#514 An Elevated Gift, Restaurant Pet Peeves & Helping Your Younger Self?

Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Nikki Glazer Podcast.

Speaker 2 (00:07):
Gazer.

Speaker 3 (00:10):
Here's Nikki.

Speaker 4 (00:11):
Hello here, I am welcome to the show. It's Nicky
Glazer Podcast here with the same team as yesterday. It's Noah,
It's Brian, and it's Sean.

Speaker 5 (00:20):
What's up, guys, I've got a really big team. Wait,
what's that song? Because theyone know it? It's a great song.
What hey?

Speaker 4 (00:28):
You sound like a song that sounded like words?

Speaker 6 (00:33):
So I have the questions meeting.

Speaker 5 (00:38):
Is is podcast called podcast because of the iPod? Like
did they get away? Did Apple get away with like
craning this entire clean genre? Yeah?

Speaker 1 (00:51):
Or Dumpster?

Speaker 3 (00:52):
Yeah?

Speaker 4 (00:53):
You know dumpster is not what it is? No, that's
like that's a brand name.

Speaker 5 (00:58):
No, it's not.

Speaker 1 (01:00):
I could be wrong, but look it up.

Speaker 4 (01:01):
This this might be so embarrassing, like I had a
moment this weekend like this. I'll tell you in a second.
But I do think that Dumpster might be a brand name.

Speaker 5 (01:09):
Dumpster was invented by Harvey Dumpster.

Speaker 1 (01:11):
And wasn't I think it's a brand name.

Speaker 3 (01:14):
Dempster, Dumpster, Dempster brothers in the six trademark to sound
like it.

Speaker 1 (01:21):
Sound like it?

Speaker 4 (01:23):
Yes, cut Kleenex, Dumpster, band aid, band aid, so they
call it plasters in England, plasters for a band aid.

Speaker 7 (01:37):
That the Dumpster Brothers is. So I think you shall
be coded.

Speaker 4 (01:45):
So was Brian saying, I love like, I love my
whole team. We got a real I love Oh yeah,
I got a really big team.

Speaker 1 (01:52):
I love my whole team. Actually, I just wanted a.

Speaker 4 (01:55):
Group of people that were all really bad people to
get together. Like, I just wanted to make a group
of Really what is that one? You got to watch
the Tim Robbins skateboard video where he's putting together a
team of Like, what.

Speaker 1 (02:08):
Is the team?

Speaker 4 (02:09):
I don't even understand what Now I'm thinking back on it,
I'm like, what team is he forming?

Speaker 1 (02:14):
Just a group of people that skateboard together?

Speaker 6 (02:16):
Yeah, like a skateboarding group.

Speaker 1 (02:18):
He just wants to be.

Speaker 4 (02:19):
A really bad person. He wants people to think he's
a really bad person. He wants when people leave the room,
he wants them to say, man.

Speaker 1 (02:25):
That guy is a piece of shit. It just makes
no sense, but it makes all the sense.

Speaker 5 (02:30):
Yeah, it's Drake in future. I've got because I got
a really big team and they need some really big rings,
they need some really nice things. Better be coming with
no strength it's about Drake and Future talking about how
when they got to deal with the record label, you
also got to pay the team and everyone needs really
big rings and why because I just I have a
big team.

Speaker 4 (02:49):
Okay, speaking of really big rings and buying things for
your team, I got I got you guys some jewelry
for the Golden Globes that you both have.

Speaker 6 (02:58):
You did, and it's like, that's really the nicest thing
I own.

Speaker 5 (03:01):
Now that's what I realize.

Speaker 4 (03:03):
I love giving cool gifts that like elevate someone. I
got some people on my team that were, you know,
like the we had like a cool we had a
bunch of people on the Golden Globes team, but there
were some you know, members that were the you know,
that were involved from the beginning to end in like
a very serious, dedicated way.

Speaker 1 (03:25):
And so Chris and I.

Speaker 4 (03:26):
Got them Rollies Rolexes and Emily sourced them and found them.
It took forever. They just got them last week or
like a couple of days ago, and and they're engraved
and they say Golden Globes twenty twenty five and they're
really cool.

Speaker 6 (03:44):
Nice.

Speaker 1 (03:44):
Yeah, they're so cool. Thank you so much.

Speaker 7 (03:46):
I have now I now know to hide my arm
while like being out on the street.

Speaker 4 (03:51):
Yeah, you are more prone to assault, but it was
just like a cool thing to do. I just well,
first week well this weekend, I was able to get
Shawn his in person, and then later on in the
night he was wearing it and I was like, well,
that's a nice watch, Like it caught my eye, so
I was like, oh, it works. This is really nice.

Speaker 5 (04:09):
That it's a really nice one. I mean, it's ridiculous.
It's you know, there was that one story with like
Chris Rock or something. Who there's a story with Chris Rock.
I think it was for Top five or something, or
maybe it was a stand up special where he like
brought in like five comedians like Luis k was one
of them to help him write for this script or
for his special or something like that, and then he

(04:30):
gave them all maybe it was even rolexes or it
was five thousand dollars. And when I heard that story
back then, I was like, that's ridiculous. And never in
a million years would I think that I would be
in a position to receive something like that for a
similar reason.

Speaker 4 (04:48):
Oh, you guys definitely deserved it, And yeah, it is
crazy when you. I was just having that moment today
when I was like posting about my sold out shows
in Boston, like six shows at this gigangantic theater that
is bigger than the theater I was at last year
in Boston and I only did and I did two
shows at the wilbur and it was like, WHOA, that's incredible,
and then it's five shows at this even bigger theater,

(05:09):
and I was like thinking, oh, I remember when like
Ali Wong started doing like five shows, two more at it,
seven shows, eleven shows, like and just being like that
is awesome for her, and that isn't even something that whatever.
It wasn't even like it's like the way I think
about having kids now, I'm just like good for them,

(05:29):
Like that is literally never gonna happen for me.

Speaker 1 (05:31):
I don't even like I'm not even mad about it,
you know what I mean.

Speaker 4 (05:34):
Like that's the way I used to think about those
kind of things. And I want to just say to
anyone who might look at someone's life and get like jealous,
or I wasn't even jealous. It was just like out
of it was just like, well, that's just a different
kind of comedy that someone's doing, mine's never going to
be that accessible or I'm never gonna be that beloved
because I'm not lovable, so that's fine. Like that was

(05:56):
my reasoning, was like I am not like some people
like me, but it's never gonna be thousands in one city,
Like it's just impossible. And it wasn't even like I
really promise you. I wasn't like sad about it. I
was just like, yeah, that's just the way it goes.
Like I think I grappled with this early on when Amy,
when Amy Schumer like blew up, and you know, we

(06:17):
had all been kind of like on the same level.
She was always kind of like skyrocketing ever since I
met her, But when she reached the levels of like
train wreck and stuff, I just remember being like, there's
not even a jealous there's not even anything I can
let in my body of jealousy or like why her
not me? Like it's so on a different level that
like I don't even ca it's like comparing yourself to

(06:38):
Neil Armstrong, Like it truly felt like I just I'm
friends with someone who's doing something different than me, even
though we're in the same field. So having those kinds
of moments is really cool when they come through and you're.

Speaker 1 (06:48):
Like, oh, whoa, that's me.

Speaker 4 (06:49):
Now, okay, so someone else is looking at my profile
going well, that'll never be me.

Speaker 1 (06:54):
I'm telling you, girl, it could be you don't even
fucking know. You don't know anything.

Speaker 4 (07:00):
You know, sh someone pretty stupid and give some Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 (07:05):
You're you're not smart and you need to Yeah, you
need know.

Speaker 5 (07:09):
The rolex is amazing. I don't I've never had a
nice watch. In fact, for my wedding even I didn't
even wear a watch because when I bought my suit
from the suit lady, she said, because I wear that
like Cassio watch all the time, and she said, if
you wear that watch while wearing this suit, I'm not
going to give you the suit. And so I didn't
wear a watch at all. And I would have borne

(07:29):
this rolex for sure if I hadn't at the time.

Speaker 6 (07:32):
Now you could get like really married.

Speaker 1 (07:34):
Yeah you need to get to and remarried. I think
that's what this calls for, truly.

Speaker 5 (07:38):
But yeah, I mean it's amazing. I can't wait to
wear it at the next Golden Globe.

Speaker 7 (07:43):
Yeah, Like I was wearing it with like a hoodie
and I felt like, you know, like, oh my god,
I'm like a tech billionaire. This is incredible, Like, look
at how dressed down I am.

Speaker 1 (07:55):
Yeah, it does make frue. It's fun. It was really fun.

Speaker 4 (07:59):
I'm I'm not saying that to I'm just was like
excited about this weekend. I just like, it's really fun
to give gifts. Do you guys like getting gifts or
giving gifts more? And well, like, I know it sounds
like I'm a hero or something because I'm like, I
just like giving, but I think getting gifts can be
truly uncomfortable.

Speaker 3 (08:18):
And you also had a reason to give it, right,
Like it wasn't kind of you want to like put
on the spot, and it was like, you know, like
a reward.

Speaker 5 (08:27):
Yeah.

Speaker 4 (08:27):
They were just like living one more year like their birthday,
you know, like bright To me, it's just like, sorry, that's.

Speaker 1 (08:32):
Not like good enough.

Speaker 4 (08:33):
It's like because you like are like you you deserve
you worked so hard.

