow.
Speaker 1 (25:03):
Most people they do the botox. You probably need two
to three sessions of the boatox. But if you think
that botox me giving you botox is just going to
be the Aha moment, it's not. You have to put
in time, you have to work, you meaning, you need
to use toys, you need to dilate, you need to
have sex. You need to use it because it's a muscle,
(25:27):
and that muscle is contracted ninety nine point nine percent
of the day.
Speaker 3 (25:32):
And are any of this mental or is it entirely physical?
Speaker 1 (25:36):
I think that everything that I do sixty percent of
it is functional, and then forty percent of it is mental.
And the mental is two things. It's psychological, but it's
also the connection from the brain to the ass. So
like when you say squeeze, there are plenty of people
that can squeeze, and there's plenty of people that when
(25:58):
they squeeze, they're relaxing, and when they're relaxing, they're squeezing.
The connection is just not there. So there's things that
can be learned, and that's where when someone's like, hey,
is anal botox a thing for me? First it's you
need to see people that know what the hell they're doing. Second,
you need to see someone that can look inside and
(26:19):
out and do anal monometry testing and see like what
bucket are you? Bucket one, two or three? And then like, okay,
if you are a candidate, what do you need to
do to get the appropriate treatment with anal botox? And
also what's your end game? Are you looking to just
(26:40):
toy work? Are you looking for fists? What are you
looking for? So that we're doing a big detailed sexual
history even for pooping, I do a lot of straight
guys and girls that don't want anal at all, but
they have hemorrhoids. They keep tearing, and by giving some
botox you're relaxing them that muscle in a way that
(27:01):
allows them to just live their quality of life that
much better.
Speaker 3 (27:07):
So is this similar to like when people get like
botox in their jaw for like clinching or something.
Speaker 1 (27:12):
Like interesting, the same concept. Now you see it is
a game changer in the antal community just because there
are so many people that are mentally hey, I do
want to take it up the ass but I functionally can't,
and I tell people like it destroys lives, Like if
(27:32):
you are physically limited sexually and you want to do
certain things, it ruins relationships. People become you know, really
can become totally catastrophic in their relationships and their own
self esteem.
Speaker 3 (27:46):
And a horrible loop when like you can't do it
and then there's so much pressure.
Speaker 2 (27:50):
Yeah, this is validating because sometimes you're like, well, just
play with toys, like why is there Like I imagine that
couples get into arguments or can get into arguments because
it's like, well you don't why you want to take me,
or just the arguments around not being able to get
inside somebody. But now knowing that like there's a real
it's not sorry, not that it was ever fake, but
like there is that totally, it's a it's.
Speaker 1 (28:09):
An affirming, right, It's an affirming diagnosis to be like, okay,
like what are the what are the barriers? You know,
sex itself and anal play is pressure. And if you
think of pooping, pooping is just as much pressure, but
sex is even greater. So now you have to kind
of understand like what's my anatomy? What muscles do I have.
(28:32):
Do they listen to me? I always tell people sex
is not overtly complicated. It's how do we get all
of those muscles to relax in unison because there's three
of them, right, But also how do we get the
skin to open. It's like an accordion, right, think about
we need the accordion to open. Great, hoot, hurrah, I
(28:53):
took whatever I wanted. I had great sex, and then
it closes. But in many people it can't open. So
then what happens You have to create more pressure. When
you create more pressure, you can tear, which is called
an anal fissure. You can get hemorrhoids, which are these
airbags that can kind of cause issues. You can get
abscesses and infection. There's so many things that can happen.
(29:17):
So I think it's sexual education. It's doing what we're
doing and talking about it to kind of dispel myths
and the taboos surrounding the topic. And then it's like
empowering people to understand their own anatomy and functionality so
that they now can actually get to where they need
to be. And thankfully now we're in twenty twenty five
where we have people that do this we have techniques,
(29:40):
we're able to now get people to match what they
want to the functional approaches. So it's cool. It's a
cool space if.
Speaker 2 (29:48):
People want anal botox, like so where they go, Like,
can I go to like my botox person now?
Speaker 1 (29:55):
Like, yeah, I think realistically, you want to go to
someone that's fully in se actual wellness and also proctology
anal specific There's a lot of people that are popping
up that's like, oh, I'll do face, I'll do your ass,
I'll do your balls, I'll do whatever. But again, it's
a matter of you need to feel comfortable with the person.
You need to make sure that you're in a place
(30:15):
that you feel safe and listen to. And it's not
just oh yeah, I want anal botox and you get it,
because a lot of people with that maybe they didn't
they didn't need it, or they need it plus they
need something else and they need the education to know
that you need to stretch the muscle. I tell people,
think of you and I going to the gym. We're
(30:36):
lifting weights one day, we're doing biceps. The next day
we're doing triceeps. Why because we want to stretch the
bicep The second day nobody ever stretches their whole, right,
I mean just people don't do it.
Speaker 2 (30:53):
That's right.
Speaker 1 (31:00):
When someone's that's listening, like, look, I don't have access
to this type of care. I don't know if I
need antal boatox. What do I do? I wrote a
book recently called butt Seriously.
Speaker 2 (31:13):
So Good.
Speaker 1 (31:15):
But in that book it goes over how do you
use toys on your own? Right? I started a company
called Future Method, which is bridging science into sex and
everything that I learned in the office, So from toys
to douching, to fiber prem probatics to all the things
that I see that people need to just have better
(31:37):
sex lives. And with that, you need to learn your
own self. So there's a ways of using toys and
dilating yourself. I'll show you the dilators and they come
in this so they come in this kit, those ages,
so that and then.
Speaker 3 (31:55):
And then there's and then there's.
Speaker 1 (31:57):
A cone, and then there's a cone and and they're
there for a reason because they're working the muscle, they're
working the skin, they're getting things tougher but more pliable.
But as you're doing the protocol, you're learning what type
of hole, what type of mental what type of mechanism
you have, and then you'll be able to see am
(32:18):
I in bucket one that I can take anything and
I'm the blessed gods? Or am I or am I
in the others that I need more help?
Speaker 3 (32:28):
I have a question when people come in and they
want to know, like what bucket they're in? How are
you figuring that out?
Speaker 2 (32:35):
Like that's a great question.
Speaker 1 (32:36):
So obviously we do a huge detailed sexual history before
we enter the examiner, But in the exam room, I
take an anoscope, which is literally a plastic tube that
allows me to look inside with a microscope. And when
I'm doing that, I'm entering and seeing, all right, how
do the muscles relax? What are the muscles, what's the strength,
(33:00):
what's the understanding of the anatomy? Is the skin very thin?
I see a lot of women and trans women male
to female because they're on estrogen sperno lactos. Their skin
is beautiful, but it gets very thin. So you see
people with a discrepancy of where they may have tight muscle,
but they have weak, thin skin that can tear very easily.
(33:24):
So it's kind of figuring out is it a muscular issue?
Is it a skin issue, is it a skin scar.
There's lots that goes to that. But also I have
a physical therapist named Stephen Lavender here in the office.
He's amazing, and what he does is we do an
anal monometry test, which is we literally put a small
instrument inside and we ask you to squeeze, relax, squeeze, relax,
(33:48):
and we do a lot of different measurements that will
tell me which bucket you're in. And then from there
I'm able to be like, Okay, can I just get
you to just understand your anatomy and you toys and
you'll be successful? Or do we need to do anal
botox plus that, or is there something else a hemorrhoid,
(34:08):
a fissure, something that I need to do a surgical
correction first and then go back to toys and boattox.
So it's it's now finally an exact science where we're
able to truly know where you fit. And then it's
like a plug and play.
Speaker 3 (34:24):
Literally Yeah, yeah, yeah, seriously.
Speaker 2 (34:29):
Thought seriously, I bet that people leave your office or
leave you. I mean, so we met, we met, actually
be sure I met doctor Evan, because doctor everything's to
come out to La and we were in maybe season
four a big mouth and I had a hemorrhoid and
my doctor, my primary K, recommended me to doctor Evan
and I never got the I didn't get the surgery done.
(34:51):
You told me to get a tissue bidet. I had
a hemorrhids. So it was like tissue bidet change my
fiber tucks whatever and my pussy is beautiful, changed my life.
But it was so affirming to be able to talk
to somebody without shame around what was happening with my
because especially as a queer person, male bodied, like you know,
(35:12):
your asshole is a big part of you know, your
your sex life. So to be able to talk to
somebody with no shame, I bet like people are just
leaving your office feeling affirmed, liberated, and empowered because as
you said, like you you came out of the closet,
you know, you started to step into yourself, and so
I imagine that there was some trepidation and some nervousness and
some doubt, maybe even some imposter syndrome. So was there
(35:34):
a patient that you had that kind of validated that
you were on the right path, or that like kind
of you you always kind of look to as fuel
to keep going.
Speaker 1 (35:44):
There was a patient in Paris who was suicidal. I
went to three four, had four or five surgeries, and
he was my last resort and he literally was like
going to jump off the bridge, and like I we like,
I was like, let's just start and let's it. And
now you know, it took us time because he had
lots of surgeries and lots of scars. But when you
(36:04):
get that email of like Evan, I just had sex
and I hadn't had sex in the last seven years
with my partner, and like, you know, like you could
just it's just like how cool is that?
Speaker 2 (36:17):
You know that just.
