Episode 9: Polycule Story, Bro

Damian and Wade investigate Choc’ Full of Nuts – and what lies beneath.

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
The Hookup is a production of iHeart Podcasts, Blumbhouse Television,
and Amber twenty Listener discretion is totally advised. Solving a
mystery is kind of like a Rubik's cube. At the beginning,
all you have is this scramble of disorganized tiles and
the vague reassurance that some combination of twists and turns

(00:22):
will restore the cube to order. Like if I line
up this clue with this question and this person, suddenly
I have a strip of consecutive red tiles and things
start to make a little sense. Example, let's say the
Ludlow Lodge apartment complex is one green tile. Being the
site of Sante's disappearance, we can say with some confidence
that it's relevant to the puzzle. Another green tile would

(00:44):
be the psychotic former Bellboy who lives at Ludlow Lodge.
He went crazy and attacked Matello that night. So it's
an easy connection. So let's just shift this row so
the two tiles are side by side. Okay, great, what's
another clue I can shove into this metaphor? Hmm, the hookup?
Of course, bell Boy did make Mateo inhale it, but

(01:07):
I can't make those tiles line up because we're forgetting
about my stalker. You know, he who wears a crustwick
bad mitten hoodie and watches me from the shadows definitely
warns a tile. Except when I try to make the
stalker fit into the puzzle, it pushes bel Boy out
of the way. After all, I bumped into bell Boy
while running away from my stalker, so they couldn't be

(01:28):
the same. No, but the bell Boy has to be involved.
I mean, take this yellow square here. This is the
vision Mateo pulled down from the hook up Hive mind,
in which he saw a body being shoved down the
normally locked the lodge, dumbwaiter. And who would have keys
to said dumbwaiter The fucking bell Boy, of course, which
is a really hard piece of evidence to ignore if

(01:50):
it even is evidence, It hadn't occurred to me. But
isn't it possible that when Matteo recounted his vision he
was actually already under the Hives influence and that was
all a lie to throw me off. That would align
with Elias's yellow tile here where he suspected that Sandy
was involved in manufacturing the hookup.

Speaker 2 (02:08):
Maybe maybe that's the issue.

Speaker 1 (02:11):
If we stop trusting Elias's intel. A lot of this
falls apart. Plus, he literally had access to the school's
cadaver lab. Like, hello, easy body disposal. Damn it, it
can't be Alias. He has an alibi. Yeah, a mystery
is a lot like a Rubik's cube. I don't know

(02:32):
how to solve either. Hey, Wade, what's an inflatable butt plug?

Speaker 3 (02:48):
Which part isn't clear? This place is bigger than I
was expecting.

Speaker 1 (02:53):
Yeah, it's like the three story sex Costco. I never
knew I wanted. That's a lie. I've always wanted a
three story sex costco.

Speaker 3 (03:00):
Whoa check out the mosaic wall of condom wrappers?

Speaker 1 (03:05):
Are you posting that?

Speaker 2 (03:07):
Mm hmm?

Speaker 3 (03:08):
Hashtag gay, hashtag gay boy, hashtag LGBTQ, hashtag gay life,
hashtag gay life.

Speaker 1 (03:18):
Wow, really showing some pride in the tags there? Huh?

Speaker 3 (03:22):
What?

Speaker 1 (03:23):
Nothing?

Speaker 3 (03:24):
No? Really?

Speaker 2 (03:25):
What they say you can pick your friends?

Speaker 1 (03:29):
Hey, the sandbox is my territory.

Speaker 2 (03:32):
You tweet bitch, and they say you can pick your nose.

Speaker 1 (03:35):
Fine?

Speaker 3 (03:36):
You smelling boogers anyway.

Speaker 1 (03:38):
But for some reason, I have always been pathologically unable
to pick my battles. I just find it curious when
I see tags like that. I mean, don't you feel
a little weird exploiting your sexuality to drive social media traffic?

