#402 Name Nikki's Special, The Magnet Theater Thrives & Satirical Headlines

Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
The Nicky Glizer Podcast, Nick Glaser Podcast.

Speaker 2 (00:09):
Nicky Hello here, I am welcome to the show. It's
a Nicky Glazer podcast. Here with me today or Brian
and Noah.

Speaker 1 (00:16):
What's up guys?

Speaker 3 (00:17):
Hello? How are you?

Speaker 1 (00:19):
I'm tired? Well, if I'm out of it, I'm you know.

Speaker 2 (00:23):
I just woke up like I was supposed to wake
up two hours ago get a workout in so I
could I have a really long day and fit it
all in. But I just kept hitting snooze, baby, just
catch going back in those dreams, wanting to finishing them up,
just having dreams of eating my breakfast and and then,
which is such a waste of a dream. When you

(00:44):
do something in your dream that you're about to do,
it's like likely tonight.

Speaker 3 (00:51):
Also, yeah, this morning, I dreamt that I was doing
this podcast.

Speaker 1 (00:55):
No way.

Speaker 3 (00:56):
I dreamt that the podcast has been recorded in my
kitchen at home on Long Island, and that it was
you and two elderly women, not elderly, but maybe like
in their fifties or sixties, Okay, And I was late,
and I was so late that I decided I'm just
not even going to be a part of this episode,
and I'll do the next one. But then you kept

(01:18):
like trying to bring me into the episode, and I
kept going, no, no, no, it's okay.

Speaker 2 (01:23):
Well boundaries, I know, Yeah, what does that mean?

Speaker 3 (01:27):
Don't know, I don't know.

Speaker 2 (01:28):
It means that you need to put your foot down
about something, probably maybe with me, maybe maybe not with me.
Maybe the old women represented. Wait isn't it alway supposed
to be that whatever is in your dream, like the
thing that is coming at you is.

Speaker 1 (01:40):
Actually you, and you're I'm the old women. Yeah, like you.

Speaker 2 (01:44):
A lot of the times people are like I fell
in love with this guy or what there was this
there was this dog in the dream, and it's like
the dog is you?

Speaker 1 (01:50):
Like most things in the dream are you?

Speaker 3 (01:52):
I don't know.

Speaker 2 (01:53):
But also no one knows fucking anything about dreams really,
it's all just guesses. Yeah, and yeah, I wanted back
in though, Like I love when you wake up and
you're like I love setting my alarm for super earlier
than like with all my ideas, Like sometimes I do
wake up in the morning, I'm like, oh, I can

(02:14):
get this workout in. Like the first thing is like, oh, yeah,
I want to work out, But this morning I woke
up and I go, what the fuck was?

Speaker 1 (02:20):
But I said this so early and.

Speaker 2 (02:21):
Then I was like, oh, yeah, well fuck that, like
and then I just tensed up my muscles to like
see if I still had the abs that I've worked
so hard for and I did, so I was excited.
And then I was like, I don't need to do
a workout this morning. I've been going hard recently.

Speaker 3 (02:35):
Yeah, you're posting special. Now it's time to let loose.
Now it's time to go.

Speaker 2 (02:40):
I did it two a day on Monday because I
just felt like such garbage. When you come down from
a special, it's like coming down from a drug, and
so I felt like I needed I went to the Yeah,
I went to the lesson and she was like, maybe
I already said this, but she was like, you know,
just making comments about like oh we're a little out

(03:01):
of it today, or like she's had to keep reminding
me what foot like she said the other left probably
eighteen times you know where that, And it got to
the point where I just said, will you touch the
leg it is because I can't even understand what left is,
Like I couldn't figure it out.

Speaker 1 (03:15):
I wasn't I wasn't with it.

Speaker 2 (03:17):
So then I was like, I only gave half for this,
which is all I had to give, so I gave
one hundred percent.

Speaker 1 (03:22):
But it was just not good. So I said I'll
go to a class later on.

Speaker 2 (03:25):
And then the class later on only had two people in it,
so I got like a semi private two times.

Speaker 3 (03:29):
And then also, can you come up with some new material?
Like the other left? You do it eight times. I
think at that point you should say something else.

Speaker 2 (03:37):
It's not even funny anymore, Like it's not she's not
saying it to be funny. It really is like what
they say to get people to do the right the
correct leg Yeah.

Speaker 1 (03:48):
Yeah, that's so. That's when you know you're really dumb.
But they're very forgiving.

Speaker 2 (03:51):
That's what I like about pilates is I have yet
to have a coach that makes me feel stupid about
anything I don't know. And I feel like I have
had a lot of trainers in the in other ways
that when I go what are your obliques, what's a
what's a trap? I don't know where the traps are?
I think I do, is it like this area? Like
I just don't assume I And they don't go like, okay,

(04:13):
well your traps are up there like there's no condescension,
even though I would think pilates is the most condescending
of the word.

Speaker 1 (04:20):
And I'm sorry I've become.

Speaker 2 (04:22):
Obsessed with pilates, like the people I hate that do pilates,
that talk about it all the time. But once now
I get it, I get it, I'll shut up about
or I'll uh, I'm eating crow now about how people.

Speaker 1 (04:35):
Talk about it all the time.

Speaker 2 (04:36):
Because when you do something every day, you you tend
to talk about it no matter what it is.

Speaker 4 (04:40):
That's great because before you started, you were just kind
of like dreading it, yes so much and dreading just
dreading someone focusing on the things I can't do well,
and it's and now I'm starting to do those things easier.

Speaker 1 (04:55):
I couldn't tell in the class.

Speaker 2 (04:56):
If she because it was a the class was by
someone who I had never with, so it was a
different instructor there that I'd never worked with, and I
couldn't tell if she just gave up on correcting me
or if I was doing it right, do you know
what I mean?

Speaker 1 (05:07):
But I have a.

Speaker 2 (05:08):
Feeling she just gave up, not to give up, but
was just like she's not my client, like I don't
care if she does it perfectly. And I realize a
lot of times, my I love my two women that
I work with there, and they are nice enough to
not make me like you have to like really like
you have to put the bar up, then you have
to put the thing down, and then you have to

(05:28):
you there's all these like techniques of like you have
to sit on the plate's chair and you have to
get in pilate stance. Then you have to put your
arms like a genie, and then you have to sit down.
And I realized that we don't do a lot of
that bullshit, and I thank you to my girls for
not making me do that bullshit.

Speaker 1 (05:42):
And I know that's probably not the way like.

Speaker 2 (05:45):
We we do sometimes they go, this is the right
way to do it, but we're not gonna do that today.
So we're just gonna we'll learn that pilates stance like
intro to it later. And I like that because I
don't like there. I don't need another thing that I'm
doing wrong. Right, let's not add well, let's just keep
it as simple as possible and then we build from there.
And I feel like I'm gonna get them in trouble
by saying that they don't because like I.

Speaker 4 (06:06):
No, it's it sounds like they're customizing it for you,
which is yeah.

Speaker 3 (06:10):
Appropriate respect in the art.

Speaker 1 (06:12):
Yes, And I like wiping down my thing afterwards. I
really like that. Yeah, I like wipe oh yeah.

Speaker 2 (06:18):
Like I like, like I'm done with my class, I
clean up my station, Like I feel like a little
bit of a kindergarten. I've never learned to clean anything
after I'm done with it, so it kind of feels
like I feel so accomplished.

Speaker 1 (06:28):
I feel like someone should be like, great job after
I like wipe down this.

Speaker 2 (06:32):
Dumb thing, because I feel I've never been rewarded for
cleaning in that kind of way.

Speaker 3 (06:37):
Ayan like Dora the Explorer plates, yes you did it. Yeah,
And now we're going to get into this post. But
do you remember that back in like the nineties, early
two thousands, I guess it was more like early two
thousand stand up when Pilates was like a joke when
people would make fun of Pilates.

Speaker 2 (06:55):
But it's almost like Ford focus or a Prius, like
it's a punchline.

Speaker 3 (06:59):
It was one of those punchlines because I just think,
honestly it is because it was pilates and then people
would say, what is it pilots or whatever? That would
be one angle that these comics would take, and it
was always to represent some I don't know, pretentious woman
or something and stand up. Do you do you remember that?

Speaker 2 (07:19):
I do remember it when it fell on the scene,
and I remember a girl talking to me about how
pilates changed my body, and me and my own my
friends would make fun of her. She would talk about
it all the time of like, it transformed my body,
and her body was already amazing, so it was like
she's a model. It was really obnoxious to hear on
top of that that Plattis had changed her body. But yeah,

(07:41):
it does change your body because you're like stretching everything
all the time. You get really long. I have obliques
for the first time. I didn't know what obleaques were.
And I have it just on one side. I don't
have it on the other. It's very exciting.

Speaker 3 (07:53):
Yeh.

