July 3, 2023 • 43 mins
Overthinking can sometimes feel like an endless mental maze that we're trapped in. This tendency to overthink can also lead to chronic indecisiveness and obsessive acknowledgement of the opinions of others. But overthinking is much more common that when we think, and may actually indicate a greater sense of self awareness and emotional intelligence. In this episode we explore why we have a tendency to overthink, from the illusion of control, to perfectionism, childhood learning and the link to ADHD and depressive rumination. We'll also dive into the strategies and ways we can control our overthinking and become better decision makers without needing to consider every outcome or ruminate for days. This episode is for all my fellow chronic overthinkers, listen now!
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:04):
Hello everybody, and welcome back to the Psychology of Your Twenties,
the podcast where we talk through some of the big
life changes and transitions of our twenties and what they
mean for our psychology. Hello everybody, Welcome back to the show.
(00:26):
Welcome back to the podcast. It is great to have
you here. New listeners, old listeners, wherever you are in
the world. Hi, my chronic overthinkers, all of my fellow
anxious friends out there, Welcome to this week's episode. Today
we are discussing the psychology of overthinking and chronic indecisiveness.
This has been raised by you guys again and again
(00:49):
as a huge challenge and experience in your twenties, and
personally I can really relate. I don't know why I
have not done this topic before, especially considering my own
personal experience. Overthinking is such amaze that really feels impossible
to get out of. Our thoughts can be so loud
(01:10):
and so difficult to navigate, and they can result in
this spiral where we feel like we have been thinking
about one small thing for hours and hours, or we
are absolutely paralyzed by indecision because what if we haven't
considered all possible outcomes? There is a psychological reason. A
lot of us find ourselves feeling this way and adopting,
(01:33):
i would say, a maladaptive thinking style. And with most things,
I think an explanation can be incredibly liberating. I personally
find it so infuriating when people talk about living in
the moment or instructure to just simply stop thinking about it.
It really overlooks so many of the deeper cognitive roots
(01:54):
of this experience, ranging from a fear of uncertainty to perfectionism,
traw my childhood learning, and even comorbid mental health conditions
like anxiety and ADHD. It's not all within your control.
There are so many hidden elements of overthinking that we
do not discuss. And then, of course there's the indecision.
(02:16):
We've spoken about the paradox of choice on the podcast before,
but essentially it's this theory that when we have a
lot of options, it actually becomes harder to make a
decision compared to when we have fewer options, because we
become paralyzed almost by the possibilities. That's particularly pertinent, I
(02:36):
would say for those of us in our twenties, because
we are just at the beginning of a long journey
and range of life decisions. And during this period, I
think we are typically presented with a lot of different
options and paths. You know, what do I study at university?
What if I want to go and travel for a
few years. Which of these job offers do I say
(02:58):
yes to? Do I move to this new city, or
do I settle down? You know, we don't want to
box ourselves in, But what I'm personally seeing more of
anecdotally is a generation, you know, my generation, our generation
of people that are so overwhelmed by options that they
actually remain quite stagnant because of that fear around making
(03:19):
the wrong choice. And I think a lot of that
can be explained by our tendency to overthink. And if
that sounds like you, you are most certainly not alone.
I think although the experience of overthinking can feel incredibly isolating,
it is a hugely common experience. And the good news
(03:40):
is that you kind of have the power to reprogram
your brain. You can unlearn these patterns of thinking. And
that's really what I want to talk about today. We're
going to break down the mysteries of overthinking from the
origins and the reasons why we overthink, why it may
actually indicate a greater level of self awareness, how it
(04:04):
links to diagnosable mental health conditions, and some of the
leading theories and tips on how we can stop overthinking
not through rationality but through a bit of delusion and distraction.
I'm personally very much in need of this episode, I
don't know about you. And also, before we get into it,
special thank you to Nish, a wonderful listener from Sydney
(04:27):
who came up to me whilst I was eating sushi
at the food court. Very glamorous, but she actually helped
pick this week's episode, so we all have her to
thank for this topic. I think, without further ado, let's
get into the nitty gritty around the psychology of overthinking
and indecisiveness. As always, let's start with the basics. What
(04:55):
actually is overthinking? Obviously, we are constantly thinking at all times,
so it's not the quantity of thoughts that's the problem here,
but actually the opposite. It's when our thoughts lack nuance
because we become fixated and stuck on one thing in particular.
Maybe that is a certain situation or a topic, or
(05:16):
a person or a hypothetical that we cannot stop returning to,
in which we analyze for excessive periods of time. These
kind of thoughts are what we would call maladaptive, meaning
not appropriate, because we can become obsessive and these cognitions
begin to control us rather than the other way around.
(05:39):
If you feel like you can't relax, that your brain
will not shut off even when you want it to,
that's a massive indicator that you are someone who is
an overthinker. This pattern, it actually normally suggests that there
is something beyond your control that is bothering you. And
by mulling it over and over again and examining it
from every direction, and we give ourselves a sense of
(06:02):
agency over whatever we're thinking about. Often, though, you know,
when this type of thinking becomes habitual, we are met
with chronic indecisiveness. A key hallmark of overthinking is the
inability to resolve a specific thought. And so when we
cannot move past our doubts, or we cannot stop questioning
(06:23):
our next move or ruminating on something that's happened, we
naturally can't make progress. And I think this results in
a stalemate. You know you are going to struggle to
move forward or make a decision if you're not actually
clear on how you think about the situation, or you're
still stuck in that thought spiral. I'll give you this
(06:44):
example that I was thinking about, and that is thinking
about your ex partner, thinking about someone that you loved
and everything that went wrong and all the what ifs,
and you're ruminating about past events and you're kind of
somewhat frozen in those memories. You can't make a decision
about how you want to heal or move forward. You
(07:05):
can't begin to date new people or reclaim your own
mental space and thoughts if you cannot break out of
this loop. I think another source of overthinking, particularly during
our twenties, is this age old conundrum of would my
life turn out better if I were to do things
differently or make a certain set of decisions. Like I
(07:29):
spoke about earlier, we're really faced with an endless list
of possibilities or options during this decade, but also a
lack of hindsight to make sense of what we actually want.
And I think overthinking tricks us into thinking that what
we're doing is somehow helpful, and that if we constantly
mull over and think about what we want or this
(07:51):
situation will somehow find some hidden solution that we hadn't
actually found before, and that's not always the case. I
think we often find ourselves in a state of what
we call analysis paralysis, whereby the more we think about something,
the harder it actually becomes to make a decision because
we have too much information to process and too many
(08:14):
variables to consider. And as we know, contrary to popular belief,
humans are actually better at making decisions when they have
less information or choices to consider. There's this other side
to overthinking as well, which is worrying about how others
perceive us. If you find yourself in your head a
(08:37):
lot like myself, or you know, when you're around people,
you really can't break away from thinking about how they're
perceiving you. It can really take away from those interactions
and the quality of those relationships. I think the approval
of others is something that we all innately crave, but
studies have shown that we consistently overestimate how much they're
(08:58):
actually thinking about us. I said this to my friend
the other day, but no one is thinking about you
as deeply as you're thinking about yourself. We are very
much self centered, self absorbed creatures, and yet I think
we've all had those moments where we've changed a million
times before a social event because we are overthinking what
(09:19):
others will think of us, or you've ruminated for hours
on some tiny, tiny part of an otherwise pleasant interaction
with someone because you're so concerned with how you came off.
There's actually a name for this in psychology. It's called aladoxophobia,
and it's essentially intense anxiety about the approval of others.
