#1 On Location!

This is it! Nikki is on location on a tropical island and introducing you to her brand new show. Enjoy the first episode and get to know the cast, some perspectives on headlines and top 2 bottom 2 gifts they've received. Lastly, enjoy a sincere note from Nikki in her final thought!

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
The Nicky Glazer Podcast. Nicky Glazers, Nicky, Welcome to the
Nicky Glazer Podcast. It's me Nicki Glazer. That was the
voice of my producer, Noah. Producer Noah's uh in Arizona. Um.

(00:22):
I am in one of the Cayman Islands, Grand Cayman,
Cayman is how they say it here. I am on location.
I've never been able to say that before in my life,
so I'm saying it as much as possible. I'm shooting
a show here that will come out at some point
and I'll be able to tell you about it, but
until then, I have to keep it under wraps. But

(00:45):
the biggest news in my life is today I am
starting my podcast, my show. I'm calling it a show.
That's why I named it the Nicki Glazer Podcast. So
I don't have to say I have a podcast. I
can say I have a show that just so happens
to be named the Nicki Lazer Podcast. Not that there's
anything wrong with the word podcast, because there isn't. It's
my favorite medium. Um right after uh, what is his name?

(01:10):
Jonathan Edwards? Who's some other people that can talk to ghosts?
Is making a medium joke? Um? Ms cleo. She a medium, Yeah,
I think so. She's probably a large she was a
larger lady. Listen, I'm all over the place with this joke,
and um, what I'm trying to say is is that
I have a new podcast out. It's called the Nicko
Laser Podcast. You're listening to it right now. Thank you

(01:32):
so much for listening to it. At the top of
the show, I'm always going to kind of just ramble
for a minute or two with my producer Noah before
we bring in my co host slash side sidekick, sidekick
co host kind, side coast co side host kick, well,
side host. We'll get it. What did we side host? Wait? Whatever?

(01:53):
Host kick is how we end it because it reminds
me of what I would want to do to him
sometimes side side co host kick, side co host kick,
side co host kick. I think that's what we decided
to call him because it's like, I don't want to
say co host because that's giving him too much, and
I don't want to say sidekick because it makes it
it belittles, it makes him feel belittled, which actually I

(02:16):
would like. No, I'm just kidding. We actually had a
great my new side hood side co host Kick and
I had a great talk last night before beginning. It
wasn't even before the podcast began. We just I really
recommend this uh for your living partner, because we're roommates,
best friends, and now we're starting a podcast together and

(02:39):
he is UH working for me for the show that
I'm currently on location for on location on location Cayman Islands,
big deal, and we were we've been bumping heads. Were
button heads, That's what I like to say, because one
time my friend was telling me about a band he
was managing, and I go, how they how they do?
And that he goes, oh, they're all right there, they're

(03:00):
you know, their button heads, And I was like, their
button heads. I thought it was a term of endearment,
like those button heads. And so I was like, it
sounds like a Wanda Sikes insult your button head. That's
my Wanda Sykes. But yeah, So we were button heads
yesterday a little bit. And then I came home. I

(03:21):
had a little toke toke to relax at the end
of my long ass day of filming on location. Did
I mention him on location? And I didn't know? Could
you mention it again? So freaking fun. I can't get
over how fucking greed my life is right now. I
almost feel bad because it's I'm just so happy. Anyway,

(03:42):
I got home last night and Andrew and I just
had a heart to heart and he got to tell
me all the things that I've been doing lately that
have bothered him, and I listened, and then he goes,
I feel like you always. It's always whenever we have these,
it's always me kind of dropping a bunch of stuff
on you and you kind of and I like apologized

(04:03):
and like took it apart and was like, oh, I
do that to you because you make me jealous that
you get to behave that way and I don't get
too because I'm too embarrassed to behave that way. So
when I see you behave that way, I want to
make fun of it and make you feel bad when
it doesn't go like like he was like, you like
sometimes you make fun of me or whatever, and I'm like, yeah,

(04:24):
sometimes I bully you. And it comes from an ugly
place of like you're free with yourself and you get
to act like totally free, unencumbered, and it's and I
don't get I don't feel like I get to do
that I don't want act as free as I want to,
and so when you do it and it doesn't work out,
I need to make fun of it so it validates
the fact that I'm smart to not do that and

(04:45):
I should keep not doing that. Does that make sense? No, Um,
yeah it does. I get I get where you're coming from. Um,
but I don't know it. I guess it kind of
bothers me. Also about Andrew, that he could just be
so free and we have to but that's not that's
not that's not his problem. That's problem because we've should

(05:06):
be Everyone should be that free, and it's it's that's
what One of the reasons I love being around him
so much is because he is so doesn't care what
people think. But at the same time he does, but
not as much as I do. Anyway, it was a
really good heart to heart and he goes, I feel
like you never like you never have these moments where
you just tell me everything that I'm doing wrong, This
bother you, and I go because I'm honest with you.

(05:27):
When those things come up in the in the as
they're coming up, I'm more quick to voice my annoyances
and they don't. I don't harbor them, and I feel
like sometimes he probably does because you know, I don't know.
I mean, there's a million reasons why, but I don't.
I don't keep And that was really good for me

(05:49):
to realize, is that, Oh yeah, I'm just kind of
like honest with how I feel about things in the moment.
There's not a lot of times where I'm like, I'm
gonna have to confront this person because it's really been building.
It used to be that way, but now better of
just getting out when I get it out, what about
in the delivery? Oh you know? And I go yes,
And and because I deliver things in the short term

(06:10):
rather the long term, they can come out a lot
more harsh. And that's that's my problem, is that, yes,
I get them too quicker when they're happening, and I
deal with my feelings, but they I don't have time
to process them, so they come out more eloquently and
probably kinder. So I have a lot of things to
work on in our friendship, but we'll do it on
the show. Um, a couple of things before we actually begin,

(06:32):
that I want to say is welcome to the show.
Thank you so much for listening. I'm really excited to
have a new batch of listeners and also bring in
people who have been listening to my other shows that
I've done in the past. I've done many podcasts, I've
done the serious Sexum show, you Up and Um. I'm
so excited to be doing a daily show again and
just have a chance to put myself out there on

(06:55):
a on a daily basis and talk about things that
are going on and make miss steaks and make up
for those mistakes and say dumb stuff that I regret
and say stuff that I didn't even know that I
was gonna say that day. Like this is all like
a It's just this is exactly what I want to
do with my life. I don't need to be doing
this show. I want to do this show. And it's

(07:18):
just such. This is gonna be such a fun show. Sometimes,
I mean, maybe it won't be sometimes maybe it'll get heated.
I don't know. What I do know is that we've
worked really hard to make it as good as possible
out of the gate that we can. But it's going
to change with us and as we get more listener feedback.
So please, if you're new to the show, subscribe, rate,

(07:38):
review and uh and we really appreciate it. Bottom line is,
the Nicki Glazer podcast has started. This is not something
that is going to go away anytime soon. You can
commit now and pop in whenever the hell you feel
like it. This isn't something you have to check in
on every day, although we'd loved for you to join
us Monday through Thursday and interact those the show in
any way you can. We want to build a fan

(08:00):
base here, or we want to just have you come
in and casually listen whenever you happen to have the time,
no pressure. We're just trying to have fun and and
be honest and be real and and laugh a lot.
How about it, Noah, sounds good to me. You know
what I'm mostly excited about is naming our listenership, because
that's always a really fun part of starting a podcast

(08:21):
or any show is just that create and who knows
what it's going to be. We could coin it today, yeah,
we could. Can I throw anyone into the hat? Yeah?
Please please throw it into the hat laser heads? Okay,
I've considered it, and I think it would be glaze heads.