Speaker 1 (36:18):
From what I the little incisions and the how and
the wherewithal that I'm able to get that matched back
into just an amazing productive life. And so I think realistically, look,
if you if your ass doesn't work, you're going to
find the people that can fix it. And nowadays, with
Google and access and all that, you know, I zoom
(36:40):
with people. We communicate, we figure out, we do what
we need to do, and if we need an in
person and surgery, we do it. But nowadays, of like
you know, run of the mill stuff, you can find
your local people to figure that part out. But when
it gets to the point now where like you can't
do what you want to do, you need to find
somebody that has that expert and that's in anything, not
(37:01):
only me. First of all. Now with Instagram and Zoom,
you d M me anytime, and everyone sends me their
ass picks anyway. So and then and then I sometimes
I'm at dinner table and then like Phoenix is like,
who's sending you an asshole? And like you, I'm like,
I gotta look at it.
Speaker 2 (37:20):
It's my joh my goodness, I will ask you about
assholes all Nay, I can't.
Speaker 1 (37:26):
It's like it's like we go It's like we go
to like dinners with friends or people that may maybe
I don't know at the dinner party, and then it
turns to like, oh, well what do you do? And
then Andy, my partner, is like, oh fuck.
Speaker 2 (37:38):
Because you got a laugh.
Speaker 1 (37:40):
Everybody No, everybody's going to be talking about it. They're
like dad, They're like, can we go to the bathroom?
Can I just show you my whole I have a problem?
And then like and then like a woman, a girl
would be like I just had my kids, and I'm
like I have something sticking out my ass and like
what is it? And then you like, well, I talk
(38:08):
about like the book and our brand and what we
do in the office. Is also in trying to empower
you yes, which is to be like, yes, this is important.
And then it's like you're going to need to do
the education yourself because most of these physicians don't have
the wherewithal anyway, Like they just don't know what the
fuck is going on on the sexual side. They don't
(38:29):
understand that. And I think that that was one of
the big things, like me coming out and being gay
and trying to take it up the ass. I clearly
related to a community where now people feel comfortable. You
just want to feel like recognized and understood, you know,
and that is so important. But you start to break
sex into three different buckets, right one is like how
(38:53):
do they prepare for sex? And every community prepares differently.
Right then it's like, well, how do I engage sexually?
That's another like what loobs am I doing? What positions
do am I doing? And then like what's the aftercare?
Are people actually suppositories? You know, lotions, showering? What do
(39:13):
people do? So when you start to kind of look
at oh, these people are coming in with like STDs
and tears. You start to ask the questions right where
you start to see that everybody douches, and then I say,
well that's interesting. The person that's overduching comes to me
with ABC and D issue. Then you start to be like, well,
(39:34):
what is it with overduching? And then you call up
scientists and we have conversations and you say, oh, if
people are using water or they're overduching, what happens is
it fucks with the microbiome. So then you say, oh, well,
well what does it matter? And then you say, well, actually, yes,
we know that the microbiome changes in people that engage
(39:56):
in anal sex. You have a higher incidence of STDs
and A and anal injury. So then you start to
see like all the different problems with that. So then
I said, oh, okay, well do people need to douche?
And then you say, well, can't you just use fiber
and bulk the stool, And then you start to kind
(40:17):
of implement changes in the way people eat and their
diet and then their supplementation. And then they're like, I'm
still going to douche because I don't want to shit
on anybody and then you start to say, okay, well,
can't we just make a douche solution that is not toxic.
So that was the birth of my brand Future Method,
which was like, yeah, we should be able to do that, right,
(40:40):
people are cleaning, let's meet them where they are, but
just let's do it. No, exactly right, so let's just
give them a solution that works. And so we came
up with the solution of powder packs, where literally it's
like crystal light for every four.
Speaker 2 (40:58):
Yes, crystal lights, let's go. Yeah, we want to say.
Speaker 1 (41:07):
So, it's every four ounces of water you put a
packet in and what it does is it neutralizes the
water so that it cleans you. It keeps you silky
and sexy, but it doesn't fuck with the microbiome.
Speaker 2 (41:23):
Microbiome, can I ask that question totally?
Speaker 1 (41:26):
So it's bacteria. Everyone has it, our skin, our ass,
our mouths, everywhere. But your body is really really smart.
You have good bacteria, you have bad bacteria, but it's
in equilibrium and it lives in harmony and you are
all good. Now, if you ever get a rash, a
lot of that is the alteration of the microbiome. So
(41:48):
think of like summertime, la heat wave, you had sweaty
ass and then you're like, oh, and if you get
a fungal infection there's too much moisture. The microbiome changes
and then and that's what causes problems. Same thing happens anally,
so just from sex, water based lube douching the insides,
(42:11):
the microbiome changes and then all of a sudden, Now
it's kind of think of it as being raw inside.
Speaker 3 (42:19):
Like flushing out exactly.
Speaker 1 (42:21):
Protective lining exactly.
Speaker 2 (42:23):
And so the package that you use like revitalizes that
or kind.
Speaker 1 (42:27):
Of, but it won't fuck with it. What it does
is it just irrigates, It just cleans, but it doesn't
mess with the cells. Now, if you think of water,
people use water or shower hoses, or they use enemous
both of them are on two sides of the spectrum.
That fucks with those cells inside. And so what happens
is is that those cells become irritated, They basically slough off,
(42:51):
they basically aren't viable, and then inside the microbiome changes
and then it's raw. And then most of us have
raw so now we're not using condoms. It's irritated inside.
Even before you have sex and then now you can
imagine anal injury STDs HIV. So the key is again
(43:13):
it's like nobody ever talks about this shit and like
we all like are not educated. Nobody provides the care,
and so the key for this is like, how do
you understand? I still want you to have sex? But
it's like if we do little things by analyzing how
you engage and then putting either products or altering the
(43:34):
approaches so that you can now, you know, I tell people, look,
I have a douche company, but I don't want to
sell it. I want you to use our fiber. I
want you to use our prem probiotics. I want you
to do things that I always say, gut health before
butt health. You need you know, you.
Speaker 2 (43:52):
Need to you know doctor Evan.
Speaker 1 (43:55):
But Empire, yeah, totally. And that's where we I you know,
I see a lot of people yearly. Most people come
through once a year, even if they're fucking and they're
loving and they're doing everything. It's like we take a
look inside. We test the muscle. We want to make
sure you're not getting too loose. We want to make
sure you're not getting too tight. There's things that we
(44:16):
want to do, because there's a lot of things where
people will be like, oh, I'm a STD negative, I
look great, I feel great, and I go in there
and I'm like, you have an awards from HPB or
or you have chlamydia from a swab and you're asymptomatic.
So there's lots of things that you wouldn't necessarily know,
feel and or see unless someone looks inside. And it's
(44:37):
just like going to the gynecologists for women, you know,
once a year, an appropriate evaluation to make sure that
we're all doing the right thing. And then if sex
is really good, I want to know what that pressure
is because if the pressure now goes higher or lower,
we now know where you are optimal. So there's a
(44:57):
lot of science that goes into to be asked.
Speaker 3 (45:03):
Clearly.
Speaker 2 (45:03):
I love this wait question because you mentioned gynecology anal
pap smears. How often should we or when do you
start doing that? And how often should that happen? Because
I know those are important. I think I'm thirty seven.
I believe I'm getting.
Speaker 1 (45:19):
Maybe maybe I already.
Speaker 2 (45:21):
I mean, I get mine, but I don't. My doctor
made me get them signed, so I did it. But
I'm just curious about like what age you're supposed to
start thinking about that stuff and how often you should
be doing that?
Speaker 1 (45:34):
Sure, so anal pap smears for the listeners. They're basically
like cervical paps mirrors for women with cervix. Basically, you
swab and it takes a sample of the cells and
it tells us is there any change towards cancer, so
pre cancer changes can be caught. Now, pap smears are
still somewhat controversial. They're really only looking like it's indicated
(45:58):
in HIV positive individuals because of just should you be
pap smearing everybody? Now? I am a huge path proponent,
but the reason why is because someone needs to actually
do the pap smear and look at your ass and
talk to you and see if there's any other things
that are going on. The issue is if the pap
(46:20):
smears come back positive, the question is is there something
in there like wartz or some issues. But there's a
lot of false positives with pap smears, so it could
lead you down the pathway of doing a lot of
biopsies that may actually be unwarranted. And with that being said,
it could fuck with the whole bottoming situation. So I've
(46:42):
seen many people that go to people that are like
gung Ho anal pap smear what's called HRA, which is
the high resolution anoscopy, which is going in there and
biopsying and doing a lot of things when it wasn't
necessarily truly as indicated. Now, back when HIV was ram
and it wasn't treated, anal cancers amongst others like lymphomas
(47:04):
and composing star coomas were quite rampant, and that's where
anal pap smear is kind of birthed from. But now
that people are on prep, HIV is so well controlled,
we don't really we're not seeing the anal cancer rates
that we were seeing before. Realistically, I think you need
to go to someone that knows what's up and also
(47:25):
understands that there could be negative consequences by going down
those roads and is it truly indicated and warranted. So
anal papsman should be done once a year, but taken
in stride with everything else and just making sure that
everyone understands that there are limitations.
Speaker 2 (47:45):
Amazing, doctor Evan, thank you so much for being here.
This was heaven heaven, a heavenly conversation. Honestly, So I
don't use it lightly, but like honestly healing. And I
think that people listening, especially anyone who as any issues
around their hole, will feel seen and validated.