Speaker 2 (07:53):
Had my mom feel my stomach the other day. I
would like tensed it and made her like punch me
in the stomach. It's just like I'm not doing anything
with this body. I mean, yes, I am. I It
ended up so I started to do piltties because I
wanted to like look great for my special. But my
special ended up having a physical thing element to it

(08:13):
that you will see when it comes out that required
an intensely strong core that I did not intend for
and that I would never We kind of wrote it
kind of in the last weeks of preparing for the special, like.

Speaker 3 (08:29):
I don't want to give it away, but yeah, at
the beginning of the special, it's a pretty big theater
and Nikki comes in on a trapeze swing. She swings in.
I'm not going to say how she dismounts, that's kind
of the impressive part. But she swings in. She's about
twenty five feet in the air, swings in. The microphone's
up closer to the ceiling, so she's got to grab

(08:49):
the microphone. But the real surprise is going to be
how she dismounts from the trapeze. Yes, that's the funny part.

Speaker 2 (08:56):
I'm in a plank on a trapeze. Yes, And I
do half of the specials in a handstand and would
I slowly lower down to middle splits?

Speaker 3 (09:07):
Bye way, did we ever figure out what the name
of the special is going to be? No, it's still
not named.

Speaker 1 (09:14):
No, I never name them before.

Speaker 3 (09:16):
But now it's over. You filmed it.

Speaker 1 (09:18):
I know. I well, we don't know what's going to
make the cut.

Speaker 3 (09:21):
Wow, you know, yeah, we don't know.

Speaker 2 (09:23):
I know it.

Speaker 1 (09:24):
That's insane.

Speaker 2 (09:24):
People are like, what's your special name? And I'm like,
I don't know. I don't And this is the kind
of celebrity I am. I'm not good at planning things.
I just like go, I free ball it, man, I
just go. And I'm doing a photo shoot for my
next tour and today today for four hours and I

(09:45):
had a call with the photographer.

Speaker 1 (09:47):
My assistant just wrote me about it.

Speaker 2 (09:49):
Everyone's asking what is the name of the tour so
we can like make the photo shoot about the tour,
and like what kind of poses do you want to do?

Speaker 1 (09:58):
And I'm like, I don't, I don't know. I don't.

Speaker 2 (10:01):
I just want to name it emma, like a baby
or something. I want to pay, Like so easy to
name a child, but a tour that has a whole
attitude and and I don't know what I'm talking about yet. Yeah,
you know, like I just got done making a special
Like I'm not taking out the material I just shot
on tour I'm I'm building a new act, and so
I don't know what I'm going to be saying, and
I don't and I don't want it to be like

(10:22):
it's in music, it's cool to be cool, right, uh huh,
Like when you're a musician, it's cool to be like,
I'm doing the Badass Tour, yeah, and I'm cool.

Speaker 1 (10:32):
But in comedy you can't say.

Speaker 3 (10:34):
Like, yeah, I'm getting rammed at the Ass tour or whatever.
It's always got to be like my Tiny Dick.

Speaker 2 (10:39):
Tour, yes, or I'm you know, I love Tom sigour
as I'm coming Everywhere tour.

Speaker 3 (10:44):
I like that be a joke. Degradate, degradating. Yeah, that
made me think we should You should name children once
they're thirteen, because if you name them when they're zero,
that kind of influences like if you named your kid,
you know that you know, but what do you.

Speaker 1 (11:02):
Call them until then?

Speaker 3 (11:04):
What you don't know? But then when when they turn.

Speaker 1 (11:07):
Thirteen, you go some cult that describes to.

Speaker 3 (11:10):
Now that I've seen you, I know that you're a Dylan, Right,
that's so insulting. You're a dealon where adorable?

Speaker 2 (11:19):
Yeah, they have their hair parted in the middle and
it's right down to their ear, their top ear lob. Yeah,
and they look like writers strong, So they're a writer
or Dylan.

Speaker 1 (11:27):
Yes, okay.

Speaker 3 (11:28):
So if you named your kid Striker or something or Parker,
then they're going to be a certain person is just
going to influence them in some way. But whereas if
you wait until they become an asshole, then you can
name them Parker.

Speaker 2 (11:42):
It is interesting that people become their name. No, Parker
seems like a nice person.

Speaker 3 (11:47):
I just you know, I think Parker sounds like a
rich person.

Speaker 1 (11:51):
I don't, Yeah, I mean not my Parker.

Speaker 2 (11:54):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (11:54):
You a man? Is it a woman or a man? Uh?

Speaker 1 (11:57):
It's a man.

Speaker 3 (11:58):
Okay, So you know, let's think of a different name.
Then then nobody knows. So I don't offend anyone's friends.

Speaker 2 (12:06):
I know someone who parked their car yesterday and they
were a Parker and they were nice about it.

Speaker 3 (12:11):
Yet it was just randomly plucking names. No offense to
friend Parker, who I'm sure is a saint and has
no negative qualities.

Speaker 1 (12:22):
Yes, well yeah, we all do.

Speaker 2 (12:23):
But I think I see what you're saying, Like what
would happen if the name came later? Like what kind
of person would you be because you kind of become
your name.

Speaker 1 (12:31):
Noah is totally a Noah.

Speaker 3 (12:33):
Yeah, well, who knows if she was name, maybe she
became a became.

Speaker 1 (12:39):
Noah.

Speaker 3 (12:39):
Yeah yeah.

Speaker 1 (12:40):
I don't think her parents were like, she's a Noah.

Speaker 2 (12:43):
I think she turned into an I think your name
does dictate the kind of person you become, not fully.
But also they say birth order does something, but then
that was recently debunked that birth order really does is
like nothing, even though it's such a popular meme to
be like. I mean, I get targeted instantly of like,
I'm the older daughter, I have autism ADHD, and no

(13:05):
one loves me.

Speaker 1 (13:07):
I get everything.

Speaker 2 (13:09):
I see on Instagram is targeted towards me of being
like the firstborn. Everything fell on me. Everyone's an alcoholic
around me. I couldn't manage my uh you know, temperament.
No one sought after my feelings. I played alone like
it tries to make you feel so seen about your childhood,
but it's so often many ways. Yeah, people love it.

(13:31):
You see all of these likes. I get to see
everyone who's fucking struggling when I look at the likes.
Anyone who who ever likes one of those posts. I
get to see all the people who are like, yes,
I feel seen. There was a reduct Christens me Reductress.
We we're big fans of Reductress on Instagram. You know,
it's pretty like The Onion, but for women, and I

(13:55):
think it is written by all women.

Speaker 3 (13:57):
Chris women at the Magnet Theater to performers from the
Magnet Theater in New York City.

Speaker 1 (14:04):
I thought it was definitely an offshoot of the Onion.

Speaker 3 (14:06):
It's not, no, no. It was actually pretty wild at
the time when they started it because of the Onion
and some other things. It was like is there space
for this? And it just it, It blew up. They
never looked back and it was amazing.

Speaker 1 (14:21):
This one Chris sent me, and I felt sick old.
I mean, the women who do it.

Speaker 2 (14:26):
The only thing that I have a problem with with
the Onion, Hard Times News, Reductress and what's the other one.

Speaker 1 (14:34):
There's tons of.

Speaker 2 (14:35):
Them, these like fake news things that are hilarious. I
want to know who wrote them.

Speaker 1 (14:40):
Give me an author. I want an author.

Speaker 2 (14:43):
I want to credit this joke so I can be
like this is I want to be able to write
the person on Instagram and be like that was so hilarious.
My friend Bobby, Bobby jay Cox, he said he wrote
me like a bunch of stuff that's going cool in
his life because we share that stuff.

Speaker 1 (14:57):
And he said that he had just.

Speaker 2 (14:58):
Gotten a headline through on Hard Times News and I
was like.

Speaker 1 (15:02):
Fuck yeah, which one?

Speaker 2 (15:03):
And sometimes Hard Times News uses a picture of Ian
for because they always make fun of punk culture and
it makes me so happy.

Speaker 1 (15:09):
I finance.

Speaker 4 (15:10):
Yeah, it's kind of like when restaurants pull the tips.
So yeah, when you think you're giving your waitress the tip.

Speaker 1 (15:19):
I don't like the socialist bullshit. I want to know.
I want a meritocracy.

Speaker 2 (15:22):
I want to know who did what, and I want
to give credit because sometimes I don't, you know what.
I also don't like it on shows where they go
it's the opposite. On TV, shows will be like written
by blah blah blah, and you'll be like, this is
an amazing episode, and then you realize that person's episode
got it was touched by everyone else. It wasn't just
that person, and people at home like my mom or

(15:44):
dad are like, well, she wrote an entire episode and
it's like, no, she did it. She like did the
what's it called the breakdown and like, maybe you know
she did a lot of the work, but then it
becomes it's the staff, so it's the opposite. Actually, I
want to know the authors of the Onion. I want
to know who these people are. I want to go
and that you've never seen anyone take credit for an

(16:05):
Onion thing You've never seen. I've never seen a comedian
friend of mine be like, I got to think through
on Reductriss. Why aren't they allowed to tell people when
they've done this? I think they are told by Reductriss
and by the Onion that you are not allowed.