Speaker 3 (03:57):
Exploiting my sexuality? Who's being a? How is it a
crime to celebrate and share my identity?

Speaker 1 (04:04):
Well, like, your identity isn't really what you're celebrating and sharing.
You're sharing an Android quality photo of a condom ball.
I mean, there's nothing even specifically queer about that. Like
if you were to post a picture of a newborn
cousin which you captioned at hashtag gays of Instagram?

Speaker 3 (04:22):
Is the newborn cousin gay? Well, how could we know
that exactly?

Speaker 4 (04:27):
So?

Speaker 3 (04:27):
Why are you assuming the tags should all be straight?

Speaker 1 (04:30):
I'm not. I'm saying that if the post isn't about
who the baby fucks, the tags don't need to be either.

Speaker 3 (04:35):
WHOA? How can you reduce the entirety of the gay
experience to who you.

Speaker 1 (04:39):
Fuck by tagging a photo of condoms as gay?

Speaker 3 (04:44):
I didn't realize you were one of those I'm gay,
but it's not my entire personality types.

Speaker 1 (04:50):
Bold words from someone who up until very recently described
themselves as straight acting.

Speaker 3 (04:56):
Oh Jesus dayman, did that seem straight acting?

Speaker 5 (05:04):
It?

Speaker 1 (05:04):
Did not, No, so we should probably, like, I don't know,
look for clues or something.

Speaker 2 (05:13):
That was weird.

Speaker 1 (05:14):
It's probably just the locale, right, you know the same
way bookstores give you the urge to poop. Sex shops
make you horny for your sort of nemesis.

Speaker 3 (05:24):
Okay, scrapy doo. And exactly what kind of clues are
you envisioning we'll find here?

Speaker 4 (05:29):
You know?

Speaker 1 (05:30):
Like, uh, this could be one.

Speaker 3 (05:35):
Commander Cox Space Explorer five five? Do do people still
buy porn on DVD?

Speaker 4 (05:43):
Well?

Speaker 1 (05:43):
Not since Max acquired mission to uranus.

Speaker 3 (05:46):
Uriness pun That is a low hanging fruit, my friend.
At the very least I was expecting we come in peace.
Did you just shit? That is better?

Speaker 1 (06:00):
Oh my god, Wade, we could be a stand up duo.
I'm the funny one and you play the straight man.

Speaker 4 (06:06):
Haw ha.

Speaker 3 (06:07):
Save it for the podcast.

Speaker 1 (06:09):
Podcasts are kind of gay.

Speaker 3 (06:11):
Damien, aren't these?

Speaker 1 (06:15):
They are indeed behind the glass counter, colorful little bottles
are aligned in perfect order. Musk Berlin Blitz, Chinese water torture,
and of course the hookup. Oh yeah, one thing I
should have mentioned. As we were entering Chock full of Nuts,
I gave way to spark notes run down on the hookup.

(06:35):
Fortunately for him, I'm very good at explaining complex information
in super digestible terms. So when Mateo maybe received that
dumbwaiter murder vision from a hive mind propagoon, I tried
to move the red rubiscube tile but couldn't because of Elias,
the gay science kid from Werewolf. Does that make sense,
hey Wade, what's an inflatable butt plug?

Speaker 2 (06:59):
Anyway?

Speaker 3 (07:00):
The hookup?

Speaker 5 (07:01):
Welcome to Chalk full of Nuts, where the customer always
comes first. As Ludlow Hills Premiere Adult Supply Boutique, We're
sure to knock your socks off and get your rocks off.

Speaker 1 (07:11):
Uh, thank you.

Speaker 5 (07:12):
I wasn't finished.

Speaker 3 (07:16):
Now I have to start over.

Speaker 5 (07:18):
Welcome to Chalk full of Nuts, where the customer always
comes first. As Ludlow Hills Premiere Adult Supply Boutique, We're
sure to knock your socks off and get your rocks off.

