#510 Are We Losing Empathy? Meeting a NOLA Survivor & Reddit

Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
The Nikki Glaser Podcast. Here's Nikki. Hello here, I am
welcome to the show. It's the Nicky Glazer Podcast, Podcast
number two of the week. We're back me, Brian and
Noah hanging out talking about meditation.

Speaker 2 (00:21):
Mmmm.

Speaker 1 (00:22):
Well yeah, we all just kind of started this week.

Speaker 3 (00:25):
I downloaded the Sam Harris app.

Speaker 1 (00:27):
Nice.

Speaker 2 (00:28):
Yeah, but you know, I waking up, Yeah, waking up.
The problem with meditation is just, you know, here we
go people. That's everyone is so sure that meditation is
the solution to your problems. It makes it's like I
have this natural reflex to be to like prove everybody wrong.

Speaker 1 (00:50):
But you with you on the medical book?

Speaker 3 (00:53):
Yeah, no, exactly exactly.

Speaker 2 (00:54):
I'll go meditate for like seven hours a day for
the next seven weeks so that I can just come back.

Speaker 3 (01:00):
I can still be in pain and be.

Speaker 1 (01:01):
Like, see, yeah, you're you're in a cynical place about it,
but I get it. Yeah, yeah, I'm sold on it again.
I mean I've been sold on the whole life. But
I'm just back in after reading this book. I'm reading
this book that it's an audiobook that was recommended to
me on a Manifestation subreddit that I follow called law
of attraction and it's just a bunch of people telling

(01:23):
you what they manifested and how they did it. And
someone was like, this is they were talking about some
method and they said this helped me just as much,
if not more than the book Feel Better No Matter What.
And I was like, what's that? So I looked it
up and it's a it's feel Better No Matter What
by Michael James, a four week course to love the
life you have right now. And there's been some interesting
nuggets in it that I really liked that. He's pretty

(01:46):
much he's he's talking about writing this book and like
teaching this kind of method, and he's talking about one
day in class he's a professor, and all the students
afterwards are kind of like hanging out and they're like,
you need to get this message out. You need to
write a book, you need to do audiobook tapes, you
need to have a website.

Speaker 4 (02:01):
You know.

Speaker 1 (02:02):
This is like probably early two thousands. And then one
of his students is like, or how about you do
exactly what you're teaching us and you just love yourself more?
And he was like, oh my god, yeah, I don't
need all this other stuff, like all this like trying
to do all these other things. The girl was like,
why don't you do exactly the pre you know, practice
what you preach, and love yourself more. So the whole
conceit of the book is just like learning how to

(02:24):
love yourself more and how to be the most yourself,
which is the I think so cool and and like
it makes me feel like that's within reach because we
all have ourselves. It's just waiting for us to find it.

Speaker 3 (02:41):
There's a Chapel Roane within all of us.

Speaker 1 (02:44):
Yeah, she's probably still trying, Like she's young enough that
she's probably still trying to be other people. So am
I I think this like it's not as easy. But
he does say that the best artists, any artists you
know and really respect, the ones that are the musicians,
can medians, playwrights, writers that are the best at what

(03:04):
they do, really boils down to they are the most themselves.
They're more themselves than any other artists. So whoever is
producing art at the top level is not the most.
They're the most talented, but that talent really comes from
a place of they are just the most themselves and
it teaches you how to do this, And there's all
these different methods and they're really simple and I love it.

Speaker 2 (03:27):
Sometimes that can be tricky because I'm not going to
name names here, but there are certain people in comedy
who are lauded for being so themselves and they're sow
themselves and everything they do is like confusing to most,
but it's so uniquely them. And then like the industry
eats that up because they love narcissists and they'll be like,
oh my god, they must be a genius because I

(03:49):
don't understand what they're doing at all, and they're so confident, right,
and that shit doesn't work, it doesn't make money, it's
not Maybe it's them expressing themselves in such a unique way,
but I find it to be artistic bullshit. I think
it's so I would.

Speaker 1 (04:05):
I would disagree that they I would then say that
they are not actually being authentic and that they are
trying to be counterculture and that.

Speaker 3 (04:12):
It is not themselves. Is that what's happening?

Speaker 1 (04:14):
So I think that, like, yeah, I think that, you
know it. I'm not saying it means the most successful artists.
I'm thinking like them in the most happy, most fulfilled
person is just found a way to be the most themselves.
Is it the most clutter out of the way, is it.

Speaker 5 (04:31):
The most themselves or they're doing it for themselves. Like
whatever they're putting out, they're doing it like it's coming from.

Speaker 1 (04:38):
A place of like they know themselves and they love themselves,
and they trust themselves, and they're not trying to be
they're not trying to abandon what they are. And we
all do this subconsciously, like conscious constantly of just trying
to not be ourselves and hating ourselves, and like, if
you can find a way to just truly accept who

(05:00):
you are, you can be completely happy and have kind
of a ease with which you can produce and create
that other people aren't met with because it's it shouldn't
feel like a battle to clear the space. That's why
you meditate. Why part of this thing is so this
guys four week course is like so much of it

(05:22):
is based on meditating, because he says, it's like your
brain is like a snow globe and your thoughts that
are coming from every direction, which some might now I'm
starting to learn about this, like these autistic kids that
are getting are being able to read minds. I'm like,
what if your thoughts are just like frequencies of other
people's bullshit? Like what if you don't even know that

(05:43):
your thought is as someone else's thought that's just coming
into your head because your thought doesn't even if you
if you know about free will and meditating, like you
know that thoughts are not actual things you're producing. They're
just things you're noticing and you feel like you're producing them,
but you're not. They're just coming out of nowhere. And
so what if those thoughts are just like someone else's bullshit?

Speaker 3 (06:02):
You know?

Speaker 1 (06:03):
And like what if and when you meditate you learn
that thoughts you get the thoughts out of the way.
And the snow globe that is a shaken snow globe,
that is all those thoughts. You can't see what's inside.
You can't see the little castle or the little big
bend tower or whatever is inside the snow globe because
all all the snow. And then when you meditate, the
snow slowly like drifts down and settles and you can

(06:25):
see clearly what you are. And you are you know,
the in the woods. Yeah, you are an Epcot Center
or whatever is in there.

Speaker 2 (06:37):
This it's funny because it never snows at Epcot Center,
except it's my point. I agree with what you're saying,
but I think I have a contradiction to your snow
globe analogy. I know that you love this guy and
this new book is all the rage, but there's someone
else for me, there's someone else that you should probably
learn about. His name is Sam Harris. Yes, and he

(07:00):
has an app called Waking Up. Yes, and he would
say to this that the snow globe analogy is fine. However,
the goal of the meditation practice. See, the goal of
the meditation practice is not to meditate for longer and longer,
but it's to become a person in a meditative state.

Speaker 3 (07:17):
Yeah, that all through your waking.

Speaker 2 (07:19):
Life, the thing that practice is now happening twenty four
to seven.

Speaker 1 (07:23):
Yes, I agree, but I think that this guy is
kind of I think eventually, if you do meditate as
much as this guy says, which is he says thirty
to at least twenty five minutes, start out with like
this ten minute stuff is not going to clear anything.
It's not going to teach you. I think his method
is just saying you're going to get there sooner where
it's like, once you meditate enough every day, you can

(07:44):
kind of get to that state like if I do
pilates every day for eight weeks for an hour during plates,
my shoulders are always down because I'm being cute about
it constantly. And then after like six weeks, I'm like,
oh my god, my shoulders like I'll naturally pull them down,
not even doing pilates. And so that's I think what
happens with meditating too, is that you can kind of

(08:05):
get into that state where like the thoughts, you can
kind of see. What meditating is is just like being
able to acknowledge that you don't have to pay attention
to every single thought because if you do, you're gonna
go insane and it's just too much, and you can
kind of just dodge them and not real to them.

Speaker 2 (08:23):
Speaking to your Like what if it's what if a
thought is just someone else's frequency.

Speaker 3 (08:27):
It's not just other people's thoughts.

Speaker 2 (08:28):
The whole atmosphere is filled with frequency is coming from
all sorts of different things. Yeah, there's electro, there's there's
frequencies like radio waves that are being broadcast.

Speaker 3 (08:38):
There's obviously like your phone, you know, shooting up.

Speaker 2 (08:42):
Everyone's phone is shooting up into space and then coming
back down to people's phones. And also just every single
living thing and every single metal emits an electromagnetic frequency.

Speaker 1 (08:55):
Yeah, and your I was picking up radio signals in
her fillings.

Speaker 3 (09:00):
WHOA really?

Speaker 1 (09:02):
Yeah, there's a story in this book about Judy Garland.
There's a recording of her. What that was this book?
What was Oh? No, it was in that Sorry, it
was in the autistic Uh, it was in the te
telepathy tapes. But she there's a recording of her, and
she sounded like that. She sounded like an old man,
but she's tugging like this, and she's like, I I

(09:22):
was told Buster Keaton when I got to set that
I could hear a rate like that, there's a song
coming in my head. And she was she was like.
He asked her, were you on Mulholland it was like, oh,
you passed by a ray frequency. Your fillings picked it up.
And then they had other proof of guys like picking
up this One guy was thought he was schizophrenic because
he was hearing voices like Asian voices, and they found

(09:43):
that they looked inside his mouth and he had like
this kind of filling that picks up radio frequencies and
he was picking up in underground Japanese radio like Morse
code type thing. And and he was committed because they
thought he was crazy at first.

