#255 Gibberish Training Bra w/ Anya Marina

Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
The Nicky Glazer Podcast. Hello here, I am welcome to
the show. It's Nicki Laser Podcast. It's Monday. Uh, I
am in l a still. You might have heard someone

(00:20):
singing over on your Marina in the intro song, and
it just so happens to be on your marina. She
is our guest today, joining us from somewhere in New
York City. Not sure if I can call it upstate? Anya.
How's it going? So good to be here. I'm glad
I got to redo my part live because during the
Hampton's pod, I was very disappointed in my performance. Were you?

(00:43):
I was disappointed in all of us. It's not that
I was disappointed. I was mad, you know how, it's
usually the opposite. I'm not mad. I'm just disappointed. No, no, no,
I was just um. Andrew Colin is also here. Hi Andrew,
He's in St. Louis. What's going on? Thank you so
much for having me here. How did you get in
my opmand this morning? How you thought I moved out?

(01:07):
You idiot? It's funny to Mercedes. What do you fucking goofy?
I thought I moved on? F Boy Island is very
flagrant with the word uh. Idiot um, which leads me
to believe that he was called a fucking idiot a
lot in his childhood, which is unfortunate. But I do

(01:28):
love him and I have loved for that guy. Um,
even though yesterday I posted on I like I posted
on my Instagram story. I don't know if you saw
it on you, but you guys, you and Taylor were
like watching f boy Island and like commenting on our
WhatsApp chat, which is like nine girls on nothing, and
you're all like break most of its voice recordings of
you guys processing it. But it was just so funny

(01:50):
to read, like, I, I wait, I love Danny. Danny's
hair is slicked. I he made a good choice, Mercedes.
I'm still on the front about I miss Benedict. I
don't know how to feel about. And then Taylor's like,
I love Jabrian. Jabrian said that Nikki's hot and cool,
go Jabel Like it was just Taylor loved Jabrian from

(02:13):
the jump, and like, honestly, most people are probably like
who um, but I guess he also really makes a
great showing in the last two episodes, which I have
not seen. Don't spoil them for me, just kidding. I
love them, but I have not seen them because I
lived them and I don't. I'm Chris and I have
not been together, and I have no one to watch

(02:33):
them with, and so you guys, no, I do not
watch things about myself, and I certainly can't watch myself
by myself. I'm going to try to binge it today
on the plane back from l A, but I can't
promise anything. I've heard it's so good. I am so
moved by everyone freaking the funk out about the finale
and all my friends just being like, don't spoil it,
like they're all like watching it at different times, being like,

(02:54):
holy sh it, do you always watch it yet? Please
watch it? Like I haven't felt this much excitement for
my friends about a show since The Bachelor Bachelorette, and
that usually was just me and Nanya. You know, no
one expected like a gun on set for someone to
get shot at the end. I'm sorry, did you forget
that someone got shot? It was bad? It's bad. It was.

(03:18):
It wasn't no one died, but it was. It was
very bloody. It was a T shirt gun and because
those guys, we just wanted them to put one on.
Did you notice nipples. No, but that that was also
a thing, um that I didn't put because I didn't
want to shame Mercedes, because I didn't know if his

(03:39):
nipples were good or bad. Are they like they're like
my dad's. I know that's the weird thing to say,
but my dad is very perky nipples. My dad is
like Weirdly, they look like pencil erasers, like brand new
pencil erasers. Nipples. They're just like a third nipple. They
look so tiny. Oh, they're tiny, Andrew, did you notice
his nipples that almost like Andrew's version of hairlines? Wait,

(04:04):
you don't know, Andrew, andrews um. If I had Mercedes nipples,
I would have been a like a lawyer, like a
billion dollars lawyer. Confidence. Your nipples are holding you back?
They are have you wait them? You try walking around
with these fucking utters? What have you got them pierced with?

(04:25):
What hanger? There? No one of those things that they
you know when a cow has that ring through its Yeah,
then I would join the Noah's favorite band. Just lu Yeah,
just here, just yapping away about trans kids or something.

(04:48):
Gariola are large, m you can't get a good but
they're pops. You know how like our nipples are on
that like part of a month where it's like, you know,
when our nipples when we're like maybe not ovulating, where
it's like the type the time of month where your
nipple is just like you don't want it to be seen.

(05:10):
That's oh God speaking of Look at this fucking flower
arrangement that Chris sent me. It is the most beautiful
arrangement I've ever seen in my life. And this is
four days out. It's still it's so you guys know me,
Do I like flowers? Fuck? No, they die, They're a burden.

(05:31):
This is a nice one because I just get to
leave it here and I don't have to like, you know,
throw it away and put it. Yeah, like like I'm
miss America carrying it through. Um No, I usually I'm
just like, oh flowers. But I walked into my hotel
room the other day. I was having a rough day,
just really depressed, and I sent him like just a

(05:53):
message being like I'm just feeling like total ask funck shit.
And and then I went and did something. And then
I came back and in my room, my room is
clean because the maids to clean it, and sitting on
this table was just this beautiful arrangement. And I was
just like, please don't be from my agents, Please don't
be from my agents. And it was it was not

(06:13):
And he wrote a really funny card. I forget what
he wrote. It was an inside joke that really made
me laugh and um, and it was just I feel
like I turned into a woman with these flowers because
I finally love flowers and I understand. Yeah, he de
flowered me by giving me flowers. Yeah, I feel like

(06:34):
it was so fast. Can I give a shout out
if you are ever in l A, go to seed
l A s e e D seed l A for flowers.
This arrangement, I mean you will convert someone who I
like edible arrangements. I've tried to eat them. They're not
going down, but um, they this this. And I've woken

(06:57):
up every day and I'm like, oh my god, I
love every day. It's I keep telling him, it's the
it's move over folders. Best part of waking up is
these fucking flowers. I love them. And I'm going to start.
I think I'm gonna start getting flowers for myself and
like putting them in my house and like trying to
be that kind of woman, not because I'm trying to be,
but because I just I think I might be. Now.

(07:19):
I thought of you today when I was putting on
jewelry for this podcast. I hope everyone appreciates it because
I never wear layered necklaces, and I remembered your joke,
Nick layered Hamilton's over here. You always think about how
you want to be a woman who wears layered necklaces,
and it's true. It is a thing, like it was.

(07:40):
It's it's such a thing. I would stare at them
on the train. And Noah has a layered necklace just
like laying behind her on her draperies. That looks like
for my key, it's an effortless layered necklace. Smaller buds,
your little peonies. Okay, I have a near new arat,

(08:02):
but budding nipples, but no, I don't even want you
to call me your bud. That is disgusting too, because
it feels bud is so gross when you're writing about nipples.
When I remember Krisen and I um when girls started
getting like budding nipples or whatever it is, you know,
just puff puffing out for the first time, because you
go from having like Mercedes two puffs about fifth sixth grade.