Speaker 3 (48:03):
And I hope by you we.
Speaker 2 (48:08):
Got to meet that quota, We got to help that quotank.
Speaker 1 (48:13):
I appreciate you guys are doing such great things too,
because just having the conversation, I think starts to push
out what we're doing right, which is like amazing because
and then I'm sure there'll be other questions and anything
you need from me. I'm more than happy to dive deeper,
literally into into anything, because obviously we just kind of
touched the surface. We're just doing like Ana lingcous. We're
(48:33):
not into you got.
Speaker 3 (48:35):
Puns all day to Deep and.
Speaker 2 (48:42):
The Empire. I'm so obsessed. Thank you so much.
Speaker 1 (48:45):
I appreciate everybody. Thank you so much, folks.
Speaker 2 (48:48):
Wow wow wow. First of all, thank you for being
here with me.
Speaker 3 (48:55):
I don't know if we said how how excited I
was to be a part of this country.
Speaker 2 (49:00):
Literally when I reached out to Metro to be like
be on the show, then we were like booking doctor
Evan about butts, and I think my producer reached out
to and just said would you want to talk about butts.
Speaker 4 (49:09):
I said absolutely, immediately, absolutely, And we've been texting leading
up to it, and yesterday I was doing like my
prep and I could not just be more excited to
like talk about anal botox and holes and there are
so many other things that I didn't get to ask
going to ask about butt facials, but you know, we'll
have them back.
Speaker 3 (49:28):
Oh my god, lovely. I just felt like it makes
some I mean, I love hearing about you know, community
based care. Sure these like affirming conversations and just hearing
his own journey to practicing this like very necessary. Yeah,
but that I knew absolutely nothing about.
Speaker 2 (49:47):
And I think that I'm with you. I didn't expect it.
I was like, oh, we're gonna have fun, we're gonna
laugh a lot, and we're gonna learn a lot. But
also just like the heart of it, which is like, oh, yeah, right,
this thing is important and if.
Speaker 3 (50:00):
You don't want people to get hurt, yeah, like more
than anything, well, baseline, you don't want people to get hurt,
but also you want people to feel comfortable and feel
a lot of pleasure.
Speaker 2 (50:09):
Yes, feel pleasure and feel power, and and his practice
really gives people that back even like talking about just
like the the people who aren't having anal sex being
able to poop.
Speaker 4 (50:19):
It's like, oh right, life's greatest, life's greatest pleasure.
Speaker 5 (50:25):
It is a good log, you know, you know, like
this is not good, you know, like when when it
hits that.
Speaker 3 (50:36):
Total yeah clean, break a clean, break wow, wow, break
clean wipe. I'm sorry.
Speaker 2 (50:54):
Yeah, this was really really awesome and I'm so glad
you were here. Thank you for being here with.
Speaker 3 (50:59):
Me, you for letting me hear you.
Speaker 2 (51:02):
Gift Merry Christmas. Well, you know we are hoes here,
of all your hoes with hearts. So before we go,
let me speak to yours, which is I mean, baby,
your whole matters, you know what I'm saying, Like your
butt matters, but also just your body matters. I think
(51:24):
one of my big takeaways and whenever we talk to
medical professionals on the show, is like, you know, advocate
for yourself and if something isn't working, be curious, investigate
it and find people out there who specialize in it.
You know, there are people out there who one are
also experiencing it, right, so there are other people who
(51:44):
are experiencing similar symptoms that you might be experiencing, and
then there's probably somebody out there who is trying to
treat it or trying to work on it. And so
do the research and give yourself the I don't know,
the permission to be curious, permission to say, oh, something
is off here before I ignore it, dismiss it, or
(52:08):
going to despair over it. What kind of research can
I be doing? I can't. We said whole an asshole
so many times. What a thrill? What a thor rill?
I'm like, literally, I just walked Mitra out of the
studio and then I'm coming back here to talk to you,
and I'm just like, Wow, this is on a Thursday afternoon.
(52:31):
This is what I'm doing talking about assholes. And I
couldn't be more honestly humbled and honored to do this
as as my job, and so I hope it is
helpful to you. But yeah, the takeaway for me is
your whole matters. Your whole fucking matters. So take care
of it. Do what you need to do to take
(52:52):
care of it. Ask the questions it is. It sounds
like there can be a lot, right, it can be overwhelming,
but you take it piece by piece and build yourself
a new blueprint build yourself, a new relationship with your body,
with the pieces of your body that maybe don't function
the way that you want them to or could be
functioning better, which is also a tea. I really really
(53:15):
adore meet when I'm so glad she was here. And
I also adore doctor Evan. Like I said, I saw him,
consulted with him when he was in La years ago,
and just everything you heard, how knowledgeable he is, how
open hearted he is, how shamefully judgment free. That is
exactly who he is. So if you are in New York,
do you know shameless plug. If you're in New York
(53:35):
and you need support Bespoke Surgical. Every time a gay
person says to me, I have some butt thing and
I'm going to the butt doctor, I'm like doctor Evan,
and every time it is yes, doctor Evan. I'm talking
about Like I was in Madrid with a friend at
dinner who was talking to me about like his whole
because people talk to me about their holes too, and
he was like, I'm going to see this doctor, this
(53:56):
butt doctor. I said, doctor Evan. He said yeah, doctor Evan,
And I was like, doctor Evan has to be on
the show. And that's why this episode is here. Okay, well,
that's all I have to say about that. I love
you so much and I'll talk to you soon.
Speaker 1 (54:10):
Babies.
Speaker 2 (54:11):
That's the show. Listen. I want to hear from you,
So send your topic, ideas or submissions to tell Me
Something Messy at gmail dot com. You can call us
as well at six six nine sixty nine Messy. That
is six six nine six nine six three seven seventy nine.
For you Hills who can't spell, join the community on
the Messy Mondays substack, where you'll when you subscribe, you'll
get weekly posts on sex and self recommendations, playlist, additional
(54:34):
podcast content. So that's Brandon Kyle Goodman dot subsack dot com. Now.
You can find Mitra on Instagram at Mitra juhari j
O U h A r I. You can find doctor
Evan on Instagram doctor Evan Goldstein. You can find me
on Instagram Brandon Kyle Goodman. Find the podcast at tell
Me Something Messy or on TikTok at Brandon k. Good
(54:56):
You can find my I Have So Many Things to Tell.
You can find my book the Los Angeles local bookstore
Reparations Club. Use the code messy for fifteen percent off.
Also doctor Evans' book, but seriously, we'll link that in
the show notes. Rate and review, and share this podcast
with all your hoe and aspiring hoe friends. Okay, on
to we meet again. Ask about the politics of that
(55:17):
dick before you make it spit. Make sure they eat
the kitty before they beat the kitty, before funcation or secation. Communication.
And the most important part that I'm going to say
is just in case you haven't heard it yet, today
you are so deeply loved. I love you. Thank you
so much for listening to tell Me Something Messy. If
(55:38):
you all enjoyed the show, send the episode to someone
else who might like it. Tell Me Something Messy was
executive produced by Ali Perry, Gabrielle Collins and Yours Truly.
Our producer and editor is Vince de Johnny. Tell Me
Something Messy is proud to be a part of the
Outspoken Network from iHeart Podcasts, available on the iHeartRadio app
or wherever you get your podcasts.
We go to like dinners with friends or people that
may maybe I don't know at the dinner party, and
then it turns to like, can we go to the bathroom?
Can I just show you my whole I have a problem,
And then like and then like a woman, a girl
would be like I just had my kids, and I'm like,
I have something sticking out my ass and like, I
what is it?
Speaker 2 (00:17):
And then you like the rest, a little reconsultation. You
know what we do here destroy shame around sex by
talking about sex. Now, let me tell you something messy.
What I want to talk to you about today is
(00:38):
really quite important to me, and I think it's you know,
it's come up. People have been bringing up a lot,
and so I'm finally ready to talk about it here
on you know, my show just feels like the right
platform to talk about it, which is that my ass
has grown. Please don't be Dallas, Please don't hate, don't
send the hate mail, don't send any you know, uh,
terrible dms or comments. My ass growing. It is what
(01:01):
it is, and I've worked very hard on it and
I'm proud about it. And if you haven't seen it,
I'm gonna make sure that I post a photo so
that you really understand the growth factor. Here's why I'm
proud of it. Let me you know, and listen, I
think we all should at some point hype up our
you know, things that were proud of. I'm proud of
my ass because I don't come from a family of asses,
Do you know what I'm saying? The goodmans we are
(01:22):
known for our rich textured hair, our strong noses, big lips,
dark skin. But ass never never didn't know her, never
knew her, never understood her. But that was okay because
again I had other things, other things that were going
for me. And then I got to I don't know, college,
and like people weren't really talking about asses like that.
(01:43):
But like once I graduated, like into my twenties, people
started talking a little bit about ass. And then of
course we all know societally as like listen, black folks
have always had asses, but then the Kardashians did it,
and now everyone's like, we gotta have an ass whatever whatever,
But I still stay true to myself. I got the hair,
I got the nose, I got the lips, I got
(02:03):
the skin. I'm good. Then when I moved to La
you know, I have my gaggle of black girlfriends, and
my girlfriends they're they're all male. But you know my sisters, right,
So I have my sisters, and I have the smallest
ass of the group. Everyone knows that, and I'm okay
with that. Again, I have things that work for me
and I'm okay having the small ass. But two years ago,
(02:24):
here's what fucked me up. Two years ago, I made
friends with two white men, my two white sisters, if
you will, and they have ass. And that was it
was troubling for me. It was hard, but like, you know,
like whatever, whatever, But here's what happened. Then I took
a trip. I did a trip with my black sisters
(02:44):
and my two white sisters. And so I went on
this trip and somehow ass came up. Who ass came up?