(09:43):
And I would say it's highly correlated with overthinking. The
good news is well not really good news. But an
element of this that I think might make us feel
better is that if you are an overthinker, as much
as it can be incredibly mentally exhausting and paralyzed, it
may actually indicate that you're probably more self aware and
(10:05):
emotionally intelligent compared to the average person. Self Awareness, by definition,
refers to the ability to observe your own thoughts and
recognize how you are perceived by others, but also internally
being able to identify what makes you an individual and
the impact of your decisions. Elisa is unsurprisingly linked to
(10:28):
our emotional intelligence, and what that refers to is the
ability to recognize the influence of your emotions and actions
on others. Thinking about an issue from different perspectives and
reflecting on how a decision may affect others, especially your
loved ones. It really allows for greater empathy. You know,
you look internally and you're able to see correlations between
(10:52):
how you act and how others respond. So if you're
someone who typically sits with your thoughts for I would
say an un comfortable period of time, the chances are
that you, as a consequence, are much more in tune
with how your decisions not only influence the people around
you hence that level or need for social approval, but
(11:16):
also your own internal self perception and your future. That
I think is a beautiful quality, but it also comes
with its burdens. A question I actually get a lot
is can I be too self aware? And I think
when we examine the relationship to overthinking, the answer is yes.
When we fall into the trap of over analyzing everything,
(11:37):
a few things occur. Firstly, of course that chronic indecisiveness,
but also an inability to focus on our responsibilities, perhaps
a failure to see the bigger picture, and that results
in anxiety and at times panic. But also from the
outside it can look like self absorption. I don't necessarily
think that's the case, because a lot of the time
(11:58):
when we overthink or mostly worried about others or the
feelings of others. But when you do spend too much
time inside your own thoughts, sometimes it can be hard
to get that perspective you need to make the right
decision or to really see clearly what the situation is.
(12:18):
So why does this occur? That's the million dollar question,
isn't it? Well. Psychology gives us a few answers, and
the primary ones are this fear of uncertainty and an
illusion of control, a fear of failure, and I think
that's really linked to perfectionism and procrastination, and then also
our childhood environment and the chaos that may have been
(12:38):
our childhood and things like generalized anxiety disorder, depression and ADHD.
This fear of uncertainty, I think is perhaps one of
the best explanations, in my opinion, for why we overthink.
Humans do not deal well with unknowns because unknowns present
(12:58):
danger or that could potentially indicate situations that made jeopardize
our survival. It makes us really uncomfortable to not know
the outcome. And they've actually proved this in a series
of studies looking at the impact of uncertainty on our
brain and our body. In these experiments, I think they
(13:20):
were conducted in like the late nineties, but I'll have
to fact check myself there. In these experiments, they hooked
participants up to a series of electrodes that could deliver
like a slight electric shock. It wasn't too painful, but
it was definitely there. They then either told participants when
they would shock them, they gave them almost like a timeline,
(13:42):
or they left it ambiguous so the shock could come
at any time and the participant wouldn't know. So the
participants who experienced the unpredictability condition, so the second condition,
they reported significantly more discomfort, more anxiety, and more pain
despite the level of the shock being the same compared
(14:02):
to those who knew when the shock was going to occur.
And this basically demonstrated that uncertainty unknowns they can really
intensify how threatening a situation feels and can also result
in this state of hypervigilance where we cannot break out
of just thinking about this one stimulus. When is this
(14:23):
shock going to happen? What do I do to prepare
for it? You know, those people who knew that the
shock was going to occur. They had the timeline, they
had the roster, They were able to let their mind want,
whereas the other set of participants were so consumed with
thoughts and anxiety. In other words, they really began to
overthink their circumstances and what they were about to receive,
(14:48):
what they could expect. I think our reaction to uncertainty
has an evolutionary process. Our brain wants to ensure our
survival and it wants to predict what is going to
happen next because it allows us to prepare our body
and our mind in the most effective way possible. So
in uncertain situations, that planning is a lot harder, and
(15:10):
so our brain uses overthinking as a way to bring
a sense of calm and control to the chaos. When
we face ambiguous situations, our brain wants to find the
most possible outcome, and so what it does is it
sends our brains spiraling. It sends us thinking about every
single possible catastrophe. When we think about that in the
(15:34):
sense of our twenties, right, there are a lot of
unknowns we are Depending on where you're at in your twenties,
still quite young, you know, some of us have only
really been adults for like two years. If you're twenty
at this point, maximum nine years, so you're still really
a child in regards to your twenties. You don't really
(15:54):
have any idea of what's coming for you. That's kind
of both the beauty and the chaos of this deck.
And so this constant analysis, this overthinking, it creates a
sense of false control over our circumstances because we think
that we can prevent negative outcomes by fortune telling them,
(16:14):
by thinking this situation over. I think keeping ourselves stuck
in what I would call problem solving mode makes us
feel like there is a solution if we just think
hard enough and long enough about our circumstances. It's this
fairly common mental fallacy, and the unconscious reasoning is essentially,
(16:35):
if I can imagine every possible outcome, if I can
think about this a million and one weighs over no
matter what the outcome is, I'll be prepared. And yet
we actually can't predict the outcome. We can't predict the future,
and this heightened state of alertness and rumination means that
we actually will probably make worse decisions, or we won't
(16:59):
make a decision at all, I think moreover overthinking also
stems from a desire to avoid mistakes or failure by
excessively dwelling on past experiences or hypothetical futures. We attempt
to anticipate and prevent our potential errors, and that leads
to a perpetual cycle of overthinking. None of us like
(17:20):
feeling like a failure, especially when we have high expectations
for ourselves or for the situation, and we want to
avoid that uncomfortable feeling and protect our self esteem. So
our brain employees overthinking as a way to essentially predict
what situations might present the opportunity to make a wrong decision,
(17:43):
and how we can prevent that failure. I think we
may also develop this fear in relation to other people
and their experiences and hearing from them. This is called
informational learning in psychology. You know, for example, your friend
is doing this like really hard course that you have
to do, and they tell you how difficult it is
(18:05):
and the fail rate for the final exam, etc. Etc.
And what you may find is that you deliberately then
avoid that course or that situation, or find yourself overthinking
how you're going to approach it because you are so
bound up in your fear of failure. Maybe this won't
surprise you, but this is highly correlated to perfectionist tendencies.
(18:26):
If you've listened to my episode on perfectionism and academic anxiety,
you'll know this already. But often, if we aren't convinced
we can do something perfectly, we will avoid doing it
all together. In other words, we procrastinate because we are
so consumed by not meeting our standards or the standards
that have been imposed on us. Procrastination isn't about a
(18:50):
lack of capability or ability. It occurs because we don't
feel mentally prepared to perform or complete a task and
get the outcome that we want. Come so overwhelmed by
the idea that what we produce won't be perfect that
we habitually avoid doing it. If you've ever found yourself
kind of staring at the blank page of an assignment,
(19:13):
already anticipating what it would feel like to get a
bad grade, and really paralyzed by how to start, perfectionism
might actually be the root of your overthinking. As hard
as it is to acknowledge, we are all going to
fail throughout our lives. A million times over in a
million different ways, and also in ways that we could
never anticipate. No matter how much your brain tries to
(19:36):
trick you, that you can avoid it by overthinking. I
think maturity comes from recognizing that although no amount of
ruminating will protect you, whatever does happen, you get to
decide how you'll respond. A mindset I try and adopt
is that every failure is actually just a lesson in disguise.
It's a scenic detour on which you get to learn
(19:57):
so much more about yourself than if everything had come
kind of gone right. And also, I think making the
wrong decision is always better than making no decision at all,
because remaining stagnant not doing anything is one of the
worst things we can really do. In our twenties, we
have so many possibilities. There's this study I always cite it,
(20:18):
and I'm going to sign it again. But you are
going to regret the choices you don't make more than
the choices that you do over and over again. They
find this. So it might not be the perfect decision,
maybe it won't guarantee complete happiness, but at least you've
made it. The other origin of overthinking, I think is
really important to discuss is childhood environment and our early
(20:41):
learning experiences. Most people who have developed a tendency to
overthink and subsequent difficulty with decision making have acquired this
habit in childhood, particularly if they were raised in an
unpredictable environment. As children, we are incredibly vulnerable and dependent
on our caregivers for literally everything. We also don't yet
(21:05):
possess those coping mechanisms to deal with uncertainty in an
appropriate manner. So, for example, if you had parents who
were perhaps unpredictable, maybe they dealt with addiction, or they
were constantly moving around or changing your routines, they weren't
there for you, or in severe cases, maybe they were abusive.
