You Have The Giggles

The ladies catch up on their most inappropriate giggle moments and favorite moments from the past week while they're still apart. They also get into Lacey's DMs and sister court! 

 

Want to be part of Sister Court? Write to Amber&Lacey: [e-mail]

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:01):
We know that this is your favorite podcast, so sit
your butt down and get ready to last. It's the
Amber Lacy, Lacy and embersh.

Speaker 2 (00:15):
Wow, Lacy, Yeah that was beautiful. I know. Ah wow,
Lay's face, what's happening? Butt is going down? Bete? Listen. Oh,
I saw something on TV that reminded me of you

(00:37):
not being able to hold in your laugh in certain situations.
And I think when you were younger, you may have
been the worst. Remember sitting in church, something hilarious would happen,
especially I think you and Jim. I'm saying younger, but no,
I think there was a couple of times where you
and Jim should not have been sitting next to each other,
and you laughed your butts off. Remember that man playing

(00:58):
the piano, remember that? No, what happened? You have no
memory of this? No, Amber, what man comes to church
and we've never seen it before and he's like, I
have a song. The song is on my heart. I'm
going to play it. You do not remember this. No.
He takes a little cassio piano and puts it in

(01:19):
his lap and he's just like dude, dude, and you
and Jim immediately start crying and laughing, but my face
is like I'm looking at you to like shut up.
And then he goes, now I'm about to really get funky.
Oh and he hits the little samba button and he

(01:40):
goes with a little beat and Jim goes and then
you kind of like lose it. I'll never forget that.
How do you not remember that moment? Did he hear
us laugh? Yes? There were six people in the room. Yes,
he heard you laughing. Oh, giggle, you have the giggles.
Maybe the Lord put you used to he did. I

(02:01):
mean it was hard for me too, but I was
just like, why did we start talking about this? I
don't know. I saw something on TV about giggling and
not being able to hold it in, and it reminded
me of that very moment. Ok, you don't remember a
time where you laughed and you should not have laughed.
That has never happened to me. Has happened to you? What? Absolutely?

(02:21):
It happened to me two days ago when I took
my mom for her eye appointment. I took my mom
for her eye appointment, and we were waiting in the
waiting room and a gentleman was sitting there and he
was getting impatient, and someone opened the door and said,
you know, I remember the names were Larry Davis, and
he yells back, what about Anthony Davis? No, sir, you

(02:45):
can't insert your name into the waiting list. Yeah, you can't.
And Mom and I looked at each other. We laughed. Well,
we held it in, but tears were coming out of
my eyes. This was a moment where he was like
a foot away from us, and only because he was
so close is when you just start giggling. Yeah, then
you can't. Then the tears were coming. And then we
just had to move across the room because we were bad.

(03:06):
We were adults, but we were We giggled like children.
This is my most inappropriate laugh. When my best friend's
father died, oh, and we were all sitting in the row.
What at his funeral, there's you know the pullpit, right,
which is like just one stand, you know, like one

(03:28):
person can stand behind it. So the pastor goes and
now a song by the Blah Blah Blah Quartet. One
man gets up and stands to the right of the podium,
and then two men get up and stand to the
left of the podium, and we're like huh. And then
a very very small man holding an apple box, walks

(03:52):
up to the podium, sets down his apple box, and
then like appears from and I mean, you know, they
proceeded to sing a lovely song. But that was the
funniest thing I'd ever seen because we were anyone else giggle,
absolutely not. And it was me, Molly and Christina huddled together,

(04:18):
laughing into our hands. It was very it was very inappropriate,
and it was very funny. I maybe thought he was
doing that to like, you know, little comedy, little you know,
trying to make some people laugh at a harsh, you know,
sad time. But that man stayed with his apple box.
The apple box. He can keep that bang on it.