And everyone was like, well, whose ass is biggest and whatnot?
And everybody, the black sisters and the white sisters agreed.
I ain't have no ass. And that is my villain
origin story, bitch, because I said, absolutely not, Okay, I
(03:07):
will not let these white girls come in here and
try to have fatter ass than me. So I immediately
got myself a nice little fitness coach, and I said
to him. His name is Seth, I said, I said, said,
I want to build my ass. I need a booty.
I need to make these bitches suffer. And Seth said bet.
And so you know, the last two years have been
(03:29):
me growing my ass and it's been it's been lovely
because not only is there more to hold onto, but
I get the compliments now and I don't mind being
oggled in that way, and I want to enjoy it
because I know that I won't be aggled at in
my entire life, which we should probably talk about. By
the way, welcome to the show. This is telling me
something messy. I'm your your host. Brandon called goodmn. Some
(03:51):
people call me messy mom. You can call me fucking
I don't know. Uh, Well, like a superhero iron ass
you know what I'm saying. Like, I built that ass
out and I'm proud of it. I'm proud to be
a villain of ass. Well, I guess Iron Man wasn't
a villain. But we'll deal with it. The joker, the
(04:12):
joke hole, the jack. I'm a workshott and I will
have it by the end of the episode. Okay, maybe
you know what that means. It is time for a guest,
and while they get situated, we are going to get
our messy key key started with a whole manifest Stow
repeat after me, allowed or in your head. Grant me
(04:34):
the serenity to unpack my shame, the courage to heal,
the wisdom to know that sex is not just about penetration,
the audacity to advocate for my pleasure and my boundaries.
The strength to not call my ex that fuck boy,
fuck girl or buck bay, for it is better for
me to masturbate by myself in peace than to let
someone play in my motherfucking face. Let the community say o, helujah.
(05:00):
I am so excited to have Miitra Juhari on the show.
Miitro Juhari is a writer, actor, and comedian. You can
see her work on Three Busy, Debra's Big Mouth, dig
Man Clone, High, High Maintenance, Abbott, Elementary Search, Party, The Bear,
and more. Mitra is also my work wife. We used
(05:20):
to work together on Big Mouth. We sat next to
each other for all the seasons we were there. I'm obsessed, y'all,
Please help me. Welcome Metro Juhari. Hi, mi Tra, how
are you?
Speaker 3 (05:36):
Great? Brandon?
Speaker 1 (05:38):
Oh?
Speaker 2 (05:38):
My god? Using my name sexy, well bringing the heat.
I know that's right. Well, before we get into our
MESSI key, we have some messy mandates that I'm trying
to find in my doc because I should know my heart.
We're doing so well, okay, So, uh, mess mandates, which
(06:00):
are any thoughts or opinions share have the right to evolve, shift,
or change today, tomorrow or ten years from now. And
this is the most important. Actually, if during the kiki
something feels too personal or unintentionally offends, we use the
safe word fus ball, which gives us a chance to
pause and address or pivot accordingly. I'm good, Yeah, okay,
do you want to play a lue breaker? It's my
(06:22):
favorite thing to ask that question because you will go,
what the fuck is this?
Speaker 1 (06:27):
Nothing?
Speaker 3 (06:28):
Could be shocking?
Speaker 2 (06:31):
Beautiful beautiful, Yeah, great, great, beautiful. So we're gonna start
with this lue breaker, which is a messy round of
real or fake gig which I'm going to give you
a prompt and you tell me if you think it's
true which is real, we're false like a myth, which
is faking, like you guys, terrifying. Are you ready for
the first one?
Speaker 4 (06:50):
Huh?
Speaker 2 (06:51):
Okay, So if you have anal sex, your butt will
get bigger? Yeah fake? Oh my god, if that were
a real, babe, I would have this ass a long
time ago. I've been in the gym on the stairstep bers.
Speaker 3 (07:04):
A lot of tiny little butts.
Speaker 2 (07:05):
Yeah, there are a lot of so tiny. You shouldn't be
so tiny. There would be a lot more ass out there.
There would not be a need for the bbls and
anything like that.
Speaker 3 (07:13):
Exactly, a lot of women on their hands and knees
on an airplane.
Speaker 2 (07:17):
Yes to say, now, what I did read is that
it could make the amus bigger, but not not the
not the actual gluteus maximus.
Speaker 3 (07:28):
Yeah, okay, I mean it would be an ultimate life hack.
Speaker 2 (07:32):
I mean, listen, if getting sucked the askuld get us
bigger asses?
Speaker 3 (07:35):
Wow much?
Speaker 2 (07:38):
If that stairmassard put a lot of people out of
a business, out of work, a lot of those surgeons
would be fucked. Okay, So real or faking semen is
good for your skin.
Speaker 3 (07:49):
I want this to be true because I remember being
told this. Yeah, internalizing it, huh, making choices.
Speaker 2 (08:02):
Routine includes, of course absolutely Unfortunately it's taking devastating, devastating.
Speaker 3 (08:10):
It makes sense considering who told me you're like, now,
I know, no, I know it's not a medical professor
medical question.
Speaker 2 (08:20):
Can I tell you that when I was a kid,
my my bus driver promise is a great story my
bus driver, you know, you know, sorry, when I was
a teenager, you know, puberty is just wrecking the face.
And my uh bus driver told me that, which I can't.
I feel like she said it genuinely, but now she
(08:40):
was fucking with me, but she said, I think I
said this in the room, if you piss on your face,
please tell me safe space. Oh yes, yeah, okay, So
my bus driver said if you put piss on your
face that it would help, that it helps with the pimples.
(09:04):
And so there was a period of time where I
would you have to imagine that I would uh go
to the bathroom, and you know, I was a teenager,
so I would just pee into the toilet bowl and
put like a piece of tissue paper in like in
the line of my piss, and then I would so devastated.
Speaker 3 (09:24):
Completely because I so understand that headspace. Ya, yeah, I
received that information. I would have done exactly immediately.
Speaker 2 (09:32):
I'm like, put this piss on your face.
Speaker 3 (09:34):
Yes, it's like the time of like burning your hair
with a flat iron. Like it's a time where like
anything anyone says you should do, you will do.
Speaker 2 (09:42):
You will absolutely do. You will believe all the myths.
But it was you know, I don't think it helped.
Uh no, No, that wasn't it. That wasn't what cleared
my skin. But back to semen, which is semen can
cause allergic reactions, including stinging, burning, hives, and difficulty breathing.
Symptoms usually appear twenty to thirty minutes after contact, So
(10:03):
don't put semen on your I mean, but that's like
an extreme because I like I have facials. I mean
I have facials for real, but like also like come
facials and my skin seems to be fine. But I
washed my skin right after, so maybe that's helpful.
Speaker 3 (10:16):
I think that's crucial, crucial. I think that's a crucial
because any any like any non skincare related thing that
you're getting on your face, you don't want it to be.
You don't want to stay there, you.
Speaker 2 (10:24):
Don't want to say that. Absolutely, yeah, absolutely.
Speaker 3 (10:27):
Seeing semen is not skincare, But maybe.
Speaker 2 (10:30):
One day it will be. For those listening, for those
who are very impressionable a semen keep it away from
your skin unless it's away.
Speaker 3 (10:39):
No, wait, don't leave it. Don't leave it marinate on
your skin.
Speaker 2 (10:42):
There we go. Okay, that is keate. Please do not
leave it to marinate.
Speaker 3 (10:46):
Wipe it off, wash it off, not just wipe wash
it off.
Speaker 2 (10:49):
Wow. An educational podcast wash wash your face not white.
So this one says, oh, this is also sperm related.
Uh sperm contains real calories? Yes, yes, yeah, it's like
five to seven.
Speaker 3 (11:10):
You can't. I here's how I know.
Speaker 2 (11:12):
Tell me.
Speaker 3 (11:14):
Well, first of all, I don't think you can grow
up early two thousands and not know every single thing
that has calories.
Speaker 2 (11:22):
First of all, toxic, very true, very true. I was
on a sym fast diet which was very toxic. Yeah yeah,
but I also ate on it, which was not you're
not supposed.
Speaker 3 (11:31):
To do, Jimmy Christ. But I saw that people were
logging it on like my fitness pal, oh longing.
Speaker 2 (11:43):
Come my fitness is an app where you can, like,
do you like log what you eat and it'll tell
you like how many calories and macros and whatnot in it.
That's wild that you saw, come on it.
Speaker 3 (11:54):
I saw it on Twitter that people were logging it.
But then I looked, and I like, fully like downloaded
the app, and and you you can.
Speaker 2 (12:03):
Research research, journalistic research, writing a script research.
Speaker 3 (12:08):
Well, and then I was like I had like one
day where I was like, you know, I'm going to
just log everything, and then I was like, no, I'm not.
I'm I'm far too lazy. It's not even like it
was truly just laziness, Like it wasn't even like I'm
more enlightened than this. I like whenever I was like
I'm lazy, I don't want to do this.
Speaker 2 (12:24):
I can't.