Speaker 1 (16:17):
To post which ones you've done, which is dumb to me.
Who cares?

Speaker 3 (16:20):
These are unfounded conspiracy theories. I've seen people posts that
they've written a Reductress.

Speaker 1 (16:25):
Oh you do really? Okay, Well, then Reductriss is doing
it right.

Speaker 2 (16:28):
But I've never seen someone I've never seen it before,
and I would like to see more of it because
that is I mean, maybe I'm just a little I've
seen the creator.

Speaker 3 (16:37):
Of Reductress post an Reductriss title and tag the person
who wrote the title.

Speaker 1 (16:42):
I love it. I love it. I just haven't seen it.

Speaker 2 (16:45):
And I apologize for calling out reductriss if they're if
they're giving people credit, But I would like a tag
on the post itself.

Speaker 1 (16:51):
That's what's the harm in doing that.

Speaker 3 (16:53):
We need authors things.

Speaker 2 (16:54):
And I think Reductross Lady would probably tell me, well,
it's that one actually was a lot of people and
then and then okay, maybe they'll tag that.

Speaker 3 (17:01):
Chris Lady says, Reductius Lady needs to put authors on
things right now.

Speaker 2 (17:04):
They're so good though, they keep doing whatever they want
because it's I would say nine out of ten of
their article headlines are hilarious. This one I loved it
said nice, this woman achieves something, so now she thinks
it must not have been hard, must have not been hard.

Speaker 1 (17:20):
I loved that one. That one speaks to you, Yeah,
Chris set that one to me to Yeah.

Speaker 4 (17:26):
Does that one not speak to you?

Speaker 1 (17:27):
Noah?

Speaker 4 (17:28):
Do you like no one you it speaks, well, it
speaks to me about you because you see that all
the time because you think that.

Speaker 1 (17:34):
What you do is easy, but it's not.

Speaker 2 (17:36):
It's hard, but it's easy for me, so it is
easy in some way. Like you know, I think any
there are some people that can play guitar just really well,
and it just like is who they are, Like they're
just born. Like, yes, they put in hard work, but
they pick up a guitar and it's just like easier.

Speaker 4 (17:53):
But that's easy because they put in the hard work.

Speaker 2 (17:56):
And also some people are inclined to do things better
than others. There are some kids that sit down a
piano and they just kind of like, I know what
an E and an A.

Speaker 1 (18:03):
They just have perfect pitch. They were born but there
they were on top of it.

Speaker 4 (18:08):
It's limited, though. They have to get practice and education
and stuff to expand their knowledge.

Speaker 2 (18:14):
I will give myself credit, but I won't give it
because I wasn't born with the brain that made me
work hard. That wasn't my choice. It just is the
way I got it. I'm lucky. I'm not gifted. God
doesn't love me more than he loves me.

Speaker 1 (18:25):
That is your name.

Speaker 3 (18:26):
Nikki.

Speaker 1 (18:27):
Nikki is a name.

Speaker 2 (18:29):
I will say that it's kind of splashy, it's kind
of fun. I haven't met many Nikki's. You don't like
you might made a Nikki that's annoying. I E me,
I might be a little overbearing sometime, but a Nikki
will be someone that is like happy to see you,
has a good smile. Maybe is kind of a bitch.
I think I was describing myself. But like Nikkis are

(18:52):
different than Nicoles, you know, like if I switched to Nicole,
it just wouldn't fix this is like.

Speaker 3 (18:56):
This is this uh horoscope stuff because like they do
you feel like you're you have stuff in common with
Nicki Hayley, the Republican uh running for president right now?

Speaker 2 (19:08):
Yeah, let me do teeth and kind of like blinky
you now, like kind of like I look like, let
me look got.

Speaker 3 (19:15):
To be n I k k I or can you
be like Nicki Minaj also or Nicki I don't even
know the many Nikki's.

Speaker 2 (19:22):
Yeah, Nicki Minaj is a c K Listen. I will
say this every time I meet a Nikki, I go,
how do you She goes, I'm a Nikki. I'm like,
oh my god, and I go, how do you spell it?

Speaker 3 (19:30):
Uh huh?

Speaker 2 (19:31):
And then if she says n I c K I,
I go, oh, I love it?

Speaker 1 (19:34):
But I don't.

Speaker 3 (19:35):
No, no, no, That's that's how I am with Brian's
b R y a n Brian's not. I don't like
they're they're well, you're just I'm not a b R
y a N. Brian. I get offended when people say
b r y a N. It's because I don't surf
or skateboard.

Speaker 1 (19:52):
Right, If you're b.

Speaker 3 (19:53):
R y a N, you are on the beach, you
are wearing a puka shell necklace, you've got.

Speaker 2 (19:58):
A sounds like it was your choice to change it
to b r Y to me, like it sounds like
your parents gave you b r I and you and
high school were like my friend Lauren in high school
say changed her e to a y, like Lauren Hill,
and we were all like, no, that's not who you are.
But it sounded like Brian with a Y sounds like

(20:19):
a choice. What about Robin's with a Y? I don't
hate it my mom, they don't change for me.

Speaker 3 (20:25):
My mom's name is Karen, which has been very difficult
for her over the last several years. I bet she's
a white lady named Karen, but her name is spelled
c A R y N. And that's not something she changed.

Speaker 2 (20:39):
Okay, yeah, well no not now she isn't. Why think
it's different.

Speaker 5 (20:43):
Yeah, you spell my name right up by Starbucks cup
being a Karen about my name was spelled Okay, that's
really interesting Okay, I have a lot more to say
about names, and we'll read through some more reductor's things
to see what we were late after this, Can I
ask about your mom's name, like, is she truly like

(21:06):
feeling discriminated against? Because I've read so much about people
named Karen and how it's like they really some have
changed their name because it's just such Yeah, it so
negatively connotated.

Speaker 3 (21:17):
Now. It was really surprising for me because when it happened,
because everyone was like Karen. People are like, man at
Karen's all the time.

Speaker 1 (21:24):
I wonder how it started and an etymology of it.

Speaker 3 (21:27):
Someone I didn't know what it meant. And then someone
was like that woman was acting like a Karen, and
I was like, she made you pizza bagels like a rude.

Speaker 4 (21:37):
Lady and her name was Karen, And that's how they
started it.

Speaker 3 (21:41):
No, I don't think it was just sounds like the
white lady of that age group that would have It's
like a forty to sixty five year old name for
a white lady. Yeah, Karen, Yes, could have been any
of us. At any point in time, one of our
names could get sucked up into the negative machine.

Speaker 2 (22:00):
You know, everyone made fun of John and Kate plussit
that hairstyle was the Karen hairstyle, and I think Kate,
her name being Kate, kind of influenced it. Kate's not
a good enough name to be like, you're a Kate,
so they think they think they chose something close to
that based on the hairstyle from John and Kate.

Speaker 1 (22:16):
Plessy is my guess.

Speaker 2 (22:18):
Can I just say though, that Nicki Haley, there can't
be a president Nicky. No offense to me, but we're not.
That's not a president's name. It's just ain't happened every
president of the cheer club.

Speaker 1 (22:30):
Yeah, exactly.

Speaker 2 (22:31):
And but Nicky's Yeah, I guess Nicki is a it's
a prostitute name. It's a stripper name. And I say
that with love. I am saying that with I'm glad
that I have that kind of cool name. My mom
always said that she named me Nicole in case when
I became a professional person, like so I would go
by Nicky.

Speaker 1 (22:48):
And so Nicole was on my birth certificate when.

Speaker 2 (22:50):
I became a lawyer or a professor, and it never happened.
It's actually been a huge burden of my life to
be named Nicole on every document.

Speaker 1 (23:02):
And it not be. But it is my real name.
But what does that even fucking mean?

Speaker 2 (23:06):
It's just on some papers, but you know, no one
calls me it except.

Speaker 3 (23:10):
What's said for me. Is that Brian, which is my
name in CASEY didn't know, is become one of the
names comedian yous in their act outs to indicate like
it's a it's like a funny, stupid name, like and
then Brian said it's happening more and more and I
don't like it.

Speaker 2 (23:28):
Yes, Stacy, Brian is another name. I think, Brian, Yeah,
you are Brittany Stacy. There are certain names I go
to and I go where did I even come? Like,
no one I know is named that name. I just
picked it in the act because it's a funny sounding

(23:49):
name and it kind of and certain names do personify
exactly the thing you want to say. Like I had
a joke in my special where I said aunt Gail.
I don't have an aunt Gail. I know Ian's mom's
name is Gail, so maybe that's I just picked aunt
Gail is a funny you can like picture what she
looks like.

