October 10, 2024 • 29 mins
Jordan Klepper unpacks Kamala Harris’s recent media blitz, focusing on how she is carving out her identity apart from Biden. Melania Trump takes to Fox News for a book tour, Stephen Miller adopts his "sexual matador" persona, and Project 2025 targets the porn industry. In "Sports War," Ronny Chieng and Jordan clash over rumors about Aaron Rodgers, Vanderbilt vandalism, and Pete Rose’s farewell. Jessica Valenti discusses her bestselling book on abortion rights and the post-Dobbs landscape ahead of the election.
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Speaker 1 (00:01):
You're listening to Comedy Central, from.
Speaker 2 (00:07):
The most trusted journalists. At Comedy Central, It's America's only
source for new This is The Daily Show with your.
Speaker 3 (00:16):
Host Jordan Clever.
Speaker 1 (00:33):
Love the Daily Show.
Speaker 2 (00:34):
I'm George Cleplan. We got so much to talk about tonight, Kavo,
Let's packaheat trumps sleeping in the buff and I get
to yell at Ronnie Chang. But first let's get into
it with another installment of Indecision four. All right, we
are just twenty six days away from the election. That's
(00:56):
less than one menstrual cycle. According to the period app
jadie Vance is secretly tracking you with so less than
a month ago. Both campaigns are going all out, starting
with Democratic nominee Kamala Harris, who has been everywhere recently,
news shows, daytime talk shows, satellite radio podcasts. Your kid's
(01:16):
piano recital she applauded. But seriously, chopsticks, I mean, you
could do better, Arlow. And this media blitz is not
a moment too soon, because voters are looking for change
and Kamala needs to articulate why she's the candidate of change.
She's had plenty of time to think about it, so
(01:37):
Let's see your answer.
Speaker 4 (01:39):
If anything, would you have done something differently than President
Biden during the past four years.
Speaker 2 (01:47):
There is not a thing that comes to mind. Not
a thing is coming into your mind. You really are
continuing the Biden legacy. Come on, come on, madam VP.
This is an opportunity to differentiate yourself from an unpopular administration.
(02:11):
Surely you would do something different. Listen, I plan on
having a Republican in my cabinet. You got a this, yeah, right?
You ask me what's the difference between Joe Biden and me? Well,
that will be one of the differences. I'm going to
have a Republican in my Cappany, Okay, everything Joe Biden
did plus Republicans, sneaky move, you know, appealing to Republicans
(02:35):
by promising to do a diversity higher you know, which
they famously love that. Now that she said that, I'm
sure she's set she won't go too far, and trying
to appeal to conservatives.
Speaker 1 (02:50):
I have a clock.
Speaker 2 (02:51):
Okay, okay, easy, man of Vice President. I have a family. Okay.
You know, I guess in these times you do have
to reach out to people who wouldn't be your natural allies.
And obviously she gets that you have my soul, you
have my.
Speaker 1 (03:15):
I have a clock.
Speaker 2 (03:27):
That was very dumb. But as Kamalo reaches out to Republicans,
her Republican opponent, Donald Trump has been sitting down for
podcast interviews, which are great because there's more of a
free wheeling conversation there that allows him to really dig
deep into the issues. You're very pokahonts.
Speaker 1 (03:49):
What about?
Speaker 2 (03:50):
And there is tampon. Tim was good what about? It's
hard to say, yeah, the lords. It's a mouthful, but
when you put the names together, it's a little to
be able to pume, you know.
Speaker 5 (04:05):
You know.
Speaker 2 (04:05):
It's nice to see how reflective Trump is becoming his
old age, looking back on everything. I wonder did tamp
and Tim having a pu po. Meanwhile, the Trump campaign
has brought out a very special surrogate, Milania Trump, former
first Lady and the only Slovenian you can name off
the top of your head. Well, we don't see a
(04:26):
lot of Milania, but she's also been on a media
tour this week Fox News Social Media, your kid's piano recital, Arlo,
You are not to be best now. Obviously she's out
there because she's a supportive wife who believes in her
husband's America First, I'm faring with you. She has a
book to sell. You know, people make a lot of
(04:49):
jokes about this marriage, but when I look at their
shared love of exploiting our political system to sell shit
for personal profit, I just see two soulmates. We actually
have a copy here. Yeah, this is it. This is
her book. I want to read you a quick passage,
(05:09):
just to give you a feel for it. This is real,
Page seventy eight from right after he won the twenty
sixteen election. As Donnell prepared to go down to his
office on Wednesday morning, he and I had a private moment. Congratulations.
I said, what an achievement. All those other people and
you won. You're the president of the United States of
(05:35):
America and you're the first lady. He said, good luck,
I got a wife book. Wait a tear on that one.
That is a heartwarming moment that definitely wasn't created by
chat GPT. Turns out writing is hard when you don't
have Michelle Obama to Plagiariyes from It's very difficult, very difficult.
(06:04):
And yesterday Melania paid a visit to her husband's other
true love, Fox News, where she revealed an interesting personal
tidbit about her husband. Would you have married Donald Trump
if you had a crystal ball that said he would
be president? Huh? That's a By the way, does he
(06:24):
ever sleep? He doesn't sleep much? He does, of course.
Does he wear pajamas? No? Yes? What does he wear
when he see the things? What are the things? No pajamas?
Speaker 1 (06:40):
Huh.
Speaker 2 (06:41):
That's a steamy image. And just imagine that scene, Trump
under the covers, dressed only in his long red tie.
Belania says you are naked in bed, and he says,
and you are the first lady, good luck. Wow. Wow.
(07:06):
Pretty sexy stuff. But maybe hearing about Donald Trump's bedtime
routine from Malania doesn't get your engines reaving. Fortunately, the
campaign also brought out someone for the ladies.
Speaker 6 (07:18):
Former senior advisor to President Trump, Stephen Miller, is here.
We're getting a lot of texts from women about Miller
and his appearances and his appearance. Our audience at primetime
believes you're some sort of sexual matador.
Speaker 2 (07:32):
Woo, Steven Miller is a sexual matador? Is that because
he's literally a walking red flag fox. I gotta say
I'm worried about you. You already had to pay seven
hundred and eighty million dollars for lying to your audience.
