#508 Nikki's Table, Plastic Surgery & A Private Jet Ride!?

Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Nikki Glaser Podcasts. Hello here, I am welcome to the show.
It's Niki Glazer podcast. We are recreating the magic of
yesterday's episode with the same crew, different day, next day,

(00:20):
different studio.

Speaker 2 (00:21):
Different place. It's like a sequel. They like it so
much they bought the sequel. They have to update the
background around people. Wuldn't realize there was a different.

Speaker 3 (00:29):
Rush Hour where rush Hour the first one's in la
and then they go to China.

Speaker 2 (00:32):
Then they go to China. Oh yeah, all these uh
heck octagons.

Speaker 1 (00:37):
Yeah, well we've been here before. Yesterday. Noah was saying
the podcast was so good. She was saying that on
the Girls Chat today, and I was like, was it
because we were like on top of each other? Was
that like does that add an energy to it? Or
was it just like, you know, sometimes we have good
podcasts here too. It's not I don't know if it's
the space I'm trying to like what makes well?

Speaker 2 (00:54):
Without a doubt, being in person is five times better
than being on zoo, Yes, because you can just talk,
you know, You're like creamer at a restaurant.

Speaker 1 (01:03):
Yeah, it's so true.

Speaker 3 (01:04):
I mean we were on fire yesterday and I feel
like we're on fire today.

Speaker 1 (01:07):
Yeah, I'm feeling the energy.

Speaker 3 (01:08):
During the pre show, somebody came in and like, should
we start recording? This is some good.

Speaker 1 (01:13):
Podcast where we were talking about what just at the table.
It's a table that we're at. We could set it.

Speaker 2 (01:22):
It's unusual.

Speaker 1 (01:23):
Brian Frangie, Sean O'Connor, Andrew Colin.

Speaker 2 (01:27):
Yes, all here, can't buy a table like this at Ikea. Yeah,
you can no look at it.

Speaker 1 (01:32):
There's wait, I think you could.

Speaker 2 (01:33):
Thought it was only too late.

Speaker 3 (01:34):
I like it.

Speaker 1 (01:35):
I mean I like Ikea. I'm complimenting it by saying
that absolutely.

Speaker 2 (01:38):
I'm saying literally, you can't like this is not for
sale at Ikea.

Speaker 1 (01:43):
Okay know that On.

Speaker 4 (01:46):
The IKEEA app.

Speaker 1 (01:47):
Yeah, Andrew was just saying, well, I was just how
did we get into.

Speaker 3 (01:52):
Something circling each other as problemeric Yeah it wasn't good.

Speaker 1 (01:56):
But Andrew asked what, like what he should get done?
And I was just saying that chin implants. I just
read a thing. I guess it was in New York
magazine or I forget where, but they did a report
about how chin implants are the new cosmetic surgery that
every man is getting. Yeah. Yeah, but it's not there anymore.

Speaker 3 (02:16):
It's gone.

Speaker 1 (02:18):
So but it was, uh, well, it was interesting to
me because it seems affordable to me. It was twelve
thousand dollars, and for what I can tell, it really
does change the shape of your face in a way
that I haven't seen male plastic surgery in a subtle
way that like, I know all the girl tricks to
make it look like you haven't had work done, and
people just go, wow, you look a lot prettier, and
you know, I'm not doing all of them, but I'm

(02:40):
aware of when they happen, when they're subtle and you
can't really tell someone's had plastic surgery. And I think
the chin implant for guys is that subtle thing.

Speaker 2 (02:47):
I'm hotter, but we don't know why, like a thicker chin.

Speaker 1 (02:50):
I think they just like add I don't know, but
it's like around twelve thousand dollars, and I don't think
it's like a really intense like recovery. I'm not advocating
for it because you don't. No one really needs one,
but to me, it was like, oh, I would make
I would probably do that.

Speaker 2 (03:06):
Well, if you're a man and you feel like you
need a chin, implant if the next step is just
to grow a beard because that covers up anything.

Speaker 3 (03:13):
No, but like the beard, everyone knows the beard. The
beard is actually is like a twenties trick. I do
think a chin implant is.

Speaker 2 (03:20):
A twenties trick.

Speaker 3 (03:22):
It is like I like, I listen, I'm always like
kind of unshaven, but like it is a trick to
like distract.

Speaker 1 (03:30):
It's like a comb over.

Speaker 3 (03:31):
Yeah, but if you get this chin, you go in
and you go give me the leno. You're coming out.
You're so confident.

Speaker 1 (03:37):
I think you want the rife.

Speaker 3 (03:38):
Yeah, yeah, I want Yeah, you definitely don't want the leno.
But like I bet it's like six thousand dollars less the.

Speaker 1 (03:47):
Thing, and it comes with a denim ensemble.

Speaker 3 (03:51):
That's what they put on you for the surgery.

Speaker 1 (03:53):
The thing is, I don't think the only reason this
is like happening right now is because there's a trend
in men needing structured faces. Like I was reading this
article and it was like, that's what's in right now
is not like these doe like kind of like more
dadbod like. But the thing is, you might not want
to get it because it might not be in that
this is all because of right now, handsome squid word

(04:14):
is like the vibe.

Speaker 5 (04:15):
Right, But then your face is so structured and everything,
and like your body is like fucking droopy.

Speaker 4 (04:21):
What are you gonna do? It doesn't add up? So
then what do you? Then you have to work out?

Speaker 1 (04:25):
I mean this is this is you should not do
this if you're not someone who cares about the entire package.
Oh I care, That's what I'm saying this. You're eligible
for this. I feel like like you you have focused
on working like you want to be seen as hot.

Speaker 4 (04:39):
I believe I think, yes, yeah, you.

Speaker 1 (04:41):
Could taste it and you felt it before I.

Speaker 4 (04:43):
Have as a young man, I taste You're a good.

Speaker 1 (04:45):
Looking guy, like there's no question about it. But I'm
just saying, like, I think you're a good candidate because
this is will it will make you do that face
in the mirror that I've seen you do so many
times that you got caught doing when I was on
set my mom, and you should have been on set too,
but you were in my dressing room using my mirror
to take your shirt off.

Speaker 4 (05:02):
I thought it didn't want to work down.

Speaker 1 (05:04):
Writing for me on f Way Island and you were
supposed to be on sets giving in my ear.

Speaker 4 (05:08):
You didn't have to know.

Speaker 1 (05:11):
My ring light, and you wouldn't have never been You
would have never been caught if later on a PA
that hadn't come up to me to give me a
water bottle. And it was the PA who caught you
in there, and you got embarrassed because you thought the
PA was gonna tell me, which he was not, So
you just outed yourself and go. He saw me naked,
he saw me with my shirt off.

Speaker 4 (05:30):
I was posing in.

Speaker 1 (05:31):
You just you completely just like broke down and told
me all the truth. It was so funny.

Speaker 5 (05:36):
I was kidding, man, I was actually really good jokes.

Speaker 1 (05:40):
Now seeing that guy, knowing that guy that likes to
save Nikki. It's not fair. You always get to look
in the mirror. I don't get to look in the
mirror at all because you're a writer. Y.

Speaker 4 (05:50):
Yeah, it seems like this has been on your mind. No,
I actually I know, I know, I know.

Speaker 1 (05:56):
It was funny.

Speaker 4 (05:58):
I was just I was a good mirror. It was
a good you find a good mirror you ruin your
whole career.

Speaker 3 (06:03):
Yeah you know what I mean.

Speaker 1 (06:05):
Yeah, you're defensive like but Nikki, you get to be
in the mirror all day long. And I'm like, I
don't even like it, but you and and why would
you get to It's not like I'm hogging it. This
is unprecedented that a writer should be supplied a ring
light in a mirror.

Speaker 4 (06:18):
Well, she has to appear on camera. I was next
to camera. Talk about me being on cameras.

Speaker 1 (06:27):
Oh my god, yeah, yeah, we we Like you dressed
up like a guy who is way past the submission
age to be on f Way Island, and you were
like he took a gold chain from one of the guys,
and like had a button down shirt that you bought
and and unbuttoned it a lot. And then you walked
around with your gray chest hair coming out and pretended
to be a guy named Ragou.

Speaker 4 (06:48):
But the saddest part is, like I I wanted.

Speaker 2 (06:53):
I mean, it's hard not to get swept up in
the rings. This is so cool.

Speaker 1 (06:56):
Oh my god, you were there, you witnessed it.

Speaker 2 (06:58):
It is like fist bumped, I mean, and I felt
I was in love.

Speaker 1 (07:01):
Yeah, it really it's intoxic. You want their approval desperately, Yes,
how do you not listen?

