March 25, 2025 • 36 mins
Jon Stewart goes old-school Daily Show on Trump and Republicans who pride themselves on “saving” free speech, all while censoring anybody who doesn’t agree with them.
Paul Rudd sits down with Jon Stewart to chat about his latest starring roles in the films “Death of a Unicorn” and “Friendship,” watching their kids grow up, and, of course, pharmaceutical side effects to the perineum.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:01):
You're listening to Comedy Central.
Speaker 2 (00:06):
From the most trusted journalist at Comedy Center. It's America's
only sorts for new this It's the Daily Chop with
your host, Go due prom the Daily Show. I haven't
(00:38):
got short.
Speaker 3 (00:40):
We got a great chill point and night.
Speaker 1 (00:41):
My friend, I got a I got a.
Speaker 3 (00:43):
New tie with a chart.
Speaker 4 (00:46):
I'll tell you what, we got a great one. Paul
Rudd has gotta go. Paul Rudd finally had balls to
come on this show after weeks of calling me a propagandast.
Know this, our interview will be unedited. Rudd's going down.
(01:09):
It's HAPPENINGNNA. I'm gonna give that dude an infection of
the paranem I spent.
Speaker 3 (01:15):
I should explain it.
Speaker 1 (01:18):
We spent.
Speaker 4 (01:18):
We come out earlier, I do a little warm up
with the audience, and for some unknown reason, and it
really was not prompted, I was trying to discuss the
relationship between asthma medication at a side effect of an
infection of the perineum. Unfortunately, I have no one in
the audience who was able to satisfy my curiosity on that.
(01:41):
Those of you at home and maybe looking it up
right now, Wait, till the commercial break. But first a
quick update on an administration that is once again carrying
out its plans with competence and professionalism.
Speaker 5 (01:54):
A reporter from the Atlantic says he was mistakenly added
to a group chat with top members of the Trump
administration as they were texting back and forth about highly
sensitive war plans.
Speaker 6 (02:05):
Jeffrey Goldberg says he was included in a group chat
full of our nation's top security officials discussing what we
can only assume to be top secret plans to bomb
hoothy targets across Yemen on March fifteenth. Everything from the
weapons America would be deploying, to the timing and the
(02:28):
attack sequences.
Speaker 3 (02:30):
Oopsie POOPSI.
Speaker 1 (02:35):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (02:36):
Back in my day, if you were a journalist who
wanted leake to war documents, he had worked the sources,
meet him in a dark garage, earned the trust pound
the pavement. Now just wait for the National Security advisor
to be distracted by white lotus while he's setting up
his bomb Yemen group chat. All those guys jerking each
other off, by the way, I might be in this
(03:06):
group chat.
Speaker 2 (03:07):
I don't know.
Speaker 3 (03:09):
I don't check my group chats.
Speaker 4 (03:12):
Perhaps my favorite text of the entire group chain was
the one from our Defense secretary saying, quote, we are
currently clean on opset.
Speaker 3 (03:20):
For those of you who don't KNOWSECT.
Speaker 4 (03:21):
Means operational security. He said that in the group chat,
a group chat with a journalists, the journalist said that
he didn't think that the story was real until Yemen
was bombed. Oh did I bring you down?
Speaker 3 (03:46):
Let's move on, because, as you know, there are certain.
Speaker 4 (03:49):
Hypocrisies and absurdities that we find in our cultural moment
that make for great fodder for humorous dialogue. A facial
expression a not in a wink. Then there are other
pronouncements by our elected officials, actions by our government that
are so baldly bullshit, even though you know it will
have no effect, and that these powerful creatures have been
(04:11):
genetically modified to resist shame self reflection of any kind.
Speaker 3 (04:16):
You just can't help yourself but to go old school
Daily Show coach.
Speaker 4 (04:22):
I'm talking about the debate on free speech now. As
we know, conservatives have been very concerned about the loss
of free speech in our country for a very long time.
Speaker 7 (04:32):
Bullies on the left aiming to silence conservatives.
Speaker 1 (04:36):
Free speech is under siege in this country and the leftists.
Speaker 8 (04:39):
They've become the thought police. They basically declare themselves God
and judge us for our thoughts.
Speaker 3 (04:45):
George Orwell was right. The thought police come next to
punish thought crime. Be very, very scared.
Speaker 9 (05:06):
I am, perhaps not for the reasons. You are the
thought police with you right now, Jamie?
Speaker 4 (05:19):
Are they in the bottles? But luckily, our national free
speech nightmare recently came to an end when we entered
the golden age of Donald jehosifef for Trump.
Speaker 10 (05:32):
We have saved free speech in America, and we've saved
it strongly.
Speaker 3 (05:37):
Free speech in America, it's fact.
Speaker 11 (05:40):
Thank god, we have a president now who believes in
free speech.
Speaker 4 (05:44):
Yes, thank god, we have a president now who believes
in free Just go ahead, roll through twelve. I believe
that CNN and MSDNC what they do is illegal. I
think CBA should lose its license, Yes, but I think
ABC should lose its license also because of what they
had done.
Speaker 3 (06:05):
I watched what happened live.
Speaker 4 (06:08):
I think Bravo should also lose their license.
Speaker 3 (06:14):
What they did to Derinda on Traders. They should be
sent to a Salvagerian.
Speaker 4 (06:22):
Now, this is what I'm talking about. Generally, you've got
to search the archives for contradictions on one stated principles,
dig through policy papers to uncover private actions that are
undermined by someone's public stance. But this is so this
is so blatant. I can't wrap my head around it.
It's not even the hypocrisy, it's that they so fetishize
(06:48):
free speech, this thing that they do not in any
way actually practice.
Speaker 3 (06:53):
The freedom to speak our minds and express the truth
that is our heart. Really, that's really a big chunk
of our heart.
Speaker 4 (07:20):
Any cardiologists will tell you.
Speaker 3 (07:26):
Heart's coming chunks.
Speaker 4 (07:29):
Blood comes into the aorda to the right ventricle, passes
through your speech chunk. But since coming into office, Trump
and the Republicans have instituted policies that are a dagger
right through many people's speech chunks.
Speaker 12 (07:44):
The White House has barred the Associated Press from presidential
events because the AP has refused to rename the Gulf
of Mexico the Gulf of America in its stylebook.
Speaker 7 (07:53):
And in a dramatic escalation against the American legal system,
Trump this weekend dirrected his government to target law firms.
Bating his action, federal immigration officials arrested a Palaestadian activists
to help lead last year's student encampment protest at Columbia.
Speaker 13 (08:08):
I think we are to get them all out of
the country. They're troublemakers, they're agitators. They don't love our country.
Speaker 4 (08:15):
A chunks, my precious chunks, my lovely lady, chunks, not chunks,
not chunks. O lovely lady, you're making my paraneum tingle.
(08:42):
Here's the thing, these attacks on free speech, especially the
one where they deported that activist. If there's one thing
that I know about the powerful principles at our higher
education institutions, they will not be bullied by a roll
to twelve.