(08:27):
That was back in the early two thousand or like
in the nineties. Now girls are getting buds, like they're
getting breasted, like with at three, you know, like they're
starting their their periods at four. It's crazy because of
milk or something. But um so Krison and I and
I've said this on the podcast before, but it's it's
so funny. We were so fucking funny. I just have

(08:48):
to give a little pat on the back about how
funny my friends were. We Kerson and I came up
with in sixth grade. We didn't have boobs yet. I
think we got our first training bras then, which is
such a dumb name as well, training bra, Like it's
weird to put wheels on your brat. I was waiting.
I was like, what am I gonna say for training?
And that was perfect. Do you remember where you got

(09:11):
your training bra from? Yes? Famous Bar was bar? I
know that sounds insane any Louis, Yeah, Joe's pubbed down
the corner. No, if you're from St. Louis and grew
up in the nineties, you know that Famous Bar is
a department store that was, um, it was ridiculous. When

(09:32):
we first moved. There were like famous bar what does
it b A r R. That's where we went the
junior section and um, Kristen's mom brought us sorry bourbon.
Christen's mom brought us because my mom was kind of like,
I don't need to do that, and she like, you know,
she signed off on it, she gave she signed my
permission slip. But I went and we got these just
like I just all I wanted was those buds to

(09:54):
be covered up. But the thing is training bras, unless
they have a padding in it, the buds don't get covered.
It's just like wearing another shirt and underneath it doesn't.
If you're a mom out there that is buying, or
a dad, single dad buying a training bra for your daughter,
make sure it has a thicker layer. It's not gonna
make your daughter a slut. It's not gonna make your
have big gas boobs. Just make sure it has a
thicker layer than a T shirt, you know, a training

(10:17):
bra or like a because those buds need to be
pushed down because the button and no one likes the person.
And I used to call girls that didn't have training bras,
which was were us um and like you know, we're
just towing that line. The girls that had single fathers
pretty much, or mothers who were like dead beat moms,
the ones that didn't get bras yet. We used to say,

(10:37):
and now you see this everywhere and it's kind of
like a trend. We would call them in dire. We'd
be like, she's so in dire because she was in
dire need of a bra, and so we'd be like,
she's so in dire, and it was just like a
way to um. We had so many codes Zenda is
is in dire a lot of times, but that's like
such a good look for her. I learned that from

(11:02):
my first boyfriend with no bra. He'd always go n
B n B. You learned some when um, you were
in the Hampton's with all of so many, But I
think Anya was the one that was like you guys
had I learned some Green Vass was um and this
is bestiees have probably already heard this before, but it
bears repeating. Green Vass was. We wanted to our friends

(11:25):
started having sex. I mean, my friends started having sex,
but I was not. But that we started like kind
of doing things with boys, and we started wanting to
be able to talk about these acts. And one time
we were in my bedroom and it is me, halla,
Kirsten and I think maybe Taylor, and we were like,
what do we call blow jobs? Because we obviously can't
talk about that in front of our parents, and we
hadn't live the girned to the GiB or the girl

(11:46):
where the giess shit, the gets to the go with
the geek of the good to the gamest of the
gable of the goods of gops. So instead we were like,
you guys know what I mean, there's like four people
out there there They're like, yes, gibberish, my lessons paid off,
my my, my gibberish raining bro paid off. Um. It was, um,

(12:07):
that should be I should create a half that I
could teach you gibberish in two seconds. I want to
teach the one episode. I'm going to commit to just
five minutes of teaching besties gibberish. And once you commit
to it, all you have to do is practice for
like ten minutes and you'll get it. Okay, do you
want to learn right now? Like literally? Okay? It was

(12:30):
like I can't learn it. No, Well, here's what green bass.
Let me just say with green basses because we were like,
what should blowjob be? And I go, I don't know what.
Because we called smoking pots. We called pots sweaters, so
we'd be like, let's go. One of my first jokes
was like, you know when you're growing up and you
come up with code words so your parents don't know
what you're talking about. Me and my friends we called

(12:51):
pots sweaters, and so me and my friends we would
go like, hey, mom, we're gonna go drive around the
neighborhood and knit some sweaters. Like that was like she
And then we come back with like, you know, bloodshot eyes,
and she'd be like, where's your yarn and knitting needles?
And I'd just be like the sweaters were so beautiful,
Like it was just some joke about that, But like

(13:11):
what we were so stupid? Like why was that we
didn't knits what we did? No, that was not a
thing we did. We should have picked a thing we did.
So we also called it Debbie. We'd be like, do
you have any Debbie? And then um, but green Vase
came about because I was like, Okay, we gotta come
up with a good one for for blow jobs because
we're all going to be given them so much right
to our teachers. No. Um, so we're looking around and

(13:34):
I just I used to collect um glass, not vases,
but like like bottles, you know, some that would be
shaped like a fish or shaped like an Eiffel tower,
like blown glass, just bottles that we would put just blowing. Um.
You know what I'm saying, like blow Like it was
my thing. I was trying to find any identity. And

(13:55):
my thing was like collecting these fucking bottles, really collecting
those yes, yes, colored glass. I had a whole thing
in my room. I want to get into collecting again. Tangent. Okay,
so here's so I just go. But you guys, can't
be something stupid, like we have to come up with
a good coword. It can't be something stupid like green vase.
And then we were all like that's it. And then

(14:16):
we called vigorous hand jobs vigorous because it's like, whoa,
and it's vigorous. You ever put them all together? Like
I was, I sweater and vigorously. Yeah, he and I
needed some sweaters. And then things got vigorous and I
fucking broke a green vase and it got all over

(14:37):
my sweater. Wait wait, yes, yeah, my actual one. Wait
come got on your weed. Oh no, that don't really
ruin it. So here's how you do. So before we
get to break, here is a quick lesson in gibberish.
And I'm gonna do it once and don't worry. To

(14:58):
Hollow right now is listening and she's going, you're all
gonna know halla. If anyone gave a ship, they would
all learn it because this is accessible. There there's a
thing that people know, they don't people are not going
to learn it. Don't worry. She's slamming right now, going
like no nicki and it's like once a year and

(15:19):
what she's doing another go here we go. So what
gibberish is, it's so simple. You basically you take English
and every word you break down by syllables and syllables
are you know, nikki is nick key or it could
be nick key or it could be nick key like
either you know syllables are how many sounds are? If

(15:43):
you don't, if you didn't go to school, That's what
a syllable is pretty much is like how like um uh,
Andrew has two syllables on as two syllables know as
two syllables. Anyway, So let's take um, let's take um. Okay.
So then what you do is once you break it
down it by syllables nicky, right, and it doesn't matter
if I say ni or nick and then key or

(16:04):
nick key doesn't matter. Okay. So then you take what
your prime word that you're going to be inserting. And
I know this sounds complicated. I'm not a good teacher,
but it's itaga I t h A G is the
is the is the guy. Okay, Now you're gonna put that.
You're gonna take every word you're gonna break into consonance,

(16:25):
and you're gonna be able to do this without thinking
within one hour of practicing this and not even practicing it,
like for a full hour, just like kind of throwing
it around. So you would take nick and I would
put itaga. Um. You're never gonna start with the letter
I with itaga unless it is a word that starts
with a vowel. So you're always going to take the

(16:47):
first consonant, the first sound, whether it's mine, would be
no and okay. So and then you're gonna complete the
end of that sound, which is ick. So Niki is ick,
and you're gonna put in betwe in it. So it's
gonna be nither gick, so I put it thega son
if then the gick and then key. So I'm gonna

(17:12):
take key now or I can take E because I've
already got the ki at the at the end of
into the gick. Okay, but key, if I'm taking key,
I'm gonna take the K sound and go kill the
kill the and then and then end it with the E.
So key, so Noah would be okay, no uh so

(17:33):
ni the go and then uh is the last part
of her name. Now there's no U consonant, there's no
harsh like consonant. It's just uh, which is a vowel.
So you're just gonna go in the gun the go
in the g Anya would also start with an A,
so it's not gonna say have a sound, it's gonna
go is the gone. So you're gonna start with on

(17:56):
and then yeah. Yeah it's the second one, and you're
gonna go yi the with the start with why yeh
the and then g because it's on. Yeah. So let's
try Andrew try us like the word you know, I'm well, yeah,
I guess so yeah, so you you be the y.