Speaker 2 (09:56):
It was in the spotlight like fIF this is like
a spy from like the you know, the Fast I.

Speaker 1 (10:04):
Don't know, they didn't get into it, but it was
like he was committed because they thought he was crazy
because he was like, I'm hearing voices and it was
just a radio frequency that anyone else couldn't hear, you know,
dog whistles, like yeah, they can hear stuff, like there's
stuff going on all around us. And that's why the
telepi yippers are scary because these kids can also see things,
see people all over. They don't like the like this.

(10:27):
One kid doesn't like the lights on or has to
have the lights off at certain times because the room
fills with people and a lot of kids report it.

Speaker 3 (10:35):
Yeah, this is like like Haley Joel.

Speaker 1 (10:37):
Like you're never really alone.

Speaker 2 (10:40):
Yeah, there's people with you right now, I mean right
comfort me. If there's ghosts, that's amazing less unless ghosts
are just an apparition of an energy that was there
at one point, but that's consciousness is gone. That that's
not that doesn't come for me at all. But if
there's like conscious ghosts in my house right now. I'm
so I'm thrilled to learn that amazing news.

Speaker 1 (11:00):
You just don't want to lose consciousness, that's right, Okay,
well do when you go to Maybe that's why you're
clenching your teeth when you sleep, because you're unconscious and
you don't.

Speaker 2 (11:08):
Like it might be a loss of control. No, loss
of control is definitely.

Speaker 1 (11:13):
That's why, like Sam Harris saying when people are scared
to do psychedelics, he's like, oh you are, well. Every
single night you close your eyes and go to sleep
for seven hours, and you dream things that you think
are completely real. Yeah, horror, horrifying things, sometimes beautiful things.
Sometimes things that make no goddamn sense. People's heads splitting

(11:34):
in half. You and your old high school with your neighbor,
like a tiny dog drowning in a gut or whatever
it is. Like, I see crazy shit. And he's like,
every night you subject yourself to this by closing your eyes,
you completely lose control. Yet no one goes I'm really
scared to go to sleep, you know, like unless you're
a nightmare on elmstream. Like psychedelics are the same thing.

(11:55):
It's like doing the same people are like, but what
if I see something I'm scared of? It's like you
do that every night when you close your eye, you
completely surrender to a world that you think is completely real,
unless you're locid dreaming, which I have done before, where
you're in a dream and you know you're in a dream. Yeah,
you of the time, I would almost say think that
your dream is is real. So what are you scared

(12:15):
of to to do a psychedelic.

Speaker 2 (12:17):
I'm afraid that it would fundamentally change me. And then
when and to become a person who's no longer motivated,
which I've seen happen to people who do d MT,
maybe not.

Speaker 1 (12:29):
Necessarily after one time, but that person.

Speaker 3 (12:32):
I wake up and you're like, what's the point of anything?

Speaker 1 (12:34):
Man?

Speaker 3 (12:34):
We're all just floating ether in the universe?

Speaker 1 (12:37):
And no, you know what makes give up and not
give a ship is reading the news Like that is
worse for my brain than probably DMT is, Like I
just go, what's the point There's no Department of Education.
What's the point he's taking over the Kennedy Center, what's
the point? Like, what is the point of anything?

Speaker 2 (12:51):
Like the Kennedy Center thing is personally affecting I mean
I meant to text Chris about this.

Speaker 3 (12:57):
Like what is this?

Speaker 1 (12:57):
Yeah, the Kennedy Center is where the Mark Twain Prize
is and Trump has fired everyone on the board and
it's all Republicans there. You want to have an agenda.

Speaker 3 (13:07):
Of Lee Greenwood? Is that name?

Speaker 1 (13:10):
I don't know, but everyone's gone, and so I don't
know what it means for the upcoming Mark Twain Prize.
No one knows and they don't know, so we're just
all like.

Speaker 3 (13:18):
Kind of we're just speculating that happens.

Speaker 1 (13:20):
But if I really want to give up on life,
I just like read the news and then that that
makes me lose all motivation. I go, what's the point
of writing a comedy act? What's the point of going
on tour? What's the point of Like people aren't even
be able to can't afford eggs and they can be
able to afford tickets to go see me on a
tour in twenty twenty six that I'm already trying to
like plan out in my head, like probably not, Like
is there going to be an arena tour when people

(13:42):
are living homeless in an arena because there's no like water,
and like that's the only safe place to take shelter.

Speaker 3 (13:48):
There's that Louis c.

Speaker 2 (13:49):
K joke in his last special where he goes, we
all want to feel bad for homeless people, and you know, uh,
there's I know for a fact that there's no homeless
people in here right now. Homeless people can be outside,
but not in here. This is a special place. It's

(14:11):
a special place.

Speaker 1 (14:11):
Ever let them in here.

Speaker 2 (14:13):
You can't come into a building unless you have your
own building that you can stay in on your own
so fucked up.

Speaker 1 (14:19):
Yeah, I saw what I thought was a homeless woman
today at Starbucks listening. Not homeless, but like dressed a
bit like you know, she's been in the elements. Yeah,
just like maybe not ratty, but layered.

Speaker 3 (14:33):
A little beat down. Well it's wintertime, right, you're in
Saint Louis.

Speaker 1 (14:36):
Yeah, but like you know, like layer like dusty layers. Yeah,
and like maybe not homeless, but like I'll say that
she didn't look like she drove the car that I
saw she drove. So she's she's listening to a rev
like a reverend type guy that's like sounds like he's
speaking into a megaphone on the street. But she's listening

(14:58):
to like a podcast of it, full volume, full volume
on speaker, waiting for her coffee. Oh my gosh, and
I am just like I hate this woman so much,
and I am I'm not gonna I'm not gonna say
anything because I can't. But like I'm and I'm I'm
inside with three dogs, so I can't talk, you know,
like I'm waiting for my coffee. My dogs are like
one of them is on me in a you know,

(15:20):
not a case but a wrap thing carrying around my neck.
And then the other two are behaving themselves, sitting and.

Speaker 3 (15:27):
Each of them have their own iPhones, playing their own
pos and she.

Speaker 1 (15:31):
And they're both barking about God. And so yeah, I
feel like I feel like I don't have a leg
to stand on. I have eight legs, Yeah, I have
no positive Well three dogs are two I have well
once around my next she is not.

Speaker 3 (15:44):
Pause, no positive around, no pause on the ground.

Speaker 1 (15:46):
And then the other the two. So I literally you
could someone could be talking about me on a podcast
like this bitch had three dogs and a startbus and
disgusting you know, she.

Speaker 3 (15:54):
Was carrying one of them. She wouldn't even let's pause go.

Speaker 1 (15:56):
I don't let them on the tables. I don't let
them on the bench. I like they stay on the floor.
I don't let them sniff around people's shoes, even though
I would argue to say that that's nothing. Who cares?
Like whenever my dog's are in the elevator and sniffing
someone shoe, I'm aways like, so sorry. And it's like
why do we thro apologies for a dog sniffing a shoe?
Like who cares if a little nose gets on your shoelace?
But like we're always like, oh sorry, And like anytime

(16:18):
a dog sits my shoe, the owner goes, ah, sorry,
and it's just like and then we gotta go through
the whole thing. She smells my dog. It's like I
just want let's just cut it all out, and just like, oh,
but I will say this morning, when I hit the
three dogs because my parents are out of town right now,
it's like they're coming back tomorrow. Don't rob their house,
and tomorrow has already happened when you're hearing this, So mom, Dad,
your house is safe. So anyway, I had the three

(16:40):
dogs and I'm in the elevator and they're just like
they're all so cute, you know, and A girl gets
on the elevator and she goes, oh my god, this
is the best day of my life. And I am
like tired, I'm in a rush. The dogs are like gol.
They won't stand still trying to leash them because I
don't leash them till we get in the elevator, and
I go, this is the worst day of my life. Oh,

(17:00):
and I go, I'm just kidding, but this is like
I'm sorry, Like if I saw a girl struggling with
three dogs, I wouldn't go poppies and like make them excited,
Like why don't like I think people are losing empathy.
I really think people are like there there is noneymore.
This girl is a perfectly nice girl. I'm like she

(17:22):
was only like happy to see dogs. Why, well, look
my dog's coming in because I made a dog sound.
But like I just I was like I was running
through it when I was meditating later, which is obviously
really good for my psyche, even though I'm just using
it to like bitch and moan. But I was like
if I saw girls struggling on the floor trying to
leash three dogs when I entered the elevator, and I
was very excited to see those dogs. Would I put

(17:45):
my enthusiasm over this girl's like trying to do what
she's got to do.

Speaker 3 (17:49):
I would turn around.