Speaker 5 (08:57):
Columbia University is bowing to President trump'ss announcing it will
change a number of policies.
Speaker 4 (09:02):
Among them placing the school's Middle Eastern, South Asian and
African Studies department under academic receivership for at least five years.
Some students protests to the Warren guys, I suddenly a
whole academic department is on double secret probation with government oversight.
Speaker 3 (09:21):
And by the way, okay, Middle East part African studies,
what did they do.
Speaker 4 (09:28):
So the African studies professors like I teach intermediate Swahili. See,
these guys don't give a fuck about free speech. They
care about their speech. It's so blatant hypocrisy. It's so
old school Daily Show, gotcha. I you know what, I'm
just gonna put on the wig I used to wear
during those years.
Speaker 3 (09:59):
Because poverat is just so.
Speaker 4 (10:01):
Here's Donald Trump on those who would criticize judges that
he has appointed.
Speaker 3 (10:07):
A lot of the judges that I had.
Speaker 13 (10:10):
If you look at him, they take tremendous abuse.
Speaker 4 (10:12):
And it's truly interference, in my opinion, and it should
be illegal, and it probably is illegal in some form.
Speaker 3 (10:20):
Yes, criticizing judges, it is interference. It should be illegal,
tremendous abuse.
Speaker 4 (10:25):
And four days later, not four days later, not a
full French work week later.
Speaker 14 (10:34):
President Donald Trump just took a true social and deemed
this judge. Responding to this decision here calling him a
radical left lunatic of a judge, a troublemaker and agitator
who was sadly appointed by Barack Hussein Obama, He says
this judge should be impeached.
Speaker 13 (10:50):
The bacus.
Speaker 4 (10:52):
It is and are we really still doing the Barack
Hussein Obama than oh, free RAMBEI.
Speaker 3 (11:02):
Come on, people, yes.
Speaker 4 (11:10):
See, what was the whole thing that they hated about
the left on free speech?
Speaker 8 (11:14):
No one has saved from the left's word police.
Speaker 4 (11:17):
No one what exactly would actual government run word police
organization look like.
Speaker 15 (11:23):
The Trump administration is actively trying to purge the federal
government of so called woke initiatives. Government agencies have flagged
hundreds of words to limit or avoid, words like DEI, bipoc,
anti racism, Latin X, Native American black women, seemingly random
words like expression at risk, political and even mental health,
(11:48):
and sex.
Speaker 11 (11:53):
What's left.
Speaker 4 (11:56):
Bipocking LATINX, I get that I allowed to say sex.
You can't say words like women or sex or hashtag
me too. How can a lot of your cabinet members
describe their weekends? You know, you can't protest in a
way that you can't protest in a way that defends
(12:22):
the right. You can't teach things that the right doesn't
want you to teach. You can't read things that they
don't want you to read. You can't use words that
they don't want you to use.
Speaker 3 (12:29):
But they love free speech.
Speaker 4 (12:32):
I guess fear not at least will always have art.
Speaker 16 (12:36):
President Trump demanding a painting of him be removed because
he finds it unflattering.
Speaker 4 (13:05):
He's demanding they take it down because he believes this
picture is unflattering, which really makes you think, do you
think other pictures of you are flattering?
Speaker 3 (13:17):
At least in the painting? They blended the foundation into
your hairin but painting is out.
Speaker 4 (13:26):
Oddly enough, there is still one area of free speech
that the right defends non hypocritically.
Speaker 3 (13:32):
I think they've come him a long way Meta Facebook, Mark.
Speaker 10 (13:35):
Zuckerberg came to the White House, who I like much
better now, you know, I have a warm spot in
my heart foreto Twitter.
Speaker 1 (13:41):
Now they call it X. It's great that Elon bought that.
He's done us all a big favorite.
Speaker 4 (13:46):
He loves it. Meta X the tickety time. Why is
it that they're so enamored with social media?
Speaker 7 (13:56):
Studies by The Wall Street Journal, Washington Post and academic
organizations have found that the site forced political content on users.
That content was almost invariably pro Trump, pro Republican, and
pro mosque.
Speaker 4 (14:09):
Huh. The one area of free speech that they want
to protect completely is the area that supports them and
isn't actually free. Social media is algorithmic and it advances
with key demographics. Or to put that in the most
hilarious way possible.
Speaker 14 (14:28):
The President sat down with out Kicks Clay Travis on
Air Force one to discuss the status of his second term.
Speaker 16 (14:34):
President Trump getting to talk to you here on Air
Force one. I wanted to start with this, why do
you think young men are so overwhelmingly coming in your direction?
Speaker 1 (15:01):
My work here is done. Perhaps I can answer that question.
Speaker 4 (15:13):
They are overwhelmingly coming in his direction because that is
the direction they're facing. I don't know if you know
how that works, but you really can't come in the
direction you're not facing. Although, young man, at that age,
(15:33):
you could bank a shot, could I could see one
fly over the shoulder, maybe a chick shot, but they
landed in a cup.
Speaker 3 (15:46):
You know where that would go viral.
Speaker 4 (15:47):
Social media, the one place the right will unequivocally protect
free speech, is the one place where the speech isn't
actually free algorithms, it's speech incentivized for engagement and profit.
(16:09):
It's manipulated. It just so happens that the same process
that forces you to doom scroll somehow also draws you
into republican ideology. Social media is a machine designed to
stimulate the reptilian parts of your brain that would otherwise.
Speaker 3 (16:26):
Beg you to go outside.
Speaker 4 (16:30):
It's like being impressed that casinos give out free food.
It's not free. Social media isn't the town's square, open
form of ideas.
Speaker 3 (16:41):
It's got a plan.
Speaker 17 (16:43):
In the summer of twenty and nineteen, Facebook created a
fake account for a forty one year old mom.
Speaker 3 (16:49):
They called her Carol Smith.
Speaker 17 (16:52):
Carol started off by liking a few popular conservative Facebook pages,
but quickly Facebook began dragging her down a rabbit hole
of miss information. After only two days, Facebook recommended Carol
follow a QAnon page, and a few days later it
suggested she follow another. By week three, Carrol's feet had
become quote a constant flow of misleading and polarizing content.
Speaker 4 (17:15):
Now Carol Smith is a completely fictional character, and yet
her children have stopped talking to her, although she was
apparently added to a Pentagon group chat.
Speaker 3 (17:31):
And those the details about wenderbauming.
Speaker 18 (17:36):
Guys.
Speaker 3 (17:37):
Social media isn't the same as free speech.
Speaker 4 (17:40):
Social media is free speech in the way that doritos
are food.
Speaker 3 (17:47):
It's ultra processed. It's designed in laboratories.
Speaker 4 (17:52):
It's the same mechanism that somehow convinced you that you
should eat a fifty story skyscraper of potato ish and
the most disappointing thing.
Speaker 3 (18:05):
Where are my conspiracy theories at now that it's on
the right.