Speaker 3 (07:07):
Being young and hot is like the greatest it's the
greatest currency we have in America.

Speaker 1 (07:13):
Really.

Speaker 3 (07:14):
Oh yeah, it's like forty bitcoins. It's like it is.

Speaker 1 (07:18):
It absolutely is, and you should really capitalize on it
if you can, if you if you want to. I
don't forgrudge anyone just being like a hot specimen.

Speaker 2 (07:25):
But what's the name of the man from the Claw,
the Iron Claw?

Speaker 3 (07:30):
Oh, Jeremy Allen White, No, Zachffron, Yeah, why can't remember?

Speaker 1 (07:35):
It is the least movie I would ever think.

Speaker 3 (07:37):
He's the guy from the Nerd Hottest in that movie,
Harris Dickinson I think is hot.

Speaker 1 (07:43):
Yeah, he's the guy from Baby Girl. Yeah, Oh that guy,
that twitchy way. He acts like someone did an impression
of him, and I was turned on by the impression.
Do you remember did you see someone doing.

Speaker 3 (07:54):
I did see somebody in appress.

Speaker 1 (07:55):
I didn't realize I was attracted to the Harris guy
from the movie until I saw the impression. I was like,
I got like kind of lit up from it because
it was just baby good.

Speaker 3 (08:04):
You saw.

Speaker 2 (08:07):
The he's the male model and so he has he
sucked up his chin falling on a kitchen table. They say, yes,
he didn't get an implant.

Speaker 1 (08:16):
There, No, that looks like there was like there's like
some metal in his like jaw, like kind of like Kanye. Yeah, yeah,
Kanye seems to have that too.

Speaker 2 (08:25):
But he got a car. He didn't wear a safe belt.
He didn't safe belt. Yeah, and that's why he got
his jaw wired ship and then that's why his jaws
a little bit.

Speaker 3 (08:36):
I just want to say every a lot of your
listeners think I'm gay and me being like, he's not
even in the top three on it's not really good.

Speaker 1 (08:46):
You're not gay, but you do have strong opinions.

Speaker 3 (08:48):
A lot of about mail looks usually.

Speaker 1 (08:54):
Okay, Okay, I want everyone to blindly like lock in
a number. No, so Ryan Reynolds one to ten of
hotness and you have to blindly lock in a number.
Now you're all gonna stay at the same time. And
I saw TikTok about like something that that reveals about you. Okay,
so one to ten Ryan Reynolds, are you ready? Yeah, three, two, one,

(09:16):
n eight you said eight Andrew nine nine. You guys
are all straight. This woman took a poll of like
forty guys of like a really you know, half queer
men and half straight men, and she found that on average,
queer people, queer men rate Ryan Reynolds like a six

(09:38):
point five, like to like seven and six is and
any straight guy it's always eight and above.

Speaker 4 (09:46):
Hell yeah, this has.

Speaker 2 (09:47):
Proved them really straight. I was going to give him
a nine, but then I was like comparing him to
Hugh Jackman, who was like, that's a ten. So I'm
not gonna make to you to Hugh Jackman's a ten.

Speaker 3 (09:56):
Hughes hotter than Ryan, Right, Hugh.

Speaker 2 (09:58):
Was hotter than I. Like, you know, he's got what hair?

Speaker 3 (10:01):
What to say? If I says.

Speaker 1 (10:06):
Everyone has a type, I think I know some people
who ross would be their ten. I love when gay
guys have like very specific type that it's just it's
that's why they have so many names for different kinds
of body types, like they will really I don't.

Speaker 2 (10:22):
Know any bear, twink bear, bear, wink bear, otters are
not just these.

Speaker 3 (10:30):
Are not just things.

Speaker 1 (10:34):
Ways to describe.

Speaker 2 (10:35):
Different They congrats to r f K by the way,
for a denomination pushed through.

Speaker 1 (10:39):
Oh really does that just happen? Well?

Speaker 2 (10:41):
Yeah, he's almost there.

Speaker 1 (10:42):
Okay, Well someone called oh my god, I where did
I see? They called the Daily Show? Some not enough
people are watching the Daily show, Like, every time I
see a clip, I'm like, this is some of the best.

Speaker 2 (10:51):
Writers with John Stewart, only with any with any of
the like.

Speaker 1 (10:53):
When they do the segments with all the you know,
guest hosts coming in and everyone. But they called him
a leather bag of coughs. And I really love that
because it's just so simple.

Speaker 2 (11:10):
But you haven't more people watch the John Stewart monologues
on YouTube than they do on the TV show. Every
monologue he releases on YouTube gets that makes circa three
million to four mint.

Speaker 1 (11:20):
Yeah, no one's watching TV shows when they air on TV.

Speaker 2 (11:22):
No, it's over. Those days are over and they're never
coming back. It's going to turn into uh. I think
it'll return to like a cable like system, but it'll
be streaming still. But it is sad to think, like
the days of turning on your television and then just
something being on and then like I do it at hotels?

Speaker 4 (11:36):
Is that nice?

Speaker 1 (11:37):
I just put it on, even though it could let
me connect to Netflix.

Speaker 6 (11:40):
I go.

Speaker 1 (11:40):
I don't feel like like connecting and doing scanning the qrver. No,
I'm just gonna watch Beat Bobby play because that is
on and that is trusty and I know where I
am in the show when I turn it on.

Speaker 3 (11:50):
Beat Bobby Play and diner, drives and dives are all
I watch at hotel.

Speaker 1 (11:54):
Do you watch me, Bobby Flay? I don't do diners
and drivings and drives.

Speaker 3 (11:57):
I do I of diners, driver, drive ins and dies.
And I love Bobby Flay. I love the Food Network.
I think the Food Network is the best chat.

Speaker 2 (12:07):
I'll have their own stream.

Speaker 1 (12:08):
Bobby Play is a perfect TV show because you like
it just is you. They they two chefs make something
and they they get no mystery and greeting like Iron
Chef style, and then they then one of them wins
based on the judges eating and I did the show
and then that that chef who wins is like the
thing that I do best. The thing I'm most famous

(12:30):
for is my empanadus, my grandmother's passed down tradition, and
they're like and Bobby just has to find out what
they do. He is no blindly has no idea what
he has to cook, and then he goes head to
head with someone with their best dish. The thing I'm
known for that they started a restaurant in their town.
That's the Hitch restaurant and then he wins half the time.

Speaker 2 (12:48):
You if you lose, that is so.

Speaker 3 (12:51):
So upsetting, It's so crazy. I love it so much
because it's like the most competitive you could possibly be.
Is like really he's like take you know, like an
Italian guy doing his like grandmother's like spaghetti sauce and
he beats them. Yeah, and like you must feel incredible.
That's like more competitive than Jordan.

Speaker 4 (13:10):
But does this show you that cooking might not be
as hard as we think it is.

Speaker 1 (13:14):
No? I think that that that's just someone who is
like an expert.

Speaker 4 (13:17):
Yeah everything, he's just Yeah, it's blind taste.

Speaker 1 (13:20):
Find taste testing by and they don't do the same
thing ben they bring in like food.

Speaker 2 (13:24):
C Maybe it is like random. Maybe it's like a
coin flip. And that's why it's fifty to fifty because
it's like half the time he wins half. If he
won nine out of ten times, then I'd be like, oh, wow,
he's the best dress.

Speaker 3 (13:35):
No, it's the precision though, because they're not just basing
it on taste, they're basing it on presentation. They're basing
it like like usage of the ingredients and all that
that good.

Speaker 2 (13:45):
I believe that.

Speaker 1 (13:46):
And he's done this show like fifty seasons and there's
like thirty episodes of season, so he's done this kind
of competition style like he's primed to.

Speaker 2 (13:55):
He actually has an advantage because it's almost like home
field advantage because he's cooking in the kitchen. He cooked
in forty times that week.

Speaker 1 (14:01):
Yes, and that's why they throw in like the celebrities
to like fuck him up and like you know, just
mess with him and kind of like rasm like that.

Speaker 3 (14:10):
They come over, like they come over and they or
they'll be like shouting at him, but they're not doing
that to the person who does it, like shot.

Speaker 1 (14:17):
But it's all done when like everyone loves Bobby, so
it's all done kind of like do we have Like
when they were like you got to fuck him up
and like that. I don't really want to like interrupt
what he's doing. That seems distracting, so I just like
said a couple jokes and stuff, But how happened? They
just like you know, it's segmented out. They really cook
in real time, which I thought was cool. It's like
they you are waiting there as they make the food
and then they're like okay, Nikki, go go see what's

(14:39):
going on over there, and then you just go over
and you're like supposed to fuck with Bobby and then
support the other person because you were supposed to be
rooting against him. It's like ever, we're trying to beat
him and we're like mad when he wins. But I
was like, no, I kind of want him to win.
I think it's.

