#180 Last Chance Gas

Nikki took a 17 hour nap and Andrew is convinced she was in a coma. She tells him about a lucid dream she had and then something about her reality that irks her. You Heard It Here First, there was something different about the latest whale watching experience, therapy explained perfectly by comedian Spencer Sileo, shortest celebrity relationships and Nikki does care about Britney Spears' upcoming memoir. Hollywood beliefs, possibly profane Grover, a French twist, Nokia ringtone origin and irrational fears are all in Nikki's Reddit Dump.

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Nicky Glazer Podcast. Here's Nikki here. I am welcome to
the show. It's Nicki Glaser Podcast. Happy first day of
the week for our show. Everyone, it's Tuesday. It's not
Tuesday to us, It's Monday night. Not gonna lie to

(00:22):
you guys. UM originally thought I had a really busy
day on Tuesday shooting Perfect Strangers to you guys know
all about that. But we just got a text that
I'm not due on set until like two fifteen or
something crazy like that, so I'll get to sleep in
a little bit, which I really need after today, because
let's be honest, I only got seventeen hours I repeat,

(00:48):
seventeen hours of sleep we got back from Ama. At
what point is it a coma? It's you know what
I mean. I'm not taking be at coma. I was
walking to the car today after I didn't even set
my alarm because I thought there's no way after going
to bed at six pm, I'm going to sleep until
twelve noon when I have to be out getting go,

(01:10):
picking up picking up you guys. But I did, and
I woke up to a call from you being like, hey,
aren't you getting us? And I was like uh, and
then you said I will come get you. And so
when I went out to go. I love your voice
to you when I call you, and your and you
definitely sleep. I'm sorry I did. Like it just sounds
like I woke you up at like three in the morning,

(01:32):
you know, like it was so I remember walking up
this morning. I walked out in I felt, sometimes you
sleep so much that you are more used to being
dreaming than you are awake. And I thought I had

(01:55):
to do my test to see if my finger went
through my hand to see if I was to him
or not, which I do. Last night was my first
successful lucid dream where I put my finger through my hand.
I tested in the dream, and my dreaming put my
finger through my hand. It went through my hand. I
knew in the dream I was dreaming. And then I
decided to go flying. And I went flying, and I

(02:18):
kept having to do it because sometimes it wouldn't be
human flying. Yeah, I was. I was almost like swimming,
like kind of riding a wave, like you kind of
just let it take you and you go. And I
flew all over the goddamn place. It was so fun,
and it was it was something I've been like trying
to do for a really long time. Um, are you

(02:39):
able to land? I'm wondering because sometimes it's hard to lay.
I closed my eyes at one point to just like
feel the wind and see that if I could just
do it like and not think about it, and I
brush up into the grass at one point. I hit
the water at one point, so I kept like falling,
and then I would have to redo my hand to
make sure I was dreaming, to be like no an,
a lucid dream is supposed to be able to do
whatever the fuck you want, and I don't want to land,

(03:00):
so I kept redoing. It was very interesting, but I'm
so excited to go to sleep tonight. But it reminded
me this morning when I was like, is am I
still in a dream of when I used to smoke
so much weed. I would start to feel high when
I wasn't high, because it was actually the it. I
was spending more of my time high than I was
not high, so that being not high felt like the

(03:20):
special thing that was like whoa. So today when I
was awake, it was the thing I do less of nowadays,
and it felt like I was dreaming. If that makes
any sense. I don't know how I did it. I mean,
I don't know. I am not. Everyone goes you needed it, girl,
I did not. I have not needed I have not
been sleep deprived lately. I have not been going on

(03:42):
like three hours of sleep. I've just I've had a
really normal sleep schedule and I couldn't get it. I
just today I think I was depressed. I was definitely
depressed today. I'm coming out of it a little bit,
but um, yeah, I just I think that when I'm awake,
it means that I'll have to do things that I'm
I'm letting people down constantly by not returning emails or

(04:05):
looking at my special to send in the last edits,
and I don't want to do it. And if I'm awake,
it just is the guilt of having to do it.
And if I'm asleep, I don't have guilt. Why don't
you just send emails into a dream? You know? Yeah,
Lucid that I'm reviewing my special, giving notes on it.
That would be nice. That sucks when you wake up,
Like did ever wake up for school and start getting

(04:26):
ready and then you that would happen to be all
the time as I was. I would get up and
I would start packing for school, and I would eat
breakfast Saturday, no, just like when my mom would be
like Nikky, time to get up, and then I would go, yeah,
just a little bit, and I'd go back to sleep,
and then I would dream that I was getting up
and doing all of that stuff, and then I would
wake up and I'd be like, oh my god, I
have to go do it all over again. I have

(04:46):
this thing where I if I when I wake up,
I want my brain to be extremely active and like
ready to go for some reason. And I think with
like older age, like I'm like, why am I not
awake yet? But when when you're younger and in high school,
I remember waking up because I have to wake up
at six am. I would be like a zombie until
around eight thirty. But you're still awake, but you're not

(05:08):
questioning that your zombie. Does that make sense? I've never
felt like why am I not more awake after I
wake up? What is that? I wonder? I don't know.
I don't know. I just want my brain to feel
like right and like like I don't. I just don't
want to feel like I'm gonna fog. Maybe I'm afraid
of it because I've done I've had that happen a lot,

(05:29):
like where I just feel like, because of my anxiety
and ship, I can't like function as well as I
want because my brain is trying though, Like does it
feel do you feel sad foggy or do you just
feel like you just can't like do math or word
all foggy? I was sad like a couple of days ago.
I don't even know why, but yeah, I mean I'm

(05:51):
definitely depressed at times, but usually it's like anxiousness. It's
it's usually anxious more than like I'm too anxious to
even be sad, if that makes sense. Just like I'm
like to like and then do when you're anxious, what
is the what are you fearing? Well, I haven't had
a full panic attack in a long time. I'm getting

(06:11):
off zo Loft, which you know, I was nervous about doing.
I just feel like zo Loft it did its thing,
like I was on it for what two years two
and a half years down, I'm on well Beutrin, so
I was doing a combination of both, and I just
I feel like zo Loft put me a little bit

(06:32):
in numb me out where I like, you know, certain
things will happen in my life, and I'll just kind
of be like, you know, they're not getting excited about stuff,
super sad. Yeah, I'm just not feeling feeling emotional. Yeah,
and I kind of missed that, even though I don't
even know if I felt before, So I know it

(06:57):
is hard to see. It's so subtle what those drugs
duty that you don't really no like until you you'll
find out when you get off it. Well you've gotten
off it before, you've never experienced or anything like that.
Like I never noticed. I just you know, didn't want
to kill myself as much when I was on them. Yeah, Like,

(07:17):
but I can't describe, like on a day to day
how it changed my life. I was still like struggling
with like I'm on stuff now and I'm just but
what made you get off like initially because I was
fine and I don't need anymore because it's fine, I'm
fine and I'm fine. Is because I'm on zoloft. Yeah,
I mean that is the That's what everyone does all
the time. Dude. You're like, I don't need this, I'm great,

(07:38):
and it's like because you're on zoloft, you're dumb, dumb,
but you know, that takes a while too, but I
mean I still fall prey to that kind of thinking
a lot of times of like, oh, I'm It's like
when you work out a lot and eat healthy and
you're like, I look great, I've got this, and you're
like I can let myself go, and it's like, no,
you look great because you were doing the things that

