January 6, 2025 • 42 mins
Monday (pt 1 of 2): On today’s Late Riser’s Podcast, Robert Earl Keen kicks off the work week with, “Swerving In My Lane”.. - We’ll drop a mic at our receptionist’s desk and listen in on Phil McCrackin.. - We call over to Casa-De-Double-Wide for a wellness check on Hoyt and Delbert.. - In recognition of the certification of Presidential election, we’ll play “King Trump”.. - and while we’re on the subject - we’ll run down the Top 10 ways to tell your candidate is an idiot.. - Oliver tells us about his after Christmas woes.. - and our agent Murray makes us his “Doorbuster Special”…
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:04):
It's a big show on your radio. Thanks for joining
us this morning. Good day.
Speaker 2 (00:09):
You're old pal Stevi here, No, not the former idiot intern,
the crocodile Stalker, and you're listening to my two favorite
bonds of mates, John Boy and Billy on the big show.
I'll tell you it's nice to be high and dry
and safe and sound in this Knacker studio.
Speaker 3 (00:23):
Hey, what's this wire for talking to? To do up
(01:05):
and Adam?
Speaker 1 (01:06):
That show's on a radio.
Speaker 3 (01:08):
Uh huh, first full week. We were here in January
about Dad. January to six. Y'all look excited for this
new year. Let's do it this, do this thing or
I see looking at the national days we can celebrate. Oh,
(01:28):
National Cuddle Up Day encourages us to snuggle with someone
for the health benefits. They never snuggled for health benefits,
health benefits and more, maybe concentrating only more angle to snuggle.
Speaker 4 (01:43):
We're creatures that need to be nurtured, so that's why
you need to cuddle.
Speaker 3 (01:47):
Let's just cuddle and nurture each other, Johnny, Let's nurture
in nature. She's making you talk like her again. Back down,
cut that out, all right, let me talk like Randy,
it's National Tech Technology Day. You know what, I will
starty technology and.
Speaker 1 (02:04):
I sound like the cowardly.
Speaker 3 (02:13):
Like technocracy, Uncle George. National short Bread Day, like short bread,
cookies with chocolate good. National Bean Day, like a bean?
Speaker 1 (02:26):
What's your favorite?
Speaker 3 (02:29):
I'll go with the old pintoe or the baked with
the Carl of Cook's recipe. I've never been a fan
of baked beans.
Speaker 1 (02:37):
My daughter loves them, but I like black beans.
Speaker 3 (02:40):
Black ben is so good. Okay, we're going on with you.
Black beans, got pin too, beans, got all kind of beans.
Have a bean John Boy and Billy baked bean mix
that we had to so good. Steal some of that?
Speaker 4 (02:54):
Yeah, did you say, steal some of that?
Speaker 3 (02:57):
Steal steel whell wheel. You don't have a problem with that.
National Play Outside Day? What the heck? January sixth, We
play out the side, wrap up and play outside. All right?
Speaker 5 (03:12):
So good.
Speaker 3 (03:13):
We got three days in history saved up. Those will
be very important. We'll use those who get the winning
beginning on outbursts. All right, Big shows on a radio,
Good morning, big shows on a radio. We got a
Happy Herd price pack first out this morning. Happy Herd
makes top quality attractors. Minerals and feed.
Speaker 1 (03:31):
For deer bear and hogs man.
Speaker 3 (03:33):
When to be some of you up as early, might
as well go check the corn piles, praise them.
Speaker 1 (03:37):
Happy Herd on.
Speaker 3 (03:38):
It and there they are when the sun comes up. Okay,
so click on that happy Herd banner at the Big
Show dot Com enter Coach JBB and you'll get Tim
person off of checkout. Let's set you up to win
it right here. Three days in history where we're got
our three categories. January sixth, nineteen seventy three, the series
school House Rock premier, and on ab nineteen seventy five,
(04:02):
the TV game show Wheel of Fortune debut on NBC.
The original host was Chuck Woolery and Letter Turner of
Susan Staffords.
Speaker 6 (04:13):
Well those days, you couldn't swing a dead cat without
hitting Chuck Woolery somewhere.
Speaker 3 (04:17):
Yeah, it was like the Ryan Seacrest. He was now
the Snoop Dog. Finally, twenty nineteen, a record three point
one million dollars okay was paid for a giant bluefin
tuna at Tokyo's Toyoshi Fish Market. It was bought by
(04:38):
sushi restaurant owner Kyoshi Kimura. Very nice. Three point one
million for Bluetudo. That's good eaton.
Speaker 1 (04:50):
All right, well there you go.
Speaker 3 (04:51):
There's that three categories one eight hundred big shows you
told free line. Come on, we'll play out birds next.
(05:20):
Good morning, let's a big Sean Radio Monday Morning, January
six I featured track When the Big Show bid Box
Murray the Doorbuster specials. There's a keyword doorbuster. Hit the
big Box at the Big Show that honor up.
Speaker 7 (05:39):
Upburst. Let's play upburst. It's the game that anyone can win. Shon,
boys and Billy gave the buzzes from the Big Prize.
Be Let's go contested Number one. Just should be a
lot of fun when you're playing uppers.
Speaker 8 (06:00):
Have them hurry up and.
Speaker 7 (06:01):
Guest time you have the best time.
Speaker 8 (06:03):
You have a big shots.
Speaker 9 (06:06):
Let's say, hey Michael from Rush Bird Virginians, we have shots.
Speaker 3 (06:20):
Good morning, my goal, Good morning, Hey Morny welcome. All
right man, let's get you through these three categories and
gets you the big Old Happy Herd prize by and
get the thing going you ready, Yes, I'm in five seconds.
Three Saturday Morning cartoons from the past. Ready to go.
Speaker 10 (06:41):
Bugs, Bunny Yogi by Huckleby, Hound's.
Speaker 3 (06:44):
Good Like hun you gotta sound like hunkle bear hen
I like her. That's a compliment. Michael, give us three
game shows, ready go.
Speaker 11 (07:01):
We're reporting Jeopardy frame refuse.
Speaker 1 (07:03):
All right, and for the wind three fish ready go,
Colonel macro sort fief.
Speaker 3 (07:12):
And bam bn Bama.
Speaker 12 (07:17):
Man also sounded like that con wolf on them, you know, Michael,
am I goel say this for me now that there's
a well built dog house.
Speaker 2 (07:31):
That there's a white built dog house.
Speaker 3 (07:37):
Good word, Michael. Woh, you got the big old prize
fact jackill hook you up. You hang on my boy
already alight man, that's a great day.
Speaker 11 (07:46):
Happy New Year, you have a great one.
Speaker 5 (07:53):
Why it's a.
Speaker 3 (07:54):
Bottom of the hour here, come on top of your
news on the other side. One of my most regressing
songs for him, Nice car driver, Ward Burton said, we
figured out good morning make shows on the radio looking back.
(08:40):
Some of the most requesting tunes from twenty twenty four.
One's number two or three on the chart of our
heart for a nice card driver now, rapper Ward Burton,
Yo yo, check to check too.
Speaker 13 (08:56):
South Boston, Virginia in the High I said, South Boston,
Virginia in the High where all my spot is at
all right, y'all, hold on your second him help Hey,
(09:16):
give you to the help with the help help Hobby.
You don't stop the rocking to the bang bang go,
you say up jump the buggy to the rhythm of
the buggy.
Speaker 1 (09:23):
To beating bull.
Speaker 13 (09:25):
Word up y'all from Bill Davis Racing Big Bath Tempings.
What y'all are facing on the VIP command of C
Big w T the Aid twenty two, the man from Dodge,
biggest gangs in the whole garage. I got the cop,
got the motor, great big cat on the skid still loader.
Speaker 11 (09:43):
I'm killa.
Speaker 14 (09:44):
It ain't no feller.
Speaker 13 (09:45):
Don't mess around with the big caterpillar.
Speaker 5 (09:47):
I'm cool.
Speaker 8 (09:49):
I ain't no fool.
Speaker 13 (09:50):
I just opened up my own speech in school.
Speaker 11 (09:52):
MC baton.
Speaker 13 (09:53):
That's for saying, see me coming, you're going to be hurting.
Speaker 8 (09:57):
I'm cat boy.
Speaker 11 (09:58):
Peep that boy.
Speaker 13 (09:59):
My spot a whole lot better than bat boy killing
another big caterpillar when I hit the mic. It's always
a fella that ain't enough to.
Speaker 1 (10:07):
Make you flip your wigs.
Speaker 13 (10:08):
Come on down to the souvenir rig with the tailor.
Speaker 3 (10:11):
Park girls.
Speaker 13 (10:12):
Go around the outside, around the outside, around the outside.
Speaker 1 (10:15):
Tailor box, Gus go round the outside.
Speaker 13 (10:20):
You down with c AT, you down with ah?
Speaker 8 (10:24):
You down with c a t.
