September 25, 2023 • 36 mins
We all know the feeling of oversharing at a party or work function and feeling the sting of embarrassment and shame the next day. So why do we feel the need to overshare with others, even though it has emotional and mental consequences? In this episode we explore the psychology of oversharing, from the difference between trauma dumping and authenticity, why oversharing soothes our social anxiety or can be used subconsciously to fast-track a relationship. We also discuss the links to ADHD and the emotional aftermath, particularly the experience of a 'vulnerability hangover', as well as my 5 key tips to stop oversharing. Listen now.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:04):
Hello everybody, and welcome back to the Psychology of Your Twenties,
the podcast where we talk through some of the big
life changes and transitions of our twenties and what they
mean for our psychology. Hello everybody, Welcome back to the show.
(00:26):
Welcome back to the podcast. New listeners, old listeners. Wherever
you are in the world, it is so great to
have you here. Back for another episode. Today, we're talking
about a topic we haven't spoken much about in the past.
I actually don't think we've ever spoken about it at all,
but when a listener suggested it, it just absolutely grabbed
(00:50):
my attention, not only as something that I have personally
struggled with in the past, but also as somewhat of
a quintessential twenty something experience and an experience a phenomenon
that has a lot of psychological underpinnings, and that topic
is chronic oversharing. I think we've all been there. Let
(01:11):
me tell you, we have all, at some point in
our lives said too much, said something we know we
shouldn't have, and felt incredibly awkward in the days and
the weeks that have followed. But why exactly do we
as humans sometimes feel this intense impulse to tell people
things they probably a don't want to hear and b
(01:34):
we perhaps don't even want to tell them. So today
we're going to break it all down, all of the
psychology behind this tendency. What exactly is oversharing? How is
it different to authenticity, Why do we feel that embarrassment
or that vulnerability hangover in the days that follow, and
(01:54):
also just why do we do it? Where does this
come from? I also think most important of all is
how do we identify the line between vulnerability and oversharing
and prevent ourselves from crossing that line and maybe disclosing
more than we are comfortable with. There is so much
(02:14):
to discuss. It is such a fascinating concept, but let's
firstly start with the basics. What exactly is oversharing? I
think we all have an intuitive idea of what it
means to overshare, to look back at a conversation, as
I said, and just realize that this person now probably
knows a lot more about us than we are comfortable with. Essentially,
(02:37):
to overshare is a tendency to disclose an inappropriate amount
of detail about our life to the wrong person or
at the wrong time. I've been there, you know, being
a bit too drunk at a party or a work
event and suddenly revealing some deep childhood secret or something
about your friend that you know you shouldn't have shared.
(02:59):
And that see comes from a lot of places. Sometimes
it's social anxiety, just feeling so nervous in certain situations
that you just try and find anything or any way
to connect with others, or your overshare because your anxiety
has lowered your filter or your impulse control. There's also
(03:21):
explanations to do with neurodivergence that we're going to touch
on a little bit later. And also it might just
be because you feel inadequate or boring and you're looking
to your most embarrassing story, your most vulnerable moments to
kind of feel avoid in a social situation and make
you feel more interesting. It also is a way to
(03:43):
speed up relationships, to make people feel closer to you
on an advanced timeline, or just because we feel lonely
when we feel like our relationships don't have much depth
or we're feeling detached. We can use overshare rying often subconsciously,
as a means to create new bonds by escalating that
(04:05):
depth of emotional intimacy. I think reasons aside because we'll
talk about them more in depth in a second. Chronic
oversharing the repeated habit and behavior of sharing too much detail.
It can also cause us a lot of regret and embarrassment,
leading us to engage in some negative self talk, telling
(04:27):
ourselves that you know, we should just shut up, and
that we're cringe and that people think we're weird. And
I don't think that you deserve to feel that way
or to have that internal dialogue about yourself. I think
it's less about the impression you're making on other people.
I think that is a secondary consequence of oversharing, and
more about how it makes you feel about yourself. It's
(04:51):
an important thing to remember that most of us have
the best intentions when it comes to oversharing. As humans,
we we often use stories and personal disclosure as a
way to build connection and to communicate our authentic selves,
to really show people who we are at our core.
And there's often this very thin, intangible line between oversharing
(05:19):
and being authentic. And I think the reason why that
line is sometimes hard to see is because both acts
feel very similar in the moment, and we can kind
of struggle to identify what is meant to be kept
private and what can be shared not just with close
friends and family, but with acquaintances or coworkers or even strangers.
(05:42):
So authenticity often comes from a very core place of
honesty and realness. It's about not being afraid to share
who you are, regardless of the pressure you're under to
do otherwise, regardless of the pressure you're under to look
or act or behave a certain way. And part of
that authenticity is being open and honest about your feelings
(06:06):
and your experiences. Part of that is disclosure and sometimes
making public what we often imagine to be private. We
see this online a lot. I would say that's like
the best example I can think of where we have
creators or influences the ones that we would call most
(06:27):
authentic and normally those who are most willing to share
personal details about themselves. And I think the reason why
we call that authenticity is because truth and sharing and
vulnerability it builds relatability and it builds a sense of
closeness Essentially, we can look at the things they are saying,
(06:49):
look at their stories, and we see ourselves in those moments.
We see what we are personally going through reflected back
at us. And that causes us to feel less alone.
So in that way, I think what some people may
typically see as over sharing is also incredibly healing, not
just for the person who is sharing this information, but
(07:10):
for the audience or those who are listening in. I
think our acceptance of this level of candor really represents
I think a pretty significant shift in our society that
we've seen in recent decades, especially in this generation, where
it has become more and more acceptable to discuss things
that previously were taboo and to make them known, and
(07:34):
to bring people into the details of your life, the
good and the bad. And when I think about this,
my mind immediately goes to topics like mental health, like sex,
like a lot of details to do with our personal lives.
These are no longer things to be shunned or shut away,
but often at times shared in the public domain, as
(07:56):
we do on social media, as we do to create
or consume authentic content. And so as we as a
society have become more liberal and more accepting of our
capacity to be vulnerable with each other, sometimes that means oversharing.