Speaker 1 (24:06):
Yeah, and I don't have one.

Speaker 2 (24:07):
But I for a while I was saying an uncle's
name that I actually have, and I was struggling with
that because I was like, why can't I pick a
different uncle? Because it was a really dirty joke about
like wanting to have sex with your uncle, and I
kept saying this uncle that I do have, and I'm
like why, and it became a part of the joke.
I'm like, why do I pick a real uncle's name
for that?

Speaker 1 (24:25):
And people would laugh.

Speaker 2 (24:26):
And I'm like, there's literally thousands of men's names and
I can't. But I do have many uncles because my
mom has ten kids in her family. So it's Nancy,
jim and Michael, Julie, Tommy, Peggy, Chucky, Sallly, Mom and dad. Right, Nancy, Jimmy, Michael, Julie,
tom Er, Peggy, Chucky, Sally, Patty, mom and dad.

Speaker 1 (24:41):
Or something like that.

Speaker 2 (24:41):
It's which one is TV Bobby, Nancy, Jimmy, Michael, Julie,
tom Er, Peggy, Chucky, Bobby, Sally, Mom and dad. Yes, okay,
so I must Bobby, thank you?

Speaker 4 (24:51):
Whoa?

Speaker 2 (24:51):
Noah, TV Bob is Bobby Whoa? And then I have
two on the other side too, so it's a lot.

Speaker 1 (24:59):
But U yeah, names are cruise.

Speaker 2 (25:01):
Oh wait, let me go back to reductra stuff because
I think I want to Yeah, I want to relate
to more because these are so good. And wait, so
it was they came out of what improv school?

Speaker 3 (25:11):
Well, they didn't come out of, but yes they were.
One of them was a teacher at the improv at
the Magnet Theater in New York City, which is to.

Speaker 4 (25:19):
Do with like the Magnet schools, because those are like
gifted schools.

Speaker 3 (25:23):
No, no, no, not at all. It was basically like
the third tier theater in New York City. They came
up third. It was the Upright Citizens Brigade, which was
like the Alpha Dog, and then it was the Pit.
The People's Improv Theater was the second theater, and the
Magnet came out third and the Magnets. Whole deal was
they want to be They don't care about the industry.

(25:43):
They're not interested making people famous. They are only interested.

Speaker 1 (25:49):
Maybe that's why they don't share the names.

Speaker 3 (25:50):
They are only interested in being a community where people
can go and practice improv. Whereas if you wanted to
be famous, you go to UCB and then somewhat you
go to the like Pitt. We know how many people
came out of UCB and then Pitt like Kristin Shawl
came out of and others. Magnet nobody came out of,
or it seems like nobody came out of. There's like
a few people.

Speaker 1 (26:11):
I think I did a couple of shows there.

Speaker 3 (26:13):
Yeah, but it was a good theater.

Speaker 1 (26:15):
And then hilariously, and then I go, they're not going
to make me famous. I got to get the fuck out.

Speaker 3 (26:19):
But that was the whole point. Famously, SNL did a
sketch where they had a black box theater one person
show they were making fun of, and they they chose
the Magnet Theater as the as the setting where they
would film this sketch as like a lame, uncool black
box theater. And in the Magnet Theater, the bathrooms are

(26:45):
very close to the stage, so when you're on stage
doing improv, occasionally you can hear a toilet flush. Oh
my god. If someone comes out and they're like you
can you know that they just shit or pissed.

Speaker 1 (26:56):
Where was the Magnet Theater real quick.

Speaker 3 (27:00):
The seventh, eighth and seventh Avenue. Yeah, and the and so.

Speaker 1 (27:06):
Because of that, wait, is it still there?

Speaker 3 (27:08):
No, Well, here's the that's the end of the story.
Because of that SNL added that into the sketch where
they're like and also you can hear the toilet flush
from the stage, so like it was just like kind
of embarrassing.

Speaker 2 (27:19):
Were you when you went to the Magnet Theater after
that SNL sketch came out? Was everyone talking about it?
Like in the bar area, like, yeah, let me four of.

Speaker 3 (27:26):
Us this week again a little bit. Yeah, but here's
the thing.

Speaker 1 (27:30):
Wait, were you?

Speaker 2 (27:30):
Did you buy into this whole thing of like, no
one wants to be famed.

Speaker 3 (27:33):
No, and that's why a lot of people. I don't
want to be famous, but that's why people disliked me.
I performed at the Magnet. I was on six different
house teams at the Magnet while I was in New York.
But I kept I was on so many house teams
because I would be on a team and my team
would get broken up. But people didn't like me there
so much because I was doing stand up and I

(27:55):
and they felt like I had an air of superiority.
I think because I was like, I'm trying to actually
make it, Whereas I think if you want to be
part of the crew there, you had to be like
we're separate from that we're not trying to make it.
We just want to hang out. You know.

Speaker 2 (28:12):
I would love to see how many famous people would
still be doing the thing that they do if fame
were not a thing, if money and fame and influence
were not the rewards of the labor, how many would
still do it?

Speaker 1 (28:26):
I think it's many.

Speaker 2 (28:27):
Yeah, I don't think it's all, but I do think
that is a bad business model.

Speaker 3 (28:32):
Well, here's what happened.

Speaker 1 (28:33):
Because our society is obsessed with.

Speaker 3 (28:36):
Fame, I get that, But here's what happened. COVID happened. Happened, Ah,
COVID happened, and the UCB theater shut down, the pit
shut down. Guess which theater is the only one that
didn't shut down, Maggie the Magnet. And it's because they
were based on a community of people who all just
wanted that place to survive. And it still exists and

(28:58):
the other two are gone.

Speaker 2 (29:00):
Whoa, it still exists. Okay, I give my words again, Crush.

Speaker 3 (29:05):
So they were right, I mean all they needed, they.

Speaker 1 (29:09):
They That's why your mom loves you.

Speaker 3 (29:10):
They survived a pandemic because of the community and because
it wasn't just like, well, I can't be famous here anymore.
So I'm gonna no.

Speaker 2 (29:18):
It's a nice it's a nice idea, and I always wonder,
like what I I do think that a part of
the appeal. I mean, stand up, it's absolutely part of
the appeal is that you get immediate attention and love
for what you're doing in front of a live audience.

Speaker 1 (29:33):
I was being interviewed yesterday by.

Speaker 2 (29:36):
Someone in Denver because I have two shows coming up
in Denver December thirtieth and December thirty first New Year's
Eve Eve and New Year's Eve at the Paramount Theater.
So excited for those shows. Haven't been back to the
Paramount since I shot my last special there, good clean felths,
So I'm glad to go back and not have to
do a special and just be done with my special
and doing new fun material plus stuff I shot in
the special that's you know, I'll be freer with Now

(29:59):
you can see the Trappie act, but also halfway.

Speaker 3 (30:02):
Through, Nicky climbs up on a twenty five foot ladder
and she stands on this platform and underneath there's a
big pool of water that she dives into. I won't
say what tricks she does to the land, but it's
really amazing.

Speaker 1 (30:15):
Oh yeah, that's the surprise of it.

Speaker 3 (30:17):
Yeah, the tricks, I mean how many? That's it's really
an incredible special I've never seen anything like it. Honestly,
it's a no.

Speaker 2 (30:24):
The ending did require so much core. It was so
ironic because everyone goes, how did you do that? How
the fuck did you do that ending? And people are
marveling at it, and I go, pilates, yo. I never
would have been able to do this thing that we
ended up writing, not because I could do it. We
were just like, what if you did this thing? And
I was like, let me try it. No one who

(30:45):
doesn't do pilates could have done that. And I'm not
even that good at it, because I'm not that good
at pilates. But it was it was just ironic that
the thing I did to have like a fucking cool
body was really in the end about having the strength
to do this final thing that I did.

Speaker 3 (30:59):
And that's that's the excuse you have to say. It's like, well,
I'm not doing it to look good. I'm doing it
because I require my body to be able to perform
the act.

Speaker 2 (31:07):
Yes, yes, but I do want to look good, but
it is about feeling good. It's about feeling strong and
feeling sure, like solid and like wiggly jiggly, and like
all my joints are just like we're learning. It's it's
nice to feel compact and like I'm everything is coming
from your powerhouse, because if you do pilates, everything comes

(31:28):
from your powerhouse. Literally, you move your toe from your aps.
It doesn't make any fucking sense. It still doesn't to me,
but she'll be like your ankles, move your ankles from
your apps, And I'm just like, what could that even mean?
And I don't think even you know what that means.
And I don't even think that is actually physically possible.

(31:48):
I think this is all theory, which I also do
like because a lot of it is mental. You just
have to think about it and then it happens. It's
a lot like singing. It's like you have to picture
the thing. Like my voice teacher yesterday was like, keep
the sound in front of you, in this little bubble,
and like suddenly, when I pictured the sound in a
little bubble in front of my nose, the sound didn't
fall back in my face because I was just visualizing

(32:09):
this thing that's not even real.