Speaker 3 (14:53):
It really is. It's like rewarding excellence.

Speaker 2 (14:55):
I mean that's why people want to see.

Speaker 4 (14:57):
Is there a dish you guys can cook that you think? No,
what could I beat by?

Speaker 1 (15:05):
That's like asking me about geography.

Speaker 3 (15:08):
Yeah, I can't cook. I've never You've never made eggs.
I've made a grilled cheese. Like, really, you've made eggs.

Speaker 1 (15:16):
Yeah, I've made eggs, poorly made eggs.

Speaker 2 (15:19):
But like, what if you if you had to go
on the show and it's off against Bobby play what dish?

Speaker 1 (15:25):
Don't make me do that.

Speaker 3 (15:27):
I'm not even kidding. If I had to face Bobby Fly,
I would put my head in the oven.

Speaker 1 (15:32):
Like an avocado toasts simple and it's raw ingredients. I
don't have to like cook anything, and I think it
can make a little like a delicious thing. With like
the way my mom I would like. I would even
put like a sweetness like a jelly on it, maybe
like which would be unexpected and I don't think would
even work, but like, and then I would add some
kind of way to crunch it, like can I just
stay with avocado toast, which I'm literally obsessed with. I

(15:55):
don't want full avocados on it. I want it mushed up.

Speaker 2 (15:57):
Do the mushing me chop little design.

Speaker 1 (15:59):
I don't like avocados unless they're guacamolid out alright, I
don't discuss. I get them out of my because sushi rolls,
because I don't like the texture. It just feels like
they're rotten.

Speaker 3 (16:09):
It's yeah, it's the worst texture. I think.

Speaker 1 (16:11):
Agreed, what's the best texture? Rice Crispi's after they've been
sitting for a minute.

Speaker 4 (16:15):
I agree, And.

Speaker 2 (16:16):
Yeah, I'm trying to get something better.

Speaker 3 (16:19):
I want to I want a crisp cookie. I love.

Speaker 2 (16:21):
I love a crisp with a softness in the middle, or.

Speaker 3 (16:23):
Just the softness like honestly the outside, a little soft.

Speaker 1 (16:28):
On the little soft on the inside, or like UZI
out of the oven, like I want it out of
the oven.

Speaker 3 (16:32):
I want like gotta be Yeah, like OUI gooey is
what I'm looking for. You're not talking take I am
not beating the gay.

Speaker 1 (16:39):
You just don't like.

Speaker 4 (16:42):
Crem brew l crembrew.

Speaker 1 (16:44):
Gay krember lay. I think can be that can that
can be like eggs in terms of consistency, can be
real off and red. If it's too funny, it could be.

Speaker 2 (16:52):
There's quite a few breakfast items that are not good
unless they're mashed up, like uh, eggs as well. I
don't think, I don't I don't like eggs.

Speaker 4 (16:59):
Oh, I don't hard boiled an animal eats that animal.

Speaker 1 (17:04):
Hardwore The middle of a hard boil egg where it's
like gray, Yeah, like chalky looking is one of the
worst things I could ever imagine.

Speaker 5 (17:11):
What's worst peeling a hard boiled egg or chomping a
hard egg whites?

Speaker 3 (17:16):
Yeah, though is pretty I'm a scrambled egg whites. Boy,
I'm only I only like which is a second. But
it's hard. It's like there's like when it's hard, consistency
doesn't Yeah, like yeah, some com i'd probably.

Speaker 2 (17:37):
I'm glad that's what you bring to the Bobby play.

Speaker 1 (17:42):
We'll be back over that. So yeah, I told Andrew uh,
that he would be a good candidate for Yeah, surgery.

Speaker 2 (17:53):
So I have a question, because is there a surgery
that you can get where you make one half of
your face exactly the same as the other half of.

Speaker 1 (18:01):
Your sause that's like the ideal?

Speaker 3 (18:03):
Right, Yeah, that's what?

Speaker 2 (18:04):
Well, because I like, I feel like I have a
good side in a and I'm not as good side?

Speaker 4 (18:08):
Can we guess? Can we guess?

Speaker 1 (18:09):
I don't even want I would never do that.

Speaker 3 (18:11):
Sorry, I've never want to.

Speaker 1 (18:14):
I don't want to free I don't want to confirm
your deepest fhere.

Speaker 2 (18:18):
Well, Well, if you bad side is good, then I'm like,
oh bad side, Oh you will verify the bad side.
And then you did this once in the pod and
you were like, I see it. I know I have
a bad side. Choose it's not a bad side. It's
just like not as good as the other side. The
other side is like exceptional, and the the other side
is like a good team.

Speaker 1 (18:37):
I never know when people say what's your good side?
And pictures I've never known, but I definitely have one.
I just can't memorize it.

Speaker 2 (18:43):
You have a bad side, yeah, for their pictures?

Speaker 1 (18:46):
I hate of myself and I'm always like, why do
I hate that? But I think it's because of the side.
But so many people in doing meet and greets know
what they're good and bad side is, they like have
memorized it. I just I never even think so.

Speaker 2 (18:55):
Is there a surgery you can get where you just
make it the same?

Speaker 1 (18:57):
What every surgery is is that it's correct in that way,
like when I've gotten botox or even like even with makeup.
They'll like do different things on one side, so they
I think that's part of the thing, is like we'll
do more units on this side to pull this up.

Speaker 3 (19:13):
But yeah, I think I would like.

Speaker 2 (19:15):
Do anything per se. But it would be interesting to
go into a plastic surgery and just say what's wrong,
Like what is it that's making they do?

Speaker 3 (19:23):
Yeah?

Speaker 1 (19:24):
Circle? Literally what they Yeah, I want to get the
circle I don't want to get, Okay, So they let
me tell you what they do. They like, look at you,
he holds your face like this like I've had I've
been consulted for like surgery on my face twice. One
time it was just they set pictures and you have
to like turn and then the other he just looked
at me like we were about to kiss. Like this close,
like and he's just looking and he's going like pulling this,

(19:46):
doing this, and it's like intense and you're trying like
not to look in his eyes because you might feel
something and it's really awkward. And then and then they
just suggest things and you hope that it's the same
things you were thinking, because if it's not, it's just like,
but I was right about what I thought I needed.
But then the thing that I was going to get,

(20:06):
like a lip lift, which is where they take out
like a little bit of this. Oh I need that, Like, yeah,
you would actually be a good candidate for it.

Speaker 4 (20:14):
I have so much skin.

Speaker 2 (20:16):
Teeth, okay, teeth, I need a lot. I hated my teeth, man,
I don't you hate your teeth?

Speaker 4 (20:24):
No, I don't hate it. I don't hate them hate them.

Speaker 3 (20:26):
Say now, but when you have these luscious d s ls,
like my secret DSL tho I d s ls, I
think you have.

Speaker 1 (20:34):
You your upper lip is literally what every girl dreams of. Happened.

Speaker 3 (20:38):
Yeah, but you're not.

Speaker 1 (20:40):
Everyone needs to go to YouTube right now and look
at O'Connor's upper It is perfect. Yeah, it's like it
looks like you.

Speaker 3 (20:48):
El their list. Oh you grew up in Long Island
and never heard that.

Speaker 1 (20:54):
Yeah, do you know what t h O is?

Speaker 2 (20:56):
Th h o titty honk and ovaries.

Speaker 3 (20:59):
Yeah, all right, no t.

Speaker 1 (21:01):
JO have that titty hart on. It's like what you
can see through.

Speaker 3 (21:05):
Like Jennifer Andison my friends throughout.

Speaker 2 (21:09):
So dick's sucking lips huh No, I never heard of
that one before. I know DSL is like a type
of internet.

Speaker 3 (21:15):
Yeah, it was. And then it was like a perfect
insult for people to always say to me when I
was like seventeen, because yeah, d S al me because
I don't have those no.

Speaker 1 (21:26):
Dick sucking lips in high school?

Speaker 3 (21:29):
No, no, you don't. They dsls what called me white
jay Z it was.

Speaker 1 (21:36):
That's actually kind of cool.

Speaker 3 (21:37):
That was pretty cool at the time. It was the
coolest time to be compared to jay Z.

Speaker 4 (21:41):
God, did you prove that they were ing by blowing them?

Speaker 1 (21:46):
Made? I swear to God us, I'm so angry.

