July 29, 2024 • 36 mins
One of the biggest questions we seem to encounter in our 20s and beyond is: what is my calling? What is my purpose, my mission, my passion? So many of us are left feeling panicked and like we are wasting time looking for the answer. Shouldn't this be obvious? Shouldn't I know by now? Actually, finding your purpose is not as simple as it looks, but in today's episode we dive into the Japanese concept of Ikigai:
- What are you good at?
- What do you love doing?
- What does the world need?
- What can you get paid for?
We break down exactly to find your answer to each of these elements and hopefully feel closer to your calling + 3 bonus exercises for finding more clarity on what drives you. Listen now!
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:04):
Hello everybody, and welcome back to the Psychology of Your Twenties,
the podcast where we talk through some of the big
life changes and transitions of our twenties and what they
mean for our psychology.
Speaker 2 (00:23):
Hello everybody, Welcome back to the show. Welcome back to
the podcast. New listeners, old listeners. Wherever you are in
the world, it is so great to have you here.
Back for another episode as we, of course break down
the psychology of our twenties. This decade is filled with
a lot of big, vulnerable, sometimes unanswerable questions that leave
(00:48):
us feeling, if I'm honest, a bit stranded, a bit
panicked as well. Questions of course, to do with the
love and friendship and our careers and everything in between.
But perhaps one of the biggest ones that we grapple
with during our twenties is what in the world is
my calling? What was I put on this earth to do?
And is it even something that I'll enjoy? How can
(01:09):
I find direction in my life? How can I find
my compass when it comes to what jobs I'll do,
my five year plan, where I'll live, who I'm becoming,
what I actually want from my life? And that is
exactly what we are going to discuss today, when we
have so many options, but also equally so much confusion
(01:30):
about who we want to be, what we want to do,
what we're even good at. When it feels like this
kind of constant battle between passion and practicality, how do
we find our calling amongst that? I think this concept
of a calling is a beautiful one. Obviously has very
spiritual undertones, this kind of sense that each of us
is born gifted and each of us has this purpose
(01:52):
instilled in us by some higher power, But I think
it also reflects our very human need for meaning in
our lives. There have been so many articles and studies
written on this very idea that without a purpose, we
suffer and we don't thrive at the level that we could.
And there are some known psychological benefits of having this
(02:14):
purpose in life. And let's be clear that doesn't need
to be work. It could be a hobby, it could
be a broader goal, it could be family. But having
something that you love doing, that you care about doing,
makes us less vulnerable to boredom, makes us feel less
stuck or stagnant. There is often this very fundamental sense
of our knees that we experience when our attention isn't
(02:36):
occupied by external things, and having a so called calling
can mean that we are always striving towards something below
the surface, and that stops us from being anxious and
depressed and feeling a bit creeped up. Another important factor
here is that aligning ourselves to a purpose often makes
(02:56):
us less self centered. We feel a part of something bigger.
We feel that we are contributing to something outside of ourselves,
and that has been shown to actually perhaps make us
less focused on our own worries and our own anxieties,
perhaps making us better happier people. Purpose has also been
(03:17):
shown to improve our self esteem. It just makes life
a bit more exciting. We all want to feel fulfilled
and motivated and like we are contributing something important to
the world and those around us. And we are also
super lucky these days that we don't just have to
see work as a paycheck and a paycheck only. There
are just so many opportunities for getting paid to do
(03:38):
something that you love, or to turn your passion into
an income to make it our main focus. But all
of that does actually raise the stakes quite a bit,
which is why I wanted to mention it first, because
I think it's something that we are all pretty much
already aware of, especially in our twenties. Something I really
hear quite a bit from people is, I know, I
(04:00):
want to do something meaningful. You know, I don't want
to waste my time in a job that I'm really
unhappy with. I want to do something that is aligned
to a bigger meaning that doesn't help me in discovering
what that is. Sometimes the mentality behind needing a calling,
wanting it purpose is what causes us to get even
(04:22):
more stuck. It's the choice overload, the sense that every
decision needs to be the right one. This early on,
it's like suddenly it's not just about having a roof
over our head or a well paying job, but also
having a well paying job that feeds our soul, because
who wouldn't want that. It doesn't necessarily help, though, It
just creates a lot more pressure on us and a
(04:44):
lot more areas in which we feel the need to
be as satisfied as possible. I've also found that sometimes
the idea of a singular calling, that there is one
thing out there that you will do best and the
world will applaud you for and nothing else, is rather restricted.
If we change, and so does what gives us meeting.
But also, your calling can be a number of things.
(05:06):
It doesn't have to be something that, yeah, you're necessarily
getting paid for or that you can make a career
out of. But it also doesn't have to be one thing.
It can be a combination of many things. It doesn't
have to be massive and loud. It can still be
small and purposeful. Basically, there is not a single thing
in the world each of us is born to do.
(05:26):
There are many things. There are many things that guide us.
And when we get clear on what they are, and
when we really drill down into okay, what are the
particulars about the life that I want, we learn so
much more about our next steps and about our calling.
So strap in, get ready, get excited. We're going to
(05:49):
be discussing the Japanese concept of ikey guy, concepts like
aptitude and flow, balancing, the passion versus the practicality issue,
the myth of the dream job, and while you might
be able to learn your calling from listening to your body,
of all things, so much more. On top of that,
(06:09):
it's going to be a big episode today, guys. Without
further ado, let's get into it one of my favorite
concepts to discuss when we're talking about finding our calling
is that Japanese term that I just mentioned, iky guy.
You may have already heard of this. There is a
(06:29):
pretty well known book going around right now of the
same name. It has a blue cover some nice cherry
bossoms on the front. But this concept essentially refers to
our reason for being, or a motivating force, something or
someone that gives us a purpose, a feeling of fulfillment,
and hopefully from that pleasure and enjoyment. It is essentially
(06:53):
referring to that really deep sense of satisfaction and accomplishment
that we get from doing something we truly can care
about and which we feel successful in doing. To find
our calling, we kind of need to be guided by
that feeling. Actually fun fact for you all. This concept
of ikigai has been suggested as one of the reasons
(07:13):
that life expectancy in Japan is so high, especially in
one area in particular called Okinawa, which is not by coincidence,
also known as one of the five Blue Zones, one
of the five areas in the world where life expectancy
and life satisfaction is significantly higher than anywhere else. And
why might that be well. We know that living a
(07:36):
long healthy life isn't just about physical wellness, but also
about mental health and having a reason to want to
stay healthy, to want to take care of yourself, having
community around you, of course, but also feeling firm in
your reason for being, in your drive, in your purpose.
And this is Ikegai. Ikegai actually seems to be made
(07:57):
up of four distinct components or questions, and answering those
questions is what's going to get us a lot closer
to knowing our calling. So if you want to know
what's going to make you happiest, what you need to
do in your life, what you want to do in
your life, I guess is a better question. You first
need to know what are you truly good at. What
(08:18):
is the secret or not so secret talent or skill
that you're always excelling on, you're always getting complimented on
that is unique to you. What do you love doing,
what do you love experiencing, what do you love participating in?