(21:26):
As children, we use overthinking as a way to bring
about a sense of control over our surroundings and to
be prepared for what might be thrown at us. This
has the result of perhaps momentarily lessening our anxiety, but
it actually contributes to using or developing a maladaptive thinking style.
The more we react to a situation by overthinking as
(21:49):
a way to self soothe in the presence of chaos
and uncertainty, the more deeply ingrained this coping mechanism becomes
and as we grow up it becomes or difficult to
replace this thinking style because as children we didn't really
have the self awareness to understand that it may be harmful,
and so it's maintained into adulthood. I think with all
(22:11):
disordered thinking or maladaptive habits such as this one, I
think it is really valuable to assess what the childhood
origins may have been. Additionally, if as children we maybe
felt like we didn't have much agency over our life,
this may also make it difficult to make decisions and
cause us to be paralyzed by overthinking because we don't
(22:33):
feel confident enough in our own abilities and discernment. I
would love to see a study on that, actually, I
think would be so fascinating. Such a fascinating research topic,
you know, the intersections between childhood blame and ownership over
responsibility in adulthood. There you go a research title. If
anyone wants to do their thesis on that, it's all yours.
(22:56):
I think another psychological factor contributing to overthinking is a
heightened state of self awareness and self consciousness, which we
spoke about before. We possess an inherent tendency to evaluate
and judge ourselves, but we also have this tendency to
seek the validation of others that makes us inherently self critical.
(23:16):
And this self critical mindset often fuels overthinking because we
excessively scrutinize our actions and our decisions because we fear
potential criticism or rejection, and social comparison plays a role
in overthinking. Comparing ourselves to others, especially of course, in
the error of social media, can create unrealistic expectations. And
(23:40):
then I think therefore constant need to measure up, a
constant kind of standard that we feel we need to
meet and that we feel we need to compare ourselves to,
resulting in this overthinking and this spiral about our worth
and our achievements. Those are some of the high level
psychological explanations. But we cannot we cannot talk about overthinking
(24:04):
without examining the relationship to diagnosable mental health conditions like
generalized anxiety and ADHD. So we are going to discuss
that and so much more after this short break. The
act of overthinking can be linked to a number of
(24:27):
psychological problems, such as anxiety and depression, although it's kind
of hard to know what happens first in most cases.
This researcher put it really perfectly when they said, it's
a very quintessential chicken or egg kind of conundrum. However,
one of the primary symptoms of a generalized anxiety disorder
(24:47):
is not only persistent anxiety, but also overthinking and someone
who plans for all possible worst case scenarios. When we
get down to the biological reason why this occurs, we
can see, I think more clearly where overthinking actually comes from,
and it's really not your fault. A range of neurotransmitters
(25:09):
are responsible for the typical symptoms of anxiety and with
that overthinking. For example, serotonin glutamate GABBA, and the hormone
neuropenephron it's otherwise known as adrenaline. They all play a
role in modulating our anxiety response. So one study found
that when levels of GABBA in our brain are too low,
(25:32):
it can trigger excessive worrying and excessive overthinking because GABBA
is what helps control the signals between the nerve cells
in our brains. So when these signals are not mediated,
when they're not moderated by this neurotransmitter, our brain goes
into overdrive. There's nothing kind of stopping those neural pathways
(25:53):
from constantly firing, and that's where we really start to
feel like our brain is on a bit of a
hamster wheel, that we are not in control of our thoughts.
It's important to note here that overthinking is just one
symptom and it's not a diagnosable disorder. You cannot be
diagnosed with overthinking. It's just a cognitive process that is
(26:15):
associated with a broader condition, that being anxiety that is
characterized by this fear, by this excessive worry and hypervigilance.
But I think it's really worth examining whether the root
of this thought pattern could be mitigated by managing your
overall anxiety levels. There is also this concept of depressive rumination,
(26:36):
which is a form of overthinking where we feel almost
comforted by dwelling on the past and what we regret,
by going over our mistakes or our regrets again and again.
It's like kind of how waves turn glass into sand
or smooth out hard surfaces. Each time we examine a memory,
(26:57):
it becomes more blunt, and when we ruminate on it,
we lessen the emotional pain attached to it. Or so
we think that might just be a myth, because it
may actually be. The more we think about something that
actually aggravates our anxiety response, it makes it harder to
let that memory pass and it elevates our distress. I
think it's a super fine line to walk. You really
(27:19):
do have to process what you go through. But when
you find that you cannot stop returning to something that
was cringe or embarrassing, or something that was maybe even traumatic,
there are some really major negative consequences to that. That's
why this kind of cognitive process is associated with a
major depressive disorder in some instances, not all. Of course.
(27:42):
The other mental health condition I want to discuss is ADHD.
I will say I'm not an expert on this. This
was just a really fascinating article that I read and
I think it's valuable to put forward. But whilst we,
I think most typically associate ADHD with hyperactivity and impulsivity,
it also manifests an excessive ruminating and an inability to
(28:03):
break out of a specific thought pattern. Individuals with ADHD,
they often report obsessive thoughts and difficulty regulating or bringing
their thoughts under control. Once again, it can be a
primary symptom that may lead someone to seek an ADHD diagnosis.
You know, it might be that first kind of red flag.
(28:25):
If you can't stop overthinking, and you can't stop obsessively
thinking about something, maybe it's a sign that you do
need to seek professional help. If that is the case,
not all overthinking is generally indicative of a larger problem.
It is just a typical symptom for some people. So
take it with a grain of salt and maybe go
(28:46):
and see someone if you're finding that it's really interrupting
your ability to function. Now that we've kind of discussed
the theories behind overthinking and the subsequent indecisiveness that tends
to come from it, I think we really need to
explore the ways in which we can bring this behavior
or this tendency under control. Part of that is understanding
(29:08):
the types of decision makers that we are and how
we can reprogram our brain to kind of ignore the tiny,
itty bitty details and ignore all the possible pathways and
just focus on the bigger picture. Back in the early
two thousands, these psychologists, they came up with this theory
that there are two types of decision makers in the world.
(29:28):
There are satisfiers and there are maximizers. Satisfiers they aim
for a good enough solution. They have a very clear
set of criteria that they are not trying to maximize,
but just satisfy. And when their criteria is met, when
they get what they're after, they're happy with that decision.
They're really happy with it. They are what we would
(29:50):
call highly utilitarian and practical. The example that people give
is looking for a new car that's a good one. Actually,
so if your like main criteria is like, I want
it to drive, and I want it to be under
five thousand dollars, you'll find a car that drives under
five thousand dollars, you'll purchase it. You're not looking for
a car that can drive really really well and is
(30:12):
under three thousand dollars. You're not constantly looking for the
better option. You're just looking for something that meets or
satisfies those criteria. In contrast, maximizers are not satisfied unless
they have the best possible outcome, the perfect solution. But
often in aiming for that kind of perfect outcome, they
(30:35):
have very ambiguous criteria. It's really based on the right feeling.
And interestingly, in this study conducted in two thousand and seven,
they found that these types of decision makers are actually
less happy compared to satisfiers, because maximizers are constantly preoccupied
with the what if, What if I find something better?