Speaker 3 (07:30):
I'm Nancy, Jesus.

Speaker 1 (07:33):
Thanks Nancy. Could you possibly tell me who your supplier
is for these hookup poppers?

Speaker 3 (07:39):
Do I look like I know that? Well?

Speaker 1 (07:43):
No, Frankly, But is it something you could find out?

Speaker 5 (07:46):
Well no, Frankly, I can't disclose distributor information, but I
can tell you about the promotion we're running this week,
a free bottle of the hookup with every purchase.

Speaker 2 (07:56):
Audio cue Damien's heart sinks.

Speaker 3 (08:01):
Kitchen's pushing the hookup.

Speaker 1 (08:03):
That feels bad and like the next phase of a
very deliberate rollout scheme. I'll just get one bottle of
the hookup, thanks for research purposes. Not a total lie, though, truthfully,
I have been thinking I'm just given all the anguish lately.

(08:24):
Maybe it would be easier if no quit it?

Speaker 4 (08:28):
Dame?

Speaker 3 (08:29):
Did you just slap yourself?

Speaker 1 (08:30):
Don't worry about it?

Speaker 3 (08:32):
Hey?

Speaker 2 (08:32):
Uh?

Speaker 1 (08:32):
Do you take apple pey?

Speaker 5 (08:34):
I literally just said you'd get the hookup free with
any purchase. Why would you buy it alone?

Speaker 1 (08:40):
Oh my god, fine, I'll get this.

Speaker 2 (08:44):
I should have looked at what I was grabbing.

Speaker 5 (08:46):
All right, one red silicone ballgag and your free.

Speaker 3 (08:53):
Bottle of the hookup.

Speaker 1 (08:55):
Thank you so much, Nancy.

Speaker 3 (09:00):
So nope, Hey, I don't think shame you, do you?
Oh Damien? Look Prestwick Badminton Nody ten o'clock.

Speaker 1 (09:08):
Six o'clock, seven o'clock. You're right, okay, not necessarily him, though,
I mean I hear the bad mitten kids are a
horny crown.

Speaker 3 (09:18):
Look, he's got the black mask. That's definitely your attacker.

Speaker 1 (09:22):
Okay, first of all, we refer to him as my stalker,
it implies I'm borth stalking. Second, fuck, he's coming this
way in the aisle, Go go go.

Speaker 3 (09:33):
Can you see him? Yeah, he's heading towards the back.
Come on, wait, turn that off. He's gonna hear us.
I'm trying. I don't know how it got switched out. Stop.
I don't think there is an off button. Maybe it's voice.

Speaker 1 (09:45):
There's an off button. Wade fucking give me that.

Speaker 3 (09:48):
Stop it. On the bright side, we're lucky it wasn't
one of the ten inch ones. Your stalker definitely would
have heard that.

Speaker 2 (09:57):
Well, I do appreciate the levity.

Speaker 1 (09:59):
I'm a little more folk, gust On, said stalker, passing
through a set of double doors across the shop. Where
does that door lead.

Speaker 5 (10:06):
The Minotaur's sex labyrinth?

Speaker 1 (10:08):
Just Dancy, Jesus scared me.

Speaker 5 (10:11):
Sorry, had to restock the electro shock lube.

Speaker 3 (10:15):
What's the minotaur's sex labyrinth.

Speaker 5 (10:18):
It's where we keep our higher end instruments of pleasure.

Speaker 1 (10:22):
Can we go in there?

Speaker 3 (10:24):
If you think you can afford anything.

Speaker 1 (10:28):
Swar vibrators in there are something to me affording. What's
to say about the Minotaur's sex labyrinth? Sans context? You
might think it's some froddy fundraiser spookas the crumbling stone
walls are just spray painted plaster, and the gravel coating
the floor obviously came from a home depot decorative rocks

(10:49):
bag somewhat infrequently. The odd plasticene phallus protrudes from the walls,
looking more like exhibits than product for sale.