(04:38):
I keep that bang only a he has that on
him in the grocery store in case he's standing like
a nobody see him. Oh good for him. Well I
need it, you know what. I I need apple box
because I'm only five apples high. I need an applebox, see me.
We do make fun of our parents a lot for
various things, and they always deserve it. Also, in front

(05:00):
of your parents is fun. But what they do have
in the house and it's like peekaboo for us. It's
like if you put a child in a room with
bubble wrap every like freaking two feet in the house.
There's those grabbers, right, that's a long arm with a
like a trigger at one end and then two pinches

(05:21):
at the others, so you could grab whatever you want
from like high spaces are far away, and me and
Lacey grab them things every time and go to war.
What can I grab? What can I throw? How can
I get? Who can I pitch when they're not looking?
Who will be the most hurt by the pinch? How
many people can I pinch at once? It's really it's horrible.

(05:44):
So I think it's so funny that mom and Dad
really are using these things. But it's just nothing but
an instrument of war to me and Lacey. Mom gave
me a couple of those, right, and I remember, y'all
you will become I'm addicted. I remember having it by
my couch on time and reaching for something. And it's

(06:06):
not like those are the easiest things to use. No,
so you will sit for a full five minutes to
grab the remote when you can get up. It makes
you extra lazy. I have spent so much time grabbing things,
and well that's not right now. Let me turn it
this way. In the time that you figured out how
to manipulate this thing, you you could have got up

(06:27):
and made a meal. You could have got it. You
could have got it yourself. You could have reached it. Yep,
you could have had a V eight because I'm not
using it in the way it should be used. I'm
not using it to reach up and I'm just using
it to grab that. That's right, the right there, Guys,
when I'm cleaning, I think it's great. Grabbing a suck,
grabbing it I can bend down. Stops you. Makes you

(06:49):
so lazy. Don't get one of those things. You're going
to grab stupid things. Don't do it. But also you're
not supposed to do that. When you get older, you're
supposed to get up and go to the kitchen every
time you want to X y Z. Yeah, you're not
supposed to like surround yourself. We know who's doing that.
But got in trouble. It's gonna be be. It's kinda

(07:13):
a may it's got a baby. One more thing, okay,
my one more, My one more silent moment was Angela.
Our sister was at church. I was way behind them.
Angela was a front row church goer. I was back
row clowning, okay, clowning. Angela's in the front row, sitting
next to somebody's daughter, and all of a sudden we

(07:35):
see this little blonde girl pop up. And what does
she have on her forehead? Amber, do you know the story? No,
she has a whole Maxi pad on her forehead that
she got out of Angela's purse. And she was just
waving her head back and fun because there's a Maxi
pad on my head and it's fun. Angela can't see it.

(07:55):
There's a couple giggles, and I'm just like, I ain't
gonna run up there. And finally Aunt turns there's an
audible and she snatched and the snatch was louder than
having snatch and throws it in her purse and church continues.
And if you ask Angla that story. We used to
laugh about that all the tan. But everyone had already

(08:18):
seen the Mexicans. Everyone, How you gonna miss maxipad dance?
How you gonna look? First of all, how you go
miss little white girl on a black church? Because this
was a black churn. Somebody's little blondie was sitting next
to Angela. She snashed that mexipand so hard off that
girl's forehead. Listen'd be done, you know, as a white child,
because wouldn't know a black child going someone's purse. I

(08:42):
can't think of they knew a spanking was coming. I'd
rather steal from a store than go into a fellow
churchgoer's purse. Take my chances with the law. I'd rather
commit fraud, got a rob a bank and a black
woman's purse, unless I mean you, then I'll get all

(09:05):
in your prace. Do you remember going into mom's purse.
Mom's purse was as big as the ocean, a car
the ocean, think of the word. Mom had a huge
brown purse. And I mean every once in a while
you felt brave go in there. You can watch you fine.
Usually Chlorette gum, A lot of chlorettes gum, and that

(09:28):
was delicious. I'd eat that stuff like food, like chew
it and chew it and chew it. Now, if you
remember what chlorettes gum is, I need you to tweet
at me Clorettes gum. I need to This isn't no
punk ass gum, This isn't whatever that one gum was
with with the zebra on the front. What is that
zebra stripe? Last two seconds stripe gum clarettes gum lasted

(09:51):
for sixty two days. It's gone from the seventies. It's strong.
It like had a candy coating on the outside, dark
green candy coat. It was a good gum. That was
great one And if you put two in your mouth
at once, maybe you didn't need to eat dinner that
night because you're too busy. I think people were like, oh,
we don't have any food in the house. Take these

