I Got Jug Envy w/ Chris Duffy

This week, Amber and Lacey are joined by their new favorite person -- Chris Duffy! They go over lacey's DMs, make some sister court rulings, and more!

Want advice answered on the show? Write to Amber&Lacey: [e-mail]

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See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:01):
We're sisters that are good for a laugh but make
us mad and will kick your ass. It's the Ember
and they see lazy and Amber sho Wow, Ambers, really beautiful,
it was. I don't think that you're really gonna kick

(00:21):
anybody's ass. You're gonna run, hey, but I got your back.
You're not. If it was like a baby or something. Okay,
we're gonna fight some babies today.

Speaker 2 (00:33):
We'll fight a baby. A baby is disrespectful.

Speaker 1 (00:37):
Oh, I don't want No, they're too cute, kid, Yes,
a baby? Amber's voice strange? No babies a child? Yeah, true,
I'm sorry. Don't care for them children these days. I'm
not a fan Ember week. My week was great. And

(01:00):
you want to know why. Why Because we shot some
commercials for this CNN show I'm on that Roywood Junior
is hosting and Michael lean Black as a co captain on.
It's called Have I Got News for You? And it's
kind of like we're kind of like competing and stuff

(01:20):
and that's that. But what's important is I got my
nails down.

Speaker 2 (01:28):
Your stake hands out of the screen, like.

Speaker 1 (01:31):
Those are very cute, it's so beautiful. Those are very new.
Now I'll show my hands. Okay, yuh, so gross, I've
been out here grinding.

Speaker 2 (01:44):
Oh what do they look like?

Speaker 1 (01:46):
My nails have a little drip effect that's neon blue
and then neon green. Beautiful, So it's a little gross
but also pretty. They kind of look like flames though
to me too, they're drippy, but they look like rock
and roll flames for some reason. Okay, my friend up
said it looks like Rick and Morty nails. They absolutely

(02:07):
look like Rick and Morning nails. They did a great job.
Now did you do that? Now you can do artwork.
I come to do some amazing artwork on her nails.
The neon colors. If you want to do a line
and neon, here's what I found. The polish is not
thick enough, and if you want to do a little line,
then you're going to have to go over it several

(02:28):
times and then it's too It would have spread too
far to still be a thin line. So the lady
who did this, she used like a little tub of
goo to make my neon green line. Also, something we
need to talk about is the place I went to
get my nails done is the same place that told Lacey.

Speaker 2 (02:49):
I knew it, you'd say, she.

Speaker 1 (02:52):
Had to pay them in cash and let's just run
it back for people that don't know. It doesn't matter
what kind of service I'm getting done. Something terrible always
happens to me. It does not matter. It doesn't matter.

(03:12):
I sometimes don't get the service. Amber could be sitting
right next to me getting champagne, being whisked around on
a I don't know, on the back of beautiful men.
They're just like crazy, I'm in a corner. Something's broken,
like it just doesn't matter. One time the service we
went to get our nails done, and okay, so this

(03:32):
time we went. The last time we went to this place,
I got my nails done.

Speaker 2 (03:36):
It was great.

Speaker 1 (03:36):
They yelled at Lacey for trying to pay with a
card and they told her she had to pay with cash,
even though I had just paid with a card. And
I was fine. But one time Lacey at Lacey's baby EMII.
Once all get our nails done, many money beautiful turns
out gorgeous, manny and petty fantastic. Lacey never finishes her

(04:00):
cure because the woman won't stop talking. She's talked so
long that Imani has got a MANI petty, I've got
a MANI petty and Lacey has a mug that's her nail.
It was so fucking funny and we had to leave.
I was like, man, I don't have time. I don't
have time. But do you remember what the lady was

(04:21):
talking to me about? Yes, yeah, I shouldn't need to
leave her husband yep. So I was here for it.
I was like, what was he doing? That was kind
of bit of my fault too, because we were in it.
We were in it on why she needed to leave.
She was ready, and I just gave her that little
extra you think you gotta leave, and then we're gonna leave.

Speaker 2 (04:35):
Let's leave. Wait what are we doing? I know that's right? Shoot,
what was it?

Speaker 3 (04:40):
Even?

Speaker 4 (04:41):
So?

Speaker 1 (04:41):
I was just giving some therapy and uh didn't get
my nails done. And that's the place Lacey has gone
back to time and time again, and they've done her
wrong every single.

Speaker 2 (04:52):
Time, do me wrong.

Speaker 1 (04:54):
I have gotten free manicures from there because the service
has been so bad. I know the la who owns it,
she loves me. So when I walk in, she's like hey,
and I'm like hey, and.

Speaker 2 (05:04):
Then when it's over, she goes, how was it?

Speaker 1 (05:05):
And I'm like it was terrible I'm sorry. Sorry, guys, Omaha, Nebraska.
So if you do nails, then I need you to
call Lacey and do her nails, but then fuck one
thing up.

Speaker 2 (05:22):
So she'll be used to it. You're right, You're right.

Speaker 1 (05:26):
Yeah, you gotta fuck it up.

Speaker 2 (05:28):
Okay, guys, Lacey needs it language please.

Speaker 1 (05:33):
Sorry, fart it up.

Speaker 2 (05:34):
You furt it.

Speaker 1 (05:35):
Fart it right in the butt, okay, everybody, Lacey, Yes,
you're at home. There's a lot of spotted lantern flies. Yeah. Oh,
he's supposed to kill those suckers. He's been looking at
me for a long time. Are they in the house. No, okay,
because you know they've been sweeping across. I'm in a

(05:56):
Black Ladies garden club and we always post the bad
bugs and the bugs that you're not supposed to They're like,
take these suckers out when you see them.

Speaker 2 (06:05):
Ew, I'm not killing that thing. Alive them. I don't
want to kill him. He's so big. Yeah, and he's
gonna make big children. Do you want him to multiply?
Get rid of him? Hire someone, but those things are big.

Speaker 1 (06:18):
You have to probably hire an.

Speaker 2 (06:23):
That guy.

Speaker 1 (06:23):
Hire that guy at the Olympics that was shooting all
smooth with his one hire him to shoot these off
the patio. You gotta do it.

Speaker 2 (06:29):
It was great. It's just my type. What school is
a cucumber? He was pretty cool. It is a cool
Yeah school guy.

Speaker 1 (06:37):
Now, has he murdered a couple of people? Yes, maybe
he was too smooth with it.

Speaker 2 (06:42):
He did.

Speaker 1 (06:43):
He had his hand in his pocket and shot shot
a pistol Sandpa's in his pocket. He didn't have any headphones.
He didn't, you know, the sound didn't scare him. He's
doing this too many timess a little too smooth with it.
Mm hmmm. But anyway, I aspired one day be like that.
You won't because now whenever I kill people, I'm like,

(07:09):
you're too sloppy. You need to be watching Dexter. Okay,
I don't up your murder game. Years ago, I was
on a corporate show going from Amsterdam to.

Speaker 2 (07:21):
Somewhere in Journey, okay, and it was me and Mike D.

Speaker 1 (07:25):
Mike D was like, yeah, I was watching Dexter and
now it's over and I'm sad, and I go, I've
never seen a single episode of Dexter.

Speaker 2 (07:31):
He was like, you really should.

Speaker 1 (07:33):
The story is so beautiful, and I go, we have
a two hour train ride, tell me the entire story.

Speaker 2 (07:39):
And he did it. It was fantastic. I was like,
don't you say anything more.

Speaker 1 (07:44):
I can't remember. This was like ten years okay, good.
I was like, more people should be doing this. What
a lovely wait, Like I love talking to Mike d So.
Hearing him relay the entire Dexter story was fantastic.