Speaker 5 (08:38):
Yeah, a gift as a work reward is like I
think one of the best types of gifts.

Speaker 7 (08:43):
Yeah, I agree, Like it was like, oh my god,
like we went above and beyond.

Speaker 1 (08:47):
This is amazing.

Speaker 4 (08:48):
Well, I got a work gift today too, oddly enough
from another person.

Speaker 1 (08:53):
I gave this same gift to uh.

Speaker 4 (08:56):
He sent this before he even got his, But my
gibbons are uh.

Speaker 1 (09:04):
Our head writer on on the the Globes.

Speaker 4 (09:07):
He sent Chris and I the Stanley Tucci like I
think the New Yorker did a Stanley Tucci cartoon.

Speaker 1 (09:14):
You know, of like the cologne.

Speaker 4 (09:15):
Maybe it was the magazine, but he had that framed
and sent to us. Ah, like the cologne, which was
called what was it called again?

Speaker 1 (09:26):
Why am I drawing a blank?

Speaker 4 (09:29):
Oh? Uh?

Speaker 6 (09:30):
Oh?

Speaker 4 (09:31):
You know? It was actually ballroom Salmon, which was let
me say, Seth Myers joke. Who gave Seth Myers gave
us that line of ballroom Salmon because he had been
maybe flirting with doing another bit with us, and he
had just written that or texted it or something, and
we all left at ballroom Salmon and I wrote him

(09:52):
and I said, hey, we're not doing that bit where
you riffed that, but can we use ballroom salmon somewhere else?
And he was like, go, go for it. He's so funny.
So that's kind of how things get made sometimes.

Speaker 5 (10:03):
Yeah, that's the process. Remember how we were talking about
that yesterday?

Speaker 4 (10:06):
Oh, yeah, so sorry, Okay, so it's from the eastern
tip of Italy where this type of joke writing comes from,
and we used a little bit of Fort Lauderdale flare,
like I'm sorry. That's what that bothered me was that
the dish that was being made was like they said,
it was like from a part of Italy or whatever,
or from you know, like a part of Turkey or something,

(10:30):
and like the region that I've never heard of.

Speaker 1 (10:32):
And then they go, but we used a little local.

Speaker 4 (10:34):
Flare with it, and it's like, well you fort Lauderdale,
Like yeah, that's what's the opposite of elevates the dish.

Speaker 7 (10:43):
You have to use the word local when it's about
Fort Lauderdale.

Speaker 1 (10:46):
I can't say yeah, I yeah.

Speaker 4 (10:53):
The homicide SPF of forty five, it just it was
I'm still I'm still feeling regretful that I'm making fun
of that, because I think some people do care.

Speaker 1 (11:04):
But I also saying this weekend.

Speaker 4 (11:07):
It's almost like a hack meme at this point, to
make fun of the paragraphs of writing that comes before
a recipe when you find it online, no one reads it.

Speaker 3 (11:18):
Why does presses jump to the recipe? Which I learned
from Julie Glazer. By the way, really, I didn't realize
that there was a tab that says jump to the recipe.
You could skip all of it pretty fast until I
talk to your mom and she's like.

Speaker 4 (11:30):
I wish there was a tab on a waiter's head
to skip to bringing this to me, skip to putting
it down and leaving. Also, here's another pave of restaurants.
What a fucking bitch, I am. I'm so sorry you
work in the restaurant industry and you're like, we're trying
our best and these are actual things we have to
do unless or we'll get docked pay or written up.

Speaker 1 (11:52):
Because I know some places are so dumb.

Speaker 4 (11:54):
But okay, so if you're ordering a bunch of dishes
at a restaurant and they come over and like, why
is it that they never know where? Okay, this is
I'm gonna get so much push back because people are
gonna be like, we have enough to remember we why
does the persons bring them never know where they're going?
And they always and this is this is also a

(12:14):
problem I have with people I'm dining with. Everyone always
kind of doesn't know what they ordered, and I can
see my plate, I can tell it from beneath my plate,
the weight of it, what it is, and I go
me right away. But sometimes they'll be like the enchilada,
the chicken enchiladas, and everyone will look at each other
like a murder mystery, like who done? It's five seconds,

(12:36):
which is too bunch of silence, until someone's like, I
guess that's mine, and it's like you just ordered, are
you're not hungry and thinking about this like put it
and then they.

Speaker 1 (12:46):
Put set it down.

Speaker 4 (12:47):
And sometimes I just wish they just set it all
down and then let us all kind of distribute it
because the hovering and the questioning just slows things down.

Speaker 5 (12:55):
Mm hmm.

Speaker 7 (12:56):
I will say, I know, I think about this quite
often because I always try to give like a pause
in that moment because I feel like I'm just fat
enough where I can't be so excited to be like
that was fine.

Speaker 4 (13:12):
Okay, So you're fat enough that like you don't want
to be the guy who jumps the gun on like
hearing any foods, and then everyone at the table's like, wow,
Sean's so fatty, just like every dishes.

Speaker 5 (13:23):
Yeah, we have the bacon cheese.

Speaker 4 (13:25):
That's fine, that's so adorable because it you know, that
is a really good point. I have to factor in
that people are like cautious of how they might be
perceived in different circumstances, Like that is a very interesting
detail of your personality that I did not think about.
But I also have that with different things where I'm like,

(13:47):
everyone assumes I'm like this, so I can't. You know,
it's the karaoke place where they kept putting in my
comedy bits in the title of the person's I felt
so narcissistic.

Speaker 1 (13:57):
Thinking that was me.

Speaker 4 (13:58):
But I will say the other thing I feel this
weekend so hard and I was so embarrassed, but then
I redeemed myself was we were driving, like you know,
like how I always have like, well, actually fun fact
dumpster is a brand name, and then everyone goes.

Speaker 1 (14:11):
No, it's not, and I go check it, Yes it is.

Speaker 4 (14:13):
And I just like school everyone because I read something
late at night on Reddit that I retained for once
in my life, and I like stake my whole identity
on these little factoids. But so I had one this
weekend that was like we were talking about the Nike logo. No,
we were talking about forget where we were talking about
Larry Bird or something like a white guy in the NBA,

(14:34):
and I was like, oh, you know, the Nike logo
is like, not Jordan, It's like some random white guy
from the eighties. And everyone was like like quietly but
like they they were all like, we're not gonna like
tell her she's wrong because we're scared of her. But
that's not right. And then someone finally was like, I
think it's Michael Jordan. I'm like, no, it's actually someone
a white guy from the eighties, and everyone's like no,

(14:57):
and then everyone looks it up and it's like very clear,
and then I look it up a I'm like, shit,
it's Jordan.

Speaker 1 (15:01):
What am I getting this from? What is this?

Speaker 4 (15:04):
And then I was like, you guys, I swear to God,
there is some logo that everyone thinks it is Jordan
and is not, I promise you. And it turns out
it's the NBA logo. So I was redeemed.

Speaker 1 (15:15):
Thank fucking god. Jerry West. It's Jerry West and he's
not a random handler. But the NBA.

Speaker 4 (15:23):
Logo is like a guy like dribbling and he's kind
of like, you know, he's not the it's not the
dunk Jordan.

Speaker 1 (15:30):
Yeah, but this the swoosh. The swoosh is actually.

Speaker 4 (15:32):
Uh, it's a white guy's canoe, and everyone thinks it's
the swoosh is just a swoosh.

Speaker 1 (15:40):
No, no, it's a canoe. The swoosh is an Indian
sign of peace. But yeah, I got I the.

Speaker 5 (15:52):
Reason similarly, the reason why I don't announce that that's
my dishes because I don't want to be wrong because
sometimes they come out and they say something that you
didn't that wasn't on the menu, like if you ordered like.

Speaker 1 (16:02):
Or they call it the official name.

Speaker 5 (16:04):
Exactly, and you know, I ordered a you know, like
a French onion soup. And then they come out and
they say, did someone order like the onion paste?

Speaker 7 (16:13):
And I have to wait, yeah, yeah, like if you
if they're like nacho ordinary nachos, you're like, but I
think I ordered ordinary nachos, so you get like.

Speaker 4 (16:23):
Right, That is just a weird moment where everyone is
just kind of looking at each other like did is
it you? Like I just and then they're kind of
everyone's kind of like scared to speak up about Like
I just start clocking it because I think it happens
to everyone where everyone's a little bit nervous but maybe
it's because we all don't want to see seem over

(16:43):
eager and fat like gimmy, gimmy, feel like anything.

Speaker 7 (16:49):
Yeah, I often think like when food hasn't come out
in a really long time and you're like waiting at
the table for a really long time, I'm like, I
really have done the math on this that, like I
can't ask where the food is wait, wait, like I.

Speaker 1 (17:03):
Because you're too fat to ask.

Speaker 7 (17:06):
Yeah, like, oh, this guy thinks he's starving to death.

Speaker 1 (17:13):
Oh my god, Okay.

Speaker 4 (17:15):
I will say similarly, when I was super thin, I
would I could never say I didn't want to eat anything,
because I would think that everyone thought I was being anorexic.
So like I would always have to eat anything that
anyone ever gave me because I would always fear that
they would be like, she's just like being sneaky and weird,
and then they would.

Speaker 1 (17:36):
Judge me and talk about me behind my back.