Speaker 13 (10:27):
Alright, that's enough, it is mess. How peace We are,
way to your mama and.
Speaker 3 (10:32):
Now morning make shows on the radio. All right, we're
(11:05):
ready less act.
Speaker 2 (11:09):
Hello friends, your old Burtferd here with another diaper filling
edition of John Boy and Billy Playhouse. Today's episode the
New Year's Lecture. As our story opens, a very drunk
man is being approached by a police officer on New
Year's Eve.
Speaker 1 (11:26):
Let me ride that donkey, donkey.
Speaker 3 (11:28):
Let me ride the donkey.
Speaker 1 (11:29):
Don't you let me ride that donkey donky?
Speaker 15 (11:32):
Excxcuse me, sir, I'm Officer Moran from the Brushwooed PD.
Speaker 3 (11:36):
Please please please, sir?
Speaker 4 (11:41):
Could you please stop singing?
Speaker 3 (11:44):
Hello miss lady? Do you prefer another tune?
Speaker 5 (11:49):
Oh?
Speaker 4 (11:49):
Well, sir, have you been drinking?
Speaker 16 (11:51):
No, I'm taking your break to bust out these jams.
Care for a show tune? Popular? You gotta be pop new, Sir.
Speaker 4 (12:02):
I'm going to ask you to take a field sobriety test.
Speaker 3 (12:04):
Why is there is there something wrong with your eyes?
Speaker 4 (12:07):
Sir?
Speaker 15 (12:07):
Sir, you have the right to remain silent bab are you? Yes, sir, Yes,
I get it, I get it. It's New Year's Eve,
you've had a few cocktails. I can't let you wander
the streets belting out whatever song comes to mind.
Speaker 3 (12:21):
Do what baby?
Speaker 8 (12:23):
When I met you, there was peace.
Speaker 4 (12:25):
On No okay, please put your hands behind your back, Sir.
Speaker 3 (12:29):
I'm the handmaid tool of the state.
Speaker 1 (12:32):
Well your information.
Speaker 3 (12:34):
I have a college professor.
Speaker 4 (12:37):
Really yes, really, see I still got my hairt's.
Speaker 2 (12:40):
Waltz button on my lapelle.
Speaker 4 (12:42):
Yeah, that's aged well.
Speaker 1 (12:43):
And I'm on my way to a lecture.
Speaker 15 (12:47):
You are at eleven thirty PM already running late, sir, Sir,
who in the world gives a lecture at this time
of the night.
Speaker 3 (12:55):
My wife, son of us, and.
Speaker 2 (13:03):
How we hope you enjoyed John Boy and Billy Playhouse.
Speaker 16 (13:07):
If I give you ten dollars, would you frisk me?
Speaker 4 (13:11):
Make it twenty?
Speaker 2 (13:13):
Tune in next time when we'll hear the professor's loud
and sober wife say.
Speaker 8 (13:17):
Hey, big man, let me hold a dollar.
Speaker 4 (13:19):
You know this one?
Speaker 2 (13:19):
Yeah yeah yeah yeah, yah, yeah, yeah yeah yeah yeah.
Speaker 1 (13:26):
Good morning, A big shows on the radio.
Speaker 17 (13:29):
Well, well, well you've obviously got nothing better to do,
or maybe you're just not smart enough to change the dial.
Whatever the reason, you're listening to John Boy and Billy
on the Big Show, huh they won.
Speaker 7 (14:08):
Show.
Speaker 1 (14:12):
Listen Good Morning and it's been showing the radio.
Speaker 3 (14:25):
Hell aout man. Robert O'Keane without Monday Morning song.
Speaker 6 (14:30):
That's done by Robert Keane is being lying in a
Big Show stdio.
Speaker 18 (14:34):
Sometimes I don't know what I'm doing.
Speaker 1 (14:39):
Come on Jack and get ready to say anybody.
Speaker 18 (14:41):
Sometimes on my days are filled with right.
Speaker 8 (14:48):
That's that Trevor do left Surbad.
Speaker 18 (14:52):
Things ain't going my way because there's always someone swarming
in my life.
Speaker 8 (15:02):
To keep swerving in my life.
Speaker 19 (15:06):
And it's causing lot of thannger. I'm a honking on
my horror. I'm shooting you the fling keep switching on
my bride lines.
Speaker 2 (15:22):
Just to him.
Speaker 18 (15:25):
When you're swerving all lives Pie Way, you're running someone
off the ride.
Speaker 8 (15:34):
The day Joe Way, I thought.
Speaker 18 (15:38):
I never never could love another, how else could I feed?
Speaker 8 (15:49):
But nowing you run into me.
Speaker 18 (15:52):
I can't believe I could not see her.
Speaker 8 (15:56):
I'll take up at the way you keep swarming in
my line just cause lots of thime. I'm cussing out
your name. I'm shooting you the fine.
Speaker 18 (16:18):
I keep switching on my bride the lines, but you're
just too dimpton now.
Speaker 8 (16:26):
When you're swerving all lives?
Speaker 18 (16:28):
Oh why you're running sumone off the road?
Speaker 3 (16:40):
The Big Show, Good morning, Big Shows on the radio.
Coming up, we play John Boyd. Jeopardy winner gets an
assortment of small batch hand cooked peanuts from Birt County Peanuts,
a Southern tradition for over one hundred years. No lot
of y'all checked them out for Christmas with family and
friends here and back. Told you man and some good stuff,
(17:02):
and it still continues. Keep Bird Tea County Peanuts in
mind for holidays, anniversaries, birthdays. If you enter code JBB
at checkout, you'll get twenty five percent off plus free shipping.
Got just order something for yourself and have him around
the house. I'll tell you that's what you found out
when you order for somebody else. Amen, I don't know
(17:22):
did they make it? Send them look with the link
and clicker right on it when you hit the Big
Show dot Com. Take advantage all that? All right, Well,
listen up. You can win this in minutes.
Speaker 2 (17:36):
But first, oh, happy New year, old youth, semi conscious hatey.
Another year flushed down the beamuth had a brand new
three hundred and sixty five days a hell or ahead
of us. All we can do is hold on tight,
squeeze our cheeks, and pray we make it to the
other end without prairie dogging.
Speaker 17 (17:56):
But during the interim, but get it I through that.
Speaker 3 (17:58):
In the interim.
Speaker 2 (18:00):
There are little things we can all do to improve
ourselves during our journey down life's dirt road. Every year,
at this time, most of us make some sort of
half hearted attempt to do just that. They're called New
Year's resolutions. And since you big show breeders are obviously
too lazy to come up with your own, here, I
come to say, the day gets who gets the first
(18:24):
turn in the barrel? And that's exactly what I'm talking about.
Faithful listeners to this show know all too well that
the aptly named Pervy pervison. With him around, you can't
make innocent comments like I was at the store checking
out the melons, who keep your eye on the ball, Oops,
(18:47):
I dropped my nuts. You can't hear any of those
without hearing his trademark, A little spasgasm your resolution, Get
your mind out of the gutter. You're better than that,
so clean up your acting. Maybe you'll be able to
stick it out a while longer. Next, Richard the Taylor
(19:11):
Hill Am I missing something here? You're a clothier with
a flair for panash and a true bon vivan. Then why,
oh why do you dress like a cross between the
Riddler and Matthew LESCo. The plaids, the suspenders, the bow ties.
(19:32):
The only thing missing is a squirt flower and a
pair of big ass shoes.
Speaker 5 (19:38):
Your resolution.
Speaker 2 (19:40):
Take that damn needle and thread and saw a pair
of khaki slacks than a sports shirt?
Speaker 5 (19:45):
You freak all right?
Speaker 1 (19:48):
Where's the polock?
Speaker 8 (19:49):
Oh?
Speaker 2 (19:50):
Of course the bow Jangles must be here? Could you
give him a message for me? It's fairly simple. Pie
is not a main course. I swear I've seen less
swelling on a tick. So tell me what do you
get for Christmas? A trough with his.
Speaker 8 (20:08):
Name on it?
Speaker 2 (20:09):
He's quickly becoming the other other white meat. His resolution
one word yogurt. Now on the other end of the spectrum,
let's move on to Marcy. Marcy with the shrinking Arcia.
Now that she's well on her way to speldhood, it's
time to abandon your husband's wardrobe and start dressing like
(20:31):
the sexy little vixen you are. Goodbye sweatshirt. Hello. The
old saying is if you got it flauted, and since
the brains aren't your long suit, you better get to
flawn in its. Sister, your resolution, tramp it up a little.
(20:51):
I'm gonna do that top button. Let those things breathe
a little astronud.
Speaker 5 (20:59):
What's the.
Speaker 2 (21:01):
Get a clue, get a job, get laws, Captain Kittycat,
you know for a sexy old salt. You don't know
jack Diddly do about water. So get a pencil and
write this down. Never never, never wash your cotton t
shirts in hot waters.