(10:12):
two chlorine Gumma sit you ass now, you ain't gonna
ask some food for a long time. Be like I
have had too much flavor. My body has suffered too
much flavor. Oh wait, do we have to take a
break now? Have we been to chatting too long? Yes,
we do it. Hey, everyone, we're gonna take a break.
Thanks for tuning in to the Amber and Lacey Lacy

(10:33):
Ember Show. When we return. How much gum can one
Lacey you we'll find out live on the show. Hey, everyoned,

(10:55):
we're back. Remember in the seventies when they like had
like your jingle for shit would be like Clarett's gum
Whoao Clarets gum it would be Wow, it's the best,
the best. They'd be like, look, if there's one thing
about Clorette's gum, it goes hard. It just right, like

(11:15):
an actual lovely song with like a real singer really
doing it. The songs would be the best. There were
eighteen people in that room when they was recording that.
The harmony yep, and you always got that one strong singer. Hm,
I'm sorry. I bet a lot of times they were black.
Those songs really touched your soul. Yeah, they would be
pretty good. It's a pretty good song. Hey, everyone, what

(11:39):
are we supposed to be doing now? Lacy? I still
have things to chit chat about, and we need to
discuss fall falls coming. Amber loves stinking pumpkin spice. I
don't know when this happened when Amber went to the
dark side. It was when I lived in Denver. You've
liked it for that long? No, for there was literally

(12:01):
nothing else to do. I did a lot of things
in Denver I would not do normally. Can you say
it on the show? Do you judging? No one judges you.
Denver is here. Yeah, h Halloween is coming, Okay, Amber

(12:21):
and I are loving Halloween more and more passing out candy.
I don't know if you're gonna be at mom and
Dad's house passing out that candy, but that's a fun time.
That's fun. The only thing better then looking at a
bunch of little pumpkins dressed as pumpkins is when they
come to your motherfucking house, right, they bring the children
to you, and then we can't throw out the compliments

(12:44):
fast enough. We can't. We can't, absolutely can't. And there's
not ourself perfect. Everyone loves you. I love you. You're
a little angel a. They're going, yeah, We're like, you're
so cute that we got to bring people over to
the door to see the person. Mean, while sixteen kids
are in line demanding the candy. These kids are pushy.
They want their candy and they deserve it. And some
of them come right back, sir, I saw you in

(13:04):
yo he man shirt. You can't don't becoming here twice
this candy and get at it. We've never said no,
We've had some people come back to it. Well, boy,
I saw you here you go, you go so cute,
too cute, get out of here. Don't you come back
more than three more times? Amber? What are your costume?
What's your costume gonna be? I don't know. I might

(13:28):
be a hourra, a whore. What, Yes, I might come
on you lazy. No one says who anymore? No, that
is a great choice. Tell people who a horror is?
Lieutenant o'hura is a hoh is how it's spoke? I say.

(13:50):
Everyone says, oh hourrah, but it's hoorah, o hoorah. It
doesn't matter. She's a black lady from fucking star Trek
the first one. Yes, that's true, Michelle Nick my puer name.
That is. Yeah, my choices that I'm or who I'm
going to be, thank you for asking. It's gonna be
either Dolly Parton what Dolly Parton? I said it. I

(14:11):
want a big old blonde wig. What. Yeah, I'm gonna
I'm gonna hold a book because she's all about giving
books to people. Dolly Parton is invited to the barbecue
every time, and you know she is mine. My white
dazzle jumps to okay, so my choices are gonna be
Dolly Parton. Okay, another white woman that I may be.
I mean, I'm not gonna put I'm not gonna be
in white face. People. You can you can wear a

(14:33):
costume of another race. You definitely can do this, just
don't make it leave your skin alone. Let's make an
announcement right here for anybody who may try to be
Amber for Halloween. You do not need to put anything
on your skin. Okay, you don't need to. You're trying
to be me. You do need a name take because
no one's gonna know who the fuck you are. I'm

(14:57):
you know, you try to be I was gonna say
Michael Jackson, but there goes ano bad example. It's another
bad exit. Got to be young Michael Jackson. Okay, then
don't don't don't put anything on your skin. People don't
do it. Guess what. You don't need to do that,
you don't need it. So I'm gonna wear my blond wig.
Everybody gonna know who I am or the other woman.
It's gonna be ray Gun. That's a simple costume I