Speaker 4 (17:37):
So I would always like overeat in front of people
to prove the opposite. So it's really it's a similar thing.
It's like you're just trying to get ahead of what
people are going to say. But I would never in
a million years if you were checking on food be like, man,
he's so fat he can't eat well.

Speaker 7 (17:55):
I'm also I'm not worried about like the babe amount
of table with I'm worried about like the waiter being like,
here's a fat guy that.

Speaker 1 (18:04):
They just start like roasting my ass behind my back.

Speaker 7 (18:06):
I'm so worried about what people think about me behind
my back that I don't care what they say to
me to my Okay.

Speaker 4 (18:12):
Do you want to know though, Like if you could
have a recording of like the cook the waiters talking
to the chef about you, if you knew what happened,
would you want to hear it?

Speaker 1 (18:22):
I don't think so that.

Speaker 6 (18:23):
It's like my worst and my worst fear is like
confirs God, yeah.

Speaker 1 (18:27):
Okay, got let's go to break it.

Speaker 4 (18:29):
I'm going to tell you a thing I told everyone
this weekend that I want to just get your I
went Brian and know it away in on what.

Speaker 1 (18:35):
You think about this and how you would handle.

Speaker 7 (18:36):
This after this?

Speaker 1 (18:40):
Okay.

Speaker 4 (18:40):
So speaking to the fact of like Sean saying he
wouldn't want to hear He's like kind of concerned what
people are saying behind his back, wants to control it,
doesn't want to actually know the details. We were talking
this weekend about if you were to accidentally send when
you're talking shit about.

Speaker 1 (18:56):
Someone a text to the person you're talking shit about. Yeah,
we've all.

Speaker 4 (19:00):
Almost done it, or we've all done it right, Like
you're saying the person's name and you then that you
just are thinking the name, so you write it to them.

Speaker 1 (19:08):
Yeah. Okay. So I made a promise to my team
this weekend.

Speaker 4 (19:12):
That if they ever accidentally send me and I'll send
this to Noah and Brian as well literally anyone listening,
literally anyone, if you ever that has my number, if
you send me a text that is talking shit about
me and it's supposed to be about me to someone else,
if you just write oh my god, oh my god,
and fill up the screen so that I can't see it,

(19:34):
you know, and then write Nikki, I'm so sorry I
just sent the wrong text to the wrong person. I
will not scroll up and read it. I promise you
one thousand percent. In fact, I will blur my eyes,
I will click more, I will select all the texts
and I will delete them so that you and I
promise you, I will not read it because I don't

(19:54):
want to know what people are saying about me behind
my back?

Speaker 1 (19:57):
What do you think of that?

Speaker 4 (19:58):
And do you think I'm I know in my heart
that I'm one hundred percent sure that this is true
because I don't want to know what people are saying
about me.

Speaker 1 (20:05):
But could would you guys do the same?

Speaker 5 (20:09):
I mean, it would be if the person knew the
thing and was going to send me a bunch of
texts afterwards and tell me not to read it.

Speaker 4 (20:15):
I mean, I don't know right away they realized I'm
talking to Brian, and then they go, oh my god,
Oh my god, and they just write like you knowxxxxxx,
and they like send it up so it scrolled up
right so it's hidden. Yeah, And then below the exes
they write, hey, Brian, I accidentally sent you a text
that was meant for someone else. Please don't read it
it would I really appreciate it?

Speaker 1 (20:32):
Would you read it?

Speaker 7 (20:33):
Well?

Speaker 5 (20:33):
Are they saying please don't read it because it's like
shit talking to me? Or they saying please don't read
it because it's like private for doesn't matter.

Speaker 4 (20:39):
I mean you can assumes they're not gonna say I
was shit talking yet they're just gonna say please don't
read it.

Speaker 5 (20:46):
Yeah, I would okay, I if it was shit talking
to me, I would be like, why don't you just
tell me this? I would be mad that they weren't
telling me. The thing that's bothering them to my carid.

Speaker 1 (20:56):
This is do you not talk shit about people?

Speaker 6 (20:59):
Brian?

Speaker 5 (21:00):
I'm no. I mean I've talked shit to you about
many people before, I know, but creatively, you know, I
only talk shit about like people in a creative sense.
Like if someone does something creatively horrible, yeah, I can't
help but say how horrible it is and how they
don't deserve to live.

Speaker 4 (21:17):
Right, So you would probably say that to that person's
face too, because don't you understand the idea of like, like,
someone might not want to say it to your face.

Speaker 5 (21:26):
Would I say it to their face? No, I wouldn't
say it to their face.

Speaker 1 (21:30):
Problem, But your response is why don't you say this
to me?

Speaker 5 (21:33):
If they're my friend, they have my number, you know,
and they're texting your number.

Speaker 7 (21:37):
You know.

Speaker 5 (21:37):
It really pissed me off that Brian keeps canceling plans
five minutes before the play or whatever. I'm like, you
need to tell me this so that I understand the problem.
I try to make it better Oh.

Speaker 1 (21:47):
See, that's not that's healthy.

Speaker 6 (21:49):
That's very healthy.

Speaker 7 (21:50):
See me, I'm too not I know, I'm too nosy,
Like I would want to know what they say, and
then I would never confront them about it. What I
would do is I would really just like hold on
to it forever and just think about, this is what
this person really thinks about me.

Speaker 1 (22:06):
Oh boy.

Speaker 7 (22:08):
Yeah, but I've also gotten into trouble with this in
the past, so.

Speaker 1 (22:13):
I know that's a funny one can specifics. Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 7 (22:21):
My friend broke up with his girlfriend once, like he's
like an old girlfriend, and he text message me saying
they broke up and he's like, hey, don't tell anyone
about this. And then I immediately was text messaging my
roommate to tell about it, and I was like, Blake
broke up with his girlfriend, but I just texted it
to him like.

Speaker 5 (22:37):
Oh my god.

Speaker 1 (22:38):
He said, don't tell anyone, Oh my god.

Speaker 4 (22:43):
And then Sean tried to make it seem like it
was a joke because it was so obvious, like right after.

Speaker 1 (22:50):
I was like, no, we know, you're not joking.

Speaker 7 (22:53):
Like I really tried to play it off like where
it's like there's no such thing as stupid questions like question,
is there such thing?

Speaker 6 (22:59):
A stupid question?

Speaker 4 (23:00):
Yeah, yep, yeah yeah, Oh it could have maybe worked.
It's nice try Oh that's rough. That's so rough.

Speaker 7 (23:10):
So I'm very selective with do I talk shit about overtext?
There's like five people none are on this.

Speaker 6 (23:16):
Uh on this.

Speaker 5 (23:17):
You don't want, you don't want. If you're talking shit,
it's best to talk about shit in person because you
don't want there to be a written record on the
off chance that somehow they get your cell phone and
they search your texts they find it.

Speaker 4 (23:29):
Yeah, but that is like then that friend sucks if
they're like searching through your phone looking for their name,
Like fuck you, Like that's so lame, Like you deserve.

Speaker 1 (23:36):
To hear shit talk about you. But also like I
just think, who was it that?

Speaker 4 (23:41):
Oh, Alisa Treger on her special just had a thing
about like I think everyone should just talk like talking
shit is fun, and like, I guess I don't think
she made this point, but maybe she did. I just
feel like, if I'm allowed to talk shit, then people
should be allowed to talk shit about me. I like
expect it. I would be sad if you guys didn't
it wouldn't it wouldn't, like, really, Sean, if you didn't

(24:02):
talk about me, it would not go with your personality.

Speaker 1 (24:03):
You like have to like it, just.

Speaker 6 (24:05):
I really don't.

Speaker 1 (24:07):
You don't like I'm protecting myself being like he doesn't.

Speaker 4 (24:10):
But if you found out you did, it would not
bother me because like I I would, I'm so weird.
Eighth grade, I found a note that like, I think
one of us was like sharing our old notes or

(24:31):
something like you know, we're going through in eighth grade.
We would always write each other notes, so we'd always
save them. And I was going through like Kirsten's notes
from Halla or whatever, and they were all talking shit
about me wearing makeup for the first time and how
I thought I was so cool and like how I
wore too much and I didn't even wear it right
and it was a devastating And I remember them like

(24:52):
seeing that I saw it, and then and then I
had to protect them. Do you ever do that where
you like get mad about something and then you have
to protect the person you're mad at.

Speaker 5 (25:01):
There's this video of this man uh and it was
like in the fifties or the sixties, and it was
being recorded and it was in Congress and this guy,
this congressman, takes out a gun and he killed and
shoots himself in the head, and it's it's all on film,
and you can wait an tell you.

Speaker 6 (25:17):
About our Bud Dwyer.

Speaker 4 (25:18):
Yeah, I know about Bud Dwyer, Bud Dwire, but I
probably reference Budwyer every week.

Speaker 5 (25:25):
So Budd, so, right before he kills himself, everyone is like,
oh my god, stop and he goes and he goes, no, no, no, no, no,
it's okay, it's okay, Bop, and then he shoots himself. Yeah,
it's so it's the equivalent of him, like if it's
like him protecting them from thinking that this is bad,
feeling bad about him shooting himself in the head. I

(25:45):
think about he goes, no, no, no, no, it's okay, it's okay, Bop.

Speaker 1 (25:48):
No, it's not I'm not going to hurt you.

Speaker 5 (25:50):
Yeah, right exactly. It's almost like he's saying, I'm not
I'm not shooting you guys, I'm shooting myself. It's fine.