Sometimes that means kind of breaching the level of what
(08:19):
people are comfortable with. And I think that's the main
point here. Somewhere along the line, we have at times
confused the idea of being honest with sharing our deepest,
darkest secrets with the world. And I saw this amazing
quote that I think really demonstrates the difference between authenticity
(08:39):
and oversharing or even at the extreme, trauma dumping, and
what it said was that using vulnerability is not the
same thing as being vulnerable. We can sometimes expose personal
sides of us when it's not appropriate as a resource,
as a tool, as almost an emotional armor, perhaps to
(09:03):
fast track a relationship. If you've listened to our episode
on abandonment issues, you'll recognize this as a defensive mechanism
where we unorganically really create closeness through excessive vulnerability, maybe
too early on, perhaps because your trauma or your story
still kind of owns you in a way, and you
(09:24):
don't have an appropriate outlet for feeling overwhelmed or feeling
triggered by past events, so you feel the need to
verbalize rather than process. Or in some cases, and I
don't think this is that common, sometimes we overshare or
we use certain stories to gain sympathy unconsciously. A lot
(09:46):
of these reasons though are not intentional, they are themselves
a symptom of what we're going through or what we
are finding difficult to manage, whether that is something from
your childhood or a recent fight you had with a friend,
or a relationship issue. When we can't find emotional closure
internally and by ourselves, we look outwards. We look to
(10:09):
others to give us that closure by sharing and gaining
a different perspective and looking for a certain type of
either validation or feedback. I think, in particular, treating social
media somewhat like a personal diary or approaching acquaintances as
if they are your therapist. That can have serious consequences
(10:32):
not just for you, but also for the people that
you speak to or you share with, and other important
people in your life. Not only can it be bad
for things like personal online privacy if you're sharing every detail,
but we can kind of become addicted to the validation
that is provided by strangers and we're unable to regulate
(10:54):
our own emotional reactions without their input. Also, it can
put other people in a really strange position, you know,
including the people that you love. If you're bitching to
some random person at a party about your boyfriend or
your girlfriend, and how annoyed you are at them and
dishing out all the intimate details of your relationship. That
(11:15):
might seem appropriate and fine to you. You may be
happy to do that, but that might not sit well
with that other person you're in a relationship with who
would prefer to keep those things private. They might feel
betrayed or that they have somehow been misrepresented, questioning if
you know that's how you really feel about them, if
that's what you really think, when maybe you are just
(11:38):
oversharing as a way to vent as an emotional outlet
or in a moment of anger or stress. Furthermore, I
also think that this chronic oversharing can make us less approachable.
It makes people around you at times feel uncomfortable. Not
everyone is going to be on the same wavelength as
(11:58):
you when it comes to honesty and vulnerability, so potentially
it can lead to things like social exclusion, or it
can diminish the quality of your relationships when we go
as far too trauma dump as well, So this is
a term referring to the tendency to unload traumatic events
or experiences on others without warning or invitation. That also
(12:22):
has more serious consequences it can result in things like
vicarious trauma, especially if the person you're talking to feel
somewhat responsible for either solving your problem or feels uncertain
around you as to when they will be exposed to
information that could potentially personally trigger them. I think it's
(12:42):
important to note, as always, we like to bring nuance
to these conversations. It's not black and white, and I
do think that sharing can be incredibly healing. And this
is not to say that conversations on hard things like
mental health, like personal struggles, like painful experiences are totally
unacceptable at all times. In fact, I think it's the
(13:04):
complete opposite. Honesty can be such a profound, healing, good thing. However,
it really depends on your audience and I guess the
appropriateness of the context, not just the people you're speaking to,
but also what you're going to be able to get
out of the situation. Right, there's some particular situations where
(13:26):
I think we implicitly know that not only have we
potentially crossed in line, but also it probably didn't really
help us to overshare in that moment for whatever reason
that we did, you know, sharing with someone we don't
particularly know that well, especially if it is in a
professional context or they're in a position of authority and
that transparency has not been invited. That's a huge one.
(13:49):
Sharing with someone who perhaps is too attached to the situation,
who has a vested interest, you know. I think it's
a good reminder do not talk shit or overshare with
someone's best friend that is going to get back to them,
or with the partner of a person you're having problems with,
or someone too close to the situation. Some details are
(14:09):
best kept between two individuals. But also sharing in a
context whereby the kind of information you are communicating to
someone may make them feel really uncomfortable, and if they're
unable to leave, that's going to make them look at
you as someone who causes them discomfort. You know, telling
(14:31):
your co workers that you don't really know about your
childhood trauma could either bring you guys closer, or it
could result in a HR complaint and make people really uncomfortable.
It's a bit of a risk, I guess, and we
all know the feeling of looking back at a situation
and realizing that we shared a bit too much, probably
more than we realized we were in the moment, and
(14:53):
we feel really embarrassed. We cringe at our past selves
who you know, potentially couldn't control the impulse or just
needed to get something off their chest. So this feeling
that we are talking about it actually has a term.
It is known as the oversharing of vulnerability hangover, and
(15:13):
this was coined by one of our favorite people on
the podcast, Brene Brown. And what it's used to describe
is that anxiety, that shame and that regret we experience
after divulging something highly personal, as one New York Times
article put it, as humans, we have this competing need
(15:38):
to build social connection but also to maintain our own
private internal lives and spaces, and also to align our
behavior to what is perceived as quote unquote normal in
broader society. So the reason we feel this vulnerability hangover
(15:58):
is because in hindsight, the next morning, we are better
able to recognize that this behavior or active oversharing has
kind of crossed some invisible boundary of what is and
is not socially acceptable. We all have this very innate
sense of certain social norms that have been ingrained in
(16:19):
us since childhood. And these norms they are what tells
us I guess how to act. So One of them
is around understanding the line between what is public and
what is private, and although that changes based on the
generation we're in, we have some intuitive sense of knowing
when we've crossed this because there is certain information that
(16:42):
we still feel an inherent drive to keep to ourselves
crossing that line it results in uncomfortable feelings, which is
essentially our brain policing our behavior. It's our brain saying
to us that probably wasn't right lead to social rejection
if we keep doing that, that maybe made the other
(17:03):
person uncomfortable, So let's fall back in line so that
we don't risk social alienation. So, knowing this, knowing that
we have this internal almost system for preventing this behavior,
why do we still do it? Why are some of
us what we would term chronic oversharers myself included at
(17:25):
a time. So what I really want to discuss is
some of the underlying psychological reasons about why we are
driven or compelled to overshare, as well as some strategies
to prevent yourself from feeling that intense vulnerability hangover or
that shame when you've realized you've probably divulged too much
(17:48):
personal information. So all of that and more after this shortbreak.
So why do we overshare? Why do we have those
moments of almost watching ourselves say way too much and
not being able to stop ourselves at the time, only
(18:10):
to look back with regret and to cringe and our behavior.