Speaker 4 (18:10):
For God's sakes, billionaires are designing machines to manipulate our speech,
to control our behavior, and to rewire our brains. They're
removing our regular speech and doing a I don't know
great replacement of it to solidify their.
Speaker 8 (18:33):
Hold on power.
Speaker 4 (18:35):
Are you a weak yet?
Speaker 3 (18:39):
You were with me on the lab leak thing.
Speaker 4 (18:41):
Everybody having come on, you've barely even touched your Epstein Binders.
Speaker 3 (18:48):
Doesn't this bother you at all?
Speaker 8 (18:51):
Elon Musk has taken a very courageous stand for the
First Amendment. He's toughest upon not and the man's got guts.
Speaker 13 (19:00):
He's got He's got oranges the size of beach balls.
Speaker 4 (19:12):
Please stop with this fog horn leghorn bullshit. He's got
range all the brayball. But let me guess, how do
you feel about other billionaires owning and manipulating our media?
Speaker 8 (19:31):
Mister Soros is now the largest single shareholder in Oudyssey
radio stations in America. You can't just go do this
mister Soros is a billionaire. Pass me the sick bucket.
Speaker 10 (19:50):
Sitting right, pass us all the mother in sick bucket
about Paul will beginning as they'll go away, one o
(20:19):
the does and I got to nice after the stars
in the new movie Death of a Unicorn.
Speaker 3 (20:27):
Please walk a ball rock.
Speaker 19 (21:10):
I'm sorry, John, I'm just I'm on this new medication
and uh my perinem is on fire.
Speaker 4 (21:31):
You know, here's how beautifully you craft these bits. It
took me a while to understand that that was an
inflamed paranem At first, if I may, the physical crafting
you do, and the obviously the stage fighting classes you've taken,
and all the things, the control you have over your body,
at first I thought sciatica. It's clearly in the nether region. Yeah,
(21:57):
it was the bowing of the legs.
Speaker 11 (22:00):
It's the it's the telltale giveaway of an inflamed perineum.
Speaker 3 (22:06):
Do we think.
Speaker 13 (22:09):
Now do you think it's Do we think it's shack?
Speaker 11 (22:14):
You go for Okay, we hear, we hear peraneum, and
then we but we've also heard pereneum.
Speaker 4 (22:22):
I thought you were gonna say taint.
Speaker 13 (22:25):
The layman's term.
Speaker 11 (22:26):
Sure, don't denigrate the term perenium sounds like a perennium,
sounds like a flower.
Speaker 4 (22:35):
In many ways. Isn't it.
Speaker 1 (22:39):
A delicate.
Speaker 3 (22:42):
The bouquet? Yes, the aroma. Did you know in your life?
First of all, the way you.
Speaker 4 (22:53):
Walk, it's the difference between just an actor and a craftsman.
Speaker 13 (22:59):
You gotta put yourself, you gotta throw your whole body
into it.
Speaker 4 (23:02):
By the time you were done, my parentem hurt. That's
how powerful it was.
Speaker 13 (23:08):
Transference. You felt it. You felt it. No, that's good acting?
Do your is it acting?
Speaker 4 (23:16):
The way there is that the one part of your
body that is corroding. I think is that your Achilles peraneum?
Speaker 11 (23:26):
You know the portrait of Dorian Gray. I. Uh, I
have a painting in my attic. I call it my attic,
my attica that uh as adjust a just a rotting,
(23:50):
old decrepit taint and uh and I also have it
where it looks like a spaceship. It's called the Perenium Falcon.
Speaker 9 (24:15):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (24:15):
I do hope you'll get that checked out. Yeah, that
is uh, it is it is.
Speaker 11 (24:20):
I have wondered this. Do you know about the Yeah,
you can't. Every commercial it is for a medication.
Speaker 4 (24:27):
No, question.
Speaker 11 (24:28):
Everyone UH talks about the perenium and how it's some
sort of side effect. The other thing they'd also mentioned
is UH, which is in a way even more disconcerting
because they do it with kind of a cheery voice.
It's talking about bloody or black stools.
Speaker 4 (24:52):
Is there a painting in your attic about that?
Speaker 1 (24:55):
You want to you want to tell us about the
other thing?
Speaker 4 (25:00):
They always say, And don't take it like they've given
you five reasons not to take this. I mean, you've
got to be thinking to yourself, the accident was not
that bad that I would risk my entire flaking on
your arm or one kid at the beach and he's
like on my elbow and they're literally like, your balls
will fall off. But so I go through that and
(25:23):
they think, like, oh, these five things will not have
dissuaded you. The final one is always my favorite, And
don't take it if you were allergic to it.
Speaker 13 (25:34):
I know what's the giveaway? That's Oh, I think I
might be allergic to this?
Speaker 9 (25:39):
Yeah?
Speaker 13 (25:39):
Everything, How would you know?
Speaker 4 (25:41):
Unless Paul, I'm gonna be honest with you. Finally, I
didn't even know you still did movies. I just thought
we just I thought you were a web MD doctor
and I just brought you out here to talk.
Speaker 11 (26:02):
Yeah, strictly, Uh, medicines.
Speaker 4 (26:05):
Medicines do you have? I am. I am at the
point now where I like, I'll read an article on
biohacking and like, and they'll be like, it's an injection
of na D and ultra violet rays and you can't
go outside for three months, And I'd be like, I
would do that.
Speaker 13 (26:26):
There is there is.
Speaker 11 (26:30):
A thing that like is so strange that there we
are so insistent on letting everyone believe they are sick
in this country.
Speaker 4 (26:38):
Oh shit, you just got real.
Speaker 13 (26:39):
Oh no, but every commercial is one of these medicines.
Speaker 11 (26:42):
And my daughter when she was little, you know, you
just watch TV. It was unavoidable, you know, you play
games with your kids of like, all right, we're gonna
go through we have to name uh, you have to
come up with a food. We'll go go through eights
like apple, banana.
Speaker 13 (26:59):
You know, cherries.
Speaker 3 (27:00):
We used to do keep going. I want to I
want to see I want.
Speaker 13 (27:08):
We can, but we used to do it.
Speaker 11 (27:10):
My daughter would be four years old and we would
do it with medicines. She'd be like, abilify wow, and
I swear to god, we could make it through the
entire alphabet four years old. Normally you skip X, but
she's zell jams right, not a bit that's really true.
Speaker 3 (27:33):
How many times are we gonna do zoiba Raxin's in Remax?
Speaker 13 (27:36):
Yeah, Xanax didn't even make the cuts gone.
Speaker 2 (27:39):
Damn.
Speaker 4 (27:41):
It is a very interesting you know.
Speaker 13 (27:43):
Uh remember anison, good old anison.
Speaker 3 (27:48):
Right, and it cured everything.
Speaker 11 (27:50):
I just remember as a kid, I think all we
had was anison buffering bear like as commercials.
Speaker 4 (27:57):
It looks like somebody lived in a nice neighborhood. I
had Saint Joseph's children's asked for.