Speaker 1 (17:52):
I think I would just go like I wouldn't go puppies.
Oh my god.

Speaker 3 (17:57):
Some people can't help themselves. It's like that.

Speaker 1 (17:59):
I don't care. I don't care that is about you.
I am so sick of it.

Speaker 3 (18:04):
Empathy for their impulse.

Speaker 1 (18:07):
No, we're all whoever. It's like the right of way
when you pull up to a stop sign. The person
who gets there first gets the right, gets to go next,
like you just or if a pregnant woman on a subway,
whoever struggling the most, gets the seat. I'm struggling the most,
you give me the seat. If I don't know what's going.
If I knew what that she was depressed and just
found out her mom had cancer and is on hospice

(18:28):
and is dying, I would give her the win, right,
But I didn't know that. There was no context for that.
So the context of the situation is like she had
enough room to see me struggling with the dogs. Yeah,
I think it's same.

Speaker 5 (18:39):
Awareness not empathy has nothing to do with empathy.

Speaker 1 (18:42):
Why people are to Losa. I think it's empathy and
self awareness. I think it's both. But isn't empathy like
acknowledging that someone's having a hard time and changing your
behavior to min maybe fit that. Or am I just
a child of an alcoholic who's always trying to look
out for other people's like discomfort and trying to make
them comfortable, because I find I am so good about

(19:02):
not be like not on this podcast necessarily, but like
outside in the world, like I am not someone who's
like making things about me. I don't think that often,
and I try to outside of my work environment, like
when I'm when people are on payroll and it has
to be about me. I've learned, like you gotta kind
of make it about you. That's like the way it is.
So I can't really like I can't speak to that,

(19:23):
and I'm deeply it took me years to even get
to get comfortable with people putting my needs above theirs
because they are working for me. But anyway, but when
it's like a general thing, like I just don't feel
like I feel like I'm always looking out for other
people's comfort, Like I just read this thing on Reddit. Okay,
this is a big one. Okay, people were talking on

(19:44):
the subredd It was the question was I think reddit
really helps me be empathetic. I would actually implore people
to go on it because you read about other people's experiences,
and people are very honest and tell their own stories,
and it's the closest to an AA meeting you can get,
I swear to God. And also twelve Step meetings have
also made me because you get to hear people's stories
that you wouldn't. You only surround yourself with like minded
people like we all do. Like our families sometimes have

(20:07):
non like minded people around them. You see a couple
times a year your uncles and strange cousins or whatever.
But generally, our friends and the family that we keep
around us are all people that kind of are like
in the same vibe as us. So when you gotta look,
that's why movies and books are important. You like live
in someone else's experience and head. But there was a
subreddit that was like, asked reddit about how do you
know someone's had a bad childhood and the number one

(20:29):
answer was they don't talk about their family. And then
an answer to that was was someone that I was
relate to someone goes I rarely ask people about their
family unless they offer it, because I don't want to
ever put them in a position to say, actually I
hate my mom and actually my dad left when I
was three, or my grandpa abused me. Like I don't

(20:53):
ask people about their siblings in case their siblings are
dead or like there's something or they're estranged from them,
Like unless they offer for it, or unless they ask
me about mine, that's kind of signals to me that
they're someone who asks about families. But if someone doesn't
ask you about your family or talk about theirs, don't
go prying if you don't know them, because you're probably
gonna get or they might just be I love when

(21:14):
they're just really blunt, they're like my mom's dad. I
just like I love that. I love when someone just
like shuts you down. It's like you don't get to
ask me about that. So I thought that was a
really interesting answer because I think a lot of people
go like, that's such a normal question to ask, like
what about your siblings? Where are they?

Speaker 2 (21:29):
Or do you have the most dangerous question of all
do you have any kids?

Speaker 1 (21:34):
Oh my god, Oh my god, I ask about Oh
my god. I mean, I'll save this for after the break.
But I have an example of something that I asked
that could have been an uncomfortable question, but I don't
think it was after this. So I'm at the So
I'm at the NFL Honors, I'm waiting for the car

(21:56):
after Bill Belichick's girlfriend talks to me. Actually was before that.
Chris is talking into a friend from production that he
ran into. I see this guy in a wheelchair kind
of roll up so to speak, and literally m hm,
and he's with a friend and he goes and I
kind of see them like talk and like maybe clock me.
I think this was them, because there was a couple

(22:16):
of people that clocked me and then asked for a
picture of stuff. It was very nice, but I would
kind of see the talk happened before they asked for
the picture of like hey, do you think that that's her?
And then they're like, you know, like they kind of
think you're a zoo animal and you can't hear like
I don't.

Speaker 3 (22:29):
Understand they start at you.

Speaker 1 (22:32):
They don't understand that. Like in fire like you can
if your friend who's two feet away can hear you,
the girl that's five feet away can probably hear you.

Speaker 3 (22:39):
Toolengths anyway.

Speaker 1 (22:42):
And yeah, and you're saying my name, which I'm like
a tuned to hear already because people know their name anyway.
But this I see. They they say like, hey, are
you Niku Lazer? I'm like, yeah, And there's this guy
in this wheelchair and I can just tell he's not
permanently in a wheelchair. I don't know how I can tell.

Speaker 2 (23:01):
I just know like he's injured. Maybe he broke his
leg or something. He's not like one of those guys
who's just wheeling around.

Speaker 1 (23:07):
For that doesn't look like a perme it doesn't have
like stickers on it. There's not like a warmness to
the wheelchair. There's not like a comfort in the wheelchair.

Speaker 3 (23:16):
Looking it's a nice chair.

Speaker 1 (23:18):
I think it was a nice chair. It just did it.
He did it. He was like sitting in it in
a way that seemed like his body worked mostly, you know,
like I think people who are chronically in a wheelchair
have a are the wheelchairs almost part of them? Like
you sense that it's like it's them. Yeah, And I'm
saying this all with no fucking judgment. Yeah, he could

(23:42):
have been like yeah, but I don't think he would
have been out and being like Nikki Glazer and like,
you know, I don't know if if he was permanent,
but I could have been wrong, that's the thing. I
could have been barking up a terrible tree. So he goes,
I go, I go, what happened to you? And I
asked this to people all the time, if they have
like a cast or wheelchair like not actually, if they
have a cast or if they have a rolling like

(24:03):
kind of you know, a boot, I generally don't because
I'm like, they're getting it all the time. But if
they're coming to a meet and greet, I do because
they're like, oh, Nikki Glazer asked me about it. But
if it's like you know, I'd find a time in
a place.

Speaker 3 (24:14):
I are certain people who love that. Like if you
have a cast, I read the room.

Speaker 4 (24:19):
Yes.

Speaker 2 (24:19):
Yeah, remember in like elementary school or middle school, when
someone would break an arm and then they would have
a cast, it'd be like they'd be like the celebrity
for the next time.

Speaker 5 (24:26):
Yes, totally totally to get autographs and stuff.

Speaker 2 (24:30):
Get those autographs and if you get as the autograph,
oh my god, you're such a lie.

Speaker 1 (24:33):
I wanted a broken leg or broken arm so much.
The first this is such a sad story. My mom
broke her foot when she was cleaning up our playroom
when I was little because she dropped a cookie monster
piano that we had on her foot.

Speaker 3 (24:48):
That's why they recalled it. I mean, those are things
We're heavy.

Speaker 1 (24:50):
And so I, as a three year old, picked up
the cookie monster piano and would just drop it onto
my foot over and over because I thought that's the
only way to break your foot and get a cool casts.
It's the urgent story of comedy of everything. I just
wanted attention. I cannot believe I didn't turn into a

(25:13):
hypochondriac who just is constantly getting sick. Not the kind
that is just anxiety, but the kind that gets sick
to get attention. I can't believe I didn't turn into that.
Like I literally it doesn't make sense. I my parents
told me that there was like a poison ivy bush
and if you if you go near that, you're gonna
like break out in poison ivy and it will be
very bad. And I went right to the bush and

(25:33):
I took a leaf I remember it still to this day,
and I just rubbed it all over like it was
a loofah all over my body and my parents were like,
what happened? Oh my oh it was it was down
my throat. I mean it was everything was terrible. I
was too young to really remember, but I remember. I
remember grabbing the leaf and knowing like I'm being bad,
and I rubbed it everywhere anyway.

Speaker 2 (25:55):
So this day, you don't, you don't treat germs with
any sort of yeah or respect.

Speaker 1 (26:01):
Actually I do respect them. I don't go like I'm
scared of you. They're one of me.

Speaker 3 (26:05):
Yeah, well I think I like you're a germ too.

Speaker 1 (26:08):
Yeah, I am, for sure, I'm covered in them.

Speaker 2 (26:10):
Perhaps your childhood, your youthful zest for engaging in these
dangerous activities, created a sense of immunity in your body
that now neglect the negated your ability to become a
hypochondriac because you simply just don't get can can I
get sick?

