August 21, 2023 • 32 mins
You’ve seen the Bama Rush Tik Toks… Chris is taking you inside sorority rush from a father’s POV.
He knows everything from Alpha Phi to Zeta Tau Alpha, but he is a Theta at heart.
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
This is the most dramatic podcast ever and iHeartRadio podcast.
Chris Harrison and Lauren Zema coming to you from the
home office in Austin, Texas. LZ, how you doing.
Speaker 2 (00:13):
I'm so good. My voice is back. I'm probably going
to lose it again as of tomorrow because I'm leaving
again for a week. But I'm enjoying this moment. Sees
the moment of success.
Speaker 1 (00:24):
A good season, as you like to say, We're in
a good season. You have this amazing trip coming up.
We're not going to dive into what and why you're
going away for a week from me, but I do
want to talk about it because it's really special and
it's beautiful, and we'll dive into it like maybe a
week from now.
Speaker 2 (00:41):
And let's say the word week one more time. I
think we've had a really good week.
Speaker 1 (00:44):
We've had a great week.
Speaker 2 (00:45):
We've gotten a lot done.
Speaker 1 (00:46):
Very wedding week. Is that a thing? We've had a
wedding lee week, you know.
Speaker 2 (00:51):
And I will say this being the second time I've
done this wedding thing. Speaking from experience, I think wedding
planning is a roller coaster. I mean a emotionally for
a lot of people, but be literally, don't you feel
we sort of get a lot done and then we
kind of step away from it for a while, and
then you sort of knock out a bunch in a
week and then you come back. And I think that's
(01:12):
better because then you're not thinking about it all the time.
But it makes sense because there's some things you have
to get done really far out, like book your venue,
book your music, and then closer on, you know some
things you can't do so far out, so closer on,
we're starting to get a few things done. Do you
think we delayed on anything. I'm getting nervous because when
I speak to some people, they sort of seem alarmed at.
Speaker 1 (01:34):
Our lack of I know, I think I was cutting
it close. I just went up to Dallas and had
suits made for it was big this week for me
and the groomsmen, the people that'll be a part of
our wedding. And I didn't realize, you know, we're cutting
it close. And so I went to an amazing.
Speaker 2 (01:56):
And they tell you that you were.
Speaker 1 (01:57):
Yeah. So I went to Kin's man Shop in Dallas, Texas.
This amazing habitashery, which is a word we don't use
enough anymore. Like old school Habitashery. You probably had a
lot of them in Chicago, because I think Chicago and
I think suits and fedoras and those kind of the old,
great looking men's.
Speaker 2 (02:14):
So it's a men's shop. Does Habitdashery mean you get
it tailored, you get it especially made.
Speaker 1 (02:18):
Yeah, like they make your suits and it's you know,
it's old school. And the way they treat you whiskey. Yeah.
You spend the day and they'll you know, or your
old steak sandwich or whatever, and you you really they
know you your family. And so I went to this
amazing it is phenomenal men's shop in Dallas, Texas called
Kinsman Shop that I go to frequently, and they are
making my wedding suits. And so went with my brother
(02:41):
your brother, yes, my son, and we you know, we're
getting suits put together and it was really fun. It
was great. But we're cutting it close. We're cutting it close,
they said, because they they're like, we got to build
these from scratch, buddy. So there are some things we're
taken care of, and it's it's it's approaching quickly, but
I'm I'm it's building an excitement. I am really unbelievably excited.
Speaker 2 (03:06):
I don't know why. Four to six weeks is like
the cooking equivalent of three hundred and fifty degrees. Everything's
at that. If you put pretty much anything in your
oven at three fifty, count on four to six weeks
for just anything to be made. And so I do
think we're we're cutting it close, but we're not down
to the wire yet. And I have to say, I
mean I cried twice this week with all this wedding
(03:28):
stuff we were getting done, both for good reason. First,
you just mentioned bringing my brother with you. I have
to applaud you because I was away on my girl's trip.
You were planning this thing this day to take the
guy's shopping for suits, and I didn't even know you'd
plan this with my brother, And you had his flight
handled and had him fly in, and it just meant
(03:51):
the world to me that you included him without even
a question and he had an amazing time. It is
such a good reminder well in that me me cry.
And it's such a good reminder too to have the experience.
I think sometimes when you're planning something like a wedding,
it's get it done. What's on the to do list?
What do we have to do. But it looked like
you all had a really beautiful day just enjoying trying
(04:13):
the suits on and picking it out.
Speaker 1 (04:15):
It was awesome. And that's that's why I would recommend
going to a habitasary because just like saying I do
like saying it. It's very high, right, I feel like
I should have a whiskey in my hand. But spending
the day going through all the kind of the swatches
and picking it up, it was just a thing that
brought us all together and everybody was collaborating of what
we thought would look great and what we were doing.
(04:37):
And I kind of turned it into I didn't want
to have a bachelor party, but that's what I kind
of turned into. My bachelor party was the night before
your brother, my brother, his son, my godson, and mine,
we all went to the Texas Ranger game. My brother
and I grew up going to the Ranger games with
my dad and it means a lot to us. We
love baseball and we've always loved the Texas Rangers. So
(04:58):
we were in town, went to a Ranger game and
we were just hanging out, watched the ball game, and
then we got out the next day, had suits made.
It was cool. It was my kind of bachelor party.
Speaker 2 (05:07):
I mean, maybe this sweetest and most productive bachelor party ever.
I have to give you a tip of the hat.
Not only did you have a tame, chill bachelor party,
but you got things done.
Speaker 1 (05:17):
You were getting tasks a coo and I mean, if
truth be told, moved Joshua back into TCU, so had
to move him into college in Fort Worth. Then we
went to the game then, so we really got a
lot done.
Speaker 2 (05:28):
So we also got done. Picking out our wedding bands,
our wedding ring. Do you say wedding ring or wedding band?
Speaker 1 (05:38):
I wear wedding ring, I would think, Unless I'm completely wrong, No, I.
Speaker 2 (05:41):
Don't know why I say wedding band. And then I
keep saying and I think people think I'm talking different
the music.
Speaker 1 (05:46):
I think yours would be different because you have a
wedding ring on, right or is that just our engagement right?
Speaker 2 (05:51):
I think that's the engager ring. I think I'm weird.
I have to stop saying wedding band. It's confusing.
Speaker 1 (05:55):
Maybe.
Speaker 2 (05:55):
So we picked out our wedding ring, yes, and I
cried there too. I didn't think I was gonna cry,
but we sort of found one for me kind of
right away, and you ended up with one that you
did not think you were going.
Speaker 1 (06:09):
To know, I did not think so. First of all,
we went to this great local spot, m Robinson.
Speaker 2 (06:15):
M Robinson Fine Jewelers. The most magical experience because the
store itself is so beautiful. They have a full bar
and in this jeweler, Yeah, that's really cool.
Speaker 1 (06:26):
We walk into a great bar.
Speaker 2 (06:28):
I mean whatever I get. It's sort of the equivalent
of a habitashery in the best way. It's very special
and curated. They have a full bar, they give you
a glass of champagne, and again, they make shopping an experience.
I always feel like I'm having, in the best way,
this pretty woman moment or a movie moment. It's a
gorgeous store. They've actually won design awards for the layout
(06:50):
and look of the store, and they have so much
great selection.
Speaker 1 (06:53):
We just love the fact that we're shopping local. Yah,
supporting the folks here in Austin. And I had this
idea my head of wearing a ring. Again. Obviously, I've
been married before, as has LZ, and so my last
ring was very specific because I had something to do
with my grandfather, but it was gold, and I just thought,
you know, I'm probably not gonna wear gold. And I
(07:13):
even told Elz the night before as she asked me,
what do you think? And I said, you know, I
don't think I'm gonna wear gold. I so, but what.
Speaker 2 (07:21):
Was funny is in my head and I really wanted
this to be your decision, but he's saying, I don't
think I'm gonna weear gold. I'm gonna get like white
gold or silver titanium. And in my head, I was thinking,
I'm picturing him in a gold wedding band. But I
didn't want to project my image on to you. This
is something you wear every day, and I wanted to
be what you like.