Speaker 3 (10:58):
Oh, I wasn't expecting this to actually be a labyrinth.
It's not a great business model. You can't find anything.

Speaker 1 (11:05):
Sh I think he went that way?

Speaker 3 (11:08):
Come on, Damian, slow down.

Speaker 1 (11:11):
I don't want to lose him.

Speaker 3 (11:12):
It's fine, he's just around this corner. Of course, it's
equally possible he vanished into oblivion.

Speaker 1 (11:21):
We stumble out into a circular clearing scattered with fake
plastic shackles and skeletons. I guess for max dungeon aesthetic.
The outer wall is punctuated by six branching corridors, each
one opening into a wash of darkness. Damn it, six passages?

Speaker 3 (11:38):
Fuck? Which way did he go? I? Don't know. I
can't see. It's too fucking dim. Was that you? No?

Speaker 1 (11:48):
Did you hear that one?

Speaker 3 (11:50):
Hey, Damien, how well do you remember your Greek mythology?

Speaker 4 (11:54):
Uh?

Speaker 1 (11:55):
Beyond what I've seen in Zena? Not super well? Why
do you ask?

Speaker 3 (11:59):
Are we just wondering how theseus escaped the labyrinth in
that story?

Speaker 1 (12:04):
Fuck theseus? This is my story, and I'm gonna escape
the labyrinth my way with Metal. Remember earlier how we
figured out Metal has been showing the targeted ads for
a chalk full of nuts.

Speaker 3 (12:19):
We fell right into its trap by coming here.

Speaker 1 (12:21):
I don't necessarily think it was a trap. Yeah, the
app lurred us.

Speaker 2 (12:26):
Here, but.

Speaker 1 (12:28):
I think Metal has been helping me. Look this sort
by proximity tab has never been here before. Metal is
on our side.

Speaker 3 (12:39):
Huh. Whoa waite?

Speaker 1 (12:42):
Look Look at the second profile down Sondy.

Speaker 3 (12:47):
That can't really be him, can it?

Speaker 1 (12:50):
We'll see. Look when I move in this direction, the
profiles reorder themselves. Yes, yes, okay, Come on this way,
follow the path, delving deeper and deeper into the maze
until we come face to face.

Speaker 3 (13:04):
With Adore off limits.

Speaker 1 (13:09):
The limit does not exist.

Speaker 3 (13:10):
Wad wait, wait, wait, hold a second what are you
really sure you're ready?

Speaker 1 (13:16):
I warrant you this is going to be dangerous. Wade.
I won't blame you if you want to go home,
but I just know it's not what I mean.

Speaker 3 (13:22):
Are you sure you're ready to know what happened? Even
if that metal account really is himmen and we manage
some spectacular rescue. What's your plan? Are you too just
gonna pick up where you left off?

Speaker 1 (13:37):
I think that's the plan. I mean, otherwise, what was
the point of all this? But it's weird imagining the
person I was back then. I mean, would Santy even
recognize me?

Speaker 3 (13:53):
Now? Sorry, not a helpful question, but I definitely don't
want to go, at least not alone.

Speaker 6 (14:04):
Rat.

Speaker 3 (14:06):
Then let's go.

Speaker 2 (14:14):
For obvious reasons.

Speaker 1 (14:15):
I've been doing a lot of research lately on paupers,
you know, the chemical makeup, history manufacturing. So as I
find myself in the center of what I have no
doubt is the factory producing the hookup, I'm surprised at
how well surprised I am. See as Wade and I
emerge from the dim passageway and onto the catwalk stretching

(14:37):
across the top of the factory, it's impossible not to
notice what this place looks like.

Speaker 3 (14:42):
Holy shit, is this a craft brewery?