Speaker 1 (26:26):
But I did get chronic sign of infections as a kid.
And yeah, but I also I will say that I
was My first word was dangerous, and I would point
out things that were dangerous. And I was the most
terrified child that anyone has ever known until seventh grade
till probably even now, I like, I get anxiety around
dangerous things, but when it comes to like me inflicting
pain on myself, not scared me having like a injury

(26:48):
to the point of death. I won't even touch any
I won't go on roller coasters, you know. But if
it's something that I'm like, I'm not scared of. Get
I wasn't scared of. I wasn't scared of COVID. I
have to be honest, I wasn't. I'm not scared of No.
Oh god, I think I've gone off on this podcast
about bees. Like I am so annoyed at girls that
are go like and like they run around or they

(27:08):
like scream when there's a bee. It's like, the only
reason the bee's gonna sting you is because you act
like that. If you just stay still, they don't sing you.
And I know there's besties listening being like, oh bitch,
I've stayed still and didn't even know a bee was
on me and it sung me before. You know that
can happen, But it's just stay calm, just inspect the bees,
and you know what, take one for the team, and
they're not gonna sting you unless they're threatened. They probably

(27:29):
got threatened when they when you weren't screaming, and they
still sung you. Somehow something you did threaten them. But
certainly waving your arms around and acting like a lunatic
is gonna make them go, oh my god, I'm about
to die. I should just sting her and sacrifice my
life and you know, commit Harry Cary or what.

Speaker 3 (27:44):
I want to hear it.

Speaker 2 (27:45):
This is a quick tale of my most badass moment
in life. Probably I was standing at an outside a pool,
maybe it was a camp or something, and a bee
landed on my shoulder and started to sting me, and
with two fingers I picked it up and threw it
away and then its stinger didn't get stuck in me. WHOA, Yeah,

(28:05):
it was a bumblebe. I don't even know if they can
sting you, Honestly, I'm.

Speaker 1 (28:08):
It's literally the same story that I have. One of
the coolest things I ever did was I was like
four or five and we were on the river and
my dad was like fishing and I was just sitting
next to him after work. He was like, what, we
were just sitting on the dock or something. Maybe he
wasn't fishing. We're just looking at the river, because we
lived on a river until I was six, and there

(28:28):
was a giant, giant spider the whole size of my
shoulder on my naked shoulder, and my dad goes Nikki
and he knew how scared I was of things, and
I remember being calm as a cucumber and just going
like this and flicking it off, very calmly, and my
dad was like, that was the coolest thing I've ever seen.
And ever since then, I've like really had prided myself

(28:52):
on not freaking out about bugs on me. Yeah, like,
if it's near me, I'll kind of like, if it's
a centipede near me, I like I literally moved out
of an apartment once and slept on my friend's couch
because there was a house cent apede in my butt.
I was also going through some psychological issues at the time.

Speaker 2 (29:07):
But enipedes aren't poisons. Millipeds are the ones you gotta
look out for.

Speaker 3 (29:10):
Anyway.

Speaker 1 (29:10):
I don't care about poison. I just care about like
I need. I don't like it's the legs.

Speaker 3 (29:15):
It's this too many legs.

Speaker 1 (29:17):
It's the quickness. It's like how the legs. There's thousands
of them and they almost make a wave like that,
like you can't even see the individual legs. It's just
like a wave. It's like an eel. Almost disgusting. And
I don't like a bug that doesn't have a plan.
I don't like bugs that don't know where they're going
and they trying to just like they're I like that.

(29:38):
I don't like daddy long legs when they just decide
to like crawl and then they go against the wall flat.
I really don't like that at all. I think that's
so disgusting.

Speaker 2 (29:46):
The ears or the little uh what do they call
the silverfish?

Speaker 3 (29:50):
Oh my god, those.

Speaker 1 (29:51):
Silverfish are disgusting.

Speaker 2 (29:53):
I was wrong by the way that centipedes are poisonous everybody.
They definitely don't go eat centipedes, but millipedes are considered
not poisons.

Speaker 3 (30:00):
To go ahead.

Speaker 1 (30:00):
Yeah they're slow, but I don't like those at all either.

Speaker 3 (30:03):
They have so many legs. How are they slower? They've
got a million legs?

Speaker 1 (30:06):
Like how like how if you were to, like, I
don't know, if you were to like accidentally kick one,
it might like chop it in half and then it
would just be struggling and you have to like put
it out of your out of its misery.

Speaker 3 (30:17):
Oh my god.

Speaker 1 (30:18):
When I was in hold On, when I was in Hawaii,
we were at this amazing resort shout out four seasons
in Lanai. But there were these big chunky big boy
no that's the one in Maui. They were these big chunky,
big boy frogs toads that would appear at twilight and
then they'd be out on the paths at all night long,

(30:40):
and they didn't get out of the way if you
shuffled your feet, they just like stood there. And so
there were multiple times I almost stepped on these frogs
and the paths weren't lit like it kind of like
lets you kind of like walk where you want. And
I was like, Chris, this is so awful. I bet
people step on these frogs all the fucking time. That
why is why don't they tell people when they check
into the hotel, like we have a lot of these

(31:01):
little frogs and you know, just when yous, I don't
know if it's a seasonal thing, it's lots of frogs
out because they were just you know, like when baby
birds are out for the first time, Like they don't
understand that cars can help. These guys were fatty boys
I mean they some of them were the size of
a coffee mug, you know, and some were like little
some were fucking bullfrog, big fatties, and you would just

(31:23):
step on it and they wouldn't even try to like move.
You would just you could just like squish it. And
I can't think of anything worse than squish it the
frog with your fucking foot. And so I was like, Chris,
I'm gonna talk to them like they need when you
check in, there needs to be like, hey, by the way,
we have lots of frogs and at night, if you
would use your flasklight on your phone so you don't
step on them, yeah, that would not for that and
you and yeah, and Chris was like, don't do that,

(31:46):
and I was like or he was like, you're not
gonna do that, and I go, you you watch me.
And so the next day at lunch, one of the
guys came up and was like, how's your stay? And
I was like, it's been amazing. Can I just give
you a suggestion, like when the guests check in, can
you just like warn them about the frogs? Because I
almost stepped on a frog and I I I care
about animals more than I care about myself. And I

(32:07):
almost stepped on a frog and I was being so cautious, Like,
and I knew about the frogs. People who don't know
about the frogs. You don't even if your guys don't
care about the livelihood of these frogs, Like, do you
want your guests to squish a frog with their foot?
Like that's a disgusting thing, Like you should warn them.
And he seemed to like take it seriously. But I
don't think it's going.

Speaker 2 (32:24):
To So all.

Speaker 1 (32:26):
I do is just think about all these poor frogs
that are trying to get back to their babies to
like feed them or what. Maybe they don't, maybe they
just hatch it and they're on their own. But like,
just why would you want, like, don't step on frogs,
don't like, don't don't try to step on animals, don't
squish bugs. Just be nice to animals, please God. If
you see a bird, help it. Don't be scared to

(32:48):
pick up a bird if it's.

Speaker 3 (32:49):
It's up a bird.

Speaker 1 (32:51):
No, it's a lie. That is a lie.

Speaker 2 (32:53):
If you see in a bandit lie propagated by the
anti animal industry.

Speaker 1 (32:58):
Yeah, well I don't know what's propagated by but It's
not true that a mama bird will not touch her
baby bird again because you touched it. That's not true.
If you see an abandoned bird that's like struggling on
the ground, definitely help it. Definitely call the local like
animal authority. This guy that I follow on Instagram who
is like an animal rights activist, he was walking down
the street in Toronto and he saw a rat that

(33:18):
was kind of just like like kind of out of it,
almost like concussed, just kind of like you know when
you just see an animal that's kind of like breathing
heavy and like staring, and you're just like what do
I do? This guy fucking stopped. Everyone's just walking by
this rat going a rat and then he stopped and
stayed with it. Called animal control, like the animal people
that actually care, and he got the rat help. Can
you believe like a little rat, a street rat got

(33:40):
help from someone, Like why don't they deserve that? Like
I don't understand that just because they're a rat, everyone
just hates them. And if you use glue traps, stop
listening to this podcast now. I literally don't want you
to ever come to a show. I don't want you
to ever be a fan of mine. I don't like you.
If you use glue traps for bugs, for animals, you
are a bad person. You are cruel, and I don't

(34:02):
like you. I think glue traps are disgusting. I really
should start a campaign that like gets glue traps taken
out of home depots. I think they are so awful.
They just tortured animals because you're too much of a
pussy to just kill it right away. I understand mouse traps,
but get ones. Don't even get humane ones because you
know you're not gonna empty them out because you feel
grossed out, so you just let the fucking mouse starve

(34:24):
inside of the goddamn thing because you think it's humane
or something. If you unless you go and take those
nice and you let them out in the woods, then
don't get a humane trap. Just get the ones that
snap its neck. I'd rather none of it. I probably
would just live amongst mice if it was up to me.
But get the ones that snap their neck. Do not
get glue traps. Do not get glue traps. They'll just
have to chew their fucking foot off to get out,

(34:45):
and then they'll die of blood loss anyway, So I'm
waiting for my car and this guy in this wheelchair
comes up to me. Yes, And if you have a
glue trap in your house, you shouldn't be listening to
pos Cast anymore. I don't want your I don't want
your fandom.