(08:41):
Even though that sounds like the end of a lot
of the porn I watched which I wouldn't even I
don't even see the end of porn I watched. To
be specific, I never wait for the guy to I
never wait for the end. I don't like that part.
I think that's a very popular part of porn is
the end. The money shot, so to speak. Literally, I've
never seen one, and if I do see one, it's

(09:02):
by accident because I left it running because I opened
another tab and I happen to go back to that
tab and be like, oh, what what happened there? So
that's how I get revenge for all the times I
didn't finish, because I'd never let anyone important. Um. Glazier
heads might be a thing, No, it's it has to
be weirder than that, you know what I wanted to be.

(09:22):
I wanted to be like when me and my best
friends in high school were coming up with a code
word for sex acts that we weren't doing because we
weren't cool at all, but we wanted to be able
to talk about them in front of our parents with
you know that you come up with code word? Was it?
Did you have any like that? Like what it was called?
Baking cookies? Oh my god? And what did that mean?
That you were like cooking up. It couldn't be anything

(09:45):
from like masturbating to having sex. Baking cookies. Yeah, it's
just called let's yeah, baking cookies. And then when you
were baking cookies for you like, I'm gonna go give
some hand jobs because I gotta bring them into class
tomorrow for it's it's uh bake sale day. Um, that's funny.
It's always something that you literally would have to show

(10:06):
for if you sat in front of your aunts, like
because we would say, Mom, we're going to knit some
sweaters and then we go smoke pot and then we
come back and there's no sweaters. There's no I never
had any interest in sweaters. It was so obvious. But
one time we were coming up with a code word
in my bedroom for because we were my friends were
just starting to get sluttier than me, and so we
were like, we gotta get some We can't say blowjob

(10:27):
in front of mom and dad, even though it turns
out my mom probably doesn't know what that is anyway.
Um uh, that joke was for my dad, who I
hope is not listening. Um no, but we go we
can't say blow job, let's say and I go guys.
We had always already coined hand jobs as we called
it vigorous because it's such like a like, you guys

(10:47):
know what I'm doing right now. When I go, it's
like you're like, oh, you look like vigorous, like so vigorous.
So we called it vigorous. And then UM was like,
what about blow jobs? And my friends were like, I
don't know, and I go, it can't be something stupid
like uh. And then I looked at a part of
my shelf and I was like, like green vase and

(11:09):
my friends were like yes because there was like a
green vace where like, yes, it has to be green face.
So to this day we're always like, did you green face?
And of course I'm like, no, I haven't done that
since January. Um, I could see Andrew like hovering in
the show. Do you know I could see you? This

(11:30):
is uncomfortable. This supposed to be my part of the
show that's private for me where I can talk about you,
and you are looming in the stair. It is I hope.
I wish I could show you what is going on here.
He is standing right, there's a tiny mirror that's like
a sun and the part of the circle part of
the sun, not the rays are all like this, like
wiry thing, and it's like an artsy sun. And then

(11:53):
the sun part is a mirror. It's very small, and
he's happening to stand the part of the mirror where
I look into it, and I can see his little
head is perfectly filling into it, and he's hiding in
the stairs where he thinks I can't. I can see
you said, yeah, I said, it's coming up. Just because
you heard your name, I will call you when you

(12:14):
were summoned stairs. Don't cuss it me, mr. You said
you were up there taking a poop, a nervous poop
before we began. Okay, well, he will be here in
mirror seconds. And I say mirror like m I R
R O R, because I'm staring at him in a mirror.

(12:35):
That he thought because he could see me on the mirror,
that I couldn't see him back, because he doesn't understand
how physics works, and neither do I. To be don't
even ask me what physics are, but I feel like
mirror images are part of our physics and light stop it.
You are coming in when I summon you, and why
are you playing with your penis. Why did you just
pull out your penis? There was a there was a poll.

(12:57):
That's how we're opening this. Well, we'll cut it your
pig penis because mom party did wait wait, why oh circumcision?
All right here he is my cot side host kick
Andrew Colin. Okay, I was a little premature, and I apologize. Yeah,

(13:19):
hanging on the stairs stalking me that I mean, looking
at your face in the mirror where it was just
your face in the middle of that sun mirror was
so creepy and I felt unsafe, just because I feel
like the first part of the show is mine that
I can say whatever I want and you know, obviously
you'll hear it if you want to, but it should
be my like Sacred was giving you all your space.

(13:43):
I was even outside on your balcony. I would on
my balcony. Let's I mean, let's at the stage for
the people listening at home who might not know. Uh,
Andrew and I. I don't know if you've heard yet,
you guys. I'm on location for a TV show that
I will be able to talk about so much when
it comes out, and I can't wait to tell you
guys about it because I do feel like I'm talking.

(14:03):
I know, I know several many of you are already
like friends and friends of mine, which are friends friends
slash fans frands um. But I have so many more
to make and I want you to be in on
my life as much as my friends are. But I
can't tell you the details about this. But we're in
the Grand Cayman. We're on the Big Cayman Island. Caman
Okay man Man, That's how I learned how to say it,

(14:25):
so it's not Cayman, it's Caman. That's how they say
it on the radio. That the one station we listen to,
the Cayman but man okay, Yes. And I came in
early because we're living together in a condo type situation
at a hotel in Grand Cayman, UM with the rest

(14:47):
of the crew of the show. There's like hundreds over
a hundred crew members on the show and we have
taken over this hotel. It's very fun. But Andrew and
I had to quarantine for two weeks when we first
arrived here because of COVID. This country has no COVID,
so in order for us to um be able to
go out amongst the population um without a mask, even
with a mask at all was we had to stay

(15:09):
inside for two weeks. So Andrew came to this because
we knew we were starting the podcast. I knew he
was going to be my co's side host kick, and
he came down to the show with me. He's now
working on the show for me um, which has been
so much fun. But we lived together in this in
this tiny ish place that we kind of talked about
last night, is like the ideal space. I like, I
don't need more than this anyway. I mean I could

(15:30):
use a little another three thousand square feet Okay, that's okay,
that's and that's not too much. Yeah, and with a
fish like a fish tank with a tiger shark in there,
that'd be pretty badass. I don't I don't like that.
I mean, that would have to be a huge tank
for a tiger shark to get happy. I tank. Okay,
are there anything else in the tiger sharks make it happy?

(15:54):
Like a little castle? Okay, a drowned tiger no good,
I know, but they need Okay, so there's also some
land in this. Yeah. I just want all these captive
animals in your dream scenario here at this hotel to
be taken care of an happy it would be pretty badass.
And then just a stock fridge. Yeah, well we got

(16:15):
that too. So we're living in this condo. Andrew and
I are both on the second floor of it. He
has a room with two twin beds. I have a
room with a full bed. He was upstairs just now
giving me my private time to do the top of
the show. He crept downstairs and now tell us, tell
us what you were going to say, because so I
went upstairs. Um, I try not to look at any

(16:35):
of your things when I go into your room because
you have to go through my room to go to
my balcony, because you don't have a balcony. I did
see some apparatus is I try not to look at them,
but get anything out I do. I mean, it's a
colorful the blue thing. There's there's multi colors by your
bed of dil doz. No, there's not. I saw at

(16:56):
least seven plugged in. I was like, did she bring in?
I want to be clear that the show has already
discussed some sexual topics. I am not someone who's going
to talk about sex every day. I'm very well known
as like a sex comedian, but this is just real life.
This happened. I did not set that up for you
to come down here and talk about. But this is
the real life. So you saw some apparati. I saw

(17:17):
some apparaties. I was wondering how you plugged them all in.
I can't believe we still have power in the house.
I feel like we need a generator. Told I brought
the hurricane, you won't be able to plug up, and
you're just gonna be irritated. I mean, the other night,
I will say that all of my things were not
plugged in, and I do have one that plugs into

(17:39):
the wall, and the other ones are all on a charge,
and the charged ones were not working. And thank God
for that one that fits into the wall, which I
brought as a general you know, like a you know,
my backup, my my um. What is it called the generator? Right?
Like when your power goes out, it's like it's like
a hoarder or like a doomsday prepper had cans of beans.