Speaker 1 (07:39):
And you let you let me come to the conclusion
that was yours from the first.
Speaker 2 (07:43):
Maybe that's a mental tactic I took from you.
Speaker 1 (07:45):
I'm then used on you, and I'm a big believer
you're kind of like this too. You will, you'll take
more time afterwards, but you definitely come to conclusions quickly
like I do. I am heartfelt. I if I have
that emotion with something, a house, a car, in this case,
my wedding ring, if I feel it, that's it. I'm done,
I am smitten, I've fallen in love. You are the one.
(08:07):
And that's how I felt about this ring that we
found and in Yes, you were right, it's gold. And
as soon as I saw it, and I was even
reluctant to try it on, I probably wouldn't have even
tried it on if you hadn't said hey, just take
a look. And as soon as I did, it was over.
It was done.
Speaker 2 (08:23):
It's interesting, I think, particularly with wedding stuff, people picture
it in their heads, you know. And I learned wedding
dress shopping actually because a good salesperson will say, hey,
why don't we just try something on that's totally different
from what you were thinking, just to see how it feels,
and you put that dress on, and then I actually
think oftentimes it's wait, this is the dress because it's funny.
(08:44):
I don't know why we have this image. But then
if someone just suggests something else and gets us outside
of our comfort zone a little bit, you know, it's
such an I think you it's such an important day
that you can get a little set in your ways,
in your mind.
Speaker 1 (08:55):
And do you think that oftentimes? In life? Sometimes dating,
sometimes whatever it is, if you like something that you
were pretty dead set on not liking. That says a
lot like I was going into it not thinking I
was going to like that, and then when you do,
it's even a bigger emotion.
Speaker 2 (09:12):
It's a reminder to stay open. Right. It's like what
I tell my friend my single friends with dating, they
have this check mark licks list, and you know, I
got to check all these boxes of things, and it's hey,
stay open because the guy who doesn't fit any of
those might be the perfect eye for you. And well
you just mentioned I think it was also a lesson
and yeah, just know thyself and how we react to things.
(09:36):
But I found my ring. I think it was the
first one I tried on. It was I saw it,
I did. I did feel like, okay, that looks like me,
but I had no idea what I wanted going in.
It was the first one I tried on. I kind
of started crying. But then the way I operate, you're
very confident, you think I picked this, this is it.
(09:56):
I love it. I had to go then try on
maybe email thing twenty more rings so that I knew
that in my head, I was comparing it to that
first ring, and I knew that ring was the ring
for me. So it's a process. Yeah, It's just like
how when we started dating, I had to go date
twenty more kidding funny.
Speaker 1 (10:14):
I was about to ask, is that what happened? And
I immediately saw that ring on your finger and I
knew that was the one. It was. There's just something
about it. It's weird when they just things like that fit.
It just looked right, it was beautiful. It was just
I fell in love with it and I can't wait
to put it on your finger.
Speaker 2 (10:35):
It was a beautiful day. It was so much fun,
and I am I continue to kind of be pleasantly
surprised by like everything feels easy. I don't want to
jinx it. And then, you know, I don't know when
you will. Maybe when you allow yourself to not push
so much pressure on it, then it allows just the
happiness to come in. Well.
Speaker 1 (10:51):
And I know there are hurdles ahead. I know we
will trip and stumble. I know something's going to hit us.
That'll be you know, whatever, there will be a little something.
I feel like, knock on wood, that you and I
will handle it well. I feel like you and I
know the end goal, the endgame is that we have
this amazing wedding and we're just together and we say
I do and that that's the most important thing. So
(11:14):
I think when that does come, I think you will.
We will be good at picking each other up, dust
each other off, and we're heading to the big picture.
Speaker 2 (11:22):
You gotta pivot, You got to move forward. Yeah, the
most important quality in life adapting with change. I say
this now, who knows how I feel if something goes
really wrong. But the problem is if slash. When something
goes wrong on your wedding day, and it's probably guaranteed
to if you don't respond, well, then you've ruined the
rest of your own wedding day and the only person
you're hurting is yourself.
Speaker 1 (11:52):
I said something interesting to your brother. We were talking
about the wedding, and he goes, I love this. I'm
going to take that and steal it because you're brothers
not married yet, and it's something you say a lot,
and I repeat it. We were talking about who's going
to be at the wedding. He was asking about, you know,
who else is going to be there. It's very very small, intimate,
and I said, I don't want to meet anybody on
(12:14):
our wedding day, and he stopped me. He's like, what
I said, I don't you know, Lauren, and I believe
we don't want to be introduced to anybody on our
wedding day, meaning we don't want strangers there. And he said,
he you know, John, your brother was like, that is
the most amazing quote. I'm taking that and I'm taking
that to my own wedding someday. And I don't know
(12:34):
if that's a novel thing, but I you know.
Speaker 2 (12:36):
Where I got that far from Wells's Wells Adams's brother's wife. Okay,
Wells's sister in law. We were hanging out a golf thing.
Wells's brother was caddying for him, and we were talking
about weddings and Brett's wife said that they had the
agreement they didn't want to meet anybody at their wedding,
meaning Okay, yes, this person might be your childhood friend,
(12:57):
but if I haven't met him five years into the
relationship at this point, I mean.
Speaker 1 (13:01):
How good of a friend.
Speaker 2 (13:02):
Yes, so it is a good marker and I credit
them for that.
Speaker 1 (13:05):
And we well, then that's who we've stolen it from.
Now your brother's stealing it from us, and I think
it is a great rule of thumb to take into
your wedding. Of Hey, between the two of us, let's
not meet somebody for the first time after we've just
said I do at the most intimate moment of our lives.
And so that was an interesting conversation with your brother
as well.
Speaker 2 (13:24):
Let's talk about another interesting conversation you had with him.
This is so funny, what a what family members will
reveal when given the opportunity to be alone with your partner.
Chris and my brother have never spent like, have never
done a trip away together. And also a lesson in
the trauma we inflict on our siblings. You told me
(13:45):
this story that he told you, and I have zero
recollection of this and it's so weird.
Speaker 1 (13:49):
So the Ziema family, there's two older sisters. There is Lauren,
her sister Christina. Then there's the younger brother John. So
he's the youngest of three two older sisters. That's a
lot right there, I'm sure. Then he says, oh, yeah,
Christina and Lauren made me the weirdest food and they
would make me eat it because we were having we
(14:11):
were having lunch yesterday and I ordered a tuna fish
sandwich and he goes, Oh, my god, I can't eat
tuna fish. I said, why man, and he goes, because
my sisters made me. You know, fruit roll ups, right,
they said they put tuna fish in a fruit roll up,
rolled it up. And then you said they put my
mom's red sauce on it. I was like, what's that?
He said, it was with spaghetti sauce, like spaghetti sauce.
(14:33):
So you put tuna in a fruit roll up, put
spaghetti sauce on it, made your brother eat it, and
it made him sick. No shocker there. To this day,
your brother cannot eat tuna fish because of what you
did to him.
Speaker 2 (14:45):
I have never heard this from him. Let me take
this moment to publicly apologize to him for the trauma.
It is wild what we remember from our childhoods and
other people don't. Of course, I look back on being
his older sister, and I think all I did was protect.
Speaker 1 (15:01):
Him, imparted wisdom.
Speaker 2 (15:02):
I cooked for him, but never tuna in a fruit
roll up. I babysat him. Wow.
Speaker 1 (15:08):
Wait wait, I want to stop you. You cooked for him, Well,
maybe that was a step too far.
Speaker 2 (15:14):
I did. I mean, I mean mac and cheese. I
remember I would make frozen chicken tenders, but you just
put those in the oven at three point fifty.
Speaker 1 (15:21):
So we had a great week and it's it was
a good step. And I think now we're going to
hit the pause button again for a moment because we
got stuff in your traveling, and then we'll get back
into it.
Speaker 2 (15:30):
This roller coaster keeps on rolling up and down.