Speaker 2 (07:58):
Oh my god.

Speaker 1 (07:59):
You should do that as a like TikTok or something
where it's like, this is the entire first if you
don't want to go through and Watchester.

Speaker 2 (08:08):
Yeah, it was great.

Speaker 1 (08:09):
Absolutely, I'm on season six and it's it's got me. Yeah,
it's got my life. I got my life. Plus, that
man is my boyfriend. He's cute and you know he
is be quiet. We saw in Kinky No, not Kinky Boots.
He was Boots Headwig and Hedwig in The Angry Inch.

Speaker 2 (08:27):
Oh my god, he was amazing. And his body body
yady YadA, YadA, yadda yady yady. It was I mean
I wanted that body.

Speaker 1 (08:35):
I'm not lying. Yeah, it was an amazing shape. He
looked beautiful and he had legs legs for days. Yeah,
he looked amazing in that play. But you remember what
happened when he walked out. What as soon as he
walked out, I said to you better not putting a
water on us.

Speaker 2 (08:51):
They better not spit any water on us. It better
not happen.

Speaker 1 (08:54):
And you said, why would they? No one's gonna I said,
this is all rock and roll thing. It's gonna happen.
Later on in the play, he takes a sip of
water and he looks at us because we are right
in the front, and I'm like, uhh, And he spit
it perfectly on the lady, the two ladies next to us,
and I was like, see, wow, Yeah, rocksters love to

(09:15):
spit stuff. And I knew it was coming. Yep, I
can't sp anyone.

Speaker 2 (09:18):
I love you.

Speaker 1 (09:19):
I love this man, but I don't. You don't if
you maybe like we're gone, I'm okay with that. That
came right out of your mouth. No, thank you, no
thank you. We're not doing that.

Speaker 2 (09:28):
Yeah, I don't need that in any way. Do I
love Dexter? Absolutely, you love it. I love him.

Speaker 1 (09:35):
Guys. Speaking of Dexter, you know who is a murderer?
Who motherfucking Chris Duffy. She is a podcast so he's
a comedian. He's a writer. He's been on everything and
everyone loves him. And you're gonna find out why after
I say vice, which is if you have any thoughts

(09:56):
or feelings and mostly if you need advice, write in
sanity email to amberand Lacy advice at gmail dot com
and you could be on the show and we have
to talk about your real bad Okay, so we'll be
back with Chris Stuffy right after this. Hey, everybody, welcome

(10:27):
back to the Amber and Lacy Lacy and Amber Show.
Today we are going to have actually, actually he's my
best friend. Yes, his name is Chris Stuffy. We've known
each other since we were children. Chris is a comedian,
he's a podcast television writer. There is nothing Chris hasn't done.

(10:51):
He's also a model. What Yeah, he's a model. And
a few people know this about him and my ex
husband and he's Lacy's ex husband, which makes our friendship.
We're really good friends. Oh okay, Yeah, that's what I
was saying. Makes our friendship really great because we just
get together and talk shit about lazy that what we

(11:12):
do when we hang out. Guys, almost everything I've said
has been a life except for all the cool stuff.
About our new best friend, Chris.

Speaker 2 (11:20):
Chris, how's it going.

Speaker 3 (11:21):
Hi, I'm so glad to be here.

Speaker 4 (11:22):
And honestly, it's so cool that our relationship has stayed
like friendly and warm even after the divorce.

Speaker 3 (11:29):
I really appreciate that. It means a lot. Still love
your kid right back at you, seriously at you.

Speaker 1 (11:34):
Yep, Guys, I need you to know separately, you talk
a lot of shit about each other.

Speaker 3 (11:41):
Yes, I mean that's what caused the breakup. That's why
we didn't stay together.

Speaker 1 (11:45):
That is something I would say, guys, don't ever tell
me shit. I swear to God.

Speaker 3 (11:54):
And it's funny.

Speaker 4 (11:54):
Of all the things you said, the one that feels
least believable to me is that I'm a model. That's
the one where I was like, Okay, that's mature, that's right.
That's why I was like, how dare you just say model?
I was a super model?

Speaker 1 (12:07):
That's right?

Speaker 2 (12:08):
Shrag me.

Speaker 3 (12:11):
I'm so glad to be here. I love this show
so much. It's great.

Speaker 2 (12:13):
Thank you so much.

Speaker 1 (12:14):
We are doing great. I am in Omaha, Nebraska at
the moment. It's popping over here.

Speaker 2 (12:20):
It's great. It's popping.

Speaker 1 (12:22):
It's popping in Omaha. What as in New York. Right
now it's popping its two. Oh wow, yeah, it's popping.

Speaker 2 (12:32):
Christ.

Speaker 1 (12:32):
How are you?

Speaker 2 (12:33):
How's your week?

Speaker 3 (12:34):
I'm good.

Speaker 4 (12:34):
I'm I'm in Los Angeles, which many people call the
Omaha of California.

Speaker 1 (12:40):
Everyone says that because it's popping over there too.

Speaker 4 (12:44):
That's right, when it's popping. Only when it's popping do
people start saying it's the Oma wound. Things are popping
in La. It's almost like it's the Omaha of California.

Speaker 2 (12:51):
Getting pretty Omaha out here, they.

Speaker 4 (12:53):
Say, yeah, that's right. Uh, I'm doing well, Yeah, what's
going on? My parents are here visiting, so I'm getting
hang out with my mom and dad, which is fun,
and just had a nice little breakfast. I'm hanging out
with my two best friends and my former wife.

Speaker 3 (13:08):
So what could be better?

Speaker 1 (13:09):
Let's figure out the age of your parents. Okay, by
you answering questions, can you take your parents like on
a hike, but like up to the what's the thing
called observatory?

Speaker 4 (13:26):
Okay, Griffith Park observatory, Yes you're talking about yes? Okay,
Well you have asked the question that has such a
deeper answer, which is that not only can I take
my parents on this hike. But my dad's one true
love in retirement is trying to become a high pointer,
which means that he's trying to get to the highest
point in all fifty states, and he has done like

(13:46):
thirty nine of the fifty. So literally what my dad
does is like all he does now that he's retired,
is he will just drive around to a random place,
like in Florida, for example, the high point is a
graveyard in a swamp, and he will be like, he
did it, take a photo of himself there. Sometimes in
Flat States it is literally just on the side of
the highway. Other times it's like a four day overnight trek,

(14:08):
and his goal is to doe all fifty of them.
Oh my god, Okay, absolutely yes, Okay, get to Griffith
Park Observatory.

Speaker 1 (14:15):
Jeez, Louise Lacy, do you have a question that I'll
narrow down the age of Chris's parents? Okay, and I'm
going to say something controversial first, we too, Amber. That's
not going to tell us their age, that's going to
tell us their race.

Speaker 2 (14:32):
Do you have a damn think about this madness?

Speaker 4 (14:34):
What people love to do that go to hide play.

Speaker 3 (14:38):
Dangerous assass.

Speaker 1 (14:43):
Gonna be one hundred and two, and we've learned shit,
we learned anything.

Speaker 4 (14:47):
You couldn't be right because much as Amber's question led
to be telling you that my dad loves to hike Lacy,
you are pointing out something that I also need to say,
which is my dad is extremely white.

Speaker 3 (14:57):
Every white man.

Speaker 1 (14:58):
He's right by looking at you, But after you said that,
I knew he was one. Yeah, absolutely, this will narrow
it down. What's your dad's favorite cereal?

Speaker 4 (15:07):
Oh god, Oh well, you know what if you thought
my parents were white before? Wait till I tell you
that my mom doesn't eat gluten. So there's not a
lot of cereal in the house.