(15:18):
can break down. Raygun is the breakdancer if you don't know,
the Australian breakdancer. And that's all I gotta say. Google
that because I got some moves that's not bad, you
know or shown. Those are my Michone. Michow's my go
to Mahone is the black woman from Walking Dead and
I love her. I've been here several times. Oh, neat,
that's my go to get a little sword. That's a

(15:40):
good acting bab. Only two people, Lacey, stop stabbing people?
Okay three people? No, three people? Yeah, you know what
we forgot to go over what I've been up to? Okay, Amber, Yes,
what have you been up to? Yesterday? I went to
the opening of Fight Night The Million Dollar High, which

(16:00):
is a showing he got and it was so cute
and it was so fun. And my little friend Dexter
is in it and he plays Mohamad Ali and he's
the most talented person on planet Art, Dexter, and I
love him, Yes, Dexter, We love Dexter. Oh my god,
that's wonderful. He's the most perfect sweetie on earth. And

(16:20):
I was like, ooh, playing Muhammad Ali is hard. And
of course he destroyed it because he is a perfect ang.
I know he did. Yes, a perfect little baby, I know. Okay,
what happened at the party? Can you tell us anything
exciting at the party. I laughed with a lot of

(16:41):
people and I had a lot of fun. The end,
nothing crazy happened anyone slap your face or did you
slap anyone's face? I make up a story. Who just
oh okay, well I slapped several people. Oh you know
what happened. What happened was okay. So four hundred years ago,

(17:02):
like I like to go to these little parties and
they're very fun. Four hundred years ago I went with
my friend Joyel, and whenever it's the two of us,
we tend to shut the shit down. Once I do.
We stayed at a party so late it was just
us and then like maybe four people and the party
is over, and then bust A Rhymes walks in and

(17:26):
then we like half another like half an hour fucking
Dicking around with bust To Rhymes is great. He's just
like so happy and fun. But you know, usually we
stay and we shut it down. So this time we're like,
you know what, we have to go home. We're tired,
let's go home. Joyel reaches for her phone, she can't
find it. We're like, looks like we will be shutting

(17:48):
this party down. We look, we look, we look, because
her find my phone says it's in there. We look,
we look, we look, we look, and then one of
the girls we met that night, helps us look so
then we can can't find it. Then the find my
phone starts moving and we go, wait a second. That
girl we looked for the phone with, we took a

(18:08):
picture with her earlier, and she held the phone for
the light and she must have just dropped it into
her bag okay, and then kept going. So then sure enough,
luckily we followed each other on Instagram and she was like,
why I got your phone? So we ended up shutting
down the party. And as we were walking out to leave,

(18:30):
you know, they're cleaning up. As we're walking out to leave.
Guess who's arriving fucking bust a rhymes like, oh my god.
I were like, should we stay and bother bust her eyes? Nah,
let's leave, alget I here. And that's what happened. Yay,

(18:51):
yippy skippy okay. And there's more So what the blah
blah blah blah blah blah blah blah. Can you translate that? Yeah?
It means have I Got News for You? It premieres
this Saturday. Now I'm on a new CNN show called
Have I Got News for You? It's hosted by Roy
Wood Junior, and it's a like a panel show like

(19:11):
a game show, and me and Michael Lee and Black
are the team captains. And it's so cute because Michael
has a team and I have a team. And then
I'll have a guest and he'll have a guest, and
then we'll battle head to head and Roy Wood Junior
will be the judge. I love him so much. I
love them both. I love them both. You couldn't have

(19:32):
chose the better people. Yeah, well, I mean, you know,
they're they're wonderful. I know, love the show, love it,
love it show. Yeah, this is the premiere this Saturday
on CNN, so watch it. I think it comes on
it at nine at night. But you gotta have a
watch party. I should have a watch party. I'm not
going to do that. Sorry. I looked into my I

(19:54):
looked into my heart. You looked into the future, and
you saw yes on this very ouch watching it? Uh
in no bra? So oh? But well, I mean, you know, yeah,
I wear a broth you leave the house. I do
not have to wear bra. This is a very serious