Speaker 3 (12:25):
I was like when I realized I had to like
figure out how much like the pistachios.
Speaker 2 (12:29):
Waged weight and you're like, it's so much work.
Speaker 3 (12:32):
So much work, but you can log come.
Speaker 2 (12:38):
Educational podcast. So there's that.
Speaker 3 (12:42):
Let's just say I'm remember my calary a little bit today,
if you know what I mean.
Speaker 2 (12:48):
Unfortunately I do. Okay, well you win, you win win.
My congratulations with my unconditional love, which you already had
to get like double of it, which is just incredible. Okay, Mitra,
(13:08):
will you tell me something messy?
Speaker 3 (13:11):
I was like looking and I was thinking about like
the messiest time of course high school and middle school,
and this isn't so messy, but I just I was
thinking about it and I was laughing, Well, it's messy,
but it's not okay. So I didn't really know, like
how I didn't know about much of anything. I didn't
(13:32):
really know how to be flirty. I don't even think
I told the story in the Big Mother, but maybe
I did one time. I and and he is still
a friend. I lured a boy to my home by
telling him that I could cut hair, and I snuck
him in through a window up to my room, and
I kind of just didn't think, like I didn't think
I would get that.
Speaker 2 (13:51):
Far, and so the pitch was, I can give you
a haircut. He was like yes, and then he came over.
Speaker 3 (14:02):
And then I think, I think in my mind I
was like, maybe that is like a natural segue, like
we won't even get to the haircut. But then we
were both like so nervous that then I just ended
up cutting his hair and it nothing happened in my room.
I cut his hair, and then regular it looked so
(14:29):
bad I would have to find it was like sort
of like spiky on even needed to be styled. And
second of all, probably all the same length when not styled.
But in my mind, I was like, well, to cut
it a bunch of different lengths and then when he
comes up, it'll like look like but he had like
a completely different like texture of hair from the guy
(14:50):
in the movie that we.
Speaker 2 (14:51):
Saw in the movie. So you saw what you saw
a haircut in a movie.
Speaker 3 (14:55):
And I don't remember what movie. I would have to, like,
I would really have to do and I'll do some digging,
but I remember exactly what the hair looked like. Never forget,
and then I will never forget how much it didn't
look like that.
Speaker 2 (15:11):
Sorry, did you have like a photo that you were
copying or you?
Speaker 3 (15:13):
Like from my mind, I was like, I know exactly
what to do here?
Speaker 2 (15:19):
Did he say thank you? Did he? Was?
Speaker 3 (15:21):
He upset because like I don't think he knew how
bad it was at that moment, like like and I
didn't either, because I was like, well, we have to
style it, of course, to see how good the haircut looks.
And then he went home.
Speaker 2 (15:36):
What happened the next day?
Speaker 3 (15:37):
He had to get another haircut.
Speaker 2 (15:43):
Now I want to interview him, and I want to know,
like what his parents response was when he came home.
Speaker 3 (15:47):
Oh my god, I know, and he came all that
way of us could drive, like I think he biked
or something. I actually never even had the curiosity to ask.
I got there.
Speaker 2 (16:00):
Just like so nervous to give a haircut.
Speaker 3 (16:02):
Yeah, And I truly don't know like what I thought
was going to happen, what my intentions were. I can't
imagine that I was sitting there being like, well, give
him haircut and send him on his way.
Speaker 2 (16:13):
You're like, I'm going to give him such a great haircut,
he's gonna have to eat me out.
Speaker 3 (16:18):
I don't even think I knew what that was.
Speaker 2 (16:20):
I think, like kiss, we're going to make out.
Speaker 3 (16:22):
Yeah, I wanted. I think deep down I wanted something
to occur, but I didn't know like even what that
could be.
Speaker 2 (16:29):
But it's so sensual to like be touching his hair.
Was that at all on your bed?
Speaker 3 (16:34):
And then he's just leaving his hair like loose hair
all over the bed.
Speaker 2 (16:36):
Make a doll, you know.
Speaker 3 (16:41):
To me, like more intimate than like many sexual encounters.
Speaker 2 (16:47):
That was really wholesome, disturbing, disturbing.
Speaker 3 (16:54):
Like nothing sexual actually had happened yet. It is so
charged and disturbing.
Speaker 2 (17:00):
Disturbingly wholesome, and you love that.
Speaker 3 (17:02):
Wow, Like what did I do with the hair?
Speaker 2 (17:04):
Like, what did she do?
Speaker 3 (17:07):
I don't know, because.
Speaker 2 (17:07):
I'm like, you're like disassociated, You're like it's.
Speaker 3 (17:10):
All it's Yeah. I think it was just like this
few state where I was like, I'm giving it. I'm
actually giving a haircut.
Speaker 2 (17:14):
Because your parents also didn't know he was in the house.
Speaker 3 (17:16):
This was like in the middle of the night, That's
what I mean, Like, how did he get there? How
did he get care? I don't know.
Speaker 2 (17:25):
The middle of the night haircut.
Speaker 3 (17:26):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (17:27):
I think that's so cute because I think, what's what's
wholesome about it? It's like it's so clear that the two
of you wanted each other. Yeah, you both the middle
of the night haircut. What are we doing? Like we
want each other.
Speaker 3 (17:38):
To sleep being so quiet? Yeah, and I'm going all right,
time to cut your hair, I guess. And then thanks
to the haircut, Mitra, time to run home. Didn't let
that close.
Speaker 2 (17:49):
The more you tell me, the more romantic it is
you have to write. You have to write a little
rom com about this, a little short story. I love this,
I love this. Thank you all, thank you. We can
do that a safe space to share about the haircuts, right,
(18:11):
It's time for some messy where we read out messy
patron stories and submissions. As always, your submissions remain anonymous.
One of your submissions will be my messy pick for
a messy key key, which is a more in depth
convote with my guess me trot. This first one says
weekend DP with my husband and two daddies, had my
(18:31):
pussy mouth dripping? Come happy boy? How you feel? How
you feel like that?
Speaker 1 (18:37):
You can?
Speaker 2 (18:39):
I like, yeah read it? Yeah yeah yeah. It says
week and it's copy and paste.
Speaker 3 (18:44):
It's literally pussy slash mouth. That was okay, pussy mouth.
Speaker 2 (18:48):
Well, it's like your mouth has a pussy.
Speaker 3 (18:50):
Yeah yeah, yeah, yah yeah yeah yeah I pussy mouth
new to me.
Speaker 2 (18:56):
This one says, uh oh, how do I get that
juicy bubble boo for your man? I need some pointers now.
When I first read this, I was like for my man,
but I think they mean like.
Speaker 3 (19:05):
For them, maybe for your man?
Speaker 2 (19:07):
Could you imagine asking how do you get a juicy
video for your man? Very housewives, very very housewives.
Speaker 3 (19:14):
Harry squats?
Speaker 2 (19:17):
Oh yeah, sorry about the juicy, but yeah squats clearly
star master. Yeah. Anal sex does not help. As we
debunked earlier. So yeah, stare maaster. I love. That's my
white woman cardio.
Speaker 3 (19:27):
It's good.
Speaker 2 (19:27):
That's what I call it. It's like twenty minutes interval training.
I do. Am I going to really tell you?
Speaker 3 (19:32):
Is hiking hiking?
Speaker 2 (19:34):
I hate hiking, but I mean it's incline. It's the incline.
Speaker 3 (19:38):
It's the incline.
Speaker 2 (19:38):
It's the incline that builds the behind. It was I
was trying to rhyme that somebody will make that, somebody
will figure it out. This one says, I've been trying
to bottom more and heard botox in your hole can help.
Is this true? Well, listen, I don't actually know. I've
(20:00):
heard about this, but I don't know. So we're bringing
in a sexpert, and here he is. We're gonna talk
to doctor Evan Goldstein, who is the leading anal health
expert in the United States, founder of Future Method, and
one of the few surgeons in the world whose practice
Bespoke Surgical is dedicated to treating and restoring the human
(20:22):
But he has been featured we need you, Thank you,
thank you, thank you. Doctor. He has been featured in
national publications including GQ, Well and Good Men's Health. Cosmopolitan,
New York mag Forbes, Fast Company, Out and Shape, and
is an in demand speaker for both medical and sex
positive industries. His first book, But Seriously, The Definitive Guide
(20:45):
to anal Health, Pleasure and Everything in Between, was published
in May of this year. Please help Me, welcome doctor Evan.
Speaker 1 (20:54):
Thanks so much for having me.
Speaker 2 (20:56):
Oh my god, thank you for being here. We're so excited,
like literal.
Speaker 3 (21:01):
You know, I've been looking forward to this for weeks.
Speaker 2 (21:04):
Literally literally, I was like, mit, do you want to
interview the butt doctor? Let's just start there? Is there?
Speaker 1 (21:16):
There's anal botox totally. Anal botox is a huge thing.
It's been for a while now. It's like super mainstream.
But you need to first make sure that you are
a candidate for it.
Speaker 2 (21:30):
How are you a candidate?
Speaker 1 (21:32):
So there's three types of holes in the world? Is leading?
Speaker 2 (21:38):
Did you see that leaned in my candidate?
Speaker 1 (21:44):
So there are three types of assholes in the world. Okay,
and how do we know this? So in my office,
for the last fifteen years, we've been doing testing to
see are there different groups of people, people that can
totally take any versus people that can't. And there's three groups.
The first group is I can relax my ass, I
(22:07):
can take whatever, and I'm blessed.