Speaker 1 (25:55):
But little does he know. It's like devastating to watch that.

Speaker 5 (25:58):
Yeah, yeah it is.

Speaker 7 (26:00):
I mean it's something that I'll never forget. Where I
was seeing that video for the first time because the
first time I ever saw like somebody like act or
like maybe the only time I realized.

Speaker 1 (26:09):
That I don't think I've ever seen anyone die.

Speaker 5 (26:12):
People die. I hate those videos off the internet.

Speaker 7 (26:17):
And the first I showed me was laughing the entire
time because he, oh dear, he told me he was
going to show me the funniest fail and then show
me that, and I it like traumatized me.

Speaker 6 (26:30):
McDonald who did this.

Speaker 7 (26:34):
Like it's offense to be like, this is the funniest
fail you'll ever see.

Speaker 4 (26:39):
And then it was no, dude, don't ever Bessie's don't
watch the video.

Speaker 1 (26:44):
It's not worth it. It's not gonna like be interesting enough.

Speaker 5 (26:47):
It'll just traumatize you. And that's stuck in your head forever,
and really, God six with you.

Speaker 4 (26:52):
How many Reddit threads have I seen of ask reddit
where it's like, what's the most disturbing thing you've ever seen?

Speaker 1 (26:56):
On Reddit?

Speaker 4 (26:56):
I love reading about them, and Bud Dwyer comes up
quite often, but there are so many more, like teen
boys see the craziest shit, you know, like Faces of Death,
that that compilation that used to go around, Like there
are I've heard the most I.

Speaker 1 (27:11):
Can't even know how these people are functioning.

Speaker 4 (27:13):
I really think people have PTSD from stuff that they
have watched on the internet without question. If you watch,
like a beheading video that was used to be going around.

Speaker 7 (27:21):
Uh huh yeah, police, come on, will I refuse to
do that?

Speaker 1 (27:25):
And I am like, I think, yes, it's.

Speaker 6 (27:28):
Just fucking you up.

Speaker 7 (27:29):
You are getting PTSD And then you watch I think
that life is like cheap and meaningless, and then you
get like these like real yeah, desensitize.

Speaker 6 (27:38):
Like I have a friend who.

Speaker 7 (27:39):
Is addicted to porn, who I think, uh, you guys,
some of you know, but when.

Speaker 1 (27:44):
You only know myself that well, but okay.

Speaker 7 (27:46):
He was trying to uh you know, uh quit his
porn habit, so he started watching isis beheading videos so
he wouldn't get horny anymore.

Speaker 5 (27:58):
It's twisted logic I've ever heard.

Speaker 1 (28:01):
I don't even understand.

Speaker 4 (28:01):
Like in so when he was like horny, he would
like ruin his boner by watching beheading videos.

Speaker 1 (28:10):
Yeah, which this person is off air.

Speaker 4 (28:13):
That is truly insane and that person I feel so
sad for that.

Speaker 5 (28:18):
And now all he's doing is getting horny to the
beheading video exactly.

Speaker 7 (28:21):
I would be so worried about rewiring my brain.

Speaker 5 (28:25):
Yeah, totally.

Speaker 4 (28:26):
I mean I used to when Chris and I would,
you know, do hanky panky. We used to shut the
dogs out of the door, like out of the room,
and they would scratch on the door during it, and
I started to Pavlov's dogs. The scratching of dogs on
a door would like make me a little bit morning, yeah,
because it would remind me of the feeling I was

(28:46):
feeling during that. It was starting to like those were combining.
You can't fuck with you can't fuck with your No.

Speaker 5 (28:53):
You can retrain your brain. It's just like practicing.

Speaker 1 (28:56):
Don't put something with that, yees.

Speaker 5 (28:59):
It's like anything you can do that with literally anything
Like I I was in an MRI last month or
two months ago, no long time ago, actually eight months ago, whoa,
and I freaked out and the MRI I couldn't handle
it and I had to get out and I had
like a panic attack. And then I somehow in my
brain that anxiety I felt I connected with the crown

(29:20):
that I got put into my mouth on my my tooth, crown,
and so every time I touched the crown on my tooth,
I felt the anxiety of being in the MRI.

Speaker 1 (29:28):
Oh my god.

Speaker 5 (29:30):
Yeah, And so I have to get the crown removed.
And it's been gone for many months and now I
think I'm like over it.

Speaker 4 (29:35):
But but because the crown was like contributing to the
pain that you were getting checked onto the.

Speaker 5 (29:40):
R No, the MRI was from my gallbladder. But the
crown was just a a moment of anxiety.

Speaker 7 (29:47):
And I was you were you were touching it with
your tongue, probably right.

Speaker 5 (29:50):
Maybe, because like I would touch it with my tongue
and then I would and then I would feel a
little bit of anxiety, and then I would think about
the MRI. And if you do that enough times, and
if you get scared, and then and I was like,
oh my god, I hope I don't connect this, and
now you get a little scared, then I focus on it.
If you do it enough times, then all of a sudden,
it's automatic, and every time you touch the tongue, you're
back in the MRI. And you could do that with anything.
You could also do that with positive things. You could

(30:12):
train your brain to do something good for yourself. But
most of the time you're driven by fear and you
can't let go of the fear and so then you
wind up connecting things stronger because of that.

Speaker 1 (30:24):
Oh my god, that's right anyway.

Speaker 5 (30:26):
So the point is that's why I get horny every
time I'm in an MRI machine.

Speaker 4 (30:32):
I would not I would not recommend watching disturbing videos.
I don't understand when people want to click those things.
I want to read all about them, and I want
to read every little detail about what happens.

Speaker 5 (30:44):
When I was growing up anything, I was traumatized by
The Ring the movie. Yeah, and that's the way it
should be. It should be a movie about a demon
coming out of a TV, and then every time you
see the snow on TV, the static, you freak out,
and like, that's healthy amount of trauma.

Speaker 6 (31:02):
That's the amount of trauma.

Speaker 7 (31:03):
That you should introduce into your lives thirteen years old
or twelve. Like, I don't think it's I really I
don't really like horror movies, but I really hate like
when you talk to somebody who really does and they
just keep going deeper and deeper to the point where
they're like watching like Stalo, like the this like Italian
movie that like is that.

Speaker 1 (31:25):
The one with the tunnel where the rapes.

Speaker 7 (31:27):
Yeah, and it's like like I have like several friends
you like love this movie, and I'm like, no, I
will never watch dude.

Speaker 1 (31:34):
I've read about that movie so much.

Speaker 4 (31:36):
I don't know if it's exactly is that the one
that is there a tunnel in rapes in it?

Speaker 6 (31:39):
Yeah, there's a tunnel in rapes.

Speaker 7 (31:40):
And then there's like, you know, like there's like one
hundred and twenty boys that are.

Speaker 4 (31:44):
Like yeah, yeah, yeah, okay, Like sometimes you read these
Wikipedia synopsises for these movies and it does it's so
fucking insane. You can't believe. I just can't believe something
like that got made. Yet I can't say, like like
that some of the jokes that get censored from us
on TV, Like it's just like how do these both

(32:06):
coexist in the same right, like whorld? I just don't
even understand it. And then porn, let's like porn is
just I mean, I think I'm probably traumatized by some
of the stuff I've seen in.

Speaker 5 (32:18):
Porn or porn certainly desensitizes you to sexual activities.

Speaker 4 (32:23):
And mine I have to when I'm watching porn, I
have to put in even if I'm alone, I have
to put in my ear air pods. I cannot listen
to it, like it has to be this like thing
I do.

Speaker 1 (32:34):
That's so.

Speaker 4 (32:37):
My door is locked on my bedroom, which my bedroom
door is always locked. I don't understand anyone who has
a home and you go to sleep at night and
you don't lock your bedroom door. Let's just like walk
through this for a second. If there's a home invasion,
you have one more level of security. Always lock your
bedroom door.

Speaker 1 (32:53):
I don't even have a lock on my I bet
you do. There's no lock. Really no, it's just a
pure one.

Speaker 7 (33:00):
This is interesting because now you're giving me anxiety about this.
I am always worried about home invasions. Uh, that is
like the thing I'm most worried about. But you have
a sign I'm worried about fires, and in my head,
I'm like, I worry that like something's gonna burn. And
then I'm not going to be like I don't want
to touch the hot handle.

Speaker 6 (33:21):
Yeah, oh, do the door open. I sleep with the
door open.

Speaker 4 (33:26):
Here's a sun that needs to like maybe get it.

Speaker 7 (33:29):
I get the bedroom, the bedroom door, I mean every
other door is locked, and I.

Speaker 5 (33:33):
Leave the front door open and just you know, I
closed I locked the bedroom door, leave the front door open.

Speaker 4 (33:38):
Well, if you're a single person or like you don't
have kids, lock that bedroom door, give yourself an extra.

Speaker 1 (33:45):
And I would go.

Speaker 4 (33:46):
So you're I worry about fires too, and I've never
done this, but I.

Speaker 1 (33:51):
I want to get for my fire escape a ladder.
M Oh, that's smart. Isn't it like a built in
left for the fire escape. No, sorry, it's not a
fire escape. It's just a balcony.

Speaker 5 (34:03):
Oh okay, okay, so that would make that makes much Yeah.

Speaker 1 (34:06):
That would make no sense to add another.

Speaker 5 (34:08):
Ladder so that if I have a home invasion, then
they can climb down to I.