(07:58):
were right. It's not a sign that you're just good now, like, uh,
there's a reason for those things, and it's because you
were doing the you know, making healthy choices. I this morning, though,
I was just so like I get, I get worried
in the morning when I'm like this morning, I woke
up really depressed and was like, my the feeling I

(08:20):
get of dread is that I'm going to have to
fake like I'm happy and it's just going to be
like running a marathon when he likes running a marathon
pretty much, when I have to pretend, like make jokes
and like maybe talk to one of the network executives
and they come in the room and I just want
to sit in the makeup chair and just talk about

(08:42):
how sad I am, and I just had to be
like I'm excited, Like that's the that's the ship. That's
what I'm asking when you go, what do you like
if you're anxious? What are you are? What are you
dreading something? I'm filled with dread of having to be
fake sometimes if I'm going to be completely honest, I
get anxious way and you're in a bad mood because

(09:03):
like the other day, like when we're doing writing stuff,
like I know, when I'm like pitching jokes, when you're
not feeling your best self, it doesn't feel good pitching
because you're not getting rewarded the way you want. Don't
see anything. Nothing can be good literally, like I was saying,
like when you're depressed, nothing, there's nothing that will be

(09:26):
like a positive thing. I know. So so that's someone
that has to pitch and a person it's like I guess,
like no, no, but I'm not I'm not trying to
be like it sucks again. I you know, I think
it's been great working with you and I think, like
I'm not just saying that, but the jokes, like we've
come up with really funny ship this season on Perfect Strangers,

(09:48):
and it's been very open and I think you've had
your days of like depression are very few and far
between comparatively speaking, and so yeah, I mean I don't know,
so I maybe there's a there's a way where we
could go. Obviously I'm not doing doing like you're like,
I'm not doing that well today. I mean I try

(10:10):
to say that often, but yeah, I guess I didn't
the other day before we started pitching out on jokes.
It's fine, though, Like it is what it is, Like
I'm not I don't get like I really like, I
don't get emotional about I just understand it, and I
like I get it and I empathized with it because
if I had to have to tiptoe around someone's fucking mood,
I really that's what I hate the most about it,

(10:30):
is Like when I'm depressed, I just want to stay
in all. I don't want to be around people because
I know that, uh, I know that feeling too of
someone being in a bad mood and you having to
like tiptoe around its fucking sucks. And I don't want
to inflict that on other people. And sometimes you just
have to show up at work and and then the things.
And honestly, when I'm depressed, it's just it's wild, like

(10:51):
you could be like, what about puppy dogs. I'd be like,
they're stupid, it doesn't matter. They're all going to get
old and die. Like, literally, give me anything you could
give me, literally to swift music, um, like I could
find I will find that. There's nothing you can say
that will make me think it's actually gonna be okay. Nothing,
And it's just a shitty It's just it's just it's

(11:14):
like a brain. It's like a um, a filter on
your brain that you just cannot let in any good
and nothing seems positive. There's no point to anything. I
was really having that day today and it sucks because
but with your job, you can't hide it's not I mean,
I know it's obviously people probably know what you're doing.
I mean a lot of people don't. But I was

(11:35):
on Instagram Live with our busties and people are like,
what can you tell us anything? I'm like, come on, well,
people thought your reality show and St. Louis was Perfect
Strangers too. Yeah. Well, I mean I don't blame them
for not knowing. It's a very cryptic, but I end
up tropical location shooting a show that may or may
not have We're shooting Perfect Strangers too. But imagine being depressed.

(11:57):
Imagine at home, you're depressed in your job is to
put on and you're a woman or even a guy,
and you gotta put on tight clothes, you gotta put
on three hours of makeup, and you have to pretend
to be the happiest person and interesting things that might
not be the most fascinating to you in that moment. Yeah,
But but that's the other thing, is like things couldn't

(12:20):
be greater for me right now, and I feel like
you want something bad to happen to justify how sad
you are, and like nothing is bad right now for me,
and I almost you know. The other day, I had
to talk with someone who uh is a part of
my team about a project I could work on that

(12:40):
would like take my life to the next level in
terms of fame and money and success and all that stuff.
And it sounds like the greatest opportunity. And there's just
so much like if I would have had to do
that job today, I don't think I would have been
able to. I mean, I would have done it, but
I want to be excited about doing things, and I'm
just so scared about running into these days where I

(13:01):
just can't find any happiness or any reason to live.
And the literally the only reason I'm showing up and
doing it is because I don't want to let other
people down, which I think a lot of people do
on a day to day is like they get out
of bed for their kids or their dog or there
they got to go to work because their kids won't
be able to eat. Like you, you do live for
other people. But I don't like to do that. I

(13:22):
don't want to do that, and I don't I'm so
scared of having kids or any I guess I think
about having kids a lot, or just a show where
it's the big, it's the big, it's the big leagues,
Like this is your chance to have this show that
you can have the rest of your life. If you
suck it up, it's done. It's like, am I in
the right space to do that? But and I also

(13:43):
was talking to you about it, like I'm also very
scared of getting any more known because I just don't
think I can take people hating me. And the more
known you get, the more people hate you, and I
just can't take it. I can't. I can't handle which
I about like you could be a famous actress and
just do roles and people can like say they don't

(14:04):
like you, but they don't really know what the McCarthy woman.
I don't I don't know when one of her beliefs
or anything about her, you know what I mean. I
don't know what Cameron Diaz ever thought about fucking you
know anything. Some actresses do come out and speak and
that then we hate them all. But like the other day,

(14:26):
I was just looking like Aubrey Plaza. The other day
there was some blind item about her not being that nice.
I don't know if it's true, don't know anything about it.
There was just some story that she's not she's not
fun to work with. Someone wrote that, and I read
all the comments, thinking, oh, they're they're gonna fucking latch
onto this, like like you know, just what's it called
when there's blood in the water and all the sharks come.

(14:48):
I don't know. I just thought of like, that's what
people in dem wax, which I talked about before, These
celebrity fanatics, they love a fault with someone being a
cunt and they get to tear apart a woman being
a bad person. They fucking love it whole character. But
I swear to god, they were all like I don't
believe it not her. There's certain women that just get
a pass in this business because they're cool and everyone

(15:12):
just seems them like they're cool. I could make a
list right now, but I don't want to because it
shows how insecure I am. But I'm not. I'm never
even though like I'm I've made it, you know, Like
as much as it is, I've wanted to, and I've
always wanted to do the stuff I'm doing. I will
never be really cool, like cool in the sense that

(15:33):
the guys like you, the girls like you, everyone agrees
you're cool. And there are just some female celebrities that
get that pass. And I never will. I already haven't.
There's people that really hate me. It's just and I
just don't want to. I know that more people will
love me if it gets bigger, but I just I
don't even want to get any bigger than this. I

(15:54):
don't want to get more famous, I I really don't.
But I do want more money so that I can
sell survive the apocalypse and protect my family and and
help my family if they get sick and stuff and
have money for that and um. But I don't want
to get any more famous because I don't want to
have any I don't want to have to read I
can't go on Twitter anymore. I used to could be
able to go on Twitter and read my ats, and

(16:14):
now I can't anymore because there are people that hate
me just as much as I hate myself that day
saying exactly the thing that I am thinking about myself,
and it's just so you just you just have to
live in a bubble where you close yourself off to stuff,
or you get strong enough to not literally affect you. Well,
guess what day is not coming? And so I just
don't even want I'm scared about my HBO special coming out.