In general? What does the world need? And what can
you get paid for? That is basically the crux of
(08:40):
what you're calling is when something fulfills those four things,
you've pretty much got a bull's eye. It's a bit
more complicated than that, and I really wish that I
could show you a picture of this. But essentially, there
are different levels of fulfillment on your way to finding
ike gay. Like, for example, you know the dream is
(09:01):
to fulfill all four categories. If you love talking to people,
if people always say you have such a talent for
connecting with others, and there is a demand for more therapists,
you could get paid to discuss people's problems and you know,
have empathy towards them, you have basically fulfilled all the
criteria for ikea guy. That would be your purpose. You
(09:23):
should become a psychologist or a counselor, and that would
fill all those buckets quite equally. But you can do
something that you love that the world needs and not
be good and not be paid for that and still
feel happy doing that thing on the side whilst working
a full time job. That is what we might call
(09:43):
your mission. So volunteering is an example of that. Or
you can do something you love that you're good at
but can never make a career from because the world
just might not need it right now. That's your passion,
like hiking or making you know, interesting art projects you
still feel for feel, but maybe you're calling isn't finding
a way to do that all the time. Maybe finding
(10:04):
a way to get paid for that would mean losing
the love for it, and so you continue to do
it as a hobby and you know, use your job
as a way to just you know, fund that exercise.
So I kind of want to spend the rest of
this episode talking about each of these components in more
detail and how we can kind of fine tune each
(10:25):
and truly know what it is that we're great at,
what we actually love doing, what the world needs, and
how to get paid for your dreams. So let's start
with kind of working out what you're good at. There
are some things that you're just never going to be
the best at. Let's be completely upfront and honestly, that
is so liberating when you finally understand that, when you
(10:45):
finally are honest with yourself about what you are actually
naturally better at, it stops you from having to be
the person that needs to be the best at everything
and crumbles when we're not. It stops you from being
stretched too thin or from poor hours into a skill
that you know, we actually just struggle with, plain and simple.
I remember being in high school, and I'm sure this
(11:07):
is such a common experience, but I was just so
terrible at anything mathematical, and I would spend hours on
my homework trying to get these theories, you know, route
learning them. When that didn't work, and as my final
exams were approaching and all of these hours were going
towards something that I just wasn't improving at, I just
(11:27):
honestly gave up and I spent more time and on
what I had an aptitude for, which was English and
psychology and whatever else I was doing. There's only so
much that you can keep pulling the same cart before
you ditch it for a lighter one. That's kind of
what the gist is here. And this concept of aptitude
is important here because it basically says, yes, everybody can
(11:49):
learn most things. Everybody could be baseline good at most
things if they gave it their everything. But for some people,
getting really good at that thing is going to be
a lot easier and come to them a lot quicker.
There is a reason that Lebron James is a basketball
player and James Corden is not, or that Steve Jobs
(12:10):
was an inventor and not in HR or not a
social worker. Right, It comes down to aptitude, And I
know it's simple, but we all have our own talents.
Stop trying to live the life and skills of somebody
that you're not. The place I see this a lot
is people at university or college who are really struggling
(12:32):
and everything seems to just be like ten times harder
for them. They're doing degrees that they really don't like
because someone has told them to do so, or they've
told themselves that this is what they should be doing.
But it's about having a very i would say, practical
and utilitarian mindset. Where do my natural talents lie such
(12:52):
that I'm going to get the most out of an
investment in them. So if you aren't quite sure, here's
a few questions to seriously cons are for just a second.
What are people always giving you compliments on? What do
your closest friends and family say that you were good at?
Is it getting others to open up? Is it being organized?
(13:14):
Is it planning the night out? Is it decorating your space,
putting on an amazing meal? Are children like super receptive
to you? I don't know. Maybe you don't know either,
because you're so caught up in just getting through the
day and maybe downplaying your own strengths and being self
deprecating that you've just never actually noticed what you're truly
talented at. But your friends and your family they do notice,
(13:39):
and they hold the secret. Here next, take it all
the way back. What was your best subject at school?
And here's the thing. It's not just what subject did
you get the best grades in, but what subject did
you get the best grades in relevant to your effort.
It's a little bit more tricky. What achievements are you
most proud of and what skills were involved in those achievements?
(14:03):
What was what were you required to just be naturally
quite good at in order to get to that goal. Essentially,
what we are looking for here is your aptitude and
your skill set and something that you are naturally just
quite good at. Now that isn't always going to be
the thing that you enjoy most. So here is the
(14:23):
tricky part. We have to balance what we are naturally
good at with what we actually enjoy, and that is
the second component of ikey Gay. One of my friends
had to do mandatory aptitude testing a few years back
for something or other, and after this like three hour
long process. She got her results back and it said
actuarial scientist. And for those of us like me who
(14:45):
had no idea what that means, it's essentially like applied
statistics to determine how likely bad things are going to happen,
or to perform like a risk assessment. And you know what,
she took one long, hard look at that and went
in the complete opposite direction. And she is a professional
athlete now. She plays football for a living, very different
(15:06):
to actuarial science. And I think she's a great example
of why aptitude only does take you so far. We
are not bound by what we would be best at
if we tried. That is not our only potential. Passion
is still a big part of this equation. If you
are like me, you might be pretty content doing a
lot of things. That's kind of part of the problem.
(15:28):
How do we determine what we really love and what
drives us? And the secret is our body is will
tell us when we feel fulfilled, sustained, passionate, excited, motivated, inspired,
all those good feelings. It begins in our brain, but
it really manifests in our body and in quite a
(15:49):
few physical reactions. A big one is focus. When you
really love doing something, it can be almost hard to
pull yourself away from it because we are naturally really engaged.
We are invested in the task or activity because we
are getting enjoyment out of it. Sounds super basic, right,
but a high level of focus and flow is what
(16:10):
we really need to pay attention to. So a flow state,
and we've spoken about this on the podcast before, but
it is this mental state, this magical mental state, in
which we are completely engrossed on a singular task. All
of our attention is focused, we can't be distracted. It's
like being in the zone. But more than that, it's
feeling equally fulfilled and challenged by what you're doing, energized
(16:35):
and buzzing, but also really calm, and the best way
to describe it is feeling, I don't know, almost fluid,
totally absorbed. There is like an amazing Ted talk on
this from almost two decades ago, and in it they
kind of explain the way that these psychologists responsible for
the concept came to discover it, and it was by
(16:55):
watching and observing some of the most talented but also
committed and accomplished people in the world chess players, surgeons, ballerinas,
mountain bike riders, business leaders, all people who had seemingly
found their calling, and they wanted to know what they
had in common. And what they had in common was
the way that they all described entering a flow state
(17:18):
when they did the thing they loved most. It wasn't
just discipline or passion or hours and hours of hard work.
I'm sure that was part of it, but the sense
of trance like commitment and immersion. When was the last
time you felt that way? And what were you doing? See?