Speaker 4 (22:10):
That's I'm totally blessed, God's chosen.
Speaker 1 (22:19):
But yes, that's not me. I don't know if that's you,
but that's not me. So that that group is about
thirty five percent of people actually really yeah, And then
the rest of people are having some issues. And the
group number two is I sometimes can I sometimes am
(22:41):
having some difficulty. There's some pain when I start, whereas
group three is like, nothing's going in there. It's too tight,
it's too restricted, there's something that I may necessarily need
to do surgery on. So the reality is that with
anal botox first, to take it back to like why
(23:01):
does ano botox work? So there are three muscles in
everybody's ass. If you, guys, squeeze your whole right now,
and the listeners are doing that too. You're squeezing. You
can rest now you're squeezing. You're squeezing the two outer
(23:25):
most muscles. The third one is deeper in that's you
and I don't have much control over that. That's the
one that is tighter in a lot of people. So
I'm like, let's say I'm having sex with someone that
I'm entering them and they're like, oh, I'm totally relaxed,
and I'm like, yeah, I can't get myself inside you.
(23:46):
It's that third muscle called the internal sphincter that is
really too tight. That's the one that you give a
botox too. And what that does is it just decreases
the pressure. So there's you know, like we said, with
multiple bottoms, there's people that are too loose, there's normal,
and then there's people that are too tight. By giving
(24:08):
the boatox in that third muscle, you're moving them into
a realm of being what would be considered in a
more normal range. But the way that anal boatox works,
first of all, it's the same day application. You do
it in the office. It's super easy to do.
Speaker 2 (24:27):
It's just hurt.
Speaker 1 (24:28):
It's it's like a needle in your hole. I mean
it's you know, yeah, I mean nobody.
Speaker 2 (24:38):
Sorry, I mean too obvious, but you know, yeah, it's okay.
So it's a little people.
Speaker 1 (24:43):
In fifteen years of doing this, I have never had
anybody not do it and not do it successfully in
the office. But there's some people that need some coaching,
you know, breathing and like hey, I'm going to inject it,
but it's four injections, no downtime, and it lasts for
about three to four months.
Speaker 2 (25:02):
Wow.
Speaker 1 (25:03):
Most people they do the botox. You probably need two
to three sessions of the boatox. But if you think
that botox me giving you botox is just going to
be the Aha moment, it's not. You have to put
in time, you have to work, you meaning, you need
to use toys, you need to dilate, you need to
have sex. You need to use it because it's a muscle,
(25:27):
and that muscle is contracted ninety nine point nine percent
of the day.
Speaker 3 (25:32):
And are any of this mental or is it entirely physical?
Speaker 1 (25:36):
I think that everything that I do sixty percent of
it is functional, and then forty percent of it is mental.
And the mental is two things. It's psychological, but it's
also the connection from the brain to the ass. So
like when you say squeeze, there are plenty of people
that can squeeze, and there's plenty of people that when
(25:58):
they squeeze, they're relaxing, and when they're relaxing, they're squeezing.
The connection is just not there. So there's things that
can be learned, and that's where when someone's like, hey,
is anal botox a thing for me? First it's you
need to see people that know what the hell they're doing. Second,
you need to see someone that can look inside and
(26:19):
out and do anal monometry testing and see like what
bucket are you? Bucket one, two or three? And then like, okay,
if you are a candidate, what do you need to
do to get the appropriate treatment with anal botox? And
also what's your end game? Are you looking to just
(26:40):
toy work? Are you looking for fists? What are you
looking for? So that we're doing a big detailed sexual
history even for pooping, I do a lot of straight
guys and girls that don't want anal at all, but
they have hemorrhoids. They keep tearing, and by giving some
botox you're relaxing them that muscle in a way that
(27:01):
allows them to just live their quality of life that
much better.
Speaker 3 (27:07):
So is this similar to like when people get like
botox in their jaw for like clinching or something.
Speaker 1 (27:12):
Like interesting, the same concept. Now you see it is
a game changer in the antal community just because there
are so many people that are mentally hey, I do
want to take it up the ass but I functionally can't,
and I tell people like it destroys lives, Like if
(27:32):
you are physically limited sexually and you want to do
certain things, it ruins relationships. People become you know, really
can become totally catastrophic in their relationships and their own
self esteem.
Speaker 3 (27:46):
And a horrible loop when like you can't do it
and then there's so much pressure.
Speaker 2 (27:50):
Yeah, this is validating because sometimes you're like, well, just
play with toys, like why is there Like I imagine that
couples get into arguments or can get into arguments because
it's like, well you don't why you want to take me,
or just the arguments around not being able to get
inside somebody. But now knowing that like there's a real
it's not sorry, not that it was ever fake, but
like there is that totally, it's a it's.
Speaker 1 (28:09):
An affirming, right, It's an affirming diagnosis to be like, okay,
like what are the what are the barriers? You know,
sex itself and anal play is pressure. And if you
think of pooping, pooping is just as much pressure, but
sex is even greater. So now you have to kind
of understand like what's my anatomy? What muscles do I have.
(28:32):
Do they listen to me? I always tell people sex
is not overtly complicated. It's how do we get all
of those muscles to relax in unison because there's three
of them, right, But also how do we get the
skin to open. It's like an accordion, right, think about
we need the accordion to open. Great, hoot, hurrah, I
(28:53):
took whatever I wanted. I had great sex, and then
it closes. But in many people it can't open. So
then what happens You have to create more pressure. When
you create more pressure, you can tear, which is called
an anal fissure. You can get hemorrhoids, which are these
airbags that can kind of cause issues. You can get
abscesses and infection. There's so many things that can happen.
(29:17):
So I think it's sexual education. It's doing what we're
doing and talking about it to kind of dispel myths
and the taboos surrounding the topic. And then it's like
empowering people to understand their own anatomy and functionality so
that they now can actually get to where they need
to be. And thankfully now we're in twenty twenty five
where we have people that do this we have techniques,
(29:40):
we're able to now get people to match what they
want to the functional approaches. So it's cool. It's a
cool space if.
Speaker 2 (29:48):
People want anal botox, like so where they go, Like,
can I go to like my botox person now?
Speaker 1 (29:55):
Like, yeah, I think realistically, you want to go to
someone that's fully in se actual wellness and also proctology
anal specific There's a lot of people that are popping
up that's like, oh, I'll do face, I'll do your ass,
I'll do your balls, I'll do whatever. But again, it's
a matter of you need to feel comfortable with the person.
You need to make sure that you're in a place
(30:15):
that you feel safe and listen to. And it's not
just oh yeah, I want anal botox and you get it,
because a lot of people with that maybe they didn't
they didn't need it, or they need it plus they
need something else and they need the education to know
that you need to stretch the muscle. I tell people,
think of you and I going to the gym. We're
(30:36):
lifting weights one day, we're doing biceps. The next day
we're doing triceeps. Why because we want to stretch the
bicep The second day nobody ever stretches their whole, right,
I mean just people don't do it.
Speaker 2 (30:53):
That's right.
Speaker 1 (31:00):
When someone's that's listening, like, look, I don't have access
to this type of care. I don't know if I
need antal boatox. What do I do? I wrote a
book recently called butt Seriously.
Speaker 2 (31:13):
So Good.
Speaker 1 (31:15):
But in that book it goes over how do you
use toys on your own? Right? I started a company
called Future Method, which is bridging science into sex and
everything that I learned in the office, So from toys
to douching, to fiber prem probatics to all the things
that I see that people need to just have better
(31:37):
sex lives. And with that, you need to learn your
own self. So there's a ways of using toys and
dilating yourself. I'll show you the dilators and they come
in this so they come in this kit, those ages,
so that and then.
Speaker 3 (31:55):
And then there's and then there's.
Speaker 1 (31:57):
A cone, and then there's a cone and and they're
there for a reason because they're working the muscle, they're
working the skin, they're getting things tougher but more pliable.
But as you're doing the protocol, you're learning what type
of hole, what type of mental what type of mechanism
you have, and then you'll be able to see am
(32:18):
I in bucket one that I can take anything and
I'm the blessed gods? Or am I or am I
in the others that I need more help?
Speaker 3 (32:28):
I have a question when people come in and they
want to know, like what bucket they're in? How are
you figuring that out?
Speaker 2 (32:35):
Like that's a great question.
Speaker 1 (32:36):
So obviously we do a huge detailed sexual history before
we enter the examiner, But in the exam room, I
take an anoscope, which is literally a plastic tube that
allows me to look inside with a microscope. And when
I'm doing that, I'm entering and seeing, all right, how
do the muscles relax? What are the muscles, what's the strength,
(33:00):
what's the understanding of the anatomy? Is the skin very thin?
I see a lot of women and trans women male
to female because they're on estrogen sperno lactos. Their skin
is beautiful, but it gets very thin. So you see
people with a discrepancy of where they may have tight muscle,
but they have weak, thin skin that can tear very easily.
(33:24):
So it's kind of figuring out is it a muscular issue?
Is it a skin issue, is it a skin scar.
There's lots that goes to that. But also I have
a physical therapist named Stephen Lavender here in the office.
He's amazing, and what he does is we do an
anal monometry test, which is we literally put a small
instrument inside and we ask you to squeeze, relax, squeeze, relax,
(33:48):
and we do a lot of different measurements that will
tell me which bucket you're in. And then from there
I'm able to be like, Okay, can I just get
you to just understand your anatomy and you toys and
you'll be successful? Or do we need to do anal
botox plus that, or is there something else a hemorrhoid,
(34:08):
a fissure, something that I need to do a surgical
correction first and then go back to toys and boattox.