(30:57):
What if something better comes along in the future, and
I've already accepted this other decision. They also reported more
avoidance of decision making in general, that chronic indecisiveness that
we're talking about, and they're more likely to report impulsive,
spontaneous decision making, which sounds counterintuitive, but I think the
(31:18):
reasoning behind that is because they are so consumed with
overthinking what the best possible outcome could be that they procrastinate,
and when they actually do have to make the decision,
it's often closer to the deadline, or they do so
impulsively because they're so exhausted from this rumination from considering
all the possible outcomes that they no longer have the
(31:41):
brain space to actually make a proper decision, so they
do so spontaneously. In order to address our underlying tendency
to overthink and therefore that chronic indecisiveness, what we need
to do is shift from being a maximizer to a satisfier,
and that involves a few things. When you were faced
with a decision, narrow down the solution using chunking. This
(32:04):
is a psychological idea whereby a big group of information
is broken down into smaller parts and grouped by common
elements or easier problems. So this really allows you to
tackle a big decision by turning it into a series
of smaller choices, And it also allows our brain to
(32:25):
channel that energy we used to overthink into a meaningful
problem solving strategy, and it makes the problem less profound,
and it makes it seem less life changing when we
kind of take off those smaller chunks. So, for example,
someone actually messaged me with this conundrum they were having
the other day of choosing between two job options, and
(32:48):
one of them paid more, but the other one was
more aligned with what they enjoyed and what they saw
themselves doing in the future. Using that satisfied principle and
that method of chunking, we need to break down our
two options and break down that information using a series
of discerning questions. So in this example, you know, can
(33:08):
I live off the salary of the second job? Would
I be able to pay my bills? That's like a
minimum criteria for living. Then there's that second question of
what actually matters more to me? Right, now this is
personal preference and values, financial security, or workplace satisfaction. And
then let's look to the future. What are the opportunities
for promotion or further development? Which job is going to
(33:32):
offer me more in the next five years or ten
years around Korea development. From those questions, we can kind
of create a bit of a rudimentary pros and cons list,
So instead of feeling paralyzed by this big choice, we
can approach it as a satisfier would what are the
minimum conditions for my happiness here, and which of these
(33:54):
choices meets those minimum conditions. I think it's also to
remember that everything in life is temper and fixable. The
decision you make right now, it's not going to lock
you in for the rest of your life. You can
always admit that maybe you made a mistake or you
made the wrong choice and go back and fix that,
(34:14):
or also maybe even find yourself satisfied even though that
choice may not have been perfect. Life is kind of
what you make of it. So many times you think
that you will be more satisfied doing something else. But
the grass is, as they say, always greener on the
other side, so overthinking it isn't actually going to make
(34:35):
you happier or give you the outcome that you want.
Another massive strategy. This is my favorite strategy. I personally
use this a lot when I'm overthinking, is to find
some way to make your thoughts tangible and organized. When
we overthink, everything in our brain feels like a mess.
It feels like this big group of like unruly vines
(34:58):
that have just tangled up in our brain. But there's
this saying that a problem on a page is a
problem halved. Hold that anxiety or worry or that thought
in your mind. Grab a pen and paper, and spend
twenty thirty minutes, however long, writing down every single aspect
of the problem that is concerning you, every possible ramification,
(35:22):
every possible element. Get those thoughts out into the open,
and you'll suddenly find they are a lot more manageable
because you're actually able to do something productive with them.
You feel like you've done something useful. I also find
that it can really minimize some of our own internal delusions.
Sometimes things that seem highly probable in our brain can
(35:47):
sound so silly when we speak them out loud or
when we put them in writing, because we let our
minds process that information in a different format. It's the
same reason why talking about a problem with the friend
often helps us ease our anxiety and tendency to overthink,
because when we speak it out loud, we kind of
(36:07):
see how irrational we might be, you know, how irrational
we might be. And I think that kind of tactic
of making what is normally internal external and making it
tangible has personally really really helped me out. Distraction also helps.
I know that sounds like a cop out, but sometimes
we just need some peace and quiet and we want
(36:29):
to give our brains a rest. Telling yourself to stop
thinking about it will never work, but making it harder
for your brain to think about it does. Our minds,
at the end of the day have limited space. So
when we fill up that space with a challenging activity
like doing a puzzle or listening to a podcast and
going for a run, or reading a book and listening
(36:51):
to music, something that activates multiple parts of our brain,
we kind of jam all the channels, meaning that our
anxiety is overthinking and our indecisiveness and those problems that
we have or those thought patterns they can't get through,
and it makes it really difficult for our brain to
ruminate on them obviously, though I think would be unethical
(37:13):
if I didn't say that this is a short term solution,
and sometimes we do need to go a lot deeper
to kind of identify those bad mental habits and what
we would call automatic negative thoughts in psychology, so an
automatic negative thought, it refers to a pattern of negative
thinking that interrupts our ability to make decisions. This ranges
(37:37):
from things like overthinking, but also fortune telling, which is
an element of overthinking, and overgeneralizations, should statements, I should
do this, I should have done that, and also jumping
to conclusions, feeling like you know what's going to happen,
catastrophizing in a situation. We can train ourselves to identify
(38:01):
when these types of thoughts are present and deliberately refocus
our thinking. Catch the thought, write it down, examine the
evidence for it. Why do you think that you're going
to fail? Why do you think those people don't like you?
Why do you think you're making the wrong decision? Why
do you think that person is mad at you? Is
(38:22):
there evidence for this thought or is it just an
automatic negative thought that you've internalized. Part of that is
also going to see a therapist or a psychologist, someone
asked me the other day, like, is therapy actually worth it?
I think that in these situations, in all situations, it
actually really is because this person is completely impartial. Their
(38:47):
only focus in those sessions is to tell you the
truth and help you through your problems. So what they're
going to do is really call you out for your
negative thought patterns, for your automatic negative thought thoughts. They're
going to hold you accountable when you're overthinking, and kind
of act that you know, as that voice of reason,
(39:08):
that person who interrupts those thought patterns as they are
occurring and asks you to correct them. You know, is
this actually helpful? Is thinking about this really going to
give you a solution? The chances are probably not. Like
we said, overthinking tricks our brain into thinking that if
(39:29):
we mold something over a million times over, if we
ruminate on it enough, somehow, some new solutions, some new
outcome will be discovered. And I don't really think that's
ever the case. You don't really have to do it alone.
I think that's the final message here. You know, it
can be really paralyzing and really difficult, and I think
(39:50):
it's worth considering what level of professional help is needed,
you know, fear of failure, perfectionism, anxiety, whatever it is.
Your twenties should be a time for freedom and getting
to enjoy all of those precious moments and all those
little joys without constantly worrying about what comes next or
(40:11):
who thinks what about you? So I would say, from
one chronic thinker to another, I really hope you find
that piece, and I hope that this episode has been helpful.
I guess my final reminder for the day is where
you place your attention is where you place your energy.
And although sometimes it can feel like our thoughts are
(40:31):
in control, that is not the case. It is your brain,
It is your mind. You have the ability to kind
of sort through the rubble, sort through the mess, and
select what you want, select what you want from all
of that, select what you want from the chaos. Also,
you know as much that as it is a really
common tendency, I think it's also really valuable to just
(40:55):
quickly return to that point. A lot of this is
to do with things that are outside of our control,
this need for a sense of certainty. Even some of
those neurotransmitters like Gabba, those are really kind of the
culprit in this situation. So it's not some personal flaw.
It is sometimes just the way that our brains are wired,
(41:16):
and you don't need to fix yourself in order to
cope with that thought pattern. I think that's a really
a really good place. Actually, I want to I kind
of want to end things, because, yeah, I just think
sometimes in my own personal life, I find myself overthinking
and I'm like, I just wish I could stop thinking
about this. I don't want to think about this. I
(41:38):
don't want to keep annoying my friends with this like
minor concern that they don't really care about. But knowing
that is that it is, you know, somewhat of a natural,
even evolutionary process has really helped me accept it, which
means that I've been able to address it. So I
really do hope that you enjoyed this episode. As always,
(41:59):
if if there is someone in your life who needs
to hear this, you should send them a link. Maybe
they will find it helpful, maybe they won't. I don't
really know, but it's always nice to show that you're
thinking of them and that you know what they're going through.
So please feel free to share this episode along if
you also feel cooled to do so. No pressure, but
(42:20):
please feel free to leave a five star review on
Apple Podcasts, Spotify, wherever you are listening right now. It
really helps the show, it helps it to reach new people,
it helps me, so I really do value the support
and if you have an episode suggestion, please feel free
to join me over at that Psychology podcast. I take
(42:43):
any and all ideas, I add them to my list,
and every now and again I really like to pull
something from what someone has suggested and dedicate a whole
episode to it. So there's something that you're going through
that you want a psychological explanation for, please feel free
to ended over. As always, we will be back next
week with another episode. See you then,
Hello everybody, and welcome back to the Psychology of Your Twenties,
the podcast where we talk through some of the big
life changes and transitions of our twenties and what they
mean for our psychology. Hello everybody, Welcome back to the show.