I remember incredibly vividly doing a podcast assignment back at
(17:41):
UNI for like an international relations class or something or other,
and it was like I had entered this altered state.
I was so focused, and I remember looking up at
the clock after editing this you know, assignment basically for
three hours, and I hadn't even checked the time. Once.
Those moments are the ones to really look out for.
(18:03):
It took two more years to really start my show,
but I remember that so clearly, and I still can
put myself back in that moment of how engaged but
also relaxed I was, and I get to feel that
all the time now by doing this. When was the
last time that you felt like that? The other way
that our body leads us to our calling is how
(18:25):
we feel at the end of the day. You know
those days when you go to bed and you just
feel truly fulfilled and satisfied and you are genuinely proud
of yourself. You feel accomplished, you sleep easy. It's like
this warmth. What was it that you did that day
that may have contributed to that state? This is what
I would call an involuntary state of mindfulness. You have
(18:47):
in some way created the conditions necessary to be totally
present and just happy. And there are so many studies
that show us when we practice something we love, our
happy hormones, our happy neurotrans is, they go wild. And
those days when your head hits the pillow with a smile,
you're experiencing that very biological and psychological reaction, probably closest
(19:09):
to inner piece in real time. Listen to your body.
It will seriously guide you to your calling. Okay, we're
going to take a short break, but when we return,
I want to discuss those final two components of Ikey
Guy and the pursuit of purpose in our twenties and beyond,
what does the world need and what can we get
paid to do so stay with us. Finding something that
(19:36):
we're good at that we actually enjoy is genuinely like
hitting the jackpot. It's sad to say, but a lot
of people do go through their life not having that
opportunity and never knowing. So, if there is even a liver,
a small part of you that has found something that
drives you, whether it's I don't know, music, activism, sport, writing, anything,
(19:58):
why not bet on it. Why not give it everything
and see what happens? Well? That is when the need
to balance passion versus practicality comes into things. And the
third component that makes up our calling and our ikea
guy is what we can get paid to do. It
can be really scary to realize that the thing you
(20:19):
feel destined to do is super different to the path
that you're on, especially when the thing you love may
not pay the bills. When I started doing this, I
made approximately zero dollars for the first two years. But
does that mean you give up the dream for something
that can pay the bills if it means abandoning your purpose,
or do you find a way to compromise. I think
(20:41):
they need to compromise is quite obviously the right choice
here and that's not to discourage people from chasing their dreams,
because yes, if you can do it, run with it,
give it all you've got. If you can get paid
for it, go But just because you can't make your
calling your full time job doesn't mean that you are
neglecting it. I think when it comes to identifying your
calling and following it, we need to abandon our all
(21:04):
or nothing thinking either I'm doing what I love and
I'm following my dreams, or I'm miserable. Maybe that will
surprise you to hear me say, but that's reality, isn't it.
I think there is this myth around if you do
what you love, you'll never work a day in your life.
And this endless search for the dream job is sometimes
incorrect because firstly, when something becomes your job and your
(21:25):
way of making income, I'm telling you now, you will
lose some of your love for it because it becomes commodified.
That is in every single person I've spoken to is
like I made my passion my dream job. They have said,
you know you have to love it two hundred three
hundred percent because that love will reduce when it starts
to be your income. Secondly, sometimes there just isn't a
(21:47):
way to make money from what you love, but that
doesn't make it not important. And thirdly, sometimes your job
can just be your job, and it's, as we said before,
just the thing that funds your calling. A calling. You know,
it does not need to make money to be sufficiently purposeful.
And sometimes in the balance between passion and practicality, practicality
(22:07):
has to win, like working all those extra shifts to
spend three months traveling and volunteering or working as someone's
assistant to get your dream role in five ten years
paying your dues. Our calling is bigger than the dream job.
It can be expressed in so many ways in your
afternoons on your weekends, but also it can be somewhat
(22:28):
aligned and not exactly perfect, but ninety percent there and
the remaining ten percent is filled up elsewhere. Again, when
we abandon out all or nothing thinking about our calling
and needing to find our calling through work and through
a job, we feel a lot less pressure to get
it all right out the gate. Sometimes those dreams also
take time and we can return to out calling later on.
(22:52):
If you want a great example of this, I really
recommend this article by Psychology Today called it is Never
too late to find your calling. In this article, they
talk about this concept of a latent calling, something that
might remain hidden or under wraps for a few years
or a few decades, but never vanishes. It's not expressed openly,
(23:14):
but it can continue to inform your sense of identity.
And it's not like once you put your calling on
the back burner for a little while for practicality purposes,
you've given up forever. And they conducted a study last
year on this exact idea, and these two researchers they
examined and observed I think it was about thirty maybe
(23:35):
forty retired individuals. All of them had played musical instruments
earlier in life, and they wanted to be musicians, but
they'd spent their careers working in other jobs they were.
One of them was a probation officer, an accountant, physician, lawyer,
TV producer, And they all spoke about how there had
just been practical barriers to pursuing their calling as a career,
(23:57):
but a huge number of them went on to revive
they're calling in retirement, and even more of them kept
doing it in their spare time at a consistent, if
not a little bit lower level. And this is the
crazy finding from this. Compared to the control group, the
test group, the group that did not do this, who
did not pursue their calling even in their free time,
(24:20):
they showed so much greater overall life satisfaction and happiness
for finding a way to keep showing up for their calling,
even if it wasn't the way that they made money.
If you do want to get paid for your calling, though,
because obviously that would be a fun route to take,
think of your dream job at the center of a web,
and then list a series of jobs that connect to
(24:41):
your dream job in some way. So let me use
the example of an author, because that's a fun one.
You might not be able to write novels full time,
but you can go into publishing, which means you'll still
get to be in touch with writing, or copywriting or ghostwriting.
You know, you could be an accountant who clocks off
at five and spends three hours each night working on
(25:03):
pottery or your debut novel. There are a web of
opportunities that exist around one calling, So don't think about
it as this singular thing that you'll be happy doing.
Think about it as like a big almost, like a
big textbook, a big dictionary of different jobs and different professions,
(25:23):
some that we might not even know yet, that it
will connect back to the thing that drives you. Finally,
let's turn to the most selfless part of what our
calling should contain, and that is what is it that
the world needs? Maybe, instead of focusing on how your
calling could make you money, which is a valid concern
of course, you think about the value of your calling
(25:45):
as being what it provides to others. This brings me
to another huge myth around finding our calling is that
our calling needs to be impressive and have a large impact.
It needs to elevate us so that the whole world
can see it. That is a really nice vision, but
actually I think our calling can be a lot more simpler.
It's what we can do for our friends, our family,
(26:08):
our community, those who need us. And it comes back
to what we spoke about at the very beginning, our aptitude.
What can we give the world that others maybe can't.
What are the talents that we possess that are rare
and unique, and focus on the small impact that you
can make with that. I want to talk about an
idea here you've probably heard about before, called the butterfly effect.