(18:17):
It's not really about if it's an a noun like
the letter itself. It's about the sound it makes. So
if it makes it sound like it or uh other
or anya, then you just go with the guther or
the the girl. Now if it's um, something like the
word you, y oh you, you're gonna go yeah the
goo because there is that that yeah sound. So let's

(18:40):
try Andrew, Andrew, try your own name. And this is
totally a safe space. I'm not gonna make fun of you.
If you can't get it, I'm not a good teacher.
It's hard in the god no, So let's take your name.
Take your name first, in no, separate your two letters
to okay and okay, So do that one first. So
it ends with then so and is great because and

(19:01):
is a word that we're gonna use all the time, right,
So let's do and so because it's an and it
says with an a, so it's eva and yeah, that's said.
Now you said at the gond that would be Andrew. Okay,
Well that's how I the gan. Okay, then what's the

(19:24):
second one is? So it's like what the goog? Yeah,
because you're ending it with you Drew. Okay, Okay, we're
gonna go to break, So let's do the word break, Anya,
do you want to try the word break bre the
gig the gate? Okay? Um? One more Andrew Um podcast,

(19:56):
Can Do Freak podcast podcast pop Pot. No, it's always
going to be in the gut. So the only you're
never gonna a word is never gonna start with anything
other than pie. It's always gonna be pi. Okay. So

(20:16):
the god the god because the gassed. Yes, so now
I know it. So the go with the g of
the guard, the go in the gang to the goop
of the gig where the guy at the goal, and
again with the gil be the g of the gag
with the gith the gorse to the go and the
after the girl of the kiss in the game to
the goal. Yeah, coming, alright, we're back. Um. So sorry

(20:45):
if that was a waste of everyone's time. But I
swear to God, if I can learn it, you can.
I am not someone who is good with language or
learning languages. It's not my forte. It's my will forte.
And I'm not even good at remembering which when he is,
I confuse him with will hate Bill Hayter. Will aren't it?

(21:07):
I don't know. Welcome back to the show. I'm in
Los Angeles, Anya is in New York. Anya. Um, you
said that you wasted a lot of your time last
night with a TV show and that you have been
I don't understand people who watch things they don't like.
Please walk me through this. Okay, well you're freezing mhm

(21:32):
strong silent type. Okay, how's this? I'm having some connectivity issues.
Let me move over here. I was saying that I
felt really sick, so I didn't have any energy. Two
think of a watch? Yeah, yeah, exactly. Press. So what

(21:55):
show did you decide to watch? And you've been on
a binge of like these shows about mennipulative people, right,
and like these I've been going down a cult documentary.
I watched the Teal Swan doc with you guys in
the Hampton's. I watched that one's called the deep Water
or something crazy one on HBO. It's all HBO Max.

(22:19):
I think I know that one is who the Way
Down about an antorextic woman who tells you that if
you worship food instead of God, you're going to hell.
Well she's right. In my life went to hell as
soon as I did that. You're supposed to worship food?
No She's like, you need to transfer your obsession with

(22:40):
food to being obsessed with God. Well, that's what antorectics do,
is are obsessed with food. They people think that we're
not obsessed with food, but the truth is we are,
so isn't Did you, as an person who maybe has
had struggles with food stuff, find flaw in that logic
of like her saying, as an antorextic, don't be obsessed

(23:01):
with food. I mean, yeah, it's like easier seven done, lady,
And why are you seventy five pounds? Like She's like,
I just love the Lord and it's a fascinating du Yeah,
Jesus bloody. I swear to God. I remember when I
was interactic, even like going to church, like with a
friend and having to maybe eat that wafer was like, no, like,

(23:24):
I swear to God. It's so fun. I swear to God.
I went to church. I swear to fucking God. Never.
So what would you do when they go to feed
you to wafer? Would you just go? I would just
pretend like it was a moral issue for me, or
like that I was an atheist or something like. I
would do anything. I remember going to even farther and

(23:47):
put the priest's finger in your mouth and he's like, Okay,
I wouldn't have even done that. I was holding my
breath and paneras because I didn't want to breathe in
the smell of bread because I thought it would have
calories in it. That's how insane you are, my god,
I would I remember going on a senior trip to Chicago.
We went to go see the Blue Man Group and
they do this thing where they like bring someone on

(24:08):
stage and they like have the person eat like marshmallows.
And I was like, if they chose choose me, I
don't know what I'm I don't know what I'm gonna do.
Like it was the most as an anxiety I've ever
had in my entire life. And I've done you know,
I've been on TV and been on live TV. It's
I've never felt that anxiety before, Like what could happen?

(24:30):
Like and I threw out a first pitch and I
don't know how to do sports like that gave me
more anxiety. Did do you relate to that? On you
being scared of like having to be forced to eat
in situations where you're like I can't. Yeah, I mean
it's been a long time, and I didn't have antarexy
like you were like a hardcore committed uh type. My

(24:50):
my thing was literally committed to hospital. But I was
definitely afraid of food and I would have a major anxiety.
I mean. The thing with this cut all these cults
is they always start off pretty reasonable, like these are
good ideas, you know, and then it takes a turn
like what she's saying, isn't that scandalous? Like you know

(25:13):
a lot of compulsive eaters are obsessed with food and
have lost their way spiritually maybe if you you know,
even to themselves. So it got bad when the abuse starts.
That's in part two or part three. Yeah, it always
they just they always as soon as someone else tells
them like I don't want I question this thing, and

(25:36):
they In the Teel Swan documentary, it's just a great
moment where one guy is just like the guy goes, well,
who's who are you? Who are you answering to? Like
who's checking you? And she's like why do I need
to have someone checking me? And he's just like, well,
because you say that, we have to have people like
and she's like, well, it really makes me concerned that

(25:58):
you don't you think that maybe I need someone checking
me and that maybe you are not as invested in
this as I like. And she's funning. What about when
she said the fastest person in the world, she compares
herself to the fastest person in the world. She she
actually makes good logic that I'm like, that's why she
is a cult leader because even I was like, oh,
that's a good point. She's like, well, if I were

(26:21):
the fastest person in the world and I told you
I was, and I was, and you said, well, how
can you be the fastest person in the world if
there's no one faster than you? What would So? So
I can't be the fastest person in the the world because
there's no one faster than me. What what's right? And
I go, God, she's fucking good, like taking notes. I loved.

(26:47):
I mean it was uncomfortable because she's getting confronted and
you know, this girl is like is crazy and that
she's not right, and so there is discomfort in knowing,
like like in like how her being questioned. I don't know,
it just came off so like egotistical and like how

(27:07):
how could you even think the question? It's like I
don't know, Like I don't I think I saw too
much of her life. She'd been married up your hair
in a bathtub? Yeah, your eyebrows? Can we start there,
start somewhere. I'd love to start there, but I don't
know where they start. So does she have like a

(27:29):
god all your hair? She's like a god? Is that? Yes?
And I think I mean she was and it was
terribly abused, so like her way of or was she
because part of her thing is convincing people that they
were abused and then isolating them from their families by
being like, your dad molested you and the dad's like
I didn't, and it's like, well, of course he's saying that,

(27:52):
and then she like makes you eat frog stuff that
makes you trip, and then she's like, your dad sucking
molested you. So even like it made me question her
own story of like what happened to her? But yeah,
what was the show last night that you watched on
you and that you were like on you said, I
skipped the second episode and I didn't even realize I

(28:12):
did because it was such a bad show. The most
hated man on the Internet about the guy that started
that website, the porn porn site. I didn't even finish
it. It It just made me feel so bad. They were
showing clips of all the horrific things that he would
they would upload, and it's just depraved stuff. And I'm like,

(28:33):
may will you tell me details? Like people thing, peautiful pooping. Wait,
what do you mean you the revenge I don't even
know the premise. I know what revenge porn is, but
I don't know that there was a site for it. Specifically,
there was a website called Yeah you actually watched the
Doctor just remember it from history. This guy starts to