(17:59):
You have this. I don't know what I would do
in a situation where I'm in like a bunker and
there's like minimal energy. I don't know when people used
to use back in the day, maybe those like so
can we no Noah for troubles at home. I just

(18:23):
had to yell at my fiance for unloading the dishwasher
because I can hear all the plates and I don't
want that to be on the podcast. I'm sorry, but
so many women are jealous of you right now because
first of all, you have a fiance. Second of all,
he's emptying the dishwasher. Let that angel do whatever the
hell he wants to do. What else? AVI stop? My
fiance keeps rubbing my back and asking me if there's

(18:45):
anything I need. The mortgage bill loud? Stop clicking send
on the on the bills, student loans. By the way,
we were talking about delivery in the first segment. I

(19:05):
just my tone was really bad. I should go apologize. No,
it wasn't at all. It was that of a woman
who's working in a shared space with her feel say,
but seriously tell him to keep it down when he
calls your mom so that you don't have to Yeah,
what if he was working. What if he was working
and you were sitting and you were sitting on a
lazy boy watching sports with your hand in your pants

(19:29):
too loud? How would he feel? Listen? If if my
my hands were in my pants, there would be something
loud and then no, God, get in there. No, I
don't um. Okay, how did you sleep last night? Because
we're supposed to go into to introduce you. I was
supposed to ask how do you sleep? Because I do
want to really lean into the fact that sleep is

(19:50):
so important, and I think that we all need to
ask ourselves that a lot more in our friends because
this whole idea of like I didn't get any sleep,
I'm cool is so done. All I wish for my
friends is good sleep. I'm obsessed with everyone on the set.
I'm obsessed with if they're sleeping or not. No one's
sleeping except me. I have the best schedule on this show.
Everyone's stressed. They're all fine and fun. But I'm sleeping

(20:13):
like a Well, last night wasn't great, But how did
you sleep? I slept great? So as you know, your
boys are winning A sleeper. I sleep with a T
shirt on and nothing else. Yeah, jar of honey, which
makes me piss uh sap in the middle of the night.
The cans in warm water. If you put up your

(20:33):
hands and Annie, you'll piss sap sap uh and so, God,
there will be sap. Sap is such a strong word
for it. Yeah, it's almost like whop. Oh. Yeah, we're
really diving into those lyrics yesterday. They're really good. God.
We were getting into whop yesterday on the way into

(20:55):
my shoot because I'm on location. Um we were. We
were just cruising because it's bout drive and those lyrics
are incredible. That's why I love so much. Wrap is
so funny, as in like stand up comedy, funny, like
comedic writing. I mean, I just feel so. It really
tickles me that we thought it sap and we went

(21:16):
to whop and not wrap because you said it was
like it had some because wrap doesn't have like rap.
It doesn't have the same kind of whop as like WHOA.
So I so I slept last night no shirt, completely naked. Correct, Well,
that's not winning the pooh. No, no, no, I'm saying.

(21:37):
I usually winning to pooh when I don't feel comfortable
with my upper body because I have man tits. We
all know you are alone in bed and you want
to wear a shirt by yourself in bed. It's the
same reason why I keep my nipples hard when I
shower because I have man tits. I don't like them.
My dad had breast cancer. I feel like my tits
are eventually probably gonna kill me. I don't know. There's

(21:57):
a lot of a part of you not I'm thing
hoping for it, but like wanting to get a breast reduction,
having a reason to get a breast reduction as a man,
because it is a thing that you can get im
I mean the rock Apparently someone I remember I yelled
at he did something with his tits to make them
look better. I've known men that that I respect and
love who are manly men who have had breast reductions. Okay, well,

(22:21):
then maybe I should look into that, because the reason
why I wear a T shirt is because I don't
want to look at my own fat tits in the
mid of night or sometimes what I'll do is I'll
sleep on my side and I never feel fattered. And
when I sleep on my side, I could literally feel
my own hand between my fat tits. Now I relate
to that. If I'm just feeling kind of like more puffier,
I don't want to feel my butt like sometimes I'll

(22:42):
itch myself with a pencil so I don't have to
touch my stomach like in an area like on the
side sometimes my love handle if I just hit it
a wrong way. And this is by the way, totally body,
it is more fick. You should This is sad that
I even think this way, but sometimes it's it's sap
that I think this way. But if I touch a
part of my body feels a little like, I'll just
I'll touch it with a pet I'll scratch it with

(23:03):
a pen so I don't have to actually touch it.
So that yeah, and so last night, because I I whatever,
I've been exercising, I've been kind of focused on health
and fitness. Since we do we are on location in
a tropical area, and I have more time to do this.
I slept completely naked, which felt great to wake up

(23:24):
naked and to know that I'm comfortable without having my
own fatty tits affect my sleep habits well. The fact
that you sleep naked mere feet from my own bedroom
is going to make it so that I'm not going
to be sleeping well too. Turned on, Let's get to

(23:44):
the news. He says that line all the time. You
guys do heard it here first, So we're calling this
segment where Andrew gives us some headlines of the day. Yeah,
it here first, and you might you actually might be
hearing these first, because we do pull some stories that
we think are a little are important to know, but

(24:08):
might not be the front headlines, although we will cover
top headlines because usually front headlines everyone's already talked like
a million of them already hidden, so we will go
our takes on those. But there weren't any like crazy
ones today. But but there were some great stories and
I can't wait to get to them. Please share, all right,
So the first story, guys, is uh, what what are

(24:29):
you asking about? It just felt like I was thinking
about how I was gonna do with the headline normals
and Nikki want to get mad at me. It sound
too much like a news reporter talked to the listen. You, guys,
this first show is that kind of a ship show
right now, because there's so much to make sure my
listeners know. I want you to know that we have

(24:50):
one test shows to prepare for this day, even though
it might not seem like it, and so anything, he
is a little bit anxious about some of the things
I've told him to work on leading up to the
top show. I also want to or the first show
I also want to say Andrew that I already told
in my private talk that you are already eavesdropping on well,
the first part of it that you may maybe biss
while you run my balcony and smelling my vibrators was

(25:12):
that um you, um you and I had a great
talk last night about um like our relationship and because
we are we live so you know, people are very
confused by relationships. Sometimes we are not confused by it.
We're best friends, we lived together. We're both heterosexual, platonic

(25:34):
friends who have never sexually done anything, romantically anything. It's
never been that way, it never will be that way.
We are best friends and now we're working on the
show together, and people have a hard time grasping that anyway.
Our friendship can sometimes be very um like, it can
be the best, and you can sometimes like have some problems,
as every relationship does. But last night we had a

(25:55):
great talk, fantastic. So tell me what you're feeling right
now so we can get ahead of this so it
doesn't bubble up till later. What are you feeling right
now going into this segment that I have bestowed upon
you to do yourself and to really take control of
um I honestly, it was completely sarcasm up top. I
just thought it was funny that I said I. I

(26:17):
don't think I've ever said first story guys, like I'm
talking to an audience. Since we started practicing this, I
had nothing to do with last night. I felt like
last night was a fantastic talk and it also helped
me probably sleep better than I have in a long time.
And why was I up till five? Then? Probably has
something to do this morning. So alright, so you heard

(26:43):
that story first, okay, and then although livered to already
funny story. Okay, yeah, oh no, that's so funny. You
already know the story that's coming, and you're like, why
are you laughing twice? I just I'm already laughing because
he is. He is incapable, And I'm trying to say

(27:04):
this in the nicest way. You are incapable of giving
of reiterating a news headline in a way that actually
captures the essence of the story while sounding like you
are telling something factual as opposed to you know, editorialized.
Feel you're already putting your spin on it. Here we go, Okay.
Although although liver diseases still affect more men. What are you?