(20:18):
question I have for you. I don't like to prepare
Amber for these questions. I just want to see what
rolls out of her brain. Fart cat we part. Oh,
you asked the question for you're choosing one song, one
song to send out into space, okay, to the aliens.
What song is that? Now I have a song, and

(20:40):
it better be the same song. We're sending these out
to the aliens? What song is it? Ribbon in the sky? Okay,
you want them to come and eat us? Mine is
I have to never scare. I ain't never scared. Play
that to some aliens. They're not gonna come around here,

(21:01):
They're not and hit them up tupac lacy. Those are
my two songs. I don't want you come in here.
We don't know what you're about. I mean, I'm gonna
say I'm ninety percent sure y'all come in for blood.
I taste delicious. You're coming to eat human beings and
to take over the world. I don't want to ribbon
in the sky, snatch that ribbon down? What I want
them to know that we love love no, because then

(21:24):
they're gonna be like, look at these soft ass woozies
over here. What we're gonna take over the world. Why
would you not think? How many movies have you seen?
You know this? They're not in movies. Are never wrong.
I just watched Quiet Place. Those things are out to
get you. That was a great, God great show. Lacy.
Stop watching scary movies. You can't stand it. I'll never stop.

(21:47):
And I watch them like this, you know, like your
fingers watch a story movie. Who don't how my hands?
That was bad. But no, we're not welcoming them. I'm
not welcoming them. No, you ribbon in the sky, laying
down and putting seasoning on yourself, you would know that
we love and I want them to know. Come up

(22:09):
in here, come on. I don't know that from I
Never Scared. Really, so I'm outside of the club and
you think I'm a punk. They know they know what
that means the planet, and you think, don't come in here.
Don't come in here with that mess. No, they played

(22:31):
Never Scared last night, and I forgot. I have forgotten.
I can't believe why. I I don't understand why I
love so many songs that are like I'll kill you
for fun, because it's the opposite of it. I don't
know why I like that, Yeah, the opposite of us.
I mean, we're guys, we're not killing anybody. I might

(22:52):
were the ambers, definitely not killing anybody. So it's even funnier. Well,
I mean, remember we had that little party at your
house that I just played those old old songs and
it was just you and I doing a hard running man,
acting a fool, and everybody else was like, look at
these two old ladies. They're not fighting anybody. Guys. Our

(23:13):
parties last until one of us starts to do the
running Man and then call a cap. You gotta it's over.
You gotta start, you gotta start heading home. Okay, my
friends know. I'm like, where are we going? Can I
do the running Man? There? I'm gonna end up doing
the running Man. It's a great move. Yeah, I love it.

(23:34):
I mean, look, you have time, right, you have the
sunshine time. Then you have time when we really get
serious about eating. Then we start doing you know, line
dances badly badly, and then you know, like there's a
couple of tama hustles in. Then then you then then

(23:58):
it gets bad, then it gets really bad, gets really bad,
and by then you think you really look good. I'm like,
look at this move, I'm really dancing. No, you're not dancing.
I really do think you look ridiculous. I'm doing it.
I feel like I can dance. I can dance. Do
I look great doing the Running Man? No one looks
great doing the Running Man anymore. You shouldn't do it.

(24:19):
But I will bring back those old dances in a minute,
because that's what you have to do, those songs. Yeah,
every little step I take. I dare you to do
any other dance to every little step I take? You can't.
You gotta do the Rebuck. You gotta do the Running Man.
That's all you get. Poison all those old you gotta
do all old dances to that. There's nothing you can do.
You're one man. You have to obey the rules of earth. Yes,

(24:42):
Amber and I love watching these hair videos. First of all,
the man that's doing these hairstyles is amazing. He's great,
natural hairstyle, natural lease. This is a whole h what
do you call a tribute to this man's skill. He
is amazing. He'll do things with natural hair that you
never thought you could do. But on top of that,

(25:05):
Amber tell them why he's extra special. This man is
extra special because we Okay, so one day me and
Lacy were looking for a hairstyle. So we go, oh,
let's go to hairby Clippers. This guy we follow and
see what his hairstyles are. Each hairstyle cutter than the last.
We're listening to the songs and it is like, oh,
you are a woman, a beautiful woman. You know. It's