Speaker 1 (14:46):
Indeed, tall metallic brewing tanks line the walls, and the
faux labyrinth architecture has been replaced by the sleek, wooden
veneer and metal graded walkways you'd find on well a
brewery tour. It looks like one, but so I don't
think they're making IPAs. Check the emblem on the brewing tanks.

Speaker 3 (15:05):
The hookup, and see below that those little.

Speaker 1 (15:08):
Words miasma corp, miasma.

Speaker 3 (15:14):
Hey, what are you doing getting a better look?

Speaker 4 (15:18):
Double time truck gets here in an hour and we're
still short three thousand bottles.

Speaker 3 (15:23):
Three thousand bottles. There aren't three thousand gays in Ludlow County.

Speaker 2 (15:29):
Oh oh no, The barking foreman remains to be seen.

Speaker 1 (15:33):
But I have a clearer of you now, the worker
bees bottling and packaging the poppers, and I wish I didn't.
It's all the converted hookup goons of Ludlow Hills, Big Top,
a bell boy, the PM Peter, the cute Chipotle cashier

(15:54):
Faki is gay.

Speaker 2 (15:56):
Rather was I guess?

Speaker 1 (16:00):
And then of course Matteo. It's not enough to just
fuck with them. They have to be a part of
this too. You heard that guy, The hookup is about
to be shipped wide. I can't let that happen, not
to anyone else.

Speaker 3 (16:16):
Okay, fine, but don't just barge in half cocked. Look
down on the ground floor. Do you see that bullpen
of desks?

Speaker 1 (16:24):
Wait?

Speaker 3 (16:24):
No where right there?

Speaker 1 (16:25):
I don't see it.

Speaker 3 (16:26):
Look where I'm pointed.

Speaker 1 (16:27):
Don't get mad at me. I see it.

Speaker 3 (16:29):
And do you see the PC on the desk?

Speaker 1 (16:32):
Mmmmm? And that external hard drive plugged into it? And
if I were damning evidence about this entire operation.

Speaker 3 (16:41):
I'd probably be on that drive.

Speaker 1 (16:44):
With that kind of data, we could shut this entire
thing down. Okay, I have an idea, And before you
say it, yes, I'm on metal right now. Minnie Gerkin
tap local hiker forty two. He looks like the guy
who murders the local hikers. Tap arcouterie whore for twenty tap.

Speaker 3 (17:04):
Why are you liking them all?

Speaker 1 (17:06):
It's part of the plan, trust me, escaped mental patient
tep Okay, I'm ready. The thing is I need you
to stay up here?

Speaker 3 (17:16):
What why?

Speaker 1 (17:18):
Because if all those is planned, I'll be sending the
goons up this way and I need you to help
get them out through the labyrinth safely.

Speaker 3 (17:24):
Really, are we sure that rescuing them is top priority?

Speaker 1 (17:28):
They're not in control of themselves. They don't want to
be here any more than we do.

Speaker 3 (17:33):
Debatable.

Speaker 1 (17:35):
The pathway to the computer is unobstructed, but puts me
in a view of some goons filling hookup bottles nearby.
But if I could just maneuver a tight, little forward
roll past this first gap, I'd be in the clear. Okay,
easy enough. Sometimes in moments like this, you know, when

(18:11):
I fuck up really badly, like knocking over for a
giant brewing towers of poppers badly, I try to remind
myself that the ability to continuously reach new depths of
fuck uptitude is a talent in itself. Who am I kidding?
The hook up liquid is spilling everywhere.

Speaker 2 (18:28):
It's gonna flood the entire place.

Speaker 1 (18:30):
Okay, breeze to your mouth, Breathe through your mouth, breathe. Fuck.
Just a few meters ahead, an erupting popper tank gushes
its contents all over the desk, completely dousing the hard drive. Okay,
new plan, escape with my life.

Speaker 2 (18:46):
I pivot back towards the stairs.