Speaker 1 (21:22):
That bear midrift.
Speaker 2 (21:23):
Look works for Britney spears, but when you do it,
it's like getting flashed by Santa Claus.
Speaker 3 (21:30):
Trey.
Speaker 2 (21:30):
Okay, your resolution, send your laundry out, skipper, lest we
forget our dear Jackie. Now, I know what I want
to say, but I'm struggling for a way to say
it that is not misconstrued as a racial comments.
Speaker 1 (21:50):
So how about this? Try acting?
Speaker 2 (21:52):
Oh shall we say less white?
Speaker 1 (21:58):
I believe the problem is who you asso with.
Speaker 2 (22:00):
You spend more time with crackers than Campbell's soup. You
are a strong, proud black this top, this top, start
acting like it your resolution, groove on your heritage, watch
(22:20):
roots this year, get a clue home Smarty, Marty, short
and sweet your resolution. See cup to bee, cup boom
roasted Robert d Rayfer, Look daddy, Oh this whole women nowadays?
(22:44):
And what's up with that nine tens of percent on
a gallon of gas? Keep them damn kids out of
the restaurants. I'm too cheap to eat in anyway.
Speaker 1 (22:51):
Stuff is playe do Blade.
Speaker 2 (22:55):
It's time to shake things up. Break out the red
fox at two am a two. This white bread show
needs some spice and you're just the guy to bring
the heat. Your resolution, start working Blue.
Speaker 1 (23:08):
What are you gonna do? Fire you?
Speaker 2 (23:11):
You can only hope, I mean, don't be a dope, Babs,
my precious little angel. Always remember that knowledge is power,
and just because you're not book smart an statements, there
are always things that are vital importance To know your resolution.
Ask the tough questions in life, like the guy's name
(23:33):
before you take him home?
Speaker 1 (23:36):
Or are you married? Or are you sure?
Speaker 2 (23:38):
That's just a rugburn.
Speaker 1 (23:41):
Just a suggestion?
Speaker 11 (23:43):
Love you.
Speaker 1 (23:46):
Little Billy, that's fun to say, like this top.
Speaker 2 (23:57):
When it comes to slaving away in the comedy minds,
May your canary never die. Whatever the hell's appened. But
all work and no play makes little Billy a dull boy.
And the pale boy you go home and hold up
in front of the computer. You never see the light
of day, no offense, but you turn it into a mushroom.
(24:19):
I'm not saying you're pale, but when you stand next
to Marcy, she looks like Snookie from Jersey. So your resolution,
get some son, son, and finally, John Boy, the man
who never fails the eye test. I want to say
my sentence.
Speaker 1 (24:39):
I don't like it this way. I want my wah
wah aye ye ye aye. It's not like a Mexican pool.
Speaker 2 (24:46):
Boy, your resolution let me more wee Oh, who am
I kidding? Randy put me up to that.
Speaker 1 (24:54):
You're perfect, never changed that maybe that shirt? How many
days in a row with that? We know your heckton
too many?
Speaker 2 (25:06):
Cooper carry on straight people.
Speaker 3 (25:08):
All right, we'll just stay back here in the studio.
Everything's gonna be all right. Well, let's play John Boy
Jeopardy allfer the Big Old Bird Tea County Peanuts Prize pack.
Let's jump right in here. Wearing these didn't become popular
in the United States until the late nineteen twenties. That's
when Papa Rozzi photographers started following around Hollywood stars.
Speaker 4 (25:32):
Oh what is a brown paper bag over their head?
Speaker 3 (25:37):
You're talking about the first Saints fans. What y'all got one?
Speaker 8 (25:41):
Eight hundred?
Speaker 3 (25:42):
Big Show? You told? Free Line?
Speaker 7 (25:43):
We go?
Speaker 1 (25:44):
Do we get a winter?
Speaker 3 (25:44):
We play John Boy? Jeopardy Next, Good Monday Morning, Big
(26:13):
Show's on the radio. Our feature drag from the Big
Show bit Box. Our agent Murray with a Doorbuster special.
So it's your keyword Doorbuster. Find out the Big Box
at the Big Show dot Com. And right now, let's
play Yeah Live across America.
Speaker 6 (26:30):
It's the Jong Boy Japan. And now a man who
says Paris Bueller was right. Life does move pretty fast.
One minute you're young and fun, and then the next
you're turning down the car radio so you can see better.
Speaker 3 (26:46):
He's young boy. That I got a's I hate a
kid out of Fayetteville, North Carolina. Good morning kid.
Speaker 14 (26:55):
Warn John Boy, hate everybody?
Speaker 3 (26:57):
Heyboddy, kay, I do.
Speaker 14 (27:00):
That same thing? Went on radio?
Speaker 5 (27:04):
Turn it down so you.
Speaker 3 (27:05):
Can see me.
Speaker 4 (27:06):
Just do it. You're gonna turn it down to park
for me.
Speaker 3 (27:09):
Well, it's just a concentrate, you know better, there's not
that's how you look at it. I guess all right, Well, Ken,
you got first shot at John Boy Jeopardy this morning.
Speaker 8 (27:20):
I know that.
Speaker 3 (27:21):
Let's jump right in here. Wearing these didn't become popular
in the US until the late nineteen twenties. That's when
Papa Rozzi photographers started following around Hollywood stars. What do
you think, Ken, I'm gonna say, sunglasses? Let's see? Is
it sunglasses about for keeping the sun out of their eyes?
Speaker 4 (27:52):
With little kids who they think they're invisible?
Speaker 3 (27:56):
Look cool their eyes? Are they one hand of makeup?
Speaker 11 (28:01):
Well?
Speaker 3 (28:02):
I don't know, but I know kid's got him a
big old pack of birteen County peanuts. Head over to
Fanvil for you.
Speaker 14 (28:08):
Sounds great, John Ball appreciate it. Hey, I was gonna
tell you I'm first time caller, by the way, all right,
but I was gonna I was gonna say, if if
you wanted to go to Alaska fishing or hunting, you're
gonna have to look me up. Call me again, because
I got some property in the cabin on a keen ipeninsula.
Speaker 3 (28:26):
Oh man, how bad that my boy Barefoot's got something
up in Canada. But man, that might be that might
be a good kid. Let me let me see how
long they gonna make me work.
Speaker 14 (28:41):
One of my my son's here, My son Andrew's here,
and he's one of that's giving me answers and everything.
Speaker 3 (28:46):
So you know, I gotta let.
Speaker 14 (28:47):
Him help me.
Speaker 3 (28:49):
It's sixteen degrees in Alaska. I got I got warm clothes.
We'll get you.
Speaker 1 (28:56):
Well, we're gonna get you a dress.
Speaker 11 (28:58):
Jackie.
Speaker 3 (28:58):
You hold on to this dress for ken and this
boy might be you're doing me a little Laska trip.
Speaker 8 (29:03):
Here go by.
Speaker 3 (29:14):
Bott of money. I wear a jobby on news.
Speaker 1 (29:16):
Right on the other.
Speaker 3 (29:17):
Side, we got our time capsule guaranteed. Monday morning light
coming up.
Speaker 20 (29:53):
This is the award winning John Boy and Billy Big Show.
Speaker 3 (29:59):
The South Number one exports.
Speaker 2 (30:07):
Clippery cloppery, clank clank clue. I'm old and I hate television.
In my day, we didn't have no five thousand channels,
direct Sadielite, TVO recording, high definition, flat screen, boob, tubular, brain, poison,
and television shows. We made our own entertainment. After a
(30:29):
nice day of struggling to survive. We killed something for dinner,
and while it was cooking, we'd play a game like
five finger Charades, where you'd close your eyes and grope your.
Speaker 1 (30:43):
Next to kin.
Speaker 2 (30:45):
Ha ha. How about a rousing round a pin the
tail on the dumb ass where you took a real
animal tail and a tenpenny nail and tried to hammer
it into the lower spine. Have any of your stupid
shirt care relation who were too slow to move out
of the way, Or my personal favorite, name that cousin
(31:10):
where you get j bird naked and greased up with
bacon fat. Then you'd go into a dark room and
name the cousin you were getting jiggy with, which was
not as easy as it sounds, since they all had
so much body hair. Hippy hop, Look at me, I'm
a cousin humpin peltstroking goober, sticking up pork fat and
(31:37):
carrying on the glorious Southern tradition of inbreeding. Behold as
I embraced my heritage. Yippy whippy, zippy zoo. That's how
we rolled. Sometimes we'd enjoy a good book, so we
tracked down ball Neck. Philbert Haskins who got his name
from a gigantic goiter on the side of his neck.
(31:59):
He was to look at. But he was the only
person in town who could read what the Tinker's damn?
So you'd sit with your back to him to keep
from losing your lunch, and you didn't know what what.
I didn't know that he was dyslexic, so it seemed
normal when he read a Zan of.