Speaker 2 (34:57):
What I have got this guy in the wheelchair, what if
he has a glue trap?

Speaker 1 (35:00):
I forgive him because of what happened to him.

Speaker 3 (35:02):
Oh so you know the truth?

Speaker 1 (35:04):
Well, okay, if you if you get rid of your
glue traps now you and realize they are of your ways,
you absolutely Because I think some people just don't even think,
but I would. I would say that you should probably
be seventeen years old.

Speaker 3 (35:14):
There's always time for a damn pap.

Speaker 2 (35:16):
No.

Speaker 1 (35:16):
But like you don't have an excuse. You should have
thought if you're in your thirties and you use a
glue trap, I don't no excuse. I don't even care
if you change your ways. I don't you like, aren't
thinking about other people unless you really have, like a company,
someone with me to go psychedelics.

Speaker 2 (35:31):
Like those things you hang from the ceiling and it's
like a strip of glue and it's supposed to capture bugs. Yeah,
it's a glue trap for bugs. Okay, it's stupid, Like
just let the bugs fly. I mean, like, how many
bugs do you have?

Speaker 3 (35:42):
Oh?

Speaker 1 (35:42):
I you don't even my mom And I got so
bad at my dad because the he like found this cool.

Speaker 6 (35:47):
Thing that's like you take a two liter soda and
you cut it in half and then you flip the
top and then they go in and they can't get out.
And these goddamn stink bugs that stink because you can't
stomp them, Nikki, because if you stomp them, then they stink.

Speaker 1 (35:59):
And I'm like, then, who gives shit? Just stink, I
don't care. Get a get a sock that always just stinks,
and then put that in a bucket and turn the
bucket over so you can't smell the sock, and like
that's your stink bug sock like everybody else like, and
my mom goes they just they just they just writhe
around in this this liquid and your dad just drowns them.
And I'm like, Dad, this is so inhumane. I got
so mad at my dad. It was like the biggest

(36:20):
fight we've been in a really long time. Because bugs
feel pain too, But like whatever, you glue traps for
flies I'll let go. But if you have a glue
trap on the ground where lizards and chameleons and mice
and rats and even centipedes and more like sentient bugs
in my mind, beetles, big bugs are getting trapped, you're

(36:40):
you're you're committing genocide of a species. To me, I
think it's disgusting and I think you should be ashamed
of yourselves. But if you're seventeen or younger, you can
change your ways. But if you're older than seventeen, come
on your Your frontal lob should be totally twenty five.
I think it's fun on a loabe, Okay, so I'll
make pick off twenty five. So if you're renting cars
and killing mice with the glue trap, you're a bad person.

Speaker 2 (37:00):
If you're statutory genocidal maniac, then you can still redeem yourself.

Speaker 1 (37:05):
But if you can ply yell at me because I'm
wearing fast fashion and because I'm using a phone that
was used with like, you know, micro chips that were
mined by children in sub Saharan Africa, So I am also,
but I'm not as I'm not as connected to it,
you know what am I? And I'm actually able to
get out this information through my phone to like, so
I'm actually using the are you losing your glue trap

(37:29):
to send out positive messages about veganism? I don't think so.
So unless you can prove to me that you're spelling
out go vegan with glue traps to uh pilots over
over overhead, then I then I don't think it's right.
So I'm waiting for my car. In this this guy
is in.

Speaker 3 (37:50):
Wheelchair person.

Speaker 1 (37:51):
Yeah, I go, what happened to you and his rent?

Speaker 3 (37:56):
Ghost?

Speaker 1 (37:56):
Whoa way to you? Like I could hear there's like
something he was like the guy that my foot was
run over in the French quarter on.

Speaker 3 (38:07):
Yeah day, Man, I saw this. I saw this comment.

Speaker 2 (38:11):
I didn't want to say it because I didn't want
to be like perceived as a joke because it wasn't.

Speaker 1 (38:16):
I was beside myself. Yeah, his foot was run over
by the guy that you know, pledged allegiance to Isis
had the flag going. Well, I don't even know his name.
I don't think they like really put it out there
as much. And I think there was a tragedy like

(38:36):
the next day and so everyone forgot. But well, the fires, yeah,
the fires were a couple days later. But the guy
that sped down the French Quarter going like eighty miles
an hour, this guy was hit by him, and and I.

Speaker 4 (38:51):
I.

Speaker 1 (38:52):
Can't say that.

Speaker 5 (38:53):
Man.

Speaker 1 (38:54):
I saw something that this guy had that showed me
what he's been through. And he was in the I
mean I told him, I go dude. First of all,
he was like, you're my favorite comedian. And I was like,
you're my favorite terrorist attack victim like that I've ever met.
And so I and I was being serious because I
was like, I've never met one before. You know, I

(39:15):
don't think, but I was like, I can't believe I'm
meeting someone so close to this insane thing that happened,
like he was there. So he s at the NFL honors,
he got tickets to the super Bowl, Like, you.

Speaker 3 (39:25):
Know who this is because I saw.

Speaker 1 (39:30):
Video about Kantie. Yes, he's a football player, my friend.
He went to West Point. He did two tours in
the military.

Speaker 3 (39:40):
I believe, no, maybe he never played football.

Speaker 1 (39:43):
Is west Point Namy?

Speaker 3 (39:45):
West Point is is Army, isn't it?

Speaker 1 (39:48):
Oh okay, yeah, well he did. Yeah, he did the
he did two tours.

Speaker 2 (39:52):
So I saw a thing on Sports Center on where
everyone watching the Sports Center now, which is Instagram about
this guy who went to the French Quarter with his
friend and then his friend got hit by the car
and he got injured too.

Speaker 1 (40:05):
This guy was by himself, by himself, well he was
with friends earlier in the night, but he you know,
it was three in the morning, and he was like
kind of literally sauntering home. Based on the footage, and
all of a sudden, you he is dead center of
the road when this guy comes by and you can
just see him kind of look and like hear something

(40:26):
and he turns just to see in the way. He
turns and kind of jumps out of the way. I
mean he was in the center where the center of
the car was and the car was going eighty miles
an hour, can you believe that? And it just it
ran over his foot.

Speaker 3 (40:38):
It broke like he like sprinted away all the bones
in his foot, just barely.

Speaker 1 (40:44):
I mean, I saw something. I don't know that I
can say that I saw something, but I saw something
that he had in his possession for himself to not
have show any you know, it's not out there, but
he had he had footage of it, and I got
to see the most shocking footage I've ever seen in
my life of like someone's just touch with death. Have

(41:08):
you ever seen the video where there's a guy. It's
one of the most spooky things I've ever seen. There's
a guy it's like you know CCTV footage, and he's
kind of walking and then a guy walks past him
and taps him on the shoulder. And the guy turns
and as he turns, a fucking car comes by that
with like a big steel beam on it or something.

(41:28):
And because the person that tapped him on the shoulder
right before and keeps walking by does that, he's able
to not get hit by this beam. So it's like
a guardian Angel came by. And they don't even know
who that person was. Feels that's say this, Oh my,
it's not it's it's I think it's verified. It's it's
been around for years and years, but they don't know

(41:52):
who he was. They don't know anything. The guy just
disappeared into the night. But you see this guy come
up and tap him. If you want to google it,
I'm serious. It's one of the coolest videos I've ever seen.
Just look at guardian angel tapping yeah, guy on shoulder. Yeah,
snopes it. So anyway, I met this guy Adam. He
was so nice, so cool, seemed a little like seemed

(42:13):
like like, you know, just seemed a little like not sad,
but like you know, he's just been through the most
insane thing ever. It's like a month ago, so it's
probably like the the support is kind of dying down
a little bit. So it just felt like I can
only imagine like what he's going through mentally. But he
is really strong because he said he's you know, seen
some stuff overseas and stuff that he's you know, he's

(42:36):
been through psychological trauma based on this kind of stuff before.
But I asked him, I was like, because then I
invited into the Burt Show, and he showed up at
the Birch Show. Was so much fun, he got to
come back stage. Initially we were like, I didn't know
if he could like come with all his friends to
the party, but then Bert was like, yeah, sure whatever,
I don't care. So I got to bring him to
this after party. They met all these athletes, they met Bert,

(42:57):
they met everyone on the show, They met Adam Devine,
they met you know, doctor phil Is Adam Ray that
like they're just like him and all his friends are
just like hanging with all these guys, and and he
was just you could just tell he had a great time.
And it made me so happy to give him that
because he was just like a really cool dude that
I like was like, oh my god, I could I
would definitely be friends with this person. Like we just

(43:18):
loved him so much and he had such a great
sense of humor. But I was talking to him before
we went to the party and he had showed me
the video and we were just like kind of I
was just in shock, you know, like I can't believe
this guy's been through it, and kind of like searching
his face for like are you okay? Like what is
all of this like? And and then it struck me.
I was like, oh my god, Like I think how

(43:41):
many people died in it, like twelve or something. But
watching that car the footage, like watching that car krene
down this alley, I was like, so many people just
like died right there, Like we're just run over in
a horrible way, getting hit by car going eighty miles
an hour. And I said, oh my god, Like he
was obviously conscious when and they pulled him out, you know,

(44:01):
like he just kind of felt to the side and
his foot was completely shattered in so many different ways.
But I said, did you like see anything, and he said,
because of my training and no, because of the experiences
that I've had overseas and the stuff that I've witnessed,
I know just to keep like look at my feet.