(28:56):
set anybody up or is anyone up or whatever? That
soft It's like all these nude photos of people, and
it links to the people's social media, so it would show, like,
you know, fifteen pictures of naked Nicky Glazer, and then
it'd be like and here's her Instagram, and here's her address,
and here's her um Facebook. Yeah. Well, a lot of

(29:19):
guys would take photos of their girls. Then when they
get cheated on, or they they cheat on the girls
and the girl get breaks up with them, then they
upload it to go you fucking bitch, you fucking horror.
No one's gonna want you now, I'm going to ruin you.
And and it still happens. They do it all the time.
It's like there's not just one site for it. So
this guy started a site that was just for that, right,

(29:41):
and it really took off and he got famous off
being a sociopath and like tweeting constantly, like basically daring
people to kill themselves or you know, like just you know,
one percent of people are sociopaths of the human population.
It seems kind of low. Mm hmm. It seems high

(30:03):
to me. Oh yeah, one in a hundred people. I
mean that's like one on every flight you're on, there's
one person that's a psychopath, and so ziopath and psychopath
I think are interchangeable. Um, by most professional standards. This
guy making money off of it, was it like, yeah,
you have to pay to get on there. Yeah, I mean,

(30:27):
who's like, oh man, I gotta sell my shoes on
re venge porn dot com. You know. It's it's like
a lot of people came to see me in Atlantic
City because of that banner I bought. Um um this.
There's another guy being tried right now for a website

(30:49):
called like girls Do Porn or a production company, and
I mean it's the same old story they put an
ad on Craigslist looking for models. Eight teening up girls answer,
they add, they fly the girl to l A from
her little po Dung Town, put her up at some fuckings.
They pick her up at the airport. They don't even
bring her to the They bring her to a hotel

(31:11):
for the modeling shoot. On the way to the hotel,
they tell the girl what it sounds exactly like nicky. No,
it's too late, that flowers. And the revenge is that

(31:33):
people are going to have to watch it. It's not pretty.
Um so uh, they get. So what they would do
is they get the girl and and this has really
made me just go, I can't with porn like I
gotta I gotta put up. I gotta vegan it pretty
soon here, guys, because it's so much porn has made
this way. They get the this was a guy that

(31:53):
would do these tactics over and over ight. Now he's
being suoned. There's this huge lawsuit. Um that's happening right now.
So fly the girls out. On the way from the airport,
they pick him up in the car like at the
baggage game. Um. And and within a day, I mean,
these girls would answer and add and the next day,
they're flown out. They on the way to the hotel,
they'd be told it wasn't really a modeling shoot, it

(32:14):
was actually porn. At this point, this guy is kind
of intimidating. He you're in a car with him, you've
already flown out. He's put you, he's paid for your ticket,
he's like picked you up at the airport. You kind
of feel indebted. You're eighteen, you're young. You don't like
your first time in l A. Then they go, but
don't worry, it's oh and they make you send nude shots.

(32:35):
So they already kind of know these girls are maybe
down to be a little sexual, right, Like they know
it's a sexual modeling shoot. So these girls have set
nudes um just and like sent their fucking butt holes,
I bet. And then they get the job and it's
good money, you know for a girl that's working at
fucking I don't know, Custard stand over the summer. It's

(32:59):
like it's insane. They and it's maybe it's like a
thousand dollars, but still that's like insane money for these girls.
And then they go they get to the hotel, there's
so much paperwork they have to sign. They tell the
girls that the video is only going to be distributed
in Australia privately on videotapes for people who pay for
them and will not be end up online. And it's
only for select buyers. Um that will not be distributed online.

(33:24):
It will never end up online, which by the way,
isn't a thing. Young women listening. Nothing you do can
be sure, like there's nothing that won't end up online,
or can't. There's no way to make sure something doesn't
end up online. But these girls don't know that. You know,
the education is not great in Michigan or whatever. So
they go no tons of offense, get it togetheranant flant Michigan.

(33:49):
The water is still bad. Bring back our girls. I
don't think it's the same cause, okay, so um. So
they then they make them sign all this way, and
this is like the story over and over all. These
girls have the same story. They get to the place,
they make these girls sign so much paperwork and they
have a flight out that night. So they just want
one shoot with these girls because they're disposable. I mean,

(34:09):
they're not going to use them again after what they
do to them. The girls a flight that night, so
they're like, hey, we gotta do the shoot. Figure like
sign this paper. So they rushed them through the paperwork
and act like them reading it, which these girls barely
can fucking probably understand any of this legal ease that
they're going through. So they sign all this stuff, which
is pretty much signing way all their rights, and they
get into the shoot and they're told it's going to

(34:30):
take thirty minutes for this porn shoot that is only
going to be you know, um, this kind of sex
act that they agree to. They get in there five
hours of shooting with minimal breaks, and every time they break,
they're like, your flight is coming and we need to
get this. Like you're you're making everyone wait, making these
girls feel like a burden. I'm a thirty eight eight

(34:51):
or so year old woman who still feels like a
burden all the time to everyone. I mean, I could
see myself getting roped into something like this, let alone,
if I was fucking eighteen years old, and so then
literally so then these girls are brutally penetrated in every

(35:13):
way with by multiple men. There's it's not at all
what they agreed to, but because they do, you know,
sign the paperwork, and they are consenting in the sense
that they say, sure, that's fine, but they keep pressing.
You know, these guys are master manipulators. So this by
the time that plane hits the ground back in Detroit

(35:33):
or wherever they fucking fly back to, it's already online.
I mean it takes about that's an exaggeration, but it
takes about three weeks. And these girls get text from
their friends saying there's videos of you. That same day,
all their parents find out, their aunts and uncles, yeah
right down, and it's all backwards to and so. And

(35:58):
these girls lives are ruined, I mean their parents. These
girls come from these good like Christian like, like small
town like places, and they have a thousand dollars in
their pocket, which which is after the fact, probably like
six hundred. It's already long gone. And their families are
They get a strange from their families. No one wants
to talk to them. Every guy thinks they're fucking slut,

(36:20):
a stupid skank. You know. These towns where they're from,
their their reputations are ruined. Their run out of town,
and they have nowhere to go. They have no they
have nowhere to go after that, and now they have
this thing on their record and they're it's and so
this guy is being tried right now. He's such a
piece of shi it really. I mean, if you're someone
out there who watches porn like I do, we gotta
do better anymore. I feel like there should be a

(36:43):
law where like like, well they signed the paperwork, but
it's like unless the PaperWorks like four sentences and like
Times New Roman Career, Yeah, double space where it's like
you if it's like a bunch of Mumbo Jump both
Magatha stuff, you know it should be Yeah, that's it's bad.

(37:09):
It's so bad. But you know what I mean though,
like if it feels like it could be hidden, that
should be. Can I say the worst thing of it all?
Okay that you saw one of these before the documentary.
I've definitely seen one of these. Like there's no doubt
this guy is prolific, and like this isn't like one
website you go to. This is he has his videos

(37:30):
on everyone porn website there is. We're talking red two,
we're talking X two, We're talking um x Hamster, We're
talking porn Hub, We're talking I mean everything, And the
problem is there's something at this point in my porn
viewing I enjoy and I talked about it in my
first special, and in my enjoyment of this has only

(37:52):
gotten worse. Reluctant porn where the girl is like I
don't know, like, um, I can't, I shouldn't. And then
it's like my joke was like I love when she's
like no, okay, Like I I like it, and I
like now. I like porn where the man is like
really old and the girl there's no way the girls

(38:14):
attracted to him, but she's just doing it because she
wants to my relationship. I know. I'm sorry, I've been
watching your sexist and I could you guys move to
the apartment across her mind, across the way. No. I like.
I like videos where the girl is like and I'm