Speaker 5 (32:14):
The Tars.
Speaker 2 (32:17):
And the Ozon of Whiz, and my personal favorite, the
sama Kutra, where he single handedly turned twenty eight sexual
positions into fifty six. And all of a sudden, you
were talking like Philbert, switching letters every witch away, and.
Speaker 1 (32:35):
You'd wander into a nearby town where they'd.
Speaker 2 (32:37):
Mistake you for some strange foreigner and chase you with
pitchforks and torches, and your pathetic cries of.
Speaker 1 (32:43):
Play play were ignored.
Speaker 2 (32:49):
And you were skinned and beaten, all because you were
too stupid to.
Speaker 3 (32:52):
Learn to read.
Speaker 2 (32:54):
Wow, Dora, look at me, I'm an ignorant, skinless bumpkin
listening to some swollen he great stories in big Latin
and begging for mercy in unintelligible gibberish. Kill us, all
the world will be a better place jibbery g and
we loved it, or we'd enjoy a sing along. We'd
(33:14):
gather around the church organ with Reverend Oakley Snodgrass. He
had great, big buck teeth that made him look like
a brayon jackass what he sang. And he was a
miserable drunk, and even though he thought we didn't see him,
we knew he was blott Oh by the time he
got to amazing grace, and the more he drank, the
more entertaining he got. Pretty soon he'd start singing the
(33:35):
dirty songs he learned in the navy, songs about swimming
with bow legged women and making whoopee with them loose
Filippino goals. Pretty soon Sunday Nights sing along became the
two am show at the Sahara.
Speaker 1 (33:48):
Were the dirtiest jokes you ever heard. Then he'd sober
up until you were all going.
Speaker 2 (33:53):
To hell, but you didn't care because you knew he
was three times to pervert.
Speaker 5 (33:57):
You can ever hope to be.
Speaker 2 (34:02):
Slippery, slippery slu Look at me, I'm a down home degenerate.
I held bound him singing hate Seed. Tell me more
about the Haitian Houchie. Mama's pastor pervy. Who needs an
idiot box. We've got the Reverend Red Fox, and we
liked it.
Speaker 3 (34:19):
We loved it.
Speaker 2 (34:21):
Flibbery flu I hate television, shad Boy and Billy. The
television a medium so called because it is neither rare
nor well done.
Speaker 3 (34:32):
How about that good morning rad yell done right.
Speaker 5 (34:49):
O, good morning.
Speaker 1 (35:04):
There's a big show on the radio.
Speaker 5 (35:07):
Phone.
Speaker 3 (35:08):
You can get hot on the phone. Man, Hello, hesus hoint.
Speaker 11 (35:13):
All my life on a fight about it.
Speaker 1 (35:15):
Now man, John Boy and Bella here, Hey, sayday you.
Speaker 11 (35:18):
Beg gona hain No driving, no talking, nuts dragging, nose
picking that much, buddy?
Speaker 1 (35:26):
How is your holiday?
Speaker 15 (35:28):
Oh?
Speaker 11 (35:28):
Well, Christmas morning I was up to my arm pits
and fruits and nuts, just because Debortt and his relatives
got together. The trailer.
Speaker 1 (35:37):
That sounds like fun.
Speaker 11 (35:38):
Yeah right. One of Debart's nephews is sick when he
come over, and of course you know he's gonna pass
it around. Give me that stomach flute's been going around.
I had the squirt Savannah. This man Deborton after Christmas
hunting tree.
Speaker 1 (35:53):
Oh man, y'all didn't get to go this year?
Speaker 11 (35:54):
Hunh No, No, Debrett went without me. He took his
cousin Tater with it.
Speaker 3 (35:59):
Tater.
Speaker 11 (36:00):
Yeah, we call him out because he looks like a tater,
he says, bald, and he's got little warts all over
his face, looks like a Tater's been in the vegetable
ben about a week or too long.
Speaker 1 (36:10):
Tater's a big hunter.
Speaker 11 (36:11):
No, actually, it's his first hunting trip of any kind.
Speaker 1 (36:15):
So Delbert and a novice out hunting. How'd that go?
Speaker 11 (36:18):
No good? Never come dragging in about eight o'clock the
next night, all covered in mud and crud. Had that
deer in the back of the pickup truck is all
tore up briars and his antlers is a mess. I said,
what in the world happened to you? He says, Wow,
man on, Tator is out and the deer stand out
in the woods, and we'd had us a bear. Twell,
(36:39):
this deer come out of clearing. Tater got all excited
and fell plumb out of the tree stand knocked him cold.
Is a mess, and I never got that name. Dear
back to the truck, I says, yeah, Tater wasn't much
hell after he got his bell wrong. Huh, he said, Well,
Tater never woke up. I checked to make sure he's
still breathing, but I couldn't get him to come to
for nothing. I said, now, wait a minute. You mean
(37:01):
you drug it there all the way back home and
left your cousin lant up here in the woods. He's
well as a hard call, But I figure, what nobody
gonna steal Tater?
Speaker 1 (37:15):
Please tell me you got Tater out of the woods.
Speaker 11 (37:17):
Yeah. We went back next morning and picked him up.
He's all right, Hey, let's not around here. Me and
Eddie Bowers actually go to work. Yeah, well you tell him,
I said, uh, hell know what you mean? Bye Joe,
keep straight up, by bye bye.
Speaker 1 (37:35):
It's a big show on the radio. I can't read
this all right, sir, I'll read it.
Speaker 3 (37:41):
Good morning.
Speaker 21 (37:43):
This is Nigel Cadbury, Master Boys, Faithful Gentleman's Gentlemen, and
you're listening to Master Boy and young Sir William on
the Big Show. It's my responsibility to make sure that
Master Boy gets up and gets to work on time.
Speaker 10 (37:58):
So when he's laid it's my fault. So sad, I
feel so.
Speaker 11 (38:38):
Good.
Speaker 3 (38:38):
Monna, big show on the radio, New Year, New Drug.
Speaker 20 (38:44):
I gotta tell you I've tried them all. Nothing seems
to work. For me anymore. I mean, I can't sleep,
I'm anxious all the time. I'm kind of starting to
get this hopeless feeling. What's wrong with me? Do you
find it difficult to get aroused by any of the
current US presidential candidates. If so, you're not alone. It's
a problem known as electile dysfunction. It affects both men
(39:06):
and women, and it's more common today than ever before.
You've tried sucking it up. You've tried holding your nose
in the voting booth. You've even tried, Hey, how about
a rich guy with a big mouth or a socialist
nut job. Nothing seems to make any difference. If that
sounds familiar, you may be suffering from electile dysfunction. Be
(39:29):
on the lookout for these important warning signs. Yelling at
the TV while watching the news, saying one thing when
you really mean the exact opposite. An overwhelming urge to
spend other people's money, inability to administer mysterious private email servers,
strange off putting hairstyles, pandering attention to the plight of
(39:51):
gay and or transgender people, the urge to confiscate firearms
from their legal owners, recurring dreams about building, giant wall,
unwarranted concern about whether somebody makes more money than you,
looking like a police sketch of a Zodiac killer, bible thumbing,
mispronouncing the word huge, staying in a race even after
(40:14):
you've been mathematically eliminated, lying to Congress, and asphace. If
any of those sound like you, you may have electile dysfunction.
But now there's a new non prescription medication that can help.
It's called screw all of Them. Screw all of Them
is a fast acting, easy drinking liquid from your nearby
(40:37):
liquor or convenience store, available in a variety of flavors
including pale ale ipa malt liquor, sour mash, Swedish vodka, peppermint, cinnamon,
grape pucker, and yakermester. While not a cure for electile dysfunction,
screw all of Them has been proved effective in relieving
daily symptoms. Screw all of Them is for adults twenty
(40:58):
one and over. Some patients taking screw all of Them
experience moderate to severe side effects that may include slurred speech,
inability to tell the difference between whispering and shouting, dancing
like a retard, a sudden urge to visit a strip
club or karaoke bar on a weeknight, false perception of
being invisible and or bulletproof belief that ex lovers really
(41:20):
need to hear from you at three o'clock in the morning.
Spontaneous ass kickings, unexplained rugburns on knees or forehead, telling
a police officer you pay his salary, sudden late night incarceration,
and job loss. Screw all of them is not for everyone,
but in an election year like this, it can really help.
(41:42):
Ask your bartender if screw all of them is right
for you. I used to worry about politicians that I
finally found the answer.
Speaker 1 (41:51):
Screw all of them.
Speaker 20 (41:53):
Screw all of Them From the makers of Damatie used
only as.
Speaker 3 (41:56):
Direct Good morning, we got the Big Show on the radio.
Hang on, turn it over to beuse in just a minute.
Today we're gonna play Beat the Blonde. In a couple
of minutes, you can win an LS Tractor Hunting Season prize.
Fact It includes, among other wonderful things, a Blaze Orange
Beanie T shirt for your dog, screen cleaner, and keychain.