(26:31):
So the butterfly effect is not a psychological theory but
actually a mathematical one, and the premise is small things
in one space can have a big impact. A butterfly,
you know, flapping its wings in Sydney, can push the
air just enough that it gets swept up, made bigger
and bigger, and creates a cyclone in Turkey. Your calling,
(26:53):
as small as you may practice it, can have a
butterfly effect and can be what the world needs or
what just one person needs in a moment. You making
art and poetry and cool stuff and posting it on
social media could inspire someone else to be creative. You
talking to your friends about social justice could help educate
(27:14):
them enough to speak out themselves, creating a butterfly effect
in their own circles or their workplace. You volunteering for
just two hours a week could be the thing that
makes someone feel seen or feel supported. I think part
of why we find purpose is something is when we
see it expanding beyond us. Yes, it makes us happy
(27:35):
and fulfilled, and we may even enter a flow state
and be good at it, but it's when it's shared
and when we see it making some small difference or
an impact that we truly feel like we have a mission,
as localized or small as that may be. Now, I
want to give you three final exercises to finish off
our episode. These exercises are basically designed to reveal what
(28:01):
you may already know to be true about your purpose,
but you've probably forgotten. There are some exercises that you
might typically encounter in like organizational psychology or when you
go see like a career therapist. So firstly, think about
what life, what kind of life may be possible for
you by looking at those that you admire the most,
those people who you see as heroes or who you idolize.
(28:24):
What about their life and their work is so alluring
to you? What does it say about your own values?
Sometimes the people we admire the most in life give
us a clue as to how we might want to
contribute to a better word ourselves, or what our kind
of greater goals or desires are. And it's a form
(28:44):
of positive upward comparison that is really powerful, whereby their
existence doesn't make us feel inferior, It actually makes us
feel quite inspired because it proves to us that what
we dream of the life that we want for ourselves
the calling that we envision is possible. This works best
(29:04):
when you think about people around you who you admire.
Sometimes those larger than life examples can feel very far
off and untouchable, but seeing people in our own lives
who really inspire us makes us think about our own
mission and we look at them and we think, Okay, really, really,
I'm not jealous, I'm not envious, but I really admire
that part of their life. What does that say about
(29:27):
what I might be lacking in mind? And can I
not like how can I be more like them? How
can I copy them? But how can I really emulate
what they're bringing to their life to give them this reality? Secondly,
let's talk about this exercise that's called the Good Purpose Challenge,
and this originated from the University of California in Berkeley.
(29:51):
In this exercise, you are asked to imagine yourself at
forty years old, as if everything has gone exactly as
you would have want it. With that image in mind,
every like, really think, every single thing you try, you
immediately succeed at. You never fail at any of your risks,
Everything works out for you. And I want you to
(30:13):
answer these three questions. What are you doing what is
actually important to you at this time in your life
in forty years, what do you really care about and
what do you spend your time on? And why this
exercise is really valuable because it zooms you out. It
stops you worrying about what you're doing right now and
(30:34):
needing everything to be perfect in the moment, and it
stops us worrying about all the sacrifices and how and
how confused we are, and it puts us some forty
years in the future and lets us work backwards. It
removes some of the practicality anxieties that we have about
the future that we encounter so much in our twenties.
Because what this hypothetical, what this exercise is asking you
(30:56):
to do, is to really imagine, like it's all worked out,
we are secure, we are stable in this situation. And
when that is taken care of, where does your mind
turn to. It's kind of like that question of what
would you do as money is no object, but a
little bit different and I think a little bit more detailed. Finally,
I want to give you five final questions for getting
(31:19):
through this maze. If you are someone who really benefits
from like writing things down, These are amazing journal prompts
as well for doing like the intense, deep work to
find your calling. And here's the thing I'm going to
make this final argument. Very rarely do we actually do this,
Very rarely in our lives do we step out of
(31:42):
that passive role and actually have a look around and
be intentional and not just make a plan for a future,
but make a vision for the future, and do some
of that self reflection and some of that self focus
that you know might feel like a bit boring right now,
might feel a bit tedious, but which I would say
(32:03):
the majority of people never get the opportunity to do.
And so it's not that there is this competition, but
you really are putting yourself ahead in terms of your
self awareness, your self knowledge, and when it comes to
making decisions, when it comes to facing crossroads, you are
better equipped to do what you think is right and
to do the best thing for your future. These are
(32:26):
the five questions that I think are important for getting
us to that point of clarity. If you could not fail,
what would you do? A very basic one, an important
one though, Really think about it. If you had to
teach someone something about a topic or a skill, what
would you choose, and what would you feel most passionately about?
(32:46):
In Which situations do you feel most empowered and excited in?
If you could sum up your ideal work in five
descriptive words, what would you choose? Are you living your
life in all way that if your calling was to
come to you tomorrow, would you be able to follow it?
Would you have the belief in yourself to be able
(33:10):
to do it? I think that last question really lets
us reflect on whether we actually are open to the
things that might present themselves to us and that we
might not know of yet that may be a surprise
but actually end up being our destiny in a way.
You know, are you actually letting yourself being inspired? Or
(33:31):
are you flexible enough to fit into your dream life?
Or are you continuing to again pull a heavy cart
that might not be for you. I want to say,
if you haven't found your calling yet, it's actually totally okay.
And you know, I've made this whole episode being like
this is your instruction manual to doing it. But you
actually do have time. You do have time to experiment,
(33:53):
You do have time to just exist without feeling like
you need to be doing something that is bigger and
greater and higher than you. I will say, I talk
to so many people in their twenties. I am someone
in their twenties by friends of people in their twenties.
I feel like only the small minority of us have
(34:14):
any clue about what we're doing. And it's likely that
in the next twenty years that will change again. So
if you're feeling lost, if you're feeling a bit confused, chaotic, panicked,
panicked about not knowing what you want to do with
your life, that's actually a really normal experience. And maybe
everything you're experiencing is actually preparing you to be ready
(34:37):
for what is coming. Maybe your calling doesn't exist yet,
and maybe you need to explore first. Maybe your calling
is bigger, maybe smaller than you've been thinking. That is
where I think a whole part of this is actually
just being open to possibility and opening yourself up to
things that you may not have expected. Not feeling like
(34:59):
there was there's one thing that you needed to do.
You had a blueprint, you had a plan, and that's
what you need to follow. Let yourself be changed, let
yourself change, let yourself adapt to these new things that
you're discovering about yourself, and it will work out, I'd
promise you, And if it doesn't work out, it doesn't
mean that you're going to be unhappy. You know, A
calling does seem to have this very like golden feel
(35:20):
about it. It does seem to be quite mythical and spiritual.
But there are so many people who would say I
didn't find a calling, but I found a good life
and that meant a lot to me as well. So
regardless of that, I just hope that you did learn something.