(27:29):
That was all one although liver diseases was one word
for you. Diseases. Yeah, so let's enunciate. Okay, I thought
we were putting all the words together. Okay, are you
giving the website you don't want you don't want it
to be news, so I put it all together. Can
I do what I would do after you do what
you do? Okay? Although liver diseases still affect more men,

(27:50):
younger women are driving to increase in deaths as alcoholic
liver diseases up over to last year. Oh my god,
it tune if I'm a listener, as I tuned out
halfway through that. Can I can I deliver it as that? Okay,
let's do it again. Let's can you believe bro that
younger women are driving up increased deaths of alcohol liver disease. Okay,

(28:14):
that's a more interesting take. I kind of like that side,
Like I have told Andrew, like you don't. You can
put it in your own words, but just make sure
it's still the same data from the headline, like you
don't need to read the headline as we give it
to you. Um, that was slightly better, but still we're
still working on it, But here's the story. Can I
guess what the story is about? Even though that was

(28:35):
really yeah, I think that recent data is showing that
liver disease caused by alcoholism has jumped significantly and shown
a spike in women, and women's uh deaths are shooting
that number up more than they ever have, when usually

(28:57):
it's probably something that is either fifty fifty or maybe
uh mostly men. But the pandemic and the rise and
drinking due to the you know, wine culture and it's
wine o'clock somewhere, and I gotta have my wine if
I'm gonna have kids, or like, give me a kid
with a side of a bucket of wine so that

(29:18):
I don't have to being a mom is yeah, like,
oh my god, I need a whining children because your
mom's gonna wine over here. Just these dumb things like
this culture of like wine is okay to just because
you're a mom and you worked hard, not that you
shouldn't be able to join a drink of wine or
a glass of wine or two. Um if you don't

(29:40):
have to. Yeah, well it justifies it. And as someone
who is an addict and has addictive behaviors, I'm always
looking for socially, the ways that I can point that
the society is telling me what I'm doing is okay
for sure, So I get it and need it. You
need it. But the problem is when it spends every day. Yes,

(30:01):
but listen to this. So alcoholic liver disease is more
of a threat for women because their bodies process alcohol
somewhere differently the men. We know this. Girls, we know this. Um,
we can't drink as much as men, even though it's
a badge of honor when you can drink a guy
under the table and dreaming. Dave Matthews. The trend that
began several years ago is now super charged by the pandemic. Yes,

(30:21):
staying at home. A lot more people are drinking wine.
A lot more people are being home, and like the
the little like happy hour that used to be an
event is now turning into like, oh, I'm just going
to walk into my other room and that is now
you know, it's cooler hands where I used to go
every Friday with the girls. Do you think it's because
also a lot of women are taking medication and then

(30:43):
now you're drinking on top of medication. You always hear like, oh,
if you drink while you take advil, it might hurt
your liver more. Yeah, I think that our culture just
is really making it so that women drinking alone is
almost like a cool thing now, like that, it's like
it's acceptable and it's just and it is acceptable if

(31:04):
you can do it responsibly. But if you have a
problem with it, you gotta you gotta just be honest
about your problem, because there's nothing wrong with you. You
just we don't want you to die, ladies. And I'm
I'm proud of you for for getting up there and
competing with the men with you know, dying from liver disease.
But we can do anything, truly, women can do anything.
We've proven it. But um, I think this is kind

(31:26):
of a wake up call to maybe anyone who is
hearing it that maybe he's like, hey, I'm I should
watch out for that, So just just be careful out there.
I think this is an interesting statistic that I did
want to include the story even though it's kind of dark,
as many of the livers of the women in the
story are for sure another liver joke. Yeah, all right,

(31:48):
so let's move on to um perhaps more a parted
up parted yea. So the next story is more women
are getting cancer. Oh my god, not the next story.
That's not the next story. And I'm sorry I laughed.
I knew that was a fake thing. Yeah. Billionaire Kylie

(32:09):
Jenner uh sparks for fury by asking fans to pay
for her stylist surgery after they got in a car wreck. Okay,
so tell me the details of this. Kylie Jenner is
a billionaire, um which a lot of people say. She's
not a self made billionaire. She came from money from
her family. I get it. Everyone is wrong with it.

(32:31):
She's still a billionaire. Give it to her whatever. I
don't really care, but she is a billionaire. Let's talk
about what happened. She had she has one of her
makeup style makeup stylists got in a car wreck. Uh
needs brain surgery. I don't know. I did do a
little digging. I don't know if they had health insurance
or not. And the number got up to wanting. So
they started to go fund me the family. Okay, his family.

(32:54):
Jenner shared to go fund his family, not her. His
family started. She shared it on her story. She donated
five thousand dollars. Now, what I've learned is that when
she donated. Everyone goes only five thousand dollars? What the
folk's wrong with her? At the time, his family was
asking for ten thousand dollars and they raised six thousand.

(33:15):
She gave five thousand to actually get it over the
hump to eleven thousand. Essentially, now it's had a hundred
thousand dollars because she shared it. People are freaking out
because she's asking her her poor fans, even though she
when she shared it, she had already went past the
cast or what they were asking at least that's what

(33:35):
she brought up to eleven when they were asking for ten.
She still shared it, meaning that she knew that they
might need more, because why would you share it? Yes,
and her A lot of people are mad because it's like,
as a billionaire, why wouldn't you just go called them
up and go, hey, what do you need, let's take
down this go fund me. I'll pay for all of it. Right, Noah,

(33:55):
are we getting this all right? You're getting it absolutely right?
And um okay, well I completely agree with everyone on that.
And she's a young girl, and you agree that she
should she should get shipped for not paying for all
of it herself. Do you realize that this makeup artist
as Chrissie Teagan as a client Chloe Kardashian. Uh, not

(34:18):
a billionaire, not a billionaire? Keep going, but why is
it a billion? What's the difference between a billion a
hundred fifty million? When you're talking about six I'm just saying,
then it went up to sixty. Why are we getting
mad though? At her? Like she didn't? This is my thing.
This is my thing with Kylie though, is like I
just want to get even. She charges thirty dollars for
a lip kit, right, and then she'll put a lip

(34:40):
kit that you need to Probably how many do you
have to get a lip kid? A month? Probably? Not? What? Wait,
we just wanted that Andrew doesn't understand what a lip
kit is or how women? How long does a lip
kit last? How long do you think a lip get
last month? Oh babe? Well, generally a couple of days

(35:03):
because you just lose it or you drop it in
your purse and it like the little compartments fall out
and then they get a bunch of like dirt and
like gum wrappers in it, and then they get all
over your other stuff and it's just unsalvageable. So but generally,
if you're using a lip kit every day, and I'm
guessing her lip kits, I don't know what they look like,
but I'm assuming they have about ten to sixteen colors
in them, maybe four or five. It would last you,

(35:28):
I would say, three months if you're using it every day,
and like a year or three years or probably you
would throw it out before you even finished it for
most of them. WHOA Okay, Yeah, women really don't complete
make up a lot of times. There are certain products
that you do complete, but most of the time you
throw it out before it's done, especially with a kit
situation where they give you colors that you're like, this

(35:50):
one stinks, but I like this one. Okay, But it's
thirty dollars for a lip kit, say come to six colors.
It lasts four months if you use it every day,
So then you're spending if it's four months, what is
your point? We get? My point is is that she
puts up a post with a lip kid asking her
poor followers to buy for lips. And with these lips,

(36:13):
you're gonna be as hot as me, and we don't
get out. I mean, maybe some people get after it,
but now we're She just put up on her story
a link to a go fund me, and everyone's like,
you're fucking billionaire. If she was fucking made it a
post and she was like, hey, donated to go fund
me and you can have my tits, then I would
be like, that's pretty fucked up. But she just shared

(36:34):
it on her story and she's not. You don't listen.
I like promoting giving, I like promoting altruism and being
generous with your money, but I really do want to
keep some things in perspective when we're talking about a billionaire.
These are things I did not know, and I pulled
up some facts from Sam Harris podcast I listened to
a really long time ago his podcast. I'm going to

(36:55):
reference them a lot on the show. I'm sorry if
you're not a fan, but these are not political statements
of his is. This is just uh facts about giving.
But he said, uh, Mark Zuckerberg recently donated seventy five
million dollars to uh sorry one second. Mark Zuckerberg and
his wife Priscilla Chan gave seventy five million dollars to
San Francisco General Hospital. This is a transcript from his thing,