Speaker 3 (21:52):
Suck your dick right now, I'll terrible.

Speaker 1 (21:55):
My lips are, Yeah, those are good ones.

Speaker 5 (22:01):
I got made from my nipples got made from them.
I got I'm gonna get smaller nipples.

Speaker 3 (22:05):
Are that you got PEPs and they're PEPs.

Speaker 1 (22:07):
What PEPs mean?

Speaker 4 (22:09):
You never heard pepperoni?

Speaker 1 (22:11):
I've heard of.

Speaker 3 (22:11):
Pepper There was a lot of like in the high
school locker room, people would if you had anything outside
of the normal nipple. Like people were like like.

Speaker 4 (22:26):
Saucers did make a shower in gym class.

Speaker 3 (22:29):
Yeah, like in school bacon you would have to do
one on one with your gym teacher. What we didn't
on friends.

Speaker 1 (22:40):
The tailor isn't supposed to pop your balls in prison,
so they don't tailor fans like that. Yeah in prison.

Speaker 5 (22:48):
Why do guys though, hate other guys with bigger nipples
like they like women with nipples?

Speaker 4 (22:55):
Women have bigger nipples? Is that what it is?

Speaker 2 (22:57):
Like you much, It's not like it's attacking us.

Speaker 1 (23:02):
It's feminine. If you like it on women, you wouldn't
like something on a man. Yes, he's getting Even though
guys having Lusia's lips is in, it's still like was
used against you as like that's a girl thing.

Speaker 3 (23:13):
Yes, And I remember like looking at the like the
soccer players, they all have like whispers of nipples, and
I was like, oh, I wish I had.

Speaker 4 (23:20):
This kid had tiny little nipples.

Speaker 5 (23:23):
And I always said if I had your fucking nipples,
I would look so jet like, yeah all the time,
he had the best nipples there were.

Speaker 1 (23:30):
Get your nipples done to it. It would be such
a minor procedure, and it's something that you think about
a lot, and then you would be free to be
like the Florida man. You're meant to be, like comfortable
with your shirt, like comfortable with your shirt. I can.

Speaker 2 (23:46):
In all seriousness, why a guy white man start.

Speaker 1 (23:49):
Writings instead gold enough Island.

Speaker 2 (23:51):
Why men in school would make fun of big nipples
or anything of feminine is because if a man even
makes them feel attracted in any way at all, they'll
get angry because they'll feel like, oh no, I'm gay. Gay,
it's an attack.

Speaker 3 (24:02):
It makes fun of you.

Speaker 2 (24:03):
So it feels like a little you know, twink walking
around and he's looking hot and like and for just
for a second, a straight guy looks at him and
gets a little bit of a boner.

Speaker 1 (24:13):
Yeah. Yeah, they're angry about the boner you gave.

Speaker 2 (24:15):
That's so true.

Speaker 1 (24:17):
It's so true. That's why, like I would hear stories
of you know, there's a lot of gay guys that
are attracted to straight men. They just almost like it's
like a challenge. It's almost probably like a fear of
uh abandonment. A guy will that's not gay will never
actually be with you, so you're not risking anything, but
they do risk something because guys after they come have
that like post nut clarity of like a straight guy

(24:38):
that's getting his first blowjob from a guy and they
get like violent because they're so mad that they're gay
and this guy fucking sucked it out of them. I
wasn't gay until you did this, And so that's like
a really yeah that there's an anger that comes with that.
I mean that goes with anything, like anytime you see
something that reminds you of the thing that you're afraid of,
scared of being it. It's like it's honestly, the Dane

(25:00):
Cook joke, which I always think about boiled down of
when he's like trips on the sidewalk and he's like
fucking like he gets like mad, like the streaming, like
the reaction is so overblown because you're so embarrassed.

Speaker 2 (25:12):
Did we give Dane Cook his flowers?

Speaker 1 (25:14):
We did give him flowers all the time.

Speaker 2 (25:17):
I can't wait for his comeback album, not to call
it a comeback album. But he's working on an hour
that is amazing.

Speaker 1 (25:22):
Wait did you see it?

Speaker 2 (25:23):
Well, I saw it several times while we were going
around for really he was up before you, like maybe
like three or four. I was always in the zone
or something.

Speaker 1 (25:32):
Yeah, exactly.

Speaker 2 (25:34):
His hour is going to be amazing, This is going
to be scene.

Speaker 1 (25:37):
Yeah, I'm I I love his material.

Speaker 2 (25:41):
Yeah I would.

Speaker 1 (25:42):
I would watch the hell out of that again. Lisa
Tregger Special is the one that I'm like obsessed.

Speaker 3 (25:46):
With right now in like a way that is just amazing,
so funny. Yeah, it really just made me laugh so much.

Speaker 1 (25:55):
I went on like a deep dive of her like
on different podcasts, and I just even I'm talking like
her right now, it's like it rubs. I have to
stop watching her because I'm like doing.

Speaker 2 (26:04):
She's so casual and calm and comfortable on stage.

Speaker 1 (26:07):
But also neurotic.

Speaker 3 (26:08):
Yeah sure, yeah, but it's like it's like so inspirational
to be that like so clear about who you are.
It doesn't like the materials like just falling out of her.

Speaker 1 (26:19):
Yes, she's so relaxed, yeah she Yeah, but even it's
so cute because she's like trying to keep in mind
that her hair needs to be a certain way for
like the cameras, So she's like kind of being cute
about like fixing it and being in the right light.
So there's a little like anxiety, but it's still like
she's so yeah, it was, it's just you feel like
you're friends with her. A very conversational.

Speaker 3 (26:38):
There's a manic confidence.

Speaker 4 (26:40):
Yes that like you.

Speaker 3 (26:42):
I mean, like as somebody who's manic. I wish I
had the confidence because it was it was like it
was like, yeah, no, it was inspiring.

Speaker 1 (26:49):
Yeah, really, like it's cool to see something that makes
you go like, oh, I want to do something, Like
I don't know how I do more that, but that
was fun.

Speaker 2 (26:58):
I remember when her and her Chicago crew came to
New York. You remember this, and they just took over there.
They took within like three months, and I was just
like it's over for us. I mean they were all
so good, all of them.

Speaker 1 (27:09):
They did a lot of stand up in Chicago.

Speaker 2 (27:11):
Yeah, and they all came together as a team and
they were all friends and it was just like and
there was there was a power vacuum in New York
because all of like the big name like open mic
style comics had left gone to La like, uh, you
were probably gone. I'm assuming Mike Lawrence had left Dan
Saint Germain.

Speaker 3 (27:27):
I was a big gun at the open all the
big guns had so.

Speaker 2 (27:30):
There was a power vacuumber that the Chicago people came
in at the perfect time and they were drafting off
of the success of their previous cohort like Mullany and
Hannibal and stuff, and they just took over the scene
within months. It was like the Germans going into Poland.

Speaker 3 (27:44):
I mean, that's the Chicago people did that for our
generation too, where it was like Pete Nate, Hannibal Kumal,
Jared Logan, like they all kind of moved at the
same It makes.

Speaker 2 (27:54):
Me feel like, man, why didn't I go to Chicago
after because that cruise was so tight. They were all friends,
and I started Indiana here this.

Speaker 1 (28:03):
In any way, I always felt like, I don't know.

Speaker 2 (28:06):
You're beyond the pale. It was over.

Speaker 1 (28:08):
I struggled for soul. I was resented coming up in
the business of like, man, they just but I always
was like, they're just more talented than me. I guess
I've never once thought there's been like a few times
where someone gets something and I'm like they're terrible and
I don't know, but most of the time I'm just
like they're probably just better than me.

Speaker 2 (28:26):
The thing about the Chicago cohort that came in, I
think probably both times we just laid down our arms
and said, I guess this is VC France.

Speaker 3 (28:33):
Well they're they're they're funny, They're absolutely funny, but they
also like starting in like Chicago, really it's so local
and like you are, there's no industry to pull you.
You're not getting opportunities, so it's like you're bonding with
each other and like you're just like making each other

(28:54):
laugh that it really helps to have that like kind
of scene community friends.

Speaker 1 (28:59):
But then your friend, like I think in any industry
you get, there's jealousy, then it starts like who's getting what,
and then the ship talk talking starts and then there's like,
you know, uh, fission. Is that the word fissiers fishers? Yes? Yes, yes, yes.

Speaker 3 (29:17):
Because also what inevitably always happens is like when you
have that community, it all becomes very incestuous. You start
fucking each other. Then there's like weird divide.

Speaker 2 (29:27):
Yeah, that's the that's the st.