But this could be the one that bankrupts you. I mean,
(07:53):
come on, I mean, I do believe Stephen Miller is
a real lady killer, but more so in a check
the basement away. You know what, I'll bite What does
make Stephen Miller such catnip for the females.
Speaker 7 (08:08):
If you're a young man who's looking to impress ladies,
the best thing you can do is to wear your
Trump support on your sleeve. Show that you are a
real man, Show that you are not a better.
Speaker 2 (08:21):
He's so healthy he doesn't even know how to say
Beta Wow. Do you hear that? Do you hear that?
That sound you just heard was thousands of Southern borders
instantly shutting down. I'm talking about you know what I'm
You know what I'm.
Speaker 1 (08:39):
You got a.
Speaker 2 (08:42):
Don't you think? But do you hear that? Man? Do
you listen to Stephen Miller? Don't be a beta CUK
and vote for Kamala Harris. Come out to this sweet
rally where a guy double jerks to the YMCA. You know, now,
(09:07):
apparently it does get people going. Now, maybe maybe you're thinking, Jordan,
you started the show talking about the election, and now
it seems to be a lot of sex stuff. Well,
first of all, Mom, I've tried to explain how the
show works many times. But also sexuality is a campaign
issue this year. Project twenty twenty five calls for banning pornography,
(09:28):
and some other big news from the last few days
is that the porn industry is making their own campaign
ads against it.
Speaker 8 (09:35):
They have started a hands Off My Porn campaign, which
includes video ads that role before the porn does on
adult video providing websites.
Speaker 9 (09:47):
I'm Holly Randall and I've been working in the adel
industry for over twenty five years. I need to address
the threat of Project twenty twenty five.
Speaker 2 (09:55):
Yes, my favorite porn category informational ps say, but I'll
just go snicker in ooh pornography. This is an issue
of personal freedom and these are the people who can
speak to it most directly. So let's hear more of
these ads before you.
Speaker 9 (10:13):
Get swept up believing that porn is misogynistic. Maybe actually
talk to the people who work in it. I don't
see you guys out there crying about how men are
exploited in porn. Have you seen those ball crushing videos
not my thing, but again that's a choice made by
consenting adults.
Speaker 2 (10:33):
I will say it's strangely comforting to know that there
are things on the Internet that even porn stars look
at and go, man, what the fuck? Yes me though.
The big problem with these ads is that they're running
them before the porn video starts. You really should run
(10:53):
them after the porn videos, when there's clarity of minds.
That's when I write my holiday cards. Frankly, if you
want to be truly effective, all you need to do
is just show people what porn would look like under
Project twenty twenty five.
Speaker 6 (11:09):
Yeah, I think she wants you.
Speaker 2 (11:11):
She is partcore. We are in a shocking situation. When
we come back, we'll fight about sports.
Speaker 1 (11:26):
Don't go away, look back for them.
Speaker 2 (11:37):
It's with the elections dominated the news cycle, let's take
a break from politics to cover the one thing that
really affects your life sports. For full recap of the
biggest stories in the world of jocks and straps, we
turned to Sports War Brandy. It's time for brought to
you by Gambly Stambly. It's literally free money. What's up,
(12:10):
Moron's I'm Ryan Chance, Jordan Klapper. This is Sports War,
the show where we are legally not allowed to agree
with each other.
Speaker 5 (12:19):
So if I say we need stronger helmets and football
to prevent concussions, I.
Speaker 2 (12:23):
Say that we were bored with a helmet. It's called
a skull. Well, lucky for us, Geors is empty. It's October,
but one month where practically every.
Speaker 5 (12:32):
League is going out of it like some kind of
sports gang bang.
Speaker 2 (12:35):
That's right, there's more balls flying around than that time
Ronnie wore his Daisy Dukes to the office. Well, that's
on you for looking. And nowhere is the sports gangpang
hotterant right now than here in New York, between the Liberty,
the Mets, the Yankees, the next This city could only
be happier if Ronnie announced he was leaving it.
Speaker 5 (12:53):
Well, if I ever leave this because your mom is
getting too clinging.
Speaker 2 (12:56):
Nice one, Ronnie, I hope you get circumcised in sleep. Well,
many and New York sports fans are celebrating, and there's
one team showing us that Boeing ain't the only one
with imploding Jets.
Speaker 10 (13:09):
Now to breaking news in sports, the Jets have fired
their head coach Robert Salad just five games into the season,
a move that comes two days after they just lost
in London in disappointing fashion.
Speaker 2 (13:21):
There is rampant speculation that Aaron Rodgers is behind the
firing of Salah jay E tes Suck, Suck, suck, Oh man,
what a terrible move by the Jets coach. Sala wasn't
the problem. It's clearly Aaron Rodgers. That's like me firing
the camera guy for the stupid shit that comes out
of Ronning's mouth.
Speaker 5 (13:42):
Yeah, well, your mouth looks like a fist vagina and
you could be more wronged. Okay, firing Solah is exactly
what the Jets need. For fifty five years they sucked
with a coach. Hey, maybe it's time to play without one.
Just one season raw dogging it without a coach, and hey,
maybe the Jets will win the Super Bowl.
Speaker 2 (13:58):
The only they getting raw dog is your brain. You
can't let a bunch of NFL players coach themselves. They
need Google Maps just to get out of the huddle.
But we all know there's only one, maybe two people
crazy enough to take a job coaching the Jets, which
brings us to our Jordan Klepper locked and Loaded triple
VIP better than nights, which Menendez brother will be the
(14:19):
next coach off the Jets? As always brought to you
by Gambling. Gambling. If you think you have a problem,
stop thinking.
Speaker 5 (14:30):
Moving on from an upset man to the upset of
the year.
Speaker 4 (14:34):
Next, a once in a lifetime upset in college football.
Vanderbilt beat number one Alabama on Saturday, forty to thirty five.
Vanderbilt students were so excited they tore down one of
the goalposts and carried it a couple miles into downtown Nashville.
Then they tossed it into the Cumberland River.
Speaker 2 (14:53):
Okay, okay, okay, raid it in, you private school nerds.
It is exciting, but show a little class. You don't
gloat in front of the other teams fans. You bully
them online like a normal person.