(37:18):
and this is the largest gift to a public hospital ever. Apparently,
and yet the city's Board of supervisors supervisor's vote voted
ten to one to condemn the naming of the hospital
after Zuckerberg and Chan. Um they vilified Zuckerberg in this process. So, uh,
Zuckerberg and Chan gave seventy five million dollars to a hospital,
and obviously this is a wonderful thing to do, he says.
And the fact that this is the largest private gift

(37:39):
to a public hospital ever tells you that it should
be celebrated rather than sneered at. Agreed, same as Kylie, right,
which is what the social justice lunatics on the Board
of Supervisors have done. Okay, So that was his his thought.
Beneath the animosity of the supervisors is the growing problem
of wealth inequality Zuckerberg. Zuckerberg's gift probably seems more generous
than it is. Okay, So seventy five million million dollars, Like,

(38:00):
holy shit, that's a lot. Okay, he is worth seventy
five billion dollars. Then Sam Harris checks it and he goes, oh, actually, um,
he is worth one hundred billion dollars. Actually, and he
goes wow. Somehow between me knowing how much he's worth,
and today he made another twenty five billion dollars, right, Okay,

(38:21):
So Zuckerberg's gift probably seems more generous than it is.
He says, in fact, for someone with seventy five billion
dollars to cut a check for seventy five million, that's
like someone with seventy five million cutting a check for
seventy five thousand. Or for someone with seventy five thousand
dollars to give seventy five dollars towards some cause. Okay,

(38:42):
but here's the thing. Seven. If you give seventy five
dollars and your and you have seventy five thousand dollars,
that's actually more money than what Zuckerberg gave, because seventy
five dollars is more precious to you than seventy five
million is to Zuckerberg. So Kylie Jenner being a billionaire
giving But then you could say that that that proportion
no million, will go way longer thanto seventy five that

(39:05):
person gives. That make sense, But you still don't deserve
a bunch of credit for it and deserve a hospital
to be named after you, because in the scheme of
things you're parting with, you know, what amounts to seven
dollars from someone who makes you know, a very, very
livable witch. And you don't get wings named after you

(39:27):
when you give a hundred dollars if you're someone who's
a school a tenured school teacher, anything shifting on someone
that does a good deed, even though it's not exactly
on him. I'm just making a point about wealth inequality. Yes,
I understand that, but I think it's good if we
look at it from a numbers perceptive and say that

(39:49):
this isn't really the most that these people can do,
but it is good too. It would be better if
she gave more and said you should give as much
of the same percentage of your income that I give
if you And although that would be more to that
person that gives it, my my point is that she
she could have not have shared it at all, Like
what is that? And I guess they won't ever again.

(40:10):
Maybe she won't or maybe other people won't. I'm just
saying I don't think we anyone understands what a billion
dollars is, and the fact that I do, I do
hear when people argue, though they go, well, actually, there
they are worth seventy billion dollars, but that's in stocks
and everything. They actually only have like, you know, three
billion dollars under like cash, which does change how you

(40:34):
look at things. You know, And I'm not trying to
stick I'm not trying to be like billionaires. You should
feel bad for billionaires. I'm just saying that if someone
does a good thing and they get shipped on, it's
going to stop people from doing good things. Yes, um,
this is just about the part of that Sam Horse
that I love about wealth in equality that I just
think I want to share with my listeners. He says,

(40:55):
most people just don't have good intuitions about the magnitude
of differences in wealth the just people now make in
a day. In a day, what the most successful movie
stars Tom Cruise and Will Smith and Scarlett Johanson make
over the course of many your ears or even a
lifetime at the absolute pinnacle of success in the movie industry,

(41:15):
Like I got into the entertainment business, and I'm not
gonna lie. Partially, it's the month I want to be
wealthy because I want to take care of all the
people I love and have a great life. And it's
not even the greatest, it's not even close to the best,
bestess to be and to make the most money. You
As a kid, you always think like a movie stars,
like the pinnacle, or like being a prince. But that's
so far off. But the owner is what you want

(41:37):
to be exactly. But you know, I want you to
make as much money. So if I get in a
car wreck and I need thirty eight dollars, I won't
share it on my story, but i'll um, actually no,
I can. I can give you a story, but I
might take it down before twenty four hours. What I
think we learned here is that Andrew thinks lip kits

(41:59):
last lifetime that's the best. And they do because they
end up in the sea as trash and they're not
biog acredable and and everything is trash. Uh. Next story, Okay,
next story. Spain is going to try out a four
day work week the pilot program. We're reduced a forty
hour work week to thirty five hours. I love this.

(42:20):
Spain's on top of it, Spain, CSTA. They already did
a good job with like letting their sleep. Getting more
sleep in CS is built in. I love the idea
that there is a nation. Yeah, well, good for them.
It's fun to be up late. Singleplate is cool. It's
what all the cool kids do. I don't think America
will ever get to a four day work week. We
are two, um you know, obsessed with working hard as

(42:43):
I mean, I worked seven days a week if I can,
and I hate taking days off. It's uncomfortable. So I'm
part of the problem. But I love that. Um there
is uh country that is. But you think should get
involved in that. Yeah, absolutely, because I don't think that
otherwise it's going to happen. I know shake Shack does
in that article said shake Shack in America does a

(43:05):
four day work week for their employees, and they see
an up the burgers on Friday. I mean they stack
the workers in different ways. The thing about this article
is that it employs more people, it creates more jobs,
and it keeps uh salaries at the same rate. But
the you know, and this is where like economics comes

(43:25):
into play, where you make one change and it affects
something else, because then that affects the prices to the consumer. Right.
But so we might have to pay more if people
are working less hours, but people are getting paid more
and there's more jobs. Yeah, he's the same, but it's
creating more jobs, right, I don't have a problem paying more,

(43:46):
But that's just me. I don't have a problem paying
more so that people who make less, like make a
minimum wage, don't have to work as long of ours.
I'm probably losing listeners as I say that don't want
to get because then they could donate to Kylie Jenner's
for her to buy a lip kick. Yes, the fortunate

(44:08):
week work work week also takes away from driving to
work as much. And also with the pandemic happening, I
do feel like there's like this like feeling like we've
all played a lot of companies proved that they could
work from home. Yes, that things can happen from home,
that you don't have to work nine hours a day
and you could be more efficient. You can now I
feel like everyone's take your video off drive to work

(44:30):
on a Friday morning and get in traffic again. Like
people are like like, I gotta, I gotta do it,
because then that's how I feel like I'm alive because
I'm actually working. I'm struggling. You don't have to struggle
to feel successful or to feel fulfilled. Definitely the American way,
though you don't. You can't enjoy yourself unless they're struggle.
Put in It's how I live my life. Okay. Our
last news story, and Andrews, you heard it here first

(44:53):
will always be something we like to call why do
I Care? And that's going to be the SoundBite for
it from the first show that that lick um, why
do I care? Andrew give us a headline that I
truly need to find out why do I care? And
maybe we can answer Orlando Bloom get this, folks, says

(45:15):
he and Katie Perry don't have enough sex after she
gave birth in August. Right, Well, I read this and
he was being interviewed in a magazine, which can be
taken out of context. I've been interviewed before and I've
been sarcastic or joking, and then in print it's like
I'm the biggest asshole evert It sounds like I'm being sincere.
So I read further and it was like the guy

(45:37):
asked him, do you how often do you have sex?
And he said not enough? I mean we just had
a kid, though, So I mean that's still both those
things can be true, and it doesn't mean he's being like,
oh what more, she's a bad person because she's not.
And he did follow it up with saying that anal
has never been higher. No, he didn't say that that's
that's inaccurate. I thought, Okay, thank you Noah for facts.