Speaker 1 (29:29):
Lewis scene had so many like old men and it
like it was so diverse. It was. There wasn't like
a young, youthful, like we're the future of comedy kind
of scene. It was always like old road dogs that
were never gonna leave town. So there was never like
a let's all move together, we're doing this together.

Speaker 4 (29:45):
The Florida scene was ridiculous, dude. There was no one.

Speaker 5 (29:48):
There was no one that moved out of well like
maybe two other comics I could think of that moved
out of Florida.

Speaker 1 (29:54):
That's why you when you and when you get bigger,
you it becomes solitary again. There's no scene because you're
not like doing open mics and you're not hanging out
all day waiting in line stuff like that. So then
you get lonely again. And that's why it's been so
fun to breach a point where you're like, well, now
I get to make my scene again, and I get
to pick my scene, and you hang out with comics
and like you can find that kind of like the

(30:14):
camaraderie of like a writer's room is so fun when
it's right.

Speaker 2 (30:18):
When there's now you're the nucleus, you can you can
get your electrons to I just want to.

Speaker 1 (30:22):
Hang out with friends, Like it's around fucking goal, Like
all I want in life. My favorite thing is meals
with friends and just talking and medians and cars, hanging
after the meal and hoping they don't bring the check
too soon because I just want to keep hanging and
I go to the next place.

Speaker 2 (30:39):
Can I just say something about last night? That pancake
was a disaster?

Speaker 1 (30:44):
Really?

Speaker 2 (30:45):
Yeah, Like I'm thinking about this Swinger's pancake that was
a miracle, and I was like, this will be at
least comparable.

Speaker 1 (30:50):
Yeah, but you weren't. You might have been starving when
you eat that Swingers pancakes was high from the you
were Yeah, but no.

Speaker 3 (30:57):
I okay, pancake much pancakes can be really really.

Speaker 1 (31:05):
You know, you dry and flavorless, be body fla.

Speaker 4 (31:07):
I mean that's what I'm saying.

Speaker 2 (31:09):
Yeah, what makes I say this to Chris?

Speaker 1 (31:12):
I'm like, He's like he all to get like a
brownie and ice cream be Like I don't like it.
I'm like, how could this be fucked up? Sugar and chocolate?
Like it's deliteous, It's not to get out of here.

Speaker 5 (31:22):
I don't think I've ever complained about food that I
can swallow other than like a weird vegetable, like a mushroom.

Speaker 1 (31:28):
Lower spectrum. But I rarely don't like food when I don't,
almost im proud of myself because I feel like a
girl that's like it's too rich, Like I can't like,
I don't discern taste. I like textures, but taste, I
don't really care.

Speaker 4 (31:42):
Who am I to discern? Did you?

Speaker 3 (31:44):
Did you ever smoke cigarettes?

Speaker 4 (31:46):
I stole a few from my mom.

Speaker 3 (31:47):
I can't picture hell yeah yeah. Now I feel like
if you've ever smoked cigarettes, like it sucks up your
taste in a way that like it does make everything
just muted, yeah, muted and just like sucks no, but
kind of like no matter what, you're kind of like
this is pretty good, like you need extra then. Oh
so that's why nothing's ever too sweet for me, because

(32:08):
I'm like, this.

Speaker 4 (32:09):
Is starting with such a savory mouth.

Speaker 3 (32:11):
Yeah yeah, yeah, no, I'm starting like where my mouth
is just always like the smash mouth lead singer's asshole.

Speaker 4 (32:19):
What is that about?

Speaker 3 (32:20):
I don't know. I was like that a combination of.

Speaker 2 (32:27):
But I just want to be clear though, Okay, go ahead,
what eggs were good? Okay, there was the restaurant's not ship.
That's that pancake.

Speaker 4 (32:34):
I love that.

Speaker 2 (32:35):
That'sn't want the people that think the restaurants. We're not
going to name it, but like Denny's doesn't have good pancakes.

Speaker 1 (32:40):
Okay, yeah we would. I would never go to Donny
is the lighting one?

Speaker 2 (32:44):
Did you hear what that happens? Waffle House has added
a fifty cent surcharge per egg because eggs are so expensive.

Speaker 1 (32:54):
So politicized.

Speaker 3 (32:55):
Oh all right, well the reason our bodies.

Speaker 2 (32:59):
Yeah, you can't get an egg breach.

Speaker 3 (33:02):
It's as a bird flu. Like that's why everything is.

Speaker 4 (33:04):
Yeah, there's an.

Speaker 1 (33:05):
Egg short of us know about it because he fired
everyone that would tell us about it, going to chargee.
We smell burning birds and I guess there was a flu,
like going by what we're noticing in.

Speaker 2 (33:17):
This so many dead. But the Fox News people believe
that it's Joe Biden's fault, and it's really that there
was a bird flu that happened while Joe Biden was president.
But there was a bird flu that killed a lot
of birds, and that's why there's an egg shortage, and
that's why eggs are expensive. It doesn't have to do
with inflation. I mean, I guess it does have to
do with inflation.

Speaker 1 (33:34):
I think it's funny about we had to murder six
billion birds and it's like, well you would have anyway,
like they just you did it like birds laying eggs. No,
they kill him any They have horrible lives. As soon
as they're not able to lay eggs. They discard of that.
They die horrible deaths because of our hands. They don't
get to like retire out in a pasture.

Speaker 2 (33:59):
They do.

Speaker 3 (34:00):
Definitely, you get elected to Congress in Florida and that
my shirt off with nipples.

Speaker 2 (34:12):
The people get flu shots, but.

Speaker 4 (34:13):
Not the birds. You laugh, but we go. That's how
things get made, dude.

Speaker 1 (34:19):
How things happen.

Speaker 4 (34:20):
Yeah, I'll talk to Doude about it.

Speaker 2 (34:23):
So are you excited for this weekend coming up? You're
going to New Orleans?

Speaker 1 (34:27):
Oh? You know, I'm like overwhelmed by it because tomorrow
I'm on a charter jet. So I'm presenting. This will
be on Thursday. So tonight I'm presenting at the NFL Honors.
Take it away from me, I dare you at this
point I leaked it Mickey Glazers talking ninety seconds at most.
I'm presenting at the NFL Honors on on Thursday in

(34:49):
New Orleans, which is a huge do you know what honor?

Speaker 2 (34:51):
Are you allowed to say? What that you don't want to?

Speaker 1 (34:54):
Yeah, it's not even worth it. It's a cool it's
actually a cool category that I actually am like one
hundred percent behind, and like I would be, I'm invested
in it.

Speaker 3 (35:01):
I like, love's hard to pick.

Speaker 1 (35:07):
I know, the worst one on the phone through a house,
but uh no it and so I'm just I'm so
the NFL Honors, which is like being so cool, was like,
you don't need to. We're gonna fly you out with
a bunch of other celebrities that are also presenting, like
we are going to put they have a lot behind

(35:27):
this to treat us, right, So I'm on a flight
with celebrities. It's well, I'm being told it is John
Hammond Shaboozy, so exciting sbozy song, you know Tipsy, which
is already Yeah I think so, but I know, I know,

(35:48):
why would.

Speaker 4 (35:49):
You pick hand? Sorry? It was a deep thinking.

Speaker 3 (36:00):
Do stupid? You know who get it?

Speaker 2 (36:05):
The Chicago Crew real name is John Shaboozy.

Speaker 3 (36:08):
Some other people.

Speaker 1 (36:11):
But I'm like kind of stressed out because I'm like,
my luggage has to be cute. I have to wear
a cute outfit. I might have to talk the whole time.
So I was kind of today thinking, Okay, Nikki, you
know you're being your anti social self. You're getting like
anxiety because Chris might not be able to come with me.
So Chris, you generally like can really carry a conversation
with the famous people. I become the least interesting version
of myself around people who kind of like are famous

(36:32):
and want me to be funny. I like kind of
can't do. I don't know what happens to me. I
kind of go brain dead. So I'm a little bit
nervous of that. But I'm also like I don't need
to do anything I don't want to do. But I
was asking myself, Nikki, do you want it to be
a really interesting flight that you talk the whole time
you have a great time? Is that the story you want?
Or would you rather like sleep and like get put down,
like have that vibe. And I'm like one is exhausting

(36:54):
and the other is comforting. But I think I ultimately
want a really fun time if I even though.

Speaker 2 (36:59):
It's exactly it's your only shot. If you sleep through it,
you'll never get to know if it was.

Speaker 1 (37:04):
I wonder what I wish everyone could privately vote secretly
and then Jeff Probes reads our votes. I mean this
line up right? Yeah?