Speaker 1 (32:13):
So wait, what was I just gonna say about you.

Speaker 4 (32:15):
You're talking about an interview that you did yesterday. O.

Speaker 2 (32:17):
Yeah, I did an interview yesterday and so thank you.
And so the guy was asking me about you know,
he had all these prepared questions. It was really sweet.
It was adorable actually, And he had one that was like,
you know, what's the difference between different mediums that you, you know,
perform in on TV and stand up and podcasting? Which
one is the most gratifying and which one? Which one
satisfies you the most? And I'm like, I do think

(32:39):
that the why stand up is so special is because
even though podcasting is so fun and it's laid back,
and I don't feel the pressure that I feel with
stand up, where everything has to be so on and
like there's non stop hilarious and I just feel more
myself on a podcast, and which is just so nice
for all the reasons that that is nice. It's like

(32:59):
the first class of performing. You're just relaxed, but stand
up you do. I don't hear people listening to this
podcast right now going, oh my god, that's so true,
you know, Like, I mean, I hear you, guys, but
you're also on the podcast. You don't hear people that
have no stake in it letting you know, like you're right,

(33:21):
I mean like you come.

Speaker 1 (33:24):
And so yes, thank you.

Speaker 2 (33:26):
So that's why stand up is great and we all
know that, like that's why stand ups do it. But
I think we forget that sometimes that that's what stand
ups are after, is that immediate feedback. And I just
don't believe anyone does stand up that isn't insecure. And
I have no problem saying I'm insecure. Even Anya Anya
doesn't like to hear the word insecure. She I think

(33:47):
she grew up with a mom who said, like, it
is so sad that these girls are insecure. It's just
so sad when women are insecure. So Anya doesn't like
to be categorized as insecure because I'll say it all
day that I'm insecure. I have no problem with it.
It's just it's kind of I don't know, it just
is the way it is. It doesn't oh yeah, it's

(34:07):
the RCT like even I went to like, oh yeah,
very common cossword puzzle answer.

Speaker 3 (34:14):
Is in the New York Times crossword puzzle. Like every month, She's.

Speaker 2 (34:18):
In it as much as a Gara, the capital of Ghana, yes,
and a man, a man named uh blank a Tom
Hanks film auto.

Speaker 3 (34:31):
Oh God yeah, or or mining or mining gold, or
a tribe a great plans tribe Oto.

Speaker 2 (34:42):
Enough of Oto, man, I'm always putting Opie in there,
and it's not right Opie.

Speaker 1 (34:49):
They always they will because it isn't.

Speaker 2 (34:51):
Hopie is a tribe, right, So I get Oto and
opek and I put u t e s youtubetna volcano
common gross words. Anyway, it's out of there are sometimes
that it will be three days in a row of
the same clue. Oh yeah, where you'll get There's there's

(35:14):
other ones too that happened all the time. And Bow
and Yang was in the cross puzzle the other day,
and I got very excited and I sent him a
little messer in the cross.

Speaker 3 (35:21):
Yeah. I was in the cross Puzzle of clues because
you were in Jeopardy and the New York Times Cross Puzzle.
Is there any more that you could be in?

Speaker 1 (35:29):
I said the No, I don't think there's any more.

Speaker 3 (35:32):
I've got a trivial pursuit card or something.

Speaker 2 (35:34):
Wal fortune would be cool, and I.

Speaker 3 (35:37):
Wasn't because I did Will of Fortune.

Speaker 1 (35:39):
This year and one of my.

Speaker 2 (35:40):
Name was one of the clue was one of the things,
even though celebrity will fortune yea lost still counts.

Speaker 3 (35:48):
No.

Speaker 2 (35:48):
The weirdest thing about that Jeopardy things so one of
my names, So my name was used in one of
the questions, not questions, but I guess answers. And then
the question was what is blind Date? Which was a
show that I hosted that I literally forgot I hosted.

Speaker 1 (36:02):
Well, that was Jeopardy, wasn't it. Yeah, oh sorry, Jeopardy.

Speaker 2 (36:05):
So on Jeopardy it was like, if your friend sets
you up on one of these, also a show hosted
by Nicki Glazer, you might want to not turn it down.

Speaker 1 (36:16):
And it was like, what is a blind date?

Speaker 2 (36:19):
And Chris and I were watching it because someone texted me.
The first person to text me is Colin Donald. I
think he was actually one of the first people to
text me about the crossword puzzle too, and it was
a Sunday crossword puzzle. So Colin Donald is a smart guy.
He's watching Jeopardy, He's watching the cross puzzle.

Speaker 1 (36:35):
Colin Donald, he.

Speaker 2 (36:36):
Is on Chicago Chicago Hospital, Hospital Chicago.

Speaker 1 (36:41):
One of those shows. She's a big deal, he's a
big TV star.

Speaker 2 (36:44):
Yeah, but he was I went to high school with him.
Cool and yeah, he's awesome and he he was like
my first date. I didn't know it was a date
when we see Baar Naked Ladies Chicago Med.

Speaker 1 (36:54):
He's in Chicago Med. He's a very handsome man.

Speaker 2 (36:59):
What was that.

Speaker 3 (36:59):
Chicago Chicago fire? There's a lot of them, There's a
whole Chicago.

Speaker 2 (37:02):
There's a lot of those. I'm sure he does cameos
on the others. I'm sure it's a whole community. And
it's very incestuous in terms of I'm starring their things.
But he's up in Chicago and that fire or that
med and but yeah, he sent me a thing. It
was like, holy shit, Jeopardy And I was like, I
was with Brian on a zoom call what I got it?

Speaker 1 (37:20):
Yeah, you were the first person I.

Speaker 2 (37:21):
Told because Chris was down getting our uber eats and
I was like Brian, oh my god, I'm on Jeopardy
And we were both like, oh my god, let's find it.
So we went and watched it and then Chris came
beck in was like, wait, what.

Speaker 1 (37:32):
What is the What's the answer to this? Like he
couldn't even answer the question.

Speaker 2 (37:36):
My parents were both like wait, what and I was like, yeah,
I hosted blind Date.

Speaker 1 (37:39):
I was like the voice for blind Date.

Speaker 3 (37:41):
Deep cut, a deep cut deep cut, who wrote that.

Speaker 2 (37:44):
No, isn't that where Jackpot came from? Jackpot came from that?
Because I was like, it's a blind date. Jackpot and
Emil and Andrew were at the voiceover for it, and
I kept saying yeah, Nat, and they were like, then
we went nuts with Jackpot after that. And that is
why Andrew Colin Haspot tattooed on his arm. To this day,
I can't wait till what he does to cover it

(38:05):
up someday. And I love what he I wonder what
he says when people ask what it's about. I just
love that he has to tell the story. But actually
the puddles sent to you is a funnier story that
he has to tell. But anyway, So so then my
dad texts me four days later and was like, you're

(38:25):
not the only family member who made it on Jeopardy
or who made it on Jeopardy this week and this week.

Speaker 1 (38:33):
Let me just play it. Let me just play it.

Speaker 4 (38:35):
Oh my god, this is so nuts. Sorry for this pause.
Who is this other family member? I don't know.

Speaker 2 (38:41):
That's why I go, there's no fucking way, like, how
could that happen?

Speaker 1 (38:46):
And this brings us back to names too.

Speaker 3 (38:51):
Sometimes you can see this green sometimes called Lincoln Green
for the trees.

Speaker 2 (39:01):
My nephew's whole name, much like my whole name was
in the show. How often does Forrest Green get said?
I mean, yes, it's not that big of a coincidence.
It's not special, it's not Destiny. There's no signs from Bob.
All right, all right, forest green is a color that
my sister shoes.

Speaker 3 (39:19):
I think it was just shows. You know what, Nikki,
I think, just for the sake of interest, I am
going to go full hog on Destiny. I'm going to
be the Destiny guy. Now it was Destiny.

Speaker 1 (39:32):
You're the fourth member of Destiny's child's prosperity.

Speaker 3 (39:39):
Yeah, I wait, Oh, you still want to pull up
that reductrous article?

Speaker 1 (39:43):
Yeah?

Speaker 2 (39:43):
I found one that, let's hear it. It says inspiring.
That's I love the ones that start with like nice
or inspiring.

Speaker 1 (39:51):
I think they did too.

Speaker 2 (39:54):
The first time I saw it, I go, I don't
know what this is, But then I now I'm bought in.
I love it. I love things where you at first
go what the fuck is this? And then you buy
and hard. Oh yeah, this is always what? This is
always my point when people go what is this? And
I go, there was a time where Tom Hanks, you go,
who is this?

Speaker 3 (40:13):
Yeah?