Speaker 1 (15:33):
But something I really wanted to talk about this week
because we're kind of going through it somewhat. But it's
something that everybody's going back to school and a lot
of parents friends of ours have their kids going to college.
We went through this last year. You've gone through this
as a student sorority rush. Sorority recruitment is going on
(15:54):
right now at a lot of schools, not all schools.
Some do second semester, some do whatever, but the majority
of schools going through rush right now. Our daughter Taylor
is at TCU. She's now a sophomore. She's a theta,
so she's on the other side of it. But we
went through it last year. This is something that Lauren
tried to prepare me for. I was not emotionally prepared.
(16:15):
I had a son who went through a fraternity rush,
not the same at all. It is the difference between
I don't know, there's no difference, there's no comparison. So
going through sorty rush and so we're living this now
with a lot of parents, and it's really taken to
the internet now because of TikTok. There's the girl from
Alabama that's tiktoking, that's you know, kind.
Speaker 2 (16:38):
Of last year and then but that one woman's young
woman started it last year. I don't know if now
it's still going on here.
Speaker 1 (16:44):
There's a girl on TikTok. I read an article today
about a girl that's going through it. She's like, I
am miserable. It is so blessedly hot, I am exhausted.
I haven't slept rush talk. Yeah, it's a lot. And
so we are going through that with some of our
friends that are now freshmen, and I just I feel
for all of you parents out there.
Speaker 2 (17:03):
I think the hardest part about it. Tell me if
I'm wrong, is that it's one of those situations where
as a parent there's nothing you can do. You want
your child to be accepted, to find friends, but you
have no control in this situation, and your child is
feeling rejected and feeling hurt and you can't, you can't
(17:25):
really do anything.
Speaker 1 (17:26):
That's a good point because it's kind of the first time.
You know, first of all, we're letting go for the
first time from high school to college. So you're letting
go as it is, and you're right into one of
the worst positions a parent and kid.
Speaker 2 (17:37):
Right off the bat, Yeah, before the school's even started.
And I've also because we have a few friends who
their kids are going through this year, and so I'm
just talking to the moms and counseling them and checking
in on them, because again, you want this to be
and I do believe. I mean my sorority sisters, who
are the women I just went on my girls trip with.
(17:57):
They are my dearest friends in the world eighteen years
after I went through this recruitment thing myself, and so
I believe in the process you are going to find friends.
And it's such a great way to make a big
school feel small and a great way for your daughter
son to have activities and things going on and stay
busy in a new environment. But no matter what, when
(18:18):
you're going through recruitment and a house says they don't
want you, it feels like rejection. And what I try
to tell our friends about their daughters. Is it's like dating. Actually,
it is like a relationship. It's like figuring it out.
It's a mutual selection process. These girls who are in
the house right now, they are trying to find other
(18:40):
women who they know will vibe with them, are of
that vibe. And so when they quote unquote you know,
cut you reject you, it's really just them saying, hey,
you're actually going to be a better fit in another house.
All the best to you, but we're not the right match.
And that's why it's a mutual selection process. But probably,
just like dating, even if you know someone's not for you,
(19:02):
if they dump you, it still doesn't feel good.
Speaker 1 (19:04):
One thing, I was not knowledgeable about it at all.
You may know about this. Parents are spending thousands of
dollars on recruitment coaches.
Speaker 2 (19:15):
I've heard about this. I've never seen it. I've never I've.
Speaker 1 (19:19):
Read about this Alabama situation.
Speaker 2 (19:21):
So I think it happens at more at the southern
schools because I went to Missoo, which is more like
a Midwest school.
Speaker 1 (19:26):
So we're talking old miss at Alabama.
Speaker 2 (19:29):
And I wouldn't call TCU, I wouldn't put tc in
that category. I've never heard of it happening there, but
maybe it is.
Speaker 1 (19:34):
But people, so what this is parents will pay or
you know, kids or whatever. Somebody's paying hundreds, if not
thousands of dollars to kind of put your resume together,
be saying the right things there were there. They're coaching
you up on when you get to campus, what to
say in recruitment, how to.
Speaker 2 (19:53):
How do you feel about that?
Speaker 1 (19:56):
I think it's I think it's I think it's a
bridge too far. I know parents want to get involved.
I know they want their kids to be happy, But
I am a big believer in what you just said.
Put yourself out there, be who you are. You will
find your tribe, and I know we are tribal people.
And you're wanting to belong and you don't know. You're
(20:16):
seventeen eighteen maybe and you think you want to be
a tried Delt or a Gamma PI or whatever. That
may not be the right place for you. And you
don't know you've only been there a week.
Speaker 2 (20:27):
Yes, and I've told again many other women this with
their girls going through the opinion will change throughout the week.
I remember when I went through day I mean I
was the first person in my family to go to
a four year university, obviously the first person to go Greek.
So I had no idea what I was in for.
And then day to day my opinions on the house
(20:48):
is totally changed. You know, you feel differently in the
middle of the week than he did at the beginning.
By the end of the week, I actually the second
to last day had been cut I think by everywhere
accept data, and at that time I just felt so rejected.
But I thought, well, I did like Theta. I hope
it's right for me. And then I look back and think, well,
(21:10):
all those other houses cut me because they thought this
nerd by the Theta at my school was top and grades,
this theater girl with her GPA is a Theta. Just
go make her a Theta. That's what she needs to
be all the best. So that's what it was.
Speaker 1 (21:24):
They can see that you don't.
Speaker 2 (21:25):
But I went through with I didn't have wreck letters,
I didn't have anything, and I'm so glad because it
was my way of just going in raw and finding
my people. And I think when I hear that recruitment
counselor thing, I think two things. One, I think, well,
I'm going to judge parents for a second, but by
this point, I feel like your kid, since they're going
(21:48):
out into the world on their own, you should have
kind of shown them how to speak to new people.
They should be I'm not saying I was great at
it at eighteen, but they should be able to carry
on a conversation with a new person. And two, you
might be setting them up for a situation that isn't
right for them because of your own pride, because of
your own fears. It reminds me kind of like the
(22:09):
Varsity Blues thing.
Speaker 1 (22:12):
Handle.
Speaker 2 (22:13):
Yeah, you're you're they're faking their kids tests. Okay, well
you just got your kid into a school. They're not
going to be able to handle.
Speaker 1 (22:19):
Not everybody needs to go to Harvard, and Harvard's not
for everybody. You're not going to feel comfortable there, usc
you name it. I agree, and stories are the same way.
And we went through this with with our daughter Taylor.
She got cut by somebody she thought she loved and
she was pretty devastated. She was a thet girl like same.
Speaker 2 (22:37):
Kind of sty At the end of the week, she
was totally happy and everybody It's another roller coaster for
any parents with their kids. Going through recruitment. It is
that is a roller coaster. You have all my love.
I wish I could send you a shot of tequila.
Speaker 1 (22:52):
Babe. What I wasn't prepared for? And Lauren tried to
prepare me for this. I was not prepared. I had
gone through this with my son. You know, if you
have a frat boy, you don't you know what it is.
Speaker 2 (23:02):
Maybe it's the difference of and dare I use a
sports analogy?
Speaker 1 (23:05):
Oh, this is good.
Speaker 2 (23:06):
It's the difference of like a pickup game of backyard
football versus you're trying to go and train and get
in the NFL.
Speaker 1 (23:12):
Babe. You just crushed that on every level. Yeah, you're right,
a pickup game, who cares? It's all good. You're playing.
That's playing with your buddies. Hey, Lauren, you want to play? Sure? Cool?
And you know then you flip to dedicating your whole life.
There is a script, there's a plan, there's rules you
(23:33):
cannot break. You're right. That is a wow. Can somebody
mark this down in the in the history books.
Speaker 2 (23:40):
I think we will get married. I think we can.
Speaker 1 (23:42):
Yeah. I just fell in love all over again.
Speaker 2 (23:45):
I and another milestone. I was just sitting here soaking,
and I might play back and listen to you saying
that I was right and you were wrong. This is
a great moment.
Speaker 1 (23:52):
They should have listened to me. Dare I say that
was a home run of a sports analogy?