(45:59):
I want to go on record and say that he
said that, Um, I think this. Why do I care
about this? I think I care about it because listen,
I like that the journalists had the balls to ask
him that. I'm sure that they were drinking and they
were like having a little like loose conversation. I love
that question. I love asking couples how often are you
having sex? A lot of times people like don't want
to divulge that to me because they're saying they're not

(46:20):
either not having it or but I think it's just
a it's fascinating to me because I haven't been a
relationship in so long, and I think it's a it
waxes in waynes like, uh, what's that thing that does that?
I mean, how long do you? How long or whatever?
But how long do you should you expect your wife

(46:42):
to want to have sex with you after she just
threw a kid out of her vagina? Like you know
what I mean, like or needs to have sex or
would like to be intimate with you and you have
just given birth. It should obviously never happen unless you
are wanting it to happen too. But then you should
allow him to watch porn or maybe partake in something

(47:04):
outside of you that um that would be purely sexual
and not something that would jeopardize your emotional relationship or
your sexual health. So you're saying he should have sex
outside the marriage if your wife just gave out a bit. No,
I mean it should be consented, but I think women
should consider like letting there. If you don't want to
suck your husband, let someone else do it. And then

(47:25):
a guy is not going to go have sex with
some girl that's just like a Fuco buried guy, and
he's not gonna fall in love with her. He's just
gonna come and then he's gonna come back home to you,
and he's gonna be in a good mood because you
let him go just do this thing. That is my thought.
I'm sure there are many people that would never let
that happen, but that is my thought, and I know
I just probably lost a lot of female listeners. I'm
not saying that for everyone. That is, if you are

(47:46):
okay with that, but I think you I think a
lot of men. Uh, that would be a good answer
to a lot of this, like, oh, I don't have
enough sex and I don't want to have sex with him,
but I love him and I will again someday, but
just not right now. Okay, go find a girl who
wants to give you a blowjob. So I guess I
get what you're saying. I think, like, look, just because

(48:06):
you can't come and have sex doesn't mean that you should.
That you should also feel this burden. So if you come,
you'll be happier. And I shouldn't have my ship deal
with your ship, but you caused that ship by coming
in my show. I just don't think that everyone should
expect their partner to feel the exact same way they
do people. Even though you're in a partnership, your partner
might have different feelings about something that you do, and

(48:28):
you shouldn't shame them for that. Feeling of wanting to
have sex and wanting to have a physical connection with
someone that honestly might not have jeopardize what you guys
have if you allow it. I'm not trying to be
like polyamorous, like free love. I'm not in a relationship.
So I'm talking out of line. I don't know what
that's like. I will, I will. Uh So, don't get

(48:48):
mad at me. But that's just my thoughts. I do
think there's women at home that had a baby and
they're fucking going crazy right now thinking that. No, I'm
not saying that that. It's like I'm punished and you should.
You should be cuck holded and let your husband go
f some what if you don't want that? But I
think that women should maybe try to arrive at a
place that's like they can look at sex as like

(49:10):
going to get a bite of food like that to
a guy, because I do think that guys feel like
nutting sometimes is as dumb as like a really good burger.
They're not thinking about the burger afterwards. They're not trying
to run away with the burger and leave their family
for the burger. And I'm not saying that women are burgers. Okay,
that's our news segment. Let's play a little game called

(49:30):
top two bottom two. That's when we go around the
circle with producer Noah Andrew and myself and we say
our top two bottom two of any certain category today. Noah,
what is our category? The categories gifts. Okay, top two
bottom two gifts you've received. Now, these are gonna be
the top two greatest gifts you've received and the top

(49:51):
two or the bottom two worst gifts you've received. Let's
start with bottoms. Will each start with one bottom. Noah
kick Us Off produced a Noah kick Us Off. What
is one of the worst gifts you've ever received? Okay,
A hand knitted sweater that looks like a like a
baby sweater. It's an adults Yeah, and personally showed you, Um,

(50:15):
what did you do with that sweater? Because it was
given to you? Can you say who gave it to you?
I mean, I don't. I want you to only disclose
as much as you want, because the person would be like,
I gave it my mom, who I haven't spoken to
in a while, like gave it to me as a gift,
and I you know, I'm trying to keep the lines
open and be positive. So right now, is just rolled
up into a ball, stuffed on on a shelf all

(50:36):
the way in the corner of my closet. It looks
like something you addressed a a baby before it's funeral.
In like, it looks like an eighteen hundreds get more
value if the person takes longer making gifts. But this
is something like I think to Noah, and based on
your relationship with your mom that has had like it's

(50:57):
rough times, you're receiving a gift that is so something
you would not want. Ads it's almost more insulting because
you're like, she doesn't know me at all. And I
think that's what hurts about gifts sometimes so much is
not the heart can go into it, but it doesn't
no matter how much time. It's that this person doesn't
know me. And that's what I just learned of them,
right exactly. It's so funny because I'm gonna go right

(51:19):
into the same exact kind of style of gift. My
mom bought me and my two brothers a Denom vest
exactly the same one. I'm not cold. I was twenty
no no, I was thirty five years old. That makes
me like she bought all den I felt like, initially,
my first thought is my mom is finally okay with

(51:41):
me being gay, and this is the way she wants
to show me first. And your brothers and my brothers
that are married with kids. Uh, it was like, I
don't know when you wear denim vests. What did she
give it to you? What occasion it was for? Hankah okay, yeah?
And did you guys make fun of her? Was it
like funny that okay? Yeah, we made fun of her.
To her, we always think fun of her because my

(52:02):
mom has amazing fashion. She buys us close her product
everything beautiful everything. Meza, sure she got a costco it was.
It was actually okay, so she did spend a lot
of money and it was probably designer, but it was
it was It was in fires so badly that you

(52:25):
three brothers took a picture with your dad invests on.
It's just like, oh, this is funny. We can all
read like we hated him so much we didn't even think, well,
they're recycled now and that was your like that was
the last night of Hanaka gift. I think that was
the only because we stopped talking to her the second day.
One of my bottom two worst gifts ever was a

(52:48):
baby doll my dad brought home from me when I
was probably four or five. It is one of my
earliest memories and it was the first time that I
realized my family might be poor. And my dad brought
home a um uh into a garage salie on his
way home from work, and he was like, nick, I
got you this baby doll and it was naked and like,
you know, like old but like and I felt so
bad for my dad because I was like, he's trying

(53:10):
to like give me this gift. That's like it. And
I cried so hard alone in my room and I
couldn't sleep that that night because I was like, my
dad is like it was just like a gift that
you'd see, like a dad in the Great Depression give
his kid to be like, I don't got nothing for you,
but I got something. I pulled her out of the
trash and I even at they before I could like
have pity for my dad. And I remember I went

(53:31):
into their bedroom late at night and I was like,
I can't sleep and they were like, NICKI wine. I
was like, because that that naked. And I couldn't explain
what I was feeling, but what it was feeling was
embarrassment on behalf of my dad. But when I look
back on at it, like I don't know if you're
getting teared, but like I'm getting tarried even thinking about
it that he tried like that, my dad supped a

(53:53):
garage sale, and like, I just can't believe that you
thought process at that age. I would just be like
sad that my dad got me such a shitty I
was like a smart kid that was very emotionally aware
of things that I didn't even understand. And I'm not
bragging by saying I'm smart. I'm just I just was
like a very emotionally intelligent child beyond probably more so
than I am. Now. I've pushed so much of it down. Okay,

(54:13):
so let's get into, uh, your one of your top gifts, okay. Um.
A top gift of mine was custom ray bands that
my friend Roland got me, and he based it off
a picture of Lady Gaga wearing her ray bands. Oh
he got you, Yeah, he got you the ray bands
of that picture I took where you by the way,
you guys know Ah producer Noah looks exactly like Lady Gaga.