Speaker 2 (40:14):
You know, everything takes a second to let it in.
Our first reaction with something is new is always.

Speaker 1 (40:19):
Like and sometimes it never everything is Tom Hanks.

Speaker 2 (40:23):
Tom Hanks was new to you at one point you
saw him for the first time, and we're probably like,
you just don't. You're not born knowing everything and being
just everything, So let new things in your life. I
have to remind myself sometimes because I go, what I so, okay,
this was it says inspiring. This millennial works hard so
the previous generation can have.

Speaker 1 (40:41):
A better life.

Speaker 2 (40:42):
And it shows this woman like with her grand like
with her parents, and I relate to that. But I
like working hard for my parents.

Speaker 3 (40:49):
Yeah, you know what. I There was a moment in
Thanksgiving where I said to my dad that I feel
like your generation is the uh your generation just took
everything and like they you're the generation of using things
because they like ruined the environment and blah blah blah,
and now they're all like enjoying their retirement and we're
kind of like we can't even own a home or

(41:10):
pair of student loans. And then I saw my dad
just feel really bad, and I ben I felt terrible
because I was like, well, I want you to enjoy
your life. I mean, I saw I don't like saying
that their whole generation is bad because my dad would
like nothing more than to provide for our generation. So
I don't know, I just wanted to.

Speaker 2 (41:30):
Say that his fault, but also we would have done
the same thing if.

Speaker 3 (41:36):
I love my dad and I do not blame him
for climate change.

Speaker 1 (41:42):
That's nice of you, Brian.

Speaker 3 (41:44):
Yes, Okay.

Speaker 2 (41:44):
Another one was uncle has weed pen this year for Christmas.
It's just a man with a strong point of you
pointing with a weed pen.

Speaker 1 (41:55):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (41:55):
They're always funny, they always they always make me. I
just love when someone can nail something so specific that
you're like, whoa, that's so band.

Speaker 1 (42:04):
But I can't believe that.

Speaker 2 (42:05):
Noah, you've never felt like something you get credit for
when people are like good job, You're just like, well,
it's not that.

Speaker 1 (42:12):
Oh, it's like comes easy to me. I don't I
can't believe you don't know. I've definitely felt that.

Speaker 4 (42:15):
Okay, you have Okay, but I don't like.

Speaker 1 (42:19):
I guess I don't really like. I don't like.

Speaker 4 (42:22):
I don't diminish what I do because it comes easy.
Like I know that it comes easy to me because
I've done it for so long and I've suffered a
lot to get to the point where it's where it
feels easy.

Speaker 2 (42:34):
Gotcha, Okay, Yeah, that's so you don't focus on how
there are people that are probably doing this thing that
you do better than you because they did work hard.
You don't focus on that more than the fact that
I focus.

Speaker 4 (42:46):
I focus on my annoyance for people who think that
it's easy and who think they're all that and that
they can do what I do when I do it, well.

Speaker 1 (42:56):
That's interesting because I don't give a fuck about that.

Speaker 2 (42:58):
Like when people are like, you know, have a special
and they got it before they were ready for it,
and it's I just go, it's not gonna be good, Like, yeah,
I don't, and like the proof will be in the pudding.
I like when people get things. I don't really get
jealous because unless I think they're going to knock it
out of the park because they work harder than me,
then I get jealous. But if they get it, and

(43:20):
I know that they're gonna flob it and either not
right ask for the right help to get them to
the level they should be at, or they're going to
just be bad on their own, you know, just not.

Speaker 1 (43:31):
Work hard enough on their own.

Speaker 3 (43:32):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (43:33):
I just I'm like, I can't wait to see that.
I know they're good.

Speaker 3 (43:37):
God for your career anyway, if you have a special
before you're ready, I mean, it's just because then you
go up there and it's bad and then people are like,
oh wait, I guess this person wasn't as funny as
I thought they were. Yeah, you shouldn't do.

Speaker 1 (43:49):
It, and yeah, but it's but how do you turn
that down?

Speaker 3 (43:52):
You can't, I mean that's the other Yeah, you can't.

Speaker 2 (43:55):
So I also don't get when people when comedians talk
about like I can't believe this, I got this thing.

Speaker 1 (44:00):
I'm like, was he supposed to turn it down? Would you?

Speaker 3 (44:04):
Like?

Speaker 1 (44:04):
Sorry? This guy's popular.

Speaker 4 (44:06):
And like humilody maybe when we have some humility, and
you can't have humility in this industry.

Speaker 3 (44:10):
If you want to make it, you're gonna have to
put yourself out there. You're gonna have to go out
topless if you want to maybe what.

Speaker 2 (44:18):
Chris told me I should do as a topless yeah special,
And I'm like, that would have been good two years ago.

Speaker 1 (44:25):
They're not.

Speaker 2 (44:26):
They're not in the I need a lift to do
a topless It'd be so distracting, and then the theater
might get like hot, and then your nipples change.

Speaker 1 (44:35):
It would just be it would be too distracted.

Speaker 2 (44:37):
It would be like, you know, like a move, you
know when like the color changes on the background where
people have a moon shift a topless.

Speaker 1 (44:42):
Billboard for for banging.

Speaker 2 (44:44):
Remember, Yeah, it was like kind of it was like
my whole body was covered up. It looked as if
I was naked.

Speaker 3 (44:49):
But I, you know, gimmicks you need to stand behind
the fact that you go on stage and you ride
a unicycle while juggling.

Speaker 2 (44:58):
I was going to say, like, my there's a couple
of gimmicks, and there's just one gimmick in this special.
But it's uh, it's fitting and it's funny. All right,
Let's talk about what I should name my fucking tour
when we get back, because I really need some help.
Maybe it's called my fucking tour, But then radio stations
can't talk about it, and it sounds like I'm mad

(45:20):
about it.

Speaker 1 (45:21):
I'm so excited. Okay, we'll talk about with.

Speaker 2 (45:27):
Okay, we're back. I just want to say that we
recorded this before Christmas. That's when we're not talking about
Christmas yet. But I'm guessing I had a great Christmas.
Me too, Yes, I always have a soon.

Speaker 1 (45:41):
Yeah, I'm going on a track, that's what.

Speaker 2 (45:44):
Yeah, we we recorded ahead of time because we wanted
this week off. And yeah, I'm going skiing before my
shows this weekend in Denver and thirty first. Yeah it's
in Denver and so then I'm going skiing before that
in Beaver Creek. Look for me if you're out there,
I'm gonna be sloshing down the blue slopes. Maybe get
in a one black diamond, mostly blues. I can't wait

(46:07):
to be on chair lifts. I can't wait to.

Speaker 4 (46:09):
Be Are you're gonna be so strong for skiing from
high bodies?

Speaker 1 (46:13):
Yes, dude, it all worked out.

Speaker 2 (46:14):
I'd be so nervous about the ski trip because I
really I'm not even gonna say what I don't want
to happen, because I'm not gonna manifest that like I'm
manifesting strength and just slough like I just want to
have those moments going down a ski slope and thinking
I need to do this more in my life. This
is the happiest I ever am is going fast down
a blue diamond, safely fast, and feeling so strong and

(46:36):
confident in having the wind whipping in my face and
feeling perfectly warm but also cold at the same time.
It is the greatest feeling known to man for me,
besides like orgasms and stuff like that, or like, you know,
finding out someone you hate, uh, something bad happened to them. Oh,

(46:57):
I don't, which I actually am not someone who like
revels in that stuff that much.

Speaker 3 (47:03):
Jerk off to something bad that happened as an enemy,
None that I could.

Speaker 2 (47:07):
I probably could. I like when someone just like has
a flop of a thing. It makes me puts out
something that it's like so not funny.

Speaker 3 (47:14):
It just when someone has that when someone gets a
cartoon and then it just sucks and then it gets
canceled after one season and they didn't deserve it. Only
they didn't deserve it. Oh, I love that.

Speaker 2 (47:23):
I love the amount of people who have had this
feeling about all the things that I have done that
aren't great that have been canceled is probably a lot
also because I do it, so it's probably happening.

Speaker 3 (47:33):
Well, then people are doing it to you. Yeah, so
you gotta do it back. You gotta get a give
and take. But then you got the seed.

Speaker 2 (47:39):
I used to have the thing where someone would say,
I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy, and I'm like,
that's the dumbest for I would wish.

Speaker 1 (47:47):
Yeah, people say, I mean, you know, it's.

Speaker 2 (47:49):
Like, but of course you're the person.

Speaker 3 (47:55):
Hitler would have a sty on his eye, like, come
on you.

Speaker 1 (48:00):
Small, it's so yes, exactly.

Speaker 2 (48:02):
You wouldn't wish that Donald Trump's flight was delayed three
hours out of LaGuardia.

Speaker 1 (48:07):
You wouldn't. Oh, that's crazy. I think I would.

Speaker 4 (48:11):
I would.