Speaker 1 (34:15):
Just like a cloth ladder. And I don't want to
get rust on my hands.

Speaker 4 (34:22):
But okay, so porn though, I have to have door
locked air pods in. Oh, I definitely need it to
be like I put my phone on do not Disturb
and oh, I'm giving away too much now, Emily, when
she sees like do not Disturb was on, she's gonna
think I'm like whacking off. But I put it on

(34:42):
do not Deserve for a lot of reasons, mainly that though.

Speaker 1 (34:46):
And then and then.

Speaker 4 (34:48):
I have to close out like it has to be
I feel like it's weird though, with the AirPods, even
when I'm like there's no one that could hear it,
I'm home alone.

Speaker 1 (34:56):
Why I need to do that? But I think it's
because I need to keep it.

Speaker 4 (34:58):
In my brain and it can't be like it's too
it's too fucked up for anyone to accidentally hear. Not
because they're gonna judge me, but because I don't want
to scar anyone like through a wall.

Speaker 1 (35:12):
I really, I don't know what's wrong with me, but
it's just like a seat.

Speaker 4 (35:16):
But I also don't have like private certain you know,
like I don't go to like a private window.

Speaker 8 (35:20):
I'm just like incognito mode.

Speaker 4 (35:22):
No, I don't care, like what am I gonna do.
I just it's who's going to catch me? And if
they do, I'll just like laugh about it. But I
don't want to like actively harm anyone with it and then.

Speaker 6 (35:33):
Saving your cookies so they know what you want.

Speaker 4 (35:37):
Yeah, yeah, the porn when you're in privacy mode, they
don't like learn about what you want or curate it.

Speaker 1 (35:45):
They definitely do.

Speaker 5 (35:46):
Incognito mode is a bunch of horseship.

Speaker 4 (35:48):
It really is, because there it's still like the address
that's that is what they're looking at, masking that they
know exactly where you are. And do you know that
like company are like changing the prices of items based
on like the cookies they learn about you. Like if
they just know that you're willing to pay five dollars
more for a jacket, it should be. But guess what,

(36:10):
it's probably no one's regulating this stuff anymore.

Speaker 1 (36:13):
So Uber rides.

Speaker 4 (36:15):
I mean I have been getting gouged with Uber because
they just know I'll just do it, you know, Like
I am kind of like, oh, whatever, it's eighty nine
bucks like that. A friend will open app it's forty
nine bucks for the same ride, like I So I've
been going to Lift a lot because I feel like
Lift like kind of stays true to the price, and
they will often be twenty to thirty dollars less for
a ride than Uber.

Speaker 5 (36:35):
Uber just fox me now, yeah, well so swech Yeah,
keep switching. That's the only way you can fight against
corporations is through pure capitalism. You had a vote with your.

Speaker 4 (36:44):
Dollar, okay, So that just means you have to like
just make sure that your prices to always go.

Speaker 5 (36:49):
Oh you have to check if you have to price compare,
which is so annoying and it's such like a boomer
thing to do, but like, you have to do that.
That's why. Remember when you're like, parents would clip coupons
and they'd be like, I'm saving ten cents, and you'd
be like, God, who gives a shit. And you're going
through all this effort to clip coupons just to save
ten fucking cents and a can of soup. But really,
the people are the greater good. Yes, they were standing

(37:11):
between us and corporate greet.

Speaker 7 (37:14):
Okay, wow, interesting. I always just like I always chuck
it up in my head, being like time is money.

Speaker 1 (37:21):
Yeah, that's what I think too.

Speaker 5 (37:22):
Yeah, well, or my dad every time my dad probably
a lot of people's parents do this. They they clock
every single gas station price in town, and they drive
by the go, oh my god, that's ten cents cheaper.
Oh my god, that's twenty cents cheaper. And then you
get the twenty cent cheaper one. And then you drive
five more miles and you say, oh no, that was
a dollar cheaper. What the fuck is wrong with me?

Speaker 1 (37:43):
Why did not? Wait?

Speaker 4 (37:44):
I have an electric car, so I don't go to
gas stations anymore, but I will say that I fucking
miss it because there's something about filling your tank that
makes you.

Speaker 1 (37:52):
Feel like you've done something.

Speaker 4 (37:53):
Oh yeah, it's it's like it's like a chore that's
not like it's really not that hard to do. It
takes what like seven minutes at most, but when you
do it, you feel like so accomplished. Like I think
there's something about like keeping things in your life that
just give you little boosts of like I fucking did
something today that one has gone for me, and you get.

Speaker 1 (38:13):
A little treat, got a little diet coke. Are fun?
Are fun?

Speaker 7 (38:20):
I mean, they're like a top five place I like going.
I love I kind of love the smell watching.

Speaker 3 (38:27):
I love people watching at a guest stop.

Speaker 4 (38:29):
Yes, there's always something interesting going on. There's always someone
doing Scratchers that like lives there. There's always a guy
who like lets you go ahead of him.

Speaker 5 (38:40):
There's always someone eating like the the hot dogs or
whatever they have, and they're they're like, I can't believe
anyone actually buys the show.

Speaker 1 (38:46):
And they're being picky about it.

Speaker 4 (38:47):
They're like, well, let's see what you got today, and
they're like actually acting like there's like different selections of
the day.

Speaker 5 (38:53):
There's always someone who's having the worst day of their
life and having to take a ship in the outdoor bath.

Speaker 4 (38:58):
Let me just say that most of the time, the
people that work at gas stations are I would say,
across the board from a mom and pop one you
run into on the road to a you know, a
quick trip that is like in a downtown area. The
people that work that them are really nice. Yeah, They're
always like kind of like having a good time. Like
is there's something I think they're like treated well as employees.

(39:21):
From what I can they just seem like kind of jovial.

Speaker 7 (39:24):
Honestly, it is to me the best kind of job
to have is you're just constantly interacting with people. Yeah,
and you never have to get to know anyone really
like you just you're just like kind of having fun.
And the day goes by so fast when you're.

Speaker 1 (39:41):
Doing that because it's just constant.

Speaker 6 (39:44):
Yeah.

Speaker 5 (39:44):
I mean, I don't know. I can tell you this
from my experience in the deli that the day did
not go by fast for me.

Speaker 4 (39:50):
The fastest time flies for you guys, Like if you're
really thinking about it, like if we're you know, time
is a construct and it's not real or whatever, But
like when do you find time goes by the fastest.

Speaker 6 (40:01):
Any time I'm not doing anything, and.

Speaker 5 (40:04):
It really what that's the opposite.

Speaker 7 (40:06):
I feel like when I have like an actual time,
like after I've like completed all my work and stuff
and I'm like, now I can like just do all
the stuff I want to do, time flies and I'm like,
oh no.

Speaker 4 (40:22):
Wait, time goes fast when you have nothing to do. Yeah,
when you when you're like watching shows and you're like, oh,
I want to relax, like and now I can like
treat myself, that's when it's like there's it's never enough.

Speaker 6 (40:33):
It's never enough.

Speaker 4 (40:34):
Yeah.

Speaker 5 (40:34):
It's not like a procrastination thing where you're like I
have all this stuff I want to get done. It's
more just like now I get it some time to
for myself where I can watch TV or whatever, and that's.

Speaker 7 (40:44):
Just watching TV or doing like like playing like a
weird game with Nolan.

Speaker 6 (40:48):
Like I'm like it flies by.

Speaker 7 (40:50):
But then like if I'm like working, it's like it's
like slow and norm.

Speaker 4 (40:56):
There's a deadline and you were under the time crunch,
it goes it speeds past because you're just depending on
it going slower if you're you know someone, there's always
a meme about like if you want time to like,
if you want to like make your life last longer,
just to hold a plank because it's like.

Speaker 1 (41:11):
The yeah ever go yeah, how okay.

Speaker 4 (41:14):
This is the first time I've ever felt this, like
in such a profound way where you see something and
you're like, that was a year ago. That feels like
literally three years ago. I think everyone feels this. This
is literally Mandela effect. I think that they are fucking
with us. The Willy Wonka Remember the Willy Wonka like
experience that was really shitty.

Speaker 1 (41:33):
Yeah, it was like that.

Speaker 4 (41:35):
A girl was like it just like looked depressing. Was
like the firefest of like a kind of you know,
child wonder like in a warehouse or something. Yeah, it
was like in England or Scotland or something.

Speaker 6 (41:48):
Yeah, it was a great That was one.

Speaker 1 (41:51):
Year ago to me.

Speaker 4 (41:53):
I would have at least said it was too It's
like that that was wild to me, And I went
through the comments being like someone else has got to
feel this way. Literally everyone felt that way. Everyone everyone
said it felt like five years and I was like,
I cannot believe that was one year ago. That is
really crazy to me.

Speaker 5 (42:10):
Here's a question for you. How how many years ago
did Russia invade Ukraine this time around?

Speaker 1 (42:18):
Okay, I'm gonna say that was three years ago?

Speaker 6 (42:23):
Four is my guess.

Speaker 5 (42:25):
Oh yeah, it was three years ago. So do you
have it right? Oh? Okay, it was twenty twenty two
and almost exactly to.

Speaker 4 (42:30):
The day the day, Yeah, anniversary the other day, but
I didn't realize what year it was.

Speaker 5 (42:35):
Yeah, So does it feel like doesn't it feel like
they that Russia invaded Ukraine like four months ago? Can
you believe they've been fighting for three fucking years?