Speaker 5 (15:07):
Okay, Jordan, I know you're not used to winning, but
this is what it looks like. Okay, you're just mad
they threw the goalposts in the river because you empathize
with long, skinny, useless things, which brings us to Rodney
Chang show win VVIP better than night? Which river will
we dumb Jordan in after tonight's show, As always brought
to you by gambling, gambling, your wife can't leave you if.
Speaker 2 (15:33):
You win, And finally moving on to a more somber
story as we honor the passing of one of America's
greatest heroes.
Speaker 7 (15:43):
Pete Rose, major League Baseball's all time hits leader, who
was famously banned from the sport for gambling, has died.
Speaker 11 (15:50):
Rose was famously banned from the Baseball Hall of Fame
for gambling allegations. He denied those allegations for years before
eventually admitting that he did that on baseball, both as
a player.
Speaker 5 (16:01):
And as a manager, all while he lobbied to be
considered for the Hall of Fame, his lifelong wish never granted.
Speaker 2 (16:08):
Now, I don't want to discount what Jackie Robinson did,
but what Pete Rose accomplished was a billion times more important.
He's a legend in two of America's pastimes, gambling as
a player and gambling as a coach. Pete Rose definitely
belongs in the Baseball Hall of Fame.
Speaker 5 (16:26):
Jordan, have you been hitting your oldblong head by another pitch? Okay,
Pete Rose doesn't belong in the Baseball Hall of Fame.
A huer like him belongs in every hall of Fame, Baseball, basketball,
rock and roll, hip hop, automotive. Bobby's put his name
on a Vietnam memorial everywhere. Yo, they should hang his
(16:47):
bookie's phone number from the rafters.
Speaker 2 (16:49):
Boy, Ronnie, I really wish God took you instead of
Pete Rose, which brings us to my Jordan's champagne room
boom bed of the Knights. What will Pete Rose gamble on?
First in Heaven as always brought to you by gambling.
Gambling when it stopped being fun is when it gets good.
Speaker 5 (17:09):
All right, And that's all the stories this week. Join
us next time on Sports War, we'll.
Speaker 2 (17:13):
Debate if it counts as cheating on your wife if
you do it with a tackling dummy. Well obviously not
way would we agree on this one?
Speaker 1 (17:19):
Wait, no, we can't.
Speaker 2 (17:37):
Welcome back to the Daily Show. My guest today is
an award winning writer and activist whose new book is
called Abortion, Our Bodies, Their Lies, and the Truth We
Used to Win. Please welcome Jessica Valenti.
Speaker 5 (18:00):
Thanks, really nice.
Speaker 2 (18:03):
Not a shabby way, not too shabby way.
Speaker 3 (18:06):
I'll take it.
Speaker 2 (18:07):
This book, this book is it's fantastic. I feel like
you articulate at the top. And also I should say this,
you just got word. This is a New York Times
bestseller baby right, number one, no number not number one,
not number one, not number.
Speaker 12 (18:21):
One, but a best seller right by the skin of
our teeth. But I'll take it.
Speaker 2 (18:23):
Oh, you take it. This grew out of a newsletter
you were writing called Abortion every Day. Yeah, why did
you feel the need to start a newsletter abortion every Day?
Speaker 12 (18:32):
I mean, I probably should have called it abortion every
Hour because that's how often the news is coming out
breaking about abortion. The attacks are just so unrelenting, their NonStop,
and I think I just wanted to provide a little
bit of order to the chaos, to help people understand
what was going on, and sort of same thing with
the book, give them the information, context language that they
(18:54):
need to talk about this issue because people really do
care so much. People are so pissed off about abortion bans,
they're so upset, but they're also so overwhelmed. Right, It's
just so much to be happening, and so I wanted
to create something that people could really use in a
useful way and also channel a little bit of anger.
Speaker 2 (19:14):
Yeah, it feels like this book is there to provide
clarity for people who want to engage in the conversation
but perhaps don't know how. Yeah, absolutely post dobs. For
the people who who maybe I don't want to say
tuned out, post dobs. But I think for a lot
of people, if you're not paying close attention to the
news each days or what's happening on a state level,
perhaps even if you live in a blue state, after dobbs,
(19:35):
even if you care about the abortion issue, it seems
as if your head jumps to federal abortion ban, that
is that the new next battle. What are people missing
if they're not paying attention to what's happening in some
of these other states.
Speaker 12 (19:46):
That's a great question. I'm still very state focused right
because it's such a crisis on the ground in these states.
You're talking about places where obgins are leaving by the
bus load, places like Idaho of plus twenty five percent
their opgi n's, and as we've seen with horror story
after horror story, hospitals are not treating patients right like
(20:08):
it is not a normal state of affairs when we're
letting miscarrying, bleeding women go home, when we're sending them home,
and so I think we need to be paying attention
to what is happening on the ground. But yes, certainly
with the election coming up, I'm very, very worried about
the possibility of a national ban or even anything Trump
(20:28):
could do outside of a national band to make abortion
harder to get, like the Comstock Act replacing the head
of the FDA to make abortion medication illegal.
Speaker 2 (20:37):
Do you no, I know there's been some softening in
the discussion on the conservative side. When you hear JD.
Van softening on that issue, how much do you believe
him on a scale from zero to get there?
Speaker 12 (20:48):
Yeah, it's definitely at the out of here.
Speaker 2 (20:51):
No, I mean it's true.
Speaker 12 (20:58):
No, he's totally full of it, right, And the softening
is all a pr move right like it's all. And
this is why I wrote the book, because they're using
this language to make it appear as if they are
more moderate than they actually are on abortion, using terms
like minimum national standard. I don't support a ban, I
support a minimum national standard. Those are the same exact thing, right,
(21:18):
And so it's just a bunch of nonsense. We've seen
the same thing with Trump. But we know what would
happen if Trump was elected. We know that the suffering
that we've already seen in so many states across the
country would just get exponentially worse.
Speaker 2 (21:33):
It's curious to you you talk about sort of the
battle over language, which we've seen go way back, whether
it's pro choice, pro life, but you kind of get
into the nitty gritty about like Nikki Haley talking about consensus,
talking about what late term abortions mean for folks who
aren't paying attention. Why is that so important? And how
do you see that getting morphed and shifted right now?