(42:19):
Click on the link at the Big Show dot Com
take you to LS Tractor USA find your local dealer.
Learn why customers start blue and stay blue. Ask you
about the limited edition Mantreo Camo LS tractor. Hang on,
play for it in minutes
It's a big show on your radio. Thanks for joining
us this morning. Good day.
Speaker 2 (00:09):
You're old pal Stevi here, No, not the former idiot intern,
the crocodile Stalker, and you're listening to my two favorite
bonds of mates, John Boy and Billy on the big show.
I'll tell you it's nice to be high and dry
and safe and sound in this Knacker studio.
Speaker 3 (00:23):
Hey, what's this wire for talking to? To do up
(01:05):
and Adam?
Speaker 1 (01:06):
That show's on a radio.
Speaker 3 (01:08):
Uh huh, first full week. We were here in January
about Dad. January to six. Y'all look excited for this
new year. Let's do it this, do this thing or
I see looking at the national days we can celebrate. Oh,
(01:28):
National Cuddle Up Day encourages us to snuggle with someone
for the health benefits. They never snuggled for health benefits,
health benefits and more, maybe concentrating only more angle to snuggle.
Speaker 4 (01:43):
We're creatures that need to be nurtured, so that's why
you need to cuddle.
Speaker 3 (01:47):
Let's just cuddle and nurture each other, Johnny, Let's nurture
in nature. She's making you talk like her again. Back down,
cut that out, all right, let me talk like Randy,
it's National Tech Technology Day. You know what, I will
starty technology and.
Speaker 1 (02:04):
I sound like the cowardly.
Speaker 3 (02:13):
Like technocracy, Uncle George. National short Bread Day, like short bread,
cookies with chocolate good. National Bean Day, like a bean?
Speaker 1 (02:26):
What's your favorite?
Speaker 3 (02:29):
I'll go with the old pintoe or the baked with
the Carl of Cook's recipe. I've never been a fan
of baked beans.
Speaker 1 (02:37):
My daughter loves them, but I like black beans.
Speaker 3 (02:40):
Black ben is so good. Okay, we're going on with you.
Black beans, got pin too, beans, got all kind of beans.
Have a bean John Boy and Billy baked bean mix
that we had to so good. Steal some of that?
Speaker 4 (02:54):
Yeah, did you say, steal some of that?
Speaker 3 (02:57):
Steal steel whell wheel. You don't have a problem with that.
National Play Outside Day? What the heck? January sixth, We
play out the side, wrap up and play outside. All right?
Speaker 5 (03:12):
So good.
Speaker 3 (03:13):
We got three days in history saved up. Those will
be very important. We'll use those who get the winning
beginning on outbursts. All right, Big shows on a radio,
Good morning, big shows on a radio. We got a
Happy Herd price pack first out this morning. Happy Herd
makes top quality attractors. Minerals and feed.
Speaker 1 (03:31):
For deer bear and hogs man.
Speaker 3 (03:33):
When to be some of you up as early, might
as well go check the corn piles, praise them.
Speaker 1 (03:37):
Happy Herd on.
Speaker 3 (03:38):
It and there they are when the sun comes up. Okay,
so click on that happy Herd banner at the Big
Show dot Com enter Coach JBB and you'll get Tim
person off of checkout. Let's set you up to win
it right here. Three days in history where we're got
our three categories. January sixth, nineteen seventy three, the series
school House Rock premier, and on ab nineteen seventy five,
(04:02):
the TV game show Wheel of Fortune debut on NBC.
The original host was Chuck Woolery and Letter Turner of
Susan Staffords.
Speaker 6 (04:13):
Well those days, you couldn't swing a dead cat without
hitting Chuck Woolery somewhere.
Speaker 3 (04:17):
Yeah, it was like the Ryan Seacrest. He was now
the Snoop Dog. Finally, twenty nineteen, a record three point
one million dollars okay was paid for a giant bluefin
tuna at Tokyo's Toyoshi Fish Market. It was bought by
(04:38):
sushi restaurant owner Kyoshi Kimura. Very nice. Three point one
million for Bluetudo. That's good eaton.
Speaker 1 (04:50):
All right, well there you go.
Speaker 3 (04:51):
There's that three categories one eight hundred big shows you
told free line. Come on, we'll play out birds next.
(05:20):
Good morning, let's a big Sean Radio Monday Morning, January
six I featured track When the Big Show bid Box
Murray the Doorbuster specials. There's a keyword doorbuster. Hit the
big Box at the Big Show that honor up.
Speaker 7 (05:39):
Upburst. Let's play upburst. It's the game that anyone can win. Shon,
boys and Billy gave the buzzes from the Big Prize.
Be Let's go contested Number one. Just should be a
lot of fun when you're playing uppers.
Speaker 8 (06:00):
Have them hurry up and.
Speaker 7 (06:01):
Guest time you have the best time.
Speaker 8 (06:03):
You have a big shots.
Speaker 9 (06:06):
Let's say, hey Michael from Rush Bird Virginians, we have shots.
Speaker 3 (06:20):
Good morning, my goal, Good morning, Hey Morny welcome. All
right man, let's get you through these three categories and
gets you the big Old Happy Herd prize by and
get the thing going you ready, Yes, I'm in five seconds.
Three Saturday Morning cartoons from the past. Ready to go.
Speaker 10 (06:41):
Bugs, Bunny Yogi by Huckleby, Hound's.
Speaker 3 (06:44):
Good Like hun you gotta sound like hunkle bear hen
I like her. That's a compliment. Michael, give us three
game shows, ready go.
Speaker 11 (07:01):
We're reporting Jeopardy frame refuse.
Speaker 1 (07:03):
All right, and for the wind three fish ready go,
Colonel macro sort fief.
Speaker 3 (07:12):
And bam bn Bama.
Speaker 12 (07:17):
Man also sounded like that con wolf on them, you know, Michael,
am I goel say this for me now that there's
a well built dog house.
Speaker 2 (07:31):
That there's a white built dog house.
Speaker 3 (07:37):
Good word, Michael. Woh, you got the big old prize
fact jackill hook you up. You hang on my boy
already alight man, that's a great day.
Speaker 11 (07:46):
Happy New Year, you have a great one.
Speaker 5 (07:53):
Why it's a.
Speaker 3 (07:54):
Bottom of the hour here, come on top of your
news on the other side. One of my most regressing
songs for him, Nice car driver, Ward Burton said, we
figured out good morning make shows on the radio looking back.
(08:40):
Some of the most requesting tunes from twenty twenty four.
One's number two or three on the chart of our
heart for a nice card driver now, rapper Ward Burton,
Yo yo, check to check too.
Speaker 13 (08:56):
South Boston, Virginia in the High I said, South Boston,
Virginia in the High where all my spot is at
all right, y'all, hold on your second him help Hey,
(09:16):
give you to the help with the help help Hobby.
You don't stop the rocking to the bang bang go,
you say up jump the buggy to the rhythm of
the buggy.
Speaker 1 (09:23):
To beating bull.
Speaker 13 (09:25):
Word up y'all from Bill Davis Racing Big Bath Tempings.
What y'all are facing on the VIP command of C
Big w T the Aid twenty two, the man from Dodge,
biggest gangs in the whole garage. I got the cop,
got the motor, great big cat on the skid still loader.
Speaker 11 (09:43):
I'm killa.
Speaker 14 (09:44):
It ain't no feller.
Speaker 13 (09:45):
Don't mess around with the big caterpillar.
Speaker 5 (09:47):
I'm cool.
Speaker 8 (09:49):
I ain't no fool.
Speaker 13 (09:50):
I just opened up my own speech in school.
Speaker 11 (09:52):
MC baton.
Speaker 13 (09:53):
That's for saying, see me coming, you're going to be hurting.
Speaker 8 (09:57):
I'm cat boy.
Speaker 11 (09:58):
Peep that boy.
Speaker 13 (09:59):
My spot a whole lot better than bat boy killing
another big caterpillar when I hit the mic. It's always
a fella that ain't enough to.
Speaker 1 (10:07):
Make you flip your wigs.
Speaker 13 (10:08):
Come on down to the souvenir rig with the tailor.
Speaker 3 (10:11):
Park girls.
Speaker 13 (10:12):
Go around the outside, around the outside, around the outside.
Speaker 1 (10:15):
Tailor box, Gus go round the outside.
Speaker 13 (10:20):
You down with c AT, you down with ah?
Speaker 8 (10:24):
You down with c a t.
Speaker 13 (10:27):
Alright, that's enough, it is mess. How peace We are,
way to your mama and.
Speaker 3 (10:32):
Now morning make shows on the radio. All right, we're
(11:05):
ready less act.
Speaker 2 (11:09):
Hello friends, your old Burtferd here with another diaper filling
edition of John Boy and Billy Playhouse. Today's episode the
New Year's Lecture. As our story opens, a very drunk
man is being approached by a police officer on New
Year's Eve.