Speaker 1 (18:48):
It's little D, Big Top create great, Great, I'm majorly
not in the mood. Get out of my fucking way.
I'm serious to that, you serious, Mateo. I knew Matteo
would probably be here. I mean, I was prepared for that,
but it's it's still hard.

Speaker 3 (19:09):
You haven't been serious to day in your life.

Speaker 1 (19:12):
You're a joke, Damien, and not a very funny one.
It's all of them now, all the goons circling me
from every direction. Ah, being around this many guys I've
hooked up with would be a nightmare, even if they
weren't trying to kill me. The hookup level is still
rising almost to my waist.

Speaker 3 (19:29):
Now where is it?

Speaker 1 (19:31):
I always have that on me? Mmmm? Don't you just
love the smell of freshly baked poppers? Little D? Nice? Try,
But you're talking to the guy who wears an N
ninety five mask to hookups. Now, get the fuck out
of my way, Big Top, stop, get off me, grub, Damien.

Speaker 6 (19:54):
Babel Hurst, are you proud of the mess you've made up?

Speaker 1 (19:59):
On the cot walk? He steps into view, black mask, Crestwick,
Badminton hoodie. There's no mistaking that's my stalker. Can't help
who I am when I go over to a hookups
as got to critique the decoor. It looks better this way.

Speaker 4 (20:18):
Both of you to assume I'm just another one of
your hookups.

Speaker 1 (20:22):
Well, they're historically the guys who hate me the most,
so kind of just felt like the most likely outcome
anxiety Royals in my guts is my stalker pulls back
his mustard hood and begins sliding off black sheer mask.
Well it's just like my life, coach said, But only
one of us would received a grant upon graduating if
we stop trusting me. Elias of intel a lot of this.

Speaker 4 (20:43):
As long as snt he was in the picture, I
never stood a chance of winning.

Speaker 1 (20:48):
The simplest solution is often the likeliest. Elias stop, stop, stop,
they need a sack. Okay, huh didn't we rule Elias out?
I mean, I thought he had an alibi since Santy
went missing during the Crustwit Crustaceans badminton final, anyone on

(21:11):
the team should be in the clear. And I checked
the yearbook. Elias really was a Crustacean, But that doesn't
necessarily mean he actually played in the final. Shit okay, okay,
but but what about when Matteo had that vision from
the Hive mind, you know, of the body being dumped
down the Ludlow watch, dumbwaiter. He told me he didn't

(21:33):
recognize the person, and he'd already met Elias at that point.
Unless Matteo really was already fully under the Hives influence
when he told me that, and it really was just
all a lie to get me off Elias's trail. And
would you look at that? All the yellow tiles are
finally aligned. So is any of this pive mind stuff

(21:55):
even real?

Speaker 3 (21:57):
Always asking the good questions?

Speaker 1 (22:00):
As Elias speaks nay proselytizes, two goons emerge from the shadows,
wheeling forth this contraption. It's tall, supporting itself on three legs.
There are these two cuffs affixed to the top of
the machine, another two at the bottom, presumably for her
hands and feet.

Speaker 7 (22:18):
I know you don't believe in fate, Damien, or that
everything happens for a reason, but I wish you would.
You can't really believe it's a coincidence that you're witnessing
the birth of humanity's future.

Speaker 1 (22:34):
Humanity's future is a sex wing.

Speaker 7 (22:36):
Has anyone ever told you that your use of humor
in certain situations could be considered tone death once or twice.

Speaker 6 (22:42):
It's not a sex.

Speaker 3 (22:43):
Wing, it's hunt.

Speaker 7 (22:47):
It's the hookup neural gateway, the hookup neural gateway.

Speaker 1 (22:53):
Like hon, it's an acronym.

Speaker 6 (22:55):
Fuck boys.

Speaker 1 (22:56):
Strap me in as Elias hangs from the hookup neural
gate way.

Speaker 2 (23:02):
What's the fuck? I don't know, like a kinky christ.