Speaker 12 (21:52):
Sure, I mean this is how they trick voters, right,
So they use words like I don't want to ban
I want consensus legislation. We're not banning abortion. We're giving
it back to the will of the people. We're giving
it back to the states because this is something voters
feel so strongly about. Eighty one percent of voters do
not want government involvement in abortion at all. They don't
want it regulated by the law. They are working really
(22:14):
hard to use language that makes it sound as if
voters are with them, right, They're trying to do this
very clever pivot and with something like late abortion, which
is not a real medical term. They're constantly moving the
goalposts for what late abortion means. So when you hear
someone like Nikki Haley say I'm against late abortion, ask
for how many weeks that is, because right now I've
(22:35):
been tracking the anti abortion movement right now. To them,
that's twelve weeks. So when they say I support consensus
legislation for late term abortion, they're saying I support a
national ban at twelve weeks. That's how you have to
sort of decode the language what I go out.
Speaker 2 (22:51):
So I go out to Trump rallies a lot. Yeah,
but I will talk to people in the MAGA movement
sometimes about abortion, and this book would be very helpful
for some of that. I find what I run into
a lot. How do you engage with people who come
from a religious perspective or at least use that as
(23:11):
the card in which they will not engage with that?
Do you how legitimate is that argument? And or are
you wasting your time having these conversations with people who
put up abortion underneath underneath their religious beliefs.
Speaker 12 (23:24):
And it's not a prigeb I mean, I feel really
strongly that you shouldn't waste your activist energy. It's a
precious resource, right you shouldn't be talking to brick walls.
But we all care about someone who is conservative religious,
you feel like you want to change their mind. I
think pointing out that there are so many people who
are religious who still understand that their personal and religious
beliefs shouldn't dictate what other people do with their bodies.
(23:48):
I do think that that is something that works. But
I also really think that it can be a distraction,
this idea that we need to go out and change
hearts and minds. Because American voters are with us Americans
when it comes to voters, they know they want abortion legal, period.
This is true in Red States, this.
Speaker 2 (24:04):
Is true across the country. It really is.
Speaker 12 (24:08):
And when we get dragged into this idea that we
need to go out and take that activist energy and
waste it on trying to change someone's mind who's never
going to change their mind, that's a real issue. At
the end of the day, this is a problem of
a small group of extremist legislators imposing their will on
the vast majority of voters. And so I think of
(24:28):
it not as changing people's minds. It's a democracy issue.
It's making sure people can vote, it's making sure that
we don't have voter intimidation. That is the stuff that
I'm really most focused on.
Speaker 2 (24:37):
So when you look at the energy energy best use. Yeah,
in that fight, it's not in those conversations necessarily, it's
aimed at local legislators. It's aimed at getting people out
to vote.
Speaker 3 (24:47):
Yeah.
Speaker 12 (24:47):
Absolutely. I mean if you look at right now, abortion
is on the ballot in ten states, and in every
single state where abortion is on the ballot, Republicans have
worked over time to make it impossible for voters to
have a say because they know that when voters have
a rex say on abortion rights, abortion rights wins. Right.
Just this week in Florida, I wrote about Governor Ronda Santis.
His administration is threatening television stations with criminal charges if
(25:11):
they run ads for amendment for which is the pro
choice amendment down in Florida. They will do anything they
can to stop voters from knowing the truth about these
laws and from getting to the polls.
Speaker 2 (25:22):
Wow. Yeah, and Mickey Mouse too, they're not against that.
Why are you go to Florida anymore? For God's sad?
When you when you when you look at this and
see the legislators who are behind this, perhaps the Desciantis,
but even more on the local level. Sure, how much
of this do you do you see as as right
wing legislators who are using this as a way to
gain power within their party, perhaps not true believers, but
(25:44):
sure using as form of manipulation. And how much of
this you talk about legislators who are doing this to
exert control over women's bodies in some dark terms, when
you look overall at that, how much of it is
just a blame moved to be in a position of power.
How much of it is exerting power of a woman's body.
(26:04):
I think it's both.
Speaker 12 (26:05):
I wrote a column once called the worst guy you know, Like,
think about the biggest asshole from high school, right, the
guy who is like devil's advocate, always had something to say.
That's who the prosecutor is. Now, that's who the local
legislator is. Now, that's who the sheriff is who are
bringing forward these cases. So when you look at the
people who are really enforcing these laws on a local
(26:26):
and state level, they're the worst guy you know. They're
the worst kind of person you can possibly imagine. That said,
I do think that there are a lot of politicians
who don't really care. They don't care. It's just about
the power to them. Something that happened in Tennessee right
after rose O returned, I think is a really good
example where Republicans saw that people were really upset about
(26:47):
abortion bands, and in Tennessee at the time, they didn't
have an exception for women's lives. There was no exception.
Doctors had to break the law in order to save
someone's life with an abortion and then explain why it
was okay that they broke the law, and Republicans said, well,
maybe we should get an exception on the books. They
were so under the thumb of local pro life groups,
(27:07):
of big groups like Susan b Anthony, Pro Life America.
These groups were lobbying them not to have an exception
for women's lives. So they very very much are listening
to sort of these other forces, and so it sort
of doesn't matter what they think if they're just going
to do what these groups say.
Speaker 2 (27:23):
Anyway. I mean, where if in dark times we have
some of the worst guy you know from high school? Yeah,
what is the best guy you know from high school
doing right now? Oh? I love that question.
Speaker 12 (27:36):
Probably making phone calls to get bus tickets for people
to get out of Florida to no really to get
an abortion out of state. I think one of the
most amazing things about doing this work over the last
two plus years has been seeing the way that people
have come together on this issue to make sure that
people can get the care that they need no matter what.
There are so many folks like abortion Funds on the
(27:57):
ground which are in the middle of a funding and
could really use your help. There are so many people
who are doing the hard work of ensuring that people
can get those abortions. That is what brings me just
a tremendous amount of hope and positivity for the future.
Speaker 2 (28:10):
Well, it's a it's a great book and if you're
you're tentative about getting in the conversation, this book will
be the foot of the door. Thanks you. Book Abortion
is available. Now let's go all Entoi. You're gonna take
a quick right, good back. That's those show for tonight,
(28:33):
Dire It is a moment of zen Ana from Lakeland, Florida.
You should have angry Stephen Miller on your show more often.
He looks very sexy when he's angry.