Speaker 1 (11:26):
Let me ride that donkey, donkey.
Speaker 3 (11:28):
Let me ride the donkey.
Speaker 1 (11:29):
Don't you let me ride that donkey donky?
Speaker 15 (11:32):
Excxcuse me, sir, I'm Officer Moran from the Brushwooed PD.
Speaker 3 (11:36):
Please please please, sir?
Speaker 4 (11:41):
Could you please stop singing?
Speaker 3 (11:44):
Hello miss lady? Do you prefer another tune?
Speaker 5 (11:49):
Oh?
Speaker 4 (11:49):
Well, sir, have you been drinking?
Speaker 16 (11:51):
No, I'm taking your break to bust out these jams.
Care for a show tune? Popular? You gotta be pop new, Sir.
Speaker 4 (12:02):
I'm going to ask you to take a field sobriety test.
Speaker 3 (12:04):
Why is there is there something wrong with your eyes?
Speaker 4 (12:07):
Sir?
Speaker 15 (12:07):
Sir, you have the right to remain silent bab are you? Yes, sir, Yes,
I get it, I get it. It's New Year's Eve,
you've had a few cocktails. I can't let you wander
the streets belting out whatever song comes to mind.
Speaker 3 (12:21):
Do what baby?
Speaker 8 (12:23):
When I met you, there was peace.
Speaker 4 (12:25):
On No okay, please put your hands behind your back, Sir.
Speaker 3 (12:29):
I'm the handmaid tool of the state.
Speaker 1 (12:32):
Well your information.
Speaker 3 (12:34):
I have a college professor.
Speaker 4 (12:37):
Really yes, really, see I still got my hairt's.
Speaker 2 (12:40):
Waltz button on my lapelle.
Speaker 4 (12:42):
Yeah, that's aged well.
Speaker 1 (12:43):
And I'm on my way to a lecture.
Speaker 15 (12:47):
You are at eleven thirty PM already running late, sir, Sir,
who in the world gives a lecture at this time
of the night.
Speaker 3 (12:55):
My wife, son of us, and.
Speaker 2 (13:03):
How we hope you enjoyed John Boy and Billy Playhouse.
Speaker 16 (13:07):
If I give you ten dollars, would you frisk me?
Speaker 4 (13:11):
Make it twenty?
Speaker 2 (13:13):
Tune in next time when we'll hear the professor's loud
and sober wife say.
Speaker 8 (13:17):
Hey, big man, let me hold a dollar.
Speaker 4 (13:19):
You know this one?
Speaker 2 (13:19):
Yeah yeah yeah yeah, yah, yeah, yeah yeah yeah yeah.
Speaker 1 (13:26):
Good morning, A big shows on the radio.
Speaker 17 (13:29):
Well, well, well you've obviously got nothing better to do,
or maybe you're just not smart enough to change the dial.
Whatever the reason, you're listening to John Boy and Billy
on the Big Show, huh they won.
Speaker 7 (14:08):
Show.
Speaker 1 (14:12):
Listen Good Morning and it's been showing the radio.
Speaker 3 (14:25):
Hell aout man. Robert O'Keane without Monday Morning song.
Speaker 6 (14:30):
That's done by Robert Keane is being lying in a
Big Show stdio.
Speaker 18 (14:34):
Sometimes I don't know what I'm doing.
Speaker 1 (14:39):
Come on Jack and get ready to say anybody.
Speaker 18 (14:41):
Sometimes on my days are filled with right.
Speaker 8 (14:48):
That's that Trevor do left Surbad.
Speaker 18 (14:52):
Things ain't going my way because there's always someone swarming
in my life.
Speaker 8 (15:02):
To keep swerving in my life.
Speaker 19 (15:06):
And it's causing lot of thannger. I'm a honking on
my horror. I'm shooting you the fling keep switching on
my bride lines.
Speaker 2 (15:22):
Just to him.
Speaker 18 (15:25):
When you're swerving all lives Pie Way, you're running someone
off the ride.
Speaker 8 (15:34):
The day Joe Way, I thought.
Speaker 18 (15:38):
I never never could love another, how else could I feed?
Speaker 8 (15:49):
But nowing you run into me.
Speaker 18 (15:52):
I can't believe I could not see her.
Speaker 8 (15:56):
I'll take up at the way you keep swarming in
my line just cause lots of thime. I'm cussing out
your name. I'm shooting you the fine.
Speaker 18 (16:18):
I keep switching on my bride the lines, but you're
just too dimpton now.
Speaker 8 (16:26):
When you're swerving all lives?
Speaker 18 (16:28):
Oh why you're running sumone off the road?
Speaker 3 (16:40):
The Big Show, Good morning, Big Shows on the radio.
Coming up, we play John Boyd. Jeopardy winner gets an
assortment of small batch hand cooked peanuts from Birt County Peanuts,
a Southern tradition for over one hundred years. No lot
of y'all checked them out for Christmas with family and
friends here and back. Told you man and some good stuff,
(17:02):
and it still continues. Keep Bird Tea County Peanuts in
mind for holidays, anniversaries, birthdays. If you enter code JBB
at checkout, you'll get twenty five percent off plus free shipping.
Got just order something for yourself and have him around
the house. I'll tell you that's what you found out
when you order for somebody else. Amen, I don't know
(17:22):
did they make it? Send them look with the link
and clicker right on it when you hit the Big
Show dot Com. Take advantage all that? All right, Well,
listen up. You can win this in minutes.
Speaker 2 (17:36):
But first, oh, happy New year, old youth, semi conscious hatey.
Another year flushed down the beamuth had a brand new
three hundred and sixty five days a hell or ahead
of us. All we can do is hold on tight,
squeeze our cheeks, and pray we make it to the
other end without prairie dogging.
Speaker 17 (17:56):
But during the interim, but get it I through that.
Speaker 3 (17:58):
In the interim.
Speaker 2 (18:00):
There are little things we can all do to improve
ourselves during our journey down life's dirt road. Every year,
at this time, most of us make some sort of
half hearted attempt to do just that. They're called New
Year's resolutions. And since you big show breeders are obviously
too lazy to come up with your own, here, I
come to say, the day gets who gets the first
(18:24):
turn in the barrel? And that's exactly what I'm talking about.
Faithful listeners to this show know all too well that
the aptly named Pervy pervison. With him around, you can't
make innocent comments like I was at the store checking
out the melons, who keep your eye on the ball, Oops,
(18:47):
I dropped my nuts. You can't hear any of those
without hearing his trademark, A little spasgasm your resolution, Get
your mind out of the gutter. You're better than that,
so clean up your acting. Maybe you'll be able to
stick it out a while longer. Next, Richard the Taylor
(19:11):
Hill Am I missing something here? You're a clothier with
a flair for panash and a true bon vivan. Then why,
oh why do you dress like a cross between the
Riddler and Matthew LESCo. The plaids, the suspenders, the bow ties.
(19:32):
The only thing missing is a squirt flower and a
pair of big ass shoes.
Speaker 5 (19:38):
Your resolution.
Speaker 2 (19:40):
Take that damn needle and thread and saw a pair
of khaki slacks than a sports shirt?
Speaker 5 (19:45):
You freak all right?
Speaker 1 (19:48):
Where's the polock?
Speaker 8 (19:49):
Oh?
Speaker 2 (19:50):
Of course the bow Jangles must be here? Could you
give him a message for me? It's fairly simple. Pie
is not a main course. I swear I've seen less
swelling on a tick. So tell me what do you
get for Christmas? A trough with his.
Speaker 8 (20:08):
Name on it?
Speaker 2 (20:09):
He's quickly becoming the other other white meat. His resolution
one word yogurt. Now on the other end of the spectrum,
let's move on to Marcy. Marcy with the shrinking Arcia.
Now that she's well on her way to speldhood, it's
time to abandon your husband's wardrobe and start dressing like
(20:31):
the sexy little vixen you are. Goodbye sweatshirt. Hello. The
old saying is if you got it flauted, and since
the brains aren't your long suit, you better get to
flawn in its. Sister, your resolution, tramp it up a little.
(20:51):
I'm gonna do that top button. Let those things breathe
a little astronud.
Speaker 5 (20:59):
What's the.
Speaker 2 (21:01):
Get a clue, get a job, get laws, Captain Kittycat,
you know for a sexy old salt. You don't know
jack Diddly do about water. So get a pencil and
write this down. Never never, never wash your cotton t
shirts in hot waters.
Speaker 1 (21:22):
That bear midrift.
Speaker 2 (21:23):
Look works for Britney spears, but when you do it,
it's like getting flashed by Santa Claus.
Speaker 3 (21:30):
Trey.
Speaker 2 (21:30):
Okay, your resolution, send your laundry out, skipper, lest we
forget our dear Jackie. Now, I know what I want
to say, but I'm struggling for a way to say
it that is not misconstrued as a racial comments.