(38:35):
not alone here. I remember, you know, friends of mine
admitting to liking the same thing of like it's you know,
it's a sub genre. It's age gap where the girl
is like, she's just doing it and she's kind of
enjoying herself. Sometimes she comes but like, I just like
that the guy is like so appreciative and like, I'm
so old and this is the best thing that's ever
happened to me and I'm about to die and he's

(38:55):
like got cobwebs on his dick, and like, I just
I like it. I like, I don't. And what I'm
looking for now is like I can't help that. I
like that. I'm not a bad person because I like that.
I do not want anyone to be victimized. I do
not mind, though, that being dramatized in porn, and that

(39:15):
is what I have to seek out um, and I
do still enjoy it. If you knew everyone belonged to
a union and was being paid well and was yeah,
that's why I pay for porn. I pay like a
hundred dollars a month for all my subscriptions. But the
thing is, I still don't even trust the subscriptions because
they're still getting they're still outsourcing their production dog fart Like,

(39:38):
can I trust dog fart productions? I don't know. They
make great stuff, but I don't know if I could
dress them. Yeah, I think, like I think if it
was like a movie and it was like, well, these
actors are amazing, but if it's really like this is
really believable, they're probably they're not the best actor, so

(39:59):
it's probably close to the truth. You know what I mean,
that's the tough part. But they're so method by hating
fucking this old weird man. Well, I don't want the
girl to be like sad and like I hate this,
like I want the girl because that's the kind of
sex I like where I'm kind of like pushed to
my limits, you know, where it's like almost like a
Berry's boot camp, where you're like, if I really had

(40:21):
a choice, I would like to not be doing this
fucking burpee right now. But I know that if I
get through it, I'll feel accomplished, like a nickname for
an old guy. It's not like you have to take
a viagra and can't and then have to not have sex.
Other day, Andrew admitted that he took a viagra to

(40:42):
prepare for sex and Bretta saw the rapper in the trash,
but then he couldn't have sex because he had heartburn,
and so he had her if I couldn't have sex,
because he announced, It's true they make viagra pill that
could do heartburn, and a cock would be fucking brilliant

(41:04):
zandac and I did. I ended up doing it, but
by the time the Zantac kicked in, your boy, it
was past my bedtime. It was okay, um, yeah, let's
do the news first. Oh it's Monday, folks, you know
what that means. It is Monday. I hope you're having
all the swells out there. We sure are here and

(41:26):
all the different cities we're in. It's kind of crazy.
Four people hanging out different cities. One computer wild. I
mean there's lots of computers. It's computer huh support different
computer computers in front of him. Yes, thank you for
see it in my way empathizing. Alright, no regrets. I

(41:55):
had a few. Al Right, I'll do quick plugs. Sanya
is our guest here today. We have um a lot
of unreleased songs and exclusive live live streams on her Patreon,
Patreon dot com slash Anya Marina. We have Good Clean
Filth on HBO Max, the last two episodes of f
Boy Island, Uh, featuring the one and only Nicki Klaser

(42:18):
and Andrew behind the scenes on f Y Island and
in the green room on Good Clean Filth, which you
could see him in the beginning yea Glaser dot com
slash tour. And Andrew Colin is going to be on
tour Andrew Coollin Comedy dot com Ye comments on Tuesday,
I don't want six people there and there's gonna be

(42:41):
so many people. What are you scaring? So there's six
people there, like, it doesn't mean anything. That The best
that part about that is no one will know that
there were six people there. Only six people will not
pay a whole crew. Jake Owen will know that there's
six That's the best part about When I used to

(43:02):
go to do clubs and no one would show up
because no one knew who I was or even I
did have teth I have TV credits at the time,
and no one would show up. And they sometimes they
still don't. There have been shows that have been like
not full. Um, it doesn't matter because no one knows
because no one's there. So it actually doesn't have to
make a you have to make a tape for Instagram, Nikki,

(43:22):
but they but then plug in the laughs. No one
will know because you can't laugh on Instagram or not,
like you don't see the audience anyway. Yeah, no, I know,
I'm not that where I'm kind of but it's it's fine,
I'm fine, I'm good everything. It's going to work on Xantech.
But yes, next hard hard Heart Okay, alright, what's a

(43:47):
good seg um. Recent research has challenged the accepted opinion
that men like violent porn and women like romantic porn.
Surveys revealed that most men are turned off by violent porn,
and furthermore, at least some women report finding depictions of
aggression against women to be a turn on. This suggests

(44:10):
that interest in violent porn may not be so much
a difference of gender as one of personality. Oh I
thought it did say gender, and then no, it's still
breaking the like yeah, like because it doesn't seem to
be just mostly men like this and women like this.

(44:33):
There are more women than they think, and it's probably
the reason that people are even interested in the first places, personality,
not gender. Um, yeah, that's interesting. I violence in porn,
it's like, it's it's it's tough to be turned on
by that kind of thing. I do not like violence,
I would say in porn. I don't like slapping. I

(44:53):
don't like people looking like they're sad or scared. But
I do like uh, I do like um, you know, punishment,
and I like suffering. But I like suffering in the
same way that I like suffering in my life. In
like at the end of it, there's an accomplishment, like
the way if you run a marathon, like that's suffering

(45:14):
and you know you're not. If you watch someone you
know running a decathlon or something and you enjoy that,
people aren't like you're such a you're fucked up. You
like watching people suffer. It's like, No, I like the
I like the end where the persons like I just
fucking got ten loads of calm on my face, Like
that is a triumph, Like that is a new Olympic sport.

(45:35):
I think, Yeah, I mean, I really do feel like
these girls are insanely talented and like I just I'm
I'm in awe of the stamina it takes to do
what they do. The men I'm not as impressed with
at all because they use viagara, But women, um, I
really am, Like I'm blown away and a lot of
their assholes are blown out. A lot of my guy

(45:57):
friends we like this. Uh if you type it in,
it's actually and you porn and porn up too. But
they had their own website back in the day. It
was called x art dot com. X art is the
kind of porn and it was like very girlfriend, boyfriend,
beautiful beautiful people like making love, you know, and we
were all like, yo, did you see fucking Nicolette make

(46:18):
love like so soft? But you see, I hate that
kind of porn. Me my boys got down the tenderness.
I like um rough. But you know what I like
is not hard, like not fast. I like like slow
hard if I don't like tears. I don't like when

(46:39):
a girl's makeup is getting ruined. I don't like I
like that because she's being because when you choke, you cry. Yeah.
I don't like when your eyeliner runs. I like that,
it's so ugly. What do you like an into? I
just like lazy, like NASA stuff, like just like a

(47:01):
girl getting a massage and then it's like, whoop sees,
it's a surprise massage. That's all I'm interested in. I
don't like in the those I like the massages too.
I don't like when the guy ends up sucking her though,
I just want him to finger her the whole time.
I don't want his penis to be involved. I'm always like,
that's gone too far and he should be reported. But
if he just like this, sir, that's I'm um. I

(47:25):
don't know. I just don't believe that women really get
that much joy out of just a dick without a
vibrator as well, at least I don't. I mean, and
that is with every dick I've ever had in my life.
I want, I need clip to, I need and penis
and I just when we're gonna guys are gonna grow,

(47:45):
like a little above your decks would be amazing, like
in ten million years where all I have, Like I'm different,
Like many women can just do this, like you know,
can rub their own clip while they're having a enis
inside them and have a good time. Or it can
even just like rub on the top of the guys
or the guy can rub it like with his hands.