I hope that this has been a time for you
to just think about yourself and spend some time in
your thoughts, you know, working through the maze. I hope
(35:40):
that you enjoyed this episode and if you did, share
it with somebody who you think might also gain something
from it. Follow us on Spotify, Apple Podcasts wherever you're
listening right now. Make sure that you leave a five
star review wherever you are listening right now. It helps
the show to grow and meet new people. And if
you want to follow up to this episode, if there
is something that I spoke about and hear that, you're like,
(36:01):
maybe I want to hear more about that, or just
some other twenty something you experience that you want to
know the psychology behind. I would love to hear from you,
and until next time, stay safe, stay kind, be gentle
to yourself, and we will talk soon
Hello everybody, and welcome back to the Psychology of Your Twenties,
the podcast where we talk through some of the big
life changes and transitions of our twenties and what they
mean for our psychology.
Speaker 2 (00:23):
Hello everybody, Welcome back to the show. Welcome back to
the podcast. New listeners, old listeners. Wherever you are in
the world, it is so great to have you here.
Back for another episode as we, of course break down
the psychology of our twenties. This decade is filled with
a lot of big, vulnerable, sometimes unanswerable questions that leave
(00:48):
us feeling, if I'm honest, a bit stranded, a bit
panicked as well. Questions of course, to do with the
love and friendship and our careers and everything in between.
But perhaps one of the biggest ones that we grapple
with during our twenties is what in the world is
my calling? What was I put on this earth to do?
And is it even something that I'll enjoy? How can
(01:09):
I find direction in my life? How can I find
my compass when it comes to what jobs I'll do,
my five year plan, where I'll live, who I'm becoming,
what I actually want from my life? And that is
exactly what we are going to discuss today, when we
have so many options, but also equally so much confusion
(01:30):
about who we want to be, what we want to do,
what we're even good at. When it feels like this
kind of constant battle between passion and practicality, how do
we find our calling amongst that? I think this concept
of a calling is a beautiful one. Obviously has very
spiritual undertones, this kind of sense that each of us
is born gifted and each of us has this purpose
(01:52):
instilled in us by some higher power, But I think
it also reflects our very human need for meaning in
our lives. There have been so many articles and studies
written on this very idea that without a purpose, we
suffer and we don't thrive at the level that we could.
And there are some known psychological benefits of having this
(02:14):
purpose in life. And let's be clear that doesn't need
to be work. It could be a hobby, it could
be a broader goal, it could be family. But having
something that you love doing, that you care about doing,
makes us less vulnerable to boredom, makes us feel less
stuck or stagnant. There is often this very fundamental sense
of our knees that we experience when our attention isn't
(02:36):
occupied by external things, and having a so called calling
can mean that we are always striving towards something below
the surface, and that stops us from being anxious and
depressed and feeling a bit creeped up. Another important factor
here is that aligning ourselves to a purpose often makes
(02:56):
us less self centered. We feel a part of something bigger.
We feel that we are contributing to something outside of ourselves,
and that has been shown to actually perhaps make us
less focused on our own worries and our own anxieties,
perhaps making us better happier people. Purpose has also been
(03:17):
shown to improve our self esteem. It just makes life
a bit more exciting. We all want to feel fulfilled
and motivated and like we are contributing something important to
the world and those around us. And we are also
super lucky these days that we don't just have to
see work as a paycheck and a paycheck only. There
are just so many opportunities for getting paid to do
(03:38):
something that you love, or to turn your passion into
an income to make it our main focus. But all
of that does actually raise the stakes quite a bit,
which is why I wanted to mention it first, because
I think it's something that we are all pretty much
already aware of, especially in our twenties. Something I really
hear quite a bit from people is, I know, I
(04:00):
want to do something meaningful. You know, I don't want
to waste my time in a job that I'm really
unhappy with. I want to do something that is aligned
to a bigger meaning that doesn't help me in discovering
what that is. Sometimes the mentality behind needing a calling,
wanting it purpose is what causes us to get even
(04:22):
more stuck. It's the choice overload, the sense that every
decision needs to be the right one. This early on,
it's like suddenly it's not just about having a roof
over our head or a well paying job, but also
having a well paying job that feeds our soul, because
who wouldn't want that. It doesn't necessarily help, though, It
just creates a lot more pressure on us and a
(04:44):
lot more areas in which we feel the need to
be as satisfied as possible. I've also found that sometimes
the idea of a singular calling, that there is one
thing out there that you will do best and the
world will applaud you for and nothing else, is rather restricted.
If we change, and so does what gives us meeting.
But also, your calling can be a number of things.
(05:06):
It doesn't have to be something that, yeah, you're necessarily
getting paid for or that you can make a career
out of. But it also doesn't have to be one thing.
It can be a combination of many things. It doesn't
have to be massive and loud. It can still be
small and purposeful. Basically, there is not a single thing
in the world each of us is born to do.
(05:26):
There are many things. There are many things that guide us.
And when we get clear on what they are, and
when we really drill down into okay, what are the
particulars about the life that I want, we learn so
much more about our next steps and about our calling.
So strap in, get ready, get excited. We're going to
(05:49):
be discussing the Japanese concept of ikey guy, concepts like
aptitude and flow, balancing, the passion versus the practicality issue,
the myth of the dream job, and while you might
be able to learn your calling from listening to your body,
of all things, so much more. On top of that,
(06:09):
it's going to be a big episode today, guys. Without
further ado, let's get into it one of my favorite
concepts to discuss when we're talking about finding our calling
is that Japanese term that I just mentioned, iky guy.
You may have already heard of this. There is a
(06:29):
pretty well known book going around right now of the
same name. It has a blue cover some nice cherry
bossoms on the front. But this concept essentially refers to
our reason for being, or a motivating force, something or
someone that gives us a purpose, a feeling of fulfillment,
and hopefully from that pleasure and enjoyment. It is essentially
(06:53):
referring to that really deep sense of satisfaction and accomplishment
that we get from doing something we truly can care
about and which we feel successful in doing. To find
our calling, we kind of need to be guided by
that feeling. Actually fun fact for you all. This concept
of ikigai has been suggested as one of the reasons
(07:13):
that life expectancy in Japan is so high, especially in
one area in particular called Okinawa, which is not by coincidence,
also known as one of the five Blue Zones, one
of the five areas in the world where life expectancy
and life satisfaction is significantly higher than anywhere else. And
why might that be well. We know that living a
(07:36):
long healthy life isn't just about physical wellness, but also
about mental health and having a reason to want to
stay healthy, to want to take care of yourself, having
community around you, of course, but also feeling firm in
your reason for being, in your drive, in your purpose.
And this is Ikegai. Ikegai actually seems to be made
(07:57):
up of four distinct components or questions, and answering those
questions is what's going to get us a lot closer
to knowing our calling. So if you want to know
what's going to make you happiest, what you need to
do in your life, what you want to do in
your life, I guess is a better question. You first
need to know what are you truly good at. What
(08:18):
is the secret or not so secret talent or skill
that you're always excelling on, you're always getting complimented on
that is unique to you. What do you love doing,
what do you love experiencing, what do you love participating in?