Speaker 1 (42:45):
Really long?

Speaker 5 (42:46):
Yeah, but it's World War Two was four years for US,
for America. For America's four years. The Ukraine War has
been going on for almost the entire length that America
was involved in War War?

Speaker 4 (42:58):
What about fucking codh the dude that was five years ago?

Speaker 5 (43:03):
Yeah, that so nuts.

Speaker 1 (43:05):
That's a big chunk of your life.

Speaker 4 (43:07):
Like IM looking up pictures of myself in twenty twenty
and I'm like, your eyebrows are an inch higher, Like
my face looks like I'm a child, And I felt
like I was so old then, Like I literally feel
like I'm the same age at twenty twenty as I
am now, I have not aged whatsoever, but.

Speaker 6 (43:24):
I'm so pissed.

Speaker 7 (43:25):
I'm still pissed off about COVID, just because I do
feel like we low. I lost my mid thirties and
I'm so pissed off about it that I like emerged
as a late thirties guy.

Speaker 4 (43:37):
And oh, interesting, Okay, so we're just like we're stunted.

Speaker 1 (43:42):
We're we're we're well stunted.

Speaker 4 (43:44):
We lost four years, because that's what that is. Like
I look at those pictures and they go, my face
looks so young, but I feel like I'm that same age,
and I think, is that a universe that's probably a
universal feeling. Noah, do you feel the same way? Like, actually,
daring Sean describe it like that.

Speaker 3 (43:59):
That may total sense, because I feel like I lost
out on living the last of my thirties because of
the Yeah.

Speaker 4 (44:06):
Yeah, everyone feels like they were robbed of whatever time
that was.

Speaker 5 (44:10):
Yeah, but COVID's a tricky one about.

Speaker 1 (44:12):
What were we supposed to doing it in our late thirties.

Speaker 4 (44:14):
Let's talk about this though, because I think some people
lost high school, some people lost their late twenties.

Speaker 1 (44:18):
I mean, that's yeah, the energies.

Speaker 6 (44:21):
My heart goes out to them.

Speaker 7 (44:22):
But I feel like my late thirties were supposed to
be me and my girlies going house.

Speaker 3 (44:28):
Well, it didn't make me excited to turn forty. I
like didn't even celebrate my fortieth birthday. I was just like, oh, yes, bullshit.

Speaker 5 (44:35):
They always told me the late thirties are the best
years of your life. And you look back on your
late thirties and think, man, what those were the days?

Speaker 6 (44:42):
Yeah, I know, but at least we discovered zoom, like.

Speaker 5 (44:48):
In the early days of COVID, when we were like,
let's play games on Zoom.

Speaker 1 (44:52):
I like COVID.

Speaker 4 (44:54):
I know that this is not an original thing to
say or like makes me interesting and cool, But like
I did, I was very wildly depressed during COVID for
a lot of it. But there was Man, I don't
I do think we'll get that back at some point.
I think there will be another pandemic or something that
keeps us all like inside you know, yeah, yeah, and

(45:14):
that will keep us hold up, or war or something
that will like steal our ability to socialize and work
for a while. But what a delicious time where everyone
really couldn't work.

Speaker 1 (45:24):
I really like. I love when the race was canceled
like I do.

Speaker 4 (45:28):
I love running, I love competing, but man, when the
race is canceled and I'm not, it's not I'm injured
and have to sit it out.

Speaker 1 (45:34):
It's like everyone's injured. Love it.

Speaker 6 (45:37):
Oh, now you're one hundred percent right.

Speaker 7 (45:39):
I love the like everyone was even, like everyone was working.

Speaker 4 (45:45):
Until people started doing Zoom comedy shows and I go,
you stop it?

Speaker 5 (45:50):
Yeah, or well it really happened with TikTok. I mean
there is wow. We were all playing fucking catch phrase
on Zoom.

Speaker 2 (45:58):
There are people who were make TikTok video I know,
renegadeout it. Yeah yeah, and now they have a they
we're able to leave COVID with a worldwide tour.

Speaker 1 (46:10):
All right, we're gonna go to break and come back
after this.

Speaker 3 (46:16):
We have to just announce because it's blowing up. Nikki
was on Armchair Expert with Dax Shepherd. People are loving it.
Really gotta yeah, we just got to let people know that.

Speaker 4 (46:27):
Okay, Yes, I am on Armchair Expert with Dax Shepherd.
Probably I'm going to say it the most fun podcast
I've ever been a guest on. That is No shade
to any other podcast because I've said so much fun.
But I was really nervous going into it because I
wasn't an avid listener beforehand. You know, I kind of
been some episodes beforehand and like right before, and I've

(46:51):
obviously watched the clips a ton, and I have a
lot of good friends, Like I think all of my
like you know, like my smartest friends like listen to
the show. So I had like a respect for it.
I like Dax, I like like Monica. I liked the vibe,
but I was a little bit nervous going in because
I just didn't I feel the whole booking was off.
I felt was off of a joke I made about

(47:12):
Dak Shepherd that I told on Howard Stern Show about
how you know, the Golden Globes brings everyone from TV
and film together for one common purpose to get out
of here without Dak Shephard inviting us, you know, asking
them to do their podcast. And and so they they
like heard the joke and they laughed about it, and
Monica wrote me and was like, uh, you gotta come
on the show or I forget how it went down,

(47:32):
but with something like that, so I was kind of
nervous that they were going to be like, who do
you think you are making a joke like that? But
they were so cool and I just like, I don't know,
I've just instantly felt so at ease. They had a
really great studio, the way they just get started, you
just sit down. They're just so nice, and I just
felt I saw you guys right after, like I came

(47:53):
from it. I loved it. I felt so emotionally connect
to both of them. I felt like, you know a
lot of times you record a podcast and you forget
that there are cameras there and you're just like having
a moment, and I felt like I learned about myself,
I learned about them.

Speaker 3 (48:09):
Like it was just people like you say, there was
like a topic, weed topic whatever that way.

Speaker 1 (48:15):
It's really resonating with people. That's the what I'm getting people.

Speaker 4 (48:18):
So many people are writing to me about the weed
stuff that I was talking about how I struggle with
like giving it up, and it's like been the hardest
thing to like kind of get like completely eradicate from
my life, and man, it is the it is the
one thing I struggle with, you guys, And so it
is so nice that so many people are writing to
me about it, saying that they struggle with it too,
because it's all these people.

Speaker 1 (48:39):
That I'm like, oh, I'm not alone.

Speaker 4 (48:41):
So like, not only was I made able to make
them feel less alone, them writing to me is making
me feel like, oh good, this isn't just me. And
it's like a bunch of normal people that don't you know,
like I could see their profile pictures and they're like
normal people that you'd be like, I want to be
that girl and she's struggling with the same fucking thing.

Speaker 1 (48:58):
It sounds really nice.

Speaker 3 (49:00):
Honorable mention in pop culture, Actually I have two, but
this one was really cool. A new season of The Kardashians,
Kim gives you a really nice shout out on the
roast episode.

Speaker 4 (49:11):
I know, I couldn't even watch it because I was
like nervous to see it because I just but I
saw the screenshot of it and I heard that she
said that Nikki killed it or something like that.

Speaker 1 (49:22):
Wow.

Speaker 3 (49:23):
And then the third Nikki and pop culture is Shaquille
O'Neil wants Nikki to roast him.

Speaker 7 (49:29):
Oh yeah, okay, incredible.

Speaker 6 (49:33):
I mean, he's the Kim Kardashian of the NBA to me.

Speaker 4 (49:37):
Oh my god, yeah, that is really exciting. He did
DM me and was like please roast me.

Speaker 1 (49:42):
And yeah, and that was thrilling.

Speaker 4 (49:45):
Yeah, that was he that that sound bite came out
like I would say, he DMed me.

Speaker 1 (49:49):
Like, what was it? You guys were all.

Speaker 4 (49:51):
Over at my place when he DM me, and I
made you all guess guests who just DMed me and
really fun guessing game and you all got it eventually.

Speaker 6 (49:57):
But it was Friday.

Speaker 4 (50:00):
Oh yeah, so he was like, yeah, I was around
Thanksgiving where Shack slid into my DMS and was just like,
please roast me, and I was like, I'd love to,
and he was like, you know, just said really nice things.

Speaker 5 (50:11):
Last night on the TNT postgame show A Shack is on,
there was like a really strange moment where like the
host of the show, who, I'm not sure it's like
an ex basketball player. He's like a white guy and
he doesn't seem like he was an athlete. Ernie. He
was like, is it, Ernie, who is that guy? Yeah,
he's just a regular rocket. He's just a regular guy.
And he was like, we have these clips of Shaq

(50:33):
when he went to the Lakers and he had to
play against his old team, the Magic, and Shaq was like,
don't play those clips. And then he was like, oh,
come on here. He was like I think he was
like talking to the producer saying, don't play the clips.
Nobody wants to see these clips. That was from thirty
years ago. I'm uncle Shaq. Now to people, no one
remembers me as that other guy. That's a different guy.
Don't play the clips. And then Ernie was like, play
the clips. They played the clips, and then afterwards. I

(50:56):
don't know if it was a bit or what, but
Shack seemed genuinely angry.

Speaker 6 (51:01):
You mean, I get it.