Speaker 1 (23:04):
One of the goons activates the control terminal near the base,
punching buttons that I am just certain I'll wish weren't punched.

Speaker 7 (23:10):
To answer your question, yes, the hideline stuff is very real,
as you've probably gathered. In addition to toggling the user's sexuality
inhaling the hookup poppers installs a brain link to all
the other goons, activate rinecott.

Speaker 1 (23:28):
The neural gate I don't know what's fucking called it.
It starts to shake, and then these two little robotic
tendrils poke out from the ends of the machine, high
tech baby tentacles, sneaking upwards towards alas the face again closer, closer, closer.

Speaker 6 (23:44):
This part's why I have to strap in.

Speaker 1 (23:47):
What do you mean? Oh? Oh good, No, Elias, don't
let the don't put those up. Oh Jesus fucking fuck dude,
they went up your fucking news.

Speaker 8 (23:58):
Yeah, this is it, the memories, the.

Speaker 2 (24:03):
Experiences, Then it's real.

Speaker 1 (24:07):
Elias can actually access the memories of anyone who's taken
the hookup.

Speaker 6 (24:11):
What's the matter, Boyo, don't believe me? I got that
from Mateo's brain.

Speaker 4 (24:20):
He actually has a lot of wonderful memories of you,
like when you didn't tell him he looked nearly identical
through your missing X. Then expose him to the hook
up while using him to help fine set missing X
dump and much with all this insanity over position.

Speaker 6 (24:35):
Your whole neurotic bottom thing not as good as you think.

Speaker 1 (24:38):
Stop it.

Speaker 4 (24:39):
And since I already know everything about you, why wouldn't
you just take a little whip and join us.

Speaker 6 (24:45):
Oh you're gonna love it?

Speaker 1 (24:47):
Are you one too?

Speaker 3 (24:48):
A hookup goon?

Speaker 6 (24:50):
Of course not. Then I couldn't control them.

Speaker 4 (24:54):
You control them, eeny Meani mini.

Speaker 3 (25:02):
Big cop.

Speaker 4 (25:03):
Sir Damien doesn't believe in my absolute control.

Speaker 3 (25:06):
So let's prove him wrong.

Speaker 8 (25:08):
I command you to sit, good boy, now back a
beautiful and last me.

Speaker 1 (25:24):
Guy, what's happening to him?

Speaker 6 (25:29):
He's following orders?

Speaker 1 (25:32):
What the actual buck, Elias, do you hate gay people
this much.

Speaker 6 (25:39):
Hate gay people? Where'd that come from?

Speaker 1 (25:42):
Probably the same bump fuck alt right hovel of a
hometown that you did. Is this like a right of
passage where you're from, you know, go on pilgrimage andcourage
some sodomites.

Speaker 6 (25:51):
It's still me, Damien.

Speaker 4 (25:53):
I know the socio political implications of that hook cup
give a certain impression, but it's not what.

Speaker 1 (25:58):
You're thinking moment. I'm thinking you're probably not even gay?
Do you just fake it to lure queer guys into
your sick web?

Speaker 6 (26:06):
Did it seem like I was faking it?

Speaker 3 (26:09):
You know what?

Speaker 4 (26:09):
Honestly, if you really think I'm straight, you're an even
more detective than I thought.

Speaker 6 (26:14):
So then, and no, it's not a self loathing gay thing.
My home is.

Speaker 4 (26:18):
Sexuality is a gift and I thank God every day
for it.

Speaker 3 (26:22):
Then what, Danion?

Speaker 4 (26:26):
When you applied to kress with you, did any of
your application essays mention your sexuality?

Speaker 1 (26:33):
I'm pretty sure I talked about being gay in one
of them.

Speaker 6 (26:36):
Right, so did I.

Speaker 4 (26:38):
But I'm curious why did you mention it? I mean,
does your propensity for dick really matter? In regards to
your journalism studies?