(00:26):
Welcome back to the podcast. It is great to have
you here. New listeners, old listeners, wherever you are in
the world. Hi, my chronic overthinkers, all of my fellow
anxious friends out there, Welcome to this week's episode. Today
we are discussing the psychology of overthinking and chronic indecisiveness.
This has been raised by you guys again and again
(00:49):
as a huge challenge and experience in your twenties, and
personally I can really relate. I don't know why I
have not done this topic before, especially considering my own
personal experience. Overthinking is such amaze that really feels impossible
to get out of. Our thoughts can be so loud
(01:10):
and so difficult to navigate, and they can result in
this spiral where we feel like we have been thinking
about one small thing for hours and hours, or we
are absolutely paralyzed by indecision because what if we haven't
considered all possible outcomes? There is a psychological reason. A
lot of us find ourselves feeling this way and adopting,
(01:33):
i would say, a maladaptive thinking style. And with most things,
I think an explanation can be incredibly liberating. I personally
find it so infuriating when people talk about living in
the moment or instructure to just simply stop thinking about it.
It really overlooks so many of the deeper cognitive roots
(01:54):
of this experience, ranging from a fear of uncertainty to perfectionism,
traw my childhood learning, and even comorbid mental health conditions
like anxiety and ADHD. It's not all within your control.
There are so many hidden elements of overthinking that we
do not discuss. And then, of course there's the indecision.
(02:16):
We've spoken about the paradox of choice on the podcast before,
but essentially it's this theory that when we have a
lot of options, it actually becomes harder to make a
decision compared to when we have fewer options, because we
become paralyzed almost by the possibilities. That's particularly pertinent, I
(02:36):
would say for those of us in our twenties, because
we are just at the beginning of a long journey
and range of life decisions. And during this period, I
think we are typically presented with a lot of different
options and paths. You know, what do I study at university?
What if I want to go and travel for a
few years. Which of these job offers do I say
(02:58):
yes to? Do I move to this new city, or
do I settle down? You know, we don't want to
box ourselves in, But what I'm personally seeing more of
anecdotally is a generation, you know, my generation, our generation
of people that are so overwhelmed by options that they
actually remain quite stagnant because of that fear around making
(03:19):
the wrong choice. And I think a lot of that
can be explained by our tendency to overthink. And if
that sounds like you, you are most certainly not alone.
I think although the experience of overthinking can feel incredibly isolating,
it is a hugely common experience. And the good news
(03:40):
is that you kind of have the power to reprogram
your brain. You can unlearn these patterns of thinking. And
that's really what I want to talk about today. We're
going to break down the mysteries of overthinking from the
origins and the reasons why we overthink, why it may
actually indicate a greater level of self awareness, how it
(04:04):
links to diagnosable mental health conditions, and some of the
leading theories and tips on how we can stop overthinking
not through rationality but through a bit of delusion and distraction.
I'm personally very much in need of this episode, I
don't know about you. And also, before we get into it,
special thank you to Nish, a wonderful listener from Sydney
(04:27):
who came up to me whilst I was eating sushi
at the food court. Very glamorous, but she actually helped
pick this week's episode, so we all have her to
thank for this topic. I think, without further ado, let's
get into the nitty gritty around the psychology of overthinking
and indecisiveness. As always, let's start with the basics. What
(04:55):
actually is overthinking? Obviously, we are constantly thinking at all times,
so it's not the quantity of thoughts that's the problem here,
but actually the opposite. It's when our thoughts lack nuance
because we become fixated and stuck on one thing in particular.
Maybe that is a certain situation or a topic, or
(05:16):
a person or a hypothetical that we cannot stop returning to,
in which we analyze for excessive periods of time. These
kind of thoughts are what we would call maladaptive, meaning
not appropriate, because we can become obsessive and these cognitions
begin to control us rather than the other way around.
(05:39):
If you feel like you can't relax, that your brain
will not shut off even when you want it to,
that's a massive indicator that you are someone who is
an overthinker. This pattern, it actually normally suggests that there
is something beyond your control that is bothering you. And
by mulling it over and over again and examining it
from every direction, and we give ourselves a sense of
(06:02):
agency over whatever we're thinking about. Often, though, you know,
when this type of thinking becomes habitual, we are met
with chronic indecisiveness. A key hallmark of overthinking is the
inability to resolve a specific thought. And so when we
cannot move past our doubts, or we cannot stop questioning
(06:23):
our next move or ruminating on something that's happened, we
naturally can't make progress. And I think this results in
a stalemate. You know you are going to struggle to
move forward or make a decision if you're not actually
clear on how you think about the situation, or you're
still stuck in that thought spiral. I'll give you this
(06:44):
example that I was thinking about, and that is thinking
about your ex partner, thinking about someone that you loved
and everything that went wrong and all the what ifs,
and you're ruminating about past events and you're kind of
somewhat frozen in those memories. You can't make a decision
about how you want to heal or move forward. You
(07:05):
can't begin to date new people or reclaim your own
mental space and thoughts if you cannot break out of
this loop. I think another source of overthinking, particularly during
our twenties, is this age old conundrum of would my
life turn out better if I were to do things
differently or make a certain set of decisions. Like I
(07:29):
spoke about earlier, we're really faced with an endless list
of possibilities or options during this decade, but also a
lack of hindsight to make sense of what we actually want.
And I think overthinking tricks us into thinking that what
we're doing is somehow helpful, and that if we constantly
mull over and think about what we want or this
(07:51):
situation will somehow find some hidden solution that we hadn't
actually found before, and that's not always the case. I
think we often find ourselves in a state of what
we call analysis paralysis, whereby the more we think about something,
the harder it actually becomes to make a decision because
we have too much information to process and too many
(08:14):
variables to consider. And as we know, contrary to popular belief,
humans are actually better at making decisions when they have
less information or choices to consider. There's this other side
to overthinking as well, which is worrying about how others
perceive us. If you find yourself in your head a
(08:37):
lot like myself, or you know, when you're around people,
you really can't break away from thinking about how they're
perceiving you. It can really take away from those interactions
and the quality of those relationships. I think the approval
of others is something that we all innately crave, but
studies have shown that we consistently overestimate how much they're
(08:58):
actually thinking about us. I said this to my friend
the other day, but no one is thinking about you
as deeply as you're thinking about yourself. We are very
much self centered, self absorbed creatures, and yet I think
we've all had those moments where we've changed a million
times before a social event because we are overthinking what
(09:19):
others will think of us, or you've ruminated for hours
on some tiny, tiny part of an otherwise pleasant interaction
with someone because you're so concerned with how you came off.
There's actually a name for this in psychology. It's called aladoxophobia,
and it's essentially intense anxiety about the approval of others.
(09:43):
And I would say it's highly correlated with overthinking. The
good news is well not really good news. But an
element of this that I think might make us feel
better is that if you are an overthinker, as much
as it can be incredibly mentally exhausting and paralyzed, it
may actually indicate that you're probably more self aware and
(10:05):
emotionally intelligent compared to the average person. Self Awareness, by definition,
refers to the ability to observe your own thoughts and
recognize how you are perceived by others, but also internally
being able to identify what makes you an individual and
the impact of your decisions. Elisa is unsurprisingly linked to
(10:28):
our emotional intelligence, and what that refers to is the
ability to recognize the influence of your emotions and actions
on others. Thinking about an issue from different perspectives and
reflecting on how a decision may affect others, especially your
loved ones. It really allows for greater empathy. You know,
you look internally and you're able to see correlations between
(10:52):
how you act and how others respond. So if you're
someone who typically sits with your thoughts for I would
say an un comfortable period of time, the chances are
that you, as a consequence, are much more in tune
with how your decisions not only influence the people around
you hence that level or need for social approval, but
(11:16):
also your own internal self perception and your future. That
I think is a beautiful quality, but it also comes
with its burdens. A question I actually get a lot
is can I be too self aware? And I think
when we examine the relationship to overthinking, the answer is yes.
When we fall into the trap of over analyzing everything,
(11:37):
a few things occur. Firstly, of course that chronic indecisiveness,
but also an inability to focus on our responsibilities, perhaps
a failure to see the bigger picture, and that results
in anxiety and at times panic. But also from the
outside it can look like self absorption. I don't necessarily
think that's the case, because a lot of the time
(11:58):
when we overthink or mostly worried about others or the
feelings of others. But when you do spend too much
time inside your own thoughts, sometimes it can be hard
to get that perspective you need to make the right
decision or to really see clearly what the situation is.