(48:06):
But I just I've never been, as Ashley Hesseltine calls it,
a girl who can play acoustic. I need I need
to plug into an amp so I can't. I can't
plug a banjo at a bluegrass festival. I need sucking.
I need to go to plug it. Yes I do, Um, yeah,

(48:29):
I just do. But that's nothing to say of like
there's no dick. I'm not talking about like, oh I
need something else because the dick isn't good enough. It's
like I it would no matter what. But that that
is why I'm when most penetrative sex I watch on
on uh in porn. If there isn't a hatachi one involved,
there must be another dick there too. There's gotta be

(48:51):
more than just if it's just one dick in a woman.
I am bored. It's like watching I don't care. It's
so it's softcore. That is the most boring sex to
me in the world. And I do love a penis
inside me just to be connected to my partner and
to make love. But am I going to come from that?

(49:12):
Probably not? And and and there is no no way
that any I think I'm broken in a way maybe
or something, but I cannot. Like I forgot my vibrator,
l are you? Were you ever? Never? There was never
a time before the toy Like once you introduced a toy,
did it changed things? I didn't really try. Um, I

(49:35):
was just never coming from sex ever when I didn't
use a toy ever ever. Ever, I enjoyed it. It
felt good, but I didn't know how good it could
feel because I didn't have orgasms before toys were incorporated
into my life. Was just too Does the penis ever
get in the way of a toy, like would you rather?
It's only it only makes it better. That's the thing
I always like to say. A toy is good on

(49:58):
its own, but a dick inside you with that toy,
it's only going to make the toy better. A penis
will never take away from the toy. I always it's
like having pie all a mode, like your dick is
a mode, you know, like I want. I don't want
dry pie. It's fine, I'll take it if that's all
I can get, but I want it makes it better.

(50:19):
A toy alone is fine, A dick alone is also fine,
But together is when they really it's like Simon and
fucking Garfunkle. Yeah, yeah, that sounds like I mean, that's
not a good actual A dick at Landmark, Yeah, I don't,
sounding like a JFK speech films. It's like a dick

(50:41):
alone is not strong, A vibrator alone is not strong.
But when they're together, they are tango and cash. But
I do love a penis alone when it is like
I just want to have a connected experience with my
partner and it's not about because sex for me is
not always about achieving an orgasm, and I wish more
men understood that women don't always need to come, and

(51:04):
it's okay if we don't, and that's not always what's
for me. A lot of time sex is just about
like feeling someone inside you and that feels amazing and
like really and bringing them pleasure with your body. Like
I like that. I don't always need it, but if
I want to come, I gotta have a hatachi. I
just have to. I mean, I forgotten when when we'll
be having sex and she's like, you know, you're just enough,

(51:26):
and then we'll use the toy too, and then when
the disappointment when the toy battery dies is so strong.
That's why I have like six of them. Like if
your hand stopped working when you were jerking off, yeah, no, no, no,

(51:49):
I get it. Oh, I get all that. I'm pro toy.
I'm like, like it just loosened that would it would
it would suck? Yeah? Or if like you know it's
you know, I get what you're saying. But very pro
toy though, because I feel like it allows the women
to have an orgasm quicker and I'm going to have

(52:11):
an orgasm were will end up having an orgasm around
closer to the same time without a toy. It's a
very different ballgame. But I love penises and I don't
want to make anyone man feel like, oh I'm you
know it's I guess it doesn't even matter. They can
just use toys and replace us. I will say though,
that because I forgot to bring a vibrator here in town,

(52:34):
I have not been able to master It hasn't even occurred.
I would have done it so many times since I've
been here, Um, but I haven't been able to It's
not even there's nothing for me and this there's no
electric toothbrush, there's nothing for me. There's no like, there's
nothing for me to rub on. I I wouldn't be
able to do it. It's it's it's almost it's pretty
sad actually that I'm carrying guns. Huh. I don't got

(52:58):
time for that. That would take so long, really, and
I don't even know what I would do. Watch your
favorite and then you know what I would try, because
I would try to do the thing where take your clip.
You take your clip and you almost try to jerk
yourself off with your clip, like you go like this,

(53:21):
like you pull on it, like you're almost like giving
your clip a hand and My glid is like the
size of a fucking a mini eminem. But I could
get it, you know, like that That's maybe what I'll try. Yeah,
that's about the average size, right, how smaller the bell
hops hands? Maybe? Don't you think a vibrator? There's just

(53:42):
a few steps away from terminating with got to get
to go to the will the gill be the the
guy with the gag with the get was the guy
do the ride get together? All Right, we're back. Let's
talk about f Boy Island and our segment called f I.

(54:08):
All right, Um, the finale was last week. I have
not seen it yet. Let's talk about it. Let's answer
your questions, um, go alright, well, can I ask the
first question from that came in? Yes, okay, a while
back on the podcast, you talked about someone on the

(54:29):
cast of Perfect Strangers to killing a bee who was God,
I'm so mad that this footage did not make the show. Okay,
So during de stank Um, there was an incident where
I had so I had this like fake microphone that
was like a priceis Wright microphone. And at one point

(54:52):
during the show, Mia was very scared of insects and
there was a bee around her a big bumblebee and
I and she was like freaking out, and I was
just trying to shoot it away because I was just
going like shoot, be shoot, you know, like trying of
like waving my wand at it. Me as someone who
cares deeply about the fact that bees are disappearing in
the world, descending. Um, I would never harm me intentionally,

(55:16):
but old Barry Bonds was swinging right that day, and
I hit the bee with my little wand it's a
very skinny wand the bee flew to the ground and
I shrieked in horror because I hit the be but
it was still alive. But it flew the ground. It
was just like disoriented. And then before I could do anything,

(55:38):
I forget who it was, one of the boys just
stomps on it and kills it. And I shrieked, almost
probably falling to my knees, bloodying them, and we had
to stop the production. I was very upset, and I
was just like, you never kill a bee, You never
kill a b And I went over to the bee

(55:59):
and I picked it up, and I brought it over
to the rocks by the edge of the ocean where
you saw Tom throw that ring, and I buried the
bee in the rocks and I said a prayer for
it and I said I'm sorry, be and everyone thought
I was very weird, and we went back to filming.
But it was like it was a moment that I
was really I forgot about it until just now, And um,

(56:22):
I'm gonna try to get the footage from Bill Dixon,
my friend who's the EP on the show, because it was,
you know, it was the most athletic, athletic thing that
I've ever done in my life, and I looked amazing,
but it was just so funny and it was so
sad too, and and I do want to get the
message out about like, don't do what I you know,

(56:43):
I assisted in doing. It was funny when Tom threw
Tom threw the ring into the water. Yeah, I got
a lot of messages about this, and right when he
throws it, Brendan goes, Nicki's not gonna like that, and
then literally like two seconds later, you go, I don't, like,
I forget exactly what contributing to the ocean that I

(57:06):
was like up for knowing me so, well, yeah, a
fucking dolphin's got that ring stuck in its blowhole. Now,
First of all, he doesn't have to inherit him from
his mom. He could ask, he doesn't have to pay
for it. He could get down on one flipper. I
forgot the story of that. Rings like a ring he bought.