(16:36):
I'm scared about this reality show coming out because I
just don't want to read people's opinion about me, ever
good or bad. I don't want anyone to have any
opinions about me anymore. And it just sucks because well,
this is the way I'm feeling today, being feeling a
little bit depressed. But it just that's what I say.
Do you feel like, how do I but like the
idea of cool or whatever? Like do you feel like

(16:58):
if you put out a script did series right that
was like dark comedy that I don't want to be
cool to be honest, because the cool girls are bullies
and everyone's scared of them. And I'm not saying Aubrey
Plaza is this. I'm just saying that the girls are
bullies and they're mean, and that's why everyone's nice to
them because they know they're so mean and they'll get
torn to shreds if you go after them, and people

(17:19):
know that. I'm probably like, the reason people are mean
to me is because I'm nice and I and I'm
sincere and I'm not this fake mean person that but
all the girls that are like the cool girls that
all the cool guys like and who get a pass
and he wouldn't matter what they do, are are mean

(17:41):
and kind of content you. But then I'll make this
show and then I'll make another show and everyone will
hate me or they'll they'll go, no, wait, she's not cool.
Remember when she did this thing. She's actually not cool,
And I don't want to be cool. I'm just like,
I just I hate the hypocrisy of everyone on dem
moa love thing when it comes out that someone's a cunt,

(18:02):
and I kind of love it too, because I'm like good.
Their true colors are shown and then and then at
the second is someone that they don't that. They go, no,
I wouldn't like her. They go, no, it's not true.
It's like, no, I'm not saying that this has nothing
to do with auprey Plasa. It just was an interesting
thing to me that I thought, oh my god, they're
all gonna hate auprey Plasa now whether or not she
should be hated based on whether or not this is true,

(18:23):
and whether or not you should even hate someone for
being a cunt on set who cares like I mean,
the funny part is I couldn't spell, which just shows like, like,
well you couldn't be about you. You would just call
it ducks watt moy. You would call it duke's moy.
Now do you know what is? It's d u x
d e u x m O. I point being is

(18:45):
like we all think everything is so freaking important. Yeah,
it's everything is a small percentage of like no one knows.
There's people might not know who Audrey Plasa, you know what?
Or like yeah, like none is I am. I'm like,
and we're gonna be forgotten in three generations. Okay, let

(19:08):
his name our great grandparents first, one of your great
grandparents names no, can you name your great grandparents? My
great grandparents their first name. You're not alone. Don't feel bad.
No one can you name one? Uh, I can name
one Eugidius. But that's because my dad like burned it

(19:28):
into my head. But I don't know what he did,
or what he looked like, or what anything else about him,
and my dad would be so sad for me to
say that. But what that tells you is you have
eight great grandparents and you if you can't name one
of them, then no one's gonna be able to name
you in eight in three generations, not that far. And
if you can name a great grandparent, that means you've

(19:50):
got a lot of teen pregnancies in your family and
you probably knew them. You know, with my great grandparents,
how old was he whenever they had those Once it's
like five generations in one TikTok and it's like mom,
and then it's like mom, and they all come in
just like these are just team pregnancies. Don't want five mistakes.

(20:12):
All right, let's take a break and come back with more.
All right, we're back. Let's get to the newss Andrews. Everybody,
you're having all the swells out there. It is Tuesday.
You know what that means. It is Tuesday. Sure. We

(20:34):
talked a lot about depression in the first part of
this podcast. This part might be even more depressed. So
we saw some whales yesterday. I know, I didn't say
were whales. They were sharks. There fish whale. I saw
it was in the mirror afterwards. Come on, No, but
really I didn't get to see him because I didn't

(20:54):
swim faster. But I did jump in fast. Did jump in?
You did jump in. You tried. Thank you for doing that.
I really appreciate it. We were all kind of like
not feeling it. I got to say, the the guy
getting eaten by the shark and Sydney, it's done a
lot too of my brain. It's done a lot of
mine as well. And I saw the unblurred video on

(21:16):
the way there. I passed around the car. Yeah, it
wasn't good. Um. Really sending a lot of warm wishes
to anyone who witnessed that or has you know, was
that guy what was his name against Simon? Uh? Yeah, um,
any of his an yeah ne list um, Yeah, it

(21:39):
was it's grim And I didn't google if great whites
were in the Baja Peninsula area. But I googled it
afterwards and they were nowhere near where we were, thank god.
But as soon as I do Dovin, I was thinking
about what all I can think about it was if
a great white hit me, like just I just want
to see it coming, you know what I'm saying. I
just wanted to get me. Oh you don't want to

(22:01):
see it coming? No? No, would you want to see
it coming? Or would you want it to just come
out of nowhere? You know what. I don't like surprises,
so i'd probably want to see it coming, like when
you're I'm always scared of car since because I don't
want it to happen just out of nowhere, like to
get t bone where you don't see it. So I
don't like sleeping in cars because I don't want to

(22:21):
wake up to just like I'm dying. I want to
just go. Like you know, when I was hit by
a car in Manhattan, I thought I was gonna die
and I go no, no, no, no no, like at
least I had I got to think my life got
to flash before my eyes. You know, I want to
see it, and I know that's worse to brace for
a car accident than to just have it hit you
willy nilly, but I want to I don't like what
I don't know. That's very interesting to me that you

(22:41):
would rather just have a shark come bite you out
of the murky waters, out of nowhere. Because sometimes when
I'm flying in a plane, I go, I could die
right now now, like if we hit a odd aircraft.
Let's say, sometimes I'm just going it would happen now now,
like it could happen any second. It's just you know,
it's not gonna there's not gonna be a warning if
we start that fucking fall to the earth, fall to
the earth. I just I don't wanna. I want to

(23:06):
know when I'm about to die, even if it's really scary,
I don't know. I guess part of it though, it's
like you maybe can survive it. It's like a Sully situation. Yeah, well,
let's say it's imminent that I die both ones. I
want a little bit of time, and even if I
don't have time to like log onto Boingo would like,
let's say you have I don't know how long does
it take a plane to crash? Uh that and fucking

(23:32):
twenty minutes sometimes way too long. I probably meditate a
little bit. Um okay anyways, but yeah, back but yeah,
we actually had in a car and we almost ran
out of whatever. That was the most thrilling part of
We ran out of gap. Well, I was driving, drove
a lot yesterday by the like six hours, yeah, six
hours job by the way. So we're coming back and

(23:55):
there's very few sporadic towns with gas stations here in Mexico,
and sporadic. I drove past a small town seeing the
gas knowing I kind of knew it was that was
the last chance to get last chance yet, but you

(24:15):
said nothing. You said nothing, and then we kept going
in Andrew alerts us that. He then goes, hey, um, Stephen,
could you google when the next gas uh station is?
And then he looks at me. It's like, um, it'll
be about fifty kilometers and he's like, so like, what's

(24:36):
give her daca? So then he had a countdown for
like when it ran out, and it was actually in kilometers,
and um it was fifty kilometers and we were we
saw we just were getting to a gas station just
enough time, and then all of a sudden, the countdown
of kilometers till it ran out just went blank and
we didn't know what the fun was going on. We
didn't know if it was gonna So then we're in
the desert, dude, like dead, We're gonna become a cactus.