(44:21):
And I'm like, well, your foot was all fucked up.
You don't want to look at that. So he like,
but when he was being pulled out of the French
quarter and they're walking out, he said, he kind of
saw some stuff and he instantly snapped into action of like,
look directly at the ground in front of you, do
not look to the sides at all. He said, he's
so glad that he did that, because he thinks he
would be having a really really rough time right now

(44:42):
if he did it, if he had saw what he
what was there for him to see. And so I thought,
you know, how lucky that you were someone that knew
to do that. How unlucky obviously all of the stuff is,
but that was just like a really interesting detail of
it that I wouldn't even think. So, you know, God
forbid anyone listening right now is ever in a catastrophe

(45:02):
like that, keep your gaze on the ground in front
of you to save yourself, like more trauma than you're
already going through, which I would not have thought to do,
But now I will try to keep that in the
forefront of my mind and play Tetris. I mean, if anything,
I've learned on Reddit, when people share traumatic things they've
been through, the number one comment is go play Go

(45:24):
play Tetris right now, because it really helps with PTSD
in the aftermath of a car crash or witnessing something awful,
when people witness jumpers, when people witness someone dying, or
people are Tetris has been known, like like there's research
to support it that if you play Tetris after a
traumatic event, it will help with the PTSD and kind

(45:46):
of make your brain, uh not keep it around as
much like.

Speaker 3 (45:53):
Your brain's distracted with something else.

Speaker 1 (45:55):
I don't know. I don't know. But did you find
the Snopes thing?

Speaker 2 (45:58):
Yeah, nothing on Snopes about it. I saw the video
on Reddit. Snopes doesn't have any articles.

Speaker 1 (46:03):
I watched it.

Speaker 3 (46:03):
I watched the I watched the video.

Speaker 1 (46:05):
Wait, what do you think. Isn't it insane what you saw?
Because in my right isn't it like a beam or something.

Speaker 2 (46:10):
It's very low quality footage, but there was a chance
that the man saw because the man that taps him
on the shoulder is coming up from behind, and there's
a chance that the man saw the truck and was
avoiding it himself and just tapped him on the shoulder
be like, by the way, there's this truck that's coming.
That's so might I mean dire. Yeah, he might be
like watch out for that truck. Like I remember one time.

(46:32):
This is obviously not the same thing, but there was
a palm tree, and sometimes palm trees like shed their
bark and they're really tall, so when they shed their bark,
there's just these like chunks of wood falling from the sky.
And I was walking my dog and this guy was like, hey,
by the way, I don't know what the hell this
tree is doing, but stay away from that tree. Whoa yeah,

(46:55):
So then I saw just chunks falling off of it,
and I wonder if it was like a similar thing
where it's like, you.

Speaker 1 (47:01):
Know, you know, the guy might have just been like, hey,
there's the car.

Speaker 3 (47:03):
Just there's a.

Speaker 5 (47:06):
Tell many people say something that's like you really got
to follow your guts.

Speaker 1 (47:09):
You have to be so in tune. It's so nice
that again, empathy, self awareness if you see like a
curb that you just stepped out, like I'm always pointing
out like hey there's a step here, there's a slick spot,
like just try to save other people. There was you know,
I was backstage with some old ladies one time because
there's some old women like appearing on the show and

(47:30):
everyone's kind of like shuffle of thing memorund and I
was just another person on the show. But I was like,
no one even even thinking about these old women, like
don't have the field of vision that you do. They
don't they have much more like muscle loss. They can't
catch themselves as they fall as quickly they they just
don't have them right depth perception. And there were chords

(47:52):
all over, and I was like I had to take
upon myself to be like there's chords here and like
lead them and no one. I was like, how does
just look out for older people a lot more? Look
just look out for people who like need the door
help for them. And sometimes I don't like sometimes you know,
you just don't see someone and you just slip and
you like you look like an asshole. Like the other
day Sarah Lena was like freaking out because she was like,

(48:13):
I didn't hold the door for this woman. Now she
hates me, and it's like I under and now I
kind of understand that a little bit more like you
just want to help out your common man. But today
I was in my car and I was texting at
a stoplight, as the law lets you, I don't think
I don't think it does. I don't think you're ever
supposed to be. But I was. I was very much
texting at a stoplight that I had just pulled up to.

(48:34):
Car was stopped, and I kind of saw a guy
next to me like like talking, you know, like you
can kind of see his head going m h in
the car next to me, and I just was like
ready for fucking apologizing. Like whenever I like get caught
doing something, I always going I'm sorry. I know I'm
just a dumb cunt, you know, And so I was
getting ready to be like, uh, yeah, you're right, you

(48:55):
caught me. I shouldn't be on my phone or whatever,
and he was just going, nice car, I love your car,
and I was like, yes, it was the first time
that's ever happened to be in traffic.

Speaker 3 (49:06):
It was so cool.

Speaker 1 (49:07):
I'm so so cool, and I was texting and I
was like, now I'm going to text people that this
guy thinks my car is cool. It was so nice.
All Right, we'll be back, was final thought after this.
So I was cleaning out an old purse and I
found the the notes from the hotel that I was

(49:27):
staying at where I did the the show from Hell,
the Cabo show from how these.

Speaker 3 (49:35):
Are These are?

Speaker 1 (49:36):
Yeah, it's at the If you ever want to go
to an amazing resort, I mean, I'm not joking you.
This place was like legit, and I think it was
pretty affordable because I was looking at prices when I
was in Hawaii and I was at a hotel that
was like very very expensive, and I didn't like it.
So I don't even think I told you guys. We
flew to Hawaii after the Golden Globes and we got

(49:56):
to my hotel that I got because I saw the
website and it was amazing, or maybe I did say.
And I got there and I was like this.

Speaker 5 (50:04):
You did not talk okay, so let's talk about it.

Speaker 1 (50:08):
I literally got to the hotel that we paid. I
don't even want to tell you what we paid because
it's just gonna make people mad because they think I
paid a burken bag, you know, like it was like
a lot and.

Speaker 3 (50:22):
This really nice post golden globe.

Speaker 1 (50:28):
For a really nice suite at this hotel. I'm not
gonna say which one because they're doing their No, that's
the one I ended up going to after I banded. Yeah, Oh,
the four seasons, Lanni, it's incredible. Leni has three thousand
people in the whole goddamn island, most of them work
in that resort, but that resort is incredible. Four seasons, Lanni.

(50:52):
I learned from Al Michael's, famed sports announcer, don't if
you want a good time, if you want to make
sure your hotel is legit, don't just never go anywhere
except for four seasons. And I know that's like a
very privileged thing to say, but like coming from someone who,
if you can afford it, just don't trust anywhere. It's like,
my new policy for my tour is like, if there's
a four seasons and within thirty minutes of the concert

(51:15):
space that I'm performing at, that's where we're saying, okay, now,
everyone can stop me and kill me. But they actually
have a really good security, so fucking bring it.

Speaker 3 (51:20):
Four seasons. Great.

Speaker 2 (51:21):
I got to stay in the four seasons at one
time in Philly, right that was seasons?

Speaker 5 (51:26):
Yeah?

Speaker 1 (51:26):
Oh yes, because puts us up in the four seasons
because guess what, that's what al Michaels works for.

Speaker 3 (51:32):
And right, al Michaels shout out to.

Speaker 1 (51:34):
Al Yeah, he was like mad that when they have
stayed a Ritz Carlton, he was.

Speaker 3 (51:38):
Like, oh god for trash.

Speaker 1 (51:42):
Yeah right, Riz Carlton's are really nice too, but the
four seasons you can't go wrong. And so I'll never
I'll never wing it again. So this they this place
just spent all their money on a website because their
website was ridiculous. You guys would never even believe that
this resort wasn't like what it like looked like it
was going to be on the website.

Speaker 3 (51:59):
I've seen there before.

Speaker 1 (52:00):
So we get there and we pull and we're like, oh,
all right, the valet station is really nice, the lobby
is really nice. Oh okay, and then we keep walking.
There's like sand in the hallways, which they think is
like a nice touch, but it's not. It's just like dirty,
like on purpose.

Speaker 3 (52:14):
They like line the.