Speaker 2 (15:17):
Okay, this is young, it's young in them. Up.

Speaker 3 (15:21):
Up.

Speaker 4 (15:22):
I'm feeling that the cereal that he would eat is
is heavily fibrous. You know, it's like absolute fiber extra flakes.

Speaker 2 (15:31):
Back, are you gonna say grape Did you say grape nuts?
Are you going to say?

Speaker 4 (15:35):
It's like an off brand grape nuts that is made
with like even more fiber, Like if grape nuts made
from like the nuttiest part of the grape nut.

Speaker 2 (15:42):
Oops, all fiber grape.

Speaker 3 (15:43):
Nuts exactly oops a fiber grape nuts.

Speaker 2 (15:46):
May Amber asked one more question.

Speaker 1 (15:47):
I think we got it, Okay, Chris, when your parents
are driving in the car, yeah, are they listening to
a podcast about the news, pod cast, a ball, this
and that, or music?

Speaker 4 (16:05):
Hmm? I think that, honestly, it could be any of
the above. That's my honest answer. Could be any of
the above. They could be listening to James Taylor. They
could be listening to a news podcast. They could be
listening to a podcast. They could be listening to this
American Life.

Speaker 3 (16:19):
You never know.

Speaker 2 (16:19):
Okay, I have an age, so do I. Okay, you
say it for Chris.

Speaker 1 (16:23):
Your parents are a healthy seventy I see sixty five.

Speaker 3 (16:26):
Amber. You hit the nail on the freaking.

Speaker 4 (16:29):
Hand on the head, Kay, sixteen nine and seventy.

Speaker 3 (16:33):
There you go. Unless I'm doing the math.

Speaker 4 (16:35):
Wrong, between nineteen fifty five and today, nineteen fifty four,
nineteen fifty five and today.

Speaker 2 (16:40):
Yay, But I guess the right race.

Speaker 3 (16:44):
Yes, that's true.

Speaker 2 (16:45):
Absolutely, winners, that's true for both winners.

Speaker 3 (16:47):
You nail the race.

Speaker 2 (16:48):
Wow, I did.

Speaker 1 (16:50):
I'd like I guess I need to make an acceptance speech.

Speaker 3 (16:54):
Yes, go ahead.

Speaker 1 (16:55):
I'd like to thank America for carrying me on a
daily basis A Lacey.

Speaker 2 (17:02):
You know, I'm sorry, be nice, Lacy.

Speaker 3 (17:06):
Would you like to make an acceptance speech for guessing
my parents' race?

Speaker 2 (17:09):
Oh?

Speaker 1 (17:09):
Yes, it was very difficult, but I used to be
a private investigator, so I listened to the clues that
were giving me and just my process of elimination. Yep,
I guess that these people were Caucasian. That was right.

Speaker 4 (17:23):
That is one of the reasons why you don't see
that many private investigators around these days.

Speaker 3 (17:27):
People always say, like, why doesn't exist.

Speaker 4 (17:28):
It's because so much of their job was determining race
and it's a very problematic.

Speaker 3 (17:32):
So we kind of eliminated that as a job.

Speaker 2 (17:34):
They're mostly canceled.

Speaker 3 (17:36):
Yeah, I was canceled.

Speaker 1 (17:38):
Dad was canceled alone.

Speaker 3 (17:39):
We don't need this as much, we don't want this.

Speaker 2 (17:41):
Why are we doing this?

Speaker 3 (17:42):
No? Please stop that.

Speaker 1 (17:43):
Can you imagine if that was your job as a
private exception, you're just walking up to people and go black, right,
that's your own job.

Speaker 2 (17:53):
You got me. I think that'd be fun.

Speaker 1 (17:56):
I'd be like, did my ex husband send you right him?

Speaker 4 (18:00):
Hey, that's don't you dare imply that's why we broke up?
That was not part of the divorce.

Speaker 2 (18:05):
That was not it was it?

Speaker 1 (18:07):
No? No, not at all.

Speaker 2 (18:09):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (18:10):
Okay, wait, Chris, Yes, I want you to guess the
age of our parents.

Speaker 3 (18:15):
Okay, great, I'm gonna ask you some questions.

Speaker 4 (18:18):
Okay, Now, just because I feel like you, asking this
means that it will give me information about you your parents.

Speaker 3 (18:25):
What kind of cereal are they eating?

Speaker 2 (18:27):
Grape nuts?

Speaker 1 (18:27):
Okay? Yeah? Probably?

Speaker 2 (18:29):
I mean okay, slash no cereal?

Speaker 3 (18:31):
Great, and we're talking regular grape nuts, not grape nuts. Oops,
all fiber.

Speaker 1 (18:34):
It's it's oatmeal. They're really what they're really breakfast?

Speaker 3 (18:37):
You were lying?

Speaker 2 (18:39):
Yeah, and all the.

Speaker 1 (18:40):
Way to tell the truth, daddic grape nuts a long
time ago.

Speaker 2 (18:44):
You remember that? Yeah?

Speaker 1 (18:45):
I did.

Speaker 2 (18:45):
Yeah, I remember that.

Speaker 3 (18:47):
Okay, that's helping me a little bit.

Speaker 4 (18:50):
I'm gonna ask one other question and then I have
a fine three questions and I can get it.

Speaker 3 (18:54):
I'm positive.

Speaker 2 (18:54):
Okay.

Speaker 4 (18:55):
Okay, So he you sed eat grape nuts, now he
eats oatmeal. That is definitely giving me that the time
has gone on the passage of time.

Speaker 3 (19:01):
The river of time is flowing.

Speaker 4 (19:04):
I can't not acknowledge that Amber has just drunk out
of a gallon jug of water.

Speaker 2 (19:11):
Please stop and do that.

Speaker 3 (19:12):
Truly want to be changed. Jugs of water.

Speaker 4 (19:15):
I've ever seen, not a bottle, a straight up plastic
jug of pulland spring that us hydrated woman.

Speaker 1 (19:21):
If you go to Amber's beautiful, beautiful home, this woman
is drinking like she's in the gym, like a bodybuilder,
just out of the jug.

Speaker 2 (19:29):
Absolutely, no cps. You guys want a protein bar.

Speaker 4 (19:33):
I've never seen someone drink this quantity of liquid when
they weren't prepping for a colonoscopy.

Speaker 3 (19:38):
This is truly unbelievable. Okay. My next question is where
do your parents buy pants?

Speaker 4 (19:45):
And have they ever bought pants at a grocery store
or a Costco?

Speaker 2 (19:49):
Yes, my mother has bought clothes from Costco. Yea. Now
they only buy pants online.

Speaker 4 (19:57):
Okay, great, and I'm positive that I can get it
if you just answered this last question, which is what
year were your parents born?

Speaker 2 (20:10):
I see what you did there.

Speaker 4 (20:12):
I'm gonna say your parents sound like they're mid to
late sixties, so I'm gonna say sixty four and sixty six.

Speaker 1 (20:23):
Oh my god, that makes that means we are super baby.

Speaker 3 (20:28):
Yeah, I'm basing that also in the fact that you
two are clearly in your.

Speaker 1 (20:30):
Teens early, looking to get in good with the roven sisters.

Speaker 3 (20:38):
That's my only goal. That's why I'm here.

Speaker 2 (20:40):
You already did it. You already did it.

Speaker 3 (20:42):
All right, Thanks so much for having me. It was
great by tell this man how old?

Speaker 2 (20:48):
How old our parents are? Eighty two?

Speaker 3 (20:50):
Eighty two and they look like they're in mid sixties.
That's incredible.