(25:27):
like afrobeats. So I don't know what this music is.
I don't know that this isn't a top ten hit. Yeah,
and then at one point it's like hair by Clippers,
you are so beautiful to me, hair Bye Clippers. I'm like, oh,
oh my god, that's a cue. The guy from hairby
Clippers got a song with hair by Clippers and it

(25:47):
made for his website. Funny. Click on the next video
and it's like a little rougher got cock hairby Clippers.
We're like, what, wait, does every video have a different
song and does every song have hairby Clippers in it? Guys,
we watched forty nine videos and we were crying, laughing,

(26:11):
crying last and they're not just these little thrown together.
It is a whole song that could be played in
a club on the radio. He has spent more time
on the songs than these hairstyles and hair styles are amazing.
The song song so amazing. The songs are amazing. Hair
by Clippers head by lapis, And sometimes Lacy and I
will see one another in public and instead of saying hey,

(26:34):
we'll say hey bye clippers. And a lot of times
I will trick Amber. I'm like, oh, listen to this
new song. I'll be playing it. She starts dancing and
then it gets to the course and heir by clipers.
She's like, that's another song. This man, this talent and
his many talents. My god, also a little bit fe

(26:56):
I don't know this for sure. Okay, we got to
half him on the show. Is he singing? Because I
would not be surprised if he's like, oh, I'm and
I'm also the singer I know right face, And I'm like,
that could be you singing, guys. I can't wait to
find out. Okay, I have a DM to share. Oh
should I share it? Hey, everybody, It's time for a

(27:17):
segment called slide out of Lacey's dms. These are real
messages that were sent to Lacey on dating apps. Yes,
she is on them apps and people be wilder. This
is one of my favorite ones. It's very interesting because
Amber knows when I rap Amber, what do I like

(27:37):
to do? In every rap that I do? What do
I do what's my go to? I don't know. I
spell out Oh my god, guys, Lacey loves to spell
out words during raps, and it is hilarious if I'm
making up a rap, people, if I'm making it up
and she's always making up a rap. Okay, my message

(27:58):
that I got from a gentleman and this was sent
to me, I'm going to read it for you. Hello,
my name is Samuel. And he spelled out Samuel and
put a word next to each letter. Oh my god,
s sensational, A alluring, M doing the most. Oh you

(28:20):
you'll see, I'm the best. No, you'll see. E Let's
escape and l ladies love me? What what I thought?
You kept telling me to stop? What are you doing?
What is here to? What end is that? I don't

(28:40):
respond to him because I was, I was going to.
I wasn't going to say anything. I can't let this
man try to find me, so I don't respond to it.
I forget, that's forgettable. I don't respond to it. And
I screenshot it though, and then he says you, what
you can't speak that's the next message. What you can't
speak to me? Okay, sir? Well no, not intro so

(29:02):
all I respond is no, and then I put in no,
and then I put oh, oh no, oh no, lady,
she just left it alone. Got time for you. I
knew he was in trouble when he started spelling out

(29:23):
some mess. Oh that's terrible. I know. I don't think
that was too harsh, because why'd you get mad? I
don't know what you can't be and I can't I
didn't know. That's my d MS. And we will be
back right after this break hair. Hello, everybody, We're back

(29:59):
with Sister Court where two sisters are in court and
we fight. I am Lacy Lamar the prosecution, and Amber
is the prosecution is the executioner. Okay, our cases today
are going to blow your mind. Okay, as soon as
we at the Alma Sister Court. No no, no, no, no

(30:24):
sister court doc for sister no God damn. Okay. Sorry,
but it is worth saying that there was a day
where Lacy would not stop spelling out her wraps. She
wouldn't stop rapping, and then she wouldn't stop spelling it out,
and then it like devolved into she would get to
a letter and be like am mm hmm, like like that,

(30:49):
and it would like not even be words anymore, and
we were crying, laughing, and it just so happened that
we went to go eat a Mason and then Lacey
wrapped to Mason pickle rap and every every every letter
didn't have a word, so it was it was m