Speaker 2 (48:12):
I wish horrible things, not I wish them on people.
But yeah, I mean that's what a lot of like.
I Yeah, I guess that's what my I think maybe
my tour should be like called like bad Thoughts or
like bad Person, or like something like like the Unwanted
Thoughts or that I know that was a Maria Bamford special.
It's so hard to come up with something that hasn't

(48:32):
been done by another comedian too.

Speaker 3 (48:35):
Yeah, he can't call it bad because that's Michael Jackson.

Speaker 1 (48:39):
I can't call it.

Speaker 3 (48:40):
You call thriller.

Speaker 1 (48:43):
That's true.

Speaker 2 (48:43):
I could do thriller mirror, yes, like Woman in the Mirror. Okay,
let's just spin. I would like to do I could
do like a take on a Taylor Swift tour, like.

Speaker 3 (48:54):
Yeah, no you can't because Joe Parra did it Errors Tour.

Speaker 1 (49:01):
Yeah that's funny. Yeah, that's pretty good.

Speaker 2 (49:03):
Yeah, there have been compilations of all the time she
fucked up on the error Eras tour and it was
called the Error's Tour and she sucks up like one
time every eighteen shows and it's like the cutest thing ever.

Speaker 1 (49:13):
So she's she's flawless.

Speaker 3 (49:14):
But Terra's tour is funny because Joe Parah could not
be more opposite to Taylor Swift than he is. Yeah,
and so it would be less funny for you because
you're much closer to Taylor Swift than you know. It's
too close. You're too close to Taylor Swift to have
it be funny to name your thing after a Taylor
Swift's tour.

Speaker 1 (49:33):
Yeah, I mean, I'm trying to think.

Speaker 2 (49:35):
There's lover, there's folklore, there's ever more there's speak now, fearless, fearful.

Speaker 3 (49:43):
I don't think people would take that.

Speaker 2 (49:44):
People wouldn't connect it. Yeah, and Eras, there's no other like,
you know, I wouldn't feel like I was stealing from
Joe Parrah if I did a rhyme with Eras. But yeah,
it's just there's nothing there. I really don't know what
to do.

Speaker 3 (50:00):
So far, all of your specials have been kind of
plays on sexual terms. You've had banging well, no, you
have perfect. That's not necessarily but it's based on so
you have you have banging Perfect, and then you have
your tours to the Good Girl.

Speaker 2 (50:15):
Tour and one night with Nikki Glazer also kind of
a sexual connotation, like a one night stand.

Speaker 3 (50:20):
Yeah, not safe with Nicky Glazer. Ye, you had good, clean.

Speaker 1 (50:25):
Filth, unprotected.

Speaker 2 (50:30):
Brad Dog, come on, come on, Nikki Glazer.

Speaker 3 (50:37):
Cosby's book is called come on People, Come on, common people. Yeah.
I me just make sure people.

Speaker 1 (50:45):
That's so.

Speaker 3 (50:46):
The book looks like, uh, it looks like come it
looks like white. Let me see make sure it's Bill Cosby.

Speaker 1 (50:55):
Yeah, yeah, a phrase it's okay, I.

Speaker 3 (50:58):
Got to see no or somebody can you can you
pull up this picture, please and hold it up to
the camera. It's called come on.

Speaker 1 (51:05):
Could look like I'm so, I'm.

Speaker 3 (51:07):
Telling you it looks like come So I have to
you have the actual cover that I'm talking about, though, Yeah,
it's blue. All right, all right, show it? Here we go,
Here we go. Yeah, here is Sorry for people at home,

(51:28):
this is on YouTube. You gotta go to YouTube dot
com slash Nikki Glazer podcast. Look at that. Oh my god,
come on, I mean, does that not look like little
cum droplets? Wait?

Speaker 2 (51:43):
Wait, I am so confused because it's not even come on,
come on?

Speaker 1 (51:47):
Is come on people?

Speaker 2 (51:48):
Is cee apostrophe m O n you guys, this is
come c O M E on O N people, by
the way, I know, but there also is no comma,
which is come on people, Come on people.

Speaker 3 (52:03):
And then it's a blue cover.

Speaker 1 (52:04):
It's a blue cover.

Speaker 2 (52:05):
And then there are footsteps and appears the footsteps are white,
but they look like droplets of common.

Speaker 3 (52:10):
And then look at the subtitle. Look at the subtitle on.

Speaker 1 (52:13):
The path from Victims to Victors? What the fuck a path?

Speaker 2 (52:20):
So it's like footprints that look like little jizz droplets,
and it says each droplet has a it says respect
on it. The other one is caring one says hope
once his skills.

Speaker 3 (52:30):
Yes, says that's that's how he views his come.

Speaker 1 (52:36):
Disgusting what I mean in plain sight.

Speaker 3 (52:40):
And the co author is Alvin F. Saint, which kind
of sounds like pussy, but also I mean Alvin. If
you're named Alvin, of course you're going to co write
a book with Bill Cosby. It's inevitable.

Speaker 1 (52:53):
Where's that guy today?

Speaker 2 (52:54):
You know?

Speaker 1 (52:56):
Okay, Brian, you wanted to bring up.

Speaker 3 (52:58):
Something that happens the I talk about how we went
to go see Jimmy Carr at the More Theater the
night before you're taping.

Speaker 2 (53:06):
Yeah, bad idea, final thought, bad idea, because he's so good.
It really got in my head. I got a little bit.
I got thrown. Yeah, because I'm in the same theater,
I'm shooting my special at the next night, I'm watching
Jimmy Carr's show. I'm comparing, contrasting, I'm you know, that's

(53:29):
pretty much what I'm doing.

Speaker 1 (53:30):
The whole time.

Speaker 2 (53:30):
Is like I can't even laugh because I'm so angry
that I didn't write all those jokes and that I.

Speaker 1 (53:35):
Don't that I just couldn't. I couldn't relax.

Speaker 2 (53:39):
I couldn't have fun because I was so in my
head of like he's so good, I'm such crap like
it was. It was not good for my self esteem.
I will not do that next time. I will not
in the theater of which I'm taping my special go
see someone who's been doing it. You know, I would
guess at least ten years longer than me. I will
never do that again. We'll go see someone who's been

(54:01):
doing it ten years less than me, so I can
feel superior.

Speaker 1 (54:04):
But it was an amazing show, There's no question.

Speaker 3 (54:07):
Yeah, you should just go me at the theater before you.

Speaker 2 (54:10):
No, you're amazing, You're really really fucking good. I mean,
but yes, that that was. That was My takeaway. Was
like an unsettled feeling after that, of like it's too
late to change anything. I can't be more like Jimmy Carr.
I could have seen anyone and been like, I need
to be like that person. You know, I was so
in my head the night before doing this.

Speaker 3 (54:30):
You could have seen Jeff Dunnham and even be like,
I think I need puppets. I think I need It's
so true.

Speaker 2 (54:36):
It really could have It could have gone either anyway
that way, just someone who has been in the business
longer than me, who just yeah, I just compared myself
to and so I was I was a little spirally
after that moment.

Speaker 3 (54:48):
While I mean, I think the takeaway for me from
Jimmy Carr was, first of all, you know, he obviously
gave us free tickets and we went and we sat
in great seats and we watched his show. And he
was also, I I hear, incredibly gracious. His team was
incredibly gracious, allowing your team to go into the theater
the night before to set up everything, and so he

(55:09):
was amazing. But the takeaway for me was when we
went after we went to the green room, when we
met Jimmy Carr, and he was so nice. He was
so cool, and he was making eye contact with not
just you. He didn't put all his focus on you.
He made I kind of excite everything we can do. Yeah,
he saw all of us, he respected all of us.
We all contributed to the conversation. He was so kind

(55:32):
to you and so such great things to say about you,
and just was awesome. And I actually liked his stand
up more after I met him in the green room
because he was so.

Speaker 1 (55:42):
Cool and interesting. Yeah, yeah, I knew he was that nice.

Speaker 2 (55:46):
So because I've met him obviously a lot of times,
and I'd been a fan of his for so long.
I mean, there's just I think he's one of the
best joke griggers of our time, and and just what
a polished and perfect perform Yes, uh yes, flaw.

Speaker 3 (56:04):
The new jokes that he says he writes new jokes
for every single show and then at the end of
his show he reads them up a piece of paper
to test them. Every show and even his new jokes
felt like are these new? Really?

Speaker 2 (56:15):
They were so good? Yeah, there, it was so much
stuff that I loved. So I was trying to think
of he had one joke. I don't want to ruin anything,
but he was just talking about he has a lot
of good jokes about I liked his chunk about date rape,
and I liked his about saying like it's you know,
it's like he pretty much takes this kid in the

(56:38):
audience and he asks this kid, like a younger kid
he was nineteen years old, like when is it okay
to have sex with a girl? Like when is she consenting?
And he walks through like a whole date night of
like when when is it?