Speaker 3 (28:05):
I was seventeen and had chlamydia.
Speaker 13 (28:10):
But how is your perineum gorgeous?
Speaker 3 (28:15):
As Asriana would say, shine like a diamond. You could
eat off of that thing? And boy did I try.
Speaker 13 (28:29):
We all tried.
Speaker 3 (28:33):
Can I tell you something.
Speaker 1 (28:35):
I've missed you?
Speaker 13 (28:38):
I've missed you too, I haven't I think the last time.
Speaker 4 (28:41):
I see you every now and again at an event.
Once I moved out of the city, Once you moved
out of the city. For those urban sophisticates you are,
you are a dead man. I live out in New
Jersey and I would say to a poult, ho hold
on one second, hard disagree, But I see you. You
(29:07):
are living now the dream that I sometimes think of,
Like you're Kansas City Chiefs. They keep winning Super Bowls.
You're out there with your son on the field, like
celebrating the thing. It's such a magic guitar. Kids are
around the same age that we're all, they're going through
the things. It's a big transition. Like do you feel
the empty nest of it all? Like that's that's slowly
(29:30):
starting to dawn on me.
Speaker 3 (29:32):
Yeah, yeah, I do.
Speaker 11 (29:34):
I mean, I certainly feel older, and my kids are older,
they have their own lives. I mean, I'm sitting here,
you know, getting nostalgic about the Abilify game, and so
as I'm talking about it, and I see, you know,
people with little kids.
Speaker 4 (29:52):
I'm like, I remember that, and I do feel it's
the whole the thing for me when I see someone
whose kid is at that age where you can still
do you like the football hold right, and you got
the coffee in one hand and and the kid in
the other, and then so the cigarette can just dangle
and yeah, it's it's a it's a wild feeling when
(30:16):
it when it washes over you. But it's also nice
to I guess have them at that other like the
conversations you can have with them as so much.
Speaker 13 (30:23):
Yeah, Oh it's great.
Speaker 11 (30:24):
I mean it's you know, you always hear that and
that it's like, oh, every age is great and it's
and it's true right, and it's it's an amazing it's
an amazing thing. I was just I was just in
Australia working in Australia and my son was on break
from school.
Speaker 4 (30:42):
And he came to visit.
Speaker 13 (30:44):
It was the first time ever by himself and it
was uh.
Speaker 4 (30:47):
Came to visit you in Australia. Yeah, fantastic, is great?
Did you The one thing I didn't do and I
probably should have done, is make friends, so.
Speaker 3 (31:02):
They have to be there.
Speaker 4 (31:04):
I own them, but when they leave, it's just me
eating a Jersey MIC's by myself watching it.
Speaker 11 (31:13):
Well, I don't know, have you found this to be
the case, because I certainly have. I think as I
just as I get older, my world gets smaller and
as far as friends, I do have friends, but I'm
not nearly as social as I used to be. I'm
not on I'm not on any actual social media. I
never have been so I do feel as if the
world operates in a way that it's passing me by.
Speaker 13 (31:36):
I it's like I sit alone with me books. I
sound like I'm Simon and garfunk song. I am a
rock no his it's crazy.
Speaker 3 (31:48):
I'm gonna tell you second, I look up for one second.
I do this every time we're together.
Speaker 2 (31:53):
God, my life is horrible.
Speaker 3 (31:57):
People, I'll let you go.
Speaker 4 (31:58):
I want to show the audience. I want everybody at
home look at this. Paul is older than I am.
And if I go home right now, my guess is
somebody has ruined my taint painting your tainting.
Speaker 13 (32:18):
You know, talk about an oil painting.
Speaker 4 (32:24):
He's got the movies Death of a Unicorn. It's gonna
be in theaters. I worked Friendship with Tim Robinson, who
may be the funniest man.
Speaker 11 (32:32):
He's amazing, amazing Tim Robinson.
Speaker 4 (32:34):
Tim Robinson, and you're in the movie Friendship, which will
deal with the things that we're just talking about, and
then a movie about killing unicorns, which we're not probably
going to talk about that much.
Speaker 13 (32:49):
Fine, we're gonna talk about any of this.
Speaker 4 (32:53):
How do you when you get because the movie it's
wild and you'll love it and Jenne Ortega is in it,
and she's great and the cast is insane, but I
can't did when they pitched to you, they go, Paul,
there's this movie. We'd really love for you to ben it.
You play a lawyer, and oh what is a lawyer doing? Well,
he's around murderous unicorns?
Speaker 3 (33:12):
And is that when you go, like, look where I
was in Marvel?
Speaker 13 (33:15):
I don't I get a thing. It's called death of
a Unicorn. I'm like, where do I sign?
Speaker 3 (33:23):
That's the beauty of the Empire?
Speaker 4 (33:26):
That well, it is always a pleasure. And I hope
that I host one day a week for the next
twenty years and you come back to see us again.
Speaker 13 (33:33):
I would love nothing more, John, I hope talk for.
Speaker 3 (33:39):
Con Let me call rock, Let me right back. You
know I got that way from Oh looks everyday night
(34:01):
before we go. You're gonna check in with.
Speaker 4 (34:03):
Girls for the rest of the week, mister Ronnie Chang,
run eye, what do you got for the rest of
the week?
Speaker 18 (34:11):
Run well, John, We'll be covering the bankruptcy of twenty
three and meters. It's a sad day for all the
people who want to learn their family history, but a
great day for all the secret fathers who wanted to
keep that history quiet. And of course, smart people like
myself don't just give out our genetic information. I keep
mind safe and secure.
Speaker 4 (34:34):
Jesus, I'm sorry. Oh, for God's sake, Ronnie, you just
group texted me your entire DNA sequence.
Speaker 18 (34:42):
Okay, that was a small mistake, but otherwise my opsec
is totally clean.
Speaker 3 (34:46):
Here Lese prony, here, RUnni chang, everybody all my flee.
I'm gonna shut my real phone off.
Speaker 4 (34:54):
Oh. Also, March thirty first, next week, one week from today,
maybe night at Too Many Stars at the Beacon Theater
here in New York City, live comedy event benefiting office
and programs nationwide. If you are in town, please consider
buying tickets at the link below. Join me and really
too many Stars, I can't even name them all. Chris Rock,
Adam Slammer, a bunch of mother Rabel please join here.
(35:17):
It is your moment?
Speaker 5 (35:18):
Is that President Donald Trump taking aim at a portrait
of himself in the Colorado State Capitol.
Speaker 3 (35:23):
He's calling it distorted and ken and I have you seen?
Speaker 12 (35:27):
I kind of agree Tell the Truth Social on Sunday
to disparage the painting that was originally commissioned by the
Colorado gop Any Most. He says that the painting was
purposely distorted to a level that even I perhaps have
never seen before.
Speaker 16 (35:44):
Explore more shows from the Daily Show podcast universe by
searching The Daily Show wherever you get your podcasts.
Speaker 13 (35:51):
Watch The Daily Show week nights at eleven.