(31:13):
A A A I A A I S. Then then
she goes, oh oh, and that wrap went viral and
now I'm world famous for the Mason pickle. She would

(31:34):
not she don't even have words anywhere. Okay, guys, Sister Cord,
that wrap is hot. Drake asked me for it and
I was like, absolutely not, that's my wrap. Thank you. Guys. Guys,
don't start need beef with with Drake Lacy Sister Court.
How do I stop my neighbor from stealing all my vegetables? Oh,

(31:54):
this is cute. I have my own vegetable garden, and
my neighbor, whom I dearly love, keep stealing my asparagus. Okay.
I politely asked her a couple of years ago not
to take anything, but yesterday she casually said, I love
your asparagus. I take some for myself. Last year, I
only had enough veggies for one meal. What should I do? Oh? Oh,

(32:18):
I don't call that bitch to leave the asparagus alone. Cam,
fuck the hoe up the fuck that's fucking stealing you
thieven ass bitch call her with the fuck ye bitch
abbers stop calling mom and dad. Dam Sorry polite just
asked her. Yeah, she's gotta yeah, just tell her to stop.

(32:39):
But no, but also like mean it. Steal her shit,
go into her mailbox and be like, hm, I love
your mail, and take that shit and hold it ransom
for some goddamn vegetables. Asparagus is expensive and we all
know mm hmm you would do all that trouble to
grow a biaricus and she took That is so bold

(33:03):
And now it also makes me wonder, are you really
telling her to stop it or are you going, oh,
I really do appreciate being able to eat all my
own vegetables. Okay, Like, are you saying it or are
you not? You got to say a plane, say it
with your whole chest. Yeah, quit stealing my shit. But
also what you could do, because you know we're never

(33:24):
going to turn down a listener, have her listen to
this segment. Yeah, now, what's her name? Cheryl? Cheryl stop
Becky doesn't want to tell you not to eat her asparagus.
So we're gonna tell you, Yes, Cheryl, see see you
in jail. H ha ha, you're in jail. You don't
quite have my wrappings. Okay, I'm sorry. I tried, but yeah,

(33:48):
she's got to stop play this for oh you guys
should be sitting together over some wine. Yeah, and then
this podcast. Come on, see what happens. And at this point,
slapper in the face. We'll don't do it now anyway. Guilty,
She's guilty. Yeah, okay, okay, here's when I didn't pre screen.
I'm bating someone who got into a fight with my brother.

(34:10):
My brother Rob got into a fight at work with
the guy i'm seeing, Barry. These are fake names. They're
in quotes. That's how I can tell the fight was
bad enough that Barry got fired. Rob has forgiven Barry
but wants nothing to do with him and says not
to trust him. Should I break up with Barry? God? Damn.

(34:31):
So their brother got into a fight with their boyfriend
and got the boyfriend fired. Wow, okay, okay, this is
what I feel. Yes, how long you've been with Barry?
What were they fighting over? Yeah? What can you bear?

(34:52):
Is your you said your if your brother has forgiven him, yeah,
you might be okay, just be hanging out with Barry.
But do you think your brother has bad taste or
good taste in people? You know, because if he says,
if your brother says, don't date him, girl, don't, don't
do it, get out of there. I don't know that's true.
If my brother was like, if my brother had something
bad to say about a person, then I would be like,

(35:15):
you know what, maybe maybe fuck that guy and I
would leave them alone. And this has happened to me. Jimmy,
my brother, Jimmy has told me, don't date that guy. Oh,
Jimmy out. Oh So when Jimmy, when Jimmy tells you
a note, you listen. You listen, listen to people, listen
to Jimmy. Yeah, I'm gonna say, fuck Barry. I don't
like Barry now. I don't know why, but I got

(35:36):
a bad feeling about Barry. Find somebody else. I mean,
unless your brother's running around fighting everybody. You picked one
of like three people on earth who's ever fought your brother,
Like everybody else hasn't. Everyone else said, everyone else, for
all you know, is perfectly fine with your brother. That's
very good. Okay, one last one. This is a fan