So it's it's now finally an exact science where we're
able to truly know where you fit. And then it's
like a plug and play.
Speaker 3 (34:24):
Literally Yeah, yeah, yeah, seriously.
Speaker 2 (34:29):
Thought seriously, I bet that people leave your office or
leave you. I mean, so we met, we met, actually
be sure I met doctor Evan, because doctor everything's to
come out to La and we were in maybe season
four a big mouth and I had a hemorrhoid and
my doctor, my primary K, recommended me to doctor Evan
and I never got the I didn't get the surgery done.
(34:51):
You told me to get a tissue bidet. I had
a hemorrhids. So it was like tissue bidet change my
fiber tucks whatever and my pussy is beautiful, changed my life.
But it was so affirming to be able to talk
to somebody without shame around what was happening with my
because especially as a queer person, male bodied, like you know,
(35:12):
your asshole is a big part of you know, your
your sex life. So to be able to talk to
somebody with no shame, I bet like people are just
leaving your office feeling affirmed, liberated, and empowered because as
you said, like you you came out of the closet,
you know, you started to step into yourself, and so
I imagine that there was some trepidation and some nervousness and
some doubt, maybe even some imposter syndrome. So was there
(35:34):
a patient that you had that kind of validated that
you were on the right path, or that like kind
of you you always kind of look to as fuel
to keep going.
Speaker 1 (35:44):
There was a patient in Paris who was suicidal. I
went to three four, had four or five surgeries, and
he was my last resort and he literally was like
going to jump off the bridge, and like I we like,
I was like, let's just start and let's it. And
now you know, it took us time because he had
lots of surgeries and lots of scars. But when you
(36:04):
get that email of like Evan, I just had sex
and I hadn't had sex in the last seven years
with my partner, and like, you know, like you could
just it's just like how cool is that?
Speaker 2 (36:17):
You know that just.
Speaker 1 (36:18):
From what I the little incisions and the how and
the wherewithal that I'm able to get that matched back
into just an amazing productive life. And so I think realistically, look,
if you if your ass doesn't work, you're going to
find the people that can fix it. And nowadays, with
Google and access and all that, you know, I zoom
(36:40):
with people. We communicate, we figure out, we do what
we need to do, and if we need an in
person and surgery, we do it. But nowadays, of like
you know, run of the mill stuff, you can find
your local people to figure that part out. But when
it gets to the point now where like you can't
do what you want to do, you need to find
somebody that has that expert and that's in anything, not
(37:01):
only me. First of all. Now with Instagram and Zoom,
you d M me anytime, and everyone sends me their
ass picks anyway. So and then and then I sometimes
I'm at dinner table and then like Phoenix is like,
who's sending you an asshole? And like you, I'm like,
I gotta look at it.
Speaker 2 (37:20):
It's my joh my goodness, I will ask you about
assholes all Nay, I can't.
Speaker 1 (37:26):
It's like it's like we go It's like we go
to like dinners with friends or people that may maybe
I don't know at the dinner party, and then it
turns to like, oh, well what do you do? And
then Andy, my partner, is like, oh fuck.
Speaker 2 (37:38):
Because you got a laugh.
Speaker 1 (37:40):
Everybody No, everybody's going to be talking about it. They're
like dad, They're like, can we go to the bathroom?
Can I just show you my whole I have a problem?
And then like and then like a woman, a girl
would be like I just had my kids, and I'm
like I have something sticking out my ass and like
what is it? And then you like, well, I talk
(38:08):
about like the book and our brand and what we
do in the office. Is also in trying to empower
you yes, which is to be like, yes, this is important.
And then it's like you're going to need to do
the education yourself because most of these physicians don't have
the wherewithal anyway, Like they just don't know what the
fuck is going on on the sexual side. They don't
(38:29):
understand that. And I think that that was one of
the big things, like me coming out and being gay
and trying to take it up the ass. I clearly
related to a community where now people feel comfortable. You
just want to feel like recognized and understood, you know,
and that is so important. But you start to break
sex into three different buckets, right one is like how
(38:53):
do they prepare for sex? And every community prepares differently.
Right then it's like, well, how do I engage sexually?
That's another like what loobs am I doing? What positions
do am I doing? And then like what's the aftercare?
Are people actually suppositories? You know, lotions, showering? What do
(39:13):
people do? So when you start to kind of look
at oh, these people are coming in with like STDs
and tears. You start to ask the questions right where
you start to see that everybody douches, and then I say,
well that's interesting. The person that's overduching comes to me
with ABC and D issue. Then you start to be like, well,
(39:34):
what is it with overduching? And then you call up
scientists and we have conversations and you say, oh, if
people are using water or they're overduching, what happens is
it fucks with the microbiome. So then you say, oh, well,
well what does it matter? And then you say, well, actually, yes,
we know that the microbiome changes in people that engage
(39:56):
in anal sex. You have a higher incidence of STDs
and A and anal injury. So then you start to
see like all the different problems with that. So then
I said, oh, okay, well do people need to douche?
And then you say, well, can't you just use fiber
and bulk the stool, And then you start to kind
(40:17):
of implement changes in the way people eat and their
diet and then their supplementation. And then they're like, I'm
still going to douche because I don't want to shit
on anybody and then you start to say, okay, well,
can't we just make a douche solution that is not toxic.
So that was the birth of my brand Future Method,
which was like, yeah, we should be able to do that, right,
(40:40):
people are cleaning, let's meet them where they are, but
just let's do it. No, exactly right, so let's just
give them a solution that works. And so we came
up with the solution of powder packs, where literally it's
like crystal light for every four.
Speaker 2 (40:58):
Yes, crystal lights, let's go. Yeah, we want to say.
Speaker 1 (41:07):
So, it's every four ounces of water you put a
packet in and what it does is it neutralizes the
water so that it cleans you. It keeps you silky
and sexy, but it doesn't fuck with the microbiome.
Speaker 2 (41:23):
Microbiome, can I ask that question totally?
Speaker 1 (41:26):
So it's bacteria. Everyone has it, our skin, our ass,
our mouths, everywhere. But your body is really really smart.
You have good bacteria, you have bad bacteria, but it's
in equilibrium and it lives in harmony and you are
all good. Now, if you ever get a rash, a
lot of that is the alteration of the microbiome. So
(41:48):
think of like summertime, la heat wave, you had sweaty
ass and then you're like, oh, and if you get
a fungal infection there's too much moisture. The microbiome changes
and then and that's what causes problems. Same thing happens anally,
so just from sex, water based lube douching the insides,
(42:11):
the microbiome changes and then all of a sudden, Now
it's kind of think of it as being raw inside.
Speaker 3 (42:19):
Like flushing out exactly.
Speaker 1 (42:21):
Protective lining exactly.
Speaker 2 (42:23):
And so the package that you use like revitalizes that
or kind.
Speaker 1 (42:27):
Of, but it won't fuck with it. What it does
is it just irrigates, It just cleans, but it doesn't
mess with the cells. Now, if you think of water,
people use water or shower hoses, or they use enemous
both of them are on two sides of the spectrum.
That fucks with those cells inside. And so what happens
is is that those cells become irritated, They basically slough off,
(42:51):
they basically aren't viable, and then inside the microbiome changes
and then it's raw. And then most of us have
raw so now we're not using condoms. It's irritated inside.
Even before you have sex and then now you can
imagine anal injury STDs HIV. So the key is again
(43:13):
it's like nobody ever talks about this shit and like
we all like are not educated. Nobody provides the care,
and so the key for this is like, how do
you understand? I still want you to have sex? But
it's like if we do little things by analyzing how
you engage and then putting either products or altering the
(43:34):
approaches so that you can now, you know, I tell people, look,
I have a douche company, but I don't want to
sell it. I want you to use our fiber. I
want you to use our prem probiotics. I want you
to do things that I always say, gut health before
butt health. You need you know, you.
Speaker 2 (43:52):
Need to you know doctor Evan.
Speaker 1 (43:55):
But Empire, yeah, totally. And that's where we I you know,
I see a lot of people yearly. Most people come
through once a year, even if they're fucking and they're
loving and they're doing everything. It's like we take a
look inside. We test the muscle. We want to make
sure you're not getting too loose. We want to make
sure you're not getting too tight. There's things that we
(44:16):
want to do, because there's a lot of things where
people will be like, oh, I'm a STD negative, I
look great, I feel great, and I go in there
and I'm like, you have an awards from HPB or
or you have chlamydia from a swab and you're asymptomatic.
So there's lots of things that you wouldn't necessarily know,
feel and or see unless someone looks inside. And it's
(44:37):
just like going to the gynecologists for women, you know,
once a year, an appropriate evaluation to make sure that
we're all doing the right thing. And then if sex
is really good, I want to know what that pressure
is because if the pressure now goes higher or lower,
we now know where you are optimal. So there's a
(44:57):
lot of science that goes into to be asked.
Speaker 3 (45:03):
Clearly.
Speaker 2 (45:03):
I love this wait question because you mentioned gynecology anal
pap smears. How often should we or when do you
start doing that? And how often should that happen? Because
I know those are important. I think I'm thirty seven.
I believe I'm getting.
Speaker 1 (45:19):
Maybe maybe I already.