Speaker 2 (20:56):
Now you're in good with them, that's incredible. My mom's
I wanna call you later.

Speaker 4 (21:00):
Thank you so much. I would welcome a call from
missus ruffin my mom.

Speaker 2 (21:05):
Don't say that. Don't say that, Bob, stay calling you.

Speaker 4 (21:08):
Oh that is that is a very big similarity between
your parents and my parents.

Speaker 3 (21:13):
Is that?

Speaker 4 (21:13):
Certainly my dad, if he has any ability to get
access to your phone number or email, will be contacting
you now.

Speaker 2 (21:20):
Chris.

Speaker 1 (21:20):
I don't know if you know this, but mustard is
two for one at your local supermarket, and I figure
since you like sandwiches so much, you should probably head
on down to the store. Better.

Speaker 2 (21:34):
Yet, you can't order some to be delivered now.

Speaker 1 (21:38):
Delivery started in covid' that's your datable.

Speaker 2 (21:42):
That's your day, that's your whole day.

Speaker 4 (21:45):
That's a day that I want to have, and I
do love sandwiches, and two for one mustard sounds like
a great deal.

Speaker 3 (21:49):
Call me if that's true. If it's true, you better
let me know.

Speaker 2 (21:53):
Everyone who can hear.

Speaker 1 (21:55):
If you find out that mustard is on SEW, you
got to call shit.

Speaker 3 (22:00):
Call me. I Also, mustard is on sale in the Omaha, California.

Speaker 4 (22:04):
You better be letting me know, because I would be
at the grocery store loading up.

Speaker 2 (22:09):
Is this spicy brown mustard too? If this spicy brown?

Speaker 4 (22:12):
It depends on the promotion, Lacy. It really depends on
what's on SETE.

Speaker 1 (22:18):
That is, if I had to choose a condiment, it
wouldn't be spicy brown. It would be mustard though. Sorry.
And also, I think today's goal for this podcast is
to not talk about anything we were supposed to talk about.

Speaker 2 (22:33):
We're so bad. We are so bad.

Speaker 3 (22:36):
Certainly I can help you accomplish that goal.

Speaker 4 (22:38):
I think I'm already off to a great start of
helping you accomplish that goal.

Speaker 2 (22:42):
We're so bad.

Speaker 1 (22:45):
Going down the wrong road.

Speaker 4 (22:46):
That's what they always call me, the bad boy of
podcast producer's enemy, And not because I say something bad,
but because I will keep us going off the rails.

Speaker 2 (22:55):
Not like that Joe Rogan way, but like.

Speaker 4 (23:01):
Like if you put me on Joe Rogan, he wouldn't
be able to say any disinformation because we talking about
mustard the whole time.

Speaker 3 (23:06):
That's like, that's.

Speaker 1 (23:07):
Why, Oh my god, you should go on to a
Rogan and help the people of America.

Speaker 4 (23:12):
I'm I'm kind of like a tangent based superhero and
speaking which Amber chose her condiment? Lacy, if you had
to choose one condiment, what's your what's your condiment.

Speaker 3 (23:23):
That you would choose? Oh no, it's serious. Please do
take it seriously.

Speaker 1 (23:28):
If I to choose one, wait, I'm sorry, I have
to take my condiment back. Okay, okay, good take your
Because if you think about it, the one you use
the most should be your condiment, in which case it
has to be ranch dressing.

Speaker 4 (23:42):
You think it's the one you use the most. I
could see it's kind of like aspirational. It's like who
do you want to be versus who you are? Yeah,
like you are ranch, but you want to be spicy
brown mustard.

Speaker 1 (23:51):
Yeah, I mean the amount of mustard is disproportionate to
the rest of the sandwich. For sure, it's too much mustard.
No one wants to eat it except me.

Speaker 4 (24:00):
Someone must have used that as a drag name, because
that's really spicy brown mustard.

Speaker 1 (24:05):
Say that's the mustuper name, but spicy brown mustard, that's mine.

Speaker 3 (24:09):
You're taking that.

Speaker 1 (24:10):
Oh she loves it aspirationally or that's who you are.
That's who I am, and that's my convent that I'm choosing. Wait,
you mean on a deeper level, that's.

Speaker 2 (24:20):
Who you are.

Speaker 1 (24:21):
That's who I am. Spicy brown. Saw bit my bottom lip.
When someone bites the bottom with that, they say something
spicy brown. Oh no, spicy brown.

Speaker 3 (24:36):
I got uncomfortable. I have to be honest.

Speaker 2 (24:41):
Good, stay on your toes.

Speaker 3 (24:43):
I'm definitely on my toes.

Speaker 1 (24:44):
Don't get comfortable around you get comfortable. That's when things happen.
Once bite your lip, it changes what you have just said. Certainly,
it really does grosses it out. It's like I like mustard.

Speaker 2 (24:55):
You're like, yeah, okay.

Speaker 3 (24:58):
In an example, it changed it in a way. They
make me uncomfortable.

Speaker 1 (25:01):
You could just be like I need change for this dollar. Yeah,
I'm giving you change.

Speaker 3 (25:06):
I'm not giving you change now.

Speaker 1 (25:08):
No, no, no, you'll keep that dollar hole and leave.
This is what you're gonna do with this change. Now,
I'm scared for the change.

Speaker 3 (25:15):
Not bring a quarter into this household.

Speaker 1 (25:18):
Not change.

Speaker 2 (25:19):
You're not gonna do all that.

Speaker 3 (25:20):
No, no, no.

Speaker 1 (25:22):
Oh no, oh you guys. God, we have to go
to break, all right, we do. Sorry, what I meant is,
we have to go to break.

Speaker 2 (25:31):
Don't let her do it. Don't go to break the bucket.

Speaker 1 (25:36):
It's like I think regular people might their bottom lip
like this, but then I do it.

Speaker 2 (25:41):
I guess.

Speaker 4 (25:42):
Okay, I'm less uncomfortable with that one. The big one
is good. The big bight is fun.

Speaker 2 (25:46):
Take a big bite, Simpsons. That's like you go ahead
and do that.

Speaker 3 (25:50):
Yeah, okay, guys.

Speaker 1 (25:51):
Ever and Lacy Lacey Never show will be right back
after this. Hey, welcome back to the Amber and Lacey
Lacy and Amber Show. Today's guest is Chris Stuffy, Not

(26:12):
Chris Stuffy, Chris Space Duffy.

Speaker 2 (26:15):
All right, that's exactly right.

Speaker 4 (26:17):
And if you are on one of my airline boarding tickets, Duffy,
comma christ because Christopher does not fit.

Speaker 2 (26:25):
Oh, okay, you're riding with the Lord.

Speaker 3 (26:28):
That's right.

Speaker 1 (26:29):
Oh that's the first flight I was ever on. I
was really, really, really terrified. It was from Omaha to Chicago,
and it was me and my little friend and I
was like, oh, I think I'm gonna have a meltdown.
And then a non set next to us, and I
was like, well, Lord's not going to take out a none.

Speaker 3 (26:45):
No, that's great, so exactly what you want.

Speaker 2 (26:50):
I was like, this is fantastic.

Speaker 1 (26:53):
Then I had a great tab. Really religion, you know,
it's a favorite of mine. I love it on a plane.

Speaker 4 (27:01):
On a plane, that's where you certainly want it. Twenty
thousand feet in the air, you are looking for You're
too close to God's God's people around you.

Speaker 1 (27:10):
Ambernos, I guess saved every flight, Ambernos, this every flight.

Speaker 2 (27:14):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (27:15):
I always say I'm only religious during takeoff and landing. Yeah,
take off, my sweet baby Jesus, I haven't I served
you well? And then I get up in.