(54:34):
We were what were we watching the other day? Andrew
that We were like, holy shit, she is so Gaga.
We're watching some Gaga clips. And Andrews goes, I can't
believe how much Noah is Gaga. I mean, it's insane.
So I found a picture of Lady Gaga at Serious
XM studios where I originally met. No she was my
producer on my show You Up with THINKI Lazer and
now she's my producer on the Nicki Lazer podcast with
iHeart Radio and Big Money Players. But she um I

(54:57):
sent her this picture of Lady Gaga in Sirius XM
at a certain studio that we could recreate the shot
and she would look exactly like it. And Roland, our
friend Roland, who was the talent is the talent booker
over at Sirius XM. He got you a pair of
those exact same rave bands so we could recreate the shot. Yeah,
so that's one of my favorite gifts. We gotta put

(55:17):
up that picture. I lost those glasses for two years
and I was so bummed, and I recently found them
in a suitcase. Oh isn't that the best feeling? Noah,
you have to post that picture. Guys, go see the
two picture comparisons, because we we took those pictures. I
took that picture of you right to recreate the Gaga
one he did. Yeah, we did a great job. That
you can see how much she looks like her. So

(55:38):
no one's gonna put that in her stories or maybe
on her main post on Instagram, and you can follow
Noah at Noah Injection N O A injection I N
J E C T I O N on Instagram. And
Andrew Collin you can follow him on Instagram. And Andrew T. Colin,
Not Collins Collins C O L L I N Andrew T. Colin,
Andrew T. Collin. What is your top gift me? And

(55:59):
my top if is I think from my grandparents. When
I was a kid, you would get a letter from
my birthday and it would be hard cash and it'd
be like two. I think you were going to say,
it's like this handwritten letter that would really touch my heart.
But it was just the cash. Yeah, but the cash
was so crisp. It was and you could feel it
and you could smell it. And when your kid two

(56:19):
hundred dollar bills, you could you're Bill Gates, You're Kylie generally, Yeah,
you're that kid in blank check. Yeah it's and now
you get a venmo, you know, you get a vemo
for forty grand and when it feels, but it depends
on what a boji was attached to it. Yeah, and
if it was put on private or public, you know,
like an eggplan in like fifty grand, but yeah, no,

(56:40):
but just that hard cash. Yeah, that's great that and
that's so nice that they my uncle TV used to
always put to a crisp t dollar bills is like
a joke in our cards and those that Christmas of
new money. Really it really does something to you as
a kid. Great answer. Okay, my number one gifts. One
of my number one gifts was a my bird Kiwi.

(57:01):
I had. The best pet I ever owned was my
pair of Kiwi that I got when I was in
fifth grade, and it was the only time I've cried
from happiness in my entire life. When I opened my
parents didn't have Kiwi yet, but they had a It
was a white package with red ribbon that my mom
and I was pissed because I wanted a bird that
Christmas and there was no bird cage and I was like,
I was in a bad mood. Finally opened this thing
and it was like one of those little It was

(57:22):
like the styrofoam cuddle thing that bird owners know. It's
like a cuddle toy dead and your corps of the
pair keep. And they knew that I wanted a pair
of keet, they didn't I didn't specify how I wanted it,
um now and that, and I cried and and Kiwi
ended up being the best uh pet I've ever owned.
Sorry Luigi, Sorry Mary, and sorry Simon, Sorry Speedo, Sorry

(57:44):
hermit crabs that I killed by starving to death accidentally
because I just didn't know what to feed you and
you smelled so bad and I was scared of you.
Uh know what? What's your other bottom gift? Fire? The
other one? It's kind of like, um a a general thing.
But I got these wooden earrings with like music notes
in them, and they were clearly not bought from me.

(58:06):
They were a real gift, So that gift is a
bottom There's the opposite of someone knitting you a sweater. Yes,
it's real. Gifts are not okay unless you are honest
about it, in which case they're more than okay. And
I love it because it's recycling. It's good for the earth. Andrew,
what is your number one bottom gift? Your worst gift

(58:28):
you've ever received? Okay, my worst gift, And this can
be kind of across the board here, but I got
like a twenty gift certificate to best Buy, and I
hate it because you can't buy anything in best Buy
for twenty so it's gonna make me fucking pay like

(58:48):
a thousand dollars for a TV. But you get a
best Buy gift. I mean this was years ago. I
can't You could buy a CD. CDs were going back then,
you know this talking two four prices. You could have
gotten a cool Wallflower c D. I don't know, you
pick up the new uh Billy Joel Greatest Hits. I
think a twenty dollar gift card to best Buy is
a great gift and um uh, that's your mom's vest.

(59:12):
Should have trumped best Buy a gift card. But I
do would't know what you're saying when you're given a
small gift card amount to a big ticket price place.
Yeah that I can't afford. But best Buy also sells
chewing gum and like, okay, we could break charger that
you know you steal from me. Literally he has not
bought his own phone charger in eighteen years anyway. Um okay,

(59:35):
so I get what you're saying. I my number one
worst gift would be any jewelry from a man, and
that includes earrings that Andrew gave me um uh two
Christmases ago. It was our first Christmas friends. We met
in January two eighteen. It was that Christmas. He had
been on the road with me and he decided to
spend some really hard earned money on a pair of earrings.

(59:56):
Did your girlfriend help you pick him up? Who helped you?
Some random girl that I actually hung out with randomly? Okay,
so you maybe got laid because you asked her for
your help and picking out these jewelry, which is I
think one of the strategies, and in that pick up
artist book, the game is to be like, oh, I
go to buy my friend a gift, can you help me?
And then okay, well, he bought me some turquoise earrings.
That was a good gift because I do love turquoise

(01:00:18):
and he knew that. But it was they were just bulky.
They weren't my style. I'm just telling you, men, even
if you think you know what a girl wants with
Andrew thought going in like, I can't sunk up she
like turquoise jewelry, He's still sucked up. And I did
not receive the gift. Well, I was not very gracious
and I should have just shut my mouth. But you
are in a group of all men, including my father
who's bought me jewelry and bought my mom jewelry. Just

(01:00:39):
give us a gift card to best Buy and we'll
get some jewel cable. It's like you always buy jewelry
at best Buy. I was. I've been given some you know,
shitty gifts from sales that was like some kind of
heart thing that a guy thought I wanted. I've been
given a pearl necklace that was gorgeous from Tiffany, from
my beloved ex boyfriend who spent so much money, and
it was and all my friends are like, oh my god,

(01:00:59):
some amazing. I don't wear pearls, and I know that
every woman deserves pearls, but it was just giving me
something to lose or have stolen from me. And I, um,
and I'm not good with jewelry, and I just if
I want jewelry, I'll buy it myself. But I do
appreciate the thought. Um Noah, what is the best gift
You've ever received? Top gift round Robin. Here we go.
I couldn't really think of the best gift, but the

(01:01:21):
one thing that I always love receiving our flowers. I
know it's corny, but I love it. I didn't even
think about flowers that would have been on my bottom.
I hate flowers. Why do you love flowers so much?
I just I just love them and I would never
buy them for myself, which is what makes it a
good gift. But don't you hate that you have to
like put them, like cut them and like put them
in a thing, and then they die, and then they

(01:01:43):
just remind you of how things die and you'll die someday,
and then you have to throw them in the trash
and it's like sad and they get kind of soggy
and gross. I'm okay with death. It doesn't I'm not.
I guess interesting. I think that's maybe why I don't
like flowers. But I do. I you know, you're not
alone flowers. Girl love flowers. Um and I hope to
be one of those girls some day, but for now

(01:02:03):
edible arrangements. I don't have to watch them die. I
just eat it all and then it comes out as
poop later. Yeah. And I've only bought a girl of
flower I think twice in my life. One time I
on Valentine's like bob Roses, and I pulled out the
petals and put them like towards the bed, like candcel
and grattel or whatever. That's when an old woman cooks
two children. But yes, we understand. I think it's handled

(01:02:27):
gretel where they leave a trail to get away, and
I'm glad that you left a trail for this woman
to escape and remember where she did? All right? Yeah
a man's arms. Is this your girlfriend in college? Yeah?
Oh my god, and you did the roast to she
even like it. I don't even know if she showed up. God, man,
that's so sad. Okay, what's your number one top? Kif
uh chain you gave me? Really? Yeah, just came back

(01:02:50):
to bite me. Yeah, it was through a gold chain.
I bought it for myself and it just is too
much and I never wear It's always been on my
jewelry box, always see it. I'm like, the other day,
he was trying to accessorize with some turquoise because there's
a guy on our set who wears a lot of turquoise,
and it's like seems to be like it makes him
this guy look cooler to us and we all like

(01:03:10):
love it. And then Andrew got a turquoise necklace from
the wardrobe department and he's been wearing it as a joke,
but he honestly like kind of likes it's kind of peacocking.
Shout out to the Neil stress is the game again?
Pick up artistry and um. Then another day I go,
you know what would be awesome? We want we were
going to set and I wasn't even on set, like
we're just going to hang out with some people, And
I go, would be so funny if you showed up
wearing like a chain and your turquoise and the sunglasses

(01:03:32):
and just like douche look just as a bit. And
he walked in with his chain, and then I go,
you can have that, And now he's like wearing the chain. Seriously,
he lost the turquoise even though he's wearing it right
now as a joke. But the chain, the chain to
represents like a new beginning for me. Maybe you know
a guy that sleeps with his shirt off because he's
okay with his fat tits. But like it does it
like represents like I don't care what other people think.