Speaker 1 (21:50):
So how about this? Try acting?
Speaker 2 (21:52):
Oh shall we say less white?
Speaker 1 (21:58):
I believe the problem is who you asso with.
Speaker 2 (22:00):
You spend more time with crackers than Campbell's soup. You
are a strong, proud black this top, this top, start
acting like it your resolution, groove on your heritage, watch
(22:20):
roots this year, get a clue home Smarty, Marty, short
and sweet your resolution. See cup to bee, cup boom
roasted Robert d Rayfer, Look daddy, Oh this whole women nowadays?
(22:44):
And what's up with that nine tens of percent on
a gallon of gas? Keep them damn kids out of
the restaurants. I'm too cheap to eat in anyway.
Speaker 1 (22:51):
Stuff is playe do Blade.
Speaker 2 (22:55):
It's time to shake things up. Break out the red
fox at two am a two. This white bread show
needs some spice and you're just the guy to bring
the heat. Your resolution, start working Blue.
Speaker 1 (23:08):
What are you gonna do? Fire you?
Speaker 2 (23:11):
You can only hope, I mean, don't be a dope, Babs,
my precious little angel. Always remember that knowledge is power,
and just because you're not book smart an statements, there
are always things that are vital importance To know your resolution.
Ask the tough questions in life, like the guy's name
(23:33):
before you take him home?
Speaker 1 (23:36):
Or are you married? Or are you sure?
Speaker 2 (23:38):
That's just a rugburn.
Speaker 1 (23:41):
Just a suggestion?
Speaker 11 (23:43):
Love you.
Speaker 1 (23:46):
Little Billy, that's fun to say, like this top.
Speaker 2 (23:57):
When it comes to slaving away in the comedy minds,
May your canary never die. Whatever the hell's appened. But
all work and no play makes little Billy a dull boy.
And the pale boy you go home and hold up
in front of the computer. You never see the light
of day, no offense, but you turn it into a mushroom.
(24:19):
I'm not saying you're pale, but when you stand next
to Marcy, she looks like Snookie from Jersey. So your resolution,
get some son, son, and finally, John Boy, the man
who never fails the eye test. I want to say
my sentence.
Speaker 1 (24:39):
I don't like it this way. I want my wah
wah aye ye ye aye. It's not like a Mexican pool.
Speaker 2 (24:46):
Boy, your resolution let me more wee Oh, who am
I kidding? Randy put me up to that.
Speaker 1 (24:54):
You're perfect, never changed that maybe that shirt? How many
days in a row with that? We know your heckton
too many?
Speaker 2 (25:06):
Cooper carry on straight people.
Speaker 3 (25:08):
All right, we'll just stay back here in the studio.
Everything's gonna be all right. Well, let's play John Boy
Jeopardy allfer the Big Old Bird Tea County Peanuts Prize pack.
Let's jump right in here. Wearing these didn't become popular
in the United States until the late nineteen twenties. That's
when Papa Rozzi photographers started following around Hollywood stars.
Speaker 4 (25:32):
Oh what is a brown paper bag over their head?
Speaker 3 (25:37):
You're talking about the first Saints fans. What y'all got one?
Speaker 8 (25:41):
Eight hundred?
Speaker 3 (25:42):
Big Show? You told? Free Line?
Speaker 7 (25:43):
We go?
Speaker 1 (25:44):
Do we get a winter?
Speaker 3 (25:44):
We play John Boy? Jeopardy Next, Good Monday Morning, Big
(26:13):
Show's on the radio. Our feature drag from the Big
Show bit Box. Our agent Murray with a Doorbuster special.
So it's your keyword Doorbuster. Find out the Big Box
at the Big Show dot Com. And right now, let's
play Yeah Live across America.
Speaker 6 (26:30):
It's the Jong Boy Japan. And now a man who
says Paris Bueller was right. Life does move pretty fast.
One minute you're young and fun, and then the next
you're turning down the car radio so you can see better.
Speaker 3 (26:46):
He's young boy. That I got a's I hate a
kid out of Fayetteville, North Carolina. Good morning kid.
Speaker 14 (26:55):
Warn John Boy, hate everybody?
Speaker 3 (26:57):
Heyboddy, kay, I do.
Speaker 14 (27:00):
That same thing? Went on radio?
Speaker 5 (27:04):
Turn it down so you.
Speaker 3 (27:05):
Can see me.
Speaker 4 (27:06):
Just do it. You're gonna turn it down to park
for me.
Speaker 3 (27:09):
Well, it's just a concentrate, you know better, there's not
that's how you look at it. I guess all right, Well, Ken,
you got first shot at John Boy Jeopardy this morning.
Speaker 8 (27:20):
I know that.
Speaker 3 (27:21):
Let's jump right in here. Wearing these didn't become popular
in the US until the late nineteen twenties. That's when
Papa Rozzi photographers started following around Hollywood stars. What do
you think, Ken, I'm gonna say, sunglasses? Let's see? Is
it sunglasses about for keeping the sun out of their eyes?
Speaker 4 (27:52):
With little kids who they think they're invisible?
Speaker 3 (27:56):
Look cool their eyes? Are they one hand of makeup?
Speaker 11 (28:01):
Well?
Speaker 3 (28:02):
I don't know, but I know kid's got him a
big old pack of birteen County peanuts. Head over to
Fanvil for you.
Speaker 14 (28:08):
Sounds great, John Ball appreciate it. Hey, I was gonna
tell you I'm first time caller, by the way, all right,
but I was gonna I was gonna say, if if
you wanted to go to Alaska fishing or hunting, you're
gonna have to look me up. Call me again, because
I got some property in the cabin on a keen ipeninsula.
Speaker 3 (28:26):
Oh man, how bad that my boy Barefoot's got something
up in Canada. But man, that might be that might
be a good kid. Let me let me see how
long they gonna make me work.
Speaker 14 (28:41):
One of my my son's here, My son Andrew's here,
and he's one of that's giving me answers and everything.
Speaker 3 (28:46):
So you know, I gotta let.
Speaker 14 (28:47):
Him help me.
Speaker 3 (28:49):
It's sixteen degrees in Alaska. I got I got warm clothes.
We'll get you.
Speaker 1 (28:56):
Well, we're gonna get you a dress.
Speaker 11 (28:58):
Jackie.
Speaker 3 (28:58):
You hold on to this dress for ken and this
boy might be you're doing me a little Laska trip.
Speaker 8 (29:03):
Here go by.
Speaker 3 (29:14):
Bott of money. I wear a jobby on news.
Speaker 1 (29:16):
Right on the other.
Speaker 3 (29:17):
Side, we got our time capsule guaranteed. Monday morning light
coming up.
Speaker 20 (29:53):
This is the award winning John Boy and Billy Big Show.
Speaker 3 (29:59):
The South Number one exports.
Speaker 2 (30:07):
Clippery cloppery, clank clank clue. I'm old and I hate television.
In my day, we didn't have no five thousand channels,
direct Sadielite, TVO recording, high definition, flat screen, boob, tubular, brain, poison,
and television shows. We made our own entertainment. After a
(30:29):
nice day of struggling to survive. We killed something for dinner,
and while it was cooking, we'd play a game like
five finger Charades, where you'd close your eyes and grope your.
Speaker 1 (30:43):
Next to kin.
Speaker 2 (30:45):
Ha ha. How about a rousing round a pin the
tail on the dumb ass where you took a real
animal tail and a tenpenny nail and tried to hammer
it into the lower spine. Have any of your stupid
shirt care relation who were too slow to move out
of the way, Or my personal favorite, name that cousin
(31:10):
where you get j bird naked and greased up with
bacon fat. Then you'd go into a dark room and
name the cousin you were getting jiggy with, which was
not as easy as it sounds, since they all had
so much body hair. Hippy hop, Look at me, I'm
a cousin humpin peltstroking goober, sticking up pork fat and
(31:37):
carrying on the glorious Southern tradition of inbreeding. Behold as
I embraced my heritage. Yippy whippy, zippy zoo. That's how
we rolled. Sometimes we'd enjoy a good book, so we
tracked down ball Neck. Philbert Haskins who got his name
from a gigantic goiter on the side of his neck.
(31:59):
He was to look at. But he was the only
person in town who could read what the Tinker's damn?
So you'd sit with your back to him to keep
from losing your lunch, and you didn't know what what.
I didn't know that he was dyslexic, so it seemed
normal when he read a Zan of.
Speaker 5 (32:14):
The Tars.
Speaker 2 (32:17):
And the Ozon of Whiz, and my personal favorite, the
sama Kutra, where he single handedly turned twenty eight sexual
positions into fifty six. And all of a sudden, you
were talking like Philbert, switching letters every witch away, and.
Speaker 1 (32:35):
You'd wander into a nearby town where they'd.