Speaker 2 (27:24):
The air, I'm like, oh, Sin until I die.

Speaker 1 (27:27):
Then the plane starts to land and I go, dear Lord,
it is your most humble servant.

Speaker 2 (27:35):
It is I Voldemort. I don't know how he likes
to talk to you.

Speaker 1 (27:39):
It is high, it is Amber. Okay, guys, are we
going to get back on track? We are?

Speaker 3 (27:46):
We are, We are hold on I just need a
hydro for a second.

Speaker 5 (27:49):
Oh oh oh, no, no, I'm just drinking my water
like a normal person, like everyone drinks normally.

Speaker 1 (28:04):
I can't help. But which one of these pictures is
not like the other? Which fun's different?

Speaker 2 (28:11):
Do you know who's the normal human being? It's me?

Speaker 1 (28:18):
They say, you're not a normal human being. Everyone knows it.

Speaker 4 (28:22):
For everyone who's listening at home. I pulled out an
enormous water jug, even bigger than amber.

Speaker 1 (28:27):
That's I didn't think such a jug existed. And now
you're jealous.

Speaker 2 (28:31):
Now I got jug envy.

Speaker 4 (28:34):
And if that's not the title of my episode, I
will never be on another iHeartMedia podcast again. This episode
is called I Got jug Envy.

Speaker 3 (28:44):
The title or or or or.

Speaker 1 (28:48):
Look at them jugs?

Speaker 4 (28:49):
No, no, no, I will not be objectifying the water jugs.

Speaker 3 (28:53):
To me, the water jugs are much more than just
their form.

Speaker 2 (28:57):
Fine, there, what's inside exactly?

Speaker 3 (29:00):
Which is water?

Speaker 2 (29:01):
Thank you?

Speaker 3 (29:02):
Seventy percent of all of us. I believe. I'm not positive.

Speaker 2 (29:07):
I thought it was.

Speaker 3 (29:13):
Water. That's how water is in the rough.

Speaker 2 (29:18):
I mean for me probably.

Speaker 4 (29:21):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (29:22):
I don't know what I'm doing, but I feel like
I should be doing this.

Speaker 4 (29:25):
Laces and jellyfish, and Amber is desperately rehydrating, like she's
like a whale at sea world that's been kept out
too long.

Speaker 1 (29:32):
Can you imagine if I like worked out in any capacity,
how thirsty I would be probably die?

Speaker 4 (29:39):
Yeah, this very important. As a doctor. I got to
tell you should.

Speaker 3 (29:43):
Not be working Christian doctor. Yeah, I'm a medical doctor, unlicensed.

Speaker 2 (29:50):
That's pretty cool.

Speaker 3 (29:51):
That's more of a political choice for me to not
be licensed.

Speaker 1 (29:56):
I think that's fine.

Speaker 3 (29:57):
That's that's fine. That's what I said on the politics spectrum.

Speaker 2 (30:00):
That's more of a political choice.

Speaker 1 (30:02):
Yeah, it makes sense. Sorry, big med school.

Speaker 2 (30:06):
That's right, who needs you?

Speaker 4 (30:07):
You won't be placing me in some sort of envelope
where then we have a match day ceremony.

Speaker 3 (30:13):
No, no, no, no, I don't think so. I'll be matching myself.

Speaker 1 (30:16):
Thank you.

Speaker 3 (30:16):
Can we talk for one.

Speaker 4 (30:18):
I do have a friend who went to med school
and they told me something that I have not stopped
thinking about ever since they told it to me, which
is that when they are getting trained as doctors, they
give their first exams like the first time they do,
like an actual exam. They do them to people who
are actors who are paid actors who then like give
them a score, and so like they go in and

(30:39):
they do the exam and then the person is like okay,
And like, if I was a real patient, I would
not have liked the way that you just like touched
me right without asking.

Speaker 3 (30:47):
You need to say, like I'm gonna I'm gonna feel
your knee. Is that okay? And it's a lot of
these people, apparently a lot of these people.

Speaker 4 (30:55):
They are like in the summer, they act in summerstock,
they do Shakespeare, so like they're king Lear in August,
and then in February they are getting a they are
getting their prostate examined by someone who's doing it for
the first time.

Speaker 3 (31:07):
Yeah, yeah, that's incredible.

Speaker 1 (31:10):
That's the case with a lot of I did that
once when I was an actor in Chicago for the cops.
The cops have that What is that the cops have?

Speaker 4 (31:18):
Like they test you like they test had a frisk.
They tall like a standardized person.

Speaker 1 (31:23):
How to just talk to someone who's come in who
has trouble.

Speaker 2 (31:26):
Who I think I was.

Speaker 1 (31:28):
I think I was a domestic violence survivor and I
came in and I wanted to report my husband and
the guy was a tiny baby cop news just sweat
and bullets, hm, baby cup, So I gotta say bullets.

Speaker 4 (31:45):
Everything that I have heard and seen and read about
policing in America makes it sound like they are not
practicing enough on these actors.

Speaker 2 (31:53):
They're not. You would be right. They're absolutely not.

Speaker 1 (31:55):
You would be right.

Speaker 3 (31:56):
Yeah, that's incredible.

Speaker 4 (31:57):
I love the idea of him sweating and you being like,
is my performance, this is the performance of my lifetime.

Speaker 3 (32:03):
I'm making him as uncomfortable as I need to. Let
me tell you more.

Speaker 2 (32:08):
Ps.

Speaker 1 (32:08):
Two years later, probably the same cap the stoptom first
me for no reason.

Speaker 3 (32:14):
You made me fail the exam. I'll get you today.

Speaker 4 (32:20):
I love imagining that guy like tuning in to your
show and being like, that late night television host really
screwed me on my exams.

Speaker 1 (32:31):
She's got a secret. I thought you were going to
share how you had to act for the sportspeople for
the thing about you need to say this.

Speaker 2 (32:44):
I'm sorry, go ahead, Ember, please tell me.

Speaker 1 (32:46):
I don't know if I willow to say this, but
I've already started years and years ago.

Speaker 2 (32:50):
I'm sure they still do it.

Speaker 1 (32:51):
The Second City partners with Major League Baseball every year
Major League Baseball has.

Speaker 3 (32:58):
Rookie camp in reports, so this is far beyond my.

Speaker 1 (33:04):
They have a camp for all the new baseball boys
in Washington, d C. And at this camp, they you know,
they like take pictures and they meet each other, blah
blah blah. They watch us perform sketches that are like
what to do with you know that your teammate is

(33:25):
cheating on his wife?

Speaker 2 (33:28):
Like stuff like that.

Speaker 3 (33:30):
Yes, incredible. What do you do if you know your
teammates cheating on his wife?

Speaker 2 (33:34):
What do you do? You don't say shit, that's what
you love it.

Speaker 4 (33:38):
It's like, if you found out that someone's doing something bad,
you keep your mouth shut. Watch as Amber, watch as
Amber Ruffin does a sketch where it's what happens if
Amber doesn't keep her mouth shut yet, it's just you
being like thrown into Lake Chicago.

Speaker 1 (33:51):
But then one of the uh, one of the people there,
I did have to do this sketch, and then I
was like, what's going on here?

Speaker 2 (33:59):
What is it? And what do you mean? Did you
see him? Did you?

Speaker 1 (34:02):
And then later on at like dinner, one of the
guys was like, man, if my wife was doing that,
oh she better fucking watch out. And I just lost.
I blacked out and I cussed this man all the
way out. They invited me back the next year, right,
but I was like, you're front all these children, don't
we talking like that?