(12:18):
So why does this occur? That's the million dollar question,
isn't it? Well. Psychology gives us a few answers, and
the primary ones are this fear of uncertainty and an
illusion of control, a fear of failure, and I think
that's really linked to perfectionism and procrastination, and then also
our childhood environment and the chaos that may have been
(12:38):
our childhood and things like generalized anxiety disorder, depression and ADHD.
This fear of uncertainty, I think is perhaps one of
the best explanations, in my opinion, for why we overthink.
Humans do not deal well with unknowns because unknowns present
(12:58):
danger or that could potentially indicate situations that made jeopardize
our survival. It makes us really uncomfortable to not know
the outcome. And they've actually proved this in a series
of studies looking at the impact of uncertainty on our
brain and our body. In these experiments, I think they
(13:20):
were conducted in like the late nineties, but I'll have
to fact check myself there. In these experiments, they hooked
participants up to a series of electrodes that could deliver
like a slight electric shock. It wasn't too painful, but
it was definitely there. They then either told participants when
they would shock them, they gave them almost like a timeline,
(13:42):
or they left it ambiguous so the shock could come
at any time and the participant wouldn't know. So the
participants who experienced the unpredictability condition, so the second condition,
they reported significantly more discomfort, more anxiety, and more pain
despite the level of the shock being the same compared
(14:02):
to those who knew when the shock was going to occur.
And this basically demonstrated that uncertainty unknowns they can really
intensify how threatening a situation feels and can also result
in this state of hypervigilance where we cannot break out
of just thinking about this one stimulus. When is this
(14:23):
shock going to happen? What do I do to prepare
for it? You know, those people who knew that the
shock was going to occur. They had the timeline, they
had the roster, They were able to let their mind want,
whereas the other set of participants were so consumed with
thoughts and anxiety. In other words, they really began to
overthink their circumstances and what they were about to receive,
(14:48):
what they could expect. I think our reaction to uncertainty
has an evolutionary process. Our brain wants to ensure our
survival and it wants to predict what is going to
happen next because it allows us to prepare our body
and our mind in the most effective way possible. So
in uncertain situations, that planning is a lot harder, and
(15:10):
so our brain uses overthinking as a way to bring
a sense of calm and control to the chaos. When
we face ambiguous situations, our brain wants to find the
most possible outcome, and so what it does is it
sends our brains spiraling. It sends us thinking about every
single possible catastrophe. When we think about that in the
(15:34):
sense of our twenties, right, there are a lot of
unknowns we are Depending on where you're at in your twenties,
still quite young, you know, some of us have only
really been adults for like two years. If you're twenty
at this point, maximum nine years, so you're still really
a child in regards to your twenties. You don't really
(15:54):
have any idea of what's coming for you. That's kind
of both the beauty and the chaos of this deck.
And so this constant analysis, this overthinking, it creates a
sense of false control over our circumstances because we think
that we can prevent negative outcomes by fortune telling them,
(16:14):
by thinking this situation over. I think keeping ourselves stuck
in what I would call problem solving mode makes us
feel like there is a solution if we just think
hard enough and long enough about our circumstances. It's this
fairly common mental fallacy, and the unconscious reasoning is essentially,
(16:35):
if I can imagine every possible outcome, if I can
think about this a million and one weighs over no
matter what the outcome is, I'll be prepared. And yet
we actually can't predict the outcome. We can't predict the future,
and this heightened state of alertness and rumination means that
we actually will probably make worse decisions, or we won't
(16:59):
make a decision at all, I think moreover overthinking also
stems from a desire to avoid mistakes or failure by
excessively dwelling on past experiences or hypothetical futures. We attempt
to anticipate and prevent our potential errors, and that leads
to a perpetual cycle of overthinking. None of us like
(17:20):
feeling like a failure, especially when we have high expectations
for ourselves or for the situation, and we want to
avoid that uncomfortable feeling and protect our self esteem. So
our brain employees overthinking as a way to essentially predict
what situations might present the opportunity to make a wrong decision,
(17:43):
and how we can prevent that failure. I think we
may also develop this fear in relation to other people
and their experiences and hearing from them. This is called
informational learning in psychology. You know, for example, your friend
is doing this like really hard course that you have
to do, and they tell you how difficult it is
(18:05):
and the fail rate for the final exam, etc. Etc.
And what you may find is that you deliberately then
avoid that course or that situation, or find yourself overthinking
how you're going to approach it because you are so
bound up in your fear of failure. Maybe this won't
surprise you, but this is highly correlated to perfectionist tendencies.
(18:26):
If you've listened to my episode on perfectionism and academic anxiety,
you'll know this already. But often, if we aren't convinced
we can do something perfectly, we will avoid doing it
all together. In other words, we procrastinate because we are
so consumed by not meeting our standards or the standards
that have been imposed on us. Procrastination isn't about a
(18:50):
lack of capability or ability. It occurs because we don't
feel mentally prepared to perform or complete a task and
get the outcome that we want. Come so overwhelmed by
the idea that what we produce won't be perfect that
we habitually avoid doing it. If you've ever found yourself
kind of staring at the blank page of an assignment,
(19:13):
already anticipating what it would feel like to get a
bad grade, and really paralyzed by how to start, perfectionism
might actually be the root of your overthinking. As hard
as it is to acknowledge, we are all going to
fail throughout our lives. A million times over in a
million different ways, and also in ways that we could
never anticipate. No matter how much your brain tries to
(19:36):
trick you, that you can avoid it by overthinking. I
think maturity comes from recognizing that although no amount of
ruminating will protect you, whatever does happen, you get to
decide how you'll respond. A mindset I try and adopt
is that every failure is actually just a lesson in disguise.
It's a scenic detour on which you get to learn
(19:57):
so much more about yourself than if everything had come
kind of gone right. And also, I think making the
wrong decision is always better than making no decision at all,
because remaining stagnant not doing anything is one of the
worst things we can really do. In our twenties, we
have so many possibilities. There's this study I always cite it,
(20:18):
and I'm going to sign it again. But you are
going to regret the choices you don't make more than
the choices that you do over and over again. They
find this. So it might not be the perfect decision,
maybe it won't guarantee complete happiness, but at least you've
made it. The other origin of overthinking, I think is
really important to discuss is childhood environment and our early
(20:41):
learning experiences. Most people who have developed a tendency to
overthink and subsequent difficulty with decision making have acquired this
habit in childhood, particularly if they were raised in an
unpredictable environment. As children, we are incredibly vulnerable and dependent
on our caregivers for literally everything. We also don't yet
(21:05):
possess those coping mechanisms to deal with uncertainty in an
appropriate manner. So, for example, if you had parents who
were perhaps unpredictable, maybe they dealt with addiction, or they
were constantly moving around or changing your routines, they weren't
there for you, or in severe cases, maybe they were abusive.
(21:26):
As children, we use overthinking as a way to bring
about a sense of control over our surroundings and to
be prepared for what might be thrown at us. This
has the result of perhaps momentarily lessening our anxiety, but
it actually contributes to using or developing a maladaptive thinking style.
The more we react to a situation by overthinking as
(21:49):
a way to self soothe in the presence of chaos
and uncertainty, the more deeply ingrained this coping mechanism becomes
and as we grow up it becomes or difficult to
replace this thinking style because as children we didn't really
have the self awareness to understand that it may be harmful,
and so it's maintained into adulthood. I think with all
(22:11):
disordered thinking or maladaptive habits such as this one, I
think it is really valuable to assess what the childhood
origins may have been. Additionally, if as children we maybe
felt like we didn't have much agency over our life,
this may also make it difficult to make decisions and
cause us to be paralyzed by overthinking because we don't
(22:33):
feel confident enough in our own abilities and discernment. I
would love to see a study on that, actually, I
think would be so fascinating. Such a fascinating research topic,
you know, the intersections between childhood blame and ownership over
responsibility in adulthood. There you go a research title. If
anyone wants to do their thesis on that, it's all yours.