Speaker 2 (23:56):
Eh, you lost me.
Speaker 1 (24:09):
Fraternity recruitment is nothing. It is a point one on
the Richter scale compared to what I was going through
with my daughter, which I was not emotionally prepared for.
I'm like, she's fine, she's going to go through it,
She'll find her people. Oh my god. I had anxiety.
I wasn't sleeping. I was like leaning on Lauren, tell
(24:29):
me it's going to be okay. How come nobody prepared
me for this? What the hell? And I know a
lot of parents are going through that, especially if it's
your first kid going to school, because if you didn't
have that experience and it's your first kid, you have
no idea. So you haven't prepared your kid for this
because they don't know. You don't know. It is like
(24:50):
being shot out of a cannon. And we have some
friends who are going through that, and you are amazing.
I want to toot your horn because Lauren every day
gets up. I see the group tech messages go out
checking on their daughters. How are you guys doing? How
can I help you? What can I explain to you?
Because these parents, I know, it's their hair is on fire.
(25:10):
They have no idea what's going on, and they just
are gut wrenched.
Speaker 2 (25:14):
Well, it's hard. Again, what is the strongest thing in
the world of parents love for their child? So if
you're unfamiliar, like we have one friend who she was
in a sorority herself, she had an older daughter go
through so she's a bit more familiar. Then we have
another friend who is not in a sorority, and this
is her first child going to college. And I can
tell she's rightfully, you know, getting maybe a little defensive,
(25:37):
like no, how could this is like like you almost
get a little mad at the process. And I try
to encourage people again, try to see it differently. It's
a mutual selection thing. It's like speed dating, you know,
and you can't get upset just because someone might not
be into you. The next person's coming right down the pipeline.
But in this case, these are sorority houses. And I
(25:58):
just believe in it's so much because that's such a
major part of what people can get out of college.
You know, I remember reading not long ago that, especially
with just how much information is out there now and
how much college costs. Of course people are questioning is
college really worth it? And it might not be worth
the value for everybody, but there is I think a
(26:19):
lot of people send their kids to college for the experience.
Now it's a growth moment.
Speaker 1 (26:22):
It is a growth moment, and I think expanding on
something you were saying, because your mom was a tried
out at Old miss does not mean you should be
a tried out at TCU. You know, even at the
same school. From year to year, these chapters change so much,
the personality changes. So I think letting go of some
(26:43):
of that because oh my mom was this, I need
to really love this, that's not necessarily the case. Find
your people, and that's what you should want for all
of your kids, is go let them find their people
they feel comfortable with that will love them and they'll
feel part of that community. It's huge. Obviously. Something else
on social media, the dances have re emerged, the sorority
(27:06):
dances on TikTok and Instagram.
Speaker 2 (27:08):
Of the chanting.
Speaker 1 (27:09):
The chanting yes, oh yeah, but now it's the dancing right,
you have the four or five girls upfront that do
the dance and everyone in the back. It's really funny.
Speaker 2 (27:16):
It blows my mind when I think about all that
these kids deal with with social media being a part
of it, because now they sort of present their sorority
for a full week on social media before the new
potential members even get there, and they have themes and dances,
and I mean it is the effort is immense.
Speaker 1 (27:38):
When I went to I took Joshua back to TCU.
He's a senior, so he's not really involved in rush
and all that, and so our daughter is and she's
in the middle of it, and so I was able
to see her for lunch. She was, you know, sick already,
you know, kind of had a cold. She hasn't slept,
She's going through work week trying to do all this
sorority stuff. And I'm like, man, she because even on
(27:58):
the other side of it's a lot.
Speaker 2 (28:00):
But as you know, maybe they don't know it now,
but I look back at those moments. The best moments
with my friends were the overtired, slap happy, We're exhausted,
but we're in this together, and those moments make friendships.
Speaker 1 (28:14):
What's funny and again you don't know what you don't know?
And I told her, I said, this is you know,
this is good for you. It's good to see, like
what it's like to work NonStop. And it was really
funny that she's like, you know, good training for what.
I said, Well, what you're going through. Now, I know
you think this is working hard. It's not. This is
not this is not grinding it out.
Speaker 2 (28:33):
And you know, grinding it out is when you're working.
You know, your first job and you can never leave
the office, and then you have your first kid, and yeah.
Speaker 1 (28:43):
Do you remember any of your chants or any of
your things? Of course, can you give us one? No,
this is no.
Speaker 2 (28:51):
I'm not.
Speaker 1 (28:53):
Our producer. Kendall put me up to that. We tried, Kendall,
we tried.
Speaker 2 (28:59):
I mean, I don't think anybody wants to hear it.
But more so, it's okay.
Speaker 1 (29:04):
That's okay, we'll pass.
Speaker 2 (29:06):
Now, I'll do it. I'll do it. Let's set it out.
The mistake I'm gonna say, I cannot give you these
secret ones. Okay, oh yes, but I will give you.
Let's see how much I remember of this. She's got
one star, two stars, two twin stars. She's a Theta
to the bone. When you see that girl walking down
the streets, you better leave that gall alone. She's got
(29:29):
eyes like sapphire's, teeth like pearls. Gosh o gee. She's
a Theta girl. She's got one star, two star, two
twin stars. She's a Theta to the bone.
Speaker 1 (29:37):
Amazing.
Speaker 2 (29:38):
I could keep going, and so remember all of it.
Speaker 1 (29:41):
Kendall just typed yes, exclamation point, excavation point. Well done, Kendall.
I mean you have a great voice, by the way,
and I've heard you sing before. You have a great
singing voice.
Speaker 2 (29:52):
I mean, no, thank you for saying that, but you
don't really think it. You're just being nice. Yeah, it's
actually scary. How much of that I remember? You know?
Speaker 1 (30:00):
I remember there's things all of them, Like I can
recite the Greek alphabet unbelievably fast. They do that alphabet,
get alphabeta, gambadel to eppslon ata a to a to iota, caapalama,
moon news iomacron, piratement, tell hoops on like I say, omega, sir,
I notice the cert at the end, to see it
three times before the match, burn their fingers or you
got in trouble the things that come back to us.
(30:21):
But anyway, Uh, the point being for all of this,
for all the parents whose kids are you know, especially
your daughters going through sorority rush. Right now, you're not sleeping,
your daughter might be crying. You're talking them off a ledge. Lauren,
and I feel for you, especially Lauren feels for you.
She has been there, she knows it. We send you
our love, have grace, have compassion, and just know, at
(30:44):
the end of the day, they're in college, they're winning,
They're going to be great. They're no matter what they're
going to do, just fine. They're going to have an
amazing life, they're getting a higher education. It's all good.
Speaker 2 (30:56):
Well, you got them there, right. My mom would say
when I remember when my dropped us off at college,
She's like, Okay, I did my job. I got you
to college. Of course, then I think she realized later
a parent's job is never over. But I do. I
think it's such a fun, exciting time for them. And
I don't know if you have any big advice overall,
but I just always try to encourage. I tried to
(31:17):
with my siblings and now I do with your kids,
to say yes to things. You know, go out, don't
sit on your couch in your dorm room. Nothing's going
to happen there. Say hi to people you don't know,
join in on things because this is a time to
experience so much that it helps you find out who
you are.
Speaker 1 (31:34):
Yeah, I completely agree, and just drink it all in.
This is the best time and mean like alcohol. I know,
I don't mean it. I was a figure of speech,
but yeah, just really enjoy every ounce of it. It
is such a phenomenal time. Safe travels to you this week.
I don't know what's going to happen. We're going to
be a part for a week, but have an amazing
(31:57):
week and I can't wait to let everybody in on
what that's going to be like. And thank you all
for joining us, Thank you for diving in, and again
for all your kids off to school, all the kids
there at Sorority Rush. We wish you all the very best,
and we will talk to you next time because we
got a lot more to talk about. Thanks for listening.
Follow us on Instagram at the most dramatic pod ever
and make sure to write us a review and leave
(32:18):
us five stars. I'll talk to you next time.
This is the most dramatic podcast ever and iHeartRadio podcast.