Speaker 2 (34:22):
Their children?

Speaker 3 (34:23):
As you should him?

Speaker 4 (34:24):
Wait, they were showing the sketches of what you should
do in front of children.

Speaker 2 (34:28):
These people are eighteen years old. Oh my kind of chip.

Speaker 3 (34:31):
Man was a child?

Speaker 4 (34:32):
Ye?

Speaker 1 (34:32):
Yes, to get out of here talking about I.

Speaker 2 (34:36):
Also, I wish you would I know your wife.

Speaker 1 (34:42):
I'm just gonna take one. Guess who your wife is.
She's not having it, sir, please. And those are all
of the ways in which you can be an.

Speaker 3 (34:52):
Actor, absolutely, you know.

Speaker 4 (34:56):
I one time when I was first starting a comedy,
I was auditioning like a few times for commercials. And
I have never been good at memorizing words, never been good.
Always been fun at having you know, do an improv
and stuff like that. But I went in for this
audition and I somehow ended up in the elevator with
the like regional Boston insurance people who I was auditioning for,

(35:17):
and so we were like they get small talk in
the elevator, and I just knew, like I was like,
I have won these people over. They want to hire me.
All I have to do is do the like three
sentences and they're going to hire me. And I walked
in and they were like, oh, yeah, you're from the elevators,
so good to see you can't wait to see what
you're doing here. And then I had I just had
to say, like, for the lowest rates, try this, and
I said it, and I saw their faces drop and

(35:38):
they said to me, this is word for word to quote.
They said, can you do it a little less wooden?

Speaker 1 (35:42):
Oh?

Speaker 3 (35:43):
And I said no, I can't. Oh that is I agree.
That's the best that I could do. I also wouldn't
hire me. And then I stopped auditioning for commercials. That
was the last time I ever did it.

Speaker 1 (35:52):
Oh.

Speaker 3 (35:53):
I was like, I agree, that's not it.

Speaker 2 (35:56):
I can't do it.

Speaker 4 (35:57):
All I could do was think about like that and
insurance rates are lower than anyone else's today.

Speaker 3 (36:04):
Terrible, terrible audition.

Speaker 2 (36:06):
That's devastating.

Speaker 3 (36:11):
Your genuine sadness.

Speaker 1 (36:12):
That's fine, that's fad, so sad.

Speaker 4 (36:18):
I like it better than when you tell a story
that you think is funny and people react to it
as tragedy.

Speaker 5 (36:24):
People are like, oh, no, you could have been somebody, Chris,
you could have been the face of local regional Massachusetts Insurance.

Speaker 1 (36:33):
I feel like I did. I lived out in LA
for two years and I did maybe two or three commercials.

Speaker 2 (36:41):
Ever that that's.

Speaker 1 (36:42):
Not true because not while I was in those were
in other cities. But whatever one commercial I got in La,
I the only good audition I ever had was this
guy's phone rang during my audition and it was the
dog barking jingle bells, you know, And I just.

Speaker 2 (37:07):
Ripped on the sky.

Speaker 1 (37:09):
I stopped. I was like, the fuck is wrong with you?
Because it wasn't Christmas. It wasn't Christmas time.

Speaker 4 (37:18):
I'm also choosing to believe that that was not his ringtone,
but that was when he picked up the phone.

Speaker 3 (37:21):
It was a dog barking jingle bells.

Speaker 2 (37:24):
That was what was calling.

Speaker 3 (37:26):
Second, my dog's calling.

Speaker 2 (37:29):
Doesn't know what time of.

Speaker 3 (37:30):
Year it is.

Speaker 1 (37:33):
After ripping on that guy that I got myself a
nice little part in a commercial.

Speaker 2 (37:39):
They were like, Okay, did you never know you got
to take a chance, Lacy?

Speaker 3 (37:42):
How are you at memorizing things? Are you good? Bad?

Speaker 2 (37:45):
Terrible, terrible?

Speaker 1 (37:47):
Terrible?

Speaker 2 (37:47):
Amber? And I did? What did we do?

Speaker 1 (37:50):
Amber? A thing?

Speaker 2 (37:51):
For the Women's Health.

Speaker 1 (37:53):
And they gave us a script and we had to
memorize all these scenes. I was like, I can't do it.
So there was a monitor. What is it, Amber, It's
a teleprompter. A teleprompter.

Speaker 4 (38:05):
Okay, remember you haven't remembered the word teleprompter or the
name of the people who you're doing for.

Speaker 3 (38:10):
So it really proved that you did have trouble with screen.

Speaker 2 (38:15):
About you know, women's health.

Speaker 1 (38:17):
And we had a thick ass script and Amber was like,
hither too. And I was like, oh, and I just looked.

Speaker 2 (38:26):
At it the whole time.

Speaker 1 (38:26):
Then they would just be like, don't look at it,
don't look at it while you're doing that, and I
would be like, the whole time, I looked at it
the whole time.

Speaker 3 (38:38):
Oh.

Speaker 1 (38:38):
So then they would just kind of like move it
in my sight so I could be looking at Amber,
but be looking at it. I'm not doing that. I
could never, ever it could ever remember a script. Amber says,
I can can can It's so easy.

Speaker 3 (38:50):
That's the kind of thing that people who have it
easy at doing it say.

Speaker 1 (38:54):
It's they always say that, They always say that I'm
not great at it. But if it comes down to it,
you can do it except for that one time.

Speaker 2 (39:02):
Other than that, you can really do it.

Speaker 1 (39:06):
But I feel like it's less fun than I want, Like,
unless that's like comedy comedy, comedy, comedy comedy, it's always
a little less fun than I'm hankering for, you know
what I mean. Because once you do improv, man, that
shit can't be beat. Nothing's funner. And then they go
say these lines someone else came up with and you're

(39:28):
this weird mom of two. I'm like, no, no, that's
not fun, Like, no one's ever like you're a unicorn murderer.
Oh yeah, something he is something. Here's something fun. Oh
my god. Should I write unicorns?

Speaker 3 (39:45):
Absolutely, that's a procedural drama that's coming to NBC.

Speaker 2 (39:48):
Talk about unicorns a lot. I think you need to
do it.

Speaker 1 (39:51):
Oh, okay, you do you guys, That's what I'm going
to be doing with the rest of my summer unicorn murder.

Speaker 4 (39:59):
Oh yeah, I think there's that much left of summer.
So it's a perfect kind of perfect amount of time
for you to spend on a short, little musical, short
little musical about murdering a unicorn, murdering many musical.

Speaker 1 (40:10):
Yay, I'm Lacey yes, we have done nothing. We have
done nothing on this podcast. We've done nothing that we're
supposed to be going to do.

Speaker 3 (40:20):
And don't hold me accountable for that because I was
trying to do the segments that were planning.

Speaker 1 (40:23):
Chris desperately trying to keep us on the rails.

Speaker 4 (40:26):
Yes, I said, isn't it time for sister Court please
texting us?

Speaker 3 (40:33):
Okay, lady, you have responded to none of my texts.
That actually is hurting my feelings.

Speaker 1 (40:37):
That's why we got a divorce. I was tired of
all your damn texts. I'm texting every second.

Speaker 2 (40:42):
There you gus again, here you go. I mean, like
the olden days, Chris, are you married?

Speaker 1 (40:49):
I am how many texts can you send your spouse
before they are like, cut it out?

Speaker 3 (40:57):
Oh, it is so few.

Speaker 4 (40:59):
My my wife is is We have a great relationship,
and she is very thoughtful and smart and wonderful, but
she definitely has she's there's only one clown in the relationship,
you know, And she's like, like I would say, in
like the first week of lockdown, she just looked at
me dead serious and said, I just want you to know,

(41:19):
no matter how long this lockdown goes, I cannot be
your little audience.