So we're going to talk about four reasons in particular. Firstly,
oversharing as a way to externalize our problems or for
emotional regulation. Secondly, the links with social anxiety and ADHD.
Thirdly intensity addiction, and finally, oversharing is a way to
(18:34):
get attention, which isn't one of my favorite reasons. I
don't think it's that applicable, but I still think it
deserves acknowledgment. So we've spoken about that first reason rather briefly.
But sometimes we can spontaneously reveal too much information as
a way to regulate uncomfortable feelings that have come up
(18:56):
in the moment. Emotional regulation is essentially the process by
which we alter the intensity of an emotional experience for ourselves,
and this explanation this theory, it suggests that oversharing is
essentially a way to do that. It is a coping
mechanism in these moments when the the thoughts in our
(19:18):
brain become way too loud to internalize or to suppress,
and so we have to find an outlet, which means
externalizing verbalizing to the person closest to us. When we
speak something out loud, I truly believe that the problem
is halved and that it feels a lot less intense.
(19:40):
Sometimes I think we feel that like a we're either
taking away the power of this experience or this story
or being we kind of lessening the burden it has
on our minds by putting or placing the burden with
someone else. So this may explain why we kind of
feel really refreshed and almost emotionally empty after having a
(20:00):
really good vent to a friend. But in that moment,
we are directing that information to someone who has proven
that they want to be in that position or that
they deserve our trust. When we use a stranger, someone
we don't know that well to emotionally regulate, although that
may still help us process our emotions, it's probably going
(20:22):
to be more short term and it might leave you
feeling a little bit strange after the fact. So the
second reason we can find ourselves in this pattern of
chronic oversharing comes down to anxiety and also neurodivergence as well.
So let's discuss anxiety first. If you are someone who
(20:42):
talks impulsively when you are nervous, who keeps jumping to
different trains of thought, or you find yourself telling story
after story that may be a little bit too revealing,
social anxiety may be an explanation. And they did a
bunch of studies on this, and in one series of studies,
researchers found that anxiety, particularly in social situations, can lead
(21:06):
to a phenomenon known as self control depletion, whereby the
more anxious we become, the more out of place we feel,
the less control we have over our impulsive decisions, because
all of our brain is kind of taken up with
trying to monitor the social situation we're in or to
(21:27):
try and fit in with those around us. One psychologist,
and I'm really sorry I cannot remember their name, but
they put it this way. When we are in a
situation that is stressful or out of our comfort zone,
like meeting you people, for a lot of us, we
use up a lot of mental energy trying to manage
that other person's impression of us. We want them to
(21:50):
think that we are interesting, that we are cool, that
we are fun, and we find that silence is something
that is really uncomfortable in those moments, so we kind
of think of whatever we can say to manage that
sense of awkwardness, and normally the thing that comes to
mind is the thing that is least appropriate. So clinically
(22:11):
anxious individuals such as myself kind of shout out my
anxiety here. But we're also quite sensitive to rejection and
sensitive to criticism. So if you're having a conversation with
someone and you kind of feel like they're losing interest
or they're pulling away, you might try and rekindle that
(22:32):
conversation or regain their attention by dropping intimate details about
your life. You're basically trying to say, hey, like, I'm
worth listening to, I have things that are interesting to
tell you, and you're trying to re establish that connection
in the only way that your mind is thinking of
at the time. The other important component that I think
(22:54):
really falls into this kind of interaction between social anxiety
and oversharing is alcohol. Right, If our main trigger is
social situations, particularly big, large social situations, those are also
the times when alcohol is normally around, and it's a
massive contributor to. I would say most instances of oversharing
(23:16):
in my life because my inhibitions were lowered. I have
less of a good read of the social situation I'm
in because I'm not sober, so it makes us say
things that we otherwise wouldn't. It's also really common amongst
adults with ADHD, and it's not as if these individuals
(23:37):
are doing it on purpose or they even realize what
they've done. The reason why it happens is because this
condition makes it harder to control our impulses and it
lessens what we call in psychology our executive function skills,
the part of the brain that is going to say,
all right, this is not an appropriate time. It makes
(23:58):
the decision for you. So when you have ADHD, that
part of your brain is not as functional as are
the average individual, I would say, and so you struggle
to have that kind of almost safety net of control.
There's a really fascinating guide on this website called Understood,
(24:20):
which is focusing on people with neurodivergence and how they
learn and how they see the world differently. If this
particular situation, this reason applies to you, definitely check that out.
On another level, away from anxiety, and neurodivergence. I think
oversharing also links back to that previous point we made
(24:40):
about our desire to kind of fast track or heighten
our intimate or social connections by artificially really creating closeness
through disclosure. What do you do with your close friends,
You share personal details about your life. What do you
do with your family or with your loved ones. You
have that level of truth and that level of vulnerability.
(25:03):
So the logic kind of follows, the kind of broken
logic follows. If you want someone to be your best friend,
share your personal intimate details, and that is a way
to get to that point with them quicker. And this
kind of boils down at times to this idea of
intensity addiction. There are certain people who like their relationships
(25:26):
to have this kind of incredible fast intensity. They want
big emotions, they want big reaction, high levels of vulnerability
and intimacy and closeness, and these people fall in love,
become attached really fast, often by oversharing really quickly, wanting
to learn everything about someone, even the really dark things,
(25:50):
before they realize that intensity in those moments, it may
not be the same thing as actual intimacy, and I
don't think it's a surprise that this is often linked
to people who have a fear of abandonment or an
anxious attachment style, or sometimes even emotional unavailability, where they're
trying to self correct and go the opposite way, but
(26:11):
they don't really know what the balance or the middle
point is. And finally, our final reason, there is this
idea that oversharing is a way to gain attention or sympathy. Now,
I don't think we realize this in our subconscious minds
in the moment. I really don't think that most people
(26:32):
who are chronic oversharers are going about it intentionally to
get attention from other people as a manipulation tactic, not
at all. I think it's more layered than that. It's
more of a learned association or a habit that has
been formed or developed over time. Maybe what you found
(26:54):
is that if you are willing to talk really intensely
about your sex life, or if you're willing to tell
everyone very intimate details about your life, your fights, your disagreements,
your past, people pay more attention to you. Because that
is very novel. That excessive honesty is very rare, it's interesting,
(27:15):
it's fascinating, and humans very noisy. It's why we like tabloids,
It's why we like gossip. We want to know more
about the people we are interested in, but only on
the surface level. So it might get someone's attention, but
it may not necessarily lead to a long term emotional bond.