(24:59):
We're not it. It was We're not that far from stuff.
But it would have just been cold. It would have
been a hassle. Yeah, and I would have called Neuber
before we went to a stop. We all know that, Yeah,
I will abandon you on the side of the road
real quick. So then we But it was just so

(25:21):
thrilling to almost run out of gas. Like I was
falling asleep like right before this all happened, and I
was just like, how am I even going to like
stay awake for this conversation in the car, Like I
don't want to sleep while Andrew's driving. I want to
support him because I'm sure he wants to sleep too.
And then all of a sudden started running out of
gas and I fucking loved it. It was so fun.
You were you responded in a way where I was like,

(25:45):
I kind of want to run, like I don't like
you were so cool about that. I was shocked because
I was gas before, never been in a car that's
run out of gas. I was like, this will be
a first I need. Have you ever run out of
gas before? Noah, that's actually like one of my biggest
fears with driving, So I always make sure I have
enough gas. What what's what's your fear about it? But

(26:07):
I just get like stuck and I won't have any
cell phone service and then I'd just be on the
side of the road. Yeah. Yeah, murder. It always ends
in murder. Um. Yeah, I was just nervous about it,
taking a lot of time and us just like floundering
with what to do. But um no, I was kind
of it's you just feel stupid when you're running out

(26:27):
of gas because it's just a very preventable thing and
you just it's just it's not like your fucking carburetor
overheating or whatever those things do. This is just you
saw it coming. And yeah, kept going. But we made it.
And it was funny. Right as we were pulling up
to the gas station, which is a great move anyone
who was in a car running out of gas to someone,
Right as you see the gas stations start acting like

(26:49):
your cars running out of gas, and everyone goes no way.
We also so Andrew starts stopping like, oh god. And
it was just far enough that it would have been
we could see the gas station, but it would have
been so annoying to have to walk over there. And
he was just tricking us. It was pretty good. Okay,
let's get to the news. By the way, gas here
one dollar a gallon one dollar. It's four prices. I

(27:12):
don't know what's going on because or something goddamn embargo. Sorry,
Oh yeah, yeah news. No. Look at him relaxing. Yeah no,
I'm getting a cramp from what I'm used. Yeah, we

(27:33):
need to discuss the got I was trying to line
up my beard and now I looked like I went
into the capitol. It is a it's an interesting look.
It's not bad. Look. Why is that? Why are goatees
worse than anything else? It becomes with age, I think.

(27:55):
I think as a man around fifty, you can start
wearing a goatee or five or like eighteen. But I
think it's the greatest of all time. E. No like goat.
I just like a goatee. And just like here, godie,
someone's like calling you a goadie. It's a little goaty.
And someone goes a goatee. It's kind of fine because

(28:16):
you look like a goat, right, Like it's a billy goat, right,
that's what's But I kind of like it. It's fun,
you know. I I usually grow my beard longer than
shaved the goateee and it's too pronounced. This is a
decent length. I might keep it. It's very polarizing. I
put a pole up and it's uh yes to know.

(28:38):
So people are sucking. It's it's splitting our nation. It
really is. It's like Russia Ukraine. No, what's the first
news story? Okay, seventy of therapists had felt sexually attracted
to client at some point fantasized about having a romantic relationship. WHOA. Nevertheless,

(29:03):
very few therapists actually started a sexual relationship, and typically
with only one client. Okay, so still if they did
with one, they still did it. You know what I'm saying,
I have no imagination, you know what I mean, like
want to fuck him, but fantasize. It's like you know, wait, a, yeah,

(29:27):
they don't want a relationship. They just want to fuck.
Um fuck, yeah, they just want to fuck. But seventy percent.
I remember one time, my friend Lizzie Cooperman told me
that she was talking about she had a male therapist
and she was talking to him about sex and she
heard him go like she heard swallow and like breathe deeply.

(29:49):
It was so funny. Um, this actually is funny because
it brings me to a stand up clip that I
saw on Reddit. Um, it's about a guy. It's this.
I follow stand up comedy on Reddit and there's always
like these new comics posting clips, and I told you
about this guy the other day. I was like, this

(30:09):
was such a funny joke. I really liked it. I
don't know his name is what is his fucking name?
Um Spencer silly? Oh s I l EO. He probably will.
I hope someone, if you know him, tell him. I'm
talking about his clip. But this just made me laugh
and it was about exactly what we're talking about. And
I literally told you this the other day. I like

(30:30):
to watch what the up and comers were talking about.
You know, Yeah, you stay on the beat, stay on
the beat, stay in the street. Kids beat kids beat kids.
Because on the street, kids on the beat beat kids.
There's a down the street from the cellar where people
don't get in the cellar. And then they're like this
is the same thing. Yeah. So this guy is performing

(30:52):
at the Grenite Village Comedy Club, which Andrew didn't describe.
He just said, oh Greenwitch because he forgot that you
couldn't see what he sees. Hey, man, can we all
listen Stevie, wonder do you think he plays at piano? Okay?
I started going to therapy for the first time recently.
I signed for a free program because I didn't have

(31:14):
health insurance and cool kidding about me. So I jumped
into the zoom right with a strangers. I didn't get
to pick my therapist. So I get into the zoom
of the tall stranger and she's like the shockingly beautiful
woman and I was like, oh, I'm gonna lie her.
It's gonna be a lot of lives in this first session.

(31:37):
She can find out the will of meal session three.
But now me first. You know, I am now like
one small compliment away from falling in love with her
at any moment, I can call it. Weeks ago, she
called me one her most stopful plays. I was like,
are we doing this? Are we doing right? Zoom right now?

(32:02):
I just like too. I love the idea of like
it's just there is sometimes that sexual tension between someone that,
uh is not supposed to be Like it's like maybe
just someone that you're not supposed to have that with
and just his thing of Like she's like, you know, actually,
you're one of my most thoughtful clients. He's like Damna,

(32:23):
like are we doing this right now? Zoom is so
funny to me. Well, it's so funny too, because like
you can put these things and that the other person
on the other side, it could completely be business, you know,
like like, oh, it's just cop arresting me want to fox, Like, no,
they're arrest Like most of the time I felt attraction
to someone that's like a physical attraction, like a sexual attraction.

(32:46):
I trust that it's mutual because I'm not insane, Like
I can't really feel that unless i'm getting it back.
Like I can look at a picture of a guy
or see a guy and be like, oh, he's hot,
and be like, oh, i'd like to. But there's a
certain feeling you have sometimes, and I think it's the
sign of it being mutual there. Maybe as a guy,
if there's a little bit of flirting. A lot of

(33:07):
times guys are like, well, women don't want to flirt
with everyone. So this is just me and you think, like, oh,
that's an opening, because women aren't usually nice to me
or like whatever, so you think any little thing is flirting.
And guys are going into therapy they've never shared their
feelings before. They're getting emotional, they're getting vulnerable, and so
many times I think that men can misinterpret emotional vulnerability

(33:30):
with romance, and especially men who have never done this
before with friends, have never even said their thoughts. And
this woman is empathetically listening and being understanding and nurturing.
I mean, I'm sure it's so erotic to them. I
love this kid being like in his first session, be
like so hard to deal with this twenty million dollar
trust fund and a fifteen inch cock. I don't I

(33:51):
don't know what to do. Yeah, I just don't know
what to do. You should write him and tell him
to do that. As a bit. So the first session
I was just talking about, Yeah, it's just tough, dude,
this girl is coming so much. So then like, but
like you know that she was a hot therapist too,
I mean on zoom, I don't know that that women

(34:11):
want to hear that you've only hot therapists on Zoom
would like more like I'm just like a guy that
is only into like, you know, I'm looking for the one,
you know. It's just like it sucks like having this
big dick and no one to share with it, you know,
Like share with big dick on a mega yacht is
just tough. It's like is my dick that big? Or
is the yacht not that big? But I just don't know,

(34:32):
you know. I do think one of the hottest scenes
ever was in The Departed when Leonardo DiCaprio goes to
hang out with his ex therapist. It's my favorite sex
scene of all time. And he goes and she goes,
it's okay, you're not a client anymore. And then it's
like it's fucking on and he's so like so close,