Speaker 7 (51:03):
I get it though, because when you see young Shaq,
he's so muscular, he's so PHYSI that what he is.
He's faster, he's stronger. He was like seven foot one
and like three twenty of just pure muscle. And now
when you see Shaq he is like an elderly friendly giant.
You don't It's gotta be hard for him to see

(51:25):
that and know how much it hurts to get out
of bed.

Speaker 5 (51:28):
Well, I never related to someone more than Ernie. After
that did this thing where he was like, see he
was like thinking in his head, like I'm gonna do
this thing. Even though he's saying no, he doesn't really
mean no, and he's gonna like it. And then afterwards
we're all gonna be buddies. And then they did it
and he's actually mad. And then Ernie did this thing
after the video and it says wasn't that good or

(51:48):
wasn't that nice? And then he holds out his hand
to shake Shack's hand, which is such a weird thing
to do, oh.

Speaker 4 (51:54):
Because he was just like he was trying to confirm
and like get you know, get reassurance that everything was okay.
Like when you're floundering like that, you just want like
a human touch to be like it's okay.

Speaker 5 (52:05):
And then Shack no flapped his hand away. No, get
the hell out of here, man, Oh no no. And
I just I never related to someone more than Ernie
in that moment where he's just like, oh my god,
he's actually mad at me.

Speaker 1 (52:20):
I don't think it's too far. Yeah, played, Oh my god.

Speaker 3 (52:26):
Nikki Shack's quote in the article is, Nikki, you can
say whatever you want about me, my mom and my kids.
Let's do it so you get yeah, guy, you one.

Speaker 6 (52:39):
Just don't remind me what I was like when I
was twenty two.

Speaker 4 (52:41):
Yeah, that's I relate to Shaq too with like I
don't like when people like play clips of me from
when I was young, because it's almost it's just jarring.

Speaker 1 (52:51):
You like can see your age way.

Speaker 4 (52:53):
More clearly when it's juxtaposed with how young you are,
and it reminds people of like you are becoming slowly irrelevant.
You're like decaying before their eyes, and like it's just
or like you were I was like, like, you know,
twenty pounds thinner or something, and like you would never
think that I'm like overweight or like not thin right now,

(53:13):
but then you're like, whoa look at her potential and
it's just like makes for like a weird vibe final thought.
I would even say if there was a picture of
me from before where I look not good, like when
I was on jay Leno or when I did not
safe in. My hair was like bleached and cropped and
I didn't know how to wear makeup. I hate seeing
those pictures too, because it reminds people of the potential

(53:35):
for how ugly I can be, and I don't want
them to think that that.

Speaker 1 (53:38):
Can happen again.

Speaker 4 (53:39):
Like I just I don't want any record of me
ever ever. I just want it to be now. I
just want to live in the present. I don't like
motion pictures. I don't like pictures.

Speaker 1 (53:48):
I don't I just want everything to be live.

Speaker 4 (53:50):
I would have done really well in Shakespearean times, where
it's like you're famous if you perform live and that's it.

Speaker 5 (53:58):
Yeah, tell thee yeah. The only there's a cutoff though.
The only types of pictures that are okay is when
you're like a kid, like you go yeah, teen and younger,
you can show.

Speaker 1 (54:08):
Those I can't go back to that.

Speaker 4 (54:10):
But if it's like you're plus twenty one plus yeah
no no, no.

Speaker 7 (54:14):
No no, you just see you but younger and full
of life.

Speaker 1 (54:18):
Like oh, I love baby pictures. I can't get enough
of them. I want them of everyone. Never get tired
of it. Love it.

Speaker 5 (54:25):
There are pictures of me in my young twenties where
I don't have a beard, and like, I don't want
anyone to see that shit.

Speaker 1 (54:31):
I kind of want to see it.

Speaker 5 (54:32):
Yeah, no one's seeing that shit.

Speaker 6 (54:34):
Oh God, I would love to see you without a beard.

Speaker 5 (54:37):
No, no.

Speaker 4 (54:38):
I think it's really weird when people get like nervous
about like don't show my baby picture or when I
was like a you know, like seven years old. I'm
just like, no one cares what you were like that, Like,
you know, it's.

Speaker 5 (54:48):
Funny if you look if you look if you look
weird back then, that's funny. Whereas if you look weird
when you were twenty five or you look good when
you were twenty five, it's not funny.

Speaker 1 (54:58):
Yeah. Yeah, I mean high school too. High school that's
fine too.

Speaker 4 (55:03):
Like that, when you look at high school, I like,
I assume you were a dork everyone. If you are cool,
you were definitely dork then, Like, I don't anyone who's
cool in high school.

Speaker 1 (55:11):
I don't really. I am not that like intrigued or
impressed by that.

Speaker 7 (55:16):
Yeah, no one gives a shit about people who are
cool in high school when they're adult.

Speaker 4 (55:20):
Is there a way to tell kids in high school
that it doesn't matter that we'll really get.

Speaker 5 (55:24):
Through that because we go back in time and tell
ourselves that.

Speaker 1 (55:27):
So they but like, would you listen? Probably not saw?

Speaker 2 (55:31):
You know?

Speaker 5 (55:34):
I mean, I that song I wish I knew what
I knew now now that I'm older. I mean, that's
like that's like the number one thing I wanted.

Speaker 1 (55:43):
Okay, so let's go around the horn.

Speaker 4 (55:45):
If you had, if you could talk to your seventeen
year old self, what would you tell me?

Speaker 8 (55:51):
It needs to be younger, it needs to be thirteen?
Oh really okay, so well, thirteen free entering high school. Okay,
thirteen entering high school. What would you tell your thirteen
year old self? I mean that sounds one sentence.

Speaker 5 (56:05):
You can have sex with anybody you want in the school.

Speaker 2 (56:09):
No believe that, That's what I would say.

Speaker 5 (56:14):
All you need is confidence. All you need is confidence
any girl in this All you have to do is
go up and say what do you want? Do you
want to go out for a date? Do you want
to go on a date? And they'll do it like that?

Speaker 4 (56:26):
And that is not true that no confidents still can't
get laid.

Speaker 1 (56:32):
I'm sorry. It's not all about confidence.

Speaker 4 (56:34):
It's about it's about it's not about it's actually about
actually liking yourself, and that is so hard to do.
It's not about pretending to be confident, because that's you know,
that's so much.

Speaker 5 (56:47):
Of so much of a young boys high school career
is spent, So much energy is spent trying to get
laid and trying to fit and being scared of going
up to girls. You can watch it on on there's
people on TikTok who are uggs major who should prove
it where they go up to girls and they hit
on them and they get their number and they're like
all it took was me to actually just do it.

Speaker 7 (57:08):
It's high school, high school, Like RIZ doesn't come into
play in high school totally. Yeah, Like I feel like,
I mean somebody who was a total rizmeister, it did
not come into play. It was like it was like
they want a beautiful boy at that point, like that
is what they're really looking for.

Speaker 1 (57:29):
I feel what would you.

Speaker 3 (57:31):
Say, Oh sorry, I would say nobody cares that you're
poor and you live in a tiny apartment, invite friends over?

Speaker 1 (57:41):
Okay?

Speaker 4 (57:42):
Would you believe that person though? But yes, that's like
you just wish you could shake like you.

Speaker 3 (57:47):
Yes, I wish I could shake myself and be like
the poor thing is your mom or like your parents.
It's it's not your kids don't care about what class
you're in.

Speaker 1 (57:58):
So was your mom like that? Onto you? Like people
don't want to come over here because we're poor.

Speaker 3 (58:04):
Not that part of it, but like other things about
got it presenting poor and all that stuff.

Speaker 4 (58:10):
Right, So it was like a complex for you of
like people can't know I'm poor.

Speaker 3 (58:14):
And I had boys come over that a friend of
mine new and they made a comment They're like, how
many people live here about and that like stuck with
me and I just never knew.

Speaker 4 (58:25):
But I would have gone, Okay, I'm really sorry to
say this, but I think in high school people do
judge you if you're poor, Like the people are assholes.
Like the thing about high school is they do they
They are all they're all fucking losers and their brains
aren't developed and they are like mean. And the real
thing is is like it won't matter later. But I
was zoned, you know, like I'm like, I grew up

(58:47):
in Brooklyn, New York, so there was no like rich
mansions or anything like that where I everyone lived in
an apartment basically. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 5 (58:57):
I would go back to my thirteen year old self
and I would say, take all of your barmts for
money and put it, invest it in Amazon. That's a
good one, and then you'll be able to have sex
with anybody you want exactly.

Speaker 1 (59:12):
That is good about you. Nikki, What would you.

Speaker 4 (59:14):
Say I would say, take singing lessons and guitar lessons
now and don't give up.

Speaker 1 (59:20):
And that I would.

Speaker 4 (59:22):
Say, you sucking is part of it.

Speaker 5 (59:26):
Yeah, I would.

Speaker 4 (59:27):
Say, no one that you you are not. You can
be as good as anyone you want to be if
you just work hard enough. And I know that they
try to tell us that like practice makes perfect. You'll see,
they like teach us these songs.

Speaker 1 (59:40):
About like everything.

Speaker 3 (59:43):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (59:43):
Yeah, I just didn't.

Speaker 4 (59:45):
Believe that not being good at something right away meants
you couldn't be good at something if you tried hard enough,
if you like something enough and do it enough, you
can be just as good as someone who is naturally
inclined to it, and you can be better than them.