Speaker 12 (28:43):
Oh a lot and bothered over here by Miller.
Speaker 2 (28:47):
I didn't know it was such a casanova Explore more
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Speaker 2 (00:07):
The most trusted journalists. At Comedy Central, It's America's only
source for new This is The Daily Show with your.
Speaker 3 (00:16):
Host Jordan Clever.
Speaker 1 (00:33):
Love the Daily Show.
Speaker 2 (00:34):
I'm George Cleplan. We got so much to talk about tonight, Kavo,
Let's packaheat trumps sleeping in the buff and I get
to yell at Ronnie Chang. But first let's get into
it with another installment of Indecision four. All right, we
are just twenty six days away from the election. That's
(00:56):
less than one menstrual cycle. According to the period app
jadie Vance is secretly tracking you with so less than
a month ago. Both campaigns are going all out, starting
with Democratic nominee Kamala Harris, who has been everywhere recently,
news shows, daytime talk shows, satellite radio podcasts. Your kid's
(01:16):
piano recital she applauded. But seriously, chopsticks, I mean, you
could do better, Arlow. And this media blitz is not
a moment too soon, because voters are looking for change
and Kamala needs to articulate why she's the candidate of change.
She's had plenty of time to think about it, so
(01:37):
Let's see your answer.
Speaker 4 (01:39):
If anything, would you have done something differently than President
Biden during the past four years.
Speaker 2 (01:47):
There is not a thing that comes to mind. Not
a thing is coming into your mind. You really are
continuing the Biden legacy. Come on, come on, madam VP.
This is an opportunity to differentiate yourself from an unpopular administration.
(02:11):
Surely you would do something different. Listen, I plan on
having a Republican in my cabinet. You got a this, yeah, right?
You ask me what's the difference between Joe Biden and me? Well,
that will be one of the differences. I'm going to
have a Republican in my Cappany, Okay, everything Joe Biden
did plus Republicans, sneaky move, you know, appealing to Republicans
(02:35):
by promising to do a diversity higher you know, which
they famously love that. Now that she said that, I'm
sure she's set she won't go too far, and trying
to appeal to conservatives.
Speaker 1 (02:50):
I have a clock.
Speaker 2 (02:51):
Okay, okay, easy, man of Vice President. I have a family. Okay.
You know, I guess in these times you do have
to reach out to people who wouldn't be your natural allies.
And obviously she gets that you have my soul, you
have my.
Speaker 1 (03:15):
I have a clock.
Speaker 2 (03:27):
That was very dumb. But as Kamalo reaches out to Republicans,
her Republican opponent, Donald Trump has been sitting down for
podcast interviews, which are great because there's more of a
free wheeling conversation there that allows him to really dig
deep into the issues. You're very pokahonts.
Speaker 1 (03:49):
What about?
Speaker 2 (03:50):
And there is tampon. Tim was good what about? It's
hard to say, yeah, the lords. It's a mouthful, but
when you put the names together, it's a little to
be able to pume, you know.
Speaker 5 (04:05):
You know.
Speaker 2 (04:05):
It's nice to see how reflective Trump is becoming his
old age, looking back on everything. I wonder did tamp
and Tim having a pu po. Meanwhile, the Trump campaign
has brought out a very special surrogate, Milania Trump, former
first Lady and the only Slovenian you can name off
the top of your head. Well, we don't see a
(04:26):
lot of Milania, but she's also been on a media
tour this week Fox News Social Media, your kid's piano recital, Arlo,
You are not to be best now. Obviously she's out
there because she's a supportive wife who believes in her
husband's America First, I'm faring with you. She has a
book to sell. You know, people make a lot of
(04:49):
jokes about this marriage, but when I look at their
shared love of exploiting our political system to sell shit
for personal profit, I just see two soulmates. We actually
have a copy here. Yeah, this is it. This is
her book. I want to read you a quick passage,
(05:09):
just to give you a feel for it. This is real,
Page seventy eight from right after he won the twenty
sixteen election. As Donnell prepared to go down to his
office on Wednesday morning, he and I had a private moment. Congratulations.
I said, what an achievement. All those other people and
you won. You're the president of the United States of
(05:35):
America and you're the first lady. He said, good luck,
I got a wife book. Wait a tear on that one.
That is a heartwarming moment that definitely wasn't created by
chat GPT. Turns out writing is hard when you don't
have Michelle Obama to Plagiariyes from It's very difficult, very difficult.
(06:04):
And yesterday Melania paid a visit to her husband's other
true love, Fox News, where she revealed an interesting personal
tidbit about her husband. Would you have married Donald Trump
if you had a crystal ball that said he would
be president? Huh? That's a By the way, does he
(06:24):
ever sleep? He doesn't sleep much? He does, of course.
Does he wear pajamas? No? Yes? What does he wear
when he see the things? What are the things? No pajamas?
Speaker 1 (06:40):
Huh.
Speaker 2 (06:41):
That's a steamy image. And just imagine that scene, Trump
under the covers, dressed only in his long red tie.
Belania says you are naked in bed, and he says,
and you are the first lady, good luck. Wow. Wow.
(07:06):
Pretty sexy stuff. But maybe hearing about Donald Trump's bedtime
routine from Malania doesn't get your engines reaving. Fortunately, the
campaign also brought out someone for the ladies.
Speaker 6 (07:18):
Former senior advisor to President Trump, Stephen Miller, is here.
We're getting a lot of texts from women about Miller
and his appearances and his appearance. Our audience at primetime
believes you're some sort of sexual matador.
Speaker 2 (07:32):
Woo, Steven Miller is a sexual matador? Is that because
he's literally a walking red flag fox. I gotta say
I'm worried about you. You already had to pay seven
hundred and eighty million dollars for lying to your audience.
But this could be the one that bankrupts you. I mean,
(07:53):
come on, I mean, I do believe Stephen Miller is
a real lady killer, but more so in a check
the basement away. You know what, I'll bite What does
make Stephen Miller such catnip for the females.
Speaker 7 (08:08):
If you're a young man who's looking to impress ladies,
the best thing you can do is to wear your
Trump support on your sleeve. Show that you are a
real man, Show that you are not a better.
Speaker 2 (08:21):
He's so healthy he doesn't even know how to say
Beta Wow. Do you hear that? Do you hear that?