(27:35):
I also just don't think that everything needs to be
shared in order to be validated or to feel important.
Although it's definitely a trap that a lot of us
fall into with our use of social media. It's something
I've learned quite a lot recently from the person that
I'm dating. You know. He's not a big social media person,
and it's really fascinating to me to see the differences
(27:58):
that we have in terms of what he thinks needs
to be shared online versus what I share online. And
I think sometimes I've gotten into the habit of maybe oversharing,
particularly on the podcast. You know, I'm thinking specifically right
now about my ex boyfriend interview, because that was incredibly personal.
But we want people's attention, we want people to think
(28:19):
we're interesting, so we commodify very personal experiences for their benefit,
and that can definitely come back to bite us, as
I have learned, not just in that vulnerability hangover, but
also in very tangible consequences for our relationships, for our reputation,
(28:39):
for how people think of us. And I know that
that shouldn't matter as much as it does, but I
think that it really does deep down impact the way
we see ourselves and how we behave So how do
we know when and with who is it appropriate to
share these things with? Because I'm not advocating for suppressing
(29:01):
our feelings or hiding our experiences, I think that actually
probably does more emotional damage than the occasional overshare. But
like we said before, the two key factors here are
context and relationship. If you find the need to externalize
certain events to properly process them, that is totally okay.
(29:25):
That is a totally fine way to emotionally regulate, but
you should be doing so with someone you can trust
and who you know will provide you with the response
that will most benefit you. You know, don't beat yourself
up for the occasional overshare or slip up. We have
all been there. I think it's part of the human experience.
It's part of the learning curve, and trust me, that
(29:48):
embarrassment will fade. But if you become a chronic oversharer
and you're finding that the behavior is somewhat uncontrollable. Here
are some tips for regulating this habit. Firstly, when you
find the need to overshare, or you've found you're maybe
saying things you don't want to, pause and redirect yourself,
(30:10):
either by taking a step back from the conversation, going
to the bathroom or for a walk, calling a friend instead,
and just turn the conversation back onto the other person
by asking them a question. Redirect what you're talking about.
Here is a very well known secret that I'm going
to share with you today. People love talking about themselves,
(30:33):
and giving people space to talk about themselves will actually
probably lead to greater emotional closeness than oversharing or needing
to fill that silence with unnecessary details. Being an active
listener as well, it also gives off so much confidence
and it makes people feel more comfortable around you. You know,
(30:56):
watch their eyes as they talk, be conscious not to
in to rapt ask follow up questions, think about things
they've said that have interest you as a way to
prevent yourself from being perhaps put in a place where
you feel the need to share something really embarrassing. Secondly,
I would say figure out what triggers you to overshare.
(31:17):
Often the reason we share details or stories about certain
events is because we haven't completely integrated them, and so
we still feel the need to externalize them to other people.
In other instances as well, our main trigger is social
anxiety or feeling really awkward or uncomfortable. So the next
(31:39):
time you're in a situation like that where you know
you have a tendency to overshare, think about other things.
You could stay instead and think about these things in advance.
Lean back on your sense of self assurance and confidence
in that moment. You don't need these other people to
like you if you like yourself. And I think that
(32:01):
that feeling of oversharing and realizing what you've done is
going to be a lot more uncomfortable than the short
term discomfort of a few awkward silences or thinking that
maybe you made the wrong impression. Something I like to
think about is that these people don't matter until they
show you that they do. They are just strangers living
their own lives. Thirdly, journal instead of ranting or venting,
(32:25):
rechannel the urge into something that is productive. Someone said
this incredible strategy to me the other day before going
into a certain situation where you might feel inclined to overshare,
just spend five minutes ten minutes before you leave or
on the train writing down everything that might be bothering
you that you don't particularly want to share with others,
(32:48):
or call a friend and talk about those things beforehand.
What that does is it gives our mind a place
to actually productively deal with it, rather than feeling like
it's this tub awful thing that as soon as we
have one drink we need to bring up to anyone
and everyone who will listen. Fourth, in a situation where
(33:10):
you really don't want to overshare, like work functions or
professional environments, avoid drinking alcohol or watch how much you're consuming. Obviously,
most of us are not getting plasted at work during
the day, I would hope not, But after work drinks
or work parties are a big source of next morning anxiety,
(33:33):
especially after a lot of oversharing. Alcohol makes you less
self aware, it lowers your impulses, it lowers your inhibitions,
and it's going to lead to some awkward stories every
now and again. So I would say watch your drinks,
watch what you're consuming. Finally, if you have found that
you have overshared and you're experiencing a bit of a vulnerability, hangover,
(33:54):
a little bit of shame. I would really advise you
to not gravel, don't try and bring it up with
the person, don't excessively apologize or bring attention to it.
I think we have this tendency to feel the need
to do something immediately about the things that make us uncomfortable,
and so you may wake up in the morning and
(34:16):
want to message that person from the party and say
I'm so sorry for oversharing, and you know, I'm so sorry,
on on and on and on. I just think that
brings the attention back onto the thing that you were
talking about. It makes them realize that for you it
was a big deal, and so for them it becomes
a big deal as well. You can own your behavior
(34:38):
without needing other people to validate your experience of shame.
Just try and process that on your own or share
with someone who is a close friend. Realize that everything
is temporary and they are less likely to remember it
if you don't give them a reminder or a reason to.
(34:59):
All right, I think that is all that I had
for today. I'm looking at my notes and I think
that's it. But honestly, I feel like we've covered so much. Honestly,
I learn a lot. I learned so much exploring this
topic that I'm definitely going to take on board in
my own life. Although since quitting my nine to five,
I've definitely had fewer instances of oversharing now that I
(35:22):
don't get drunk with my work colleagues every Friday. So
I'm sending strength to all of you out there who
understand that experience, who have overshared at the work party,
overshared at Friday night drinks. I have done that too
many times to count, but now I'm getting better at it.
I'm learning more to control the impulse. I am seeing
the reason behind it, and that reason being that I'm
(35:45):
socially anxious. And when I'm socially anxious, I just go
off on a tangent and would tell you literally anything
you wanted to know if it meant not having an
awkward silence. So that is something I am learning, something
I'm realizing, and I'm trying to do better at that.
So I really hope that you appreciated and enjoyed this episode.
(36:05):
As always, if there is someone who needs to hear
this who you think might enjoy it, Please feel free
to send them a link and leave a five star
review on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, wherever you are listening right now.