Speaker 1 (59:58):
That's what I would tell myself.

Speaker 5 (59:59):
Sure, especially if you put in more work than the
person who If the person who's naturally inclined doesn't put
in the work, sometimes the person who's naturally inclined, we're
naturally inclined. They don't feel like they have to put
in the work, and then there is a point Ny
past them, Johnny Manziel. Maybe Luca, we don't know.

Speaker 1 (01:00:16):
Yeah, No, Lucas so good.

Speaker 5 (01:00:18):
I love is trick of too much beer. Is that
why the man's got rid of him?

Speaker 7 (01:00:22):
I think thirteen years old and twenty six years old,
i'd say the same thing.

Speaker 1 (01:00:26):
Don't listen to your friends. Just do what makes you happy.

Speaker 7 (01:00:30):
Yeah, stop thinking trying is gay, It makes you gay?

Speaker 6 (01:00:35):
Like that was a big.

Speaker 1 (01:00:37):
Well, this is so much more appreciation for your sixties.
What would we tell ourselves now? Oh my god, if
you could predict.

Speaker 4 (01:00:43):
What we would say, like if we're we're like, you know,
recording a reel like Jane Fonda does where she like
talks to like people in their forties.

Speaker 5 (01:00:51):
Well. See, So I have a neighbor who's now ninety two,
and I've asked her this question. I was like, is
there anything you can tell me? Like, what can you
tell me to make you know? What would you tell me?
Would you tell you if you were my age? And
she goes, I don't fucking know.

Speaker 1 (01:01:09):
You asked her five years ago. I think right now
she's just too exhausted.

Speaker 5 (01:01:14):
I don't know what.

Speaker 1 (01:01:14):
To say I will say.

Speaker 5 (01:01:16):
But based on her behavior, I can say this the
number one I think this is without a doubt scientific.
The number one way to live a long life is
to not worry. Yeah, the people who don't worry, who go, oh,
whatever that happened, this happened, I don't care. Those are
the people who live until there were a hundred years.

Speaker 1 (01:01:34):
Yeah.

Speaker 4 (01:01:35):
Yeah, I did tell like, I met some kids from
Harvard this weekend. Okay, wow, and we were all they
were like, they weren't asking for advice, but I just
felt the need to give it, and I said, if
you want to. They were all like, you know, comedy
writers and people who were interested in comedy. I'm like,

(01:01:55):
the one thing I will tell you that I think
will make you all succeed more than yours. And that's
what you're gonna need because all of you work extremely
hard and you're gonna be at the top, you know,
trying to make it past that person that's right next
to you about the win, to win the race. If
you want to inch ahead and do something that they
cannot do, quit drinking.

Speaker 1 (01:02:14):
I go. You all like drinking right.

Speaker 4 (01:02:16):
Now, I promise you is the one thing that none
of them that keep drinking will ever look to as
a reason why they're not succeeding. But it truly will
give you such a huge advantage that only you will
know after you stop. And then uh, it's the same
way I feel about not having kids right now, Like
I'm I'm getting to I have more energy to work

(01:02:40):
right now than other women in my age that have
kids that are in the same position as me. I mean,
some of them are managing to do it, but it's
like this advantage by opting out of this thing that
drains you. It's really fun. Drinking is really fun. You're
gonna miss out on a lot. Having kids is really fun.
You're gonna miss out on a lot. But if you
are wanting to succeed in your job and you want
energy to do that, don't drink.

Speaker 1 (01:03:02):
Point And they were all like kind.

Speaker 4 (01:03:03):
Of like whoa, Like, you don't have to do that
until I go like when I was twenty seven. When
you're twenty seven, you have many years set of it's
a good yeah, twenty seven.

Speaker 5 (01:03:10):
I have a counterpoint though to that, Yeah, because I
didn't drink. You know, I'm the I'm the example of
the person who didn't drink. But I stopped drinking when
I was twenty before it's legal. I stopped drinking. And
I think that if I drank in the comedy scene
in New York coming up, I probably would have been

(01:03:31):
slightly more successful because so many connections were made, So
many connections were made just by staying up late, hanging
out at the bar and drinking with these.

Speaker 4 (01:03:41):
I tell someone like you who is doesn't drink, to
drink because I don't think you're ever going to have
a problem with it, and I think that it could
help you socialize and like be more ingratiated in the scene.

Speaker 1 (01:03:51):
But most of the people I was talking to were hungover.

Speaker 7 (01:03:54):
Yeah, and they were currently drinking as well.

Speaker 4 (01:03:57):
Yes, yes, And I thought, but I do agree with you.
I think that you could have used a couple like
That's why I've been like, Brian, you should have hit
the weed the vaate pen and you should have like,
I think it would benefit you to loosen up a
little bit.

Speaker 6 (01:04:10):
Yeah, I think.

Speaker 7 (01:04:12):
I think in your early twenties, if you moved to
New York or any like cool comedy scene, it's important
to drink a little bit or a lot for a
little bit to make those connections and then do it.
Quit before you embarrass yourself or yourself because then people
that sticks with people Yeah, like.

Speaker 1 (01:04:32):
Seant, you can't do it. It's such a hard thing
to do.

Speaker 4 (01:04:35):
People do not quit drinking, and it's if you can
get do that, you you can do anything.

Speaker 5 (01:04:41):
I can think of a list of dozens and dozens
of comedians who didn't quit when they were supposed to
uh drinking and comedy, I guess, and they went too far.
And now it's like when you get into like your
mid thirties and you're just like trashed at the comedy
show or then it's then it becomes like, oh, you
have a problem. When you're in my twenties and you're
just like, let's party, let's hang out. Then then you're

(01:05:02):
making friends that in the future, could you know you
could work together with.

Speaker 7 (01:05:06):
I kind of noticed, like scrolling through Instagram, just like
people that like, you know I started with or like
a net along the way, and like they're like still
holding a drink on stage and they just look fucked up.

Speaker 4 (01:05:19):
And it's I think drinking on stage is so disrespectful.
I just I can't like it's just like you're so
you're going to see a performer who's like getting worse
at what they're doing. People like that, I mean, people
love it, and obviously I don't, like I've been high
on stage before. I don't really think it makes you
worse what you're doing. Like I always whenever I brought
a drink on stage, it was like to look cool. Yeah,

(01:05:41):
and so I think it's kind of ki And I
also think it's like it's it sends a bad message
to your audience that you don't respect them because you're
like becoming more dumb.

Speaker 5 (01:05:51):
I mean, some people go on stage with puppets, drunk puppets.

Speaker 6 (01:05:56):
Yeah, no one's ever look cool with a puppet.

Speaker 4 (01:05:59):
But there's some people that pull off drinking on stage
and it is part of the act and it's part
of their persona, and I I'm not coming for them when.

Speaker 5 (01:06:06):
I say I don't think I can watch Ron why
without hoold that. I think he quit drinking though now
he just holds a cup.

Speaker 4 (01:06:13):
We gotta get him back on it, all right, guys,
thank you so much for listening to the podcast.

Speaker 1 (01:06:16):
We Gotta Go.

Speaker 4 (01:06:18):
We will see you next week on this show shows
this weekend in Canada.

Speaker 1 (01:06:23):
Can't wait to go up there. Worried about customs.

Speaker 4 (01:06:25):
Always have anxiety that something's up my ass, like some hair,
like something that I'm smuggling something in the country. I
will not be, but there's always a guilt Sean, I'll
see you there light going.

Speaker 1 (01:06:40):
To Victoria, Victoria and Vancouver. But like in America, what
you're doing this weekend? Wait? What am I doing?

Speaker 4 (01:06:47):
Oh?

Speaker 1 (01:06:48):
Oscars?

Speaker 4 (01:06:49):
Oh my god, I'm going to the Oscars Vanity Fair
party on Sunday night, so we will have a recap
of that, and then on Monday, I will be on
Kelly and Mark Kelly Rippa and Mark Live on Monday
Morning to talk about the Oscars.

Speaker 1 (01:07:02):
So tune into both those things.

Speaker 4 (01:07:04):
I can't believe I'm not gonna do the podcast until
I do all that stuff.

Speaker 1 (01:07:07):
Wild weekend. I'm also doing Nardwar.

Speaker 4 (01:07:10):
Oh, so that'll be fun, big weekend, tons of work,
tons of fun.

Speaker 1 (01:07:17):
Gonna go crazy with Nardwar.

Speaker 4 (01:07:19):
Yeah, I'm gonna scream a lot and go whoa how
do you remember that.

Speaker 1 (01:07:22):
Thing for my past?

Speaker 5 (01:07:23):
Yeah? And he's gonna give you a bunch and he's
gonna give you a Taylor Swift album of sometime.

Speaker 1 (01:07:28):
Yes, I can't wait. It'll be so fun. Thank you
guys for listening. Love you, busties. Don't be good bye.

Speaker 4 (01:07:34):
The Nicki Glazer Podcast is a production by Will Ferrell's
Big Money Players and iHeart Podcasts, created and hosted by
me Nicki Glazer, co hosted by Brian Frangie, Executive produced
by Will Ferrell, Hans Sonny and Noah Avior. Edited it
engineered by Lean and Loaf, video production Mark Canton and
music by Anya Marina. You can now watch full episodes

(01:07:55):
of the Nicki Glazer Podcast on YouTube, follow at Nicki
Glazer Pod and subscribe to our channel

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Host

Nikki Glaser

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