That sound you just heard was thousands of Southern borders
instantly shutting down. I'm talking about you know what I'm
You know what I'm.
Speaker 1 (08:39):
You got a.
Speaker 2 (08:42):
Don't you think? But do you hear that? Man? Do
you listen to Stephen Miller? Don't be a beta CUK
and vote for Kamala Harris. Come out to this sweet
rally where a guy double jerks to the YMCA. You know, now,
(09:07):
apparently it does get people going. Now, maybe maybe you're thinking, Jordan,
you started the show talking about the election, and now
it seems to be a lot of sex stuff. Well,
first of all, Mom, I've tried to explain how the
show works many times. But also sexuality is a campaign
issue this year. Project twenty twenty five calls for banning pornography,
(09:28):
and some other big news from the last few days
is that the porn industry is making their own campaign
ads against it.
Speaker 8 (09:35):
They have started a hands Off My Porn campaign, which
includes video ads that role before the porn does on
adult video providing websites.
Speaker 9 (09:47):
I'm Holly Randall and I've been working in the adel
industry for over twenty five years. I need to address
the threat of Project twenty twenty five.
Speaker 2 (09:55):
Yes, my favorite porn category informational ps say, but I'll
just go snicker in ooh pornography. This is an issue
of personal freedom and these are the people who can
speak to it most directly. So let's hear more of
these ads before you.
Speaker 9 (10:13):
Get swept up believing that porn is misogynistic. Maybe actually
talk to the people who work in it. I don't
see you guys out there crying about how men are
exploited in porn. Have you seen those ball crushing videos
not my thing, but again that's a choice made by
consenting adults.
Speaker 2 (10:33):
I will say it's strangely comforting to know that there
are things on the Internet that even porn stars look
at and go, man, what the fuck? Yes me though.
The big problem with these ads is that they're running
them before the porn video starts. You really should run
(10:53):
them after the porn videos, when there's clarity of minds.
That's when I write my holiday cards. Frankly, if you
want to be truly effective, all you need to do
is just show people what porn would look like under
Project twenty twenty five.
Speaker 6 (11:09):
Yeah, I think she wants you.
Speaker 2 (11:11):
She is partcore. We are in a shocking situation. When
we come back, we'll fight about sports.
Speaker 1 (11:26):
Don't go away, look back for them.
Speaker 2 (11:37):
It's with the elections dominated the news cycle, let's take
a break from politics to cover the one thing that
really affects your life sports. For full recap of the
biggest stories in the world of jocks and straps, we
turned to Sports War Brandy. It's time for brought to
you by Gambly Stambly. It's literally free money. What's up,
(12:10):
Moron's I'm Ryan Chance, Jordan Klapper. This is Sports War,
the show where we are legally not allowed to agree
with each other.
Speaker 5 (12:19):
So if I say we need stronger helmets and football
to prevent concussions, I.
Speaker 2 (12:23):
Say that we were bored with a helmet. It's called
a skull. Well, lucky for us, Geors is empty. It's October,
but one month where practically every.
Speaker 5 (12:32):
League is going out of it like some kind of
sports gang bang.
Speaker 2 (12:35):
That's right, there's more balls flying around than that time
Ronnie wore his Daisy Dukes to the office. Well, that's
on you for looking. And nowhere is the sports gangpang
hotterant right now than here in New York, between the Liberty,
the Mets, the Yankees, the next This city could only
be happier if Ronnie announced he was leaving it.
Speaker 5 (12:53):
Well, if I ever leave this because your mom is
getting too clinging.
Speaker 2 (12:56):
Nice one, Ronnie, I hope you get circumcised in sleep. Well,
many and New York sports fans are celebrating, and there's
one team showing us that Boeing ain't the only one
with imploding Jets.
Speaker 10 (13:09):
Now to breaking news in sports, the Jets have fired
their head coach Robert Salad just five games into the season,
a move that comes two days after they just lost
in London in disappointing fashion.
Speaker 2 (13:21):
There is rampant speculation that Aaron Rodgers is behind the
firing of Salah jay E tes Suck, Suck, suck, Oh man,
what a terrible move by the Jets coach. Sala wasn't
the problem. It's clearly Aaron Rodgers. That's like me firing
the camera guy for the stupid shit that comes out
of Ronning's mouth.
Speaker 5 (13:42):
Yeah, well, your mouth looks like a fist vagina and
you could be more wronged. Okay, firing Solah is exactly
what the Jets need. For fifty five years they sucked
with a coach. Hey, maybe it's time to play without one.
Just one season raw dogging it without a coach, and hey,
maybe the Jets will win the Super Bowl.
Speaker 2 (13:58):
The only they getting raw dog is your brain. You
can't let a bunch of NFL players coach themselves. They
need Google Maps just to get out of the huddle.
But we all know there's only one, maybe two people
crazy enough to take a job coaching the Jets, which
brings us to our Jordan Klepper locked and Loaded triple
VIP better than nights, which Menendez brother will be the
(14:19):
next coach off the Jets? As always brought to you
by Gambling. Gambling. If you think you have a problem,
stop thinking.
Speaker 5 (14:30):
Moving on from an upset man to the upset of
the year.
Speaker 4 (14:34):
Next, a once in a lifetime upset in college football.
Vanderbilt beat number one Alabama on Saturday, forty to thirty five.
Vanderbilt students were so excited they tore down one of
the goalposts and carried it a couple miles into downtown Nashville.
Then they tossed it into the Cumberland River.
Speaker 2 (14:53):
Okay, okay, okay, raid it in, you private school nerds.
It is exciting, but show a little class. You don't
gloat in front of the other teams fans. You bully
them online like a normal person.
Speaker 5 (15:07):
Okay, Jordan, I know you're not used to winning, but
this is what it looks like. Okay, you're just mad
they threw the goalposts in the river because you empathize
with long, skinny, useless things, which brings us to Rodney
Chang show win VVIP better than night? Which river will
we dumb Jordan in after tonight's show, As always brought
to you by gambling, gambling, your wife can't leave you if.
Speaker 2 (15:33):
You win, And finally moving on to a more somber
story as we honor the passing of one of America's
greatest heroes.
Speaker 7 (15:43):
Pete Rose, major League Baseball's all time hits leader, who
was famously banned from the sport for gambling, has died.