Speaker 1 (56:48):
Is it okay now?

Speaker 2 (56:49):
And he's like, no, it's not okay yet, Like he
keeps us and it really is. Like he brings up
a point of like how women will have sex a
lot of times just out of like I already gotten
this far, like I don't really want to. I'm saying yes,
but my body is saying no. He like literally gets
into that of like if her body is as tense
as your dick is hard, that is a no. Even
if she's saying enthusiastically yes, that's not enthusiastic her body.

(57:13):
And I'm like, but what if it's my obliques? What
if I'm just like a fucking rock hard because I'm
a working start. And that was really funny, and I
mean he had too many jokes that I can even
every time I would be like remember this one, it
would be replaced with a new one that was so
fucking good. And a lot of stuff about pedophilia, which
I loved, a lot of stuff about yeah, just sex

(57:36):
and relationships.

Speaker 1 (57:37):
He yeah, what what was your takeaway Brian.

Speaker 3 (57:41):
From his set?

Speaker 1 (57:42):
Or from yeah? What do you remember any stand out moments?

Speaker 3 (57:45):
I mean, my favorite part of his set was when
he started telling a personal story about his oh baby
being born, because it was a departure from his usual
stand and deliver like set up punch. Yeah, I would
like to see more of that from Jimmy Carr. I
want to see an hour or where he's like talking
about his life. That would be cool, Yeah, because I
know that he can infuse the same number of jokes

(58:06):
into those personal stories. And then I also get to
learn more about Jimmy Carr, which is why I was
saying after we met him, I liked to stand up
even more because I got to know the guy, Whereas
when he's just delivering like real equality jokes, you don't
get to know him at all. But then when he
delivered that story, I was like, yeah, this would be
cool to see, like, who is this guy? More about him?

Speaker 2 (58:28):
Yeah, well, I saw him a clip of him last
night actually on Berbiglia's podcast, where he said that there
was a girl who came to a show and she
was celebrating her second life versary or something. It was
something like, I was gonna kill myself this day, but
I was waiting till my parents fall asleep so I
could do it when they were asleep. And while I
was waiting for them to fall asleep, I was on YouTube.

(58:50):
Can you imagine? Like I'm waiting to die and I'm
just gonna pulp YouTube like this is That's the kind
of thing that fascinates me about, you know, life, is
that you do these mundane things when you're ready to
do something so insane, even like we're getting ready to
take my special, not that it's in comparison to taking
your own life, but like like backstage, like talking about

(59:10):
like oh, peanut eminems or whatever, like you're just talking
about something mundane right before you do something big. But
she was watching Jimmy car clips as she was waiting
to kill herself, and then she started laughing, and then
she watched some more and she kept laughing, and then
she like kind of didn't want to do it anymore
because she was laughing so much. And she said that
she was celebrating twenty or you know, fifteen years or
whatever of being like her second half of life. And

(59:33):
I just thought that was really cool, and wow, he
seemed very moved by that.

Speaker 3 (59:38):
I the exact opposite happened with someone who's who was
going to kill themselves or was actually going to live
and then they started watching Mark Maron clips and then
they decided to kill themselves.

Speaker 2 (59:48):
There are so many people that can't tell that story
to him because he's They're gone now.

Speaker 1 (59:53):
Yes, yeah, his special? I like, what is the title
of his.

Speaker 3 (59:57):
I'm not saying that Mark Maron's a bad comedian. I'm
saying that he will is the depressing comedian.

Speaker 2 (01:00:02):
And that's that's what I like about Mark is that
he's just like it's things are bad as he sits
on the stool like a little gargoyle.

Speaker 1 (01:00:10):
And I like the name of his last special. I
forgot what it.

Speaker 2 (01:00:12):
Was, but.

Speaker 3 (01:00:15):
Gargoyle. What is it? Oh?

Speaker 1 (01:00:17):
Sorry gargoyle? No, shut up, Ryan, I heard your daughter
and times fun.

Speaker 4 (01:00:26):
No times depressing, a lot of anger always no.

Speaker 1 (01:00:31):
Sound like chat GPT.

Speaker 2 (01:00:35):
Mark Merrick's we should ask chet GBT to name my
next special?

Speaker 1 (01:00:39):
Can we do that?

Speaker 3 (01:00:40):
Yes, of course?

Speaker 1 (01:00:41):
Or name my name my tour. Oh that's that's a
good way to I would love it.

Speaker 3 (01:00:45):
If I can t because they have not upgraded it to.

Speaker 1 (01:00:50):
Okay, hold on, I'll try to.

Speaker 3 (01:00:52):
Like I just need help peaking, Maybe it should be
I just need help. That's what that's what my you
do life for help? You can do Instagram. On your Instagram,
you can now leave notes on you know about the
notes where it's like in your messages, you can now
leave a note and it just says like a lot
of people use it to like plug their tour, which

(01:01:13):
is a little silly.

Speaker 1 (01:01:15):
So like you respond responds to the person right away.

Speaker 3 (01:01:17):
If you go into Instagram and then you go into messages,
on the top of above all of your messages, above
where it says primary general requests, there's like a bunch
of circles of people's profiles and above them is uh,
little notes not for me. And so like my friend
Dwight Simmons is saying Indy Thursday date and Friday and Saturday,

(01:01:41):
and then Jayung Summers is saying twelve twenty one LA
one twenty one New York City, like right, this is
what And then like my friend Shaq Stanley has just
put a Mariah Carey song up there. So I always
put in my note please help, period. And that's just
what I put every single time. And occasionally people meet
and go are you okay, And it's just what I

(01:02:02):
put every single time, just in case you want to
message me that.

Speaker 2 (01:02:06):
Okay, okay, I get what you're saying. I like the
idea of saying, like someone help her, or like a
Niki Glazer a cry for help NICKI Glaze. I just
don't know what I'm going to be talking about. I'm
always talking about the same shit, like my life, my
observations on life. Like I don't have this like overarching
like I'm telling it like it is. Yeah, I don't

(01:02:26):
want to do it like a phrase like can you
believe these people? Like I don't want to have it
be like a quote.

Speaker 3 (01:02:32):
But I also had this idea of peaking was a title.
There was also just like turning point something that has
to do with it being a turning point for you
where it's like this is an inflex point where you are.
This is kind of like you're you're turning that age
where decisions have to be made and things are going
to change from this point forward in all aspects of

(01:02:53):
your life and your career.

Speaker 1 (01:02:55):
What about like.

Speaker 2 (01:02:55):
Balls to the wall or like some kind of like
like because I think, or like a tits out, or
like I can't say tits though that's the problem.

Speaker 1 (01:03:04):
That is always the problem. You can't say you can't
say tits.

Speaker 2 (01:03:09):
But like some kind of like I don't care anymore,
like I don't want to do that, of like no, no,
I don't want to it's I want to do this.
I'm excited to be here, but I'm not like like
you know, six years ago zero fox give it like
you know what that like that kind.

Speaker 3 (01:03:27):
Of thing you like that one? Three stifled?

Speaker 2 (01:03:37):
Oh actually, speaking of naked, I have some exciting news
to talk about on the show tomorrow. Oh shit, I
will I will share because I got an email asking
me to do something that I've been wanting to do
a while, and besties who've been listening a long time
might know what it is. But I finally got the
call and she Ready She Ready.

Speaker 1 (01:04:02):
Is a good title. But Whitney.

Speaker 3 (01:04:06):
Houston. So, bestie's can you write to us? What do
you think Nicky should name her next special he's got?

Speaker 2 (01:04:12):
I might actually like ask them before this because I
really need to pick a special name like today and
today is actually a week ago, so I might put
it on our Instagram story because I do need help.
Is that lame of me as an artist to come
up with?

Speaker 1 (01:04:28):
Yeah? Taylor Swift would never do that, but maybe she would.

Speaker 2 (01:04:31):
Who knows, She just like knows Taylor Swift knows what
album she's gonna put out nine years befo.

Speaker 1 (01:04:35):
She's a master.

Speaker 4 (01:04:37):
Taylor Swift did do that, and you contributed to it,
and then she used a piece of your contribution.

Speaker 1 (01:04:42):
How good would you feel? That's true? That's true.

Speaker 2 (01:04:46):
Listen, I'm not Taylor Swift. I gotta do it my way, my.

Speaker 4 (01:04:50):
Way, or the highway my way.

Speaker 3 (01:04:53):
Will gargoyle, Oh, you throw that in again.

Speaker 1 (01:04:57):
Okay, we have to go.

Speaker 2 (01:04:58):
Thank you for listening to the show this week. I
hope you have a merry Christmas. We'll be back tomorrow
with more podcasts. We love you guys so much. Don't
be and name I special for me please.

Speaker 1 (01:05:08):
I don't know what to call it.

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Host

Nikki Glaser

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