In general? What does the world need? And what can
you get paid for? That is basically the crux of
(08:40):
what you're calling is when something fulfills those four things,
you've pretty much got a bull's eye. It's a bit
more complicated than that, and I really wish that I
could show you a picture of this. But essentially, there
are different levels of fulfillment on your way to finding
ike gay. Like, for example, you know the dream is
(09:01):
to fulfill all four categories. If you love talking to people,
if people always say you have such a talent for
connecting with others, and there is a demand for more therapists,
you could get paid to discuss people's problems and you know,
have empathy towards them, you have basically fulfilled all the
criteria for ikea guy. That would be your purpose. You
(09:23):
should become a psychologist or a counselor, and that would
fill all those buckets quite equally. But you can do
something that you love that the world needs and not
be good and not be paid for that and still
feel happy doing that thing on the side whilst working
a full time job. That is what we might call
(09:43):
your mission. So volunteering is an example of that. Or
you can do something you love that you're good at
but can never make a career from because the world
just might not need it right now. That's your passion,
like hiking or making you know, interesting art projects you
still feel for feel, but maybe you're calling isn't finding
a way to do that all the time. Maybe finding
(10:04):
a way to get paid for that would mean losing
the love for it, and so you continue to do
it as a hobby and you know, use your job
as a way to just you know, fund that exercise.
So I kind of want to spend the rest of
this episode talking about each of these components in more
detail and how we can kind of fine tune each
(10:25):
and truly know what it is that we're great at,
what we actually love doing, what the world needs, and
how to get paid for your dreams. So let's start
with kind of working out what you're good at. There
are some things that you're just never going to be
the best at. Let's be completely upfront and honestly, that
is so liberating when you finally understand that, when you
(10:45):
finally are honest with yourself about what you are actually
naturally better at, it stops you from having to be
the person that needs to be the best at everything
and crumbles when we're not. It stops you from being
stretched too thin or from poor hours into a skill
that you know, we actually just struggle with, plain and simple.
I remember being in high school, and I'm sure this
(11:07):
is such a common experience, but I was just so
terrible at anything mathematical, and I would spend hours on
my homework trying to get these theories, you know, route
learning them. When that didn't work, and as my final
exams were approaching and all of these hours were going
towards something that I just wasn't improving at, I just
(11:27):
honestly gave up and I spent more time and on
what I had an aptitude for, which was English and
psychology and whatever else I was doing. There's only so
much that you can keep pulling the same cart before
you ditch it for a lighter one. That's kind of
what the gist is here. And this concept of aptitude
is important here because it basically says, yes, everybody can
(11:49):
learn most things. Everybody could be baseline good at most
things if they gave it their everything. But for some people,
getting really good at that thing is going to be
a lot easier and come to them a lot quicker.
There is a reason that Lebron James is a basketball
player and James Corden is not, or that Steve Jobs
(12:10):
was an inventor and not in HR or not a
social worker. Right, It comes down to aptitude, And I
know it's simple, but we all have our own talents.
Stop trying to live the life and skills of somebody
that you're not. The place I see this a lot
is people at university or college who are really struggling
(12:32):
and everything seems to just be like ten times harder
for them. They're doing degrees that they really don't like
because someone has told them to do so, or they've
told themselves that this is what they should be doing.
But it's about having a very i would say, practical
and utilitarian mindset. Where do my natural talents lie such
(12:52):
that I'm going to get the most out of an
investment in them. So if you aren't quite sure, here's
a few questions to seriously cons are for just a second.
What are people always giving you compliments on? What do
your closest friends and family say that you were good at?
Is it getting others to open up? Is it being organized?
(13:14):
Is it planning the night out? Is it decorating your space,
putting on an amazing meal? Are children like super receptive
to you? I don't know. Maybe you don't know either,
because you're so caught up in just getting through the
day and maybe downplaying your own strengths and being self
deprecating that you've just never actually noticed what you're truly
talented at. But your friends and your family they do notice,
(13:39):
and they hold the secret. Here next, take it all
the way back. What was your best subject at school?
And here's the thing. It's not just what subject did
you get the best grades in, but what subject did
you get the best grades in relevant to your effort.
It's a little bit more tricky. What achievements are you
most proud of and what skills were involved in those achievements?
(14:03):
What was what were you required to just be naturally
quite good at in order to get to that goal. Essentially,
what we are looking for here is your aptitude and
your skill set and something that you are naturally just
quite good at. Now that isn't always going to be
the thing that you enjoy most. So here is the
(14:23):
tricky part. We have to balance what we are naturally
good at with what we actually enjoy, and that is
the second component of ikey Gay. One of my friends
had to do mandatory aptitude testing a few years back
for something or other, and after this like three hour
long process. She got her results back and it said
actuarial scientist. And for those of us like me who
(14:45):
had no idea what that means, it's essentially like applied
statistics to determine how likely bad things are going to happen,
or to perform like a risk assessment. And you know what,
she took one long, hard look at that and went
in the complete opposite direction. And she is a professional
athlete now. She plays football for a living, very different
(15:06):
to actuarial science. And I think she's a great example
of why aptitude only does take you so far. We
are not bound by what we would be best at
if we tried. That is not our only potential. Passion
is still a big part of this equation. If you
are like me, you might be pretty content doing a
lot of things. That's kind of part of the problem.
(15:28):
How do we determine what we really love and what
drives us? And the secret is our body is will
tell us when we feel fulfilled, sustained, passionate, excited, motivated, inspired,
all those good feelings. It begins in our brain, but
it really manifests in our body and in quite a
(15:49):
few physical reactions. A big one is focus. When you
really love doing something, it can be almost hard to
pull yourself away from it because we are naturally really engaged.
We are invested in the task or activity because we
are getting enjoyment out of it. Sounds super basic, right,
but a high level of focus and flow is what
(16:10):
we really need to pay attention to. So a flow state,
and we've spoken about this on the podcast before, but
it is this mental state, this magical mental state, in
which we are completely engrossed on a singular task. All
of our attention is focused, we can't be distracted. It's
like being in the zone. But more than that, it's
feeling equally fulfilled and challenged by what you're doing, energized
(16:35):
and buzzing, but also really calm, and the best way
to describe it is feeling, I don't know, almost fluid,
totally absorbed. There is like an amazing Ted talk on
this from almost two decades ago, and in it they
kind of explain the way that these psychologists responsible for
the concept came to discover it, and it was by
(16:55):
watching and observing some of the most talented but also
committed and accomplished people in the world chess players, surgeons, ballerinas,
mountain bike riders, business leaders, all people who had seemingly
found their calling, and they wanted to know what they
had in common. And what they had in common was
the way that they all described entering a flow state
(17:18):
when they did the thing they loved most. It wasn't
just discipline or passion or hours and hours of hard work.
I'm sure that was part of it, but the sense
of trance like commitment and immersion. When was the last
time you felt that way? And what were you doing? See?
I remember incredibly vividly doing a podcast assignment back at
(17:41):
UNI for like an international relations class or something or other,
and it was like I had entered this altered state.
I was so focused, and I remember looking up at
the clock after editing this you know, assignment basically for
three hours, and I hadn't even checked the time. Once.
Those moments are the ones to really look out for.