Speaker 17 (35:53):
Ten Central on Comedy Central, and stream full episodes anytime
on Paramount plus
Speaker 13 (36:04):
Paramount Podcasts
You're listening to Comedy Central.
Speaker 2 (00:06):
From the most trusted journalist at Comedy Center. It's America's
only sorts for new this It's the Daily Chop with
your host, Go due prom the Daily Show. I haven't
(00:38):
got short.
Speaker 3 (00:40):
We got a great chill point and night.
Speaker 1 (00:41):
My friend, I got a I got a.
Speaker 3 (00:43):
New tie with a chart.
Speaker 4 (00:46):
I'll tell you what, we got a great one. Paul
Rudd has gotta go. Paul Rudd finally had balls to
come on this show after weeks of calling me a propagandast.
Know this, our interview will be unedited. Rudd's going down.
(01:09):
It's HAPPENINGNNA. I'm gonna give that dude an infection of
the paranem I spent.
Speaker 3 (01:15):
I should explain it.
Speaker 1 (01:18):
We spent.
Speaker 4 (01:18):
We come out earlier, I do a little warm up
with the audience, and for some unknown reason, and it
really was not prompted, I was trying to discuss the
relationship between asthma medication at a side effect of an
infection of the perineum. Unfortunately, I have no one in
the audience who was able to satisfy my curiosity on that.
(01:41):
Those of you at home and maybe looking it up
right now, Wait, till the commercial break. But first a
quick update on an administration that is once again carrying
out its plans with competence and professionalism.
Speaker 5 (01:54):
A reporter from the Atlantic says he was mistakenly added
to a group chat with top members of the Trump
administration as they were texting back and forth about highly
sensitive war plans.
Speaker 6 (02:05):
Jeffrey Goldberg says he was included in a group chat
full of our nation's top security officials discussing what we
can only assume to be top secret plans to bomb
hoothy targets across Yemen on March fifteenth. Everything from the
weapons America would be deploying, to the timing and the
(02:28):
attack sequences.
Speaker 3 (02:30):
Oopsie POOPSI.
Speaker 1 (02:35):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (02:36):
Back in my day, if you were a journalist who
wanted leake to war documents, he had worked the sources,
meet him in a dark garage, earned the trust pound
the pavement. Now just wait for the National Security advisor
to be distracted by white lotus while he's setting up
his bomb Yemen group chat. All those guys jerking each
other off, by the way, I might be in this
(03:06):
group chat.
Speaker 2 (03:07):
I don't know.
Speaker 3 (03:09):
I don't check my group chats.
Speaker 4 (03:12):
Perhaps my favorite text of the entire group chain was
the one from our Defense secretary saying, quote, we are
currently clean on opset.
Speaker 3 (03:20):
For those of you who don't KNOWSECT.
Speaker 4 (03:21):
Means operational security. He said that in the group chat,
a group chat with a journalists, the journalist said that
he didn't think that the story was real until Yemen
was bombed. Oh did I bring you down?
Speaker 3 (03:46):
Let's move on, because, as you know, there are certain.
Speaker 4 (03:49):
Hypocrisies and absurdities that we find in our cultural moment
that make for great fodder for humorous dialogue. A facial
expression a not in a wink. Then there are other
pronouncements by our elected officials, actions by our government that
are so baldly bullshit, even though you know it will
have no effect, and that these powerful creatures have been
(04:11):
genetically modified to resist shame self reflection of any kind.
Speaker 3 (04:16):
You just can't help yourself but to go old school
Daily Show coach.
Speaker 4 (04:22):
I'm talking about the debate on free speech now. As
we know, conservatives have been very concerned about the loss
of free speech in our country for a very long time.
Speaker 7 (04:32):
Bullies on the left aiming to silence conservatives.
Speaker 1 (04:36):
Free speech is under siege in this country and the leftists.
Speaker 8 (04:39):
They've become the thought police. They basically declare themselves God
and judge us for our thoughts.
Speaker 3 (04:45):
George Orwell was right. The thought police come next to
punish thought crime. Be very, very scared.
Speaker 9 (05:06):
I am, perhaps not for the reasons. You are the
thought police with you right now, Jamie?
Speaker 4 (05:19):
Are they in the bottles? But luckily, our national free
speech nightmare recently came to an end when we entered
the golden age of Donald jehosifef for Trump.
Speaker 10 (05:32):
We have saved free speech in America, and we've saved
it strongly.
Speaker 3 (05:37):
Free speech in America, it's fact.
Speaker 11 (05:40):
Thank god, we have a president now who believes in
free speech.
Speaker 4 (05:44):
Yes, thank god, we have a president now who believes
in free Just go ahead, roll through twelve. I believe
that CNN and MSDNC what they do is illegal. I
think CBA should lose its license, Yes, but I think
ABC should lose its license also because of what they
had done.
Speaker 3 (06:05):
I watched what happened live.
Speaker 4 (06:08):
I think Bravo should also lose their license.
Speaker 3 (06:14):
What they did to Derinda on Traders. They should be
sent to a Salvagerian.
Speaker 4 (06:22):
Now, this is what I'm talking about. Generally, you've got
to search the archives for contradictions on one stated principles,
dig through policy papers to uncover private actions that are
undermined by someone's public stance. But this is so this
is so blatant. I can't wrap my head around it.
It's not even the hypocrisy, it's that they so fetishize
(06:48):
free speech, this thing that they do not in any
way actually practice.
Speaker 3 (06:53):
The freedom to speak our minds and express the truth
that is our heart. Really, that's really a big chunk
of our heart.
Speaker 4 (07:20):
Any cardiologists will tell you.
Speaker 3 (07:26):
Heart's coming chunks.
Speaker 4 (07:29):
Blood comes into the aorda to the right ventricle, passes
through your speech chunk. But since coming into office, Trump
and the Republicans have instituted policies that are a dagger
right through many people's speech chunks.
Speaker 12 (07:44):
The White House has barred the Associated Press from presidential
events because the AP has refused to rename the Gulf
of Mexico the Gulf of America in its stylebook.
Speaker 7 (07:53):
And in a dramatic escalation against the American legal system,
Trump this weekend dirrected his government to target law firms.
Bating his action, federal immigration officials arrested a Palaestadian activists
to help lead last year's student encampment protest at Columbia.
Speaker 13 (08:08):
I think we are to get them all out of
the country. They're troublemakers, they're agitators. They don't love our country.
Speaker 4 (08:15):
A chunks, my precious chunks, my lovely lady, chunks, not chunks,
not chunks. O lovely lady, you're making my paraneum tingle.
(08:42):
Here's the thing, these attacks on free speech, especially the
one where they deported that activist. If there's one thing
that I know about the powerful principles at our higher
education institutions, they will not be bullied by a roll
to twelve.
Speaker 5 (08:57):
Columbia University is bowing to President trump'ss announcing it will
change a number of policies.