(34:55):
closed up, and like is just living a line. And
he's like this guy who was like, you know, obviously
working for the mob and like trying or not. You know,
he's working against the mob? Right, Isn't Leo a good one?
And that he is a good one? Yeah, I do
feel like he probably came that scene. He came in seconds.
He's so pent up. Don't you think he probably came

(35:17):
really and then probably had sex again. Be like he
went again right away. God, I want to know everything
about that scene and if they did anything after it too,
if he put headphones on, and that he was a
guy that listens to headphones when you have sex with him.
That's kind of funny. He actually puts a disman on
her back. They had to skip skip protection. Okay, next

(35:47):
next story. Okay, so this was trending on Twitter today.
Shortest celebrity relationships you probably forgot as Kanye West and
Julia Fox split. Oh yeah, I saw some of these,
I think. Okay, um, Zach Efron and Michelle Rodriguez, I
didn't even know they That makes sense. How long was

(36:09):
that it was? I think? Uh well, the following year,
Michelle admitted she couldn't see herself with a single person
more than six months, So I guess it was six
months or less. Black widow over here, I think six
months is a decent amount of time though for celebrities,

(36:29):
sure for anyone. How about Taylor Swift and Tom Hittleston.
Oh yeah, that was super quick. I mean he was
a getaway car. As written about in The Getaway Car,
she wanted to leave Calvin Harris and she needed a reason.
He gave her a reason and how long did she
date him? That was real, That was a couple of months,

(36:50):
right June to September. Yeah, that old June to September romance.
But she met his mom. There were paparazzi shots of
her within like laughing, holding hands and like he was
wearing a shirt. So that's an I love t s
When they went on a vacation with all her friends
July fourth and Rhode Island, it was the whole thing.
And he I read this whole article that he or

(37:12):
this interview he did for maybe g Q. I think
you can look it up. After they broke up and
like kind of in in the wake of all of that,
and he was really devastated and still very much in love.
And a lot of people said it was just for show,
it was just like a publicity thing. But the way
that guy talked about her and like cried kind of

(37:34):
talking about it and like not wanting to talk about it,
he was like a guy that was really broken hearted,
and it made me sad and also fucking horny for
the guy. He's so emotionally love Taylor switched as much
as I do. And I will say that I once
held sustained eye contact with Hittleston in like two thousand
and thirteen. So it was so it was at an

(38:07):
after party for something. It might happen in the MTV
Movie Awards, but it was an after party for something,
and we caught each other's eye across the room like
a really where it was just like, oh my god,
like and I tried to kind of I think, I
like tilted my head to be like, are you looking
at me? And he just kind of tilted it. There
was some confirmation that he was looking at me, and
it was so erotic, and I thought, oh, for sure,

(38:27):
he's going to come up and talk to me, and
he never did, but it happened. So I'm gonna think
about that tonight because I hadn't remembered that for a while.
But by the guy, I'm my lover, Chris one time.
He talked about this on the radio recently, so I
feel okay saying it. He was he used to work,
he used to produce these big awards shows. And one

(38:50):
year they were doing that MTV movie or some kind
of awards in um My Heart, some kind of awards
in Las Vegas, and Rihanna was warming up in one
of the hotel rooms. All these different arts were did
different hotel rooms, and East producer was meant to go
check on them before the rehearsal, and she was warming
up and she held sustained eye contact with him while

(39:11):
she was warming up, singing a song for so long
that other people in the room were like went up
to him afterwards to be like, what was that? Like
other people witnessed it and it was real and he
he literally thought like, oh my god, rat party, this
is on and that's been They didn't talk to her.
Now that you know, he's not the type of person
to do that. He's probably he's he likes he likes

(39:33):
well I guess he does. Uh. I don't think. I
don't think with Rihanna you have the balls to ever
go up and talk to us. I saw her one
time at Bowery Hotel and she's stunning. I mean, it's
just like not even a human being like she came in. Also,
the hat she was wearing was about seventeen inches high. Like, yes,

(39:54):
like talked about I like your hat, you sha? Who als?
Who doesn't? Who else? No? Uh, sorry, it's all good,
Uh okay. Pete Davidson and Ariana Grande. I mean that
was huge. It was a while, Yeah, it was. It

(40:15):
was It was enough time that it was. Man, they
were all over each other. I loved that relationship so much.
Was hot and heavy. They were real chill about it.
They were so into each other. And I remember shooting
Roast Battle. I was a judge on that and he
was a guest celebrity judge in one episode, and she
was in his trailer and they were texting the entire time.
He was sitting next to me. He was texting her
like NonStop. They're very like much in love, back and

(40:37):
forth and um. One time I was at the seller
and he brought her by just as I was leaving,
and my mom forgot her jacket or something, so I
had to go back and get My mom was with
a set night and when I went back in, Ariana
and Pete were there at the table and I was
looking for my mom's sweater and Ariana got up to
like look for it for me and was like, I
don't know where it could be. Wait a second, where

(40:58):
is it? And she was like here it is, and
then Pete was like, this is Nicki Arianna, this just
like he was very sweet and introduced me. It was
really a nice and I also met Arianna when I
did a sketch with her for Nicki and Sara Alive.
She was hilarious. We did the sketch where we were
trying to fire people on our show and we just
didn't want to do it, so Sarah and I asked
Ariana Grande if she could fire them with her beautiful voice.

(41:20):
So she'd be like, you've been cooking fish and the
microwave a little too much and no one appreciates it.
You're fine, And it was like Sarah I would be like, yeah,
you gotta go, and they'd be like, but that was beautiful.
It was really funny. She's insanely talented. Yeah, she's so. Yeah,

(41:40):
she was great. She only wanted to be shot from
one side of her face though very skirt. Yeah, only
one side of her. Oh my god. But I don't
blame I don't blame her for that. The girl knows
her angles. I mean, I just who tells someone that
they're once hire? Like, how do you know that? She
is it? She's she's you know, I don't know my

(42:04):
good side whatever? Okay, wait look that way though, like
look look this okay, that way and then do the
other way. No, you're pretty symmetrical. Let me see what
you got. I know. Basically, don't tell me, don't tell me. Okay,
well you yeah, you like that? No, not this way?
You like the other way? No? I like the other way? No,

(42:27):
let's see oh mine definitely, No, it's definitely. She likes
her the side that her hair has parted more, there's
more hair on it like this. No, I like this side?
Oh you do you covered that side more? Okay, I
get it. Maria carry is known for your only liking
one side of her face, like she'll never ever be

(42:48):
seen on. Yeah. Well, there are a lot of women
that I meet at meet and greets and they go, wait,
I have to stand on the side. I'm like, do
you girl? I have no problem with someone knowing what
they like about them, so el and just knowing it
and just yea um, okay, let's take a break and
come back with why do I care? No? Why do

(43:12):
I care? Why do I care? All right, let's see
if you care about this one. Nikki Britney Spears is
set to release a tell memoirs fifteen million dollar book deal.
Red Chicken, Yellow, Chicken, Blue, chicken. Maybe it's a children's

(43:33):
book that doesn't seem like that much money. To be
honest with you, I would have thought fifty million, I mean,
Britney Spears, I would have thought fifteen million does not
seem enough to me for her, I mean, good things.
She got it, But when we're talking about Netflix specials
going for a hundred million Spotify deal for Joe Rogan

(43:54):
two hundred million, it wasn't a hundred million two d million,
fifteen million is And then when you go give that
to your agents, to your I mean, I bet now
she's like money seems more to her now because she
never had access to it before. It would be so
funny if she got like like that crich and guy