(57:27):
He and his ex girlfriend both had rings. One was
a king, one was a queen like the crown. I
don't know clearly, it wasn't that meaningful to him. So
you guys, remind me what happened on the finale. Yeah, wait,
there's that for the finale, and it was man sin Well,
it's it's it's not even that, it's something that Okay. Um,

(57:49):
my friend Jen and I were texting about, which is
a huge thing. Jen. So the girls had their dates
and they invited the guys over and they woke up
with no makeup, and Jen and I were texting that
it takes us like ten months, maybe even longer than that,
where we don't wake up early before the guy to

(58:09):
do our makeup, that we wake up totally pristine. Um no, no, okay,
that's very interesting. First of all, these girls are a
stunning as are you and Jen. I know Jen, Um,
I am now in this new camp of like I
want to wear less makeup around men that I like,

(58:33):
care for or care about, Like when you started dating
Chris though, and well, I was much younger and I
was much more insecure. But how did I have been
a single woman recently? Um? I I used to, you know,
worry about it and and and put on and do
the bridesmaid thing of wake up and put up. Someone
recently told me that they would wait it was oh wait,

(58:56):
it was you know. Uh. I don't want to say
what you told me that you would do, but it
was really funny up before he woke up. Really Okay, Noah,
can I say the thing that you and Hollow we're
talking about? You can go ahead and say it. If
I don't like it, I'll just take Noah. Noah used
to wake up in the morning, what is it under

(59:18):
a hook up and shave her chin oh, and go
back to bed because overnight there would be stubble from
as money. Women like Hollow has a literal man's like
stop like like a beard. You would be jealous, like
a lot of men would be jealous of, um, which
a lot of women do. I I have hairs to

(59:39):
I shaved my face like on my cheeks and stuff. Um.
But Noah would overnight the stubble would grow that morning
from hormones. So many women have this. It sucks. You
have to shave it. I didn't know that. Yeah, for
laser you have to shave it. You can't plug or
tweet because then you have to wait like a whole cycle,

(59:59):
which is like months. Yes, so that's what we have
to go through. Sometimes a guy is like, you know,
kissing my boobs and I see I spot a long
hair and I feel it like flosses his teeth. I'm
just like, oh my god, how did I fucking forget
that one? It gets like caught and he rips it

(01:00:19):
out and I'm like, oh, it's like a pube on
your tit. Um. Yeah, but they're so long and skinny
it's hard to get them. I just like six months
in you wake up the Larry to Cable guy like, Andrew,
do you remember do you remember seeing for the first
time without makeup? Um? I mean, I know this sounds

(01:00:44):
like cheesy, but like her not makeup makeup face is
like pretty close, so I don't really you know, Um,
she was born like naturally guard. The other day, I
was on the set somewhere and had no makeup on
day and then I got my makeup done and I

(01:01:05):
walked out of my trailer and the amount of like,
oh my god, wow, you look amazing was so insane,
Like it's it's crazy how much it changes. But that
being said, and I've really been I've really felt sad
about that before because I'm just like, God, like, this

(01:01:25):
is how you get people to like you. It's like
you put on a fucking mask, you know. And but
now I know that, like I I when I used
to have acne, that's a different story, like when I
had bloody, like pussing acne, Like I would need to
cover that up. And that is something that I would
still struggle with to this day if I was waking
up with a new guy and like wanting to cover

(01:01:45):
it up. But I do feel now at this age,
like I any guy, if a guy doesn't like my
face after the first night we're together in the morning
because I look like tired and like my worst self
and like no makeup, we're not it's it's it's gonna be.

(01:02:07):
That's gonna be the end of us. Like I'm I can't,
I can't keep that lie going and we shouldn't be
together and I'm not gonna like try to keep that
lie going. There's certain things that I think in an
early on the relationship. Don't start farting in front of them,
don't like, you know, tell them every fucking thing that's
ever happened to you about you know, you keep some
stuff and save it for later, but your face without makeup,

(01:02:31):
I would break that out earlier than you. Try to
maybe incorporate that earlier. And you know, I don't know, though,
how do you feel about? Yeah? Absolutely, because I don't know.
I don't wear too much makeup, but I get what
you mean about getting a lot of attention. Every time
I put makeup on and I come downstairs. That will
always be like, wow, beautiful lady, like make a moment

(01:02:53):
if maup. But how nice is that that we have
that ability and men just have to look like they're
shitty selves all the time. Well no, I mean, like
even that doesn't really Like if you guys did wear
eyeliner or like Elvis did, or you know, um, Harry
styles like when he gets a little bit of stuff on,

(01:03:14):
Like if men were to lean into that a little
bit more and wear makeup that you guys would see
too how much hotter you could be, and it sucks
that you don't get You don't get to I was
talking to someone about this recently, You don't get to, Like,
it sucks that you guys don't get to experiment with
fashion as much as we do, Like we really get
to express ourselves and take risks and have more fun

(01:03:38):
creatively with our fashion than you do. You're really limited
and if you do take a chance, you risk all
your buddies making fun of you. And it's like, it's
really hard to start moving into something like even wearing
brighter colors, let alone wearing you know, tight pants or
dress or skirt. Had a lot of style did and

(01:03:58):
they look great eight Yeah, I know. I kept thinking, God,
it's so difficult to be a guy because you really
have to just be hot. Or is it just that
our standards are different from men hair they can do
something with facial chi but I'm not kidding, but like

(01:04:18):
their bodies or whatever. Like, I really think our show
has caused a lot of men to have body dysmorphia
and think that women want that. I'm not joking you.
I've written a couple of men on d m S
that have been like the show has made me feel
bad about my body l O L. And I'm like,
I not if you're trying to win over someone like me,
me no want that. I have no interest in having

(01:04:39):
a guy with a body like that. Chris is starting
to get really really in shape and because he has
these goals of like this trip he's going on and
he just wants to see like what his body can be.
It's not gonna be forever. And I told him, like,
I like you, like he um over the you know.
We went to Montreal last week and he was like,
I've been feeling really good at about myself. He's like

(01:05:00):
cut and he's looking great and it feels great, like
like it feels like, oh my god, Like I'm with
like a who's this guy that just showed up? Like
every day I can see like gains And he was like,
I was feeling good about myself. And then Mateo. I
saw Mateo laying with his shirt off backstage and I
was like, Okay, well I ain't ship compared to that,
and I'm like, I would not want please don't look

(01:05:22):
like Mateo. Mateo is Adonis. He is so hot. But again,
that guy, to me, does not have enough time for me.
In his life, all he does his work out, he
doesn't have fun with food, he doesn't indulge, he's punitive,
he's he's a little bit of a narcissist. And this
is Mateo is a different Mateo's a thriving gay man

(01:05:45):
and that and that's a different culture. I think in
terms of like how they keep their bodies. As a woman,
I do not want f boy bodies. I don't want
it and I've never wanted it. I I just to me,
that's a guy that doesn't that is so obsessed with
himself be it. Tecks body was ridiculous. All these guys, Um,
there was one guy I can't remember who Danny, who

(01:06:05):
wasn't like super cut, and I remember Taylor. Taylor and
I watched together. But he has a great body, but
he doesn't have that. Yeah, I like I like Casey's
of anyone body, I like Danny's. I like Casey's, I
like Braden's, I like um Sante's. I like Jabrian Peter
he's kind of thin like I just I like Brandt.

(01:06:29):
I like these the guys that were just I just
like a guy that looks like he can hug himself
and feel it, comforted by it and not be just
touching stone. It's like I want these guys to be
able to get cuddly. They're all too hard. Yeah, I
mean they were all cute though they were also interesting
when you are worried about how like when I'm with

(01:06:53):
Brenna and like she'll have like pimples or whatever, and granted,
I know she's a pretty girl to start with whatever,
but like when there are flaw it's like I never think,
like I never like look at it as a flaw
because I I love her and if anything, it's like,
but we're talking about guys before they love you, ye,
like before they love you, so like the third day

(01:07:13):
kind of thing. Yeah, I get that, but I know,
but that's really like sweet to hear and and nice
and comforting to hear that once a guy loves you
like it doesn't none of that ship would matter. And
of course they want you to be healthy and feel
your best, but like they're not going to believe you
because you have a fucking oozing zip on you when
they love you, they really think you are more beautiful
without makeup. Probably, I know, it's weird. I don't know.