Speaker 1 (52:15):
Yeah, like they like, oh indoor outdoors, it's just tracked in. Yes,
the first hotel, Oh my god, the four Seasons would
never the hallway beach And I'm not kidding you. This
place costs just as much as the four season so
I am not even like I'm talking about a place
that like charges you so much goddamn money. Yeah, and
we get to our hotel room and there's no balcony,

(52:37):
which is just insane in Hawaii, like to not have
a balcony. It's like a it's like a cabin. We're like,
this is where you'd want to stay if you were
going to Yosemite, you know, like this is a cabin vibe,
really nice room like all like you know, nice Hawaiian woods,
you know, like type of like dark like rich wood

(52:58):
and Macromeltu arrangement. Yeah, yes, yes, but it's like no balcony.
And also like there's sand on the floor in the hallway.
The adult swimming pool is like a waiting pool, like
it's nothing. And then we go down and I'm like
we get in those all room. I've said nothing to
Chris so far because I'm just trying to be positive.
It's taking us all day to fucking get there, you know,

(53:19):
like and but I'm paying a pretty penny for this place.
I think, all in all, like it's about I think
it's three thirty five hundred dollars a night, which isn't
like it's it's not the most, but it's a lot,
and I think it's like I'm doing it, So I
think it was like, all in all, like fifteen thousand dollars. Okay,
I'll just say fifteen thousand dollars non refundable. We go

(53:40):
down to have lunch and I go I so we're
in the we the guy is like showing us around
the place, and I'm just like holding in my commentary,
which is like but I don't know if I'm just
being Nikki. That is like not didn't eat enough today,
is really tired, is scared about the fires, and it's
just like I don't like anything because sometimes I get
in this mood where it's like nothing's good enough because
I'm just like hate myself, you know. I don't know.

(54:02):
It was kind of that, so I'm like maybe it's that,
you know, like I can't I can't even judge my
own judgment, right, now, and so I'm but I hold
it in. And then as soon as the guy leaves
and Chris is just like, Okay, what do you want
to do? And I'm just like, I think this kind
of sucks and he's like yeah, and I go, do
you think it? Kind of like this just does not

(54:23):
feel like I wanted it to feel. I can't even
describe what I wanted to feel like, but this isn't it.
And he's like it's I mean, it's it's and I'm like, wait,
you see it too, and he's like, I mean, but
he's not paying for it, so he's not one to
like complain about something he's not paying for, and he's
trying to just like support me the best of it. Yeah. Yeah,
he's never one to be like, yeah, you're kind of right,

(54:43):
like look at this and look at that, even though
he later on told me like he was clocking so
many things that were just like the heinous about this place.
I mean, the sand in the hallway was making us
laugh so hard because it was just they acted like
it was a feature and it was totally just something
that they were like, we're too lazy.

Speaker 3 (55:00):
Right, And they had a bunch of leaves.

Speaker 1 (55:03):
It was. It was a really it was a nicely
clean place. But then we go down to lunch and
we have you know, at these nice places, you can
like text with your guy. You have like a guy
you're assigned and you're texting with him. Yeah, and he's
like he's brought us to the room. He's like chatty
and fun, and he leaves, and I'm like, I just
like kind of like hate this. I think I don't
don't like this. But I'm like tired. I'm like, what

(55:23):
are we gonna do? We're stuck here, like I can't
where else are we gonna go. I'm already looking up
different resorts on the island. They all seem to be
like either sold out or kind of like of the
same kind of level. And I'm like, God, I wanted, like,
I know, a nice resort, like I go. Fay Island
has put me up a better places than this, Like
I don't I don't like this, And so I wanted

(55:44):
like a really expansive, wide resort where we kind of
get like away from people where I didn't want just
like one pool and then another pool and then like
one place to eat lunch, Like I wanted like multiple restaurants,
and like, I just didn't research it enough because I
was working on the Golden Globes. And when my assistant
sent me a bunch of options, just was like, this
one is the nicest website, you know, Like I.

Speaker 2 (56:02):
Just assumed you fell for the old website trick the grit, Yes, and.

Speaker 1 (56:05):
Why wouldn't they spend all their money on the website.
Most people that save up twelve thousand dollars.

Speaker 3 (56:09):
To go on a nice trick, they're not going back.
I'm not.

Speaker 1 (56:12):
They're not even I'm sorry. This is a thing I noticed.
It's it's what it's my joke about people having kids too.
If you can't regret it, you don't. If it's non refundable,
you're not even gonna let in. This sucks. You're not
even gonna let that in, because what's the point. You
can't if you if you're a mom, you can't change anything,
so you're not gonna really let in. I hate this.

(56:34):
I don't want this. This sucks. It does your your
mind does a gymnastics thing, and like it won't even
let it in. You just convince yourself you like it,
which is a great thing, because but I have enough.
I have enough, you know, I can let twelve thousand
dollars go. Like my mind is like Nikki, you can
just walk away. There's like a part of me, even

(56:55):
though that would like pain me and my mom who
lives inside me, being like wow, thousand dollars for a week.
I mean I guess, I guess, you know, like that's
inside me. But I'm like there's a part of me
that like get out of here. And so we went
down to lunch. I go, let's just have lunch and
let me like get some food and like, calm down.
I'm down at lunch and I'm like, I think I

(57:17):
hate this. The menus are like stained, yeah, like they
have like grease spots on them. The guy that like
is giving us taking our order, his shirt is like dirty.
And I know I am not usually a person who
cares about that kind of stuff, but I think I
was just like ugh. And then I'm looking around at
like the people that are there, and I'm like I

(57:37):
want to be the white, trashiest person at a resort,
Like I want people to look at me and go
texting their assistance like how do I get out of here?
Because this is what I thought it was. I don't
want to be the one who's the nicest dressed person there.
And so I was looking around. I saw a lot
of sunburns. I saw a lot of tattoos. Back tattoos,
no offense if you have that right, But it was.

Speaker 3 (57:57):
Like, fest're the cat patches.

Speaker 1 (58:00):
Yeah, it was just like a type of tattoo. Yeah,
I really don't judge tattoos. But there was like a
lot of just like sunburnt people, which that tells me
it's like my first time on vacation. Like I just
don't want to be around people who was like, oh
why first time, Like it just there's like an enthusiastic.

Speaker 3 (58:16):
You're all from South Carolina.

Speaker 1 (58:17):
No, I don't mind even mind the accent. I'm just
like trying. I don't know I'm being I'm being disparaging
of of I'm being a litist right now. But I
like to be the track.

Speaker 3 (58:26):
I got to go to a hotel, there needs to
be at least time.

Speaker 1 (58:28):
I want to be the one with a target tote.

Speaker 2 (58:30):
Twenty percent of the clientele needs to have Russian accents.
That's how you know it's the first hotel.

Speaker 1 (58:36):
I'm sorry, I believe me. I've stayed at some trash places.
I'm not someone who is like I need to like
always be in the nice I think people know who
I am. I don't need to excuse this. I just
was in a mood. It just wasn't what I wanted
to be. So I just was like, I'm walking away
and are we I felt so bad because our guy
was like so invested in us, like having a good
time and like I'm gonna get your reservations here, and

(58:58):
we were like okay, yay, and like being nice in
and then I like, you know, planted it through my
assistant to let them know we were leaving the next day,
and they were like, is there anything we can do
and we were like, unfortunately no, and they go, we'll
show you another suite and so they showed us an
upgrade and it was a way nicer place, but they
were in the middle of cleaning it for like the
for us potentially because someone had just left. Yeah, So

(59:20):
we toured it while it was being clean because it
was the only time to see it. Because I was like, well,
let's just go see what it looks like. And so
we go to tour it and there's like a five
hour energy on the nightstand like you can kind of
see the people like you can, no matter how nice
the places, if you see any remnants of people being
there before, you don't want it, you know what I mean.
There's like a tissue in the waistband. I don't want
to know there's any DNA before. And so we were

(59:41):
just like grossed up by that.

Speaker 2 (59:42):
Even though it was so nice, someone had a night
five hour energy and a tissue.

Speaker 3 (59:46):
I mean it was the.

Speaker 1 (59:48):
Most boring trash ever, like nothing gross, like totally like
a nice space. But Chris and I were just both like,
well and we're leaving, and I kid you not like
the bell Hop concierge guy are like is there anything
we can do? And We're rolling it out and I'm
like wearing a hat and sunglasses trying not to get
noticed because I feel so bad. I feel like a
girl escaping in the middle of the night of like

(01:00:09):
staying a weekend with a.

Speaker 4 (01:00:10):
Guy, yes, yes, well no no, but if she maybe
hooked up with a guy that she thought she was
gonna spend the weekend with and then she decided after
the first night that she hated him, yeah, and has
to like make an excuse to leave, which we've all done.

Speaker 3 (01:00:24):
I think that's what happened.

Speaker 1 (01:00:27):
But they were like, literally I had to like roll
up the window and They're like, is there anything we
can do? And I'm like, you can't, it's not it
has nothing to do with you. It's like it's just
not big enough. The ceilings are tall enough, the architecture,
it's not the service. And then we pulled off and
then we flew to the Four Seasons and it was
the best decision I've ever made. And Chris was a
little nervous because he was like, I think Nikki just
is gonna hate anything. She's in one of those moods,

(01:00:47):
in that mood. But we landed and we got to
the resort and he was like, Glaze, you were one
hundred percent right. He was like, I didn't even know
what you meant by like it needs to be nicer
because we just felt a disease. But he was like,
this is a game changer, and we were in absolute heaven.
I mean, the place we stayed in was really expensive.