Speaker 3 (37:17):
Yeah?

Speaker 1 (37:20):
With his wife and she's nice. I've met her just
in passing, and he's obviously nice and and funny and
cool and shaboozy. I met his uh in line the
other night when I was in line for the red carpet.
I met his producer. So I've been in with him
to be like I met Nevian and so I feel
good with And I've listened to a song a thousand
times in a plot.

Speaker 2 (37:39):
Where are you flying from to l A two?

Speaker 1 (37:42):
Tomorrow? Yeah?

Speaker 2 (37:43):
Tomorrow, Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 (37:45):
I think we'll probably do the thing where we talked
the first half hour that everyone kind of like stops talking.
We'll pick it back up again when it's on the
runway and nothing happened even on the runway. I don't
feel sometimes I don't feel I know what I've read
not feels.

Speaker 3 (37:59):
You can't even parked, Like parked.

Speaker 1 (38:02):
Is not good, No, it's parking is look. I used
to feel like I'm not gonna get worried until I
start to take off. Nope, no, once you are disconnected
from the gate, start praying.

Speaker 3 (38:13):
I mean, I will.

Speaker 1 (38:18):
I refuse to let being scared of air travel into
my being. It's not an option for me to be
able to go. I don't want to do it anymore.
You know. It crossed my mind of like, Okay, could
I just switch to you know, buses, but I have
Statistically obviously a bus crashes are much more likely than
a plane crash. But it just makes you. It gives

(38:39):
you a false sense of safety that I do like,
but it doesn't being on. I told Sean about when
I was on the bus tour for Bert Kreischer's thing
a couple of summers ago. I had so much fucking
anxiety that in the middle of the night I'd be
laying horizontally and we'd go off a bridge and I
would die, like drowning in a river because our bus
driver fell asleep because he like didn't have the right
amount of red bull. Like I was just I literally

(39:00):
made my agent or my assistant asked their team like
about the rules about drivers sleeping and making like seeing
the schedule of a driver sleeping because I needed to
know because I just watched the bus drivers face the
whole thing.

Speaker 3 (39:11):
Think of how much a pilot has to how many
hours a pilot has climb. This is like a guy
who was like a shitty basis that became a tour
bus driver he fell into.

Speaker 1 (39:22):
Don't know the story. They could like amazing and like
have done it so long and like there's had no
safety issues, but you don't really know. You just trust
the bus company that maybe could have the regulations in place.
You don't know. It's not like the FAA is overseeing
tour bus. Like there's no fa for us even anymore
for flying.

Speaker 3 (39:42):
I think being in the sky is the safest place
in Trump's America, never land.

Speaker 2 (39:49):
That Florida air travel is still the safest form of transportation.

Speaker 3 (39:53):
Yeah, listen, I just can't let it in.

Speaker 1 (39:57):
It's like ghosts. I can't believe in ghosts because if
I do, my life is over.

Speaker 3 (40:01):
Listen, this is the best flight to be on. Like Shaboozy,
he's touched by God, Oh my.

Speaker 1 (40:08):
God, that I memoriam. Yeah, that would be next year,
would be.

Speaker 3 (40:11):
Of thin be number one right now?

Speaker 1 (40:14):
Like, well, I don't know the popular hat picture that
I'm using. Really, it's gonna light up.

Speaker 3 (40:23):
Yeah, You're the popular thing is Don Draper and then Chaboozy.

Speaker 1 (40:27):
I think though that I have reached a point where
I would make the in memoriam.

Speaker 3 (40:30):
I think like.

Speaker 1 (40:33):
Them like, no matter what happens, no matter when I die,
if the world keeps going away, it is I will
be on an in memoriam at some point, Like I
think I've reached that line.

Speaker 3 (40:41):
You've guaranteed an Emmy, like you're no matter. Here's the thing,
like the next year, we just have to work on
getting you in that Oscar Is immemorial. And that's like
to me, that's the gold standard of the memoriams. Yes,
like that will never bring out jelly roll, like.

Speaker 1 (40:56):
They just saying all right, actually let's go to break.
We'll do back up a mandy, I will say. The
other night at the Grammys, Chris Martin did the in
memoriam and saying that you have all my love whatever
that song is. And Chris, Chris is not a huge
cold blay plan on if anything like, I think he's
probably not one. But we were kind of sitting, we

(41:16):
were facing this like looking at the stage, but he's
performing behind us. They had like a stage in the middle.
So we were just watching the Memoriam and Chris Martin
singing behind us, like pretty far behind us, and Chris
just like whispered to me. He was like, can you
believe that? It sounds like a recording, but it's actually
Chris Martin live singing to us. Because we were like
getting touched, like and we turned. I was like, he's
right there. It was such a magical moment. I really

(41:36):
want to see Coldplay live, I think, because I think
he's he's a captivating performer.

Speaker 3 (41:40):
Amazing.

Speaker 1 (41:41):
Really did you really?

Speaker 3 (41:43):
Yeah?

Speaker 1 (41:44):
Yeah?

Speaker 5 (41:45):
And I blamed it on my dead grandpa. Yeah, fix you, Yeah,
I fix you. Looked over He's like, are you fucking crying?

Speaker 4 (41:58):
Think like grandpa died. He's like, that was six months ago.
I was like, we haven't buried them yet.

Speaker 3 (42:04):
They can have a lot of songs about about like
you know, remind you of dead people.

Speaker 1 (42:09):
Yeah, they write good slow montage scientists.

Speaker 4 (42:14):
That video was on the backwards. Everything that was huge.

Speaker 1 (42:17):
Yeah, like music video.

Speaker 2 (42:19):
That might be the last ever music video that I
can remember.

Speaker 1 (42:21):
Really, I remember that one.

Speaker 3 (42:25):
Everything was backwards.

Speaker 2 (42:26):
There's lots of music video.

Speaker 4 (42:27):
Yeah, what's your last music video you can think of?

Speaker 2 (42:30):
I watched.

Speaker 3 (42:33):
Today?

Speaker 1 (42:34):
Is that new one?

Speaker 3 (42:35):
Oh yeah? And Gta's back. She's back in a big way.
She's taken all elements from Bad Romance and has made
a whole album.

Speaker 2 (42:45):
The album come out like several months.

Speaker 3 (42:47):
That No, it's Mayhem that comes out next month.

Speaker 2 (42:49):
There was another s is not gad back.

Speaker 1 (42:53):
Like a pop way. She's back and done other things.

Speaker 3 (42:55):
She's doing satanic pop again, like she's wearing a lot
of like red lads while.

Speaker 1 (43:00):
Like I weird again. I guess she's always been weird.
I kind of fell off her for a while, but
I love her.

Speaker 3 (43:07):
I love Lady Gaga. She was mean to me in
two thousand and seven and I've yet, I've been hard
since and you're not You're not not helping.

Speaker 1 (43:20):
Sean had a show at the same place that Lady
Gaga had a show, and Lady Goga show would be
after Shawn's and she like would like be a hurry up,
you guys, like wrap it up, like we got it?
Like what was it?

Speaker 3 (43:30):
She was just like, get off, there's no one here,
Like why are they still performing?

Speaker 1 (43:35):
She said, you're not funny. Guys aren't even funny?

Speaker 3 (43:38):
Yeah, yeah, no, And I like honestly, it only made
me like her more.

Speaker 1 (43:42):
Yeah, I love a mean girl.

Speaker 3 (43:43):
I love a mean girl.

Speaker 4 (43:45):
Before she got big, she was sharing like.

Speaker 3 (43:47):
A It was a Lady Starlight review and she was
Lady Gaga, who was just a performer. It was a
Burtless show after our show called Here's the Thing, and
like we were just doing like the worst comedy ever,
like just like for eight people. And then like Chelsea
would be sleeping, you have to wake her up and
be like you're on, and that she would be making

(44:08):
fun of us. Man, then I'm like, oh my god,
all my Italian queens are making fun of each other.

Speaker 1 (44:13):
Oh yeah, yes, all like the cutting like hot girl,
mean hot.

Speaker 4 (44:18):
Girl, exhaust to do all.

Speaker 1 (44:23):
That's what that one the documentary was about. She was like,
you know, her body was breaking down from it and
she was tired and you know, and she asked her
and then she embodied her aunt, her dead aunt.

Speaker 3 (44:37):
Janney, her dead aunt was.

Speaker 1 (44:39):
She was reincarnated as her dead aunt, and she told
her grandma, who is her dead aunt's mom, that I'm
Joe Anne reincarnated and you can tell her. Grandma's like, no,
you aren't, Like I know, you're my granddaughter. I love
you so much, but you are not my daughter.