Chris Harrison and Lauren Zema coming to you from the
home office in Austin, Texas. LZ, how you doing.
Speaker 2 (00:13):
I'm so good. My voice is back. I'm probably going
to lose it again as of tomorrow because I'm leaving
again for a week. But I'm enjoying this moment. Sees
the moment of success.
Speaker 1 (00:24):
A good season, as you like to say, We're in
a good season. You have this amazing trip coming up.
We're not going to dive into what and why you're
going away for a week from me, but I do
want to talk about it because it's really special and
it's beautiful, and we'll dive into it like maybe a
week from now.
Speaker 2 (00:41):
And let's say the word week one more time. I
think we've had a really good week.
Speaker 1 (00:44):
We've had a great week.
Speaker 2 (00:45):
We've gotten a lot done.
Speaker 1 (00:46):
Very wedding week. Is that a thing? We've had a
wedding lee week, you know.
Speaker 2 (00:51):
And I will say this being the second time I've
done this wedding thing. Speaking from experience, I think wedding
planning is a roller coaster. I mean a emotionally for
a lot of people, but be literally, don't you feel
we sort of get a lot done and then we
kind of step away from it for a while, and
then you sort of knock out a bunch in a
week and then you come back. And I think that's
(01:12):
better because then you're not thinking about it all the time.
But it makes sense because there's some things you have
to get done really far out, like book your venue,
book your music, and then closer on, you know some
things you can't do so far out, so closer on,
we're starting to get a few things done. Do you
think we delayed on anything. I'm getting nervous because when
I speak to some people, they sort of seem alarmed at.
Speaker 1 (01:34):
Our lack of I know, I think I was cutting
it close. I just went up to Dallas and had
suits made for it was big this week for me
and the groomsmen, the people that'll be a part of
our wedding. And I didn't realize, you know, we're cutting
it close. And so I went to an amazing.
Speaker 2 (01:56):
And they tell you that you were.
Speaker 1 (01:57):
Yeah. So I went to Kin's man Shop in Dallas, Texas.
This amazing habitashery, which is a word we don't use
enough anymore. Like old school Habitashery. You probably had a
lot of them in Chicago, because I think Chicago and
I think suits and fedoras and those kind of the old,
great looking men's.
Speaker 2 (02:14):
So it's a men's shop. Does Habitdashery mean you get
it tailored, you get it especially made.
Speaker 1 (02:18):
Yeah, like they make your suits and it's you know,
it's old school. And the way they treat you whiskey. Yeah.
You spend the day and they'll you know, or your
old steak sandwich or whatever, and you you really they
know you your family. And so I went to this
amazing it is phenomenal men's shop in Dallas, Texas called
Kinsman Shop that I go to frequently, and they are
making my wedding suits. And so went with my brother
(02:41):
your brother, yes, my son, and we you know, we're
getting suits put together and it was really fun. It
was great. But we're cutting it close. We're cutting it close,
they said, because they they're like, we got to build
these from scratch, buddy. So there are some things we're
taken care of, and it's it's it's approaching quickly, but
I'm I'm it's building an excitement. I am really unbelievably excited.
Speaker 2 (03:06):
I don't know why. Four to six weeks is like
the cooking equivalent of three hundred and fifty degrees. Everything's
at that. If you put pretty much anything in your
oven at three fifty, count on four to six weeks
for just anything to be made. And so I do
think we're we're cutting it close, but we're not down
to the wire yet. And I have to say, I
mean I cried twice this week with all this wedding
(03:28):
stuff we were getting done, both for good reason. First,
you just mentioned bringing my brother with you. I have
to applaud you because I was away on my girl's trip.
You were planning this thing this day to take the
guy's shopping for suits, and I didn't even know you'd
plan this with my brother, And you had his flight
handled and had him fly in, and it just meant
(03:51):
the world to me that you included him without even
a question and he had an amazing time. It is
such a good reminder well in that me me cry.
And it's such a good reminder too to have the experience.
I think sometimes when you're planning something like a wedding,
it's get it done. What's on the to do list?
What do we have to do. But it looked like
you all had a really beautiful day just enjoying trying
(04:13):
the suits on and picking it out.
Speaker 1 (04:15):
It was awesome. And that's that's why I would recommend
going to a habitasary because just like saying I do
like saying it. It's very high, right, I feel like
I should have a whiskey in my hand. But spending
the day going through all the kind of the swatches
and picking it up, it was just a thing that
brought us all together and everybody was collaborating of what
we thought would look great and what we were doing.
(04:37):
And I kind of turned it into I didn't want
to have a bachelor party, but that's what I kind
of turned into. My bachelor party was the night before
your brother, my brother, his son, my godson, and mine,
we all went to the Texas Ranger game. My brother
and I grew up going to the Ranger games with
my dad and it means a lot to us. We
love baseball and we've always loved the Texas Rangers. So
(04:58):
we were in town, went to a Ranger game and
we were just hanging out, watched the ball game, and
then we got out the next day, had suits made.
It was cool. It was my kind of bachelor party.
Speaker 2 (05:07):
I mean, maybe this sweetest and most productive bachelor party ever.
I have to give you a tip of the hat.
Not only did you have a tame, chill bachelor party,
but you got things done.
Speaker 1 (05:17):
You were getting tasks a coo and I mean, if
truth be told, moved Joshua back into TCU, so had
to move him into college in Fort Worth. Then we
went to the game then, so we really got a
lot done.
Speaker 2 (05:28):
So we also got done. Picking out our wedding bands,
our wedding ring. Do you say wedding ring or wedding band?
Speaker 1 (05:38):
I wear wedding ring, I would think, Unless I'm completely wrong, No, I.
Speaker 2 (05:41):
Don't know why I say wedding band. And then I
keep saying and I think people think I'm talking different
the music.
Speaker 1 (05:46):
I think yours would be different because you have a
wedding ring on, right or is that just our engagement right?
Speaker 2 (05:51):
I think that's the engager ring. I think I'm weird.
I have to stop saying wedding band. It's confusing.
Speaker 1 (05:55):
Maybe.
Speaker 2 (05:55):
So we picked out our wedding ring, yes, and I
cried there too. I didn't think I was gonna cry,
but we sort of found one for me kind of
right away, and you ended up with one that you
did not think you were going.
Speaker 1 (06:09):
To know, I did not think so. First of all,
we went to this great local spot, m Robinson.
Speaker 2 (06:15):
M Robinson Fine Jewelers. The most magical experience because the
store itself is so beautiful. They have a full bar
and in this jeweler, Yeah, that's really cool.
Speaker 1 (06:26):
We walk into a great bar.
Speaker 2 (06:28):
I mean whatever I get. It's sort of the equivalent
of a habitashery in the best way. It's very special
and curated. They have a full bar, they give you
a glass of champagne, and again, they make shopping an experience.
I always feel like I'm having, in the best way,
this pretty woman moment or a movie moment. It's a
gorgeous store. They've actually won design awards for the layout
(06:50):
and look of the store, and they have so much
great selection.
Speaker 1 (06:53):
We just love the fact that we're shopping local. Yah,
supporting the folks here in Austin. And I had this
idea my head of wearing a ring. Again. Obviously, I've
been married before, as has LZ, and so my last
ring was very specific because I had something to do
with my grandfather, but it was gold, and I just thought,
you know, I'm probably not gonna wear gold. And I
(07:13):
even told Elz the night before as she asked me,
what do you think? And I said, you know, I
don't think I'm gonna wear gold. I so, but what.
Speaker 2 (07:21):
Was funny is in my head and I really wanted
this to be your decision, but he's saying, I don't
think I'm gonna weear gold. I'm gonna get like white
gold or silver titanium. And in my head, I was thinking,
I'm picturing him in a gold wedding band. But I
didn't want to project my image on to you. This
is something you wear every day, and I wanted to
be what you like.
Speaker 1 (07:39):
And you let you let me come to the conclusion
that was yours from the first.
Speaker 2 (07:43):
Maybe that's a mental tactic I took from you.