Speaker 3 (41:22):
You got to figure something else out. Like, that's not
gonna work.

Speaker 2 (41:26):
I like it.

Speaker 4 (41:27):
I'm happy for you. You got to figure something else out.
I can't. You can't do your little show for me.
So I would say that if I send like one
text that is not fully serious, she's going to be like,
what's happening?

Speaker 3 (41:37):
And it's going to be like with a period at
the end, what are you saying? Period? That's going to
be it?

Speaker 1 (41:43):
Will we stand a queen with boundaries?

Speaker 3 (41:46):
Absolutely? And like that health insurance.

Speaker 4 (41:48):
I'm telling you, I mean I hit the jackpot, health
insurance and boundaries.

Speaker 3 (41:52):
What more could you want in a partner?

Speaker 1 (41:53):
Don't leave that. Don't leave that woman.

Speaker 3 (41:55):
I never would, oh certainly, never would.

Speaker 4 (41:57):
Also, we've been together for long enough that, like she
we were together before I did comedy. So sometimes and
I'm like, that's just what it's like. I'm a comedian.
You knew what it would be like. She's like, don't
you say that I knew you before you were a comedian?

Speaker 1 (42:08):
Nice?

Speaker 3 (42:08):
Try, nice try.

Speaker 2 (42:10):
That's cute.

Speaker 3 (42:12):
Yeah, we like her. Oh, she's great, very great.

Speaker 1 (42:16):
I do love like, but wait, how long have you
been together?

Speaker 4 (42:20):
We started dating in college. So we've been together for
like seventeen years a long time.

Speaker 1 (42:24):
Oh I love it.

Speaker 2 (42:26):
Yeah, she's sick of yoshit. Oh absolutely shut the hell up.

Speaker 1 (42:31):
Nothing.

Speaker 3 (42:32):
The accumulative time that she had for my nonsense.

Speaker 4 (42:35):
And tom foolery has been that has been used up
a decades ago.

Speaker 2 (42:39):
Done. I love it.

Speaker 1 (42:43):
I love it so much. I feel like that is
me and everyone I know. And it's back and forth,
like Lacey be doing bits to death, I'll be doing
bits to death me. Every all of my friends are
comedy writers, is bit central. And then I'll meet like
a regular person and be like they'll be like, hey,

(43:05):
well it's a hot one out today, Like you're a
hot one, yes, sassy little bitch looking less. They're like,
oh my god, lady, leave me alone, Like, oh yeah, sorry,
I came in hot.

Speaker 4 (43:19):
Something that Molly said that I have thought about Molly's
my wife. Something that she said that I've thought about
so much is like we'll go to like a party
or a gathering of like her work colleagues or her friends,
and we'll have like just like nice conversations with like smart,
interesting people. Fine, And then she was like, you know
what is so different is I go to one of
your gatherings with all of these improv people and she's like,

(43:39):
I had like a twenty minute conversation with someone about
how they were a pilot for Delta, and then only
afterwards did I understand that that person was lying the
entire time. They were just doing a bit where they
were a character who was a pilot and they just
told me all these wild facts about like things that
had happened on the plane, and like, why did they
just why did they never break that character?

Speaker 3 (43:59):
I can't, like, I can't go to.

Speaker 4 (44:01):
Parties where people are like, yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm a
pilot and then' like that guy talks weird, but I
guess he's a pilot, And then later on I find
out none of those things are true.

Speaker 2 (44:09):
They probably thought your wife was hilarious.

Speaker 1 (44:12):
Yeah, she's just asking the perfect questions to tee me
up for more.

Speaker 4 (44:17):
That woman is the best voice of reason I've seen
in my fourteen years.

Speaker 2 (44:21):
Great straight man. It's a great straight man.

Speaker 3 (44:23):
We got to get her on Harold Night Fast.

Speaker 1 (44:28):
Yeah, don't I don't think that that's for everyone. It's
not like not everyone can come with me to like
a little party with my little friends. Huh, absolutely, because
like the most normal ones are the people who are
kind of like guys. We're all just beings and we're
all working with the universe.

Speaker 2 (44:47):
Like, those are the more normal friends I have.

Speaker 1 (44:51):
The rest are just like me, where it's like, whoever
farts the loudest gets a punch in the butt, Like
there's no they're really bad.

Speaker 2 (45:02):
I'm dizzy.

Speaker 1 (45:06):
That's exactly how it is when the amber's having a
party at the house. You don't know what the hell
is gonna happen. Someone's going to stand up over here,
someone's joking about something. You don't know what you're looking
at or hearing, but you don't know.

Speaker 4 (45:22):
Whoever farts the lattice gets a bunch of the butt.
Is such a real game that would be played. I'll
tell you that I once went on like we we
went to like a house in by a lake with
a bunch of friends, and the entire weekend. We spent
the whole weekend playing a game called what the Butt,
which is you lay face down on the ground and
someone puts something on your butt and you have.

Speaker 3 (45:40):
To guess what it is by only moving your butt around.

Speaker 4 (45:43):
You're like, that's a that's a trumpet, that's an old book.

Speaker 3 (45:48):
That is a toaster of it, and.

Speaker 4 (45:50):
Truly, what the butt? It filled seventy two full hours
of time with friends.

Speaker 2 (45:54):
Oh my god, what the butt. That's a great game.
I love it. I love it.

Speaker 3 (45:58):
Can't take credit for inventing it, but it was incredible.

Speaker 1 (46:01):
Me and Lacy have a friend named Kelly Park and
she and her husband came to visit over last Thanksgiving.
Is that what it was? And she was like, we
just kept singing, like sometimes we'd be like, yeah, mammy
on my meeting chocolate, or sometimes we'd be like singing
a real song. And one time she was singing some

(46:23):
yeah maya me on my meeting chocolate, and I went.

Speaker 2 (46:25):
What song is that? And she said, I'm just making
it up.

Speaker 1 (46:28):
And we were like, oh my god, this is a game,
real song, a fake song. And Buddy, every song she sang,
I got it wrong, every last one.

Speaker 2 (46:39):
She's a that's our new favorite game. Favorite game.

Speaker 1 (46:42):
It's so hard, so hard, And if you know some
real terrible songs, you can really you can.

Speaker 2 (46:48):
Really clean up.

Speaker 1 (46:49):
But she had the mix of like really making up
a real like a good snappy little I'd be like
that has to be real, absolutely not like.

Speaker 2 (46:58):
Goddamn made it?

Speaker 4 (47:00):
Can you give me a taste of what one of
the great ones that you thought? There's no way that
could be real? And then it was reel was Amber?

Speaker 1 (47:05):
Go ahead?

Speaker 2 (47:06):
Sorry no words, sorry no words? Real song?

Speaker 3 (47:11):
Real can't be I cannot be a real You.

Speaker 1 (47:15):
Will find it. And this is what's so hilarious. So
do you remember the Amber? What's the comic book with
the weird goofy faced guy from like the seventies and eighties.

Speaker 2 (47:25):
Jugged or are you no? No? He's got the freckles
and like the buck teeth.

Speaker 1 (47:30):
Alfredy Newman Mad Mad. So she had a subscription to
Mad magazine and in one of her Mad magazines, her
sister's Mad Magazine, a CD came incredible and so she
was like, I don't open this, it's my CD. She
snuck in her sister's room, took out the CD, played
it and the song was sorry no words. Mad Magazine

(47:57):
was like this, this ain't no songs on it, This
is not us all the tide to put it in
and play it.