Speaker 3 (44:53):
Yeah, I'm sorry that you grew up rich. You're not
interesting very much.

Speaker 1 (44:58):
She plays us song for her grandma, I really like
I love Lady Gaga. The scene is really funny though,
because I understand that like idea of like you're only
making art and trying to become famous and trying to
become beloved to like show your family members that make
question your loveability outside of the family, that like see
other people love me, and like I'm doing, I want
you to like finally get it. And so she's showing

(45:20):
her grandma this song that she wrote about her dead grandmother,
and her grandma's kind of just like or her dead daughter,
and her grandma's just kind of like I don't really
want to be in camera listening to this. She's like,
just listen to it, Grandma, and she like holds the
phone up to start playing the demo, and her grandma's
just kind of stone faced, and then she's like, Grandma,
don't cry. It's okay if you cry, Grandma, but you

(45:41):
don't have to cry, Grandma, And then she starts the song.
She just starts like moving the phone from my memory
that I'm probably exaggerating, but she starts moving the phone
like closer until it's like up in her grandma's face.
She's like, Grandma, don't cry, but like desperately wanting her
grandma to pro that's it.

Speaker 3 (45:55):
She needs to get the shot. But yes, that song
is incredible. It's such a good song.

Speaker 1 (46:00):
Love that album.

Speaker 3 (46:01):
That whole album is wall to wall bangers. I am
such a little monster too.

Speaker 1 (46:09):
The one song she does with Florence and Machine Haygirl,
is like a female anthem of like we all like
kind of talk shit about each other, but we need
each other. It's so girl, It's it's sol It's so girl,
that's the.

Speaker 4 (46:24):
Girl.

Speaker 3 (46:26):
Listen. I know I'm not beating the allegations, but at
the same time I did have like a mini meltdown
two weeks ago because on Apple Music on art Pop
they took off her song with R Kelly, like that's
no longer on the album, and that song is such
a fucking banger. All I want to do is listen
to that song because she's probably yeah, she has to

(46:46):
want to know, because like the song is heavily implying
that her and R Kelly are fucking door.

Speaker 1 (46:51):
Man, that's crazy. You just lose a whole song.

Speaker 3 (46:54):
It's such a good song. She should re record I'm
so Mad at R Kelly again.

Speaker 1 (46:59):
All over, opened up this wound.

Speaker 2 (47:02):
Yeah, ISZI gonna be like making an appearance in the halftime.

Speaker 1 (47:07):
Show two the three. No, he's not tall, he is
NFL Honors. Yeah, I've seen him a lot. I did
the iHeart no the oh was it the Yeah? It
was I heeart like Christmas jingle he performed on that
was so good, And then saw him at the Grammy
the other night. He was so good.

Speaker 2 (47:27):
He did I Love that halftime show or something at
one of the like Christmas Day Football. I forgot which
one it was.

Speaker 1 (47:34):
I like really heard that song today. I put it on.
I was like and then for the first time, you
know when you've heard a song one hundred times, but
the lyrics suddenly like pop out and you're like, whoa,
this is like it's about like, what the hell am
I working for? My My girlfriend wants a burken bag.
I can't even afford to like pay the rent, like
I work nine to five? What the fuck is all
this for? I'm just gonna go get drunk. And I

(47:55):
was thinking of walking out to it in New Orleans
because I'm like, I'm gonna hang with him, and like,
I think that's a good song to walk out to
ed Bird Show. It's like instead of like a tailor's song,
it's like a more common like you know. And I
was like, and she goes but and Emily was like,
but you don't get tipsy, and I'm like, but I do.
Like it's not just about drinking. It's about like, fuck it,
let's just be lay in bed all day. Let's just

(48:16):
over indulge in skinny pop like whatever it is, get tipsy,
like it all sucks. And I and, like I said
yesterday about the Olivia Rodrigue song, pretty Isn't Pretty, I
love a song that doesn't have like a happy it's
all gonna be okay. It's just like let's get drunk. Yeah,
it's it's it actually is girl. That's girl. Yeah, tipsy
is girl trying something here? I didn't know.

Speaker 4 (48:40):
I have a feeling it's not going to do anything
at all. Chaboozy is like six five, he's a big man.

Speaker 3 (48:52):
Really, Emily wanted burking bag.

Speaker 1 (48:57):
You're so girln't seen her, but maybe it's because I
mute it you haven't seen a celebrity, but because their
body tried you enough that you were like, I can't
watch this anymore. I like her. I she I think
is uh so iconic, and I think she's really smart
and cool. But she I think I because there's no
way she's not still putting out content.

Speaker 2 (49:17):
I think I just.

Speaker 1 (49:22):
Any misspelling of her name too, just to be oh god,
I need to unmute her because I'm I think I'm
confident enough to like invite her torso back into my feed. Yeah,
into my feed. I'm ready to see that.

Speaker 2 (49:34):
So are you going to ask? Are you gonna mention
to him like, hey, I want to use your song
to come out this show.

Speaker 1 (49:39):
No, he doesn't care. Like that would be weird to
me to be like, you know, the song that's the
hit song of the year that everyone listened to a
million dollars. I think I'm gonna be real different and
unique and walk out. I just feel like, maybe maybe
I'm wrong and he would be like tickled by that,
But I feel like he would just be like, yeah,
of course she would not everyone.

Speaker 2 (49:56):
You know, I don't feel Saturday.

Speaker 1 (49:58):
I think it's thirty years that would be interesting anecdote.

Speaker 2 (50:01):
But so Thursday is the NFL Honors, and then and
then Friday tour and Friday's like Pennsylvania, Pittsburgh. Yeah, and
then Saturday you're doing this big show with Bird Kreischer
at where is it. That's some big really thank you
for PiZZ Yeah, I think so pizza they have. Yeah,
I think they would think you'll be just gonna sell out.

Speaker 3 (50:22):
I think it'll be a very interesting story thirty years
from now when you're doing the White House Correspondence Center
for President Boy thirty years three months.

Speaker 1 (50:34):
Yeah, then I do that show and that'll be fun.
And then I get to go to the super Bowl
the next.

Speaker 2 (50:38):
Time, and then the Super Bowl and you're rooting for
the Chiefs. I'm assuming, Yeah, I mean, I.

Speaker 1 (50:41):
I think I'll be, I hate to say, maybe rooting
for both teams. Like I'll be excited, but at some
point I'll have to choose what I want. I think
when the underdog reveals itself, I'll be rooting for them. Yeah.

Speaker 3 (50:52):
The underdog is the Donna Kelsey thing of just wearing like.

Speaker 1 (50:56):
Or the I love the Rob Low thing of just
the NFL.

Speaker 3 (51:00):
NFL.

Speaker 1 (51:00):
I thought I was going to take a joke on
that and just wear all things that just say NFL
and be very middle, you know, like I thought people
might not get the joke, but I think that would
be funny because it was like a baseball.

Speaker 4 (51:10):
Umpires the refs. Wait, he was wearing a ref hat.

Speaker 3 (51:20):
Well, he.

Speaker 2 (51:23):
Looked like the commissioner Roger don't I look.

Speaker 1 (51:28):
Good and red? And obviously it's like Taylor. It's Travis.

Speaker 4 (51:31):
I know him.

Speaker 1 (51:32):
He's great and uh, you know Kanna Patrick And no,
not yet. I haven't even looked. I probably could see,
but I don't. I don't care to look yet because
I can only be disappointed, I think, you know what
I mean, Like I'd rather be like surprised, like whoa.
It's because right now I'm thinking they're shitty, because why would.

Speaker 4 (51:49):
They who You're getting him through?

Speaker 1 (51:51):
And I don't mean like being in the building is
not shitty, Like the tickets are, so.

Speaker 3 (51:55):
They're going to be good because you are presenting a
cool award at the NFL Honors.

Speaker 6 (51:59):
So like a soppy was sitting next with in a
box in a box arm in arm with Roger Goodell.

Speaker 2 (52:10):
If they're flying you out there for the honors, then
like because with celerity old.

Speaker 3 (52:16):
I don't even don't talk about it, you.

Speaker 1 (52:20):
Know, no. I mean like we went last year, but
that wasn't just amazing, but we were high up line,
but we were high up, not that high.

Speaker 4 (52:29):
Those are great seeds.

Speaker 1 (52:31):
They were amazing. I guess my point is I'm not
looking because I want to be surprised. Yeah.

Speaker 3 (52:35):
Yeah, it'll be a box, though, box like an NFL box,
a little bit about football.