Speaker 1 (07:45):
I'm then used on you, and I'm a big believer
you're kind of like this too. You will, you'll take
more time afterwards, but you definitely come to conclusions quickly
like I do. I am heartfelt. I if I have
that emotion with something, a house, a car, in this case,
my wedding ring, if I feel it, that's it. I'm done,
I am smitten, I've fallen in love. You are the one.
(08:07):
And that's how I felt about this ring that we
found and in Yes, you were right, it's gold. And
as soon as I saw it, and I was even
reluctant to try it on, I probably wouldn't have even
tried it on if you hadn't said hey, just take
a look. And as soon as I did, it was over.
It was done.
Speaker 2 (08:23):
It's interesting, I think, particularly with wedding stuff, people picture
it in their heads, you know. And I learned wedding
dress shopping actually because a good salesperson will say, hey,
why don't we just try something on that's totally different
from what you were thinking, just to see how it feels,
and you put that dress on, and then I actually
think oftentimes it's wait, this is the dress because it's funny.
(08:44):
I don't know why we have this image. But then
if someone just suggests something else and gets us outside
of our comfort zone a little bit, you know, it's
such an I think you it's such an important day
that you can get a little set in your ways,
in your mind.
Speaker 1 (08:55):
And do you think that oftentimes? In life? Sometimes dating,
sometimes whatever it is, if you like something that you
were pretty dead set on not liking. That says a
lot like I was going into it not thinking I
was going to like that, and then when you do,
it's even a bigger emotion.
Speaker 2 (09:12):
It's a reminder to stay open. Right. It's like what
I tell my friend my single friends with dating, they
have this check mark licks list, and you know, I
got to check all these boxes of things, and it's hey,
stay open because the guy who doesn't fit any of
those might be the perfect eye for you. And well
you just mentioned I think it was also a lesson
and yeah, just know thyself and how we react to things.
(09:36):
But I found my ring. I think it was the
first one I tried on. It was I saw it,
I did. I did feel like, okay, that looks like me,
but I had no idea what I wanted going in.
It was the first one I tried on. I kind
of started crying. But then the way I operate, you're
very confident, you think I picked this, this is it.
(09:56):
I love it. I had to go then try on
maybe email thing twenty more rings so that I knew
that in my head, I was comparing it to that
first ring, and I knew that ring was the ring
for me. So it's a process. Yeah, It's just like
how when we started dating, I had to go date
twenty more kidding funny.
Speaker 1 (10:14):
I was about to ask, is that what happened? And
I immediately saw that ring on your finger and I
knew that was the one. It was. There's just something
about it. It's weird when they just things like that fit.
It just looked right, it was beautiful. It was just
I fell in love with it and I can't wait
to put it on your finger.
Speaker 2 (10:35):
It was a beautiful day. It was so much fun,
and I am I continue to kind of be pleasantly
surprised by like everything feels easy. I don't want to
jinx it. And then, you know, I don't know when
you will. Maybe when you allow yourself to not push
so much pressure on it, then it allows just the
happiness to come in. Well.
Speaker 1 (10:51):
And I know there are hurdles ahead. I know we
will trip and stumble. I know something's going to hit us.
That'll be you know, whatever, there will be a little something.
I feel like, knock on wood, that you and I
will handle it well. I feel like you and I
know the end goal, the endgame is that we have
this amazing wedding and we're just together and we say
I do and that that's the most important thing. So
(11:14):
I think when that does come, I think you will.
We will be good at picking each other up, dust
each other off, and we're heading to the big picture.
Speaker 2 (11:22):
You gotta pivot, You got to move forward. Yeah, the
most important quality in life adapting with change. I say
this now, who knows how I feel if something goes
really wrong. But the problem is if slash. When something
goes wrong on your wedding day, and it's probably guaranteed
to if you don't respond, well, then you've ruined the
rest of your own wedding day and the only person
you're hurting is yourself.
Speaker 1 (11:52):
I said something interesting to your brother. We were talking
about the wedding, and he goes, I love this. I'm
going to take that and steal it because you're brothers
not married yet, and it's something you say a lot,
and I repeat it. We were talking about who's going
to be at the wedding. He was asking about, you know,
who else is going to be there. It's very very small, intimate,
and I said, I don't want to meet anybody on
(12:14):
our wedding day, and he stopped me. He's like, what
I said, I don't you know, Lauren, and I believe
we don't want to be introduced to anybody on our
wedding day, meaning we don't want strangers there. And he said,
he you know, John, your brother was like, that is
the most amazing quote. I'm taking that and I'm taking
that to my own wedding someday. And I don't know
(12:34):
if that's a novel thing, but I you know.
Speaker 2 (12:36):
Where I got that far from Wells's Wells Adams's brother's wife. Okay,
Wells's sister in law. We were hanging out a golf thing.
Wells's brother was caddying for him, and we were talking
about weddings and Brett's wife said that they had the
agreement they didn't want to meet anybody at their wedding,
meaning Okay, yes, this person might be your childhood friend,
(12:57):
but if I haven't met him five years into the
relationship at this point, I mean.
Speaker 1 (13:01):
How good of a friend.
Speaker 2 (13:02):
Yes, so it is a good marker and I credit
them for that.
Speaker 1 (13:05):
And we well, then that's who we've stolen it from.
Now your brother's stealing it from us, and I think
it is a great rule of thumb to take into
your wedding. Of Hey, between the two of us, let's
not meet somebody for the first time after we've just
said I do at the most intimate moment of our lives.
And so that was an interesting conversation with your brother
as well.
Speaker 2 (13:24):
Let's talk about another interesting conversation you had with him.
This is so funny, what a what family members will
reveal when given the opportunity to be alone with your partner.
Chris and my brother have never spent like, have never
done a trip away together. And also a lesson in
the trauma we inflict on our siblings. You told me
(13:45):
this story that he told you, and I have zero
recollection of this and it's so weird.
Speaker 1 (13:49):
So the Ziema family, there's two older sisters. There is Lauren,
her sister Christina. Then there's the younger brother John. So
he's the youngest of three two older sisters. That's a
lot right there, I'm sure. Then he says, oh, yeah,
Christina and Lauren made me the weirdest food and they
would make me eat it because we were having we
(14:11):
were having lunch yesterday and I ordered a tuna fish
sandwich and he goes, Oh, my god, I can't eat
tuna fish. I said, why man, and he goes, because
my sisters made me. You know, fruit roll ups, right,
they said they put tuna fish in a fruit roll up,
rolled it up. And then you said they put my
mom's red sauce on it. I was like, what's that?
He said, it was with spaghetti sauce, like spaghetti sauce.
(14:33):
So you put tuna in a fruit roll up, put
spaghetti sauce on it, made your brother eat it, and
it made him sick. No shocker there. To this day,
your brother cannot eat tuna fish because of what you
did to him.
Speaker 2 (14:45):
I have never heard this from him. Let me take
this moment to publicly apologize to him for the trauma.
It is wild what we remember from our childhoods and
other people don't. Of course, I look back on being
his older sister, and I think all I did was protect.
Speaker 1 (15:01):
Him, imparted wisdom.
Speaker 2 (15:02):
I cooked for him, but never tuna in a fruit
roll up. I babysat him. Wow.
Speaker 1 (15:08):
Wait wait, I want to stop you. You cooked for him, Well,
maybe that was a step too far.
Speaker 2 (15:14):
I did. I mean, I mean mac and cheese. I
remember I would make frozen chicken tenders, but you just
put those in the oven at three point fifty.
Speaker 1 (15:21):
So we had a great week and it's it was
a good step. And I think now we're going to
hit the pause button again for a moment because we
got stuff in your traveling, and then we'll get back
into it.
Speaker 2 (15:30):
This roller coaster keeps on rolling up and down.
Speaker 1 (15:33):
But something I really wanted to talk about this week
because we're kind of going through it somewhat. But it's
something that everybody's going back to school and a lot
of parents friends of ours have their kids going to college.
We went through this last year. You've gone through this
as a student sorority rush. Sorority recruitment is going on
(15:54):
right now at a lot of schools, not all schools.