Speaker 1 (26:46):
How can you reduce the entirety of the gay experience
to who you fuck? You're wrong. It's a part of
who I am.

Speaker 6 (26:53):
Of course it is, and that's not really why you
mentioned it in your apps.

Speaker 4 (26:58):
You name dropped your sexuality because you knew subconsciously or
otherwise you might not make the cut without it. You
knew that compared to all the other kids applying for
that program, being a straight dude, but putting you at
a disadvantage, So you commodified yourself making.

Speaker 1 (27:15):
Sense Yet literally no, you sound like an insane person,
and I'm worried about secondhand cancelation.

Speaker 4 (27:22):
If you thought applying to the journalism major was tough,
you can't even fathen the competition for the Ashcroft in
research grants five ten years ago.

Speaker 6 (27:30):
I would have had a shock. But didn't you hear
day's not diverse anymore? In an era where diversity gets
you the goods. All this talk of intersectionality and cis.

Speaker 8 (27:40):
White gay privilege really starts to close some doors.

Speaker 1 (27:45):
So, realizing that your diverse status was waning, you set
out to rarefy homosexuality.

Speaker 6 (27:53):
Bing ming dinging ding. You got it.

Speaker 4 (27:55):
I didn't agree to make the hook up because I
hate being day.

Speaker 6 (27:59):
I did it to be the only day left, and
soon I will be restin him.

Speaker 1 (28:07):
Don't touch me, give me back, then, lest let me go.

Speaker 4 (28:11):
Were you baptized, Damien, I'm assuming not. You drug me
as a type to turn to ash if you cross
a church threshold. Still, I think there's a lot to
be learned from the sacrament, purification, rebirth, all obtainable with.

Speaker 3 (28:26):
Just a quick dip.

Speaker 2 (28:29):
Oh, baptism by poppers. I should have known it would
end like this.

Speaker 4 (28:33):
Of course, you could make this easier on everyone if
you're just inhaled of your own free will.

Speaker 1 (28:38):
I'd rather face bucket tape worm than willingly join your
blow ass hide mind.

Speaker 4 (28:43):
Actually it's called the hook up polecule. High mind sounds
a little too twentieth century sci fi. Polecule feels more
right and interconnected. Cohort of individuals bound together through sexuality.

Speaker 3 (28:58):
That was my idea.

Speaker 6 (29:01):
Nothing really, this is the last time of every day. Boy. Oh,
you don't have anything to add.

Speaker 1 (29:10):
Yeah, polly Cule story Broa ties him. Written and directed

(29:36):
by Noah Feinberg. That's Me, sound design and score by
Jeremiah Zimmerman, starring Noah Feinberg.

Speaker 6 (29:43):
That's Me.

Speaker 1 (29:43):
As Damian, Ray Santiago as Santy and A Matteo, Nico
Greatham as Wade, Augustus Prue as Elias, Scott Evans as
Big Tuck, Jeffrey Self as bell Boy, Tina Majorino as
Doctor Wiley, Obi A Biley as p and Peter, Gabrielle
Ruiz as Joma, Sadie Dickinson as Meg. Additional voices by

(30:03):
Megan Taylor, Harvey, Susan C. Bennett, Verona, blue Mark Bramhall,
Bryan Daniel Porter, Chris Dickey, Aaron Cocher, Christopher Corbin, Kiff,
Vandenhavel and Rhys Griffin. Opening theme by Alex Yoder, Casting
director Sonny Bowling and Meg Mormon. Executive producers from iHeart,
Trevor Young and Matt Frederick. Executive producers from Blumbhouse, Christicky

(30:26):
and Noah Feinberg.

Speaker 3 (30:28):
That's Me.

Speaker 1 (30:29):
Executive producers from Ember twenty David Thwaites and Jimmy Jellen.
Supervising producer Rachel Foley, editor Noah Feinberg.

Speaker 2 (30:37):
That's Me,