Speaker 2 (32:37):
Mistake you for some strange foreigner and chase you with
pitchforks and torches, and your pathetic cries of.
Speaker 1 (32:43):
Play play were ignored.
Speaker 2 (32:49):
And you were skinned and beaten, all because you were
too stupid to.
Speaker 3 (32:52):
Learn to read.
Speaker 2 (32:54):
Wow, Dora, look at me, I'm an ignorant, skinless bumpkin
listening to some swollen he great stories in big Latin
and begging for mercy in unintelligible gibberish. Kill us, all
the world will be a better place jibbery g and
we loved it, or we'd enjoy a sing along. We'd
(33:14):
gather around the church organ with Reverend Oakley Snodgrass. He
had great, big buck teeth that made him look like
a brayon jackass what he sang. And he was a
miserable drunk, and even though he thought we didn't see him,
we knew he was blott Oh by the time he
got to amazing grace, and the more he drank, the
more entertaining he got. Pretty soon he'd start singing the
(33:35):
dirty songs he learned in the navy, songs about swimming
with bow legged women and making whoopee with them loose
Filippino goals. Pretty soon Sunday Nights sing along became the
two am show at the Sahara.
Speaker 1 (33:48):
Were the dirtiest jokes you ever heard. Then he'd sober
up until you were all going.
Speaker 2 (33:53):
To hell, but you didn't care because you knew he
was three times to pervert.
Speaker 5 (33:57):
You can ever hope to be.
Speaker 2 (34:02):
Slippery, slippery slu Look at me, I'm a down home degenerate.
I held bound him singing hate Seed. Tell me more
about the Haitian Houchie. Mama's pastor pervy. Who needs an
idiot box. We've got the Reverend Red Fox, and we
liked it.
Speaker 3 (34:19):
We loved it.
Speaker 2 (34:21):
Flibbery flu I hate television, shad Boy and Billy. The
television a medium so called because it is neither rare
nor well done.
Speaker 3 (34:32):
How about that good morning rad yell done right.
Speaker 5 (34:49):
O, good morning.
Speaker 1 (35:04):
There's a big show on the radio.
Speaker 5 (35:07):
Phone.
Speaker 3 (35:08):
You can get hot on the phone. Man, Hello, hesus hoint.
Speaker 11 (35:13):
All my life on a fight about it.
Speaker 1 (35:15):
Now man, John Boy and Bella here, Hey, sayday you.
Speaker 11 (35:18):
Beg gona hain No driving, no talking, nuts dragging, nose
picking that much, buddy?
Speaker 1 (35:26):
How is your holiday?
Speaker 15 (35:28):
Oh?
Speaker 11 (35:28):
Well, Christmas morning I was up to my arm pits
and fruits and nuts, just because Debortt and his relatives
got together. The trailer.
Speaker 1 (35:37):
That sounds like fun.
Speaker 11 (35:38):
Yeah right. One of Debart's nephews is sick when he
come over, and of course you know he's gonna pass
it around. Give me that stomach flute's been going around.
I had the squirt Savannah. This man Deborton after Christmas
hunting tree.
Speaker 1 (35:53):
Oh man, y'all didn't get to go this year?
Speaker 11 (35:54):
Hunh No, No, Debrett went without me. He took his
cousin Tater with it.
Speaker 3 (35:59):
Tater.
Speaker 11 (36:00):
Yeah, we call him out because he looks like a tater,
he says, bald, and he's got little warts all over
his face, looks like a Tater's been in the vegetable
ben about a week or too long.
Speaker 1 (36:10):
Tater's a big hunter.
Speaker 11 (36:11):
No, actually, it's his first hunting trip of any kind.
Speaker 1 (36:15):
So Delbert and a novice out hunting. How'd that go?
Speaker 11 (36:18):
No good? Never come dragging in about eight o'clock the
next night, all covered in mud and crud. Had that
deer in the back of the pickup truck is all
tore up briars and his antlers is a mess. I said,
what in the world happened to you? He says, Wow,
man on, Tator is out and the deer stand out
in the woods, and we'd had us a bear. Twell,
(36:39):
this deer come out of clearing. Tater got all excited
and fell plumb out of the tree stand knocked him cold.
Is a mess, and I never got that name. Dear
back to the truck, I says, yeah, Tater wasn't much
hell after he got his bell wrong. Huh, he said, Well,
Tater never woke up. I checked to make sure he's
still breathing, but I couldn't get him to come to
for nothing. I said, now, wait a minute. You mean
(37:01):
you drug it there all the way back home and
left your cousin lant up here in the woods. He's
well as a hard call, But I figure, what nobody
gonna steal Tater?
Speaker 1 (37:15):
Please tell me you got Tater out of the woods.
Speaker 11 (37:17):
Yeah. We went back next morning and picked him up.
He's all right, Hey, let's not around here. Me and
Eddie Bowers actually go to work. Yeah, well you tell him,
I said, uh, hell know what you mean? Bye Joe,
keep straight up, by bye bye.
Speaker 1 (37:35):
It's a big show on the radio. I can't read
this all right, sir, I'll read it.
Speaker 3 (37:41):
Good morning.
Speaker 21 (37:43):
This is Nigel Cadbury, Master Boys, Faithful Gentleman's Gentlemen, and
you're listening to Master Boy and young Sir William on
the Big Show. It's my responsibility to make sure that
Master Boy gets up and gets to work on time.
Speaker 10 (37:58):
So when he's laid it's my fault. So sad, I
feel so.
Speaker 11 (38:38):
Good.
Speaker 3 (38:38):
Monna, big show on the radio, New Year, New Drug.
Speaker 20 (38:44):
I gotta tell you I've tried them all. Nothing seems
to work. For me anymore. I mean, I can't sleep,
I'm anxious all the time. I'm kind of starting to
get this hopeless feeling. What's wrong with me? Do you
find it difficult to get aroused by any of the
current US presidential candidates. If so, you're not alone. It's
a problem known as electile dysfunction. It affects both men
(39:06):
and women, and it's more common today than ever before.
You've tried sucking it up. You've tried holding your nose
in the voting booth. You've even tried, Hey, how about
a rich guy with a big mouth or a socialist
nut job. Nothing seems to make any difference. If that
sounds familiar, you may be suffering from electile dysfunction. Be
(39:29):
on the lookout for these important warning signs. Yelling at
the TV while watching the news, saying one thing when
you really mean the exact opposite. An overwhelming urge to
spend other people's money, inability to administer mysterious private email servers,
strange off putting hairstyles, pandering attention to the plight of
(39:51):
gay and or transgender people, the urge to confiscate firearms
from their legal owners, recurring dreams about building, giant wall,
unwarranted concern about whether somebody makes more money than you,
looking like a police sketch of a Zodiac killer, bible thumbing,
mispronouncing the word huge, staying in a race even after
(40:14):
you've been mathematically eliminated, lying to Congress, and asphace. If
any of those sound like you, you may have electile dysfunction.
But now there's a new non prescription medication that can help.
It's called screw all of Them. Screw all of Them
is a fast acting, easy drinking liquid from your nearby
(40:37):
liquor or convenience store, available in a variety of flavors
including pale ale ipa malt liquor, sour mash, Swedish vodka, peppermint, cinnamon,
grape pucker, and yakermester. While not a cure for electile dysfunction,
screw all of Them has been proved effective in relieving
daily symptoms. Screw all of Them is for adults twenty
(40:58):
one and over. Some patients taking screw all of Them
experience moderate to severe side effects that may include slurred speech,
inability to tell the difference between whispering and shouting, dancing
like a retard, a sudden urge to visit a strip
club or karaoke bar on a weeknight, false perception of
being invisible and or bulletproof belief that ex lovers really
(41:20):
need to hear from you at three o'clock in the morning.
Spontaneous ass kickings, unexplained rugburns on knees or forehead, telling
a police officer you pay his salary, sudden late night incarceration,
and job loss. Screw all of them is not for everyone,
but in an election year like this, it can really help.
(41:42):
Ask your bartender if screw all of them is right
for you. I used to worry about politicians that I
finally found the answer.
Speaker 1 (41:51):
Screw all of them.
Speaker 20 (41:53):
Screw all of Them From the makers of Damatie used
only as.
Speaker 3 (41:56):
Direct Good morning, we got the Big Show on the radio.
Hang on, turn it over to beuse in just a minute.
Today we're gonna play Beat the Blonde. In a couple
of minutes, you can win an LS Tractor Hunting Season prize.
Fact It includes, among other wonderful things, a Blaze Orange
Beanie T shirt for your dog, screen cleaner, and keychain.
(42:19):
Click on the link at the Big Show dot Com
take you to LS Tractor USA find your local dealer.
Learn why customers start blue and stay blue. Ask you
about the limited edition Mantreo Camo LS tractor. Hang on,
play for it in minutes
Hosts And Creators
Billy James
Johnny "John Boy" Isley
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