We have an Instagram. If you have an episode suggestion,
or some thoughts, some theories, a question at that psychology podcast,
you can follow us over there, or my handle is
(36:27):
at Gemma spec And as always, thank you so much
for tuning in. We will be back next week with
another episode.
Hello everybody, and welcome back to the Psychology of Your Twenties,
the podcast where we talk through some of the big
life changes and transitions of our twenties and what they
mean for our psychology. Hello everybody, Welcome back to the show.
(00:26):
Welcome back to the podcast. New listeners, old listeners. Wherever
you are in the world, it is so great to
have you here. Back for another episode. Today, we're talking
about a topic we haven't spoken much about in the past.
I actually don't think we've ever spoken about it at all,
but when a listener suggested it, it just absolutely grabbed
(00:50):
my attention, not only as something that I have personally
struggled with in the past, but also as somewhat of
a quintessential twenty something experience and an experience a phenomenon
that has a lot of psychological underpinnings, and that topic
is chronic oversharing. I think we've all been there. Let
(01:11):
me tell you, we have all, at some point in
our lives said too much, said something we know we
shouldn't have, and felt incredibly awkward in the days and
the weeks that have followed. But why exactly do we
as humans sometimes feel this intense impulse to tell people
things they probably a don't want to hear and b
(01:34):
we perhaps don't even want to tell them. So today
we're going to break it all down, all of the
psychology behind this tendency. What exactly is oversharing? How is
it different to authenticity, Why do we feel that embarrassment
or that vulnerability hangover in the days that follow, and
(01:54):
also just why do we do it? Where does this
come from? I also think most important of all is
how do we identify the line between vulnerability and oversharing
and prevent ourselves from crossing that line and maybe disclosing
more than we are comfortable with. There is so much
(02:14):
to discuss. It is such a fascinating concept, but let's
firstly start with the basics. What exactly is oversharing? I
think we all have an intuitive idea of what it
means to overshare, to look back at a conversation, as
I said, and just realize that this person now probably
knows a lot more about us than we are comfortable with. Essentially,
(02:37):
to overshare is a tendency to disclose an inappropriate amount
of detail about our life to the wrong person or
at the wrong time. I've been there, you know, being
a bit too drunk at a party or a work
event and suddenly revealing some deep childhood secret or something
about your friend that you know you shouldn't have shared.
(02:59):
And that see comes from a lot of places. Sometimes
it's social anxiety, just feeling so nervous in certain situations
that you just try and find anything or any way
to connect with others, or your overshare because your anxiety
has lowered your filter or your impulse control. There's also
(03:21):
explanations to do with neurodivergence that we're going to touch
on a little bit later. And also it might just
be because you feel inadequate or boring and you're looking
to your most embarrassing story, your most vulnerable moments to
kind of feel avoid in a social situation and make
you feel more interesting. It also is a way to
(03:43):
speed up relationships, to make people feel closer to you
on an advanced timeline, or just because we feel lonely
when we feel like our relationships don't have much depth
or we're feeling detached. We can use overshare rying often subconsciously,
as a means to create new bonds by escalating that
(04:05):
depth of emotional intimacy. I think reasons aside because we'll
talk about them more in depth in a second. Chronic
oversharing the repeated habit and behavior of sharing too much detail.
It can also cause us a lot of regret and embarrassment,
leading us to engage in some negative self talk, telling
(04:27):
ourselves that you know, we should just shut up, and
that we're cringe and that people think we're weird. And
I don't think that you deserve to feel that way
or to have that internal dialogue about yourself. I think
it's less about the impression you're making on other people.
I think that is a secondary consequence of oversharing, and
more about how it makes you feel about yourself. It's
(04:51):
an important thing to remember that most of us have
the best intentions when it comes to oversharing. As humans,
we we often use stories and personal disclosure as a
way to build connection and to communicate our authentic selves,
to really show people who we are at our core.
And there's often this very thin, intangible line between oversharing
(05:19):
and being authentic. And I think the reason why that
line is sometimes hard to see is because both acts
feel very similar in the moment, and we can kind
of struggle to identify what is meant to be kept
private and what can be shared not just with close
friends and family, but with acquaintances or coworkers or even strangers.
(05:42):
So authenticity often comes from a very core place of
honesty and realness. It's about not being afraid to share
who you are, regardless of the pressure you're under to
do otherwise, regardless of the pressure you're under to look
or act or behave a certain way. And part of
that authenticity is being open and honest about your feelings
(06:06):
and your experiences. Part of that is disclosure and sometimes
making public what we often imagine to be private. We
see this online a lot. I would say that's like
the best example I can think of where we have
creators or influences the ones that we would call most
(06:27):
authentic and normally those who are most willing to share
personal details about themselves. And I think the reason why
we call that authenticity is because truth and sharing and
vulnerability it builds relatability and it builds a sense of
closeness Essentially, we can look at the things they are saying,
(06:49):
look at their stories, and we see ourselves in those moments.
We see what we are personally going through reflected back
at us. And that causes us to feel less alone.
So in that way, I think what some people may
typically see as over sharing is also incredibly healing, not
just for the person who is sharing this information, but
(07:10):
for the audience or those who are listening in. I
think our acceptance of this level of candor really represents
I think a pretty significant shift in our society that
we've seen in recent decades, especially in this generation, where
it has become more and more acceptable to discuss things
that previously were taboo and to make them known, and
(07:34):
to bring people into the details of your life, the
good and the bad. And when I think about this,
my mind immediately goes to topics like mental health, like sex,
like a lot of details to do with our personal lives.
These are no longer things to be shunned or shut away,
but often at times shared in the public domain, as
(07:56):
we do on social media, as we do to create
or consume authentic content. And so as we as a
society have become more liberal and more accepting of our
capacity to be vulnerable with each other, sometimes that means oversharing.