(44:15):
maybe he's dead, I don't know, John Grisham. And it's
like the most like the best book anyone's ever read
in their life, Like it'll definitely be so good. I mean,
I will definitely read it. I can't wait. I mean,
it's I hope the world lasts long enough that we
get it. These things take so much time we'll probably
get in so I guess, yeah, the faster she busted out,

(44:38):
the less she probably actually wrote it, right, I definitely
don't think she'll be right. She shouldn't have to, and honestly,
I don't want to read a book. I want I
want someone to like pull stuff out of her and
put it in a way that's more readable than someone
who was pulled out of school very she I don't
mean to say anything. I've read her captions. I know
this girl is not the easiest. It's not that I

(44:59):
don't like her right and what she says. It's not
there's a certain people think that being a quote unquote
grammar nazi is like, you're just being pretentious. It's just
the way I yell at you about like make your
photos less blurry with more light. It's because it's just
easier to look at, and it's nicer to look at.
Like grammar makes things easy to read in the way

(45:19):
that they should be interpreted. There's a reason we have grammar.
It's not to make people feel dumb. It's so that
so I hope that someone is helping her with that,
because I just want to be able to read it.
I don't the opposite. I would love for her to
just write the whole thing or some and not one
exclamation marks. I mean that would if we're going that route,

(45:40):
You're right, it would be, and then it would be fun.
I would like you to go through it and redline
in and that would be really fun, or or read
it and this like I mean the I wonder if
she'll do her own book on tape. I'm guessing she will,
but I wonder also if she wasn't allowed to do
it until now. You know absolutely she wasn't able to

(46:01):
say fucking anything. She was on such a lockdown. That's
why she was having to give like secret uh yeah
codes and what she was wearing. And she would put
like a little like her straw hat would like spill
help me and ship like that. I don't think it
really didn't think people were reading into it a little
bit too much. But it's interesting, free and everything's fine.
So many layers and it's really like no, they're like,

(46:24):
there's no layers. I was just talking about that with
Eli shn It. I just did um called Taylor Talk.
I did this podcast just now and we were talking
about all of Taylor Swift's Like she wrote the song
and then years later there's this other song that has
allusions to it. It's like she was like preparing for
us to see that later on. It's like all these
things that were so thought through. And then I named

(46:45):
My Special something. And then I went back and watched
My Special after I named it that, and I saw that,
like I had this name that I came up with
that has nothing to do with the material really, it's
just based on like what yeah, analize of course. And
I was going back through and I was like, oh wow,
I was saying I said all of these words at
some point, not intentionally. It looks like I was planned.
That looks like the title is like more thought through

(47:07):
than it was, and I look more brilliant than I am.
But a lot of times, as an artist or whatever,
I can say that I am, or anyone can say
that they are. You just use words a lot. And
so maybe Tellswith wasn't putting an easter egg of using
the same kind of phrasing in this one song that
she then called back to fifteen years later. Maybe she
just uses that phrase a lot, you know. Yeah, I

(47:30):
mean I think a lot of people look for conspiracies
within things that are just that's what it is. It
was like me, early, what did I think I had
a conspiracy about? Oh? The one the Kim Kardashian thing
where I think she got her she passed the bar
to baby bar, which is allows you to go to
law school. I feel like she might have gotten a

(47:51):
you know, it took her three times, which makes it
even more believable as a story, like she kept coming back.
Part of me thinks she got it because law schools
want more people to go to law school, and I
think she does. Everyone's gonna want yeah, yeah, maybe yeah.
I mean, that's the craziest conspiracy. You didn't know the

(48:12):
world the other day for the word tacit, but I
got it right, But you didn't. You've never heard that
word before when I spelled it. I don't know how
I knew it. I get, I get like putting like
it sounds like it would be a word, and you
saw it was maybe your only option at that point.
Test it means like it's implicit, but it's not specifically said,

(48:34):
like tacit agreement. We had a tacit agreement. It was
never said, but like he knew what I was talking about,
Like not not lawyer, though I'm sure it could be,
but I know it's not specifically lawyer. Lawyer jargon large
large jargon. Um, let's get to a Reddit dump. It's Tuesday. No,
why do I care? This is your red dumb All right,

(49:04):
let's do reddit dump today. Let me get to some
of my saved Reddit things. Um, what are things? Hollywood
has tricked the general population into believing this is asked Reddit.
This is interesting to read some of these, um paramedics
are Someone said, paramedics are constantly running and pushing the

(49:24):
stretcher into the e R at breaknext speed, and doctors
and nurses are always running alongside down the hallways. That's
something I do think that happens. And if I went
to the e R and was hauled in, if people
were like, what are her cts? Can I get an
s R S or what? I don't know? I just
I would be like, do they know? What does happen? Then? Oh?

(49:46):
Another thing? People say, we're losing him. No one says
that once the patient is stable in their room, though
everyone is in the hospital, piers to turn out the
lights and clock out for the night. Oh that's another
one that people say, Uh yeah, lights out because the
entire staff is having sex in the on call room. Seriously,
though lots of patients think night nurses get to sleep.
It's hilarious. Um yeah. Another thing people believe is that

(50:10):
l A is clean in Hollywood is glamorous. L A
is not clean in Hollywood. The neighborhood as some of
the worst homelessness homelessness, And after leaving a show on Sunday,
I nearly walked through piss streaming downhill right off Hollywood Boulevard.
That's obviously a comedian leaving Supernova, which is a great
show to go do. But you will see it's on
Hollywood's like Walk of Fame. But you might slip and

(50:33):
ship well as you're walking from your uber to it.
You're not gonna get hurt unless you slip and fall
real hard. But that guy might have been. Someone said
another thing that Hollywood has convinced us of is you
can outrun a giant explosion. That's that CPR brings back
anybody back to life, no matter what happened to them.
I've actually listened to a podcast that said CPR is

(50:54):
more often than not like a dangerous thing to do
to someone in CPR rarely works, like rarely that fel
in Florida, Remember that guy They tried to give them
CPR and I don't know if you give CPR to
a head injury, I don't right, I would try it,
but I know that it doesn't work. I listened to
this podcast. I ever get the stats on it, but
it was alarming how often it doesn't work and how

(51:15):
people think it works. A lot of guys just want
to make out. Yeah, that's probably it. Knocking people out
with a blow to the skull or jaw is a
harmless way to temporarily temporarily incapacitate. Someone said, any blow
to the head that renders you unconscious is quite serious.
If you're unconscious for more than about a minute, the
chances of you ever waking up start to go down
drastically the longer it takes. That makes sense. What about um,

(51:37):
cutting turns really fast? Yes? Or being able to drive
when you drive the wheels constantly going like this is
moving back and forth. People fake drive, It's just keep
it steady. You don't need to do that back and forth.
Also getting shot and dying like in movies they die
right away, but really in real life it's like, uh,

(52:00):
like they're still breathing for a while and like actually
still standing up. Ah, that is good. Um, the helicopters
can sneak up out of nowhere, the fire alarm pole
stations setting off the sprinkler system that missiles. RPGs rounds
are slow and easily dodgeable by a human. RPG rounds
fly at three hundred miles per hour or per second.