(01:07:36):
I don't know how to explain it other than because
other guys don't want to fuck you. I really do
think that's why men are always like just where you
don't need to wear that tiny little thing and your
laid out. I remember how your boyfriends say that to me. Yeah,
and it's like, you want me to have a cloak
of invisibility, don't you? Noah, grow your chin strap. Come on, Noah,

(01:07:59):
what were you just about to say? A final thought?
I was going to say. I went to Warby Parker
and I took a v with me to help me
find glasses and I put this one, like these frames
on and I kind of liked them and I was
like and he's like, yeah, those look great on you.
And I go, okay, but does the brown bring out
the malasma on my face? And he's like, your what

(01:08:20):
like the brown spots on my face? Does the brown
in the frame amplify them? He's like, okay, I never
even knew that you had that until right now when
you literally pointed at it. And he's like, I don't
want to answer that, And it's like your biggest, not
biggest concern, but it's like one of your insecurities all
time in the say malasma and la li the gas

(01:08:51):
words we haven't gotten to. I remember one time having
a terrible hormonal bout of acne that was honestly making
me look like the elephant man. It was so scary.
I didn't know what was going on, like and I
and they were all like blistering and it was so bad,
and I wouldn't let Chris see me, and I was
hiding in the dark. And this was like two thousand

(01:09:13):
fifteen or something. We were out in l A. What
do you mean. I just love him, like coming into
a room and not even knowing you're like, I know
it totally was that he was just like Nikki and
I was like, you have a candle because I had
been at the Equinox before, and I remember staring in
the mirror at Equinox and just sobbing and being like,

(01:09:36):
I don't even want to work on my body, like
my body does not matter because my face is like
it's so bad. And I know that there are people
listening that have cystic acne and struggle with facial deformities
or you know, things that might sound what I'm talking about,
but I just I felt so sad about it. And
I remember him and I've told the story before, I think,
but I remember, and this was at a time where

(01:09:58):
I did not want him to ever see those as
I still thought that like my love or his love
was um conditional and like you know, based on me
looking a certain way and all the stuff and um,
which he never led me to believe that it was
all in my head and on my face. And uh
he remember, he just goes, hey, hey, and I was like,

(01:10:18):
I'm so discussing. Please don't driven light Like I don't
know what to do, Chris, I'm really scared. What if
I look like this forever? It's not going away. And
he was like, listen, I am not going to pretend
that I don't know what you're talking about. There is
something going on. And that made me feel so good
that he didn't go like I don't even see it,
like I know, I like truly didn't see your gettle

(01:10:39):
chasm of And that's great, But this whole idea, like
if you're a guy out there and your girlfriend's like
I'm fat and like or like I have this thing
that I like, not just acknowledging it and being like listen,
it's not like I don't know what you're talking about,
but it would never register to me that that would
make you any less lovable. That I think is the

(01:10:59):
right answer. Maybe I could be wrong, but for me,
that was the right answer instead of him being like,
I don't know what you're talking about because it was
so obvious. And I hate when I was I hate
when I have something going on on my face or
my body and it's really bugging me and it might
not be a thing that makes make that anyone else
would even care about. But when people won't just go,

(01:11:19):
I know what you're saying. I see what you're saying
that really bugs me, Like I just want you because
then you're not only fucking gaslighting me into thinking like no,
your face is clear, like well, then you're fucking blind,
Like it would I want someone to acknowledge that there
is a thing that I'm struggling with, but that it

(01:11:39):
doesn't bother them. Is is obviously the second part of that,
I guess. And when the shoe is on the other foot,
do you feel the same way, Like if Chris were
to have a six cystic acne, would you care? Oh? No,
I remember one time, this is when I was like,
oh that I finally understood when men say they love

(01:12:02):
you no matter like when you when you love someone,
you don't care what they look like. And this is
how you grow old with someone. I remember we weren't
even dating. It was when we were still like kind
of just friends, and it was around the pandemic time,
and I was talking about getting on a d D
meds at the time, and he was like, yeah, I
used to be on them, but um, you know, I
one of the side effects is like hair loss, and

(01:12:23):
I just I would literally rather die than lose hair.
Like it's all I care about right now. It's like
my obsession, you know, as most forty year old men
are struggling with that. And I remember just going like
and looking at him and like, I would not give
a fuck if you were bald, like get like, like
it was laughable to me that something was so of

(01:12:48):
concern to him that to me would never change, even
though I know that he would be more attractive with hair,
because just it's you know, just based on aesthetically, like
the laws of aesthetics, it would probably be more probably
look like Bruce Willis without hair, like super cute. I
just he could look he could have facial burns, and

(01:13:10):
scars or like lose his he could be headless. And
I was I just remember being like, I know, I
know what it means what people say they still love
people even after they are, you know, disfigured where it
doesn't matter. Friend, I guess the hard part is what

(01:13:31):
you were talking about. Like let's say, if I was like,
it's my hair, my like you see, we all have
like a little bit about dysmorphia or hair dysmorphia. I'm
just gonna I'm just kidding. Oh I do not see
what you're talking about. I really don't, no, no, no.
But my point is is like if someone says, if

(01:13:52):
it's something little right, but it's big to that person,
because let's say it's a little bit of a bald spot.
It's like, I know, I noticed a bald spot. You
see the bald spot, but you don't think it's that
big of a bald spot, but they see it as
a giant bald spot. The hard part is is going
like like you were saying, like I do see it,
but it's not as big as you think it is.

(01:14:14):
But it's like I don't know. It's hard because like
you don't want to give in to the dysmorphia. I
feel like that's why I think guys sometimes will go
But the dysmorphia is saying, well, dysmorphia is saying it's
not there. That's more dysmorphic than saying, yes, you're losing
a little hair. That looks like a hurricane. You know,
you know Doppler footage, there's something going on that. Ay,

(01:14:37):
there's a storm of ruin. It's there's kids playing in
it for a half hour, tape the windows. But you know,
we don't need to we don't need to move. But
I want to live in Florida. Yeah. I think there's
a difference between I don't want to. I would never
like Chris is losing a little bit of hair because

(01:14:59):
he is like that. It would be insane for me
to say that he's not because he is. You can
see it in pictures. We were going through old pictures.
He's lost hair. But would I ever cognitivet like, I
would never look at him and go, oh my god,
he is losing it, Like I can only see it
from pictures and sometimes I see his scalp in his hair.
But when I look at his hair, but it's also

(01:15:21):
pluck them out, which to keep him away, but it's
it's it's not a problem. If it were, I would
support him to do whatever he wants to do. Like
when he kind of u sometimes catastrophizes it and I
think it is like like, oh god, it's really bad

(01:15:43):
or something. I I always am like, I don't know
what you're talking about in terms of it being so
bad you would have to do something about it. But
I'm not going to lie and say that it's not there.
This is not this is not we need intervention, you
need to get a transplant or something kind of thing.
I'll support you if you want to do anything like
that in whatever way, but I will not. I am not.

(01:16:04):
I do not see it, and like I do not
see it as a thing. I would never go, WHOA, Okay,
I just always go I'm on Google right now and
there's like seven things you could do. Oh my god.
That's the worst too. When my friends, let's with Carlisle,
when I was like trying that one day because my

(01:16:25):
neck looked all wrinkly surgery lasers and I'm like, what
about just accepting that I'm going to age and it's okay.
She's like, Nikki is okay, you will always be able
to kill yourself. There's always a way out. I'm like,
thanks a lot, best friend. It is a weird motivational speaker,

(01:16:45):
Like it's so motivate, like she's that is kind of
what's her name? Does? Fine? Kill yourself? I just called
her Lin Swan, which is a wide receiver for the Steelers.
All Right, guys, we gotta go. Um, thank you so

(01:17:05):
much for listening to the pod today. I will be
back in St. Louis tomorrow. We'll do it live from there. Um.
Panya will be here a couple more times this week.
Very excited about that. Thank you so much for listening.
Don't be cut and cheer lanterns. Yeah, jack o lantern. Okay,

(01:17:25):
that's good. Get all right tomorrow

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