(18:03):
It took two more years to really start my show,
but I remember that so clearly, and I still can
put myself back in that moment of how engaged but
also relaxed I was, and I get to feel that
all the time now by doing this. When was the
last time that you felt like that? The other way
that our body leads us to our calling is how
(18:25):
we feel at the end of the day. You know
those days when you go to bed and you just
feel truly fulfilled and satisfied and you are genuinely proud
of yourself. You feel accomplished, you sleep easy. It's like
this warmth. What was it that you did that day
that may have contributed to that state? This is what
I would call an involuntary state of mindfulness. You have
(18:47):
in some way created the conditions necessary to be totally
present and just happy. And there are so many studies
that show us when we practice something we love, our
happy hormones, our happy neurotrans is, they go wild. And
those days when your head hits the pillow with a smile,
you're experiencing that very biological and psychological reaction, probably closest
(19:09):
to inner piece in real time. Listen to your body.
It will seriously guide you to your calling. Okay, we're
going to take a short break, but when we return,
I want to discuss those final two components of Ikey
Guy and the pursuit of purpose in our twenties and beyond,
what does the world need and what can we get
paid to do so stay with us. Finding something that
(19:36):
we're good at that we actually enjoy is genuinely like
hitting the jackpot. It's sad to say, but a lot
of people do go through their life not having that
opportunity and never knowing. So, if there is even a liver,
a small part of you that has found something that
drives you, whether it's I don't know, music, activism, sport, writing, anything,
(19:58):
why not bet on it. Why not give it everything
and see what happens? Well? That is when the need
to balance passion versus practicality comes into things. And the
third component that makes up our calling and our ikea
guy is what we can get paid to do. It
can be really scary to realize that the thing you
(20:19):
feel destined to do is super different to the path
that you're on, especially when the thing you love may
not pay the bills. When I started doing this, I
made approximately zero dollars for the first two years. But
does that mean you give up the dream for something
that can pay the bills if it means abandoning your purpose,
or do you find a way to compromise. I think
(20:41):
they need to compromise is quite obviously the right choice
here and that's not to discourage people from chasing their dreams,
because yes, if you can do it, run with it,
give it all you've got. If you can get paid
for it, go But just because you can't make your
calling your full time job doesn't mean that you are
neglecting it. I think when it comes to identifying your
calling and following it, we need to abandon our all
(21:04):
or nothing thinking either I'm doing what I love and
I'm following my dreams, or I'm miserable. Maybe that will
surprise you to hear me say, but that's reality, isn't it.
I think there is this myth around if you do
what you love, you'll never work a day in your life.
And this endless search for the dream job is sometimes
incorrect because firstly, when something becomes your job and your
(21:25):
way of making income, I'm telling you now, you will
lose some of your love for it because it becomes commodified.
That is in every single person I've spoken to is
like I made my passion my dream job. They have said,
you know you have to love it two hundred three
hundred percent because that love will reduce when it starts
to be your income. Secondly, sometimes there just isn't a
(21:47):
way to make money from what you love, but that
doesn't make it not important. And thirdly, sometimes your job
can just be your job, and it's, as we said before,
just the thing that funds your calling. A calling. You know,
it does not need to make money to be sufficiently purposeful.
And sometimes in the balance between passion and practicality, practicality
(22:07):
has to win, like working all those extra shifts to
spend three months traveling and volunteering or working as someone's
assistant to get your dream role in five ten years
paying your dues. Our calling is bigger than the dream job.
It can be expressed in so many ways in your
afternoons on your weekends, but also it can be somewhat
(22:28):
aligned and not exactly perfect, but ninety percent there and
the remaining ten percent is filled up elsewhere. Again, when
we abandon out all or nothing thinking about our calling
and needing to find our calling through work and through
a job, we feel a lot less pressure to get
it all right out the gate. Sometimes those dreams also
take time and we can return to out calling later on.
(22:52):
If you want a great example of this, I really
recommend this article by Psychology Today called it is Never
too late to find your calling. In this article, they
talk about this concept of a latent calling, something that
might remain hidden or under wraps for a few years
or a few decades, but never vanishes. It's not expressed openly,
(23:14):
but it can continue to inform your sense of identity.
And it's not like once you put your calling on
the back burner for a little while for practicality purposes,
you've given up forever. And they conducted a study last
year on this exact idea, and these two researchers they
examined and observed I think it was about thirty maybe
(23:35):
forty retired individuals. All of them had played musical instruments
earlier in life, and they wanted to be musicians, but
they'd spent their careers working in other jobs they were.
One of them was a probation officer, an accountant, physician, lawyer,
TV producer, And they all spoke about how there had
just been practical barriers to pursuing their calling as a career,
(23:57):
but a huge number of them went on to revive
they're calling in retirement, and even more of them kept
doing it in their spare time at a consistent, if
not a little bit lower level. And this is the
crazy finding from this. Compared to the control group, the
test group, the group that did not do this, who
did not pursue their calling even in their free time,
(24:20):
they showed so much greater overall life satisfaction and happiness
for finding a way to keep showing up for their calling,
even if it wasn't the way that they made money.
If you do want to get paid for your calling, though,
because obviously that would be a fun route to take,
think of your dream job at the center of a web,
and then list a series of jobs that connect to
(24:41):
your dream job in some way. So let me use
the example of an author, because that's a fun one.
You might not be able to write novels full time,
but you can go into publishing, which means you'll still
get to be in touch with writing, or copywriting or ghostwriting.
You know, you could be an accountant who clocks off
at five and spends three hours each night working on
(25:03):
pottery or your debut novel. There are a web of
opportunities that exist around one calling, So don't think about
it as this singular thing that you'll be happy doing.
Think about it as like a big almost, like a
big textbook, a big dictionary of different jobs and different professions,
(25:23):
some that we might not even know yet, that it
will connect back to the thing that drives you. Finally,
let's turn to the most selfless part of what our
calling should contain, and that is what is it that
the world needs? Maybe, instead of focusing on how your
calling could make you money, which is a valid concern
of course, you think about the value of your calling
(25:45):
as being what it provides to others. This brings me
to another huge myth around finding our calling is that
our calling needs to be impressive and have a large impact.
It needs to elevate us so that the whole world
can see it. That is a really nice vision, but
actually I think our calling can be a lot more simpler.
It's what we can do for our friends, our family,
(26:08):
our community, those who need us. And it comes back
to what we spoke about at the very beginning, our aptitude.
What can we give the world that others maybe can't.
What are the talents that we possess that are rare
and unique, and focus on the small impact that you
can make with that. I want to talk about an
idea here you've probably heard about before, called the butterfly effect.