Speaker 11 (15:50):
Rose was famously banned from the Baseball Hall of Fame
for gambling allegations. He denied those allegations for years before
eventually admitting that he did that on baseball, both as
a player.
Speaker 5 (16:01):
And as a manager, all while he lobbied to be
considered for the Hall of Fame, his lifelong wish never granted.
Speaker 2 (16:08):
Now, I don't want to discount what Jackie Robinson did,
but what Pete Rose accomplished was a billion times more important.
He's a legend in two of America's pastimes, gambling as
a player and gambling as a coach. Pete Rose definitely
belongs in the Baseball Hall of Fame.
Speaker 5 (16:26):
Jordan, have you been hitting your oldblong head by another pitch? Okay,
Pete Rose doesn't belong in the Baseball Hall of Fame.
A huer like him belongs in every hall of Fame, Baseball, basketball,
rock and roll, hip hop, automotive. Bobby's put his name
on a Vietnam memorial everywhere. Yo, they should hang his
(16:47):
bookie's phone number from the rafters.
Speaker 2 (16:49):
Boy, Ronnie, I really wish God took you instead of
Pete Rose, which brings us to my Jordan's champagne room
boom bed of the Knights. What will Pete Rose gamble on?
First in Heaven as always brought to you by gambling.
Gambling when it stopped being fun is when it gets good.
Speaker 5 (17:09):
All right, And that's all the stories this week. Join
us next time on Sports War, we'll.
Speaker 2 (17:13):
Debate if it counts as cheating on your wife if
you do it with a tackling dummy. Well obviously not
way would we agree on this one?
Speaker 1 (17:19):
Wait, no, we can't.
Speaker 2 (17:37):
Welcome back to the Daily Show. My guest today is
an award winning writer and activist whose new book is
called Abortion, Our Bodies, Their Lies, and the Truth We
Used to Win. Please welcome Jessica Valenti.
Speaker 5 (18:00):
Thanks, really nice.
Speaker 2 (18:03):
Not a shabby way, not too shabby way.
Speaker 3 (18:06):
I'll take it.
Speaker 2 (18:07):
This book, this book is it's fantastic. I feel like
you articulate at the top. And also I should say this,
you just got word. This is a New York Times
bestseller baby right, number one, no number not number one,
not number one, not number.
Speaker 12 (18:21):
One, but a best seller right by the skin of
our teeth. But I'll take it.
Speaker 2 (18:23):
Oh, you take it. This grew out of a newsletter
you were writing called Abortion every Day. Yeah, why did
you feel the need to start a newsletter abortion every Day?
Speaker 12 (18:32):
I mean, I probably should have called it abortion every
Hour because that's how often the news is coming out
breaking about abortion. The attacks are just so unrelenting, their NonStop,
and I think I just wanted to provide a little
bit of order to the chaos, to help people understand
what was going on, and sort of same thing with
the book, give them the information, context language that they
(18:54):
need to talk about this issue because people really do
care so much. People are so pissed off about abortion bans,
they're so upset, but they're also so overwhelmed. Right, It's
just so much to be happening, and so I wanted
to create something that people could really use in a
useful way and also channel a little bit of anger.
Speaker 2 (19:14):
Yeah, it feels like this book is there to provide
clarity for people who want to engage in the conversation
but perhaps don't know how. Yeah, absolutely post dobs. For
the people who who maybe I don't want to say
tuned out, post dobs. But I think for a lot
of people, if you're not paying close attention to the
news each days or what's happening on a state level,
perhaps even if you live in a blue state, after dobbs,
(19:35):
even if you care about the abortion issue, it seems
as if your head jumps to federal abortion ban, that
is that the new next battle. What are people missing
if they're not paying attention to what's happening in some
of these other states.
Speaker 12 (19:46):
That's a great question. I'm still very state focused right
because it's such a crisis on the ground in these states.
You're talking about places where obgins are leaving by the
bus load, places like Idaho of plus twenty five percent
their opgi n's, and as we've seen with horror story
after horror story, hospitals are not treating patients right like
(20:08):
it is not a normal state of affairs when we're
letting miscarrying, bleeding women go home, when we're sending them home,
and so I think we need to be paying attention
to what is happening on the ground. But yes, certainly
with the election coming up, I'm very, very worried about
the possibility of a national ban or even anything Trump
(20:28):
could do outside of a national band to make abortion
harder to get, like the Comstock Act replacing the head
of the FDA to make abortion medication illegal.
Speaker 2 (20:37):
Do you no, I know there's been some softening in
the discussion on the conservative side. When you hear JD.
Van softening on that issue, how much do you believe
him on a scale from zero to get there?
Speaker 12 (20:48):
Yeah, it's definitely at the out of here.
Speaker 2 (20:51):
No, I mean it's true.
Speaker 12 (20:58):
No, he's totally full of it, right, And the softening
is all a pr move right like it's all. And
this is why I wrote the book, because they're using
this language to make it appear as if they are
more moderate than they actually are on abortion, using terms
like minimum national standard. I don't support a ban, I
support a minimum national standard. Those are the same exact thing, right,
(21:18):
And so it's just a bunch of nonsense. We've seen
the same thing with Trump. But we know what would
happen if Trump was elected. We know that the suffering
that we've already seen in so many states across the
country would just get exponentially worse.
Speaker 2 (21:33):
It's curious to you you talk about sort of the
battle over language, which we've seen go way back, whether
it's pro choice, pro life, but you kind of get
into the nitty gritty about like Nikki Haley talking about consensus,
talking about what late term abortions mean for folks who
aren't paying attention. Why is that so important? And how
do you see that getting morphed and shifted right now?
Speaker 12 (21:52):
Sure, I mean this is how they trick voters, right,
So they use words like I don't want to ban
I want consensus legislation. We're not banning abortion. We're giving
it back to the will of the people. We're giving
it back to the states because this is something voters
feel so strongly about. Eighty one percent of voters do
not want government involvement in abortion at all. They don't
want it regulated by the law. They are working really
(22:14):
hard to use language that makes it sound as if
voters are with them, right, They're trying to do this
very clever pivot and with something like late abortion, which
is not a real medical term. They're constantly moving the
goalposts for what late abortion means. So when you hear
someone like Nikki Haley say I'm against late abortion, ask
for how many weeks that is, because right now I've
(22:35):
been tracking the anti abortion movement right now. To them,
that's twelve weeks. So when they say I support consensus
legislation for late term abortion, they're saying I support a
national ban at twelve weeks. That's how you have to
sort of decode the language what I go out.