Speaker 1 (52:42):
Like you know a little bit, and I can follow
a game, and thought, I can follow a game and
have a good time now because of this year and
what it's done for me, I will have a much
better last year. I actually had a really good time
with Brian because he explained the game to me and
it was just that was it was so fucking fun.
And that's when I said, I want to go to
every singst of my life. Oh yeah, I forgot about that.

Speaker 2 (53:04):
You were like, Travis Kelsey is going off and I
was like all right, and you're like ten receptions. I
was like whoa, and you're like ten and then you
did get ten? Whoa? Yeah. I mean I've got a
lot of parlays. What's the spread on the Eagle game?
Negative one? Eagles are the underdogs.

Speaker 3 (53:21):
I'm just negative want over on Barkley's rushing yards for me.

Speaker 7 (53:26):
I'll give you my Yeah, absolutely that one. Well, I'm
just saying, this is not a girl, this is not a.

Speaker 6 (53:40):
Boy.

Speaker 4 (53:40):
I can't do it.

Speaker 2 (53:41):
I can't do it. But someone else will.

Speaker 1 (53:43):
Yeah, yeah, exactly, I can't do it. Yes, we heard you,
and we saw your sly, we saw your good side
of your face.

Speaker 3 (53:50):
It looked like the guiltiest man a lot look bad. Yeah,
you look like Murphy Wine that his trial.

Speaker 1 (54:00):
Did you hear? Diddy like just hurt his knee and
they're thinking it's because they it's really advantageous for someone
who's being tried for something to show up like looking weak.
He's trying to get those crutches.

Speaker 2 (54:12):
It might even be real pain, like Sarno level pain.

Speaker 1 (54:14):
Oh yeah, there's no question he's deep pain. Like that
guy is not having a good time. I can't imagine he's.

Speaker 2 (54:21):
Having a good time deep pain.

Speaker 1 (54:23):
Yeah, but that was I don't. I guess it's just
it's girl again.

Speaker 3 (54:27):
Let's get it back to me, girl.

Speaker 2 (54:30):
How are you feeling about? What's your excitement level for
the halftime show? Kendrick?

Speaker 1 (54:36):
I mean, I'm excited for not like us, but I'm
not really familiar with Kendrick.

Speaker 2 (54:40):
Kendrick there not the Black Panther soundtray.

Speaker 1 (54:43):
I think you know I'm gonna use this as I
don't think I'm gonna have time to like get into
Kendrick before then in the way that I need to.
I'm obviously aware of him. I know I can recognize
him when I hear his voice, but I'm not a
big fan. But I'm going to use this opportunity to
be like that's when I discovered Kendrick Lamar. I mean, like,
I know that's blame, but I think it if there's
any place where I'll be like, holy shit, I have
been sleeping on this even though I know that I

(55:04):
would like him, That'll be the time that's I truly.

Speaker 3 (55:08):
Think the Super Bowl halftime show is specifically designed for
America to it's wake up to wake up and like
kind of like figure out, like, oh, Kendrick Lamar is
like a worthwhile artist is Like I think that's how
it's traditionally been used.

Speaker 1 (55:23):
I mean, like Kendrick Lamar's the way I feel about
like Breaking Bad or the Wire, like things I know
that I would love and are like, without a doubt
amazing and I respect them deeply, but I just am
not aware of them yet, Like you can't know everything,
and so I yeah, I'm hoping to. Like the other
night with that ray girl, everyone's just like, oh my god,

(55:44):
who is this? Like I know Kendrick Lamar is like
ubiquitous now, but I just haven't let it in except
I don't know his Uh.

Speaker 2 (55:50):
I know ray Gun.

Speaker 1 (55:53):
He's on Bad Blood with Taylor Swift, and I know
that's ridiculous that I know that.

Speaker 3 (55:56):
I feel like you should look up his Grammy performance
from like fourteen or twenty fifteen or twenty sixteen maybe,
but like it's a Grammy performance. It's so incredible. Really,
it's like one of the best.

Speaker 4 (56:08):
Okay, like he's a wordsmith. He's like, well, yeah, you know, but.

Speaker 1 (56:12):
That's that was like that everyone I love and respect
to love something.

Speaker 3 (56:16):
That was my introduction to him, and I was like, damn.
But then like also, like it's gonna be crazy to
have like a whole stadium of people screaming Drake's at Potophile,
Like this is the worst week of Drake's life right now.

Speaker 1 (56:30):
Yes, I don't think he's shown up right, like he's
not like a set, a statement or anything.

Speaker 4 (56:34):
No, he can't win that. You can't win if you
come out and say something, you lose if you.

Speaker 3 (56:39):
Yeah, he's just you're friends with Drake, reach out to him. Yes,
he needs it. Tell me he's not alone.

Speaker 4 (56:49):
What if he came out during the halftime show with
Kendrick God, I'd be sick.

Speaker 1 (56:52):
I mean, but that's why it's like so excited. That's
something like you can be on top of the world
and think you're so fucking cool and one of the
like most popular artist that has ever lived and one
song can be written about you or you know, I
think it was a couple like it was kind of
a series. Yeah, but you can get taken down so
much that off taken from your tower like so quickly.

(57:14):
I think it's kind of and that that that they're
willing to go there, that they're willing to risk it
all by like calling something out as exciting it is.
I mean fallsy in your face.

Speaker 3 (57:26):
I mean, like honestly, like in the nineties, like the
Tupaca Biggie thing, like it finally it feels as big
as that again, like where it's like I love drama, well,
like you.

Speaker 1 (57:39):
Know, Charlie XCX did the whole like song about Lord
and her feeling like competitive with her, and then they
like you know, did the remix and then they like
worked it out on the remix. So that was like
another I like, I like a feud, Like I love
the machine Gun, Kelly Eminem, you do.

Speaker 5 (57:54):
A good comedy bit, or like another rapper, do another
rap song where you can take down other pedophile, Like
does the song have to be that good?

Speaker 4 (58:04):
Like you know what I mean?

Speaker 5 (58:04):
So many pedophiles get away because everyone's like, oh, it's
all boring popiles.

Speaker 1 (58:09):
If we just put it to a good beat, a good.

Speaker 4 (58:11):
Beat or something insanely creative, that's the only way.

Speaker 1 (58:14):
Well, that's Hannibal Buris was the way he presented the
Cosby thing to everywhere. He made us all wake up.
It was like go home and google it.

Speaker 4 (58:20):
Yes, you know what I'm saying, So think something true.

Speaker 1 (58:23):
Because it was a way of delivering the information that
people kind of like woke up. I don't think Drake
is being like tried for anything because of that song,
but it's embarrassing as far.

Speaker 3 (58:31):
It's just embarrassing that everyone just like now even like
like hey, well that's a confirmation you are a betterphile.
It's crazy make a song about Sean being gay?

Speaker 4 (58:41):
Yeah, going down.

Speaker 3 (58:43):
The commenters on the Nicky Blazer podcast YouTube are gonna
really be.

Speaker 1 (58:48):
So lucky, be so lucky to be gay? Which it's
not even yeah, it's oh.

Speaker 2 (58:54):
It's not bad.

Speaker 1 (58:55):
Yeah, but you're making not that it's a bad.

Speaker 4 (58:58):
What a dream?

Speaker 3 (58:59):
What a dream for me to wake up and be gay?
Because then I could just be like, yeah, no, I
like Lady Gaga, I'm not gay.

Speaker 1 (59:08):
You'd be free to like this all the things you
actually like.

Speaker 3 (59:10):
Yeah, I'm like, listen, thirteen going on. Thirty is better
than big, But I can't say that as a boy.

Speaker 1 (59:17):
Believe it is.

Speaker 3 (59:18):
I kind of love thirty. Go got there and I've
seen it. Oh you got it? It's better than big.
Oh my godness, I don't know about that.

Speaker 1 (59:25):
All right, we gotta go. Thank you guys so much
for listening to the podcast. We will be back next
week with a like you know what happened on that
charter jet? Hopefully we make it there.

Speaker 3 (59:36):
So that's girls they have a plane gradge and I
would be that would be girl a box.

Speaker 1 (59:42):
Okay, remember me as girl? You guys, okay, uh, don't
we got bye? The Nicky Glazer Podcast is a production
by Will Ferrell's Big Money Players and iHeart Podcasts. Created
and hosted by me Nicki Glazer, co hosted by Brian Frangie,
Executive produced by Will Ferrell, Hans Sonny and Noah Avior,
Edited engineered by Lean and Loaf, video production Mark Canton,

(01:00:04):
and music by Anya Marina. You can now watch full
episodes of the Nicki Glazer Podcast on YouTube, follow at
Niki Glazer Pod and subscribe to our channel

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