(22:56):
I think another psychological factor contributing to overthinking is a
heightened state of self awareness and self consciousness, which we
spoke about before. We possess an inherent tendency to evaluate
and judge ourselves, but we also have this tendency to
seek the validation of others that makes us inherently self critical.
(23:16):
And this self critical mindset often fuels overthinking because we
excessively scrutinize our actions and our decisions because we fear
potential criticism or rejection, and social comparison plays a role
in overthinking. Comparing ourselves to others, especially of course, in
the error of social media, can create unrealistic expectations. And
(23:40):
then I think therefore constant need to measure up, a
constant kind of standard that we feel we need to
meet and that we feel we need to compare ourselves to,
resulting in this overthinking and this spiral about our worth
and our achievements. Those are some of the high level
psychological explanations. But we cannot we cannot talk about overthinking
(24:04):
without examining the relationship to diagnosable mental health conditions like
generalized anxiety and ADHD. So we are going to discuss
that and so much more after this short break. The
act of overthinking can be linked to a number of
(24:27):
psychological problems, such as anxiety and depression, although it's kind
of hard to know what happens first in most cases.
This researcher put it really perfectly when they said, it's
a very quintessential chicken or egg kind of conundrum. However,
one of the primary symptoms of a generalized anxiety disorder
(24:47):
is not only persistent anxiety, but also overthinking and someone
who plans for all possible worst case scenarios. When we
get down to the biological reason why this occurs, we
can see, I think more clearly where overthinking actually comes from,
and it's really not your fault. A range of neurotransmitters
(25:09):
are responsible for the typical symptoms of anxiety and with
that overthinking. For example, serotonin glutamate GABBA, and the hormone
neuropenephron it's otherwise known as adrenaline. They all play a
role in modulating our anxiety response. So one study found
that when levels of GABBA in our brain are too low,
(25:32):
it can trigger excessive worrying and excessive overthinking because GABBA
is what helps control the signals between the nerve cells
in our brains. So when these signals are not mediated,
when they're not moderated by this neurotransmitter, our brain goes
into overdrive. There's nothing kind of stopping those neural pathways
(25:53):
from constantly firing, and that's where we really start to
feel like our brain is on a bit of a
hamster wheel, that we are not in control of our thoughts.
It's important to note here that overthinking is just one
symptom and it's not a diagnosable disorder. You cannot be
diagnosed with overthinking. It's just a cognitive process that is
(26:15):
associated with a broader condition, that being anxiety that is
characterized by this fear, by this excessive worry and hypervigilance.
But I think it's really worth examining whether the root
of this thought pattern could be mitigated by managing your
overall anxiety levels. There is also this concept of depressive rumination,
(26:36):
which is a form of overthinking where we feel almost
comforted by dwelling on the past and what we regret,
by going over our mistakes or our regrets again and again.
It's like kind of how waves turn glass into sand
or smooth out hard surfaces. Each time we examine a memory,
(26:57):
it becomes more blunt, and when we ruminate on it,
we lessen the emotional pain attached to it. Or so
we think that might just be a myth, because it
may actually be. The more we think about something that
actually aggravates our anxiety response, it makes it harder to
let that memory pass and it elevates our distress. I
think it's a super fine line to walk. You really
(27:19):
do have to process what you go through. But when
you find that you cannot stop returning to something that
was cringe or embarrassing, or something that was maybe even traumatic,
there are some really major negative consequences to that. That's
why this kind of cognitive process is associated with a
major depressive disorder in some instances, not all. Of course.
(27:42):
The other mental health condition I want to discuss is ADHD.
I will say I'm not an expert on this. This
was just a really fascinating article that I read and
I think it's valuable to put forward. But whilst we,
I think most typically associate ADHD with hyperactivity and impulsivity,
it also manifests an excessive ruminating and an inability to
(28:03):
break out of a specific thought pattern. Individuals with ADHD,
they often report obsessive thoughts and difficulty regulating or bringing
their thoughts under control. Once again, it can be a
primary symptom that may lead someone to seek an ADHD diagnosis.
You know, it might be that first kind of red flag.
(28:25):
If you can't stop overthinking, and you can't stop obsessively
thinking about something, maybe it's a sign that you do
need to seek professional help. If that is the case,
not all overthinking is generally indicative of a larger problem.
It is just a typical symptom for some people. So
take it with a grain of salt and maybe go
(28:46):
and see someone if you're finding that it's really interrupting
your ability to function. Now that we've kind of discussed
the theories behind overthinking and the subsequent indecisiveness that tends
to come from it, I think we really need to
explore the ways in which we can bring this behavior
or this tendency under control. Part of that is understanding
(29:08):
the types of decision makers that we are and how
we can reprogram our brain to kind of ignore the tiny,
itty bitty details and ignore all the possible pathways and
just focus on the bigger picture. Back in the early
two thousands, these psychologists, they came up with this theory
that there are two types of decision makers in the world.
(29:28):
There are satisfiers and there are maximizers. Satisfiers they aim
for a good enough solution. They have a very clear
set of criteria that they are not trying to maximize,
but just satisfy. And when their criteria is met, when
they get what they're after, they're happy with that decision.
They're really happy with it. They are what we would
(29:50):
call highly utilitarian and practical. The example that people give
is looking for a new car that's a good one. Actually,
so if your like main criteria is like, I want
it to drive, and I want it to be under
five thousand dollars, you'll find a car that drives under
five thousand dollars, you'll purchase it. You're not looking for
a car that can drive really really well and is
(30:12):
under three thousand dollars. You're not constantly looking for the
better option. You're just looking for something that meets or
satisfies those criteria. In contrast, maximizers are not satisfied unless
they have the best possible outcome, the perfect solution. But
often in aiming for that kind of perfect outcome, they
(30:35):
have very ambiguous criteria. It's really based on the right feeling.
And interestingly, in this study conducted in two thousand and seven,
they found that these types of decision makers are actually
less happy compared to satisfiers, because maximizers are constantly preoccupied
with the what if, What if I find something better?
(30:57):
What if something better comes along in the future, and
I've already accepted this other decision. They also reported more
avoidance of decision making in general, that chronic indecisiveness that
we're talking about, and they're more likely to report impulsive,
spontaneous decision making, which sounds counterintuitive, but I think the
(31:18):
reasoning behind that is because they are so consumed with
overthinking what the best possible outcome could be that they procrastinate,
and when they actually do have to make the decision,
it's often closer to the deadline, or they do so
impulsively because they're so exhausted from this rumination from considering
all the possible outcomes that they no longer have the
(31:41):
brain space to actually make a proper decision, so they
do so spontaneously. In order to address our underlying tendency
to overthink and therefore that chronic indecisiveness, what we need
to do is shift from being a maximizer to a satisfier,
and that involves a few things. When you were faced
with a decision, narrow down the solution using chunking. This
(32:04):
is a psychological idea whereby a big group of information
is broken down into smaller parts and grouped by common
elements or easier problems. So this really allows you to
tackle a big decision by turning it into a series
of smaller choices, And it also allows our brain to
(32:25):
channel that energy we used to overthink into a meaningful
problem solving strategy, and it makes the problem less profound,
and it makes it seem less life changing when we
kind of take off those smaller chunks. So, for example,
someone actually messaged me with this conundrum they were having
the other day of choosing between two job options, and
(32:48):
one of them paid more, but the other one was
more aligned with what they enjoyed and what they saw
themselves doing in the future. Using that satisfied principle and
that method of chunking, we need to break down our
two options and break down that information using a series
of discerning questions. So in this example, you know, can
(33:08):
I live off the salary of the second job? Would
I be able to pay my bills? That's like a
minimum criteria for living. Then there's that second question of
what actually matters more to me? Right, now this is
personal preference and values, financial security, or workplace satisfaction. And
then let's look to the future. What are the opportunities
for promotion or further development? Which job is going to
(33:32):
offer me more in the next five years or ten
years around Korea development. From those questions, we can kind
of create a bit of a rudimentary pros and cons list,
So instead of feeling paralyzed by this big choice, we
can approach it as a satisfier would what are the
minimum conditions for my happiness here, and which of these
(33:54):
choices meets those minimum conditions. I think it's also to
remember that everything in life is temper and fixable. The
decision you make right now, it's not going to lock
you in for the rest of your life. You can
always admit that maybe you made a mistake or you
made the wrong choice and go back and fix that,
(34:14):
or also maybe even find yourself satisfied even though that
choice may not have been perfect. Life is kind of
what you make of it. So many times you think
that you will be more satisfied doing something else. But
the grass is, as they say, always greener on the
other side, so overthinking it isn't actually going to make
(34:35):
you happier or give you the outcome that you want.