Some do second semester, some do whatever, but the majority
of schools going through rush right now. Our daughter Taylor
is at TCU. She's now a sophomore. She's a theta,
so she's on the other side of it. But we
went through it last year. This is something that Lauren
tried to prepare me for. I was not emotionally prepared.
(16:15):
I had a son who went through a fraternity rush,
not the same at all. It is the difference between
I don't know, there's no difference, there's no comparison. So
going through sorty rush and so we're living this now
with a lot of parents, and it's really taken to
the internet now because of TikTok. There's the girl from
Alabama that's tiktoking, that's you know, kind.
Speaker 2 (16:38):
Of last year and then but that one woman's young
woman started it last year. I don't know if now
it's still going on here.
Speaker 1 (16:44):
There's a girl on TikTok. I read an article today
about a girl that's going through it. She's like, I
am miserable. It is so blessedly hot, I am exhausted.
I haven't slept rush talk. Yeah, it's a lot. And
so we are going through that with some of our
friends that are now freshmen, and I just I feel
for all of you parents out there.
Speaker 2 (17:03):
I think the hardest part about it. Tell me if
I'm wrong, is that it's one of those situations where
as a parent there's nothing you can do. You want
your child to be accepted, to find friends, but you
have no control in this situation, and your child is
feeling rejected and feeling hurt and you can't, you can't
(17:25):
really do anything.
Speaker 1 (17:26):
That's a good point because it's kind of the first time.
You know, first of all, we're letting go for the
first time from high school to college. So you're letting
go as it is, and you're right into one of
the worst positions a parent and kid.
Speaker 2 (17:37):
Right off the bat, Yeah, before the school's even started.
And I've also because we have a few friends who
their kids are going through this year, and so I'm
just talking to the moms and counseling them and checking
in on them, because again, you want this to be
and I do believe. I mean my sorority sisters, who
are the women I just went on my girls trip with.
(17:57):
They are my dearest friends in the world eighteen years
after I went through this recruitment thing myself, and so
I believe in the process you are going to find friends.
And it's such a great way to make a big
school feel small and a great way for your daughter
son to have activities and things going on and stay
busy in a new environment. But no matter what, when
(18:18):
you're going through recruitment and a house says they don't
want you, it feels like rejection. And what I try
to tell our friends about their daughters. Is it's like dating. Actually,
it is like a relationship. It's like figuring it out.
It's a mutual selection process. These girls who are in
the house right now, they are trying to find other
(18:40):
women who they know will vibe with them, are of
that vibe. And so when they quote unquote you know,
cut you reject you, it's really just them saying, hey,
you're actually going to be a better fit in another house.
All the best to you, but we're not the right match.
And that's why it's a mutual selection process. But probably,
just like dating, even if you know someone's not for you,
(19:02):
if they dump you, it still doesn't feel good.
Speaker 1 (19:04):
One thing, I was not knowledgeable about it at all.
You may know about this. Parents are spending thousands of
dollars on recruitment coaches.
Speaker 2 (19:15):
I've heard about this. I've never seen it. I've never I've.
Speaker 1 (19:19):
Read about this Alabama situation.
Speaker 2 (19:21):
So I think it happens at more at the southern
schools because I went to Missoo, which is more like
a Midwest school.
Speaker 1 (19:26):
So we're talking old miss at Alabama.
Speaker 2 (19:29):
And I wouldn't call TCU, I wouldn't put tc in
that category. I've never heard of it happening there, but
maybe it is.
Speaker 1 (19:34):
But people, so what this is parents will pay or
you know, kids or whatever. Somebody's paying hundreds, if not
thousands of dollars to kind of put your resume together,
be saying the right things there were there. They're coaching
you up on when you get to campus, what to
say in recruitment, how to.
Speaker 2 (19:53):
How do you feel about that?
Speaker 1 (19:56):
I think it's I think it's I think it's a
bridge too far. I know parents want to get involved.
I know they want their kids to be happy, But
I am a big believer in what you just said.
Put yourself out there, be who you are. You will
find your tribe, and I know we are tribal people.
And you're wanting to belong and you don't know. You're
(20:16):
seventeen eighteen maybe and you think you want to be
a tried Delt or a Gamma PI or whatever. That
may not be the right place for you. And you
don't know you've only been there a week.
Speaker 2 (20:27):
Yes, and I've told again many other women this with
their girls going through the opinion will change throughout the week.
I remember when I went through day I mean I
was the first person in my family to go to
a four year university, obviously the first person to go Greek.
So I had no idea what I was in for.
And then day to day my opinions on the house
(20:48):
is totally changed. You know, you feel differently in the
middle of the week than he did at the beginning.
By the end of the week, I actually the second
to last day had been cut I think by everywhere
accept data, and at that time I just felt so rejected.
But I thought, well, I did like Theta. I hope
it's right for me. And then I look back and think, well,
(21:10):
all those other houses cut me because they thought this
nerd by the Theta at my school was top and grades,
this theater girl with her GPA is a Theta. Just
go make her a Theta. That's what she needs to
be all the best. So that's what it was.
Speaker 1 (21:24):
They can see that you don't.
Speaker 2 (21:25):
But I went through with I didn't have wreck letters,
I didn't have anything, and I'm so glad because it
was my way of just going in raw and finding
my people. And I think when I hear that recruitment
counselor thing, I think two things. One, I think, well,
I'm going to judge parents for a second, but by
this point, I feel like your kid, since they're going
(21:48):
out into the world on their own, you should have
kind of shown them how to speak to new people.
They should be I'm not saying I was great at
it at eighteen, but they should be able to carry
on a conversation with a new person. And two, you
might be setting them up for a situation that isn't
right for them because of your own pride, because of
your own fears. It reminds me kind of like the
(22:09):
Varsity Blues thing.
Speaker 1 (22:12):
Handle.
Speaker 2 (22:13):
Yeah, you're you're they're faking their kids tests. Okay, well
you just got your kid into a school. They're not
going to be able to handle.
Speaker 1 (22:19):
Not everybody needs to go to Harvard, and Harvard's not
for everybody. You're not going to feel comfortable there, usc
you name it. I agree, and stories are the same way.
And we went through this with with our daughter Taylor.
She got cut by somebody she thought she loved and
she was pretty devastated. She was a thet girl like same.
Speaker 2 (22:37):
Kind of sty At the end of the week, she
was totally happy and everybody It's another roller coaster for
any parents with their kids. Going through recruitment. It is
that is a roller coaster. You have all my love.
I wish I could send you a shot of tequila.
Speaker 1 (22:52):
Babe. What I wasn't prepared for? And Lauren tried to
prepare me for this. I was not prepared. I had
gone through this with my son. You know, if you
have a frat boy, you don't you know what it is.
Speaker 2 (23:02):
Maybe it's the difference of and dare I use a
sports analogy?
Speaker 1 (23:05):
Oh, this is good.
Speaker 2 (23:06):
It's the difference of like a pickup game of backyard
football versus you're trying to go and train and get
in the NFL.
Speaker 1 (23:12):
Babe. You just crushed that on every level. Yeah, you're right,
a pickup game, who cares? It's all good. You're playing.
That's playing with your buddies. Hey, Lauren, you want to play? Sure? Cool?
And you know then you flip to dedicating your whole life.
There is a script, there's a plan, there's rules you
(23:33):
cannot break. You're right. That is a wow. Can somebody
mark this down in the in the history books.
Speaker 2 (23:40):
I think we will get married. I think we can.
Speaker 1 (23:42):
Yeah. I just fell in love all over again.
Speaker 2 (23:45):
I and another milestone. I was just sitting here soaking,
and I might play back and listen to you saying
that I was right and you were wrong. This is
a great moment.
Speaker 1 (23:52):
They should have listened to me. Dare I say that
was a home run of a sports analogy?
Speaker 2 (23:56):
Eh, you lost me.
Speaker 1 (24:09):
Fraternity recruitment is nothing. It is a point one on
the Richter scale compared to what I was going through
with my daughter, which I was not emotionally prepared for.
I'm like, she's fine, she's going to go through it,
She'll find her people. Oh my god. I had anxiety.