Speaker 4 (09:02):
Among them placing the school's Middle Eastern, South Asian and
African Studies department under academic receivership for at least five years.
Some students protests to the Warren guys, I suddenly a
whole academic department is on double secret probation with government oversight.
Speaker 3 (09:21):
And by the way, okay, Middle East part African studies,
what did they do.
Speaker 4 (09:28):
So the African studies professors like I teach intermediate Swahili. See,
these guys don't give a fuck about free speech. They
care about their speech. It's so blatant hypocrisy. It's so
old school Daily Show, gotcha. I you know what, I'm
just gonna put on the wig I used to wear
during those years.
Speaker 3 (09:59):
Because poverat is just so.
Speaker 4 (10:01):
Here's Donald Trump on those who would criticize judges that
he has appointed.
Speaker 3 (10:07):
A lot of the judges that I had.
Speaker 13 (10:10):
If you look at him, they take tremendous abuse.
Speaker 4 (10:12):
And it's truly interference, in my opinion, and it should
be illegal, and it probably is illegal in some form.
Speaker 3 (10:20):
Yes, criticizing judges, it is interference. It should be illegal,
tremendous abuse.
Speaker 4 (10:25):
And four days later, not four days later, not a
full French work week later.
Speaker 14 (10:34):
President Donald Trump just took a true social and deemed
this judge. Responding to this decision here calling him a
radical left lunatic of a judge, a troublemaker and agitator
who was sadly appointed by Barack Hussein Obama, He says
this judge should be impeached.
Speaker 13 (10:50):
The bacus.
Speaker 4 (10:52):
It is and are we really still doing the Barack
Hussein Obama than oh, free RAMBEI.
Speaker 3 (11:02):
Come on, people, yes.
Speaker 4 (11:10):
See, what was the whole thing that they hated about
the left on free speech?
Speaker 8 (11:14):
No one has saved from the left's word police.
Speaker 4 (11:17):
No one what exactly would actual government run word police
organization look like.
Speaker 15 (11:23):
The Trump administration is actively trying to purge the federal
government of so called woke initiatives. Government agencies have flagged
hundreds of words to limit or avoid, words like DEI, bipoc,
anti racism, Latin X, Native American black women, seemingly random
words like expression at risk, political and even mental health,
(11:48):
and sex.
Speaker 11 (11:53):
What's left.
Speaker 4 (11:56):
Bipocking LATINX, I get that I allowed to say sex.
You can't say words like women or sex or hashtag
me too. How can a lot of your cabinet members
describe their weekends? You know, you can't protest in a
way that you can't protest in a way that defends
(12:22):
the right. You can't teach things that the right doesn't
want you to teach. You can't read things that they
don't want you to read. You can't use words that
they don't want you to use.
Speaker 3 (12:29):
But they love free speech.
Speaker 4 (12:32):
I guess fear not at least will always have art.
Speaker 16 (12:36):
President Trump demanding a painting of him be removed because
he finds it unflattering.
Speaker 4 (13:05):
He's demanding they take it down because he believes this
picture is unflattering, which really makes you think, do you
think other pictures of you are flattering?
Speaker 3 (13:17):
At least in the painting? They blended the foundation into
your hairin but painting is out.
Speaker 4 (13:26):
Oddly enough, there is still one area of free speech
that the right defends non hypocritically.
Speaker 3 (13:32):
I think they've come him a long way Meta Facebook, Mark.
Speaker 10 (13:35):
Zuckerberg came to the White House, who I like much
better now, you know, I have a warm spot in
my heart foreto Twitter.
Speaker 1 (13:41):
Now they call it X. It's great that Elon bought that.
He's done us all a big favorite.
Speaker 4 (13:46):
He loves it. Meta X the tickety time. Why is
it that they're so enamored with social media?
Speaker 7 (13:56):
Studies by The Wall Street Journal, Washington Post and academic
organizations have found that the site forced political content on users.
That content was almost invariably pro Trump, pro Republican, and
pro mosque.
Speaker 4 (14:09):
Huh. The one area of free speech that they want
to protect completely is the area that supports them and
isn't actually free. Social media is algorithmic and it advances
with key demographics. Or to put that in the most
hilarious way possible.
Speaker 14 (14:28):
The President sat down with out Kicks Clay Travis on
Air Force one to discuss the status of his second term.
Speaker 16 (14:34):
President Trump getting to talk to you here on Air
Force one. I wanted to start with this, why do
you think young men are so overwhelmingly coming in your direction?
Speaker 1 (15:01):
My work here is done. Perhaps I can answer that question.
Speaker 4 (15:13):
They are overwhelmingly coming in his direction because that is
the direction they're facing. I don't know if you know
how that works, but you really can't come in the
direction you're not facing. Although, young man, at that age,
(15:33):
you could bank a shot, could I could see one
fly over the shoulder, maybe a chick shot, but they
landed in a cup.
Speaker 3 (15:46):
You know where that would go viral.
Speaker 4 (15:47):
Social media, the one place the right will unequivocally protect
free speech, is the one place where the speech isn't
actually free algorithms, it's speech incentivized for engagement and profit.
(16:09):
It's manipulated. It just so happens that the same process
that forces you to doom scroll somehow also draws you
into republican ideology. Social media is a machine designed to
stimulate the reptilian parts of your brain that would otherwise.
Speaker 3 (16:26):
Beg you to go outside.
Speaker 4 (16:30):
It's like being impressed that casinos give out free food.
It's not free. Social media isn't the town's square, open
form of ideas.
Speaker 3 (16:41):
It's got a plan.
Speaker 17 (16:43):
In the summer of twenty and nineteen, Facebook created a
fake account for a forty one year old mom.
Speaker 3 (16:49):
They called her Carol Smith.
Speaker 17 (16:52):
Carol started off by liking a few popular conservative Facebook pages,
but quickly Facebook began dragging her down a rabbit hole
of miss information. After only two days, Facebook recommended Carol
follow a QAnon page, and a few days later it
suggested she follow another. By week three, Carrol's feet had
become quote a constant flow of misleading and polarizing content.
Speaker 4 (17:15):
Now Carol Smith is a completely fictional character, and yet
her children have stopped talking to her, although she was
apparently added to a Pentagon group chat.
Speaker 3 (17:31):
And those the details about wenderbauming.
Speaker 18 (17:36):
Guys.
Speaker 3 (17:37):
Social media isn't the same as free speech.
Speaker 4 (17:40):
Social media is free speech in the way that doritos
are food.
Speaker 3 (17:47):
It's ultra processed. It's designed in laboratories.
Speaker 4 (17:52):
It's the same mechanism that somehow convinced you that you
should eat a fifty story skyscraper of potato ish and
the most disappointing thing.
Speaker 3 (18:05):
Where are my conspiracy theories at now that it's on
the right.
Speaker 4 (18:10):
For God's sakes, billionaires are designing machines to manipulate our speech,
to control our behavior, and to rewire our brains. They're
removing our regular speech and doing a I don't know
great replacement of it to solidify their.