(01:01:09):
I think it was like I'm not even gonna say
what it was, but it was it was more than
the other place.

Speaker 2 (01:01:13):
We have to make the podcast long enough that you
eventually wind up saying it anyway.

Speaker 1 (01:01:17):
I know I feel bad. People are gonna really hate
me after this one, because did you actually feel relaxed?
But then I was the trashiest person there, like by far,
like like literally I saw people looking at me like yuck.
Like I they were all like they all knew everyone
that worked there because they've been going there for so
many years. I was, and I did actually relax. Noah,
to answer your question, there's nothing to do there except

(01:01:38):
whale watch, go pet some goats, look at the koy fish,
step on a frog, and sleep and eat at good
couch Nobu or Matsa or another place or what was
that good couch? That's the part you left out of
the other hotel? Yeah, the oh the couch was like
a burlap sack. Oh yeah. I gave the girls chat
like a tour of the room, and I was like,

(01:01:59):
I'm sorry, I am in hell right now. And they
were all so supportive. But I will say that that
hotel did refund me for the other nights, even though
they didn't have to. They did the right thing and
they refunded me.

Speaker 2 (01:02:10):
Well, you know, you're a dangerous woman. You could slam
them online.

Speaker 1 (01:02:12):
That could I would never, because I actually all about.

Speaker 3 (01:02:15):
The online presence.

Speaker 1 (01:02:17):
I honor contracts. I really you will never see me
trying to be like, well, I'm actually leaving early and
you guys let us sound if I sign a contract.
For instance, I paid for eleven I've paid for twelve
months of a apartment I never lived in during COVID
in New York, even though everyone said you can get
out of it, you don't have to pay for it.
I paid fucking seven thousand dollars a month for twelve
months for an apartment I never even stepp foot in,

(01:02:37):
and except one time one day, and I didn't even
I just came by to get something out of a box.
I also paid for an assistant that I moved to
New York City because she moved there to work for me,
and I paid for her for way longer than most
people probably would have because I said I would. So
I'm not someone who's like, will ever finate like get
try to weasel out of a contract. If I sign
something and say I'm gonna pay it, I will never

(01:02:59):
try to get a better deal or weasel out. So
I was willing to pay full reef like, but I will,
and I will stay in this brand of hotels in
LA because I love their La one. But I will
not be back to the one on that island that
way want to. That will remain untenamed. But but they
are a good chain overall, and I really respect them.

Speaker 3 (01:03:16):
Forst Wait a second, what happened?

Speaker 2 (01:03:19):
What happened with the ratty false hobo at the Starbucks?

Speaker 1 (01:03:24):
They were listening to a so loud and I then
I am like, oh God, so annoying. So I moved
to the other side of the Starbucks and then I
film a double parked cyber truck outside. And I'm filming
the cyber truck that's double parked in a handicap, double

(01:03:44):
parked like there's a handicaff spot, and they pull to
the side of the handicap so no one can get
in the handicauffs spot. And then they turn on their
fucking hazard lights and are double parked.

Speaker 3 (01:03:52):
OK.

Speaker 1 (01:03:53):
And I'm like, who is inside here with that car?
And it's the homeless woman listening to the fucking religious podcast.

Speaker 2 (01:04:00):
Of course she's got a new found uh, a newfound confidence.

Speaker 1 (01:04:05):
Anyone who drives a cyber truck like they they. I
want to I want to just drive a cyber truck
because I want to see the stairs. I get, yeah,
and like what the energy is because I don't know
anyone who's ever looked at them admiringly except maybe a toddler,
like I've never seen like I just saw me and
the other day of like, show us your cyber truck face,
and it's the face you make when you see one,
and everyone's cyber truck face is just like ugh, and

(01:04:26):
I go so hard on my scalp because you don't
get to be one of those people that puts it
like a sticker on your tesla. That's like I got
this before I knew he was a Nazi, you know,
like you got that when he was very clearly at
it that way. And so you are looking for attention,
but you're looking for attention that is fueled by hatred.
You're looking for people to hate you, Like what is that?

Speaker 3 (01:04:48):
Why would you want that?

Speaker 1 (01:04:49):
A troll?

Speaker 3 (01:04:50):
And that's uh, you know, it's the tracks usually.

Speaker 1 (01:04:53):
Get to be anonymous. And that's why cyber trucks have
tinted windows and no one's ever rolling the window down
on a cyber truck.

Speaker 2 (01:04:58):
Well, elon Musk is the control of them all, and
he loves trolling. He's the he's the megatroll. And these
are these are people who have learned that, oh you
control in real life and not be anonymous. And it
feels great to just rankle people, to rile them up
and make them upset, and you know that you're affecting
the world in this way.

Speaker 1 (01:05:15):
I want to I want to go drive one around
just to see the energy that gets thrown your way.
Because they must be crazy.

Speaker 3 (01:05:21):
I will say everyone.

Speaker 2 (01:05:23):
I see a lot of people in like International TikTok
or something like from Brazil or something like that, and
the cyber truck is a sign of luxury. If there's
no there's they're they're they're posing. They're like influencers from
Brazil posing with their cyber truck or just being in
their cyber truck, and it's it's not viewed as something
that's they're not.

Speaker 1 (01:05:42):
They're not America.

Speaker 3 (01:05:43):
They're aware, they don't.

Speaker 2 (01:05:44):
Care about American politics or they agree with what's going on,
so you know they're the cyber truck.

Speaker 3 (01:05:50):
Stank is not on.

Speaker 1 (01:05:51):
Them, right right? Okay, Well we covered a lot today.
If you use blue traps, I'm really sorry. I lashed
out at you. I forgive you. We all do like
I do. I support bad things too. I love you.
If you listen to the podcast, I just hope that
you just get rid of those glue traps and maybe
learn something and then spread the word about it to
like prevent other ones. Also shout out to Adam, who

(01:06:14):
was in the terrorist attack. I love you. It was
so cool to meet you. What an honor, like truly
such an honor to know someone that was affect ly
by something insane and a veteran thank you for your service.
Like just such an honor to meet him. What a cool, smart,
amazing person. And I'm so deeply sorry for that that
happening to him. Look him up though he's He's just
a great He's just a great guy, and I love

(01:06:36):
I got to actually google him to get more information.
But I just really enjoyed hanging out with him and
his friends that night. It was like such such it
was my favorite part of the whole New Orleans weekend
was meeting him and hanging out with his friends and
like being able to like give him that night even
though even I hope he had a good time, but
even if he did it, it felt like he did,
and it felt nice to make him smile because he's
been through a lot. Anyway, we'll see you next week

(01:06:58):
on the podcast. Oh and I didn't tell you what
I heard about Okay, let me just really quickly because
I said I would. On yesterday's podcast was on the
podcast subreddit and it says I'm emotionally attached to podcast hosts.
And this person described like I don't know what's wrong
with me, Like I can't wait for the next episode
to drop. I feel like I am always wondering, like

(01:07:18):
what's going on in their mind, Like I like look
forward to it so much. I felt this way about
so many different podcasts in my life, and so I
like instantly opened it up to like kind of read
about this like psychology of this person going through it
and to hear other people comment on it. And the
subreddit podcast is really like smart cool people. I found that,
like just have a passion for podcasts, all different kinds.
And I was scrolling the comments and I saw that

(01:07:40):
this person name so Carrious se w C A R
R E I E U so carious wrote is it
the Nicky Glazer podcast? Because me too? And I felt
so honored. That's so and it was upvoted once, so
at least one other person agreed with them, and I felt,
I just will say, it means so much to me
that people are emotionally attached to this podcast. I hope

(01:08:05):
it's in a healthy way. I hope it feels like
we're your friends and that you like you give me
as much. I hope I give you as much joy
as like the podcast that I'm emotionally attached to give me.
I know what that feels like. I'm so glad that
I can give it to anyone. And it's sometimes lost
on me that I ever did. I really appreciated reading that.

(01:08:27):
It's just really cool. Like most of the time when
I stumble across my name on the internet, it doesn't
feel good when I'm just like reading for pleasure, and
then all of a sudden I see my name, It's like,
oh God, it like ruins it. And this was one
of those times that was like truly a gift that
like made it better. So I would implore all besties
to like respond nice if you ever want to mention
me in a nice way on something like I would.
It's a little easter egg that like made my day

(01:08:49):
to read that so thank you so much and yeah,
that's all I had to say on that. Don't be
c and we'll see you next week. Bye. The Nicky
Glazer Podcast is a production by Will Ferrell's Big Money
Players and iHeart Podcasts. Created and hosted by me Nicki Glazer,
co hosted by Brian Frangie, Executive produced by Will Ferrell,
Hans Sonny and Noah Avior. Edited it engineered by Lean

(01:09:12):
and Loaf, video production Mark Canton and music by Anya Marina.
You can now watch full episodes of the Nicky Glazer
podcast on YouTube, follow at Nicki Glazer Pod and subscribe
to our channel

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Nikki Glaser

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