I wasn't sleeping. I was like leaning on Lauren, tell
(24:29):
me it's going to be okay. How come nobody prepared
me for this? What the hell? And I know a
lot of parents are going through that, especially if it's
your first kid going to school, because if you didn't
have that experience and it's your first kid, you have
no idea. So you haven't prepared your kid for this
because they don't know. You don't know. It is like
(24:50):
being shot out of a cannon. And we have some
friends who are going through that, and you are amazing.
I want to toot your horn because Lauren every day
gets up. I see the group tech messages go out
checking on their daughters. How are you guys doing? How
can I help you? What can I explain to you?
Because these parents, I know, it's their hair is on fire.
(25:10):
They have no idea what's going on, and they just
are gut wrenched.
Speaker 2 (25:14):
Well, it's hard. Again, what is the strongest thing in
the world of parents love for their child? So if
you're unfamiliar, like we have one friend who she was
in a sorority herself, she had an older daughter go
through so she's a bit more familiar. Then we have
another friend who is not in a sorority, and this
is her first child going to college. And I can
tell she's rightfully, you know, getting maybe a little defensive,
(25:37):
like no, how could this is like like you almost
get a little mad at the process. And I try
to encourage people again, try to see it differently. It's
a mutual selection thing. It's like speed dating, you know,
and you can't get upset just because someone might not
be into you. The next person's coming right down the pipeline.
But in this case, these are sorority houses. And I
(25:58):
just believe in it's so much because that's such a
major part of what people can get out of college.
You know, I remember reading not long ago that, especially
with just how much information is out there now and
how much college costs. Of course people are questioning is
college really worth it? And it might not be worth
the value for everybody, but there is I think a
(26:19):
lot of people send their kids to college for the experience.
Now it's a growth moment.
Speaker 1 (26:22):
It is a growth moment, and I think expanding on
something you were saying, because your mom was a tried
out at Old miss does not mean you should be
a tried out at TCU. You know, even at the
same school. From year to year, these chapters change so much,
the personality changes. So I think letting go of some
(26:43):
of that because oh my mom was this, I need
to really love this, that's not necessarily the case. Find
your people, and that's what you should want for all
of your kids, is go let them find their people
they feel comfortable with that will love them and they'll
feel part of that community. It's huge. Obviously. Something else
on social media, the dances have re emerged, the sorority
(27:06):
dances on TikTok and Instagram.
Speaker 2 (27:08):
Of the chanting.
Speaker 1 (27:09):
The chanting yes, oh yeah, but now it's the dancing right,
you have the four or five girls upfront that do
the dance and everyone in the back. It's really funny.
Speaker 2 (27:16):
It blows my mind when I think about all that
these kids deal with with social media being a part
of it, because now they sort of present their sorority
for a full week on social media before the new
potential members even get there, and they have themes and dances,
and I mean it is the effort is immense.
Speaker 1 (27:38):
When I went to I took Joshua back to TCU.
He's a senior, so he's not really involved in rush
and all that, and so our daughter is and she's
in the middle of it, and so I was able
to see her for lunch. She was, you know, sick already,
you know, kind of had a cold. She hasn't slept,
She's going through work week trying to do all this
sorority stuff. And I'm like, man, she because even on
(27:58):
the other side of it's a lot.
Speaker 2 (28:00):
But as you know, maybe they don't know it now,
but I look back at those moments. The best moments
with my friends were the overtired, slap happy, We're exhausted,
but we're in this together, and those moments make friendships.
Speaker 1 (28:14):
What's funny and again you don't know what you don't know?
And I told her, I said, this is you know,
this is good for you. It's good to see, like
what it's like to work NonStop. And it was really
funny that she's like, you know, good training for what.
I said, Well, what you're going through. Now, I know
you think this is working hard. It's not. This is
not this is not grinding it out.
Speaker 2 (28:33):
And you know, grinding it out is when you're working.
You know, your first job and you can never leave
the office, and then you have your first kid, and yeah.
Speaker 1 (28:43):
Do you remember any of your chants or any of
your things? Of course, can you give us one? No,
this is no.
Speaker 2 (28:51):
I'm not.
Speaker 1 (28:53):
Our producer. Kendall put me up to that. We tried, Kendall,
we tried.
Speaker 2 (28:59):
I mean, I don't think anybody wants to hear it.
But more so, it's okay.
Speaker 1 (29:04):
That's okay, we'll pass.
Speaker 2 (29:06):
Now, I'll do it. I'll do it. Let's set it out.
The mistake I'm gonna say, I cannot give you these
secret ones. Okay, oh yes, but I will give you.
Let's see how much I remember of this. She's got
one star, two stars, two twin stars. She's a Theta
to the bone. When you see that girl walking down
the streets, you better leave that gall alone. She's got
(29:29):
eyes like sapphire's, teeth like pearls. Gosh o gee. She's
a Theta girl. She's got one star, two star, two
twin stars. She's a Theta to the bone.
Speaker 1 (29:37):
Amazing.
Speaker 2 (29:38):
I could keep going, and so remember all of it.
Speaker 1 (29:41):
Kendall just typed yes, exclamation point, excavation point. Well done, Kendall.
I mean you have a great voice, by the way,
and I've heard you sing before. You have a great
singing voice.
Speaker 2 (29:52):
I mean, no, thank you for saying that, but you
don't really think it. You're just being nice. Yeah, it's
actually scary. How much of that I remember? You know?
Speaker 1 (30:00):
I remember there's things all of them, Like I can
recite the Greek alphabet unbelievably fast. They do that alphabet,
get alphabeta, gambadel to eppslon ata a to a to iota, caapalama,
moon news iomacron, piratement, tell hoops on like I say, omega, sir,
I notice the cert at the end, to see it
three times before the match, burn their fingers or you
got in trouble the things that come back to us.
(30:21):
But anyway, Uh, the point being for all of this,
for all the parents whose kids are you know, especially
your daughters going through sorority rush. Right now, you're not sleeping,
your daughter might be crying. You're talking them off a ledge. Lauren,
and I feel for you, especially Lauren feels for you.
She has been there, she knows it. We send you
our love, have grace, have compassion, and just know, at
(30:44):
the end of the day, they're in college, they're winning,
They're going to be great. They're no matter what they're
going to do, just fine. They're going to have an
amazing life, they're getting a higher education. It's all good.
Speaker 2 (30:56):
Well, you got them there, right. My mom would say
when I remember when my dropped us off at college,
She's like, Okay, I did my job. I got you
to college. Of course, then I think she realized later
a parent's job is never over. But I do. I
think it's such a fun, exciting time for them. And
I don't know if you have any big advice overall,
but I just always try to encourage. I tried to
(31:17):
with my siblings and now I do with your kids,
to say yes to things. You know, go out, don't
sit on your couch in your dorm room. Nothing's going
to happen there. Say hi to people you don't know,
join in on things because this is a time to
experience so much that it helps you find out who
you are.
Speaker 1 (31:34):
Yeah, I completely agree, and just drink it all in.
This is the best time and mean like alcohol. I know,
I don't mean it. I was a figure of speech,
but yeah, just really enjoy every ounce of it. It
is such a phenomenal time. Safe travels to you this week.
I don't know what's going to happen. We're going to
be a part for a week, but have an amazing
(31:57):
week and I can't wait to let everybody in on
what that's going to be like. And thank you all
for joining us, Thank you for diving in, and again
for all your kids off to school, all the kids
there at Sorority Rush. We wish you all the very best,
and we will talk to you next time because we
got a lot more to talk about. Thanks for listening.
Follow us on Instagram at the most dramatic pod ever
and make sure to write us a review and leave
(32:18):
us five stars. I'll talk to you next time.
Hosts And Creators
Lauren Zima
Chris Harrison
Popular Podcasts
40s and Free Agents: NFL Draft Season
Daniel Jeremiah of Move the Sticks and Gregg Rosenthal of NFL Daily join forces to break down every team's needs this offseason.
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com
The Bobby Bones Show
Listen to 'The Bobby Bones Show' by downloading the daily full replay.