Speaker 8 (18:33):
Hold on power.
Speaker 4 (18:35):
Are you a weak yet?
Speaker 3 (18:39):
You were with me on the lab leak thing.
Speaker 4 (18:41):
Everybody having come on, you've barely even touched your Epstein Binders.
Speaker 3 (18:48):
Doesn't this bother you at all?
Speaker 8 (18:51):
Elon Musk has taken a very courageous stand for the
First Amendment. He's toughest upon not and the man's got guts.
Speaker 13 (19:00):
He's got He's got oranges the size of beach balls.
Speaker 4 (19:12):
Please stop with this fog horn leghorn bullshit. He's got
range all the brayball. But let me guess, how do
you feel about other billionaires owning and manipulating our media?
Speaker 8 (19:31):
Mister Soros is now the largest single shareholder in Oudyssey
radio stations in America. You can't just go do this
mister Soros is a billionaire. Pass me the sick bucket.
Speaker 10 (19:50):
Sitting right, pass us all the mother in sick bucket
about Paul will beginning as they'll go away, one o
(20:19):
the does and I got to nice after the stars
in the new movie Death of a Unicorn.
Speaker 3 (20:27):
Please walk a ball rock.
Speaker 19 (21:10):
I'm sorry, John, I'm just I'm on this new medication
and uh my perinem is on fire.
Speaker 4 (21:31):
You know, here's how beautifully you craft these bits. It
took me a while to understand that that was an
inflamed paranem At first, if I may, the physical crafting
you do, and the obviously the stage fighting classes you've taken,
and all the things, the control you have over your body,
at first I thought sciatica. It's clearly in the nether region. Yeah,
(21:57):
it was the bowing of the legs.
Speaker 11 (22:00):
It's the it's the telltale giveaway of an inflamed perineum.
Speaker 3 (22:06):
Do we think.
Speaker 13 (22:09):
Now do you think it's Do we think it's shack?
Speaker 11 (22:14):
You go for Okay, we hear, we hear peraneum, and
then we but we've also heard pereneum.
Speaker 4 (22:22):
I thought you were gonna say taint.
Speaker 13 (22:25):
The layman's term.
Speaker 11 (22:26):
Sure, don't denigrate the term perenium sounds like a perennium,
sounds like a flower.
Speaker 4 (22:35):
In many ways. Isn't it.
Speaker 1 (22:39):
A delicate.
Speaker 3 (22:42):
The bouquet? Yes, the aroma. Did you know in your life?
First of all, the way you.
Speaker 4 (22:53):
Walk, it's the difference between just an actor and a craftsman.
Speaker 13 (22:59):
You gotta put yourself, you gotta throw your whole body
into it.
Speaker 4 (23:02):
By the time you were done, my parentem hurt. That's
how powerful it was.
Speaker 13 (23:08):
Transference. You felt it. You felt it. No, that's good acting?
Do your is it acting?
Speaker 4 (23:16):
The way there is that the one part of your
body that is corroding. I think is that your Achilles peraneum?
Speaker 11 (23:26):
You know the portrait of Dorian Gray. I. Uh, I
have a painting in my attic. I call it my attic,
my attica that uh as adjust a just a rotting,
(23:50):
old decrepit taint and uh and I also have it
where it looks like a spaceship. It's called the Perenium Falcon.
Speaker 9 (24:15):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (24:15):
I do hope you'll get that checked out. Yeah, that
is uh, it is it is.
Speaker 11 (24:20):
I have wondered this. Do you know about the Yeah,
you can't. Every commercial it is for a medication.
Speaker 4 (24:27):
No, question.
Speaker 11 (24:28):
Everyone UH talks about the perenium and how it's some
sort of side effect. The other thing they'd also mentioned
is UH, which is in a way even more disconcerting
because they do it with kind of a cheery voice.
It's talking about bloody or black stools.
Speaker 4 (24:52):
Is there a painting in your attic about that?
Speaker 1 (24:55):
You want to you want to tell us about the
other thing?
Speaker 4 (25:00):
They always say, And don't take it like they've given
you five reasons not to take this. I mean, you've
got to be thinking to yourself, the accident was not
that bad that I would risk my entire flaking on
your arm or one kid at the beach and he's
like on my elbow and they're literally like, your balls
will fall off. But so I go through that and
(25:23):
they think, like, oh, these five things will not have
dissuaded you. The final one is always my favorite, And
don't take it if you were allergic to it.
Speaker 13 (25:34):
I know what's the giveaway? That's Oh, I think I
might be allergic to this?
Speaker 9 (25:39):
Yeah?
Speaker 13 (25:39):
Everything, How would you know?
Speaker 4 (25:41):
Unless Paul, I'm gonna be honest with you. Finally, I
didn't even know you still did movies. I just thought
we just I thought you were a web MD doctor
and I just brought you out here to talk.
Speaker 11 (26:02):
Yeah, strictly, Uh, medicines.
Speaker 4 (26:05):
Medicines do you have? I am. I am at the
point now where I like, I'll read an article on
biohacking and like, and they'll be like, it's an injection
of na D and ultra violet rays and you can't
go outside for three months, And I'd be like, I
would do that.
Speaker 13 (26:26):
There is there is.
Speaker 11 (26:30):
A thing that like is so strange that there we
are so insistent on letting everyone believe they are sick
in this country.
Speaker 4 (26:38):
Oh shit, you just got real.
Speaker 13 (26:39):
Oh no, but every commercial is one of these medicines.
Speaker 11 (26:42):
And my daughter when she was little, you know, you
just watch TV. It was unavoidable, you know, you play
games with your kids of like, all right, we're gonna
go through we have to name uh, you have to
come up with a food. We'll go go through eights
like apple, banana.
Speaker 13 (26:59):
You know, cherries.
Speaker 3 (27:00):
We used to do keep going. I want to I
want to see I want.
Speaker 13 (27:08):
We can, but we used to do it.
Speaker 11 (27:10):
My daughter would be four years old and we would
do it with medicines. She'd be like, abilify wow, and
I swear to god, we could make it through the
entire alphabet four years old. Normally you skip X, but
she's zell jams right, not a bit that's really true.
Speaker 3 (27:33):
How many times are we gonna do zoiba Raxin's in Remax?
Speaker 13 (27:36):
Yeah, Xanax didn't even make the cuts gone.
Speaker 2 (27:39):
Damn.
Speaker 4 (27:41):
It is a very interesting you know.
Speaker 13 (27:43):
Uh remember anison, good old anison.
Speaker 3 (27:48):
Right, and it cured everything.
Speaker 11 (27:50):
I just remember as a kid, I think all we
had was anison buffering bear like as commercials.
Speaker 4 (27:57):
It looks like somebody lived in a nice neighborhood. I
had Saint Joseph's children's asked for.
Speaker 3 (28:05):
I was seventeen and had chlamydia.
Speaker 13 (28:10):
But how is your perineum gorgeous?