(52:21):
You were not dodging that. Um, yeah, these were just
funny to read movie to someone dodge in ore, like
like in their car or like as a like a person. Um.
I feel like when people are like like they're not
dodging it, but they're just like I do. Hey when
the main character gets shot at like seven times and

(52:41):
just never gets hit and then he gets like he
just turned around, and like I was reading all about
Columbne the other night, I went down a real weird
Columbine worms. Yeah this was the other night. And some
guy got shot like eight times and and survived. And
there are other people that just got shots in the
wrong place, and this guy got shot in the head

(53:02):
all these different places, and there are people like in
wheelchairs and like all fucked up that we're at a
Columbine that are like walking among us, and like you
forget that there were so many people that like survived it.
Let like and did you know, sorry to go Columbiny
on you, but did you know that they Columbine was
the result of a failed bombing combine. No, we were

(53:25):
doing Elizabeth Smart. I think it's a way, but Columbine,
they meant to. They put out all of these bombs
and they were going to bomb the cafeteria when it
was at the most crowded time at eleven o'clock. The
bombs didn't detonate. What they were gonna do is pick
off people as they tried to escape with their guns,
and when the bombs didn't explode, they just panicked and
went in. And really the whole time they talked about

(53:45):
how a lot of the people that witness these guys
running around were really anxious and agitated and like piste
off that the bobs didn't go off, and feeling like failures.
It's very interesting. Um. Yeah, you think you know everything
about these things and then you go YouTube wormhole and alright,

(54:05):
so let's go into the next one. Uh, let's go
to the first video I set you know, Uh, I
think I don't know where it is. Thank you stop it, Joe. Oh.
This is one of those really fun um Laurel and
Yanni's you Know Where. So it says this is in

(54:25):
black magic the subreddit black magic Fuckory, and it says
is Grover from Sesame Street using profanity or not? It's
the same clip. There's one clip, there's nothing else. I'm
gonna play it. I'm gonna put the text there. Whichever
one you read is the one you're going to hear
most likely, so okay, stop it. Yes, so you're either

(54:48):
gonna hear yes, yes that's a fucking excellent idea, or yes,
yes that sounds like an excellent idea. See what you hear? Yes, yes,
that's a fucking excellent idea. Yes, yes that's how excellent idea? Yes, yes,
that's how excellent I definitely hear. Fucking but then look

(55:13):
at look at the look at the bottom one next
time it plays, because see as it written out, and
if you're looking at it sounds like an excellent idea,
you hear. It depends on which one you're looking at,
So look at the bottom add my eyes closed. I
heard no, now just look at excellent idea though the
bottom one. Okay, okay, yes, yes that's how I'm not Yes, yes,

(55:36):
that's how excellent idea you hear now, yes, yes, that's
how excellent. Who Even when I'm reading an excellent idea
the bottom one, I still hear fun. I I hear
whatever when I'm reading it's amazing. Okay, yeah, I mean
I I still hear fun. That makes me question, like
everything that I believe when I see nuts, because you

(55:59):
just go you just you gotta watch it, because when
you go back and forth, it is whatever you're reading.
I wonder why it didn't work for me. Now I
feel like I'm stupid. But no, it's like your brain.
I think it's the other thing of like when we're
talking about memory and how your brain fills in, Like
if you see a picture of yourself that's photoshopped into
a hot air balloon, you just paint the memory of

(56:22):
it happening. Like your brain tries to make sense of things.
So if you're reading something that says it's a fucking
excellent idea, your brain is just naturally going to hear
that more so than what it is. Um, let's go
to the next video. Noah cramping, you're cramping. Did you
ever run in like priest in and get a cramp?

(56:45):
I know I'm not someone who cramps up that much. Okay.
This one is about the French language, right, no, yeah, okay.
So this is another one that's it's from Damn. That's
interesting and it says the French French language has many
words that sound similar. And this was fun to me
so much. Do you time attempted? Don't stretch, horse fly,

(57:15):
don't aunt, don't as much? Wait, you're tempting? Aunt is
spending your time so much? You have so many horse
flies in your tent. I don't don't, don't, don't go. Yeah, dude,

(57:40):
that is funny. I was hoping they were going to
do that. And yeah, I was really hoping they were
going to do a full buffalo buffalo buffalo, buffalo, buffalo, buffalo,
buffalo buffalo. Yes, that makes a sentence. When we saw
what's his name on the wall and we thought he
was from there. Um, I love that tal to taltal,

(58:03):
there's a tom Yeah, that one was good. This is
what I found on interesting as fun and it's the
iconic ring tone from Nokia. Nokia's line of cell phones
is actually based on a Spanish guitar piece by Francisco
Tarega called Grand Val, written in nineteen two and it's
like this old man playing a fucking and it's just

(58:25):
so funny to hear. Yeah it does. Is that funny?

(58:47):
I love ship like that? No, I do too. I
just can't remember no fuck right, No, I've had a
lot of Nokia phones. I just can't. I don't. I
can't playt the sound. You just heard it? Yeah, hold on,
how do you know? Oh? Yeah, yeah, I'm saying I know.

(59:12):
I'm hearing it right now. I'm saying I can't place
it from. You can't know what that phone sounded like
they played. That's in all the movies whenever like someone's
trying to hide from someone and then the phone goes
off and gives away their location. It's always that ring tone.
I thought that guy playing yeah. Oh, I just loved that.

(59:34):
I just I like when things that you're like, oh,
that's where it came from, Like, how could that come from? That?
Did you? Hey? What's up? It's oh no, those a
little like, yeah, those are so cool? Um, okay, there
is okay, um one of the don't do that the

(01:00:02):
um Let me see, what is one fear you have
that most people would that would be considered stupid by
most people. This is an ask Creddit. Okay. Someone said,
toilet snakes, thanks Stephen King. Um mine is two lane
highways and centipedes and fat man on diving boards as

(01:00:24):
we all know. Um. Someone said swimming in a lake
or in the ocean without being able to see the ground. Hell, yes,
I was bit slash cut by something once, and since
then it's a fear I just can't control. I was.
I was still go and do it, though, because I
hate it when people tell me what to do, even
when that's myself. It sucks being scared of something and
knowing that you have to like lie about why you're scared.

(01:00:45):
We talked about this other day. I mean I was
afraid of knives forever after getting stabbed. Just not like
any knife anywhere, but you got stabbed, so like butter
knife and stuff though, or like even like would you
use a knife when you would things? Yeah? I could,
but if anyone had one around me, I really did,
I guess I bet you would definitely PTSD. Someone said,

(01:01:07):
I'm scared that when I'm driving anywhere late at night
and the roads are clear, I'll be struck by one
of those land speed record vehicles. That's such an interesting
specific fear. But now I'm kind of scared because it
would be out of nowhere. It's such a funny thing
like it. But think about this, they're trying to break
the sound better the desert. Well. Someone says they closed

(01:01:33):
it out, which is so weird because we're just talking
about this. I'd be afraid it would come out of
nowhere and I wouldn't see it coming. That is my
biggest thing. I just don't want things to come out
of nowhere. Really, did you know this or around? You
know what I mean? Also came someone said cotton balls
were not alone. Final thought, um, someone said I can't
sleep with my desk chair facing my bed. I have

(01:01:54):
to get up, turn on a light, face it away
from me, and then I can't go back to bed.
I get a really afraid that I'm going to turn
over or blink and look at it and someone is
going to be sitting in it watching me sleep. No
idea where this fear came from. I think a chair
on its own can look like it's somewhat like, oh, yeah,
I saw a lamp the other day, to look like

(01:02:15):
a part like yeah that you're that runs through you,
even for a split second in the same amount of
time it takes for your toe to get stubbed and
for you to feel the pain that that amount of
time that you think you're going to die, and then
you realize what it is that the body remembers pain,
that that little moment has a little notch in your
brain that affects you. I saw that ghost at one time.