Sometimes that means kind of breaching the level of what
(08:19):
people are comfortable with. And I think that's the main
point here. Somewhere along the line, we have at times
confused the idea of being honest with sharing our deepest,
darkest secrets with the world. And I saw this amazing
quote that I think really demonstrates the difference between authenticity
(08:39):
and oversharing or even at the extreme, trauma dumping, and
what it said was that using vulnerability is not the
same thing as being vulnerable. We can sometimes expose personal
sides of us when it's not appropriate as a resource,
as a tool, as almost an emotional armor, perhaps to
(09:03):
fast track a relationship. If you've listened to our episode
on abandonment issues, you'll recognize this as a defensive mechanism
where we unorganically really create closeness through excessive vulnerability, maybe
too early on, perhaps because your trauma or your story
still kind of owns you in a way, and you
(09:24):
don't have an appropriate outlet for feeling overwhelmed or feeling
triggered by past events, so you feel the need to
verbalize rather than process. Or in some cases, and I
don't think this is that common, sometimes we overshare or
we use certain stories to gain sympathy unconsciously. A lot
(09:46):
of these reasons though are not intentional, they are themselves
a symptom of what we're going through or what we
are finding difficult to manage, whether that is something from
your childhood or a recent fight you had with a friend,
or a relationship issue. When we can't find emotional closure
internally and by ourselves, we look outwards. We look to
(10:09):
others to give us that closure by sharing and gaining
a different perspective and looking for a certain type of
either validation or feedback. I think, in particular, treating social
media somewhat like a personal diary or approaching acquaintances as
if they are your therapist. That can have serious consequences
(10:32):
not just for you, but also for the people that
you speak to or you share with, and other important
people in your life. Not only can it be bad
for things like personal online privacy if you're sharing every detail,
but we can kind of become addicted to the validation
that is provided by strangers and we're unable to regulate
(10:54):
our own emotional reactions without their input. Also, it can
put other people in a really strange position, you know,
including the people that you love. If you're bitching to
some random person at a party about your boyfriend or
your girlfriend, and how annoyed you are at them and
dishing out all the intimate details of your relationship. That
(11:15):
might seem appropriate and fine to you. You may be
happy to do that, but that might not sit well
with that other person you're in a relationship with who
would prefer to keep those things private. They might feel
betrayed or that they have somehow been misrepresented, questioning if
you know that's how you really feel about them, if
that's what you really think, when maybe you are just
(11:38):
oversharing as a way to vent as an emotional outlet
or in a moment of anger or stress. Furthermore, I
also think that this chronic oversharing can make us less approachable.
It makes people around you at times feel uncomfortable. Not
everyone is going to be on the same wavelength as
(11:58):
you when it comes to honesty and vulnerability, so potentially
it can lead to things like social exclusion, or it
can diminish the quality of your relationships when we go
as far too trauma dump as well, So this is
a term referring to the tendency to unload traumatic events
or experiences on others without warning or invitation. That also
(12:22):
has more serious consequences it can result in things like
vicarious trauma, especially if the person you're talking to feel
somewhat responsible for either solving your problem or feels uncertain
around you as to when they will be exposed to
information that could potentially personally trigger them. I think it's
(12:42):
important to note, as always, we like to bring nuance
to these conversations. It's not black and white, and I
do think that sharing can be incredibly healing. And this
is not to say that conversations on hard things like
mental health, like personal struggles, like painful experiences are totally
unacceptable at all times. In fact, I think it's the
(13:04):
complete opposite. Honesty can be such a profound, healing, good thing. However,
it really depends on your audience and I guess the
appropriateness of the context, not just the people you're speaking to,
but also what you're going to be able to get
out of the situation. Right, there's some particular situations where
(13:26):
I think we implicitly know that not only have we
potentially crossed in line, but also it probably didn't really
help us to overshare in that moment for whatever reason
that we did, you know, sharing with someone we don't
particularly know that well, especially if it is in a
professional context or they're in a position of authority and
that transparency has not been invited. That's a huge one.
(13:49):
Sharing with someone who perhaps is too attached to the situation,
who has a vested interest, you know. I think it's
a good reminder do not talk shit or overshare with
someone's best friend that is going to get back to them,
or with the partner of a person you're having problems with,
or someone too close to the situation. Some details are
(14:09):
best kept between two individuals. But also sharing in a
context whereby the kind of information you are communicating to
someone may make them feel really uncomfortable, and if they're
unable to leave, that's going to make them look at
you as someone who causes them discomfort. You know, telling
(14:31):
your co workers that you don't really know about your
childhood trauma could either bring you guys closer, or it
could result in a HR complaint and make people really uncomfortable.
It's a bit of a risk, I guess, and we
all know the feeling of looking back at a situation
and realizing that we shared a bit too much, probably
more than we realized we were in the moment, and
(14:53):
we feel really embarrassed. We cringe at our past selves
who you know, potentially couldn't control the impulse or just
needed to get something off their chest. So this feeling
that we are talking about it actually has a term.
It is known as the oversharing of vulnerability hangover, and
(15:13):
this was coined by one of our favorite people on
the podcast, Brene Brown. And what it's used to describe
is that anxiety, that shame and that regret we experience
after divulging something highly personal, as one New York Times
article put it, as humans, we have this competing need
(15:38):
to build social connection but also to maintain our own
private internal lives and spaces, and also to align our
behavior to what is perceived as quote unquote normal in
broader society. So the reason we feel this vulnerability hangover
(15:58):
is because in hindsight, the next morning, we are better
able to recognize that this behavior or active oversharing has
kind of crossed some invisible boundary of what is and
is not socially acceptable. We all have this very innate
sense of certain social norms that have been ingrained in
(16:19):
us since childhood. And these norms they are what tells
us I guess how to act. So One of them
is around understanding the line between what is public and
what is private, and although that changes based on the
generation we're in, we have some intuitive sense of knowing
when we've crossed this because there is certain information that
(16:42):
we still feel an inherent drive to keep to ourselves
crossing that line it results in uncomfortable feelings, which is
essentially our brain policing our behavior. It's our brain saying
to us that probably wasn't right lead to social rejection
if we keep doing that, that maybe made the other
(17:03):
person uncomfortable, So let's fall back in line so that
we don't risk social alienation. So, knowing this, knowing that
we have this internal almost system for preventing this behavior,
why do we still do it? Why are some of
us what we would term chronic oversharers myself included at
(17:25):
a time. So what I really want to discuss is
some of the underlying psychological reasons about why we are
driven or compelled to overshare, as well as some strategies
to prevent yourself from feeling that intense vulnerability hangover or
that shame when you've realized you've probably divulged too much
(17:48):
personal information. So all of that and more after this shortbreak.
So why do we overshare? Why do we have those
moments of almost watching ourselves say way too much and
not being able to stop ourselves at the time, only
(18:10):
to look back with regret and to cringe and our behavior.
So we're going to talk about four reasons in particular. Firstly,
oversharing as a way to externalize our problems or for
emotional regulation. Secondly, the links with social anxiety and ADHD.