Speaker 3 (28:15):
As Asriana would say, shine like a diamond. You could
eat off of that thing? And boy did I try.
Speaker 13 (28:29):
We all tried.
Speaker 3 (28:33):
Can I tell you something.
Speaker 1 (28:35):
I've missed you?
Speaker 13 (28:38):
I've missed you too, I haven't I think the last time.
Speaker 4 (28:41):
I see you every now and again at an event.
Once I moved out of the city, Once you moved
out of the city. For those urban sophisticates you are,
you are a dead man. I live out in New
Jersey and I would say to a poult, ho hold
on one second, hard disagree, But I see you. You
(29:07):
are living now the dream that I sometimes think of,
Like you're Kansas City Chiefs. They keep winning Super Bowls.
You're out there with your son on the field, like
celebrating the thing. It's such a magic guitar. Kids are
around the same age that we're all, they're going through
the things. It's a big transition. Like do you feel
the empty nest of it all? Like that's that's slowly
(29:30):
starting to dawn on me.
Speaker 3 (29:32):
Yeah, yeah, I do.
Speaker 11 (29:34):
I mean, I certainly feel older, and my kids are older,
they have their own lives. I mean, I'm sitting here,
you know, getting nostalgic about the Abilify game, and so
as I'm talking about it, and I see, you know,
people with little kids.
Speaker 4 (29:52):
I'm like, I remember that, and I do feel it's
the whole the thing for me when I see someone
whose kid is at that age where you can still
do you like the football hold right, and you got
the coffee in one hand and and the kid in
the other, and then so the cigarette can just dangle
and yeah, it's it's a it's a wild feeling when
(30:16):
it when it washes over you. But it's also nice
to I guess have them at that other like the
conversations you can have with them as so much.
Speaker 13 (30:23):
Yeah, Oh it's great.
Speaker 11 (30:24):
I mean it's you know, you always hear that and
that it's like, oh, every age is great and it's
and it's true right, and it's it's an amazing it's
an amazing thing. I was just I was just in
Australia working in Australia and my son was on break
from school.
Speaker 4 (30:42):
And he came to visit.
Speaker 13 (30:44):
It was the first time ever by himself and it
was uh.
Speaker 4 (30:47):
Came to visit you in Australia. Yeah, fantastic, is great?
Did you The one thing I didn't do and I
probably should have done, is make friends, so.
Speaker 3 (31:02):
They have to be there.
Speaker 4 (31:04):
I own them, but when they leave, it's just me
eating a Jersey MIC's by myself watching it.
Speaker 11 (31:13):
Well, I don't know, have you found this to be
the case, because I certainly have. I think as I
just as I get older, my world gets smaller and
as far as friends, I do have friends, but I'm
not nearly as social as I used to be. I'm
not on I'm not on any actual social media. I
never have been so I do feel as if the
world operates in a way that it's passing me by.
Speaker 13 (31:36):
I it's like I sit alone with me books. I
sound like I'm Simon and garfunk song. I am a
rock no his it's crazy.
Speaker 3 (31:48):
I'm gonna tell you second, I look up for one second.
I do this every time we're together.
Speaker 2 (31:53):
God, my life is horrible.
Speaker 3 (31:57):
People, I'll let you go.
Speaker 4 (31:58):
I want to show the audience. I want everybody at
home look at this. Paul is older than I am.
And if I go home right now, my guess is
somebody has ruined my taint painting your tainting.
Speaker 13 (32:18):
You know, talk about an oil painting.
Speaker 4 (32:24):
He's got the movies Death of a Unicorn. It's gonna
be in theaters. I worked Friendship with Tim Robinson, who
may be the funniest man.
Speaker 11 (32:32):
He's amazing, amazing Tim Robinson.
Speaker 4 (32:34):
Tim Robinson, and you're in the movie Friendship, which will
deal with the things that we're just talking about, and
then a movie about killing unicorns, which we're not probably
going to talk about that much.
Speaker 13 (32:49):
Fine, we're gonna talk about any of this.
Speaker 4 (32:53):
How do you when you get because the movie it's
wild and you'll love it and Jenne Ortega is in it,
and she's great and the cast is insane, but I
can't did when they pitched to you, they go, Paul,
there's this movie. We'd really love for you to ben it.
You play a lawyer, and oh what is a lawyer doing? Well,
he's around murderous unicorns?
Speaker 3 (33:12):
And is that when you go, like, look where I
was in Marvel?
Speaker 13 (33:15):
I don't I get a thing. It's called death of
a Unicorn. I'm like, where do I sign?
Speaker 3 (33:23):
That's the beauty of the Empire?
Speaker 4 (33:26):
That well, it is always a pleasure. And I hope
that I host one day a week for the next
twenty years and you come back to see us again.
Speaker 13 (33:33):
I would love nothing more, John, I hope talk for.
Speaker 3 (33:39):
Con Let me call rock, Let me right back. You
know I got that way from Oh looks everyday night
(34:01):
before we go. You're gonna check in with.
Speaker 4 (34:03):
Girls for the rest of the week, mister Ronnie Chang,
run eye, what do you got for the rest of
the week?
Speaker 18 (34:11):
Run well, John, We'll be covering the bankruptcy of twenty
three and meters. It's a sad day for all the
people who want to learn their family history, but a
great day for all the secret fathers who wanted to
keep that history quiet. And of course, smart people like
myself don't just give out our genetic information. I keep
mind safe and secure.
Speaker 4 (34:34):
Jesus, I'm sorry. Oh, for God's sake, Ronnie, you just
group texted me your entire DNA sequence.
Speaker 18 (34:42):
Okay, that was a small mistake, but otherwise my opsec
is totally clean.
Speaker 3 (34:46):
Here Lese prony, here, RUnni chang, everybody all my flee.
I'm gonna shut my real phone off.
Speaker 4 (34:54):
Oh. Also, March thirty first, next week, one week from today,
maybe night at Too Many Stars at the Beacon Theater
here in New York City, live comedy event benefiting office
and programs nationwide. If you are in town, please consider
buying tickets at the link below. Join me and really
too many Stars, I can't even name them all. Chris Rock,
Adam Slammer, a bunch of mother Rabel please join here.
(35:17):
It is your moment?
Speaker 5 (35:18):
Is that President Donald Trump taking aim at a portrait
of himself in the Colorado State Capitol.
Speaker 3 (35:23):
He's calling it distorted and ken and I have you seen?
Speaker 12 (35:27):
I kind of agree Tell the Truth Social on Sunday
to disparage the painting that was originally commissioned by the
Colorado gop Any Most. He says that the painting was
purposely distorted to a level that even I perhaps have
never seen before.
Speaker 16 (35:44):
Explore more shows from the Daily Show podcast universe by
searching The Daily Show wherever you get your podcasts.
Speaker 13 (35:51):
Watch The Daily Show week nights at eleven.
Speaker 17 (35:53):
Ten Central on Comedy Central, and stream full episodes anytime
on Paramount plus
Speaker 13 (36:04):
Paramount Podcasts
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