(01:03:54):
If I want to wear a fucking gold chain, I'm
gonna chain cost me because I remember four and or
fifty dollars. Alright, good guess what it? Um? What was it? Yeah?
You said it was expensive. It was that's expensive to
me for jewelry that I don't wear. You know that
I'm just taking a gamble on and it was on

(01:04:15):
the stage. No, I think this is not one of
my favorite presents anymore. I thought you gave me like
a fucking like rich as chain. This chain sucks that
c Isn't that just god wealth inequality? It's right back
to what Sam Harris said, or what I kind of
said that. He said, alright, number, We'll tap it for me,
drumball please, Taylor Swift signed copy of a CD. No,

(01:04:36):
but that was a great gift. I did not say that,
but yes, I would put that up there. It's not
the number one for me. The number one for me
is a lighter. Uh that was worth and forty one.
I believe that it was a DuPont lighter given to
me by Charlie Sheen after the one night I met
him and he accidentally set his hair on fire. Long story,

(01:05:00):
but um, he accidentally inflamed his hair and I put
his fire out on his head with my open palm.
And because of that, and because of my friend telling
him that he deserves he should give me a gift.
Because I was with my friend. She was like, give
her a gift. He gave me this brand new lighter
that he got is in a box in the price
tech was something dollars and it's like the coolest fucking lighter.

(01:05:24):
It's a DuPont black matt like uh case like it's
like gold. You've seen it. I use it. I mean,
my favorite part about this whole story is you thought
it was broken. I didn't use it, so I got
this happened in two thousand, like thirteen, I'm guessing, and
I did not use it at all. I just was
going to give it to my mom to sell an eBay.
But now I'm so glad I didn't because now it's

(01:05:44):
just always gonna be this like artifact I have that
I'll give to my kids that I'm never gonna have.
And um, and it's just a great story that I'll
share later, but I do. I didn't use the lighter
because I couldn't get it to work, and I thought
it didn't have fluid in it. I just assumed it
didn't have flu fluid in it. But then I realized
that I just didn't know how to work it. In
the second I showed Andrew two months ago. He took
it out the box and immediately opened it and made

(01:06:05):
it work. And it is the coolest way it lights.
It's DuPont lighter. It doesn't out. Can I ask you
a question, of course, and you're gonna be completely honest.
If Charlie Sheen gave you the same ear rings that
I bought you, best of my life, it has nothing
to do with the lighter itself. It really could have
been a guitar pick, you know. Yeah, it was just
like the meaning behind yeah, yeah, yeah, Yeah. We're going

(01:06:28):
to close up the show today with our final thought.
This is always something that we wanted to say earlier
on but we had to move on because of time restraints.
So one last time to get in something. Andrew, do
you have a final thought for the day? It could
be literally anything. Yeah. My final thought to day is
that if you are having trouble with a friend, or
if you're if something's building, don't wait for it to

(01:06:51):
build to ruin uh something that's so beautiful otherwise. So
just if you're feeling low and you're feeling like maybe
they couldn't handle it or they'll get defensive, that's okay.
Just speak your truth because nine I attend times, the
person isn't going to be like, oh fuck you, They're
gonna actually, like really relate to you. And if it

(01:07:11):
comes from a meaningful place, it will that and um,
Breggan just lived. I love that. My final thought is
keep those things inside, because if you bring them out
at the end of a podcast, it can really just
end on like a tone that isn't as uplifting as
we wanted for the end of the podcast. So keep
your feelings bottled up, um, hold them inside, take them

(01:07:33):
out on your pets and your family and uh first
work and so many fun things happened today. Of course
I'm joking. I loved that final thought. My final thought
is thank you for listening to this podcast. I am
so excited to explore this new territory with you. I
want you all to know who are listening, that this

(01:07:54):
is going to be Monday through Thursday. I could have
done a weekly podcast and made the same amount of money,
but I fought to do it every day because I
love communicating with you guys every day. I love being
able to put something out every day. I love morning radio.
I love the vibe creates of like these are my friends.
I want you guys to feel like you're our friends.
We want you to interact with us. We want you

(01:08:14):
to write into the show, which you can do by
sending us an email at the Nicki Glazer Podcast at
gmail dot com. The Nicki Glazer Podcast at gmail dot com.
You can follow us on Instagram at Nikki Glazer, at
Andrew T. Colin at Noah Injection. I want to be
honest and say that I could have gone a lot
of ways with this show. I knew I want to
do a podcast. I ended up at I Heart Radio

(01:08:37):
on purpose. They have been amazing, and I'm not just
saying that. I know this sounds like an acceptance speech
for like when people think they're agents and you're like,
who cares, No one wants to hear about your agents.
Just thank your boyfriend or whoever you know, like your
celebrity would want to hear about that, not about like
the industry that you know lifts you up. But truly,
I Heart has is huge, and they are giving me

(01:08:58):
a much bigger platform than I would have had on
my own, and I'm so grateful for that and I
want to take advantage of it. So however you're finding
this podcast either through an ad through another podcast, or
you know it came up on New and Notable on iTunes,
or you have the I Heart Radio app and it
was suggested or which is a great way to listen
to podcasts by the way. And also I'm with Big
Money Players, which is Will Ferrell's company UM podcast network,

(01:09:21):
and it was just such an honor to be asked
to join his network and to be promoted through that
as well, because Will Ferrell is a comedy god and
UM and he now knows I exist, which is the
coolest thing to me. Ever. Yeah, yeah, Andrew and him
have become personal friends. That's not true at all. Probably
has no idea that you're even involved in this, But

(01:09:42):
I do want to say that this is just a
huge opportunity for me. I know that I have done
the work and put in the work that I deserve
this opportunity, and I don't want to suck it up
for you guys, and I'm really going to try my best,
right us, let us know what you think. But most importantly,
and I don't ever ask for this, could you please subscribe,
rate and review? Please subscribe, rate and review, and and

(01:10:04):
be kind in those things if you want to be.
If you don't want to be kind, how about you
don't do anything, because look inside yourself. If you want
to go on there and give me one star and
say how much you hate me, it's probably a projection
on your own. So leave us a kind of review
it will make you feel good. Or don't. Just listen
and just subscribe when you want to. But I really
appreciate you listening. It's not lost on me that this,
you know, took an hour of your day. And feel

(01:10:25):
free to listen to us on double the speed. That's
how I consume podcast. But I talk really fast. You
probably have to do it at half the speed. We'll
come up with so many inside jokes with you guys,
will come up with a thing to call you all.
We'll come up with like a sign off. I don't
know what any of that's going to be right now,
but for now, thank you for listening to the Nikki
Laser Podcast. Thank you the producer, no uhs, and thank
you what will fare? I'll hit you up later, Oh

(01:10:47):
my god? All right, we'll see you tomorrow. Nick Layer
Podcast