Thirdly intensity addiction, and finally, oversharing is a way to
(18:34):
get attention, which isn't one of my favorite reasons. I
don't think it's that applicable, but I still think it
deserves acknowledgment. So we've spoken about that first reason rather briefly.
But sometimes we can spontaneously reveal too much information as
a way to regulate uncomfortable feelings that have come up
(18:56):
in the moment. Emotional regulation is essentially the process by
which we alter the intensity of an emotional experience for ourselves,
and this explanation this theory, it suggests that oversharing is
essentially a way to do that. It is a coping
mechanism in these moments when the the thoughts in our
(19:18):
brain become way too loud to internalize or to suppress,
and so we have to find an outlet, which means
externalizing verbalizing to the person closest to us. When we
speak something out loud, I truly believe that the problem
is halved and that it feels a lot less intense.
(19:40):
Sometimes I think we feel that like a we're either
taking away the power of this experience or this story
or being we kind of lessening the burden it has
on our minds by putting or placing the burden with
someone else. So this may explain why we kind of
feel really refreshed and almost emotionally empty after having a
(20:00):
really good vent to a friend. But in that moment,
we are directing that information to someone who has proven
that they want to be in that position or that
they deserve our trust. When we use a stranger, someone
we don't know that well to emotionally regulate, although that
may still help us process our emotions, it's probably going
(20:22):
to be more short term and it might leave you
feeling a little bit strange after the fact. So the
second reason we can find ourselves in this pattern of
chronic oversharing comes down to anxiety and also neurodivergence as well.
So let's discuss anxiety first. If you are someone who
(20:42):
talks impulsively when you are nervous, who keeps jumping to
different trains of thought, or you find yourself telling story
after story that may be a little bit too revealing,
social anxiety may be an explanation. And they did a
bunch of studies on this, and in one series of studies,
researchers found that anxiety, particularly in social situations, can lead
(21:06):
to a phenomenon known as self control depletion, whereby the
more anxious we become, the more out of place we feel,
the less control we have over our impulsive decisions, because
all of our brain is kind of taken up with
trying to monitor the social situation we're in or to
(21:27):
try and fit in with those around us. One psychologist,
and I'm really sorry I cannot remember their name, but
they put it this way. When we are in a
situation that is stressful or out of our comfort zone,
like meeting you people, for a lot of us, we
use up a lot of mental energy trying to manage
that other person's impression of us. We want them to
(21:50):
think that we are interesting, that we are cool, that
we are fun, and we find that silence is something
that is really uncomfortable in those moments, so we kind
of think of whatever we can say to manage that
sense of awkwardness, and normally the thing that comes to
mind is the thing that is least appropriate. So clinically
(22:11):
anxious individuals such as myself kind of shout out my
anxiety here. But we're also quite sensitive to rejection and
sensitive to criticism. So if you're having a conversation with
someone and you kind of feel like they're losing interest
or they're pulling away, you might try and rekindle that
(22:32):
conversation or regain their attention by dropping intimate details about
your life. You're basically trying to say, hey, like, I'm
worth listening to, I have things that are interesting to
tell you, and you're trying to re establish that connection
in the only way that your mind is thinking of
at the time. The other important component that I think
(22:54):
really falls into this kind of interaction between social anxiety
and oversharing is alcohol. Right, If our main trigger is
social situations, particularly big, large social situations, those are also
the times when alcohol is normally around, and it's a
massive contributor to. I would say most instances of oversharing
(23:16):
in my life because my inhibitions were lowered. I have
less of a good read of the social situation I'm
in because I'm not sober, so it makes us say
things that we otherwise wouldn't. It's also really common amongst
adults with ADHD, and it's not as if these individuals
(23:37):
are doing it on purpose or they even realize what
they've done. The reason why it happens is because this
condition makes it harder to control our impulses and it
lessens what we call in psychology our executive function skills,
the part of the brain that is going to say,
all right, this is not an appropriate time. It makes
(23:58):
the decision for you. So when you have ADHD, that
part of your brain is not as functional as are
the average individual, I would say, and so you struggle
to have that kind of almost safety net of control.
There's a really fascinating guide on this website called Understood,
(24:20):
which is focusing on people with neurodivergence and how they
learn and how they see the world differently. If this
particular situation, this reason applies to you, definitely check that out.
On another level, away from anxiety, and neurodivergence. I think
oversharing also links back to that previous point we made
(24:40):
about our desire to kind of fast track or heighten
our intimate or social connections by artificially really creating closeness
through disclosure. What do you do with your close friends,
You share personal details about your life. What do you
do with your family or with your loved ones. You
have that level of truth and that level of vulnerability.
(25:03):
So the logic kind of follows, the kind of broken
logic follows. If you want someone to be your best friend,
share your personal intimate details, and that is a way
to get to that point with them quicker. And this
kind of boils down at times to this idea of
intensity addiction. There are certain people who like their relationships
(25:26):
to have this kind of incredible fast intensity. They want
big emotions, they want big reaction, high levels of vulnerability
and intimacy and closeness, and these people fall in love,
become attached really fast, often by oversharing really quickly, wanting
to learn everything about someone, even the really dark things,
(25:50):
before they realize that intensity in those moments, it may
not be the same thing as actual intimacy, and I
don't think it's a surprise that this is often linked
to people who have a fear of abandonment or an
anxious attachment style, or sometimes even emotional unavailability, where they're
trying to self correct and go the opposite way, but
(26:11):
they don't really know what the balance or the middle
point is. And finally, our final reason, there is this
idea that oversharing is a way to gain attention or sympathy. Now,
I don't think we realize this in our subconscious minds
in the moment. I really don't think that most people
(26:32):
who are chronic oversharers are going about it intentionally to
get attention from other people as a manipulation tactic, not
at all. I think it's more layered than that. It's
more of a learned association or a habit that has
been formed or developed over time. Maybe what you found
(26:54):
is that if you are willing to talk really intensely
about your sex life, or if you're willing to tell
everyone very intimate details about your life, your fights, your disagreements,
your past, people pay more attention to you. Because that
is very novel. That excessive honesty is very rare, it's interesting,
(27:15):
it's fascinating, and humans very noisy. It's why we like tabloids,
It's why we like gossip. We want to know more
about the people we are interested in, but only on
the surface level. So it might get someone's attention, but
it may not necessarily lead to a long term emotional bond.
(27:35):
I also just don't think that everything needs to be
shared in order to be validated or to feel important.