Speaker 2 (48:03):
That's where that came from.

Speaker 1 (48:04):
We were crying, laugh like this can't but her telling
us the story made us laugh even and she said,
I never forgot.

Speaker 4 (48:12):
I can't tell you how much I love, especially like
I'm sneaking in.

Speaker 3 (48:17):
I got it.

Speaker 4 (48:18):
I'll finally hear the forbidden music and music it's so good.

Speaker 1 (48:26):
It's not so good, it's not right, it's not right, Okay,
Lacy for real?

Speaker 2 (48:32):
Yes, what we're running out of time, we're.

Speaker 1 (48:34):
Running out of time. But I just we may not
get to whatever, because what we need to really hear
is a story.

Speaker 2 (48:42):
Chris used to be a teacher.

Speaker 3 (48:44):
Pay fifth grade teacher. It's true, tell us.

Speaker 1 (48:46):
The worst story or the best, tell us just a good,
good fifth grade story.

Speaker 4 (48:51):
Oh gosh, I will say truly, every single day was
full of things that happened. You said worst stories. I'll
say the one that the things that come to mind
when I hear worst, which is just the sheer amount
of bodily fluids that were involved.

Speaker 3 (49:08):
In a in an elementary school all day long.

Speaker 4 (49:11):
One is a child was there was like a serial
poop on the wall writer in the bathroom where this
kid would like write on the wall in poop, and
there was like every class we were like, who is this?

Speaker 3 (49:25):
Who did it? Who did it? If you are pooping
and smearing your poop on the wall.

Speaker 4 (49:29):
That is not okay, and we would like explain, like,
that's not okay because like the custodian then has to
clean that up. It's not okay for all these reasons.
And then finally, one day, this kid wrote a word
that involved a word that involved the letter J and
he used the backwards jay, and all of the teachers
were into, like, we know who it is.

Speaker 3 (49:49):
There's only one kid who makes that mistake with this
day every.

Speaker 4 (49:51):
Time, and so we busted him because we were like,
you wrote the wrong word and your shit today, son,
you're going that's right.

Speaker 2 (49:59):
What happened?

Speaker 1 (50:00):
Did you tell his mommy?

Speaker 4 (50:01):
Of course, his mom came in and we were like,
so for the past week, your son has been getting
into his hand and writing words on the wall, and
he finally wrote a word where we could identify who
it was and he has admitted to it.

Speaker 3 (50:12):
And part of the thing is that his hands will
need to be.

Speaker 4 (50:15):
Washed much more than you've already watched them, and we
watched them many times.

Speaker 2 (50:20):
What did the mommy say?

Speaker 4 (50:21):
I think this is one where you know, I wasn't
in the office, but I'm sure she was like, thank you,
for letting me know, and we will have some conversations
at home. I don't think she was like, that's cool
as hell. I definitely don't think she said.

Speaker 1 (50:33):
That I would be like, I have to throw him
out and get a new child.

Speaker 4 (50:37):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (50:37):
I thought it was closer to that I had.

Speaker 2 (50:39):
To throw this chout into the ocean.

Speaker 4 (50:41):
Yeah, well, you want to hear the child who you
really have to Okay, here's the child who you'd really
want to throw into the ocean.

Speaker 3 (50:46):
Yeah.

Speaker 4 (50:46):
And I believe that all children can be redeemed in
their beautiful little angels who just make mistakes. But one
kid once climbed up on the toilet, opened the soap dispenser,
and pooped inside of the soap dispenser. So all day
long the school smelled bad, and we were like telling
kids to go wash their hands again, and every time

(51:07):
they came back from washing their hands, they smelled worse
until we figured it out and we were like, no, oh, noop,
this child is the devil. That was a memorable day.
That was a real That was the day that I
decided I won't be a teacher forever. In fact, I
won't be a teacher next year.

Speaker 1 (51:27):
Oh my god, I died a little like this took
two years.

Speaker 2 (51:32):
O my life. Just that story. Absolutely, what a horrible happening.

Speaker 3 (51:37):
Also, like, what a diabolical genius.

Speaker 2 (51:39):
That's hilarious.

Speaker 3 (51:42):
That's like a super villain level of a wing about.

Speaker 1 (51:45):
That in prison right now about he's talking about He's like, guys,
let me tell you what I did. I kept that
ship going all day.

Speaker 2 (51:53):
He's talk he's bragging about it.

Speaker 1 (51:55):
Psychopath. Absolutely little hilarious psychopath. I mean to hear about
it is very funny.

Speaker 3 (52:00):
Absolutely, it's a flex.

Speaker 2 (52:02):
It's a flex, like weird flex, but it's a flex.

Speaker 1 (52:04):
To read about it in a book where you know
none of this really happened, that's funny. But to know
that it happened to real people is the bridge too far.

Speaker 2 (52:12):
I don't like it.

Speaker 4 (52:12):
Absolutely, it shouldn't have happened. It shouldn't have happened, and
yet it did. And that's so much of the world today.
It could be described with that sentence it shouldn't have
happened in yet.

Speaker 1 (52:21):
But it did. Hey, you guys, we've been empty jugs.

Speaker 2 (52:27):
Sexy jugs. I forget what was this.

Speaker 3 (52:30):
I'm positive it wasn't sexy joke. I think it was
jug Mvy. I've got jug mvy.

Speaker 1 (52:37):
Ladies and gentlemen, We've been jug envy. Thank you so
much for tuning in. Our guest today was Chris Duffy. Chris,
where can we find you on the socials?

Speaker 4 (52:46):
You can find me at Chris the letter I Duffy
or at Chris Duffy coomedy dot com.

Speaker 1 (52:51):
Okay, okay, Lacy, where can we find you on your socials?
You can find me at Lacy Lamar one? And why
is that because I couldn't cancel just the late seal
of bar? Oh?

Speaker 2 (53:03):
Okay, So both accounts are you? But only what you
have access incredible?

Speaker 3 (53:07):
Oh incredible?

Speaker 2 (53:09):
Or makes me say why? And what's so funny?

Speaker 1 (53:11):
It is not a shamed no, no, not. I might
doing Lacy Lamar too, just to tell you to shut up.
I have another one.

Speaker 3 (53:19):
It should you should be you gotta you gotta. I'm
gonna do it on someone else can next week.

Speaker 1 (53:23):
I'm gonna be lazy Lamar two and three? What you
canna stop me? Every every month? Just gonna add on
another one.

Speaker 2 (53:29):
I aim to stop you trying to stop you.

Speaker 4 (53:31):
I had to put my middle initial in because otherwise
it goes to like a very nice, uh professor in
Canada Fords email, But oh no, he's sweet. I wish
it was me. I wish it was just me that
I was locked out of. That's so much more powerful.
You've done a great job there.

Speaker 1 (53:45):
It's pretty nice and I'm probably Amber Ruffin. Guys, we've
had a beautiful time, Chris. Is there anything people should
be looking out for?

Speaker 3 (53:54):
Yeah?

Speaker 4 (53:54):
I have an audiobook that's called Let's hang Out that
you can listen to on Everand.

Speaker 1 (53:58):
Yay, guys, remember Lacy is bad. This has been the
Amber and Lacy, Lacy and Abershaw. Bye. The Amber and Lacy,
Lacy and Amber Show is a production by Will Ferrell's
Big Money Players and iHeartRadio podcast. It's created and hosted

(54:18):
by Amber Ruffin and Lacy Lamar. Executive produced by Noah
Avoar and Hans Sani. Super produced by Becca Raimos Because
She's a Superhero co produced by Victor Wright, Edited and
mixed by Ty Herd. Music by David schmol