(01:02:38):
I threw a pillow at it, right, get out of here, Yeah,
get out of here. I'm not even gonna say it,
but I follow ghosts on subredits and if you go
to there, like you can sort the post by like
most popular or most controversial or top posts. One time
I went to like the best post on ghost because
they're always posting like this. They're posting like the is this? Um?

(01:03:01):
You know, my my ring camera caught these orbs and
it's all dumb. But there were some on those top
posts it's like and people. I remember looking at one
going what's the big deal in here? And I went
to the comments and they were like, oh my god,
when you see it? And I used to follow a
subreddit called when you See It, and it would be
scary things that you can't see until some part of
the you are suddenly see this guy looking at you
in a window or something. I can't fucking take that.

(01:03:24):
So I want to in the I want to someday
when we're all hanging out, give you those ghost things
to see because I'm too scared to look at them.
The one thing that's nice about living in apart like
there's never gonna be someone just two eyes outside your window,
and if there is one, well that's what The thing
about ghosts is they defy physics, but a ghost is

(01:03:44):
never Again, we've talked about this hurting you. They fucking
might throw a plate, I know, but that's still scary
to some people. Some people have said that they've been
hurt by ghosts. Know what sort of rational fear that
you have? Often words? Um, yeah, I guess birds. But
like even more irrational than that is just that like,

(01:04:05):
while I'm driving, my car is just going to blow up.
That's so weird because I was about to share one
thing on Reddit that said one of the Hollywood things
that people have convinced of is that cars are like
combustible just from like all they need to do is
be like hit by another car and they'll explode. Yeah, yeah,
that's how often do you think of that um, just

(01:04:26):
like sometimes if I'm if I just kind of like
get lost in thoughts while I'm driving right, and that
that the what about the hood coming up? Why does
no one get scared of that? Because you would be
blinded and it sucks so much. We should all be
scared of that more often. You could look at your
car and there could be nineteen engines on Laura, I'm sorry,

(01:04:46):
nineteen engine lights on right, and you'll just keep rolling
down the highway. But if that was on a plane,
you know what I mean, like anywhere else, that's why
you have to have like tire pressure sucking, let you
know everything you're It's like, well, that's why someone the
other day in an e L I five explained that
I'm five, said why are planes so old? Why are

(01:05:07):
we on planes that were around in the seventies that
have like you know, ashtrays, And it's because they're so
well maintained that if we treated cars like that and
check them every day before they went out, and they
were completely scanned and every part was replaced with a
better part, that wey, Yeah, those planes are fucking solid,
but it's because we take such good care of them.

(01:05:29):
I'd rather be on an old plane did a newe.
Someone said this one made me laugh. Of irrational fears
in all caps dead fish, ugly motherfucker's unblinking eyes always staring.
What about bird ears? Oh yeah, Andrew, birdiars are so gross.
They're just no one knows. I don't like its. Birds

(01:05:49):
can certainly here that why they chirpen? Who are they
chirp in too? I'm just saying people don't know that.
I would say right in to us. If you knew
birds had ears, then type in bird ears and I
would have read people's irrational fears. No, they're disgusting any
kind of if. My sister and I used to get disgusted.
It's called tripped to phobia trip trip tripophobia. That's tripped

(01:06:12):
to fan. It's when they're too little, their holes and
little like things too close together, like holes close together
trypophobia t r y p F O b I A.
My mom has it too, like certain corals. There's little
holes that are too close together. It makes you sick.
Swiss cheese and they were too No swisschez is okay
because they're scattered. It's when they're all together together. It's

(01:06:34):
kind of reminiscent of like rotting tissue. Yeah, it's gonna
be a cluster of holes. Like, let me type it in. Yeah,
I want to see an example. Oh, if you go
to it on, like my mom literally will come up
because you was afraid and then she always I've been
grossed out by my sister and I used to get
grossed up by bird Kiwi used when he would mold,
these little tubes of fresh feathers would start poking out

(01:06:56):
of his hair and it would be so gross. Let
this is typeophobia. Okay, I get that. Holes like that.
Let's see what you got because that didn't really Okay,
that's terrible. That's ah. That one right there is the worst.

(01:07:16):
It's it's just reminiscent of rotting flesh. And so you're
photos or no, those are those are definitely but there
are Yeah, that's there's definitely cum quats on there. But
there's like strawberries sometimes desumed in pictures of strawberries or
even pours with like little white house. Whatever that was
was horrendous. It's horrible. Yeah, I get that, but that's

(01:07:37):
a real fear that people have. Means obviously everyone knows
not a fan. Yeah, you're definitely scared of lizards, um centipedes,
any kind of wiggly thing that doesn't any kind of
insect that doesn't have a plan. I don't like. Don't
throw a torrantial on my shoulder and laugh about it. You.
I don't like that either, because you often swatted away
and then injure it. I don't want to talk about it.

(01:07:58):
But the other day I killed was I participated in
the death of a bye. I honestly was really really
upset about my part to play in that because I
never killed bees. Bees do not sting you if they
if you don't swatt at them. They just like people
always freak out about bees. I really it bothers me
a lot. And I swatted this be away because one

(01:08:19):
of our cast members on Perfect Strangers too. Yes, it hurts,
but also they're not going to sting you if you're
not threatening them. Is not going to land on you
and sting you. That's just not going to happen unless
you were like going like, because people freak out if
you just stay normal, they're not. They're just looking for pollen.

(01:08:40):
They're not looking to sting you. That means they die
if they sting you. Okay, so you saw, yeah, someone
sat a bean and you stepped and I know I
did not step on it. I on perfect strangers too
at a wand that I was using as a microphone
along like kind of prices, right marcrophone, and this girl
was getting scared of one of the bees. So I
swatted the be away just to like hit it and

(01:09:02):
to not get away from us. And I hit it perfectly,
but it went right into the ground in front of
another cast member, who then stomped it to death. And
I was so so sad because it wasn't just like
a bee. It was like a bumble. It was like
it had some weight to it. It was like the
weight of a fucking hummingbird. And then I it was
definitely killed, but it was still it was like on

(01:09:24):
its way out, but it was suffering, and so I
stomped it to death to actually finish it off so
that it wouldn't suffer. And then, you know, and then
I took it and buried it, and I said sorry.
Unlike the movies, bees don't dive on one stop. A
lot of people think it's one stop. Yeah, oh no, no,
got it, you gotta step on it. I yeah, I

(01:09:46):
hate when you know, insects are still twitching. I always
crushed them, even though I don't like the feeling of
it underneath my foot. Sometimes I would kill an aunt
that obviously can't hurt me and instantly feel regret and
instantly think where ants to the universe. I know, they're
like these little bugs that crawl around all over on
that counter, all over like microscopic, But they're little bugs.

(01:10:07):
And I sometimes I clean the counter and I have
to kill them just by smoothing over the counter. And
I feel so bad because they're just trying to live.
I said to the bee as I was bearing bearing,
and I said, be you were just being a bee.
You did it in that shark the other day, was
just being a fucking asshole, and we should go find
it and kill it. They're trying to kill it, and
I bet you anything, Simon would not want that. Simon said,

(01:10:30):
not to kill it, all right, I was just a
Simon says, joke. All right, are you good at Simon's as? No,
I hate it. Simon says, touch your eye, touch your eye?
Oh wait, wait Ton, Okay, guys, we gotta go. Thank

(01:10:54):
you so much for listening to the podcast. We'll be
back tomorrow. It'll be Wednesday. I cannot wait. You guys
are great, have all the ells, don't be cut and
jas