Although it's definitely a trap that a lot of us
fall into with our use of social media. It's something
I've learned quite a lot recently from the person that
I'm dating. You know. He's not a big social media person,
and it's really fascinating to me to see the differences
(27:58):
that we have in terms of what he thinks needs
to be shared online versus what I share online. And
I think sometimes I've gotten into the habit of maybe oversharing,
particularly on the podcast. You know, I'm thinking specifically right
now about my ex boyfriend interview, because that was incredibly personal.
But we want people's attention, we want people to think
(28:19):
we're interesting, so we commodify very personal experiences for their benefit,
and that can definitely come back to bite us, as
I have learned, not just in that vulnerability hangover, but
also in very tangible consequences for our relationships, for our reputation,
(28:39):
for how people think of us. And I know that
that shouldn't matter as much as it does, but I
think that it really does deep down impact the way
we see ourselves and how we behave So how do
we know when and with who is it appropriate to
share these things with? Because I'm not advocating for suppressing
(29:01):
our feelings or hiding our experiences, I think that actually
probably does more emotional damage than the occasional overshare. But
like we said before, the two key factors here are
context and relationship. If you find the need to externalize
certain events to properly process them, that is totally okay.
(29:25):
That is a totally fine way to emotionally regulate, but
you should be doing so with someone you can trust
and who you know will provide you with the response
that will most benefit you. You know, don't beat yourself
up for the occasional overshare or slip up. We have
all been there. I think it's part of the human experience.
It's part of the learning curve, and trust me, that
(29:48):
embarrassment will fade. But if you become a chronic oversharer
and you're finding that the behavior is somewhat uncontrollable. Here
are some tips for regulating this habit. Firstly, when you
find the need to overshare, or you've found you're maybe
saying things you don't want to, pause and redirect yourself,
(30:10):
either by taking a step back from the conversation, going
to the bathroom or for a walk, calling a friend instead,
and just turn the conversation back onto the other person
by asking them a question. Redirect what you're talking about.
Here is a very well known secret that I'm going
to share with you today. People love talking about themselves,
(30:33):
and giving people space to talk about themselves will actually
probably lead to greater emotional closeness than oversharing or needing
to fill that silence with unnecessary details. Being an active
listener as well, it also gives off so much confidence
and it makes people feel more comfortable around you. You know,
(30:56):
watch their eyes as they talk, be conscious not to
in to rapt ask follow up questions, think about things
they've said that have interest you as a way to
prevent yourself from being perhaps put in a place where
you feel the need to share something really embarrassing. Secondly,
I would say figure out what triggers you to overshare.
(31:17):
Often the reason we share details or stories about certain
events is because we haven't completely integrated them, and so
we still feel the need to externalize them to other people.
In other instances as well, our main trigger is social
anxiety or feeling really awkward or uncomfortable. So the next
(31:39):
time you're in a situation like that where you know
you have a tendency to overshare, think about other things.
You could stay instead and think about these things in advance.
Lean back on your sense of self assurance and confidence
in that moment. You don't need these other people to
like you if you like yourself. And I think that
(32:01):
that feeling of oversharing and realizing what you've done is
going to be a lot more uncomfortable than the short
term discomfort of a few awkward silences or thinking that
maybe you made the wrong impression. Something I like to
think about is that these people don't matter until they
show you that they do. They are just strangers living
their own lives. Thirdly, journal instead of ranting or venting,
(32:25):
rechannel the urge into something that is productive. Someone said
this incredible strategy to me the other day before going
into a certain situation where you might feel inclined to overshare,
just spend five minutes ten minutes before you leave or
on the train writing down everything that might be bothering
you that you don't particularly want to share with others,
(32:48):
or call a friend and talk about those things beforehand.
What that does is it gives our mind a place
to actually productively deal with it, rather than feeling like
it's this tub awful thing that as soon as we
have one drink we need to bring up to anyone
and everyone who will listen. Fourth, in a situation where
(33:10):
you really don't want to overshare, like work functions or
professional environments, avoid drinking alcohol or watch how much you're consuming. Obviously,
most of us are not getting plasted at work during
the day, I would hope not, But after work drinks
or work parties are a big source of next morning anxiety,
(33:33):
especially after a lot of oversharing. Alcohol makes you less
self aware, it lowers your impulses, it lowers your inhibitions,
and it's going to lead to some awkward stories every
now and again. So I would say watch your drinks,
watch what you're consuming. Finally, if you have found that
you have overshared and you're experiencing a bit of a vulnerability, hangover,
(33:54):
a little bit of shame. I would really advise you
to not gravel, don't try and bring it up with
the person, don't excessively apologize or bring attention to it.
I think we have this tendency to feel the need
to do something immediately about the things that make us uncomfortable,
and so you may wake up in the morning and
(34:16):
want to message that person from the party and say
I'm so sorry for oversharing, and you know, I'm so sorry,
on on and on and on. I just think that
brings the attention back onto the thing that you were
talking about. It makes them realize that for you it
was a big deal, and so for them it becomes
a big deal as well. You can own your behavior
(34:38):
without needing other people to validate your experience of shame.
Just try and process that on your own or share
with someone who is a close friend. Realize that everything
is temporary and they are less likely to remember it
if you don't give them a reminder or a reason to.
(34:59):
All right, I think that is all that I had
for today. I'm looking at my notes and I think
that's it. But honestly, I feel like we've covered so much. Honestly,
I learn a lot. I learned so much exploring this
topic that I'm definitely going to take on board in
my own life. Although since quitting my nine to five,
I've definitely had fewer instances of oversharing now that I
(35:22):
don't get drunk with my work colleagues every Friday. So
I'm sending strength to all of you out there who
understand that experience, who have overshared at the work party,
overshared at Friday night drinks. I have done that too
many times to count, but now I'm getting better at it.
I'm learning more to control the impulse. I am seeing
the reason behind it, and that reason being that I'm
(35:45):
socially anxious. And when I'm socially anxious, I just go
off on a tangent and would tell you literally anything
you wanted to know if it meant not having an
awkward silence. So that is something I am learning, something
I'm realizing, and I'm trying to do better at that.
So I really hope that you appreciated and enjoyed this episode.
(36:05):
As always, if there is someone who needs to hear
this who you think might enjoy it, Please feel free
to send them a link and leave a five star
review on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, wherever you are listening right now.
We have an Instagram. If you have an episode suggestion,
or some thoughts, some theories, a question at that psychology podcast,
you can follow us over there, or my handle is
(36:27):
at Gemma spec And as always, thank you so much
for tuning in. We will be back next week with
another episode.
Host
Jemma Sbeghen
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