(35:57):
email from m HI. I know you love less serious questions,
So here's a pettiness question. My husband and I are
about to separate and are on the cusp of a divorce.
We're still in the same house for now. He's decided
he just isn't going to be helpful or involved anymore.
Now we've had a rule for years that the last
one to get out of bed makes it. He always

(36:18):
leaves for work after me. He has decided that he
will only make his side of the bed. Oh shit.
He also doesn't take out the trash, or clean the
dishes anymore, or even mow the lawn. I do all
those things. So because I am petty, I've only been
doing and folding my wash and the kids. I've only
been washing mine in the kids' cups like travel water

(36:41):
or coffee cups. I'm only making lunch for me and
the kids. Is that mean or petty? Also? Is it
mean or petty enough? Thank you for bringing this to us.
I I'm sorry that this is happening to you, But
fuck that, bitch. I mean, I don't know, like, yeah,
like the kids are there, you don't wanna ah a

(37:04):
bu get goo yeah yeah yeah, but also fuck that bitch,
Like fuck him though, but like once he I feel
like what's unspoken here is once he starts making his
side of the bed, once he starts making the whole bed,
then we can all be adults. But I will say this,
what a normal person would tell you is to talk
to him and be like, hey, I don't like that

(37:26):
you're acting like this. This is what I need from you, Okay,
like that's the grown up thing to do, but also,
fuck that bitch. Play the minute she said the kids,
then I'm like, uh, cause it's like you're fighting. You're
fighting in front of the children. Even though that's petty
little stuff, it's still a fight. The kids can see that.

(37:46):
So I think you're gonna have to talk to him
and be like, we can't be doing this in front
of the children. And you're lucky there's children here because
I talked to Amber and Lacy and they have some
great ideas of the shit that I could do to you.
I can't. I can't be crazy back to them, not
in front of children. But boy, oh boy, you're gonna
go to sleep. There's gonna be legos underneath your side

(38:08):
of the bed when you lay down on it. Yeah,
I have a bunch of ideas. But how long are you?
Did she say there's a time? How long do you
have to be with this person? Does it say a
time on there? No, they're on the cusp of a divorce,
they're about to separate. Okay, Yeah, I think you're gonna
have to suck it up and be the bigger person

(38:29):
so that your kids can't be around this mess because
that's Yeah, they're seeing that, and that can tens them up.
He's gonna come home and see that stuff isn't right?
Then is he gonna get upset? Then does an argument happen?
And then that just puts more tension on your kids.
That's not fun. But boil boy, you talk to the
right lady. I'm petty LaBelle. I will act a hole fool,

(38:50):
But when there's children, I can't. I can't do it. Yeah.
I don't want them to see that or to emulate that. Yeah,
I mean, is they're going to be in a relationship
and do the same mess my dad, my mom. Yeah,
don't do that. Don't do it, but play this podcast
for him. Yes, you're an idiot. Stop doing that. Idiot.
Stop being a little bitch. Just being a little batch. Guys,

(39:13):
we've all been a little bit now and again, right,
and that's what I want you to take away from
this episode of The Amber and Lacey Lacy and Amber Show. Hey,
thanks so much for writing in. If you have anything
you want to tell us, If you want some advice,
write into Amber and Lacy Advice at gmail dot com.
We'd love to hear from you. We'd also love for

(39:36):
you to follow us whenever you see us in public.
Just kidding, Oh my god, please don't do that. I
scared myself follow us online. I am Amber Ruffin and
Lacey is Lacy Lamar. One Lacy, Yes, odd choice to
add that one. Why why aren't you just Lacey Lamar?
I thought, because I'm the one bitch and that's why

(39:58):
I put that one next to it, because you locked
yourself out of Lacy Lamar. Okay, everyone, thank you so much.
This has been The Amber and Lacey, Lacy and Amber Show. Hey,
tip your bar staff, good night, bye, Hey my Glippus.

(40:20):
The Amber and Lacy Lacy and Amber Show is a
production by Will Ferrell's Big Money Players and iHeartRadio podcast.
It's created and hosted by Amber Ruffin and Lacy Lamar.
Executive produced by Noah Avoar and Hans Sani. Super produced
by Becca Ramos. Because She's a Superhero co produced by
Victor Wright, Edited and mixed by Ty Herd. Music by

(40:40):
David schmol