Speaker 2 (45:21):
I mean, I get mine, but I don't. My doctor
made me get them signed, so I did it. But
I'm just curious about like what age you're supposed to
start thinking about that stuff and how often you should
be doing that?
Speaker 1 (45:34):
Sure, so anal pap smears for the listeners. They're basically
like cervical paps mirrors for women with cervix. Basically, you
swab and it takes a sample of the cells and
it tells us is there any change towards cancer, so
pre cancer changes can be caught. Now, pap smears are
still somewhat controversial. They're really only looking like it's indicated
(45:58):
in HIV positive individuals because of just should you be
pap smearing everybody? Now? I am a huge path proponent,
but the reason why is because someone needs to actually
do the pap smear and look at your ass and
talk to you and see if there's any other things
that are going on. The issue is if the pap
(46:20):
smears come back positive, the question is is there something
in there like wartz or some issues. But there's a
lot of false positives with pap smears, so it could
lead you down the pathway of doing a lot of
biopsies that may actually be unwarranted. And with that being said,
it could fuck with the whole bottoming situation. So I've
(46:42):
seen many people that go to people that are like
gung Ho anal pap smear what's called HRA, which is
the high resolution anoscopy, which is going in there and
biopsying and doing a lot of things when it wasn't
necessarily truly as indicated. Now, back when HIV was ram
and it wasn't treated, anal cancers amongst others like lymphomas
(47:04):
and composing star coomas were quite rampant, and that's where
anal pap smear is kind of birthed from. But now
that people are on prep, HIV is so well controlled,
we don't really we're not seeing the anal cancer rates
that we were seeing before. Realistically, I think you need
to go to someone that knows what's up and also
(47:25):
understands that there could be negative consequences by going down
those roads and is it truly indicated and warranted. So
anal papsman should be done once a year, but taken
in stride with everything else and just making sure that
everyone understands that there are limitations.
Speaker 2 (47:45):
Amazing, doctor Evan, thank you so much for being here.
This was heaven heaven, a heavenly conversation. Honestly, So I
don't use it lightly, but like honestly healing. And I
think that people listening, especially anyone who as any issues
around their hole, will feel seen and validated.
Speaker 3 (48:03):
And I hope by you we.
Speaker 2 (48:08):
Got to meet that quota, We got to help that quotank.
Speaker 1 (48:13):
I appreciate you guys are doing such great things too,
because just having the conversation, I think starts to push
out what we're doing right, which is like amazing because
and then I'm sure there'll be other questions and anything
you need from me. I'm more than happy to dive deeper,
literally into into anything, because obviously we just kind of
touched the surface. We're just doing like Ana lingcous. We're
(48:33):
not into you got.
Speaker 3 (48:35):
Puns all day to Deep and.
Speaker 2 (48:42):
The Empire. I'm so obsessed. Thank you so much.
Speaker 1 (48:45):
I appreciate everybody. Thank you so much, folks.
Speaker 2 (48:48):
Wow wow wow. First of all, thank you for being
here with me.
Speaker 3 (48:55):
I don't know if we said how how excited I
was to be a part of this country.
Speaker 2 (49:00):
Literally when I reached out to Metro to be like
be on the show, then we were like booking doctor
Evan about butts, and I think my producer reached out
to and just said would you want to talk about butts.
Speaker 4 (49:09):
I said absolutely, immediately, absolutely, And we've been texting leading
up to it, and yesterday I was doing like my
prep and I could not just be more excited to
like talk about anal botox and holes and there are
so many other things that I didn't get to ask
going to ask about butt facials, but you know, we'll
have them back.
Speaker 3 (49:28):
Oh my god, lovely. I just felt like it makes
some I mean, I love hearing about you know, community
based care. Sure these like affirming conversations and just hearing
his own journey to practicing this like very necessary. Yeah,
but that I knew absolutely nothing about.
Speaker 2 (49:47):
And I think that I'm with you. I didn't expect it.
I was like, oh, we're gonna have fun, we're gonna
laugh a lot, and we're gonna learn a lot. But
also just like the heart of it, which is like, oh, yeah, right,
this thing is important and if.
Speaker 3 (50:00):
You don't want people to get hurt, yeah, like more
than anything, well, baseline, you don't want people to get hurt,
but also you want people to feel comfortable and feel
a lot of pleasure.
Speaker 2 (50:09):
Yes, feel pleasure and feel power, and and his practice
really gives people that back even like talking about just
like the the people who aren't having anal sex being
able to poop.
Speaker 4 (50:19):
It's like, oh right, life's greatest, life's greatest pleasure.
Speaker 5 (50:25):
It is a good log, you know, you know, like
this is not good, you know, like when when it
hits that.
Speaker 3 (50:36):
Total yeah clean, break a clean, break wow, wow, break
clean wipe. I'm sorry.
Speaker 2 (50:54):
Yeah, this was really really awesome and I'm so glad
you were here. Thank you for being here with.
Speaker 3 (50:59):
Me, you for letting me hear you.
Speaker 2 (51:02):
Gift Merry Christmas. Well, you know we are hoes here,
of all your hoes with hearts. So before we go,
let me speak to yours, which is I mean, baby,
your whole matters, you know what I'm saying, Like your
butt matters, but also just your body matters. I think
(51:24):
one of my big takeaways and whenever we talk to
medical professionals on the show, is like, you know, advocate
for yourself and if something isn't working, be curious, investigate
it and find people out there who specialize in it.
You know, there are people out there who one are
also experiencing it, right, so there are other people who
(51:44):
are experiencing similar symptoms that you might be experiencing, and
then there's probably somebody out there who is trying to
treat it or trying to work on it. And so
do the research and give yourself the I don't know,
the permission to be curious, permission to say, oh, something
is off here before I ignore it, dismiss it, or
(52:08):
going to despair over it. What kind of research can
I be doing? I can't. We said whole an asshole
so many times. What a thrill? What a thor rill?
I'm like, literally, I just walked Mitra out of the
studio and then I'm coming back here to talk to you,
and I'm just like, Wow, this is on a Thursday afternoon.
(52:31):
This is what I'm doing talking about assholes. And I
couldn't be more honestly humbled and honored to do this
as as my job, and so I hope it is
helpful to you. But yeah, the takeaway for me is
your whole matters. Your whole fucking matters. So take care
of it. Do what you need to do to take
(52:52):
care of it. Ask the questions it is. It sounds
like there can be a lot, right, it can be overwhelming,
but you take it piece by piece and build yourself
a new blueprint build yourself, a new relationship with your body,
with the pieces of your body that maybe don't function
the way that you want them to or could be
functioning better, which is also a tea. I really really
(53:15):
adore meet when I'm so glad she was here. And
I also adore doctor Evan. Like I said, I saw him,
consulted with him when he was in La years ago,
and just everything you heard, how knowledgeable he is, how
open hearted he is, how shamefully judgment free. That is
exactly who he is. So if you are in New York,
do you know shameless plug. If you're in New York
(53:35):
and you need support Bespoke Surgical. Every time a gay
person says to me, I have some butt thing and
I'm going to the butt doctor, I'm like doctor Evan,
and every time it is yes, doctor Evan. I'm talking
about Like I was in Madrid with a friend at
dinner who was talking to me about like his whole
because people talk to me about their holes too, and
he was like, I'm going to see this doctor, this
(53:56):
butt doctor. I said, doctor Evan. He said yeah, doctor Evan,
And I was like, doctor Evan has to be on
the show. And that's why this episode is here. Okay, well,
that's all I have to say about that. I love
you so much and I'll talk to you soon.
Speaker 1 (54:10):
Babies.
Speaker 2 (54:11):
That's the show. Listen. I want to hear from you,
So send your topic, ideas or submissions to tell Me
Something Messy at gmail dot com. You can call us
as well at six six nine sixty nine Messy. That
is six six nine six nine six three seven seventy nine.
For you Hills who can't spell, join the community on
the Messy Mondays substack, where you'll when you subscribe, you'll
get weekly posts on sex and self recommendations, playlist, additional
(54:34):
podcast content. So that's Brandon Kyle Goodman dot subsack dot com. Now.
You can find Mitra on Instagram at Mitra juhari j
O U h A r I. You can find doctor
Evan on Instagram doctor Evan Goldstein. You can find me
on Instagram Brandon Kyle Goodman. Find the podcast at tell
Me Something Messy or on TikTok at Brandon k. Good
(54:56):
You can find my I Have So Many Things to Tell.
You can find my book the Los Angeles local bookstore
Reparations Club. Use the code messy for fifteen percent off.
Also doctor Evans' book, but seriously, we'll link that in
the show notes. Rate and review, and share this podcast
with all your hoe and aspiring hoe friends. Okay, on
to we meet again. Ask about the politics of that
(55:17):
dick before you make it spit. Make sure they eat
the kitty before they beat the kitty, before funcation or secation. Communication.
And the most important part that I'm going to say
is just in case you haven't heard it yet, today
you are so deeply loved. I love you. Thank you
so much for listening to tell Me Something Messy. If
(55:38):
you all enjoyed the show, send the episode to someone
else who might like it. Tell Me Something Messy was
executive produced by Ali Perry, Gabrielle Collins and Yours Truly.
Our producer and editor is Vince de Johnny. Tell Me
Something Messy is proud to be a part of the
Outspoken Network from iHeart Podcasts, available on the iHeartRadio app
or wherever you get your podcasts.
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