(26:31):
So the butterfly effect is not a psychological theory but
actually a mathematical one, and the premise is small things
in one space can have a big impact. A butterfly,
you know, flapping its wings in Sydney, can push the
air just enough that it gets swept up, made bigger
and bigger, and creates a cyclone in Turkey. Your calling,
(26:53):
as small as you may practice it, can have a
butterfly effect and can be what the world needs or
what just one person needs in a moment. You making
art and poetry and cool stuff and posting it on
social media could inspire someone else to be creative. You
talking to your friends about social justice could help educate
(27:14):
them enough to speak out themselves, creating a butterfly effect
in their own circles or their workplace. You volunteering for
just two hours a week could be the thing that
makes someone feel seen or feel supported. I think part
of why we find purpose is something is when we
see it expanding beyond us. Yes, it makes us happy
(27:35):
and fulfilled, and we may even enter a flow state
and be good at it, but it's when it's shared
and when we see it making some small difference or
an impact that we truly feel like we have a mission,
as localized or small as that may be. Now, I
want to give you three final exercises to finish off
our episode. These exercises are basically designed to reveal what
(28:01):
you may already know to be true about your purpose,
but you've probably forgotten. There are some exercises that you
might typically encounter in like organizational psychology or when you
go see like a career therapist. So firstly, think about
what life, what kind of life may be possible for
you by looking at those that you admire the most,
those people who you see as heroes or who you idolize.
(28:24):
What about their life and their work is so alluring
to you? What does it say about your own values?
Sometimes the people we admire the most in life give
us a clue as to how we might want to
contribute to a better word ourselves, or what our kind
of greater goals or desires are. And it's a form
(28:44):
of positive upward comparison that is really powerful, whereby their
existence doesn't make us feel inferior, It actually makes us
feel quite inspired because it proves to us that what
we dream of the life that we want for ourselves
the calling that we envision is possible. This works best
(29:04):
when you think about people around you who you admire.
Sometimes those larger than life examples can feel very far
off and untouchable, but seeing people in our own lives
who really inspire us makes us think about our own
mission and we look at them and we think, Okay, really, really,
I'm not jealous, I'm not envious, but I really admire
that part of their life. What does that say about
(29:27):
what I might be lacking in mind? And can I
not like how can I be more like them? How
can I copy them? But how can I really emulate
what they're bringing to their life to give them this reality? Secondly,
let's talk about this exercise that's called the Good Purpose Challenge,
and this originated from the University of California in Berkeley.
(29:51):
In this exercise, you are asked to imagine yourself at
forty years old, as if everything has gone exactly as
you would have want it. With that image in mind,
every like, really think, every single thing you try, you
immediately succeed at. You never fail at any of your risks,
Everything works out for you. And I want you to
(30:13):
answer these three questions. What are you doing what is
actually important to you at this time in your life
in forty years, what do you really care about and
what do you spend your time on? And why this
exercise is really valuable because it zooms you out. It
stops you worrying about what you're doing right now and
(30:34):
needing everything to be perfect in the moment, and it
stops us worrying about all the sacrifices and how and
how confused we are, and it puts us some forty
years in the future and lets us work backwards. It
removes some of the practicality anxieties that we have about
the future that we encounter so much in our twenties.
Because what this hypothetical, what this exercise is asking you
(30:56):
to do, is to really imagine, like it's all worked out,
we are secure, we are stable in this situation. And
when that is taken care of, where does your mind
turn to. It's kind of like that question of what
would you do as money is no object, but a
little bit different and I think a little bit more detailed. Finally,
I want to give you five final questions for getting
(31:19):
through this maze. If you are someone who really benefits
from like writing things down, These are amazing journal prompts
as well for doing like the intense, deep work to
find your calling. And here's the thing I'm going to
make this final argument. Very rarely do we actually do this,
Very rarely in our lives do we step out of
(31:42):
that passive role and actually have a look around and
be intentional and not just make a plan for a future,
but make a vision for the future, and do some
of that self reflection and some of that self focus
that you know might feel like a bit boring right now,
might feel a bit tedious, but which I would say
(32:03):
the majority of people never get the opportunity to do.
And so it's not that there is this competition, but
you really are putting yourself ahead in terms of your
self awareness, your self knowledge, and when it comes to
making decisions, when it comes to facing crossroads, you are
better equipped to do what you think is right and
to do the best thing for your future. These are
(32:26):
the five questions that I think are important for getting
us to that point of clarity. If you could not fail,
what would you do? A very basic one, an important
one though, Really think about it. If you had to
teach someone something about a topic or a skill, what
would you choose, and what would you feel most passionately about?
(32:46):
In Which situations do you feel most empowered and excited in?
If you could sum up your ideal work in five
descriptive words, what would you choose? Are you living your
life in all way that if your calling was to
come to you tomorrow, would you be able to follow it?
Would you have the belief in yourself to be able
(33:10):
to do it? I think that last question really lets
us reflect on whether we actually are open to the
things that might present themselves to us and that we
might not know of yet that may be a surprise
but actually end up being our destiny in a way.
You know, are you actually letting yourself being inspired? Or
(33:31):
are you flexible enough to fit into your dream life?
Or are you continuing to again pull a heavy cart
that might not be for you. I want to say,
if you haven't found your calling yet, it's actually totally okay.
And you know, I've made this whole episode being like
this is your instruction manual to doing it. But you
actually do have time. You do have time to experiment,
(33:53):
You do have time to just exist without feeling like
you need to be doing something that is bigger and
greater and higher than you. I will say, I talk
to so many people in their twenties. I am someone
in their twenties by friends of people in their twenties.
I feel like only the small minority of us have
(34:14):
any clue about what we're doing. And it's likely that
in the next twenty years that will change again. So
if you're feeling lost, if you're feeling a bit confused, chaotic, panicked,
panicked about not knowing what you want to do with
your life, that's actually a really normal experience. And maybe
everything you're experiencing is actually preparing you to be ready
(34:37):
for what is coming. Maybe your calling doesn't exist yet,
and maybe you need to explore first. Maybe your calling
is bigger, maybe smaller than you've been thinking. That is
where I think a whole part of this is actually
just being open to possibility and opening yourself up to
things that you may not have expected. Not feeling like
(34:59):
there was there's one thing that you needed to do.
You had a blueprint, you had a plan, and that's
what you need to follow. Let yourself be changed, let
yourself change, let yourself adapt to these new things that
you're discovering about yourself, and it will work out, I'd
promise you, And if it doesn't work out, it doesn't
mean that you're going to be unhappy. You know, A
calling does seem to have this very like golden feel
(35:20):
about it. It does seem to be quite mythical and spiritual.
But there are so many people who would say I
didn't find a calling, but I found a good life
and that meant a lot to me as well. So
regardless of that, I just hope that you did learn something.
I hope that this has been a time for you
to just think about yourself and spend some time in
your thoughts, you know, working through the maze. I hope
(35:40):
that you enjoyed this episode and if you did, share
it with somebody who you think might also gain something
from it. Follow us on Spotify, Apple Podcasts wherever you're
listening right now. Make sure that you leave a five
star review wherever you are listening right now. It helps
the show to grow and meet new people. And if
you want to follow up to this episode, if there
is something that I spoke about and hear that, you're like,
(36:01):
maybe I want to hear more about that, or just
some other twenty something you experience that you want to
know the psychology behind. I would love to hear from you,
and until next time, stay safe, stay kind, be gentle
to yourself, and we will talk soon
Host
Jemma Sbeghen
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