Another massive strategy. This is my favorite strategy. I personally
use this a lot when I'm overthinking, is to find
some way to make your thoughts tangible and organized. When
we overthink, everything in our brain feels like a mess.
It feels like this big group of like unruly vines
(34:58):
that have just tangled up in our brain. But there's
this saying that a problem on a page is a
problem halved. Hold that anxiety or worry or that thought
in your mind. Grab a pen and paper, and spend
twenty thirty minutes, however long, writing down every single aspect
of the problem that is concerning you, every possible ramification,
(35:22):
every possible element. Get those thoughts out into the open,
and you'll suddenly find they are a lot more manageable
because you're actually able to do something productive with them.
You feel like you've done something useful. I also find
that it can really minimize some of our own internal delusions.
Sometimes things that seem highly probable in our brain can
(35:47):
sound so silly when we speak them out loud or
when we put them in writing, because we let our
minds process that information in a different format. It's the
same reason why talking about a problem with the friend
often helps us ease our anxiety and tendency to overthink,
because when we speak it out loud, we kind of
(36:07):
see how irrational we might be, you know, how irrational
we might be. And I think that kind of tactic
of making what is normally internal external and making it
tangible has personally really really helped me out. Distraction also helps.
I know that sounds like a cop out, but sometimes
we just need some peace and quiet and we want
(36:29):
to give our brains a rest. Telling yourself to stop
thinking about it will never work, but making it harder
for your brain to think about it does. Our minds,
at the end of the day have limited space. So
when we fill up that space with a challenging activity
like doing a puzzle or listening to a podcast and
going for a run, or reading a book and listening
(36:51):
to music, something that activates multiple parts of our brain,
we kind of jam all the channels, meaning that our
anxiety is overthinking and our indecisiveness and those problems that
we have or those thought patterns they can't get through,
and it makes it really difficult for our brain to
ruminate on them obviously, though I think would be unethical
(37:13):
if I didn't say that this is a short term solution,
and sometimes we do need to go a lot deeper
to kind of identify those bad mental habits and what
we would call automatic negative thoughts in psychology, so an
automatic negative thought, it refers to a pattern of negative
thinking that interrupts our ability to make decisions. This ranges
(37:37):
from things like overthinking, but also fortune telling, which is
an element of overthinking, and overgeneralizations, should statements, I should
do this, I should have done that, and also jumping
to conclusions, feeling like you know what's going to happen,
catastrophizing in a situation. We can train ourselves to identify
(38:01):
when these types of thoughts are present and deliberately refocus
our thinking. Catch the thought, write it down, examine the
evidence for it. Why do you think that you're going
to fail? Why do you think those people don't like you?
Why do you think you're making the wrong decision? Why
do you think that person is mad at you? Is
(38:22):
there evidence for this thought or is it just an
automatic negative thought that you've internalized. Part of that is
also going to see a therapist or a psychologist, someone
asked me the other day, like, is therapy actually worth it?
I think that in these situations, in all situations, it
actually really is because this person is completely impartial. Their
(38:47):
only focus in those sessions is to tell you the
truth and help you through your problems. So what they're
going to do is really call you out for your
negative thought patterns, for your automatic negative thought thoughts. They're
going to hold you accountable when you're overthinking, and kind
of act that you know, as that voice of reason,
(39:08):
that person who interrupts those thought patterns as they are
occurring and asks you to correct them. You know, is
this actually helpful? Is thinking about this really going to
give you a solution? The chances are probably not. Like
we said, overthinking tricks our brain into thinking that if
(39:29):
we mold something over a million times over, if we
ruminate on it enough, somehow, some new solutions, some new
outcome will be discovered. And I don't really think that's
ever the case. You don't really have to do it alone.
I think that's the final message here. You know, it
can be really paralyzing and really difficult, and I think
(39:50):
it's worth considering what level of professional help is needed,
you know, fear of failure, perfectionism, anxiety, whatever it is.
Your twenties should be a time for freedom and getting
to enjoy all of those precious moments and all those
little joys without constantly worrying about what comes next or
(40:11):
who thinks what about you? So I would say, from
one chronic thinker to another, I really hope you find
that piece, and I hope that this episode has been helpful.
I guess my final reminder for the day is where
you place your attention is where you place your energy.
And although sometimes it can feel like our thoughts are
(40:31):
in control, that is not the case. It is your brain,
It is your mind. You have the ability to kind
of sort through the rubble, sort through the mess, and
select what you want, select what you want from all
of that, select what you want from the chaos. Also,
you know as much that as it is a really
common tendency, I think it's also really valuable to just
(40:55):
quickly return to that point. A lot of this is
to do with things that are outside of our control,
this need for a sense of certainty. Even some of
those neurotransmitters like Gabba, those are really kind of the
culprit in this situation. So it's not some personal flaw.
It is sometimes just the way that our brains are wired,
(41:16):
and you don't need to fix yourself in order to
cope with that thought pattern. I think that's a really
a really good place. Actually, I want to I kind
of want to end things, because, yeah, I just think
sometimes in my own personal life, I find myself overthinking
and I'm like, I just wish I could stop thinking
about this. I don't want to think about this. I
(41:38):
don't want to keep annoying my friends with this like
minor concern that they don't really care about. But knowing
that is that it is, you know, somewhat of a natural,
even evolutionary process has really helped me accept it, which
means that I've been able to address it. So I
really do hope that you enjoyed this episode. As always,
(41:59):
if if there is someone in your life who needs
to hear this, you should send them a link. Maybe
they will find it helpful, maybe they won't. I don't
really know, but it's always nice to show that you're
thinking of them and that you know what they're going through.
So please feel free to share this episode along if
you also feel cooled to do so. No pressure, but
(42:20):
please feel free to leave a five star review on
Apple Podcasts, Spotify, wherever you are listening right now. It
really helps the show, it helps it to reach new people,
it helps me, so I really do value the support
and if you have an episode suggestion, please feel free
to join me over at that Psychology podcast. I take
(42:43):
any and all ideas, I add them to my list,
and every now and again I really like to pull
something from what someone has suggested and dedicate a whole
episode to it. So there's something that you're going through
that you want a psychological explanation for, please feel free
to ended over. As always, we will be back next
week with another episode. See you then,
Host
Jemma Sbeghen
Popular Podcasts
Las Culturistas with Matt Rogers and Bowen Yang
Ding dong! Join your culture consultants, Matt Rogers and Bowen Yang, on an unforgettable journey into the beating heart of CULTURE. Alongside sizzling special guests, they GET INTO the hottest pop-culture moments of the day and the formative cultural experiences that turned them into Culturistas. Produced by the Big Money Players Network and iHeartRadio.
40s and Free Agents: NFL Draft Season
Daniel Jeremiah of Move the Sticks and Gregg Rosenthal of NFL Daily join forces to break down every team's needs this offseason.
Crime Junkie
Does hearing about a true crime case always leave you scouring the internet for the truth behind the story? Dive into your next mystery with Crime Junkie. Every Monday, join your host Ashley Flowers as she unravels all the details of infamous and underreported true crime cases with her best friend Brit Prawat. From cold cases to missing persons and heroes in our community who seek justice, Crime Junkie is your destination for theories and stories you won’t hear anywhere else. Whether you're a seasoned true crime enthusiast or new to the genre, you'll find yourself on the edge of your seat awaiting a new episode every Monday. If you can never get enough true crime... Congratulations, you’ve found your people. Follow to join a community of Crime Junkies! Crime Junkie is presented by audiochuck Media Company.