Speaker 2 (22:51):
So I go out to Trump rallies a lot. Yeah,
but I will talk to people in the MAGA movement
sometimes about abortion, and this book would be very helpful
for some of that. I find what I run into
a lot. How do you engage with people who come
from a religious perspective or at least use that as
(23:11):
the card in which they will not engage with that?
Do you how legitimate is that argument? And or are
you wasting your time having these conversations with people who
put up abortion underneath underneath their religious beliefs.
Speaker 12 (23:24):
And it's not a prigeb I mean, I feel really
strongly that you shouldn't waste your activist energy. It's a
precious resource, right you shouldn't be talking to brick walls.
But we all care about someone who is conservative religious,
you feel like you want to change their mind. I
think pointing out that there are so many people who
are religious who still understand that their personal and religious
beliefs shouldn't dictate what other people do with their bodies.
(23:48):
I do think that that is something that works. But
I also really think that it can be a distraction,
this idea that we need to go out and change
hearts and minds. Because American voters are with us Americans
when it comes to voters, they know they want abortion legal, period.
This is true in Red States, this.
Speaker 2 (24:04):
Is true across the country. It really is.
Speaker 12 (24:08):
And when we get dragged into this idea that we
need to go out and take that activist energy and
waste it on trying to change someone's mind who's never
going to change their mind, that's a real issue. At
the end of the day, this is a problem of
a small group of extremist legislators imposing their will on
the vast majority of voters. And so I think of
(24:28):
it not as changing people's minds. It's a democracy issue.
It's making sure people can vote, it's making sure that
we don't have voter intimidation. That is the stuff that
I'm really most focused on.
Speaker 2 (24:37):
So when you look at the energy energy best use. Yeah,
in that fight, it's not in those conversations necessarily, it's
aimed at local legislators. It's aimed at getting people out
to vote.
Speaker 3 (24:47):
Yeah.
Speaker 12 (24:47):
Absolutely. I mean if you look at right now, abortion
is on the ballot in ten states, and in every
single state where abortion is on the ballot, Republicans have
worked over time to make it impossible for voters to
have a say because they know that when voters have
a rex say on abortion rights, abortion rights wins. Right.
Just this week in Florida, I wrote about Governor Ronda Santis.
His administration is threatening television stations with criminal charges if
(25:11):
they run ads for amendment for which is the pro
choice amendment down in Florida. They will do anything they
can to stop voters from knowing the truth about these
laws and from getting to the polls.
Speaker 2 (25:22):
Wow. Yeah, and Mickey Mouse too, they're not against that.
Why are you go to Florida anymore? For God's sad?
When you when you when you look at this and
see the legislators who are behind this, perhaps the Desciantis,
but even more on the local level. Sure, how much
of this do you do you see as as right
wing legislators who are using this as a way to
gain power within their party, perhaps not true believers, but
(25:44):
sure using as form of manipulation. And how much of
this you talk about legislators who are doing this to
exert control over women's bodies in some dark terms, when
you look overall at that, how much of it is
just a blame moved to be in a position of power.
How much of it is exerting power of a woman's body.
(26:04):
I think it's both.
Speaker 12 (26:05):
I wrote a column once called the worst guy you know, Like,
think about the biggest asshole from high school, right, the
guy who is like devil's advocate, always had something to say.
That's who the prosecutor is. Now, that's who the local
legislator is. Now, that's who the sheriff is who are
bringing forward these cases. So when you look at the
people who are really enforcing these laws on a local
(26:26):
and state level, they're the worst guy you know. They're
the worst kind of person you can possibly imagine. That said,
I do think that there are a lot of politicians
who don't really care. They don't care. It's just about
the power to them. Something that happened in Tennessee right
after rose O returned, I think is a really good
example where Republicans saw that people were really upset about
(26:47):
abortion bands, and in Tennessee at the time, they didn't
have an exception for women's lives. There was no exception.
Doctors had to break the law in order to save
someone's life with an abortion and then explain why it
was okay that they broke the law, and Republicans said, well,
maybe we should get an exception on the books. They
were so under the thumb of local pro life groups,
(27:07):
of big groups like Susan b Anthony, Pro Life America.
These groups were lobbying them not to have an exception
for women's lives. So they very very much are listening
to sort of these other forces, and so it sort
of doesn't matter what they think if they're just going
to do what these groups say.
Speaker 2 (27:23):
Anyway. I mean, where if in dark times we have
some of the worst guy you know from high school? Yeah,
what is the best guy you know from high school
doing right now? Oh? I love that question.
Speaker 12 (27:36):
Probably making phone calls to get bus tickets for people
to get out of Florida to no really to get
an abortion out of state. I think one of the
most amazing things about doing this work over the last
two plus years has been seeing the way that people
have come together on this issue to make sure that
people can get the care that they need no matter what.
There are so many folks like abortion Funds on the
(27:57):
ground which are in the middle of a funding and
could really use your help. There are so many people
who are doing the hard work of ensuring that people
can get those abortions. That is what brings me just
a tremendous amount of hope and positivity for the future.
Speaker 2 (28:10):
Well, it's a it's a great book and if you're
you're tentative about getting in the conversation, this book will
be the foot of the door. Thanks you. Book Abortion
is available. Now let's go all Entoi. You're gonna take
a quick right, good back. That's those show for tonight,
(28:33):
Dire It is a moment of zen Ana from Lakeland, Florida.
You should have angry Stephen Miller on your show more often.
He looks very sexy when he's angry.
Speaker 12 (28:43):
Oh a lot and bothered over here by Miller.
Speaker 2 (28:47):
I didn't know it was such a casanova Explore more
shows from the Daily Show podcast universe by searching The
Daily Show wherever you get your podcasts.
Speaker 1 (28:58):
Watch The Daily Show week nights at eleven tenth.
Speaker 10 (29:00):
Central on Comedy Central, and stream full episodes anytime on
Paramount plus
Speaker 8 (29:11):
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